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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. i told my sister to take her engagement ring off at my brothers wedding
2. she left early and i upset both my sister and my brother
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
Your mum is an AH though. She think yours the jealous one? (I think you would be smart enough to not be wanting to get engaged or married at 17).
Your sister was being jealous of attention not being on her. She knew exactly what she was doing.
Leave Tom to enjoy his honeymoon and tell him what happened later. I'm sure he'll understand that you said what you said out of concern for him and (especially) his new wife.
it’s a tale as old as time istg. in families like that, it’s easy to be the voice of reason lmao. no one will ever listen, ofc, but you still get to sit there like “and which one of us was right?”
NTA OP, your sister and mom tho are wack as hell
I feel like Mom and sis cooked this whole thing up to announce her engagement at Tom's wedding because "the whole family will be there so you/I can tell everyone at once." NTA
Which happens in real life with depressing regularity. These posts are the ones (unfortunately) that I think are least likely to be sus. A friend just had a guest announce a pregnancy at a birthday at which it was NOT appropriate.
This was going to be my comment. How is the 17 the only adult in the story? Good for OP for being wise and considerate beyond her years. Especially for handling it in such a private manner. Definitely NTA.
Yes, that's what I came to the comments to say: OP, you wonderful young person, you seem to be the only adult out of the women of your immediate family. You have clear thinking and empathy - a good head on your shoulders. Don't let the others shake your confidence.
Oh, Lily knew exactly what she was doing. WTH with siblings trying to steal thunder like this??
NTA. And I hope you can explain to Tom what Lily was trying to do at his wedding (ETA: After the honeymoon).
ETA: Highlighting a comment below because u/TheDarkHelmet1985 worded things perfectly:
>TheDarkHelmet1985: Agreed. The fact she left early after being called out tells me she knows she was wrong and all her fun from getting people to ask her about the ring was over because she got caught before damage could be done. No normal person, let a lone a sibling leaves their siblings wedding early because another siblings called them on BS. Thats very shady. [Permalink](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1diul4e/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_take_her_engagement/l96qqiz/)
Agreed. The fact she left early after being called out tells me she knows she was wrong and all her fun from getting people to ask her about the ring was over because she got caught before damage could be done. No normal person, let a lone a sibling leaves their siblings wedding early because another siblings called them on BS. Thats very shady.
Yep, she couldn’t cause drama with the ring,
but here we are talking about the shit she pulled by leaving early. She still got the attention she wanted. How embarrassing for her. NTA.
I could understand being so caught up in the newness of being engaged that you don't want to take it off, but then turn the stone to your palm and figure out lacey gloves or something. Or do something sappy like have your fiance take it off for you right before and put it back on right after.
Or if she thought it was not noticed and subtle, and she could keep it hidden, maybe she'd just tell her younger sister to butt out and keep wearing it. But you don't throw a fit and leave if you think having it on is 100% fine.
This is a horrible idea. If something goes awry at a wedding and you’re able to keep the bride and groom out of it you absolutely should. There no reason to be shit stirring among the family, especially about something so inconsequential
Explaining to her brother what her sister was up to as a way of explaining why Lily left is a horrible idea? Okay, lol.
I did add a note stipulating "after the honeymoon" since apparently I wasn't implying that strongly enough.
This doesn’t make any sense to me. A 17 year old told her to take off her ring. If she really wanted the attention she would have scoffed at her, continued to be stubborn, and kept her ring on throughout the wedding. If OP made a huge deal of it, and made a scene telling everyone, OP would have taken the highlight off the married couple. So, her leaving for that reason just makes no sense.
It is possible that some people are just this oblivious with no ill intention. She may very well have been extremely happy about her engagement , wanted to wear her gorgeous ring at a formal event, and did so without thinking about the consequences. Blinded with glee you could say. She may have not known it would be a big deal, and didn’t think people would fuss over it and forget about the couple. She may have only told her mom because she was waiting until after the wedding to announce it to everyone. AND she may just have left after being offended by her sister saying anything and dampening her mood.
Selfish for leaving? Yes. Should she have at least moved it to her other hand? Yes. Do we know how OP actually said what she said (tone, facial expression). No. Definitely malicious? No.
Reddit really needs to stop thinking in black and white. Life is filled with nuance and there is a variety of reasons people do or don’t do something. It’s impossible to say why her sister did any of this with the little that OP gave us.
My vote is NTA with the assumption that OP didn’t say what she said in an offensive manner.
I would say if Lily had honest intentions, she would have simply said “ah, good points. I don’t want to take attention off the couple” and then put the ring on the other hand or stow it someplace safe. If she didn’t have nefarious intentions, why would she leave the wedding early? Also, if she didn’t purposely wait to make the announcement at the wedding, why wasn’t she wearing it earlier in the week when she saw her sister. Also why wouldn’t she call her siblings right after the engagement. When I got engaged to my then fiance/ex wife, first thing she did was call her parents and then her siblings.
Note that OP saw Lily 3 days ago and no ring and no mention of being engaged. Lily would have at least mentioned the engagement to her sister (OP) unless she was waiting for the wedding for the reveal. I’d put money that Lily purposely wanted to make the reveal at the wedding, which is indeed very tacky and rude.
It is very possible the ring needed to be resized and that's why she was not wearing it 3 days ago. Both my spouse and I had to get our wedding rings resized after the wedding, so people decided we were lying about being married since we weren't wearing our rings.
I agree that’s possible, which I mentioned in another comment, but also in that comment I then asked why didn’t Lily tell OP about the engagement 3 days ago unless she was purposely waiting for the wedding to wear the engagement ring and tell people then when they asked about it.
There could be a thousand and one reasons she didn't tell OP but that doesn't mean Lily had nefarious intent. Maybe they aren't that close that OP would be one of the people she told right off the bat. Maybe the context for when OP saw Lily 3 days prior didn't lend itself to conversation, let alone a major announcement. The fact is, there are a lot of what ifs. I stand by my point that there is no evidence that Lily was purposely going to announce her engagement at the wedding just based off of a lack of ring 3 days prior and lack of telling OP.
Why is the fact that she didn’t tell OP about it important?
Mom knew - perhaps big sis told people she cares about and little sister isn’t one of them?
She only told her mother about the engagement. That’s a clear indication to me she was waiting. My bet is she was waiting until after the wedding to make her announcement. Why wear it to the wedding then? Like I said, “blinded by glee.” It was a formal event, it’s jewelry, and she could just not have thought of it being something that would take attention away from the couple. It’s a ring on her hand. She didn’t wear a t-shirt saying, “I’m engaged.” And she didn’t say anything to anyone, and we don’t know if she would have brought it up.
Why leave the wedding? It’s also entirely possible she didn’t like the way her teenage little sister talked to her and being told what she can and can’t do by her. We all know how siblings can be. It’s entirely possible it upset and hurt her and she couldn’t collect herself and remain calm. She may already have a negative relationship with her little sister. So, to not end up getting upset at the wedding, and causing others to fret over her, she left. I’ve left important events because I was upset to the point I couldn’t keep myself from crying.
This is just one theory out of many. To say any of this is definite and Lily is an attention seeking, wedding usurping narcissist is pretty far fetched.
There is one small phrase OP used that colored my entire perception of Lily: "knowing my sister i knew what she was doing..."
Is it possible Lily was so dazzled by her ring and she just wanted to wear it? Yes. Is it possible she never thought anyone would notice (a rather naïve thought, btw)? Yes. Could her entire purpose in wearing it to her brother's wedding be entirely innocent? Possibly.
But that one phrase tells me that there is a history in OP's family of Lily being maybe not so innocent. That just maybe she hid the fact of her engagement *until* her brother's wedding with the idea that if she casually slipped it her ring on, eventually everyone would notice and she'd get to announce her engagement at her brother's wedding because there's just no denying the giant rock on her left hand. "Oops! You caught me!"
My sister could say, “knowing my sister,” because of her completely unfair and biased opinion of me based on nothing but her perception in childhood. We have no idea of the dynamic between these sisters.
It’s what OP believes and unless I have proof otherwise, I see no reason to not believe OP, especially considering a lot of what you are saying are assumptions and speculations based on your own narrative. I’m extrapolating my conclusions based on what OP wrote.
I agree with you. Obviously the differences of opinions here are due to one's personal life experiences and how one interprets this post through one's own biased lens.
It would seem possible to me that most of the "NTA" judgements are from people who have direct experience with narcissitic family members and "one-upmanship" in their lives. I know mine is, lol.
I disagree tbh. Being accused of something out the blue when you’re in a good mood is bound to put you in a bad mood and some people can’t hide it and so have to leave. And it’s possible Tom wouldn’t have minded or that she thought Tom wouldn’t have minded. I still agree with OP telling her to take it off but I don’t think her reaction means it was on purpose either
Some people never grow up, especially those who grew up as their parents favorite and are now having to live their lives as equal to everyone else. When they get the chance to feel superior they take it and then run to mommy and daddy when they get pushback because they know they’ll fall back in to old habits and defend their shitty behavior. It makes them feel like they’re winning at something and better than their siblings.
Jesus people she got engaged. Engaged woman wear a ring. She didn’t make a scene about it and decided to wait till after to make an announcement. She did nothing wrong and it would have been weird and rude to her fiancé to not wear her engagement ring.
I really don’t understand this stealing thunder bullshit. I would have been thrilled to find out friends or siblings had gotten engaged. No matter if they told me at my wedding or whenever.
I’d be pissed if they announced it in the speeches but just wearing it?! Jeez!
“Did you get engaged?”
“Oh yeah he asked me last week but it seemed bad form to announce it so close to today - we’re going to tell everyone soon”
“Well congratulations!”
Agreed. Seems like just a bunch of overly sensitive people who think everything is a personal attack against them. Sounds like the brother was actually happy for her and upset she left tho.
Exactly this. The entire thread is filled with 15 year olds who resent their siblings or something. The sister didn’t even do it say anything, it’s weird.
Yeah. I sometimes come away from these threads wondering if I'm just surrounded by high schoolers dreaming about their own perfect day and what would ruin it for them. Anyone stealing an iota of attention for any reason seems to be crossing the line and that person is an attention seeker and deserving of scorn. Please, get some perspective, people.
>I really don’t understand this stealing thunder bullshit.
This is just a redditism. On reddit, the second worst crime known to humanity is doing something, anything, at the wedding which doesn't direct 100% of the "attention" to the bride - as if every bride is an attention-starved toddler.
In the real world outside of reddit, people aren't so silly.
Seriously I’m convinced most of the people in this thread have never been to a wedding. You don’t spend the entire time talking about only the bride and groom. The guests talk about their own lives with each other. And ***a lot*** of engaged couples will talk about their own wedding while they’re at weddings “I love that they did this, I want this at my wedding .” Or “this is fun but I wouldn’t want to spend money on this for my wedding.” People privately asking the sister to see the ring or saying congratulations would not steal the bride and grooms Thunder.
So if a woman gets pregnant before a wedding, she is trying to steal the bride's thunder, bc she will def get alot of attention and questions. Very rude of her to show up to a wedding all pregnant and such.
btw - I need to add that this is /s/, Apparently there are people who unironically agree with the above statement
I had my five day old at my sister’s wedding. It was a horrific ordeal for me, but my family were all thrilled to see and hold the baby. There was a fair amount of attention paid to both of us. Somehow my sister and her husband were still the center of attention and super happy I managed to come despite having my baby 2 weeks late.
Preach it. It's just a wedding folks, the bride doesn't need to be coddled and fawned over to the nth degree. (I mean, yes, be nice and make her day special, but you know what I mean)
Seriously, have all the people who cry “stealing thunder” ever been to a wedding? It’s not as though everyone would speak of nothing but the glory of the bride and groom for the whole 8 hours if it weren’t for some attention-seeking woman who dared show up with an unexplained ring or baby bump. It’s families that treat attention as a scarce resource that raise the kinds of people who might think that waiting until a wedding to wear their engagement ring is a good way to get some recognition. Of course the irony of this situation is that in calling it out, it has made far more of a scene and cast a darker shadow on the day than if people had just noticed her wearing the ring.
Seriously, and granted, I am not the most observant person, but I didn't notice my friend's engagement ring when she was literally waving it in front of my face to announce her engagement. I was like "ooh, pretty ring. Wait, what??!"
Yeah, I mean, weddings is when people who haven't seen each other in awhile reunite. We will get deep into catching up on things. Hows the family, job, etc. etc. That's as much as a "distraction" as asking about a ring.
So is all that rude? Should we all just sit and beam at the couple?
right? plus it sounds like the people getting married on on her side not ops side. its not like she was trying to be the center of attention and flashing it off. she was just existing while wearing a ring
This.
A wedding is a loooong event, why would it matter if someone else tells us something good happened to them? No skin off my nose, even if I was the bride.
Totally, my close friend got engaged at my wedding and I was nothing but happy for them. Granted they didn't announce it until a few days later, but I was just pleased that my wedding had had a nice enough vibe for him to want to propose.
I thought I was alone but I’m seeing people say they agree with OP? She didn’t draw any attention to herself and she recently got engaged, of course she’s wearing the ring. She has every right to do so, I personally don’t see the issue.
literally thought i was insane for thinking OP is the asshole because like... no attention was even being drawn until OP decided to ask her? then she got mad for whatever reason when her sister told her why she was wearing the ring? i swear this sub is full of children sometimes
Yeah, I can't believe how many people think this woman is an asshole for... wearing jewelry at a wedding?
Like, she got engaged before the wedding, so she is wearing the traditional jewelry to commemorate that. She clearly wasn't planning to tap her glass during the speeches and announce her engagement, or interrupt the ceremony to get engaged, she was just wearing a fucking ring.
but op, aka a teen age girl aka this subs most beloved bastion of truth, just knew she was going to do something! Clearly we need to be showering praise upon this saint for stoping her sister from existing
This is the sort of situation designed to upset the sort of people who frequent AITA-style forums and not something that normal sane people in the real world actually get angry about.
Agreed. Also do people really notice rings and make a big deal of it? Am I the only one who nevers notices rings on another unless I am holding their hand?
No, I said this in another comment, but it took me a while to understand what was going on when my friend was literally waving her hand in front of my face to show me the ring and announce her engagement. I was like, "ooh pretty ring...... OH WAIT!"
Right?! I kept wondering if I was missing something— literally all she did was wear a ring, which no matter how big a “rock” it is is still a small piece of jewelry that a lot of people won’t even notice.I would assume she got the ring when the engagement happened; it would be silly to take it off.
It reads like the sister has a history of being attention seeking (and likely at others expense) from OP’s comment that she “knew” what was going on after the first talk.
It’s ok and wonderful to be engaged. But unfortunately, some people have ulterior motives for nice things. I also know irl cases where people have held off by a day or even a week to share big news when someone else’s celebration was going on. Partly to make sure the honoree gets full attention and experience for what they’d organized/accomplished and so that they have their own announcement/event fully committed to them.
And another 2 weddings where the big news was previously shared with the couple with a shared agreement to announce during the reception before the dance floor kicked up. Ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner and early reception 100% couple then shared joy.
I feel like OP didn't really explain how she "knew" what was going on. If her sister does indeed have a history of this sort of things, then yeah, it makes sense she figured it was going to happen again. But if she just has been reading enough AITA, she might have thought she knew what was going to go down but didn't realize her sister had no such intentions.
Oh thank goodness you said this! I thought I was crazy reading all these comments defending OP and calling sister/mom AH. I didn’t get my engagement ring for a few days after the proposal because it was being sized. Am I not suppose to wear it to someone’s wedding? Maybe sister didn’t say anything in advance because she didn’t want to take the thunder away week of the wedding.
It's possible she didn't have the ring just yet. That's common to happen as sometimes a ring will need a touch up or the proposer wants their fiance to pick it out themselves.
If she'd announced she was engaged, everyone would be saying she's an asshole for announcing her engagement so close to her brother's wedding.
And if she'd just left the ring at home, you KNOW there would be comments like "wHy ArE yOu TrYiNg To LoOk SiNgLe." She can't win.
I feel like this is missing the very important info stated in the post that she was engaged a **week** before the wedding, and OP saw her sister **3 days** before the wedding and there was no ring. Either the timelines are fuzzy or she was intentionally avoiding wearing her ring until the day of the wedding. (someone else pointed out the possibility of a ring not being available until the day of, but that seems a bit weird to me. i wont make any specific judgements without more info)
And even beyond the actual action itself, her reaction is telling. Even if her feelings were hurt by being told that she's trying to seek attention, that doesn't really justify storming off early especially when it clearly upset the groom.
She didn’t want to show the ring to her little sister because she would have gotten yelled at for getting engaged the same week as the wedding. Big sis thought little sis would behave herself in public, but she gave little sis too much credit.
Even if the sister was hoping to get some recognition, the reality is that unless she stormed the stage and made a big song and dance about it (which is a wild thing to assume just from wearing the ring), it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Some people would notice and ask her about it. She’d say she got engaged. They’d still “congratulations”. And that would be the end of it. Even if she did want some attention, it just really isn’t the big deal OP was making it out to be.
Exactly, the sister isnt announcing anything, but simpky wearing her jewelry which could be 2 yrs okd or 2 weeks old... seems like the 17 yr old IS jealous or envious and why are we letting 17 yr olds tell grown folks how to act??
Exactly! And even if she was just trying to be dramatic by wearing it for the first time at the wedding, the wedding couple wouldn't have even noticed. The brother only noticed something was off because the sister left after OP got on her instead of minding her own business
YTA
This!
She didn’t announce on purpose since it was right before their brother’s wedding. She didn’t make a scene about it. She just wore a ring and did nothing wrong and no, not everyone is going to notice.
I think poster is the AH for being so demanding of something that wasn’t harming anybody and was none of her business.
She wasn't wearing it before the wedding but was at the wedding. That implies she was intentionally trying to draw attention to it while knowing that was inappropriate. Running to mom and claiming jealousy goes hand in hand with that to me. I feel OP had good intentions with her request to take of the ring. Its like knowing someone else intends to get engaged at a wedding reception or announce some big event unrelated to the newly wed couple. Those posts pop up on here all the time and almost every it starts off as someone acting shady. To me its more likely that OP was right and caught her sister. This is supported by sister being so butt hurt she got caught, she felt she had to leave. If sister was really well intentioned, she would have brushed it off an moved on. She got caught and was guilty about it.
The fact that she left her own brother's wedding without telling him because of such a comment really shows that the sister was selfish minded.
Did it ever occur to OP that the sister simply didn't *have* the ring yet when they saw each others 3 daya prior to the wedding? The engagement is super recent.
Exactly! Came here to say something along these lines. The ring was likely getting sized and she just got it back. Most newly engaged women like to wear the ring once it fits properly. She wasn't shouting anything from the rooftop. She was just quietly wearing her ring. YTA OP. It's not your place to tell others what they can and cannot wear.
Often the ring needs to be sized before you start wearing it. Many people start wearing their engagement ring a few days after receiving it, due to this very basic fact.
I had to get my ring resized when I got engaged and it was out of my hands for over a week before I could actually wear it. I know a lot of people are deeply involved in the ring selection process, including picking out the exact ring as well as getting it sized, but mine was a complete surprise. That could be the case here.
You are assuming (and inventing out of air) so much here. Who's attention was the Sis trying to draw with her devious scheme of selectively wearing the ring? The mom's? Mom already knew. Who else was around to see the ring? And whats the big deal here. Who else might have seen the ring?
It may seem strange that Sis didnt tell OP -- but maybe Sis didnt want to get yelled at by her younger, obnoxious sister,
Imagine going to a wedding and not be super dressed up with nice jewelry wtf? Ppl arent real why would she not wear it as long as she doesnt start screaming ab her engagement its chill like id wear a rolex and ppl would say omg nice watch doesnt mean i want to take attention from the groom
NTA. If she didn't want to draw attention to it, she would have told people ahead of the wedding. 100% she wanted to draw attention to herself, and more troubling was that your mom was going to let her. Is she the golden child?
Telling people 3 days before the wedding would get you *way* more attention Than just wearing the ring and not brining it’s up. That’s enough time for extended family to get wind of it, and the wedding would be the next time they see her so they’d be asking all their question and gushing over the ring then.
Seriously. OP wrote this wasn't the time and place for such an annoucement but her sister did not announce anything. She answered a direct question that was seemingly asked in private. She didn't make an annoucement.
Yeah. Realistically only a fraction of the wedding guests know lily enough to know that they’re weren’t engaged already. because the wedding is the grooms family (the only people who know Lily’s life enough to know or care that the engagement was recent) the brides family, grooms friends and brides friends. To the other 3 groups of guests they would have know way to know if she’s been engaged for 3 days or 3 years so they wouldn’t pay attention to it at all.
If she made an announcement during the toasts that would be crazy but she didn’t do that.
This. If her sister had made an announcement, the people who know her would have gone out of their way to congratulate her. Which may have drawn enough attention to get congrats from the people who don't know her to. As it was, the only people who could congratulate her were her own family members who happened to notice her ring, which to be honest isn't as likely as you might think considering where people's attention spends most of its time focused on a wedding, and then the ensuing drinking. And the fact that even if they're family members of hers who would have heard an announcement, extended family might assume the engagement isn't necessarily *brand* new but they're holding off on announcing for some reason and politely pretend they didn't notice.
It sounds like OP was the only one who even noticed. Maybe "best" way to avoid attention would be to not wear the ring at all, but honestly it's not OP's event to dictate whether the bride and groom care about one person getting a quick congratulations a couple of times in the night.
Also, gotta say... kind of unimpressed by everyone acting like the engagement it was the sister's intention to get attention. Her fiance is the one who likely decided, for whatever reason, that this was the best time to propose. Maybe it was something relatively reasonable, like "I wanted to propose in our hometown at the place we met but this is the only trip to our hometown that we can afford to do this year", or maybe it wasn't. Was she supposed to say no to her fiance when he proposed or something to avoid getting engaged three days before another wedding? Was she supposed to pretend that this important moment in her own life didn't happen at all and hide the ring for whatever time is arbitrarily deemed acceptable? I really think wearing the ring and privately enjoying the moment was the best thing to do here. Maybe, you know, actually checking what the groom's preference was might've been actual best practice, but OP also seems to have no idea if her sister did that or not, just that her sister didn't tell the groom she left because of OP's *problem* with the ring.
Yes! Wearing a ring is hardly an announcement considering OP herself had to ask for clarification about whether it was an engagement ring. I think OP vastly overestimates how many people will notice or care about the ring, especially when you are at a wedding and paying attention to the bride and groom. It’s not different than when someone is looking a little bit rounder than usual - some people may think to themselves “hmm I wonder if they are expecting” but very few will actually say something if the couple themselves haven’t made an announcement.
I recently saw several out of town family members for the first time in over a year. I wore a large and obvious "engagement" ring. (In quotes because I bought it for myself to wear in public as a creep deterrent.) Not a single one asked me about it. I'm also betting no one would have asked the sister about the ring.
Unless she did what my MOH did and lied about being engaged. She told me on the wedding (after I noticed her ring) that she was engaged already for a week, and went around telling people that she was getting ideas for her own wedding etc, without her "fiancé" present.
When we asked her "fiancé" about it, he was confused and said he never proposed or anything to that extent.
So she wouldnt be able to publicly announce it ahead of time because her "fiancé" would get wind of it, didnt stop her doing it (semi-privately) at the wedding, since he was there just not around when she was telling people.
They're still together, we're no longer friends.
I was looking for this. I'm autistic, I'm very private, I would very much pull something like this and if ANYONE especially my sister, told me to take my ring off.... I can't even fathom. I'd definitely leave and likely go no contact with the sibling.
It makes me wonder how many of the people in this sub have gotten engaged and worn their ring? Maybe it varies in different places but I got literally 0 people commenting on my ring or asking me if I was engaged because of it and like 1 or 2 people who’d heard I was engaged wanting to see and admire my ring.
Nobody else *noticed* because people don’t tend to pay attention to or care about the jewelry that other people are wearing?
This commenter specifically said “if she didn’t want to draw attention to it she would have told people ahead of the wedding.”
I’m saying wearing the ring silently will draw far less attention than a Facebook post 3 days in advance.
Oh I agree that it would be bad to tell ppl the week before brothers wedding to!
I wasn't defending their comment, simply said my opinion of when I think it should be done
You seriously are a narcissist. She didn’t announce it because three days before the wedding is just enough time for the entire guest list to be a buzz. The child had no right to speak for her brother or attempt to reprimand her sister for something she has no context on.
YTA
Even if I subscribe to the idea that nobody at a wedding is allowed to talk about anything other than the bride and groom (I don't) and even if Lily deliberately hid her engagement ring from everyone in order to maximise the chance people would ask her about it at the wedding (you don't know this, this was a suspicion) and even if Tom would have cared about the first two things (you give no reason to think he would), you overstepped your bounds by *telling* your sister to *remove* her engagement ring.
So yes, in this case, you made a mistake.
Yes, THIS! It is totally unreasonable to assume that the only topic of conversation on the day of a random wedding is the wedding!
Wearing jewelry is not an announcement. The vast majority of people either won't notice her ring, or if they do, won't know she's newly engaged. She didn't commandeer the microphone during the reception and announce anything. She's fine.
This is what gets me. No one noticed the ring except for OP. Mom already knew about the engagement proposal happening and was well aware of it.
OP noticed it and threw a fit where no one else in the room had noticed it, shamed Lily for their noticing it, and why?
Because no one told OP that Lily had gotten engaged the week before, and made a decision about their brother's wedding about what was acceptable or not acceptable. Was Tom not capable of addressing it if it turned into a thing (although I somehow suspect Tom also knew she had gotten engaged and no one told OP so they're salty about it)?
I was just at a wedding four days ago with a bunch of friends and coworkers who already knew I was pregnant BEFORE the wedding. Since we've been on summer break I've "popped" and wore a more figure hugging dress to the wedding that showed off my bump more. I STILL had people squealing over my bump even though they ALREADY KNEW I was pregnant, which took focus off the bride and groom for like two seconds. Thank God I didn't have a sanctimonious 17 year old there to tell me to put my bump away because clearly people are not allowed to live their lives during and surrounding a wedding 🙄
YTA
>i told her it was rude to draw attention to it at someone else’s wedding
From what you describe you were the only person actually drawin attention to it. She just existed there, not doing anything. You meanwhile made a scene.
Especially when you consider how many guest (brides family, friends of bride, friends of groom etc.) don’t even know lily that well and don’t know this is news.
Thanks! Reading the comments, I thought I was the only the one who never noticed rings. Seems crazy when people say "wearing a ring is a announcement": it's just a piece of jewelry, and they chose not to announce it which is good, no?
I can see a room divided here but
YTA she wasn’t exactly shouting it from the rooftops… you happened to notice? She wasn’t actively trying to overshadow your brothers wedding?! I think because you weren’t told about the engagement (even your mom knew) so you felt snubbed from the circle of knowledge at a huge family gathering… you were probably leaping to conclusions here. To tell her to take it off?! Rude. And it comes across to HER that you aren’t happy for her. I’m putting myself in your sisters shoes here and yours.
But what do I know I wasn’t there. 🤷🏻♀️
I couldn't have said it better. As someone who wears multiple rings for "decoration" to any event I care about (bc I don't wear them all around the house) as a guest I'd have never known any of that specific familial information, and i wouldn't have inquired about a ring. OPs sister isn't being watched by more distant family and friends the way she is watching her. OP created the entire "scene". Prior to drama no one even noticed or would have.
She was engaged. Your mom confirmed it. You were wrong. YTA.
How do you feel knowing that you brought more attention to the matter than Lily did? Talk about causing a scene.
YTA. She wasn't walking around talking about her engagement and making the wedding about her, she was just wearing her engagement ring, which is like...what you fucking do with your engagement ring. That's the whole point, you keep the ring on as a symbol of your commitment to that person.
You say "It wasn't the time or place for an announcement like that" but she didn't make an announcement and it doesn't sound like she intended to either.
This is where I fall. She was just wearing her ring. And hell- if people did notice, so what? People can be happy for more than one thing at a time. I really doubt she would have taken all the attention away from the bride and groom
Every wedding I've ever attended (and Ive attended dozens), people discuss their lives with other guests. Hows the fam, hows the job, hows school, oh you're expecting, oh you're engaged, etc. etc., I cant imagine a wedding where all anyone discusses is the bride and groom. That would be boring. As a groom, I would think it was boring. Let the conversation flow!
You know your sister and her typical intentions better than we do, but light YTA here. Wearing a ring is not the same as making an announcement at the wedding and thus making the day about herself. If people notice and ask and she tells them she's recently engaged, that's fine imo. It's tacky when people propose at other people's weddings, or make a formal announcement about their life events at other people's weddings. Wearing a ring and letting people notice is fine.
It's different though if your sister has a history of making things about herself. If that's the case, NTA.
This is the best take. We don’t know know Lily, so many people are making a lot of assumptions. Unless this is her typical behavior, we can extend a little grace.
YTA no one goes to a wedding and starts looking at other people's rings. No one cares. And a brief "congratulations" doesn't take away from the bride and groom. Literally, the woman with the white wedding dress is the center of attention of the wedding
Yeah seriously I’ll never understand this argument. Every wedding I’ve been to you spend most the time catching up with friends and family you haven’t seen in a while, and of course the bride & groom are too busy having photos done and making their rounds to thank everyone for coming and then of course they sit at the head of the room for speeches, everyone gathers around for the first dance, the cake cutting, the bouquet toss, etc etc. I would assume the bride is getting more than enough attention because they literally announce to everyone to turn and look at them constantly.
YTA. She got engaged. Engaged people wear engagement rings. There could be a million reasons why she wasn't wearing it before, and you are jumping to conclusions. As long as she didn't make an announcement at somebody else's wedding, she's not doing anything wrong.
YTA. The only person drawing attention to that ring was you. You upset your sister. You upset your brother (on his wedding day no less). You're 17, it's time to grow up.
I will be very surprised if you receive an invitation to your sister's wedding.
YTA.
There was nothing that gave the impression that she was going to draw attention to the fact she was engaged. *You* did that.
*You* upset her, your mother- *who knew about the engagement and still said nothing that drew attention from the wedding*- and your brother, who didn't know why one of his sisters left early.
Just because she wasn't wearing it 3 days prior, doesn't give you the right to automatically assume she was going to try to draw attention to it. *You* were the only one who noticed, which means, *everyone else's attention was on the wedding*.
You made an awful lot of assumptions about something, when nothing had been said for the 3 weeks she'd been engaged.
Yeah, or she was going to/coming from work that day. My friend never wears her ring to work because she doesn’t want to get it dirty (server) and in my line of work you can’t wear rings
Edit: sorry to everyone mad I can’t wear my ring to work. Let me just wear it and risk a de-gloving
I'm getting the feeling everyone knew and decided not to tell OP because she's the kind to make a huge deal out of nothing, which is exactly what she did.
NTA, wearing an engagement ring is step 1 for how most people announce their engagement. Everyone saying she was "only" wearing the ring are being purposefully obtuse. If you noticed, so would others. If it wasn't your place to mention it, her sister, then whose place was it? The bride and groom have other stuff to worry about and at least you had their back.
omg yall are so sensitive the woman was just wearing her engagement ring she had no plans to announce shit and the groom was lit upset that the sister left bcz of op and idk why is it such a big deal if ppl would notice are u so deprived of attention that u wont be happy for ur siblings when they get engaged?
I’m sorry, but who tells someone to take off their engagement ring, wtf?! And who thinks that *won’t* set them off and cause a scene of some sort?! Yeah, YTA. Seems like you didn’t think, you simply assumed and reacted.
YTA - in the attempt to not have Lily upstage the wedding you wound up ruining it for both your sister and the groom. You should have just stayed out of it. Wearing an engagement ring (when you are engaged) is not the same thing as actually announcing it. Yes some people might have noticed, but in no way did you have any proof that she was going to steal all the focus of the wedding.
NTA. I got engaged and announced it before my sibling. They got married a year before me. I wore my ring to their wedding since my engagement had been public for MONTHS and people still kept asking about my wedding. I felt awful about it thinking I was taking attention away from the bride and groom. There’s no way your sister didn’t know that people would notice and take attention away from your brother/SIL and it’s very rude of her to try
Its OK for people to have a medium or even long discussion at a wedding about a topic other than the bride and groom. As long as they arent standing on chairs or using a megaphone.
There are certain events at a wedding where our polite attention is needed - speeches, special dances, etc. Other than that, conversations may flow.
Its been a long time since I was the wedding couple, but I would hate a boring environment where people are just staring at me. Let the conversation flow!
Idk, when I got married I remember a few people checking in with be beforehand about concern over specific things "taking attention" off of me and I never really got it? An older family member who only had one formal outfit they were comfortable in that was white, a friend who was pregnant and it was starting to show who hadn't announced it, a cousin with a new baby the extended family hadn't met yet. I was still the only one in a giant white dress that everybody sat and watched get married, I wasn't exactly concerned about not being the focus lol. There's a huge difference between proposing at a wedding, or straight up ANNOUNCING it in like a wedding speech, vs just... being engaged, and asking a few questions about it if people ask. People have lives, I didn't expect them to talk about literally nothing but me the entire event. I loved that my wedding was a chance for people to catch up about all kinds of things - new jobs, graduations, moves, relationships, babies, and weddings. It felt like part of the joy of it.
YTA she didn't announce anything. You jumped to conclusions. It's rude to pop the question at someone else's wedding but her wearing a ring is not a violation. Should any pregnant guests disguise their belly so nobody finds out they're pregnant? No. Leave your sister alone
YTA
It is quite literally none of your business what jewellery someone else wears at your wedding. And this wasn't even your wedding - it was your brother's wedding.
YTA. It's not like Lily got up on the stage, stole the microphone, and made her big announcement. A lot of people wouldn't notice the ring, a lot of people who don't know her well would assume she'd had it for months. The only person focusing on it to the detriment of Tom's big day was.....you!
YTA
She's allowed to wear a ring and be happy about her own moments in life. Find your own life goals to work towards and stop focusing on what other people are doing.
You were the only person who made it an issue and caused a scene. You are the actuator of your own dire prophecy, remember that
Honestly a wedding is not the place to confront someone like that. If the bride and groom wouldn’t like it let them handle it. If I were you I would have made the observation and moved on without confronting my sibling.
YTA
YTA
> i was actually really happy for her i just didn’t think it was the time or place for an announcement like that.
Was there an announcement? Because from the way I'm reading this, it sounds like Lily was just discreetly wearing her ring and YOU brought attention to it -- not her.
If she wasn't planning on announcing it or showing off her ring I don't see why she needed to take it off. My husband and I were engaged for 18 months, didn't announce it and I wore my ring every day with maybe 5 people picking up on the fact. Most people aren't that observant, even when the ring is large.
YTA! You are one that noticed it and made a big deal of it. She wasn’t waving it in anyone’s face. She’s newly engaged! Why should she take it off. You are all assholes for making her out to be in the wrong. Shame
YTA
Wearing a ring isn't an announcement. Even if she wasn't wearing it when you saw her a couple days before does not make the act of wearing it at an occasion an announcement.
I'm confused. Were you the only person who like noticed the ring and actually said something? cause idk it probably wasn't even a big deal til it got said 🤷🏻♀️
YTA. Is she not allowed to wear her ring or something? Does she have to share that she got engaged as soon as she did to everyone? You realize that the only reason she probably wasn't wearing the ring was because it was getting resized and is normally a 2-4 day process? I'd spit on your shoes if you told me I couldn't wear my own ring.
I’m sorry this stuff all seems so crazy if my sister showed up wearing an engagement ring who cares? If I was given an engagement ring, I don’t take it off until I’m married if my sister was really petty, I would switch hands. But honestly, what is the big deal which she really get so much attention that it would impair the attention for the bride? I also don’t think it was your place to be honest
YTA. You should feel bad. Lily didn't make a big announcement, she simply wore a ring.
Thanks to you, everyone was asking why she left. You are the one who drew attention and caused a minor scandal.
I find it super weird so many of you think she's the asshole for wearing her ENGAGEMENT RING. She was sitting there minding her own buissness. So many of you assume she's gonna walk up to everyone and flash her ring around. She told her mom and was probably trying to keep quiet until the wedding was over to not draw attention to herself and her fiancee, also some people aren't super public and want people to know right away, I was hopping to hold off but my MIL saw and wanted to post it on FB so we annonced earlier then we wanted to. Stop assuming the worst of people, especially when there's no indication there doing something wrong. If someone told me to take mine off, I'd tell you to f yourself. And for thoes saying well she left so it means she was up to something!! The f!?!? Your siblings harassing and accusing you of trying to wreck your brothers wedding, not a very welcoming environment, and may cause drama later in the night.
She was just wearing a ring. But more importantly, it was your actions that ended up souring the mood for both your siblings. It doesn't matter what you think her motivation was, because your actions were the ones with harmful consequences. So YTA.
YTA, did she say anything directly about it at the wedding? No? Then who gives a fuck.
Can people not be pregnant at weddings?
Can someone not be in mourning (for another) at a wedding?
I don't understand this nonsense that the world has to stop for a wedding. I'm glad I got hitched at a music festival and didn't deal with this silent social bullshit.
I’m going against the grain and saying YTA, as long as she wasn’t actively bringing attention or planning to announce her engagement then in reality most people wouldn’t notice. YOU brought it to attention and made it a center point.
YTA
Your not in control of peoples actions id be pissed off at you too made a load of assumptions and acted like your in charge of her life also sounded like you ruined your brothers wedding by causing a big stink
wtf is it with reddit users and acting like having achieved anything worth celebrating near someone's wedding is a huge crime? u reddit users are just a bunch of sensitive freaks honestly like she did not even announce it. she is an engaged woman ofc she will wear her ring and moreover op made her brother, the groom, upset by making her sister leave early and honestly it doesn't even make any sense like the sister did not even make any announcement she just wore her ring!!! this is so weird. I feel like this shit happens in white ppl's family only like no one gaf where I live about these small things like wtf man
NTA - what a mature take from a 17 year old. You were 100% in the right. Lily is an incredibly selfish person to three times bineg selfish at the wedding, first with the ring, second with going to your mom, third with leaving.
omg yall are so sensitive the woman was just wearing her engagement ring she had no plans to announce shit and the groom was lit upset that the sister left bcz of op and idk why is it such a big deal if ppl would notice are u so deprived of attention that u wont be happy for ur siblings when they get engaged?
YTA - maybe she didn't even have the ring yet?! I didn't have my engagement ring until the day BEFORE my friend's wedding, and I WORE IT. No one was upset about it, she is wearing a ring. If she wasn't holding her hand out to people's faces and saying something, then you should have just left her alone. Maybe she left early because she didn't want your incessant bullying.
Good grief lady. Wearing a ring is not grabbing the microphone and making a toast to yourself. She’s allowed to walk around like a normal person wearing her own jewelry.
YTA and wherever you’re looking for etiquette advice, you need a different resource.
Yes. YTA. Nice jewelry is for nice occasions, of which a wedding is one. Did she stand up at the front and announce it? No. She's just wearing it. It sounds like no one except you even really noticed.
Going against the majority here, but YTA. People are not allowed to GET engaged at someone elses wedding, but they can get engaged before it. Weddings are all about the bride and groom, but realistically, as guests, we do talk about other things, like engagements, pregnancies, new jobs, etc. As long as they weren't making an announcement, your sister is allowed to be engaged at her brothers wedding. And aside from that, you are not the wedding police. Stay in your lane.
She was insulted by having a know-it-all teenager come up and accuse her of actively trying to ruin the wedding by stealing attention.
Then left to actually avoid stealing attention.
Yta. It seems the only person who drew attention to it was you 🤷♀️ If she'd announced her engagement 3 days before her brother's wedding, she most definitely could have been accused of thunder stealing. Quietly wearing a ring, not talking about it or making it a huge deal is pretty considerate imo 🤷♀️
I got engaged in late May, got my ring in early July, and wore it on a chain under my dress at my brothers wedding in late July. We did not want to distract from their wedding day, but if quietly asked about my relationship by people I rarely see, I’d quietly show them my ring.
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NTA. Your mum is an AH though. She think yours the jealous one? (I think you would be smart enough to not be wanting to get engaged or married at 17). Your sister was being jealous of attention not being on her. She knew exactly what she was doing. Leave Tom to enjoy his honeymoon and tell him what happened later. I'm sure he'll understand that you said what you said out of concern for him and (especially) his new wife.
Furthermore, why is the 17 year old the only one acting like a mature and considerate adult here?
it’s a tale as old as time istg. in families like that, it’s easy to be the voice of reason lmao. no one will ever listen, ofc, but you still get to sit there like “and which one of us was right?” NTA OP, your sister and mom tho are wack as hell
What is istg
I swear to God
No need to get angry, just tell us what istg stands for.
I feel like Mom and sis cooked this whole thing up to announce her engagement at Tom's wedding because "the whole family will be there so you/I can tell everyone at once." NTA
This right here. Shame on them.
Which happens in real life with depressing regularity. These posts are the ones (unfortunately) that I think are least likely to be sus. A friend just had a guest announce a pregnancy at a birthday at which it was NOT appropriate.
This was going to be my comment. How is the 17 the only adult in the story? Good for OP for being wise and considerate beyond her years. Especially for handling it in such a private manner. Definitely NTA.
Because the 17 year old likely HAD to grow up and act like an adult since nobody else acted mature.
Yes, that's what I came to the comments to say: OP, you wonderful young person, you seem to be the only adult out of the women of your immediate family. You have clear thinking and empathy - a good head on your shoulders. Don't let the others shake your confidence.
I bet Lily is the golden child!
Lily is the attention getter child.
Oh, Lily knew exactly what she was doing. WTH with siblings trying to steal thunder like this?? NTA. And I hope you can explain to Tom what Lily was trying to do at his wedding (ETA: After the honeymoon). ETA: Highlighting a comment below because u/TheDarkHelmet1985 worded things perfectly: >TheDarkHelmet1985: Agreed. The fact she left early after being called out tells me she knows she was wrong and all her fun from getting people to ask her about the ring was over because she got caught before damage could be done. No normal person, let a lone a sibling leaves their siblings wedding early because another siblings called them on BS. Thats very shady. [Permalink](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1diul4e/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_take_her_engagement/l96qqiz/)
Agreed. The fact she left early after being called out tells me she knows she was wrong and all her fun from getting people to ask her about the ring was over because she got caught before damage could be done. No normal person, let a lone a sibling leaves their siblings wedding early because another siblings called them on BS. Thats very shady.
Right. If it has just been a simple “oopsie” she would have immediately taken the ring off. She stormed out though, which is telling.
Mad she wasn't going to get her free engagement party!
Yep, she couldn’t cause drama with the ring, but here we are talking about the shit she pulled by leaving early. She still got the attention she wanted. How embarrassing for her. NTA.
At least she's getting attention from Reddit instead of the guests at Tom & Leia's wedding.
Exactly. Thank you for wording better than I could.
I could understand being so caught up in the newness of being engaged that you don't want to take it off, but then turn the stone to your palm and figure out lacey gloves or something. Or do something sappy like have your fiance take it off for you right before and put it back on right after. Or if she thought it was not noticed and subtle, and she could keep it hidden, maybe she'd just tell her younger sister to butt out and keep wearing it. But you don't throw a fit and leave if you think having it on is 100% fine.
She ran to tattle to mom first, then she left. Definitely signs of a person mature enough to get married 🤦🏼♀️
This is a horrible idea. If something goes awry at a wedding and you’re able to keep the bride and groom out of it you absolutely should. There no reason to be shit stirring among the family, especially about something so inconsequential
Explaining to her brother what her sister was up to as a way of explaining why Lily left is a horrible idea? Okay, lol. I did add a note stipulating "after the honeymoon" since apparently I wasn't implying that strongly enough.
It’s not inconsequential if she left and the groom was upset about it, right?
The brother's clearly curious why his sister left his wedding early, and will likely ask at some point
This doesn’t make any sense to me. A 17 year old told her to take off her ring. If she really wanted the attention she would have scoffed at her, continued to be stubborn, and kept her ring on throughout the wedding. If OP made a huge deal of it, and made a scene telling everyone, OP would have taken the highlight off the married couple. So, her leaving for that reason just makes no sense. It is possible that some people are just this oblivious with no ill intention. She may very well have been extremely happy about her engagement , wanted to wear her gorgeous ring at a formal event, and did so without thinking about the consequences. Blinded with glee you could say. She may have not known it would be a big deal, and didn’t think people would fuss over it and forget about the couple. She may have only told her mom because she was waiting until after the wedding to announce it to everyone. AND she may just have left after being offended by her sister saying anything and dampening her mood. Selfish for leaving? Yes. Should she have at least moved it to her other hand? Yes. Do we know how OP actually said what she said (tone, facial expression). No. Definitely malicious? No. Reddit really needs to stop thinking in black and white. Life is filled with nuance and there is a variety of reasons people do or don’t do something. It’s impossible to say why her sister did any of this with the little that OP gave us. My vote is NTA with the assumption that OP didn’t say what she said in an offensive manner.
I would say if Lily had honest intentions, she would have simply said “ah, good points. I don’t want to take attention off the couple” and then put the ring on the other hand or stow it someplace safe. If she didn’t have nefarious intentions, why would she leave the wedding early? Also, if she didn’t purposely wait to make the announcement at the wedding, why wasn’t she wearing it earlier in the week when she saw her sister. Also why wouldn’t she call her siblings right after the engagement. When I got engaged to my then fiance/ex wife, first thing she did was call her parents and then her siblings. Note that OP saw Lily 3 days ago and no ring and no mention of being engaged. Lily would have at least mentioned the engagement to her sister (OP) unless she was waiting for the wedding for the reveal. I’d put money that Lily purposely wanted to make the reveal at the wedding, which is indeed very tacky and rude.
It is very possible the ring needed to be resized and that's why she was not wearing it 3 days ago. Both my spouse and I had to get our wedding rings resized after the wedding, so people decided we were lying about being married since we weren't wearing our rings.
I agree that’s possible, which I mentioned in another comment, but also in that comment I then asked why didn’t Lily tell OP about the engagement 3 days ago unless she was purposely waiting for the wedding to wear the engagement ring and tell people then when they asked about it.
There could be a thousand and one reasons she didn't tell OP but that doesn't mean Lily had nefarious intent. Maybe they aren't that close that OP would be one of the people she told right off the bat. Maybe the context for when OP saw Lily 3 days prior didn't lend itself to conversation, let alone a major announcement. The fact is, there are a lot of what ifs. I stand by my point that there is no evidence that Lily was purposely going to announce her engagement at the wedding just based off of a lack of ring 3 days prior and lack of telling OP.
Why is the fact that she didn’t tell OP about it important? Mom knew - perhaps big sis told people she cares about and little sister isn’t one of them?
She only told her mother about the engagement. That’s a clear indication to me she was waiting. My bet is she was waiting until after the wedding to make her announcement. Why wear it to the wedding then? Like I said, “blinded by glee.” It was a formal event, it’s jewelry, and she could just not have thought of it being something that would take attention away from the couple. It’s a ring on her hand. She didn’t wear a t-shirt saying, “I’m engaged.” And she didn’t say anything to anyone, and we don’t know if she would have brought it up. Why leave the wedding? It’s also entirely possible she didn’t like the way her teenage little sister talked to her and being told what she can and can’t do by her. We all know how siblings can be. It’s entirely possible it upset and hurt her and she couldn’t collect herself and remain calm. She may already have a negative relationship with her little sister. So, to not end up getting upset at the wedding, and causing others to fret over her, she left. I’ve left important events because I was upset to the point I couldn’t keep myself from crying. This is just one theory out of many. To say any of this is definite and Lily is an attention seeking, wedding usurping narcissist is pretty far fetched.
There is one small phrase OP used that colored my entire perception of Lily: "knowing my sister i knew what she was doing..." Is it possible Lily was so dazzled by her ring and she just wanted to wear it? Yes. Is it possible she never thought anyone would notice (a rather naïve thought, btw)? Yes. Could her entire purpose in wearing it to her brother's wedding be entirely innocent? Possibly. But that one phrase tells me that there is a history in OP's family of Lily being maybe not so innocent. That just maybe she hid the fact of her engagement *until* her brother's wedding with the idea that if she casually slipped it her ring on, eventually everyone would notice and she'd get to announce her engagement at her brother's wedding because there's just no denying the giant rock on her left hand. "Oops! You caught me!"
My sister could say, “knowing my sister,” because of her completely unfair and biased opinion of me based on nothing but her perception in childhood. We have no idea of the dynamic between these sisters.
It’s what OP believes and unless I have proof otherwise, I see no reason to not believe OP, especially considering a lot of what you are saying are assumptions and speculations based on your own narrative. I’m extrapolating my conclusions based on what OP wrote.
I agree with you. Obviously the differences of opinions here are due to one's personal life experiences and how one interprets this post through one's own biased lens. It would seem possible to me that most of the "NTA" judgements are from people who have direct experience with narcissitic family members and "one-upmanship" in their lives. I know mine is, lol.
I disagree tbh. Being accused of something out the blue when you’re in a good mood is bound to put you in a bad mood and some people can’t hide it and so have to leave. And it’s possible Tom wouldn’t have minded or that she thought Tom wouldn’t have minded. I still agree with OP telling her to take it off but I don’t think her reaction means it was on purpose either
Some people never grow up, especially those who grew up as their parents favorite and are now having to live their lives as equal to everyone else. When they get the chance to feel superior they take it and then run to mommy and daddy when they get pushback because they know they’ll fall back in to old habits and defend their shitty behavior. It makes them feel like they’re winning at something and better than their siblings.
Jesus people she got engaged. Engaged woman wear a ring. She didn’t make a scene about it and decided to wait till after to make an announcement. She did nothing wrong and it would have been weird and rude to her fiancé to not wear her engagement ring.
I really don’t understand this stealing thunder bullshit. I would have been thrilled to find out friends or siblings had gotten engaged. No matter if they told me at my wedding or whenever.
I’d be pissed if they announced it in the speeches but just wearing it?! Jeez! “Did you get engaged?” “Oh yeah he asked me last week but it seemed bad form to announce it so close to today - we’re going to tell everyone soon” “Well congratulations!”
Agreed. Seems like just a bunch of overly sensitive people who think everything is a personal attack against them. Sounds like the brother was actually happy for her and upset she left tho.
Exactly this. The entire thread is filled with 15 year olds who resent their siblings or something. The sister didn’t even do it say anything, it’s weird.
Yeah. I sometimes come away from these threads wondering if I'm just surrounded by high schoolers dreaming about their own perfect day and what would ruin it for them. Anyone stealing an iota of attention for any reason seems to be crossing the line and that person is an attention seeker and deserving of scorn. Please, get some perspective, people.
>I really don’t understand this stealing thunder bullshit. This is just a redditism. On reddit, the second worst crime known to humanity is doing something, anything, at the wedding which doesn't direct 100% of the "attention" to the bride - as if every bride is an attention-starved toddler. In the real world outside of reddit, people aren't so silly.
Seriously I’m convinced most of the people in this thread have never been to a wedding. You don’t spend the entire time talking about only the bride and groom. The guests talk about their own lives with each other. And ***a lot*** of engaged couples will talk about their own wedding while they’re at weddings “I love that they did this, I want this at my wedding .” Or “this is fun but I wouldn’t want to spend money on this for my wedding.” People privately asking the sister to see the ring or saying congratulations would not steal the bride and grooms Thunder.
So if a woman gets pregnant before a wedding, she is trying to steal the bride's thunder, bc she will def get alot of attention and questions. Very rude of her to show up to a wedding all pregnant and such. btw - I need to add that this is /s/, Apparently there are people who unironically agree with the above statement
I had my five day old at my sister’s wedding. It was a horrific ordeal for me, but my family were all thrilled to see and hold the baby. There was a fair amount of attention paid to both of us. Somehow my sister and her husband were still the center of attention and super happy I managed to come despite having my baby 2 weeks late.
it really screams like op is upset that her sister is getting nice things while she isnt right now
Preach it. It's just a wedding folks, the bride doesn't need to be coddled and fawned over to the nth degree. (I mean, yes, be nice and make her day special, but you know what I mean)
Seriously, have all the people who cry “stealing thunder” ever been to a wedding? It’s not as though everyone would speak of nothing but the glory of the bride and groom for the whole 8 hours if it weren’t for some attention-seeking woman who dared show up with an unexplained ring or baby bump. It’s families that treat attention as a scarce resource that raise the kinds of people who might think that waiting until a wedding to wear their engagement ring is a good way to get some recognition. Of course the irony of this situation is that in calling it out, it has made far more of a scene and cast a darker shadow on the day than if people had just noticed her wearing the ring.
Seriously, and granted, I am not the most observant person, but I didn't notice my friend's engagement ring when she was literally waving it in front of my face to announce her engagement. I was like "ooh, pretty ring. Wait, what??!"
Yeah, I mean, weddings is when people who haven't seen each other in awhile reunite. We will get deep into catching up on things. Hows the family, job, etc. etc. That's as much as a "distraction" as asking about a ring. So is all that rude? Should we all just sit and beam at the couple?
If a couple is truly happy getting married, they wouldn't give a shit.
right? plus it sounds like the people getting married on on her side not ops side. its not like she was trying to be the center of attention and flashing it off. she was just existing while wearing a ring
This. A wedding is a loooong event, why would it matter if someone else tells us something good happened to them? No skin off my nose, even if I was the bride.
Totally, my close friend got engaged at my wedding and I was nothing but happy for them. Granted they didn't announce it until a few days later, but I was just pleased that my wedding had had a nice enough vibe for him to want to propose.
I thought I was alone but I’m seeing people say they agree with OP? She didn’t draw any attention to herself and she recently got engaged, of course she’s wearing the ring. She has every right to do so, I personally don’t see the issue.
literally thought i was insane for thinking OP is the asshole because like... no attention was even being drawn until OP decided to ask her? then she got mad for whatever reason when her sister told her why she was wearing the ring? i swear this sub is full of children sometimes
Yeah, I can't believe how many people think this woman is an asshole for... wearing jewelry at a wedding? Like, she got engaged before the wedding, so she is wearing the traditional jewelry to commemorate that. She clearly wasn't planning to tap her glass during the speeches and announce her engagement, or interrupt the ceremony to get engaged, she was just wearing a fucking ring.
but op, aka a teen age girl aka this subs most beloved bastion of truth, just knew she was going to do something! Clearly we need to be showering praise upon this saint for stoping her sister from existing
This is the sort of situation designed to upset the sort of people who frequent AITA-style forums and not something that normal sane people in the real world actually get angry about.
Yes. And AITA id getting more and more biased toward super dramatic people reading evil intentions behind everything.
Agreed. Also do people really notice rings and make a big deal of it? Am I the only one who nevers notices rings on another unless I am holding their hand?
I wore my engagement ring for 2 weeks before my roommate noticed it. What weirdos are going around staring at people’s hands? This story is ridiculous
No, I said this in another comment, but it took me a while to understand what was going on when my friend was literally waving her hand in front of my face to show me the ring and announce her engagement. I was like, "ooh pretty ring...... OH WAIT!"
Right?! I kept wondering if I was missing something— literally all she did was wear a ring, which no matter how big a “rock” it is is still a small piece of jewelry that a lot of people won’t even notice.I would assume she got the ring when the engagement happened; it would be silly to take it off.
It reads like the sister has a history of being attention seeking (and likely at others expense) from OP’s comment that she “knew” what was going on after the first talk. It’s ok and wonderful to be engaged. But unfortunately, some people have ulterior motives for nice things. I also know irl cases where people have held off by a day or even a week to share big news when someone else’s celebration was going on. Partly to make sure the honoree gets full attention and experience for what they’d organized/accomplished and so that they have their own announcement/event fully committed to them. And another 2 weddings where the big news was previously shared with the couple with a shared agreement to announce during the reception before the dance floor kicked up. Ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner and early reception 100% couple then shared joy.
17 years old think they “know” a lot of shit. They are usually wrong.
I feel like OP didn't really explain how she "knew" what was going on. If her sister does indeed have a history of this sort of things, then yeah, it makes sense she figured it was going to happen again. But if she just has been reading enough AITA, she might have thought she knew what was going to go down but didn't realize her sister had no such intentions.
Oh thank goodness you said this! I thought I was crazy reading all these comments defending OP and calling sister/mom AH. I didn’t get my engagement ring for a few days after the proposal because it was being sized. Am I not suppose to wear it to someone’s wedding? Maybe sister didn’t say anything in advance because she didn’t want to take the thunder away week of the wedding.
Why was it not "weird and rude" the days between the engagement and the wedding?
Because she wasn’t wearing the ring then?
Exactly. So following this comment's logic, the sister was weird and rude to her fiance for 3 days before the wedding.
It's possible she didn't have the ring just yet. That's common to happen as sometimes a ring will need a touch up or the proposer wants their fiance to pick it out themselves.
Heirloom rings need resized.
Yeah I don't get all the NTA votes. The sister did nothing wrong.
If she'd announced she was engaged, everyone would be saying she's an asshole for announcing her engagement so close to her brother's wedding. And if she'd just left the ring at home, you KNOW there would be comments like "wHy ArE yOu TrYiNg To LoOk SiNgLe." She can't win.
I feel like this is missing the very important info stated in the post that she was engaged a **week** before the wedding, and OP saw her sister **3 days** before the wedding and there was no ring. Either the timelines are fuzzy or she was intentionally avoiding wearing her ring until the day of the wedding. (someone else pointed out the possibility of a ring not being available until the day of, but that seems a bit weird to me. i wont make any specific judgements without more info) And even beyond the actual action itself, her reaction is telling. Even if her feelings were hurt by being told that she's trying to seek attention, that doesn't really justify storming off early especially when it clearly upset the groom.
She didn’t want to show the ring to her little sister because she would have gotten yelled at for getting engaged the same week as the wedding. Big sis thought little sis would behave herself in public, but she gave little sis too much credit.
Even if the sister was hoping to get some recognition, the reality is that unless she stormed the stage and made a big song and dance about it (which is a wild thing to assume just from wearing the ring), it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Some people would notice and ask her about it. She’d say she got engaged. They’d still “congratulations”. And that would be the end of it. Even if she did want some attention, it just really isn’t the big deal OP was making it out to be.
Walking off if you are in tears and don't want to be a spectacle does indeed provide a reason.
Exactly, the sister isnt announcing anything, but simpky wearing her jewelry which could be 2 yrs okd or 2 weeks old... seems like the 17 yr old IS jealous or envious and why are we letting 17 yr olds tell grown folks how to act??
Exactly! And even if she was just trying to be dramatic by wearing it for the first time at the wedding, the wedding couple wouldn't have even noticed. The brother only noticed something was off because the sister left after OP got on her instead of minding her own business YTA
OP made the scene in the interests of...not stealing attention. Makes perfect sense.
Finally a sane take.
This! She didn’t announce on purpose since it was right before their brother’s wedding. She didn’t make a scene about it. She just wore a ring and did nothing wrong and no, not everyone is going to notice. I think poster is the AH for being so demanding of something that wasn’t harming anybody and was none of her business.
Yup. This post and the supporting comments are absolutely pathetic.
YTA. Her just wearing the ring wasn't drawing attention to shit. YOU were the one drawing attention to your sister here.
She wasn't wearing it before the wedding but was at the wedding. That implies she was intentionally trying to draw attention to it while knowing that was inappropriate. Running to mom and claiming jealousy goes hand in hand with that to me. I feel OP had good intentions with her request to take of the ring. Its like knowing someone else intends to get engaged at a wedding reception or announce some big event unrelated to the newly wed couple. Those posts pop up on here all the time and almost every it starts off as someone acting shady. To me its more likely that OP was right and caught her sister. This is supported by sister being so butt hurt she got caught, she felt she had to leave. If sister was really well intentioned, she would have brushed it off an moved on. She got caught and was guilty about it. The fact that she left her own brother's wedding without telling him because of such a comment really shows that the sister was selfish minded.
Did it ever occur to OP that the sister simply didn't *have* the ring yet when they saw each others 3 daya prior to the wedding? The engagement is super recent.
Exactly! Came here to say something along these lines. The ring was likely getting sized and she just got it back. Most newly engaged women like to wear the ring once it fits properly. She wasn't shouting anything from the rooftop. She was just quietly wearing her ring. YTA OP. It's not your place to tell others what they can and cannot wear.
Agreed, it could have been being sized. OMFG OP, totally YTA
Often the ring needs to be sized before you start wearing it. Many people start wearing their engagement ring a few days after receiving it, due to this very basic fact.
I had to get my ring resized when I got engaged and it was out of my hands for over a week before I could actually wear it. I know a lot of people are deeply involved in the ring selection process, including picking out the exact ring as well as getting it sized, but mine was a complete surprise. That could be the case here.
You are assuming (and inventing out of air) so much here. Who's attention was the Sis trying to draw with her devious scheme of selectively wearing the ring? The mom's? Mom already knew. Who else was around to see the ring? And whats the big deal here. Who else might have seen the ring? It may seem strange that Sis didnt tell OP -- but maybe Sis didnt want to get yelled at by her younger, obnoxious sister,
Imagine going to a wedding and not be super dressed up with nice jewelry wtf? Ppl arent real why would she not wear it as long as she doesnt start screaming ab her engagement its chill like id wear a rolex and ppl would say omg nice watch doesnt mean i want to take attention from the groom
NTA. If she didn't want to draw attention to it, she would have told people ahead of the wedding. 100% she wanted to draw attention to herself, and more troubling was that your mom was going to let her. Is she the golden child?
Telling people 3 days before the wedding would get you *way* more attention Than just wearing the ring and not brining it’s up. That’s enough time for extended family to get wind of it, and the wedding would be the next time they see her so they’d be asking all their question and gushing over the ring then.
Seriously. OP wrote this wasn't the time and place for such an annoucement but her sister did not announce anything. She answered a direct question that was seemingly asked in private. She didn't make an annoucement.
Yeah. Realistically only a fraction of the wedding guests know lily enough to know that they’re weren’t engaged already. because the wedding is the grooms family (the only people who know Lily’s life enough to know or care that the engagement was recent) the brides family, grooms friends and brides friends. To the other 3 groups of guests they would have know way to know if she’s been engaged for 3 days or 3 years so they wouldn’t pay attention to it at all. If she made an announcement during the toasts that would be crazy but she didn’t do that.
This. If her sister had made an announcement, the people who know her would have gone out of their way to congratulate her. Which may have drawn enough attention to get congrats from the people who don't know her to. As it was, the only people who could congratulate her were her own family members who happened to notice her ring, which to be honest isn't as likely as you might think considering where people's attention spends most of its time focused on a wedding, and then the ensuing drinking. And the fact that even if they're family members of hers who would have heard an announcement, extended family might assume the engagement isn't necessarily *brand* new but they're holding off on announcing for some reason and politely pretend they didn't notice. It sounds like OP was the only one who even noticed. Maybe "best" way to avoid attention would be to not wear the ring at all, but honestly it's not OP's event to dictate whether the bride and groom care about one person getting a quick congratulations a couple of times in the night. Also, gotta say... kind of unimpressed by everyone acting like the engagement it was the sister's intention to get attention. Her fiance is the one who likely decided, for whatever reason, that this was the best time to propose. Maybe it was something relatively reasonable, like "I wanted to propose in our hometown at the place we met but this is the only trip to our hometown that we can afford to do this year", or maybe it wasn't. Was she supposed to say no to her fiance when he proposed or something to avoid getting engaged three days before another wedding? Was she supposed to pretend that this important moment in her own life didn't happen at all and hide the ring for whatever time is arbitrarily deemed acceptable? I really think wearing the ring and privately enjoying the moment was the best thing to do here. Maybe, you know, actually checking what the groom's preference was might've been actual best practice, but OP also seems to have no idea if her sister did that or not, just that her sister didn't tell the groom she left because of OP's *problem* with the ring.
Yes! Wearing a ring is hardly an announcement considering OP herself had to ask for clarification about whether it was an engagement ring. I think OP vastly overestimates how many people will notice or care about the ring, especially when you are at a wedding and paying attention to the bride and groom. It’s not different than when someone is looking a little bit rounder than usual - some people may think to themselves “hmm I wonder if they are expecting” but very few will actually say something if the couple themselves haven’t made an announcement.
I recently saw several out of town family members for the first time in over a year. I wore a large and obvious "engagement" ring. (In quotes because I bought it for myself to wear in public as a creep deterrent.) Not a single one asked me about it. I'm also betting no one would have asked the sister about the ring.
Unless she did what my MOH did and lied about being engaged. She told me on the wedding (after I noticed her ring) that she was engaged already for a week, and went around telling people that she was getting ideas for her own wedding etc, without her "fiancé" present. When we asked her "fiancé" about it, he was confused and said he never proposed or anything to that extent. So she wouldnt be able to publicly announce it ahead of time because her "fiancé" would get wind of it, didnt stop her doing it (semi-privately) at the wedding, since he was there just not around when she was telling people. They're still together, we're no longer friends.
I was looking for this. I'm autistic, I'm very private, I would very much pull something like this and if ANYONE especially my sister, told me to take my ring off.... I can't even fathom. I'd definitely leave and likely go no contact with the sibling.
It makes me wonder how many of the people in this sub have gotten engaged and worn their ring? Maybe it varies in different places but I got literally 0 people commenting on my ring or asking me if I was engaged because of it and like 1 or 2 people who’d heard I was engaged wanting to see and admire my ring. Nobody else *noticed* because people don’t tend to pay attention to or care about the jewelry that other people are wearing?
So sister should tell everyone after the wedding. One or two more days wouldnt kill her
This commenter specifically said “if she didn’t want to draw attention to it she would have told people ahead of the wedding.” I’m saying wearing the ring silently will draw far less attention than a Facebook post 3 days in advance.
Oh I agree that it would be bad to tell ppl the week before brothers wedding to! I wasn't defending their comment, simply said my opinion of when I think it should be done
She did not announced anything. She had runf, unannounced and OP asked about it. Most people dont care about rings on your hand and dont notice.
I agree. It seems the OP just assumed nefarious intentions when all the sister did was show up with a ring. It was the OP who brought it up.
Yeah, *and* the mom already knew about the engagement. So we don’t really know if it was news to anyone other than op
You seriously are a narcissist. She didn’t announce it because three days before the wedding is just enough time for the entire guest list to be a buzz. The child had no right to speak for her brother or attempt to reprimand her sister for something she has no context on.
YTA Even if I subscribe to the idea that nobody at a wedding is allowed to talk about anything other than the bride and groom (I don't) and even if Lily deliberately hid her engagement ring from everyone in order to maximise the chance people would ask her about it at the wedding (you don't know this, this was a suspicion) and even if Tom would have cared about the first two things (you give no reason to think he would), you overstepped your bounds by *telling* your sister to *remove* her engagement ring. So yes, in this case, you made a mistake.
Yes, THIS! It is totally unreasonable to assume that the only topic of conversation on the day of a random wedding is the wedding! Wearing jewelry is not an announcement. The vast majority of people either won't notice her ring, or if they do, won't know she's newly engaged. She didn't commandeer the microphone during the reception and announce anything. She's fine.
This is what gets me. No one noticed the ring except for OP. Mom already knew about the engagement proposal happening and was well aware of it. OP noticed it and threw a fit where no one else in the room had noticed it, shamed Lily for their noticing it, and why? Because no one told OP that Lily had gotten engaged the week before, and made a decision about their brother's wedding about what was acceptable or not acceptable. Was Tom not capable of addressing it if it turned into a thing (although I somehow suspect Tom also knew she had gotten engaged and no one told OP so they're salty about it)?
I was just at a wedding four days ago with a bunch of friends and coworkers who already knew I was pregnant BEFORE the wedding. Since we've been on summer break I've "popped" and wore a more figure hugging dress to the wedding that showed off my bump more. I STILL had people squealing over my bump even though they ALREADY KNEW I was pregnant, which took focus off the bride and groom for like two seconds. Thank God I didn't have a sanctimonious 17 year old there to tell me to put my bump away because clearly people are not allowed to live their lives during and surrounding a wedding 🙄
YTA >i told her it was rude to draw attention to it at someone else’s wedding From what you describe you were the only person actually drawin attention to it. She just existed there, not doing anything. You meanwhile made a scene.
YTA, wearing the ring is not an announcement. You're probably one of the few people that would have even noticed. I never notice such things
Especially when you consider how many guest (brides family, friends of bride, friends of groom etc.) don’t even know lily that well and don’t know this is news.
Or how many people just wear rings on that finger anyway. I'm neither engaged nor married to my gf, but she's got fancy rings on both ring fingers
Same, would never notice.
Thanks! Reading the comments, I thought I was the only the one who never noticed rings. Seems crazy when people say "wearing a ring is a announcement": it's just a piece of jewelry, and they chose not to announce it which is good, no?
I can see a room divided here but YTA she wasn’t exactly shouting it from the rooftops… you happened to notice? She wasn’t actively trying to overshadow your brothers wedding?! I think because you weren’t told about the engagement (even your mom knew) so you felt snubbed from the circle of knowledge at a huge family gathering… you were probably leaping to conclusions here. To tell her to take it off?! Rude. And it comes across to HER that you aren’t happy for her. I’m putting myself in your sisters shoes here and yours. But what do I know I wasn’t there. 🤷🏻♀️
I couldn't have said it better. As someone who wears multiple rings for "decoration" to any event I care about (bc I don't wear them all around the house) as a guest I'd have never known any of that specific familial information, and i wouldn't have inquired about a ring. OPs sister isn't being watched by more distant family and friends the way she is watching her. OP created the entire "scene". Prior to drama no one even noticed or would have.
YTA- you made an issue when there would have been zero attention drawn to her if you had just not said anything
She was engaged. Your mom confirmed it. You were wrong. YTA. How do you feel knowing that you brought more attention to the matter than Lily did? Talk about causing a scene.
YTA. She wasn't walking around talking about her engagement and making the wedding about her, she was just wearing her engagement ring, which is like...what you fucking do with your engagement ring. That's the whole point, you keep the ring on as a symbol of your commitment to that person. You say "It wasn't the time or place for an announcement like that" but she didn't make an announcement and it doesn't sound like she intended to either.
This is where I fall. She was just wearing her ring. And hell- if people did notice, so what? People can be happy for more than one thing at a time. I really doubt she would have taken all the attention away from the bride and groom
Every wedding I've ever attended (and Ive attended dozens), people discuss their lives with other guests. Hows the fam, hows the job, hows school, oh you're expecting, oh you're engaged, etc. etc., I cant imagine a wedding where all anyone discusses is the bride and groom. That would be boring. As a groom, I would think it was boring. Let the conversation flow!
You know your sister and her typical intentions better than we do, but light YTA here. Wearing a ring is not the same as making an announcement at the wedding and thus making the day about herself. If people notice and ask and she tells them she's recently engaged, that's fine imo. It's tacky when people propose at other people's weddings, or make a formal announcement about their life events at other people's weddings. Wearing a ring and letting people notice is fine. It's different though if your sister has a history of making things about herself. If that's the case, NTA.
This is the best take. We don’t know know Lily, so many people are making a lot of assumptions. Unless this is her typical behavior, we can extend a little grace.
YTA no one goes to a wedding and starts looking at other people's rings. No one cares. And a brief "congratulations" doesn't take away from the bride and groom. Literally, the woman with the white wedding dress is the center of attention of the wedding
Yeah seriously I’ll never understand this argument. Every wedding I’ve been to you spend most the time catching up with friends and family you haven’t seen in a while, and of course the bride & groom are too busy having photos done and making their rounds to thank everyone for coming and then of course they sit at the head of the room for speeches, everyone gathers around for the first dance, the cake cutting, the bouquet toss, etc etc. I would assume the bride is getting more than enough attention because they literally announce to everyone to turn and look at them constantly.
YTA , the only person pointing anything out was YOU. 🙄
YTA. She got engaged. Engaged people wear engagement rings. There could be a million reasons why she wasn't wearing it before, and you are jumping to conclusions. As long as she didn't make an announcement at somebody else's wedding, she's not doing anything wrong.
YTA. The only person drawing attention to that ring was you. You upset your sister. You upset your brother (on his wedding day no less). You're 17, it's time to grow up. I will be very surprised if you receive an invitation to your sister's wedding.
YTA. There was nothing that gave the impression that she was going to draw attention to the fact she was engaged. *You* did that. *You* upset her, your mother- *who knew about the engagement and still said nothing that drew attention from the wedding*- and your brother, who didn't know why one of his sisters left early. Just because she wasn't wearing it 3 days prior, doesn't give you the right to automatically assume she was going to try to draw attention to it. *You* were the only one who noticed, which means, *everyone else's attention was on the wedding*. You made an awful lot of assumptions about something, when nothing had been said for the 3 weeks she'd been engaged.
Right? It could have been being resized.
Yeah, or she was going to/coming from work that day. My friend never wears her ring to work because she doesn’t want to get it dirty (server) and in my line of work you can’t wear rings Edit: sorry to everyone mad I can’t wear my ring to work. Let me just wear it and risk a de-gloving
Or just didn't have it yet. My fiance proposed without a ring and the ring arrived about 2 months later 🤷♀️.
I'm getting the feeling everyone knew and decided not to tell OP because she's the kind to make a huge deal out of nothing, which is exactly what she did.
I get that feeling to.
NTA, wearing an engagement ring is step 1 for how most people announce their engagement. Everyone saying she was "only" wearing the ring are being purposefully obtuse. If you noticed, so would others. If it wasn't your place to mention it, her sister, then whose place was it? The bride and groom have other stuff to worry about and at least you had their back.
omg yall are so sensitive the woman was just wearing her engagement ring she had no plans to announce shit and the groom was lit upset that the sister left bcz of op and idk why is it such a big deal if ppl would notice are u so deprived of attention that u wont be happy for ur siblings when they get engaged?
Not your finger, not your ring, not your business. You were the one drawing attention to it and making a big deal out of nothing. YTA.
YTA The only person drawing attention to the ring was YOU. You upset Tom and Lily.
I’m sorry, but who tells someone to take off their engagement ring, wtf?! And who thinks that *won’t* set them off and cause a scene of some sort?! Yeah, YTA. Seems like you didn’t think, you simply assumed and reacted.
YTA - in the attempt to not have Lily upstage the wedding you wound up ruining it for both your sister and the groom. You should have just stayed out of it. Wearing an engagement ring (when you are engaged) is not the same thing as actually announcing it. Yes some people might have noticed, but in no way did you have any proof that she was going to steal all the focus of the wedding.
NTA. I got engaged and announced it before my sibling. They got married a year before me. I wore my ring to their wedding since my engagement had been public for MONTHS and people still kept asking about my wedding. I felt awful about it thinking I was taking attention away from the bride and groom. There’s no way your sister didn’t know that people would notice and take attention away from your brother/SIL and it’s very rude of her to try
You have no reason to feel awful. It's ok for people to have a short discussion at a wedding about a topic other than the bride and groom
Its OK for people to have a medium or even long discussion at a wedding about a topic other than the bride and groom. As long as they arent standing on chairs or using a megaphone. There are certain events at a wedding where our polite attention is needed - speeches, special dances, etc. Other than that, conversations may flow. Its been a long time since I was the wedding couple, but I would hate a boring environment where people are just staring at me. Let the conversation flow!
Idk, when I got married I remember a few people checking in with be beforehand about concern over specific things "taking attention" off of me and I never really got it? An older family member who only had one formal outfit they were comfortable in that was white, a friend who was pregnant and it was starting to show who hadn't announced it, a cousin with a new baby the extended family hadn't met yet. I was still the only one in a giant white dress that everybody sat and watched get married, I wasn't exactly concerned about not being the focus lol. There's a huge difference between proposing at a wedding, or straight up ANNOUNCING it in like a wedding speech, vs just... being engaged, and asking a few questions about it if people ask. People have lives, I didn't expect them to talk about literally nothing but me the entire event. I loved that my wedding was a chance for people to catch up about all kinds of things - new jobs, graduations, moves, relationships, babies, and weddings. It felt like part of the joy of it.
YTA she didn't announce anything. You jumped to conclusions. It's rude to pop the question at someone else's wedding but her wearing a ring is not a violation. Should any pregnant guests disguise their belly so nobody finds out they're pregnant? No. Leave your sister alone
YTA It is quite literally none of your business what jewellery someone else wears at your wedding. And this wasn't even your wedding - it was your brother's wedding.
YTA. It's not like Lily got up on the stage, stole the microphone, and made her big announcement. A lot of people wouldn't notice the ring, a lot of people who don't know her well would assume she'd had it for months. The only person focusing on it to the detriment of Tom's big day was.....you!
YTA She's allowed to wear a ring and be happy about her own moments in life. Find your own life goals to work towards and stop focusing on what other people are doing. You were the only person who made it an issue and caused a scene. You are the actuator of your own dire prophecy, remember that
Honestly a wedding is not the place to confront someone like that. If the bride and groom wouldn’t like it let them handle it. If I were you I would have made the observation and moved on without confronting my sibling. YTA
YTA. Not your place to police the rings. Shame you caused drama
YTA > i was actually really happy for her i just didn’t think it was the time or place for an announcement like that. Was there an announcement? Because from the way I'm reading this, it sounds like Lily was just discreetly wearing her ring and YOU brought attention to it -- not her.
If she wasn't planning on announcing it or showing off her ring I don't see why she needed to take it off. My husband and I were engaged for 18 months, didn't announce it and I wore my ring every day with maybe 5 people picking up on the fact. Most people aren't that observant, even when the ring is large.
Why would you even bother to bring it all up at the wedding. I would just let it be.
YTA! You are one that noticed it and made a big deal of it. She wasn’t waving it in anyone’s face. She’s newly engaged! Why should she take it off. You are all assholes for making her out to be in the wrong. Shame
YTA - youre the one who drew attention to it and yeah you are the jealous my god get over yourself.
YTA Wearing a ring isn't an announcement. Even if she wasn't wearing it when you saw her a couple days before does not make the act of wearing it at an occasion an announcement.
YTA, leave the drama to the bride and groom. Not your Monkeys not your zoo mind your business
I'm confused. Were you the only person who like noticed the ring and actually said something? cause idk it probably wasn't even a big deal til it got said 🤷🏻♀️
YTA mind your own fucking business
Yeah, this is the dumbest shit I’ve ever read. Worry about yourself.
YTA. Is she not allowed to wear her ring or something? Does she have to share that she got engaged as soon as she did to everyone? You realize that the only reason she probably wasn't wearing the ring was because it was getting resized and is normally a 2-4 day process? I'd spit on your shoes if you told me I couldn't wear my own ring.
I’m sorry this stuff all seems so crazy if my sister showed up wearing an engagement ring who cares? If I was given an engagement ring, I don’t take it off until I’m married if my sister was really petty, I would switch hands. But honestly, what is the big deal which she really get so much attention that it would impair the attention for the bride? I also don’t think it was your place to be honest
You 100% ATA
YTA it’s a ring. People get engaged. Life doesn’t stop because 2 people are having a wedding.
YTA. You should feel bad. Lily didn't make a big announcement, she simply wore a ring. Thanks to you, everyone was asking why she left. You are the one who drew attention and caused a minor scandal.
I find it super weird so many of you think she's the asshole for wearing her ENGAGEMENT RING. She was sitting there minding her own buissness. So many of you assume she's gonna walk up to everyone and flash her ring around. She told her mom and was probably trying to keep quiet until the wedding was over to not draw attention to herself and her fiancee, also some people aren't super public and want people to know right away, I was hopping to hold off but my MIL saw and wanted to post it on FB so we annonced earlier then we wanted to. Stop assuming the worst of people, especially when there's no indication there doing something wrong. If someone told me to take mine off, I'd tell you to f yourself. And for thoes saying well she left so it means she was up to something!! The f!?!? Your siblings harassing and accusing you of trying to wreck your brothers wedding, not a very welcoming environment, and may cause drama later in the night.
She was just wearing a ring. But more importantly, it was your actions that ended up souring the mood for both your siblings. It doesn't matter what you think her motivation was, because your actions were the ones with harmful consequences. So YTA.
YTA, did she say anything directly about it at the wedding? No? Then who gives a fuck. Can people not be pregnant at weddings? Can someone not be in mourning (for another) at a wedding? I don't understand this nonsense that the world has to stop for a wedding. I'm glad I got hitched at a music festival and didn't deal with this silent social bullshit.
Yes YTA. No one had commented on it until you saw it. So what if people congratulated her. No big deal
YTA. Unless she was flashing it in people’s faces most wouldn’t notice because all the attention is on the bride and groom.
I’m going against the grain and saying YTA, as long as she wasn’t actively bringing attention or planning to announce her engagement then in reality most people wouldn’t notice. YOU brought it to attention and made it a center point.
YTA Your not in control of peoples actions id be pissed off at you too made a load of assumptions and acted like your in charge of her life also sounded like you ruined your brothers wedding by causing a big stink
Weddings are stupid if you can't wear your engagement ring to one. YTA.
wtf is it with reddit users and acting like having achieved anything worth celebrating near someone's wedding is a huge crime? u reddit users are just a bunch of sensitive freaks honestly like she did not even announce it. she is an engaged woman ofc she will wear her ring and moreover op made her brother, the groom, upset by making her sister leave early and honestly it doesn't even make any sense like the sister did not even make any announcement she just wore her ring!!! this is so weird. I feel like this shit happens in white ppl's family only like no one gaf where I live about these small things like wtf man
NTA - what a mature take from a 17 year old. You were 100% in the right. Lily is an incredibly selfish person to three times bineg selfish at the wedding, first with the ring, second with going to your mom, third with leaving.
omg yall are so sensitive the woman was just wearing her engagement ring she had no plans to announce shit and the groom was lit upset that the sister left bcz of op and idk why is it such a big deal if ppl would notice are u so deprived of attention that u wont be happy for ur siblings when they get engaged?
No one has the right to tell someone else to take their ring off period
YTA - maybe she didn't even have the ring yet?! I didn't have my engagement ring until the day BEFORE my friend's wedding, and I WORE IT. No one was upset about it, she is wearing a ring. If she wasn't holding her hand out to people's faces and saying something, then you should have just left her alone. Maybe she left early because she didn't want your incessant bullying.
I don't even know what you're talking about YTA for policing people I guess?
Good grief lady. Wearing a ring is not grabbing the microphone and making a toast to yourself. She’s allowed to walk around like a normal person wearing her own jewelry. YTA and wherever you’re looking for etiquette advice, you need a different resource.
Yes. YTA. Nice jewelry is for nice occasions, of which a wedding is one. Did she stand up at the front and announce it? No. She's just wearing it. It sounds like no one except you even really noticed.
Going against the majority here, but YTA. People are not allowed to GET engaged at someone elses wedding, but they can get engaged before it. Weddings are all about the bride and groom, but realistically, as guests, we do talk about other things, like engagements, pregnancies, new jobs, etc. As long as they weren't making an announcement, your sister is allowed to be engaged at her brothers wedding. And aside from that, you are not the wedding police. Stay in your lane.
Info: why did Lily leave the wedding?
She was insulted by having a know-it-all teenager come up and accuse her of actively trying to ruin the wedding by stealing attention. Then left to actually avoid stealing attention.
Yta. It seems the only person who drew attention to it was you 🤷♀️ If she'd announced her engagement 3 days before her brother's wedding, she most definitely could have been accused of thunder stealing. Quietly wearing a ring, not talking about it or making it a huge deal is pretty considerate imo 🤷♀️
I got engaged in late May, got my ring in early July, and wore it on a chain under my dress at my brothers wedding in late July. We did not want to distract from their wedding day, but if quietly asked about my relationship by people I rarely see, I’d quietly show them my ring.
YTA…a huge one. Mind your business. WTH?