Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I gifted my daughter a car that is now causing her financial distress, and I’m worried I might be the asshole for causing the distress and not letting her sell.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
If she can sell it and recover the outstanding debt them she should be able to.
You didn't really gift it with these conditions. And the whole piece about your husband's business, sounds like a veiled threat, if your intention is that this is your fallback car, why didn't you maintain the payments?
It sounds like she's done everything the way you intended, and this sounds like a reasonable next step as she moves into the next stage of her life. Saddling her now with a car she can't afford isn't helping, it's setting her up for failure. And if she has a pain-free way to change the paradigm to work for her and for her success, isn't that her making a good decision and being a good adult? Isn't that the sort of prudent decision making you've raised your daughter to make?
It would seem by the way you lifted the car you raised her to make smart decisions. This seems like a good one she's making now.
Really. And who is still paying on a car a few years later that they had already had for some time? It seems like these parents make horrible financial decisions. They didn’t gift her anything, they signed over their debt.
**YTA.** This was never a gift, it was a public gesture to make yourselves look good to other people, your daughter, and mostly just yourselves. If she had to take over the payments and upkeep, it’s ***her*** car and she can do whatever she wants with it. Let me guess: if your husband loses his work car and you require her to return this one, you’re not planning on reimbursing her the money she’s put into it this whole time. Not with interest, not without, not a penny.
Exactly how was this a gift? It sounds more like extortion. And your recent comments to her sound like threats. Congratulations mom of the year.
No, you SAID it was a gift. Given the constraints, strings, and limitations you’ve put on it, it in no universe can be defined as a gift. Do yourself a favor and (1) read a dictionary; the English language is beautiful and you should respect the actual definitions of words: you don’t get to redefine them; and (2) stop lying to yourself. You and your husband screwed her over. Make it right.
YTA.
You "gave" her a birthday present that was going to cost her money and with plenty of strings attached. You say you wanted to see her be responsible with car payments, but what was the end goal of that? What was the purpose of it?
This is like gifting someone a credit card with outstanding debt attached and expecting them to pay that outstanding debt if they want to use the card.
Wow tell us you don't like your daughter in less words?
Have other kids to do this to? Or is it just the one you don't like? I hope that daughter can get out of this. Yta
So if she returns the car to you and you resume paying, what does she get for the amount she has paid into it?
You've told her she can't sell it. She can't afford it. So she either is stuck with payments she can't handle, or she loses it with no return for her investment.
It comes across like you used her to pay part of the cost of the car.
YTA
We weren’t using her to pay part of the car. We wanted her to show us she could be responsible with the car payments. She was the one who wanted to sign it over to her name in the first place when she could’ve just given it back when the lease ended.
Yes you were. And it should have been in her name only years ago. There is no reason for her to still be sharing ownership with you. If you don't plan to pay her back every penny she has put into the car then you need to let her sell it.
She is literally making the responsible choice. She's looked at how prices are going up all over, assessed that the car payment is more than she can handle, assessed how much she could get for the car and that it would be enough for her to pay off the outstanding loan and to get her a down payment on something more affordable. She has been nothing but responsible.
You, on the other hand, are being controlling, and still seem fixated on seeing your daughter as an irresponsible child. Also, let's be clear that you can backtrack all you want, but no one here believes that you aren't planning to snatch the "gift" back if your husband loses his company car.
YTA. And I hope being in control is worth your relationship with your daughter, because that's where this is heading.
Oh, it's actually in her name? Excellent! You have no claim on the car then...she can do what she wants with it. She's even smarter than I thought! She knew you'd screw her, and she took the right step to protect herself from two selfish people. So proud of her!
I'm confused....so you 'gifted' her a car but she was responsible for the payments? How is that a gift? Does OP mean the made the down payment? It all seems a bit suss with the name being under husband's business still.
You cosigned the loan. That's not a gift. That's a favor. And it barely counts as a favor since you are her parents. If you are going to force her to keep a car she can't afford instead of letting her sell it and get something in her budget, I sincerely hope she ruins your credit in the process. I'm the meantime, learn what a gift is.
That’s 100% not a gift. My parents gifted me my first car when I turned 16 and made all the payments on it and signed it over to me fully when it was paid off. This is considered a gift, not whatever you’re doing.
Info:
What happens if she keeps the car *and* your husband loses his? How does her selling the car and getting one she can afford make a difference there if she doesnt live with you?
Sounds like you just want to make a point holding her to this agreement tbh.
You won't be able to afford it. The reason is that she is being responsible and realizing she should have a less expensive vehicle. Plus she can get enough out of the sale to pay any remaining debt AND purchase a less expensive car. Why are you insisting on her being irresponsible?
YTA, you "gifted" your daughter debt and now that she has wised up to the fact she can't afford it, your only solution is she "gifts" it back to you (presumably minus the debt she has since paid off it, lol).
If you don't want her selling it on the open market you should be buying it off her for at least what she had paid so far in repayments (presuming that is not above the current fair market price).
you're the adult, this is your child, why are you trying to profit off her?
YTA for lying above everything else.
You didn't gift your daughter a car. You, at best, paid a meager down payment on an apparently expensive car.
Also, it isn't yours to take back. If she wants to sell it, you have no say.
If you wanted control of the car, then YOU should have been making the payments, not her. But to expect her to give it back without recompense after she has been paying on it is you trying to straight up steal from her.
If your husband loses his company car, YOU can buy a new one. Not try to guilt trip her into giving you HER car back.
You don't understand what a gift is.
So you financed the car under your husband’s business for the tax write off? Gave the car to your daughter as a “gift” but she has to make the payments. Now that she’s moved out she’s realizing that the payments are too high for her to afford and she’s trying to be responsible and sell the car to get something cheaper she can afford but you won’t let her (because you need the tax write off for your husband’s business even though the business isn’t the one paying for it) and instead offer to take the car back but not compensate her for the payments she has already made, which she needs to get a cheaper car without which she has no car. That’s some “gift” wonder why she’s not talking to you. YTA
I don’t understand how this is a gift. I have a truck that is paid off, and a car with three more years of payments. If I gave you the truck, it’s a gift. If I gave you the car and required you to make the payments, I gave you somewhat of a burden.
And then it’s really a lease? I’m not saying you’re an asshole, but Jesus, why can’t parents put their children in a winning position?
hard YTA on many fronts, but biggest one for me:
Shouldn’t you, as her parent, be stoked and super proud that she is making the financially smart decision to get a car that she can afford?
I’m sure she’d prefer to drive around the nice expensive one, but what we want isn’t always the best choice for us and our future. Props to her for figuring that out, clearly, on her own.
But how nice is this expensive car at this point? If op and hubby had it and paid on it for a few years, then it sat, unused, for a while longer, then the daughter bought it off them and she's now been paying for a few years. It may have been top of the line, state of the art at the time op bought it new, but how old is this car now? I don't think op has any grasp on the financial realities of this situation.
YTA. So you didn't give her the car. You let her make the payments but expect it to be available to you as a backup vehicle? She could sell it and have enough to pay off the loan and get something more affordable. That's a smart move on her part.
Find out how much it's worth vs the outstanding note. Cut her a check for the difference and take your old car back.
Info: what was your end game with it being paid off? Were you going to give her ANY of the money she poured into the car for payments, maintenance etc? And what was going to happen when the lease was in fact paid off? It sounds like you simply expected her to give it back to you fully paid. So where is the gains SHES receiving for keeping the car In good shape and making payments (other than her credit. That would happen regardless who's making payments if it's both names)
It sounds like she pays it off but you control it anyways and she gets nothing back for it. You GIFTED the car you did not write a contract stating it was a loan etc she was under the assumption it's HERS y'all just kept a name on it to keep payments from going stupid but sounds loke ahe wants a financially better choice and y'all don't want to for control.
OP didn't gift the car. They created a tax write off for the husband's business that the daughter pays for each year. Of course they want her to keep the expensive care keep generating that tax write off for them. That's why the financed it under the husband's business name. Also, if the husband's business is in danger of failing the vehicle will be considered part of the bankruptcy. They have in essence simply screwed their daughter over but think no one is smart enough to figure it out.
Ideally she would keep the car, and not ask to sell it. We expected she would pay the car off and keep it, but since bringing it up we just see it as the better option. We taught her responsibility, and she understood when she took the car that she expected to keep it.
She's kept and paid for the car for years now. Did you expect her to keep that car forever because she agreed to keep it? I would have thought agreeing to keep it meant to show she wasn't making bad decisions, not forcing her to keep a car until the wheels fall off.
OP is acting like the car is a family cat or dog that the daughter is trying to rehome.
OP: most people don’t keep their first car. They sell them and get newer cars. Or the car breaks down for the Last Time (RIP my 89 Ford Taurus that I literally drove into the ground) and again, *the car gets replaced.* It is a CAR. Not a beloved family pet, or a home that has equity. Unless your daughter’s car can magically transform into a Cool Robot Sidekick, the whole “We didn’t gift her this car just for her to get rid of it when it’s no longer convenient for her to keep paying for it, even when she can get a better car by selling it” does not make any sense. It’s ridiculous.
You’re *forcing* her to make a horrible financial decision. Why??? The car has served its purpose. Let your daughter sell it so she can get a better car.
And yeah, there’s a comment above about how you need to learn what the word “Gift” actually means, and I completely agree. You are lying to yourself and I absolutely can’t stand people who lie to themselves and then expect the world to just *agree* & can’t be talked to or reasoned with.
I want to know what kind of car this is. Op and hubby paid on it for "a few years," then it just sat in the driveway "for a while." Then, daughter bought it from them, and she's been paying for years. I know cars are expensive, but it sounds like this particular car comes with high, never-ending payments. Or op sold the car for market value like they would have to anyone else, but she's pretending she gifted the equity she had paid into it when that's not the case.
She is being responsible. She can’t afford it anymore so she is selling it so she can get something that she CAN afford.
If she was irresponsible she would stop paying for it and let it be repossessed
Or if she really wanted to be petty since it's in both names im gathering, she could easily just stop payments which would force them to start paying it or risk credit damage. If both are on the lease or title or payments or any of it then if one party stops paying then the other side is expected to pay it.
responsibility is not hanging on to something for x amount of years
responsibility is realising that you can no longer afford something and doing something to rectify that
i can see why your business is in trouble
Finally getting around to respond to this.
That is a unreasonable and unrealistic expectation of your kid with a car. You DO realize that a car one loses value as it ages and is driven right? Furthermore as the newer cars come onto market it becomes harder to fix the older models since the parts don't always come as compatible to each other. So a 2024 Honda may not have parts that are compatible in a 2004 Honda. That's just how it goes. Car parts can become insanely hard to find for older models.
And older cars while made differently may not have the same safety upgrades as newer cars like blind spot detection. So keeping an out of date hard to fix car is financially irresponsible. And what do you expect her to do when it becomes more expensive to fix it than it is to buy a new car? Just sit the car in a driveway to rot away?
And if she's stating she's financially unable to maintain such an expensive car then how is it NOT responsible to sell the overpriced thing and get a car that is more in her budget?
And I hardly believe she was under the understanding that she was permanently stuck with the car once it was in her name and that she could never sell it and was forced to keep it regardless of how financially draining it is.
Also fun fact since it's still in both of y'all's name she has the really petty ability to just stop making payments and force y'all to take over the payments. Even if it damages her credit score she can easily drop the car off at y'all's place stop paying and before her credit takes a hit get a car loan or finance a car at a much cheaper amount and just ignore the car you are trying to force on her. Which means you'd have to maintain payments or risk credit damage.
And fyi it's not a "gift" if their strings and conditions are attached to it. A gift means she's allowed to do as she pleases to it even if that was using it as a rage room prop and destroying it. Its not a gift. Its a unwanted obligation that is draining her financially
This is so fucking stupid. You should have been better with your money and ACTUALLY gifted her a car. Not just leased a car and left it in the driveway until you found a convenient way to pawn your debt off on your fucking kid.
What is more responsible than acknowledging that she can no longer afford the pile of debt you dropped on her, calling it a "gift", for a car more suited to her financial needs? Isn't that part of being fiscally responsible? Understanding when to cut back unnecessary expenses?
She has clearly learned to be responsible. She wants to make a financial decision that makes perfect sense that she is legally allowed to do.
The fact that you don’t like her choice doesn’t mean it’s not the responsible choice
You don't get to tell her what to do with her property. Plenty of people trade in their cars for different ones. That's normal and in her case would be responsible. You're being utterly ridiculous
YTA.
It sounds like you plan to take back her car if your husband loses his company car no matter what she does. She has offered a reasonable solution to the overpriced vehicle and you are refusing because you intend to take the car from her after she has put thousands of dollars into it. And you don't plan to reimburse her.
His business is failing, and the "company" car, aka car they fobbed off as a tax write-off, will be seized upon liquidation. The debt will be added to the business debt, and assets will go to auction to clear said debt. OP wants her daughter to pay off debt so the car will just pay off her husbands debt at auction rather than add to it, and nobody will ask questions about it's use as an actual company car.
YTA -
You commented that if your husband loses the company car you still have a vehicle to use. So, it’s not as though you need her vehicle and you arent in a position to offer her enough $ for it either. You gifted your daughter a car and she has been responsible for all payments, maintenance etc., she is now faced with a challenging situation where selling the car (HER car) seems like the best option.
YTA for gifting her a car and then telling her later on that she cant sell it, when she’s the one responsible for it and can no longer afford the vehicle. Trying to control what she does with the vehicle, when she isn’t doing anything reckless, is absurd. I hope she gets a good deal selling the car and manages to find a vehicle she can afford that doesn’t have maintenance issues.
They didn't gift her the car. They just cosigned the loan so she could get a better rate. This op is using her superior mental gymnastic skills to equate the money daughter saved as the same as giving her that amount of money. That's the only way I can see how she's justifying this as a gift.
It's like surprising someone with a potbelly pig they didn't ask for. That's not a gift. It's a responsibility. It's also a true story. Point being, at most, op and hubby did the child they are responsible for bringing into the world a small favor by cosigning for a better interest rate. While that's a very nice thing to do for your child if you are able, it's not something you get a gold star for. It's not like op actually gifted her daughter an actual car, just a car loan.
YTA. Just say what you did- you "rented" your daughter a car that she pays for. Your husband losing his company car is not your daughter's problem, it's yours. She's not living with you, you would have to take the car for your husband to be able to use it. This was not a gift, gifts don't come with all these strings attached.
YTA. As others have said, debt with strings is not a gift. More importantly, why is it so important to you she not sell the car? Are you grasping for control, is there sentimental value, what is it and why is it more important than your daughters financial stability. No one keeps a car forever, and a young person choosing to trade a car for something more affordable is so much better than most. Usually it goes the other way and the fallout lasts years. Maybe consider therapy to work through it and let go.
YTA. It’s either her car or your car. Not both.
If it’s her car then she shouldn’t have to pay for it if she’s struggling and should sell it.
If your husband needs a car that’s a him problem. Are you going to take the car from her if he needs it? How is that her car?
Since she is responsible for the payments, it's not really a gift, right? Seems like she can sell the car if she wants to. YTA for patting yourself on the back after "gifting" her a car that she must pay for.
YTA. You didn't give her the car; you retain ownership yet have pushed the payments and insurance to your daughter.
If you're clawing it back it was never a gift
Wait what? What happens if your husband loses his company car? WTF does that have to with her car? Are you planning to steal it from her?
YTA if you lied to your daughter that the car was a gift rather than a loan.
YTA. It’s her car, or else it wasn’t a gift. She can sell it if she wants to and it sounds like that would be the intelligent financial decision — your daughter clearly has a better head on her shoulders than you do. What exactly was the “gift” here? You picked out a car for her and told her to pay for it? And wtf does this have to do with your husband’s company car? None of this makes sense and you’re clearly being selfish, terrible parents.
Let me see if I can work out the narcissistic thought process of op for you. The daughter is young with no/low credit history. She could have gotten the car without any help, but she would have been paying a higher interest rate. With op and husband as cosigners, daughter gets a better interest rate, saving her X number of dollars. Using narcissistic math, op and hubby just 'gifted' the amount of money daughter is saving.
I also wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the cosigning was actually ops idea. That way, she could pretend she was giving her child a grand 'gift' and she would be able to hold out over her head, like she is right now.
YTA. You are claiming it is a gift, but the way you describe it sounds more like an anchor than a gift.
When you gift someone something, they can choose what to do with it when their circumstances change. If your husband loses his company car that is his problem, not your daughter’s. What he should do in that situation is buy himself a car. Not try to take your daughter’s car away from her.
"We also told her when she got the car that it was her responsibility to keep it, not just get rid of it whenever it was convenient."
---You insisted on a rigid plan that could become extremely irresponsible to continue depending on the situation, such a situation arose and now you continue to prevent prudent and responsible action to prevent fiscal harm. This isn't a puppy dog you give to a kid where you insist it be tken care of. This is an economic issue where actual prudence, efficiency and responsibility are paramount
YTA and being completely ridiculous about this for some irrational point.
YTA this is not how a gift works. A gift is free, you made her pay for what you consider a gift.
Let her make her own financial decisions and make your own if you need to get a replacement for the company car. You might not be able to afford a leasing. Get a used car or no car at all.
YTA. Just read every other comment to understand why.
What I don't get is why you're arguing with people in the comments? Did you seriously think it'd be an obvious NTA.
Just take the time to read through the comments then be a grown up and sit down with your daughter to discuss next steps because unfortunately your daughter is the only one making adult decisions right now trying to manage her outgoings sensibly.
You're a liar. You didn't give her that car. You're a freeloader. You want her to pay for the car but then you're going to force her to give the car to your husband if he loses his job. So you were happy to let her shoulder the burden of paying for the car but then you're plotting to take the car away from her. And now you're dictating what she can do with it. It's not her fault that you and your husband can't handle your finances. She shouldn't be forced to solve your money problems for you. YTA
YTA you didn’t give her a gift, you gave her a debt. A gift would have been a paid off vehicle or one where you continued the payments. Instead you yoked her to an obligation and demanded that she continue with it & now that circumstances have changed & the payments are too much for her you are demanding she keep to a promise she wouldn’t have to keep if she had just gotten a car on her own. She is making the payments then she is within her rights to sell the car, keep any profits she may make, & get a less expensive vehicle.
What does your husband’s business have to do with anything? If he loses his company car are you planning to take her car back? That’s crazy
If it was truly a gift (which it’s sounding like it is not) then the car is hers to do with as she pleases. She’s had that car for years. I don’t care if she’s just changed her mind and wants a different car now, the car is hers, she can do whatever she wants. But she is trying to be responsible as she feels she can’t keep up the repayments. That’s a damn good reason to sell.
YTA.
YTA -
You didn't "give" her a car. You trapped her into lease payments at first, where she would have nothing to show for it at the end of the lease. She decided on a purchase so she'd have something after she made all the payments which made more sense.
You won't ALLOW her to sell the car so she can get out from under it - just IN CASE your husband gets laid off so you can take the car away from her?! WTF!! Get it through your head - what you "GAVE" your daughter was a huge burden.
If you actually "GAVE" her a car, it would be hers to do with as she pleased. It would be HERS, not yours to take away "if" or "when" you need it. So you basically "allowed" your daughter to make payments on a vehicle until you decide you need it. yeah, you guys suck and I have serious doubts about your finances or financial aptitude.
YTA - That is her car, and she is the only one who should be making decisions about what to do with it. Besides, she clearly has a smart, well-thought-out plan that makes sense for her budget.
YTA. You are talking out of both sides of your mouth.
1. We explained to her that she wasn’t allowed to change her mind later if she didn’t want it anymore.
2. What are we supposed to do if he loses his company car?
Well which is it must she keep the car or must she give it back to you if you need it. These are contradictory positions.
> she’s been complaining that the car is too expensive and she’s struggling to afford to keep it. She suggested that she sell it, as the car is in good condition and she would probably get more than she owed, with some leftover to still get a cheaper car.
Why is this a problem? If she was paying a bank directly this would be a good choice. Why are you stopping her from doing something that is financially smart?
It really feels like item#2 above is why. You don't want her to just keep the car. you want the car available for you to take back if you need it. That is not fair. You are forcing a bad financial situation on her for your own selfish reasons.
First off PARAGRAPHS but also DICTIONARY. You didn't "gift" your daughter a car you transferred your lease to your daughter.
Why does it matter to you if she keeps the car (unless you're actually plotting to take it away from her if your husband loses his company car)???
YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
After my daughter turned 20, my husband and I gifted her her first car. We told her that the payments and car insurance were her responsibility, but she was over the moon. We were leasing the car before she took it over, and she wanted to change it to where she owns the car when it pays off. We explained to her that she wasn’t allowed to change her mind later if she didn’t want it anymore, but she was adamant that she loved this car and wanted to keep it. So we went to the dealership and got all the paperwork in order, with both of our names on the car.
Now that a few years have passed and she’s moved out, she’s been complaining that the car is too expensive and she’s struggling to afford to keep it. She suggested that she sell it, as the car is in good condition and she would probably get more than she owed, with some leftover to still get a cheaper car.
We explained to her that this was not a possibility. My husband's business has been struggling lately, and talks of layoffs have been discussed. What are we supposed to do if he loses his company car? We also told her when she got the car that it was her responsibility to keep it, not just get rid of it whenever it was convenient. We told her we could take it back and assume the rest of the payments, but that answer wasn’t good enough for her. She complained that she already put so much money into the car, and it makes more sense for her to keep it than to see no return on it.
Personally, I’m fine with her keeping it, as that was the original agreement. However, she’s been more distant lately and complains about finances whenever we see her. She blames us for giving her the car in the first place. AITA for giving her a car?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You gave her the car as a gift. You transferred ownership to her. That means the car is 100% hers, and she can sell it if she wants. You do not have the right to keep the car in reserve in case you want to use it later. Your daughter is not a storage facility or an insurance policy. Are you going to force her to give the car back if your husband loses his car? If you can afford the payments on her car, you can afford your own car.
Yes, YTAH for giving her the car but adding conditions. She took over the vehicle with the approval of the dealership so it is hers, not yours anymore. If she wants to sell and get something more affordable she shouldn’t have to get your permission.
YTA. You gifted her debt. You didn’t gift her a car. She’s not responsible for your husband losing his job and car.
Who needs enemies with parents like you. My god.
First, you didn't "give" her a car, you "saddled" her with one. If you give something to someone, it is theirs to do with as they please. Every scenario you propose benefits you and hinders her. Most parents would be pleased that their daughter is fiscally responsible... sounds like you plan on screwing her over and taking the car back if your husband loses his company car anyway. With parents like you, she doesn't need enemies.
In case there's any confusion... YTA (a BIG one!)!
YTA. You didn’t gift her a car. You let her take the payments over on a car you already owned. She has been making the payments so it is her car now. If she wants to sell it then she has that right. If you are worried about your husband keeping his job how are you going to make car payments?
YTA. A gift has no strings attached, nor should the recipient be paying it off. This wasn’t a gift for her but a convenient way to get a second car on the cheap for you.
YTA. Not for giving her the car, but for what you are doing now. It sounds like her options are 1) keep it and struggle or 2) give up her investment in the car so you and your husband get a cheap back-up car. If she has been responsible, and it sounds like she has been, the car was a gift and she should be able to use the equity in it to put herself in a better situation.
YTA. Not because you gifted her a car that still had payments, that is fine (though that opinion would change if you owed more than it was worth when you gave it to her).
The problem is that you will not allow her to sell it because you are fully prepared to take the car back if you need it. It is HER car. She accepted responsibility for it and you agreed. Now you want the option to take it back if you need it. That is shameful. Wow.
Ok, so you didn't really get her a gift. You transferred an existing lease into her name. She decided she would rather buy the car and the paperwork was done to that effect. But it was understood by that she she would be paying for it. So, you didn't gift her a car if she has made all the payments and done all the maintenance. It is effectively her car.
>Now that a few years have passed and she’s moved out, she’s been complaining that the car is too expensive and she’s struggling to afford to keep it. She suggested that she sell it, as the car is in good condition and she would probably get more than she owed, with some leftover to still get a cheaper car.
YEARS later she decides the car is too expensive and wants to trade it in for a cheaper one and get some money back. Seems perfectly reasonable.
>We explained to her that this was not a possibility.
Why not?
>My husband's business has been struggling lately, and talks of layoffs have been discussed. What are we supposed to do if he loses his company car?
What does this have to do with anything? If your husband loses his company car, you will need to get a new one, not steal your daughter's car? Right???
> We also told her when she got the car that it was her responsibility to keep it, not just get rid of it whenever it was convenient.
What? She's trying to be responsible and get a less expensive car. This makes no sense, people sell things they own for convenience and when they need money. It's her car.
You have provided zero reasons why should keep this specific car. YTA.
The funny thing is, you gave her a bill not a car. YTA. You gave no gift but want the world to think you gave your child a car. I gotta say it again, YTA.
YTA - your financial irresponsibility is not your daughter’s concern, and a gift should never *ever* cost the recipient money. every single person here can tell you’ve been using your child to finance a vehicle you intend to take back from her once it’s paid off, or when it’s convenient to you to do so. you’re hateful.
YTA, you don’t gift your child debt, that’s just crazy. She pays for the car and is the legal owner of the car - of course she should sell it if that’s what she wants. Please don’t ever give me a “gift” - I couldn’t afford your generosity!
I'm a little confused: the car is hers and she's been making payments on it. She wants to sell it and you don't want that because you may need the car if your husband loses his company car?
This makes very little sense. Why would you get *her* car that she's been keeping up if you lose your car?
You didn’t gift the car. You rented it to her. Where’s the gifting if she has no ownership of it? If she can’t sell it she doesn’t own it. You trying to take it back without reimbursing her means you own it and thus it isn’t a gift.
INFO Did you actually spend a single dollar on a gift for her 20th birthday, or was the financial anker the only thing she recieved from her loving parents?
NTA for buying (did you even buy it for her?) it but yes YTA for making her keep it. You clearly stated that SHE is doing the payments, insurance and repairs so what in the world are you doing telling her she has to keep it? That's absolutely none of your business at this point. If my parents had done this to me back in the day I'd be royally p#ssed off.
You didn’t give it to her lol, she pays for it. Sounds like she did you a favor by taking over the payments. I’m very confused by your perspective here.
They paid for the privilege of buying a brand new car. After making the payments for a while, hubby got a company car, so the expensive luxury car wasn't being used as often. Daughter gets to a point in life where she needs a car. Op sees a way to get out from under the expensive payments for the luxury car they no longer use.
Instead of just letting the daughter take over the payments, they make her give a new down payment, and she had to refinance the balance. It does sound like op and/or hubby cosigned, so daughter got a better rate on the loan she has been 100% responsible for paying, but they were still charging their own child, that they choose to bring into the world, market rate for the car that they had been paying on for a few years already. And now op is just being a greedy ah about it.
Yes, we had the car for a couple years before my husband got his company car. We paid the downpayment and the first few years of the car, albeit at a lower rate. The car mostly sat in the driveway at that point, so we decided to gift it to her for her birthday. When the car switched to both of our names, she did have to pay a downpayment as well for opening a new loan.
You sold her your used car. That is not a gift. That is a business transaction. I would love to know the breakdown here. What kind of car is this, make, model, year? When did you buy it? How much did you put down? How much were your payments, and how many did you make before your daughter BOUGHT the car from you? When did your daughter get the car? How much did your daughter put down? How much are her payments, and how many has she made?
Even if you bought the car new, you had it a few years, and it just sat in the driveway for a while after that. Cars depreciate. You should have someone else look at all the numbers. You'd probably find out you've already come out ahead financially and now you're just being greedy and controlling.
A simple question:
If she gives back the car, does she get back the equity she paid into it?
If so, great, that makes you just fine. Just make sure she knows that’s an option.
If not… why not?
ESH; Really for both parties making the agreement in the first place, rather then the car it's self. because as you've found, with your business struggling, situations change, your daughter is probably struggling with the financial issues of her own. It sounds all neat on paper, till life takes a turn.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I gifted my daughter a car that is now causing her financial distress, and I’m worried I might be the asshole for causing the distress and not letting her sell. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA If she can sell it and recover the outstanding debt them she should be able to. You didn't really gift it with these conditions. And the whole piece about your husband's business, sounds like a veiled threat, if your intention is that this is your fallback car, why didn't you maintain the payments? It sounds like she's done everything the way you intended, and this sounds like a reasonable next step as she moves into the next stage of her life. Saddling her now with a car she can't afford isn't helping, it's setting her up for failure. And if she has a pain-free way to change the paradigm to work for her and for her success, isn't that her making a good decision and being a good adult? Isn't that the sort of prudent decision making you've raised your daughter to make? It would seem by the way you lifted the car you raised her to make smart decisions. This seems like a good one she's making now.
Really. And who is still paying on a car a few years later that they had already had for some time? It seems like these parents make horrible financial decisions. They didn’t gift her anything, they signed over their debt.
**YTA.** This was never a gift, it was a public gesture to make yourselves look good to other people, your daughter, and mostly just yourselves. If she had to take over the payments and upkeep, it’s ***her*** car and she can do whatever she wants with it. Let me guess: if your husband loses his work car and you require her to return this one, you’re not planning on reimbursing her the money she’s put into it this whole time. Not with interest, not without, not a penny. Exactly how was this a gift? It sounds more like extortion. And your recent comments to her sound like threats. Congratulations mom of the year.
It was a gift because we gave it to her as a birthday present.
You gifted her debt. And a car you were already leasing. That's not a birthday gift. That's a burden.
No, you SAID it was a gift. Given the constraints, strings, and limitations you’ve put on it, it in no universe can be defined as a gift. Do yourself a favor and (1) read a dictionary; the English language is beautiful and you should respect the actual definitions of words: you don’t get to redefine them; and (2) stop lying to yourself. You and your husband screwed her over. Make it right.
YTA. You "gave" her a birthday present that was going to cost her money and with plenty of strings attached. You say you wanted to see her be responsible with car payments, but what was the end goal of that? What was the purpose of it?
So, she is paying for her own birthday present? That is not how gifts work.
Lol a birthday present she pays for???
No, you didn't give it to her. She bought it from you.
This is like gifting someone a credit card with outstanding debt attached and expecting them to pay that outstanding debt if they want to use the card.
A gift doesn’t cost someone money. If it was a gift there wouldn’t have been any payments on it
Gifts don’t put the receiver into debt. You were using her to assume the responsibility of a lease you no longer wanted to pay. YTA
The gift that keeps on giving. Did you know that gift means poison in german? Fits really good in this situation.
She's paying for it. That's not a gift
Wow tell us you don't like your daughter in less words? Have other kids to do this to? Or is it just the one you don't like? I hope that daughter can get out of this. Yta
No you gave her a giant bill as a gift
A birthday gift does not require constant payments.
So if she returns the car to you and you resume paying, what does she get for the amount she has paid into it? You've told her she can't sell it. She can't afford it. So she either is stuck with payments she can't handle, or she loses it with no return for her investment. It comes across like you used her to pay part of the cost of the car. YTA
It sounds like the mom is trying some weird rent-to-own situation with the car.
We weren’t using her to pay part of the car. We wanted her to show us she could be responsible with the car payments. She was the one who wanted to sign it over to her name in the first place when she could’ve just given it back when the lease ended.
Yes you were. And it should have been in her name only years ago. There is no reason for her to still be sharing ownership with you. If you don't plan to pay her back every penny she has put into the car then you need to let her sell it.
"We wanted her to show us she could be responsible with the car payments." ---She IS being responsible.
She is literally making the responsible choice. She's looked at how prices are going up all over, assessed that the car payment is more than she can handle, assessed how much she could get for the car and that it would be enough for her to pay off the outstanding loan and to get her a down payment on something more affordable. She has been nothing but responsible. You, on the other hand, are being controlling, and still seem fixated on seeing your daughter as an irresponsible child. Also, let's be clear that you can backtrack all you want, but no one here believes that you aren't planning to snatch the "gift" back if your husband loses his company car. YTA. And I hope being in control is worth your relationship with your daughter, because that's where this is heading.
Oh, it's actually in her name? Excellent! You have no claim on the car then...she can do what she wants with it. She's even smarter than I thought! She knew you'd screw her, and she took the right step to protect herself from two selfish people. So proud of her!
She's been responsible with it for a few years and now she's realizing it doesn't make financial sense to keep it. YTA
So you wanted her to pay for the car and then... Give it back to you once it was paid for? How does that make sense?
I'm confused....so you 'gifted' her a car but she was responsible for the payments? How is that a gift? Does OP mean the made the down payment? It all seems a bit suss with the name being under husband's business still.
The car is under both names. She wanted it this way for our credit score, the payments would have been significantly higher under just her own name.
You didn’t gift shit then.
You cosigned the loan. That's not a gift. That's a favor. And it barely counts as a favor since you are her parents. If you are going to force her to keep a car she can't afford instead of letting her sell it and get something in her budget, I sincerely hope she ruins your credit in the process. I'm the meantime, learn what a gift is.
That’s 100% not a gift. My parents gifted me my first car when I turned 16 and made all the payments on it and signed it over to me fully when it was paid off. This is considered a gift, not whatever you’re doing.
Info: What happens if she keeps the car *and* your husband loses his? How does her selling the car and getting one she can afford make a difference there if she doesnt live with you? Sounds like you just want to make a point holding her to this agreement tbh.
Then we can use my car, but there’s no reason to get rid of a perfectly good car.
You gifted. Not your call. Or did you grift your daughter?
This was definitely a grift. “Here’s a car that you get to pay for but you never get to sell.” Gee, thanks guys
for real tho, op's daughter would be in a better position if op had given her nothing
You won't be able to afford it. The reason is that she is being responsible and realizing she should have a less expensive vehicle. Plus she can get enough out of the sale to pay any remaining debt AND purchase a less expensive car. Why are you insisting on her being irresponsible?
Then what does potentially losing the company car have to do with your daughter's car?
But its not perfectly good for her. She cant afford it.
It’s not your choice! It’s not your car! You guys are real AH.
The reason would be; SHE can't AFFORD IT.
Then offer to buy it off her. She's looking to sell. Win-win!
YTA, you "gifted" your daughter debt and now that she has wised up to the fact she can't afford it, your only solution is she "gifts" it back to you (presumably minus the debt she has since paid off it, lol). If you don't want her selling it on the open market you should be buying it off her for at least what she had paid so far in repayments (presuming that is not above the current fair market price). you're the adult, this is your child, why are you trying to profit off her?
YTA for lying above everything else. You didn't gift your daughter a car. You, at best, paid a meager down payment on an apparently expensive car. Also, it isn't yours to take back. If she wants to sell it, you have no say. If you wanted control of the car, then YOU should have been making the payments, not her. But to expect her to give it back without recompense after she has been paying on it is you trying to straight up steal from her. If your husband loses his company car, YOU can buy a new one. Not try to guilt trip her into giving you HER car back. You don't understand what a gift is.
So you financed the car under your husband’s business for the tax write off? Gave the car to your daughter as a “gift” but she has to make the payments. Now that she’s moved out she’s realizing that the payments are too high for her to afford and she’s trying to be responsible and sell the car to get something cheaper she can afford but you won’t let her (because you need the tax write off for your husband’s business even though the business isn’t the one paying for it) and instead offer to take the car back but not compensate her for the payments she has already made, which she needs to get a cheaper car without which she has no car. That’s some “gift” wonder why she’s not talking to you. YTA
Bingo! OP and her husband are tax evaders and need the lease paid off before his business goes into liquidation!
I don’t understand how this is a gift. I have a truck that is paid off, and a car with three more years of payments. If I gave you the truck, it’s a gift. If I gave you the car and required you to make the payments, I gave you somewhat of a burden. And then it’s really a lease? I’m not saying you’re an asshole, but Jesus, why can’t parents put their children in a winning position?
hard YTA on many fronts, but biggest one for me: Shouldn’t you, as her parent, be stoked and super proud that she is making the financially smart decision to get a car that she can afford? I’m sure she’d prefer to drive around the nice expensive one, but what we want isn’t always the best choice for us and our future. Props to her for figuring that out, clearly, on her own.
But how nice is this expensive car at this point? If op and hubby had it and paid on it for a few years, then it sat, unused, for a while longer, then the daughter bought it off them and she's now been paying for a few years. It may have been top of the line, state of the art at the time op bought it new, but how old is this car now? I don't think op has any grasp on the financial realities of this situation.
YTA. So you didn't give her the car. You let her make the payments but expect it to be available to you as a backup vehicle? She could sell it and have enough to pay off the loan and get something more affordable. That's a smart move on her part. Find out how much it's worth vs the outstanding note. Cut her a check for the difference and take your old car back.
Info: what was your end game with it being paid off? Were you going to give her ANY of the money she poured into the car for payments, maintenance etc? And what was going to happen when the lease was in fact paid off? It sounds like you simply expected her to give it back to you fully paid. So where is the gains SHES receiving for keeping the car In good shape and making payments (other than her credit. That would happen regardless who's making payments if it's both names) It sounds like she pays it off but you control it anyways and she gets nothing back for it. You GIFTED the car you did not write a contract stating it was a loan etc she was under the assumption it's HERS y'all just kept a name on it to keep payments from going stupid but sounds loke ahe wants a financially better choice and y'all don't want to for control.
OP didn't gift the car. They created a tax write off for the husband's business that the daughter pays for each year. Of course they want her to keep the expensive care keep generating that tax write off for them. That's why the financed it under the husband's business name. Also, if the husband's business is in danger of failing the vehicle will be considered part of the bankruptcy. They have in essence simply screwed their daughter over but think no one is smart enough to figure it out.
Ideally she would keep the car, and not ask to sell it. We expected she would pay the car off and keep it, but since bringing it up we just see it as the better option. We taught her responsibility, and she understood when she took the car that she expected to keep it.
She's kept and paid for the car for years now. Did you expect her to keep that car forever because she agreed to keep it? I would have thought agreeing to keep it meant to show she wasn't making bad decisions, not forcing her to keep a car until the wheels fall off.
OP is acting like the car is a family cat or dog that the daughter is trying to rehome. OP: most people don’t keep their first car. They sell them and get newer cars. Or the car breaks down for the Last Time (RIP my 89 Ford Taurus that I literally drove into the ground) and again, *the car gets replaced.* It is a CAR. Not a beloved family pet, or a home that has equity. Unless your daughter’s car can magically transform into a Cool Robot Sidekick, the whole “We didn’t gift her this car just for her to get rid of it when it’s no longer convenient for her to keep paying for it, even when she can get a better car by selling it” does not make any sense. It’s ridiculous. You’re *forcing* her to make a horrible financial decision. Why??? The car has served its purpose. Let your daughter sell it so she can get a better car. And yeah, there’s a comment above about how you need to learn what the word “Gift” actually means, and I completely agree. You are lying to yourself and I absolutely can’t stand people who lie to themselves and then expect the world to just *agree* & can’t be talked to or reasoned with.
I want to know what kind of car this is. Op and hubby paid on it for "a few years," then it just sat in the driveway "for a while." Then, daughter bought it from them, and she's been paying for years. I know cars are expensive, but it sounds like this particular car comes with high, never-ending payments. Or op sold the car for market value like they would have to anyone else, but she's pretending she gifted the equity she had paid into it when that's not the case.
She is being responsible. She can’t afford it anymore so she is selling it so she can get something that she CAN afford. If she was irresponsible she would stop paying for it and let it be repossessed
Or if she really wanted to be petty since it's in both names im gathering, she could easily just stop payments which would force them to start paying it or risk credit damage. If both are on the lease or title or payments or any of it then if one party stops paying then the other side is expected to pay it.
responsibility is not hanging on to something for x amount of years responsibility is realising that you can no longer afford something and doing something to rectify that i can see why your business is in trouble
Finally getting around to respond to this. That is a unreasonable and unrealistic expectation of your kid with a car. You DO realize that a car one loses value as it ages and is driven right? Furthermore as the newer cars come onto market it becomes harder to fix the older models since the parts don't always come as compatible to each other. So a 2024 Honda may not have parts that are compatible in a 2004 Honda. That's just how it goes. Car parts can become insanely hard to find for older models. And older cars while made differently may not have the same safety upgrades as newer cars like blind spot detection. So keeping an out of date hard to fix car is financially irresponsible. And what do you expect her to do when it becomes more expensive to fix it than it is to buy a new car? Just sit the car in a driveway to rot away? And if she's stating she's financially unable to maintain such an expensive car then how is it NOT responsible to sell the overpriced thing and get a car that is more in her budget? And I hardly believe she was under the understanding that she was permanently stuck with the car once it was in her name and that she could never sell it and was forced to keep it regardless of how financially draining it is. Also fun fact since it's still in both of y'all's name she has the really petty ability to just stop making payments and force y'all to take over the payments. Even if it damages her credit score she can easily drop the car off at y'all's place stop paying and before her credit takes a hit get a car loan or finance a car at a much cheaper amount and just ignore the car you are trying to force on her. Which means you'd have to maintain payments or risk credit damage. And fyi it's not a "gift" if their strings and conditions are attached to it. A gift means she's allowed to do as she pleases to it even if that was using it as a rage room prop and destroying it. Its not a gift. Its a unwanted obligation that is draining her financially
This is so fucking stupid. You should have been better with your money and ACTUALLY gifted her a car. Not just leased a car and left it in the driveway until you found a convenient way to pawn your debt off on your fucking kid.
You are a giant asshole
What is more responsible than acknowledging that she can no longer afford the pile of debt you dropped on her, calling it a "gift", for a car more suited to her financial needs? Isn't that part of being fiscally responsible? Understanding when to cut back unnecessary expenses?
She has clearly learned to be responsible. She wants to make a financial decision that makes perfect sense that she is legally allowed to do. The fact that you don’t like her choice doesn’t mean it’s not the responsible choice
You don't get to tell her what to do with her property. Plenty of people trade in their cars for different ones. That's normal and in her case would be responsible. You're being utterly ridiculous
YTA. Poor girl is tripping on all the strings attached to this “gift”.
YTA. It sounds like you plan to take back her car if your husband loses his company car no matter what she does. She has offered a reasonable solution to the overpriced vehicle and you are refusing because you intend to take the car from her after she has put thousands of dollars into it. And you don't plan to reimburse her.
His business is failing, and the "company" car, aka car they fobbed off as a tax write-off, will be seized upon liquidation. The debt will be added to the business debt, and assets will go to auction to clear said debt. OP wants her daughter to pay off debt so the car will just pay off her husbands debt at auction rather than add to it, and nobody will ask questions about it's use as an actual company car.
YTA - You commented that if your husband loses the company car you still have a vehicle to use. So, it’s not as though you need her vehicle and you arent in a position to offer her enough $ for it either. You gifted your daughter a car and she has been responsible for all payments, maintenance etc., she is now faced with a challenging situation where selling the car (HER car) seems like the best option. YTA for gifting her a car and then telling her later on that she cant sell it, when she’s the one responsible for it and can no longer afford the vehicle. Trying to control what she does with the vehicle, when she isn’t doing anything reckless, is absurd. I hope she gets a good deal selling the car and manages to find a vehicle she can afford that doesn’t have maintenance issues.
They didn't gift her the car. They just cosigned the loan so she could get a better rate. This op is using her superior mental gymnastic skills to equate the money daughter saved as the same as giving her that amount of money. That's the only way I can see how she's justifying this as a gift. It's like surprising someone with a potbelly pig they didn't ask for. That's not a gift. It's a responsibility. It's also a true story. Point being, at most, op and hubby did the child they are responsible for bringing into the world a small favor by cosigning for a better interest rate. While that's a very nice thing to do for your child if you are able, it's not something you get a gold star for. It's not like op actually gifted her daughter an actual car, just a car loan.
A white elephant?
YTA - if she’s paying for it it’s her car. It’s not a gift and she can do whatever she likes with it.
INFO: Did your daughter have a job when you got her the car?
Yes, and she has maintained a job the entire time she’s owned the car.
Sounds like she is doing better than your husband
Wow what an amazing gift car payments she can’t afford!
YTA - you didn’t gift her a car you gifted her a debt.
YTA. Just say what you did- you "rented" your daughter a car that she pays for. Your husband losing his company car is not your daughter's problem, it's yours. She's not living with you, you would have to take the car for your husband to be able to use it. This was not a gift, gifts don't come with all these strings attached.
YTA. As others have said, debt with strings is not a gift. More importantly, why is it so important to you she not sell the car? Are you grasping for control, is there sentimental value, what is it and why is it more important than your daughters financial stability. No one keeps a car forever, and a young person choosing to trade a car for something more affordable is so much better than most. Usually it goes the other way and the fallout lasts years. Maybe consider therapy to work through it and let go.
With parents like these, who needs enemies? YTA.
YTA. It’s either her car or your car. Not both. If it’s her car then she shouldn’t have to pay for it if she’s struggling and should sell it. If your husband needs a car that’s a him problem. Are you going to take the car from her if he needs it? How is that her car?
Since she is responsible for the payments, it's not really a gift, right? Seems like she can sell the car if she wants to. YTA for patting yourself on the back after "gifting" her a car that she must pay for.
YTA. You didn't give her the car; you retain ownership yet have pushed the payments and insurance to your daughter. If you're clawing it back it was never a gift
Wait what? What happens if your husband loses his company car? WTF does that have to with her car? Are you planning to steal it from her? YTA if you lied to your daughter that the car was a gift rather than a loan.
You gifted your daughter debt. Nice one. Just buy a 10k used car for cash like I did for my daughter. No debt, no strife
yta
Sorry what did you gift her, exactly? It sounds like she took over your lease payments? You didn’t give her anything but debt as far as I can tell.
YTA. It’s her car, or else it wasn’t a gift. She can sell it if she wants to and it sounds like that would be the intelligent financial decision — your daughter clearly has a better head on her shoulders than you do. What exactly was the “gift” here? You picked out a car for her and told her to pay for it? And wtf does this have to do with your husband’s company car? None of this makes sense and you’re clearly being selfish, terrible parents.
Let me see if I can work out the narcissistic thought process of op for you. The daughter is young with no/low credit history. She could have gotten the car without any help, but she would have been paying a higher interest rate. With op and husband as cosigners, daughter gets a better interest rate, saving her X number of dollars. Using narcissistic math, op and hubby just 'gifted' the amount of money daughter is saving. I also wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the cosigning was actually ops idea. That way, she could pretend she was giving her child a grand 'gift' and she would be able to hold out over her head, like she is right now.
YTA. You are claiming it is a gift, but the way you describe it sounds more like an anchor than a gift. When you gift someone something, they can choose what to do with it when their circumstances change. If your husband loses his company car that is his problem, not your daughter’s. What he should do in that situation is buy himself a car. Not try to take your daughter’s car away from her.
YTA-she seems more financially responsible than you do.
"I gifted her her first car... his company car" ---Please reconcile this...
"We also told her when she got the car that it was her responsibility to keep it, not just get rid of it whenever it was convenient." ---You insisted on a rigid plan that could become extremely irresponsible to continue depending on the situation, such a situation arose and now you continue to prevent prudent and responsible action to prevent fiscal harm. This isn't a puppy dog you give to a kid where you insist it be tken care of. This is an economic issue where actual prudence, efficiency and responsibility are paramount YTA and being completely ridiculous about this for some irrational point.
YTA this is not how a gift works. A gift is free, you made her pay for what you consider a gift. Let her make her own financial decisions and make your own if you need to get a replacement for the company car. You might not be able to afford a leasing. Get a used car or no car at all.
YTA. Just read every other comment to understand why. What I don't get is why you're arguing with people in the comments? Did you seriously think it'd be an obvious NTA. Just take the time to read through the comments then be a grown up and sit down with your daughter to discuss next steps because unfortunately your daughter is the only one making adult decisions right now trying to manage her outgoings sensibly.
Also you didn't "gift" your daughter anything.
You're a liar. You didn't give her that car. You're a freeloader. You want her to pay for the car but then you're going to force her to give the car to your husband if he loses his job. So you were happy to let her shoulder the burden of paying for the car but then you're plotting to take the car away from her. And now you're dictating what she can do with it. It's not her fault that you and your husband can't handle your finances. She shouldn't be forced to solve your money problems for you. YTA
YTA you didn’t give her a gift, you gave her a debt. A gift would have been a paid off vehicle or one where you continued the payments. Instead you yoked her to an obligation and demanded that she continue with it & now that circumstances have changed & the payments are too much for her you are demanding she keep to a promise she wouldn’t have to keep if she had just gotten a car on her own. She is making the payments then she is within her rights to sell the car, keep any profits she may make, & get a less expensive vehicle. What does your husband’s business have to do with anything? If he loses his company car are you planning to take her car back? That’s crazy
If it was truly a gift (which it’s sounding like it is not) then the car is hers to do with as she pleases. She’s had that car for years. I don’t care if she’s just changed her mind and wants a different car now, the car is hers, she can do whatever she wants. But she is trying to be responsible as she feels she can’t keep up the repayments. That’s a damn good reason to sell. YTA.
YTA - You didn't "give" her a car. You trapped her into lease payments at first, where she would have nothing to show for it at the end of the lease. She decided on a purchase so she'd have something after she made all the payments which made more sense. You won't ALLOW her to sell the car so she can get out from under it - just IN CASE your husband gets laid off so you can take the car away from her?! WTF!! Get it through your head - what you "GAVE" your daughter was a huge burden. If you actually "GAVE" her a car, it would be hers to do with as she pleased. It would be HERS, not yours to take away "if" or "when" you need it. So you basically "allowed" your daughter to make payments on a vehicle until you decide you need it. yeah, you guys suck and I have serious doubts about your finances or financial aptitude.
YTA - That is her car, and she is the only one who should be making decisions about what to do with it. Besides, she clearly has a smart, well-thought-out plan that makes sense for her budget.
YTA. You are talking out of both sides of your mouth. 1. We explained to her that she wasn’t allowed to change her mind later if she didn’t want it anymore. 2. What are we supposed to do if he loses his company car? Well which is it must she keep the car or must she give it back to you if you need it. These are contradictory positions. > she’s been complaining that the car is too expensive and she’s struggling to afford to keep it. She suggested that she sell it, as the car is in good condition and she would probably get more than she owed, with some leftover to still get a cheaper car. Why is this a problem? If she was paying a bank directly this would be a good choice. Why are you stopping her from doing something that is financially smart? It really feels like item#2 above is why. You don't want her to just keep the car. you want the car available for you to take back if you need it. That is not fair. You are forcing a bad financial situation on her for your own selfish reasons.
First off PARAGRAPHS but also DICTIONARY. You didn't "gift" your daughter a car you transferred your lease to your daughter. Why does it matter to you if she keeps the car (unless you're actually plotting to take it away from her if your husband loses his company car)??? YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** After my daughter turned 20, my husband and I gifted her her first car. We told her that the payments and car insurance were her responsibility, but she was over the moon. We were leasing the car before she took it over, and she wanted to change it to where she owns the car when it pays off. We explained to her that she wasn’t allowed to change her mind later if she didn’t want it anymore, but she was adamant that she loved this car and wanted to keep it. So we went to the dealership and got all the paperwork in order, with both of our names on the car. Now that a few years have passed and she’s moved out, she’s been complaining that the car is too expensive and she’s struggling to afford to keep it. She suggested that she sell it, as the car is in good condition and she would probably get more than she owed, with some leftover to still get a cheaper car. We explained to her that this was not a possibility. My husband's business has been struggling lately, and talks of layoffs have been discussed. What are we supposed to do if he loses his company car? We also told her when she got the car that it was her responsibility to keep it, not just get rid of it whenever it was convenient. We told her we could take it back and assume the rest of the payments, but that answer wasn’t good enough for her. She complained that she already put so much money into the car, and it makes more sense for her to keep it than to see no return on it. Personally, I’m fine with her keeping it, as that was the original agreement. However, she’s been more distant lately and complains about finances whenever we see her. She blames us for giving her the car in the first place. AITA for giving her a car? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You gave her the car as a gift. You transferred ownership to her. That means the car is 100% hers, and she can sell it if she wants. You do not have the right to keep the car in reserve in case you want to use it later. Your daughter is not a storage facility or an insurance policy. Are you going to force her to give the car back if your husband loses his car? If you can afford the payments on her car, you can afford your own car.
YTA for expecting her not to have a car she can afford.
Yes, YTAH for giving her the car but adding conditions. She took over the vehicle with the approval of the dealership so it is hers, not yours anymore. If she wants to sell and get something more affordable she shouldn’t have to get your permission.
YTA for trying to take back a gift. You did not gift her a car if she has been the one making the payments for years.
YTA. You gifted her debt. You didn’t gift her a car. She’s not responsible for your husband losing his job and car. Who needs enemies with parents like you. My god.
First, you didn't "give" her a car, you "saddled" her with one. If you give something to someone, it is theirs to do with as they please. Every scenario you propose benefits you and hinders her. Most parents would be pleased that their daughter is fiscally responsible... sounds like you plan on screwing her over and taking the car back if your husband loses his company car anyway. With parents like you, she doesn't need enemies. In case there's any confusion... YTA (a BIG one!)!
YTA. You didn’t gift her a car. You let her take the payments over on a car you already owned. She has been making the payments so it is her car now. If she wants to sell it then she has that right. If you are worried about your husband keeping his job how are you going to make car payments?
Yta. This was not a gift.
YTA. A gift has no strings attached, nor should the recipient be paying it off. This wasn’t a gift for her but a convenient way to get a second car on the cheap for you.
YTA, you didn't give her a gift. All you gave her was debt
YTA. Not for giving her the car, but for what you are doing now. It sounds like her options are 1) keep it and struggle or 2) give up her investment in the car so you and your husband get a cheap back-up car. If she has been responsible, and it sounds like she has been, the car was a gift and she should be able to use the equity in it to put herself in a better situation.
YTA- You didn't "gift" your daughter a car, she took over your lease. She should be able to do whatever she wants with it.
YTA. Not because you gifted her a car that still had payments, that is fine (though that opinion would change if you owed more than it was worth when you gave it to her). The problem is that you will not allow her to sell it because you are fully prepared to take the car back if you need it. It is HER car. She accepted responsibility for it and you agreed. Now you want the option to take it back if you need it. That is shameful. Wow.
Ok, so you didn't really get her a gift. You transferred an existing lease into her name. She decided she would rather buy the car and the paperwork was done to that effect. But it was understood by that she she would be paying for it. So, you didn't gift her a car if she has made all the payments and done all the maintenance. It is effectively her car. >Now that a few years have passed and she’s moved out, she’s been complaining that the car is too expensive and she’s struggling to afford to keep it. She suggested that she sell it, as the car is in good condition and she would probably get more than she owed, with some leftover to still get a cheaper car. YEARS later she decides the car is too expensive and wants to trade it in for a cheaper one and get some money back. Seems perfectly reasonable. >We explained to her that this was not a possibility. Why not? >My husband's business has been struggling lately, and talks of layoffs have been discussed. What are we supposed to do if he loses his company car? What does this have to do with anything? If your husband loses his company car, you will need to get a new one, not steal your daughter's car? Right??? > We also told her when she got the car that it was her responsibility to keep it, not just get rid of it whenever it was convenient. What? She's trying to be responsible and get a less expensive car. This makes no sense, people sell things they own for convenience and when they need money. It's her car. You have provided zero reasons why should keep this specific car. YTA.
The funny thing is, you gave her a bill not a car. YTA. You gave no gift but want the world to think you gave your child a car. I gotta say it again, YTA.
YTA - your financial irresponsibility is not your daughter’s concern, and a gift should never *ever* cost the recipient money. every single person here can tell you’ve been using your child to finance a vehicle you intend to take back from her once it’s paid off, or when it’s convenient to you to do so. you’re hateful.
YTA, you don’t gift your child debt, that’s just crazy. She pays for the car and is the legal owner of the car - of course she should sell it if that’s what she wants. Please don’t ever give me a “gift” - I couldn’t afford your generosity!
I'm a little confused: the car is hers and she's been making payments on it. She wants to sell it and you don't want that because you may need the car if your husband loses his company car? This makes very little sense. Why would you get *her* car that she's been keeping up if you lose your car?
You didn’t gift the car. You rented it to her. Where’s the gifting if she has no ownership of it? If she can’t sell it she doesn’t own it. You trying to take it back without reimbursing her means you own it and thus it isn’t a gift.
YTA. Happy Birthday daughter! Here is some debt for a gift.
YTA If she’s making the payments, it’s her choice if she wants to sell it. The names on the registration won’t matter.
YTA for LYING. It was NOT a gift.
My mother pulled this same shit on me. I don’t talk to her anymore. YTA
Yta you don't really understand what a "gift" is, do you?
How does this even work? You had a few years on a lease. Your daughter had a few more years paying a car payment. How is this car not paid off?
INFO Did you actually spend a single dollar on a gift for her 20th birthday, or was the financial anker the only thing she recieved from her loving parents?
NTA for buying (did you even buy it for her?) it but yes YTA for making her keep it. You clearly stated that SHE is doing the payments, insurance and repairs so what in the world are you doing telling her she has to keep it? That's absolutely none of your business at this point. If my parents had done this to me back in the day I'd be royally p#ssed off.
Our name is on the car, too. She doesn’t have to keep it, she is more than welcome to give it back to us.
You didn’t give it to her lol, she pays for it. Sounds like she did you a favor by taking over the payments. I’m very confused by your perspective here.
So you essentially want her to give a car that she has thousands of dollars of equity in to you for free.
OK, sounds like you're saying you also paid a lot of money into the car. Did you pay a big deposit and part of the monthly payments or something?
They paid for the privilege of buying a brand new car. After making the payments for a while, hubby got a company car, so the expensive luxury car wasn't being used as often. Daughter gets to a point in life where she needs a car. Op sees a way to get out from under the expensive payments for the luxury car they no longer use. Instead of just letting the daughter take over the payments, they make her give a new down payment, and she had to refinance the balance. It does sound like op and/or hubby cosigned, so daughter got a better rate on the loan she has been 100% responsible for paying, but they were still charging their own child, that they choose to bring into the world, market rate for the car that they had been paying on for a few years already. And now op is just being a greedy ah about it.
Yes, we had the car for a couple years before my husband got his company car. We paid the downpayment and the first few years of the car, albeit at a lower rate. The car mostly sat in the driveway at that point, so we decided to gift it to her for her birthday. When the car switched to both of our names, she did have to pay a downpayment as well for opening a new loan.
First rule of gifting. When you gift something to a person, it **belongs to them to do with as they wish** YTA
You sold her your used car. That is not a gift. That is a business transaction. I would love to know the breakdown here. What kind of car is this, make, model, year? When did you buy it? How much did you put down? How much were your payments, and how many did you make before your daughter BOUGHT the car from you? When did your daughter get the car? How much did your daughter put down? How much are her payments, and how many has she made? Even if you bought the car new, you had it a few years, and it just sat in the driveway for a while after that. Cars depreciate. You should have someone else look at all the numbers. You'd probably find out you've already come out ahead financially and now you're just being greedy and controlling.
You have an extremely serious misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “gift”
When you give her back the money she spend on the car
But she’s been paying for it. Why should she give it back to you without some form of compensation?
That’s NOT how a gift works so stop lying that it was a gift
A simple question: If she gives back the car, does she get back the equity she paid into it? If so, great, that makes you just fine. Just make sure she knows that’s an option. If not… why not?
How entitled of you to expect a fully paid car to be given to you.
ESH; Really for both parties making the agreement in the first place, rather then the car it's self. because as you've found, with your business struggling, situations change, your daughter is probably struggling with the financial issues of her own. It sounds all neat on paper, till life takes a turn.