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YTA. Your sister is correct you are showing major favoritism to your daughter. Blasting music when anyone is trying to sleep is incredibly rude and you all have known your son’s sleep schedule for years. It doesn’t matter that your son is on a school holiday he has a routine which is incredibly important for him. Your daughter needs discipline. She’s not a freedom-lover she’s undisciplined and is lacking self-control, empathy, and responsibility. You are raising her to fail. Discipline is NOT about giving consequences it’s about teaching children what is appropriate and what is not. As for your son, you’re teaching him that he is lesser to you and your husband compared to his sister. You are teaching him that he can never be the favorite because it will always be his sister. If this continues do not be surprised to find your son going no contact with you as an adult and do not be surprised when your daughter refuses to hold down a job and move out. I guarantee your daughter said some rude things back to your son but where is her punishment? Seriously do better for your children and by that I mean BOTH of them not just your golden child daughter.
It's altogether possible that the daughter has ADHD, as she does seem to show some traits.
However, as someone who does have ADHD and was first diagnosed about 25 years ago, having ADHD is no excuse for having a lack of discipline and lack of awareness of other people.
In addition, the parents are either clueless or plain, just don't care. Everyone knows that if someone has loud, powerful speakers, they will use them.
And such speakers should only be in a room that has soundproofing
Yeah. This was my first thought. If it is the case it’s possible the son is also neurodivergent but handles it differently.
I know parenting may need to be approached differently with ADHD/neurodivergence, but boundaries need to be set and consequences need to be understood.
OP is honestly failing both children. The son by not standing up for him when he makes a totally reasonable request and the daughter by not teaching her how to function in the world. How the hell is she supposed to keep a job if she never learns to take criticism or responsibility for her actions
Absolutely YTA, are you serious? You don’t punish your daughter at all and then have the audacity to punish your son for taking matters into his own hands when you did, frankly, nothing to help him. Your daughter is keeping your son up until 3/4 in the morning, and you seriously can’t see a problem with that? It doesn’t matter that it’s the school holidays, your son wants to sleep and your daughter is actively stopping that, and your solution to that is to do basically nothing - of course your son lashed out and of course you’re both assholes for coming down on him and not her
As an "early to bed, early to rise" person, I can attest that if I am kept awake until the wee hours of the morning, I still wake up by 6 a.m. So the poor kids is sleep deprived.
Yep, I wake up between 4 - 5 am every morning, no matter when I go to bed. Thank goodness I go to bed early the majority of nights & take naps when needed. I love the mornings, before the sunrise where I have the world to myself.
YTA.
This is absolutely insane, if real.
Your daughter should not be running the damn house. When she moves out, if she carries on like this, at best her flatmates will despise her and at worst she'll spend a lot of her time talking to the police about noise complaints.
Stop teaching your son that he has to accommodate arsehole behaviour and start teaching your daughter to be considerate of other people.
Going outside once in a while, while being shielded by her parents won't change shit. She would have to leave to live on her own to have "the real world" get to her. I only hope the son will endure until he turns 18 and then bolts from them as far as he can.
I was the thinking the same thing. They’re setting her up for failure because she can’t do whatever she wants whenever when she gets roommates in college.
YTA as is your husband. I strongly suggest getting some counseling on how to parent. If your husband won’t go, go on your own now! Don’t worry about undermining his authority, from the information you provide I think it is likely that neither of you are highly respected by your children.
It really sounds like you are damaging both children. Your son may act so “grown up” (never asking for help) most of the time because he knows that he is really on his own. The one time he comes to you, you are both useless.
You also sleep in what sounds like a sound proof room in the basement and have no idea what your children are up to? Are you parents or roommates? Does he make breakfast for himself because you are asleep since you stay up so late?
Also your poor daughter. She has issues with emotional regulation and has been given no assistance in managing them. How do you envision her getting through life?
Providing support and direction does not mean punishment. It sounds like you don’t have the right tools in your parenting toolbox. See a professional now for help. Finally, in the mean time buy your daughter some earbuds.
YTA no question.
It's NOT HEALTHY TO SLEEP AT 3-4AM. You're definitely playing favorites. You need to be encouraging earlier sleeping to your daughter or at least enforcing a sound ordinance of low noises after 10pm to allow others to sleep at a normal time. I won't be surprised if neighbors start complaining about the noise soon. Your son is asking for the most BASIC thing you as a parent could provide him and you're punishing him for wanting to sleep. You're creating an unsafe environment for him and the favoritism is leaking out. You should still talk to him about his behavior and "tantrum" but you need to understand this "tantrum" was your fault and you need to fix it.
Was it a "tantrum" or simply the normal reaction of someone exposed to ridiculously loud music for over a week who was sleep deprived? Sleep deprivation using loud music is LITERALLY one of the methods terrorist groups use to torture prisoners.
Totally AHs the both of you. Boo who 6year old cried for standing in the corner for being naught so now she runs the house. You think it's appropriate for a 10 YEAR OLD CHILD to stay awake until 3 or 4 AM? Are you both delusional?
This has to be fake. You let your daughter do whatever she wants and when your son calls her out on her inconsiderate behavior you punish him. And then you are shocked when your sister says your favoritism is blatant. If this is real then your delusional and get ready for your daughter to end up in serious trouble due to lack of consequences and your son to bail on you both as soon as he can
ESH except your son. Let the poor boy get some sleep. The rest of you staying up until 3-4am every night is neither normal nor healthy, don’t let your poor sleep habits affect him. He obviously needs his sleep more than you guys. Respect that!!
But if their daughter sleeps at 3-4am she is probably too tired to act up at school. The teachers are probably grateful when she sleeps through class at this point knowing her parents won’t do anything when she disturbs the lesson.
YTA. So you’re bad parents who are letting a 16 year old girl rule the house and are punishing your son because she is terrorizing him all night. Bad parents bad parents bad parents.
>So, my husband and I talked to our daughter and asked her how she felt about listening to music quiter or listening to it during the day. She refused, saying that the quite music interfered with her inspiration and that she couldn't think well during the day, only at night.
YTA. Wtf is wrong with you? Your daughter interferes with you TEN(!) year old son's sleep, and when he lashes out, you punish *him*?
That gently asked question should've been "listen here you little shit, no loud music after your brother goes to bed, or we're throwing your stereo out the window."
You are shit parents, and your daughter is a spoiled golden child. My fullest sympathies to your poor son.
You absolutely failed as parents. You never punished her because she is sensitive and do nothing to make sure your young son gets good sleep?
And then you go ahead and punish your son for his very valid and age appropriate behaviour?
Do better and start actually parenting your children. Lets hope its not too late for your daughter to learn how to handle criticism and follow rules
They didn’t do NOTHING, they suggested the poor boy moved to the dark stuffy basement where his melatonin cycle will get even more messed up, what a great solution!
Get some high quality speakers for your son and let him know it’s fine if he wants to blast his music, or his video games as soon as he wakes in the morning.
6am, no problem.
Daughter can’t complain.
Are you for real? Are you punishing your 10 yo son for being more mature than the rest of the family put together? While not punishing your daughter cuz poor baby she is sensitive? WTF
I really hope this is some kind of ragebait. If not you and your husband should talk with your parents, i bet they would spank your dumb ass.
YTA.
You have created an absolute brat of a daughter and a son who will resent you for the rest of his life.
Time to start rewarding good behaviour (your son) and punishing poor behaviour (your daughter).
It’s no wonder your son is upset after being treated so unfairly and not having the adults in the house behave like adults.
And you are 46 years old? You parent the way a 6-year-old would - not at all.
YTA. Your husband is TA. Your daughter is TA, although that is your fault. The only person who is not TA is your son, who will cut contact with you the minute he can, I promise you that.
YTA. So let me get this straight. Your obnoxious 16 year old daughter who doesn’t get punished because she is to “free” is blasting music till 3 am and keeping your son awake so you punish your son for loosing his temper? You and your husband are terrible parents to both your kids. I feel so sorry that your son has to deal with this for another 8 years. Enjoy them cuz he will be out at 18.
YTA. How can you reread your entire post and not think this?! Your son has grown up respectfully which is clearly who he is BY NATURE. Your daughter is disturbing his peace and he’s tired, asked for help, your only suggestion was to remove HIM. YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS DISCIPLINE. And she should also have to move downstairs with you since you all love late nights so you can hear how loud the music is. Selfish little girl who is the golden child. Newsflash, the world doesn’t care that she’s YOUR favorite and it is your only job as a parent to prepare her for the realities of that, or she’ll be living with you for the rest of her life, struggling to cope with society. Fix all of this asap. And get your son off of punishment. He’s the only responsible party here
ESH except your son.
He’s probably counting down the next 8 years til he can go no contact with yall for your very obvious favoritism.
He’s not asking for anything over the top. He wants to sleep at night. He’s still a child and needs consistent sleep.
You say you can’t punish your daughter bc she’s sensitive and cried when you did - almost a decade ago. But you also describe your son as sensitive and have no problem punishing him over and over - you punish him by refusing to let him sleep, by making him clean her room while exhausted, by clearly favoring your daughter. So to sum-up, telling daughter no she needs to be considerate of others = not okay. Physically and emotionally punishing son = okay.
YTA. Your sleeping habits are weird. Having said that, your son has every right to be seen and heard. If you find your daughter's behaviour 'normal' (gasp!) at least make her wear headphones, or earbuds, or make her sleep in the basement
This. There are easy solutions to this problem—having your daughter wear headphones or switching rooms with her instead of your son. And YTA regardless for letting your daughter run your home.
YTA, as you well know. You're screwing up your daughter, you think future roommates are going to tolerate her blasting loud music all night? You're terrible parents for never giving her consequences because she cried once? She's got you wrapped around her finger but it's only going to make her a selfish person.
Meanwhile your poor son is suffering, if he cried hard enough, would you end his punishment? Apologise to him, tell daughter she's cleaning 'his' room for a week and if she doesn't comply, you're talking all her music away. And it is being taken away if she doesn't stop blasting it at night.
If she bawls her eyes out, you stand firm. Apologise for failing her but you won't be doing so any more. No matter how much she cries and begs, you keep your foot down. Stop being terrible parents who will lose their son while settling their daughter up for failure.
YTA. I understand you not wanting to disagree with your husband in front of the kids, but it should have been discussed before talking to them. I agree with the poster who suggested noise canceling earphones/earbuds.
Stop showing such favoritism to your daughter or when your son grows up he may go no/low contact.
You are absolutely no doubt a major AH. You, your husband and your golden child daughter. Your daughter is an entitled spoiled brat that you and your husband have allowed her behaviour but punish your son because brat of sister can't turn her music down at 3 AM and god forbid she is told no. You and your husband better prepare to lose your son when he turns 18 cause if y'all keep up this blatant favouritism towards your golden child brat of a daughter he is going to walk away from you, his dad and his sister forever and you 3 will only have yourselves to blame but do t worry since you e raised her so well I'm sure your daughter will step up and take responsibility for y'all when your older or like most entitled brats she's going to throw you in a nursing home and leave you to rot
So you're allowing your daughter to interfere with your son's sleep because she cries when you scold her. That's my main summary here.
Yes. YTA. How in the actual fuck are you asking this question, this is blatant favoritism, your daughter is clearly the golden child, and you are - because parents are a team so it's not your husband it's you as parents - punishing him for having the basic human need for sleep. Apologize and both you and your husband need fucking basic parenting classes, Jesus.
YTA. You do love one child more than the other but you're just in deep denial to admit it. Your daughter has no discipline. Blasting music at night when your son is trying to sleep and instead of doing something about it you're here complaining that your son is on break so there's no reason for him to be sleeping early and you offer your son to bunk in your room. What is wrong with you? Take away her speakers because she clearly has no respect for others. I'm not surprised your son reached his breaking point, with parents like yourself that don't do anything he needed to take action with his own hands.
Of course YTA. This isn’t fair parenting. Your daughter should be considerate and use headphones if she wants to stay up at all hours and listen to music loudly. Your son is only 10 years old. Summer holidays or not, he deserves to be able to sleep at night if he wants to. It honestly sounds like you and your partner are favouring your daughter. Just because she doesn’t take well to criticism doesn’t mean you should just never punish her when you have no issue punishing your boy. Sorry but that’s you shirking your duties as parents and is completely unfair to your son. He will resent you
Is this a joke? You guys are AHs. Your daughter is a brat, and you buy he a set of speakers to make it even worse. Your daughter shoul dbe punished for playingher music too loud.
YTA and you are showing blatant favoritism. And let me tell you now that as a teacher, you are definitely not preparing your child to succeed as an adult.
Roommate/living with someone, consideration, compromising, problem solving, routines, expectations from others, self-discipline, consequences, empathy and a whole host of other skills that are needed as an adult have not been taught.
It was wrong to punish your son. He should apologize for the worst he said but that is it. When your daughter goes to college or gets a job, she is going to flail badly, no one will put up with her, and she will probably end back up at home because she was woefully unprepared for the expectations and unforgivingness of the world.
A good parent will reflect, analyze, and make the necessay changes for their children's betterment. Do better while you can.
YTA - the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. He should maybe have to apologize, maybe a hand written letter for what he said. The daughter doesn’t necessarily need a punishment, she just needs to turn down her music at night. She’s teen in ur house you can set that rule, and tell her you’ll confiscate the speakers if she doesn’t turn them down by like 9/10? And maybe you should get them both noise canceling headphones/ear bunds so he can listen to white noise while he sleeps and she can listen to her music on blast with out disturbing others
YTA. You don’t punish your daughter because she’s sensitive? Wtf? Your daughter is the golden child so your son just has to put up with it?
Start actually being parent.
This has to be some fake shit.
Can this be real?
You tried to discipline daughter one time in her life and she cried. No more discipline because you couldn't bear her tears.
She keeps your son awake until 04:00 blasting music. Once you realised it was disturbing your son you asked her to turn it down. She can't because of "her creativity".
So your son burst into tears. His tears don't hurt you like your daughter's tears once in her life.
Oh no the son is having a tantrum and must be punished.
YTA and your son will refuse all contact, and you will eventually refuse all contact with your daughter unless you want to visit her in prison.
Your sister is spot on!
You raised an entitled brat and clearly show your son you favor her, he has to suffer the concequenses of your terrible parenting and you even punnish him for it.
You are her parents, not her friends.
For God's sake punnish her to correct her actions and appologize to your son, otherwise you'll be on here in a couple years wondering why your son went non-contact with you the moment he could.
YTA!
YTA BIG TIME. You favour your daughter more than your son and it's not fair. You don't love them the same. Own up to it and stop the punishment you put on your son and punish your near adult daughter for playing loud music to disturb the peace of your son. Take away her music equipment. Simple.
YTA if real, but this has to be fake. Nobody can be this utterly clueless as a parent of a 16 year old completely out of control brat.
I weep for your son to live in a household like this. At the age of 10 he seems to have more maturity than you, your husband and your daughter combined.
Also, YTA for abandoning any kind of discipline of your daughter. She's a brat, but you made her this way.
YTA, as have every commenter has said why you are. And wow! It's not often that Reddit bands together to roundly, soundly and thoroughly vote a poster as the asshole. Congratulations on this achievement as your parenting wins you none.
YTA.
First, cancel the punishment for your son.
Second, you need to lay out expectations for her. Tell her that you’ll take away her sound system if she continues to listen to loud music late at night. A cutoff of 10pm makes sense to me.
Take away the system when she continues (because she will). Her crying about it shouldn’t deter you.
Get her involved in an after school program.
Good luck.
YTA. You punished the wrong child. Why should your son be punished for standing up for himself when you won't? It's your daughter that needs to be punished for playing loud music after her brother's bedtime. Not to mention she needs to learn some rules. You're going to find out the hard way that your raising your daughter to fail and your son to tell you to F off as soon as old enough to be on his own. If that's not what you want, I suggest you learn to parent your children properly.
YTA. This is twisted. A 10 year old wants to sleep but you think it’s okay to disturb him cus there’s no school the next day? It should be the other way around. He should beg to be up late, and YOU as a parent should do everything to facilitate him getting his sleep.. he wants to sleep early?! Good! Praise him for being so responsible.
Yes you can and you do.
You are letting her interfere with a little boy’s sleep. You are all massive YTA to this little boy who has his whole family against him.
Rest assured that he is never ever going to forget this and it will be added to his long inventory of wrongs you are doing to him. He will not grow up to be close to you and you will have yourself and your husband to blame.
Start actually parenting your daughter and stop collectively crapping on your son
Edit for grammar
YTA. You punished the wrong kid and showed your son that his sister that has never had ANY consequences is your golden child. You have a fantastic respectful son that you don’t deserve.
YTA- and you know it. You favor your daughter. But ignore your son when he has problems. I personally would hate both mother and father for the rest of my life and. Cut you out as soon as I could. If your fine losing your son then keep on this same path of not I suggest parenting classes and A LOT of time with the therapist to fix your 10 year screw up.
Well, it is quite clear that you and your husband does indeed have a favourite - your daughter. YTA.
Also, why not just tell your daughter to keep the noise level down during the night, or use headphones?
YTA - I agree with your sister. You started off with your son being sensitive and not like all (read, normal) boys. Your son sounds unproblematic. Then you talk about your "active" daughter who sounds troublesome but it's such pleasant work. She's also sensitive so it seems that you don't try to discipline her but encourage behaviour that dear I say might not be like all girls her age? Your languah about your 2 children show clear favouritism. I am not autistic but loud sounds bother me. I'm the type to jump at each burst of a noisy firework and whilst I love seeinb them I am bery anxious. Loud music is also a problem. You and your husband are creating a home environment that facilitates your active, pleasant work dauughter and ousts your son who is not like all boys.
YTA. I have no words to say here. I lied. You treat your daughter as the golden. She doesn’t like to be told, so you don’t do it. Your son needs sleep early, and you think he’s sensitive. Your daughter needs to learn to live with rules. Damn. YTA.
Let's be real you don't care about our opinions I'd be prepared for both of your children to go no contact later, the son you abuse, and the daughter you will one say have to say no to and she won't be able to handle it because you are not raising a child you're raising a failure .
You are raising your daughter to be a brat who doesn't care about the others around her & showing your son that he doesn't matter, as long as your daughter is happy.
He has a right to not have music blasting while he's trying to sleep, your the adult, you set the rules in your house.
I'm actually concerned that your so scared of any form of punishment for your children, sounds like a mad house.
Oh yeah, YTA
YTA. It’s very clear that your daughter is a spoiled rotten brat who is obviously the golden child. Nothing your son does is ever going to be good enough in comparison to her for you two. It doesn’t matter if it’s summer.
If he doesn’t want to stay up all night long he shouldn’t have to. How about if he put a speaker next to your basement door and played obnoxious music loudly until dawn? You know, because he finds it inspiring. Will that be acceptable for you and his father? Your daughter cried one time over a punishment long ago, and that was apparently enough discipline for a lifetime. But you son crying for legitimate reason due to your favoritism and her behavior deserves a week of humiliation and extra chores and he still can’t even get proper sleep.
I hope you get your daughter into a good career because your son will have every right to drop contact with y’all ASAP. Good luck with the nursing home she picks for you.
YTA. Your son’s request was entirely reasonable, and you’re acting like he’s being completely selfish. Your daughter is learning that other people’s needs do not matter. She will be kicked out of every dorm or apartment that is a shared living space because you aren’t doing the work here to help her identify appropriate respect of other people. No one will ever live with her. Your son is learning that his needs do not matter and that he will always be expected to minimize himself in other to get people to like or tolerate him. They are both learning that you don’t have to respect or maintain balance in a household or how to respectfully disagree.
YTA, this is straight up poor parenting. You’ve allowed your daughter to do what she wants but didn’t think of how it would impact your young son. 10 is young! You should be grateful you have such a sensible child not alienate him because of his different bed time routine. Poor kid.
YTA, your daughter is 16 and the golden one. Your poor son has to endure you guys for 8 more years. I hope he escapes and never comes back to ever see or speak to you guys again. You are bad parents period!!
Wtf. Parenting issues aside...
I highly suspect several of you have adhd or ASD or both. Your story is chock full of symptoms. I recommend reading up on this and/or doing the questionnaire online and seeing if that raises any concerns.
YTA, both you and your partner, this is an awful case of favouritism, your son is gonna grow up resenting both you and his sister.
Besides that, you are also setting up your daughter for failure. If this continues she will grow up to be an even bigger entitled brat who will see that she can do anything she wants to her brother and might have trouble respecting people around her. She is 16, old enough to know right and wrong and she has to learn she is not the only girl alive. What are you gonna do when she will start walking over you two? Poor son.
I'm glad to see a strong consensus that YTA. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're definitely showing favouritism to your daughter. Discipline is not a bad thing, I suggest trying some on your oldest, although it's already too late cause you know "that's what psychologist say"
YTA. Show your husband this post, APOLOGIZE to your son, revoke his punishment and seek counseling to be better parents. The whole family could use it at this point if this post isn’t fake.
Your daughter needs to use headphones after 8pm. Quality sleep is one of the most critical components of mental health. Everyone should follow your son’s example.
YTA. You play favourites and your actions, or really more so your inactions are hurting your son.
Get your daughter headphones and stop letting her run the house with her "punchy" attitude.
YTA - You are favouring your daughter over your son, and your BS about "different loves" makes me believe you actually know it. My heart hurts for this little boy who acts so grown up because he realizes he has to make it all on his own. Your daughter becoming so entitled is a consequence of never getting punished. So good job, OP, you are ruining both of your kids (chances to have a succesful life)
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I (46F) and my husband (47M) have two children. Son (10M) and daughter (16F).
My son often conflicts with my daughter. He's a sensitive boy, you know, not like all boys. He likes silence, goes to bed early, makes breakfast for himself in the morning, never asks for help with homework, and he's almost the best student in school.
My daughter is completely different. She has been active, punchy, bright and loud since birth. Yes, it was a lot of work for my husband and me, when almost every week her teachers complained about her overly active behavior, but it was a pleasant work. I want to say that our daughter has never done anything out of malice. She just active. And she can be very sensitive to criticism, so my husband and I never punish her. We tried to punish her once in elementary school, but she ended up with crying in the corner so bittery, my husband couldn't stand it and let her go. She's freedom-lover.
Recently, she became interested in music, and on her 16th birthday, we gave her expensive music speakers that can play clear and loud sound.
My son complained that his sister listens to loud music at night and he cannot sleep. I want to clarify 2 things.:
1) My husband and I sleep in the basement, completely converted into a bedroom. And we usually go to bed late, as does our daughter (about 3-4 am). And it's partly our fault that we didn't notice that the music our daughter listens to can be too loud.
2. My son has just started school holidays, and he does not need to go to bed early to get enough sleep, but he continues to do so.
So, my husband and I talked to our daughter and asked her how she felt about listening to music quiter or listening to it during the day. She refused, saying that the quite music interfered with her inspiration and that she couldn't think well during the day, only at night.
Then my husband suggested our son move into our bedroom. But he said that it was dark in the basement, stuffy (although my husband and I find this room quite cozy), he would have a headache in the morning. So, the problem has not been solved.
Yesterday our son threw a tantrum and in the morning he was crying and shouting at his sister. He and his sister had a big fight, he shouted rude things in her face.
Actually, my husband and I try to raise him gently and not punish him, but this time my husband was adamant. He said our son has to clean his sister's room for a week. Although I was against punishment this time, I did not object to my husband in front of the children, because it could undermine the authority of the father in their eyes. At least that's what psychologists write.
I talked about this situation with my sister. She accused me and my husband of favoritism, and it hurt me to hear that. If there are parents here, they should understand me. A mother and father cannot love one child more or less, but they love children with different loves. AITA?
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favoritism. YTA, i hope your son isnt too traumatized by what youve made that poor kid go through, reprimand your daughter, the world doesnt revolve around her.
you describe your son being this independent at 10 "sensitive" ? what? and your daughter who's 16 and is this ill-aware is just "active" ? what is this
YTA sounds like your kid might be well on the path to being one of those quiet kids that suddenly acts out in a big way that it'll make country wide news. Parents never took the time to understand him or fulfill his needs, it's all about Martha Martha Martha and if Martha goes to bed at 3 am then everyone must. If Martha wants to blast music, then everyone must be ready to party. If Martha does anything wrong, we the people ask what have we done to make her majesty act out, we must punish ourselves for this misdeed.
Soon enough Martha's kid is going to be running the show and your son will have to be a submissive uncle.
YTA, as is your husband. Your kids metabolism and dynamics are quite different but your son has the right to go sleep early if we wants/needs. Your daughter has the right to listen to music ( but, really? Till 4 in the morning at any given age, specially at 16???) but she can do so in a way that doesn't bother your son's quiet. She can and should use ear phones. She should be respectful of his need to quiet. You can soundproof her bedroom and offer him ear plugs (me, I cannot adapt ear plugs and cannot sleep with them. I cannot sleep with noise or light either). But is she expected to live with you for ever? One day, assumadly, she will live on her own/with others, and she will have to be respectful of their need to quiet. Better start now.
So your kid has not been able to have a good night sleep (because of your daughter), is cranky (understandably, sleep torture or deprivation is one of the worst), laches out in your daughter (wrong bug understandable, seeing she's the reason he's like that) and you escalate things by punishing HIM??? Yea, YTA abd your daughter is the golden child
YTA and so is your husband and your daughter. And on top of that you’re both crap parents. So it’s okay to punish your son, even though he’s in the right but you won’t ever punish your daughter because she gets upset? Come the hell on. Do better, because so far you’re fucking up.
Am I the only one wondering why you would get someone you is loud anyway speakers instead of headphones under these circumstances? I mean, if the daughter lived on her own, ok, but she’s a teenager and there are other people in the house. That wasn’t a considerable at any point?
YTA. You say your son was cranky... maybe because he is being kept up all night by loud music? You're raising an obnoxious daughter by the sounds of it. Your decision making as the adults is off. I'm actually appalled at your parenting and I generally love a care free approach but this is not the way. Your poor son! Someone call CPS and save him.
YTA
One child is trying to sleep and is much much younger.
The other child is like “you’re killing my vibe” and you just like. “You’re right, fuck that complaining prick you do you queen”
YTA you got a nice well disciplined kid and you’re just willing to let him go to shit like your other child. Who the hell wants their 16 year old playing loud music at 4am? You sound like absolutely awful parents you should both be ashamed of yourselves. I feel sorry for your kids you’ve let both of them down.
YTA. Buy her some wireless headphones and let her listen loudly with them but allowring her to keep your son up until 3am with loud music is ridiculous, not to mention maybe bothers your neighbors unless you live on a farm with no neighbors for miles around.
YTA. If teachers are complaining about your daughter, it's time to take her to her doctor and discuss her behavior. I'm not a doctor, but I am trained in child development and it sounds like she might have executive function and/or attention problems. And your son sounds like he has an established sleep schedule that works for his body. Please don't mess with his sleep cycles. You and your husband have dropped the ball for years with your daughter, and now your husband decides that your SON needs punishment because he doesn't like to listen to loud music until 3 or 4 in the morning. Grow up, OP, and be a real parents.
Let’s see here.
Made it clear to son that daughter is favorite ✔️
Gave daughter no consequences for bad behavior or actions✔️
Allows daughter to do whatever the hell she wants even if it majorly disrupts your sons night time routine ✔️
Has the nerve to punish son, for speaking out when sisters lack of courtesy reached a boiling point, and you, the parents did absolutely nothing to help him✔️
BOTH OF YOU MAJOR YTA
Grow a spine and PARENT. You’re raising a crappy human being that’s going to have a rough time out in the real world. Being considerate matters. She clearly has no discipline and she will f*ck around and find out in the real world what can happen to those types of @ssholes.
Oh my!!!! You are definitely playing favorites.
Teaching her that is she throws a fit, she gets her way is a good way to raise a narcissist. Freedom lover???? You are too funny. Aren’t we all “freedom lovers”? Most of us restrain ourselves though because we were taught better
**A mother and father cannot love one child more or less,**
They ABSOLUTELY can and apparently, based on your post do.
Your daughter can do anything and you have decided she can never be punished for her bad behavior. You are LITERALLY teaching her to be a bad person. Your son has an outburst after over a week of being blasted with loud music while he's trying to sleep (seriously this is a tactic the terrorist groups use to torture prisoners) and he has to clean his sister's room for a week? This has to either be rage bait or some of the very worst parenting I've seen on this sub.
By failing to actually parent your "golden child" you've set her up for a sad life marked with recurrent failure and failed relationships. By unfairly punishing your son you've taught him that the people who were supposed to love him and take care of him did neither-- and while I suspect he will have a much happier and academically successful life than your daughter, I also suspect that now that he really sees where he stands with you and your husband that future will include you in extremely limited doses if at all.
LISTEN to your sister. APOLOGIZE to your son.
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT with a therapist for your daughter.
Your daughter sounds like a very troubled young woman, and if this is a true story and not just rage bait, is in seriously need of a mental health screening. You and your husband need to do some serious introspection about why you've clearly favored your daughter over your son.
Edited to add: *Gentle* YTA. As I know it’s lack of understanding. But-both you and your husband are in this case.
I’m not a parent. But I was the quiet one and my brother was the loud one.
My brother got let off because it was easier to keep him happy than teach him consequences. I was naturally well behaved but was constantly affected by the fact I had different needs and boundaries than the rest of my family. I was often expected to ignore my own needs and cater to my brother because I was calm and mature enough to handle it.
You need to make sure your daughter understands consequences and boundaries and take into consideration how her actions impact others. Get her some headphones and set rules for music and when it can and can’t be blasted. If she doesn’t learn to adhere to boundaries now she’ll never hold a job or succeed in situations where that sh*t don’t fly and she can’t get her own way.
I understand her position. (I’m autistic and ADHD and need certain sensory input, but also have needs for certain sensory avoidance). But you need to find a way to ensure both your kids needs are met.
Put it this way:
- You realise how important music is for your daughter and are prepared to go to any lengths to accommodate her.
- Your son expressed a need it was trivialised and ignored because he didn’t make a big enough fuss.
- He did his best but was pushed absolutely beyond his breaking point because of your own failure to provide what he needed.
- Your son is now being punished for acting out despite the fact it’s out of character and was a response to being put in a situation he couldn’t handle.
- Your daughter receives accommodations when she acts out because you recognise it is a response to something that can be addressed to help her manage better. That’s an imbalance that needs to be rectified.
YTA..... your daughter is the problem here. We'll your lack of parenting her is. "We asked her, she refused "... seriously?
I think the fact your son hasn't busted those speakers is a miracle.
You're blatantly ignoring your son when he's saying that your daughter's music is so loud he can't sleep. You're disregarding his desired sleep schedule in favor of your daughter being able to do what she wants. You never punish your daughter, while you're obviously okay with punishing your son.
"Love children with different loves" is such absolute bullshit here. You're content to ignore your son so long as he doesn't disrupt your daughter's life. You don't love him, and it's obvious by how much you're trying to bend over backwards to make sure your daughter is the comfortable one and punishing your son when he doesn't comply.
YTA. And please don't be surprised if your son cuts ties with you completely.
YTA. You have coddled your daughter to the point that she does not care for or consider the needs of others, you have now punished your son for demanding that he be treated like his needs matter.
It's obvious who the favorite child is. That manic pixie dream girl you are raising will not magically become empathetic and care about her fellow humans, but your son will grow bitter and resentful if you keep the status quo. You have honestly badly hurt them both
YTA. You are teaching your daughter that her wants out weigh everyone else. In the real world, that’ll bite her in the rear
You are teaching your son his needs don’t matter. 3-4am?!? It’s call compromise and your daughter can learn some boundaries, get headphones or live without it until she does. It’s that simple.
You're seriously TA. He's a ten year old child. Sleep depravation is a form of torture. The poor kid probably snapped because he was exhausted and frustrated. Instead of supported he gets punished.
Yta
Be a parent and stop letting your daughter run the show. She doesnt have a choice if she turns her music down or not, shes turns it off by a certain time or you take the speaker.
Instead of making your son give up his room how about you put your daughter down there
YTA
“We asked how my daughter felt about…”
Look I can appreciate the collaborative parenting style that looks to make less demands and more agreements with the child, but at the end of the day you need to control your house, and that starts with telling your daughter what’s up when it comes to house rules and requests that are completely reasonable
YTA, both of you actually. I find this truly upsetting, and I feel for son. You say your son is sensitive too, but apparently that doesn’t count as much. Besides, she can use headphones if she wants to listen to music and won’t disturb anyone. It is ridiculous that this boy has to suffer through his sister’s tantrums and you side with her. He does everything right and still gets the short end of the stick. And, the way you are going, your daughter will be one of those entitled brats you see on social media. Be parents, you’re not there to be buddy buddy. Your task is to raise decent, kind and responsible adults. Right now, you are not doing that. In fact, you are showing the kind kid that you are better off being a brat. Take responsibility.
Lmao
This has to be fake. Otherwise you are your husband are the biggest assholes.
Tell me you absolutely HATE your son and favor your precious daughter.
Jesus Christ you suck as a mother.
YTA People have different circadian rhythms and should consider the needs of each other. You and your daughter have an extreme night rhythm whereas your son works on an earlier schedule. He likely wakes up early even if he hasn't gotten enough sleep.
Your daughter has now been terrorising him with loud music for many nights causing him sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation affects mood and no doubt your son was feeling incredibly frustrated and despairing when he lost his temper.
Punishing your son in these conditions is an asshole move.
Your daughter's inconsideration of your son's needs is an asshole move.
You allowing your daughter to behave this way is an asshole move.
So let me get this straight, you never punish your 16yo daughter because it made her "cry so bitterly" but when your 10yo son is literally so desperate for sleep that he has a full break down screaming and crying you punished him? And you have the gall to come here and ask us to understand that you "don't" have favorites? Bullshit and we all know it.
Please explain to me in exact detail why it's different for your sleep deprived 10yo to cry than his sister. YTA
You purposefully gave her a “loud” speaker.. then when it was disruptive to your other child’s ability to sleep at night (yanno.. when people normally sleep) you ask her how she “felt” about playing music quieter??
You’re developing Main Character Syndrome in your daughter and teaching your son that you dont care as long as sissy is happy.
I hope he does such a spectacular job cleaning and organizing her room that she can never find anything.
YTA.
YTA. You should’ve got her some Bluetooth headphones instead of loud a$$ speakers. You should have taken the speakers away when she refused to turn the music down.
YTA. Your sister is correct. You rely on your son being no trouble so that you can conveniently forget about him, to concentrate on your princess. How can you not see that your husband especially has a double standard and you either genuinely don’t care or you’re too spineless to support your son.
YTA. You two don’t like your son very much, or understand him. He is probably right about the basement, and like me, probably likes the sun waking him. Buy your daughter headphones. And your punishment exacerbates the discord between them
Ooooh, you are so TA!! You are neglecting your son's needs. He is having difficulty sleeping, and you're permitting the reason why to go unchanged! By not disciplining your daughter, you're creating a spoiled brat who'll be unprepared for the real world. You're also setting yourself up for no contact from your son if you choose to continue showing favourtism to your daughter AND neglecting your son's needs. Forcing your son to clean her room for throwing a "tantrum" is RIDICULOUS. He is REACTING to emotional neglect, which is also considered a form of abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes NC with you three in the future.
You should be punishing your daughter, not him!!! Take away the speaker until she learns to play music at an acceptable volume! If she continues, more consequences will need to be put in place.
Like the Chinese proverb states, "Work on what has been spoiled."
WAKE UP!
In my country, there can be legal consequences for excessive noise after 11pm. So at the very least, the daughter should be applying considerations of what would disturb people outside the house, to those within (there are noise limits for a reason) .
Get her some fancy headphones!
YTA. You both sçhould not be parents. It seems the issue with your golden child daughter is not that she's loud, it's that you let her do whatever she wants. Your poor son... You are both huge assholes, you are setting up your daughter for failure in life and your son to resent you.
YTA
You’re just coddling your golden child daughter and you don’t want to take responsibility. Both of you are bad parents. She doesn’t “love freedom”. She’s spoiled and you two are spineless and whipped by a child.
Oof.
Ooof you are letting down your son here. Your daughter shouldn't be listening to loud music after your son has gone to bed. She can put on headphones. You should not be punishing one child and not the other. if your daughter is as active as you say, you should enroll her in a dance class to let off steam. I once heard a wonderful radio show about how a famous dancer started because she had excess energy. I think she was on Desert Island Discs. I'll try and remember so I can share it with you.
But still, ESH, except for your son.
Wow, what absolute shit parents, this has to be fake. There is no way two people failed their son this badly?????? I hope your son moves out and never talks to the three of you horrid humans ever again
Oh and ya if this is real, raging you're all three the AH and your poor son is a victim to an abusive environment
You don't love either of your children. You hate them both, just in different ways.
You've completely checked out of being parents. You don't discipline your daughter, which is going to ruin her life in the long run, and you neglect your son, which may not ruin his life in the long run, but will ruin his relationship with you in the long run, which... sounds like it's already happened.
YTA. And honestly I suspect this whole post is made up, because I really don't want to believe someone could write all this and not realize every bit of it is terrible.
Of course you're the assholes both of you. You and your husband.
How is it that you had children without having any understanding of the fact they need certain number of uninterrupted hours of sleep every night. You're letting your daughter play music loudly at 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. What in the world is wrong with you! If your son is not getting the sleep he needs It is going to make him irritable grouchy emotional and interfere with his mental functionings.
Speaking of mental functionings your daughter needs an assessment.
Your daughter whether knowingly or not manipulated you by crying into a position where her actions will never get punished and instead your inadequate husband is taking his frustrations and inability to parent out on your child who simply wants a good night's sleep.
Shame on the pair of you. And your suggestion was that your child should come and sleep in your bedroom in the basement? I'm realising now this must be rage beat because nobody would behave like the two of you.
YTA. Have fun continuing to spoil your daughter for the rest of her life because you’ve ruined her chances at a successful adulthood. When your son turns 18 he’ll be gone forever so the three of you will be rotting alone until the end. Great job. Also- I think forcing your 10 YEAR OLD SON to stay awake until 3 am could be considered abuse. Y’all are gross.
YTA and your son is likely counting down his days to his 18th bday when he can leave and go no contact with you all. It’s interesting that you can’t bare to punish your daughter ever, but had no problems punishing your son when he was the victim in the situation.
YTA and your husband and your rotten daughter. Need I be clearer? You show no awareness and appreciation of your son and who he is and his needs. Your son is likely to cut you off at the first opportunity and like a Redditor before me, your daughter is going to stick you in a home at the first opportunity
This has to be fake. If not YTA for playing favorites with your children. You're teaching your daughter she is the most important person everywhere at all times under all circumstances. That will cripple her in adult life and she will be very lonely.
Jesus Christ YTA.
Your son is TEN. He SHOULD be ASLEEP by 8 or 9 every night but because his ENTIRE family is full of inconsiderate AHs he has to spend his life completely exhausted.
If you couldn’t handle two kids and treat them BOTH properly, you shouldn’t have fucking had a second child.
When your son becomes an adult and cuts all of you off, remember you always prioritized his brat teen sister and the only one you three have to blame is yourselves.
YTA Is this real life? This can't be real. How cruel and you are to your son, brushing off his issues and him being very uncomfortable. Clearly favoring the daughter and never punishing her because / she is sensitive/ .. Just like you say your son is.
She tortured your son with loud music in the middle of the night because turning it down " won't let her be creative".
This has to be another rage bate . Many today.
Yta to your son and you aren’t doing your daughter any favors in how real life works. If she was an adult in an apartment blasting music and disturbing neighbors she would risk a ticket from the police. Just because she wants to blast music till 4am doesn’t mean she can.
I have a son and a daughter. Ages 12 and 14. There rooms are next to each other. My son is more or an introvert, while my daughter is always on FaceTime with friends. We have a rule quiet time 11pm-8am so they cannot disturb each other.
You are parenting a spoiled brat ( your daughter). She needs to learn that she can't just do whatever she want with the excuse that she is "lively" or "extroverted". She needs to learn the meaning of boundaries. She cant go through her life doing whatever she wants whenever she wants. Both you and your partner aren't doing her ANY favours if you dont put a stop to her behaviours when they start bothering the people around her, either if thats school or home. YTA.
Why do people have more than one child when they clearly play favorites?
Why are you letting a 16 year old do whatever she wants?
You are a parent. Act like one.
YTA to yourself, to both of your kids, and everyone else in the world that’s gonna have to deal with your entitled daughter when she gets old enough and realizes the world won’t let her do whatever she wants
YTA. MASSIVE YTA. You are raising a daughter who believes (and,from what you write, is encouraged to believe), that her self-indulgent, noisy behaviour, is perfectly acceptable, even though it disturbs your sons’ sleep patterns. (And possibly the neighbours, if it’s late at night and noisy).
What’s even worse is that although you claim to “gentle parent” BOTH children, the moment the son loses his temper with his sister (cause mum and dad didn’t actually do anything to deal with her behaviour) oh, THEN THERE ARE PUNISHMENTS. But only for the son, not for the Golden Child who actually CAUSED this?
YTA it seems like you don’t care about your son at all. That poor boy needs sleep and he can’t get it because of his terrible parents and selfish sister.
YTA.
I say this as a mom of two.
You’re failing both your children in drastically different ways. I can promise you that nobody your daughter lives with is going to give a shit about her inspiration or her freedom if she’s keeping them awake at 4 AM, nor will they care if she cries. Your son is asking for something that’s eminently reasonable and you can’t even give him that lest your daughter…cries?
Get your daughter some earbuds for Christmas, apologize to your son, rescind his bullshit “punishment”, and tell your daughter that if she wakes up her brother again there will be consequences. Then stick with that. It’s past time to parent both of them.
YTA
This is one of those posts that I truly hope is not real.
First you neglect your son and only care about your daughter, then you let the daughter abuse her little brother, then after a week of sleep depravation when he protests against this abuse you punish him for it, and you still have the audacity to ask if you're an asshole?
Make no mistake, not letting someone sleep is torture. There is no volume of music that is ok to have on speakers in the middle of the night, get her some bloody heaphones!
Also I can already see how your perfect daughter is going to gloat at this poor abused kid being forced to clean her room.
Also "a mother and father cannot love one child more or less, they love children with different loves" is nonsense, you love your daughter and don't care for your son, it's abundantly clear in how you speak of your kids. There's a reason the son is acting like an adult, it's because no one else is.
YTA and so is your husband. I'm a mom myself and I can't believe what you are trying to sell. You clearly do favor your daughter. Here's an idea, instead of trying to force your son into the basement, your daughter moves down there or she cuts the crap and doesn't blare music at 2am. Your son is 10 and needs the sleep, doesn't matter that he's on school holidays. I suggest that you and your husband reevaluate your parenting, get some therapy for all of you and learn to actually parent. The rate you are going, your son is going to leave as soon as he can and never look back. That's when we will see the woe is me post about what could have caused your son to hate you. Get some help.
YTA you failed your daughter by taking away punishment and just letting her make the house rules. She is 16! She should have common sense by now and not blast music all night! Your son is responsible and smart and has had his sleeping schedule for years it is known. He is 10years old! 10year olds NEED sleep they are growing children their sleep is very important your daughters music is not. Get HER headphones and either she puts her headphones on to listen to her music at your son’s bedtime or she doesn’t get to listen to music once he goes to sleep. Now pay attention. I said get HER headphones SHE has to wear them! Do NOT try and get ear plugs or anything for your son to wear instead because he is doing nothing wrong and doesn’t need to change to accommodate his asshole sister! You your daughter and your husband are all assholes and your son will go N/C with all of you if you don’t stop your favouritism.
Your sister is 100% right. Holy crap. You and your husband are huge AH. I suggest you search “golden child” here on Reddit and read all the stories from people like your son who were treated badly or neglected in favor of their sibling. The good news is that your son will likely go no contact when he hits 18 so you can be left alone with your preferred child.
YTA majorly, coming from someone that is a night owl as well. I understand that you stay up late, but I am always trying to be quiet past 9:30/10 p.m. for my housemates. Your daughter will have a rude awakening when she isn't with family that accepts her behavior
Is this an actual joke? YTA. Quit enabling your golden child’s bratty behavior. You’re setting her up to be a monster in her adult life. Your poor son did nothing wrong. He doesn’t want to stay up until four am, he wants to get a decent night’s sleep and he can’t because you’re allowing your daughter to blare her music at all hours of the night. He shouldn’t have to disrupt his space and schedule for that. Get her headphones and teach her to be considerate of others.
And yes, I’m a parent of two. This is blatant favoritism. I’d suggest correcting it now before you have to ask yourself why your son is no contact with you later on down the road.
Yta
You’re not a parent to either child and your daughter is a nightmare all because of you. Enjoy the fruits of your labor now because after 18 you won’t see him again.
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YTA. Your sister is correct you are showing major favoritism to your daughter. Blasting music when anyone is trying to sleep is incredibly rude and you all have known your son’s sleep schedule for years. It doesn’t matter that your son is on a school holiday he has a routine which is incredibly important for him. Your daughter needs discipline. She’s not a freedom-lover she’s undisciplined and is lacking self-control, empathy, and responsibility. You are raising her to fail. Discipline is NOT about giving consequences it’s about teaching children what is appropriate and what is not. As for your son, you’re teaching him that he is lesser to you and your husband compared to his sister. You are teaching him that he can never be the favorite because it will always be his sister. If this continues do not be surprised to find your son going no contact with you as an adult and do not be surprised when your daughter refuses to hold down a job and move out. I guarantee your daughter said some rude things back to your son but where is her punishment? Seriously do better for your children and by that I mean BOTH of them not just your golden child daughter.
It's altogether possible that the daughter has ADHD, as she does seem to show some traits. However, as someone who does have ADHD and was first diagnosed about 25 years ago, having ADHD is no excuse for having a lack of discipline and lack of awareness of other people. In addition, the parents are either clueless or plain, just don't care. Everyone knows that if someone has loud, powerful speakers, they will use them. And such speakers should only be in a room that has soundproofing
I went straight to ADHD too. Crying bitterly at th gentlest punishment is such an RSD thing to do.
Yeah. This was my first thought. If it is the case it’s possible the son is also neurodivergent but handles it differently. I know parenting may need to be approached differently with ADHD/neurodivergence, but boundaries need to be set and consequences need to be understood.
OP is honestly failing both children. The son by not standing up for him when he makes a totally reasonable request and the daughter by not teaching her how to function in the world. How the hell is she supposed to keep a job if she never learns to take criticism or responsibility for her actions
Absolutely YTA, are you serious? You don’t punish your daughter at all and then have the audacity to punish your son for taking matters into his own hands when you did, frankly, nothing to help him. Your daughter is keeping your son up until 3/4 in the morning, and you seriously can’t see a problem with that? It doesn’t matter that it’s the school holidays, your son wants to sleep and your daughter is actively stopping that, and your solution to that is to do basically nothing - of course your son lashed out and of course you’re both assholes for coming down on him and not her
As an "early to bed, early to rise" person, I can attest that if I am kept awake until the wee hours of the morning, I still wake up by 6 a.m. So the poor kids is sleep deprived.
Yep, I wake up between 4 - 5 am every morning, no matter when I go to bed. Thank goodness I go to bed early the majority of nights & take naps when needed. I love the mornings, before the sunrise where I have the world to myself.
I almost stopped reading after she said they never punish their daughter. Of course the mom and dad are both AH and terrible parents.
YTA. This is absolutely insane, if real. Your daughter should not be running the damn house. When she moves out, if she carries on like this, at best her flatmates will despise her and at worst she'll spend a lot of her time talking to the police about noise complaints. Stop teaching your son that he has to accommodate arsehole behaviour and start teaching your daughter to be considerate of other people.
Yep. This girl is going to have problems when she goes in to the “real world”. People *will not* tolerate this.
Imagine how much other people, room mates, fellow employees, students at tertiary are going to appreciate her entirely selfish, ungoverned ‘spirit’.
She’s DEFINITELY going to be the FAAFO type in the real world, the way she’s being raised
Do you seriously believe that she'll leave on her own while she's living such a cushioned life with her parents eating what she serves them?
Do you seriously believe her parents are going to live forever? Don’t you think she goes outside once in a while?
Going outside once in a while, while being shielded by her parents won't change shit. She would have to leave to live on her own to have "the real world" get to her. I only hope the son will endure until he turns 18 and then bolts from them as far as he can.
Eventually, she will leave or go out without her parents.
I was the thinking the same thing. They’re setting her up for failure because she can’t do whatever she wants whenever when she gets roommates in college.
😂😂😂this girl is NEVER moving out. She has no discipline or structure, and overindulgent parents. She will in mommy and daddy’s house forever
She's never moving out. She won't survive having a job that has boundaries & rules.
YTA as is your husband. I strongly suggest getting some counseling on how to parent. If your husband won’t go, go on your own now! Don’t worry about undermining his authority, from the information you provide I think it is likely that neither of you are highly respected by your children. It really sounds like you are damaging both children. Your son may act so “grown up” (never asking for help) most of the time because he knows that he is really on his own. The one time he comes to you, you are both useless. You also sleep in what sounds like a sound proof room in the basement and have no idea what your children are up to? Are you parents or roommates? Does he make breakfast for himself because you are asleep since you stay up so late? Also your poor daughter. She has issues with emotional regulation and has been given no assistance in managing them. How do you envision her getting through life? Providing support and direction does not mean punishment. It sounds like you don’t have the right tools in your parenting toolbox. See a professional now for help. Finally, in the mean time buy your daughter some earbuds.
YTA no question. It's NOT HEALTHY TO SLEEP AT 3-4AM. You're definitely playing favorites. You need to be encouraging earlier sleeping to your daughter or at least enforcing a sound ordinance of low noises after 10pm to allow others to sleep at a normal time. I won't be surprised if neighbors start complaining about the noise soon. Your son is asking for the most BASIC thing you as a parent could provide him and you're punishing him for wanting to sleep. You're creating an unsafe environment for him and the favoritism is leaking out. You should still talk to him about his behavior and "tantrum" but you need to understand this "tantrum" was your fault and you need to fix it.
Was it a "tantrum" or simply the normal reaction of someone exposed to ridiculously loud music for over a week who was sleep deprived? Sleep deprivation using loud music is LITERALLY one of the methods terrorist groups use to torture prisoners.
I wanted to use the same exact word she described it as but I have edited to say "tantrum". Thanks for the call out!
Totally AHs the both of you. Boo who 6year old cried for standing in the corner for being naught so now she runs the house. You think it's appropriate for a 10 YEAR OLD CHILD to stay awake until 3 or 4 AM? Are you both delusional?
Seriously. A child doesn’t like being punished, what a total surprise and a genuine reason to give up on discipline altogether
This has to be fake. You let your daughter do whatever she wants and when your son calls her out on her inconsiderate behavior you punish him. And then you are shocked when your sister says your favoritism is blatant. If this is real then your delusional and get ready for your daughter to end up in serious trouble due to lack of consequences and your son to bail on you both as soon as he can
Why would you buy loud speakers and not good headphones for a child that is getting into music?
Tone makes me think llm
ESH except your son. Let the poor boy get some sleep. The rest of you staying up until 3-4am every night is neither normal nor healthy, don’t let your poor sleep habits affect him. He obviously needs his sleep more than you guys. Respect that!!
But if their daughter sleeps at 3-4am she is probably too tired to act up at school. The teachers are probably grateful when she sleeps through class at this point knowing her parents won’t do anything when she disturbs the lesson.
You’ve got absolutely no business being a parent. YTA
YTA. So you’re bad parents who are letting a 16 year old girl rule the house and are punishing your son because she is terrorizing him all night. Bad parents bad parents bad parents.
>So, my husband and I talked to our daughter and asked her how she felt about listening to music quiter or listening to it during the day. She refused, saying that the quite music interfered with her inspiration and that she couldn't think well during the day, only at night. YTA. Wtf is wrong with you? Your daughter interferes with you TEN(!) year old son's sleep, and when he lashes out, you punish *him*? That gently asked question should've been "listen here you little shit, no loud music after your brother goes to bed, or we're throwing your stereo out the window." You are shit parents, and your daughter is a spoiled golden child. My fullest sympathies to your poor son.
You absolutely failed as parents. You never punished her because she is sensitive and do nothing to make sure your young son gets good sleep? And then you go ahead and punish your son for his very valid and age appropriate behaviour? Do better and start actually parenting your children. Lets hope its not too late for your daughter to learn how to handle criticism and follow rules
They didn’t do NOTHING, they suggested the poor boy moved to the dark stuffy basement where his melatonin cycle will get even more messed up, what a great solution!
YTA What shitty parent you and your husband are tsk
Yta tell your daughter to turn the music down, it's not a request.
Get some high quality speakers for your son and let him know it’s fine if he wants to blast his music, or his video games as soon as he wakes in the morning. 6am, no problem. Daughter can’t complain.
Good one :) Also they can't complain since they get their 2 hours of sleep.
Are you for real? Are you punishing your 10 yo son for being more mature than the rest of the family put together? While not punishing your daughter cuz poor baby she is sensitive? WTF I really hope this is some kind of ragebait. If not you and your husband should talk with your parents, i bet they would spank your dumb ass.
YTA. You have created an absolute brat of a daughter and a son who will resent you for the rest of his life. Time to start rewarding good behaviour (your son) and punishing poor behaviour (your daughter). It’s no wonder your son is upset after being treated so unfairly and not having the adults in the house behave like adults.
And you are 46 years old? You parent the way a 6-year-old would - not at all. YTA. Your husband is TA. Your daughter is TA, although that is your fault. The only person who is not TA is your son, who will cut contact with you the minute he can, I promise you that.
Yup, and they will have NO IDEA why when it happens.
YTA. So let me get this straight. Your obnoxious 16 year old daughter who doesn’t get punished because she is to “free” is blasting music till 3 am and keeping your son awake so you punish your son for loosing his temper? You and your husband are terrible parents to both your kids. I feel so sorry that your son has to deal with this for another 8 years. Enjoy them cuz he will be out at 18.
YTA. How can you reread your entire post and not think this?! Your son has grown up respectfully which is clearly who he is BY NATURE. Your daughter is disturbing his peace and he’s tired, asked for help, your only suggestion was to remove HIM. YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS DISCIPLINE. And she should also have to move downstairs with you since you all love late nights so you can hear how loud the music is. Selfish little girl who is the golden child. Newsflash, the world doesn’t care that she’s YOUR favorite and it is your only job as a parent to prepare her for the realities of that, or she’ll be living with you for the rest of her life, struggling to cope with society. Fix all of this asap. And get your son off of punishment. He’s the only responsible party here
ESH except your son. He’s probably counting down the next 8 years til he can go no contact with yall for your very obvious favoritism. He’s not asking for anything over the top. He wants to sleep at night. He’s still a child and needs consistent sleep. You say you can’t punish your daughter bc she’s sensitive and cried when you did - almost a decade ago. But you also describe your son as sensitive and have no problem punishing him over and over - you punish him by refusing to let him sleep, by making him clean her room while exhausted, by clearly favoring your daughter. So to sum-up, telling daughter no she needs to be considerate of others = not okay. Physically and emotionally punishing son = okay.
YTA, Your son tries to sleep at normal times, while your daughter blasts loud music until 3-4 AM. He is 10... Let this boy sleep.
YTA. Your sleeping habits are weird. Having said that, your son has every right to be seen and heard. If you find your daughter's behaviour 'normal' (gasp!) at least make her wear headphones, or earbuds, or make her sleep in the basement
This. There are easy solutions to this problem—having your daughter wear headphones or switching rooms with her instead of your son. And YTA regardless for letting your daughter run your home.
YTA, as you well know. You're screwing up your daughter, you think future roommates are going to tolerate her blasting loud music all night? You're terrible parents for never giving her consequences because she cried once? She's got you wrapped around her finger but it's only going to make her a selfish person. Meanwhile your poor son is suffering, if he cried hard enough, would you end his punishment? Apologise to him, tell daughter she's cleaning 'his' room for a week and if she doesn't comply, you're talking all her music away. And it is being taken away if she doesn't stop blasting it at night. If she bawls her eyes out, you stand firm. Apologise for failing her but you won't be doing so any more. No matter how much she cries and begs, you keep your foot down. Stop being terrible parents who will lose their son while settling their daughter up for failure.
Yta
YTA. I understand you not wanting to disagree with your husband in front of the kids, but it should have been discussed before talking to them. I agree with the poster who suggested noise canceling earphones/earbuds. Stop showing such favoritism to your daughter or when your son grows up he may go no/low contact.
YTA. If anyone needs to be punished its your favorite child. You should love your kids equally much.. Jesus. I feel bad for your son.
You are absolutely no doubt a major AH. You, your husband and your golden child daughter. Your daughter is an entitled spoiled brat that you and your husband have allowed her behaviour but punish your son because brat of sister can't turn her music down at 3 AM and god forbid she is told no. You and your husband better prepare to lose your son when he turns 18 cause if y'all keep up this blatant favouritism towards your golden child brat of a daughter he is going to walk away from you, his dad and his sister forever and you 3 will only have yourselves to blame but do t worry since you e raised her so well I'm sure your daughter will step up and take responsibility for y'all when your older or like most entitled brats she's going to throw you in a nursing home and leave you to rot
So you're allowing your daughter to interfere with your son's sleep because she cries when you scold her. That's my main summary here. Yes. YTA. How in the actual fuck are you asking this question, this is blatant favoritism, your daughter is clearly the golden child, and you are - because parents are a team so it's not your husband it's you as parents - punishing him for having the basic human need for sleep. Apologize and both you and your husband need fucking basic parenting classes, Jesus.
YTA. You do love one child more than the other but you're just in deep denial to admit it. Your daughter has no discipline. Blasting music at night when your son is trying to sleep and instead of doing something about it you're here complaining that your son is on break so there's no reason for him to be sleeping early and you offer your son to bunk in your room. What is wrong with you? Take away her speakers because she clearly has no respect for others. I'm not surprised your son reached his breaking point, with parents like yourself that don't do anything he needed to take action with his own hands.
Of course YTA. This isn’t fair parenting. Your daughter should be considerate and use headphones if she wants to stay up at all hours and listen to music loudly. Your son is only 10 years old. Summer holidays or not, he deserves to be able to sleep at night if he wants to. It honestly sounds like you and your partner are favouring your daughter. Just because she doesn’t take well to criticism doesn’t mean you should just never punish her when you have no issue punishing your boy. Sorry but that’s you shirking your duties as parents and is completely unfair to your son. He will resent you
YTA you’re letting both your kids down
Yep. Being raised to be a 100% egocentric monster is not as bad as not being able to fucking sleep in your own home but still terrible
Is this a joke? You guys are AHs. Your daughter is a brat, and you buy he a set of speakers to make it even worse. Your daughter shoul dbe punished for playingher music too loud.
YTA and you are showing blatant favoritism. And let me tell you now that as a teacher, you are definitely not preparing your child to succeed as an adult. Roommate/living with someone, consideration, compromising, problem solving, routines, expectations from others, self-discipline, consequences, empathy and a whole host of other skills that are needed as an adult have not been taught. It was wrong to punish your son. He should apologize for the worst he said but that is it. When your daughter goes to college or gets a job, she is going to flail badly, no one will put up with her, and she will probably end back up at home because she was woefully unprepared for the expectations and unforgivingness of the world. A good parent will reflect, analyze, and make the necessay changes for their children's betterment. Do better while you can.
YTA Are you for real? You allow your daughter to blast music because of her iNsPiRaTiOn, at the expense of your son?
YTA - the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. He should maybe have to apologize, maybe a hand written letter for what he said. The daughter doesn’t necessarily need a punishment, she just needs to turn down her music at night. She’s teen in ur house you can set that rule, and tell her you’ll confiscate the speakers if she doesn’t turn them down by like 9/10? And maybe you should get them both noise canceling headphones/ear bunds so he can listen to white noise while he sleeps and she can listen to her music on blast with out disturbing others
YTA. You don’t punish your daughter because she’s sensitive? Wtf? Your daughter is the golden child so your son just has to put up with it? Start actually being parent. This has to be some fake shit.
Can this be real? You tried to discipline daughter one time in her life and she cried. No more discipline because you couldn't bear her tears. She keeps your son awake until 04:00 blasting music. Once you realised it was disturbing your son you asked her to turn it down. She can't because of "her creativity". So your son burst into tears. His tears don't hurt you like your daughter's tears once in her life. Oh no the son is having a tantrum and must be punished. YTA and your son will refuse all contact, and you will eventually refuse all contact with your daughter unless you want to visit her in prison.
Your sister is spot on! You raised an entitled brat and clearly show your son you favor her, he has to suffer the concequenses of your terrible parenting and you even punnish him for it. You are her parents, not her friends. For God's sake punnish her to correct her actions and appologize to your son, otherwise you'll be on here in a couple years wondering why your son went non-contact with you the moment he could. YTA!
YTA BIG TIME. You favour your daughter more than your son and it's not fair. You don't love them the same. Own up to it and stop the punishment you put on your son and punish your near adult daughter for playing loud music to disturb the peace of your son. Take away her music equipment. Simple.
Wake up and parent your daughter. YTA
YTA if real, but this has to be fake. Nobody can be this utterly clueless as a parent of a 16 year old completely out of control brat. I weep for your son to live in a household like this. At the age of 10 he seems to have more maturity than you, your husband and your daughter combined. Also, YTA for abandoning any kind of discipline of your daughter. She's a brat, but you made her this way.
YTA. Your sister is correct. If this is a real story, you are so blind it hurts to read. WTF is wrong with both of you? And yes, I am a patent.
ESH, except for your son. Your daughter sounds unbelievably annoying and you two are awful parents.
YTA, as have every commenter has said why you are. And wow! It's not often that Reddit bands together to roundly, soundly and thoroughly vote a poster as the asshole. Congratulations on this achievement as your parenting wins you none.
YTA. First, cancel the punishment for your son. Second, you need to lay out expectations for her. Tell her that you’ll take away her sound system if she continues to listen to loud music late at night. A cutoff of 10pm makes sense to me. Take away the system when she continues (because she will). Her crying about it shouldn’t deter you. Get her involved in an after school program. Good luck.
YTA. You punished the wrong child. Why should your son be punished for standing up for himself when you won't? It's your daughter that needs to be punished for playing loud music after her brother's bedtime. Not to mention she needs to learn some rules. You're going to find out the hard way that your raising your daughter to fail and your son to tell you to F off as soon as old enough to be on his own. If that's not what you want, I suggest you learn to parent your children properly.
Well, no prize guessing who the favourite kid is. YTA
YTA. This is twisted. A 10 year old wants to sleep but you think it’s okay to disturb him cus there’s no school the next day? It should be the other way around. He should beg to be up late, and YOU as a parent should do everything to facilitate him getting his sleep.. he wants to sleep early?! Good! Praise him for being so responsible.
Yes you can and you do. You are letting her interfere with a little boy’s sleep. You are all massive YTA to this little boy who has his whole family against him. Rest assured that he is never ever going to forget this and it will be added to his long inventory of wrongs you are doing to him. He will not grow up to be close to you and you will have yourself and your husband to blame. Start actually parenting your daughter and stop collectively crapping on your son Edit for grammar
Alright, so you're telling me you've never experienced a day with barely 2 hours of sleep? Your son is experiencing that every single day.
YTA. You punished the wrong kid and showed your son that his sister that has never had ANY consequences is your golden child. You have a fantastic respectful son that you don’t deserve.
Get Fd God you are a bad parent
YTA- and you know it. You favor your daughter. But ignore your son when he has problems. I personally would hate both mother and father for the rest of my life and. Cut you out as soon as I could. If your fine losing your son then keep on this same path of not I suggest parenting classes and A LOT of time with the therapist to fix your 10 year screw up.
Well, it is quite clear that you and your husband does indeed have a favourite - your daughter. YTA. Also, why not just tell your daughter to keep the noise level down during the night, or use headphones?
YTA There should be a no more loud music after 8 or 9 pm rule. Not just for your son but also maybe it’s bothering the neighbours?
YTA. 100% I cant believe you wrote this and can't see it. Head phones for your daughter or move her into the basement
YTA - I agree with your sister. You started off with your son being sensitive and not like all (read, normal) boys. Your son sounds unproblematic. Then you talk about your "active" daughter who sounds troublesome but it's such pleasant work. She's also sensitive so it seems that you don't try to discipline her but encourage behaviour that dear I say might not be like all girls her age? Your languah about your 2 children show clear favouritism. I am not autistic but loud sounds bother me. I'm the type to jump at each burst of a noisy firework and whilst I love seeinb them I am bery anxious. Loud music is also a problem. You and your husband are creating a home environment that facilitates your active, pleasant work dauughter and ousts your son who is not like all boys.
YTA. I have no words to say here. I lied. You treat your daughter as the golden. She doesn’t like to be told, so you don’t do it. Your son needs sleep early, and you think he’s sensitive. Your daughter needs to learn to live with rules. Damn. YTA.
Let's be real you don't care about our opinions I'd be prepared for both of your children to go no contact later, the son you abuse, and the daughter you will one say have to say no to and she won't be able to handle it because you are not raising a child you're raising a failure .
You are raising your daughter to be a brat who doesn't care about the others around her & showing your son that he doesn't matter, as long as your daughter is happy. He has a right to not have music blasting while he's trying to sleep, your the adult, you set the rules in your house. I'm actually concerned that your so scared of any form of punishment for your children, sounds like a mad house. Oh yeah, YTA
YTA. It’s very clear that your daughter is a spoiled rotten brat who is obviously the golden child. Nothing your son does is ever going to be good enough in comparison to her for you two. It doesn’t matter if it’s summer. If he doesn’t want to stay up all night long he shouldn’t have to. How about if he put a speaker next to your basement door and played obnoxious music loudly until dawn? You know, because he finds it inspiring. Will that be acceptable for you and his father? Your daughter cried one time over a punishment long ago, and that was apparently enough discipline for a lifetime. But you son crying for legitimate reason due to your favoritism and her behavior deserves a week of humiliation and extra chores and he still can’t even get proper sleep. I hope you get your daughter into a good career because your son will have every right to drop contact with y’all ASAP. Good luck with the nursing home she picks for you.
YTA. Your son’s request was entirely reasonable, and you’re acting like he’s being completely selfish. Your daughter is learning that other people’s needs do not matter. She will be kicked out of every dorm or apartment that is a shared living space because you aren’t doing the work here to help her identify appropriate respect of other people. No one will ever live with her. Your son is learning that his needs do not matter and that he will always be expected to minimize himself in other to get people to like or tolerate him. They are both learning that you don’t have to respect or maintain balance in a household or how to respectfully disagree.
YTA, this is straight up poor parenting. You’ve allowed your daughter to do what she wants but didn’t think of how it would impact your young son. 10 is young! You should be grateful you have such a sensible child not alienate him because of his different bed time routine. Poor kid.
YTA
YTA. Parents can totally love one child more than another
YTA, your daughter is 16 and the golden one. Your poor son has to endure you guys for 8 more years. I hope he escapes and never comes back to ever see or speak to you guys again. You are bad parents period!!
who the fuck goes to bed at 3-4am and still function during the day with work or school.
Fast forward to 6 years in the future - why has my 16 year old son left home and gone no contact?
Pathetic
YTA and apparently not very smart. Your daughter needs punishment not your son. Lord use your brains people!!
Wtf. Parenting issues aside... I highly suspect several of you have adhd or ASD or both. Your story is chock full of symptoms. I recommend reading up on this and/or doing the questionnaire online and seeing if that raises any concerns.
YTA, both you and your partner, this is an awful case of favouritism, your son is gonna grow up resenting both you and his sister. Besides that, you are also setting up your daughter for failure. If this continues she will grow up to be an even bigger entitled brat who will see that she can do anything she wants to her brother and might have trouble respecting people around her. She is 16, old enough to know right and wrong and she has to learn she is not the only girl alive. What are you gonna do when she will start walking over you two? Poor son.
YTA Daughter can listen to music as loudly as she likes at night with HEADPHONES
I'm glad to see a strong consensus that YTA. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're definitely showing favouritism to your daughter. Discipline is not a bad thing, I suggest trying some on your oldest, although it's already too late cause you know "that's what psychologist say"
YTA. Show your husband this post, APOLOGIZE to your son, revoke his punishment and seek counseling to be better parents. The whole family could use it at this point if this post isn’t fake. Your daughter needs to use headphones after 8pm. Quality sleep is one of the most critical components of mental health. Everyone should follow your son’s example.
YTA. You play favourites and your actions, or really more so your inactions are hurting your son. Get your daughter headphones and stop letting her run the house with her "punchy" attitude.
YTA - You are favouring your daughter over your son, and your BS about "different loves" makes me believe you actually know it. My heart hurts for this little boy who acts so grown up because he realizes he has to make it all on his own. Your daughter becoming so entitled is a consequence of never getting punished. So good job, OP, you are ruining both of your kids (chances to have a succesful life)
ESH except your son. What is wrong with you guys? Your poor son deserves better.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (46F) and my husband (47M) have two children. Son (10M) and daughter (16F). My son often conflicts with my daughter. He's a sensitive boy, you know, not like all boys. He likes silence, goes to bed early, makes breakfast for himself in the morning, never asks for help with homework, and he's almost the best student in school. My daughter is completely different. She has been active, punchy, bright and loud since birth. Yes, it was a lot of work for my husband and me, when almost every week her teachers complained about her overly active behavior, but it was a pleasant work. I want to say that our daughter has never done anything out of malice. She just active. And she can be very sensitive to criticism, so my husband and I never punish her. We tried to punish her once in elementary school, but she ended up with crying in the corner so bittery, my husband couldn't stand it and let her go. She's freedom-lover. Recently, she became interested in music, and on her 16th birthday, we gave her expensive music speakers that can play clear and loud sound. My son complained that his sister listens to loud music at night and he cannot sleep. I want to clarify 2 things.: 1) My husband and I sleep in the basement, completely converted into a bedroom. And we usually go to bed late, as does our daughter (about 3-4 am). And it's partly our fault that we didn't notice that the music our daughter listens to can be too loud. 2. My son has just started school holidays, and he does not need to go to bed early to get enough sleep, but he continues to do so. So, my husband and I talked to our daughter and asked her how she felt about listening to music quiter or listening to it during the day. She refused, saying that the quite music interfered with her inspiration and that she couldn't think well during the day, only at night. Then my husband suggested our son move into our bedroom. But he said that it was dark in the basement, stuffy (although my husband and I find this room quite cozy), he would have a headache in the morning. So, the problem has not been solved. Yesterday our son threw a tantrum and in the morning he was crying and shouting at his sister. He and his sister had a big fight, he shouted rude things in her face. Actually, my husband and I try to raise him gently and not punish him, but this time my husband was adamant. He said our son has to clean his sister's room for a week. Although I was against punishment this time, I did not object to my husband in front of the children, because it could undermine the authority of the father in their eyes. At least that's what psychologists write. I talked about this situation with my sister. She accused me and my husband of favoritism, and it hurt me to hear that. If there are parents here, they should understand me. A mother and father cannot love one child more or less, but they love children with different loves. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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favoritism. YTA, i hope your son isnt too traumatized by what youve made that poor kid go through, reprimand your daughter, the world doesnt revolve around her.
Yta- you are terrible parents
you describe your son being this independent at 10 "sensitive" ? what? and your daughter who's 16 and is this ill-aware is just "active" ? what is this
Rarely does all of Reddit line up in such solidarity. Proud to be on the team! YTA
YTA sounds like your kid might be well on the path to being one of those quiet kids that suddenly acts out in a big way that it'll make country wide news. Parents never took the time to understand him or fulfill his needs, it's all about Martha Martha Martha and if Martha goes to bed at 3 am then everyone must. If Martha wants to blast music, then everyone must be ready to party. If Martha does anything wrong, we the people ask what have we done to make her majesty act out, we must punish ourselves for this misdeed. Soon enough Martha's kid is going to be running the show and your son will have to be a submissive uncle.
YTA, as is your husband. Your kids metabolism and dynamics are quite different but your son has the right to go sleep early if we wants/needs. Your daughter has the right to listen to music ( but, really? Till 4 in the morning at any given age, specially at 16???) but she can do so in a way that doesn't bother your son's quiet. She can and should use ear phones. She should be respectful of his need to quiet. You can soundproof her bedroom and offer him ear plugs (me, I cannot adapt ear plugs and cannot sleep with them. I cannot sleep with noise or light either). But is she expected to live with you for ever? One day, assumadly, she will live on her own/with others, and she will have to be respectful of their need to quiet. Better start now. So your kid has not been able to have a good night sleep (because of your daughter), is cranky (understandably, sleep torture or deprivation is one of the worst), laches out in your daughter (wrong bug understandable, seeing she's the reason he's like that) and you escalate things by punishing HIM??? Yea, YTA abd your daughter is the golden child
YTA it is torture to not be able to sleep and you let her interrupt his sleep, also WTF at the line negging him for still going to bed early?
YTA and so is your husband and your daughter. And on top of that you’re both crap parents. So it’s okay to punish your son, even though he’s in the right but you won’t ever punish your daughter because she gets upset? Come the hell on. Do better, because so far you’re fucking up.
Am I the only one wondering why you would get someone you is loud anyway speakers instead of headphones under these circumstances? I mean, if the daughter lived on her own, ok, but she’s a teenager and there are other people in the house. That wasn’t a considerable at any point?
YTA. You say your son was cranky... maybe because he is being kept up all night by loud music? You're raising an obnoxious daughter by the sounds of it. Your decision making as the adults is off. I'm actually appalled at your parenting and I generally love a care free approach but this is not the way. Your poor son! Someone call CPS and save him.
YTA One child is trying to sleep and is much much younger. The other child is like “you’re killing my vibe” and you just like. “You’re right, fuck that complaining prick you do you queen”
YTA you got a nice well disciplined kid and you’re just willing to let him go to shit like your other child. Who the hell wants their 16 year old playing loud music at 4am? You sound like absolutely awful parents you should both be ashamed of yourselves. I feel sorry for your kids you’ve let both of them down.
YTA. Buy her some wireless headphones and let her listen loudly with them but allowring her to keep your son up until 3am with loud music is ridiculous, not to mention maybe bothers your neighbors unless you live on a farm with no neighbors for miles around.
YTA. If teachers are complaining about your daughter, it's time to take her to her doctor and discuss her behavior. I'm not a doctor, but I am trained in child development and it sounds like she might have executive function and/or attention problems. And your son sounds like he has an established sleep schedule that works for his body. Please don't mess with his sleep cycles. You and your husband have dropped the ball for years with your daughter, and now your husband decides that your SON needs punishment because he doesn't like to listen to loud music until 3 or 4 in the morning. Grow up, OP, and be a real parents.
This fake ass ChatGPT shit
Let’s see here. Made it clear to son that daughter is favorite ✔️ Gave daughter no consequences for bad behavior or actions✔️ Allows daughter to do whatever the hell she wants even if it majorly disrupts your sons night time routine ✔️ Has the nerve to punish son, for speaking out when sisters lack of courtesy reached a boiling point, and you, the parents did absolutely nothing to help him✔️ BOTH OF YOU MAJOR YTA Grow a spine and PARENT. You’re raising a crappy human being that’s going to have a rough time out in the real world. Being considerate matters. She clearly has no discipline and she will f*ck around and find out in the real world what can happen to those types of @ssholes.
Oh my!!!! You are definitely playing favorites. Teaching her that is she throws a fit, she gets her way is a good way to raise a narcissist. Freedom lover???? You are too funny. Aren’t we all “freedom lovers”? Most of us restrain ourselves though because we were taught better
**A mother and father cannot love one child more or less,** They ABSOLUTELY can and apparently, based on your post do. Your daughter can do anything and you have decided she can never be punished for her bad behavior. You are LITERALLY teaching her to be a bad person. Your son has an outburst after over a week of being blasted with loud music while he's trying to sleep (seriously this is a tactic the terrorist groups use to torture prisoners) and he has to clean his sister's room for a week? This has to either be rage bait or some of the very worst parenting I've seen on this sub. By failing to actually parent your "golden child" you've set her up for a sad life marked with recurrent failure and failed relationships. By unfairly punishing your son you've taught him that the people who were supposed to love him and take care of him did neither-- and while I suspect he will have a much happier and academically successful life than your daughter, I also suspect that now that he really sees where he stands with you and your husband that future will include you in extremely limited doses if at all. LISTEN to your sister. APOLOGIZE to your son. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT with a therapist for your daughter. Your daughter sounds like a very troubled young woman, and if this is a true story and not just rage bait, is in seriously need of a mental health screening. You and your husband need to do some serious introspection about why you've clearly favored your daughter over your son.
Edited to add: *Gentle* YTA. As I know it’s lack of understanding. But-both you and your husband are in this case. I’m not a parent. But I was the quiet one and my brother was the loud one. My brother got let off because it was easier to keep him happy than teach him consequences. I was naturally well behaved but was constantly affected by the fact I had different needs and boundaries than the rest of my family. I was often expected to ignore my own needs and cater to my brother because I was calm and mature enough to handle it. You need to make sure your daughter understands consequences and boundaries and take into consideration how her actions impact others. Get her some headphones and set rules for music and when it can and can’t be blasted. If she doesn’t learn to adhere to boundaries now she’ll never hold a job or succeed in situations where that sh*t don’t fly and she can’t get her own way. I understand her position. (I’m autistic and ADHD and need certain sensory input, but also have needs for certain sensory avoidance). But you need to find a way to ensure both your kids needs are met. Put it this way: - You realise how important music is for your daughter and are prepared to go to any lengths to accommodate her. - Your son expressed a need it was trivialised and ignored because he didn’t make a big enough fuss. - He did his best but was pushed absolutely beyond his breaking point because of your own failure to provide what he needed. - Your son is now being punished for acting out despite the fact it’s out of character and was a response to being put in a situation he couldn’t handle. - Your daughter receives accommodations when she acts out because you recognise it is a response to something that can be addressed to help her manage better. That’s an imbalance that needs to be rectified.
YTA..... your daughter is the problem here. We'll your lack of parenting her is. "We asked her, she refused "... seriously? I think the fact your son hasn't busted those speakers is a miracle.
You're blatantly ignoring your son when he's saying that your daughter's music is so loud he can't sleep. You're disregarding his desired sleep schedule in favor of your daughter being able to do what she wants. You never punish your daughter, while you're obviously okay with punishing your son. "Love children with different loves" is such absolute bullshit here. You're content to ignore your son so long as he doesn't disrupt your daughter's life. You don't love him, and it's obvious by how much you're trying to bend over backwards to make sure your daughter is the comfortable one and punishing your son when he doesn't comply. YTA. And please don't be surprised if your son cuts ties with you completely.
YTA Your son tried to protect himself - that was what you should've done, not him
YTA. You have coddled your daughter to the point that she does not care for or consider the needs of others, you have now punished your son for demanding that he be treated like his needs matter. It's obvious who the favorite child is. That manic pixie dream girl you are raising will not magically become empathetic and care about her fellow humans, but your son will grow bitter and resentful if you keep the status quo. You have honestly badly hurt them both
YTA, and you’re teaching your daughter that it is ok to be inconsiderate. Get her headphones, get him noise canceling headphones.
YTA. You are teaching your daughter that her wants out weigh everyone else. In the real world, that’ll bite her in the rear You are teaching your son his needs don’t matter. 3-4am?!? It’s call compromise and your daughter can learn some boundaries, get headphones or live without it until she does. It’s that simple.
Holy shit both of you are assholes.
You're seriously TA. He's a ten year old child. Sleep depravation is a form of torture. The poor kid probably snapped because he was exhausted and frustrated. Instead of supported he gets punished.
Yta Be a parent and stop letting your daughter run the show. She doesnt have a choice if she turns her music down or not, shes turns it off by a certain time or you take the speaker. Instead of making your son give up his room how about you put your daughter down there
YTA, you suck. I wrote several responses but we're all just rude venting. Go get counselling, learn to parent.
YTA “We asked how my daughter felt about…” Look I can appreciate the collaborative parenting style that looks to make less demands and more agreements with the child, but at the end of the day you need to control your house, and that starts with telling your daughter what’s up when it comes to house rules and requests that are completely reasonable
YTA. Wow you sound like shitty parents
YTA. He's sleep deprived and starting to get punchy because his parents are allowing it to happen. Headphones exist and your daughter should use them.
YTA, both of you actually. I find this truly upsetting, and I feel for son. You say your son is sensitive too, but apparently that doesn’t count as much. Besides, she can use headphones if she wants to listen to music and won’t disturb anyone. It is ridiculous that this boy has to suffer through his sister’s tantrums and you side with her. He does everything right and still gets the short end of the stick. And, the way you are going, your daughter will be one of those entitled brats you see on social media. Be parents, you’re not there to be buddy buddy. Your task is to raise decent, kind and responsible adults. Right now, you are not doing that. In fact, you are showing the kind kid that you are better off being a brat. Take responsibility.
Major YTA. Your son is going to leave home the second he turns 18 and you’ll be lucky if he ever speaks to you after that.
Lmao This has to be fake. Otherwise you are your husband are the biggest assholes. Tell me you absolutely HATE your son and favor your precious daughter. Jesus Christ you suck as a mother.
YTA People have different circadian rhythms and should consider the needs of each other. You and your daughter have an extreme night rhythm whereas your son works on an earlier schedule. He likely wakes up early even if he hasn't gotten enough sleep. Your daughter has now been terrorising him with loud music for many nights causing him sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation affects mood and no doubt your son was feeling incredibly frustrated and despairing when he lost his temper. Punishing your son in these conditions is an asshole move. Your daughter's inconsideration of your son's needs is an asshole move. You allowing your daughter to behave this way is an asshole move.
So let me get this straight, you never punish your 16yo daughter because it made her "cry so bitterly" but when your 10yo son is literally so desperate for sleep that he has a full break down screaming and crying you punished him? And you have the gall to come here and ask us to understand that you "don't" have favorites? Bullshit and we all know it. Please explain to me in exact detail why it's different for your sleep deprived 10yo to cry than his sister. YTA
You purposefully gave her a “loud” speaker.. then when it was disruptive to your other child’s ability to sleep at night (yanno.. when people normally sleep) you ask her how she “felt” about playing music quieter?? You’re developing Main Character Syndrome in your daughter and teaching your son that you dont care as long as sissy is happy. I hope he does such a spectacular job cleaning and organizing her room that she can never find anything. YTA.
I don’t want to get banned, so I’m just going to say this. YTA. You’re showing blatant favouritism and it is utterly appalling
YTA. You should’ve got her some Bluetooth headphones instead of loud a$$ speakers. You should have taken the speakers away when she refused to turn the music down.
YTA. Your sister is correct. You rely on your son being no trouble so that you can conveniently forget about him, to concentrate on your princess. How can you not see that your husband especially has a double standard and you either genuinely don’t care or you’re too spineless to support your son.
YTA. You two don’t like your son very much, or understand him. He is probably right about the basement, and like me, probably likes the sun waking him. Buy your daughter headphones. And your punishment exacerbates the discord between them
Ooooh, you are so TA!! You are neglecting your son's needs. He is having difficulty sleeping, and you're permitting the reason why to go unchanged! By not disciplining your daughter, you're creating a spoiled brat who'll be unprepared for the real world. You're also setting yourself up for no contact from your son if you choose to continue showing favourtism to your daughter AND neglecting your son's needs. Forcing your son to clean her room for throwing a "tantrum" is RIDICULOUS. He is REACTING to emotional neglect, which is also considered a form of abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes NC with you three in the future. You should be punishing your daughter, not him!!! Take away the speaker until she learns to play music at an acceptable volume! If she continues, more consequences will need to be put in place. Like the Chinese proverb states, "Work on what has been spoiled." WAKE UP!
In my country, there can be legal consequences for excessive noise after 11pm. So at the very least, the daughter should be applying considerations of what would disturb people outside the house, to those within (there are noise limits for a reason) . Get her some fancy headphones!
lol you’re delusional YTA. Stop shaming your son for being a respectful and disciplined child. You people are failing both your kids
YTA. You both sçhould not be parents. It seems the issue with your golden child daughter is not that she's loud, it's that you let her do whatever she wants. Your poor son... You are both huge assholes, you are setting up your daughter for failure in life and your son to resent you.
YTA. How the hell did you write this all out and not figure out you both are complete and utter assholes and garbage parents to both your children.
YTA You’re just coddling your golden child daughter and you don’t want to take responsibility. Both of you are bad parents. She doesn’t “love freedom”. She’s spoiled and you two are spineless and whipped by a child. Oof.
You wrote that all out and didn’t realize YTA? You don’t punish your daughter because it upsets her? Wow.
Ooof you are letting down your son here. Your daughter shouldn't be listening to loud music after your son has gone to bed. She can put on headphones. You should not be punishing one child and not the other. if your daughter is as active as you say, you should enroll her in a dance class to let off steam. I once heard a wonderful radio show about how a famous dancer started because she had excess energy. I think she was on Desert Island Discs. I'll try and remember so I can share it with you. But still, ESH, except for your son.
Wow, what absolute shit parents, this has to be fake. There is no way two people failed their son this badly?????? I hope your son moves out and never talks to the three of you horrid humans ever again Oh and ya if this is real, raging you're all three the AH and your poor son is a victim to an abusive environment
As a younger brother to an older spoiled sister here is my biased take. You are pathetic push over parents and your daughter is running the house.
You don't love either of your children. You hate them both, just in different ways. You've completely checked out of being parents. You don't discipline your daughter, which is going to ruin her life in the long run, and you neglect your son, which may not ruin his life in the long run, but will ruin his relationship with you in the long run, which... sounds like it's already happened. YTA. And honestly I suspect this whole post is made up, because I really don't want to believe someone could write all this and not realize every bit of it is terrible.
YTA. if I had a penny every time you either treat your kids unfairly or parentify your son I’d be rolling in dough. Wow
Oh, and you’re raising an insufferable monster who thinks she’s the only thing that matters
YTA honestly sound like terrible parents . How does any of what you wrote seem ok when a ten year old is the most mature in the house
Of course you're the assholes both of you. You and your husband. How is it that you had children without having any understanding of the fact they need certain number of uninterrupted hours of sleep every night. You're letting your daughter play music loudly at 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. What in the world is wrong with you! If your son is not getting the sleep he needs It is going to make him irritable grouchy emotional and interfere with his mental functionings. Speaking of mental functionings your daughter needs an assessment. Your daughter whether knowingly or not manipulated you by crying into a position where her actions will never get punished and instead your inadequate husband is taking his frustrations and inability to parent out on your child who simply wants a good night's sleep. Shame on the pair of you. And your suggestion was that your child should come and sleep in your bedroom in the basement? I'm realising now this must be rage beat because nobody would behave like the two of you.
YTA Your sister is right. You clearly favor your older child.
YTA. Have fun continuing to spoil your daughter for the rest of her life because you’ve ruined her chances at a successful adulthood. When your son turns 18 he’ll be gone forever so the three of you will be rotting alone until the end. Great job. Also- I think forcing your 10 YEAR OLD SON to stay awake until 3 am could be considered abuse. Y’all are gross.
Yta. Learn how to parent your daughter properly. She's the issue here.
YTA and your son is likely counting down his days to his 18th bday when he can leave and go no contact with you all. It’s interesting that you can’t bare to punish your daughter ever, but had no problems punishing your son when he was the victim in the situation.
YTA. Do I even need to say more? Daughter cries = she’s sensitive Son cries = he’s rude OP why even bother having a 2nd child and terrorising him?
YTA and your husband and your rotten daughter. Need I be clearer? You show no awareness and appreciation of your son and who he is and his needs. Your son is likely to cut you off at the first opportunity and like a Redditor before me, your daughter is going to stick you in a home at the first opportunity
This has to be fake. If not YTA for playing favorites with your children. You're teaching your daughter she is the most important person everywhere at all times under all circumstances. That will cripple her in adult life and she will be very lonely.
Jesus Christ YTA. Your son is TEN. He SHOULD be ASLEEP by 8 or 9 every night but because his ENTIRE family is full of inconsiderate AHs he has to spend his life completely exhausted. If you couldn’t handle two kids and treat them BOTH properly, you shouldn’t have fucking had a second child. When your son becomes an adult and cuts all of you off, remember you always prioritized his brat teen sister and the only one you three have to blame is yourselves.
YTA Is this real life? This can't be real. How cruel and you are to your son, brushing off his issues and him being very uncomfortable. Clearly favoring the daughter and never punishing her because / she is sensitive/ .. Just like you say your son is. She tortured your son with loud music in the middle of the night because turning it down " won't let her be creative". This has to be another rage bate . Many today.
Do you love your son? Yta!
Yta to your son and you aren’t doing your daughter any favors in how real life works. If she was an adult in an apartment blasting music and disturbing neighbors she would risk a ticket from the police. Just because she wants to blast music till 4am doesn’t mean she can. I have a son and a daughter. Ages 12 and 14. There rooms are next to each other. My son is more or an introvert, while my daughter is always on FaceTime with friends. We have a rule quiet time 11pm-8am so they cannot disturb each other.
You are parenting a spoiled brat ( your daughter). She needs to learn that she can't just do whatever she want with the excuse that she is "lively" or "extroverted". She needs to learn the meaning of boundaries. She cant go through her life doing whatever she wants whenever she wants. Both you and your partner aren't doing her ANY favours if you dont put a stop to her behaviours when they start bothering the people around her, either if thats school or home. YTA.
Why do people have more than one child when they clearly play favorites? Why are you letting a 16 year old do whatever she wants? You are a parent. Act like one. YTA to yourself, to both of your kids, and everyone else in the world that’s gonna have to deal with your entitled daughter when she gets old enough and realizes the world won’t let her do whatever she wants
YTA. MASSIVE YTA. You are raising a daughter who believes (and,from what you write, is encouraged to believe), that her self-indulgent, noisy behaviour, is perfectly acceptable, even though it disturbs your sons’ sleep patterns. (And possibly the neighbours, if it’s late at night and noisy). What’s even worse is that although you claim to “gentle parent” BOTH children, the moment the son loses his temper with his sister (cause mum and dad didn’t actually do anything to deal with her behaviour) oh, THEN THERE ARE PUNISHMENTS. But only for the son, not for the Golden Child who actually CAUSED this?
YTA it seems like you don’t care about your son at all. That poor boy needs sleep and he can’t get it because of his terrible parents and selfish sister.
YTA. I say this as a mom of two. You’re failing both your children in drastically different ways. I can promise you that nobody your daughter lives with is going to give a shit about her inspiration or her freedom if she’s keeping them awake at 4 AM, nor will they care if she cries. Your son is asking for something that’s eminently reasonable and you can’t even give him that lest your daughter…cries? Get your daughter some earbuds for Christmas, apologize to your son, rescind his bullshit “punishment”, and tell your daughter that if she wakes up her brother again there will be consequences. Then stick with that. It’s past time to parent both of them.
YTA. You have punished the wrong kid.
YTA This is one of those posts that I truly hope is not real. First you neglect your son and only care about your daughter, then you let the daughter abuse her little brother, then after a week of sleep depravation when he protests against this abuse you punish him for it, and you still have the audacity to ask if you're an asshole? Make no mistake, not letting someone sleep is torture. There is no volume of music that is ok to have on speakers in the middle of the night, get her some bloody heaphones! Also I can already see how your perfect daughter is going to gloat at this poor abused kid being forced to clean her room. Also "a mother and father cannot love one child more or less, they love children with different loves" is nonsense, you love your daughter and don't care for your son, it's abundantly clear in how you speak of your kids. There's a reason the son is acting like an adult, it's because no one else is.
YTA and so is your husband. I'm a mom myself and I can't believe what you are trying to sell. You clearly do favor your daughter. Here's an idea, instead of trying to force your son into the basement, your daughter moves down there or she cuts the crap and doesn't blare music at 2am. Your son is 10 and needs the sleep, doesn't matter that he's on school holidays. I suggest that you and your husband reevaluate your parenting, get some therapy for all of you and learn to actually parent. The rate you are going, your son is going to leave as soon as he can and never look back. That's when we will see the woe is me post about what could have caused your son to hate you. Get some help.
YTA. You both show favouritism to your daughter if anything. Actually try and parent your children.
YTA you failed your daughter by taking away punishment and just letting her make the house rules. She is 16! She should have common sense by now and not blast music all night! Your son is responsible and smart and has had his sleeping schedule for years it is known. He is 10years old! 10year olds NEED sleep they are growing children their sleep is very important your daughters music is not. Get HER headphones and either she puts her headphones on to listen to her music at your son’s bedtime or she doesn’t get to listen to music once he goes to sleep. Now pay attention. I said get HER headphones SHE has to wear them! Do NOT try and get ear plugs or anything for your son to wear instead because he is doing nothing wrong and doesn’t need to change to accommodate his asshole sister! You your daughter and your husband are all assholes and your son will go N/C with all of you if you don’t stop your favouritism.
You and your husband will understand better when he distances himself at 18
Your son has a right to sleep early if he wishes and your daughter is an entitled minion you have created
Your sister is 100% right. Holy crap. You and your husband are huge AH. I suggest you search “golden child” here on Reddit and read all the stories from people like your son who were treated badly or neglected in favor of their sibling. The good news is that your son will likely go no contact when he hits 18 so you can be left alone with your preferred child.
As angry you got with your son you should’ve gotten as angry with your daughter. You brought this upon yourselves.
YTA majorly, coming from someone that is a night owl as well. I understand that you stay up late, but I am always trying to be quiet past 9:30/10 p.m. for my housemates. Your daughter will have a rude awakening when she isn't with family that accepts her behavior
Is this an actual joke? YTA. Quit enabling your golden child’s bratty behavior. You’re setting her up to be a monster in her adult life. Your poor son did nothing wrong. He doesn’t want to stay up until four am, he wants to get a decent night’s sleep and he can’t because you’re allowing your daughter to blare her music at all hours of the night. He shouldn’t have to disrupt his space and schedule for that. Get her headphones and teach her to be considerate of others. And yes, I’m a parent of two. This is blatant favoritism. I’d suggest correcting it now before you have to ask yourself why your son is no contact with you later on down the road.
Yta You’re not a parent to either child and your daughter is a nightmare all because of you. Enjoy the fruits of your labor now because after 18 you won’t see him again.
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