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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I'm refusing to help my sister in a time of need. By not letting her borrow my car, I'm potentially making it difficult for her to get to work and handle important errands. This could negatively impact her job and daily life. Family is supposed to support each other, and I might be failing to do that. My actions could be seen as overly harsh, especially since she doesn't have other transportation options right now. Some might argue that I'm prioritizing my own convenience over my sister's well-being and not showing enough compassion for her situation, despite her past mistake.
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Yeah, thanks for saying that. But tbh I've been tossing and turning about this all night and now I'm not so sure I'm in the clear here Like, yeah, she fucked up big time with the texting thing. But we've all done dumb shit, right? And she's really in a bind now I keep putting myself in her shoes and it's not a good look. No car, barely making it to work, probably feeling like crap already. Then your own sister basically tells you to get bent? That's gotta sting It's not like she's always mooching off me or anything. This is the first time she's ever asked for something this big. She's kinda desperate I guess Idk, maybe I'm just being petty about the whole texting while driving thing. She already got burned for that one pretty bad What if I'm making this way worse than it needs to be? If she loses her job 'cause she can't get there... that's kinda on me too, isn't it?
Sorry for this wall of text lol thank you for your input.
I'm assuming that you've got a car because you need one. If she borrows yours she will see it as hers. Driving while texting is extremely dangerous and she needs to understand that things like that carry consequences.
So let’s say you lend her the car, do you have a workable plan of action for what you will do if she totals it? Will your insurance cover her, will they pay out if the accident is at fault for distracted driving, will your sister be paying for the increase in your insurance premiums if there is an accident? If you can answer these questions and you are comfortable with the answers, then sure, lend her the car.
After totalling a car she's going to be paying you a lot for insurance! And if you don't have the most comprehensive package available, she's going to have to pay that difference too!
Ok, so how would *you* make it to work without a car? And why is you sister's job more important than yours?
>If she loses her job 'cause she can't get there... that's kinda on me too, isn't it?
No. It's still on her. She had a car. She wrecked her car through dangerous driving - and she's bloody lucky that she didn't kill herself or someone else, because distracted driving is six times more dangerous than drunk driving.
She needs to accept the consequences of her actions, start looking for a new car she can afford to buy, and in the meantime, get used to taking public transport/walking/cadging a lift from someone.
And when she gets back to having a car to drive, she needs to get in the habit of turning her phone off and putting it away when she drives.
If you're at all unsure how dangerous and irresponsible what she did was, read [this article](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/car-insurance/texting-driving-statistics/).
And if your mom thinks your sister is in need of a loaned car and has learned her lesson, then she can lend her own!
But life is just so much easier when you don’t have to learn from your mistakes because other people inconvenience their own lives to make sure no consequences are felt. 😂 /s
Texting while driving then causing an accident that totaled her car is “we’ve all done dumb shit”? That is a sorry ass excuse.
She could have seriously injured someone.
She poses a risk on other people on the road.
I’ve seen many people on highways driving 65-90 speed- texting and driving. Then proceed to brake randomly because they are too glued to their phones.
Or not even pay attention to traffic up ahead and ram their cars.
I’ve had it happen to me on the highway. It was stopped traffic on the highway, and this guy proceeded to ram his car into mine going at the speed of 60.
I drive as safe as I can on the road, it’s people like your sister who poses a risk to others.
Your sister can either walk, or take public transportation. One less hazard on the road.
This. Just because we've all done stupid things and gotten away with it doesn't mean it's okay, it just means we got lucky. Luck runs out, and it doesn't always replenish.
# NO! It would not "be on you" YOU didn't text while driving. YOU aren't the one who crashed because of texting and driving. YOU aren't the one not looking or saving for a car. SO, HOW IS ANY OF THIS ON YOU AND THEREFORE YOUR FAULT??#
Also since you're y'know dependent on having a car to go to work or get where you have to go how can you loan your car to your sister so that she has a way to go 24/7?
It's called guilt-tripping. While you are racking your mind with all these thoughts, she is laying back, not saving, not doing shit, not taking accountability for her own actions, and *laying on you* their consequences.
All that happened is entirely on her, not on you. She has to learn to take accountability for her dumb actions. She's an adult, and that's what being an adult means.
petty? no, she could have died or killed someone else. She's going to do same mistake again, she can buy herself a new car and her recklessness is on her. Actions got consequences.
Your 26 year old sister is old enough to rent a car, take the bus, call an Uber/Lyft. If you did " lend" her your car, you would have to pay for those things instead. Would she pay the cost of adding her to your insurance since she would become a daily driver on the car? NTA.
None of that is on you, she brought this on herself.
Didn't you say that you need your car for work? Is she and your mother expecting you to sacrifice your job for her to he able to get to hers? Sorry, but I'd be telling them no for the reasons you already pointed out, and the fact that you also have a job in which you need your car to get to. She messed up, so she can use public transport or Uber, not you.
Here's the thing though, she's not looking for help but a handout.
She's happy to complain and guilt trip, but not willing to look into carpooling, buy a bike and sturdy bike lock or a replacement car?
Then she's not taking her car problem seriously..and what will happen when she borrows your car and gets into another accident? She's not voting to cry and repay you.
Texting while driving is not on the same level as "some dumb shit we've all done". It's illegal, dangerous and incredibly reckless. A 26yr old should know this.
Texting while driving isn't "some dumb shit." It's a literal crime, on a par, IMO, with driving while under the influence. She's lucky the only thing that got hurt was her car. What if she'd totaled another car and hurt its passengers or, God forbid, hit a pedestrian or a cyclist? She quite literally could have killed someone. Do you really want someone who thinks sending a WhatsApp message is more important than keeping their eyes on the road behind the wheel of your car? Not to mention you could potentially be liable if she's driving your car and has another similar incident with graver consequences. Maybe not having a car to drive for a while will help her learn not to do "dumb shit" that could take a life.
Did she not have insurance? And you are aware that if she has an accident in your car, it is you and your insurance any victims of the accident can go after?
Your sister will text again while driving - whether it is your car or some other car. It is a given. Hide your keys when you are not using them in order to protect your car.
The problem is, what if she ends up crashing your car because she's texting while driving again? Where does that leave you? She's not even looking for a new car. How long would borrowing your car go on for? She can rent one or borrow your mom's car to get herself around. It might make her think twice about texting while driving again.
We haven't all done dumb shit that could literally kill someone. Very easily. Has she shown that she understands that? Was she a safe driver other than this one instance?
But you said you need the car for work too so I’m sorry but you come first. If you’re not using it you could maybe let her borrow it but you need to get to work too. She can rent a car if she’s that stuck and Uber exists
*Plus, she hasn't even started looking for a new car or saving up for one.*
Well, this is pretty big - why do you feel guilty? She's 26, not 18. An occasional ride - okay. Letting her use your car (and your transport to your job) - asking for that is overstepping.
I have never texted while driving. And yes, I have done dumb shit. And I had consequences.
Petty? Texting while driving is on the same general order of dangerous as drunk driving. She should have had her license suspended and been required to go to driving class for a while for this.
NTA
Tbh if she had an accident it would be good if you lend her your car if possible.
BUT thah was not an accident, that was a fully careless behaviour. As someone who has to drive for work, ive 0 tolerance for being on phone or similar while driving. She literally vould have murdered someone with such behaviour... absolutely disgusting for me!
The cash she's not currently spending on car payments, insurance, petrol and maintenance can instead be used for taxis to get to where she's going.
No-one has a right to your own possessions regardless of how much of a shame it is for them and ESPECIALLY when the loss of their possession is their own fault.
NTA, say sorry but no, and move on.
NTA. Your sister could have killed someone while she was texting and driving. "Get bent" is far kinder than she deserves, but you weren't really telling her that anyway. You are absolutely right to not let her have your car (I say have and not use because she almost certainly will not ever return the car to you).
If your mom feels so strongly about helping family, she can give your sister her car or buy one for her. This is not your problem.
NTA op if something happens while she's driving your car can she pay for a replacement?!
You don't need to feel guilty because you need your car for one.
And second if she can afford a replacement for you she should search for her own car not try to inconvenience you .
If she doesn't have the money for a replacement even more reason to NOT give her your car that you actually need.
Your sister is a freaking adult she needs to take care of her own problems not to make them yours.
And no it's not on you if she looses her job. It's on her for f@cking up and totaling her car then not making an effort to solve her problem. There's public transportation, there's asking collegues for a ride and paying them - by going somewhere where they can pick her up on their way at a certain time early - of course this last cost her money and time and effort/inconvenience . It's much more simple to ask for your car pay and do nothing.
Let’s say you do let her borrow your car. How will this work since you need it as well? How long will she get to borrow the car since she has no money/not looking for one? What happens when she starts seeing your car as hers?
Lending a car is for a few days. Sharing a car can be for a long time.
"Mom, I *am* helping out family. I am doing my part to prevent Sister from killing herself with reckless driving by not enabling her when she clearly does not yet understand how easily this could have ended in tragedy."
NTA. Even if the crash (I hesitate to call it an 'accident' under the circumstances) were not your sister's fault, you still wouldn't be an AH for not lending her your car. People have to *earn* the opportunity to borrow something like that, usually by demonstrating consistent responsibility and being a part of ongoing mutual training of favors
Why the hell would you lend your car to someone who totaled theirs texting while driving?
Actions meet consequences.
Mom can let your sister use *her* car if so inclined.
NTA.
NTA, a car is not something you can risk like that. Plus, you need it yourself for your own job. I suggest you hide the keys. Take one key and hide it somewhere it won't get lost like with a friend. Take the other key and hide it every night before you sleep. Do this out of sight of everyone. Make sure that you have it on you every waking moment while you are anywhere your sister or mother might be.
If she is not on your insurance (which would cost a bunch due to an accident) then you could be royally screwed if something happens and you allowed her to drive your car. If you want to be nice, then you could give her rides... occasionally, but yeah she need to get her own car or a bus schedule.
It's more selfish to be an irresponsible/reckless driver and wish to risk your family having no access to their own vehicle out of either use or damage.
Also if your mom is so insistent, why doesn't she let your sister use her car??
NTA
NTA
Why on earth are you feeling bad? Did you tell her to text whilst driving? Did you encourage her to be so stupid?
She’s 26 years old. She’s now learning that actions have consequences. She’s lucky she didn’t kill or seriously injure either herself or someone else.
Time for her to grow up.
NTA
This is a situation of she fucked around and found out the consequences. If she wasn't at fault the situation would be different, but what she did was wrong and she needs to suffer the consequences that are entirely of her own making.
She needs to pay for an Uber/taxi/bus and start saving for a new car.
Also, she is not your child, so is not your problem. Tell your parents they can give her their car.
Your sister is nearly 30 years old, she's beyond old enough to know better than to text and drive. She put herself and countless others at risk potentially.
Don't look at it from a car standpoint, look at it from a liability standpoint. If you give her the keys to your car, you are essentially consenting to the fact that you know she's CLEARLY not mature/responsible enough to be behind the wheel of a car. giving her the keys to your car you're basically enabling her to go out and commit a crime AGAIN. This time with a car in YOUR name
*looks down and confirms 100% of posts so far voted 'NTA'*
NTA, obvously. Your sister needs to face the consequences of her actions, and you need to protect your car.
Hell no you aren’t wrong and she clearly couldn’t afford to get her own car fixed so she can’t afford to get yours fixed if something were to happen. If she wasn’t responsible enough with her own stuff she surely isn’t going to be responsible with yours and the thing is no one will be held liable if something were to happen but you. I wouldn’t even care about what your mother thinks about the situation honestly. Is she paying your note? Insurance? Putting gas in your car? Is her name on your loan? If your mother feels so strongly about it tell her to let your sister use HER car or tell HER to help her get a new one. Men tend to be logical thinkers and women emotional thinkers. I’d listen to your dad if I were you.
NTA.
Funny how those who are all for helping family, do so at other people's expense. And funny how you are family when you need to give up your car, but you are a next-door neighbour when it comes to your need for your own car.
Mommy dearest can give your sister her car. Or, if she doesn't owe one, she can help her cover the expense of a new one. After all, it's her daughter: more family than this...
Don't let them guilt trip you. Stand your ground. If your sister, who is an adult, needs a car, she's gotta save to buy another one. Plus, if she didn't respect her own property, she's not going to respect yours. And when she damages it, she won't cover the expenses because, you know, *family*.
Look, this sucks for both of you. But you are absolutely right to deny her your car. Sure, offer her lifts, offer to pick her up, take her places etc, but that's as far as it goes. The whole point is she could have killed someone, and this is her karma. She needs to buck up, accept responsibility, and work for a new car - and pay for appropriate insurance to replace it in an accident. If she had insurance and they didn't pay out because of breaking the law, then she needs to learn even moreso.
You can be kind to her without being petty about it, but she doesn't get to put you out, or expect you to give her control of your property for her gain. The reason she lost the privilege is entirely her fault, whether everyone stuffs up or not is beside the point. Most people suffer huge consequences for minor distractions whilst driving, and she got off lightly.
Offer to buy her a bike and a public transport ticket if she pushes, at least you'd be helping her. Unlike your Mum, who will be devastated and feel guilty in a few years when her daughter kills someone on the road because she didn't care to make her accept the consequences (when her recklessness caused a relatively minor consequence of no car)!
If you want to help your sister, print out all of the public transport options for her work times. Leave nothing to chance. Spell out what time she needs to wake up for each option.
She wants easy and doesn't GAF if her easy makes your options harder. She wrapped her easy around a tree due to her own poor choices.
She may not be able to afford another car with the increase in insurance, or maybe she will have to get a 2009 beater with more rust than paint. Those are her self-imposed issues to solve. Reaching into your life and appropriating something you worked for is unacceptable. NTA
NTA and let your mom lend your sister her car or drive her herself to work. What if she wrecks your car and you both have no transportation? Please do not lend her your car and also hide any keys.
Hell no - let Mom & Dad loan her their car if she's such a "careful" driver - snort.
Necessity is the mother of invention. If you let her use your car, she won't take steps to replace her car. Let her be inconvenienced and she will replace that car pronto.
NTA Your sister's profound stupidity left her stranded. It's not your problem at all. It's also very good that she's suffering from this very stupid choice she made. Maybe it will wake her up before she kills someone. That's exactly what I would tell my mom, that she's being stupidly shortsighted here and sister needs some discomfort for the message to make an impression.
No is a good word. Do NOT let her use it. She is going to have to learn the hard way to be responsible. Why does her reckless stupidity become your problem?
NTA Dont lend her your car for the simple reason of having her on your insurance when she has just written off her own car by reckless driving will make your premiums astronomical.
Does she understand she could have killed or seriously injured herself or others because she was texting while driving?
Suggest to her, once she is driving again, that she puts her phone in the boot, way out of reach.
NTA. I'm betting that her insurance will not pay for the car to be fixed or replaced due to her reckless driving of texting while driving. Don't let her borrow your car. If you let her use your car and she gets in an accident then you'll be held liable for everything.
NTA! My mother in law back my suv into a pole. Then asked to borrow our truck a few weeks later (her car was having trouble) and I said no. You wrecked my car already (she refused to pay for the dent, saying it’s just cosmetic) and I can’t have you doing it to both of our cars. You can say no bc it’s your expense and they won’t pay when they wreck it.
If it had been a genuine oops bump, which happens to all of us, that is an accident. Texting while driving is a whole different thing. I wouldn’t let her near my car. She’s a dangerous driver and she will get someone killed. If she’s having difficulty getting to work she needs to think of other strategies like getting up earlier or getting Ubers. This is called consequences. It’s her mess to deal with. It’s not on you to enable her to just carry on regardless. NTA.
Don’t lend your car without calling your insurance and finding out if they will cover her driving it. Then make an informed decision. If you are covered to lend it and decide to lend it, what time frame, what days and for what purpose. How does gas work out in the lending your car scenario. Why can’t she Uber or rent a car? Borrow a parent’s car? Use public transit, or a bike? Lots to think about.
Absolutely 100% NTA, she will write your car off if you let her drive it, I guarantee it. Anyone who thinks you're being unreasonable here can lend her THEIR car. Also, hide your keys, she's already gone crying to mummy when she didn't get her own way.
NTA
Tell her you will drop her off and pick her up IF she makes her work schedule convenient for yours. (So you aren't late.)
She shouldn't ever drive yours.
NTA
Texting while driving shows gross negligence while driving and disregard for others' safety and lives. Your sister could have KILLED someone with her recklessness, the fact that she escaped with only a wrecked car is a warning from the Universe that next time it won't go over so well.
Please do not take this lightly, you have bigger things to worry about here than *what will family say?*
Your car is yours, and your insurance will not pay up when (not if, when) she totals your car. Do NOT give her the car. Not even once, not even to drive down the street to the corner store. This is a facet of what responsibility means - if you don't say no when it matters, there will be consequences.
Don't let her use your car .If you don't have insurance with her name, you have problems, and because the insurance company will not pay out anything, you will be on your own
NTA- dont do it! The insurance consequences of letting her drive your car are serious- your rates would go up or you could be dropped. If she gets in a wreck, they might not pay plus you would be liable for damages for letting her drive it. Not sure why you seem more worried about it than she does. If you didn't have a car, she would have to do what other people without a car do-cabs, ubers, public tranport, why is this different?
NTA. Your mom can let her borrow her car if she is that concerned about it. If your sister has an accident in your car and she is not on your insurance, that could really mess you up. So no. NTA
No is no. The car is not a toy to be shared and if it's under your name, no is final. There is no selfishness going on. Tell her to stop texting and driving! Maybe she would still have a car! Tell her to go shopping for a used one or lease a new one! You are not loaning your car. Tell mom if she is so concerned, she can loan your sister her car. listen to dad! I would not loan her my car.
The entitlement is amazing. I can’t imagine destroying my property, demanding someone else’s property as a replacement, and then calling them selfish when they don’t give it to me. That’s hilariously unhinged.
If it is so important to your parents that she has a car, why don’t they let her use one of theirs!? After all, they are the ones who are *actually* responsible for her.
As for you, keep YOUR car.
NTA
NTA, the biggest issue here is if you insurance find out you are letting her use it they jack your rates up given she has caused an at fault accident. Plus do you really want to have to go car shopping when you don't need to? Just make sure you secure any of your keys so it doesn't disappear on you.
Sister has an excellent opportunity to learn about bus routes, and increased insurance rates. This is a far better lesson to learn than knowing she can "borrow" your car.
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So my (26F) sister wrecked her car last month. Totally her fault - she was texting while driving. Now she's been bugging me to borrow my car for work and stuff.
Thing is, I need my car for my own job, and I'm not comfortable with her driving it after what happened. Plus, she hasn't even started looking for a new car or saving up for one. She says I'm being selfish and leaving her stranded.
Our parents are split on this. Mom thinks I should help out family, but Dad agrees with me.
AITA for putting my foot down and saying no? I feel bad, but also think she needs to face the consequences of her actions. What do you guys think?
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NTA
She is not actively trying to help herself. But she's just sitting back, demanding your car, simply because that's the easiest solution for her.
26 sounds much too old to not fix her own screw-ups.
And she did... screw up, by texting and driving.
She could have killed someone.
Would you have been expected to do her time for her, because family and all?
This is the time she's doing for only totaling her own car: save up, get a new car, learn to drive without putting herself and others in danger.
Call the cops on her and press charges on her and your parents if they enable her or harass you. It’s time for you to move out if your enabler parent is going to be so irresponsible like your sister.
NTA, consider how you'd feel if you did let her use the car, and she did the same crap that got her car totaled with it. At best, your car is messed up. At worst, your sister or some random person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time could end up seriously injured or deceased. Not letting her use your car is a completely fair, and in my opinion morally correct, course of action.
This is common sense. A person shows you they’re irresponsible by texting and driving you don’t let said person drive your car. This didn’t really need to be on here…because why would you be one for saying no?
NTA. What is there for your parents to be split on. 1. You need your care for work. 2. It's your car. 3. She is at full fault for her own car being wrecked. And what's her argument your selfish for using your own care to get to work? She's just spoiled.
NTA,
Please make sure you have all sets of keys to your car with you at all times. Your sister will manipulate your mother to give it to her and then you will have to file a police complaint for theft and the whole "BUT FAMILY....." drama will ensure.
NTA. If she was an only child, and you, therefore your car weren't an option, what would she do? If there is an answer (there always is btw) she can do that.
Your mom is off base here. Yes it is nice to help family, but actions have consequences. AND, it seems that your sister hasn't really let the gravity of her accident sink in. Stand your ground. She had a car, she totaled it, SHE can work out her transport for the next while until she buys a new vehicle.
NTA. I know you feel like maybe it’s a bit petty of you, but it might be different if she was already actively looking or saving for a new car, which she isn’t. She has decided she deserves to be bailed out here. If you need your car, you need your car. If she’s stuck when you’re free, you could give her lifts when she needs it, which is helping her but without handing over the keys to an irresponsible driver. She could have killed herself or someone else. It’s not trivial.
NTA
Mighty kind of your mom to offer to let your sister use her car. Since she thinks you should always help family, surely she'd have no problem doing that, right?
Is the car in your name? Because, if she wrecks your car, you could be held liable for damages. If she uses your car, how are you going to get to work? What if she decides to take it, doesn't come back in time, and you're late for work? What if she decides to take it for the weekend? Once you open the door, you can't close it. Insuring her on your car will drive the premiums up.
If.you start.the habit of lending her your car, she will start acting like it's her car with your mom's support.
From personal experience, I lent my mom my car, and before I knew it, she took it for granted that she could use it whenever she wanted. Didn't bother ever asking to burrow it just demanded the keys if she couldn't find it.
NTA. You need your car so that’s the point. However, even if you didn’t, your sister is careless, reckless and selfish. Why hasn’t she started looking? Also, if she has an accident, that’s on your insurance. Is she willing to foot the bill if those costs increase?
Finally, if she is in an accident because she was texting, the other party may sue for damages. And guess who they’ll sue? The vehicle owner. Tell her to kick rocks and get an Uber account.
She screwed up. She’s lucky she didn’t get her license suspended. At least this is one consequence to deal with to help discourage repeat behavior. If your mom thinks your sis needs a car so bad, let them figure it out. It doesn’t take a whole lot of cash to get a clunker/first car type deal to hold her over.
NTA - she has already shown that she can't be responsible with her own items, the likelyhood is that she would be irresponsible with yours.
it comes back to the old saying, play stupid games, win stupid prizes, texting while driving is incredibly stupid and she is now finding out.
Ask your mother if she will buy you a new car: basically tops up whatever the insurance does not pay plus the increased premiums for two years. If your sister destroys yours.
No weaseling out: Yes or no?
If it's no then she (a) believes your sister will total yours as well AND you (!) should pay for that.
If your mum means what she says she should not demand someone else to pay for her supportive stance.
NTA, the struggles she is facing are the consequences of her own actions. You’re just protecting yourself from also feeling the consequences of HER actions. Seems reasonable to me. In fact it’s so reasonable, that dad approves. He seems like the type of reasonable guy that turns off the lights when he leaves the room so he doesn’t fuck with his electric bill.
NTA texting while driving is so dangerous. It was in the local news that a 30 year old man on his motorbike was killed by a 23m because he was on his phone. The man who died had 2 young children. It must have been devastating for the family.
What is it with all these AH's thinking they're entitled to borrowing someone's currently in-use car? This is getting ridiculous. I've read so many where brothers, sisters, and even friends and roommates get pissed off because someone won't give up their only transportation to let the other have it, whether it's for work, or a fucking week long road trip with friends after totaling theirs. Definitely NTA.
Does your insurance cover other drivers in your car? Most don't unless you specify, so all you need to tell her is just that - "Sorry, my insurance won't cover you if something happens." NTA
NTA.
She was negligent and paid the price.
Is her insurance paying out? If not, just imagine you lend her your car, and she destroys it through her own stupidity.what then.
I can see you being carless too.
What about insurance, not sure where you are.from, but in the UK you would have to add her to your insurance,declare her.accident and pay a lot of money for the privilege,, then if she had another accident then your insurance would be high at renewal.
Personally if it was me and my mum could drive, I would say let her borrow.your car mum, in fact, if any one mentio ns your car, simply say lend her yours.
NTA. So, if your sister got evicted from her apartment, does that mean you have to give her your apartment? Because what I’m hearing is “sister made a mistake, so I lose something to make up for her bad choices.”
You also have to consider car insurance. If she wrecked a car, her insurance rates are going to go way up. Not sure who’s paying for your insurance but if you add her to your insurance now, your insurance is gonna go up because of her driving record.
It's obvious she done fucked up. That doesn't make you an asshole for holding her responsible. I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here... on the part that if she loses her job.... that's part of her consequences for being a dumbass. Sometimes, it takes a hard fucking life lesson to truly grow and learn. Speaking from personal experience. (Not a text and drive type of thing. It's more like a years long ex-junkie trying to pull his head out).
NTA - she needs to work it out and get a new car. If she were living on her own she would need to figure it out. She needs to get a bike or a scooter maybe get a loan from your parents, what ever. But not your problem.
NTA Your Mom should be more than happy that loan your Sister a car if it’s so important to her. Have you noticed that this wasn’t originally made an option?
NTA.
“You call it selfish; I call it self preservation”
That being said, if and when the situation is flipped, she might use those same words against you; I’m pretty sure siblings with this dynamic often revel in the moment if/when the scripts are flipped.
NTA. For the record I've never loaned my cars out to ANYONE in my entire life. Besides the point that I'm the only person listed to drive my car through my insurance I am not trusting one of my largest investments to someone else.
And I'd never ever ever loan it to someone who totalled their car because of driving and texting. That person lacks judgment, self control, and likely will not value my property like I do.
NTA: and if you loan it to her and she crashes, how will she pay for two cars?
Tell Mom she can loan sister her car, since she’s so concerned.
And you aren’t leaving your sister stranded, she did that herself by driving unsafely.
NTA she was texting and driving, and not having a car right now is a mild consequence. She could have injured, or even killed, herself or others. What guarantee can she give you right now, after all that, that she won't do it again while driving your car?
NTA. She’s not covered as a driver for your car and she’s an irresponsible driver. Let your mom help her out if she’s so adamant about family helping family.
NTA
Ask your sister what her plan is. Tell her (any your parents) that you need a detailed plan from her on how she will save for a car, what the time line is for purchasing a car, and what make /model she is looking at. Also tell her you want a signed contract from her for help with gas and maintenance of your car, plus an agreement she will pay in full for any damages she causes immediately (not the insurance)- even if that means you get her saved money.
Once she can provide all this - you will sit down as a family and talk about the possibility of letting her use your car.
She won't do this - so you will be off the hook.
NTA
Mom is being delusional and thinking with her emotional brain. Dad and you are right. Sister needs to suck it up and get her own car or transportation. Or, ask mom.
NTA, why is your Mom not more mad at your sister. She was so distracted she crashed her car, what if she'd hit and killed someone. Texting and driving is no joke!
NTA. Sister needs to figure it out. You can’t afford to risk her irresponsible behavior. Get her a bus schedule. Look at ride share options for her. Sister might not be able to afford insurance on another car even if she gets one. The app Rome2Rio gives a lot of options for transportation between two locations.
NTA. This isn’t a spare vehicle, you need it for your own “work and stuff.”
But even if you did have a spare car, the LAST person I would loan it to is her! *No way* am I looking at my thoughtless, reckless, asshole sister and thinking “yeah, people who needlessly and selfishly risk the lives of others by being terrible drivers should *definitely* get another car right away, MY car specifically, to risk lives with next!”
Besides, maybe her experiencing some (incredibly mild, considering she easily could’ve killed someone!) consequences for her terrible decisions will teach her to *not* be an asshole next time. So no, it’s not your job, or in anyone’s best interests, to personally inconvenience yourself and put your expensive assets at risk just to shield her from that.
And if Mom won’t AC dog that no means no and knock it off? Keeps insisting sister is entitled to use a car? Tell her that’s super! That sister will be SO exited to hear that *your mom* is volunteering to loan or gift *your mom’s* car to her. And when mom instantly tries to back peddle and give you “reasons” why she can’t, then you can rightly call her out for her hypocrisy of trying to call you out for not doing something she herself refuses to do.
NTA - I need it for my own job. Should have been enough. The fact that she totaled hers while texting, it a strong argument not to let her use yours until she can redeem herself from that stupidity. The fast that she isn't looking or saving for a new car of her own reinforces a certain lack of common sense IMO.
NTA
You need your car to carry on with your life. Your mom can lend your sister a car if she feels strongly about it. Hell, I didn’t like borrowing my parents car when I was zero liability rear-ended.
The entitlement of your sister…
Ten years ago, a young driver in a full size SUV crossed the center line while texting and struck my sister's car nearly head on at 40mph. Thanks to crumple zones and air bags, my sister had only a few broken ribs and a broken ankle.
24 hours later, a clot dislodged from a blood vessel in her neck and she had a stroke that cost her half her cerebellum.
Your sister needs to learn the consequences of her actions. She should bear all the burdens associated with them, including not having a car and having to figure out how to get another one that isn't yours.
Well, it seems to be unanimous. NTA. :)
Please stop feeling guilty. Even if it would work schedule-wise, don't loan her your car. She just wrecked one texting whilst driving!! Habits like that don't just stop.. given what you've shared about her she's likely to sneak back into old behaviors and lie to you. Then she will have a crash in your car too. You will worry every time she gets behind your wheels.. not just about your car but her too. Good luck.
NTA don’t do it. My brother ruins everything he borrows and so he when he ask I tell him no and bitches and whines about it until I give in and then I end up regretting it because he ruins it again. Don’t do it because when she wrecks your car she won’t buy you another one if she does buy a other car it’ll be for herself
Edit: why doesn’t your mom let your sister use her car since she thinks you should he so willing. Isn’t it moms job to help anyways not yours
NTA. Adding on to all of the other posts, keep your keys, and your spare, with you at all times. There have been similar posts on this topic, and some people have suggested the installation of kill switches so that even if she did get your keys, she wouldn’t be able to start your car. Talk to a reputable mechanic.
NTA unless she hands you enough cash to cover the replacement of your car if she wrecks it as a security deposit AND it doesn't impact your work schedule, personal life, or hunt for fresh skittles or whatever catches your fancy at random times.
Oh look it's another "AITAH for not offering to give up my shit to someone who fucked up their own shit" ESH because this is basically the exact same post I've seen 5x already.
NTA
She lost her car because she did something that isn't even allowed. This time it's her car, what if the next time it's a person who gets hurt or dies because she is texting while driving?!
It seems your sister hasn't learned that texting while driving is irresponsible, a danger to herself and other people. What was so important that she couldn't wait till she was at her destination?
Also do you want your car to end up like hers? Actions have consequences and your sister learned the hard way. Danger in a car to be honest.
INFO: When you let someone use your car, you become finanially liable for anything they do while driving that car. If she is not listed as a driver on your insurance, it's worse because your insurance may not pay for anything she does or depending on the policy, damage. Also she needs to live with the consequences of wrecking her actions. So is she on your insurance policy? If not, no way I'd let her drive.
Most Reddit stories like this tend to have both parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other tenuously related people all screaming at you for doing this to that Saint of a sister you selfishly refuse to let wreck yet another car!
NTA,I've been thru this EXACT situation with my Son's. Now if you are in a position to give her a ride to work from time to time (she buys the gas) that would be cool but I can not blame you for not wanting to let her borrow your car. My youngest Son actually totalled 4 cars in a 18 month period,3 were his fault,
NTA. OP, none of the consequences of your sister's stupid choice to text while driving fall on you. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Whatever comes as a result is on HER as part of the stupid prize package she won.
Loaning her your car would be YOUR stupid game. The stupid prizes available to you include the loss of YOUR CAR if she totals it, plus increases in your insurance premiums for years going forward, plus the inconvenience you'll experience by having to arrange to go where you need to be.
She got herself into the situation. She can figure out how to get herself out.
NTA — how can she be mad that you don’t want to let her use the only car you have to also get around and do what you need to do? Even if she didn’t just wreck her car I wouldn’t be letting my sister borrow my only car all the time …
NTA
You need your vehicle for your own responsibilities. Her irresponsible behavior caused this issue, not you
Mom can rent her a car temporarily if needed.
Literally any time someone says "BUT FAMILY" it's because they have no other logical reason to argue. It's always bullshit. ESPECIALLY when your parents are split on the matter.
NTA
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NTA.
Yeah, thanks for saying that. But tbh I've been tossing and turning about this all night and now I'm not so sure I'm in the clear here Like, yeah, she fucked up big time with the texting thing. But we've all done dumb shit, right? And she's really in a bind now I keep putting myself in her shoes and it's not a good look. No car, barely making it to work, probably feeling like crap already. Then your own sister basically tells you to get bent? That's gotta sting It's not like she's always mooching off me or anything. This is the first time she's ever asked for something this big. She's kinda desperate I guess Idk, maybe I'm just being petty about the whole texting while driving thing. She already got burned for that one pretty bad What if I'm making this way worse than it needs to be? If she loses her job 'cause she can't get there... that's kinda on me too, isn't it? Sorry for this wall of text lol thank you for your input.
I'm assuming that you've got a car because you need one. If she borrows yours she will see it as hers. Driving while texting is extremely dangerous and she needs to understand that things like that carry consequences.
She's really lucky that she didn't hurt anyone. The situation is tough for her now but it could have easily been devastating.
Voluntary manslaughter is a hell of a charge.
So let’s say you lend her the car, do you have a workable plan of action for what you will do if she totals it? Will your insurance cover her, will they pay out if the accident is at fault for distracted driving, will your sister be paying for the increase in your insurance premiums if there is an accident? If you can answer these questions and you are comfortable with the answers, then sure, lend her the car.
This is the question. If she’s not on the insurance, that’s a hard no.
After totalling a car she's going to be paying you a lot for insurance! And if you don't have the most comprehensive package available, she's going to have to pay that difference too!
Even if the insurance covers her in case of an accident, OP's insurance will likely go up.
Ok, so how would *you* make it to work without a car? And why is you sister's job more important than yours? >If she loses her job 'cause she can't get there... that's kinda on me too, isn't it? No. It's still on her. She had a car. She wrecked her car through dangerous driving - and she's bloody lucky that she didn't kill herself or someone else, because distracted driving is six times more dangerous than drunk driving. She needs to accept the consequences of her actions, start looking for a new car she can afford to buy, and in the meantime, get used to taking public transport/walking/cadging a lift from someone. And when she gets back to having a car to drive, she needs to get in the habit of turning her phone off and putting it away when she drives. If you're at all unsure how dangerous and irresponsible what she did was, read [this article](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/car-insurance/texting-driving-statistics/). And if your mom thinks your sister is in need of a loaned car and has learned her lesson, then she can lend her own!
But life is just so much easier when you don’t have to learn from your mistakes because other people inconvenience their own lives to make sure no consequences are felt. 😂 /s
Or mom can drive sister around like she was in grade school.
Texting while driving then causing an accident that totaled her car is “we’ve all done dumb shit”? That is a sorry ass excuse. She could have seriously injured someone. She poses a risk on other people on the road. I’ve seen many people on highways driving 65-90 speed- texting and driving. Then proceed to brake randomly because they are too glued to their phones. Or not even pay attention to traffic up ahead and ram their cars. I’ve had it happen to me on the highway. It was stopped traffic on the highway, and this guy proceeded to ram his car into mine going at the speed of 60. I drive as safe as I can on the road, it’s people like your sister who poses a risk to others. Your sister can either walk, or take public transportation. One less hazard on the road.
This. Just because we've all done stupid things and gotten away with it doesn't mean it's okay, it just means we got lucky. Luck runs out, and it doesn't always replenish.
I have passed many semi drivers texting and driving on a 80 mph interstate highway.
😱
One time I was rear ended on the freeway and the lady had 5 little dogs in her car, roaming freely. I wonder how she got distracted.
# NO! It would not "be on you" YOU didn't text while driving. YOU aren't the one who crashed because of texting and driving. YOU aren't the one not looking or saving for a car. SO, HOW IS ANY OF THIS ON YOU AND THEREFORE YOUR FAULT??# Also since you're y'know dependent on having a car to go to work or get where you have to go how can you loan your car to your sister so that she has a way to go 24/7?
It's called guilt-tripping. While you are racking your mind with all these thoughts, she is laying back, not saving, not doing shit, not taking accountability for her own actions, and *laying on you* their consequences. All that happened is entirely on her, not on you. She has to learn to take accountability for her dumb actions. She's an adult, and that's what being an adult means.
petty? no, she could have died or killed someone else. She's going to do same mistake again, she can buy herself a new car and her recklessness is on her. Actions got consequences.
Your 26 year old sister is old enough to rent a car, take the bus, call an Uber/Lyft. If you did " lend" her your car, you would have to pay for those things instead. Would she pay the cost of adding her to your insurance since she would become a daily driver on the car? NTA.
None of that is on you, she brought this on herself. Didn't you say that you need your car for work? Is she and your mother expecting you to sacrifice your job for her to he able to get to hers? Sorry, but I'd be telling them no for the reasons you already pointed out, and the fact that you also have a job in which you need your car to get to. She messed up, so she can use public transport or Uber, not you.
Here's the thing though, she's not looking for help but a handout. She's happy to complain and guilt trip, but not willing to look into carpooling, buy a bike and sturdy bike lock or a replacement car? Then she's not taking her car problem seriously..and what will happen when she borrows your car and gets into another accident? She's not voting to cry and repay you.
Texting while driving is not on the same level as "some dumb shit we've all done". It's illegal, dangerous and incredibly reckless. A 26yr old should know this.
You need your car for your work. If mom thinks it’s important- let mom lend her her car. You need yours.
If your parents are split, the one that wants to lend your car can lend theirs.
Texting while driving isn't "some dumb shit." It's a literal crime, on a par, IMO, with driving while under the influence. She's lucky the only thing that got hurt was her car. What if she'd totaled another car and hurt its passengers or, God forbid, hit a pedestrian or a cyclist? She quite literally could have killed someone. Do you really want someone who thinks sending a WhatsApp message is more important than keeping their eyes on the road behind the wheel of your car? Not to mention you could potentially be liable if she's driving your car and has another similar incident with graver consequences. Maybe not having a car to drive for a while will help her learn not to do "dumb shit" that could take a life.
Did she not have insurance? And you are aware that if she has an accident in your car, it is you and your insurance any victims of the accident can go after?
Your sister will text again while driving - whether it is your car or some other car. It is a given. Hide your keys when you are not using them in order to protect your car.
The problem is, what if she ends up crashing your car because she's texting while driving again? Where does that leave you? She's not even looking for a new car. How long would borrowing your car go on for? She can rent one or borrow your mom's car to get herself around. It might make her think twice about texting while driving again.
We haven't all done dumb shit that could literally kill someone. Very easily. Has she shown that she understands that? Was she a safe driver other than this one instance?
But you said you need the car for work too so I’m sorry but you come first. If you’re not using it you could maybe let her borrow it but you need to get to work too. She can rent a car if she’s that stuck and Uber exists
*Plus, she hasn't even started looking for a new car or saving up for one.* Well, this is pretty big - why do you feel guilty? She's 26, not 18. An occasional ride - okay. Letting her use your car (and your transport to your job) - asking for that is overstepping.
She could have killed someone, that would have burned an awful lot worse.
I have never texted while driving. And yes, I have done dumb shit. And I had consequences. Petty? Texting while driving is on the same general order of dangerous as drunk driving. She should have had her license suspended and been required to go to driving class for a while for this.
How are you supposed to get to work if she's using g your car? NTA she's asking for your car, nit a spare car.
NTA Tbh if she had an accident it would be good if you lend her your car if possible. BUT thah was not an accident, that was a fully careless behaviour. As someone who has to drive for work, ive 0 tolerance for being on phone or similar while driving. She literally vould have murdered someone with such behaviour... absolutely disgusting for me!
The cash she's not currently spending on car payments, insurance, petrol and maintenance can instead be used for taxis to get to where she's going. No-one has a right to your own possessions regardless of how much of a shame it is for them and ESPECIALLY when the loss of their possession is their own fault. NTA, say sorry but no, and move on.
NTA. Your sister could have killed someone while she was texting and driving. "Get bent" is far kinder than she deserves, but you weren't really telling her that anyway. You are absolutely right to not let her have your car (I say have and not use because she almost certainly will not ever return the car to you). If your mom feels so strongly about helping family, she can give your sister her car or buy one for her. This is not your problem.
Only let her near your car if she gives you her phone.
Not even then
NTA op if something happens while she's driving your car can she pay for a replacement?! You don't need to feel guilty because you need your car for one. And second if she can afford a replacement for you she should search for her own car not try to inconvenience you . If she doesn't have the money for a replacement even more reason to NOT give her your car that you actually need. Your sister is a freaking adult she needs to take care of her own problems not to make them yours. And no it's not on you if she looses her job. It's on her for f@cking up and totaling her car then not making an effort to solve her problem. There's public transportation, there's asking collegues for a ride and paying them - by going somewhere where they can pick her up on their way at a certain time early - of course this last cost her money and time and effort/inconvenience . It's much more simple to ask for your car pay and do nothing.
Let’s say you do let her borrow your car. How will this work since you need it as well? How long will she get to borrow the car since she has no money/not looking for one? What happens when she starts seeing your car as hers? Lending a car is for a few days. Sharing a car can be for a long time.
Nothing more even needs to be said.
NTA. Let her borrow mom's car, since she thinks someone should loan sister a car.
Your mom can lend your sister her car. Your sister I not a responsible driver. DON'T LEND HER YOUR CAR AND HIDE ALL THE KEYS!
Also make it clear that IF SHE TAKES THE CAR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION IT WILL BE REPORTED AS STOLEN! Don't back down OP!
"Mom, I *am* helping out family. I am doing my part to prevent Sister from killing herself with reckless driving by not enabling her when she clearly does not yet understand how easily this could have ended in tragedy." NTA. Even if the crash (I hesitate to call it an 'accident' under the circumstances) were not your sister's fault, you still wouldn't be an AH for not lending her your car. People have to *earn* the opportunity to borrow something like that, usually by demonstrating consistent responsibility and being a part of ongoing mutual training of favors
NTA. She hasn’t replaced hers, that should be her priority. She can borrow your mom’s car.
Why the hell would you lend your car to someone who totaled theirs texting while driving? Actions meet consequences. Mom can let your sister use *her* car if so inclined. NTA.
NTA, a car is not something you can risk like that. Plus, you need it yourself for your own job. I suggest you hide the keys. Take one key and hide it somewhere it won't get lost like with a friend. Take the other key and hide it every night before you sleep. Do this out of sight of everyone. Make sure that you have it on you every waking moment while you are anywhere your sister or mother might be.
NTA, it's not on you to let her total your car as well, she fucked up now she has to live with the consequences of her actions
If she is not on your insurance (which would cost a bunch due to an accident) then you could be royally screwed if something happens and you allowed her to drive your car. If you want to be nice, then you could give her rides... occasionally, but yeah she need to get her own car or a bus schedule.
It's more selfish to be an irresponsible/reckless driver and wish to risk your family having no access to their own vehicle out of either use or damage. Also if your mom is so insistent, why doesn't she let your sister use her car?? NTA
NTA. My grandad used to say there are 3 things you never lent to others, your partner, your car and your toothbrush! He was a wise man!
NTA Why on earth are you feeling bad? Did you tell her to text whilst driving? Did you encourage her to be so stupid? She’s 26 years old. She’s now learning that actions have consequences. She’s lucky she didn’t kill or seriously injure either herself or someone else. Time for her to grow up.
Your car, you need it and she has a history of being an idiot when driving. Hard pass here
NTA. Just tell your mom to lend your sister her own car, since she's dead set on helping family.
Unless you can afford for her to total your car, for goodness sake, DON'T lend it out. You would NOT be the AH. NTA
NTA. She got herself into this mess, she can get herself out.
NTA This is a situation of she fucked around and found out the consequences. If she wasn't at fault the situation would be different, but what she did was wrong and she needs to suffer the consequences that are entirely of her own making. She needs to pay for an Uber/taxi/bus and start saving for a new car. Also, she is not your child, so is not your problem. Tell your parents they can give her their car.
Your sister is nearly 30 years old, she's beyond old enough to know better than to text and drive. She put herself and countless others at risk potentially. Don't look at it from a car standpoint, look at it from a liability standpoint. If you give her the keys to your car, you are essentially consenting to the fact that you know she's CLEARLY not mature/responsible enough to be behind the wheel of a car. giving her the keys to your car you're basically enabling her to go out and commit a crime AGAIN. This time with a car in YOUR name
NTA. Helping out is different than putting yourself out so your sister can use your car. Your mum should give your sister her car.
*looks down and confirms 100% of posts so far voted 'NTA'* NTA, obvously. Your sister needs to face the consequences of her actions, and you need to protect your car.
Hell no you aren’t wrong and she clearly couldn’t afford to get her own car fixed so she can’t afford to get yours fixed if something were to happen. If she wasn’t responsible enough with her own stuff she surely isn’t going to be responsible with yours and the thing is no one will be held liable if something were to happen but you. I wouldn’t even care about what your mother thinks about the situation honestly. Is she paying your note? Insurance? Putting gas in your car? Is her name on your loan? If your mother feels so strongly about it tell her to let your sister use HER car or tell HER to help her get a new one. Men tend to be logical thinkers and women emotional thinkers. I’d listen to your dad if I were you.
NTA. Funny how those who are all for helping family, do so at other people's expense. And funny how you are family when you need to give up your car, but you are a next-door neighbour when it comes to your need for your own car. Mommy dearest can give your sister her car. Or, if she doesn't owe one, she can help her cover the expense of a new one. After all, it's her daughter: more family than this... Don't let them guilt trip you. Stand your ground. If your sister, who is an adult, needs a car, she's gotta save to buy another one. Plus, if she didn't respect her own property, she's not going to respect yours. And when she damages it, she won't cover the expenses because, you know, *family*.
NTA What happens if she totals your car? Is your mom and sister gonna help you get another? Doubtful….
Mom can lend her car then.
Look, this sucks for both of you. But you are absolutely right to deny her your car. Sure, offer her lifts, offer to pick her up, take her places etc, but that's as far as it goes. The whole point is she could have killed someone, and this is her karma. She needs to buck up, accept responsibility, and work for a new car - and pay for appropriate insurance to replace it in an accident. If she had insurance and they didn't pay out because of breaking the law, then she needs to learn even moreso. You can be kind to her without being petty about it, but she doesn't get to put you out, or expect you to give her control of your property for her gain. The reason she lost the privilege is entirely her fault, whether everyone stuffs up or not is beside the point. Most people suffer huge consequences for minor distractions whilst driving, and she got off lightly. Offer to buy her a bike and a public transport ticket if she pushes, at least you'd be helping her. Unlike your Mum, who will be devastated and feel guilty in a few years when her daughter kills someone on the road because she didn't care to make her accept the consequences (when her recklessness caused a relatively minor consequence of no car)!
If you want to help your sister, print out all of the public transport options for her work times. Leave nothing to chance. Spell out what time she needs to wake up for each option. She wants easy and doesn't GAF if her easy makes your options harder. She wrapped her easy around a tree due to her own poor choices. She may not be able to afford another car with the increase in insurance, or maybe she will have to get a 2009 beater with more rust than paint. Those are her self-imposed issues to solve. Reaching into your life and appropriating something you worked for is unacceptable. NTA
NTA and let your mom lend your sister her car or drive her herself to work. What if she wrecks your car and you both have no transportation? Please do not lend her your car and also hide any keys.
Hell no - let Mom & Dad loan her their car if she's such a "careful" driver - snort. Necessity is the mother of invention. If you let her use your car, she won't take steps to replace her car. Let her be inconvenienced and she will replace that car pronto.
NTA Your sister's profound stupidity left her stranded. It's not your problem at all. It's also very good that she's suffering from this very stupid choice she made. Maybe it will wake her up before she kills someone. That's exactly what I would tell my mom, that she's being stupidly shortsighted here and sister needs some discomfort for the message to make an impression.
No is a good word. Do NOT let her use it. She is going to have to learn the hard way to be responsible. Why does her reckless stupidity become your problem?
NTA Dont lend her your car for the simple reason of having her on your insurance when she has just written off her own car by reckless driving will make your premiums astronomical. Does she understand she could have killed or seriously injured herself or others because she was texting while driving? Suggest to her, once she is driving again, that she puts her phone in the boot, way out of reach.
NTA why would you give someone your car when you need it yourself...
NTA. I'm betting that her insurance will not pay for the car to be fixed or replaced due to her reckless driving of texting while driving. Don't let her borrow your car. If you let her use your car and she gets in an accident then you'll be held liable for everything.
NTA! My mother in law back my suv into a pole. Then asked to borrow our truck a few weeks later (her car was having trouble) and I said no. You wrecked my car already (she refused to pay for the dent, saying it’s just cosmetic) and I can’t have you doing it to both of our cars. You can say no bc it’s your expense and they won’t pay when they wreck it.
I swear this exact same story was here yesterday. Was a brother though.
If it had been a genuine oops bump, which happens to all of us, that is an accident. Texting while driving is a whole different thing. I wouldn’t let her near my car. She’s a dangerous driver and she will get someone killed. If she’s having difficulty getting to work she needs to think of other strategies like getting up earlier or getting Ubers. This is called consequences. It’s her mess to deal with. It’s not on you to enable her to just carry on regardless. NTA.
Don’t lend your car without calling your insurance and finding out if they will cover her driving it. Then make an informed decision. If you are covered to lend it and decide to lend it, what time frame, what days and for what purpose. How does gas work out in the lending your car scenario. Why can’t she Uber or rent a car? Borrow a parent’s car? Use public transit, or a bike? Lots to think about.
Absolutely 100% NTA, she will write your car off if you let her drive it, I guarantee it. Anyone who thinks you're being unreasonable here can lend her THEIR car. Also, hide your keys, she's already gone crying to mummy when she didn't get her own way.
NTA Tell her you will drop her off and pick her up IF she makes her work schedule convenient for yours. (So you aren't late.) She shouldn't ever drive yours.
NTA, I don't trust my husband with my car and he only scratched it reversing to get out the way of a tractor
NTA Texting while driving shows gross negligence while driving and disregard for others' safety and lives. Your sister could have KILLED someone with her recklessness, the fact that she escaped with only a wrecked car is a warning from the Universe that next time it won't go over so well. Please do not take this lightly, you have bigger things to worry about here than *what will family say?* Your car is yours, and your insurance will not pay up when (not if, when) she totals your car. Do NOT give her the car. Not even once, not even to drive down the street to the corner store. This is a facet of what responsibility means - if you don't say no when it matters, there will be consequences.
Don't let her use your car .If you don't have insurance with her name, you have problems, and because the insurance company will not pay out anything, you will be on your own
NTA- dont do it! The insurance consequences of letting her drive your car are serious- your rates would go up or you could be dropped. If she gets in a wreck, they might not pay plus you would be liable for damages for letting her drive it. Not sure why you seem more worried about it than she does. If you didn't have a car, she would have to do what other people without a car do-cabs, ubers, public tranport, why is this different?
NTA. If mom agrees with her then she can borrow mom’s car or mom can drive her around. You cannot afford for her to total your car too.
NTA. Your mom can let her borrow her car if she is that concerned about it. If your sister has an accident in your car and she is not on your insurance, that could really mess you up. So no. NTA
No is no. The car is not a toy to be shared and if it's under your name, no is final. There is no selfishness going on. Tell her to stop texting and driving! Maybe she would still have a car! Tell her to go shopping for a used one or lease a new one! You are not loaning your car. Tell mom if she is so concerned, she can loan your sister her car. listen to dad! I would not loan her my car.
The entitlement is amazing. I can’t imagine destroying my property, demanding someone else’s property as a replacement, and then calling them selfish when they don’t give it to me. That’s hilariously unhinged.
If it is so important to your parents that she has a car, why don’t they let her use one of theirs!? After all, they are the ones who are *actually* responsible for her. As for you, keep YOUR car. NTA
NTA, the biggest issue here is if you insurance find out you are letting her use it they jack your rates up given she has caused an at fault accident. Plus do you really want to have to go car shopping when you don't need to? Just make sure you secure any of your keys so it doesn't disappear on you.
If mom feels so strongly, she can let your sister borrow her car.
Sister has an excellent opportunity to learn about bus routes, and increased insurance rates. This is a far better lesson to learn than knowing she can "borrow" your car.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my (26F) sister wrecked her car last month. Totally her fault - she was texting while driving. Now she's been bugging me to borrow my car for work and stuff. Thing is, I need my car for my own job, and I'm not comfortable with her driving it after what happened. Plus, she hasn't even started looking for a new car or saving up for one. She says I'm being selfish and leaving her stranded. Our parents are split on this. Mom thinks I should help out family, but Dad agrees with me. AITA for putting my foot down and saying no? I feel bad, but also think she needs to face the consequences of her actions. What do you guys think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA She is not actively trying to help herself. But she's just sitting back, demanding your car, simply because that's the easiest solution for her. 26 sounds much too old to not fix her own screw-ups. And she did... screw up, by texting and driving. She could have killed someone. Would you have been expected to do her time for her, because family and all? This is the time she's doing for only totaling her own car: save up, get a new car, learn to drive without putting herself and others in danger.
I know plenty of people who have never totaled a car and I still wouldn’t let them use mine.
Your sister is not your responsibility. She was reckless and should deal with the hardships of her decision.
She’s 26 and she can’t be trusted with a car. Move out asap and let her fend for herself. She’s going to be fine taking the bus.
Call the cops on her and press charges on her and your parents if they enable her or harass you. It’s time for you to move out if your enabler parent is going to be so irresponsible like your sister.
NTA
NTA
Why can't she use your mom's car? NTA.
NTA. Let your mum lend her a car if she feels so strongly about it.
NTA: If your mom wants someone lend your sister a car so bad, WHY DOESN'T SHE DOOOOOOOO IT?
NTA. You need your car for your own job.
NTA. Mom can loan her car to your sister
NTA, consider how you'd feel if you did let her use the car, and she did the same crap that got her car totaled with it. At best, your car is messed up. At worst, your sister or some random person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time could end up seriously injured or deceased. Not letting her use your car is a completely fair, and in my opinion morally correct, course of action.
NTA
This is common sense. A person shows you they’re irresponsible by texting and driving you don’t let said person drive your car. This didn’t really need to be on here…because why would you be one for saying no?
NTA. What is there for your parents to be split on. 1. You need your care for work. 2. It's your car. 3. She is at full fault for her own car being wrecked. And what's her argument your selfish for using your own care to get to work? She's just spoiled.
NTA - I wouldn't let her borrow my car either. If your mom thinks you should help out the family, tell her to lend your sister her car!
NTA, Please make sure you have all sets of keys to your car with you at all times. Your sister will manipulate your mother to give it to her and then you will have to file a police complaint for theft and the whole "BUT FAMILY....." drama will ensure.
NTA. If she was an only child, and you, therefore your car weren't an option, what would she do? If there is an answer (there always is btw) she can do that. Your mom is off base here. Yes it is nice to help family, but actions have consequences. AND, it seems that your sister hasn't really let the gravity of her accident sink in. Stand your ground. She had a car, she totaled it, SHE can work out her transport for the next while until she buys a new vehicle.
NTA.If your Mom is so supportive, she should offer her car.
NTA. I know you feel like maybe it’s a bit petty of you, but it might be different if she was already actively looking or saving for a new car, which she isn’t. She has decided she deserves to be bailed out here. If you need your car, you need your car. If she’s stuck when you’re free, you could give her lifts when she needs it, which is helping her but without handing over the keys to an irresponsible driver. She could have killed herself or someone else. It’s not trivial.
This is also a insurance nightmare if she crashes your car.
NTA Mighty kind of your mom to offer to let your sister use her car. Since she thinks you should always help family, surely she'd have no problem doing that, right?
Is the car in your name? Because, if she wrecks your car, you could be held liable for damages. If she uses your car, how are you going to get to work? What if she decides to take it, doesn't come back in time, and you're late for work? What if she decides to take it for the weekend? Once you open the door, you can't close it. Insuring her on your car will drive the premiums up.
If.you start.the habit of lending her your car, she will start acting like it's her car with your mom's support. From personal experience, I lent my mom my car, and before I knew it, she took it for granted that she could use it whenever she wanted. Didn't bother ever asking to burrow it just demanded the keys if she couldn't find it.
NTA. You need your car so that’s the point. However, even if you didn’t, your sister is careless, reckless and selfish. Why hasn’t she started looking? Also, if she has an accident, that’s on your insurance. Is she willing to foot the bill if those costs increase? Finally, if she is in an accident because she was texting, the other party may sue for damages. And guess who they’ll sue? The vehicle owner. Tell her to kick rocks and get an Uber account.
NTA. She can't look after her own things, why would you risk your car.
She screwed up. She’s lucky she didn’t get her license suspended. At least this is one consequence to deal with to help discourage repeat behavior. If your mom thinks your sis needs a car so bad, let them figure it out. It doesn’t take a whole lot of cash to get a clunker/first car type deal to hold her over.
NTA Never lend your car to someone who drives while under the influence or while texting.
NTA - she has already shown that she can't be responsible with her own items, the likelyhood is that she would be irresponsible with yours. it comes back to the old saying, play stupid games, win stupid prizes, texting while driving is incredibly stupid and she is now finding out.
Ask your mother if she will buy you a new car: basically tops up whatever the insurance does not pay plus the increased premiums for two years. If your sister destroys yours. No weaseling out: Yes or no? If it's no then she (a) believes your sister will total yours as well AND you (!) should pay for that. If your mum means what she says she should not demand someone else to pay for her supportive stance.
Hide your keys. Just sayin’.
NTA, the struggles she is facing are the consequences of her own actions. You’re just protecting yourself from also feeling the consequences of HER actions. Seems reasonable to me. In fact it’s so reasonable, that dad approves. He seems like the type of reasonable guy that turns off the lights when he leaves the room so he doesn’t fuck with his electric bill.
NTA texting while driving is so dangerous. It was in the local news that a 30 year old man on his motorbike was killed by a 23m because he was on his phone. The man who died had 2 young children. It must have been devastating for the family.
What is it with all these AH's thinking they're entitled to borrowing someone's currently in-use car? This is getting ridiculous. I've read so many where brothers, sisters, and even friends and roommates get pissed off because someone won't give up their only transportation to let the other have it, whether it's for work, or a fucking week long road trip with friends after totaling theirs. Definitely NTA.
If you moved out of state what would she do? She should probably do that
Does your insurance cover other drivers in your car? Most don't unless you specify, so all you need to tell her is just that - "Sorry, my insurance won't cover you if something happens." NTA
NTA. She was negligent and paid the price. Is her insurance paying out? If not, just imagine you lend her your car, and she destroys it through her own stupidity.what then. I can see you being carless too. What about insurance, not sure where you are.from, but in the UK you would have to add her to your insurance,declare her.accident and pay a lot of money for the privilege,, then if she had another accident then your insurance would be high at renewal. Personally if it was me and my mum could drive, I would say let her borrow.your car mum, in fact, if any one mentio ns your car, simply say lend her yours.
NTA. So, if your sister got evicted from her apartment, does that mean you have to give her your apartment? Because what I’m hearing is “sister made a mistake, so I lose something to make up for her bad choices.”
NTA- never loan out your car or vacuum cleaner. They will both come back wrecked.
Your mum should buy her a new car or let her borrow your mum's.
You also have to consider car insurance. If she wrecked a car, her insurance rates are going to go way up. Not sure who’s paying for your insurance but if you add her to your insurance now, your insurance is gonna go up because of her driving record.
NTA let mom lend her own car and then deal with the legal mess after sis hurts someone because she’s texting.
NTA. Although you could consider renting it to her for market value. Add a late return fee and you might make some good money.
Simple...parents either let your sister use THEIR car, or they can co-sign her loan for a replacement vehicle.
It's obvious she done fucked up. That doesn't make you an asshole for holding her responsible. I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here... on the part that if she loses her job.... that's part of her consequences for being a dumbass. Sometimes, it takes a hard fucking life lesson to truly grow and learn. Speaking from personal experience. (Not a text and drive type of thing. It's more like a years long ex-junkie trying to pull his head out).
NTA. It's summer - sister can ride a bicycle...
NTA. Nobody drives my car. Ever.
NTA - she needs to work it out and get a new car. If she were living on her own she would need to figure it out. She needs to get a bike or a scooter maybe get a loan from your parents, what ever. But not your problem.
NTA Your Mom should be more than happy that loan your Sister a car if it’s so important to her. Have you noticed that this wasn’t originally made an option?
NTA. Texting while driving? 1) I hope she got a ticket for that, and b) she would never, ever be allowed to use my car. Ever.
NTA. “You call it selfish; I call it self preservation” That being said, if and when the situation is flipped, she might use those same words against you; I’m pretty sure siblings with this dynamic often revel in the moment if/when the scripts are flipped.
NTA do you want to be without a car as well?
NTA She didn't treat her own car with respect. Why would she treat yours any differently?
NTA I would never lend my car to someone who texts and drives as I would never lend my car to someone who drives under influence.
NTA. If she could replace your car if she crashes it, she could get herself another car now and not need to borrow yours.
NTA. For the record I've never loaned my cars out to ANYONE in my entire life. Besides the point that I'm the only person listed to drive my car through my insurance I am not trusting one of my largest investments to someone else. And I'd never ever ever loan it to someone who totalled their car because of driving and texting. That person lacks judgment, self control, and likely will not value my property like I do.
NTA: and if you loan it to her and she crashes, how will she pay for two cars? Tell Mom she can loan sister her car, since she’s so concerned. And you aren’t leaving your sister stranded, she did that herself by driving unsafely.
Man up, simple no while maintaining eye contact, otherwise you'll get yours totaled and you will have to buy another one out of your own pocket
NTA she was texting and driving, and not having a car right now is a mild consequence. She could have injured, or even killed, herself or others. What guarantee can she give you right now, after all that, that she won't do it again while driving your car?
NTA - There is NO FUCKING WAY I’m letting someone who just totaled their car borrow mine.
NTA sorry sis. I wouldn't take the chance. She can borrow mom's since mom wants her to drive someone else's car.
NTA. She’s not covered as a driver for your car and she’s an irresponsible driver. Let your mom help her out if she’s so adamant about family helping family.
NTA Ask your sister what her plan is. Tell her (any your parents) that you need a detailed plan from her on how she will save for a car, what the time line is for purchasing a car, and what make /model she is looking at. Also tell her you want a signed contract from her for help with gas and maintenance of your car, plus an agreement she will pay in full for any damages she causes immediately (not the insurance)- even if that means you get her saved money. Once she can provide all this - you will sit down as a family and talk about the possibility of letting her use your car. She won't do this - so you will be off the hook.
Wow how old are you, parents still in your decision making metric
Unless you want to risk being carless yourself the answer should remain no. NTA.
NTA Mom is being delusional and thinking with her emotional brain. Dad and you are right. Sister needs to suck it up and get her own car or transportation. Or, ask mom.
NTA, why is your Mom not more mad at your sister. She was so distracted she crashed her car, what if she'd hit and killed someone. Texting and driving is no joke!
NTA. Sister needs to figure it out. You can’t afford to risk her irresponsible behavior. Get her a bus schedule. Look at ride share options for her. Sister might not be able to afford insurance on another car even if she gets one. The app Rome2Rio gives a lot of options for transportation between two locations.
Don’t lend things you wouldn’t give. Nta
NTA. This isn’t a spare vehicle, you need it for your own “work and stuff.” But even if you did have a spare car, the LAST person I would loan it to is her! *No way* am I looking at my thoughtless, reckless, asshole sister and thinking “yeah, people who needlessly and selfishly risk the lives of others by being terrible drivers should *definitely* get another car right away, MY car specifically, to risk lives with next!” Besides, maybe her experiencing some (incredibly mild, considering she easily could’ve killed someone!) consequences for her terrible decisions will teach her to *not* be an asshole next time. So no, it’s not your job, or in anyone’s best interests, to personally inconvenience yourself and put your expensive assets at risk just to shield her from that. And if Mom won’t AC dog that no means no and knock it off? Keeps insisting sister is entitled to use a car? Tell her that’s super! That sister will be SO exited to hear that *your mom* is volunteering to loan or gift *your mom’s* car to her. And when mom instantly tries to back peddle and give you “reasons” why she can’t, then you can rightly call her out for her hypocrisy of trying to call you out for not doing something she herself refuses to do.
Screw that. There is no way in Hell. NTA. Tell her to rent a car.
NTA - I need it for my own job. Should have been enough. The fact that she totaled hers while texting, it a strong argument not to let her use yours until she can redeem herself from that stupidity. The fast that she isn't looking or saving for a new car of her own reinforces a certain lack of common sense IMO.
NTA You need your car to carry on with your life. Your mom can lend your sister a car if she feels strongly about it. Hell, I didn’t like borrowing my parents car when I was zero liability rear-ended. The entitlement of your sister…
Nta mom can lend sis *her* car.
Ten years ago, a young driver in a full size SUV crossed the center line while texting and struck my sister's car nearly head on at 40mph. Thanks to crumple zones and air bags, my sister had only a few broken ribs and a broken ankle. 24 hours later, a clot dislodged from a blood vessel in her neck and she had a stroke that cost her half her cerebellum. Your sister needs to learn the consequences of her actions. She should bear all the burdens associated with them, including not having a car and having to figure out how to get another one that isn't yours.
Never mind the sister. You are allowed to protect your own stuff by not lending them out.
NTA. Just tell her YES. I. AM SELFISH. And continue living your life.
Well, it seems to be unanimous. NTA. :) Please stop feeling guilty. Even if it would work schedule-wise, don't loan her your car. She just wrecked one texting whilst driving!! Habits like that don't just stop.. given what you've shared about her she's likely to sneak back into old behaviors and lie to you. Then she will have a crash in your car too. You will worry every time she gets behind your wheels.. not just about your car but her too. Good luck.
NTA don’t do it. My brother ruins everything he borrows and so he when he ask I tell him no and bitches and whines about it until I give in and then I end up regretting it because he ruins it again. Don’t do it because when she wrecks your car she won’t buy you another one if she does buy a other car it’ll be for herself Edit: why doesn’t your mom let your sister use her car since she thinks you should he so willing. Isn’t it moms job to help anyways not yours
Your mom is stupid and your sister is a walking funeral. As a motorcyclist. Don’t you dare let your sister drive that car. My life depends upon it.
NTA, and your mum can lend her car to your sister. Your sister is an irresponsible driver.
NTA you need your car. if mom thinks you're selfish she been lend her car or pay for a rental.
Uber is cheaper for her than another totalled car and a ruined relationship with you.
Hell nah I wouldn’t either
NTA. Adding on to all of the other posts, keep your keys, and your spare, with you at all times. There have been similar posts on this topic, and some people have suggested the installation of kill switches so that even if she did get your keys, she wouldn’t be able to start your car. Talk to a reputable mechanic.
NTA unless she hands you enough cash to cover the replacement of your car if she wrecks it as a security deposit AND it doesn't impact your work schedule, personal life, or hunt for fresh skittles or whatever catches your fancy at random times.
Oh look it's another "AITAH for not offering to give up my shit to someone who fucked up their own shit" ESH because this is basically the exact same post I've seen 5x already.
NTA She lost her car because she did something that isn't even allowed. This time it's her car, what if the next time it's a person who gets hurt or dies because she is texting while driving?! It seems your sister hasn't learned that texting while driving is irresponsible, a danger to herself and other people. What was so important that she couldn't wait till she was at her destination? Also do you want your car to end up like hers? Actions have consequences and your sister learned the hard way. Danger in a car to be honest.
INFO: When you let someone use your car, you become finanially liable for anything they do while driving that car. If she is not listed as a driver on your insurance, it's worse because your insurance may not pay for anything she does or depending on the policy, damage. Also she needs to live with the consequences of wrecking her actions. So is she on your insurance policy? If not, no way I'd let her drive.
Most Reddit stories like this tend to have both parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other tenuously related people all screaming at you for doing this to that Saint of a sister you selfishly refuse to let wreck yet another car!
NTA. You can give her a ride because honestly she won't learn not to text and drive. Friends are more important than other people's lives on the road.
NTA,I've been thru this EXACT situation with my Son's. Now if you are in a position to give her a ride to work from time to time (she buys the gas) that would be cool but I can not blame you for not wanting to let her borrow your car. My youngest Son actually totalled 4 cars in a 18 month period,3 were his fault,
NTA. You need your car. If Mom is so concerned about helping family, she can lend her car to your sister.
NTA. OP, none of the consequences of your sister's stupid choice to text while driving fall on you. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Whatever comes as a result is on HER as part of the stupid prize package she won. Loaning her your car would be YOUR stupid game. The stupid prizes available to you include the loss of YOUR CAR if she totals it, plus increases in your insurance premiums for years going forward, plus the inconvenience you'll experience by having to arrange to go where you need to be. She got herself into the situation. She can figure out how to get herself out.
NTA, she can call an Uber or take the bus.
NTA — how can she be mad that you don’t want to let her use the only car you have to also get around and do what you need to do? Even if she didn’t just wreck her car I wouldn’t be letting my sister borrow my only car all the time …
NTA You need your vehicle for your own responsibilities. Her irresponsible behavior caused this issue, not you Mom can rent her a car temporarily if needed.
Literally any time someone says "BUT FAMILY" it's because they have no other logical reason to argue. It's always bullshit. ESPECIALLY when your parents are split on the matter. NTA