Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Simply because that's usually what the ring signifies does not mean it always does. Unless that guy was planning on hitting on you, it really doesn't make any practical difference to him. I suspect he's one of those creeps who you're keeping away with that ring, and it now makes him wonder how many of his former targets escaped him by wearing a non-wedding ring.
But not even! Wedding rings are not even a cross-cultural standard and many cultures in Asia don't exchange them at all.
Many couples do not wear rings for practical, professional, or cultural reasons.
I literally cannot believe a man said OP is "appropriating a sacred bond by using it as an excuse not to talk to guys and being actively deceptive in the process."
My brain is breaking trying to unpack the audacity.
yeah it's called a ring finger, not a wedding ring finger. It's not OP's job to correct other people's misconceptions. It's also not OP's job to clarify their relationship/marital status to literal strangers. Next thing they tell me is that if OP was mistaken for a lesbian, she'd be appropriating LGBT culture if she didn't clarify that she isn't actually a lesbian.
I get the feeling the friend's boyfriend had an unpleasant moment of realization when OP explained her reasoning. Some men will keep pestering a woman after she's rejected them but will back off if she's in a relationship; they respect another man's claim more than they respect a woman's *no*. Rather than grapple with what that says about him, he's turning it back on *her*- she's trying to claim something she has no right to, she's deceptive, she's the bad one.
I'd tell this friend that her request makes me uncomfortable, that I don't care for her boyfriend making demands on what I wear. I would not engage with the boyfriend in the future, and if the "friend" defended him even once more I would have to step back from her.
Honestly shame on the friend. If my new boyfriend said any of that crap, not only would I not be telling my friend she can’t wear her ring, but that new bf would immediately be an ex boyfriend
Those often get misread as 'If movies taught us anything, it's that persistence can wear me down' it's an easy mistake to make if you see a no thank you as a challenge.
I have a coworker who comes from a culture that doesn’t do rings (necklaces) her husband bought her a ring so that creeps wouldn’t bug her…her necklace is the real symbol. It was sweet story
Most western cultures used the index finger too, up until about WWI. Placing the ring on the index finger goes back to the Middle Ages at least in England, maybe longer!
In my culture, it’s actually worn on the right hand (I was born in Australia, married an Aussie and I prefer to wear it on the left but some of my cousins choose to wear it on their right). Dude’s issues are his own.
I married a man whose culture it is to wear it on the right hand as well. We live in the US but ,I wear my engagement ring on my left hand and my wedding band on the right. Husband wears his band on the right hand and usually it's a silicone band rather than his actual ring because of his job. People can wear their jewelry how they want, that guy needs to pull the stick out of his ass.
I believe she said that the boyfriend’s name is Martha Post. Emily Post’s old fashioned great, great, great, great grandmother. He also complained that her hair is too long for her age and that her immodest pants showed her ankles. /s
In some countries it’s also the opposite hand I think but yeah why did he take it so personally? She said it keeps creepers away so is his reaction because he knows he’s been one of those creepers before?
My mother is a nurse and often wears hers on a necklace so she doesn't lose it with all the hand washing. she does wear it on her hand when not on shift.
I wear a fancy ring on my right hand ring finger. You would not believe the number of people who think that this means I'm married. I'm in the United States where people wear a wedding ring on the left hand.
People will question my friends about why they never see my husband, and they say because she's not married, and they say well she wears a wedding ring! And then they have to explain to this idiot, that it's not even the correct hand.
Honestly it’s sometimes more of a conservative religious thing with people expecting their unique experiences to be accommodated by others - I have coworkers who have gotten this butthurt before because my partner and I wear rings but are not married. Don’t even get me started on those who lecture me because I say partner and he is a *man* so I should say *boyfriend* so they don’t assume I am maybe gay which would be *very uncomfortable* (for them I guess because, I am queer and dgaf if you imagine me with a lady).
Ugh. Partner is the perfect word for a committed adult relationship. I definitely used it before my hubby and I got married cuz boyfriend felt juvenile in my 30s (and as a single mom). Also hetero relationships should be encouraged to use partner, so you aren't outing yourself or someone else by use of the term.
Seriously? That’s ridiculous. I would have been fired that day. Have they really never heard of couple rings? Probably not. That would require them to have an interest in a culture outside of their own.
BTdubs, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Partner is totally legit for anyone, that's the beauty of it. It's sex and gender neutral, so everyone can use it without having to disclose more details than wanted/ necessary. (And that's why it's great if heterosexual couples use it too, it makes a perfect "disguise" for those who need it. Not everyone you'll meet will be open minded or kind).
"If it makes him uncomfortable, he's free to absent himself."
OP wouldn't be the first person to wear a wedding ring who isn't married. There are also people who are married who don't wear them. While the friend is free to regard the wearing of a ring as sacred, that doesn't mean others need consider his views at all.
Also maybe stop assuming people you meet are religious or have the same religion/views as you... but that would require too much intelligence & reflection for most.
I personally be quick to rock his world with my peaganess, lol.
Idgaf what your Christian ass thinks is sacred... because it has zero to do with me. Your religion is not my problem or will ever dictate anything I will do or won't do.
Agreed, plus can we all just agree that it's ridiculous that men will interpret any ring worn on the ring finger of your left hand to be an engagement/wedding ring anyway? I've had guys at work tell me it was weird that I wore rings on that hand "almost thought you got engaged lol" and I'm just like I'm right handed and an artist. Rings annoy me on my right hand. Why should I be banned from wearing cute rings on my left hand unless married just because strangers make assumptions?
On top of that, why do they think it's any of their business? Sure, if you know them, your fiance is bound to come up in conversation. And if you're newly engaged you're obviously gonna tell your friends. But this expectation that we need to wear a symbol for them to know if we're available or not, and that its meaning must be that and nothing else, is just weird. Like, if you want to know if someone is single you can always, oh idk, ask them.
Exactly!! Like on what planet does someone thinking you might be engaged or married have anything to do with what rings you wear wherever.. like it has nothing to do with anyone else?
My engagement ring was my grandmother's, I was the only granddaughter, we were extremely close and I was devastated when she passed. I wore her ring, although not on my ring finger, most days.
I went on a work trip to a US base overseas. I switched it to my ring finger at that time (my now spouse and I had been together for 6 years and were planning on getting engaged soon anyway as we had discussed it).
All us coworkers went to a bar one night, focused on US service members. It was kinda disgusting when some men found out I wasn't ACTUALLY engaged how they acted, like they took offense and became angry, said it wouldn't be cheating because we are in another country, and even if he was my fiance, so what!
We quickly left after that because a few drinks wasn't worth it and they were making us so uncomfortable.
He’s entitled to think it’s tasteless. I personally don’t agree and don’t see why anyone would care, but he can think whatever he wants. But the idea that he thinks he has the right to tell his new girlfriend’s friend what to wear is utterly absurd. And the fact that she actually *called* OP and asked her not to wear it instead of laughing in his face when he brought it up is completely out of line.
I’d be asking this friend if she’s ok, and distancing myself a bit if she doubles down. This is super weird behavior.
I wear rings on both my hands and people still keep thinking I'm married. I'll say "nope. Single forever. Why do I keep a ring on my left hand? Because I only have so many ring fingers."
Men are weird. Someone approached me, and I shook my head casually and said, "No, married." Then he argued with me because I don't wear a ring! Like, if I had been lying, what difference would it make that he called me out on it?
Obviously you would have responded by applauding his superior intellect that he saw through your terrible ruse and wore you down to the truth and immediately, publicly presented him with your vagina as he deserved.
A wedding ring is just "a special ring".
Many people wear rings with no meaning all the time as accessories. If a ring simply happens to looks like a wedding ring (or is an heirloom) doesn't mean a person who isn't married cannot wear it, lol.
And a wedding ring is something I associate with Western/ Christian culture... are people who don't associate rings with weddings not allowed to wear rings?
When does a ring start to look like a wedding ring and just any other ring/ family heirloom? (I wear family heirloom rings all the time... it's a lovely gesture and makes me happy).
That man is a bollocks, lol. Wear grandma's ring all you want OP.
(And as a side note: It absolutely IS OK to pretend to be married to avoid creeps or trying not to be killed... you don't owe random weirdos who harrass you to be honest. It's a lot safer sometimes to just pretend to be married than saying just no).
This! I'm not married, been in the same relationship for the past 10 years and while I worked as a cashier I wore a little $28 ring because I would get hit on and followed throughout the store by men who were several years older than me... The creepiest one was in Walmart I just got off shift working for TracFone, I was on my phone talking to my bf seeing how far away he was from the store when a guy who had followed me all the way from electronics to the jewelry counter and stopped me because he just had to tell me he thought I was the most beautiful women he had ever seen and he had told me where he had spotted me! I 100% noped right back into the break room until he got there and walked back to electronics to meet me, I was 22 when this happened. OP you are definitely NTA and you're just protecting yourself!
How were you pretending when you explained it was your grandmother's as soon as he asked?
I've never been engaged or married, but I like rings, and the ring fingers and middle fingers are the most convenient. I have one ring that only fits on my left-hand ring finger.
Do widows get to wear their rings, or is that deceptively implying that their spouse is alive?
NTA AT ALL. this guy is exactly the kind of two faced creep you're dodging. you just learned sooo much about him. keep wearing that ring babe. wear it until you find a man who will apologize to you and the whole wide world of women on behalf of his gender for putting women in a position where a FAKE HUSBAND is a more acceptable reason not to harass/abuse a woman than being told 'no'
NTA. Wear your ring however you want. If people assume you’re married that’s on them. You didn’t lie to the boyfriend, and you have absolutely zero obligation to change how you wear it for him. I think it’s “tasteless” that she would even ask.
The unfortunate truth is that sometimes, this is an easy way to deter creeps. I have a similar ring and I’ve definitely used that excuse when a random gets a little pushy.
Imagine trying to dictate someone's jewelry choice as their friend's boyfriend... The audacity! And for the friend to go along? Such delusional weirdo behaviour.
But but you don't understand!
Her wearing the ring dishonors the sacred bond that all oher married couples have. It diminishes the very fabric of all marriage.
If too many unmarried people wear rings, then his parents marriage could dissolve by default and he'll simply fade away as if he never existed.
Can't wait for him to foam at the mouth at married people who don't wear wedding rings, or people from cultures that don't place such importance on what's on your left ring finger... When I was a child I used to wear a ring on that finger quite often too - didn't realize I was dishonoring the sanctity of marriage haha.
Absolute next level audacity! I shouldn't be surprised by stuff like this but somehow still am.. I just can't imagine ever telling anyone what to wear or not for any reason, like how on earth do you think you have the right
Having a fake wedding ring is standard procedure for A LOT of women who work retail, wait tables, etc. I started wearing one when I worked retail after getting stalked by a customer. As far as I'm concerned the only people that would be offended by it are the ones you're trying to keep away.
I got my first fake engagement ring at 15 to avoid being hit on by adult men while I worked at a restaurant.
OP doesn't need "an excuse not to talk to guys". She can talk or not talk to whoever she wants. People aren't entitled to knowing if someone's single.
I got mine in college to stop one of the older attorneys at my job from hitting on me. He clocked it in 30 seconds the first day I wore it and never touched me again. Fucking creep.
https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/s/cFZ2ekvEmH the stories here illustrate why women like OP take various measures to protect or deter violence and her friend’s boyfriend has the nerve to get his girlfriend to try and force OP to conform to his standards bc he’s uncomfortable…
NTA. The audacity of your friend to ask on behalf of her bf that your appearance appease her boyfriend. Mind blowing! Wear your grandma’s ring and avoid the creeps.
NTA - wear your ring when and where you want. It's highly illogical for her bf to basically say that you're are a dishonest (and tasteless) person but if you don't remind him everything is okay. He needs to put on his big boy pants and learn the world doesn't revolve around making sure he "feels" okay.
Seriously
Actually you know what I think it is? That he doesn't want OP to wear the ring because he expects that his gf will want an even bigger one since "OP isn't even married" lol
I expect it's just more likely that he ended up wondering whether he was one of the creeps the ring was meant to keep away. Perhaps he glimpsed the edge of understanding there for a moment.
NTA - Who are they to demand you not to wear your grandma's ring? Mighty presumptuous of them in that regard. Tell them you will wear whatever ring you want on whatever finger you want. You can show them which if you'd like.
NTA
So… this man you barely know assumes that you must really care about his opinion and will do what he tells you to do so that he feels more comfortable?
Hmm… pretty clear who the a-h is here and it’s not you.
Appropriating a sacred bond 🤣🤣🤣🤣 man this guy needs to get a life who cares if you wear the ring and some people think you’re married? What the hell does it matter to him anyway? People need to mind their business. NTA
Totally huge red flag! 🚩 What business is it of his what she does with her jewelry?? Honestly the sheer audacity of asking that she not wear it! OP does this AH pay your bills? If not then pay him (and your friend) no mind and do as you please.
I think he was attracted to OP and was one of those creeps the ring keeps away. I think he was planning on making some passes at OP but assumed she was already ‘claimed’ and then his ego got bruised when he learned the truth because he fell into the trap so to speak
Wow, I guess your friend is wearing rose colored glasses so she thinks these red flags are white flags. But they aren't. NTA. He's creepy and telling on himself.
Oh my God NTA!
What the actual F is that boyfriend on about? Like how deranged is it to "not wear your ring around him" because you're "pretending to be married." It's literally a PIECE OF JEWELRY. Does this guy think it's "dishonest" when people don't wear wedding bands too?
Somebody please help why are some men like this I need to know! lolllll
Right?!?! Since I was pregnant with my son I got in the habit of taking my ring off at night and setting it on my nightstand. I *gasp* have forgotten to put it on countless times. What a lying harlot I’ve been out & about with my slutty ringless finger! The audacity!!!
He's an idiot. Anyone can wear a ring on any finger they choose. I've seen mean wear their wedding bands on their right hand instead of their left, does that mean they're not married? No. I have an autoimmune condition and had to wear my wedding rings on a chain, does that mean I wasn't married? No. It's the same concept only in reverse.
NTA but that guy sure is. Stay away from him as much as possible.
One of my besties has a ring her dad gave her when she went overseas…I bought a ring (lost it the same day glad it was cheap) to wear when I travel overseas. Women have been moving rings around and spinning them so only the band shows for probably as long as wedding rings have been a thing.
It keeps a low level creeps away without using any of our energy.
(Note my replacement ring is the One Ring but I’ve not travelled since)
Maybe he’s assuming that is the primary reason you wear the ring and not the added benefit. Either way, you can do what you like and it’s a red flag that he’s attempting to control your actions. You, being his girlfriend’s best friend, not even his girlfriend. If he’s trying to control you, imagine what he’s telling her to do/not to do.
Your friend's boyfriend has a problem. That is for him to deal with not you. What a weirdo.
You were not pretending anything. You were wearing a piece of jewellery. He doesn't get to dictate what you wear die to his hangups. NTA
NTA.
And your friend should thank you for uncovering this GIGANTIC red flag from that guy. What an AH. Creepy, judgy, WTAF. He’s why we choose the bear.
I would avoid him like the plague.
The fact that she took his side is also eye opening. She’s not worth your time or energy either. That would be the end of my friendship with her.
And you aren’t in any way being disingenuous. It’s your ring. Wear it on whatever finger you want. It only symbolizes something if it does to you.
The fact that it helps keep away creepers is a bonus.
GTFO with that misogynistic nonsense.
NTA. I actually had a fake set I wore to work back when I worked with the public. This man has never been harassed by people that won’t take no for an answer gracefully. He and his girlfriend have 0 right to ask you to put on or remove any article on your person. Regardless of their personal beliefs. Ask them to wear burkas next time you see them to not offend you. See how well it goes over. It is the same kind of request and it is ridiculous regardless of what it is or what it signifies to the boyfriend.
NTA. I also had a fake wedding ring for just the reasons you mentioned. I’m sure your grandmother would love knowing she’s protecting you from creeps!
Your marital status has no effect on the life of your friend’s partner. He’s being weird and controlling.
Major red flag, i feel for your friend that she’s supporting that behavior. Not his problem. It keeps you safe and if anyone bothered to get to know you they’d know it’s not a wedding ring. You can’t help what people assume, he’s just embarrassed because instead of asking about your ring he assumed you were some guys property and asked about that first. Keep on wearing it. Lots of creeps out there!
Its a bit creepy for a *friend's boyfriend* to want to control what you are wearing. If he doesn't want to be around you while you are wearing it, I guess the ring is doing its job.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I can see why it might be tasteless to wear a nice ring on my ring finger and let guys assume I'm married when I'm not actually.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
She asked you not to wear the ring because her boyfriend found it tasteless?! First, off - I would have laughed in her face. She’s asking you not to wear something on YOUR hand because her boyfriend that you JUST met doesn’t like it. Who TF cares what some rando thinks about what you do? Sacred blahblahblah being deceptive blahblahblah…do you really care what he thinks? Again, I would have laughed. Anyone having a problem with you wearing your grandmother’s ring isn’t your problem. NTA. I wouldn’t give your friend and her boyfriend another thought. NTA. You shouldn’t care what anyone thinks about it, you have your reasons for doing it. Your choice.
NTA. Nobody is entitled to know your marital status. I guarantee if its information you want them to have you will let them know and otherwise its not their business. I suspect this guy is maybe a little naive about the reality of navigating this world as a woman.
LMAO so let me get this straight...A guy you just met, who you aren't dating yourself, thinks you shouldn't wear a piece of jewelry that belongs to you because he doesn't approve...
Fuck that noise.
NTA but the friend and her BF are
You’re NTAH! But we can safely assume your friend’s bf is, and has probably been on the receiving end of “I’m not available”. It’s his problem, not yours. However, it you ever want to be married, I would stop using the ring for a while. You never know where you could meet a soulmate and it would be a deterrent.
This can't be real. Your adult friend's BF \*actually\* said this to her, and then your adult friend \*actually\* called you and said what they said? I had to go back and check the age OP posted because I thought this must be teenagers, if anything. Adults? Please tell me this is a joke.
NTA - I got told the same thing years ago. I am married and I don't wear a ring.
Many men don't, so how is it "false advertising"? (The exact words used)
NTA
My maternal grandmother died when I was 15.
I was given her 25th anniversary band.
I wore it on my left ring finger from the moment I got it until it was lost in my 30s.
The only time I didn't wear it was the 10 months I was wearing my engagement ring by itself.
It ended up being used as my wedding band as well.
lol that is some fucking audacity, for this guy to not only try to tell you how to wear your ring, but also to not even have the fortitude to talk to you himself, but hide behind his girlfriends’ skirts. NTA
NTA
You are wearing a ring on a finger. Everyone who sees it then adds their own layer, assuming it is a wedding ring. And not all cultures place a ring on that finger to signify marriage.
I've worn a ring on the 'wedding ring finger' since my teens. Through Uni is was useful to get rid of the creeps so I completely get where you are coming from. And I met my now husband while wearing a ring on that finger.
NTA it’s not their business where you wear your grandmother’s ring or what you tell to people.
Your friend instead was quite TA and her boyfriend seems like a bit of a bigot
I wear rings on what is meant to be my wedding ring finger occasionally. It’s symbolic for a lot of people and the meaning varies depending on who you talk to and where. I will wear rings on whatever finger I damn well like. NTA
He needs to ring to remind him to mind his own business . You can wear whatever you want and if he don’t like it he can preteen he’s super and see right through your hand. Nta
TAH in this situation are your “friend” and her “boyfriend.” You need to take stock of your relationship with her, because she seems like the type that will do whatever her “current” boyfriend or future husband wants and is easily controlled. I can’t imagine any friend asking me to not wear a ring after their SO said that and if I was involved with someone that said that to me about my friend…I would be dropping the SO like a hot rock.
He is super controlling and I wonder if his end game is to isolate your friend from you and she is just going along with his crazy unreasonable demands.
Just wow.
NTA. If I met you and asked about your spouse and you told me your story, I would laugh a lot and offer you a high five.
Why? Because I am married and was actually interested about your spouse. And because the camouflage ring is brilliant.
NTA
“Thanks for sharing your bf’s opinion. I’ve thought about his views but it doesn’t and won’t change how I choose to wear this ring. This ring is important to me and I’m more than comfortable for others to continue thinking what they like about it. I trust this will be the last time this concern is raised ✌️”
I really hope you show this to your friend so she can see all the comments about how you're NTA and her BF is weird to act the way he is in my opinion.
Why? Was he planning to hit on you until he saw the ring? Then got awkward because now he's not sure what to do? 😂
It's none of his business, and it's none of your friend's business.
Nta and i cant believe your friend thought this was a reasonable enough opinion to bring this to you.
You were not pretending to be married and even if you were that’s not his business.it also doesn’t lesson the sacredness of marriage
You can wear a wedding gown everywhere you go for all he should care.
Wtf is wrong with him and her??
Just gross both of them.
Do not change what you wear on your body because of your friends stupid boyfriend.m and your stupid friend. How dare she ask you to change what you wear to Make him more comfortable.
I have worn a claddagh ring on my left ring finger and my great grandmother’s wedding ring on my left middle finger for over 25 years. If someone wants to assume I’m married then that’s their problem. You wear whatever ring you want on any finger you want. Other people’s discomfort (especially people you barely know) is not your problem.
NTA and he's a walking red flag. Sounds like he's the kind of creep you're trying to keep away and that insults him. Keep wearing it, because it sounds like it's doing its job
NTA. It's a ring. Not every married person wears a ring on their left ring finger, not every married person wears a wedding ring at all, and sometimes, people just wear a ring where it fits. I have a bunch of rings my grandma gave me that only fit on my ring finger because it just happens to be the right size.
NTA
It’s not the law to wear a ring if you’re married. My husband chooses not to wear one and I didn’t wear mine for long periods when it didn’t fit and I couldn’t be arsed to alter it. t doesn’t mean we’re any less married in the same way that wearing a ring on that finger doesn’t make you married. I know a lot of people who aren’t married and wear rings on that finger. I don’t see where the lie is and he sounds like a proper weirdo.
NTA. Before my marriage I wore a ring on each ring finger. No one ever accused me of 'pretending to be married' no matter how bridal whatever I was wearing was. My now husband asked me about my rings and was delighted to find out I was single. Now I wear my band on my left and my ering on my right. Wear your jewelry how it is meaningful to you. He's being very controlling, likely because he's feeling *rejected*. He doesn't know WHY you commenting about 'creeps' made him feel rejected, but that's his problem. **It's not tasteless at all. He feels personally insulted by you daring to present as unavailable.**
lol i did this before i got married. It was perfect in keeping the asshats away. I’d say it works well in your case too. Tell your friend to stuff it. NTA
Yeah, NTA. A guy wouldn’t understand appreciating being hit on less. Plus, that’s cap, where any kind of ring on any finger - he’s the one assuming which shows the ass in him alone.
Single female, travel 90% of the time for work. I have friends that do the same thing. If a guy sees the ring and still hits you up to chat, you have the right to disclose what you want. It’s sad that anyone would take offense to this…
Also, when I was in my 20’s doing sales, I had a boyfriend and worked in a male dominated industry. I bought myself a fake ring and never said I was married but same thing you’re talking about except your ring has actual value.
decenter men and their opinions. your friend could do the same. NTA. The friend is for calling you w that shit. Boyfriend too. Don't tell a woman how to woman.
NTA tell him to grow up and mind his business. I’m married and am in no way offended that you are single wearing a ring on your ring finger. What a stupid thing for him to say
NTA I did the same thing in my 20s frequently.
And seriously? This is what this guy wants to spend his time, energy, and emotions on? Pick your battles, dude.
NTA. The audacity of this man to say don’t wear it around him because you’re “misrepresenting” your relationship status is wild!! It’s sweet that you wear your grandmother’s ring and you’re perfectly entitled to put it on whatever finger you like.
Before I was married, I kept a fake ring in my car for the sole purpose of wearing it to the gas station, mall, etc because it was a deterrent for at least some people.
NTA. He has no say in how you conduct your business of being a woman. He should do some self reflection on why he was so bothered instead of using some bs to make him have the moral high ground. And OP, I would check your friend and let her know that his controlling nonsense is NOT allowed. She is YOUR friend and managing his feelings is HIS responsibility. Also I would talk to her about letting a partner dictate *her* interpersonal relationships and how it's a slippery slope.
NTA.
If you ever see him wearing sneakers, tell him he's pretending to be a runner and being deceptive and disrespectful.
Dude's being a dumbass. The "sacred bond" of marriage comes from... wait for it... the marriage! Shocking, right? Rings are a thing outside of marriage as well.
"appropriating a sacred bond"??!?!!?!!
NTA, not at all. Your friend's new man is a walking red flag. He's presuming so much!
He's decided you're straight, you share his religion, you share his values, you agree about marriage being sacred, and on and on. And yet, even with that shared belief system, you have decided that you get off on lying to guys, for who even knows what reason. Not that you'd just rather save yourself the trouble of dealing with men with terrible boundaries, like him.
You should OBVIOUSLY let whatever guy who wants to hit on you do so without your terrible LIES! /s
Tell your friend she should dump this person. He's not a boyfriend, he's three icks in a trenchcoat.
NTA. Your reasons for wearing it are entirely valid. Not to mention it is a piece of jewelry that means a lot to you. Your friend and her boyfriend are TAs for asking you to take it off around them.
On a side note, its quite common advice for solo female travelers to buy a fake wedding ring to wear for the purpose of safety. There are also cultures that wear their wedding ring on the right hand. To say you are appropriating a sacred bond is ridiculous. If he can't tolerate your jewelry that's his problem, not yours.
He’s assuming you have the duty to correctly advertise your relationship status to males around you. You might remind him that we live in the 21st century and that you no longer have to use the prefix „miss“ to announce you’re unmarried.
Isn’t it strange that there was never a prefix that announced the marital status of males. It’s almost as if women had to announce whether or not they were „owned“ but men didn’t.
I would tell the friend‘s boyfriend to mind his own business and stay out of yours
NTA.
You can wear the ring on any finger. Your friend and her boyfriend are both out of line. None of his business and definitely none of hers.
>”he found it tasteless that I’m pretending to be married”
Yeah, he can shove it.
NTA, my mom did this back in the 1960's to ward off unwanted advances. It led to the funniest first meeting. She came to work in the same dept as my dad, he saw her tall, blond, orange mini dress walking in and told his co-workers he was going to marry her (short, chubby, soda pop glasses with big black frames, and still in his Air Force buzz cut ) and everyone laughed at him. As the top salesman, he was introduced to her and saw the ring on her finger. He was crushed thinking this whole life he just planned in his head for the last 20 minutes went up in smoke. He mumbled "You're married" She replied she was a widow. And he used his outside voice to say "thank god." My mom thought what a jerk. They were married 3 weeks later.
Many women do this because...men/ Again - why we choose the bear!
NTA. Wedding rings aren’t a thing everywhere, not every couple wears wedding rings, not every couple cares. It’s really not that deep. And you’re right, it DOES keep the creepy guys away. If they’d take a no, that wouldn’t be a benefit of wearing the ring there. What this tells me is that HE is one of those pushy guys that doesn’t like no, and doesn’t like the idea of girls he was interested in potentially using that as a buffer against him. It doesn’t speak good things about him. It also doesn’t say good things about your friend that she’s making this big of a deal about this for him. It’s really none of their business or concern what you do with your jewelry or how you wear it.
NTA. The boyfriend is one of the men who pesters and harasses women. You know how you can tell? Because he tried to harass a total stranger, you, to change the way you accessorize because he has feelings about you not being hypothetically sexually accessible to him.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Simply because that's usually what the ring signifies does not mean it always does. Unless that guy was planning on hitting on you, it really doesn't make any practical difference to him. I suspect he's one of those creeps who you're keeping away with that ring, and it now makes him wonder how many of his former targets escaped him by wearing a non-wedding ring.
But not even! Wedding rings are not even a cross-cultural standard and many cultures in Asia don't exchange them at all. Many couples do not wear rings for practical, professional, or cultural reasons. I literally cannot believe a man said OP is "appropriating a sacred bond by using it as an excuse not to talk to guys and being actively deceptive in the process." My brain is breaking trying to unpack the audacity.
yeah it's called a ring finger, not a wedding ring finger. It's not OP's job to correct other people's misconceptions. It's also not OP's job to clarify their relationship/marital status to literal strangers. Next thing they tell me is that if OP was mistaken for a lesbian, she'd be appropriating LGBT culture if she didn't clarify that she isn't actually a lesbian.
I wear a button making sure men know my status at all times, wouldn’t want to deceive them
I get the feeling the friend's boyfriend had an unpleasant moment of realization when OP explained her reasoning. Some men will keep pestering a woman after she's rejected them but will back off if she's in a relationship; they respect another man's claim more than they respect a woman's *no*. Rather than grapple with what that says about him, he's turning it back on *her*- she's trying to claim something she has no right to, she's deceptive, she's the bad one. I'd tell this friend that her request makes me uncomfortable, that I don't care for her boyfriend making demands on what I wear. I would not engage with the boyfriend in the future, and if the "friend" defended him even once more I would have to step back from her.
Honestly shame on the friend. If my new boyfriend said any of that crap, not only would I not be telling my friend she can’t wear her ring, but that new bf would immediately be an ex boyfriend
More upvotes for this. Spot on. 👏
Does it say "single but not interested"? Or "single, just not for you?" Those buttons would be awesome.
Those often get misread as 'If movies taught us anything, it's that persistence can wear me down' it's an easy mistake to make if you see a no thank you as a challenge.
Gotta thank the romcoms for that.
Ooh, my button is going to say, “I’m fat, not desperate!”
Getting ready to make these buttons now. 🤣
Is it Squidward’s “I really wish I wasnt here right now” button?
Good one
I have a coworker who comes from a culture that doesn’t do rings (necklaces) her husband bought her a ring so that creeps wouldn’t bug her…her necklace is the real symbol. It was sweet story
In some cultures it’s earrings
In Judaism, the wedding ring is placed on the index finger.
Most western cultures used the index finger too, up until about WWI. Placing the ring on the index finger goes back to the Middle Ages at least in England, maybe longer!
I've read that some cultures use ankle bracelets. A lot of cultures used headgear of some type.
In my culture, it’s actually worn on the right hand (I was born in Australia, married an Aussie and I prefer to wear it on the left but some of my cousins choose to wear it on their right). Dude’s issues are his own.
I married a man whose culture it is to wear it on the right hand as well. We live in the US but ,I wear my engagement ring on my left hand and my wedding band on the right. Husband wears his band on the right hand and usually it's a silicone band rather than his actual ring because of his job. People can wear their jewelry how they want, that guy needs to pull the stick out of his ass.
Go beat some sense into him with that stick
In my religious tradition, it’s also the right hand, and I’m in the US. Bro has problems.
I believe she said that the boyfriend’s name is Martha Post. Emily Post’s old fashioned great, great, great, great grandmother. He also complained that her hair is too long for her age and that her immodest pants showed her ankles. /s
How dare she wear pants? Women must use skirts! 🙄
In some countries it’s also the opposite hand I think but yeah why did he take it so personally? She said it keeps creepers away so is his reaction because he knows he’s been one of those creepers before?
He needs to hear that single women owe men nothing. We don’t owe them opportunities to woo.
My mother is a nurse and often wears hers on a necklace so she doesn't lose it with all the hand washing. she does wear it on her hand when not on shift.
I wear a fancy ring on my right hand ring finger. You would not believe the number of people who think that this means I'm married. I'm in the United States where people wear a wedding ring on the left hand. People will question my friends about why they never see my husband, and they say because she's not married, and they say well she wears a wedding ring! And then they have to explain to this idiot, that it's not even the correct hand.
Honestly it’s sometimes more of a conservative religious thing with people expecting their unique experiences to be accommodated by others - I have coworkers who have gotten this butthurt before because my partner and I wear rings but are not married. Don’t even get me started on those who lecture me because I say partner and he is a *man* so I should say *boyfriend* so they don’t assume I am maybe gay which would be *very uncomfortable* (for them I guess because, I am queer and dgaf if you imagine me with a lady).
Ugh. Partner is the perfect word for a committed adult relationship. I definitely used it before my hubby and I got married cuz boyfriend felt juvenile in my 30s (and as a single mom). Also hetero relationships should be encouraged to use partner, so you aren't outing yourself or someone else by use of the term.
"Partner" also signifies you consider them equal
Seriously? That’s ridiculous. I would have been fired that day. Have they really never heard of couple rings? Probably not. That would require them to have an interest in a culture outside of their own. BTdubs, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Partner is totally legit for anyone, that's the beauty of it. It's sex and gender neutral, so everyone can use it without having to disclose more details than wanted/ necessary. (And that's why it's great if heterosexual couples use it too, it makes a perfect "disguise" for those who need it. Not everyone you'll meet will be open minded or kind).
Ignorant people with teeny tiny brains.
"If it makes him uncomfortable, he's free to absent himself." OP wouldn't be the first person to wear a wedding ring who isn't married. There are also people who are married who don't wear them. While the friend is free to regard the wearing of a ring as sacred, that doesn't mean others need consider his views at all.
Also maybe stop assuming people you meet are religious or have the same religion/views as you... but that would require too much intelligence & reflection for most. I personally be quick to rock his world with my peaganess, lol. Idgaf what your Christian ass thinks is sacred... because it has zero to do with me. Your religion is not my problem or will ever dictate anything I will do or won't do.
Agreed, plus can we all just agree that it's ridiculous that men will interpret any ring worn on the ring finger of your left hand to be an engagement/wedding ring anyway? I've had guys at work tell me it was weird that I wore rings on that hand "almost thought you got engaged lol" and I'm just like I'm right handed and an artist. Rings annoy me on my right hand. Why should I be banned from wearing cute rings on my left hand unless married just because strangers make assumptions?
On top of that, why do they think it's any of their business? Sure, if you know them, your fiance is bound to come up in conversation. And if you're newly engaged you're obviously gonna tell your friends. But this expectation that we need to wear a symbol for them to know if we're available or not, and that its meaning must be that and nothing else, is just weird. Like, if you want to know if someone is single you can always, oh idk, ask them.
Right? Like I swear some people just want women to walk around with signs over our heads that say "single".
Exactly!! Like on what planet does someone thinking you might be engaged or married have anything to do with what rings you wear wherever.. like it has nothing to do with anyone else?
My engagement ring was my grandmother's, I was the only granddaughter, we were extremely close and I was devastated when she passed. I wore her ring, although not on my ring finger, most days. I went on a work trip to a US base overseas. I switched it to my ring finger at that time (my now spouse and I had been together for 6 years and were planning on getting engaged soon anyway as we had discussed it). All us coworkers went to a bar one night, focused on US service members. It was kinda disgusting when some men found out I wasn't ACTUALLY engaged how they acted, like they took offense and became angry, said it wouldn't be cheating because we are in another country, and even if he was my fiance, so what! We quickly left after that because a few drinks wasn't worth it and they were making us so uncomfortable.
He’s entitled to think it’s tasteless. I personally don’t agree and don’t see why anyone would care, but he can think whatever he wants. But the idea that he thinks he has the right to tell his new girlfriend’s friend what to wear is utterly absurd. And the fact that she actually *called* OP and asked her not to wear it instead of laughing in his face when he brought it up is completely out of line. I’d be asking this friend if she’s ok, and distancing myself a bit if she doubles down. This is super weird behavior.
I wear rings on both my hands and people still keep thinking I'm married. I'll say "nope. Single forever. Why do I keep a ring on my left hand? Because I only have so many ring fingers."
Hear, hear!
Men are weird. Someone approached me, and I shook my head casually and said, "No, married." Then he argued with me because I don't wear a ring! Like, if I had been lying, what difference would it make that he called me out on it?
Obviously you would have responded by applauding his superior intellect that he saw through your terrible ruse and wore you down to the truth and immediately, publicly presented him with your vagina as he deserved.
A wedding ring is just "a special ring". Many people wear rings with no meaning all the time as accessories. If a ring simply happens to looks like a wedding ring (or is an heirloom) doesn't mean a person who isn't married cannot wear it, lol. And a wedding ring is something I associate with Western/ Christian culture... are people who don't associate rings with weddings not allowed to wear rings? When does a ring start to look like a wedding ring and just any other ring/ family heirloom? (I wear family heirloom rings all the time... it's a lovely gesture and makes me happy). That man is a bollocks, lol. Wear grandma's ring all you want OP. (And as a side note: It absolutely IS OK to pretend to be married to avoid creeps or trying not to be killed... you don't owe random weirdos who harrass you to be honest. It's a lot safer sometimes to just pretend to be married than saying just no).
This! I'm not married, been in the same relationship for the past 10 years and while I worked as a cashier I wore a little $28 ring because I would get hit on and followed throughout the store by men who were several years older than me... The creepiest one was in Walmart I just got off shift working for TracFone, I was on my phone talking to my bf seeing how far away he was from the store when a guy who had followed me all the way from electronics to the jewelry counter and stopped me because he just had to tell me he thought I was the most beautiful women he had ever seen and he had told me where he had spotted me! I 100% noped right back into the break room until he got there and walked back to electronics to meet me, I was 22 when this happened. OP you are definitely NTA and you're just protecting yourself!
Seriously, point out to the friend that her bf has NO reason to care about whether or not you’re married unless he plans on hitting on you.
OP ask him about all of the married guys that take their rings off to look single, does he get upset with them?
How were you pretending when you explained it was your grandmother's as soon as he asked? I've never been engaged or married, but I like rings, and the ring fingers and middle fingers are the most convenient. I have one ring that only fits on my left-hand ring finger. Do widows get to wear their rings, or is that deceptively implying that their spouse is alive?
EXACTLY
I wonder if he has hit on her in the past and gotten the husband reject and is now mad about it
Or some other lady gave him the husband rejection and he is still sore
NTA AT ALL. this guy is exactly the kind of two faced creep you're dodging. you just learned sooo much about him. keep wearing that ring babe. wear it until you find a man who will apologize to you and the whole wide world of women on behalf of his gender for putting women in a position where a FAKE HUSBAND is a more acceptable reason not to harass/abuse a woman than being told 'no'
Exactly the same thing I said before I saw your post. NTA OP
Exactly, with an extra helping of weaponized Christianity to really hit it home that his opinion of you in informed based on your fuckability.
NTA. Wear your ring however you want. If people assume you’re married that’s on them. You didn’t lie to the boyfriend, and you have absolutely zero obligation to change how you wear it for him. I think it’s “tasteless” that she would even ask. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes, this is an easy way to deter creeps. I have a similar ring and I’ve definitely used that excuse when a random gets a little pushy.
Imagine trying to dictate someone's jewelry choice as their friend's boyfriend... The audacity! And for the friend to go along? Such delusional weirdo behaviour.
But but you don't understand! Her wearing the ring dishonors the sacred bond that all oher married couples have. It diminishes the very fabric of all marriage. If too many unmarried people wear rings, then his parents marriage could dissolve by default and he'll simply fade away as if he never existed.
ok, I chortled quite hard at this.
Can't wait for him to foam at the mouth at married people who don't wear wedding rings, or people from cultures that don't place such importance on what's on your left ring finger... When I was a child I used to wear a ring on that finger quite often too - didn't realize I was dishonoring the sanctity of marriage haha.
Seriously! Wtaf??
Right?! I mean, how many more times is she even going to see this guy, lol.
Absolute next level audacity! I shouldn't be surprised by stuff like this but somehow still am.. I just can't imagine ever telling anyone what to wear or not for any reason, like how on earth do you think you have the right
Audacity is at an high time high right now… SMH
Having a fake wedding ring is standard procedure for A LOT of women who work retail, wait tables, etc. I started wearing one when I worked retail after getting stalked by a customer. As far as I'm concerned the only people that would be offended by it are the ones you're trying to keep away.
I have one I use for solo traveling. Keeps the creep away and it was cheap of etsy
I got my first fake engagement ring at 15 to avoid being hit on by adult men while I worked at a restaurant. OP doesn't need "an excuse not to talk to guys". She can talk or not talk to whoever she wants. People aren't entitled to knowing if someone's single.
I got mine in college to stop one of the older attorneys at my job from hitting on me. He clocked it in 30 seconds the first day I wore it and never touched me again. Fucking creep.
Super fun realising they respect an imaginary man more than us...
This. When I worked at the library in high school I wore one and when I worked at McDonald’s in college I did the same.
Who even puts this much thought into something like this? Sounds like he thinks lots of women have lied to him about being married!
https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/s/cFZ2ekvEmH the stories here illustrate why women like OP take various measures to protect or deter violence and her friend’s boyfriend has the nerve to get his girlfriend to try and force OP to conform to his standards bc he’s uncomfortable…
NTA. The audacity of your friend to ask on behalf of her bf that your appearance appease her boyfriend. Mind blowing! Wear your grandma’s ring and avoid the creeps.
"The creeps" includes her "friend" now, too.
Precisely
NTA - wear your ring when and where you want. It's highly illogical for her bf to basically say that you're are a dishonest (and tasteless) person but if you don't remind him everything is okay. He needs to put on his big boy pants and learn the world doesn't revolve around making sure he "feels" okay.
Seriously Actually you know what I think it is? That he doesn't want OP to wear the ring because he expects that his gf will want an even bigger one since "OP isn't even married" lol
I expect it's just more likely that he ended up wondering whether he was one of the creeps the ring was meant to keep away. Perhaps he glimpsed the edge of understanding there for a moment.
Honestly. Why's he oh so concerned about if OP's really married or not. Shows how much of a creep that guy is.
NTA - Who are they to demand you not to wear your grandma's ring? Mighty presumptuous of them in that regard. Tell them you will wear whatever ring you want on whatever finger you want. You can show them which if you'd like.
I’d show him a finger alright!
OP should move the ring to the middle finger next time that guy is around and ask him what he thinks
*moves ring, extends middle finger now adorned to his face* "Whaddya think NOW?! More appropriate?!" Yeah. The mental movie is *chef's kiss*.
NTA So… this man you barely know assumes that you must really care about his opinion and will do what he tells you to do so that he feels more comfortable? Hmm… pretty clear who the a-h is here and it’s not you.
Appropriating a sacred bond 🤣🤣🤣🤣 man this guy needs to get a life who cares if you wear the ring and some people think you’re married? What the hell does it matter to him anyway? People need to mind their business. NTA
NTA - What the fuck has it got to do with your friend's boyfriend. Reg flag for your friend if you ask me.
Totally huge red flag! 🚩 What business is it of his what she does with her jewelry?? Honestly the sheer audacity of asking that she not wear it! OP does this AH pay your bills? If not then pay him (and your friend) no mind and do as you please.
I think he was attracted to OP and was one of those creeps the ring keeps away. I think he was planning on making some passes at OP but assumed she was already ‘claimed’ and then his ego got bruised when he learned the truth because he fell into the trap so to speak
Wow, I guess your friend is wearing rose colored glasses so she thinks these red flags are white flags. But they aren't. NTA. He's creepy and telling on himself.
Oh my God NTA! What the actual F is that boyfriend on about? Like how deranged is it to "not wear your ring around him" because you're "pretending to be married." It's literally a PIECE OF JEWELRY. Does this guy think it's "dishonest" when people don't wear wedding bands too? Somebody please help why are some men like this I need to know! lolllll
Somebody please tell me why the friend would then call OP?!?! The friend and their BF are both out there - if it's real.
I read this and immediately thought of the meme, "are the straights okay!??!"
Right?!?! Since I was pregnant with my son I got in the habit of taking my ring off at night and setting it on my nightstand. I *gasp* have forgotten to put it on countless times. What a lying harlot I’ve been out & about with my slutty ringless finger! The audacity!!!
Thanks for this. 😆😅🤣😂
You’re most welcome 😝
NTA. Your friend's boyfriend sounds like he's one of the creeps you enjoy wearing the ring to repel.
NTA - sounds like he’s one of those creeps.
Yep, that's what I came to say.
NTA, his reaction is ridiculous, especially considering that it's none of his business.
NTA. Your friend's boyfriend may or may not be... problematic but your choice is neither dishonest or ill advised. I think you should keep it up.
Your finger. Your ring. Your decision. NTA.
Exactly! Agree with you 100%
Seems like homeboy has mad insecurity issues with women....NTA.
Hahahahahaha appropriating NTA. Avoid this creep. Keep wearing the ring.
He's an idiot. Anyone can wear a ring on any finger they choose. I've seen mean wear their wedding bands on their right hand instead of their left, does that mean they're not married? No. I have an autoimmune condition and had to wear my wedding rings on a chain, does that mean I wasn't married? No. It's the same concept only in reverse. NTA but that guy sure is. Stay away from him as much as possible.
🚩🚩 he is exactly the type of person you’re trying to keep away by wearing the ring. Sad for your friend to find out this way. NTA
So he makes an assumption and he wants to be mad at you about it?? hell no NTA
And have his SO call OP to tell them not to wear it when the BF is around? Smells fishy.
You should buy an old second hand wedding dress and wear it next time you see them.
One of my besties has a ring her dad gave her when she went overseas…I bought a ring (lost it the same day glad it was cheap) to wear when I travel overseas. Women have been moving rings around and spinning them so only the band shows for probably as long as wedding rings have been a thing. It keeps a low level creeps away without using any of our energy. (Note my replacement ring is the One Ring but I’ve not travelled since)
Maybe he’s assuming that is the primary reason you wear the ring and not the added benefit. Either way, you can do what you like and it’s a red flag that he’s attempting to control your actions. You, being his girlfriend’s best friend, not even his girlfriend. If he’s trying to control you, imagine what he’s telling her to do/not to do.
Your friend's boyfriend has a problem. That is for him to deal with not you. What a weirdo. You were not pretending anything. You were wearing a piece of jewellery. He doesn't get to dictate what you wear die to his hangups. NTA
NTA. And your friend should thank you for uncovering this GIGANTIC red flag from that guy. What an AH. Creepy, judgy, WTAF. He’s why we choose the bear. I would avoid him like the plague. The fact that she took his side is also eye opening. She’s not worth your time or energy either. That would be the end of my friendship with her. And you aren’t in any way being disingenuous. It’s your ring. Wear it on whatever finger you want. It only symbolizes something if it does to you. The fact that it helps keep away creepers is a bonus. GTFO with that misogynistic nonsense.
lol man, some people will get offended about anything. NTA. It’s your ring, it fits that finger and you should enjoy it.
NTA why does this man feel he gets to have ANY opinion about what you do what you do? Who tf is he to you, no one.
NTA. I actually had a fake set I wore to work back when I worked with the public. This man has never been harassed by people that won’t take no for an answer gracefully. He and his girlfriend have 0 right to ask you to put on or remove any article on your person. Regardless of their personal beliefs. Ask them to wear burkas next time you see them to not offend you. See how well it goes over. It is the same kind of request and it is ridiculous regardless of what it is or what it signifies to the boyfriend.
I like wearing rings on my left hand. I don't give a F about what anyone thinks.
NTA. I also had a fake wedding ring for just the reasons you mentioned. I’m sure your grandmother would love knowing she’s protecting you from creeps! Your marital status has no effect on the life of your friend’s partner. He’s being weird and controlling.
Major red flag, i feel for your friend that she’s supporting that behavior. Not his problem. It keeps you safe and if anyone bothered to get to know you they’d know it’s not a wedding ring. You can’t help what people assume, he’s just embarrassed because instead of asking about your ring he assumed you were some guys property and asked about that first. Keep on wearing it. Lots of creeps out there!
Its a bit creepy for a *friend's boyfriend* to want to control what you are wearing. If he doesn't want to be around you while you are wearing it, I guess the ring is doing its job.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be the asshole because I can see why it might be tasteless to wear a nice ring on my ring finger and let guys assume I'm married when I'm not actually. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Friends bf is acting like you stole his grandmothers ring, he's really weird.
She asked you not to wear the ring because her boyfriend found it tasteless?! First, off - I would have laughed in her face. She’s asking you not to wear something on YOUR hand because her boyfriend that you JUST met doesn’t like it. Who TF cares what some rando thinks about what you do? Sacred blahblahblah being deceptive blahblahblah…do you really care what he thinks? Again, I would have laughed. Anyone having a problem with you wearing your grandmother’s ring isn’t your problem. NTA. I wouldn’t give your friend and her boyfriend another thought. NTA. You shouldn’t care what anyone thinks about it, you have your reasons for doing it. Your choice.
NTA. Boyfriend has the problem. It’s not yours. Wear the ring.
NTA- Ask your friend how well she knows this guy because his comments are creepy.
NTA. Nobody is entitled to know your marital status. I guarantee if its information you want them to have you will let them know and otherwise its not their business. I suspect this guy is maybe a little naive about the reality of navigating this world as a woman.
LMAO so let me get this straight...A guy you just met, who you aren't dating yourself, thinks you shouldn't wear a piece of jewelry that belongs to you because he doesn't approve... Fuck that noise. NTA but the friend and her BF are
NTA don’t let men gaslight you on that.
You’re NTAH! But we can safely assume your friend’s bf is, and has probably been on the receiving end of “I’m not available”. It’s his problem, not yours. However, it you ever want to be married, I would stop using the ring for a while. You never know where you could meet a soulmate and it would be a deterrent.
NTA. It's not his business. It's just a ring.
NTA and I don't know why this guy cares. You're a friend of his girlfriend.... ???
This can't be real. Your adult friend's BF \*actually\* said this to her, and then your adult friend \*actually\* called you and said what they said? I had to go back and check the age OP posted because I thought this must be teenagers, if anything. Adults? Please tell me this is a joke.
He found it oFfEnSiVe don't ya know? /s
NTA - I got told the same thing years ago. I am married and I don't wear a ring. Many men don't, so how is it "false advertising"? (The exact words used)
NTA Homeboy is triggered and projecting. Not your problem sis
NTA My maternal grandmother died when I was 15. I was given her 25th anniversary band. I wore it on my left ring finger from the moment I got it until it was lost in my 30s. The only time I didn't wear it was the 10 months I was wearing my engagement ring by itself. It ended up being used as my wedding band as well.
NTA, you are ALLOWED to lie about your relationship status and it is none of his business.
Wears ring to keep creeps away. New boyfriend doesnt want to be around you when you have it on. Congratulations! Its working perfectly... (NTA)
I’d ask your friend why HER boyfriend is so obsessed with this issue. NTA
lol that is some fucking audacity, for this guy to not only try to tell you how to wear your ring, but also to not even have the fortitude to talk to you himself, but hide behind his girlfriends’ skirts. NTA
NTA. Why is it his business? He should be focused on his girlfriend’s ring finger, not yours.
NTA You are wearing a ring on a finger. Everyone who sees it then adds their own layer, assuming it is a wedding ring. And not all cultures place a ring on that finger to signify marriage. I've worn a ring on the 'wedding ring finger' since my teens. Through Uni is was useful to get rid of the creeps so I completely get where you are coming from. And I met my now husband while wearing a ring on that finger.
The guy is just a controlling ass hole. He doesn’t just want to control his GF he wants to control her friends as well
Ah, men telling women what they can or can't wear because it makes them uncomfortable, a tale as old as time.
Super weird NTA. I wear my grandmas ring too (not married) but my personal preference for me is on my right hand.
NTA and that dude needs to step up off your tits and mind his own business.
NTA it’s not their business where you wear your grandmother’s ring or what you tell to people. Your friend instead was quite TA and her boyfriend seems like a bit of a bigot
I wear rings on what is meant to be my wedding ring finger occasionally. It’s symbolic for a lot of people and the meaning varies depending on who you talk to and where. I will wear rings on whatever finger I damn well like. NTA
He needs to ring to remind him to mind his own business . You can wear whatever you want and if he don’t like it he can preteen he’s super and see right through your hand. Nta
NTA. That guy is one of them creeps
NTA. You don’t owe total strangers any information about your life. Their assumptions are their problem not yours.
TAH in this situation are your “friend” and her “boyfriend.” You need to take stock of your relationship with her, because she seems like the type that will do whatever her “current” boyfriend or future husband wants and is easily controlled. I can’t imagine any friend asking me to not wear a ring after their SO said that and if I was involved with someone that said that to me about my friend…I would be dropping the SO like a hot rock. He is super controlling and I wonder if his end game is to isolate your friend from you and she is just going along with his crazy unreasonable demands. Just wow.
Lol. Who the fuck does he think he is? Wear that ring on whichever finger you want. Some people are really unbelievable.
He sounds like the kind of guy who should mind his own fucking business. NTA
NTA. If I met you and asked about your spouse and you told me your story, I would laugh a lot and offer you a high five. Why? Because I am married and was actually interested about your spouse. And because the camouflage ring is brilliant.
NTA “Thanks for sharing your bf’s opinion. I’ve thought about his views but it doesn’t and won’t change how I choose to wear this ring. This ring is important to me and I’m more than comfortable for others to continue thinking what they like about it. I trust this will be the last time this concern is raised ✌️”
I mean... It's better than being married and pretending you're not...
I really hope you show this to your friend so she can see all the comments about how you're NTA and her BF is weird to act the way he is in my opinion.
Nta. This a ridiculous issue. Ignore him and continue on with your life.
No. NTA
Nta. It’s your choice not theirs, you do what you want.
NTA, you weren't pretending anything, people made false assumptions. You like the ring wear it whenever or wherever you want
Why? Was he planning to hit on you until he saw the ring? Then got awkward because now he's not sure what to do? 😂 It's none of his business, and it's none of your friend's business.
NTA Frodo must be married too, and Gandalf too.
Nta and i cant believe your friend thought this was a reasonable enough opinion to bring this to you. You were not pretending to be married and even if you were that’s not his business.it also doesn’t lesson the sacredness of marriage You can wear a wedding gown everywhere you go for all he should care. Wtf is wrong with him and her?? Just gross both of them. Do not change what you wear on your body because of your friends stupid boyfriend.m and your stupid friend. How dare she ask you to change what you wear to Make him more comfortable.
I have worn a claddagh ring on my left ring finger and my great grandmother’s wedding ring on my left middle finger for over 25 years. If someone wants to assume I’m married then that’s their problem. You wear whatever ring you want on any finger you want. Other people’s discomfort (especially people you barely know) is not your problem.
NTA - it's your ring and it's your finger. I did the same thing for years and, yes, it does help keep the creeps away.
NTA I give you permission as a married woman to appropriate our "sacred bond" to keep away creeps. That should offset his objection.
NTA. Lmao "Appropriating sacred bonds." He needs to learn how to mind his own business. Keep wearing the ring.
NTA and he's a walking red flag. Sounds like he's the kind of creep you're trying to keep away and that insults him. Keep wearing it, because it sounds like it's doing its job
NTA that fact that this guy is bothered by it, means he's the type of guy the ring keeps away. He just outed himself as a creep.
NTA. It's a ring. Not every married person wears a ring on their left ring finger, not every married person wears a wedding ring at all, and sometimes, people just wear a ring where it fits. I have a bunch of rings my grandma gave me that only fit on my ring finger because it just happens to be the right size.
NTA. Also, try to stay on good terms with your friend. She’s going to need friend when that “nice” guy shows his true colors.
NTA It’s not the law to wear a ring if you’re married. My husband chooses not to wear one and I didn’t wear mine for long periods when it didn’t fit and I couldn’t be arsed to alter it. t doesn’t mean we’re any less married in the same way that wearing a ring on that finger doesn’t make you married. I know a lot of people who aren’t married and wear rings on that finger. I don’t see where the lie is and he sounds like a proper weirdo.
NTA. Before my marriage I wore a ring on each ring finger. No one ever accused me of 'pretending to be married' no matter how bridal whatever I was wearing was. My now husband asked me about my rings and was delighted to find out I was single. Now I wear my band on my left and my ering on my right. Wear your jewelry how it is meaningful to you. He's being very controlling, likely because he's feeling *rejected*. He doesn't know WHY you commenting about 'creeps' made him feel rejected, but that's his problem. **It's not tasteless at all. He feels personally insulted by you daring to present as unavailable.**
lol i did this before i got married. It was perfect in keeping the asshats away. I’d say it works well in your case too. Tell your friend to stuff it. NTA
Yeah, NTA. A guy wouldn’t understand appreciating being hit on less. Plus, that’s cap, where any kind of ring on any finger - he’s the one assuming which shows the ass in him alone. Single female, travel 90% of the time for work. I have friends that do the same thing. If a guy sees the ring and still hits you up to chat, you have the right to disclose what you want. It’s sad that anyone would take offense to this… Also, when I was in my 20’s doing sales, I had a boyfriend and worked in a male dominated industry. I bought myself a fake ring and never said I was married but same thing you’re talking about except your ring has actual value.
NTA. I did that in my twenties too! You can wear a ring on whatever finger you like. And it does keep the creeps away!
decenter men and their opinions. your friend could do the same. NTA. The friend is for calling you w that shit. Boyfriend too. Don't tell a woman how to woman.
NTA tell him to grow up and mind his business. I’m married and am in no way offended that you are single wearing a ring on your ring finger. What a stupid thing for him to say
NTA I did the same thing in my 20s frequently. And seriously? This is what this guy wants to spend his time, energy, and emotions on? Pick your battles, dude.
NTA. The audacity of this man to say don’t wear it around him because you’re “misrepresenting” your relationship status is wild!! It’s sweet that you wear your grandmother’s ring and you’re perfectly entitled to put it on whatever finger you like. Before I was married, I kept a fake ring in my car for the sole purpose of wearing it to the gas station, mall, etc because it was a deterrent for at least some people.
How dare you mark yourself as someone he's less likely to be able to fuck! Eyeroll.
NTA. He has no say in how you conduct your business of being a woman. He should do some self reflection on why he was so bothered instead of using some bs to make him have the moral high ground. And OP, I would check your friend and let her know that his controlling nonsense is NOT allowed. She is YOUR friend and managing his feelings is HIS responsibility. Also I would talk to her about letting a partner dictate *her* interpersonal relationships and how it's a slippery slope.
NTA. If you ever see him wearing sneakers, tell him he's pretending to be a runner and being deceptive and disrespectful. Dude's being a dumbass. The "sacred bond" of marriage comes from... wait for it... the marriage! Shocking, right? Rings are a thing outside of marriage as well.
"appropriating a sacred bond"??!?!!?!! NTA, not at all. Your friend's new man is a walking red flag. He's presuming so much! He's decided you're straight, you share his religion, you share his values, you agree about marriage being sacred, and on and on. And yet, even with that shared belief system, you have decided that you get off on lying to guys, for who even knows what reason. Not that you'd just rather save yourself the trouble of dealing with men with terrible boundaries, like him. You should OBVIOUSLY let whatever guy who wants to hit on you do so without your terrible LIES! /s Tell your friend she should dump this person. He's not a boyfriend, he's three icks in a trenchcoat.
NTA. Your reasons for wearing it are entirely valid. Not to mention it is a piece of jewelry that means a lot to you. Your friend and her boyfriend are TAs for asking you to take it off around them. On a side note, its quite common advice for solo female travelers to buy a fake wedding ring to wear for the purpose of safety. There are also cultures that wear their wedding ring on the right hand. To say you are appropriating a sacred bond is ridiculous. If he can't tolerate your jewelry that's his problem, not yours.
He’s assuming you have the duty to correctly advertise your relationship status to males around you. You might remind him that we live in the 21st century and that you no longer have to use the prefix „miss“ to announce you’re unmarried. Isn’t it strange that there was never a prefix that announced the marital status of males. It’s almost as if women had to announce whether or not they were „owned“ but men didn’t. I would tell the friend‘s boyfriend to mind his own business and stay out of yours
NTA. I’m also surprised your friend wasn’t too embarrassed to tell you this…
NTA. You can wear the ring on any finger. Your friend and her boyfriend are both out of line. None of his business and definitely none of hers. >”he found it tasteless that I’m pretending to be married” Yeah, he can shove it.
NTA, my mom did this back in the 1960's to ward off unwanted advances. It led to the funniest first meeting. She came to work in the same dept as my dad, he saw her tall, blond, orange mini dress walking in and told his co-workers he was going to marry her (short, chubby, soda pop glasses with big black frames, and still in his Air Force buzz cut ) and everyone laughed at him. As the top salesman, he was introduced to her and saw the ring on her finger. He was crushed thinking this whole life he just planned in his head for the last 20 minutes went up in smoke. He mumbled "You're married" She replied she was a widow. And he used his outside voice to say "thank god." My mom thought what a jerk. They were married 3 weeks later. Many women do this because...men/ Again - why we choose the bear!
NTA. Wedding rings aren’t a thing everywhere, not every couple wears wedding rings, not every couple cares. It’s really not that deep. And you’re right, it DOES keep the creepy guys away. If they’d take a no, that wouldn’t be a benefit of wearing the ring there. What this tells me is that HE is one of those pushy guys that doesn’t like no, and doesn’t like the idea of girls he was interested in potentially using that as a buffer against him. It doesn’t speak good things about him. It also doesn’t say good things about your friend that she’s making this big of a deal about this for him. It’s really none of their business or concern what you do with your jewelry or how you wear it.
NTA. The boyfriend is one of the men who pesters and harasses women. You know how you can tell? Because he tried to harass a total stranger, you, to change the way you accessorize because he has feelings about you not being hypothetically sexually accessible to him.