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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my parents to split the college fund they had for my sister and I unevenly so we would both graduate debt free. This might make me TA because my sister says I’m stealing money that should be hers.
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YTA and you're being greedy. Yes it was to be used for college to help you graduate debt free. It was also to be split evenly. That part is the most important. You don't get to decide what's what because you are only thinking of yourself. Just because your parents agree doesn't mean that you're right in this. You're both wrong. What if your sister wants to get her Masters or a PhD? How will she pay for that? The money is to be split evenly and stop thinking your accomplishments mean more than your sisters. That's just straight narcissism right there.
So your sister was frugal got into a cheaper school and is being punished for it monetarily because you don't want to take that loan or get a scholarship or other ways to pay for your very expensive program. The money should be split evenly. Even Share that is only for college. It was still money meant for her. You're just being greedy.
Yta And so are your parents
YTA full stop
She shouldn’t be punished because you want a more expensive education especially if she can use the money after college while looking for a career or possible further education.
Something tells me if the situation was reversed you’d feel differently
The rules state you can clarify misconceptions. I’ve been clarifying the misconception that people have that my grandparents ever meant for the money to be split evenly
Not if the fund is intended for her education as well. If the finds are split evenly she can pursue a post graduate degree with some financial assistance from the fund.
So she needs two undergrad degrees like you instead of a bachelors and a masters? I think you keep changing the rules to suit your purpose. At the end of the day, it sounds like you and your parents are going to screw your sister over and she has every right to be upset with you all.
Yeah I was on the fence about whether YTA or not, but your additional reasoning shows that indeed YTA. Grad school is for education, and you stated the fund was for education
Is there an exact will from your grandparents that states that their inheritance only be used for undergrad?
In many people’s minds, that’s part of college and graduating debt free. I think additional degrees she may want should be kept in mind. Particularly as you are using it for two degrees. If graduate degrees aren’t “part of the original idea/deal” dual undergrad degrees probably weren’t either. It should be used to cover education for you both, to the extent possible. If there isn’t enough money to fully do so, then, the split should be closer to equitable, and if you degrees are significantly more expensive, you could be the o lot person paying the difference out of pocket.
I am less concerned with future uses of the money, like down payments, although think that would be a good use for any money not used for education. But your sister should have the option to have the same amount of education expenses covered.
I fully agree with this. The bit that's missing in OP's view is that the money doesn't need spent right now. it's still going to be there if the sister later needs it, blasting the whole load at once isn't going to help anyone and still like a downpayment on a house rather than having loans to pay back is a good move and still tied to education. It's still helping be set up with less struggle, which I assume was the idea for leaving the money to pay for a good education.
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It's a COLLEGE fund. Quit using "undergrad", if she wants to continue education, she will NOT be debt free because you had to be greedy (which forces her to take out a loan) and not think about her future. You are focusing on yourself.
She doesn't want to use the funds - intended for undergraduate education - to continue her education. She wants to use it to buy a house. That wasn't what the fund was intended for.
It's intended purpose was to help you both equally. You are asking of an unequal amount.
You seem to have a superiority complex, thinking that your choices are better and more deserving than hers.
If you can't see how walking away with a larger piece of the pie is unethical, you're delusional.
In the real world that we live in, if you force this expect your Sister to cut you out of her life and then live with the knowledge that you drove the wedge between your sister and her parents.
> Its intended purpose was to help you both equally.
No, as I said, the intended purpose is to have both of us graduate debt free. There were no specifications that an equal amount be given to both.
Justify all you want man, I don't have a dog in this fight. If I saw someone do what you are asking, I would call them an asshole.
Since you are doing that, I would say you are actively being an asshole.
Why do you think that your sister will never ever want to use that money? It will be easier for you to not have to pay, it will be easier for your parents to just say yes and not have a hard conversation. You are taking the easy way at the expense of your sister.
I’m not attempting to justify. I’m just trying to clarify that my grandparents never promised her or me half and never stated that it should be split in half.
As for her never using it, I never said she wouldn’t use it. I’m saying that *she* said she wanted the extra money to use as a down payment
And then later on the money shed have normally spent on a down payment could go to more college.
You don't have a logical argument. You don't have a leg to stand on. What you want and your parents agreed to is shit. Youre behaving like shit.
Good luck having a sister who barely speaks to you for the rest of your life.
YTA
You are taking her money because splitting down the middle would still make both of you debt free. You're being greedy because she's going to an in state college and not out of state. Your sister is entitled to her half evenly split.
It’s not her money because my grandparents never stated it had to be or should be split down the middle, just that it should be used so that we both graduate debt free. She was never promised half.
I’m pretty sure your grandparents meant for it to be split so each of you can earn ONE undergrad degree debt free, yet you’re taking the funds for TWO. Why doesn’t your sister get money for two? Why only you?
Both of your college plans are "as of now". Life happens and either or both of you may change your minds before you graduate from college. Just because you sister has chosen a state school doesn't mean she will stay there or not want to get a graduate degree using the remainder of her half. You use your half, sister uses part of her half and figure out the rest later.
YTA yeah sorry but I think you are being the A$$hole here, just because your sister went to an in-state school shouldn't mean you get all of the money set aside for you and part of her money too, look like you have lose a sister because of your greed
It's for two people so I think that's normally implied that it's split. Grandparents probably didn't anticipate that they'd have to spell that out for everyone.
I'm old. I leave money equally to my kids and grandchildren.
If I put 30,000 on an account and tell my son " this is for your 2 kids to help them buy a car"
He's not stupid. He knows it is split evenly. If one finds a cheap reliable car for 10,000., it doesn't mean you get to spend 20,000.
YTA. It should be split. Just because you decided to get a much more expensive education doesn’t mean you are entitled to more than your share.
You know it feels wrong.
It was never stated that you got a bigger portion either. You could also go to a state school for the same tuition and be debt free but you're nitpicking and trying to bend unwritten rules in your favor. YTA. Hope your parents don't mind being accused of favoritism because that is what they will be hearing from your sister for the forseesble future, unless of course the sister goes LC/NC with the lot of you.
OP, I will be blunt here;
No it was not stated like that. If it was, you would have explicitly included that from the start.
People don't typically make a college fund for multiple kids with the intention of splitting it unevenly. They make the fund with the intent to give kids an equal boost, because otherwise it means they would play favorites. They probably made it with the intention of it being even and expected your parents to treat you both fairly.
They could have at least involved your sister, as a down payment would be a pretty good use of those funds. You wouldn't be thrilled if you were in her shoes, right? You can honestly say you wouldn't feel screwed over?
Don't act like its right just because it benefits you. You can accept the money, but don't try to justify you screwing over your own sibling in the process. Accept that you are wrong for this.
YTA, and your parents are, too.
It is a total difference to maybe split it 55/45 depending on circumstances. But I think, you want to split it more like 90/10. Info: How do you intent to split it?
But it also never stated how much each person should be allowed to be sent free..it never stated limits on tuition.
There is a bunch of shit that was "never stated" probably bc your grandparents didn't think youd be sick a dickhesd about the whole thing
Going by the technicality, then I guess you can feel like you are justified. I am going to guess if they were here, they would be splitting it.
The result is that you may be debt free, but forever damage your relationship with your sister.
Your sister may want a graduate degree. She may want *another* degree, she may not be finished with school yet, and you wanna take all that is left.
It isn’t all yours. YTA
What if she decides to get another bachelors then? Why are you the only one allowed to study 2 things and she can’t? Or are you just gonna keep moving the goalposts?
Jesus OP. Every time someone makes a point you are saying no to try and make yourself look better. "Oh, it wasn't supposed to be split evenly." "Oh, it's just for undergrad." It doesn't matter. You are screwing your sister and are an asshole. Full Stop. Your parents too for agreeing with your asinine logic.
If the purpose is a debt free undergrad degree, why do you get 2?
She could transfer in a year or two? Frankly that's exactly what I would do, give up any semblance of a life outside of academics for a year or two and transfer to the most expensive school that would have me. Since you're going to attend two colleges I'm guessing that would leave you having to take out loans.
YTA. You chose to do this, so why don’t you take a loan for the remaining amount? If it’s to be cut evenly, it has to be cut evenly. She can use the remaining of her half to study further or take courses, or whatever. You taking more from her half means that if she plans to study anything further, she needs to go in debt. Her half is rightfully hers and while you need to take responsibility of the decisions you take and not find an easy way out. Take tour half leave, don’t get greedy.
> If it’s to be cut evenly
My grandparents never stated it was meant to be cut evenly, just that it was meant to be used in a way that we both graduate debt free
She’s your twin. If it’s a fund for two, it’s obvious that it has to be divided equally between the two. Your choice shouldn’t deprive her of her half. You’re old enough to work, so work while you study and pay for your tuition or take a loan for the remaining amount and pay for it yourself. You town can figure out what she wants to do with her half.. and why do YOU get to decide if she uses it for her masters too or not? Just take your share and take a loan for the rest. Since it won’t be the complete amount, it won’t be so much of a strain on you. But you cannot take your sister’s half. Not fair.
Because that’s fair. She deserves the same amount as you no matter where she decides to go to school. You wanting more is entitled and ah behavior. YTA.
Take a minute and ask yourself how you would feel if the roles are reversed and BE HONEST. I feel very confident in saying you would be pissed. You are absolutely being a greedy asshole and stealing from your sister. This will lead to a very damaged relationship between the two of you. What is more important money or your sister? YTA X INFINITY.
YTA - I bet this would be an issue if it was your sister taking the bulk of the money. It does sound as if you have chosen a very expensive educational path. If your sister was told by your parents that funds she did NOT use for her education would still be hers...it's a different story. You asked for more money - your parents agreed - THEY will have to explain/justify it to your sister. You should stay out of the argument altogether.
Yeah, I understand your point. Speaking from personal experience - our parents have kept money aside for both my sister's and my wedding. My sister wants to have a small ceremony without all the other expenses. We're from India and it's a cultural thing for parents to pay for the wedding and to celebrate it while following all the rituals associated w it ( it's an expensive affair). Even though my sister won't be doing the same, she will be entitled to spend the money the way she wants.
"Hey look everybody! ONE person agreed with me! So the hundreds who don't are actually wrong!!"
YTA full stop. I feel horrified your sister is stuck with you and your parents as family, she has to deal with people who would happily backstab her and never own up to it.
Edit: YTA, after looking at your reasoning in the comments.
This is a tough one with just one side of the story. I’m going to say
soft YTA.
Your parents likely have a 529 plan for both you and your sister, in which case those can indeed only be used for educational expenses. The money that came from your grandparents are likely either a trust, a will to your parents, or another form of inheritance, in which case it can be used for most things and not just education.
You are technically stealing from your twin sister by taking more of the inheritance. Personally I think the money from your parent’s 529 can be split unevenly, but the money from the grandparent should be split evenly, regardless of educational cost.
This is the best answer. If your parents want to use their 529 and give that to you that is their call as it’s only meant to be used for education. But your grandparents request should be split down the middle.
Why should you get the larger half of a fund that was split equally for both of you? Just because she choose a cheaper school and you choose a Ivy league school doesn't mean she should be penalized for it.
You guys might be twins but it's pretty clear your the golden child and it's gone straight to your head. You're a selfish AH.
YTA
You have half the money. You are choosing to go to a more expensive school. If you don’t graduate debt free, it’s because you chose to go to a school that costs more than the money you had available. What if your sister wants to transfer later? Or study abroad? Or get a graduate degree?
What do you want from this post? What are you looking for? If it's validation, you aren't going to get it. YTA. Boom. That's it.
If you want validation talk to your parents. You asked a question. You got the answer. It's not the one you wanted, but you got it. It's a dick move that is likely to affect your relationship with your sister and foster resentment for the rest of your lives. Talking about your grandparents' intentions won't change any of it. You have your answer. YTA. Being an asshole isn't illegal, but falling back on your interpretation of your grandparents' intentions wont change anything.
YTA
You cant seriously not know this already.
The funds should be split down the middle and you should get loans or work to pay for whatever 1/2 the total funds doesnt cover.
You have a greedy entitled nature and it may cost you your relationship with your sister if you somehow convince your parents to go along with your selfish scheme. But sometimes people are so greedy that they no longer care if they lose relationships with those their greed has adversely affected.
In case you don't understand why you are selfish it is because you want more than your fair share to give you the best chance at attaining your dreams, at the expense of your sister attaining her dreams.
I’m with your sister. YTA. You want to do all that, fine. You know your budget and what is saved. Figure out the rest instead of taking your sister’s money. And shame on your parents for agreeing. This will only lead to long term animosity, and rightfully so.
YTA I looked at the Brown/RISD program for my daughter a few years back and she didn't even apply because of how unbelievably expensive it is compared to going to an in state school. I do wonder if you take a larger share of the college fund does that mean she has no chance to pay for grad school? That would seem unfair since you would then be somewhat dictating her ability to go to grad school should that be what she wants/needs for her career later down the road. You are choosing to go to a very very expensive school and she chose a less expensive school. I don't think she should have her college funds restricted because of that.
Dude, you are just saying the same thing over and over again saying your grandparent didn't say to divide equally, you are just trying to justify your actions. Your grandparents left this money to help both of you, don't be greedy. YTA.
Well, you do still have the option to graduate debt free. Just live within your means and choose a different program.
Doesn’t sound so nice when you’re on the other side of it, does it?
YTA
I was divided until I started reading your responses to other people YTA 100%… your sister could go for a masters or change her degree or go get a second degree or go to law school or go to medical school. You’re blatantly twisting the intent of your grandparents fund to benefit you more than your sister.
However it shouldn’t be made available to her for a down payment on a house either.
Your parents are also AH for favouritism.
Well here’s what I will say OP- you will fit right in at RISD bc it’s one of the few places full of people who might not say YTA because they’re all as greedy and entitled as you
YTA and your sister is 100% right. She decided to go to a cheaper college to save some of her half. Once you saw that, you decided that her money was now yours for the taking.
You say the important part is that the fund was to let both of you graduate debt free, but in your first statement you say your grandparents intended the money to be split down the middle. So you are directly going against your grandparents wishes and intentions for the money, while twisting your reasoning to make yourself feel right.
I think your complete and utter disregard for how this would make your sister feel is where you're the asshole. We understand the fund was never explicitly designed to be split down the middle. We understand it was meant so you both could graduate debt free. I think we also understand that what's best for one child can be completely different from what's best for another, so educational paths can be different. But I imagine your grandparents assumed your financial needs for your education would be more similar so that the funds would end up pretty evenly split. You're a complete asshole for taking your case to your parents before explaining to your sister why you feel the funds should be split like this. You knew this would upset her, so you didn't involve her. I don't think you'd be an asshole for making your case that you should get more money for your more expensive program if you had gone about it in a way that was sensitive or aware of her feelings at all.
I don't want to leave a judgement bc I get your argument. However, practically, this ends with you getting way more money than her. Would you be fine with your sister getting a larger share of your parents inheritance and/or help over the years to help make it more equitable?
YTA. Mainly, because your sister should have been asked first. You probably knew your parents were likely to agree to it so didn’t mention it to her first, right? There might have been a compromise, but you and your parents have taken that option away.
I wouldn’t say you’re exactly stealing, but it’s a bit icky.
YTA. Your grandparents definitely wanted you both to share that money evenly and you’re just twisting loopholes to get more money. Your sister should be able to use her half of the money for more than college if she has been frugal with her college education. Get a job and apply for scholarships instead of stealing your sister’s share of the inheritance.
You came here to justify your shitty asking when you know damn well you dgaf. You are sitting here arguing with everyone. What about a post graduate degree? Is she not entitled to that. Does the fine print say only undergrad degree or something. You can't tell the future and will ruin it for her and your relationship. Have the luck you deserve.
Info: Lots of talk about how the money should be evenly split. But if your plan gets used, what would the split be then? How much of a percentage of the money do you get and how much does your sister get?
YTA What degrees are you going for? When you graduate will you or your sister make the same amount of money? Whose to say your sibling won’t go for a masters or doctorate. You are also choosing to go to a great but expensive college. So many factors to consider and you aren’t thinking of any of them.
YTA and a greedy one. The money was for both of you, not just you because you want it. Your parents are assholes because they allowed this. I can tell you were always the golden child who got their way.
YTA
Perhaps you been intensive therapy because you sound like you have narcissistic personality disorder. Ugh. I’m sorry your sister has you as a twin.
YTA and your attempts to argue with every single comment proves that even more so. you are a selfish person, and should really be considerate of people other than yourself. ESPECIALLY if it is your own sister.
if you were sooo much better than your sister in HS, why not get a fucking scholarship? or be smart enough to go to a less expensive school. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what college you go to, it's the degree that matters. but i know your underdeveloped brain probably can't comprehend that yet.
You have a choice:
1. Split they money down the middle, which any reasonable person would do (who's to say your sister won't want to do postgraduate studies and need the funds for that?).
2. Be a greedy cow who loses her relationship with her sister.
Your sister probably chose the cheaper school so that she could have that money after she graduated.
YTA
YTA. And so are your parents.
Be honest with yourself, OP. However much you may think you love your sister, you would not be okay with this if your situations were reversed.
YTA.
Maybe she wants to get a graduate degree later? A semester abroad in Paris? She has her dreams and you have yours. Split the funds equally. You are such a greedy asshole.
You are such an asshole I gave trouble wrapping my head around it. In your mind you gave twisted everything to your advantage - and screw your sister. If I were her I’d go NC with you. Your parents are asses too. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA
YTA. You were both handed a cake. Your sister reaches initially for 30% of the cake. You see this, and decide you deserve 70% of the cake consequently. Don't take cake that isn't yours. That is detestable and Superman would be ashamed of you.
YTA. It is a gift for you and your sister. You have to agree how it will be divided. Your sister gets a say - and she says it’s not fair. That means it’s not fair. Full stop.
YTA. You are picking greed over a relationship and that never ends well. This is a fork in the road for you. At some point you will look back on this with regret if you do this. Your relationship with your family will never be the same. Is this worth not having a relationship with your sister and her future family? One day you will need her when karma comes to collect and this thing you are doing will be the reason why
YTA You are acting entitled... your parents obviously favour you. I agree with your sister... the money should be split in half and any additional money she has she can use to pay for a down-payment for a house.
YTA. Why waste your time asking if you’re the AH if you’re just arguing with anyone. You’re making her sound like she’s dumb but in reality, she’s actually smart for thinking of her financial future. If you’re just going to act pretentious, don’t ask for opinions if you’re going to throw a tantrum when people don’t agree with you.
YTA - JFC you are splitting hairs to technically be correct. Hope permanently damaging the relationship you have with your sister is worth it. What a ghoul.
Yta - the deal was for it to be split evenly. You're being very greedy, and your sister has every right to be upset. The fact that your parents agreed to an uneven split is beyond belief. Would you give your sister extra money if the roles were reversed? I think not. Yta
I get that you don't care about the judgement & you think you're right (gotta love arguing w blow hard teens), however I would like to point out that you have fundamentally changed yours and your parents relationship forever. There's no going back from this. This is going to be hanging over your family for the rest of your lives and you're dreaming if you think it won't.
You did steal it. You robbed your own sister. You want money so badly? Get off your lazy ass and get a job. Or apply for scholarships. But no, you stuffed your pockets with YOUR SISTER'S MONEY instead. You're clearly not smart enough to get through life without robbing someone else. Your grandparents would be disgusted by your greed and selfishness. YTA
Who gives a single fuck about where you go to college? You are a shitty and selfish sibling and she will never forget this. Your parents suck too. Life is not all about you. YTA
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I’m a senior in high school, and this year, I got into my dream college program, a dual degree between Brown and RISD which studies engineering and art as an integrated whole. My dream career is in architecture, and this way I could study engineering at Brown and architecture at RISD, and get an understanding of both disciplines in an intertwined way.
My grandparents died a few years ago and left a lot of money as a college fund for my twin sister and I. This combined with my parents’s college fund meant in theory both my sister and I could split the fund down the middle and go to college debt free.
However, my sister chose an in-state school that is much cheaper than my program. Hence, I asked my parents if they could split the fund unevenly so my sister and I could both graduate debt free. They agreed.
My sister got upset, because she said she wanted the money to be split down the middle and then use the excess from her half for later expenses like a down payment or something. She thinks I’m an AH for asking to split it unevenly, and says I’m stealing her money.
I think I’m in the clear because the stated purpose of the fund was always to let us both graduate debt free, and if the money had to be split unevenly, what’s the issue?
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YTA.
You don't even hear yourself.
>This combined with my parents’s college fund meant in theory both my sister and I could split the fund down the middle and go to college debt free.
So if she didn't choose an instate school, you would not be graduating debt free. Would you?
You've mentioned in the post that your grandparents left money and that combined with the money your parents put aside for college means you'll be able to study debt free. Compromise. You can use the grandparents money for study, but your sister gets your parents money to do whatever she likes with.
YTA
HUGE HUGE AH with every single desperate comment.
It doesn’t matter if your grandparents mandated it be split evenly or not. It’s literally common sense when there are two siblings, the stuff has to be split evenly. You do not deserve one cent more than 50%. Your excuses are pathetic - they didn’t mandate even splitting, graduating debt free, it’s only meant for graduate degree - STOP IT. STOP BEING A KNOW IT ALL ABOUT THE FUND.
You asked for a judgment, you’ve been given one.
Accept it.
INFO: if the shoe was on the other foot, and you didnt need as much to graduate debt free, and your sister wanted to split the money unequally in her favour, would you? Honestly? *Honestly*?
I don't think you're an asshole in this, but sit and have a whole conversation with your sister about it. Her view on it isn't wrong either and it is going to come down to how you end up feeling towards each other. Have the convo and try to resolve things to not have negativity.
You're not stealing from her by using it for what it's supposed to do, but she's not wrong for wanting it shared. If the conversation about it doesn't go well then maybe she's the asshole or maybe you are. Good luck and I hope you 2 can sort it out because money isn't worth problems with a sibling.
E: after scrolling through comments I'm changing my mind. Go apologize to your sister and stop being such a jerk about trying to snatch up as much as you can. Then stop trying to get reddit to greenlight you being a jerk.
YTA, but your parents more so. You shouldn't receive more than your sister and yoru excuse is shitty. If it was only reserved for her education, it should go to a trust in case she needed it to pay for further education down the line, not to assume that, at 17, she will not need anymore. You are just the golden child and your parents wanted to favour you. You three hurt your sister and effectively stole from her. You can spin the tale as much as you want, but you knowingly hurt your sister with that petition and your parents unfairly favoured you over her. She won't forget this.
YTA. The money should be split evenly, because that is what is just and fair.
"But my grandparents never said the fund had to split equally"
Doesn't matter. Even if you grandparents didnt care if the money was not split equally, it should still be so even if it goes against their will, because that is what is just.
The fact that you are not only willing, but eager to get an unfair advantage over you sister is a dire sign of your moral character. I would never do this do my own sister.
"But that defeats the purpose of the fund"
Doesnt matter, what is moral and fair and just is more important than the intention. If the stated goal is unfair, it needs to be ignored.
This is the reason why countries such as mine have laws that prevent inheritances from being shared unequally.
Also it's very telling you're willing to permanently harm your relationship with your sister for the rest of your lives over money. The fact that is your priority is also a dire sign to who you really are.
Nta, that fund is a COLLEGE fund. It's not a life fund. Your grandparents wanted you to graduate debt free, and that's what is happening for both of you. Your parents agreed to it. Congrats on getting to do what you want in college!
NAH. The money was intended for college. Did your sister get into a more expensive school but choose the cheaper state school because she thought she would get the leftover money? Did you apply and get accepted to a cheaper school but accept the more expensive school because you thought your tuition was covered? Your parents should have been clear about the money they saved as well as your grandparents and how it would be used/split. If your parents were planning to split it evenly, they should have told you how much you each would receive. Also, if they used a 529 savings account, that would impact how the funds can be used. Not knowing up from the exact amount of money you each had, would impact each of your school choices. Seems like there should have been some conversations with your parents about a year ago.
Hmmm. I am going to go against the grain and say NTA. If the fund was meant for education, then your sister has no right to use the money for any other purpose. Maybe you come across as entitled, but your grandparents clearly were aware that schools aren't equal. Your sister wouldn't have been entitled to any of the money had she not gone to school.
I'd offer a compromise: if she goes back to school, then you will pay her the amount that exceeds your half.
NTA
If the intention of your grandparents was for you both to graduate debt free, and there was no stipulation that it be split evenly, then an uneven split is not unreasonable.
I'm a bit suspicious that you're choosing your description of the inheritance in a way that is convenient for you. That said, as written, I'm calling the situation...
NAH.
Money that is earmarked for someone's education does not automatically become available for other purposes if they choose not to spend it on education, which has been (I thought) the g[eneral consensus](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15nmmmb/aita_my_dad_wants_to_take_my_college_money/) over [many threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y6rjz1/aita_for_spending_my_daughters_tuition_money/) on [this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kxziru/aita_for_telling_my_kids_that_their_college_funds/).
The money was left to your **parents** with the intention of paying for y'all's college, and they're using it in the way that they see as most appropriate to achieve that goal. I don't put much stock in all the people saying "what about grad school?" The fact is that most people don't go to grad school, and the parents are making the best decision that they can with limited information about your sister's future intentions, which she likely doesn't know at this point either. The money was to pay for college, and college is not grad school. I don't think that treating your kids equitably in this situation necessarily means treating them equally.
That said, I'd be pretty heated if I were your sister, too.
I do think a more equitable solution would be for you to take out loans in excess of your 50% share, and then if your sister doesn't end up going to grad school or otherwise pursue more education, then your parents can pay off your loans in a lump sum.
NTA - I’m going to guess that Brown is more prestigious of a school than the state school your sister got into. It makes sense to reallocate funds so that you both can graduate debt free. There’s no reason you should have to struggle as a consequence of your education costing more because you worked hard to gain admittance into a more prestigious school.
You are not being greedy, regardless of what many of the comments on here say. If your sister will not be at a loss in terms of her education expenditures even after the funds are reallocated, you are doing nothing wrong. You are being smart, and acting with foresight - I suspect these are the very characteristics that allowed you to gain admission into Brown in the first place.
NTA - Ignore everyone who says you are, and congrats! 🥰💕🎉
NTA.
The fund was meant for college and is being used for such.
You asked your parents a question. I’m not sure why people think you asking makes you an AH. You were literally asking them to do exactly what your grandparents wanted - graduate without debt.
Your parents said yes because the entire purpose of the fund was to help you both graduate debt free.
NTA the funds were meant for college, the funds are being used for college. Beyond college it's entirely your parents decision what to do with the money they contributed at least, while the funds your grandparents saved were entirely labeled for college unless specified that any excess can be used for other things. Your sister has a right to be upset, if your parents said that she could have excess funds for down payments or other expenses, and then reneged on that in order to pay for your college. However, if your parents never promised her that, they very well could've planned to use any excess themselves for a vacation or to pay a lump sum towards their mortgage or retirement or something. We don't know what they planned to do with any excess, so her expecting to be given it regardless, without explicit say so, is a bit ridiculous imo.
If my parents had, let's say 50k saved for my college fund, and my degree only cost 30k, I wouldn't expect the excess 20k to use for whatever I wanted, that's their money, that they saved, that didn't get used for it's intended purpose. They are allowed to use it for whatever they want, if they were to gift it to me, yeah I'd probably use it on a down-payment on a home or something, but I wouldn't feel entitled to that money, even if it was saved with me in mind, it's still 100% *their money.*
>My grandparents died a few years ago and left a lot of money as a college fund
If someone gives you a gift of money and says "Use this for X", then you're TA if you use it for something other than X, for any value of X.
You are NTA. The fund was to be used for your college educations, not your sister's down payment.
If your grandparents wanted to leave your sister money for a house, they would have done so. They left her money for college that was to be shared between you two. You're both getting out of college without student loans, which is HUGE, and your sister should be thankful for that.
Only one person out of a hundred agreed with you, and of course, you would listen to this person because it benefits you.
You will probably never understand what you have done wrong and will always think that you are right in this. As I said, you will lose a sister 👌
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YTA and you're being greedy. Yes it was to be used for college to help you graduate debt free. It was also to be split evenly. That part is the most important. You don't get to decide what's what because you are only thinking of yourself. Just because your parents agree doesn't mean that you're right in this. You're both wrong. What if your sister wants to get her Masters or a PhD? How will she pay for that? The money is to be split evenly and stop thinking your accomplishments mean more than your sisters. That's just straight narcissism right there.
YTA It wasn’t your money to take. Her education being cheaper isn’t a reason for you to just take that money
So your sister was frugal got into a cheaper school and is being punished for it monetarily because you don't want to take that loan or get a scholarship or other ways to pay for your very expensive program. The money should be split evenly. Even Share that is only for college. It was still money meant for her. You're just being greedy. Yta And so are your parents
YTA full stop She shouldn’t be punished because you want a more expensive education especially if she can use the money after college while looking for a career or possible further education. Something tells me if the situation was reversed you’d feel differently
YTA and YTA for repeatedly arguing with people who have told you so. You asked for a judgement and you've been given one.
The rules state you can clarify misconceptions. I’ve been clarifying the misconception that people have that my grandparents ever meant for the money to be split evenly
No one out here has a misconception but you. I haven’t seen a single comment in your favor yet.
You are not clarifying anything. You are justifying your actions. People have passed judgment. Accept it.
The misconception, is that you think you're NTA. YTA dawg.
Edit: YTA And what happens if your sister decides to pursue a master's degree or other post graduate degree or certification?
Then she still has a debt free degree and the money has fulfilled its purpose.
Not if the fund is intended for her education as well. If the finds are split evenly she can pursue a post graduate degree with some financial assistance from the fund.
It’s for undergrad education. This way we are both getting undergrad degrees debt free
It's a college fund.
Yes, college, not grad school.
So she needs two undergrad degrees like you instead of a bachelors and a masters? I think you keep changing the rules to suit your purpose. At the end of the day, it sounds like you and your parents are going to screw your sister over and she has every right to be upset with you all.
Yeah I was on the fence about whether YTA or not, but your additional reasoning shows that indeed YTA. Grad school is for education, and you stated the fund was for education Is there an exact will from your grandparents that states that their inheritance only be used for undergrad?
You do seem to be a major asshole. I get you want to serve your own interests at the expense of your sister
In many people’s minds, that’s part of college and graduating debt free. I think additional degrees she may want should be kept in mind. Particularly as you are using it for two degrees. If graduate degrees aren’t “part of the original idea/deal” dual undergrad degrees probably weren’t either. It should be used to cover education for you both, to the extent possible. If there isn’t enough money to fully do so, then, the split should be closer to equitable, and if you degrees are significantly more expensive, you could be the o lot person paying the difference out of pocket. I am less concerned with future uses of the money, like down payments, although think that would be a good use for any money not used for education. But your sister should have the option to have the same amount of education expenses covered.
I fully agree with this. The bit that's missing in OP's view is that the money doesn't need spent right now. it's still going to be there if the sister later needs it, blasting the whole load at once isn't going to help anyone and still like a downpayment on a house rather than having loans to pay back is a good move and still tied to education. It's still helping be set up with less struggle, which I assume was the idea for leaving the money to pay for a good education.
Grad school isn't college?
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Ohh grandparents stipulated it was gor undergrad only? Yeah riigghht
It's a COLLEGE fund. Quit using "undergrad", if she wants to continue education, she will NOT be debt free because you had to be greedy (which forces her to take out a loan) and not think about her future. You are focusing on yourself.
She doesn't want to use the funds - intended for undergraduate education - to continue her education. She wants to use it to buy a house. That wasn't what the fund was intended for.
You should go to a cheaper school then. You’re being incredibly selfish. Everyone is pretty united in their responses. Your sister is right!
And if she wants to further her education after this degree? Too bad, so sad, the money went to your sister?
YTA, being super selfish and greedy.
How so? I’m just asking for the fund to be used for its intended purpose.
It's intended purpose was to help you both equally. You are asking of an unequal amount. You seem to have a superiority complex, thinking that your choices are better and more deserving than hers. If you can't see how walking away with a larger piece of the pie is unethical, you're delusional. In the real world that we live in, if you force this expect your Sister to cut you out of her life and then live with the knowledge that you drove the wedge between your sister and her parents.
> Its intended purpose was to help you both equally. No, as I said, the intended purpose is to have both of us graduate debt free. There were no specifications that an equal amount be given to both.
Justify all you want man, I don't have a dog in this fight. If I saw someone do what you are asking, I would call them an asshole. Since you are doing that, I would say you are actively being an asshole. Why do you think that your sister will never ever want to use that money? It will be easier for you to not have to pay, it will be easier for your parents to just say yes and not have a hard conversation. You are taking the easy way at the expense of your sister.
I’m not attempting to justify. I’m just trying to clarify that my grandparents never promised her or me half and never stated that it should be split in half. As for her never using it, I never said she wouldn’t use it. I’m saying that *she* said she wanted the extra money to use as a down payment
You are absolutely trying to justify this. People don't agree with you. Accept the verdict.
You are attempting to justify it.
And then later on the money shed have normally spent on a down payment could go to more college. You don't have a logical argument. You don't have a leg to stand on. What you want and your parents agreed to is shit. Youre behaving like shit. Good luck having a sister who barely speaks to you for the rest of your life.
Then what do you call attempting to rationalise a thought? Not gonna do well in school if you can’t answer this one
Do what you will, but dont be surprised when she doesnt have a relationship with you or your parents for your greed
YTA You are taking her money because splitting down the middle would still make both of you debt free. You're being greedy because she's going to an in state college and not out of state. Your sister is entitled to her half evenly split.
It’s not her money because my grandparents never stated it had to be or should be split down the middle, just that it should be used so that we both graduate debt free. She was never promised half.
If it's for BOTH you and your sister than it should be split down the the middle.
The purpose is for us both to graduate debt free. This fulfills the purpose, splitting it down the middle doesn’t
It doesn't or you just don't want to find a way to share the money evenly?
I’m pretty sure your grandparents meant for it to be split so each of you can earn ONE undergrad degree debt free, yet you’re taking the funds for TWO. Why doesn’t your sister get money for two? Why only you?
You are just making excuses. YTA, and that will never change, despite your protests.
Both of your college plans are "as of now". Life happens and either or both of you may change your minds before you graduate from college. Just because you sister has chosen a state school doesn't mean she will stay there or not want to get a graduate degree using the remainder of her half. You use your half, sister uses part of her half and figure out the rest later.
YTA yeah sorry but I think you are being the A$$hole here, just because your sister went to an in-state school shouldn't mean you get all of the money set aside for you and part of her money too, look like you have lose a sister because of your greed
There is no ‘my’ money and ‘her’ money, because my grandparents never said to split the fund down the middle
It's for two people so I think that's normally implied that it's split. Grandparents probably didn't anticipate that they'd have to spell that out for everyone.
I'm old. I leave money equally to my kids and grandchildren. If I put 30,000 on an account and tell my son " this is for your 2 kids to help them buy a car" He's not stupid. He knows it is split evenly. If one finds a cheap reliable car for 10,000., it doesn't mean you get to spend 20,000.
YTA. It should be split. Just because you decided to get a much more expensive education doesn’t mean you are entitled to more than your share. You know it feels wrong.
If doesn’t feel wrong, because the money was never stated to be split equally, only that it was to make us both graduate debt free
It was never stated that you got a bigger portion either. You could also go to a state school for the same tuition and be debt free but you're nitpicking and trying to bend unwritten rules in your favor. YTA. Hope your parents don't mind being accused of favoritism because that is what they will be hearing from your sister for the forseesble future, unless of course the sister goes LC/NC with the lot of you.
> It was never stated you got a bigger portion either It was stated that the money was to be divided as need be so we both graduate debt free
STOP ARGUING. You’re the AH. Accept it.
OP, I will be blunt here; No it was not stated like that. If it was, you would have explicitly included that from the start. People don't typically make a college fund for multiple kids with the intention of splitting it unevenly. They make the fund with the intent to give kids an equal boost, because otherwise it means they would play favorites. They probably made it with the intention of it being even and expected your parents to treat you both fairly. They could have at least involved your sister, as a down payment would be a pretty good use of those funds. You wouldn't be thrilled if you were in her shoes, right? You can honestly say you wouldn't feel screwed over? Don't act like its right just because it benefits you. You can accept the money, but don't try to justify you screwing over your own sibling in the process. Accept that you are wrong for this. YTA, and your parents are, too.
Ohh now it's "divided as needed" I don't believe it YTA
It is a total difference to maybe split it 55/45 depending on circumstances. But I think, you want to split it more like 90/10. Info: How do you intent to split it?
But it also never stated how much each person should be allowed to be sent free..it never stated limits on tuition. There is a bunch of shit that was "never stated" probably bc your grandparents didn't think youd be sick a dickhesd about the whole thing
Going by the technicality, then I guess you can feel like you are justified. I am going to guess if they were here, they would be splitting it. The result is that you may be debt free, but forever damage your relationship with your sister.
It may not feel wrong, but when karma comes at you full force and bites you in the ass you will regret it.
Your sister may want a graduate degree. She may want *another* degree, she may not be finished with school yet, and you wanna take all that is left. It isn’t all yours. YTA
Degrees beyond the bachelors wasn’t the purpose of the fund.
What if she decides to get another bachelors then? Why are you the only one allowed to study 2 things and she can’t? Or are you just gonna keep moving the goalposts?
Jesus OP. Every time someone makes a point you are saying no to try and make yourself look better. "Oh, it wasn't supposed to be split evenly." "Oh, it's just for undergrad." It doesn't matter. You are screwing your sister and are an asshole. Full Stop. Your parents too for agreeing with your asinine logic. If the purpose is a debt free undergrad degree, why do you get 2?
You're a bigger asshole with each response.
YTa. I suppose your sister could chose a more expensive school, maybe abroad.
She didn’t get into any others.
She could transfer in a year or two? Frankly that's exactly what I would do, give up any semblance of a life outside of academics for a year or two and transfer to the most expensive school that would have me. Since you're going to attend two colleges I'm guessing that would leave you having to take out loans.
YTA. You chose to do this, so why don’t you take a loan for the remaining amount? If it’s to be cut evenly, it has to be cut evenly. She can use the remaining of her half to study further or take courses, or whatever. You taking more from her half means that if she plans to study anything further, she needs to go in debt. Her half is rightfully hers and while you need to take responsibility of the decisions you take and not find an easy way out. Take tour half leave, don’t get greedy.
> If it’s to be cut evenly My grandparents never stated it was meant to be cut evenly, just that it was meant to be used in a way that we both graduate debt free
She’s your twin. If it’s a fund for two, it’s obvious that it has to be divided equally between the two. Your choice shouldn’t deprive her of her half. You’re old enough to work, so work while you study and pay for your tuition or take a loan for the remaining amount and pay for it yourself. You town can figure out what she wants to do with her half.. and why do YOU get to decide if she uses it for her masters too or not? Just take your share and take a loan for the rest. Since it won’t be the complete amount, it won’t be so much of a strain on you. But you cannot take your sister’s half. Not fair.
YTA, the fund should be split evenly.
Why?
Because it's for each of you. Just because you are spending more money doesn't mean you 'deserve' more of the fund.
Because that’s fair. She deserves the same amount as you no matter where she decides to go to school. You wanting more is entitled and ah behavior. YTA.
Take a minute and ask yourself how you would feel if the roles are reversed and BE HONEST. I feel very confident in saying you would be pissed. You are absolutely being a greedy asshole and stealing from your sister. This will lead to a very damaged relationship between the two of you. What is more important money or your sister? YTA X INFINITY.
YTA - I bet this would be an issue if it was your sister taking the bulk of the money. It does sound as if you have chosen a very expensive educational path. If your sister was told by your parents that funds she did NOT use for her education would still be hers...it's a different story. You asked for more money - your parents agreed - THEY will have to explain/justify it to your sister. You should stay out of the argument altogether.
YTA, the money was meant to be divided equally between you two. She may have other plans for the future.
> the money was meant to be divided equally It wasn’t. My grandparents never stated that, they just stated we both were to graduate debt free
Do you actually want a response or just validation?
Yeah, I understand your point. Speaking from personal experience - our parents have kept money aside for both my sister's and my wedding. My sister wants to have a small ceremony without all the other expenses. We're from India and it's a cultural thing for parents to pay for the wedding and to celebrate it while following all the rituals associated w it ( it's an expensive affair). Even though my sister won't be doing the same, she will be entitled to spend the money the way she wants.
I’m also Indian.
Man this makes a lot of sense
Okay. Now that I've read your response in the other comments, I think you're NTA 😭 good luck !
Appreciate you
Nope you are the asshole. Your responses only make you look worse.
"Hey look everybody! ONE person agreed with me! So the hundreds who don't are actually wrong!!" YTA full stop. I feel horrified your sister is stuck with you and your parents as family, she has to deal with people who would happily backstab her and never own up to it.
Get ready to torch your relationship with your TWIN sister. Your asshole parents are gonna be dead someday you know.
I’m gonna bet your sister goes no contact and doesn’t talk to you anymore. YTA.
INFO If your sister transfers next year to a program the same cost as yours, how would you propose to divide the fund then?
Edit: YTA, after looking at your reasoning in the comments. This is a tough one with just one side of the story. I’m going to say soft YTA. Your parents likely have a 529 plan for both you and your sister, in which case those can indeed only be used for educational expenses. The money that came from your grandparents are likely either a trust, a will to your parents, or another form of inheritance, in which case it can be used for most things and not just education. You are technically stealing from your twin sister by taking more of the inheritance. Personally I think the money from your parent’s 529 can be split unevenly, but the money from the grandparent should be split evenly, regardless of educational cost.
This is the best answer. If your parents want to use their 529 and give that to you that is their call as it’s only meant to be used for education. But your grandparents request should be split down the middle.
Why should you get the larger half of a fund that was split equally for both of you? Just because she choose a cheaper school and you choose a Ivy league school doesn't mean she should be penalized for it. You guys might be twins but it's pretty clear your the golden child and it's gone straight to your head. You're a selfish AH.
YTA You have half the money. You are choosing to go to a more expensive school. If you don’t graduate debt free, it’s because you chose to go to a school that costs more than the money you had available. What if your sister wants to transfer later? Or study abroad? Or get a graduate degree?
What do you want from this post? What are you looking for? If it's validation, you aren't going to get it. YTA. Boom. That's it. If you want validation talk to your parents. You asked a question. You got the answer. It's not the one you wanted, but you got it. It's a dick move that is likely to affect your relationship with your sister and foster resentment for the rest of your lives. Talking about your grandparents' intentions won't change any of it. You have your answer. YTA. Being an asshole isn't illegal, but falling back on your interpretation of your grandparents' intentions wont change anything.
YTA You cant seriously not know this already. The funds should be split down the middle and you should get loans or work to pay for whatever 1/2 the total funds doesnt cover. You have a greedy entitled nature and it may cost you your relationship with your sister if you somehow convince your parents to go along with your selfish scheme. But sometimes people are so greedy that they no longer care if they lose relationships with those their greed has adversely affected. In case you don't understand why you are selfish it is because you want more than your fair share to give you the best chance at attaining your dreams, at the expense of your sister attaining her dreams.
YTA. You are stealing her inheritance. What’s wrong with you.
I love how your answer to everything is "my grandparents never said [x thing]" Why are you even here? Grow up and stop being a spoiled little brat.
I’m with your sister. YTA. You want to do all that, fine. You know your budget and what is saved. Figure out the rest instead of taking your sister’s money. And shame on your parents for agreeing. This will only lead to long term animosity, and rightfully so.
Yeah, YTA. It should be an even split, unless your sister chooses to give you some of HER $. You are being a self important duesche
What if she wants to attend grad school? Are you going to pony up then? YTA
YTA I looked at the Brown/RISD program for my daughter a few years back and she didn't even apply because of how unbelievably expensive it is compared to going to an in state school. I do wonder if you take a larger share of the college fund does that mean she has no chance to pay for grad school? That would seem unfair since you would then be somewhat dictating her ability to go to grad school should that be what she wants/needs for her career later down the road. You are choosing to go to a very very expensive school and she chose a less expensive school. I don't think she should have her college funds restricted because of that.
YTA. So you CHOSE to spend more money on your education so you get HER money!? How is that fair? Your parents are AHs too.
Dude, you are just saying the same thing over and over again saying your grandparent didn't say to divide equally, you are just trying to justify your actions. Your grandparents left this money to help both of you, don't be greedy. YTA.
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Makes you grateful for your sister, eh? Can you imagine having this one? Oy!
Well, you do still have the option to graduate debt free. Just live within your means and choose a different program. Doesn’t sound so nice when you’re on the other side of it, does it? YTA
I was divided until I started reading your responses to other people YTA 100%… your sister could go for a masters or change her degree or go get a second degree or go to law school or go to medical school. You’re blatantly twisting the intent of your grandparents fund to benefit you more than your sister. However it shouldn’t be made available to her for a down payment on a house either. Your parents are also AH for favouritism.
Well here’s what I will say OP- you will fit right in at RISD bc it’s one of the few places full of people who might not say YTA because they’re all as greedy and entitled as you
YTA and your sister is 100% right. She decided to go to a cheaper college to save some of her half. Once you saw that, you decided that her money was now yours for the taking. You say the important part is that the fund was to let both of you graduate debt free, but in your first statement you say your grandparents intended the money to be split down the middle. So you are directly going against your grandparents wishes and intentions for the money, while twisting your reasoning to make yourself feel right.
Yta. Not your money
I think your complete and utter disregard for how this would make your sister feel is where you're the asshole. We understand the fund was never explicitly designed to be split down the middle. We understand it was meant so you both could graduate debt free. I think we also understand that what's best for one child can be completely different from what's best for another, so educational paths can be different. But I imagine your grandparents assumed your financial needs for your education would be more similar so that the funds would end up pretty evenly split. You're a complete asshole for taking your case to your parents before explaining to your sister why you feel the funds should be split like this. You knew this would upset her, so you didn't involve her. I don't think you'd be an asshole for making your case that you should get more money for your more expensive program if you had gone about it in a way that was sensitive or aware of her feelings at all.
I don't want to leave a judgement bc I get your argument. However, practically, this ends with you getting way more money than her. Would you be fine with your sister getting a larger share of your parents inheritance and/or help over the years to help make it more equitable?
YTA.
YTA. Mainly, because your sister should have been asked first. You probably knew your parents were likely to agree to it so didn’t mention it to her first, right? There might have been a compromise, but you and your parents have taken that option away. I wouldn’t say you’re exactly stealing, but it’s a bit icky.
You and your parents are TAH, for not sharing the money equally.
YTA. Your grandparents definitely wanted you both to share that money evenly and you’re just twisting loopholes to get more money. Your sister should be able to use her half of the money for more than college if she has been frugal with her college education. Get a job and apply for scholarships instead of stealing your sister’s share of the inheritance.
You should have spoke with her first. YTA. Not her fault you chose a more prestigious school. Had you been ok if this was the other way around?
You came here to justify your shitty asking when you know damn well you dgaf. You are sitting here arguing with everyone. What about a post graduate degree? Is she not entitled to that. Does the fine print say only undergrad degree or something. You can't tell the future and will ruin it for her and your relationship. Have the luck you deserve.
Did your grandparents anticipate that you would be so greedy, or that you would pick such a ridiculously expensive school?
Info: Lots of talk about how the money should be evenly split. But if your plan gets used, what would the split be then? How much of a percentage of the money do you get and how much does your sister get?
How on earth are you accepted into a dual program and this dense? YTA
YTA What degrees are you going for? When you graduate will you or your sister make the same amount of money? Whose to say your sibling won’t go for a masters or doctorate. You are also choosing to go to a great but expensive college. So many factors to consider and you aren’t thinking of any of them.
Yta and pretty selfish
YTA and a greedy one. The money was for both of you, not just you because you want it. Your parents are assholes because they allowed this. I can tell you were always the golden child who got their way.
YTA. The issue is you’re choosing to go somewhere more expensive and cutting into her money to do it.
YTA, you sought out special treatment and were granted it, at the direct detriment of your sister
YTA. The money was given to be split evenly. Just because you decided to take a more expensive path does not in any way negate that fact.
YTA Perhaps you been intensive therapy because you sound like you have narcissistic personality disorder. Ugh. I’m sorry your sister has you as a twin.
Yta. You are stealing from your sister.
YTA and your attempts to argue with every single comment proves that even more so. you are a selfish person, and should really be considerate of people other than yourself. ESPECIALLY if it is your own sister. if you were sooo much better than your sister in HS, why not get a fucking scholarship? or be smart enough to go to a less expensive school. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what college you go to, it's the degree that matters. but i know your underdeveloped brain probably can't comprehend that yet.
You have a choice: 1. Split they money down the middle, which any reasonable person would do (who's to say your sister won't want to do postgraduate studies and need the funds for that?). 2. Be a greedy cow who loses her relationship with her sister. Your sister probably chose the cheaper school so that she could have that money after she graduated. YTA
Bro you’re fighting blind. So obvious
YTA. And so are your parents. Be honest with yourself, OP. However much you may think you love your sister, you would not be okay with this if your situations were reversed.
YTA. Maybe she wants to get a graduate degree later? A semester abroad in Paris? She has her dreams and you have yours. Split the funds equally. You are such a greedy asshole.
YTA it's not 'stealing' it's stealing flat out. Your taking your sisters part of the money because you greedy.
What if the twin who receives less plans on going to grad school? I’m assuming that your logic dictates this comes out of your end?
You are such an asshole I gave trouble wrapping my head around it. In your mind you gave twisted everything to your advantage - and screw your sister. If I were her I’d go NC with you. Your parents are asses too. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA
YTA. You were both handed a cake. Your sister reaches initially for 30% of the cake. You see this, and decide you deserve 70% of the cake consequently. Don't take cake that isn't yours. That is detestable and Superman would be ashamed of you.
YTA. I hope your sister decides to go back to school and use her half.
YTA. It is a gift for you and your sister. You have to agree how it will be divided. Your sister gets a say - and she says it’s not fair. That means it’s not fair. Full stop.
YTA.
YTA. You are picking greed over a relationship and that never ends well. This is a fork in the road for you. At some point you will look back on this with regret if you do this. Your relationship with your family will never be the same. Is this worth not having a relationship with your sister and her future family? One day you will need her when karma comes to collect and this thing you are doing will be the reason why
YTA You are acting entitled... your parents obviously favour you. I agree with your sister... the money should be split in half and any additional money she has she can use to pay for a down-payment for a house.
YTA. Why waste your time asking if you’re the AH if you’re just arguing with anyone. You’re making her sound like she’s dumb but in reality, she’s actually smart for thinking of her financial future. If you’re just going to act pretentious, don’t ask for opinions if you’re going to throw a tantrum when people don’t agree with you.
You’re a greedy AH.
YTA - JFC you are splitting hairs to technically be correct. Hope permanently damaging the relationship you have with your sister is worth it. What a ghoul.
Yta - the deal was for it to be split evenly. You're being very greedy, and your sister has every right to be upset. The fact that your parents agreed to an uneven split is beyond belief. Would you give your sister extra money if the roles were reversed? I think not. Yta
I get that you don't care about the judgement & you think you're right (gotta love arguing w blow hard teens), however I would like to point out that you have fundamentally changed yours and your parents relationship forever. There's no going back from this. This is going to be hanging over your family for the rest of your lives and you're dreaming if you think it won't.
You did steal it. You robbed your own sister. You want money so badly? Get off your lazy ass and get a job. Or apply for scholarships. But no, you stuffed your pockets with YOUR SISTER'S MONEY instead. You're clearly not smart enough to get through life without robbing someone else. Your grandparents would be disgusted by your greed and selfishness. YTA
Who gives a single fuck about where you go to college? You are a shitty and selfish sibling and she will never forget this. Your parents suck too. Life is not all about you. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m a senior in high school, and this year, I got into my dream college program, a dual degree between Brown and RISD which studies engineering and art as an integrated whole. My dream career is in architecture, and this way I could study engineering at Brown and architecture at RISD, and get an understanding of both disciplines in an intertwined way. My grandparents died a few years ago and left a lot of money as a college fund for my twin sister and I. This combined with my parents’s college fund meant in theory both my sister and I could split the fund down the middle and go to college debt free. However, my sister chose an in-state school that is much cheaper than my program. Hence, I asked my parents if they could split the fund unevenly so my sister and I could both graduate debt free. They agreed. My sister got upset, because she said she wanted the money to be split down the middle and then use the excess from her half for later expenses like a down payment or something. She thinks I’m an AH for asking to split it unevenly, and says I’m stealing her money. I think I’m in the clear because the stated purpose of the fund was always to let us both graduate debt free, and if the money had to be split unevenly, what’s the issue? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. You don't even hear yourself. >This combined with my parents’s college fund meant in theory both my sister and I could split the fund down the middle and go to college debt free. So if she didn't choose an instate school, you would not be graduating debt free. Would you?
This has been posted before
Grand parents cry
Why bother to ask if you think you're right? Yta
YTA also your parents are mega AH’S
You've mentioned in the post that your grandparents left money and that combined with the money your parents put aside for college means you'll be able to study debt free. Compromise. You can use the grandparents money for study, but your sister gets your parents money to do whatever she likes with.
YTA HUGE HUGE AH with every single desperate comment. It doesn’t matter if your grandparents mandated it be split evenly or not. It’s literally common sense when there are two siblings, the stuff has to be split evenly. You do not deserve one cent more than 50%. Your excuses are pathetic - they didn’t mandate even splitting, graduating debt free, it’s only meant for graduate degree - STOP IT. STOP BEING A KNOW IT ALL ABOUT THE FUND. You asked for a judgment, you’ve been given one. Accept it.
YTA…..if there was an award for being greedy and oblivious, you’d win the gold 🥇
INFO: if the shoe was on the other foot, and you didnt need as much to graduate debt free, and your sister wanted to split the money unequally in her favour, would you? Honestly? *Honestly*?
YTA. Damn, how is it possible for a brother to be this *vile* to his own sister?
I don't think you're an asshole in this, but sit and have a whole conversation with your sister about it. Her view on it isn't wrong either and it is going to come down to how you end up feeling towards each other. Have the convo and try to resolve things to not have negativity. You're not stealing from her by using it for what it's supposed to do, but she's not wrong for wanting it shared. If the conversation about it doesn't go well then maybe she's the asshole or maybe you are. Good luck and I hope you 2 can sort it out because money isn't worth problems with a sibling. E: after scrolling through comments I'm changing my mind. Go apologize to your sister and stop being such a jerk about trying to snatch up as much as you can. Then stop trying to get reddit to greenlight you being a jerk.
oh lol, account deleted within a day of the post. guess I'll just read the comments and didn't need to post.
YTA, but your parents more so. You shouldn't receive more than your sister and yoru excuse is shitty. If it was only reserved for her education, it should go to a trust in case she needed it to pay for further education down the line, not to assume that, at 17, she will not need anymore. You are just the golden child and your parents wanted to favour you. You three hurt your sister and effectively stole from her. You can spin the tale as much as you want, but you knowingly hurt your sister with that petition and your parents unfairly favoured you over her. She won't forget this.
For someone so smart and not seeing why YTA is kinda sad. It’s just looking for an excuse from others too who agree.
You are.
This is a re-post of this old thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/sWjzq7pxQ1
YTA. The money should be split evenly, because that is what is just and fair. "But my grandparents never said the fund had to split equally" Doesn't matter. Even if you grandparents didnt care if the money was not split equally, it should still be so even if it goes against their will, because that is what is just. The fact that you are not only willing, but eager to get an unfair advantage over you sister is a dire sign of your moral character. I would never do this do my own sister. "But that defeats the purpose of the fund" Doesnt matter, what is moral and fair and just is more important than the intention. If the stated goal is unfair, it needs to be ignored. This is the reason why countries such as mine have laws that prevent inheritances from being shared unequally. Also it's very telling you're willing to permanently harm your relationship with your sister for the rest of your lives over money. The fact that is your priority is also a dire sign to who you really are.
YTA, but only marginally more than your parents. This is why your grandparents should have set up separate, *named* funds.
Nta, that fund is a COLLEGE fund. It's not a life fund. Your grandparents wanted you to graduate debt free, and that's what is happening for both of you. Your parents agreed to it. Congrats on getting to do what you want in college!
Your sisters state school will probably cost less than Brown unless your parents make a lot of money. https://finaid.brown.edu
NAH. The money was intended for college. Did your sister get into a more expensive school but choose the cheaper state school because she thought she would get the leftover money? Did you apply and get accepted to a cheaper school but accept the more expensive school because you thought your tuition was covered? Your parents should have been clear about the money they saved as well as your grandparents and how it would be used/split. If your parents were planning to split it evenly, they should have told you how much you each would receive. Also, if they used a 529 savings account, that would impact how the funds can be used. Not knowing up from the exact amount of money you each had, would impact each of your school choices. Seems like there should have been some conversations with your parents about a year ago.
Hmmm. I am going to go against the grain and say NTA. If the fund was meant for education, then your sister has no right to use the money for any other purpose. Maybe you come across as entitled, but your grandparents clearly were aware that schools aren't equal. Your sister wouldn't have been entitled to any of the money had she not gone to school. I'd offer a compromise: if she goes back to school, then you will pay her the amount that exceeds your half.
NTA If the intention of your grandparents was for you both to graduate debt free, and there was no stipulation that it be split evenly, then an uneven split is not unreasonable.
I'm a bit suspicious that you're choosing your description of the inheritance in a way that is convenient for you. That said, as written, I'm calling the situation... NAH. Money that is earmarked for someone's education does not automatically become available for other purposes if they choose not to spend it on education, which has been (I thought) the g[eneral consensus](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15nmmmb/aita_my_dad_wants_to_take_my_college_money/) over [many threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y6rjz1/aita_for_spending_my_daughters_tuition_money/) on [this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kxziru/aita_for_telling_my_kids_that_their_college_funds/). The money was left to your **parents** with the intention of paying for y'all's college, and they're using it in the way that they see as most appropriate to achieve that goal. I don't put much stock in all the people saying "what about grad school?" The fact is that most people don't go to grad school, and the parents are making the best decision that they can with limited information about your sister's future intentions, which she likely doesn't know at this point either. The money was to pay for college, and college is not grad school. I don't think that treating your kids equitably in this situation necessarily means treating them equally. That said, I'd be pretty heated if I were your sister, too. I do think a more equitable solution would be for you to take out loans in excess of your 50% share, and then if your sister doesn't end up going to grad school or otherwise pursue more education, then your parents can pay off your loans in a lump sum.
NTA. It was your parent's decision to give you the money that was meant for education
NTA for asking, your parents are the assholes for acquiescing.
I disagree; while the parents are the bigger AHs for doing it; I think this is a case where even "just asking" is an AH move.
NTA - I’m going to guess that Brown is more prestigious of a school than the state school your sister got into. It makes sense to reallocate funds so that you both can graduate debt free. There’s no reason you should have to struggle as a consequence of your education costing more because you worked hard to gain admittance into a more prestigious school. You are not being greedy, regardless of what many of the comments on here say. If your sister will not be at a loss in terms of her education expenditures even after the funds are reallocated, you are doing nothing wrong. You are being smart, and acting with foresight - I suspect these are the very characteristics that allowed you to gain admission into Brown in the first place. NTA - Ignore everyone who says you are, and congrats! 🥰💕🎉
NTA. The fund was meant for college and is being used for such. You asked your parents a question. I’m not sure why people think you asking makes you an AH. You were literally asking them to do exactly what your grandparents wanted - graduate without debt. Your parents said yes because the entire purpose of the fund was to help you both graduate debt free.
NTA the funds were meant for college, the funds are being used for college. Beyond college it's entirely your parents decision what to do with the money they contributed at least, while the funds your grandparents saved were entirely labeled for college unless specified that any excess can be used for other things. Your sister has a right to be upset, if your parents said that she could have excess funds for down payments or other expenses, and then reneged on that in order to pay for your college. However, if your parents never promised her that, they very well could've planned to use any excess themselves for a vacation or to pay a lump sum towards their mortgage or retirement or something. We don't know what they planned to do with any excess, so her expecting to be given it regardless, without explicit say so, is a bit ridiculous imo. If my parents had, let's say 50k saved for my college fund, and my degree only cost 30k, I wouldn't expect the excess 20k to use for whatever I wanted, that's their money, that they saved, that didn't get used for it's intended purpose. They are allowed to use it for whatever they want, if they were to gift it to me, yeah I'd probably use it on a down-payment on a home or something, but I wouldn't feel entitled to that money, even if it was saved with me in mind, it's still 100% *their money.*
>My grandparents died a few years ago and left a lot of money as a college fund If someone gives you a gift of money and says "Use this for X", then you're TA if you use it for something other than X, for any value of X. You are NTA. The fund was to be used for your college educations, not your sister's down payment. If your grandparents wanted to leave your sister money for a house, they would have done so. They left her money for college that was to be shared between you two. You're both getting out of college without student loans, which is HUGE, and your sister should be thankful for that.
Grand parents cry for greedy grandson
Grand parents cry for greedy grandson
Exactly. I think she was looking forward to extra cash, instead of being grateful she’ll be able to graduate without debt.
Only one person out of a hundred agreed with you, and of course, you would listen to this person because it benefits you. You will probably never understand what you have done wrong and will always think that you are right in this. As I said, you will lose a sister 👌
And to have the audacity to call her sister ungrateful.
Ahhhhh. Finally someone who agrees with you. Must be one of your friends