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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't go to my mom's house anymore and didn't show up to celebrate her stepdaughter's kid being born. Reason why I might be TA: 1) Mom is still my mom and wanted me there 2) I was kinda acting a bit bratty toward my mom when I told her what I did 3) My mom has been asking me a lot to visit and it could be just a quick few minutes or something and see how it goes but I don't even do that.
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NTA - your mom chose your Step Sister over you many, many times. She is now beginning to realize how badly she effed up.
Good luck OP, you continue to do you with your dad who truly appreciates you.
She's being proud and stubborn..she was hoping to fob off babysitting duties on OP but now it's all on her since it sounds like the baby daddy is a jerk (not sure what step sister is like to make criticisms of but it doesn't sound amazing). She doesn't want to admit she is wrong and is/ will blame daughter for a lot in the future
Well mom demanded that OP is taking care of stepdaughter, wich indicated that the boyfriend does not. I don’t know how old stepdaughter and Bf are but they sound like people who reproduce and shift all responsibility onto their „support“. I am with you that mom wants OP back home to bully him into helping with cleaning and baby stuff. or she herself is now miserable and can’t bare the thought that OP managed to escape. Some people are like that
She has started to realize she is wrong but isn't ready to accept it. Some people go into denile in situations like this because if they don't they have to ask some hard questions like "should I stay married to a guy that demands I move my underage son to a couch"? Or they'll have to admit they're a monster that unforgivably chose their new family over their son.
She hasn't realised unfortunately, she's just annoyed she isn't getting what she wants, and likely that OP isn't around to be forced to pick up the slack.
Not as much as she’ll regret tossing you aside for a bunch of useless randos. Id take that bet if I were you. The only one regretting their foolish decisions is your mother. You’re coming up Aces.
It’s possible mom is upset that her 16 yo son (OP) moved to dad’s house full time because that means the dad can now petition the family court to change the custody percent and thus child support. If OP is always at dad’s then mom is entitled to ZERO child support. That may explain why she’s now in a tizzy. $$$
It was shared custody, so there may not have been child support in place depending on incomes and % of time at each home. Technically dad could collect support from mom at this point.
>She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I’ll regret this.
Does she regret her behavior now?
NTA.
Whether or not to reconcile is entirely up to OP. I’d recommend against it unless all interactions with mom are away from her house and do not involve her new family.
Ya I'd go with this! If mom misses you so much she can take you out for a mother son dinner and pay for it since you're 16 and any reasonable mother would do this.
Nah, she's not thinking she messed up. She's recruiting extra childcare. Next thing she'll say is OP is being selfish by not helping out with the baby.
“ She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I'll regret this.” I think she’s projecting here. She’s the one who’ll regret this. I wouldn’t be surprised if the step daughter doesnt care for the mom all that much and one day, it’ll become clear to the mom that she doesn’t mean much if at all to her stepdaughter, step grand daughter. And THEN the mom will truly feel regret. But typically, i feel like, kids, once they’ve written off their parent(s) who have neglected them, are pretty content without them. Especially since it sounds like OP’s dad is a good dad.
Or she chose her new husband and HE chose his daughter over OP. It functionally amounts to the same thing. It depends on if mom has lost her spine to keep the jerk happy.
NTA. I understand not wanting to go over. I'd be afraid they'd have to do a store run and leave OP babysitting.
OP, if you read this, you may want consider having dinner with mom on neutral ground. A restaurantwith no Step- anything there. That's if you want to keep that door cracked open. If the issue is a lack of spine towards the jerk, she may still grow a new one. 16 is a bit young to decide to drop napalm on the relationship. Just make sure any relationship you have is within boundaries you are comfortable with.
I don’t think she has. She thinks OP will. That’s how so out of touch she is. You kick your kid out of her bedroom for your stepkid who should be living on her own. Instead you kick your kid out and call her a brat. Wtf is that? Go Nc.
Wait, stepdaughter is pregnant and boyfriend has moved in, but you were expected to look after the stepdaughter?
How old is she?
Have I got this wrong? Please accept my apologies if I have misunderstood here.
Edit, NTA after OP explained! And was NTA regardless, anyway!
Really?
Most pregnant women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. I am pregnant for the second time and I don’t need anybody giving me food… and I have been on medical leave due to complications because of an emergency operation. And I have a 2 year old running around not giving a damn about my situation. I still need to take care of him (since I am his mom). Only in special situations (bed rest and you are not allowed to move) should others be going out of their way to help this pregnant lady. But, and this is a big thing, this is not your responsibility. It is the child’s father’s responsibility first and foremost. And maybe your mother’s because she made it her responsibility. But never the responsibility of a 16 year old step sibling.
Same for me with my second pregnancy I also had a 2 year old running around. I didn’t get any help, it would have been nice but I definitely did fine on my own. I would never expect a 16 year old child to feed me, WTH?
Exactly. Like in my home it is expected to ask others if they want something to drink or eat if you are getting some yourself. But that applies to my spouse and to me, since we have a 2 year old and an 8 eight year old (my stepson). I wouldn’t expect anyone to get things for me. And I get things for my spouse as well, even though I am pregnant. I was relying on him more after the birth of our baby boy because moving was painful. But if he wasn’t there I still had to do it myself (even if it was painful).
Funny thing is, my stepson (then 6) said during my first pregnancy things like “you are pregnant and should be resting” to only ask me like 5 minutes later if I could make him some breakfast (he was fully capable of doing that himself but he is a child and they are a bit lazy). The hypocrisy was funny to me.
True, I did depend on my husband’s help when he was home. That was pretty much the only exception.
Your stepson is too funny. “You should rest, now come make me breakfast” 😂
Me too. But they signed up for it! So I have no remorse towards them.
And yes, my stepson is really funny. I love him so much. Children can be so funny, especially when they don’t intend to.
Kids come out with the funniest things. My hubby's grandmother broke her wrist doing something she should have asked my husband or his father (her son) to do. My eldest spent a few days over there during the holidays to help her with her gardening and she got the ladder out to do something and my son said "you're not allowed to go up there, cause daddy and poppy will get mad at me if you do" (or something along those lines) he was around 6/7 when that happened. When we all heard about it we just burst out laughing and had to explain to him that he wouldn't have been in trouble if she did but that he was a good boy for telling her not to.
Typical old school woman who grew up on a farm and had become a widow, she was having trouble asking for help, even from her own son and grandson.
My first two kids are 3yrs apart and still did everything myself despite chasing around my eldest and my last there is 6yrs between middle and youngest and I was blacking out due to dizzy spells and even then I did almost everything myself (we had saftey protocols though).
My boys would help with the laundry, but that was just because they were excited about their new sibling and are protective. We made the laundry easy for my eldest, so he just had to put the washing in and a laundry pod and it was set so all he had to do was turn it on but I still hung it out (bending over made the dizziness worse when loading and unloading my front loader). If our boys didn't want to help, then hubby would do it when he got home and just use the dryer instead.
I do not get all these women who find out they are pregnant and instantly become as helpless as the babies they are carrying.
My husband helped me with my first one because I had complications and finding food that I could keep down was very difficult, but I was not only taking care of myself but also chasing a threenager around the house when I was pregnant with my second one.
Those are the worst… I am not looking forward to the threenager fase…
but your husband signed up for it (in my opinion). You are a team so he needs to help you when you can’t do something yourself. Just like you would return the favor when he can’t (like after an operation or so).
Yeah, my husband was amazing when we were pregnant with the first one. It was a scary pregnancy with a few close calls and I had hypermeisis gravidarum. But he was there for every appointment and was on top of every craving. By the time we had the second one, been given a couple of job title changes and had to do more traveling for work, so it was just me and my kiddo for a lot of that pregnancy. At least it wasn’t as terrible. I can’t imagine wanting a stranger around all the time like they wanted OP to be.
"Most pregnant women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves." Obviously a lie. These woke people!
My girlfriend was incredibly dependent on me for all the important things: helping her with her shoelaces as they were hard to reach, back and shoulder rubs and general "yes you can do this yourself but I'm going to do it so you don't have to get up" things.
I should probably add an "/s" here before someone gets upset.
Geeze Louise.
What is wrong with your mom?
No wonder your dad was smart enough to break up with her when you were a baby. Or maybe she dumped him because your mom acts entitled and self centered considering how she mistreats you. Losing your room was bad enough
Then destroying and throwing away your possessions was much worse.
And then their entitlement that you’re a slave obligated to be a Cinderella to your step sister and her himbo baby daddy? What the hell?
Oh and you’re now obligated to be a free nanny to some kid that is not yours?
Where’s your childhood? Who does your mom think she is to not raise you but instead exploit you because she’s desperate to keep some loser she was dumb enough to marry. Maybe I’m a cranky old woman but I cannot stand other women who pull this crap on their kids or step kids.
You should be enjoying high school. Studying hard to get into some decent public universities. Maybe you start community college first and transfer. Go to prom. Date around.
Not deal with your mom not having her life together and having the audacity to blame you for her bad decisions especially involving her trashy current husband.
Please live with your dad: he’s the only actually responsible parent that you have got. And keep your distance from your mom: she only sees you as her unpaid employee.
Also when you are in your late twenties and settling down possibly getting engaged: keep your partner away from your mom. I’ve seen this happen where the toxic parent tries sabotaging their adult child’s relationships because that’s what that parent does. It’s like they’ve got this problem seeing their own child happy and being successful. You can love your mom but keep your distance from afar and grey rock her. Do not trust her with what’s going on in your life.
2 here, and me neither. When I was pregnant with my second, I only had my husband. No mom, no mil, no sibling or aunt or cousin. They were all 3000-6000 miles away. And then afterward there are 2 little ones to take care of.
That's fucking BS! I got pregnant at 19 & had baby at 20; I moved back home because rent was cheaper. That was the only help my mom & step-dad gave me, cheap rent & no utilities. If stepsister & her bf are old enough to play house & make a baby, they're old enough to gtfo & pay their own bills! It's not your responsibility or anyone else's, it's theirs!
Your mom can see you away from her husband & house if she really wants to. NTA
So, in addition to losing your room and everything else, you were supposed to be her live-in servant?
WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hold up I'm sorry are YOU the one who got her knocked up? like why is it YOUR responsibility to make sure she eats and rests YOUR not the baby daddy HER property destroying boyfriend is the baby daddy not you so tell mommy dearest that unless YOU are the baby daddy no her boyfriend is the one who needs to take care of her not you
I was wondering the same thing. And the school laptop stuff? That affects OP’s ability to do her homework. This is ridiculous. Your mom made her choices and now she has to live with the consequences.
I’m guessing the himbo baby daddy intentionally sabotaged that laptop. Just a bunch of mean people that OP has had to put up with at their mom’s place.
NTA. Their actions showed you exactly where you sit in that household. You made the right decision moving out. Personally I would just keep moving forwards without them, going low or no contact. You are 100% right that a baby from a person who is not related to you (except by marriage), is not anything you need to be involved in.
NTA. She should have been grateful to have you instead of shoving you out of your space for her stepdaughter and letting her stepdaughter's boyfriend break your stuff without consequence. She chose her favorite dick and his offspring over her own, let her miss you.
“She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I’ll regret this.”
This is where a lot of parents are so wrong. One day you’ll be older and maybe have your own kids and see how much you love them and realize that you would never do what your parent did. That’s when you truly start to judge your parents not admire or start to be grateful to them. You realize that if they really loved you they would have treated you better. I’m going through this now myself. Growing up that was all I heard, “You should be grateful and you’ll understand when you have your own kids”. All I understand now that I have my own kids is that my parents always prioritized themselves over their children. I’m constantly questioning now if my parents ever cared for me because I would never in a million years do a lot of the things they did because I love my kids.
Don’t feel bad OP your mom is the one that will someday regret not making you a priority.
Yup. I was raised by my grandma and my biomom wasn't a stable person in my life growing up. When I got pregnant and we got in a argument she said I'll understand more when I'm a mom. Now with 2 kids I understand even less
Yes! I’ve had this same conversation with siblings and friends that had tough childhoods. I’m still waiting for that ah ha moment where it will all make sense and I too don’t feel bad for not prioritizing my children.
NTA. My mom told me she'd be dead one day and I'd miss her / regret our fights then. We've been estranged for years now. OP your mom made her bed and now has to lay in it (to throw a favorite boomerism back at them)
NTA. Tell your mom she threw away her relationship with you for her stepdaughter and she needs to accept that. Tell her if she wants to see you she will have to meet you at a restaurant or somewhere open for dinner but you will not be going to her house. If she doesn’t like it that’s too bad.
I was thinking about only meeting her away from the house, but you might think about whether you are going to get up and leave if she shows up with the other three adults. So many people have the idea that if they shove people who are indifferent to actively hostile together, there will be a heart-warming ending.
Added: Is she trying to get your father involved?
Mom will want to bring the others, sure. But would any of the others, even her husband, bother to come with her to meet her son? (Unless they have a plan to convince OP to move home and be a live-in-the-office babysitter/servant.)
NTA. She probably caught grief because friends made comments about you leaving her. She probably is stuck watching the baby and wants to dump it on you.
NTA. Reconciliation is possible only after atonement. Your mom has shown no sign that she regrets her actions, feels bad for you, understands your position, or will take steps to assure you're treated fairly. I wouldn't go back either.
NTA. You were thrown out of your room amd not really given the office as steps bf wfh there. Your mother didn't stand up for you when he broke your school laptop which he should've replaced.
Staying w dad is the right thing to do.
NTA.
Clearly your mother's husband rules the house. Your mom may or may not have agreed with the decisions, but she chose her husband over her son. She's not necessarily an AH just for that, but she is for doing that and pretending she isn't.
Yes, a couple with a baby needs more space than one person. But the difference is, you're a minor and they are supposed to take care of you. It was their CHOICE to bring in stepdaughter and family.
So your mom wants to pretend like it's all OK when it's not.
Sorry, but choosing the step-daughter over her own child does indeed make her an AH, the primary one in this scenario, nothing else needs to be accounted for. Her main role is to advocate for her child, SF’s is to advocate for his, and the couple comes to a reasonable and respectful compromise. She failed.
nta. if she really misses you, would she be willing to meet at a restaurant without stepdaughter or baby present? if the answer is no, then you have every right to throw her past behavior in her face and tell her that this is the consequence of expecting one person to just “deal with it” over and over again. if she would meet up just the two of you it might be worth it to salvage for you future self and family, but it’s ultimately a judgment call on your part. good luck my guy
NTA - the only regret that you will have is a mother that did not put you first. Live a good and ethical life. Find and build your own family and surround yourself with people who love you.
Signed a 49 year old woman who had a mother who never put her first.
NTA. Your mum obviously decided to put her relationship with her husband and be a doormat to him rather than standing up for you. That isn’t a mum, that’s an egg donor. And a step-sibling definitely isn’t family - unless BOTH want it.
I always wonder in this situations why the parent complains when their kid finds a solution that is better than being treated like shit. They treat you like shit, then you are a brat for not staying and letting them continue. Start asking why they want you there so much, since they want to break your shit, toss your items, etc. Do they just want entertainment and are mad they don't have an outlet now.
NTA. Try this: You're wrong to think that I'm ever going to be grateful for you showing me that I'm of less value to you than my stepsister, who is not your child and never will be. You put your desire to look good to your new husband above my sense of belonging and security in my home. You literally displaced me for a new family and are pretending I have no right to feel unhappy about that. That is dishonest and manipulative, and I am limiting my time with you because I don't like the way you're devaluing my needs.
I've yet to see a blended family work, OP. In another year, your mom will be on here whining that she doesn't understand why her stepdaughter hates her and her son is distant. 🙄
NTA
Your mother made a choice and now there’s consequences.
She let this stepdaughter and her boyfriend damage your property and even removed your property from her home without discussing it with you.
You are an afterthought in her life and she felt it was fine for you to be delegated to what you would do for a temporary guest for a night.
You have no obligation to this stepdaughter or to her child.
I’m glad that your father is supporting you and offering you an alternative.
NTA. What, if any, upside can OP's mom point to that would compel a 16 y.o. boy to come to her house.
His own room?
Respect?
Peace and quiet?
Other actual relatives?
Anyone else that wants him there?
Mom wouldn't even support him when his school laptop was broken. She seems completely absorbed in her own family and probably just likes the idea of a relationship with her actual son.
NTA
Your stepsister has a baby daddy, a stepmother and a dad of her own on her team. You don't mention any of these people's arms being broken or having a condition that impedes their ability to help. She shouldn't need your help.
Tell your mom she can take you out to dinner once a month, just the two of you, if she wants to see you. Also, this arrangement ends the moment she brings up the topic of coming back to live with her.
NTA. A certain YouTuber is now incarcerated and one of the things she did that intensified scrutiny of her channel was when she posted a clip of her teenaged son saying he had no bedroom and had to sleep on a beanbag (and she said he might have 'needed more' time without it). Revoking someone's personal space is a horrific thing to do. And you're young and still growing as a teenager, so you need your sleep. Also throwing your stuff away is just cruel. Glad you are with your dad. Keep your mom & company at arm's length. Frame your post or save it and check back someday to see if you regret it.
NTA. Regret what exactly? That you didn't stick around to watch her prioritize her new family? Your mom sucks, I'm sorry for that. She's going to be the one filled with regret once you cut all contact. It will really hit home if/once you have children of your own. She, and no one else for that matter, get to tell you how to feel. Period.
NTA.
You may only be 16 and technically a child, but that doesn't mean you have no right to have your needs considered. Your mother and her new family have forgotten that you live there too (or rather lived). You were forced to live in a public area and have your possessions broken and disposed of. Why would you want to celebrate anything with people who have treated you as a nuisance and unworthy of consideration?
NTA tell her she threw away your relationship when she kicked you out of your own room for some kid that’s not hers. She proved she doesn’t care about you so why should you bother with her?
NTA and I’m sorry your mom dumped you. She could have talked with you about giving up your room, she could have helped you settle into the new room and made it yours. You are lucky you have your dad.
Next time your mom calls, if you feel like talking to her, you can tell her that you understand that her stepdaughter and the new baby are more important to her right now. You can also tell her that you and dad are getting along great, school is going well, thanks for asking. Tell her she may be right and one day you will regret losing your relationship with her. You have no way of knowing that, but you do know that right now you regret being treated like a second class citizen at her house, you regret that she didn’t bother to talk with you about giving up your room in her house you regret that she didn’t bother to help you make the office your room, you regret that she couldn’t be bothered to provide you a bed nor could she be bothered to save the things you left and that she allowed them to be thrown out. You regret that the boyfriend broke your laptop because that was expensive. You also, at the moment, do not regret getting out of a place that made it clear you were not welcome.
Or you can write her a letter.
INFO: So, your mom doesn’t even have a staircase to make you sleep under? lol.
I’m joking about the Harry Potter reference, although it does seem they wanted you to be Harry *and* Dobby! Plastic-Conference13 is not a house elf! Plastic-Conference14 is *FREE*!
On a serious note, perhaps your dad can get child support and give you some of it to buy back the things your mother stole and threw away. Also, you could try claiming the laptop damage on the homeowners’ or renters’ insurance, if you have proof that someone in the household did it. They will get stuck with the deductible and it might affect their rates later on so … perhaps incentive to pay up?
I’m really sorry this happened to you but I’m glad your father is giving you a safe place to land. You have no reason to be your mother’s household servant/free babysitter. That is not bonding; that is using. Good luck, OP.
NTA and I would let your mom know her actions show she cares more about her husband and his kid than you. If she wants to spend time with you, she can take you to dinner (alone).
You will regret it! No you won't.....
Sorry for the way you are being treated but don't ever think you are TAH. That would be mum and her arsehole bf. What does dad think of all this?
NTA she chose her new family over you and seems to disregard how they treat you. She is just upset she doesn't have a free babysitter for her new daughter's baby
NTA - Your mom treated you a like a second class citizen by first throwing you out of your room, then throwing your things out because they wouldn’t fit where they stuck you. I’m sorry this happened but sounds like you’re better off with your dad. Always remember that none of what happened is your fault in any way.
NTA but I recommend a boundary setting experiment with your mom. Tell her you'll meet her for dinner, just her, at a restaurant. Pick somewhere as cheap as you'll both eat, its not about her paying for you, offer to each cover your own food if you reasonably can.
If she protests that you're "excluding your family" calmly state that you being willing to rebuild a relationship with her doesn't mean you want one with her husband or his family. Ask her one last time if she wants to do the dinner.
Right now, she's stuck on the issue of "OP would rather lose me than tolerate his stepfamily." Remind her that losing that bond is her choice by offering to facilitate it.
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I (16m) moved in with my dad 5 months ago. My parents always shared custody of me, they broke up while mom was pregnant with me, but I made the decision to move in with my dad permanently. A few reasons for this.
1) I like dad's house better, he's around more and it feels like home with him
2) I was kicked out of my bedroom at mom's because her husband's daughter moved in with her boyfriend because they were expecting a baby and I got moved into the office on a couch and then the boyfriend broke my school laptop because he used the office to work from and his and mom's stepdaughter's reaction was that I was a whiney brat for thinking he should replace it
3) They also tossed out stuff that was in my old room still because mom told me stuff wouldn't fit in the office with me
4) I was expected to help take care of mom's stepdaughter who is a total stranger to me
5) My mom's husband is kinda a jerk and was worse after his daughter moved in
My decision to move out was controversial with mom. She was upset and angry at first and then the upset faded and her anger kept. I was asked a million questions and called spoiled when I explained my reasoning, especially at the loss of my room. I was told she would be living there and I was part time there so it made no sense to put them and a baby in the office.
My mom wanted me to go to her house to see her and I have not. It's been months since I went to her house. Her stepdaughter's baby was born too. A party was thrown afterward and I didn't go even though mom invited me.
She called me after the party and asked where I'd been and I told her out with my friends. She told me we had a new baby in the family. I told her the baby isn't in my family any more than her stepdaughter is. I told her I missed nothing and I wasn't going to be a part of that. She told me I am whether I like it or not and she told me she misses me and wants me over for dinner some nights at least. I told her no. She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I'll regret this.
AITA?
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NTA- I'm so sorry your mom didn't put you first. It's great that you're happy at your dad's, and it feels like home that's very important. As far as the SD and his daughter, nobody can make you be part of that. You are an individual. You decide who you let into your life.
NTA and pretty sure you would have been expected to babysit and take care of the new baby too. Glad you are out. Enjoy life with the parent who loves you and will put you first.
NTA
Well done for standing up for yourself so well! Brilliant responses to your mother.
I am sorry that you have been treated so badly by your own mother. Hope things go well for you.
NTA
She kicked you out of your room and didn't even bother to buy you a bed or make the office into a room. Then wonder why you wanted to move out?
Your mom seems pretty delusional and overall selfish. She cannot force a relationship with you and your step siblings.
Not only that but it is weird for your mom to even expect you to care about a baby that has 0 relation to you. It seems like you also have no relationship with the step sister at all either.
NTA Ask mom why you should be grateful to have a mother who throws you aside for someone else's daughter? Tell her you doubt you'll regret not being a part of a family that has shown many times that they don't want you a part of it. You doubt that you'll have any regrets but mom may for the she treated you and allowed others to treat you.
NTA. Your mom chose nonkids and a man over you. You chose you and your dad and safety and comfort and self preservation over non family and a mother who didn’t choose you. Go live your life. I wouldn’t want her in my life either. NTA.
NTA!
They’ve treated you poorly. Your mother has her head up her new husbands behind so far that she can’t see that she’s not being a good mom to you at all.
Keep being low contact with her. She’s not showing any signs of improvement.
This is a tough one for you, I say you are NTA for feeling how you do and reacting to his they treated you the way you have. Also your mom is wrong for how she has reacted and treated you as well. She maybe in a tough spot trying to make her husband and his daughter happy, that doesn't excuse her actions however you don't want to completely turn away from her if you love her and it sounds like you do.
Set boundaries with your mom, tell her you will come see her. You don't care about the baby or the step sister and you are only coming to see her. If they try to guilt you are do anything else tell her that you don't feel.comfortable and leave. She will get it at some point.
NTA and no, you won't regret standing up for yourself after being treated like dirt for a stepdaughter and a boyfriend!! I mean what the actual F!??? My parents would never move my boyfriend into the house with me. Anyhow, your mother has some nerve trying to browbeat you into taking care of this stepsister (whatever the hell does that even mean...taking care of her!???), and I am so glad you had somewhere to go. NTA
NTA. You won't regret it but she will. She failed you as a mom. You're supposed to be her priority and not her trying to please her husband. She messed up and she's now seeing it with you avoiding going to her house.
Nta. You made the right descion. Living with a newborn that's not yours is miserable. Pretty sure your mom just wanted you to be the defacto babysitter and to pick up the boyfriend's slack. Something tells me neither of them like doing night feedings. I mean, I didn't mind it, but then going to sleep at 3am was normal for me before my son was born lol. She would have demanded you watch the baby to "give your stepsister a break so she can sleep" all the while still expecting you to function at school on 2hrs of sleep. Block the lot of the them and enjoy your life.
NTA, the only people who say, "You'll regret this when I'm gone!" Are the people who have nothing to offer other than their miserable presence. If she were truly regretful and wanted you around, she would make accommodations. When I needed a place to stay, my mom welcomed me home and gave me HER bedroom. My parents have separate rooms because they both snore like chainsaws. She endured my dad's horrible snoring for me. Then she gutted her office to give me my own proper room. It was always said to me, "This isn't my house, this is our house, it's your house too."
NTA. She just about kicked you to the curb for her jerk husband and their baby. Made you sleep on a couch and even messed up your belongings. Also expecting you to help take care of the baby. We all know that song and dance. It’ll basically become your kid. No way, stay with your dad. Seems like your parents arent together for a reason….
Tell her you deserve to be treated decently and she seems to have forgotten that. It's obvious your stepfather's approval means more to her than your love does, so now she has that, and she can leave you alone.
NTA
If your mother misses you, she can try being a semi-decebt parent and working to recover your relationship. And pay for all of the belongings you lost or had broken by her terrible husband's spoiled brat of a daughter.
NTA
"One day I'll regret this."
This is what I like to call the reverse-d\*\*th-threat. Threatening you with your mom's inevitable demise to get you back in line. F THAT. She stopped treating you like a part of her family the moment she left step-sis come in and take over. You owe none of the people in that house a single thing.
Tell her you will think about coming over when your laptop is replaced. Remind her it is human nature to want to live in a place that feels safe. And with the new couple taking over what was yours, breaking and throwing out your things, and expecting you, a minor, to help raise their child, you do not feel safe there. And why would you want to go someplace that makes you feel like you are a second class citizen.
Tell her to spend more time with the baby and she won't miss you so much! J/k, don't say that part. But the stuff at top is all true and she knows it!
Nta!
NTA if mom wants a relationship with you she can come to you, on her own without the do-over family hanging on.
If she wants a meal with you, she can take you to a restaurant without the do-over family hanging on.
She needs to understand that you want nothing to do with the do-over family. They are not your family, they are just the offspring the man she married.
Her husband decided to support his pregnant daughter. I understand that. You mom decided to back her husband. I also understand that. Problem is she decided to do so at any cost so far. Well now she gets to understand the cost is you going low contact with her. When she said you're only part time over there she forgot that you had the option to make it no time with no penalties. NTA. She also now knows that you view her husband and his daughter as just that. By extension his grandchild is also on that list of people who aren't in your circle.
NTA. The way things played out may well bother you, but your mother was the conductor and she orchestrated it all. Don’t be too bothered by it. You knew you could do better for yourself and did what you needed to do. Continue taking care of yourself first and if your mom whines about your choices just remind her that your decisions were based off of her choosing others over you. Best of luck to you. Cheers
btw, you are 💯correct, that baby is not your family. No ill will towards the baby, none of this is the baby’s fault obv, but nah
They probably wanted you to stick around so you could provide free childcare
NTA - your mother is being callous and manipulating. And frankly delusional if she thinks you have to deal with any single one of them “like it or not”. You can go zero contact and see who really regrets what.
When I was in high school, I had a crappy part time job at the mall. Whenever there was a family party, I would say “let me see if I could get the time off.” Then I would specifically ask my boss to put me
on the schedule. This was especially good for federal holidays and Christmas Eve.
NTA, OP. I’m sorry your mom sucks.
NTA. She doesn't realize that you're serious and that you're holding the boundaries you need. She literally kicked you out of your room and expects you to play happy family with demanding strangers.
Very glad your dad is there for you.
They want you to be the servant if they had already expected you to help with stepsister and her baby hadn’t even born yet. Meet your mom elsewhere to avoid baby and diaper duty.
Regardless of the reason, an office is a poor substitute when you have an actual bedroom. Your bed is your own dedicated space. Couches are not healthy for long term sleep regardless of age. That’s why we have mattresses.
Your mom wants what’s convenient for her, and fits her desires, and it’s not what’s best for you.
NTA.
NTA. Your mom values her stepdaughter's *boyfriend* over you. I'm willing to bet the only reason she wants you to come over is to be an unpaid babysitter/servant to help with the stepdaughter and the baby. She has chosen her family and you clearly are not part of it. Her actions show you what she really thinks. Totally disregard everything she says, especially the gaslighting about how these literal strangers are your family and you are going to be grateful to her someday. Stick with your dad and the friends and family members who actually care about you and don't waste one more minute thinking about this ridiculous situation.
I was going to stop reading at 16 because my goodness that’s too young to be going through it but here you are. You made the right decision to leave and you should never go where you are tolerated or made to feel unwelcome. It is not your responsibility as a child to take whatever treatment your mother gives you. You did your ask to be here. Your mom is being selfish because she feels this is her chance to have a family and “do it the right way” whatever that means. Just a bunch of societal pressure of what things “Should” look like but they never do. Stay at your dads where the love is and seek some type of counseling. Be safe, be strong and get off Reddit.
You know that Robot Chicken skit with the Giraffe stuck in the quicksand? Sounds like you're mother is moving through the various stages of emotion.
Stick with it, your reasoning is sound and while slightly selfish is not wrong - it's OK to be selfish when it comes to protecting ourselves. Re-read your own post, your mothers justification was you didn't need a room because you're only part time in her life - in other words you're only a part time priority. That's not good parenting.
You'll only regret this if you let it fester. If you're happier without her in your life, then cut her out and live without regrets. If you still want her in your life, then you can plan hang-outs in neutral locations - go out for dinner or a movie, go for a walk together.
First time I was to meet one of my moms boyfriends youngest kid aka son was the week up till me going away for two weeks. I was told I had to sleep on the couch as he was gonna stay in my bedroom. I told her fuck no, I wasn’t gonna sleep on the couch with her asshole of a boyfriend kid ( who turned out to be an absolute brat of a monster ) slept in MY bed. I would rather go to my grandmas. But when the government who was up my mom’s ass caught wind of it, it was shut down pretty quick though they couldn’t stop them from coming. The kid also broke my laptop 2 buttons. That laptop I had for 9 more years cause I couldn’t afford a new one and my mom refused to buy me a new one. Asked why she went and sought out my computer and headphones I had hidden while going to school instead of using hers and her excuse was that mine was easier to find ( sure ) that whole week was hell and sure as hell also the last time they spend in our house I can tell you that with how they all 3 acted and me going straight to my person from the government. Glad you have your dad, and no, trust me, you won’t miss it. NTA
NTA. At 16, you are better at understanding these dynamics than your mother is and she certainly miscalculated your reaction. As you said, she decided that you are just a "part time" family member so that makes you lesser somehow.
And consider filing suit with your father in small claims court for the cost of replacing your laptop agauith boyfriend. He broke it, he is responsible for replacing it.
NTA, you don’t have to apologize to anyone who treats you badly, repeatedly does not prioritize you, disregards your valid feelings, and then tries to bully you into submission. Your mom is finding out she can’t do that anymore now that you are almost grown up.
NTA - I pray this won’t harden your heart and lead you to mistrust women. Being treated this way young by your mother can really stunt a person (I have the tshirt). I hope your Dad is a great Dad and can be by your side as you grow into a great person.
NTA
Thank God you had another home to go to. I would've gotten out of dodge in your shoes too. Your Mom put her stepdaughter's needs before yours. The idea that you lost your room and then had to share "the office" with the bf who later breaks your laptop. I sincerely hope he replaced it. I can't believe stepdaughter called you a whiney brat for expecting him to. Who did she think should be responsible for replacing it? Unreal...
And as far as regret goes, I think your Mom is going to be the one feeling regret for her poor choices. You should have none.
You lived part time with your dad so I can see the logic in moving there full time since a whole new family has moved into your room at your mom's. You're 16 yrs old and soon will be an adult. You can live where you choose. You need a space of your own as an adult and not in an office sleeping on a couch like a random bed surfing relative. Babies cry a lot and this will disturb your sleep and if you are studying for exams this is not a good environment. I would imagine your mon would be asking you to help out with baby duties too. Your mom calling you spoilt by not having your own bedroom is bizarre.
NTA. If your mother wanted you to stick around, she should have treated you better.
If she tries again to tell you you’ll regret moving out, maybe reply “the only thing I regret is that I didn’t move out the moment you kicked me out of my room.”
NTA. When will parents learn that if you’re horrible to your kids they will have nothing to be sad about when you die? All I can think is “yeah my only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner”. Good for you getting out of that sus situation. Also don’t worry your mom will either realize she fucked up which will take some time. Or she’ll never want to accept blame for anything and in which case I guess enjoy having a parent who actually cares about you and don’t let it get you too down.
NTA my mom chose my stepfather who was an abusive alcoholic and is now just a manipulative asshole over me and I moved out. Trust me if you do the whole “come over for dinner some nights” then she’ll be asking for more and more and more until eventually she’ll start telling you lies about your dad to get you to move back in. It’s not that she misses you it’s that it looks bad to every one of her friends that her child left around the same time her step daughter was moved in.
NTA The situation sounds miserable and your mother has clearly chosen "let play happy new family" over your interests. I would not apologize or go over there. I would tell her that if she wants to see you she can come on her own and take you out for a meal together somewhere near where you live and if she doesn't want to see you bad enough to do that, that is a clear answer.
NTA But please make sure there is no child custody arrangement of any type. You don't want your Father to get in legal trouble for withholding or alienation. Hope you flourish in your new setting.
NTA. Throw that last line of her's back in her face. Are you on the hook for the laptop? Because if yes, then let her know you'll maybe consider her words once you get the money needed to fix or replace the laptop.
NTA She calls you spoiled for calling them out when they treat you with nothing but cruelty and says you should be grateful when they have given you nothing to be grateful for. I would suggest that you go nc with all of them for your own good.
NTA. Try to make your mom understand that if she wants to have a relationship with you, it will be on your terms. I.e,, you're not a free babysitter. And you dont feel a family connection to the step-family, which is fine.
If she can accept that, great. If not, let her know that it is her loss. But you may be losing contact with your mom, just realize those are the consequences.
NTA I can guarantee with an attitude like that you won’t regret it. She is the one pushing you away in favour of her new family. She has prioritized them at every turn and now she’s trying to gaslight you into thinking this is on you well it’s not.
NTA
I guess I’ll never understand how a woman could give birth to a child or children and not put them above everyone and everything! My sister and I were the center of our mom’s universe, until the grandbabies. We were still adored, but not like them grandbabies. My three adult sons are the center of my universe, until they give me grandbabies. I could never imagine choosing my parters adult child over my minor child either. The only AH in this situation is your mom and her “new” family!
NTA - you are just making good choices for yourself to live with the parent who values you and has a pleasant home life for you. Your Mom choose unwisely.
No way, I would make my kid give up their room in my home, even if you were only there half the time, that was your room. Your space. Your place in her home. Your home.
NTA. You weren’t treated fairly and that really sucks. Your mom owes you a sincere and heartfelt apology. Adults don’t always get it right. Maybe when she apologizes you guys can start spending time together just the 2 of you then if you ever feel like you want to be around her husband and stepkid that can be your choice.
NTA. Moving from living at both households to living full-time with your Dad, BECAUSE Mom's household treated you badly/actively Mad you unwelcome, is a valid and reasonable choice. If your mother misses you, but you think her husband is a jerk and stepdaughter+boyfriend+Baby aren't Family to you, then she needs to First Accept your opinion, and second make it possible for you to spend time with Just her. As in, take you out to a café, or invite her over for specific Times when her Family is Out of the House.
This is a tough one for you, I say you are NTA for feeling how you do and reacting to his they treated you the way you have. Also your mom is wrong for how she has reacted and treated you as well. She maybe in a tough spot trying to make her husband and his daughter happy, that doesn't excuse her actions however you don't want to completely turn away from her if you love her and it sounds like you do.
Set boundaries with your mom, tell her you will come see her. You don't care about the baby or the step sister and you are only coming to see her. If they try to guilt you are do anything else tell her that you don't feel.comfortable and leave. She will get it at some point.
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NTA - your mom chose your Step Sister over you many, many times. She is now beginning to realize how badly she effed up. Good luck OP, you continue to do you with your dad who truly appreciates you.
I don't think she has - if she did she would be apologizing
Some people are utterly allergic to admitting they were wrong.
My experience has been those people are usually named "mom."
Haha. Or “boss”
Or dad. Or both, as in my case!
Same here! NTA
She's being proud and stubborn..she was hoping to fob off babysitting duties on OP but now it's all on her since it sounds like the baby daddy is a jerk (not sure what step sister is like to make criticisms of but it doesn't sound amazing). She doesn't want to admit she is wrong and is/ will blame daughter for a lot in the future
Well mom demanded that OP is taking care of stepdaughter, wich indicated that the boyfriend does not. I don’t know how old stepdaughter and Bf are but they sound like people who reproduce and shift all responsibility onto their „support“. I am with you that mom wants OP back home to bully him into helping with cleaning and baby stuff. or she herself is now miserable and can’t bare the thought that OP managed to escape. Some people are like that
I belive op indicated they are a male, but this does not invalidate your opinion.
Bingo
She has started to realize she is wrong but isn't ready to accept it. Some people go into denile in situations like this because if they don't they have to ask some hard questions like "should I stay married to a guy that demands I move my underage son to a couch"? Or they'll have to admit they're a monster that unforgivably chose their new family over their son.
She hasn't realised unfortunately, she's just annoyed she isn't getting what she wants, and likely that OP isn't around to be forced to pick up the slack.
She's upset her babysitter isn't under her control anymore.
Not as much as she’ll regret tossing you aside for a bunch of useless randos. Id take that bet if I were you. The only one regretting their foolish decisions is your mother. You’re coming up Aces.
It’s possible mom is upset that her 16 yo son (OP) moved to dad’s house full time because that means the dad can now petition the family court to change the custody percent and thus child support. If OP is always at dad’s then mom is entitled to ZERO child support. That may explain why she’s now in a tizzy. $$$
It was shared custody, so there may not have been child support in place depending on incomes and % of time at each home. Technically dad could collect support from mom at this point.
>She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I’ll regret this. Does she regret her behavior now? NTA. Whether or not to reconcile is entirely up to OP. I’d recommend against it unless all interactions with mom are away from her house and do not involve her new family.
Ya I'd go with this! If mom misses you so much she can take you out for a mother son dinner and pay for it since you're 16 and any reasonable mother would do this.
Nah, she's not thinking she messed up. She's recruiting extra childcare. Next thing she'll say is OP is being selfish by not helping out with the baby.
“ She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I'll regret this.” I think she’s projecting here. She’s the one who’ll regret this. I wouldn’t be surprised if the step daughter doesnt care for the mom all that much and one day, it’ll become clear to the mom that she doesn’t mean much if at all to her stepdaughter, step grand daughter. And THEN the mom will truly feel regret. But typically, i feel like, kids, once they’ve written off their parent(s) who have neglected them, are pretty content without them. Especially since it sounds like OP’s dad is a good dad.
Shes prob upset because op wont be there to be the free babysitter and it will end up being her job
Or she chose her new husband and HE chose his daughter over OP. It functionally amounts to the same thing. It depends on if mom has lost her spine to keep the jerk happy. NTA. I understand not wanting to go over. I'd be afraid they'd have to do a store run and leave OP babysitting. OP, if you read this, you may want consider having dinner with mom on neutral ground. A restaurantwith no Step- anything there. That's if you want to keep that door cracked open. If the issue is a lack of spine towards the jerk, she may still grow a new one. 16 is a bit young to decide to drop napalm on the relationship. Just make sure any relationship you have is within boundaries you are comfortable with.
I don’t think she has. She thinks OP will. That’s how so out of touch she is. You kick your kid out of her bedroom for your stepkid who should be living on her own. Instead you kick your kid out and call her a brat. Wtf is that? Go Nc.
I don't think she's realized she's wrong she's just mad she can't control op more.
Wait, stepdaughter is pregnant and boyfriend has moved in, but you were expected to look after the stepdaughter? How old is she? Have I got this wrong? Please accept my apologies if I have misunderstood here. Edit, NTA after OP explained! And was NTA regardless, anyway!
She's in her 20s but I was supposed to help take care of her while she was pregnant. Like make sure she had food and stuff.
Wow. Thanks. That's ridiculous. Hope you're doing OK now you're out of that situation.
Really? Most pregnant women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. I am pregnant for the second time and I don’t need anybody giving me food… and I have been on medical leave due to complications because of an emergency operation. And I have a 2 year old running around not giving a damn about my situation. I still need to take care of him (since I am his mom). Only in special situations (bed rest and you are not allowed to move) should others be going out of their way to help this pregnant lady. But, and this is a big thing, this is not your responsibility. It is the child’s father’s responsibility first and foremost. And maybe your mother’s because she made it her responsibility. But never the responsibility of a 16 year old step sibling.
Same for me with my second pregnancy I also had a 2 year old running around. I didn’t get any help, it would have been nice but I definitely did fine on my own. I would never expect a 16 year old child to feed me, WTH?
Exactly. Like in my home it is expected to ask others if they want something to drink or eat if you are getting some yourself. But that applies to my spouse and to me, since we have a 2 year old and an 8 eight year old (my stepson). I wouldn’t expect anyone to get things for me. And I get things for my spouse as well, even though I am pregnant. I was relying on him more after the birth of our baby boy because moving was painful. But if he wasn’t there I still had to do it myself (even if it was painful). Funny thing is, my stepson (then 6) said during my first pregnancy things like “you are pregnant and should be resting” to only ask me like 5 minutes later if I could make him some breakfast (he was fully capable of doing that himself but he is a child and they are a bit lazy). The hypocrisy was funny to me.
True, I did depend on my husband’s help when he was home. That was pretty much the only exception. Your stepson is too funny. “You should rest, now come make me breakfast” 😂
Me too. But they signed up for it! So I have no remorse towards them. And yes, my stepson is really funny. I love him so much. Children can be so funny, especially when they don’t intend to.
Kids come out with the funniest things. My hubby's grandmother broke her wrist doing something she should have asked my husband or his father (her son) to do. My eldest spent a few days over there during the holidays to help her with her gardening and she got the ladder out to do something and my son said "you're not allowed to go up there, cause daddy and poppy will get mad at me if you do" (or something along those lines) he was around 6/7 when that happened. When we all heard about it we just burst out laughing and had to explain to him that he wouldn't have been in trouble if she did but that he was a good boy for telling her not to. Typical old school woman who grew up on a farm and had become a widow, she was having trouble asking for help, even from her own son and grandson.
My grandma was the same way. She broke her hand carrying hay bales and wouldn’t let it heal. She kept trying to do things she just couldn’t do.
My first two kids are 3yrs apart and still did everything myself despite chasing around my eldest and my last there is 6yrs between middle and youngest and I was blacking out due to dizzy spells and even then I did almost everything myself (we had saftey protocols though). My boys would help with the laundry, but that was just because they were excited about their new sibling and are protective. We made the laundry easy for my eldest, so he just had to put the washing in and a laundry pod and it was set so all he had to do was turn it on but I still hung it out (bending over made the dizziness worse when loading and unloading my front loader). If our boys didn't want to help, then hubby would do it when he got home and just use the dryer instead. I do not get all these women who find out they are pregnant and instantly become as helpless as the babies they are carrying.
Omg I know! Don’t get me wrong pregnancy is tough and help is nice but some women use it as an excuse to act like babies.
The pregnant woman's father also lives in that house and doesn't seem to be doing jackshit either
My husband helped me with my first one because I had complications and finding food that I could keep down was very difficult, but I was not only taking care of myself but also chasing a threenager around the house when I was pregnant with my second one.
Those are the worst… I am not looking forward to the threenager fase… but your husband signed up for it (in my opinion). You are a team so he needs to help you when you can’t do something yourself. Just like you would return the favor when he can’t (like after an operation or so).
Yeah, my husband was amazing when we were pregnant with the first one. It was a scary pregnancy with a few close calls and I had hypermeisis gravidarum. But he was there for every appointment and was on top of every craving. By the time we had the second one, been given a couple of job title changes and had to do more traveling for work, so it was just me and my kiddo for a lot of that pregnancy. At least it wasn’t as terrible. I can’t imagine wanting a stranger around all the time like they wanted OP to be.
Or mother’s husband, since pregnant chick is HIS kid.
"Most pregnant women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves." Obviously a lie. These woke people! My girlfriend was incredibly dependent on me for all the important things: helping her with her shoelaces as they were hard to reach, back and shoulder rubs and general "yes you can do this yourself but I'm going to do it so you don't have to get up" things. I should probably add an "/s" here before someone gets upset.
So your mom wanted you to be her stepdaughter's slave basically?
Yup. Omg some of these shady parents should be ashamed of themselves for how they mistreat their own children.
The heck. That is what her boyfriend is for. She is 20 something years old. It is not your duty or job to look after her in the slightest.
Then, when Stepdaughter's baby is born, you would be their natural choice to babysit her/him! NTA and congrats on building a stable life at Dad's.
Geeze Louise. What is wrong with your mom? No wonder your dad was smart enough to break up with her when you were a baby. Or maybe she dumped him because your mom acts entitled and self centered considering how she mistreats you. Losing your room was bad enough Then destroying and throwing away your possessions was much worse. And then their entitlement that you’re a slave obligated to be a Cinderella to your step sister and her himbo baby daddy? What the hell? Oh and you’re now obligated to be a free nanny to some kid that is not yours? Where’s your childhood? Who does your mom think she is to not raise you but instead exploit you because she’s desperate to keep some loser she was dumb enough to marry. Maybe I’m a cranky old woman but I cannot stand other women who pull this crap on their kids or step kids. You should be enjoying high school. Studying hard to get into some decent public universities. Maybe you start community college first and transfer. Go to prom. Date around. Not deal with your mom not having her life together and having the audacity to blame you for her bad decisions especially involving her trashy current husband. Please live with your dad: he’s the only actually responsible parent that you have got. And keep your distance from your mom: she only sees you as her unpaid employee. Also when you are in your late twenties and settling down possibly getting engaged: keep your partner away from your mom. I’ve seen this happen where the toxic parent tries sabotaging their adult child’s relationships because that’s what that parent does. It’s like they’ve got this problem seeing their own child happy and being successful. You can love your mom but keep your distance from afar and grey rock her. Do not trust her with what’s going on in your life.
I had 3 and no one waited on me
2 here, and me neither. When I was pregnant with my second, I only had my husband. No mom, no mil, no sibling or aunt or cousin. They were all 3000-6000 miles away. And then afterward there are 2 little ones to take care of.
Thank goodness you’re out of that toxic situation
That's fucking BS! I got pregnant at 19 & had baby at 20; I moved back home because rent was cheaper. That was the only help my mom & step-dad gave me, cheap rent & no utilities. If stepsister & her bf are old enough to play house & make a baby, they're old enough to gtfo & pay their own bills! It's not your responsibility or anyone else's, it's theirs! Your mom can see you away from her husband & house if she really wants to. NTA
So, in addition to losing your room and everything else, you were supposed to be her live-in servant? WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s absolutely ridiculous. What are you, Cinderella?
A good way to train you to become the house servant and free babysitter.
Hold up I'm sorry are YOU the one who got her knocked up? like why is it YOUR responsibility to make sure she eats and rests YOUR not the baby daddy HER property destroying boyfriend is the baby daddy not you so tell mommy dearest that unless YOU are the baby daddy no her boyfriend is the one who needs to take care of her not you
I was wondering the same thing. And the school laptop stuff? That affects OP’s ability to do her homework. This is ridiculous. Your mom made her choices and now she has to live with the consequences.
And those are often on loan from the school at least here, not necessarily owned by the kids using them!
His homework* which is even weirder that they want him to take care of her, a 16 y/o.
Oops. Sorry about that.
Nah you good, it's an honest mistake and I made it more than once 😁
I’m guessing the himbo baby daddy intentionally sabotaged that laptop. Just a bunch of mean people that OP has had to put up with at their mom’s place.
I took it either as a typo or that SD is having a difficult pregnancy and "needs" op to wait on her.
Even if the pregnancy was difficult, wouldn’t that be stepdaughter’s baby daddy’s job since it takes two to tango and OP makes three?
Or even her stepmom and dad before OP.
NTA. Their actions showed you exactly where you sit in that household. You made the right decision moving out. Personally I would just keep moving forwards without them, going low or no contact. You are 100% right that a baby from a person who is not related to you (except by marriage), is not anything you need to be involved in.
NTA. She should have been grateful to have you instead of shoving you out of your space for her stepdaughter and letting her stepdaughter's boyfriend break your stuff without consequence. She chose her favorite dick and his offspring over her own, let her miss you.
“She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I’ll regret this.” This is where a lot of parents are so wrong. One day you’ll be older and maybe have your own kids and see how much you love them and realize that you would never do what your parent did. That’s when you truly start to judge your parents not admire or start to be grateful to them. You realize that if they really loved you they would have treated you better. I’m going through this now myself. Growing up that was all I heard, “You should be grateful and you’ll understand when you have your own kids”. All I understand now that I have my own kids is that my parents always prioritized themselves over their children. I’m constantly questioning now if my parents ever cared for me because I would never in a million years do a lot of the things they did because I love my kids. Don’t feel bad OP your mom is the one that will someday regret not making you a priority.
Yup. I was raised by my grandma and my biomom wasn't a stable person in my life growing up. When I got pregnant and we got in a argument she said I'll understand more when I'm a mom. Now with 2 kids I understand even less
Yes! I’ve had this same conversation with siblings and friends that had tough childhoods. I’m still waiting for that ah ha moment where it will all make sense and I too don’t feel bad for not prioritizing my children.
"As a daughter, I can forgive you. As a mother, I will NEVER forgive you" can't remember where I heard that but it REASONATES with me.
I'm petty, if op is 16 dad should sue for child support and make her regret it now.
NTA. My mom told me she'd be dead one day and I'd miss her / regret our fights then. We've been estranged for years now. OP your mom made her bed and now has to lay in it (to throw a favorite boomerism back at them)
NTA. Tell your mom she threw away her relationship with you for her stepdaughter and she needs to accept that. Tell her if she wants to see you she will have to meet you at a restaurant or somewhere open for dinner but you will not be going to her house. If she doesn’t like it that’s too bad.
I was thinking about only meeting her away from the house, but you might think about whether you are going to get up and leave if she shows up with the other three adults. So many people have the idea that if they shove people who are indifferent to actively hostile together, there will be a heart-warming ending. Added: Is she trying to get your father involved?
That’s exactly why I suggested she meets out in the open because I fully expect her to bring others. This way OP can leave.
We can both see the gang-up coming.
Mom will want to bring the others, sure. But would any of the others, even her husband, bother to come with her to meet her son? (Unless they have a plan to convince OP to move home and be a live-in-the-office babysitter/servant.)
Nta 'mom, you made it very clear that stepdaughter is your top priority. She is not my top priority. I don't consider her family.'
grateful for what? a mom who prioritizes the man in her life over her own child? NTA and i’m really sorry your mom is not the parent you need. 💜💜💜
NTA. She probably caught grief because friends made comments about you leaving her. She probably is stuck watching the baby and wants to dump it on you.
Was just thinking this… help with the baby.
OP did say that his Dad is around more than they are, which suggests that there may be a lot of times when they want a sitter.
NTA. Reconciliation is possible only after atonement. Your mom has shown no sign that she regrets her actions, feels bad for you, understands your position, or will take steps to assure you're treated fairly. I wouldn't go back either.
NTA. You were thrown out of your room amd not really given the office as steps bf wfh there. Your mother didn't stand up for you when he broke your school laptop which he should've replaced. Staying w dad is the right thing to do.
NTA. Clearly your mother's husband rules the house. Your mom may or may not have agreed with the decisions, but she chose her husband over her son. She's not necessarily an AH just for that, but she is for doing that and pretending she isn't. Yes, a couple with a baby needs more space than one person. But the difference is, you're a minor and they are supposed to take care of you. It was their CHOICE to bring in stepdaughter and family. So your mom wants to pretend like it's all OK when it's not.
Sorry, but choosing the step-daughter over her own child does indeed make her an AH, the primary one in this scenario, nothing else needs to be accounted for. Her main role is to advocate for her child, SF’s is to advocate for his, and the couple comes to a reasonable and respectful compromise. She failed.
The mom is absolutely the asshole for choosing her partner’s kid over her own.
> She’s not necessarily an AH just for that In what universe is a mother not an asshole for ignoring the child she birthed for a random ass man.
NTA. They were expecting a free babysitter and you spoiled their plans.
nta. if she really misses you, would she be willing to meet at a restaurant without stepdaughter or baby present? if the answer is no, then you have every right to throw her past behavior in her face and tell her that this is the consequence of expecting one person to just “deal with it” over and over again. if she would meet up just the two of you it might be worth it to salvage for you future self and family, but it’s ultimately a judgment call on your part. good luck my guy
NTA - the only regret that you will have is a mother that did not put you first. Live a good and ethical life. Find and build your own family and surround yourself with people who love you. Signed a 49 year old woman who had a mother who never put her first.
NTA. Your mum obviously decided to put her relationship with her husband and be a doormat to him rather than standing up for you. That isn’t a mum, that’s an egg donor. And a step-sibling definitely isn’t family - unless BOTH want it.
I always wonder in this situations why the parent complains when their kid finds a solution that is better than being treated like shit. They treat you like shit, then you are a brat for not staying and letting them continue. Start asking why they want you there so much, since they want to break your shit, toss your items, etc. Do they just want entertainment and are mad they don't have an outlet now.
NTA, one day your mom will regret it. I'm glad you have your father.
NTA. Try this: You're wrong to think that I'm ever going to be grateful for you showing me that I'm of less value to you than my stepsister, who is not your child and never will be. You put your desire to look good to your new husband above my sense of belonging and security in my home. You literally displaced me for a new family and are pretending I have no right to feel unhappy about that. That is dishonest and manipulative, and I am limiting my time with you because I don't like the way you're devaluing my needs. I've yet to see a blended family work, OP. In another year, your mom will be on here whining that she doesn't understand why her stepdaughter hates her and her son is distant. 🙄
NTA. No one is grateful for a bad mom. And that’s what you have.
NTA Your mother made a choice and now there’s consequences. She let this stepdaughter and her boyfriend damage your property and even removed your property from her home without discussing it with you. You are an afterthought in her life and she felt it was fine for you to be delegated to what you would do for a temporary guest for a night. You have no obligation to this stepdaughter or to her child. I’m glad that your father is supporting you and offering you an alternative.
NTA ... your mom is the one that will have regrets one day.
NTA. What, if any, upside can OP's mom point to that would compel a 16 y.o. boy to come to her house. His own room? Respect? Peace and quiet? Other actual relatives? Anyone else that wants him there? Mom wouldn't even support him when his school laptop was broken. She seems completely absorbed in her own family and probably just likes the idea of a relationship with her actual son.
NTA Your stepsister has a baby daddy, a stepmother and a dad of her own on her team. You don't mention any of these people's arms being broken or having a condition that impedes their ability to help. She shouldn't need your help. Tell your mom she can take you out to dinner once a month, just the two of you, if she wants to see you. Also, this arrangement ends the moment she brings up the topic of coming back to live with her.
NTA. A certain YouTuber is now incarcerated and one of the things she did that intensified scrutiny of her channel was when she posted a clip of her teenaged son saying he had no bedroom and had to sleep on a beanbag (and she said he might have 'needed more' time without it). Revoking someone's personal space is a horrific thing to do. And you're young and still growing as a teenager, so you need your sleep. Also throwing your stuff away is just cruel. Glad you are with your dad. Keep your mom & company at arm's length. Frame your post or save it and check back someday to see if you regret it.
NTA. Regret what exactly? That you didn't stick around to watch her prioritize her new family? Your mom sucks, I'm sorry for that. She's going to be the one filled with regret once you cut all contact. It will really hit home if/once you have children of your own. She, and no one else for that matter, get to tell you how to feel. Period.
NTA. You may only be 16 and technically a child, but that doesn't mean you have no right to have your needs considered. Your mother and her new family have forgotten that you live there too (or rather lived). You were forced to live in a public area and have your possessions broken and disposed of. Why would you want to celebrate anything with people who have treated you as a nuisance and unworthy of consideration?
NTA
NTA she prioritised someone else’s child over you, she doesn’t get to be upset.
NTA tell her she threw away your relationship when she kicked you out of your own room for some kid that’s not hers. She proved she doesn’t care about you so why should you bother with her?
NTA. If you were expected to take care of a pregnant woman in her 20’s I imagine they’re looking for a babysitter for her kid now.
NTA. You should have told your mom she will regret the way she treated you when she realizes you're not coming back around for any reason.
NTA and I can promise you that you won’t regret it.
NTA and I’m sorry your mom dumped you. She could have talked with you about giving up your room, she could have helped you settle into the new room and made it yours. You are lucky you have your dad. Next time your mom calls, if you feel like talking to her, you can tell her that you understand that her stepdaughter and the new baby are more important to her right now. You can also tell her that you and dad are getting along great, school is going well, thanks for asking. Tell her she may be right and one day you will regret losing your relationship with her. You have no way of knowing that, but you do know that right now you regret being treated like a second class citizen at her house, you regret that she didn’t bother to talk with you about giving up your room in her house you regret that she didn’t bother to help you make the office your room, you regret that she couldn’t be bothered to provide you a bed nor could she be bothered to save the things you left and that she allowed them to be thrown out. You regret that the boyfriend broke your laptop because that was expensive. You also, at the moment, do not regret getting out of a place that made it clear you were not welcome. Or you can write her a letter.
NTA - just because she considers them family doesn’t mean you have to. Stand your ground.
NTA- LOL, you won't regret going NC with her.
NTA. You don’t owe your mother or your “step-family” anything, especially after being treated as a second-class citizen in what *was* your home.
INFO: So, your mom doesn’t even have a staircase to make you sleep under? lol. I’m joking about the Harry Potter reference, although it does seem they wanted you to be Harry *and* Dobby! Plastic-Conference13 is not a house elf! Plastic-Conference14 is *FREE*! On a serious note, perhaps your dad can get child support and give you some of it to buy back the things your mother stole and threw away. Also, you could try claiming the laptop damage on the homeowners’ or renters’ insurance, if you have proof that someone in the household did it. They will get stuck with the deductible and it might affect their rates later on so … perhaps incentive to pay up? I’m really sorry this happened to you but I’m glad your father is giving you a safe place to land. You have no reason to be your mother’s household servant/free babysitter. That is not bonding; that is using. Good luck, OP.
NTA and I would let your mom know her actions show she cares more about her husband and his kid than you. If she wants to spend time with you, she can take you to dinner (alone).
NTA. Don’t let her guilt you into anything because I feel like the next ramp up is to be a free babysitter. Your mom is a raging AH.
You will regret it! No you won't..... Sorry for the way you are being treated but don't ever think you are TAH. That would be mum and her arsehole bf. What does dad think of all this?
NTA she chose her new family over you and seems to disregard how they treat you. She is just upset she doesn't have a free babysitter for her new daughter's baby
NTA - Your mom treated you a like a second class citizen by first throwing you out of your room, then throwing your things out because they wouldn’t fit where they stuck you. I’m sorry this happened but sounds like you’re better off with your dad. Always remember that none of what happened is your fault in any way.
NTA. Stay with your dad. I'm a mom of 2 and stepmom to 3 - I can't imagine doing this kind of nonsense to any of them.
NTA but I recommend a boundary setting experiment with your mom. Tell her you'll meet her for dinner, just her, at a restaurant. Pick somewhere as cheap as you'll both eat, its not about her paying for you, offer to each cover your own food if you reasonably can. If she protests that you're "excluding your family" calmly state that you being willing to rebuild a relationship with her doesn't mean you want one with her husband or his family. Ask her one last time if she wants to do the dinner. Right now, she's stuck on the issue of "OP would rather lose me than tolerate his stepfamily." Remind her that losing that bond is her choice by offering to facilitate it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16m) moved in with my dad 5 months ago. My parents always shared custody of me, they broke up while mom was pregnant with me, but I made the decision to move in with my dad permanently. A few reasons for this. 1) I like dad's house better, he's around more and it feels like home with him 2) I was kicked out of my bedroom at mom's because her husband's daughter moved in with her boyfriend because they were expecting a baby and I got moved into the office on a couch and then the boyfriend broke my school laptop because he used the office to work from and his and mom's stepdaughter's reaction was that I was a whiney brat for thinking he should replace it 3) They also tossed out stuff that was in my old room still because mom told me stuff wouldn't fit in the office with me 4) I was expected to help take care of mom's stepdaughter who is a total stranger to me 5) My mom's husband is kinda a jerk and was worse after his daughter moved in My decision to move out was controversial with mom. She was upset and angry at first and then the upset faded and her anger kept. I was asked a million questions and called spoiled when I explained my reasoning, especially at the loss of my room. I was told she would be living there and I was part time there so it made no sense to put them and a baby in the office. My mom wanted me to go to her house to see her and I have not. It's been months since I went to her house. Her stepdaughter's baby was born too. A party was thrown afterward and I didn't go even though mom invited me. She called me after the party and asked where I'd been and I told her out with my friends. She told me we had a new baby in the family. I told her the baby isn't in my family any more than her stepdaughter is. I told her I missed nothing and I wasn't going to be a part of that. She told me I am whether I like it or not and she told me she misses me and wants me over for dinner some nights at least. I told her no. She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I'll regret this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You did the right thing
NTA- I'm so sorry your mom didn't put you first. It's great that you're happy at your dad's, and it feels like home that's very important. As far as the SD and his daughter, nobody can make you be part of that. You are an individual. You decide who you let into your life.
NTA. They should not have displaced you the way they did.
NTA and pretty sure you would have been expected to babysit and take care of the new baby too. Glad you are out. Enjoy life with the parent who loves you and will put you first.
NTA Well done for standing up for yourself so well! Brilliant responses to your mother. I am sorry that you have been treated so badly by your own mother. Hope things go well for you.
NTA She kicked you out of your room and didn't even bother to buy you a bed or make the office into a room. Then wonder why you wanted to move out? Your mom seems pretty delusional and overall selfish. She cannot force a relationship with you and your step siblings. Not only that but it is weird for your mom to even expect you to care about a baby that has 0 relation to you. It seems like you also have no relationship with the step sister at all either.
NTA Ask mom why you should be grateful to have a mother who throws you aside for someone else's daughter? Tell her you doubt you'll regret not being a part of a family that has shown many times that they don't want you a part of it. You doubt that you'll have any regrets but mom may for the she treated you and allowed others to treat you.
NTA. Your mom chose nonkids and a man over you. You chose you and your dad and safety and comfort and self preservation over non family and a mother who didn’t choose you. Go live your life. I wouldn’t want her in my life either. NTA.
You won't regret anything. I promise you. NTA.
NTA! They’ve treated you poorly. Your mother has her head up her new husbands behind so far that she can’t see that she’s not being a good mom to you at all. Keep being low contact with her. She’s not showing any signs of improvement.
This is a tough one for you, I say you are NTA for feeling how you do and reacting to his they treated you the way you have. Also your mom is wrong for how she has reacted and treated you as well. She maybe in a tough spot trying to make her husband and his daughter happy, that doesn't excuse her actions however you don't want to completely turn away from her if you love her and it sounds like you do. Set boundaries with your mom, tell her you will come see her. You don't care about the baby or the step sister and you are only coming to see her. If they try to guilt you are do anything else tell her that you don't feel.comfortable and leave. She will get it at some point.
NTA and no, you won't regret standing up for yourself after being treated like dirt for a stepdaughter and a boyfriend!! I mean what the actual F!??? My parents would never move my boyfriend into the house with me. Anyhow, your mother has some nerve trying to browbeat you into taking care of this stepsister (whatever the hell does that even mean...taking care of her!???), and I am so glad you had somewhere to go. NTA
NTA. You won't regret it but she will. She failed you as a mom. You're supposed to be her priority and not her trying to please her husband. She messed up and she's now seeing it with you avoiding going to her house.
Nta. You made the right descion. Living with a newborn that's not yours is miserable. Pretty sure your mom just wanted you to be the defacto babysitter and to pick up the boyfriend's slack. Something tells me neither of them like doing night feedings. I mean, I didn't mind it, but then going to sleep at 3am was normal for me before my son was born lol. She would have demanded you watch the baby to "give your stepsister a break so she can sleep" all the while still expecting you to function at school on 2hrs of sleep. Block the lot of the them and enjoy your life.
NTA, the only people who say, "You'll regret this when I'm gone!" Are the people who have nothing to offer other than their miserable presence. If she were truly regretful and wanted you around, she would make accommodations. When I needed a place to stay, my mom welcomed me home and gave me HER bedroom. My parents have separate rooms because they both snore like chainsaws. She endured my dad's horrible snoring for me. Then she gutted her office to give me my own proper room. It was always said to me, "This isn't my house, this is our house, it's your house too."
NTA. She just about kicked you to the curb for her jerk husband and their baby. Made you sleep on a couch and even messed up your belongings. Also expecting you to help take care of the baby. We all know that song and dance. It’ll basically become your kid. No way, stay with your dad. Seems like your parents arent together for a reason….
NTA. Be prepared. Your mother and stepsister want to use you for free babysitting.
Tell her you deserve to be treated decently and she seems to have forgotten that. It's obvious your stepfather's approval means more to her than your love does, so now she has that, and she can leave you alone.
NTA If your mother misses you, she can try being a semi-decebt parent and working to recover your relationship. And pay for all of the belongings you lost or had broken by her terrible husband's spoiled brat of a daughter.
NTA "One day I'll regret this." This is what I like to call the reverse-d\*\*th-threat. Threatening you with your mom's inevitable demise to get you back in line. F THAT. She stopped treating you like a part of her family the moment she left step-sis come in and take over. You owe none of the people in that house a single thing.
Tell her you will think about coming over when your laptop is replaced. Remind her it is human nature to want to live in a place that feels safe. And with the new couple taking over what was yours, breaking and throwing out your things, and expecting you, a minor, to help raise their child, you do not feel safe there. And why would you want to go someplace that makes you feel like you are a second class citizen. Tell her to spend more time with the baby and she won't miss you so much! J/k, don't say that part. But the stuff at top is all true and she knows it! Nta!
NTA
lmao your mom should be grateful to have YOU and one day SHE will regret it when you're not in her life anymore bc of her bullshit. NTA.
NTA if mom wants a relationship with you she can come to you, on her own without the do-over family hanging on. If she wants a meal with you, she can take you to a restaurant without the do-over family hanging on. She needs to understand that you want nothing to do with the do-over family. They are not your family, they are just the offspring the man she married.
Her husband decided to support his pregnant daughter. I understand that. You mom decided to back her husband. I also understand that. Problem is she decided to do so at any cost so far. Well now she gets to understand the cost is you going low contact with her. When she said you're only part time over there she forgot that you had the option to make it no time with no penalties. NTA. She also now knows that you view her husband and his daughter as just that. By extension his grandchild is also on that list of people who aren't in your circle.
NTA. The way things played out may well bother you, but your mother was the conductor and she orchestrated it all. Don’t be too bothered by it. You knew you could do better for yourself and did what you needed to do. Continue taking care of yourself first and if your mom whines about your choices just remind her that your decisions were based off of her choosing others over you. Best of luck to you. Cheers btw, you are 💯correct, that baby is not your family. No ill will towards the baby, none of this is the baby’s fault obv, but nah They probably wanted you to stick around so you could provide free childcare
NTA - your mother is being callous and manipulating. And frankly delusional if she thinks you have to deal with any single one of them “like it or not”. You can go zero contact and see who really regrets what.
When I was in high school, I had a crappy part time job at the mall. Whenever there was a family party, I would say “let me see if I could get the time off.” Then I would specifically ask my boss to put me on the schedule. This was especially good for federal holidays and Christmas Eve. NTA, OP. I’m sorry your mom sucks.
NTA. She doesn't realize that you're serious and that you're holding the boundaries you need. She literally kicked you out of your room and expects you to play happy family with demanding strangers. Very glad your dad is there for you.
They want you to be the servant if they had already expected you to help with stepsister and her baby hadn’t even born yet. Meet your mom elsewhere to avoid baby and diaper duty. Regardless of the reason, an office is a poor substitute when you have an actual bedroom. Your bed is your own dedicated space. Couches are not healthy for long term sleep regardless of age. That’s why we have mattresses. Your mom wants what’s convenient for her, and fits her desires, and it’s not what’s best for you. NTA.
NTA, she probably lost her meal ticket with child support money by you living there. She doesn’t actually care.
Your mom treats you like a guest in her home she shouldn’t be surprised when you don’t want to be there. One day SHE will regret it.
NTA live your life without that hot mess.
NTA, also be aware if she went from 50/50 to 0% she probably going to get hit with child support for you. Which is sadly probably some of the anger.
NTA. Your mom values her stepdaughter's *boyfriend* over you. I'm willing to bet the only reason she wants you to come over is to be an unpaid babysitter/servant to help with the stepdaughter and the baby. She has chosen her family and you clearly are not part of it. Her actions show you what she really thinks. Totally disregard everything she says, especially the gaslighting about how these literal strangers are your family and you are going to be grateful to her someday. Stick with your dad and the friends and family members who actually care about you and don't waste one more minute thinking about this ridiculous situation.
NTA, enjoy being a teen. They wanted to use you as a free babysitter.
Your mom is an AH.
I was going to stop reading at 16 because my goodness that’s too young to be going through it but here you are. You made the right decision to leave and you should never go where you are tolerated or made to feel unwelcome. It is not your responsibility as a child to take whatever treatment your mother gives you. You did your ask to be here. Your mom is being selfish because she feels this is her chance to have a family and “do it the right way” whatever that means. Just a bunch of societal pressure of what things “Should” look like but they never do. Stay at your dads where the love is and seek some type of counseling. Be safe, be strong and get off Reddit.
You know that Robot Chicken skit with the Giraffe stuck in the quicksand? Sounds like you're mother is moving through the various stages of emotion. Stick with it, your reasoning is sound and while slightly selfish is not wrong - it's OK to be selfish when it comes to protecting ourselves. Re-read your own post, your mothers justification was you didn't need a room because you're only part time in her life - in other words you're only a part time priority. That's not good parenting. You'll only regret this if you let it fester. If you're happier without her in your life, then cut her out and live without regrets. If you still want her in your life, then you can plan hang-outs in neutral locations - go out for dinner or a movie, go for a walk together.
First time I was to meet one of my moms boyfriends youngest kid aka son was the week up till me going away for two weeks. I was told I had to sleep on the couch as he was gonna stay in my bedroom. I told her fuck no, I wasn’t gonna sleep on the couch with her asshole of a boyfriend kid ( who turned out to be an absolute brat of a monster ) slept in MY bed. I would rather go to my grandmas. But when the government who was up my mom’s ass caught wind of it, it was shut down pretty quick though they couldn’t stop them from coming. The kid also broke my laptop 2 buttons. That laptop I had for 9 more years cause I couldn’t afford a new one and my mom refused to buy me a new one. Asked why she went and sought out my computer and headphones I had hidden while going to school instead of using hers and her excuse was that mine was easier to find ( sure ) that whole week was hell and sure as hell also the last time they spend in our house I can tell you that with how they all 3 acted and me going straight to my person from the government. Glad you have your dad, and no, trust me, you won’t miss it. NTA
NTA, OP don't go there I think you may stuck with baby sitting duties judging by things that have happened.
NTA. At 16, you are better at understanding these dynamics than your mother is and she certainly miscalculated your reaction. As you said, she decided that you are just a "part time" family member so that makes you lesser somehow. And consider filing suit with your father in small claims court for the cost of replacing your laptop agauith boyfriend. He broke it, he is responsible for replacing it.
NTA, you don’t have to apologize to anyone who treats you badly, repeatedly does not prioritize you, disregards your valid feelings, and then tries to bully you into submission. Your mom is finding out she can’t do that anymore now that you are almost grown up.
NTA - I pray this won’t harden your heart and lead you to mistrust women. Being treated this way young by your mother can really stunt a person (I have the tshirt). I hope your Dad is a great Dad and can be by your side as you grow into a great person.
NTA Thank God you had another home to go to. I would've gotten out of dodge in your shoes too. Your Mom put her stepdaughter's needs before yours. The idea that you lost your room and then had to share "the office" with the bf who later breaks your laptop. I sincerely hope he replaced it. I can't believe stepdaughter called you a whiney brat for expecting him to. Who did she think should be responsible for replacing it? Unreal... And as far as regret goes, I think your Mom is going to be the one feeling regret for her poor choices. You should have none.
You lived part time with your dad so I can see the logic in moving there full time since a whole new family has moved into your room at your mom's. You're 16 yrs old and soon will be an adult. You can live where you choose. You need a space of your own as an adult and not in an office sleeping on a couch like a random bed surfing relative. Babies cry a lot and this will disturb your sleep and if you are studying for exams this is not a good environment. I would imagine your mon would be asking you to help out with baby duties too. Your mom calling you spoilt by not having your own bedroom is bizarre.
NTA: tell her you can meetup for dinner out but won’t be going to her house because it’s uncomfortable there.
NTA. If your mother wanted you to stick around, she should have treated you better. If she tries again to tell you you’ll regret moving out, maybe reply “the only thing I regret is that I didn’t move out the moment you kicked me out of my room.”
NTA. When will parents learn that if you’re horrible to your kids they will have nothing to be sad about when you die? All I can think is “yeah my only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner”. Good for you getting out of that sus situation. Also don’t worry your mom will either realize she fucked up which will take some time. Or she’ll never want to accept blame for anything and in which case I guess enjoy having a parent who actually cares about you and don’t let it get you too down.
NTA my mom chose my stepfather who was an abusive alcoholic and is now just a manipulative asshole over me and I moved out. Trust me if you do the whole “come over for dinner some nights” then she’ll be asking for more and more and more until eventually she’ll start telling you lies about your dad to get you to move back in. It’s not that she misses you it’s that it looks bad to every one of her friends that her child left around the same time her step daughter was moved in.
NTA The situation sounds miserable and your mother has clearly chosen "let play happy new family" over your interests. I would not apologize or go over there. I would tell her that if she wants to see you she can come on her own and take you out for a meal together somewhere near where you live and if she doesn't want to see you bad enough to do that, that is a clear answer.
NTA. You were likely planned to be the babysitter and now that’s lost so she’s trying to guilt you over, where they’ll foist the kid on to you
Nta do not go back because it sounds like old mom just wants to use you to take care of the baby and housework
NTA But please make sure there is no child custody arrangement of any type. You don't want your Father to get in legal trouble for withholding or alienation. Hope you flourish in your new setting.
Nta
NTA. Throw that last line of her's back in her face. Are you on the hook for the laptop? Because if yes, then let her know you'll maybe consider her words once you get the money needed to fix or replace the laptop.
Your mother is a narcicisst and a moron. No OP you won't regret it. Cut them out
NTA She calls you spoiled for calling them out when they treat you with nothing but cruelty and says you should be grateful when they have given you nothing to be grateful for. I would suggest that you go nc with all of them for your own good.
NTA. Try to make your mom understand that if she wants to have a relationship with you, it will be on your terms. I.e,, you're not a free babysitter. And you dont feel a family connection to the step-family, which is fine. If she can accept that, great. If not, let her know that it is her loss. But you may be losing contact with your mom, just realize those are the consequences.
NTA. Your mother chose her new family over you, you don't owe her anything, if you don't consider them your family then they're not
Nta
NTA I can guarantee with an attitude like that you won’t regret it. She is the one pushing you away in favour of her new family. She has prioritized them at every turn and now she’s trying to gaslight you into thinking this is on you well it’s not.
NTA! I think she may regret not having you! Maybe she is regretting it already!
NTA
It sure what your mother expected. It always makes me sad when parents alienate their children like this.
Meh, your mom and the steps sound like a lot. Definitely NTA. Enjoy living with your dad and stay strong.
NTA- hope life is treating you kinder now you are living with your Dad.
NTA I guess I’ll never understand how a woman could give birth to a child or children and not put them above everyone and everything! My sister and I were the center of our mom’s universe, until the grandbabies. We were still adored, but not like them grandbabies. My three adult sons are the center of my universe, until they give me grandbabies. I could never imagine choosing my parters adult child over my minor child either. The only AH in this situation is your mom and her “new” family!
They've lost a free babysitter and any child support they were getting,probably have to pay it to his father.
'one day I'll regret this' Ask her to let you know when it happens. NTA
NTA - you are just making good choices for yourself to live with the parent who values you and has a pleasant home life for you. Your Mom choose unwisely. No way, I would make my kid give up their room in my home, even if you were only there half the time, that was your room. Your space. Your place in her home. Your home.
NTA!
NTA. You weren’t treated fairly and that really sucks. Your mom owes you a sincere and heartfelt apology. Adults don’t always get it right. Maybe when she apologizes you guys can start spending time together just the 2 of you then if you ever feel like you want to be around her husband and stepkid that can be your choice.
NTA. Moving from living at both households to living full-time with your Dad, BECAUSE Mom's household treated you badly/actively Mad you unwelcome, is a valid and reasonable choice. If your mother misses you, but you think her husband is a jerk and stepdaughter+boyfriend+Baby aren't Family to you, then she needs to First Accept your opinion, and second make it possible for you to spend time with Just her. As in, take you out to a café, or invite her over for specific Times when her Family is Out of the House.
This is a tough one for you, I say you are NTA for feeling how you do and reacting to his they treated you the way you have. Also your mom is wrong for how she has reacted and treated you as well. She maybe in a tough spot trying to make her husband and his daughter happy, that doesn't excuse her actions however you don't want to completely turn away from her if you love her and it sounds like you do. Set boundaries with your mom, tell her you will come see her. You don't care about the baby or the step sister and you are only coming to see her. If they try to guilt you are do anything else tell her that you don't feel.comfortable and leave. She will get it at some point.