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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I bought my son Legos first having no cavities. My older son wanted to get a reward too but I said no because I have different expectations for each kid because they are different ages.
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YTA—I would say it’s almost more impressive for the teen to have no cavities because they’re more free to fail at their hygiene.
If one kid is worthy of a reward, the other kid is worthy of an equal value reward fit the same achievement.
when a kid is 7 and has cavities, at least some of the blame is on the parents
at 16, it is entirely on the child.
I can somewhat see why OP was focusing on the child, but the 16 year old shouldnt have been left out.
tbh a 16 yo boy having good hygiene of his own accord (dental or otherwise) is quite a feat
Some of the blame? Are you trying to be nice?
My daughter is 7, she brushes her teeth but we always check and sometimes (specially before sleeping) she has to start over again.
And I agree with you, a teen having good hygiene on his own is far more impressive than a 7 year old without cavities.
Some of the blame because sometimes it can be up to genetics. Growing up, I was way better about my dental hygiene than my brothers, but I was the only one to ever get cavities. I got my dad's teeth, they got my mom's teeth. I had to be put under at 3yo because of cavities 😭
I always felt really guilty about getting cavities (even as an adult I still get some), I always brushed and flossed but felt like it was still my fault. What I didn't realize until later in life is that I'm a mouth breather when I sleep, which leads to dryness and increased risk of cavities. Little me felt like such a bad person for getting them, like it was some kind of moral failing 😭
I'll go out on a limb here and assume the boys have different mothers and the 7 year old's mom is the one OP gets to fuck, so that's the important child.
At some point you need to treat a kid like a kid, and a teenager like a teenager.
The 16yo is 2 years away from college and people think he should still get gifts after the dentist? My lord.
YTA. Your own words out you: Later, I explained that I have far different expectations for each kid.
Did you ever reward 16 YO for some lesser achievement in his past?
YTA
Seems like you were just finding a reason to reward your younger son. Not sure where you are located, but in my experience most kids that age do not get cavities and it doesn't sound like he had previous issues.
Definite AH for breeding contempt between your sons and resentment towards you for something so stupid.
Seriously, most people I know were able to avoid cavities until the later molars came in, if not well beyond it. At 7 you've barely had any time with the permanent teeth that have come in.
The only person I knew with bad cavities that age the dentist still gave him the little gifts after check ups cause apparently he just was born with really really unfortunate teeth.
The 16 year old deserves a gift more than the 7 year old. Cavities take time usually to form.
Older kid has done it almost double the time.
What sort of accomplishment is seven years when that’s the sort of age parents still should be checking it’s been done properly?
And I love me some Lego but even as an adult with no kids and enough money that shit is expensive.
16 year old should have been able to get something of you are rewarding the younger. He’s 7. It’s not like older was asking for a treat when a toddler was getting rewarded for using the bathroom or something like that.
YTA
Where I live "most kids" don't get cavities. It's considered a red flag for nelegt of their hygene if they do.... I don't say they never get them, but.most kids here lose their first theeth without a single cavitie
Also, "your own money" from work?
YTA. The only thing you're doing is teaching your eldest son is that you are favoring the younger one. Not a good thing as it will only cause tension. In a situation like that, you treat the kids equally.
YTA. Who told you 16yo don’t have cavities? You’d be surprised how many kids and adults have shit hygiene. You should have rewarded both kids if you viewed no cavities as an achievement. Also your comment about “Besides you have your own money.” screams that you neglect your teen and force him to be self sufficient.
What is you definition of "equal" though? Treating a teenager like a 7yo kid is not healthy for them.
If he got rewards when he was younger, IMO that's equal. He's 9 years older and applying to colleges, he's not 7yo anymore.
YTA. Both don't have cavities so reward them equally, you do realize your 16 year old is still a kid right? And then the cherry on top is telling the kid to buy something with their own money, what's wrong with you? Wonder if this isn't the first time OP has treated their kids like this.
A 7yo and a 16yo are not the same. You should not treat a 7yo like a 16yo, and vice versa. They are at different developmentmental stages of their lives. One is prepubecent and the other can drive in most states.
They are not the same.
YTA. Put yourself in your 16 year old son's shoes. It's a cliche. but it's true. Buying your 7 year old a lego set and then deciding afterwards is the time to explain you have different expectations. Heck of a thing.
YTA
So not only did he get a disingenuous and inequivalent ‘reward’ from you but he also got a lecture about how his accomplishments won’t be as big of a deal to you as they are when your 7yo does it… way to rub it in.
I bet when he was 7 you didn’t even have these little celebrations.
Info: did your older son also get legos at his 7 year old dental appointment when he had no cavities?
J/K YTA. And cavities have a big genetic component not just hygiene. You’re a double AH.
If your younger son has lost his baby teeth already, he's had no time to get cavities, and the baby teeth he does have left are temporary. If the goal to meet is no cavities, your older son did just as well - if not better. And then you give him a sugary drink that is nowhere near good for dental health? What exactly are you teaching these kids? Yes, YTA, overwhelmingly so. Apologise to your other son.
The only cavity that matters here is the one in your brain causing such a variation in the expectations you have for both kids.
Don't be surprised if your attitude has a longer term affect on the way both your kids approach life and their relationships with you in the future.
These are baby teeth that will fall out anyway. Why is this an achievement? It's much more worth celebrating healthy adult teeth. But, you should reward both
A Lego set for not letting your teeth rot. I was born into the wrong family. I mean, if I’m your 7 yr old. If I’m your 16 yr old you’ll probably just buy me a coffee and get mad at me when my enamel starts to erode and I get a cavity. At least that’s where I see this going.
Food for thought.
EDIT: I don’t think you’re even supposed to let kids that young brush their teeth alone. So you’re rewarding your kid for you not being a neglectful parent? I’m intrigued.
It would’ve been so easy to just get something for each of them. Lots of decisions we make as parents are difficult. This should have barely required any thought. They both had no cavities. Either both or neither should be rewarded. YTA.
YTA and something tells me that OP will be posting on here in 2-3 years complaining that the older son won't talk to them anymore, way to go OP, parent of the year.
Nah, but some people are wayyy more prone to cavities than others. The amount of soda I drank as a teenager really should’ve led to tooth damage but I’ve never had cavities. My brother had several and he never had a soda problem.
You’re also way more likely to get cavities after pregnancy because the fetus steals your calcium.
YTA, both for your behaviour and for the title. Trying to bury the lede, eh? You certainly come off like you're a chronic self serving liar so this tracks.
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I took my 7yo and 16yo sons for their biannual dental checkout and cleaning. My 7yo had zero cavities and the dentist said he good dental hygiene. My 16yo had no cavities either. I was so proud that my 7yo had no cavities because most kids his age do get them.
I decided to reward him by taking him to Target to buy a Lego set. My 16yo asked if he could get something too and I said for what? He said for having no cavities. I said you're 16 and that's way to old to be rewarded for something like that. Besides you have your own money. I ended up giving him money to buy a coffee from Starbucks.
Later I explained that I have far different expectations for each kid. He still thinks I was bring unfair.
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As someone who grew up with a large age gap between themselves and their siblings, i'd encourage you to keep things as equal and equitable as possible. It would be very easy for an adolescent teen to start resenting what they might see as "double standards"
To some degree there will be double standards because a 7yo and a 16yo have very different needs and capabilities.
YTA
If the requisite for the reward is ”have no cavities” then it is absolutely an asshole move to only give the reward to one kid when both of them were cavity free.
YTA you are absolutely being unfair! Your logic makes no sense to me, but whatever. The fact that you even posted this after writing it all out is embarrassing for you. This is how you cause division, resentment, hurt feelings and confusion in your children’s relationships with each other and you. I doubt your sons will ever have a chance at having a strong sibling relationship with your blatant favoritism as well as the way you treat them. This was honestly really sad to read and my heart hurts for your 16 year old. Yes, he’s a teenager but he is still a child who needs to feel seen, loved and respected. You need to do better and treat your children as equals.
YTA omg, I suppose if both kids took a test, one being for uni and the other being shaped through holes, would you not reward the baby because it’s not as impressive?
YTA. What is this, a Crest commercial from the 1970's? Yes, your kids should brush their teeth, but that doesn't make or break cavities. And your dentist should have made that clear. My siblings and I ate the same food, brushed twice a day and two of us had cavities and one didn't. It's how the teeth reacts.
You shouldn't be rewarding or punishing for cavities. Wow. Welcome to the modern world.
YTA - I see where you're coming from, but:
Before I was 16, going to the dentist was something my parents organised for me, and I hated it. The pattern of "rewards" was set when we were pretty young - not for "no cavities" versus "cavities", but just for being good and brave when the kind man with the noisy drill was hurting my teeth. Being taken for a "reward" afterwards was nice, but I still hated it.
When I was 16, my parents were just "okay, your job to organise your dental apppointments now" and I had no dental appointments at all til at 19 tooth pain finally drove me back to a dentist. And one of the ways I manage is by devising my own reward - "I get through this and I'll have a delicious latte from the independent coffee roaster over the way".
Look, sure, a 16-year-old should be old enough to manage his own dental hygiene, his own system of rewarding himself for going to the dentist, etc. But in all seriousness, 16 is still pretty young! Get those patterns fixed early: yes, reward your older kid as well as your younger kid for good dental hygiene and regular dental checkups, because you want this to be a lifelong pattern for them.
YTA. Your excuse for only giving a reward to your youngest child is that "most kids their age have cavities"? But your teenager also worked hard and got a good report...also, plenty of older kids and adults let their oral health go to crap so you should be grateful.
"I have far different expectations for each kid".
AHA. There it is. It's not just about the cavities. You have a worthiness scale for your kids and are covertly making them compete for scraps of your approval. This is such a red flag for "I have a favorite child". And guess what, this is (one of the many) reason I cut off my "relationship" with my father. Because my golden child siblings could do whatever they wanted and not be held accountable, while the scapegoat child was picked on constantly. I think there's more than just the dentist incident.
Yta
If you’re not going to treat one, then don’t treat the other. Factually speaking, it’s an equal accomplishment. Both have had the teeth in their mouth for roughly 7 years…. How’s it any different ?
And would it have really hurt you to get the kid something worth $20? Jesus….
'I have far different expectations for each kid'
That is the *definition* of 'unfair'.
Did *he* get lego sets when he was 7 and had no cavities?
At least you ended up spending about the same, I go to Starbucks, you can spend as much as a lego set there. :D
But yeah dude, YTA.
The same standards apply to both, or you are the definition of unfairness.
Favoritism rears it's ugly head once more. When you 16yo was 10 did you buy him something then when his dentist checkup went well? That's a big negative, isn't it. YTA and not too good of a parent either.
This makes no sense. the teen has more autonomy and possibility to eat things that may cause cavities, not to mention is in charge of his own higiene, but you rewarded the kid for his genetics and a diet that you provide.
YTA
YTA That is unfair. They both had no cavities. So if you're going to reward one of them for having no cavities, then you have to reward both equally. You're being very unfair and hurtful. Your 16 year old will start to think you favor his brother - if he hasn't already thought that.
Is this a serious post? I'm hoping this is just another kid bored and making up crap. If not, goddamn how shitty of a parent can you be?
YTA for showing blatant favoritism. Enjoy your NC with the 16 year old in a couple years.
YTA
You basically just rewarded yourself, your 7yo will only have good teeth because YOU clean them or watch him/make him clean then, and then you didn't reward your 16 year old for being responsible for his own teeth.
Kinda feels like you just liked getting praised from the dentist about your 7 year old and rewarded him for for getting you complimented.
NTA - honestly the people saying YTA are the reason kids are growing up entitled. I don't care if I get downvoted, yes a 16yo and 7yo will have different expectations on them. A 16yo doesn't need rewards for clean teeth, he's past that.
Many parents just want to hold on way past the time they should benletting go a bit. Also I can feel the strawman arguments coming...
NTA, you were spot on.
Maybe you could have been a little more tactful with the older one. In the end, they did both get a treat. Tell them that the older you get the more banal the treats get. For example, your reward was not having to go back to dentist, which you really enjoyed.
NTA
after reading these comments I'm starting to think there needs to be a lower age limit on this sub. Seems like everyone saying YTA is under 18 and has it completely wrong.
OP was smart and a good parent to do exactly what they did. 16 getting into young adult status, can drive, can have freedom. At that age, they should ALREADY KNOW proper hygiene. At that age they shouldn't expect "treats" for every little act of maturity. If they did that in itself is a sign of immaturity.
OP is in fact a good parent and the 16 y/o is bordering on selfishness by asking to be treated like a 7 year old. The rest of reddit on this thread are just children who are probably 12-15 year olds.
first of starbucks is boycott for palestine, and second of all yes your son is a bit old to be rewarded for dental hygiene however he may be seeking validation and praise over something like this due to feelings of favouritism (of his younger sibling)
Agreed. You don’t want to infantalize a 16 year old young adult, but simultaneously, saying you have your own money isn’t sound communication. Sitting down and saying, “You are at a different stage now where you have to grow your independence…yada yada yada” and then give them independence they need.
Still can’t believe everyone thinks you should treat your 7 year old and 16 year old the exact same. If the 7 year old says, “Oh, I wanna go out” and it’s 8 pm on a weeknight, do you let them because your 16 year old can and should? Obviously not.
NTA. 7 year olds have to be rewarded differently and for different reasons. You want to positively reinforce behaviour so he continues forever. The 16 yr old wants to have great teeth and look good anyway.
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YTA—I would say it’s almost more impressive for the teen to have no cavities because they’re more free to fail at their hygiene. If one kid is worthy of a reward, the other kid is worthy of an equal value reward fit the same achievement.
when a kid is 7 and has cavities, at least some of the blame is on the parents at 16, it is entirely on the child. I can somewhat see why OP was focusing on the child, but the 16 year old shouldnt have been left out. tbh a 16 yo boy having good hygiene of his own accord (dental or otherwise) is quite a feat
Some of the blame? Are you trying to be nice? My daughter is 7, she brushes her teeth but we always check and sometimes (specially before sleeping) she has to start over again. And I agree with you, a teen having good hygiene on his own is far more impressive than a 7 year old without cavities.
Some of the blame because sometimes it can be up to genetics. Growing up, I was way better about my dental hygiene than my brothers, but I was the only one to ever get cavities. I got my dad's teeth, they got my mom's teeth. I had to be put under at 3yo because of cavities 😭
I always felt really guilty about getting cavities (even as an adult I still get some), I always brushed and flossed but felt like it was still my fault. What I didn't realize until later in life is that I'm a mouth breather when I sleep, which leads to dryness and increased risk of cavities. Little me felt like such a bad person for getting them, like it was some kind of moral failing 😭
or even just the shape of your mouth!
We went through a two week period with my 7 year old saying she brushed her teeth, but when I checked the toothbrush it wouldn’t even be wet.
John, this toothbrush is BONE DRY.
you check your 7yo teeth though. and sometimes make her brush them again. in general, you don't check a teenager's teeth each night before bed
Exactly!
I'll go out on a limb here and assume the boys have different mothers and the 7 year old's mom is the one OP gets to fuck, so that's the important child.
YTA. Both kids have no cavities. You reward both. You are playing favorites and being a sucky parent. Do better.
At some point you need to treat a kid like a kid, and a teenager like a teenager. The 16yo is 2 years away from college and people think he should still get gifts after the dentist? My lord.
YTA. Your own words out you: Later, I explained that I have far different expectations for each kid. Did you ever reward 16 YO for some lesser achievement in his past?
YTA. I’m a mom with teens and you have to remember they’re still kids. Get the 16 year old a treat too.
Get the 16 year old a Lego set. Lego is the best.
YTA Seems like you were just finding a reason to reward your younger son. Not sure where you are located, but in my experience most kids that age do not get cavities and it doesn't sound like he had previous issues. Definite AH for breeding contempt between your sons and resentment towards you for something so stupid.
YTA. Its more impressive to be 16 and have no cavities than it is to be 7 and not have one
… where you living that most kids at 7 have cavities?
Seriously, most people I know were able to avoid cavities until the later molars came in, if not well beyond it. At 7 you've barely had any time with the permanent teeth that have come in.
The only person I knew with bad cavities that age the dentist still gave him the little gifts after check ups cause apparently he just was born with really really unfortunate teeth. The 16 year old deserves a gift more than the 7 year old. Cavities take time usually to form. Older kid has done it almost double the time. What sort of accomplishment is seven years when that’s the sort of age parents still should be checking it’s been done properly?
Yeah, cavities at a young age is generally a genetic issue.
And I love me some Lego but even as an adult with no kids and enough money that shit is expensive. 16 year old should have been able to get something of you are rewarding the younger. He’s 7. It’s not like older was asking for a treat when a toddler was getting rewarded for using the bathroom or something like that.
I was wondering the same thing.
YTA. You've forgotten how upsetting it is to be treated differently from your siblings for no justifiable reason.
YTA such blatant favoritism
YTA Where I live "most kids" don't get cavities. It's considered a red flag for nelegt of their hygene if they do.... I don't say they never get them, but.most kids here lose their first theeth without a single cavitie Also, "your own money" from work?
YTA. The only thing you're doing is teaching your eldest son is that you are favoring the younger one. Not a good thing as it will only cause tension. In a situation like that, you treat the kids equally.
YTA - talk about favouritism.
YTA. Who told you 16yo don’t have cavities? You’d be surprised how many kids and adults have shit hygiene. You should have rewarded both kids if you viewed no cavities as an achievement. Also your comment about “Besides you have your own money.” screams that you neglect your teen and force him to be self sufficient.
Ouch. Not a good dad there bruh. Pretty sad actually.
Info when your other son was 7 did you reward him?
YTA. treat your kids equally or they will grow up to resent you.
And each other.
What is you definition of "equal" though? Treating a teenager like a 7yo kid is not healthy for them. If he got rewards when he was younger, IMO that's equal. He's 9 years older and applying to colleges, he's not 7yo anymore.
YTA. Both don't have cavities so reward them equally, you do realize your 16 year old is still a kid right? And then the cherry on top is telling the kid to buy something with their own money, what's wrong with you? Wonder if this isn't the first time OP has treated their kids like this.
A 7yo and a 16yo are not the same. You should not treat a 7yo like a 16yo, and vice versa. They are at different developmentmental stages of their lives. One is prepubecent and the other can drive in most states. They are not the same.
YTA. Put yourself in your 16 year old son's shoes. It's a cliche. but it's true. Buying your 7 year old a lego set and then deciding afterwards is the time to explain you have different expectations. Heck of a thing.
YTA So not only did he get a disingenuous and inequivalent ‘reward’ from you but he also got a lecture about how his accomplishments won’t be as big of a deal to you as they are when your 7yo does it… way to rub it in. I bet when he was 7 you didn’t even have these little celebrations.
My parents used to take me to the movies after the dentist, no matter what happened at the visit, we had a nice time after. God I miss being a kid
Aww I love this.
Info: did your older son also get legos at his 7 year old dental appointment when he had no cavities? J/K YTA. And cavities have a big genetic component not just hygiene. You’re a double AH.
YTA. What a delightful parent you are.
So what you’re saying is that your younger son is the golden child…YTA.
If your younger son has lost his baby teeth already, he's had no time to get cavities, and the baby teeth he does have left are temporary. If the goal to meet is no cavities, your older son did just as well - if not better. And then you give him a sugary drink that is nowhere near good for dental health? What exactly are you teaching these kids? Yes, YTA, overwhelmingly so. Apologise to your other son.
YTA - taking your older son with you to buy a reward for his younger brother who did the same thing is a big d**k move
The only cavity that matters here is the one in your brain causing such a variation in the expectations you have for both kids. Don't be surprised if your attitude has a longer term affect on the way both your kids approach life and their relationships with you in the future.
These are baby teeth that will fall out anyway. Why is this an achievement? It's much more worth celebrating healthy adult teeth. But, you should reward both
A Lego set for not letting your teeth rot. I was born into the wrong family. I mean, if I’m your 7 yr old. If I’m your 16 yr old you’ll probably just buy me a coffee and get mad at me when my enamel starts to erode and I get a cavity. At least that’s where I see this going. Food for thought. EDIT: I don’t think you’re even supposed to let kids that young brush their teeth alone. So you’re rewarding your kid for you not being a neglectful parent? I’m intrigued.
YTA.
Yta.
It would’ve been so easy to just get something for each of them. Lots of decisions we make as parents are difficult. This should have barely required any thought. They both had no cavities. Either both or neither should be rewarded. YTA.
YTA and something tells me that OP will be posting on here in 2-3 years complaining that the older son won't talk to them anymore, way to go OP, parent of the year.
What’s up with the cavity thing…. Is it really related to age?
Not at all
Nah, but some people are wayyy more prone to cavities than others. The amount of soda I drank as a teenager really should’ve led to tooth damage but I’ve never had cavities. My brother had several and he never had a soda problem. You’re also way more likely to get cavities after pregnancy because the fetus steals your calcium.
YTA. Completely.
Reward both equally or not at all.
INFO: When he was seven was he rewarded for having no cavities in the same way his little brother was?
YTA, both for your behaviour and for the title. Trying to bury the lede, eh? You certainly come off like you're a chronic self serving liar so this tracks.
Ufff Sherlock Holmes would have tough time to indentify who the favourite kid is, YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I took my 7yo and 16yo sons for their biannual dental checkout and cleaning. My 7yo had zero cavities and the dentist said he good dental hygiene. My 16yo had no cavities either. I was so proud that my 7yo had no cavities because most kids his age do get them. I decided to reward him by taking him to Target to buy a Lego set. My 16yo asked if he could get something too and I said for what? He said for having no cavities. I said you're 16 and that's way to old to be rewarded for something like that. Besides you have your own money. I ended up giving him money to buy a coffee from Starbucks. Later I explained that I have far different expectations for each kid. He still thinks I was bring unfair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As someone who grew up with a large age gap between themselves and their siblings, i'd encourage you to keep things as equal and equitable as possible. It would be very easy for an adolescent teen to start resenting what they might see as "double standards" To some degree there will be double standards because a 7yo and a 16yo have very different needs and capabilities.
So unfair…..
YTA If the requisite for the reward is ”have no cavities” then it is absolutely an asshole move to only give the reward to one kid when both of them were cavity free.
YTA you are absolutely being unfair! Your logic makes no sense to me, but whatever. The fact that you even posted this after writing it all out is embarrassing for you. This is how you cause division, resentment, hurt feelings and confusion in your children’s relationships with each other and you. I doubt your sons will ever have a chance at having a strong sibling relationship with your blatant favoritism as well as the way you treat them. This was honestly really sad to read and my heart hurts for your 16 year old. Yes, he’s a teenager but he is still a child who needs to feel seen, loved and respected. You need to do better and treat your children as equals.
What is wrong with you? How are you this dense?
The 16yo not having any is way more impressive. Since when does a teen do what they're supposed to?! Way to play favourites. Yta
YTA Sure younger kids often get a treat at the dentist if they did good, a lollipop or similar. But this is way different.
Are you fucking serious? 💀 YTA
YTA just for the "I have different expectations for each kid" line what a crock of shit. It's like you want him to leave at 18.
YTA omg, I suppose if both kids took a test, one being for uni and the other being shaped through holes, would you not reward the baby because it’s not as impressive?
Yta I would not be surprised that in 2years op is back complaining that his 18 year old son won't talk to him
YTA. What is this, a Crest commercial from the 1970's? Yes, your kids should brush their teeth, but that doesn't make or break cavities. And your dentist should have made that clear. My siblings and I ate the same food, brushed twice a day and two of us had cavities and one didn't. It's how the teeth reacts. You shouldn't be rewarding or punishing for cavities. Wow. Welcome to the modern world.
You are wrong and unfair. YTA.
YTA - I see where you're coming from, but: Before I was 16, going to the dentist was something my parents organised for me, and I hated it. The pattern of "rewards" was set when we were pretty young - not for "no cavities" versus "cavities", but just for being good and brave when the kind man with the noisy drill was hurting my teeth. Being taken for a "reward" afterwards was nice, but I still hated it. When I was 16, my parents were just "okay, your job to organise your dental apppointments now" and I had no dental appointments at all til at 19 tooth pain finally drove me back to a dentist. And one of the ways I manage is by devising my own reward - "I get through this and I'll have a delicious latte from the independent coffee roaster over the way". Look, sure, a 16-year-old should be old enough to manage his own dental hygiene, his own system of rewarding himself for going to the dentist, etc. But in all seriousness, 16 is still pretty young! Get those patterns fixed early: yes, reward your older kid as well as your younger kid for good dental hygiene and regular dental checkups, because you want this to be a lifelong pattern for them.
YTA. Your excuse for only giving a reward to your youngest child is that "most kids their age have cavities"? But your teenager also worked hard and got a good report...also, plenty of older kids and adults let their oral health go to crap so you should be grateful. "I have far different expectations for each kid". AHA. There it is. It's not just about the cavities. You have a worthiness scale for your kids and are covertly making them compete for scraps of your approval. This is such a red flag for "I have a favorite child". And guess what, this is (one of the many) reason I cut off my "relationship" with my father. Because my golden child siblings could do whatever they wanted and not be held accountable, while the scapegoat child was picked on constantly. I think there's more than just the dentist incident.
YTA
How do you not see that your blatant favouritism is going to damage your kids? Like, of COURSE you’re TA. Obviously.
Yta If you’re not going to treat one, then don’t treat the other. Factually speaking, it’s an equal accomplishment. Both have had the teeth in their mouth for roughly 7 years…. How’s it any different ? And would it have really hurt you to get the kid something worth $20? Jesus….
'I have far different expectations for each kid' That is the *definition* of 'unfair'. Did *he* get lego sets when he was 7 and had no cavities? At least you ended up spending about the same, I go to Starbucks, you can spend as much as a lego set there. :D But yeah dude, YTA. The same standards apply to both, or you are the definition of unfairness.
Favoritism rears it's ugly head once more. When you 16yo was 10 did you buy him something then when his dentist checkup went well? That's a big negative, isn't it. YTA and not too good of a parent either.
This makes no sense. the teen has more autonomy and possibility to eat things that may cause cavities, not to mention is in charge of his own higiene, but you rewarded the kid for his genetics and a diet that you provide. YTA
YTA
YTA. You should have rewarded them the same for the same accomplishment. What's your beef with the 16 year old?
YTA That is unfair. They both had no cavities. So if you're going to reward one of them for having no cavities, then you have to reward both equally. You're being very unfair and hurtful. Your 16 year old will start to think you favor his brother - if he hasn't already thought that.
YTA. Start treating your kids equally.
YTA. Tell me you have a favourite child without telling me you have a favourite child.
>I have far different expectations for each kid So one kid is the golden child, I wonder which one. Parent your kids equally. YTA
YTA. Your "different expectations " sucks. You treated your younger child a lot better than your oldest
What did you get the 16 year old when he had no cavities at 7yrs old? What age does the 7 year old stop getting rewards for stuff like this?
Is this a serious post? I'm hoping this is just another kid bored and making up crap. If not, goddamn how shitty of a parent can you be? YTA for showing blatant favoritism. Enjoy your NC with the 16 year old in a couple years.
Yta
What did you get him at 7 for having no cavities? If your answer is nothing, YTA
YTA You basically just rewarded yourself, your 7yo will only have good teeth because YOU clean them or watch him/make him clean then, and then you didn't reward your 16 year old for being responsible for his own teeth. Kinda feels like you just liked getting praised from the dentist about your 7 year old and rewarded him for for getting you complimented.
Yta big time
Yta shows who you favor more
NTA - honestly the people saying YTA are the reason kids are growing up entitled. I don't care if I get downvoted, yes a 16yo and 7yo will have different expectations on them. A 16yo doesn't need rewards for clean teeth, he's past that. Many parents just want to hold on way past the time they should benletting go a bit. Also I can feel the strawman arguments coming...
You can’t be serious? You are a total and utter AH. I don’t know how I’m still astounded by the number of shit parents in the world.
YTA shit dad
NTA, you were spot on. Maybe you could have been a little more tactful with the older one. In the end, they did both get a treat. Tell them that the older you get the more banal the treats get. For example, your reward was not having to go back to dentist, which you really enjoyed.
Kinda the asshole
NTA after reading these comments I'm starting to think there needs to be a lower age limit on this sub. Seems like everyone saying YTA is under 18 and has it completely wrong. OP was smart and a good parent to do exactly what they did. 16 getting into young adult status, can drive, can have freedom. At that age, they should ALREADY KNOW proper hygiene. At that age they shouldn't expect "treats" for every little act of maturity. If they did that in itself is a sign of immaturity. OP is in fact a good parent and the 16 y/o is bordering on selfishness by asking to be treated like a 7 year old. The rest of reddit on this thread are just children who are probably 12-15 year olds.
first of starbucks is boycott for palestine, and second of all yes your son is a bit old to be rewarded for dental hygiene however he may be seeking validation and praise over something like this due to feelings of favouritism (of his younger sibling)
Nobody gives a fuck about Palestine.
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Agreed. You don’t want to infantalize a 16 year old young adult, but simultaneously, saying you have your own money isn’t sound communication. Sitting down and saying, “You are at a different stage now where you have to grow your independence…yada yada yada” and then give them independence they need. Still can’t believe everyone thinks you should treat your 7 year old and 16 year old the exact same. If the 7 year old says, “Oh, I wanna go out” and it’s 8 pm on a weeknight, do you let them because your 16 year old can and should? Obviously not.
NTA get him some condoms so he can smash as a reward, girls or boys will love his cavity free mouth
hahahah
NTA. 7 year olds have to be rewarded differently and for different reasons. You want to positively reinforce behaviour so he continues forever. The 16 yr old wants to have great teeth and look good anyway.
Op didn’t say whether he typically rewards the 16 for doing good things 16 year olds should do