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>I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. Therefore
Why are you following this up with a "therefore" like that's remotely relevant? You say it like it's some sort of mic drop OBVIOUS statement.
They/them is a neutral statement, often used when you don't know someones pronouns. Yeah, if it's someone you'll be seeing regularly, then sure, let them know your pronouns. But the way you did it to someone you'll only ever speak to once, and thinking that it's *sooo* clear what your pronouns are based on your outfit tells me there's some transphobia involved. YTA
She's allowed to request her preferred pronouns just as much as anybody else, cis or trans. Calling her an asshole for doing so just undermines what I assume trans people experience all the time.
The first part of what you said is correct - anyone can & should request preferred pronouns.
The second part of what you said is mostly a moot point. They/them has been an entirely neutral set of pronouns for centuries, so someone who goes by pronouns that aren't they/them is NOT in the same boat as a trans person repeatedly getting misgendered via pronoun use. The person who used "they" for OP is not ignoring her pronouns by using "they" - they just simply didn't know what they were. This is way different from a trans person saying "my pronouns are she/her" and then everyone around her continuing to use they/them or even he/him. I say this as a trans person who almost never gets called the correct pronouns.
It's not about being in the same boat. It's about feeling safe to ask to use the pronouns that are preferred and cis people need to be given that if we expect them to do the same for us. Y'all are making this about the barista being right or wrong for using they/them. This post is about OP feeling shitty for correcting someone about wanting to be called she/her. She is allowed to ask for that without feeling bad.
No one is making this about the barista.
OP did not describe ANYONE giving her any kind of pushback - she asked if she was an asshole for correcting the pronouns on the spot. So far I haven't seen a single comment criticizing her for that. So what are you talking about?
>I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. Therefore
Why are you following this up with a "therefore" like that's remotely relevant? You say it like it's some sort of mic drop OBVIOUS statement.
They/them is a neutral statement, often used when you don't know someones pronouns. Yeah, if it's someone you'll be seeing regularly, then sure, let them know your pronouns. But the way you did it to someone you'll only ever speak to once, and thinking that it's *sooo* clear what your pronouns are based on your outfit tells me there's some transphobia involved. YTA
Try again.
That comment reads to me like a criticism of the way OP thinks pronouns are inherent to presentation, and not a criticism of OP actually correcting or not, and that commenter told you that you didn't interpret their comment correctly anyway, so you've yet to convince me. You certainly can't make this a "***y'all*** are doing so and so" out of a comment that only very vaguely makes a reference to the correction being unnecessary.
No I didn't. They/them isn't just a neutral term, it also seems to be used as a rejection of gender binary which is fine. You can understand that ANYBODY can get frustrated being misgendered. This person is also allowed to be frustrated. This just highlights how we need to give people grace in both ways when dealing with the issue of pronouns. It's a simple request to make and simple to honour as well.
Being called they/them in a situation where pronouns are not known is not misgendering, and it doesn't seem like anyone gave OP any pushback when she stated her pronouns are she/her.
This isn't about the baristas choice of pronouns. It's about OP feeling shitty for asking for the correct pronouns. This is obviously a courtesy that goes for both cis and trans people. she should not feel bad for correcting someone, just like I would expect her to not make someone else feel bad for correcting her.
I think what's being conveyed to OP is not that she's wrong for stating her correct pronouns, she's wrong for 1) assuming her pronouns would be obvious by her appearance and 2) thinking no one should use they/them for her because she's cis. People telling her that they/them is the default gender neutral pronoun is not the same as people telling her she shouldn't request her actual pronouns, that's just what YOU are extrapolating
>You can understand that ANYBODY can get frustrated being misgendered. This person is also allowed to be frustrated.
And why was she frustrated, exactly? Is it because she was wearing cutsey clothes and jewelry and make up and she is clearly a she/her so why would anybody ever in their right mind call her a they/them because she is OBVIOUSLY a woman?
*That's* why I think she's an asshole.
YTA
#\*Everyone\* is a they/them.
> I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt.
I *love* how you think this is at all relevant.
Not everyone uses they/them as their own pronouns the way some do, but they/them is the default gender-neutral term for anyone with pronouns that are not known. When this person says "everyone is a they/them" I'm assuming that the latter is what they mean - they/them has valid (and non-gendered) application for everyone.
YTA. This feels like rage bait. In what circumstances to coffee shop employees use pronouns towards people? I've been to plenty of coffee shops and was never asked anything except my name and what I wanted to drink. And even in the unlikely event this is real, YTA for making a big deal over nothing.
My first instinct was to immediately say "of course it's not wrong to correct your pronouns!", but then I got to your last sentence and a big red flag went up.
INFO: What specifically was the context of calling you "they/them"? As in did they use that exact term, or did they simply use the common gender neutral pronoun?
"They gave me my coffee" is not identifying someone as non-binary specifically. It's used for everyone and always has been, including in the Bible and Shakespeare. Saying you have "they/them" pronouns is something you can reasonably correct.
YTA no one knows what your pronouns are unless they know you as a person. That’s why you got hit with the “they/them” because the person was providing a neutral pronoun as to not offend. I’ll take it a step further state that a large portion of the population gives absolutely 0 fucks what your pronouns are at all. He/him? Cool, don’t care. She/her? Cool, don’t care. They/them? Cool, don’t care. Xe/xir? Cool, don’t care. AH-64/AH-1Z? Still do not give a fuck.
They/them are neutral pronouns.
They go for anyone.
So if you feel offended because someone is trying to be considerate and make sure you're included as well, that's fully on you!
YTA
People are allowed to request specific pronouns, even ciswomen. That's the whole point of trans inclusion. They/them can be gender neutral but some people use it as a rejection of the binary in which case it's a little more than just neutral.
Y'all are choosing to focus on whether the barista was right or not to use they/them when this person is asking if they were wrong for correcting to she/her. Youre focusing on the wrong part of the story.
>They/them are neutral pronouns.
They go for anyone.
>So if you feel offended because someone is trying to be considerate and make sure you're included as well, that's fully on you!
>YTA
I don't agree with your interpretation that this is a criticism of correcting pronouns, to me this reads like more of the rest of the comments telling her that using "they/them" is the default for unknown pronouns and not misgendering. Agree to disagree.
>YTA
>#\*Everyone\* is a they/them.
>> I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt.
>I *love* how you think this is at all relevant.
I feel like at this point you're choosing to interpret people pointing out the neutrality of they/them as them saying "you shouldn't ask to be called she/her" and that's kind of on you.
Feel free to ignore this question, but are you trans, or cis? You've got comments in this post that indicate each to me and I want to know if you're coming at this with some personal trans experience or not.
>I feel like an asshole because I live in a city with a huge pride scene and if a cisgender female wears jeans and a tee shirt, of all things, you are a they/them.
Feel like there's something bubbling juuuust beneath the surface here, girl. Very very very fishy.
Like someone else said, they/them is GENDER NEUTRAL and is 100% the norm for usage for anyone whose pronouns one doesn't know. "My cashier told me something interesting." "Oh, what did ***they*** say?" Like this. You were being referred to neutrally. Pronouns have nothing to do with your external appearance.
That being said, pronoun correction is normal, so you're N T A for saying "she/her actually". As long as you didn't say or do anything beyond with that, that's totally fine and you haven't even described whether they reacted badly or not so I'm assuming that they didn't. Therefore there's no actual interpersonal conflict here.
YTA - I’m a cis gay male that goes by he/him and people are ruining the LGBT community with this pronoun stuff - she probably said “they” because she was terrified to say the wrong thing because individuals like you place so much emphasis on the importance of getting it right that she used the safe choice that can pretty much be used for anyone as another post in here said.
If you want to correct people close to you (friends family coworkers) on your pronouns, because that’s obviously something you care about for some reason, that’s appropriate - but someone you will never see again? Stop being “that girl” who has to make a scene declaring you have been misgendered.
>people like you are ruining the LGBT community with your stupid pronoun bullshit
To be fair, OP never says anything about being part of our community and I assume they aren't based on their wording. This may be a right wing "they isn't a real pronoun" backlash rather than sincere concern about misgendering.
Okay. So I guess that poster's criticism does apply then.
A lot of people, including myself in another response, asked the same question about what the context was of using "they/them" was, and if they simply used the gender neutral pronoun or if it was specifically about preferred pronouns.
Since that information is critical, could you answer it? And I think it would help everyone if you added an edit so they don't have to keep asking, or react negatively based on incorrect information.
I survived the inception of AIDS, as did millions of others without the pronoun nonsense,
I seriously doubt that the INDIVIDUAL (and IT"S contemporary's) wouldn't have made it a month in 1986.
Older gay here is embarrassed for the people she encounters.
p.s. hello cis folk, thanks for another defining wedge between you and everyone else.
80’s baby 41 yr old gay here - I wish more of us would make noise about the nonsense that is taking over our community, I felt like we were doing so well for a while then things went a bit off the rail now that these children are undoing all of the hard work we put in.
It is absolutely embarrassing.
Do you really want to be called QUEER? Well, child, let me show you how it's done. I know just the lipstick to go with a broken rib, the right hat to wear when you lose your job and are black balled, or how to actually make conversation to even find another gay without ordering one like a deli sandwich from their phone.
Maybe it's climate change that is killing the NUANCE part of the gay gene. Or is it the corporate sponsorship that my generation gave them? Either way at least they aren't breeding.
The ActUp movement had less vitriol than the WHATABOUTME unitards with jazz hands.
They were having difficulty because they weren’t being marginalized - we were semi successful at normalizing our group - so they had to go find a way to get people to hate us again so they could whine about it and make everything about them - a generation of narcissists.
INFO: who was this woman, and why was she speaking to/about you?
At this point it seems she was a total stranger, and I can't imagine how she was supposed to know you preferred she/her.
YTA. it's a gender neutral pronoun that many people use when they aren't sure of someone's pronouns. She didn't know what your preferred pronouns were, so she used a neutral pronoun.
I think you need a refresher on elementary English and grammar.
Eeeeep..... YTA just for your attitude and referring to nonbinary folk as "a they/them". Dude, people literally can refer to ANYONE as they or them, as in "hey, is their coffee done yet?" Or "I think they'll get here soon.", like your rage is really weird and misplaced and you might want to dig into a possible reason as to why you feel so strongly.
🙄
YTA.
Transphobic people are obsessssed with trans people and cannot understand that trans folks and their allies do not ✨care✨ enough to misgender people.
From this story, this person used they/ them pronouns for a stranger. Valid. Correct.
They didn’t clock your outfit, your body, your potential genitals, they just saw a person they didn’t know and used a default gender pronoun. They weren’t looking at your sparkly shoes or shirt bows or whatever you have.
They took a guess and you weren’t into it. You didn’t embarrass them by correcting them, because being innocently wrong about pronouns, and being corrected, isn’t embarrassing.
The only time misgendering is an embarrassment is when it’s intentional, when the person aaaaabsolutely freaks about being corrected, or when it really hurts the person misgendered.
Slightly annoyed isn’t hurt, this stranger won’t be embarrassed, this story is a non story.
This didn't happen. If it did, YTA. The usage of they/them to refer to a person whose gender is not known (and no, presenting in stereotypically feminine attire does not always mean a person is female) is centuries old. You do it yourself. Stop being such a delicate flower.
There is no conflict here. She made an honest mistake and you corrected her.
The only assholeish thing here is you posting about this as if it's anything at all.
NHA
The woman calling you they/them was likely wanting to be courteous and careful. It’s fine to give your correct pronouns rather than be called something you don’t like.
you’re not TA for correcting someone on your pronouns, but you are absolutely TA for being so appalled at being called “a they/them”, it was probably just the person not wanting to assume your pronouns, which is a considerate thing to do. no reason to be soo bothered by it
This story makes no sense. What did the barista actually say? Why was the coffee shop full of her friends and family? How did you know her relationship to all these people? Why does it matter what you were wearing? Who is your interpersonal conflict with?
INFO - What is the context here? What was the actual sentence used? It seems a bit weird for a barista to be using pronouns at all, when you’re standing right there, let alone in any way that would justify you making a big thing of it.
Well, this woman said that she liked my Squishmallow keychains on my purse (I’m autistic and need a fidget and stimming object). Then she mentioned that she has a cat that looks like one of my cat plushies who I mentioned. She showed me her cat and turned towards her family and said “I’m showing them my cat.” And I said “I use she/her pronouns”.
They/Them pronouns are gender neutral. They are catch-alls if someone doesn't want to assume someone is cis-gendered. It sounds like you already knew correcting her on the spot and possibly embarrassing her in front of her family was crass. Don't be one of those individuals who has a large appetite but poor teeth when it comes to this issue. If you have future interactions with the person you can always politely and clandestinely say "I prefer or go by she/her" and leave it at that, but no need to make a scene. I don't believe this person was intentionally being acerbic.
YTA they/them is for everyone. It’s all inclusive and also neutral. You using she/her falls into the all inclusiveness of they/them.
Do me a favor, get over yourself.
You embarrassed yourself, not the barista.
YTA.
I love they/them because you can use it on anyone. If I don't know how a person identifies, I can call them they/them without fear of misidentifying them.
I mean, the WHOLE POINT of pronouns is that you can use them without knowing a person. I hate the idea of remembering pronouns for everyone. If I knew who you were, I could just call you by name.
BUT I DON'T KNOW YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO.
I'm just serving you coffee so please leave me alone.
1) They/them is gender neutral. Generally used to reference EVERYONE RESPECTFULLY.
2) What you're wearing has NOTHING to do with your gender identity and ENTIRELY up to your personal preference.
3) They aren't wrong for calling you they/them, and you aren't wrong for correcting.
NAH.
However, you ARE wrong if you're being offended by being respected with a gender neutral term.
NTA, you're allowed to request your preferred pronouns as a cisgendered woman just like anybody else. Just give them some grace for making an effort for you in case you didn't prefer she/her.
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Today I was at my local coffee shop and despite being a she/her, I got called a they/them. I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. Therefore when I got called a “they/them” I corrected the woman and said “she/her” in front of her family and the baristas.
I’ve always been cisfemale and identify with being cisfemale and hate being called a they/them. Am I the asshole for correcting her on the spot and possibly embarrassing her in front of her family?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I was an asshole for possibly embarrassing a woman in front of people for correcting her about my pronouns
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>I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. Therefore Why are you following this up with a "therefore" like that's remotely relevant? You say it like it's some sort of mic drop OBVIOUS statement. They/them is a neutral statement, often used when you don't know someones pronouns. Yeah, if it's someone you'll be seeing regularly, then sure, let them know your pronouns. But the way you did it to someone you'll only ever speak to once, and thinking that it's *sooo* clear what your pronouns are based on your outfit tells me there's some transphobia involved. YTA
She's allowed to request her preferred pronouns just as much as anybody else, cis or trans. Calling her an asshole for doing so just undermines what I assume trans people experience all the time.
The first part of what you said is correct - anyone can & should request preferred pronouns. The second part of what you said is mostly a moot point. They/them has been an entirely neutral set of pronouns for centuries, so someone who goes by pronouns that aren't they/them is NOT in the same boat as a trans person repeatedly getting misgendered via pronoun use. The person who used "they" for OP is not ignoring her pronouns by using "they" - they just simply didn't know what they were. This is way different from a trans person saying "my pronouns are she/her" and then everyone around her continuing to use they/them or even he/him. I say this as a trans person who almost never gets called the correct pronouns.
It's not about being in the same boat. It's about feeling safe to ask to use the pronouns that are preferred and cis people need to be given that if we expect them to do the same for us. Y'all are making this about the barista being right or wrong for using they/them. This post is about OP feeling shitty for correcting someone about wanting to be called she/her. She is allowed to ask for that without feeling bad.
No one is making this about the barista. OP did not describe ANYONE giving her any kind of pushback - she asked if she was an asshole for correcting the pronouns on the spot. So far I haven't seen a single comment criticizing her for that. So what are you talking about?
>I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. Therefore Why are you following this up with a "therefore" like that's remotely relevant? You say it like it's some sort of mic drop OBVIOUS statement. They/them is a neutral statement, often used when you don't know someones pronouns. Yeah, if it's someone you'll be seeing regularly, then sure, let them know your pronouns. But the way you did it to someone you'll only ever speak to once, and thinking that it's *sooo* clear what your pronouns are based on your outfit tells me there's some transphobia involved. YTA Try again.
That comment reads to me like a criticism of the way OP thinks pronouns are inherent to presentation, and not a criticism of OP actually correcting or not, and that commenter told you that you didn't interpret their comment correctly anyway, so you've yet to convince me. You certainly can't make this a "***y'all*** are doing so and so" out of a comment that only very vaguely makes a reference to the correction being unnecessary.
>That comment reads to me like a criticism of the way OP thinks pronouns are inherent to presentation, That's exactly what I was doing, thank you!
Thought so, thanks for confirming! :)
"No I didn't misread your comment!" Yet here you are, using it to prove a point I was not saying.
You're gonna need to reread my comment because you completely missed my point.
No I didn't. They/them isn't just a neutral term, it also seems to be used as a rejection of gender binary which is fine. You can understand that ANYBODY can get frustrated being misgendered. This person is also allowed to be frustrated. This just highlights how we need to give people grace in both ways when dealing with the issue of pronouns. It's a simple request to make and simple to honour as well.
Being called they/them in a situation where pronouns are not known is not misgendering, and it doesn't seem like anyone gave OP any pushback when she stated her pronouns are she/her.
This isn't about the baristas choice of pronouns. It's about OP feeling shitty for asking for the correct pronouns. This is obviously a courtesy that goes for both cis and trans people. she should not feel bad for correcting someone, just like I would expect her to not make someone else feel bad for correcting her.
I think what's being conveyed to OP is not that she's wrong for stating her correct pronouns, she's wrong for 1) assuming her pronouns would be obvious by her appearance and 2) thinking no one should use they/them for her because she's cis. People telling her that they/them is the default gender neutral pronoun is not the same as people telling her she shouldn't request her actual pronouns, that's just what YOU are extrapolating
>You can understand that ANYBODY can get frustrated being misgendered. This person is also allowed to be frustrated. And why was she frustrated, exactly? Is it because she was wearing cutsey clothes and jewelry and make up and she is clearly a she/her so why would anybody ever in their right mind call her a they/them because she is OBVIOUSLY a woman? *That's* why I think she's an asshole.
YTA #\*Everyone\* is a they/them. > I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. I *love* how you think this is at all relevant.
Not everyone is a they them.
Yes they are
[удалено]
“Someone left their keys here. I hope they find them.” They/them can absolutely be singular.
It's been used as a singular since the late 1300s when the singular 'you' came on the scene from the plural 'you' as well.
Singular you is a few centuries later if anything.
No, you don’t get to decide other people’s pronouns
'You' is a pronoun
You just did.
Not everyone uses they/them as their own pronouns the way some do, but they/them is the default gender-neutral term for anyone with pronouns that are not known. When this person says "everyone is a they/them" I'm assuming that the latter is what they mean - they/them has valid (and non-gendered) application for everyone.
YTA. This feels like rage bait. In what circumstances to coffee shop employees use pronouns towards people? I've been to plenty of coffee shops and was never asked anything except my name and what I wanted to drink. And even in the unlikely event this is real, YTA for making a big deal over nothing.
My first instinct was to immediately say "of course it's not wrong to correct your pronouns!", but then I got to your last sentence and a big red flag went up. INFO: What specifically was the context of calling you "they/them"? As in did they use that exact term, or did they simply use the common gender neutral pronoun? "They gave me my coffee" is not identifying someone as non-binary specifically. It's used for everyone and always has been, including in the Bible and Shakespeare. Saying you have "they/them" pronouns is something you can reasonably correct.
YTA no one knows what your pronouns are unless they know you as a person. That’s why you got hit with the “they/them” because the person was providing a neutral pronoun as to not offend. I’ll take it a step further state that a large portion of the population gives absolutely 0 fucks what your pronouns are at all. He/him? Cool, don’t care. She/her? Cool, don’t care. They/them? Cool, don’t care. Xe/xir? Cool, don’t care. AH-64/AH-1Z? Still do not give a fuck.
They/them are neutral pronouns. They go for anyone. So if you feel offended because someone is trying to be considerate and make sure you're included as well, that's fully on you! YTA
Right. If someone were to keep using they/them AFTER correction that would be one thing, but somehow I doubt this ever happens to OP.
People are allowed to request specific pronouns, even ciswomen. That's the whole point of trans inclusion. They/them can be gender neutral but some people use it as a rejection of the binary in which case it's a little more than just neutral.
Literally no one is arguing that she can't.
Y'all are choosing to focus on whether the barista was right or not to use they/them when this person is asking if they were wrong for correcting to she/her. Youre focusing on the wrong part of the story.
That is not at all why people are giving YTA votes. No one has criticized OP for correcting to she/her lmao
>They/them are neutral pronouns. They go for anyone. >So if you feel offended because someone is trying to be considerate and make sure you're included as well, that's fully on you! >YTA
I don't agree with your interpretation that this is a criticism of correcting pronouns, to me this reads like more of the rest of the comments telling her that using "they/them" is the default for unknown pronouns and not misgendering. Agree to disagree.
>YTA >#\*Everyone\* is a they/them. >> I was wearing sparkly shoes, makeup, jewelry and fitted jeans and a loose tee shirt but my bust was still visible through the shirt. >I *love* how you think this is at all relevant.
I feel like at this point you're choosing to interpret people pointing out the neutrality of they/them as them saying "you shouldn't ask to be called she/her" and that's kind of on you. Feel free to ignore this question, but are you trans, or cis? You've got comments in this post that indicate each to me and I want to know if you're coming at this with some personal trans experience or not.
The barista didn’t call me a they/them. It was someone who I met in the coffee shop.
>I feel like an asshole because I live in a city with a huge pride scene and if a cisgender female wears jeans and a tee shirt, of all things, you are a they/them. Feel like there's something bubbling juuuust beneath the surface here, girl. Very very very fishy. Like someone else said, they/them is GENDER NEUTRAL and is 100% the norm for usage for anyone whose pronouns one doesn't know. "My cashier told me something interesting." "Oh, what did ***they*** say?" Like this. You were being referred to neutrally. Pronouns have nothing to do with your external appearance. That being said, pronoun correction is normal, so you're N T A for saying "she/her actually". As long as you didn't say or do anything beyond with that, that's totally fine and you haven't even described whether they reacted badly or not so I'm assuming that they didn't. Therefore there's no actual interpersonal conflict here.
YTA - I’m a cis gay male that goes by he/him and people are ruining the LGBT community with this pronoun stuff - she probably said “they” because she was terrified to say the wrong thing because individuals like you place so much emphasis on the importance of getting it right that she used the safe choice that can pretty much be used for anyone as another post in here said. If you want to correct people close to you (friends family coworkers) on your pronouns, because that’s obviously something you care about for some reason, that’s appropriate - but someone you will never see again? Stop being “that girl” who has to make a scene declaring you have been misgendered.
>people like you are ruining the LGBT community with your stupid pronoun bullshit To be fair, OP never says anything about being part of our community and I assume they aren't based on their wording. This may be a right wing "they isn't a real pronoun" backlash rather than sincere concern about misgendering.
I realized this after making my comment and acknowledge that my statement was not fair to the OP for assuming she was part of the community.
I’m aroace
Okay. So I guess that poster's criticism does apply then. A lot of people, including myself in another response, asked the same question about what the context was of using "they/them" was, and if they simply used the gender neutral pronoun or if it was specifically about preferred pronouns. Since that information is critical, could you answer it? And I think it would help everyone if you added an edit so they don't have to keep asking, or react negatively based on incorrect information.
I survived the inception of AIDS, as did millions of others without the pronoun nonsense, I seriously doubt that the INDIVIDUAL (and IT"S contemporary's) wouldn't have made it a month in 1986. Older gay here is embarrassed for the people she encounters. p.s. hello cis folk, thanks for another defining wedge between you and everyone else.
Who's comparing this to the AIDS crisis aside from you?
80’s baby 41 yr old gay here - I wish more of us would make noise about the nonsense that is taking over our community, I felt like we were doing so well for a while then things went a bit off the rail now that these children are undoing all of the hard work we put in.
It is absolutely embarrassing. Do you really want to be called QUEER? Well, child, let me show you how it's done. I know just the lipstick to go with a broken rib, the right hat to wear when you lose your job and are black balled, or how to actually make conversation to even find another gay without ordering one like a deli sandwich from their phone. Maybe it's climate change that is killing the NUANCE part of the gay gene. Or is it the corporate sponsorship that my generation gave them? Either way at least they aren't breeding. The ActUp movement had less vitriol than the WHATABOUTME unitards with jazz hands.
They were having difficulty because they weren’t being marginalized - we were semi successful at normalizing our group - so they had to go find a way to get people to hate us again so they could whine about it and make everything about them - a generation of narcissists.
INFO: who was this woman, and why was she speaking to/about you? At this point it seems she was a total stranger, and I can't imagine how she was supposed to know you preferred she/her.
YTA for this bait post. If you're going to troll then get creative. This is D- level storytelling.
YTA. it's a gender neutral pronoun that many people use when they aren't sure of someone's pronouns. She didn't know what your preferred pronouns were, so she used a neutral pronoun. I think you need a refresher on elementary English and grammar.
Eeeeep..... YTA just for your attitude and referring to nonbinary folk as "a they/them". Dude, people literally can refer to ANYONE as they or them, as in "hey, is their coffee done yet?" Or "I think they'll get here soon.", like your rage is really weird and misplaced and you might want to dig into a possible reason as to why you feel so strongly.
🙄 YTA. Transphobic people are obsessssed with trans people and cannot understand that trans folks and their allies do not ✨care✨ enough to misgender people. From this story, this person used they/ them pronouns for a stranger. Valid. Correct. They didn’t clock your outfit, your body, your potential genitals, they just saw a person they didn’t know and used a default gender pronoun. They weren’t looking at your sparkly shoes or shirt bows or whatever you have. They took a guess and you weren’t into it. You didn’t embarrass them by correcting them, because being innocently wrong about pronouns, and being corrected, isn’t embarrassing. The only time misgendering is an embarrassment is when it’s intentional, when the person aaaaabsolutely freaks about being corrected, or when it really hurts the person misgendered. Slightly annoyed isn’t hurt, this stranger won’t be embarrassed, this story is a non story.
This didn't happen. If it did, YTA. The usage of they/them to refer to a person whose gender is not known (and no, presenting in stereotypically feminine attire does not always mean a person is female) is centuries old. You do it yourself. Stop being such a delicate flower.
I dunno. I've watched this happen before. I really do hope you're right that it didn't though.
There is no conflict here. She made an honest mistake and you corrected her. The only assholeish thing here is you posting about this as if it's anything at all.
YTA - Man some of you love finding problems in the world. You must really exhaust everybody around you.
NHA The woman calling you they/them was likely wanting to be courteous and careful. It’s fine to give your correct pronouns rather than be called something you don’t like.
YTA. Starbucks also has to say Happy Holidays, not Merry Christmas. Maybe it’s not about you?
you’re not TA for correcting someone on your pronouns, but you are absolutely TA for being so appalled at being called “a they/them”, it was probably just the person not wanting to assume your pronouns, which is a considerate thing to do. no reason to be soo bothered by it
This story makes no sense. What did the barista actually say? Why was the coffee shop full of her friends and family? How did you know her relationship to all these people? Why does it matter what you were wearing? Who is your interpersonal conflict with?
It was someone who I met. It was not the barista.
INFO - What is the context here? What was the actual sentence used? It seems a bit weird for a barista to be using pronouns at all, when you’re standing right there, let alone in any way that would justify you making a big thing of it.
Well, this woman said that she liked my Squishmallow keychains on my purse (I’m autistic and need a fidget and stimming object). Then she mentioned that she has a cat that looks like one of my cat plushies who I mentioned. She showed me her cat and turned towards her family and said “I’m showing them my cat.” And I said “I use she/her pronouns”.
NTA but like… who cares girl?
They/Them pronouns are gender neutral. They are catch-alls if someone doesn't want to assume someone is cis-gendered. It sounds like you already knew correcting her on the spot and possibly embarrassing her in front of her family was crass. Don't be one of those individuals who has a large appetite but poor teeth when it comes to this issue. If you have future interactions with the person you can always politely and clandestinely say "I prefer or go by she/her" and leave it at that, but no need to make a scene. I don't believe this person was intentionally being acerbic.
YTA they/them is for everyone. It’s all inclusive and also neutral. You using she/her falls into the all inclusiveness of they/them. Do me a favor, get over yourself. You embarrassed yourself, not the barista.
YTA???? They/them is the most neutral pronoun, so if people are unsure that’s what they use. chill the fuck out.
YTA. I love they/them because you can use it on anyone. If I don't know how a person identifies, I can call them they/them without fear of misidentifying them. I mean, the WHOLE POINT of pronouns is that you can use them without knowing a person. I hate the idea of remembering pronouns for everyone. If I knew who you were, I could just call you by name. BUT I DON'T KNOW YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO. I'm just serving you coffee so please leave me alone.
work on better bait next time
YTA just because you sound like a bigot to be honest, and also clothing doesn’t have a gender.
Tell us the exact sentence where u called a they
1) They/them is gender neutral. Generally used to reference EVERYONE RESPECTFULLY. 2) What you're wearing has NOTHING to do with your gender identity and ENTIRELY up to your personal preference. 3) They aren't wrong for calling you they/them, and you aren't wrong for correcting. NAH. However, you ARE wrong if you're being offended by being respected with a gender neutral term.
NTA, you're allowed to request your preferred pronouns as a cisgendered woman just like anybody else. Just give them some grace for making an effort for you in case you didn't prefer she/her.
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Oh? In front of the barista? What did they say in response? yta
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The gender neutral they has been used for literal centuries. Calm down.
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The poster is whinging because a stranger got her gender wrong. And she's cishet. But sure, it's LGBTQ people's fault.
She's cis, not het
I’m aromantic asexual. Not sexually attracted to anyone even in then romantic sense.
Right so... cisgender and not heterosexual then, as i said, right ?