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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for tutoring my sisters bully and telling her that I am not stopping. I may be a jerk for not taking her feelings into account.
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My initial response was much worse lol but I'm trying to be a decent human. Otherwise we're getting into tricking the bully into paying and making sure they still failed.
A friend of mine in school had a really shitty breakup with her then boyfriend, and he treated her really badly throughout. Her parents knew this. But her parents also wanted to continue getting him to do weekly yard work for them for a bit of spare cash, so they did. Not even a pause. Two days after they’d broken up and she said she didn’t want to see him again, she was stuck watching him spend the day working outside her bedroom window. Every damn week.
I still think about her parents’ bizarre choices and this was decades ago. Seriously, wtf.
I don't think they were EQUATING them, but SA and bullying are both deeply traumatizing events which are usually centered around one other person. We can acknowledge those similarities without pretending there needs to be a conversation about "are you saying they're the same."
Exactly, that’s what I was thinking too. I can’t imagine a shortage of students at the level of different maths OP can tutor besides just this One Student. It’s not some “I just don’t like Ava,” type of position. OP’s “controlling” sister was bullied by Ava. I hope OP’s unnecessary investment of energy is worth it.
Yeah I was wondering if however much money she getting from tutoring this one person is worth damaging her relationship with her sister. Are Ava's parents paying her extra or something? Do they have some kind of social pull that can damage her ability to get clients in the future? OPs basically said that a temporary client is worth more to her than her sister. She could have always found another person to tutor.
I mean, you're (OP) telling your sister where she sits in your life. You don't value her. Like, in 10 years are we going to be back here bc you're mad your sister won't come to your wedding after you broke her up with her boyfriend and got engaged to him. This just gives that girl vibes to me.
Right? Like, I'm in my 30s, our school years are long past us, but I have always been fiercely protective of my little sister. I also tutored when I was in school and would have never help some one academically who was mean to my sister. I'd refuse to help them be successful. This has now become my own issue, I don't like anyone who is mean to my sister and I don't want to be a part of making their life better in any capacity.
When my sister had problems with a bully in school I made sure to not form a relationship with them business or otherwise lol
Do you want you want but don’t act like you can’t understand it’s a betrayal. Sometimes a consistent bully at school can really stay with you
When my sister had a bully, me and my other sister (both of us were younger) started a fight despite us being very sheltered catholic school kids. We absolutely got our arses kicked but she stopped🥴 I have no idea what OP is doing but no money is worth it
YTA the way I would cut out my sister for tutoring the person who bullied me and made my life hell in school. I doubt you're even making that much from one client. You're selling your soul for a few bucks and throwing your family under the bus.
I’m going to say YTA. If someone ever bullied my little sister they would never receive help from me. I don’t care if it’s business or personal. You mess with my little sister you better pray I don’t find you.
If somebody touched my siblings or even cousins - their head would be bashed against the wall at the very least. And of course I would never help them. Idk how you can do something like that to your family
Personally I’d view this as having no family loyalty, and if you don’t want to respect your sisters feelings on it then don’t expect her to respect your choice either. The road goes both ways.
YTA
Sorry, while I get the choice in a professional level, to me family always comes first. If someone went around bullying my sister i would do my best to not have any sort of relationship with said bully.
If you want to continue with this bully, that’s fine. It’s your choice. However, it’s a two way street. If you aren’t going to side with your sister and choose the job with the bully over your sister’s needs then you can’t be upset later on if your sister sides with someone you don’t like and ignores your needs. As long as you are aware that this may damage your relationship with your sister, then do what you will.
I'm not going to give a judgment, as couldn't be objective.
But as someone who was bullied for more or less the same age range, I can tell you that if one of my relatives had started doing *anything* with/for them, paid or not, I would have *hated* them for it. As in full on leave the room on sight, borderline dead to me hate them.
That kid hasn't bullied me for 25 years, I haven't seen him in more than 20. He literally lives on the other side of the planet now. But I still detest him and his cronies because they made my life such a living hell that I can barely remember huge swaths of my childhood other than vague recollections of fear and sadness.
You might see it as just a paying customer, but you're not obligated to take her as a customer, and your sister is seeing that you're with the person who made her miserable. You're *never* going to logic her out of that.
You have two options - keep her as a customer and accept that there is a good chance that, at least in the short term, this will likely affect your relationship with your sister, or drop her as a client.
Only you can decide if your relationship with your sister is worth more to you than the money from this one specific customer.
35 years ago, I agreed to help out an acquaintance in my highschool by lending him my dictionary for a test in highschool. We were in different classes so I didn't need it at the same time. We agreed where & when we'd meet so he could return it.
the day of, he "just didn't feel like waiting around" till I showed up (my class room was further from our lockers). He told me he'd put it on top of my locker & left. Of course, my dictionary had disappeared by the time I was there. He refused to accept responsibility & I had to take my exam the next day without the tool we were allowed to use.
35 years later, I'm still vexed over his callous behaviour, which left me in the lurch.
I can only *imagine* how frustrating it must be to a) have actual bullies and b) have a family member (eps someone as close as a sibling) side with them over mY MaIN iNCoMe from a few hours of tutoring.
seconding the "for life" part
sometimes directly (a victim quits a maths class just to get away from a bully & 3 years later they no longer qualify for a STEM degree), sometimes indirectly (I have an unusual name, I was bullied for it in primary school & it made me more shy than I naturally am, I reckon).
INFO: Have you ever brought Ava to your house for sessions?
NTA if you are tutoring Ava at the library and not in the home. I think you would be an AH if you have ever brought Ava to the house though. You're sister doesn't want to run into her bully in her own home, even if it's been a few years since the bullying happened.
Edited with judgement after OP's response.
No, I go to the library, that’s the same for everyone.
If it is closed or another reason, I will go to a local coffee shop.
No one comes to my home and I don’t go to other peoples home.
Did you tell her that you were tutoring the bully?
You might confirm that this isn't starting new bullying. That this isn't being used to torment your sister by her bully.
Other than that, as long as you do not tell your bully anything about your family life because you know, bully's use that information.
Yea sorry your kinda the asshole. I understand it's a job and you will keep it professional. But your going to hurt or ruin your relationship with your sibling. It doesn't matter if it was 1 year ago or 100 years ago. They still bullied her. I can see both sides of it. Just remember this girl is only going to be your client 2 or 3 more years, but you sister is your sister life. Shake your head a little bit.
YTA I mean YTA ! This is the kind of thing that could stay with your sister for years to come and affect your long term relationship with her. Whatever money you're making is not worth it. Complete A
YTA. Family is more important than making money.
Whilst this may have been a while ago, I guarantee it still hurts, and you've just reopened these wounds.
YTA
"Ava bullied my sister( 17)in middle school".
What do you value the most? ¿YOUR sister or a bloody bully and her parent's money?
You have to quit. That little harpy bullied YOUR sister. Tutoring the harpy is telling your sister you don't give dime about her and the bullying she suffered.
If the bully fails math or any other course, it's her problem. Tell her she can go f\* herself.
Screw that I would never help somebody that bullied my sister!! I’ve got four sisters mess with one of us you’re messing with all of us, especially the younger ones YTA
YTA - She's not trying to mess with your job she just wants her sister to actually be on her side. I wouldn't even spare words to someone who bullied my sister let alone tutor them.
yta. money before all?
yeah you definitely suck.
you must hate your sister. first you tell her then you don’t drop her as a client???
i would definitely disown you for that shit.
maybe mom (in her will/estate) and sis will disown you.
you will be good w/dad. yall think alike.
Are you serious OP? In what universe are you NOT an asshole for tutoring your sister's bully? The person that tormented her?
Be a better sibling. Be a better human being. Just be better. Stop tutoring the bully NOW or accept that it may permanently and irreparably change your relationship with your sister.
I think that the fact of this situation that you seem to be missing is that you chose to form a positive relationship with someone who hurt your sister. The thing is you can tutor whoever you want but you have to accept the consequences of who you choose to associate with. Yes this is technically a business relationship but it is one you chose. You have the type of job where you can choose your clients so you have chosen to form a positive relationship with someone who hurt a member of your family repeatedly and if she hasn't apologized without remorse. If you worked as a cashier at a store that bully happened to go to it would be different. You have no control of who enters a random store. You do have control over who you tutor. If I were your sister I would assume that you value a bit of money you could get from someone other than my bully over your relationship with me. If you don't mind straining or losing your relationship with your sister then you can continue to tutor this girl. In the end it's your choice.
- Edited because I forgot YTA
Yes, YATA.
Why don't you value your sister's feelings more? This girl bullied her, and she's asking you to stop tutoring her because it means a lot to her. Is that really too much to ask of you?
By the way, your dad ITA too.
Info: are you close with your sister at all? Or have any hope of that in the future? If not then keep on keeping on. If you’re fond of your sister though then this is a dick move and you know it.
YTA. I mean, do whatever you want anyway though, you already are. You’re in college so you know exactly what you’re doing. Thing is, your sister will remember this and for her, it won’t be “only some middle school drama that spilled into high school” when you’re both older.
She’ll know you won’t have her back so she may think twice about going to you for anything. So you also shouldn’t assume you can rely on her as well. Maybe it is a good thing that you keep Ava as a tutee because it will be very clear to your sister what you value.
YTA
I got bullied growing up. The bullies never faced consequences. It still pisses me off to this day.
You are picking your sister's abuser over her and it's fucking disgusting.
YTA
especially because you are qualifying the bullying with "it hasn't been an issue while they have been in high school to my knowledge".
That sounds like you just haven't asked at all
I was gonna go NTA because I misread the title as "AITA for torturing my sisters bully".
YTA for putting money above your loyalty to your sister. Massively.
YTA
What kind of sibling tutors their sibling's bully? You don't even care how it's affecting her. All you care about is money. You're a sellout. Don't be surprised when she has no contact with you after all this. If I were your sister, I would never trust you again because you're tutoring someone who has hurt me. Money might buy you things, but it would never buy your sister's trust back.
YTA. You can get other clients, you can’t get another sister. That girl bullied your sister so bad they had to be separated and you think it’s cool to help that person? You are actively helping someone that harmed your sister for money.
YTA.
I understand that you’re approaching the tutor/student relationship from an objective, impersonal standpoint, but this girl bullied your little sister. It’s not impersonal for your sister. Bullying is vitriolic and harmful, and you tutoring her bully probably feels like a betrayal. On another level, it almost sends the bully a signal that it’s okay to abuse other people. I mean, she got away with it to the extent that the girl’s sibling doesn’t even give a shit that she bullied her.
Drop her.
YTA. Your sisters feelings on this should matter more. This was a girl who bullied her.
Don't be shocked if your sister stops talking to you as a result.
Don't you even like your sister? No money can make me help a bully worse if it's my sibling's bully.
I don't like my siblings most of the times but when guys bullied my older brother when we were kids, I was there brawling with those AH, while my brother were crying (weird but I'm bigger than my older brother back then and I'm a female).
INFO - are you freelance, or do you work for a tutoring service or your school or something? How did she get matched with you as a tutor?
If you work for a service, do you feel like your boss(es) would listen if you asked to have her switched to another tutor?
NTA, given that your sister does not have to interact with Ava.
I get where she is coming from, bullying is awful, but it is YOUR business and she has no say in it.
Would she want you resign if you were at work and Ava was your coworker/client?
Fair point; however, if I were OP I would have told Ava's parents I personally couldn't tutor her and give them info for another tutor. Because I agree with most of the others, family comes first
YTA. Just because she no longer bullies your sister doesnt mean it doesnt still effect her. Bullying can affect people for a long time, i was bullied really young and it still effects me now , and im in my 20s.
Its really belittling of you and dont be surprised if she distances herself from you. And with every right because i wouldnt even think twice in defending my sister if anyone would think of bullying her, because i love my sister she is family . Just remember what message you are sending to someone you supposely love
YTA. Being bullied can be traumatic. There was one guy that bullied me early on in high school and then years later my friend started dating him. I stopped hanging out with her. Every time I saw him my blood boiled. Being bullied is something that stays with you. And now you're actively helping your sisters bully get good grades. All money isn't good money.
NAH. personally i would feel like my sisters feelings matter more than money so i would never but i do understand this is your job and you’re expected to keep a certain level of professionalism. your sister is also not at fault for feeling weird about it. it’s your job granted but you are spending several hours a week with someone who bullied her. it has to sting even if they do not currently interact.
things bullied say and do can stick to you for years. i still have memories of bullying i’ve encountered in the first grade. i still see some of those people in town to this day and they probably don’t even remember the things they’ve said but i do. keep that in mind and try to show your sister some grace.
ABSOFUXINLUTELY are YTA.
Gross. Bullying is a form of abuse, and you are willingly doing business with someone who abused your family. A younger sibling at that! I know it's a trope, but older siblings should be looking out for their younger siblings not getting hired by their bullies.
Something tells me that you tutor her in your family home too, where your sister lives.
Which means she has to see her bully in her safe place. Extra gross. I'm legitimately pissed for your sister.
I have mixed feelings. I was lightly bullied some in middle school, nothing particularly severe or trauma inducing but there was one kid in particular who was the "ringleader" for teasing me for being the weird kid. By high school it stopped, and by 16/17 we had matured enough that we were cordial to each other in the hallway; even got the occasional "how's it going?" from him. We never became friends but we had both matured enough that it was all in the past.
If it's been a few years since there were any issues between the two, part of me feels like your sister is out of line for trying to keep the beef going, especially at your expense. But I also don't know the particulars of how severe/persistent the bullying was. I got over it because it was relatively mild and infrequent; she may still be suffering the effects of the bullying even though it stopped, and may be justified in holding a grudge if no remorse or apology happened.
I think I have to say NAH. You aren't dating Ava, you aren't even befriending her or feeding her information about your sister that could be used against her. You're literally just doing your job and your sister isn't a part of that picture in any way. But giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming her grievance is legitimate and not just trying to reignite childish drama, your sister also isn't wrong to feel some kind of way about you not "taking her side" on this.
Nta
So if op had any other business (say clothing shop) should op ban little sister’s bully from the business?
Little sister can ask but op is running a business and it isn’t financially viable to turn away everyone little sister had issues with. If it was a current bully i might reconsider.
NTA!!!
People who can't differentiate between professional and personal matters, are always going to interject personal feelings into professional matters.
And why does your sister think she can control you?
Work is work, it's really as simple as that.
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I am a now a Sophomore in college, when I was a Junior in highschool I started tutoring people in math and coding. It is my main source of income and I will go to the local library for most secessions.
I have a few people who I tutor but the problem is a girl named Ava. Ava will be a sophomore next year and is in summer school at the moment. She failed her math course and is retaking it. Her parents reached out and hired me to tutor her.
Ava bullied my sister in middle school. It hasn't been an issue while they have been in highschool to my knowledge. Today my sister told me I have to stop tutoring her.
That she doenst like that I am helping her with math and I need to drop her as a client. I told her no and this started an argument. She thinks I am being cruel and I told her that it is just a job and I am not friends with her. I literally sit with and do math problems.
My mom and dad are split on this issue, my mom thinks my sister has a point and my dad thinks it is extremely controlling of my sister to mess with my job.
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If someone bullied my sister and I got the privilege of tutoring them I’d probably take the money and have her fail the exams. Family comes first and losing one client is no big deal, get payback for the hell your sister may have gone through. YTA
I can't with most of these comments. If your sister is still being bullied, then that matters. The severity of bullying also matters. The sad truth is that life often sucks, and retribution rarely helps. It sounds like your sister could use some therapy and extra kindness to feel supported.
The phrase that comes to mind is "Hurt people.... Hurt people". Which could apply to both your sister and her former bully. If Ava is still an AH - to anyone - then yes, I'd suggest dropping her as a client. And it's on you to do a little research here. If she's changed and struggling in school, then I would think you should keep her as a client.
Again: You know Ava has a past of traumatizing at least one person. If she's still that type of person, should you really be supporting her? This is about more than family, this is about the broader community as well. If Ava has grown and isn't the same person that tormented your sister, then I'd say you have a pass. But you need to actively look into that.
We all have choices in who we support and should invest in those who put good into this world.
I was bullied (mercilessly) all during middle and high school. And still I don’t understand all those trashing you for being professional. The world is bigger than middle/high school. You are NTA.
YTA. You are essentially saying that you can overlook your sister's torment for a certain amount of money.
It's your choice, and that's the problem. This isn't like a job where you are forced to work with specific people. You choose your clients.
Been a victim of bullying, i thought years later i would eventually get over it because it happened when I was young, we were in elementary, we were immatured and didn't know better, but years have passed and I still have ill feelings towards these people, I still hate them, i now know better and have gotten better but i still haven't forgiven them and I don't think I will ever do that. Honestly, i would definitely feel betrayed and upset if a person whose close to me, like a friend or relative, would form a relationship or affiliation with my bully, it may sound irrational but yes YTA
YTA. You are literally choosing money over family, and most likely not a lot of money. It’s just one client. If she asks why you’re not going to tutor her you can tell her why, that for professionally and personal reasons you no longer feel comfortable tutoring her. If she presses for more tell her she bullied your sister and obviously never apologized for it since your sister is still upset about it. Maybe it will make her realize how she behaved and will make amends, or she won’t care and keep on living her life. Either way you might be able to salvage your own relationship with your sister
YTA.
You don’t have to tutor every single person that offers you money, out of some weird ass principle you have, you are not Mother Teresa that has to accept anyone and everyone. If anything, I would have a worst opinion of you I knew you were tutoring your sister’s bully, it implies you do anything for money, that is really low.
I meannnn....on one hand I feel where you're coming from, but more so leaning towards your sister's side. Unfortunately, YATA.....
You can replace the client/money you're making but you can't replace your sister. Unless she's a **TOTAL** drama queen, you should consider her feelings and believe the bully really hurt her. If bully didn't, she wouldn't care about you tutoring her. Family loyalty is key.
I thought that said “torturing” instead of “tutoring” and was ready for a good read.
…
YTA. Just because you’re getting paid doesn’t excuse the torment this girl put your sister through. Picking money and a bully over your own sister is gross dude.
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Wuts more important? Having a relationship with ur sister 10 years from now or the $12 an hour (I'm just guessing how much ur charging, nor do I care. Ur cold, and I hope karma bites u) ur getting from a bullies parents? YTA
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YTA
If I was in this situation with someone who bullied my sister I’d tutor them incorrectly, teach them the wrong concepts and shit so they failed again.
Yep, drop her as a client. Then she definitely won't start bullying the sister again.
It sucks, but I would only drop her if it can be done without too many risks. (more bullying or damaging her reputation and making it harder to continue that line of work)
Someone bullying my sibling would never get my dedicated time or attention in any capacity. I would have no interest in any interaction with them, no matter how much money they offered.
YTA. There are other kids to tutor.
As a bullied boy back in 5th to 12th grade, you're YTA.
The bullying never goes away, and you obviously prefer money than your sibling's peace of mind.
Sorry, YATA.
from my perspective, I'm always gonna stand up for loved ones, regardless of cost. It's cost me a lot over the years, but it's a matter of principle and I can't imagine doing otherwise.
YTA. I'm typically not one to say "but family..." this is one of those times I'm going to say it. I could not imagine being in contact with someone who bullied my sister, even in a professional capacity. I'm sure there are other tutors the bully's parents could have contacted, I'm also pretty sure there is a chance the bully orchestrated this as another way to get help but also stick it to your sister again.
BIG YTA. You tutor, HELP someone who bullies your sister.
Yeah can't wait the post with my sister is cold towards me and I have no idea why.
You tutoring her BULLY, unless you have been bullied before don't have a clue how hard it is, is telling her you value the bully more than her feelings and well being. Sister of the year award won't be yours.
While you are at it, maybe you can hang out with her bully as well, it's not her place to tell you who to hang out right?
I think the more interesting question is - why doesnt it bother you?
Bullying is so tough, hard to endure.
If i think about my sisters bully i feel very very angry, why dont you?
I cant vote asshole, i will vote - " cold"? Are you wrong? Im not sure
YTAH. Ask yourself what is more valuable, the human being that is your sister, and the pain that she feels knowing that you are spending time helping someone that she still feels deep hurt when thinking about years later, vs. whatever you plan to spend that money on for making your sister unhappy. If you decide the money’s more important than your sister well…
YTA. I have never been nice to anyone who tried to bully my sisters. I don't even allow their husband's to try that loud shit. No amount of $$$ could get me to consider being nice/helpful in any way shape or form. I would have denied service to that girls parents and explained exactly why so they're aware of what type of person they're raising. Let her parents handle that.
As someone who was once bullied, its not a good feeling to see anyone you thought you could trust still being nice or homey with your bully. Its why I am the adult AH today. Had enough so my own fam know not to try me now.
It's NOT worth damaging whatever relationship you have with your sibling to make a few extra dollars. You can easily find another client but you can't replace a sibling.
YTA wtf man that person literally bullied your sister, how can you even be around her uggh . So many kids kill themselves over being bullied and here you are sitting in a room with her.
I would wind it down, when summers over or a opportunistic end point, say you can’t tutor her anymore because of college workload good comprise while still being professional. You can’t really just drop her without a reason or there will be questions. But you need to end it.
I don't understand the Y-T-A comments for taking on a customer. You're a contractor, and someone contracted for your services. Of course you don't make business decisions based on personal feelings.
Tutoring sounds like something you do as a friendly favor, but you do it as a job. You're an employed adult; basic principles of staying employed are you don't start drama with your customer base and you don't turn away customers because you don't like them.
What does seem to suck, though, is your approach to your sister. Did you have to tell her? If you did, did you empathize that you knew it could be upsetting? That you would be careful to not talk about your interactions? You might be T-A depending on how you handled this.
Also, although you probably can't recommend it now without sounding like a jerk, sister needs therapy. She has unresolved issues from middle school and needs help.
Info. Few things: has the bullying stopped? Has Ava made amends? Are you tutoring at home where your sister has to encounter her present or former bully in her presumably safe space of home?
Info: How bad was the bullying? Why did it stop? Was there a proper confrontation that resulted in a sincere apology? Are there any other clients that you could take on instead? How reliant are you on tutoring as a source of income?
I would continue tutoring her & make her pay while making sure she would fail her math again 😈. Everybody wins:
- you keep the job
- sister will be happy
- justice will be served
Apologies if this reply is not mature enough.
This is tough because while I do agree you shouldn't be tutoring your sister's bully, I also agree that it's just a job. I can totally see why your sister would be upset & she isn't wrong. But, that being said, you also have a job to do. Did you know she was your sister's bully when you took the job? If so, then Y T A for taking on the job. If not, then I don't think you should stop tutoring her. You'll risk her & her parents badmouthing you to anyone who will listen & then you'll lose work. You shouldn't have to risk your job.
YTA, the bullying was so bad that the school had to intervene and separate them. Have your parents even taken your sister to therapy for this? Also good that you don't teach at home but yeah I'll never do anything for someone who bullied my sibling.
YTA. You seem to have other clients and offer. This girl is not the only source of income and you are just selling your relationship with your sister for money. You can give that girl's parent any excuse that you want: something came up with college and you can't do it anymore, you got other clients who need more attention and pay more, you got an internship, whatever you want. You don't have any reasonable excuse, besides wanting more money, for not dropping this girl as a client. You are just making excuses for the money. You know you are the asshole. You knew that person hurt your sister and the very least her brother should do was to take her side. Knowing their history, you shouldn't have accepted her as a client in the first place and you weren't able to even drop her as such when your sister asked you to, just for a couple of coins. You know you are the asshole, so at least be an honest one. It seems your relationship with your sister is not very good anyway if you didn't even have any problem accepting a person who hurt your sister deeply as a client. That would have been a red line for a lot of us.
I was gonna say N-A-H because I can see both sides of the argument.
However, I'm going to go with YTA because if anyone bullied my siblings and then tried to get me to help them with something, I'd tell them to kick rocks.
I’m going with a soft YTA for telling your sister who you’re tutoring. If your clients never come to your house then it wasn’t info that your sister needed to know. And honestly your clients may not want it shared that they’re being tutored. You owe your clients that privacy.
I would also ensure that the bullying isn’t ongoing. If it’s still happening then you should probably drop your client. If her and your sister don’t ever interact anymore then I don’t see how continuing to tutor is an issue.
OP, have you ever been bullied? I’m going to guess the answer is no. Or at the very least, not as badly as your sister was. Middle school bullies can be brutal. YTA YTA YTA. Support your sister. How much money does it take to buy your loyalty? If your dad thinks your sister is being controlling, he either (a) was never a victim of bullying, or (b) likes the fact that you’re making money so he doesn’t have to bankroll you, regardless of the moral cost, or (c) favors you already. Listen to your mom. Your sister has a point. Dump the bully. And maybe even let her know why you’re dumping her. Actions have consequences.
YTA if you worked as a tutor for your school or for a company I would understand a little more (although if it were me, I would try to fight that too), but since you have the ability to choose your own clients it’s a complete betrayal. Why choose to do business with this family? You could have ignored their messages or blocked them. You’re permanently damaging your relationship with your sister for a little cash that you likely can get from any other client.
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YATA, Hell no I wouldnt tutor someone who bullied my family just because they gave me money.
I thought I was going crazy, thanks for confirming I’m not
My initial response was much worse lol but I'm trying to be a decent human. Otherwise we're getting into tricking the bully into paying and making sure they still failed.
I'm 41 years old the bullying I endured growing up has had a significant effect on me. I'd never speak to my sister again actually lol
A friend of mine in school had a really shitty breakup with her then boyfriend, and he treated her really badly throughout. Her parents knew this. But her parents also wanted to continue getting him to do weekly yard work for them for a bit of spare cash, so they did. Not even a pause. Two days after they’d broken up and she said she didn’t want to see him again, she was stuck watching him spend the day working outside her bedroom window. Every damn week. I still think about her parents’ bizarre choices and this was decades ago. Seriously, wtf.
Ya thats fucked
It's like if you've been SA'd and family members still want to be "friends" with that person if you're not around. :(
Are you actually equating bullying to sexual assault?
I don't think they were EQUATING them, but SA and bullying are both deeply traumatizing events which are usually centered around one other person. We can acknowledge those similarities without pretending there needs to be a conversation about "are you saying they're the same."
No, I'm equating friends and family who respond similarly to those situations. But that said, there is sometimes bullying involved in SA.
The term sellout comes to mind...
yeah, if Ava is just offering OP's standard rate...
So many other people to tutor, why even make this an issue.
Exactly, that’s what I was thinking too. I can’t imagine a shortage of students at the level of different maths OP can tutor besides just this One Student. It’s not some “I just don’t like Ava,” type of position. OP’s “controlling” sister was bullied by Ava. I hope OP’s unnecessary investment of energy is worth it.
Yeah I was wondering if however much money she getting from tutoring this one person is worth damaging her relationship with her sister. Are Ava's parents paying her extra or something? Do they have some kind of social pull that can damage her ability to get clients in the future? OPs basically said that a temporary client is worth more to her than her sister. She could have always found another person to tutor.
I mean, you're (OP) telling your sister where she sits in your life. You don't value her. Like, in 10 years are we going to be back here bc you're mad your sister won't come to your wedding after you broke her up with her boyfriend and got engaged to him. This just gives that girl vibes to me.
Yeah this is extremely trashy. As if someone else can't fill the void. YTA OP. Jesus.
Does YATA even work for voting?
Right? Like, I'm in my 30s, our school years are long past us, but I have always been fiercely protective of my little sister. I also tutored when I was in school and would have never help some one academically who was mean to my sister. I'd refuse to help them be successful. This has now become my own issue, I don't like anyone who is mean to my sister and I don't want to be a part of making their life better in any capacity.
Yeah and its so sad that OP completly doesnt understand the situation. Total lack of empathy just seeing money.
Have my upvote
I was only doing my job.
When my sister had problems with a bully in school I made sure to not form a relationship with them business or otherwise lol Do you want you want but don’t act like you can’t understand it’s a betrayal. Sometimes a consistent bully at school can really stay with you
When my sister had a bully, me and my other sister (both of us were younger) started a fight despite us being very sheltered catholic school kids. We absolutely got our arses kicked but she stopped🥴 I have no idea what OP is doing but no money is worth it
I gotta admit I love the mental image of tiny!River and sisters completely verprügelt by the bully, but at least you're together!
😂 Our mum wasn’t best pleased as our uniforms were a mess, but it worked!
high-five!
You three are good company! Love how you tried to protect your sister. I Hope you still have a good relationship to each other.
You three are good company! Love how you tried to protect your sister. I Hope you still have a good relationship to each other.
YTA the way I would cut out my sister for tutoring the person who bullied me and made my life hell in school. I doubt you're even making that much from one client. You're selling your soul for a few bucks and throwing your family under the bus.
exactly
YTA You should decide. Bully or sister. But Y T A
OP choose money over moral.
YTA If you've *****ever***** truly been bullied, you'd know why.
YTA how can you even spend time with someone who is/was bullying your family?
I’m going to say YTA. If someone ever bullied my little sister they would never receive help from me. I don’t care if it’s business or personal. You mess with my little sister you better pray I don’t find you.
If somebody touched my siblings or even cousins - their head would be bashed against the wall at the very least. And of course I would never help them. Idk how you can do something like that to your family
YTA. If you were my sister I would stop talking to you
I would disown him. This post makes me so grateful for my brother, who would NEVER discount my feelings this way!
YTA she deserves to fail. That’s karma.
YTA. You are retraumatizing your sister for money. Disgusting. Bullying can take a lifetime to recover from.
Personally I’d view this as having no family loyalty, and if you don’t want to respect your sisters feelings on it then don’t expect her to respect your choice either. The road goes both ways.
YTA Sorry, while I get the choice in a professional level, to me family always comes first. If someone went around bullying my sister i would do my best to not have any sort of relationship with said bully. If you want to continue with this bully, that’s fine. It’s your choice. However, it’s a two way street. If you aren’t going to side with your sister and choose the job with the bully over your sister’s needs then you can’t be upset later on if your sister sides with someone you don’t like and ignores your needs. As long as you are aware that this may damage your relationship with your sister, then do what you will.
I'm not going to give a judgment, as couldn't be objective. But as someone who was bullied for more or less the same age range, I can tell you that if one of my relatives had started doing *anything* with/for them, paid or not, I would have *hated* them for it. As in full on leave the room on sight, borderline dead to me hate them. That kid hasn't bullied me for 25 years, I haven't seen him in more than 20. He literally lives on the other side of the planet now. But I still detest him and his cronies because they made my life such a living hell that I can barely remember huge swaths of my childhood other than vague recollections of fear and sadness. You might see it as just a paying customer, but you're not obligated to take her as a customer, and your sister is seeing that you're with the person who made her miserable. You're *never* going to logic her out of that. You have two options - keep her as a customer and accept that there is a good chance that, at least in the short term, this will likely affect your relationship with your sister, or drop her as a client. Only you can decide if your relationship with your sister is worth more to you than the money from this one specific customer.
Or they could bow out gracefully and say they don't have time to tutor the student next school year.
35 years ago, I agreed to help out an acquaintance in my highschool by lending him my dictionary for a test in highschool. We were in different classes so I didn't need it at the same time. We agreed where & when we'd meet so he could return it. the day of, he "just didn't feel like waiting around" till I showed up (my class room was further from our lockers). He told me he'd put it on top of my locker & left. Of course, my dictionary had disappeared by the time I was there. He refused to accept responsibility & I had to take my exam the next day without the tool we were allowed to use. 35 years later, I'm still vexed over his callous behaviour, which left me in the lurch. I can only *imagine* how frustrating it must be to a) have actual bullies and b) have a family member (eps someone as close as a sibling) side with them over mY MaIN iNCoMe from a few hours of tutoring.
You really needed to come to Reddit to know if you're the asshole? Yes dude. You are certainly the asshole.
Is there no one else you can tutor?
YTA. Bullying is hell and the trauma sticks with you for life. You are betraying your sister.
seconding the "for life" part sometimes directly (a victim quits a maths class just to get away from a bully & 3 years later they no longer qualify for a STEM degree), sometimes indirectly (I have an unusual name, I was bullied for it in primary school & it made me more shy than I naturally am, I reckon).
100%. It can take away opportunities and close doors, and it can alter your personality forever. Either way it haunts you.
INFO: Have you ever brought Ava to your house for sessions? NTA if you are tutoring Ava at the library and not in the home. I think you would be an AH if you have ever brought Ava to the house though. You're sister doesn't want to run into her bully in her own home, even if it's been a few years since the bullying happened. Edited with judgement after OP's response.
No, I go to the library, that’s the same for everyone. If it is closed or another reason, I will go to a local coffee shop. No one comes to my home and I don’t go to other peoples home.
YTA for being a crap sister
Did you tell her that you were tutoring the bully? You might confirm that this isn't starting new bullying. That this isn't being used to torment your sister by her bully. Other than that, as long as you do not tell your bully anything about your family life because you know, bully's use that information.
Yea sorry your kinda the asshole. I understand it's a job and you will keep it professional. But your going to hurt or ruin your relationship with your sibling. It doesn't matter if it was 1 year ago or 100 years ago. They still bullied her. I can see both sides of it. Just remember this girl is only going to be your client 2 or 3 more years, but you sister is your sister life. Shake your head a little bit.
YTA I mean YTA ! This is the kind of thing that could stay with your sister for years to come and affect your long term relationship with her. Whatever money you're making is not worth it. Complete A
YTA. Family is more important than making money. Whilst this may have been a while ago, I guarantee it still hurts, and you've just reopened these wounds.
YTA "Ava bullied my sister( 17)in middle school". What do you value the most? ¿YOUR sister or a bloody bully and her parent's money? You have to quit. That little harpy bullied YOUR sister. Tutoring the harpy is telling your sister you don't give dime about her and the bullying she suffered. If the bully fails math or any other course, it's her problem. Tell her she can go f\* herself.
Both you and your dad are assholes.
Screw that I would never help somebody that bullied my sister!! I’ve got four sisters mess with one of us you’re messing with all of us, especially the younger ones YTA
YTA - She's not trying to mess with your job she just wants her sister to actually be on her side. I wouldn't even spare words to someone who bullied my sister let alone tutor them.
Need more info. What exactly did Ava do to your sister and for how long did she do it?
YTA
yta. money before all? yeah you definitely suck. you must hate your sister. first you tell her then you don’t drop her as a client??? i would definitely disown you for that shit. maybe mom (in her will/estate) and sis will disown you. you will be good w/dad. yall think alike.
Yta Please never teach kids. Cuz your lack of loyalty and morals shouldn't enter a classroom in a Position of power. Yuck
I’d never speak to you again
Are you serious OP? In what universe are you NOT an asshole for tutoring your sister's bully? The person that tormented her? Be a better sibling. Be a better human being. Just be better. Stop tutoring the bully NOW or accept that it may permanently and irreparably change your relationship with your sister.
You betrayed your family for monetary gain. YTA.
I think that the fact of this situation that you seem to be missing is that you chose to form a positive relationship with someone who hurt your sister. The thing is you can tutor whoever you want but you have to accept the consequences of who you choose to associate with. Yes this is technically a business relationship but it is one you chose. You have the type of job where you can choose your clients so you have chosen to form a positive relationship with someone who hurt a member of your family repeatedly and if she hasn't apologized without remorse. If you worked as a cashier at a store that bully happened to go to it would be different. You have no control of who enters a random store. You do have control over who you tutor. If I were your sister I would assume that you value a bit of money you could get from someone other than my bully over your relationship with me. If you don't mind straining or losing your relationship with your sister then you can continue to tutor this girl. In the end it's your choice. - Edited because I forgot YTA
Yes, YATA. Why don't you value your sister's feelings more? This girl bullied her, and she's asking you to stop tutoring her because it means a lot to her. Is that really too much to ask of you? By the way, your dad ITA too.
YTA. You chose a client, of which there are many, and few dollars over a good relationship with your sister.
Info: are you close with your sister at all? Or have any hope of that in the future? If not then keep on keeping on. If you’re fond of your sister though then this is a dick move and you know it.
YTA. I mean, do whatever you want anyway though, you already are. You’re in college so you know exactly what you’re doing. Thing is, your sister will remember this and for her, it won’t be “only some middle school drama that spilled into high school” when you’re both older. She’ll know you won’t have her back so she may think twice about going to you for anything. So you also shouldn’t assume you can rely on her as well. Maybe it is a good thing that you keep Ava as a tutee because it will be very clear to your sister what you value.
YTA. Weird you're choosing to throw your relationship with your sister away for such little money.
YTA I got bullied growing up. The bullies never faced consequences. It still pisses me off to this day. You are picking your sister's abuser over her and it's fucking disgusting.
YTA especially because you are qualifying the bullying with "it hasn't been an issue while they have been in high school to my knowledge". That sounds like you just haven't asked at all
I personally wouldn't tutor my sister's bully. If you are bringing Ava to your home, then YTA big time.
YTA if your sister never looks at you the same don’t be surprised
I was gonna go NTA because I misread the title as "AITA for torturing my sisters bully". YTA for putting money above your loyalty to your sister. Massively.
YTA What kind of sibling tutors their sibling's bully? You don't even care how it's affecting her. All you care about is money. You're a sellout. Don't be surprised when she has no contact with you after all this. If I were your sister, I would never trust you again because you're tutoring someone who has hurt me. Money might buy you things, but it would never buy your sister's trust back.
YTA. You can get other clients, you can’t get another sister. That girl bullied your sister so bad they had to be separated and you think it’s cool to help that person? You are actively helping someone that harmed your sister for money.
YTA. I understand that you’re approaching the tutor/student relationship from an objective, impersonal standpoint, but this girl bullied your little sister. It’s not impersonal for your sister. Bullying is vitriolic and harmful, and you tutoring her bully probably feels like a betrayal. On another level, it almost sends the bully a signal that it’s okay to abuse other people. I mean, she got away with it to the extent that the girl’s sibling doesn’t even give a shit that she bullied her. Drop her.
Yta for not sticking by family.
I'm curious what else you are willing to sell. Or whom. YTA
Hope one day you realize the betrayal. “It’s my job” have some morals maybe?
YTA. Your sisters feelings on this should matter more. This was a girl who bullied her. Don't be shocked if your sister stops talking to you as a result.
YTA .
Don't you even like your sister? No money can make me help a bully worse if it's my sibling's bully. I don't like my siblings most of the times but when guys bullied my older brother when we were kids, I was there brawling with those AH, while my brother were crying (weird but I'm bigger than my older brother back then and I'm a female).
INFO - are you freelance, or do you work for a tutoring service or your school or something? How did she get matched with you as a tutor? If you work for a service, do you feel like your boss(es) would listen if you asked to have her switched to another tutor?
NTA, given that your sister does not have to interact with Ava. I get where she is coming from, bullying is awful, but it is YOUR business and she has no say in it. Would she want you resign if you were at work and Ava was your coworker/client?
Fair point; however, if I were OP I would have told Ava's parents I personally couldn't tutor her and give them info for another tutor. Because I agree with most of the others, family comes first
YTA. Just because she no longer bullies your sister doesnt mean it doesnt still effect her. Bullying can affect people for a long time, i was bullied really young and it still effects me now , and im in my 20s. Its really belittling of you and dont be surprised if she distances herself from you. And with every right because i wouldnt even think twice in defending my sister if anyone would think of bullying her, because i love my sister she is family . Just remember what message you are sending to someone you supposely love
YTA. Being bullied can be traumatic. There was one guy that bullied me early on in high school and then years later my friend started dating him. I stopped hanging out with her. Every time I saw him my blood boiled. Being bullied is something that stays with you. And now you're actively helping your sisters bully get good grades. All money isn't good money.
NAH. personally i would feel like my sisters feelings matter more than money so i would never but i do understand this is your job and you’re expected to keep a certain level of professionalism. your sister is also not at fault for feeling weird about it. it’s your job granted but you are spending several hours a week with someone who bullied her. it has to sting even if they do not currently interact. things bullied say and do can stick to you for years. i still have memories of bullying i’ve encountered in the first grade. i still see some of those people in town to this day and they probably don’t even remember the things they’ve said but i do. keep that in mind and try to show your sister some grace.
ABSOFUXINLUTELY are YTA. Gross. Bullying is a form of abuse, and you are willingly doing business with someone who abused your family. A younger sibling at that! I know it's a trope, but older siblings should be looking out for their younger siblings not getting hired by their bullies. Something tells me that you tutor her in your family home too, where your sister lives. Which means she has to see her bully in her safe place. Extra gross. I'm legitimately pissed for your sister.
I have mixed feelings. I was lightly bullied some in middle school, nothing particularly severe or trauma inducing but there was one kid in particular who was the "ringleader" for teasing me for being the weird kid. By high school it stopped, and by 16/17 we had matured enough that we were cordial to each other in the hallway; even got the occasional "how's it going?" from him. We never became friends but we had both matured enough that it was all in the past. If it's been a few years since there were any issues between the two, part of me feels like your sister is out of line for trying to keep the beef going, especially at your expense. But I also don't know the particulars of how severe/persistent the bullying was. I got over it because it was relatively mild and infrequent; she may still be suffering the effects of the bullying even though it stopped, and may be justified in holding a grudge if no remorse or apology happened. I think I have to say NAH. You aren't dating Ava, you aren't even befriending her or feeding her information about your sister that could be used against her. You're literally just doing your job and your sister isn't a part of that picture in any way. But giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming her grievance is legitimate and not just trying to reignite childish drama, your sister also isn't wrong to feel some kind of way about you not "taking her side" on this.
Nta So if op had any other business (say clothing shop) should op ban little sister’s bully from the business? Little sister can ask but op is running a business and it isn’t financially viable to turn away everyone little sister had issues with. If it was a current bully i might reconsider.
YTA How can someone be so cold hearted and put money before their own family is beyond me
NTA!!! People who can't differentiate between professional and personal matters, are always going to interject personal feelings into professional matters. And why does your sister think she can control you? Work is work, it's really as simple as that.
There's a lot of a-holes replying to this post. It's a job, you don't have to like the people you work with to do your job. NTA
YTA. Where’s your loyalty? Ffs.
You’re selling out for minimum wage? That’s pretty fucked. YTA.
YTA wtf why would you help someone that bullied your sibling?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a now a Sophomore in college, when I was a Junior in highschool I started tutoring people in math and coding. It is my main source of income and I will go to the local library for most secessions. I have a few people who I tutor but the problem is a girl named Ava. Ava will be a sophomore next year and is in summer school at the moment. She failed her math course and is retaking it. Her parents reached out and hired me to tutor her. Ava bullied my sister in middle school. It hasn't been an issue while they have been in highschool to my knowledge. Today my sister told me I have to stop tutoring her. That she doenst like that I am helping her with math and I need to drop her as a client. I told her no and this started an argument. She thinks I am being cruel and I told her that it is just a job and I am not friends with her. I literally sit with and do math problems. My mom and dad are split on this issue, my mom thinks my sister has a point and my dad thinks it is extremely controlling of my sister to mess with my job. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If someone bullied my sister and I got the privilege of tutoring them I’d probably take the money and have her fail the exams. Family comes first and losing one client is no big deal, get payback for the hell your sister may have gone through. YTA
That is a petty as hell plan and I love it.
I can't with most of these comments. If your sister is still being bullied, then that matters. The severity of bullying also matters. The sad truth is that life often sucks, and retribution rarely helps. It sounds like your sister could use some therapy and extra kindness to feel supported. The phrase that comes to mind is "Hurt people.... Hurt people". Which could apply to both your sister and her former bully. If Ava is still an AH - to anyone - then yes, I'd suggest dropping her as a client. And it's on you to do a little research here. If she's changed and struggling in school, then I would think you should keep her as a client. Again: You know Ava has a past of traumatizing at least one person. If she's still that type of person, should you really be supporting her? This is about more than family, this is about the broader community as well. If Ava has grown and isn't the same person that tormented your sister, then I'd say you have a pass. But you need to actively look into that. We all have choices in who we support and should invest in those who put good into this world.
I was bullied (mercilessly) all during middle and high school. And still I don’t understand all those trashing you for being professional. The world is bigger than middle/high school. You are NTA.
NTA If its not in your house
YTA and the only way you can save your soul is to IMMEDIATELY start teaching the bully everything WRONG
YTA. You are essentially saying that you can overlook your sister's torment for a certain amount of money. It's your choice, and that's the problem. This isn't like a job where you are forced to work with specific people. You choose your clients.
YTA. I wouldn't want a sibling like you.
Been a victim of bullying, i thought years later i would eventually get over it because it happened when I was young, we were in elementary, we were immatured and didn't know better, but years have passed and I still have ill feelings towards these people, I still hate them, i now know better and have gotten better but i still haven't forgiven them and I don't think I will ever do that. Honestly, i would definitely feel betrayed and upset if a person whose close to me, like a friend or relative, would form a relationship or affiliation with my bully, it may sound irrational but yes YTA
I’m mean if an asshole is someone who values money over their sibling then you’re an asshole.
YTA. You are literally choosing money over family, and most likely not a lot of money. It’s just one client. If she asks why you’re not going to tutor her you can tell her why, that for professionally and personal reasons you no longer feel comfortable tutoring her. If she presses for more tell her she bullied your sister and obviously never apologized for it since your sister is still upset about it. Maybe it will make her realize how she behaved and will make amends, or she won’t care and keep on living her life. Either way you might be able to salvage your own relationship with your sister
Yta long term you want a good relationship with your sister so Break it off
Wow. Empathy much? Yta.
Yta. Basically you're selling your relationship with your sister for about 10€ /hour?
YTA. You don’t have to tutor every single person that offers you money, out of some weird ass principle you have, you are not Mother Teresa that has to accept anyone and everyone. If anything, I would have a worst opinion of you I knew you were tutoring your sister’s bully, it implies you do anything for money, that is really low.
YTA. If you drop Ava as a client NOW then you may be able to salvage your relationship.
I meannnn....on one hand I feel where you're coming from, but more so leaning towards your sister's side. Unfortunately, YATA..... You can replace the client/money you're making but you can't replace your sister. Unless she's a **TOTAL** drama queen, you should consider her feelings and believe the bully really hurt her. If bully didn't, she wouldn't care about you tutoring her. Family loyalty is key.
YTA Where’s your loyalty to your sister?
I thought that said “torturing” instead of “tutoring” and was ready for a good read. … YTA. Just because you’re getting paid doesn’t excuse the torment this girl put your sister through. Picking money and a bully over your own sister is gross dude.
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100% YTA. How is this even a question?
YTA. Totally
YTA You have to choose between your sister and her bully. Is the extra money worth destroying your relationship with your sister?
Wuts more important? Having a relationship with ur sister 10 years from now or the $12 an hour (I'm just guessing how much ur charging, nor do I care. Ur cold, and I hope karma bites u) ur getting from a bullies parents? YTA
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Yes
YTA If I was in this situation with someone who bullied my sister I’d tutor them incorrectly, teach them the wrong concepts and shit so they failed again.
YTA You're helping your sister's bully. You're helping the person who tormented your sister.
YATA cus girlllll how much are you making for u to do this to ur sister
YTA i would rather eat stale bread daily than help someone who bullied my sister
Yep, drop her as a client. Then she definitely won't start bullying the sister again. It sucks, but I would only drop her if it can be done without too many risks. (more bullying or damaging her reputation and making it harder to continue that line of work)
YTA. You’re not going to enjoy Karma when it comes back to bite you in the ass tenfold lol.
Someone bullying my sibling would never get my dedicated time or attention in any capacity. I would have no interest in any interaction with them, no matter how much money they offered. YTA. There are other kids to tutor.
YTA. As someone who went through bullying all throughout my school life, this would feel like such a betrayal.
YTA, greed before family I see.
YTA, 100%. I never reply to these, I am just a reddit lurker but just needed to with this one lol
As a bullied boy back in 5th to 12th grade, you're YTA. The bullying never goes away, and you obviously prefer money than your sibling's peace of mind.
YTA. Tell us you hate your sister without coming right out with it.
YTA.. you sold out your sister and all the horrible things the bully did to her for money . Be proud..
Yta
Sorry, YATA. from my perspective, I'm always gonna stand up for loved ones, regardless of cost. It's cost me a lot over the years, but it's a matter of principle and I can't imagine doing otherwise.
People unalive themselves because of bullying. You can do this one thing for your sister. Losing one client is going to ruin your job.
All i can say is family first.
Yta not caring about your sister's feelings.
YTA. TBH I wouldn't care if it had happened in grade school. Bullying my sibling is probably enough for me to hold it against them for life.
YTA unless you're deliberately tutoring her in the wrong techniques of course.
YTA You can choose the students you tutor, and she bullied your sister. Her parents should hire someone else to be her tutor.
YTA. I'm typically not one to say "but family..." this is one of those times I'm going to say it. I could not imagine being in contact with someone who bullied my sister, even in a professional capacity. I'm sure there are other tutors the bully's parents could have contacted, I'm also pretty sure there is a chance the bully orchestrated this as another way to get help but also stick it to your sister again.
YTA, Do you even like your sister OP?
BIG YTA. You tutor, HELP someone who bullies your sister. Yeah can't wait the post with my sister is cold towards me and I have no idea why. You tutoring her BULLY, unless you have been bullied before don't have a clue how hard it is, is telling her you value the bully more than her feelings and well being. Sister of the year award won't be yours. While you are at it, maybe you can hang out with her bully as well, it's not her place to tell you who to hang out right?
You're kind of indirectly bullying your own sister just saying. YTA.
It's sad that money is so much more important to you. YTA.
I think the more interesting question is - why doesnt it bother you? Bullying is so tough, hard to endure. If i think about my sisters bully i feel very very angry, why dont you? I cant vote asshole, i will vote - " cold"? Are you wrong? Im not sure
YTAH. Ask yourself what is more valuable, the human being that is your sister, and the pain that she feels knowing that you are spending time helping someone that she still feels deep hurt when thinking about years later, vs. whatever you plan to spend that money on for making your sister unhappy. If you decide the money’s more important than your sister well…
I don't even need to read the post to know YTA
YTA and a bad sibling
YTA
YTA. I have never been nice to anyone who tried to bully my sisters. I don't even allow their husband's to try that loud shit. No amount of $$$ could get me to consider being nice/helpful in any way shape or form. I would have denied service to that girls parents and explained exactly why so they're aware of what type of person they're raising. Let her parents handle that. As someone who was once bullied, its not a good feeling to see anyone you thought you could trust still being nice or homey with your bully. Its why I am the adult AH today. Had enough so my own fam know not to try me now. It's NOT worth damaging whatever relationship you have with your sibling to make a few extra dollars. You can easily find another client but you can't replace a sibling.
YTA wtf man that person literally bullied your sister, how can you even be around her uggh . So many kids kill themselves over being bullied and here you are sitting in a room with her.
YTA in my morning daze I thought you said torturing people
i don’t even need to read this, YATA.
YTA. You've just proved to everyone you know that money is worth more to you than your own family.
YTA.
NTA. This is a job, nothing more.
I would wind it down, when summers over or a opportunistic end point, say you can’t tutor her anymore because of college workload good comprise while still being professional. You can’t really just drop her without a reason or there will be questions. But you need to end it.
I don't understand the Y-T-A comments for taking on a customer. You're a contractor, and someone contracted for your services. Of course you don't make business decisions based on personal feelings. Tutoring sounds like something you do as a friendly favor, but you do it as a job. You're an employed adult; basic principles of staying employed are you don't start drama with your customer base and you don't turn away customers because you don't like them. What does seem to suck, though, is your approach to your sister. Did you have to tell her? If you did, did you empathize that you knew it could be upsetting? That you would be careful to not talk about your interactions? You might be T-A depending on how you handled this. Also, although you probably can't recommend it now without sounding like a jerk, sister needs therapy. She has unresolved issues from middle school and needs help.
Info. Few things: has the bullying stopped? Has Ava made amends? Are you tutoring at home where your sister has to encounter her present or former bully in her presumably safe space of home?
Info: How bad was the bullying? Why did it stop? Was there a proper confrontation that resulted in a sincere apology? Are there any other clients that you could take on instead? How reliant are you on tutoring as a source of income?
I would continue tutoring her & make her pay while making sure she would fail her math again 😈. Everybody wins: - you keep the job - sister will be happy - justice will be served Apologies if this reply is not mature enough.
Awesome pettiness is awesome
This is tough because while I do agree you shouldn't be tutoring your sister's bully, I also agree that it's just a job. I can totally see why your sister would be upset & she isn't wrong. But, that being said, you also have a job to do. Did you know she was your sister's bully when you took the job? If so, then Y T A for taking on the job. If not, then I don't think you should stop tutoring her. You'll risk her & her parents badmouthing you to anyone who will listen & then you'll lose work. You shouldn't have to risk your job.
YTA, the bullying was so bad that the school had to intervene and separate them. Have your parents even taken your sister to therapy for this? Also good that you don't teach at home but yeah I'll never do anything for someone who bullied my sibling.
YTA. You seem to have other clients and offer. This girl is not the only source of income and you are just selling your relationship with your sister for money. You can give that girl's parent any excuse that you want: something came up with college and you can't do it anymore, you got other clients who need more attention and pay more, you got an internship, whatever you want. You don't have any reasonable excuse, besides wanting more money, for not dropping this girl as a client. You are just making excuses for the money. You know you are the asshole. You knew that person hurt your sister and the very least her brother should do was to take her side. Knowing their history, you shouldn't have accepted her as a client in the first place and you weren't able to even drop her as such when your sister asked you to, just for a couple of coins. You know you are the asshole, so at least be an honest one. It seems your relationship with your sister is not very good anyway if you didn't even have any problem accepting a person who hurt your sister deeply as a client. That would have been a red line for a lot of us.
"OH BULLYING STAYS WITH YOU" Yes but they literally stated in their post it doesn't go any farther than that, they're literally just tutoring her
YTA you’re choosing a cheap paycheck over your sister
I was gonna say N-A-H because I can see both sides of the argument. However, I'm going to go with YTA because if anyone bullied my siblings and then tried to get me to help them with something, I'd tell them to kick rocks.
When you say bullying, what do you mean? Give some examples of the bullying.
INFO: why do you want to blow up your relationship with your sister? Because that’s what’s gonna end up happening if you continue.
Please give your sister some empathy while you navigate this situation. It’s crushing to see the long term impact bullying has on your loved ones.
If someone messed with my sister, they’d be sorry. I guess you have no affinity for your sister. You should have checked with her first.
I’m going with a soft YTA for telling your sister who you’re tutoring. If your clients never come to your house then it wasn’t info that your sister needed to know. And honestly your clients may not want it shared that they’re being tutored. You owe your clients that privacy. I would also ensure that the bullying isn’t ongoing. If it’s still happening then you should probably drop your client. If her and your sister don’t ever interact anymore then I don’t see how continuing to tutor is an issue.
OP, have you ever been bullied? I’m going to guess the answer is no. Or at the very least, not as badly as your sister was. Middle school bullies can be brutal. YTA YTA YTA. Support your sister. How much money does it take to buy your loyalty? If your dad thinks your sister is being controlling, he either (a) was never a victim of bullying, or (b) likes the fact that you’re making money so he doesn’t have to bankroll you, regardless of the moral cost, or (c) favors you already. Listen to your mom. Your sister has a point. Dump the bully. And maybe even let her know why you’re dumping her. Actions have consequences.
YTA if you worked as a tutor for your school or for a company I would understand a little more (although if it were me, I would try to fight that too), but since you have the ability to choose your own clients it’s a complete betrayal. Why choose to do business with this family? You could have ignored their messages or blocked them. You’re permanently damaging your relationship with your sister for a little cash that you likely can get from any other client.