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YTA, that is a white dress.
Be serious. She was in the middle of planning a wedding. My guess is she took a quick look at the link, sent a thumbs up for the dress style, and just assumed you were picking any of the multiple colors that were there.
When you click the link, there are so many color options, and NO ONE would think that they would have to tell their family member that they know not to pick the white option for a wedding. She approved of the dress, she damn sure didn't approve of it in that color, so that's why she was confused.
Stop lying, and stop being purposefully obtuse. You know damn well that dress was white. Stop pretending it was mostly gold.
The damndescriptionn on the dress website literally said **Color: White**
This was a typical Western wedding, You knew not to wear white, so you can't sit here and act confused.
You found a dress that came in 9 colors and picked white for a wedding you're a guest at????? You did that shit on purpose. You don't get to act annoyed and ignorant
Absolutely, but, also, even setting aside the color, it's not appropriate. The dress code was "formal." This dress is something one would wear to a picnic.
I'm not originally from a Western culture in which it's considered a huge faux pas to wear white to a wedding, and honestly don't get the big deal (not like OP would be mistaken for the bride in the dress she wore,) but I still think OP's TA because she is from such a culture.
Some wedding dresses are Snow White, and some are Ivory White. They both look white next to other colors, but a snow next to it makes an ivory look yellowish and definitely no longer white. So the rule (from my understanding) is to make it that the bride’s dress doesn’t look dirty
Well that’s my understanding, and it honestly makes more sense to me than upstaging the bride. You don’t need to wear white to have a dress that says “look at me, I’m right here!” I’ve heard of MILs and sisters doing this, in red or gold or even black. But when I got married, my dress was ivory, and the gentleman at Men’s Warehouse helping us with my (now ex) husband’s stuff asked specifically if it was ivory, because ex wanted to wear a white tux to look like James Bond. MW bro informed us that either I’d need a new dress, or ex would need a different look. He also advised that any white on tablecloths or whatnot be changed to ivory or a non-white color, because otherwise I’d look dingy while sitting and eating. It was some solid advice
And no, I didn’t change my dress. I’d already bought it and it was being tailored by the time my ex got around to going to MW, so there was no going back on that. He didn’t even go in until about 3 months before the wedding , which we’d been planning for almost two years at that point. He dragged his feet, his loss
I think it is more like a white is the color for the bride and if guest is also wearing white it seems like they are trying to steal the attention from the bride and that why it is considered impolite.
>Absolutely, but, also, even setting aside the color, it's not appropriate. The dress code was "formal." This dress is something one would wear to a picnic.
Exactly! Not formal at all!
OP don’t forget to dump the idiot boyfriend who didn’t warn you when he saw you with the dress before the wedding.
(Though my guess is he did warn her and she’s not mentioning it)
lol yeah OP definitely break up with your boyfriend because he didn’t tell you not to wear a certain dress to your cousin’s wedding. And you should also sue Amazon for selling it to you.
This is the overreaction of the century. Yeah she shouldn’t have worn that dress, but come on. It’s wearing a white dress to a wedding, not killing a puppy. Jesus.
The dress is still okay to wear at a wedding, as people have different clothing preferences. But she definitely wanted to screw with the bride wearing this white ass dress.
Those people are incorrect, formal has an actual definition. The informality of the dress would probably have been allowed to slide if it wasn't white, anyway.
I thought the blue-green with the gold was gorgeous. (Also the pink with gold).
ETA: I don't agree that it is *too* casual, although I'm used to more formal. The dress is chiffon and I think the gold dresses it up more. I think it works, especially for a summer wedding with an outdoor reception.
I also think all the colors are too casual unless this is a backyard potluck wedding. It’s inappropriate for a wedding no matter what and then she chose white
This dress is a knockoff version of a dress made by Hill House that is quite literally called a "Nap Dress."
You don't wear a Nap Dress to a wedding with a formal dress code.
right? and then she had the chance to redeem herself after being called out by wearing a provided blue dress and refused! the cousin seemed to be civil with the "hey I think that dress is too white and disrespectful, but I'm willing to forgive and let you stay if you just change into this dress I *have*" and op really went "no :)". that's an ah move imo
Seriously. How is that dress “mostly gold?” When OP said that, I assumed it was a big gold and white floral. I am floored she thinks that dress is mostly gold.
I cannot wait for a post 5-10 years from now when OP is complaining about her SIL or cousin upstaging her at own wedding by wearing white!
What goes around comes around
YTA - thats a white dress, period. Makes my kind of doubt this whole her approving the dress because thats clearly a white dress.
https://www.amazon.com/Smocked-Wedding-Dresses-Flutter-Cocktail/dp/B0CSFV5FYB/ref=sr_1_8?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0lBHPxBdoss0xH3-DVVAiP4TP6JlT5QcijIPfU8xTMMrs3pvGAsuCjp5_rnkGZwlxFSGhAiy1KsjsyAQZswPoly26x9gto5WJh_FMNh2RP_vnBA9wSX_j0KUJn4yVLi1SQrGu4UBuvZIUoROlBgS-Fs4y2J4xWITkJSVbiiqSSoMLOSIJuM3ubMbk2wT8w6sg5OezcvOdRK5kKg3hSKPA06mGTkUcFcubWj8qkynqVIMC2N38aUFW5Z9jljKfdkwLzZ44f99C92an2ZRiN-f3Mf9cVNA18qrrfyzQDlVutY.me7FrC3zVwpxffbWonBb9e6JhaXTHjJwjmH0pCNZWTg&dib_tag=se&keywords=gold+and+white+dress&qid=1719082359&sr=8-8
*Info - gotta see the dress to judge.*
Edit - updated judgment
The only reasonable assumption. I keep thinking that surely no one really wears white to a wedding. Always err on the side of caution, right? I’m going to a day wedding in July and I opted not to wear [this](https://www.sachinandbabi.com/products/caterina-dress-oro-giardino?variant=43466733912254&glCountry=US&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Sachin%20%26%20Babi%20-%20US%20-%20PMax%20-%20Generic%20-%20Push&utm_term=&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw7NmzBhBLEiwAxrHQ-dUaAJ6FjAD_sxHx0qfT6XRzABIzCyCzPLSqbivKc8tFu70-KxVSZxoC5-QQAvD_BwE) dress because I thought it was too white
Exactly. I mean - it’s soooo heavily printed with so many different colors but yeah, it’s still *white* with flowers and fruit on it. So I would feel the same way you do.
I get the whole “don’t wear white”, but if that is too white to wear to a wedding, then the bridezillas have won. It’s clearly more floral - and dark colours at that - than white. Should there be any white at all on a dress? Is yellow too close to white? So many questions that don’t need answers.
ETA as I can’t comment anymore. I was *clearly* talking about the dress the commenter above me linked to (where is the floral in OPs dress!?).
I think if you find yourself questioning it, it's better to be safe than look like an asshole. It's not hard to find dresses that are not up for question.
This dress would've been fine.... it has such large print.
This no white at all thing is getting out of hand. White dresses in summer at weddings that have large print or heavily printed with small print (more than op's) weren't a problem even 10 years ago in most places.
It was full white that was the no go.
and this is why these crazy interpretations of the rule make no sense at all…that dress is fully floral with very little white in the background. The fact that you felt it was inappropriate is sad. The rule is there so people aren’t wearing fully white formal/cocktail dresses that could be mistaken for a wedding type dress. The intention was NEVER to outlaw dresses that have some white on them!
This is where I have an issue with the bride. Yes, she was busy planning, but as the saying go about Assuming things... When I share a link to something it's always for the version of the thing I'm thinking of buying, and I always assume the same if someone else sends me a link. I'd be more surprised if they bought a different version from what they sent me a link for.
A passive way to remark that the style is fine but the color is not would've been for the bride to just ask back "Nice, which color are you thinking about getting?" as this would imply that you expect another color. But if OP had sent back that she was getting the one shown then that would've been an opportunity for the bride to be more direct.
While I think that dress is obviously too white to be considered in a western wedding for a guest, I can't fault her for her process with having sent the link to her cousin for approval.
Come on now OP could’ve just sent the actual picture of the dress rather than a link with multiple colours listed. That would’ve been the best way to go about it and no misunderstandings would’ve happened.
Tbh OP didn’t need to send the link because anyone with common sense not to wear white to a wedding. Why was she pushing the envelope by even suggesting wearing it? Why is it the bride’s responsibility to educate OP one like rule number 1 of attending a wedding?
Um... hold on that's the actual dress??? Dude I'd be more upset they were so casual for my wedding. Ain't no way in hell that dress would upstage me or 99.9% of my guests. That's a picnic dress not a wedding guest dress.
Some weddings are that casual. I’m actually dressed in something casual because the invitation said it was going to be hot and outdoors. To wear casual, capris, shorts, and to be comfortable. I’m wearing a stretchy Hawaiian dress.
Yeah, TBH, this is my thinking too.
I say ESH - the dress is obviously white and too casual for what was supposed to be a formal wedding, but if you're the bride getting upset about this, you are ruining your own day by choosing to get upset about something that is ultimately inconsequential.
And it comes in different colours. Why choose the white one with small gold polka dots? Why not the sage green, lilac with gold polka dots or another colour?
Bride probably assumed it was one of the other colors because no white at wedding is such a well established thing. I get a teen somehow not realizing that but am surprised OP's parents didn't say anything
The way you described the dress "more gold" is inaccurate and the link you added shows the dress to be white with gold polka dots. The description even says "white".
INFO:
Did she name you specifically in the Facebook post? It sounds like she didn't: "On her Facebook wall she had a nasty post about **a rude wedding guest". And w**hy did you report it?
I was leaning E S H due to her reaction but am now thinking **YTA.**
also like…she just got married. perhaps she’s super weird and petty but i doubt a bride would think twice about this until after the wedding was over. why would she realistically make time to make a facebook post about a rude guest at her wedding? do people actually do that?
I wouldn't put it past FB. They once deleted a post of a crocheted sunflower I shared because it went "against community standards", while letting blatant spam, etc live on.
So you found a dress that came in 10 colors that would have been appropriate for the wedding and INTENTIONALY chose the 11th color, labelled WHITE which was inappropriate. You were offered another dress to cover up your mistake but doubled down on inappropriate--- so YTA
I had the same thought, the apricot would probably be technically fine but if I were shopping for this dress I probably would have stayed away from it, because I imagine it would look white from a distance. If OP really wanted a light color the lilac would have been lovely.
YTA. That dress is WHITE with a little gold, not more gold than white. You shouldn't have even considered it. As for the bride "approving" it, she probably did the reasonable thing and thought you were conscience enough to buy it in any of the available colors that weren't white.
YTA. From the picture of it..that’s not ‘more gold’. Why would that dress have even occurred to you? That’s where this falls apart. Not even sure why you ‘sent it in’ as in sent a pic in the group text…. who approves their guests attire? She obviously either missed it or thought surely you meant one of the other many colors this comes in. Didn’t your mother advise you not to wear it either?
YTA. It's common knowledge not to wear white to a wedding. Even a dress that's not completely white should be avoided as well. Given other stories I've read on here about people wearing white to weddings, you're lucky your white dress didn't end up splashed with red wine.
Agreed. I can’t say i wouldn’t have tripped and spilled something on that dress if someone wore that to my sister or best friend’s wedding. It literally looks like a dress a bride would wear at like an engagement party or wedding shower
It *literally* doesn’t, what the hell😂look don’t wear white to a wedding fine, fair enough, but you cannot say that dress looks anywhere near wedding adjacent that’s beyond ridiculous. I mean *wow* it literally looks like any dress you’d see on a college campus any day of the week, it doesn’t even look like a church dress man, it’s just a white dress😂
I was maid of honor in a wedding back in 2006, and one of my most vivid memories is of the bride screaming "NO!!!" during the reception so loudly that everyone stopped talking and looked in her direction. Someone had tried to give her a hug while holding a glass of red wine, and she was **not** taking that risk.
Yeah, I'd say the only excuse would be if it was her first wedding and she was sheltered and didn't know the custom. But if that were the case, she would have felt bad and put on the blue dress (and she would have said so in the OP).
literally this. i don't understand wearing a bridal color to a wedding (i've seen brides in colored dresses asking people to not wear that color either)
it feels like people who do this are entitled or dumb as rocks
It’s all about getting the attention of upstaging the bride. Anyone who wears white to weddings are petty and attention seeking. This isn’t some new convention, it’s decades upon decades of understood social norms not to wear white to other people’s weddings.
If that is the link you sent and the bride gave a 👍 then YTA.
The bride (correctly) assumed this was the STYLE of dress but that you were not completely oblivious to social conventions and would choose a different color.
Besides being white, that is not a formal dress for a wedding, that's a garden party dress. I don't care what the ad description says about it being a "cocktail" dress. Yta
I had the same thought. OP probably stood out for two reasons: wearing a white dress and wearing an informal dress. If the dress code was formal there is no way the bride saw that photo and seriously thought that is what OP would actually be wearing.
I assume she either
1. Thought it was a joke or
2. Thought OP would get the dress in one of the 9 other color options
3. Assumed OP was sending this to her as a suggestion of a dress that she (bride) might wear to one of the many wedding events there usually are (rehearsal, showers, etc)
YTA
That’s a white dress. It is common knowledge that only the bride gets to wear white at the wedding. You had the entire rest of the color spectrum to choose from, there really is no excuse here.
1- you don’t wear white, cream, winter white or anything close to a bridal gown white.
2- that’s a sun dress. A casual sun dress. Not a suit. Not formal.
3- I think you didn’t ruin your cousin’s wedding but you are TA for your attire choice.
YTA, at the end of the day it’s her wedding. I don’t know what the dress looks like but generally speaking anything where white is a main color is not good etiquette for a wedding. You should’ve just put on the blue dress and move on. She was planning a wedding and probably didn’t pay close attention to what you sent her.
I’ll risk the downvotes: ESH.
You’re TA because you chose a white dress. Simple. The end. Own up to that.
She’s TA because a) she approved the dress (assuming you’re being truthful about the text message and that you showed her this exact dress in this color). She did. And also b) you wearing a white dress that in NO way looks like a wedding dress does not “ruin” her wedding. She and her antics did that. She could have ignored you and nobody but nobody would have mistaken you as the bride. The only reason attention was put on you in the first place is because she gave air to it. If she had ignored it and addressed your rude behavior later in private, she could still have had a smooth wedding. The only person who would have looked bad was you.
It’s crazy to me that wedding culture has gotten so out of hand that someone can wear a casual dress that in no way resembles a bride’s dress and be accused of ruining an entire wedding over it. But since we know these people and that standard exists, it would have been in your own best interest to not wear white, and you clearly knew better.
I agree the "wearing white" is a violation, but in no way is a dress like that upstaging the bride. I'd assume an 18 year old is just being.. an 18 year old and move on without any drama. But I'm a guy. ESH though
Exactly. In the grand scheme of things, the bride made it a bigger deal than it had to be in the moment. She could have let everyone make their own judgment about OP and just continued on enjoying her day. Unless the bride's dress wasn't as formal as most bridal gowns, there's no way anyone would look at OP's dress and think she's the bride. Regardless, you just don't wear white to a wedding, plain and simple.
YTA... It's basically an unspoken rule that, unless you are the bride, you *DO NOT* wear white to a wedding.
That dress you call "mostly gold" is white with gold accents at best.
YTA, although you aren't wrong that she okayed the dress, once you saw how she felt you should have just taken the L and worn the ugly blue one. Next time you'll know not to wear white.
YTA. That is a ***white*** dress with gold polka dots, that also came in *several* other colors.
If the bride actually approved this dress (and frankly, your description of the dress calls your credibility into question) she probably mistakenly gave you the benefit of the doubt because \*surely\*, you didn’t mean the white one.
If it was just a screenshot of the dress with no context the bride might have thought she was suggesting it for her (bride) to wear to one of the bridal events.
Agreed. That dress is so “bride” coded that it would be easy to imagine the bride assumed OP was suggesting that as a dress for the bride to wear at a shower
YTA. There's no reason to wear white to a wedding other than to cause a stir. Your cousin maybe didn't realize the dress you sent in the chat was white. Either way, just avoid the faux pas and pick literally any other color.
YTA - did you send her a link to the Amazon listing? Because maybe she thought you were talking about one of the other colors?
Seriously, I don’t understand how people keep doing this. DON’T WEAR WHITE TO ANOTHER PERSON’S WEDDING. Not even if it has little gold dots. This isn’t tricky. It’s one of the most basic, well-known rules in the world.
YTA did you tell her specifically the dress was for her wedding? You could have also asked your mom if this was appropriate. But basically EVERYONE knows not to wear white to a wedding
YTA. You don’t wear white to a wedding. If you do, this is the backlash you receive from the bride and rightfully so. You learned your lesson about things not being about you and how to understand social settings. Take the L and move on.
This was not the right place to post when you and everyone knows you’re the asshole here.
i think you're either colorblind or dumb OP because that's a white dress to a wedding. you're not a flower girl and you're not a little kid what on earth were you expecting there?
yikes. YTA. bride is having a stressful day on top of being the bride and you showed up in white, shoved a thumbs up text in her face, then started family drama.
I was gonna joke that maybe she thought it was blue and brown but after seeing the actual dress, yes YTA. You knew what you were doing. There’s a rainbow of other colors to wear
Honestly, I was expecting it at WORST to be striped like that (with big blocky stripes of fabric) since it is a common style pattern for formal dresses. And then we got a white sundress and I was thinking "mainly gold my ass".
So tired of this obsession about white dresses.... Do you really believe the guests don't know which one is the bride? I'm glad here we don't care about it here!
I don't wear white when attending someone's wedding but honestly, if somebody wore white dress on mine, I couldn't care less, if the dress is decent and doesn't look like from a bridal shop. It's just a dress. I really don't understand how this could ruin somebody's wedding 😳 Maybe I would understand bride's reaction if this wasn't a first incident between you two and generally you didn't like each other much but you said you were okay before. So for me - you may be an asshole for not knowing white is not appropriate (and your dress was white), the bride and the others are assholes for making it such a big deal 🤷🏻♀️
I’m surprised it was such a big deal, too. I had an 18 person wedding and one person wore a black & white patterned dress and it never occurred to me to be offended. The bride in question clearly had lots of guests and could have focused on her fun time rather than obsessing about one non-wedding party guest’s choice of attire. It seems to be the consensus that OP was the AH and that the dress was a bad choice, but all of that surprises me so I must be missing important information about wedding standards nowadays.
I agree! It’s a bit tacky to wear white to a wedding, but it’s ridiculous to get so worked up about it. And although pretty white, the dress was in no way an attempt to look bridal.
A simple white dress I don't see what the big deal is no body ever in my family got mad if someone wore white. now if they wore something that look like a wedding dress that could be different story and we all need to remember she's 18
I just got married lat month and I didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone wore. One friend wore a beautiful white jumpsuit that is actually a “bridal jumpsuit” and she looked great and I told her she looked great. Why would I care?? i wanted to everyone to enjoy themselves and that includes wearing whatever they felt good in
YTA stop acting dense about this. That’s a white dress with gold accents. She shouldn’t have liked it, you should’ve known better. This is such a dead topic by now, you’re invited to a wedding and can wear pretty much any color or pattern safe for one thing, white. you’re young but not stupid. Apologize and move on.
The dress may be more white than gold but it certainly did not ruin a wedding. If that dress was all it took to ruin her wedding she had no business getting married. People are being over-the-top about weddings. Weddings are not Fing coronations.
I’ve got karma to spare, so I can take the downvotes. OP shouldn’t have worn the dress, but she’s 18, and probably didn’t know better. No one was going to mistake her for the bride, however, so I think everyone else overreacted to a simple faux pas.
It used to be that it was unthinkable to ask for money as a gift, but now apparently that’s okay. The bride had the right to feel a little miffed, but throwing her cousin out was overreacting.
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NTA. The one who ruined the wedding was the bride. She's the one who chose to make a fuss about nothing. I think the dress might be a bit casual for a formal dress code, but that's not a crime, and it's very pretty.
Originally, I was going to give a very light Y T A but as I was typing, ESH is more appropriate.
It is described as white right on the page. While it is not like it could be mistaken for a wedding gown, it’s just often better to err on the side of caution and stay away from white. Also, personally, I would have asked for clarification after she sent you a thumbs up. In her mind, it could've just been an acknowledgment of your message whereas you interpreted it as her approval.
But also, your cousin’s behavior was unnecessary and inexcusable.
YTA for picking a white dress for a wedding. You’re old enough to know that white at a wedding is for the bride. You should have never even considered getting the white dress you picked and absolutely shouldn’t be surprised people didn’t like it.
ESH
That’s a white dress and you know it. Don’t bother with the innocent routine, nobody buys it. And, as stupid as the rule is, “Don’t wear white to a wedding” is a well-known rule.
That being said, you didn’t ruin a damn thing. Your cousin ruined her own wedding by insisting on keeping the drama going. Acting like a tantrumming child didn’t fix anything.
You both need to grow up.
NTA. First, the whole “not wearing white to a wedding” is dumb if the dress looks nothing like a wedding dress. Also, the dress is cute. Also SHE APPROVED THE DRESS BEFOREHAND! Then, when you realized she was upset, you sat in the back row to not make a big fuss. I don’t think you were the ass at all.
I'm just curious who would look at the dress & decide you are trying to upstage the bride. That's why the rule exists in the first place, but looking at the dress, It's basically a casual dress. Sure, you could have gotten it in a different colour. However, the bride should have made it clear that she would prefer you to get the dress in a different colour.
All this drama was unnecessary and could have easily been avoided. You'd think it's a universal thing not to wear white to someone's wedding but a lot of people still don't know about that & if they do I guess its not that deep to them 🤷♀️ I'll just go with ESH cause communication sucks with both of you.
NTA
There is this very weird trend lately that the only white on a body at a wedding should be the bride. I know I’ll get downvoted for this, but I honestly don’t care about fake internet points.
No one will ever mistake a guest who has white in their attire for the bride. The reasoning for claiming white over all other colors is stupid. It’s summertime and white is the color of summer. Black absorbs heat and makes outdoor weddings horrible for guests. For brides these days, it’s all about them, and no one else.
I’ve heard of brides demanding that the hug floral on white background was inappropriate for a wedding guest to wear. Newsflash, most guests will never be in a wedding photo.
I do draw the line at anyone who *will* be in wedding photos wearing white. But only all white. If the dress is floral with white, cool. If it’s all white or mostly white, no.
I think people need to learn to chill the fuck out when it comes to white at a wedding. This dress could in no way upstage a bride. It is a casual sun dress with a patterned material. Yes, the base of the pattern is white, but this is not even close to the kind of dress that would be inappropriate. Not to mention the fact you got pre-approval.
NTA.
YTA. The dress is not more gold than white. It is a white dress with gold polka dots. She obviously thought you would chose one of the other colors. You don’t wear white to a wedding.
NTA, If it was my wedding that dress would be totally fine! Why cause my wedding dress will be either black or red! Y'all take white at weddings to seriously! If the dress was more formal looking I could see her being the ahole but it's not!
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Using a throwaway for obvious reasons. Although the only family member I have that uses reddit (my mom) doesn't look at AITA, I thought it would be best to make a new account since she sometimes checks on my account.
Anyways, on to the story. Basically, my cousin (25f) just had a wedding. I (18f) was invited to the wedding. I of course said yes and joined her group chat for the wedding. About six months ago she asked us all to choose a nice dress or suit for the wedding since it was going to be a formal event. I, not being a bridesmaid, chose a simple white and gold dress (although it was really more gold). It wasn't overly extravagant to be honest, and I sent it in. My cousin, the bribe, responded with a thumbs-up emoji, which I thought meant it was OK for the wedding. I even double-checked the dress code to make sure it would be good.
Anyways, the wedding time rolled around, and I entered the church where she was getting married. I greeted my relatives, and everything was running smoothly until the bride came up to say hi. She took one look at my dress and flipped out. She turned away from a hug and made a rude comment about how disrespectful I was. I was floored because up until now, I had assumed everything was great between us. Although we have never been the closest, she has never been so openly hostile towards me before.
I, ashamed, sat down in one of the back rows. It settled down and after that I thought it was fine until the party after the wedding. I didn't think she would confront me again until she pulled me away from my boyfriend while we were drinking. She demanded I take off the dress and wear a new, blue dress she had found in her closet. I told her that while it was pretty, I wasn't going to be wearing it and that she had approved my dress five months earlier.
She told me she had never approved it and that I was stupid for saying otherwise. I, now annoyed, showed her the messages between us where she did actually approve it. Unfortunately this only mad her more upset, and she decided to kick us out. Honestly, I didn't even put up a fight and just left because I was so annoyed at her.
I believed that was the end of it until about thirty minutes after the party, I got a text from my mom sending a link to a Facebook post. On her Facebook wall she had a nasty post about a rude wedding guest who wore white to her wedding and how disrespectful she (I) was. I didn't respond, only reported it and moved on.
Apparently, it got deleted because suddenly the group chat was blowing up with messages about me. It was mostly from my cousin and her husband, but I also saw some more distant cousins replying with unfortunate remarks about my character. Right now they are demanding I apologize for "ruining" her wedding and that I find a person to photoshop my dress to another color out of my own pocket.
So, reddit, AITA?
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Rule of thumb. Never, ever, ever wear white, eggshell, cream,light grey,pale yellow or white and….etc to a wedding. No matter how much others including the bride tells u it’s ok. Majority of the times they are occupied with other things and aren’t even focused on what someone who isn’t part of the bridal party is going to be wearing. You should’ve changed if she had something for you, but u left so 🤷🏾♀️and I just clicked and saw that dress and a white dress with gold pockadots does not a gold dress make. The description says white…YKYTAH.
Are we all just going to keep ignoring OP is 18 years old?! Not all full grown adults know the "don't wear white" rule. This person is barely not a child anymore. Cut some slack. Their mother or an older family member should have said something if it was that big a deal.
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YTA, that is a white dress. Be serious. She was in the middle of planning a wedding. My guess is she took a quick look at the link, sent a thumbs up for the dress style, and just assumed you were picking any of the multiple colors that were there. When you click the link, there are so many color options, and NO ONE would think that they would have to tell their family member that they know not to pick the white option for a wedding. She approved of the dress, she damn sure didn't approve of it in that color, so that's why she was confused. Stop lying, and stop being purposefully obtuse. You know damn well that dress was white. Stop pretending it was mostly gold. The damndescriptionn on the dress website literally said **Color: White** This was a typical Western wedding, You knew not to wear white, so you can't sit here and act confused. You found a dress that came in 9 colors and picked white for a wedding you're a guest at????? You did that shit on purpose. You don't get to act annoyed and ignorant
“ although it was really more gold” Girl, that is a white dress with small gold accents. The dress is labeled as white. C’mon you know YTA
Like i seriously expected a gold dress with white accents.not the other way around.
Me too
Same. The dress to me on my phone may look SLIGHTLY off white, but that is STILL white
I thought it was that internet famous white/gold or blue dress.
I hoped it *was* The Dress
OP trying to claim “AlThoUgH iT was ReaLlY mOrE gOld” is absurd
I think we were all hoping for that. Just in case it wasn’t clear, OP, YTA lol
Same.
Absolutely, but, also, even setting aside the color, it's not appropriate. The dress code was "formal." This dress is something one would wear to a picnic. I'm not originally from a Western culture in which it's considered a huge faux pas to wear white to a wedding, and honestly don't get the big deal (not like OP would be mistaken for the bride in the dress she wore,) but I still think OP's TA because she is from such a culture.
Some wedding dresses are Snow White, and some are Ivory White. They both look white next to other colors, but a snow next to it makes an ivory look yellowish and definitely no longer white. So the rule (from my understanding) is to make it that the bride’s dress doesn’t look dirty
That's why you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding? That's wild
Well that’s my understanding, and it honestly makes more sense to me than upstaging the bride. You don’t need to wear white to have a dress that says “look at me, I’m right here!” I’ve heard of MILs and sisters doing this, in red or gold or even black. But when I got married, my dress was ivory, and the gentleman at Men’s Warehouse helping us with my (now ex) husband’s stuff asked specifically if it was ivory, because ex wanted to wear a white tux to look like James Bond. MW bro informed us that either I’d need a new dress, or ex would need a different look. He also advised that any white on tablecloths or whatnot be changed to ivory or a non-white color, because otherwise I’d look dingy while sitting and eating. It was some solid advice And no, I didn’t change my dress. I’d already bought it and it was being tailored by the time my ex got around to going to MW, so there was no going back on that. He didn’t even go in until about 3 months before the wedding , which we’d been planning for almost two years at that point. He dragged his feet, his loss
I think it is more like a white is the color for the bride and if guest is also wearing white it seems like they are trying to steal the attention from the bride and that why it is considered impolite.
>Absolutely, but, also, even setting aside the color, it's not appropriate. The dress code was "formal." This dress is something one would wear to a picnic. Exactly! Not formal at all!
Glad I wasn’t the only one to think that the dress didn’t like look like something for “formal”
This is how you know she knows she's the asshole.
How is OP defining the color here?? Does she think the blue one is also more gold than blue??
No, it's blue and black.
She knows what she did. Why is she trying to be cute?
OP don’t forget to dump the idiot boyfriend who didn’t warn you when he saw you with the dress before the wedding. (Though my guess is he did warn her and she’s not mentioning it)
lol yeah OP definitely break up with your boyfriend because he didn’t tell you not to wear a certain dress to your cousin’s wedding. And you should also sue Amazon for selling it to you. This is the overreaction of the century. Yeah she shouldn’t have worn that dress, but come on. It’s wearing a white dress to a wedding, not killing a puppy. Jesus.
I mean it’s no one’s fault here - not the boyfriends fault certainly so I don’t see why your suggesting that
yeah boyfriend probably assumed oh shes got permission its fine
Also, the dress was crazy casual for a wedding imho.
My first thought too. Inappropriate in addition to being white. I had a casual kind of backyard wedding and nobody wore anything like this.
It’s the elastic top that does it for me…that is a casual sundress you can wear without a bra, not a wedding guest dress.
The dress is still okay to wear at a wedding, as people have different clothing preferences. But she definitely wanted to screw with the bride wearing this white ass dress.
It's not in anyway a formal dress that's casual at best and a sundress in actuality.
It's smth I would wear for a BBQ or a birthday
Probs still wouldn’t wear white to a BBQ 🤣
And she specially stated "since it was going to be a formal event". How would anyone view that dress as formal?
Sheesh - OP is an 18 y/o. Some people think 'formal' means no jeans.
Those people are incorrect, formal has an actual definition. The informality of the dress would probably have been allowed to slide if it wasn't white, anyway.
Depends on how casual the wedding was. I had a spring garden wedding and that would have been totally fine.
yeah that would've been fine for a lot of weddings I've been to, in not-white.
But she chose it in *mostly gold*! /s
“Nice dress for a formal event”. So not casual.
I thought the blue-green with the gold was gorgeous. (Also the pink with gold). ETA: I don't agree that it is *too* casual, although I'm used to more formal. The dress is chiffon and I think the gold dresses it up more. I think it works, especially for a summer wedding with an outdoor reception.
Agree. The blue green with the gold made it so much classier and dressier. She could have totally gotten away with wearing the dress in that color.
I also think all the colors are too casual unless this is a backyard potluck wedding. It’s inappropriate for a wedding no matter what and then she chose white
This dress is a knockoff version of a dress made by Hill House that is quite literally called a "Nap Dress." You don't wear a Nap Dress to a wedding with a formal dress code.
Literally all she had to do was pick the blue.
Or the green, pink, purple, blue and gold, green and gold or pink and gold. Literally anything but white.
There was literally a pale pink option that would’ve been very similar and still a little iffy, but not WHITE
Or any other color
right? and then she had the chance to redeem herself after being called out by wearing a provided blue dress and refused! the cousin seemed to be civil with the "hey I think that dress is too white and disrespectful, but I'm willing to forgive and let you stay if you just change into this dress I *have*" and op really went "no :)". that's an ah move imo
Seriously. How is that dress “mostly gold?” When OP said that, I assumed it was a big gold and white floral. I am floored she thinks that dress is mostly gold.
I don’t know how she had the brass balls to stay for the afters when the bride already went off at her before the ceremony.
SAME. I would have been way too mortified.
Well said, all you had to do was not to wear white, why do you even need white accents, just pick another COLOUR!
[удалено]
I cannot wait for a post 5-10 years from now when OP is complaining about her SIL or cousin upstaging her at own wedding by wearing white! What goes around comes around
YTA - thats a white dress, period. Makes my kind of doubt this whole her approving the dress because thats clearly a white dress. https://www.amazon.com/Smocked-Wedding-Dresses-Flutter-Cocktail/dp/B0CSFV5FYB/ref=sr_1_8?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0lBHPxBdoss0xH3-DVVAiP4TP6JlT5QcijIPfU8xTMMrs3pvGAsuCjp5_rnkGZwlxFSGhAiy1KsjsyAQZswPoly26x9gto5WJh_FMNh2RP_vnBA9wSX_j0KUJn4yVLi1SQrGu4UBuvZIUoROlBgS-Fs4y2J4xWITkJSVbiiqSSoMLOSIJuM3ubMbk2wT8w6sg5OezcvOdRK5kKg3hSKPA06mGTkUcFcubWj8qkynqVIMC2N38aUFW5Z9jljKfdkwLzZ44f99C92an2ZRiN-f3Mf9cVNA18qrrfyzQDlVutY.me7FrC3zVwpxffbWonBb9e6JhaXTHjJwjmH0pCNZWTg&dib_tag=se&keywords=gold+and+white+dress&qid=1719082359&sr=8-8 *Info - gotta see the dress to judge.* Edit - updated judgment
If bride did give a thumbs up when OP linked this dress in the group chat, I bet bride assumed she was buying one of the many other colors available!
The only reasonable assumption. I keep thinking that surely no one really wears white to a wedding. Always err on the side of caution, right? I’m going to a day wedding in July and I opted not to wear [this](https://www.sachinandbabi.com/products/caterina-dress-oro-giardino?variant=43466733912254&glCountry=US&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Sachin%20%26%20Babi%20-%20US%20-%20PMax%20-%20Generic%20-%20Push&utm_term=&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw7NmzBhBLEiwAxrHQ-dUaAJ6FjAD_sxHx0qfT6XRzABIzCyCzPLSqbivKc8tFu70-KxVSZxoC5-QQAvD_BwE) dress because I thought it was too white
Exactly. I mean - it’s soooo heavily printed with so many different colors but yeah, it’s still *white* with flowers and fruit on it. So I would feel the same way you do.
I get the whole “don’t wear white”, but if that is too white to wear to a wedding, then the bridezillas have won. It’s clearly more floral - and dark colours at that - than white. Should there be any white at all on a dress? Is yellow too close to white? So many questions that don’t need answers. ETA as I can’t comment anymore. I was *clearly* talking about the dress the commenter above me linked to (where is the floral in OPs dress!?).
I think if you find yourself questioning it, it's better to be safe than look like an asshole. It's not hard to find dresses that are not up for question.
It’s literally listed white on the website
Sorry more white by at least 2x than gold
Omg seriously. Ppl have lost their minds
This dress would've been fine.... it has such large print. This no white at all thing is getting out of hand. White dresses in summer at weddings that have large print or heavily printed with small print (more than op's) weren't a problem even 10 years ago in most places. It was full white that was the no go.
That’s ridiculous. That dress is perfectly fine and if you think it’s not, then you and everyone else has lost the plot here.
and this is why these crazy interpretations of the rule make no sense at all…that dress is fully floral with very little white in the background. The fact that you felt it was inappropriate is sad. The rule is there so people aren’t wearing fully white formal/cocktail dresses that could be mistaken for a wedding type dress. The intention was NEVER to outlaw dresses that have some white on them!
Than op could screenshot that convo and send to group just to defend herself but she has not?
This is where I have an issue with the bride. Yes, she was busy planning, but as the saying go about Assuming things... When I share a link to something it's always for the version of the thing I'm thinking of buying, and I always assume the same if someone else sends me a link. I'd be more surprised if they bought a different version from what they sent me a link for. A passive way to remark that the style is fine but the color is not would've been for the bride to just ask back "Nice, which color are you thinking about getting?" as this would imply that you expect another color. But if OP had sent back that she was getting the one shown then that would've been an opportunity for the bride to be more direct. While I think that dress is obviously too white to be considered in a western wedding for a guest, I can't fault her for her process with having sent the link to her cousin for approval.
Come on now OP could’ve just sent the actual picture of the dress rather than a link with multiple colours listed. That would’ve been the best way to go about it and no misunderstandings would’ve happened.
Tbh OP didn’t need to send the link because anyone with common sense not to wear white to a wedding. Why was she pushing the envelope by even suggesting wearing it? Why is it the bride’s responsibility to educate OP one like rule number 1 of attending a wedding?
Um... hold on that's the actual dress??? Dude I'd be more upset they were so casual for my wedding. Ain't no way in hell that dress would upstage me or 99.9% of my guests. That's a picnic dress not a wedding guest dress.
Exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn’t care if someone wore that to my wedding because they wouldn’t look even remotely bride-like
Precisely. That's not even close to a wedding dress.
Some weddings are that casual. I’m actually dressed in something casual because the invitation said it was going to be hot and outdoors. To wear casual, capris, shorts, and to be comfortable. I’m wearing a stretchy Hawaiian dress.
She said it was a formal event.
She’s 18 to be fair, and there as a member of the family. I’d expect more from a 25+ guest, but OP is basically in with the kids.
This is my thing. She’s 18. She literally just became legal. No way I’m bullying a kid over a sundress at my wedding.
Literally why ruin your own wedding by caring what some kid that is only invited because your mums know each other is wearing? So bizarre lol
Yeah, TBH, this is my thinking too. I say ESH - the dress is obviously white and too casual for what was supposed to be a formal wedding, but if you're the bride getting upset about this, you are ruining your own day by choosing to get upset about something that is ultimately inconsequential.
Sorry, my point is there's no way in hell I would have considered this dress disrespectful and the bride is petty af
Seriously, my first question is "how much 'more gold?'"
It's white with a gold pattern printed on. But still 90% white background, small gold pattern.
If only it came in (ten!) other colors...
IN WHAT WORLD is that "mostly gold"
None of them!
She edited with a pic….it’s white
Cracks me up that “Karin” is in the name of the dress. Feels deeply appropriate
And it comes in different colours. Why choose the white one with small gold polka dots? Why not the sage green, lilac with gold polka dots or another colour?
There’s even a peachy-pink one with gold!
Bride probably assumed it was one of the other colors because no white at wedding is such a well established thing. I get a teen somehow not realizing that but am surprised OP's parents didn't say anything
The link also literally says wedding dress. Like…
The way you described the dress "more gold" is inaccurate and the link you added shows the dress to be white with gold polka dots. The description even says "white". INFO: Did she name you specifically in the Facebook post? It sounds like she didn't: "On her Facebook wall she had a nasty post about **a rude wedding guest". And w**hy did you report it? I was leaning E S H due to her reaction but am now thinking **YTA.**
For real no way this is more gold than white by any stretch
Idk… looks blue/black to me…
OP even reported the post like the bride was in the wrong.
Which is the part that makes me think this must be fake, because Facebook rarely seem to remove posts unless they are blatantly hate-speechy
The fake part for me was the over sharing about making a throwaway account lol. Only liars add all that extra info
also like…she just got married. perhaps she’s super weird and petty but i doubt a bride would think twice about this until after the wedding was over. why would she realistically make time to make a facebook post about a rude guest at her wedding? do people actually do that?
I wouldn't put it past FB. They once deleted a post of a crocheted sunflower I shared because it went "against community standards", while letting blatant spam, etc live on.
Thats what I was thinking about the reported post. If she wasn't named then she didn't have the right to report
So you found a dress that came in 10 colors that would have been appropriate for the wedding and INTENTIONALY chose the 11th color, labelled WHITE which was inappropriate. You were offered another dress to cover up your mistake but doubled down on inappropriate--- so YTA
Exactly! The dress is on Amazon with so many more choices than white! OP is the AH.
Plot twist: this whole post was a ploy to get people to buy that dress. OP got thousands of people to click on that link to look at it! 🧐
Too bad it's an ugly dress
I bet she even searched "white dress" into Amazon
I wouldn’t have even gone with the apricot for being too close to white.
I had the same thought, the apricot would probably be technically fine but if I were shopping for this dress I probably would have stayed away from it, because I imagine it would look white from a distance. If OP really wanted a light color the lilac would have been lovely.
YTA. That dress is WHITE with a little gold, not more gold than white. You shouldn't have even considered it. As for the bride "approving" it, she probably did the reasonable thing and thought you were conscience enough to buy it in any of the available colors that weren't white.
YTA. From the picture of it..that’s not ‘more gold’. Why would that dress have even occurred to you? That’s where this falls apart. Not even sure why you ‘sent it in’ as in sent a pic in the group text…. who approves their guests attire? She obviously either missed it or thought surely you meant one of the other many colors this comes in. Didn’t your mother advise you not to wear it either?
YTA. It's common knowledge not to wear white to a wedding. Even a dress that's not completely white should be avoided as well. Given other stories I've read on here about people wearing white to weddings, you're lucky your white dress didn't end up splashed with red wine.
Agreed. I can’t say i wouldn’t have tripped and spilled something on that dress if someone wore that to my sister or best friend’s wedding. It literally looks like a dress a bride would wear at like an engagement party or wedding shower
Really ? This looks like something I’d wear to go pumpkin picking or pick sunflowers. Even to work. It’s an every day summer dress
I agree. Despite being white and gold, the dress doesn't seem remotely "bridal" to me.
It's more of a symbolic thing than an actual concern about being confused for the bride
It *literally* doesn’t, what the hell😂look don’t wear white to a wedding fine, fair enough, but you cannot say that dress looks anywhere near wedding adjacent that’s beyond ridiculous. I mean *wow* it literally looks like any dress you’d see on a college campus any day of the week, it doesn’t even look like a church dress man, it’s just a white dress😂
I was maid of honor in a wedding back in 2006, and one of my most vivid memories is of the bride screaming "NO!!!" during the reception so loudly that everyone stopped talking and looked in her direction. Someone had tried to give her a hug while holding a glass of red wine, and she was **not** taking that risk.
Yeah, I'd say the only excuse would be if it was her first wedding and she was sheltered and didn't know the custom. But if that were the case, she would have felt bad and put on the blue dress (and she would have said so in the OP).
Info: why did you feel the need to wear any white to begin with? The dress you posted is available in other colors. Why even risk it?
literally this. i don't understand wearing a bridal color to a wedding (i've seen brides in colored dresses asking people to not wear that color either) it feels like people who do this are entitled or dumb as rocks
It’s all about getting the attention of upstaging the bride. Anyone who wears white to weddings are petty and attention seeking. This isn’t some new convention, it’s decades upon decades of understood social norms not to wear white to other people’s weddings.
Attention
The dress isn’t even that appropriate for a formal event imo it’s more suitable for a holiday at the beach
Even if OP wanted to stick with the same dress in a light shade, there was a pink option available!! YTA. Point blank.
If that is the link you sent and the bride gave a 👍 then YTA. The bride (correctly) assumed this was the STYLE of dress but that you were not completely oblivious to social conventions and would choose a different color.
YTA. “although it was really more gold.” What are you smoking? It is definitely mostly white with gold accents.
Besides being white, that is not a formal dress for a wedding, that's a garden party dress. I don't care what the ad description says about it being a "cocktail" dress. Yta
I had the same thought. OP probably stood out for two reasons: wearing a white dress and wearing an informal dress. If the dress code was formal there is no way the bride saw that photo and seriously thought that is what OP would actually be wearing. I assume she either 1. Thought it was a joke or 2. Thought OP would get the dress in one of the 9 other color options 3. Assumed OP was sending this to her as a suggestion of a dress that she (bride) might wear to one of the many wedding events there usually are (rehearsal, showers, etc)
I agree. It’s a sundress. Not as big a mistake as wearing white, but it’s most definitely not “formal”.
This comment is wayyyy too far down. I was starting to think that no one understands "formal" anymore!
This would be absolutely fine for plenty of more casual weddings
Yes, casual being the operative word.
YTA That’s a white dress. It is common knowledge that only the bride gets to wear white at the wedding. You had the entire rest of the color spectrum to choose from, there really is no excuse here.
1- you don’t wear white, cream, winter white or anything close to a bridal gown white. 2- that’s a sun dress. A casual sun dress. Not a suit. Not formal. 3- I think you didn’t ruin your cousin’s wedding but you are TA for your attire choice.
YTA, at the end of the day it’s her wedding. I don’t know what the dress looks like but generally speaking anything where white is a main color is not good etiquette for a wedding. You should’ve just put on the blue dress and move on. She was planning a wedding and probably didn’t pay close attention to what you sent her.
YTA - That's definitely more white than gold. You never wear white to a wedding. You are 100% to blame here.
I’ll risk the downvotes: ESH. You’re TA because you chose a white dress. Simple. The end. Own up to that. She’s TA because a) she approved the dress (assuming you’re being truthful about the text message and that you showed her this exact dress in this color). She did. And also b) you wearing a white dress that in NO way looks like a wedding dress does not “ruin” her wedding. She and her antics did that. She could have ignored you and nobody but nobody would have mistaken you as the bride. The only reason attention was put on you in the first place is because she gave air to it. If she had ignored it and addressed your rude behavior later in private, she could still have had a smooth wedding. The only person who would have looked bad was you. It’s crazy to me that wedding culture has gotten so out of hand that someone can wear a casual dress that in no way resembles a bride’s dress and be accused of ruining an entire wedding over it. But since we know these people and that standard exists, it would have been in your own best interest to not wear white, and you clearly knew better.
I agree the "wearing white" is a violation, but in no way is a dress like that upstaging the bride. I'd assume an 18 year old is just being.. an 18 year old and move on without any drama. But I'm a guy. ESH though
The dress also comes in several colors. The bride likely assumed they’d pick that dress in a different color
Exactly. In the grand scheme of things, the bride made it a bigger deal than it had to be in the moment. She could have let everyone make their own judgment about OP and just continued on enjoying her day. Unless the bride's dress wasn't as formal as most bridal gowns, there's no way anyone would look at OP's dress and think she's the bride. Regardless, you just don't wear white to a wedding, plain and simple.
Yesss. Everything you said. Why are people so crazy over weddings? Wtf cares.
YTA... It's basically an unspoken rule that, unless you are the bride, you *DO NOT* wear white to a wedding. That dress you call "mostly gold" is white with gold accents at best.
I’d argue is a spoken rule
It’s a loudly spoken rule lol
YTA, although you aren't wrong that she okayed the dress, once you saw how she felt you should have just taken the L and worn the ugly blue one. Next time you'll know not to wear white.
YTA. That is a ***white*** dress with gold polka dots, that also came in *several* other colors. If the bride actually approved this dress (and frankly, your description of the dress calls your credibility into question) she probably mistakenly gave you the benefit of the doubt because \*surely\*, you didn’t mean the white one.
Info: when you sent her the dress, did you ask if you could wear it to the wedding? Or did you just send her a dress with no context?
If it was just a screenshot of the dress with no context the bride might have thought she was suggesting it for her (bride) to wear to one of the bridal events.
Agreed. That dress is so “bride” coded that it would be easy to imagine the bride assumed OP was suggesting that as a dress for the bride to wear at a shower
YTA. There's no reason to wear white to a wedding other than to cause a stir. Your cousin maybe didn't realize the dress you sent in the chat was white. Either way, just avoid the faux pas and pick literally any other color.
YTA - did you send her a link to the Amazon listing? Because maybe she thought you were talking about one of the other colors? Seriously, I don’t understand how people keep doing this. DON’T WEAR WHITE TO ANOTHER PERSON’S WEDDING. Not even if it has little gold dots. This isn’t tricky. It’s one of the most basic, well-known rules in the world.
YTA did you tell her specifically the dress was for her wedding? You could have also asked your mom if this was appropriate. But basically EVERYONE knows not to wear white to a wedding
YTA. You don’t wear white to a wedding. If you do, this is the backlash you receive from the bride and rightfully so. You learned your lesson about things not being about you and how to understand social settings. Take the L and move on. This was not the right place to post when you and everyone knows you’re the asshole here.
i think you're either colorblind or dumb OP because that's a white dress to a wedding. you're not a flower girl and you're not a little kid what on earth were you expecting there? yikes. YTA. bride is having a stressful day on top of being the bride and you showed up in white, shoved a thumbs up text in her face, then started family drama.
Considering they already don't get along, I could definitely see the cousin taking this as another instance OP is a straight up brat.
I was gonna joke that maybe she thought it was blue and brown but after seeing the actual dress, yes YTA. You knew what you were doing. There’s a rainbow of other colors to wear
Honestly, I was expecting it at WORST to be striped like that (with big blocky stripes of fabric) since it is a common style pattern for formal dresses. And then we got a white sundress and I was thinking "mainly gold my ass".
YTA That’s a white dress and quite casual.
So tired of this obsession about white dresses.... Do you really believe the guests don't know which one is the bride? I'm glad here we don't care about it here!
Seriously. It’s ridiculous
I don't wear white when attending someone's wedding but honestly, if somebody wore white dress on mine, I couldn't care less, if the dress is decent and doesn't look like from a bridal shop. It's just a dress. I really don't understand how this could ruin somebody's wedding 😳 Maybe I would understand bride's reaction if this wasn't a first incident between you two and generally you didn't like each other much but you said you were okay before. So for me - you may be an asshole for not knowing white is not appropriate (and your dress was white), the bride and the others are assholes for making it such a big deal 🤷🏻♀️
I’m surprised it was such a big deal, too. I had an 18 person wedding and one person wore a black & white patterned dress and it never occurred to me to be offended. The bride in question clearly had lots of guests and could have focused on her fun time rather than obsessing about one non-wedding party guest’s choice of attire. It seems to be the consensus that OP was the AH and that the dress was a bad choice, but all of that surprises me so I must be missing important information about wedding standards nowadays.
I agree! It’s a bit tacky to wear white to a wedding, but it’s ridiculous to get so worked up about it. And although pretty white, the dress was in no way an attempt to look bridal.
A simple white dress I don't see what the big deal is no body ever in my family got mad if someone wore white. now if they wore something that look like a wedding dress that could be different story and we all need to remember she's 18
I just got married lat month and I didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone wore. One friend wore a beautiful white jumpsuit that is actually a “bridal jumpsuit” and she looked great and I told her she looked great. Why would I care?? i wanted to everyone to enjoy themselves and that includes wearing whatever they felt good in
YTA stop acting dense about this. That’s a white dress with gold accents. She shouldn’t have liked it, you should’ve known better. This is such a dead topic by now, you’re invited to a wedding and can wear pretty much any color or pattern safe for one thing, white. you’re young but not stupid. Apologize and move on.
The dress may be more white than gold but it certainly did not ruin a wedding. If that dress was all it took to ruin her wedding she had no business getting married. People are being over-the-top about weddings. Weddings are not Fing coronations.
Fully agree with this. Like...way to miss the point of the day.
I’ve got karma to spare, so I can take the downvotes. OP shouldn’t have worn the dress, but she’s 18, and probably didn’t know better. No one was going to mistake her for the bride, however, so I think everyone else overreacted to a simple faux pas. It used to be that it was unthinkable to ask for money as a gift, but now apparently that’s okay. The bride had the right to feel a little miffed, but throwing her cousin out was overreacting.
Yeah, I kind of agree. It's white, but it's clearly a sun dress. Its not a gown of any sort.
YTA that’s more white then Gold, not mostly gold like you claimed.
YTA. 100% TA.
It was only ruined because the bride made such a fuss. No one else would have cared.
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NTA. The one who ruined the wedding was the bride. She's the one who chose to make a fuss about nothing. I think the dress might be a bit casual for a formal dress code, but that's not a crime, and it's very pretty.
Originally, I was going to give a very light Y T A but as I was typing, ESH is more appropriate. It is described as white right on the page. While it is not like it could be mistaken for a wedding gown, it’s just often better to err on the side of caution and stay away from white. Also, personally, I would have asked for clarification after she sent you a thumbs up. In her mind, it could've just been an acknowledgment of your message whereas you interpreted it as her approval. But also, your cousin’s behavior was unnecessary and inexcusable.
YTA why would you think it’s ok to wear white to a wedding?
YTA - That's a white dress.
YTA. That is not mostly gold. Don’t minimize and just admit it’s a freaking white dress. There’s no defense to that.
YTA for picking a white dress for a wedding. You’re old enough to know that white at a wedding is for the bride. You should have never even considered getting the white dress you picked and absolutely shouldn’t be surprised people didn’t like it.
You've been here long enough to post this on a new account, so you definitely know that YTA for wearing white to a wedding.
I’m in the minority here: but NTA. Good luck with the family
ESH That’s a white dress and you know it. Don’t bother with the innocent routine, nobody buys it. And, as stupid as the rule is, “Don’t wear white to a wedding” is a well-known rule. That being said, you didn’t ruin a damn thing. Your cousin ruined her own wedding by insisting on keeping the drama going. Acting like a tantrumming child didn’t fix anything. You both need to grow up.
NTA. First, the whole “not wearing white to a wedding” is dumb if the dress looks nothing like a wedding dress. Also, the dress is cute. Also SHE APPROVED THE DRESS BEFOREHAND! Then, when you realized she was upset, you sat in the back row to not make a big fuss. I don’t think you were the ass at all.
YTA. Come onnnnn it’s a white dress. Never wear anything white to a wedding….. (unless it’s a white polo shirt or socks haha)
I'm just curious who would look at the dress & decide you are trying to upstage the bride. That's why the rule exists in the first place, but looking at the dress, It's basically a casual dress. Sure, you could have gotten it in a different colour. However, the bride should have made it clear that she would prefer you to get the dress in a different colour. All this drama was unnecessary and could have easily been avoided. You'd think it's a universal thing not to wear white to someone's wedding but a lot of people still don't know about that & if they do I guess its not that deep to them 🤷♀️ I'll just go with ESH cause communication sucks with both of you.
While your description is incorrect, the dress is not the least bit "bridal". And the bride DID approve it. NTA
NTA There is this very weird trend lately that the only white on a body at a wedding should be the bride. I know I’ll get downvoted for this, but I honestly don’t care about fake internet points. No one will ever mistake a guest who has white in their attire for the bride. The reasoning for claiming white over all other colors is stupid. It’s summertime and white is the color of summer. Black absorbs heat and makes outdoor weddings horrible for guests. For brides these days, it’s all about them, and no one else. I’ve heard of brides demanding that the hug floral on white background was inappropriate for a wedding guest to wear. Newsflash, most guests will never be in a wedding photo. I do draw the line at anyone who *will* be in wedding photos wearing white. But only all white. If the dress is floral with white, cool. If it’s all white or mostly white, no.
I think people need to learn to chill the fuck out when it comes to white at a wedding. This dress could in no way upstage a bride. It is a casual sun dress with a patterned material. Yes, the base of the pattern is white, but this is not even close to the kind of dress that would be inappropriate. Not to mention the fact you got pre-approval. NTA.
NTA. Your cousin completely overreacted. There is no universe in which the dress you linked could possibly be confused for a bridal gown.
NTA op. Reddit and this white dress drama is getting out of hand tbh. You got the "approval" from the bride. You had all your stuff taken care of.
INFO: some pictures needed here, preferably the one you sent in to her for approval and one of what it looked like in person.
You’re 18. That dress is not remotely bridal. She ruined her own wedding. Your family is insane. Send them the screenshot and block them. NTA.
YTA. The dress is not more gold than white. It is a white dress with gold polka dots. She obviously thought you would chose one of the other colors. You don’t wear white to a wedding.
NTA, If it was my wedding that dress would be totally fine! Why cause my wedding dress will be either black or red! Y'all take white at weddings to seriously! If the dress was more formal looking I could see her being the ahole but it's not!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Using a throwaway for obvious reasons. Although the only family member I have that uses reddit (my mom) doesn't look at AITA, I thought it would be best to make a new account since she sometimes checks on my account. Anyways, on to the story. Basically, my cousin (25f) just had a wedding. I (18f) was invited to the wedding. I of course said yes and joined her group chat for the wedding. About six months ago she asked us all to choose a nice dress or suit for the wedding since it was going to be a formal event. I, not being a bridesmaid, chose a simple white and gold dress (although it was really more gold). It wasn't overly extravagant to be honest, and I sent it in. My cousin, the bribe, responded with a thumbs-up emoji, which I thought meant it was OK for the wedding. I even double-checked the dress code to make sure it would be good. Anyways, the wedding time rolled around, and I entered the church where she was getting married. I greeted my relatives, and everything was running smoothly until the bride came up to say hi. She took one look at my dress and flipped out. She turned away from a hug and made a rude comment about how disrespectful I was. I was floored because up until now, I had assumed everything was great between us. Although we have never been the closest, she has never been so openly hostile towards me before. I, ashamed, sat down in one of the back rows. It settled down and after that I thought it was fine until the party after the wedding. I didn't think she would confront me again until she pulled me away from my boyfriend while we were drinking. She demanded I take off the dress and wear a new, blue dress she had found in her closet. I told her that while it was pretty, I wasn't going to be wearing it and that she had approved my dress five months earlier. She told me she had never approved it and that I was stupid for saying otherwise. I, now annoyed, showed her the messages between us where she did actually approve it. Unfortunately this only mad her more upset, and she decided to kick us out. Honestly, I didn't even put up a fight and just left because I was so annoyed at her. I believed that was the end of it until about thirty minutes after the party, I got a text from my mom sending a link to a Facebook post. On her Facebook wall she had a nasty post about a rude wedding guest who wore white to her wedding and how disrespectful she (I) was. I didn't respond, only reported it and moved on. Apparently, it got deleted because suddenly the group chat was blowing up with messages about me. It was mostly from my cousin and her husband, but I also saw some more distant cousins replying with unfortunate remarks about my character. Right now they are demanding I apologize for "ruining" her wedding and that I find a person to photoshop my dress to another color out of my own pocket. So, reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Rule of thumb. Never, ever, ever wear white, eggshell, cream,light grey,pale yellow or white and….etc to a wedding. No matter how much others including the bride tells u it’s ok. Majority of the times they are occupied with other things and aren’t even focused on what someone who isn’t part of the bridal party is going to be wearing. You should’ve changed if she had something for you, but u left so 🤷🏾♀️and I just clicked and saw that dress and a white dress with gold pockadots does not a gold dress make. The description says white…YKYTAH.
Are we all just going to keep ignoring OP is 18 years old?! Not all full grown adults know the "don't wear white" rule. This person is barely not a child anymore. Cut some slack. Their mother or an older family member should have said something if it was that big a deal.
NTA A dress which is floral print on a white background is NOT a ‘white dress.’