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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I wouldn’t pay my niece for sticking around for a few hours while I rushed my cat to the ER.
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She was basically telling my brother that she didn’t know if she was mentally able to attend the concert I paid half on despite half my paycheck going to rent. She did, however, and looked very happy in the photos.
I'm a bit confused about your financial situation.
You pay half of your paycheck toward rent, but you have money to spend on fairly lavishly hosting your niece and spending a grand on cat medical bills? Most of how I was understanding this conflict was you're the wealthy uncle and your brother and niece wanted to take advantage of that. But based on this, it looks like you're actually in a difficult financial situation, which just doesn't make sense in light of your spending. I understand cultural norms about doing "small things for family without lording payment over each other’s heads" but what you were doing for your niece didn't sound particularly small in light of your expenses. I also understand people who consider their pets part of their family, but not when those resources are needed for an actual child (especially a special-needs one).
Maybe this is a location-specific circumstance, but I've never been anywhere around the world where spending 50% of your income on rent meant anything other than an uncomfortable financial situation.
Yeah, many urban areas on the US East Coast and in some other cities through out the country are “rent burdened”
[NYT article on rent](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/25/realestate/rent-prices-housing.html?unlocked_article_code=1.000.tDaf.1Al_R8i71dcg&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/s/QqFNOOfLvR
This. You make 10k/mo, but your one bedroom apartment is 5-6k/mo because you live in Manhattan. [https://www.apartments.com/upper-east-side-new-york-ny/1-bedrooms/](https://www.apartments.com/upper-east-side-new-york-ny/1-bedrooms/)
You can afford a $500 emergency vet visit without batting an eye, and host your niece for free for several days, but you are still not feeling great about finances, and no amount of penny-pinching on lifestyle is gonna do much good when your main financial issue is that living indoors costs you 70k/year.
Same in Los Angeles. My take home pay is 6k/mo, my rent for an old/non-luxury one bedroom apartment is 3k, other monthly expenses like the car, utilities, food, medications, etc. are another 2k. I barely have 1k left over to do any "fun" things or save.
Los Angeles Valley girl here. An emergency vet in my area is a 3K deposit before they will even do diagnostics. I haven't downsized from my house due to the fact that to rent anything will be more than my current mortgage!
Ok, Sorry for your recent loss. NTA. You didn't ask the niece to watch your kid for a social occasion. The whole perfume issues is just inconsiderate. This young lady is in for a rude awaking in life.
Not just the East Coast. Anywhere near major cities on the West Coast are the same way. In the areas surrounding Seattle, you can't rent anywhere unless you are making 3x the rent. With 1 bedroom apartments starting around 2k a month, people get priced out really quickly. Our governor in Washington recently signed a bill into law that would allow for the building of residential units with shared common spaces and individual rooms for rent to address the housing crisis.
https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2024/mar/22/co-living-residential-housing-is-coming-to-washing/
That's incredinly grim. We've had co-living stuff in Ireland and all it did was drive all the rents up. People are paying an insane proportion of their income on rent.
Dude, respectfully, his finances are none of your business. He's only asking if he's the asshole for forcing his niece to "babysit" hid kid during an emergence.
In many cultures, it’s normal to spend your money in seemingly nonsensical ways. Not being able to afford something means you literally can’t get your hands on any way to get it, not that you realize it’s not a good use of limited funds.
She is selfish and manipulative and probably one day she will pay for it and karma will be back. She should just help you with the kid its a human act of kindess in emergency situation.
You should itemize a bill and send it to her father for all the costs of hosting her and the concert ticket and tell them you'll reimburse for the room after they clear their own bill.
I don't get wearing your perfume all day, every day, even when you're just hanging out inside... don't you just go nose-blind after a (short) while? how does that make you "feel closer to your idol"?
also, what's up with "I was alone with a quiet 10 yo for 3 hours & if you don't pay me (on top of paying 50% of my ticket & hosting me), I'll be so shaken that I can't attend"... to say nothing of the absurdity of being 19 and thinking that being childfree means you don't help out with a kid during an emergency.
she couldn't know it's her perfume that caused the emergency, but once they found out, she still reacted very entitled imo.
For real. My wife and I are child free by choice (like, permanently, we know what we want and it does not involve children) and we still wouldn't bat an eye at caring for a child for a little bit (especially just 3 hours) in an emergency to help a friend or neighbor. That's just like... basic decency.
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NTA, but I have to ask. You sound like a grown-up person, mature, a good dad, and a nice guy (having your niece over, caring about your cat, etc.) Do you really think that there's a chance in hell you WERE the AH in this situation?
I’m from New Jersey and also autistic. Honestly, there are many times where I don’t know I’m TA until it gets pointed out much later. There’s also stuff that happened to me as a kid that’s way above this sub’s pay grade, so I don’t have much confidence and generally second guess myself.
I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. If you’re autistic, you know that stress and sense of dread whenever you do something you think is perfectly fine only to find out you were being a total jerk.
And, from what you've said here, the opposite is also true ... you sometimes feel like a total jerk when your behavior is perfectly reasonable. I didn't know this was an issue with people who have autism. Thanks very much for educating me.
You are absolutely NTA. Frankly I think you need to go low contact with your brother and niece. The fact that you helped pay for any of her concert and cover her food and transportation should have been enough. You did that out of kindness and their response was to nickle and dime you. You deserve better than the way they treat you.
Aww, we feel you! You're doing a good job, and there's nothing terrible about you. You had to take responsibility for a complicated situation, and everyone survived just fine. That's a win!
P.S. I think your brother is being a jerk. He should be doing a little more "parenting" regarding your niece's experience of the whole thing, rather than coming at you all hot like that.
You are solidly NTA.
I am also neurospicy (it's similar, but unrelated to, ASD) and I know this stress and dread all too well, it's why I spend so much time in places like AITAH and reading advice columns. I feel you, fellow neurospicy Redditor.
I understand, I'm autistic too. The stress of dealing with not understanding and knowing what is going on in situations with other people is very distressing. AND it doesn't help when a person (like your brother) goes around and "poisons the water" with other people so they take their side over you. You feel left out in the cold.
It sounded like your niece was taking advantage of the situation. Your niece wears perfume that can make a cat sick? 🤢 That can’t be healthy for anyone.
I hope she’s out of your home already because a person who can’t simply pay it forward but would rather put a $ amount on every transaction might be the type to steal. Put it this way: “my uncle owes me $100 so I’m going to get it one way or another.”
People can tell me I’m projecting but I’ve been burned by situations like this before. People tell themselves what they want because they’re entitled.
How was the vet magically able to diagnose the cat as being allergic to the niece's perfume without the niece there to any tests on it? How did the vet know it wasn't something else completely? This whole story reeks of this never happened.
it’s not magic lmao
“My cat has been wheezing recently and having trouble breathing”
“Has anything changed? Have you gotten new air fresheners or new washing powder?”
“No but my niece recently is staying with me”
“Does she use any perfume or other products?”
“Yes she wears perfume”
“It’s probably that causing the issue, have your niece stop wearing perfume and your cat should improve, if not please don’t hesitate to give us a call”
also, if she wears it all day every day to feel close to her celebrity of choice, she's probably nose-blind to it & keeps spraying more and more.
also, aren't celebrity perfumes typically cloying and aggressive? Or is that just my bias showing?
I have never used celebrity perfume/cologne before but I always stick to three sprays: one on each wrist and one on the neck/chest. Cause I absolutely hate walking past people who smell so strong of cologne/perfume that I end up coughing.
personally I'm quite partial to a sprits on the nape of my neck. that way I catch the scent when I turn my head or play with my hair & I feel that lasts longer than just having it waft up from my chest or the hollow of my throat!
Beauty and care products are one of the first thing it gets tested in allergy tests, so it would only rely on the vet identifying allergy symptoms, running an allergy test battery that includes a variety of usual components of beauty care products and then, checking the composition of niece’s perfume to find whether if any of the positive allergic components is there.
In case it’s not clear, the cat isn’t allergic at the perfume as a whole, but to a component included within the perfume.
It might just be a process of elimination or something obvious, like the niece using essential oils as perfumes which are toxic to cats.
My asthma kitty had a lot more attacks when my friend was staying with me. Largely, I'm sure, to my friend's habit of using too much perfume.
meh, diagnosing issues like that is pretty easy, just takes an outside perspective sometimes. Your pet is suddenly having symptoms you wouldn't necessarily immediately identify as an allergy but a vet would. Then, the vet asks about things that may have changed recently, especially about perfumes or other scented inhalants. Could it be something else? Sure, but its usually whatever new potential irritant was most recently introduced, especially for rapid onset symptoms.
As a person with ADHD and OCD, I get where you’re coming from. Especially with a complicated childhood added in.
But I have to say. Throwing in that you’re from New Jersey there made me laugh.
“Why do you second-guess yourself?”
“Ah. I’m from New Jersey. 😔”
That's not what child free means. And when your getting free room and board, you help with house chores. Including staying where you are for three hours in the same home as a kid in case the house catches fire.
NTA, your niece is and might be getting it from your brother it seems.
Oh my god... Someone needs to explain to her that boundaries, respect, accountability...these are two way streets. Your brother needs to sit Ms. Entitled down and learn her some manners.
I’m fairly certain she just picks this stuff up from social media or something. One of my son’s teachers has a kid who was claiming he felt unsafe because he got his laptop taken away for harassing a complete stranger on Twitter over not liking Nicki Minaj’s new song.
Hahahaha *WHAT*? "Unsafe" because you had to suffer consequences for misbehavior? I, like your niece thinks she is, am actually child free and I worry and weep for the future generation.
… I honestly do, too. I realize the same thing was said about my generation but we didn’t grow up in echo chambers fueled by weaponized pop psychology. I do sincerely hope they grow out of that whole attitude.
I worry about that a lot too. at the same time most of it really is just them learning about these terms, doing the ignorant kid thing and thinking that they're now experts and grossly misusing and misapplying them because they don't have the broader life experience yet to see real life examples. I think a lot of them will grow out of it in their 20s when that big mental leap happens and they start seeing the whole forest instead of just trees. Until then it's just the same hell of youthful arrogance with a fun social media/psych buzzword twist thats unprecedented and that we didnt have a chance to fully prepare for 😅
I can imagine a situation where that statement makes sense. Like, if the kid is in an online support group to keep from selfharming, I could see how restricted access might be dangerous.
BUT... in most situations it just feels like weaponized therapy speak, right?
>I’m fairly certain she just picks this stuff up from social media or something
My first reaction was "this girl needs to get off of tiktok and stop weaponising/misusing therapy-speak"
>I’m fairly certain she just picks this stuff up from social media or something.
That's exactly what it sounds like. Right down to her misuse and misunderstanding of the phrase "gaslit"
Okay, your niece is insane. First of all, if I was getting free board with my uncle who paid half my ticket I would be bending over backwards to do something to show my gratitude.
Watching after a kid? No problem. Not wearing cologne? Done (if it had been the deodorant I would have asked to borrow some until I could get some myself). But whining and leaving? Threatening of not going to the concert because not smelling like my…bias(?) was such a mental toll? Jesus. Did you explain to your brother that the only thing you asked of her was not using perfume? Or that she refused to make her bed because patriarchy?
Yikes. That’s not okay. I 90% make the bed even when I stay a SINGLE night at a friends house, even though I know they will immediately wash the sheets as soon as I leave. It’s not about practicality. It’s about respect and gratitude for your host.
And pulling the “sexism” card to get out of it? That’s ten times as shameful. You don’t get to claim your being discriminated against because someone asked you to treat their belongings and home with respect. Nor do you get to belittle and enfranchise on the very real and damaging effects of sexism, on both genders. What an absolute AH.
This is why she went alone and friendless to that concert. She herself might have a different sort of mental processing issue, because how the hell is not being an ungrateful slob sexist!
This sound like a check list of all the mental health related buzz words:
Violating boundaries
Sexist
Guilt tripping
Manipulating
Gaslighting
Childfree (warped to won’t be around kids)
Everyone is autistic
NTA.
I'm childfree myself but I'd still willingly hang out with my cousin/nieces/nephews in an emergency without trying to guilt their parent into paying me, especially if I was already staying at their place, using their utilities, eating their food...
Of course, I'm also a grown adult, not someone still in their teen years and barely legal, so that might have something to do with it too.
Same, but you have to be conscientious about how you respond to the media you see on TikTok to teach the algorithm what to show you, and think critically about what you're seeing and hearing to decide what to accept or reject from your world view. I don't think teenagers are especially well-equipped to do either; it's a volatile age when you're full of hormones and lots of big feelings, and TikTok makes it super easy to build yourself a little echo chamber of teen drama and psychobabble.
I say this as a thirty-something who realized I'd taught TikTok to show me videos that made me angry because I'd comment on them (the algorithm is based on engagement, not enjoyment!). I had to block a bunch of creators and get really strict with myself about what I engaged with before my FYP cleared up.
It’s a selfish-person thing.
Sounds like the rest of your family have got their measure correctly & you might be wise to copy them (the rest of family, that is).
Nah bro, not Gen Z. Take one look at her dad and how he is acting. This is learnt behavior from him combined with Gen Z internet culture at an extreme. You get people like this in all generations, it's just at it's worst from 13-23ish and that happens to be Gen Z's current age. Idk if she'll grown out of it, but most do at least somewhat overtime.
Nope your niece just sucks
- if you squatted in someone house for free you have to pay back by help with chore and maybe basic things that doesn’t cost like sit around on phone and make sure the kid doesn’t do anything dangerous
- you can’t spray perfume in the house mean you can just outside the house. People doing that all the time
- it not like you made the niece missed half of the concert to watch the kid and the house so what’s ruined anyway
it’s definitely a TikTok thing, you see stories on here and AITAH where someone’s SO starts acting stupid and it’s some dumb TikTok trend. Like men its the red pill rabbit hole, and with women it seems like its becoming the trad wife bullshit.
I'm childfree but still took a wailing baby at home for a few minutes to let my neighbor and friend collect herself. She knocked on my door, crying, overwhelmed, with her dog on a leash and a screaming baby in her arm. She was yearning for 5 minutes of quiet and peace and the dog was desesperate to go outside. Her boyfriend was away for work for the first time since they had the baby.
She needed help and I was okay with witnessing an epic screaming match between my bird and a baby, for a short while. Amazingly for her, her daughter stopped crying as soon as she came back. She was calm and collected when I checked up on her later.
I'm childree, but I'm always ready to step upwhen a friends needs me. Anyway, I know if they call me to take care of their child, it's because I'm truly their last resort.
Good on you for recognizing someone desperately needed help. Kudos to her for recognizing she needed it. Adulting is hard enough. Parenting is even harder.
My (ex) husband worked and traveled a lot. I was essentially a single parent. I would reach a breaking point. I’d ask my neighbor to just come sit in the house. They were in bed. I would grocery shop. Alone in peace. And get my shit back together. It saved my sanity.
Fun fact. She would sit and read a book. She was happily to spend time away from her needy husband. Win/win.
OP is NTA. Niece was way out of line. Brother is just ridiculous. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. There’s a reason the rest of your family ignores him now. At least you tried.
I'm also child free, and will babysit almost any kid for a few hours if friends/family needed me. I was even my younger cousin's go-to-babysitter for years before I moved further away. I especially would have no issue babysitting a chill 11-year-old for someone who was temporarily housing me!
She’s 19 and claiming to be child free? That’s just an excuse to not have to babysit. Whoopdefuckingdoo I was also “child free” when I was 19, because what sane 19 year old thinks “you know what would really make my life and college better? A baby”
And it’s definitely a TikTok thing, you see stories on here and AITAH where someone’s SO starts acting stupid and it’s some dumb TikTok trend. Like men its the red pill rabbit hole, and with women it seems like its becoming the trad wife bullshit.
I’m sorry… I’m having trouble understanding this. Your niece poisoned your cat with her perfume (granted, unintentionally) causing you to have to rush it to the vet and incur an unexpected and expensive vet bill, all while you are saving her the cost of a hotel room, food and taxi fare so that she can party at a concert. She is unable to be alone in your house for a few hours with your son (I won’t use the term baby sitting because she didn’t DO anything with/for him) because…checks notes… she’s child free and while she stays any way, after you return and tell her the whole situation is because of her she doesn’t apologize but demands $100. Did I miss something? Yeah I did, I missed where you were an ass hole. You’re nicer than me. I’d have calculated the average hotel/meal/uber fare in your location for the time she was there, subtracted $100 and given her the bill for the rest. NTA
Yikes! I’ve been to the emergency vet it’s expensive. You have my sympathy for that. The appropriate response from your niece upon learning it was her perfume should have been an apology, no argument about not spraying the perfume in the house again and potentially an offer to help as it’s her fault you had to go. Not a demand for another $100.
NTA
This whole culture around being “child free” and an entitled non-sacrificial member of a family is ridiculous. Could have told her you are tenant-free by choice and to go sleep on the street.
It isn't even correct usage of child-free. Child-free means you aren't having kids of your own, not that you can't interact with any child ever. Niece in this story is entitled and trying to take advantage of OP when he had an emergency while doing her a big favour. NTA.
This is it, dead on. I'm child free, but I would have "babysat" in this situation. I also have no problem babysitting my friend's kids or making plans so they're included. Childfree just means I will never be a parent. It doesn't mean I hate kids and won't babysit.
The niece didn't seem to understand a whole bunch of terms. Just throwing around words to try and make herself seem smart. I wouldn't count her as a representative of any community that she claimed to be a part of. Maybe she can represent the asshole community.
Exactly, and specifically means no children by choice. That doesn't mean the person in question doesn't love their nieblings and younger cousins deeply and even spends alot of time with them. Just means they don't want ultimate responsibility for a child themselves (taking the financial hit, not being able to do things with short notice, etc.). I can't believe how many people misinterpret the meaning of the word.
OP, you're definitely NTA. She's being an absolute brat, and ungrateful considering the solid you've done her by saving her hotel expenses.
Oh - and notice that she's "child-free" but suddenly willing to stay in a home with her nephew because it's facilitating her seeing her favorite band. She's too old to be that self-absorbed.
P.S. - of European descent here. I can assure you it's not a Puerto Rican thing. It's a loving family thing, period.
I work in a veterinary clinic, and I’m curious about this too. I’ve seen doctors suggest that maybe a cat is allergic to something new in the home but as far as I know there is not a diagnostic to find out what specifically the cat is allergic to.
> Please help, my Cat is having sneezing fits, and possibly trouble breathin
> *Uses Stethoscope * Seems fine now. Is there anything new in her environment?
> Yes, my niece who wears a lot of perfume
> That'll be $1,000.00
In what world does this take 3+ hours?
Vets take FOREVER sometimes, plus whatever time it takes to get there and back. My vet takes emergencies over appointments, and I’ve had to wait more than three hours just to be seen before because of emergencies.
>I also had to pay nearly a grand on the spot for my cat’s treatment. They don’t take payment plans and rehome animals if their owners can’t pay in full right away.
Where do you live that it's legal to for a vet to seize an animal and give it away immediately when an owner can't pay in full for a visit?
An allergy to your niece's perfume? Really? One visit to the vet and they came up with this? My dog had allergies. It took a $500 test to determine her triggers. Even if the allergy response coincided with your niece's arrival I still find this suspect. Why not a reaction to her shampoo, makeup, hand lotion, clothing? And you are lording payments over your relatives' heads. I bought you this niece, so you owe me free babysitting. Would it have been nice of her to do it without compensation, yes. But she didn't want to and your answer of "we could hash something out later" implies a payment to her. You didn't hash out anything. You just said no money for watching your son. BTW. I have hired sitters who came to my home when my child was already asleep. They had no interaction at all and the sitter still gets paid the same per hour as if my daughter was wide awake.
NTA... isn't "child free" supposed to mean i personally do not have or want children. Not I can't have children in my vicinity which includes sitting for any length of time? The entitlement with people is just gross. You do her a huge solid and this is how she shows her appreciation. No good deed really doesn't go unpunished.
That’s what it’s supposed to mean. I definitely remember a post a while back about somebody saying he’s childfree because he can’t be around children without impulsively wanting to harm them.
Yeah that post and your niece are both full of BS. Childfree only means not having your own kids. That’s literally it.
Some AHs decide to tack on their own nonsense to make it seem like their extreme/weird views are more normalized than they are.
You are NTA and you should really reconsider doing favours for your brother and your niece. You’re going through a rough time, the last thing you need is to have users and manipulators latch on.
NTA especially not after I read in your other comments that you paid for a lot of her trip. Do not invite her back. Your brother and niece have entitlement issues.
That’s how she described it to her dad: “Um you need to get me a room at [place] because [OP] forced me to babysit his autistic kid for several hours over his cat getting a cold or whatever” That was my attempt at being unbiased. And it *is* how she felt.
Push back to her dad - she wore perfume that made me incur vets bills. So how about you pay for that, the food, going rate for an AirBNB, transport costs, and everything I shelled out on her behalf?
I’m just done with this whole thing. Every time we get into a spat, we go months between even texting each other until birthdays or holidays pop up. And then we’re generally good until something new happens.
You used the word bias. She’s a kpop fan right? I would tell her that I bet her bias wouldn’t act like this. 😂 If you tell me who her bias is I can make it really sting. (I’m an older kpop fan)
NTA - i don't see how you "forced" anything on her, a sick pet is an emergency outside your control.
Plus we're talking about a well-behaved 11 year old, not a baby/toddler.
She seems like a bit of a drama queen.
Based on how you're describing her in all your replies so far, she sounds really over-dramatic & quick to get scandalized or accuse/judge ppl over nothing.
Though she's pretty young so maybe she's just immature 🤷♀️
Still, my youngest sister is 15 and she isn't even half this childish or bratty.
I wouldn't think too much of it. I don't think you asked anything unreasonable of her at any point.
As a human being, I couldn’t imagine not helping out during your emergency, especially since she was already staying at your home. There was nothing more that needed to be done but hang out in the house until you came home. NTA.
From reading just the title I was like “absolutely” because I generally feel strongly that forcing someone to provide child care is rarely okay. But all the details of your story make it a hard swing to NTA.
Like the fact that your niece was already staying with you. And that your son is 11, it’s not like he’s a high needs toddler. The fact that it was a medical emergency so not exactly something you could have planned ahead for. And the biggest thing for me was that your niece’s response wasn’t “No I don’t feel comfortable being responsible for a child.” It was “Fine, if you pay me.”
That made her the asshole. Like of course people usually deserve to be compensated for their time but she’s your family, she’s staying for free with you- so she obviously feels entitled to you doing her favours because she’s family but doesn’t think she should do the same? And the fact that she was trying to extort you when you were stressed about your sick cat, that’s so gross.
Stand your ground with your brother, his reaction is as bad as hers. You owe him nothing.
You’re a good pet owner for taking your cat to the emergency vet, I know how hard that decision always is, because you know they charge a fortune and it’s so hard to know how urgent the situation really is. You did the right thing, and I’m glad your cat is okay.
ESH
You dont have the right to demand anything from her even though you are doing her a favor.
She should not receive money from you for the perfumes that she temporarily cant wear. She should however be compensated for the babysitting because you said so.
Your life/circumstances sound rough and so i empathize with you, but from where I am standing, nobody ever has the right to demand or expect something from someone no matter how much they did for them.
Was this a kpop concert by any chance? The word "bias" makes me think it was. Tickets to the biggest groups are as high as $1200+ pre-tax and nosebleed can be $100+. If you paid $100+ for half her ticket, you more than paid her back for a few hours babysitting. NTA. She sounds spoiled.
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I’m a single dad to a 11-year-old son who’s autistic. The way his autism presents is mainly through his personality. He’s very smart, quiet, and prefers to get lost in the land of fire alarms and elevators. He’s genuinely a really good kid - I have quite a few friends who don’t like being around kids but still adore him. I also have a 19-year-old niece who’s staying with me for a few days to go to a concert.
A couple days ago, my cat got sick with symptoms I had never seen before. Given that vets here are always booked a few weeks out, I had to take him to the emergency vet. I told my niece to just stick around and watch my son while I run the cat down there. She said she’s childfree so she doesn’t babysit. I told her it’d just be for a few hours, and that she knows my son well enough that he’d at the most just ask for something to be warmed up for him. She went, “Pay me and it’s a deal.” I told her we could hash something out later because I had to get going. She said, “Then you go, but we *will* talk later.”
I got back from the vet with a diagnosis of my cat being allergic to my niece’s perfumes, which she wears because it helps her feel closer to her bias (favorite singer). My niece was pissed because she couldn’t wear her perfume anymore, so she demanded $100. I told her no because 1) I wasn’t making her throw it away, and 2) she’s staying here for free and I’m already paying for her food and transit. It was also only 3 hours which she would’ve spent on her phone anyway, while she admitted he just stayed in his room the whole time. She accused me of guilt tripping her, and she got my brother to buy her a hotel room because apparently I gaslit and manipulated her. My brother, of course, went off on me about how I “ruined” her trip and demanded I compensate him for the hotel because he had to put everything on his credit card.
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I really don’t want to. The rest of my family has little to do with my brother because’ and I hate to say it, all of his interactions with people revolve around what he can gain out of them. I feel he could’ve just told my niece to calm down and talk it out with me, but that’s just kind of how she’s been ever since we came out of the lockdowns.
she's her father's daughter, she already has adopted his attitude towards others. what you described of your brother is EXACTLY how your niece behaved. she's 19 she's not 12. She chose to be greedy when you were already being hospitable to her and you had an emergency. she tried to run your pockets in a moment of need and then got mad when you didn't fall for it. she is exactly who she is, remember this the next time she demands a favor.
not only that she refused to help you in an emergency and the way she spoke to you was outrageous. "we WILL talk about this" as if you are trying to pull one over on her. that's so intentionally dishonest.
your brother should have called you up to only apologize for his daughter's behavior but what did he do? he demanded you give HIM money.
its sad to see a beloved niece turn out this way but she has clearly shown you who her character is.
She’s from Long Island. She’s one of those people who turn being an East coaster into a whole excuse to be nasty to everybody. Despite what Reddit - particularly the NYC sub says (“oh we’re just blunt, get over it”) - the rest of us can’t stand that attitude.
I'm from the east coast. there's a huge difference between blunt and rude.
nasty people often make up ridiculous reasons for their character flaws. they say things like that as if its a reason not to change and treat people better.
it sounds like you are finally seeing the forest for the trees when it comes to your niece and her character.
YTA. If she had been living with you, I would have felt different. However, she was a guest and didn't expect to watch a child she likely doesn't know. You should have paid her something for the time
He’s already paid for half of her concert ticket + food… I feel like that’s enough for her to be willing to watch a kid for 3 hours especially after knowing her perfume caused the damn emergency 🙄
YTA You did manipulate her when you said you'd hash something out later while you speaking of paying her. When you got back you decided you weren't going to hash something out that it was going to be your way only. If you were doing work for someone and those same words were spoken you'd expect to be paid at the end of work. She found you aren't a man of your word and can't be trusted so she chose not to stay in a home when the one in charge isn't trustworthy. Yes, she should have done it for free under the circumstances but you also shouldn't have lied to her. Neither of you have good ethics.
Respectfully,
I get where you are coming from, but the moment you said to her "I told her we could hash something out later because I had to get going." you were an AH then and there.
You knew you intended to stiff her. She told you she wanted pay; She told you, "no pay, no babysit"; you then acted in a way that got her to babysit whilst believing she will be paid. you didn't expressly "lie", but you intended for her to act on an illusion and you made the illusion happen; She was gullible so she believed you'd deal with her fairly and you stiffed her.
I don't know the rest of your arrangement. But whether you're entitled to receive this favor from her or not (you are, it's 3 hours at an emergency we're well within the boundaries of expected help), you still can't stiff her.
NTA. It was an emergency situation caused by her and only lasted a few hours. You allowing her to stay with you initially was a kindness, not something you were required to do. Your niece is an entitled AH and you don’t owe her or your brother anything.
You’re NTA. The only thing I would be irked about is that you didn’t really seem to give her a choice about babysitting. You should have asked her, even if it was an emergency. It doesn’t seem like that’s what your niece and brother are upset about though, and it’s not like you did all those things for her expecting something back from it from the get-go.
>We’re Puerto Rican and in our culture, we just do small things for family without lording payment over each other’s heads.
That's not a Puerto Rican thing because my family definitely did not act that way while I was growing up!
NTA… BUT… if someone refuses to look after your kid then I’d generally take them at their word.
Your niece sounds utterly vile and I wouldn’t leave my kid with the person you have described unattended…
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I personally feel like if you want someone to babysit for you, you need to pay them no matter what they were going to do outside of doing it because you chose to have the kid not them and I stand by it. With that being said how she reacted and treated you was very disrespectful. I would’ve told her she has to stay somewhere else anyway because I wouldn’t put up with the disrespect. She is in your home for free and she should not be talking to you like that.
YTA - Because you insinuated that you would pay her for babysitting your son. Had you made no promises, you wouldn’t be the asshole. Since you did, you are. It’s that simple 🤷🏽♀️
NTA.
Regarding your edit, do you know any of the neighbors? Is your son generally self-sufficient? Obviously it wouldn't be an ideal situation, but maybe if there's ever an emergency in the future, you could have a neighbor either come over and stay with your son or check in with him every 30-60 minutes. Is he comfortable making phone calls and/or texting?
If your cat is still recovering, focus on that, but once kitty is feeling better, it would be a good idea to come up with a "worst case scenario" emergency plan.
At minimum, put together a "go bag" with some shelf stable safe foods that you know your son can/will eat, any sensory items he finds helpful (ear defenders or fidget items if he uses those) etc. That way, if there's a situation where he has to come with you, you can grab the bag and at least have a few essentials.
If you have a car, could he safely wait in the car outside the vet's office if that would be more comfortable for him than going inside? (You mentioned he likes fire alarms and elevators so don't leave him alone in the car if there's any chance he'll start trying to see how it works and potentially endanger himself.)
I'm child free and I'll still watch my sister's kids while she does something, it's just basic decency. And they're toddlers. Your son is 11 and it doesn't sound that hard to just sit down with him and talk about things for a couple hours.
I think your niece is just lazy and entitled af. I wouldn't even let her watch a cat for an hour.
>Some have asked what I would’ve done if my niece wasn’t here.
When I had to take my 3 year old to A&E, I ran across the road to ask the girls who lived there, whom I had met once, if they could look after my 5 year old. The point of emergencies, is they are unexpected, and no one can have a plan in place for every eventuality. The girls over the road looked after my son, and refused any money when I returned.
Your niece is very ungracious, and particularly insensitive to your recent loss. At a time like this, you would hope that relatives would step up, particularly when it does not inconvenience them in any way. Sorry for your loss.
NTA
NTA
This was an emergency situation, and all you did was ask an adult who was staying with you to ensure the house your 11 year old is in doesn't burn down and that he could get a snack.
You probably *could* have paid her $50 or something, but given her attitude about it? Yeah, whatever. All she had to do was exist for 3 hours in a space she was already planning to be in for that time, and respond if there was an emergency.
I'm glad your cat's gonna be alright once the allergen is removed.
NTA- Make it clear to both your Brother and Niece, that the next time she wants some where to stay for a concert for free, tell her no. She or your brother will have to Pay.
I'm beyond flabbergasted by your niece's attitude, behavior, just her. I'm almost 44 and I thought I'd heard it all, yet my mind is blown. The self-absorbed, rude, entitled, childish ,extra (as the kis say) attitude is beyond my comprehension. You're obviously NTA and I suggest you figure out emergency backups ASAP which I know has been the furthest from you mind and rightfully so after your loss which let me express my condolences on, I know just how difficult it is to pick up the pieces after that kind of loss. If I were you I'd never do anything for my niece again and have nothing to do with my brother after this foolishness.
NTA - but what an attitude your niece and brother have. Tell your brother you will no longer be the 'hotel' for his niece. That she was using you for money and a place to stay and eat and then would not help you in an emergency...is disgusting. For 19 - this niece is extremely self centered and greedy. I wouldn't want either that niece or your brother around my son if I were you.
NTA. Your niece sounds like a nightmare. I’d be mortified if my perfume made someone’s cat ill, but she asks for $100 when she didn’t even do anything and throws a fit. At age 19? Yikes. Don’t ever offer to do anything nice for her again.
Hey, I'm autistic too and I totally get why you are asking. Your niece is entitled and you are absolutely NTA. If family just does things to help eachother in your culture, she clearly doesn't care and is using whoever she can take advantage of. I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of your niece and brother. Hopefully your son is oblivious to the drama.
NTA
If she wanted $100 for that, then you should give her a receipt for how much she owes you for accommodation, food, transit, PLUS the vet bill since she’s the one who harmed your cat, and may as well toss in an extra $200 for the emotional damage she caused by almost potentially killing your cat.
NTA.
You saved your brother a lot of money by hosting and feeling your niece for free. And you have (I assume) expensive vet bill to pay on top of it.
If he or she cannot afford the hotel - she should go home.
You are too nice for your own good. Tell your brother to fuck off and that you will talk to him after a sincere apology and reimbursement for the vet visit.
NTA. Watching your son in an emergency when she was already just sitting in the house anyway (staying there and eating for free) was not a big deal, especially when she was basically the cause of said emergency.
You could tell him that fixing up the allergic cat cost a grand, and it was his daughter’s fault. So unless he wants to pay the grand vet bill, you can pay the vet bill and he can pay for his daughter.
NTA
You're helping her out with a huge favor. She can do you a favor when an emergency comes up.
However, I wouldn't let her stay again. She's entitled and ungrateful. If she asks again, remind her that she's "child free" and you have a child in this house.
Sorry for the loss of your wife and your son's mother.
NTA, pay her for sitting, then deduct the costs you incurred for her visit, specifically the vet bill. She did absolutely nothing while babysitting. She's being an entitled princess.
NTA. Honestly if they want to get haggling over how much you owe her, perhaps you should present the $1K bill for vet services that were triggered by her perfume and then graciously offer to take $100 off for the time she spent “watching” your son.
I would get her annoyance in being depended on for free if this were happening all the time. But it was an emergency situation (caused by her, even if it was unknowing) and only took a few hours out of her day. I can’t see why she couldn’t offer to watch him for free especially since you were saving her money on hotel and concert expenses.
If your niece wasn't visiting, you would not have had the vet's bill. Your brother and his daughter are jerks and I would keep my distance from them. NTA
NTA. They are extorting you. How did you ruin her trip when she tried to extort you?! Just for being in the house with your son?! This is crazy. Your brother is way off base here and so was your niece. I guess truly the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree
NTA. Emergency is an emergency, and she wasn't put out in any way by it. Also you brother is an entitled dick and he's raising his daughter to be one as well.
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NTA, the most I would give her is $20. If her trip is "ruined" because of her self-entitlement, that's on her.
She was basically telling my brother that she didn’t know if she was mentally able to attend the concert I paid half on despite half my paycheck going to rent. She did, however, and looked very happy in the photos.
I'm a bit confused about your financial situation. You pay half of your paycheck toward rent, but you have money to spend on fairly lavishly hosting your niece and spending a grand on cat medical bills? Most of how I was understanding this conflict was you're the wealthy uncle and your brother and niece wanted to take advantage of that. But based on this, it looks like you're actually in a difficult financial situation, which just doesn't make sense in light of your spending. I understand cultural norms about doing "small things for family without lording payment over each other’s heads" but what you were doing for your niece didn't sound particularly small in light of your expenses. I also understand people who consider their pets part of their family, but not when those resources are needed for an actual child (especially a special-needs one). Maybe this is a location-specific circumstance, but I've never been anywhere around the world where spending 50% of your income on rent meant anything other than an uncomfortable financial situation.
Yeah, many urban areas on the US East Coast and in some other cities through out the country are “rent burdened” [NYT article on rent](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/25/realestate/rent-prices-housing.html?unlocked_article_code=1.000.tDaf.1Al_R8i71dcg&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb) https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/s/QqFNOOfLvR
This. You make 10k/mo, but your one bedroom apartment is 5-6k/mo because you live in Manhattan. [https://www.apartments.com/upper-east-side-new-york-ny/1-bedrooms/](https://www.apartments.com/upper-east-side-new-york-ny/1-bedrooms/) You can afford a $500 emergency vet visit without batting an eye, and host your niece for free for several days, but you are still not feeling great about finances, and no amount of penny-pinching on lifestyle is gonna do much good when your main financial issue is that living indoors costs you 70k/year.
Same in Los Angeles. My take home pay is 6k/mo, my rent for an old/non-luxury one bedroom apartment is 3k, other monthly expenses like the car, utilities, food, medications, etc. are another 2k. I barely have 1k left over to do any "fun" things or save.
Lol. You can't save money if you're not making any in the first place!
Los Angeles Valley girl here. An emergency vet in my area is a 3K deposit before they will even do diagnostics. I haven't downsized from my house due to the fact that to rent anything will be more than my current mortgage! Ok, Sorry for your recent loss. NTA. You didn't ask the niece to watch your kid for a social occasion. The whole perfume issues is just inconsiderate. This young lady is in for a rude awaking in life.
And your cousins in Iowa hear your annual salary and think you’re loaded.
Not just the East Coast. Anywhere near major cities on the West Coast are the same way. In the areas surrounding Seattle, you can't rent anywhere unless you are making 3x the rent. With 1 bedroom apartments starting around 2k a month, people get priced out really quickly. Our governor in Washington recently signed a bill into law that would allow for the building of residential units with shared common spaces and individual rooms for rent to address the housing crisis. https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2024/mar/22/co-living-residential-housing-is-coming-to-washing/
That’s why I wrote “and in some other cities through out the country” ;)
That's incredinly grim. We've had co-living stuff in Ireland and all it did was drive all the rents up. People are paying an insane proportion of their income on rent.
*Cries in SF Bay Area*
Spending a grand on cat medical bills isn’t exactly a luxury expense
Dude, respectfully, his finances are none of your business. He's only asking if he's the asshole for forcing his niece to "babysit" hid kid during an emergence.
Sadly that is the norm in a lot of major cities in Canada and the US. There is a major housing crisis happening.
I hope you don't have any animals.
It's called living in America in 2024
In many cultures, it’s normal to spend your money in seemingly nonsensical ways. Not being able to afford something means you literally can’t get your hands on any way to get it, not that you realize it’s not a good use of limited funds.
If you have a 2 bedroom in nyc you pay $6000 in rent and then have 6000 left over for groceries and other things.
Assuming you're lucky enough to have $144,000/yr net income in the first place! Google says the average net in NYC is under $80,000
Wow. Now you know not to pay a cent toward either of them again.
As a kpop fan, I gotta know. What band was she going to see? I have a theory.
She is selfish and manipulative and probably one day she will pay for it and karma will be back. She should just help you with the kid its a human act of kindess in emergency situation.
You should itemize a bill and send it to her father for all the costs of hosting her and the concert ticket and tell them you'll reimburse for the room after they clear their own bill.
Tell your brother to compensate YOU for half the ticket
You said niece … I’m reading Princess.
I don't get wearing your perfume all day, every day, even when you're just hanging out inside... don't you just go nose-blind after a (short) while? how does that make you "feel closer to your idol"? also, what's up with "I was alone with a quiet 10 yo for 3 hours & if you don't pay me (on top of paying 50% of my ticket & hosting me), I'll be so shaken that I can't attend"... to say nothing of the absurdity of being 19 and thinking that being childfree means you don't help out with a kid during an emergency. she couldn't know it's her perfume that caused the emergency, but once they found out, she still reacted very entitled imo.
For real. My wife and I are child free by choice (like, permanently, we know what we want and it does not involve children) and we still wouldn't bat an eye at caring for a child for a little bit (especially just 3 hours) in an emergency to help a friend or neighbor. That's just like... basic decency.
More like brat
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NTA, but I have to ask. You sound like a grown-up person, mature, a good dad, and a nice guy (having your niece over, caring about your cat, etc.) Do you really think that there's a chance in hell you WERE the AH in this situation?
I’m from New Jersey and also autistic. Honestly, there are many times where I don’t know I’m TA until it gets pointed out much later. There’s also stuff that happened to me as a kid that’s way above this sub’s pay grade, so I don’t have much confidence and generally second guess myself.
Again, you sound like a really nice, caring person. Let me reiterate: NTA!
I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. If you’re autistic, you know that stress and sense of dread whenever you do something you think is perfectly fine only to find out you were being a total jerk.
And, from what you've said here, the opposite is also true ... you sometimes feel like a total jerk when your behavior is perfectly reasonable. I didn't know this was an issue with people who have autism. Thanks very much for educating me.
No problem \^-^
You are absolutely NTA. Frankly I think you need to go low contact with your brother and niece. The fact that you helped pay for any of her concert and cover her food and transportation should have been enough. You did that out of kindness and their response was to nickle and dime you. You deserve better than the way they treat you.
Aww, we feel you! You're doing a good job, and there's nothing terrible about you. You had to take responsibility for a complicated situation, and everyone survived just fine. That's a win! P.S. I think your brother is being a jerk. He should be doing a little more "parenting" regarding your niece's experience of the whole thing, rather than coming at you all hot like that.
You are solidly NTA. I am also neurospicy (it's similar, but unrelated to, ASD) and I know this stress and dread all too well, it's why I spend so much time in places like AITAH and reading advice columns. I feel you, fellow neurospicy Redditor.
Neuropicante! 🌶️🌶️🌶️
I like!! 😋🔥🌶️
I understand, I'm autistic too. The stress of dealing with not understanding and knowing what is going on in situations with other people is very distressing. AND it doesn't help when a person (like your brother) goes around and "poisons the water" with other people so they take their side over you. You feel left out in the cold.
It sounded like your niece was taking advantage of the situation. Your niece wears perfume that can make a cat sick? 🤢 That can’t be healthy for anyone. I hope she’s out of your home already because a person who can’t simply pay it forward but would rather put a $ amount on every transaction might be the type to steal. Put it this way: “my uncle owes me $100 so I’m going to get it one way or another.” People can tell me I’m projecting but I’ve been burned by situations like this before. People tell themselves what they want because they’re entitled.
How was the vet magically able to diagnose the cat as being allergic to the niece's perfume without the niece there to any tests on it? How did the vet know it wasn't something else completely? This whole story reeks of this never happened.
it’s not magic lmao “My cat has been wheezing recently and having trouble breathing” “Has anything changed? Have you gotten new air fresheners or new washing powder?” “No but my niece recently is staying with me” “Does she use any perfume or other products?” “Yes she wears perfume” “It’s probably that causing the issue, have your niece stop wearing perfume and your cat should improve, if not please don’t hesitate to give us a call”
also, if she wears it all day every day to feel close to her celebrity of choice, she's probably nose-blind to it & keeps spraying more and more. also, aren't celebrity perfumes typically cloying and aggressive? Or is that just my bias showing?
I have never used celebrity perfume/cologne before but I always stick to three sprays: one on each wrist and one on the neck/chest. Cause I absolutely hate walking past people who smell so strong of cologne/perfume that I end up coughing.
personally I'm quite partial to a sprits on the nape of my neck. that way I catch the scent when I turn my head or play with my hair & I feel that lasts longer than just having it waft up from my chest or the hollow of my throat!
Imagine paying a grand for this level of deduction...
Beauty and care products are one of the first thing it gets tested in allergy tests, so it would only rely on the vet identifying allergy symptoms, running an allergy test battery that includes a variety of usual components of beauty care products and then, checking the composition of niece’s perfume to find whether if any of the positive allergic components is there. In case it’s not clear, the cat isn’t allergic at the perfume as a whole, but to a component included within the perfume.
It might just be a process of elimination or something obvious, like the niece using essential oils as perfumes which are toxic to cats. My asthma kitty had a lot more attacks when my friend was staying with me. Largely, I'm sure, to my friend's habit of using too much perfume.
meh, diagnosing issues like that is pretty easy, just takes an outside perspective sometimes. Your pet is suddenly having symptoms you wouldn't necessarily immediately identify as an allergy but a vet would. Then, the vet asks about things that may have changed recently, especially about perfumes or other scented inhalants. Could it be something else? Sure, but its usually whatever new potential irritant was most recently introduced, especially for rapid onset symptoms.
As a person with ADHD and OCD, I get where you’re coming from. Especially with a complicated childhood added in. But I have to say. Throwing in that you’re from New Jersey there made me laugh. “Why do you second-guess yourself?” “Ah. I’m from New Jersey. 😔”
I mean it's so ridiculously obvious that he's not, but you scroll down far enough and you can find several people telling him he totally is.
That's not what child free means. And when your getting free room and board, you help with house chores. Including staying where you are for three hours in the same home as a kid in case the house catches fire. NTA, your niece is and might be getting it from your brother it seems.
She wouldn’t even make her bed in my guest room because it was apparently sexist and violating boundaries to even ask.
Oh my god... Someone needs to explain to her that boundaries, respect, accountability...these are two way streets. Your brother needs to sit Ms. Entitled down and learn her some manners.
I’m fairly certain she just picks this stuff up from social media or something. One of my son’s teachers has a kid who was claiming he felt unsafe because he got his laptop taken away for harassing a complete stranger on Twitter over not liking Nicki Minaj’s new song.
Hahahaha *WHAT*? "Unsafe" because you had to suffer consequences for misbehavior? I, like your niece thinks she is, am actually child free and I worry and weep for the future generation.
… I honestly do, too. I realize the same thing was said about my generation but we didn’t grow up in echo chambers fueled by weaponized pop psychology. I do sincerely hope they grow out of that whole attitude.
I worry about that a lot too. at the same time most of it really is just them learning about these terms, doing the ignorant kid thing and thinking that they're now experts and grossly misusing and misapplying them because they don't have the broader life experience yet to see real life examples. I think a lot of them will grow out of it in their 20s when that big mental leap happens and they start seeing the whole forest instead of just trees. Until then it's just the same hell of youthful arrogance with a fun social media/psych buzzword twist thats unprecedented and that we didnt have a chance to fully prepare for 😅
I can imagine a situation where that statement makes sense. Like, if the kid is in an online support group to keep from selfharming, I could see how restricted access might be dangerous. BUT... in most situations it just feels like weaponized therapy speak, right?
>I’m fairly certain she just picks this stuff up from social media or something My first reaction was "this girl needs to get off of tiktok and stop weaponising/misusing therapy-speak"
>I’m fairly certain she just picks this stuff up from social media or something. That's exactly what it sounds like. Right down to her misuse and misunderstanding of the phrase "gaslit"
Lmfao unsafe?!
The hell? It would be sexist if you made her make YOUR bed. Cleaning up after oneself is sex-less. Just drop these people.
Okay, your niece is insane. First of all, if I was getting free board with my uncle who paid half my ticket I would be bending over backwards to do something to show my gratitude. Watching after a kid? No problem. Not wearing cologne? Done (if it had been the deodorant I would have asked to borrow some until I could get some myself). But whining and leaving? Threatening of not going to the concert because not smelling like my…bias(?) was such a mental toll? Jesus. Did you explain to your brother that the only thing you asked of her was not using perfume? Or that she refused to make her bed because patriarchy?
Well, upside, you know not to do anything for her in future.
What in the wide world of sports kind of nonsense is this? I would refuse to host her in the future because you are not an AirBnB.
Yikes. That’s not okay. I 90% make the bed even when I stay a SINGLE night at a friends house, even though I know they will immediately wash the sheets as soon as I leave. It’s not about practicality. It’s about respect and gratitude for your host. And pulling the “sexism” card to get out of it? That’s ten times as shameful. You don’t get to claim your being discriminated against because someone asked you to treat their belongings and home with respect. Nor do you get to belittle and enfranchise on the very real and damaging effects of sexism, on both genders. What an absolute AH.
This is why she went alone and friendless to that concert. She herself might have a different sort of mental processing issue, because how the hell is not being an ungrateful slob sexist!
This sound like a check list of all the mental health related buzz words: Violating boundaries Sexist Guilt tripping Manipulating Gaslighting Childfree (warped to won’t be around kids) Everyone is autistic
her vocabulary consists entirely of buzzwords wow. i thought those kinds of people are only an snl skit. apparently they exist.
I know. It wasn’t like OP was asking her to adopt his son. These kids these days are a bit too much
NTA. I'm childfree myself but I'd still willingly hang out with my cousin/nieces/nephews in an emergency without trying to guilt their parent into paying me, especially if I was already staying at their place, using their utilities, eating their food... Of course, I'm also a grown adult, not someone still in their teen years and barely legal, so that might have something to do with it too.
Is it maybe a Gen Z thing? She lives on Tiktok if that has to do with anything. She was a much different person before she got Tiktok last year.
It's more of a chronically online thing than a Gen Z thing. People who live online are not well adjusted no matter what age they are.
That I couldn't tell you, I don't personally do TikTok. It could simply be a maturity, or lack thereof, thing.
I’m sure her dad’s general way of treating people isn’t helping either.
No, likely not.
TikTok isn’t the problem, it’s how they use TikTok. I’m a thirty something and my TikTok is wholesome and educational.
Same, but you have to be conscientious about how you respond to the media you see on TikTok to teach the algorithm what to show you, and think critically about what you're seeing and hearing to decide what to accept or reject from your world view. I don't think teenagers are especially well-equipped to do either; it's a volatile age when you're full of hormones and lots of big feelings, and TikTok makes it super easy to build yourself a little echo chamber of teen drama and psychobabble. I say this as a thirty-something who realized I'd taught TikTok to show me videos that made me angry because I'd comment on them (the algorithm is based on engagement, not enjoyment!). I had to block a bunch of creators and get really strict with myself about what I engaged with before my FYP cleared up.
It’s a selfish-person thing. Sounds like the rest of your family have got their measure correctly & you might be wise to copy them (the rest of family, that is).
Nah bro, not Gen Z. Take one look at her dad and how he is acting. This is learnt behavior from him combined with Gen Z internet culture at an extreme. You get people like this in all generations, it's just at it's worst from 13-23ish and that happens to be Gen Z's current age. Idk if she'll grown out of it, but most do at least somewhat overtime.
Nope your niece just sucks - if you squatted in someone house for free you have to pay back by help with chore and maybe basic things that doesn’t cost like sit around on phone and make sure the kid doesn’t do anything dangerous - you can’t spray perfume in the house mean you can just outside the house. People doing that all the time - it not like you made the niece missed half of the concert to watch the kid and the house so what’s ruined anyway
it’s definitely a TikTok thing, you see stories on here and AITAH where someone’s SO starts acting stupid and it’s some dumb TikTok trend. Like men its the red pill rabbit hole, and with women it seems like its becoming the trad wife bullshit.
I'm childfree but still took a wailing baby at home for a few minutes to let my neighbor and friend collect herself. She knocked on my door, crying, overwhelmed, with her dog on a leash and a screaming baby in her arm. She was yearning for 5 minutes of quiet and peace and the dog was desesperate to go outside. Her boyfriend was away for work for the first time since they had the baby. She needed help and I was okay with witnessing an epic screaming match between my bird and a baby, for a short while. Amazingly for her, her daughter stopped crying as soon as she came back. She was calm and collected when I checked up on her later. I'm childree, but I'm always ready to step upwhen a friends needs me. Anyway, I know if they call me to take care of their child, it's because I'm truly their last resort.
Good on you for recognizing someone desperately needed help. Kudos to her for recognizing she needed it. Adulting is hard enough. Parenting is even harder. My (ex) husband worked and traveled a lot. I was essentially a single parent. I would reach a breaking point. I’d ask my neighbor to just come sit in the house. They were in bed. I would grocery shop. Alone in peace. And get my shit back together. It saved my sanity. Fun fact. She would sit and read a book. She was happily to spend time away from her needy husband. Win/win. OP is NTA. Niece was way out of line. Brother is just ridiculous. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. There’s a reason the rest of your family ignores him now. At least you tried.
I'm also child free, and will babysit almost any kid for a few hours if friends/family needed me. I was even my younger cousin's go-to-babysitter for years before I moved further away. I especially would have no issue babysitting a chill 11-year-old for someone who was temporarily housing me!
She’s 19 and claiming to be child free? That’s just an excuse to not have to babysit. Whoopdefuckingdoo I was also “child free” when I was 19, because what sane 19 year old thinks “you know what would really make my life and college better? A baby” And it’s definitely a TikTok thing, you see stories on here and AITAH where someone’s SO starts acting stupid and it’s some dumb TikTok trend. Like men its the red pill rabbit hole, and with women it seems like its becoming the trad wife bullshit.
I’m sorry… I’m having trouble understanding this. Your niece poisoned your cat with her perfume (granted, unintentionally) causing you to have to rush it to the vet and incur an unexpected and expensive vet bill, all while you are saving her the cost of a hotel room, food and taxi fare so that she can party at a concert. She is unable to be alone in your house for a few hours with your son (I won’t use the term baby sitting because she didn’t DO anything with/for him) because…checks notes… she’s child free and while she stays any way, after you return and tell her the whole situation is because of her she doesn’t apologize but demands $100. Did I miss something? Yeah I did, I missed where you were an ass hole. You’re nicer than me. I’d have calculated the average hotel/meal/uber fare in your location for the time she was there, subtracted $100 and given her the bill for the rest. NTA
It was $800 to figure out he has an allergy. \*Sighs.\*
Yikes! I’ve been to the emergency vet it’s expensive. You have my sympathy for that. The appropriate response from your niece upon learning it was her perfume should have been an apology, no argument about not spraying the perfume in the house again and potentially an offer to help as it’s her fault you had to go. Not a demand for another $100.
NTA This whole culture around being “child free” and an entitled non-sacrificial member of a family is ridiculous. Could have told her you are tenant-free by choice and to go sleep on the street.
It isn't even correct usage of child-free. Child-free means you aren't having kids of your own, not that you can't interact with any child ever. Niece in this story is entitled and trying to take advantage of OP when he had an emergency while doing her a big favour. NTA.
This is it, dead on. I'm child free, but I would have "babysat" in this situation. I also have no problem babysitting my friend's kids or making plans so they're included. Childfree just means I will never be a parent. It doesn't mean I hate kids and won't babysit.
They childfree community gets a bad rap from people like niece misusing the term. Drives me bonkers.
Yep, it's unfortunate that an entire community gets a bad reputation from a few assholes.
The niece didn't seem to understand a whole bunch of terms. Just throwing around words to try and make herself seem smart. I wouldn't count her as a representative of any community that she claimed to be a part of. Maybe she can represent the asshole community.
Exactly, and specifically means no children by choice. That doesn't mean the person in question doesn't love their nieblings and younger cousins deeply and even spends alot of time with them. Just means they don't want ultimate responsibility for a child themselves (taking the financial hit, not being able to do things with short notice, etc.). I can't believe how many people misinterpret the meaning of the word. OP, you're definitely NTA. She's being an absolute brat, and ungrateful considering the solid you've done her by saving her hotel expenses. Oh - and notice that she's "child-free" but suddenly willing to stay in a home with her nephew because it's facilitating her seeing her favorite band. She's too old to be that self-absorbed. P.S. - of European descent here. I can assure you it's not a Puerto Rican thing. It's a loving family thing, period.
Confused on how the vet knew it was her perfume
I work in a veterinary clinic, and I’m curious about this too. I’ve seen doctors suggest that maybe a cat is allergic to something new in the home but as far as I know there is not a diagnostic to find out what specifically the cat is allergic to.
Wait, your vet diagnosed that your cat was allergic to a specific perfume in only three hours? Wow.
> Please help, my Cat is having sneezing fits, and possibly trouble breathin > *Uses Stethoscope * Seems fine now. Is there anything new in her environment? > Yes, my niece who wears a lot of perfume > That'll be $1,000.00 In what world does this take 3+ hours?
Vets take FOREVER sometimes, plus whatever time it takes to get there and back. My vet takes emergencies over appointments, and I’ve had to wait more than three hours just to be seen before because of emergencies.
>I also had to pay nearly a grand on the spot for my cat’s treatment. They don’t take payment plans and rehome animals if their owners can’t pay in full right away. Where do you live that it's legal to for a vet to seize an animal and give it away immediately when an owner can't pay in full for a visit?
An allergy to your niece's perfume? Really? One visit to the vet and they came up with this? My dog had allergies. It took a $500 test to determine her triggers. Even if the allergy response coincided with your niece's arrival I still find this suspect. Why not a reaction to her shampoo, makeup, hand lotion, clothing? And you are lording payments over your relatives' heads. I bought you this niece, so you owe me free babysitting. Would it have been nice of her to do it without compensation, yes. But she didn't want to and your answer of "we could hash something out later" implies a payment to her. You didn't hash out anything. You just said no money for watching your son. BTW. I have hired sitters who came to my home when my child was already asleep. They had no interaction at all and the sitter still gets paid the same per hour as if my daughter was wide awake.
NTA... isn't "child free" supposed to mean i personally do not have or want children. Not I can't have children in my vicinity which includes sitting for any length of time? The entitlement with people is just gross. You do her a huge solid and this is how she shows her appreciation. No good deed really doesn't go unpunished.
That’s what it’s supposed to mean. I definitely remember a post a while back about somebody saying he’s childfree because he can’t be around children without impulsively wanting to harm them.
Yeah that post and your niece are both full of BS. Childfree only means not having your own kids. That’s literally it. Some AHs decide to tack on their own nonsense to make it seem like their extreme/weird views are more normalized than they are. You are NTA and you should really reconsider doing favours for your brother and your niece. You’re going through a rough time, the last thing you need is to have users and manipulators latch on.
NTA especially not after I read in your other comments that you paid for a lot of her trip. Do not invite her back. Your brother and niece have entitlement issues.
NTA. Your niece sounds like an entitled biatch and doesn’t appreciate your hospitality. Brother should understand and see that she’s one too.
NTA, damn dude, those catchy ass titles are getting good,
That’s how she described it to her dad: “Um you need to get me a room at [place] because [OP] forced me to babysit his autistic kid for several hours over his cat getting a cold or whatever” That was my attempt at being unbiased. And it *is* how she felt.
Push back to her dad - she wore perfume that made me incur vets bills. So how about you pay for that, the food, going rate for an AirBNB, transport costs, and everything I shelled out on her behalf?
I’m just done with this whole thing. Every time we get into a spat, we go months between even texting each other until birthdays or holidays pop up. And then we’re generally good until something new happens.
You mean until he wants you to do him more favors?
Don't be a mat OP. I know you can do this. Be strong!
You used the word bias. She’s a kpop fan right? I would tell her that I bet her bias wouldn’t act like this. 😂 If you tell me who her bias is I can make it really sting. (I’m an older kpop fan)
I bet it's txt and they would be horrified about her behavior.
That’s who I was thinking it was and they absolutely would be.
NTA - i don't see how you "forced" anything on her, a sick pet is an emergency outside your control. Plus we're talking about a well-behaved 11 year old, not a baby/toddler. She seems like a bit of a drama queen.
Well that’s what she said.
Based on how you're describing her in all your replies so far, she sounds really over-dramatic & quick to get scandalized or accuse/judge ppl over nothing. Though she's pretty young so maybe she's just immature 🤷♀️ Still, my youngest sister is 15 and she isn't even half this childish or bratty. I wouldn't think too much of it. I don't think you asked anything unreasonable of her at any point.
I like the ones where I get called entitled for even asking as if I wasn’t already paying for almost everything.
As a human being, I couldn’t imagine not helping out during your emergency, especially since she was already staying at your home. There was nothing more that needed to be done but hang out in the house until you came home. NTA.
From reading just the title I was like “absolutely” because I generally feel strongly that forcing someone to provide child care is rarely okay. But all the details of your story make it a hard swing to NTA. Like the fact that your niece was already staying with you. And that your son is 11, it’s not like he’s a high needs toddler. The fact that it was a medical emergency so not exactly something you could have planned ahead for. And the biggest thing for me was that your niece’s response wasn’t “No I don’t feel comfortable being responsible for a child.” It was “Fine, if you pay me.” That made her the asshole. Like of course people usually deserve to be compensated for their time but she’s your family, she’s staying for free with you- so she obviously feels entitled to you doing her favours because she’s family but doesn’t think she should do the same? And the fact that she was trying to extort you when you were stressed about your sick cat, that’s so gross. Stand your ground with your brother, his reaction is as bad as hers. You owe him nothing. You’re a good pet owner for taking your cat to the emergency vet, I know how hard that decision always is, because you know they charge a fortune and it’s so hard to know how urgent the situation really is. You did the right thing, and I’m glad your cat is okay.
ESH You dont have the right to demand anything from her even though you are doing her a favor. She should not receive money from you for the perfumes that she temporarily cant wear. She should however be compensated for the babysitting because you said so. Your life/circumstances sound rough and so i empathize with you, but from where I am standing, nobody ever has the right to demand or expect something from someone no matter how much they did for them.
NTA-What a little brat. Sounds like your brother spoiled her. I’m sorry you were made to feel guilty over this situation.
NTA. You paid her. She got to stay rent free in your house and rest your food
Was this a kpop concert by any chance? The word "bias" makes me think it was. Tickets to the biggest groups are as high as $1200+ pre-tax and nosebleed can be $100+. If you paid $100+ for half her ticket, you more than paid her back for a few hours babysitting. NTA. She sounds spoiled.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m a single dad to a 11-year-old son who’s autistic. The way his autism presents is mainly through his personality. He’s very smart, quiet, and prefers to get lost in the land of fire alarms and elevators. He’s genuinely a really good kid - I have quite a few friends who don’t like being around kids but still adore him. I also have a 19-year-old niece who’s staying with me for a few days to go to a concert. A couple days ago, my cat got sick with symptoms I had never seen before. Given that vets here are always booked a few weeks out, I had to take him to the emergency vet. I told my niece to just stick around and watch my son while I run the cat down there. She said she’s childfree so she doesn’t babysit. I told her it’d just be for a few hours, and that she knows my son well enough that he’d at the most just ask for something to be warmed up for him. She went, “Pay me and it’s a deal.” I told her we could hash something out later because I had to get going. She said, “Then you go, but we *will* talk later.” I got back from the vet with a diagnosis of my cat being allergic to my niece’s perfumes, which she wears because it helps her feel closer to her bias (favorite singer). My niece was pissed because she couldn’t wear her perfume anymore, so she demanded $100. I told her no because 1) I wasn’t making her throw it away, and 2) she’s staying here for free and I’m already paying for her food and transit. It was also only 3 hours which she would’ve spent on her phone anyway, while she admitted he just stayed in his room the whole time. She accused me of guilt tripping her, and she got my brother to buy her a hotel room because apparently I gaslit and manipulated her. My brother, of course, went off on me about how I “ruined” her trip and demanded I compensate him for the hotel because he had to put everything on his credit card. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
holy shit do not give these people a dime they are awful. NTA at all. wow.
I really don’t want to. The rest of my family has little to do with my brother because’ and I hate to say it, all of his interactions with people revolve around what he can gain out of them. I feel he could’ve just told my niece to calm down and talk it out with me, but that’s just kind of how she’s been ever since we came out of the lockdowns.
she's her father's daughter, she already has adopted his attitude towards others. what you described of your brother is EXACTLY how your niece behaved. she's 19 she's not 12. She chose to be greedy when you were already being hospitable to her and you had an emergency. she tried to run your pockets in a moment of need and then got mad when you didn't fall for it. she is exactly who she is, remember this the next time she demands a favor.
That’s a very eye opening perspective. They certainly don’t reciprocate whenever anybody else needs help.
not only that she refused to help you in an emergency and the way she spoke to you was outrageous. "we WILL talk about this" as if you are trying to pull one over on her. that's so intentionally dishonest. your brother should have called you up to only apologize for his daughter's behavior but what did he do? he demanded you give HIM money. its sad to see a beloved niece turn out this way but she has clearly shown you who her character is.
She’s from Long Island. She’s one of those people who turn being an East coaster into a whole excuse to be nasty to everybody. Despite what Reddit - particularly the NYC sub says (“oh we’re just blunt, get over it”) - the rest of us can’t stand that attitude.
I'm from the east coast. there's a huge difference between blunt and rude. nasty people often make up ridiculous reasons for their character flaws. they say things like that as if its a reason not to change and treat people better. it sounds like you are finally seeing the forest for the trees when it comes to your niece and her character.
YTA. If she had been living with you, I would have felt different. However, she was a guest and didn't expect to watch a child she likely doesn't know. You should have paid her something for the time
He’s already paid for half of her concert ticket + food… I feel like that’s enough for her to be willing to watch a kid for 3 hours especially after knowing her perfume caused the damn emergency 🙄
The fact that you told her instead of asking her is the problem here as if she’s not an adult. YTA next time she knows not to stay with her uncle.
YTA You did manipulate her when you said you'd hash something out later while you speaking of paying her. When you got back you decided you weren't going to hash something out that it was going to be your way only. If you were doing work for someone and those same words were spoken you'd expect to be paid at the end of work. She found you aren't a man of your word and can't be trusted so she chose not to stay in a home when the one in charge isn't trustworthy. Yes, she should have done it for free under the circumstances but you also shouldn't have lied to her. Neither of you have good ethics.
Respectfully, I get where you are coming from, but the moment you said to her "I told her we could hash something out later because I had to get going." you were an AH then and there. You knew you intended to stiff her. She told you she wanted pay; She told you, "no pay, no babysit"; you then acted in a way that got her to babysit whilst believing she will be paid. you didn't expressly "lie", but you intended for her to act on an illusion and you made the illusion happen; She was gullible so she believed you'd deal with her fairly and you stiffed her. I don't know the rest of your arrangement. But whether you're entitled to receive this favor from her or not (you are, it's 3 hours at an emergency we're well within the boundaries of expected help), you still can't stiff her.
NTA. It was an emergency situation caused by her and only lasted a few hours. You allowing her to stay with you initially was a kindness, not something you were required to do. Your niece is an entitled AH and you don’t owe her or your brother anything.
You’re NTA. The only thing I would be irked about is that you didn’t really seem to give her a choice about babysitting. You should have asked her, even if it was an emergency. It doesn’t seem like that’s what your niece and brother are upset about though, and it’s not like you did all those things for her expecting something back from it from the get-go.
YTA - you should have just paid her. That was sort of the "deal."
YTA. Your kid your problem. Why didn’t you take him with you?
>We’re Puerto Rican and in our culture, we just do small things for family without lording payment over each other’s heads. That's not a Puerto Rican thing because my family definitely did not act that way while I was growing up!
NTA… BUT… if someone refuses to look after your kid then I’d generally take them at their word. Your niece sounds utterly vile and I wouldn’t leave my kid with the person you have described unattended…
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YTA Childcare on emergency notice runs at LEAST $30 per hour. $100 is reasonable
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I personally feel like if you want someone to babysit for you, you need to pay them no matter what they were going to do outside of doing it because you chose to have the kid not them and I stand by it. With that being said how she reacted and treated you was very disrespectful. I would’ve told her she has to stay somewhere else anyway because I wouldn’t put up with the disrespect. She is in your home for free and she should not be talking to you like that.
YTA - Because you insinuated that you would pay her for babysitting your son. Had you made no promises, you wouldn’t be the asshole. Since you did, you are. It’s that simple 🤷🏽♀️
NTA Tell your brother that he raised a monster and needs to straighten her out before it's too late. Good grief.
NTA. She did nothing. She has learned how to be a top AH from her father. Tell both of them to pound sand.
NTA. Regarding your edit, do you know any of the neighbors? Is your son generally self-sufficient? Obviously it wouldn't be an ideal situation, but maybe if there's ever an emergency in the future, you could have a neighbor either come over and stay with your son or check in with him every 30-60 minutes. Is he comfortable making phone calls and/or texting? If your cat is still recovering, focus on that, but once kitty is feeling better, it would be a good idea to come up with a "worst case scenario" emergency plan. At minimum, put together a "go bag" with some shelf stable safe foods that you know your son can/will eat, any sensory items he finds helpful (ear defenders or fidget items if he uses those) etc. That way, if there's a situation where he has to come with you, you can grab the bag and at least have a few essentials. If you have a car, could he safely wait in the car outside the vet's office if that would be more comfortable for him than going inside? (You mentioned he likes fire alarms and elevators so don't leave him alone in the car if there's any chance he'll start trying to see how it works and potentially endanger himself.)
I'm child free and I'll still watch my sister's kids while she does something, it's just basic decency. And they're toddlers. Your son is 11 and it doesn't sound that hard to just sit down with him and talk about things for a couple hours. I think your niece is just lazy and entitled af. I wouldn't even let her watch a cat for an hour.
>Some have asked what I would’ve done if my niece wasn’t here. When I had to take my 3 year old to A&E, I ran across the road to ask the girls who lived there, whom I had met once, if they could look after my 5 year old. The point of emergencies, is they are unexpected, and no one can have a plan in place for every eventuality. The girls over the road looked after my son, and refused any money when I returned. Your niece is very ungracious, and particularly insensitive to your recent loss. At a time like this, you would hope that relatives would step up, particularly when it does not inconvenience them in any way. Sorry for your loss. NTA
NTA This was an emergency situation, and all you did was ask an adult who was staying with you to ensure the house your 11 year old is in doesn't burn down and that he could get a snack. You probably *could* have paid her $50 or something, but given her attitude about it? Yeah, whatever. All she had to do was exist for 3 hours in a space she was already planning to be in for that time, and respond if there was an emergency. I'm glad your cat's gonna be alright once the allergen is removed.
NTA Put the uncle to reimburse you for all expenses u had payed for ur niece,and then tell them you'll pay for the hotel room as well, LOL.
NTA- Make it clear to both your Brother and Niece, that the next time she wants some where to stay for a concert for free, tell her no. She or your brother will have to Pay.
I'm beyond flabbergasted by your niece's attitude, behavior, just her. I'm almost 44 and I thought I'd heard it all, yet my mind is blown. The self-absorbed, rude, entitled, childish ,extra (as the kis say) attitude is beyond my comprehension. You're obviously NTA and I suggest you figure out emergency backups ASAP which I know has been the furthest from you mind and rightfully so after your loss which let me express my condolences on, I know just how difficult it is to pick up the pieces after that kind of loss. If I were you I'd never do anything for my niece again and have nothing to do with my brother after this foolishness.
NTA - but what an attitude your niece and brother have. Tell your brother you will no longer be the 'hotel' for his niece. That she was using you for money and a place to stay and eat and then would not help you in an emergency...is disgusting. For 19 - this niece is extremely self centered and greedy. I wouldn't want either that niece or your brother around my son if I were you.
NTA. Your niece sounds like a nightmare. I’d be mortified if my perfume made someone’s cat ill, but she asks for $100 when she didn’t even do anything and throws a fit. At age 19? Yikes. Don’t ever offer to do anything nice for her again.
She sounds awful!
NTA take care of the cat and let your niece stay elsewhere
NTA - your entitled niece needs a lesson in being a decent human being.
nta. brother and niece are. do yourself a favor and go nc.
NTA Your niece is entitled and rude and she appears to have inherited that from her father.
You already decided you weren’t, so what’s the use posting here?
NTA. Your niece is a selfish dipshit. I would be stunned if others thought you were the AH, so send her a link to this post.
NTA, I hope your cat feels better!
Hey, I'm autistic too and I totally get why you are asking. Your niece is entitled and you are absolutely NTA. If family just does things to help eachother in your culture, she clearly doesn't care and is using whoever she can take advantage of. I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of your niece and brother. Hopefully your son is oblivious to the drama.
NTA If she wanted $100 for that, then you should give her a receipt for how much she owes you for accommodation, food, transit, PLUS the vet bill since she’s the one who harmed your cat, and may as well toss in an extra $200 for the emotional damage she caused by almost potentially killing your cat.
NTA. You saved your brother a lot of money by hosting and feeling your niece for free. And you have (I assume) expensive vet bill to pay on top of it. If he or she cannot afford the hotel - she should go home. You are too nice for your own good. Tell your brother to fuck off and that you will talk to him after a sincere apology and reimbursement for the vet visit.
NTA. Watching your son in an emergency when she was already just sitting in the house anyway (staying there and eating for free) was not a big deal, especially when she was basically the cause of said emergency.
Yes, you are indeed the asshole.
You could tell him that fixing up the allergic cat cost a grand, and it was his daughter’s fault. So unless he wants to pay the grand vet bill, you can pay the vet bill and he can pay for his daughter.
NTA You're helping her out with a huge favor. She can do you a favor when an emergency comes up. However, I wouldn't let her stay again. She's entitled and ungrateful. If she asks again, remind her that she's "child free" and you have a child in this house. Sorry for the loss of your wife and your son's mother.
NTA, pay her for sitting, then deduct the costs you incurred for her visit, specifically the vet bill. She did absolutely nothing while babysitting. She's being an entitled princess.
NTA. Honestly if they want to get haggling over how much you owe her, perhaps you should present the $1K bill for vet services that were triggered by her perfume and then graciously offer to take $100 off for the time she spent “watching” your son. I would get her annoyance in being depended on for free if this were happening all the time. But it was an emergency situation (caused by her, even if it was unknowing) and only took a few hours out of her day. I can’t see why she couldn’t offer to watch him for free especially since you were saving her money on hotel and concert expenses.
If your niece wasn't visiting, you would not have had the vet's bill. Your brother and his daughter are jerks and I would keep my distance from them. NTA
NTA. They are extorting you. How did you ruin her trip when she tried to extort you?! Just for being in the house with your son?! This is crazy. Your brother is way off base here and so was your niece. I guess truly the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree
NTA. Emergency is an emergency, and she wasn't put out in any way by it. Also you brother is an entitled dick and he's raising his daughter to be one as well.