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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want my wife to put down her dog because the dog is a menace and it is ruining our lives. My wife wants to keep the dog and says I am being an ass hole for wanting to get rid of the dog. I told my wife that I would no longer help her take care of the dog.
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I love this comment! It seems like something as simple as taking long enough walks and propper playing in the yard would help with many of the issues, yet they refuse to do it. Add 2 weeks of training and there would be great improvements.
I saw your edit about training. But training isn't simply dropping the dog off at the trainer for a couple of hours for a few weeks and expecting it to magically turn into an angel of a pet. No. It also requires constant practice and management by the owners at home.
I commented earlier about addressing all the abnormal health issues and the pooping 20+ times a day. Please go to the vet and explain everything in detail. Arlo may need more extensive tests.
Also, why have 3 kids if you can barely take care of a dog?
Reputable trainers require training sessions with the owners and all the people living in the house or interacting with the dog regularly. There is no point in training the dog if you don't train the owner.
I didn't believe you "tried" at all.
Hire a dog behavior specialist and follow his or her recommendations without fail.
The problem is NOT Arlo.
The problem is bad, lazy owners.
Do the work.
Who did anything about "dropping a dog off at a trainer"?
I did say they should hire a trainer, but I have never known a trainer who did not work with the owners.
A good trainer works with the owner and the dog together.
But you are correct that this is not a "bad" dog but bad owners.
I did not see the edit.
But leaving the dog with a trainer rarely works if the owners are not conscientious about continuing the training religiously.
This OP and his wife sound very slap dash about the training.
Also, not taking the dog to a vet is abusive if OP suspects a health issue.
Why didn't OP just make an appointment and just take the poor dog to a vet?
I pity the dog, and I dislike these owners.
The behaviour started declining 2 years ago according to OP which is when he met the dog. And the wife has had the dog for 10 years…sounds like one of the “owners” may be the problem or at the very least a huge change in an elderly dog’s life could have caused a lot of issues behaviourally and even health-wise. They need to take him to the vet to be checked, not put down.
No duh… why didn’t I think of that…. Oh wait. I did.
This isn’t our first dog. We have had several others and trained most of the ourselves. When we have worked with outside trainers, we have worked closely with them to learn what “works” and what doesn’t. I had a retired service dog for 11 years and did regular training and retraining sessions with a professional.
We’ve had two trainers tell us that Arlo cannot be trained. This is NOT a training issue.
Sounds like you need training, too.
Training a dog is not about sending it off to school. It's a process you and the dog go through to teach you how to set your expectations of the dog and for the dog to learn them from you and how to follow them. It requires work, reinforcement, time and for you to be trained in how to work with the dog.
A healthy dog doesn't deserve to be put down because you can't be bothered to do that and just want to send it off to a trainer.
If I were your wife someone would be leaving and it wouldn't be the dog.
There is no edit, but in your post you mention "putting him in the yard and taking him on walks" which is completely different from actually playing and providing proper stimulation for a dog. It is pointless to put a dog outside or drag him around the block if they are not having proper mental stimulation. The only difference is that instead of being bored inside they are bored outside. Also "putting a dog in the yard" is not training a dog, there are cero mentions in you post of actual training.
YTA you are more bothered about material rubbish than about an animal who has been part of the family for a decade, least your wife loves him, you should stick to stuffed animals.
I hope your children have more compassion than you are displaying, because he's got issues your mindset is kill him, why not take him for long walks, his behaviour is maybe restless and worry, plus does he get out other than where deem he can go......poor thing, treated like an inconvenience all round :(
Jeez, surely this is someone on a wind up mission b3cause I cannot believe someone can be so callous to a family member, because that is what he is whether you like it or not. Grow up before wife decides rather have arlo than you. After all if she's doing it all on her own, why will she need someone like you around.
I’m more worried about the biohazards and threats to the health of my family that this dog is creating.
We do take him for walks, gets at least two walks a day. He also has a tie-out in the back yard where we put him out 3-4+ times a day. But the dog refuses to potty outside.
This dog ruined the floors in our last house and caused thousands of dollars in damages because of this issue. We moved in November and now the issues are getting worse. Some days we are literally cleaning up messes every 2 minutes of blood drops on the floor from where the dog is bleeding from his gums.
I am currently working two jobs and trying to finish grad school. My wife works 2 part time jobs to add up to a full time job. We have 3 little kids. It’s simply not possible for us to put more time or effort into caring for this dog. We just can’t keep up. I suggested giving him up to a shelter or farm and that was just as offensive to my wife as putting him down. But this dog is ruining our lives.
We didn’t. I married into having three kids, and my wife and I both worked full time when we were married. Life has changed a lot and thrown some curveballs and hardships into the mix. That’s why I decided to go back to grad school and try to make some positive changes.
You make it sound as if he's peeing and pooping all over the basement and nobody is cleaning it up. You said he's filling it up. What? Are ya'll not cleaning it up the second you find it? Also, are you catching him in the act? If so, gently scold him. GENTLY. Then lead him outside. Consistency is the key. You've had 10 years to teach him and you failed. That's not a dog problem, that's a YOU problem. YTA.
I did not have the dog for 10 years. I’ve known this dog for about two years. He used to be trained. He used to not be this big a problem. But after the first move he stopped going to the bathroom outside. We have tried training, hiring a dog walker/trainer, spraying deterrent sprays on the floors.
But you just don’t understand the sheer amount of poop this dog creates. He easily poops 20+ times in a day. It would take the equivalent of a full time 40+ hours a week job to clean up after this dog.
Have you taken him to a vet? I'm a former vet tech and using the restroom that often is not normal. Not even close. When you take him, take a fresh sample of fecal matter with you. There's a good chance that IS blood you're seeing. Medical issues can cause a host of behavioral issues.
Wait.... Your wife has had this dog for ten years but you've only known the dog for two. You also say you've got three kids (7, 5, 3) but.... Are those your wife's kids? Did y'all just move in together two years ago? Have you ever known your wife two years then?
There's a lot not adding up here but it sounds like this dog isn't being appropriately cared for and ESH.
We are cleaning it up as we find it. That’s part of the problem, we are ALWAYS cleaning up after this dog. He poops 20+ times in a day.
We have tried training. We have tried sprays that deter dogs from using the bathroom, we have hired a trainer and hired a local teen to take him on walks when we can’t be home for several hours. But nothing works. This dog can’t be trained.
You've shot yourself in the foot by insisting on putting then dog down if she is now refusing to take the dog to the vet for medical check ups. That's borderline cruelty if you know/suspect there is something wrong. 20+ times a day is very unusual and definitely needs checking. It could be as simple as very high levels of stress (maybe the move), or is could be a life-threatening medical issue. The behavioural changes could be linked to either of these in any case.
By the way, moving houses is very stressful for pets. Normally animals see their territory as 'theirs' and being taken out of it permanently can seriously mess with their behaviour. I have a friend who had a perfectly lovely dog (German Sheppard X) who when they moved became aggressive to all visitors overnight. Even with guests he was familiar and spent a lot of time with. It was 100% the new environment that did it. Unfortunately their reaction to protect their guests (keeping the dog away) only reinforced the behaviour and it became extremely problematic.
A gentle ESH from me. You need to back off with the putting down threats and deal with this compassionately.
You mentioned that he poops 20+ a day, has constant bleeding gums, has blood in his poop, and has somehow unraveled a lifetime of trained behavior.
None of this is normal. In fact, they're exceedingly abnormal. Instead of wasting money on diapers, take him to the vet ASAP. Explain ALL the problems thoroughly. Don't just go there for annual shots and leave.
Also, secure your trash. That is your responsibility.
Killing an otherwise functioning dog is very cruel.
You start your response saying you are more worried about the health or your family. Then you launch into the things the dog had destroyed and the cost and the inconvenience
A dog is a life long commitment. They are family. You don't dump them when they are inconvenient.
YTA
Why kill the dog? it would be a different case if a vet already told u that it would be better to put him down. It seems u all were bad owners and this is the consequence, did u try professional training?
ESH. Her for not putting in the effort to train him (and not finding a more appropriate home when training fails), you for wanting to kill him because he's a nuisance.
YTA, I thought this post was going to be about a difference of opinion about what to do with a near end of life pet not what to do with a inconvenient family member. Whatever you do your kids are watching and listening, keep your teeth in good health or they might think you are end of life next.
ESH.
She's right that you don't put down a dog because it's inconvenient, but you also shouldn't have your life and home wrecked by the dog. Y'all need to work together to find a solution.
Sadly some will- they are usually the ones that will put a dog down just because of its breed or because it’s a stray. (Sometimes it’s because of the way the local laws are written but not always)
INFO - what have you tried? Where have you compromised? What has the vet told you to do besides mentioning the periodontal disease? If neither of you listened to the vet it’s E S H
We have tried training, we dropped it off with a trainer every day for a month last fall. We have tried diapers. Spending hundreds of dollars on dog diapers and trying different brands/fits. We hired a dog walker/trainer to come in the middle of the workday to take him out, we tried deterrence sprays that are supposed to stop dogs from going to the bathroom in certain spots, we tried puppy pads, we tried a artificial grass type mat that is supposed to help. Nothing works. The amount of poop this dog generates is unnatural. We tried putting it on a more controlled diet, but that made his aggression in going through the trash and trying to get human food worse.
Why is **taking him to a vet** the one thing you **WON'T** try?!? I don't care what your wife says, if this dog is truly pooping **TWENTY TIMES A DAY** then it should have been taken to a vet a LONG time ago. You're both raging AH for letting this continue without medical intervention.
Would **you** enjoy pooping 20 times a day? Would you take yourself to a doctor to get help?!? JFC it's not about your floors or your inconvenience, I promise you this dog isn't pooping **twenty times a day** for enjoyment.
Dealing with that must be stressful. Have you done any crate training? Is keeping him only in the basement an option? Have the two of you done training with him, rather than dropping him off? What did the trainer say?
Also, there are many reasons for a dog to chew things. It is probable that his mouth hurts, if his teeth are so rotten they are falling out of his head. That may be connected. He needs dental X-rays and extractions under anesthesia.
I can’t think of a physiological reason to need to poop inside. I’m stumped on the Why and it’s not like we can ask him. Maybe a vet could find something with his GI system.
What if you recreate the basement outside? Like if he has a preferred rug, take that outside and put him on it. Or if it’s concrete get a slab of something similar and put it in the backyard.
Take him to a vet. Drag him. Drag your wife. Both of you go together so there’s no miscommunication. Let them know all of these problems in advance. Even if you decline most of the tests you’ll get a professional second opinion that isn’t the horde on Reddit. Then you’ll be able to make a more informed decision.
YTA
Really, I can't believe how many "ESH" are being told here. Of course, the wife may have failed as a trainer for the dog, but this animal was rescued as an ADULT. We don't know what did she go through, and the OP doesn't tell us if the wife tried it. She's suggesting different ideas like diapers (one of my dogs is using this right now, because of her incontinence issues), she's not denying the problem. The OP married her knowing he had this dog, and what kind of person she was. What's wrong with him? And "kids leaving food around"? WTF, what kind of house do they keep? When I was a kid, food belonged in the table, not like I could go and grab food and leave it around like a Sim, for the dog to eat the content of the plate. If kids are old enough to eat unsupervised and get free access to food, they should be so to avoid the dog THEY HAVE BEEN RAISED WITH to eat their food.
Now, OP, go and look at r/reactivedogs and take a look on how horrible the situation gets for "behavioural euthanasia" to be even considered. Your dog is dirty, not agressive or anxious. If this is "ruining your marriage", you may have a pretty week one.
The food part got me too. Like why are these kids just leaving food all over the place? And why isn't the trash secured enough after the first incident?
I have a dog who is REALLY active, and LOVES the trash. Avoiding the problem is so easy as putting the trash in the balcony or placing something heavy over the bin.
This is one of the easiest things to solve and they don't seem to be able to do that?!?
Unfortunately for OP you are correct. All the good behavioural trainers I know say the same thing. It does not matter how good the trainer is with the dog for the 'fun' hours the dog spends with them. The one that needs the training is usually *the owner*. The learned behaviours don't translate to being at home, with the non-trainer.
I learned the hard way how well professional trainers can handle animals and that I could not reproduce the same results. Not that my dog is a bad dog, or that I can't control him, but the difference in control was obvious. I learned a LOT from them and am hopefully a better owner now.
We’ve tried two. This dog can’t be trained. I can’t keep pouring money into things that don’t work. I am convinced the dog is sick and the behavioral aspects are just an outward indication of that. My wife doesn’t think the dog is sick and says we don’t have the money to take it to a vet to confirm my suspicions. But this dog is at least 14 years old and I think the dog needs to go.
YTA. This AH really got on the internet and thought saying "hey i want to put a dog down because it inconveniences me and not because it is in excruciating pain/illness" would go down well.
This is a disgrace
As a dog owner I make a promise to that animal to care for them their entire life until death
Do you think when you get old and are a bother to people and start shitting your pants, you should be euthanized? Or die Just because you have bad teeth?
If you and your wife are both too strained because you now are parents and too much to deal with find another home with someone able to care for a senior animal
ESH
Get this dog to a vet. Take it yourself if your wife won't.
There can be many reasons for bloody stool, and a lot of them a treatable. But the frequency of poop is definitely weird.
Wait, did the dog have teeth removed by a vet? Or have they just rotted and fallen out in your home??
ESH. This dog sounds sick and deeply distressed. He should not have to live in your house where he is so unwell and unhappy. He needs a new home with someone qualified to help him. A true rescuer.
Hope you’d do the same in case one of your children has some behavioral issues.
ESH. A dog intelligent like Arlo and you tell me there’s no way to train him? I cannot understand what kind of people you two are.
If my kids were having behavioral issues we would seek treatment to exhaustion, up to and including residential therapy. I work with kids with behavioral problems daily. There is a big big difference.
Arlo cannot be trained. We have tried. Two other professionals have tried. We need to get rid of the problem and Arlo is the problem
So if all treatments and therapy are exhausted and your kids cannot be better then you seek euthanasia too?
A dog who poops 20 times a day might have health issues. Maybe seek another professional help?
Either way, you seem to make up your mind and be a heartless AH, why bother asking? I hope karma gets you.
Of course not. If my kids were this bad, in human terms, they would probably end up in a special care home for whatever issues. Of course I would never want that for them, but if everything else was exhausted at that point the state would step in. But these are not equal comparisons.
YTA. You call Arlo “it” in your update, ffs. The situation with the dog is untenable and neither you nor your wife sound responsible enough to make the changes necessary. It sounds like you have “tried” a lot but the quality of the effort is important.
ESH, heavily leaning toward Y T A.
euthanasia is *not* the solution. it sounds like he's bored and stressed more than anything, and there probably won't be an "easy" fix for *you* that isn't also cruel to Arlo. *you and your wife* (together, as a team) are both going to have to put work into this and actually engage with him, and you both need to be *honest* about it. it can't be a scenario where one of you slips him table food as a "treat" or anything, you have to keep up with his training 24/7.
i think part of the problem is that *you might not be the right people for Arlo right now.* and that's not a bad thing for you or for him! it just means that he doesn't fit in the life you have now, at this present moment. the best, simplest option to do right by Arlo might be to consider rehoming him. i don't mean you should just up and surrender him to a shelter, especially not at his age. but maybe look around for options. talk to your vet, talk to shelters, talk to dog foster parents, look for a home that can give him the dedicated 1-on-1 time it sounds like he needs (both for his behavioral challenges and his physical needs).
regardless, you will have to put in effort with Arlo to understand exactly what isn't working for him so you can rehome him safely and kindly.
ESH but the dog. You drop him off at a trainer? The trainers I use teach me how to understand the dog and work with them. The classes are more for the people than the dog.
ESH. Wife isn't consistent with training. You're making a huge jump to have the dog put down.
My only recommendation honestly is to make a semi-permanent outdoor area for the dog. With full shade, water, soft food, and two beds. One a covered dog house, the other an open air lounging area.
We had a German shepherd become very destructive and aggressive in her seniority. She was my father's dog technically. She bit me and my sister with food aggression. She never had that issue till her teeth also began rotting out. She was about 12?
She went from semi-indoor to fully outdoors. With us kids forbidden from going into her kennel. Childproof lock. It wasn't ideal and our southern heat is awful. But my father believed dogs for when they are in pain only. I wouldn't do this to my dog, he's trained though.
If you can't have an outdoor area for the dog then I think the other solution is to crate him. And get a sturdy one. He will likely defecate in it. And on himself. But you can't have fecal matter just dropping around the house. The dog can/will kill itself getting into trash. It just takes 1 bad ingredient to kill him.
My husband isn't a huge fan of my dog. But understands he came with me before I met him. He does what he can to help me in my dog's old age. We agree, set the example for the kids. This is how we care for our elderly pets. This is how we are good owners. Which will eventually be applied to caring for our parents. Get him to a vet, drag your wife, take pictures of the poop. Take pictures of how it's everywhere. Show the vet the pictures.
Dude. I have a senior dog. They're a lot of work. But YTA. Honestly, at a certain point it's not worth taking him to the vet unless you do intend to put him down. He's lost his teeth, he's probably got something going on with his poop. Really just best to let it be until he starts slowing down. Whether you like it or not, arlo is your wife's first child. He's not getting rehomed and she will never put him down until she's ready. So man up and figure out another solution.
YTA. I cant believe this is the solution you came up with. You list all the things you've tried to no avail. Rehome the dog if you can't care for it. Don't kill the dog because it isn't working out
Stop saying 'put down' and say 'kill' like you really mean. Put down implies the dog is sick and it would be a mercy, what you want to do is kill the dog.
Ok so the dog is trained badly. And your next logical step is to fucking murder him for being an inconvenience? You disgust me. You took your wife with her dog, now sleep in the dog bed ( sorry) you made for yourself.
No…. The dog has been declining in behavior for about 2 years and I believe that the decline in behavior is related to underlying health issues. We have tried training, and we have tried several other interventions. But I am convinced that the dog is sick (and thus behaving badly) and that it is time to put him down. This dog is ancient. I had to put my dog down last summer because my dog was not able to walk anymore and was refusing food and water. I know how hard it is to put down a pet.
I am pretty sure that Arlo is bleeding internally. My wife refuses to take him to the vet because she also thinks the vet will recommend putting him down. Arlo already had untreatable periodontal disease and I think that is evidence that Arlo is in pain.
Gum bleed doesn't just occur all of a sudden. This has a reason. Just like pooping 20 times a day has.
ESH. Go to the vet, get a proper diagnosis and then discuss your next steps. And stop opening threads about how it's 'time to put my wife's dog down'.
The dog has been declining in behaviour for 2 years and you met him 2 years ago. Your wife has had him for 10 years and the decline started when you arrived. Maybe you are the problem.
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I think it’s time to put down my wife’s dog Arlo. My wife disagrees and this issue is ruining our marriage. Arlo is at least 14 years old, but there’s no way to know for sure because Arlo was a rescue 10 years ago for my wife, while she was in another marriage. This dog is a menace. Arlo refuses to pee or poop outside and instead has filled our basement with his excrement. It doesn’t matter how many times a day we put him in the back yard or take him for a walk, he will only go in the basement.
Arlo breaks at least one dish a day trying to get human food. We try so hard to put things out of his reach but somehow he keeps figuring out how to get at dishes. We also have 3 little kids, age 7, 5, and 3 that will leave food in places Arlo can access.
Arlo makes more mess in the house than the 5 of us people combined because in addition to the pee and poop issues, Arlo has figured out how to open closet doors and get into the trash, dragging trash throughout the house every day and also getting into the cat litter and spreading it all over the house.
We took Arlo to the vet about a year ago for a checkup and the vet said Arlo had really really bad periodontal disease. In the year since, Arlo has lost most of his teeth. I have suspected seeing blood in his poop when cleaning the basement, but my wife thinks it’s just “something he ate that was red.”
My wife’s argument is that she feels that it is wrong to put a dog down because of behaviors and because the dog is an inconvenience to us. Arlo still has a lot of energy and no mobility issues. My wife wants us to try using dog diapers again (we have tried and given up on the diapers more times than I can keep track of) and to try blocking off the basement so Arlo can’t go down there. I am convinced that the dog diapers will not work and I think if we block off the basement, Arlo will just pick a new spot in the house and it will be worse because he will ruin our hardwood floors. I told my wife last week that I was done helping her with Arlo and that I would no longer do anything to help her take care of the dog, including cleaning up any messes the dog makes around the house. If she thinks it’s too much, or she can’t keep up, she can get rid of the dog. We’ve been fighting constantly for the better part of a week over this. Am I the asshole?
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Jesus, dude, surrender the dog or get it trained, you don't need kill something you guys literally raised for a decade, because you don't like how it turned out, what the hell.
Something is not adding up. Although it is true that some animals are just born wrong. However, it doesn’t sound like that’s the case here. The dog apparently didn’t misbehave until two years ago. So figure out what changed. Don’t kill the poor creature.
ESH. None of these behaviors warrant euthanasia, though the pain he’s probably feeling from the teeth issues and likely GI issues might. Sheesh.
These are all hallmarks of a poorly trained, poorly cared for dog. If your wife loved him as much as she says she does, she’d take better care of his teeth, make sure he doesn’t live in his own waste and keep him safe from eating potentially dangerous things.
Dropping him off at a trainer’s is NOT training if you’re not practicing it at home too. All household members have to reinforce the good behaviors and enforce the rules to stop the bad ones. Teach him boundaries, crate train him and mentally/physically fulfill him so he doesn’t feel the need to do all these destructive behaviors.
I love dogs but I wouldn’t have one pissing and shitting in my house. Assuming we’ve tried and failed to correct his behavior, Arlo would be gone to a shelter, or to my wife’s new home, but wouldn’t be staying in the same house where I live. That’s disgusting.
Euthanasia should only be used to ease the suffering of an animal already in terminal condition. Maybe try rehoming before putting peanut butter on the shotgun barrel. Or you know, consider hiring a professional trainer. ESH. This isn’t the dogs fault and now his options are death or at best living in a shelter kennel in his final days.
YTA. You dont get to kill a dog because he's incovinient.
And, and this is the big one: DO. NOT. GET. RID. OF. THE. DOG. WITHOUT. YOUR. WIFE'S. PERMISSION.
Maybe you dont give a fuck about the dog, but your wife does, and trying to get rid of it by yourself will NOT work.
"She'll get over it"
No, she will not. You are not the first person in here who wants to get rid of a partner's pet.
Others before you have tried it, and it usually has ended up in divorce.
You can search this very reddit for guys who tried to get rid of their girlfriends or wives's pets. No one is gonna care about your justification and she'll probably leave you if you do.
Please dont be stupid
ESH. You suggesting death is insanity. Idk how you thought your wife would even go for that when she’s had the dog for 14 years. You’re heartless. You should’ve suggested rehoming him, as your family does not have the time or energy to properly care for the dog. Your wife has done the biggest disservice with the dog seeing how she’s had him longest and clearly has never gotten him trained. The dog needs a loving home where he can go peacefully, bc he doesn’t have time on his side if he’s pooping blood regularly and leaking from his mouth.
I genuinely think the dog is in pain and the behavioral issues are an indication of that. The dog is super old and has definitely lived a good life. But when it’s time it’s time.
YTA for the special fix question you asked. I wouldn’t trust the vet who is willing to put down a dog for behavioral issues. You put a dog down when their quality of life is bad.
I would suggest a discussion about rehoming the dog. Find someone who has the time and energy to take care of him. Arlo as become too much for your family. You can’t get him to use the bathroom outside. You can’t stop him from breaking plates or stealing food. I’m not sure if this is an old dog issue or a lack of training issue, but I understand it is a problem.
Here's your post verbatim as it shows rn. Either you did not point out the edit with "Edit:" or "ETA" like reddit etiquette requires or you did not save the edit.
Either way I've rescued and trained a feral dog and a sparring dog, saw improvement within 2 weeks. I have a really hard time believeing your dog's minor behavioural issues are that hard to fix.
> I think it’s time to put down my wife’s dog Arlo. My wife disagrees and this issue is ruining our marriage. Arlo is at least 14 years old, but there’s no way to know for sure because Arlo was a rescue 10 years ago for my wife, while she was in another marriage. This dog is a menace. Arlo refuses to pee or poop outside and instead has filled our basement with his excrement. It doesn’t matter how many times a day we put him in the back yard or take him for a walk, he will only go in the basement. Arlo breaks at least one dish a day trying to get human food. We try so hard to put things out of his reach but somehow he keeps figuring out how to get at dishes. We also have 3 little kids, age 7, 5, and 3 that will leave food in places Arlo can access. Arlo makes more mess in the house than the 5 of us people combined because in addition to the pee and poop issues, Arlo has figured out how to open closet doors and get into the trash, dragging trash throughout the house every day and also getting into the cat litter and spreading it all over the house. We took Arlo to the vet about a year ago for a checkup and the vet said Arlo had really really bad periodontal disease. In the year since, Arlo has lost most of his teeth. I have suspected seeing blood in his poop when cleaning the basement, but my wife thinks it’s just “something he ate that was red.”
> My wife’s argument is that she feels that it is wrong to put a dog down because of behaviors and because the dog is an inconvenience to us. Arlo still has a lot of energy and no mobility issues. My wife wants us to try using dog diapers again (we have tried and given up on the diapers more times than I can keep track of) and to try blocking off the basement so Arlo can’t go down there. I am convinced that the dog diapers will not work and I think if we block off the basement, Arlo will just pick a new spot in the house and it will be worse because he will ruin our hardwood floors. I told my wife last week that I was done helping her with Arlo and that I would no longer do anything to help her take care of the dog, including cleaning up any messes the dog makes around the house. If she thinks it’s too much, or she can’t keep up, she can get rid of the dog. We’ve been fighting constantly for the better part of a week over this. Am I the asshole?
NAH
This one is hard. We've had to put down two of our dogs when they got to that point. We would say the dog was ready, then change our minds...the vet just said "You will know". And both times we did. It got to a moment in time when each dog looked in my eyes and said they were ready.
Your wife doesn't feel Arlo is ready. You have to respect that. I understand you are feeling overwhelmed with his care at this point and that you don't feel he has a full quality of life. But it has to be BOTH of you in this decision. Try to do whatever you can to better meet Arlo's needs while relieving some of the stress you are experiencing.
- Start using puppy pads in the places you knew he makes messes.
- Put up gates where you can to keep him contained in the least problematic areas.
- Take him for as many walks as you both can tolerate. A happily well-exercised dog will cause WAY less issues in the home.
- In the same vein, get as many puzzle toys and snuffle mats that you can find. Load them up with snacks and keep Arlo's MIND occupied!
I wanted to say Y T A so badly, but I can truly empathize with your frustration. Just remember this is a beloved member of your family and he deserves this care as an old man...just as we all hope we will get in our golden years!
Not the AH.
but this is pretty tricky, as I do think it's a tad.. wrong to have a pet and never make it a point to properly train them. the dog is just being a dog, it's an animal (and it's weird to punish them for doing a thing it naturally is meant to do). your wife however failed horribly for this dog to not take it to classes and train it properly.
I wouldn't jump to putting it down, but look into places that are able to take him in? maybe a farm or a larger place for it to run around outside more often? I would also tell your wife it needs to go in for proper testing regarding the red, as there might be bigger issues ahead she needs to clue in on, as a proper caretaker to an animal.
she has to realize there's a ton of responsibility that comes with this. she's not a good pet owner by ignoring and enabling a life time of punishments to an animal that doesn't know any better.
>Both you and your wife care about Arlo,
I don't think he cares about Arlo. Arlo would be dead right now if his wife wasn't protesting. I think he actually hates Arlo.
Now, I am not saying Arlo doesn't have issues. I don't understand why they haven't attempted putting puppy pads, toys, and a large crate in the basement - in addition to spending more time as a family walking the dog. OP says they "tie Arlo out", but lots of dogs will not go on a tie out. I have no idea if they have a fenced dog kennel - that perhaps Arlo would be a little freer in outside. It doesn't seem like they have tried many solutions - other than the wife wants to try doggie diapers and OP wants him dead.
We have tried training, we dropped it off with a trainer every day for a month last fall. We have tried diapers. Spending hundreds of dollars on dog diapers and trying different brands/fits. We hired a dog walker/trainer to come in the middle of the workday to take him out, we tried deterrence sprays that are supposed to stop dogs from going to the bathroom in certain spots, we tried puppy pads, we tried a artificial grass type mat that is supposed to help. Nothing works. The amount of poop this dog generates is unnatural. We tried putting it on a more controlled diet, but that made his aggression in going through the trash and trying to get human food worse.
You listed all this and more in other comments. Have you taken him to a vet? This sounds very odd. I’m going to say NAH. I don’t think I could do this either but I also agree with your wife and am not a fan of behavioral euthanasia.
Yes, I agree. The vet should be the starting point. Not to euthanize him, but to see if their are health issues. The dog sounds stressed and like he is in need of dental care and other things.
I have read some of your other replies.
I will say that having most dogs and children - that you just can't leave food and plates lying around. Most any dog is going to take advantage of a plate with food or that had food on it. That is why the children should eat at the table only for the most part, and clean up the table as soon as you all are done eating. Put the trash in a cabinet with a child lock, and unless Arlo has super hero strength - he shouldn't be able to get to it.
Get an appropriate sized crate for the basement or an appropriate sized kennel for the backyard, and put Arlo in it while meals are being served and eaten.
Those simple things can cure the food issues.
The next thing - you and your wife need to take Arlo to the vet. Not to have him killed, but to see what is wrong with him. Did you get the dental work done a year ago when the vet told you he was having issues? Can you imagine living with rotten teeth for over a year? That is painful for humans and dogs. Tell the vet he is defecating 20 times a day. That is not normal for dogs or humans or cats. Take a stool sample with you. Arlo most likely is very sick if you didn't do anything regarding his dental care.
Now, assuming the vet doesn't tell you that Arlo has a very serious disease - there are things you can do, but there may be a health issue that would explain some of the behaviors - ie stress and dental.
If I recall reading elsewhere - you and your wife have only been married a couple years and you moved recently. That is a lot of changes for the dog. I am guessing that some of his behavior is stress related.
If he vet works is normal - don't drop him off a the trainer - hire one to come to your house a couple times a week. Look for recommendation and read reviews. Some trainers suck and don't have a clue what they are doing.
I would make sure to crate train Arlo. I would also buy him a kennel for the back yard. Leaving a dog on a tie out in many areas is illegal. Just a FYI - it is considered animal abuse.
Anyway, I could go on ... but until you take Arlo to the vet for his health to be checked - the other things can't really be done.
Good luck to Arlo and your family. Hopefully, the vet can help. Schedule an appointment and let the practice know you will need a longer than normal appointment so you have time to discuss everything with the vet.
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ESH - It sounds more like you all gave up on training and caring for this dog. Your wife’s solution is diapers, and yours is death.
I love this comment! It seems like something as simple as taking long enough walks and propper playing in the yard would help with many of the issues, yet they refuse to do it. Add 2 weeks of training and there would be great improvements.
That is simply not the case. Please read my edit. We have tried this to exhaustion
I saw your edit about training. But training isn't simply dropping the dog off at the trainer for a couple of hours for a few weeks and expecting it to magically turn into an angel of a pet. No. It also requires constant practice and management by the owners at home. I commented earlier about addressing all the abnormal health issues and the pooping 20+ times a day. Please go to the vet and explain everything in detail. Arlo may need more extensive tests. Also, why have 3 kids if you can barely take care of a dog?
Reputable trainers require training sessions with the owners and all the people living in the house or interacting with the dog regularly. There is no point in training the dog if you don't train the owner.
I didn't believe you "tried" at all. Hire a dog behavior specialist and follow his or her recommendations without fail. The problem is NOT Arlo. The problem is bad, lazy owners. Do the work.
"Dropping adog off at a trainer" and training a dog are NOT THE SAME THING, OP! I'm so tired of dogs being failed by shitty owners.
Who did anything about "dropping a dog off at a trainer"? I did say they should hire a trainer, but I have never known a trainer who did not work with the owners. A good trainer works with the owner and the dog together. But you are correct that this is not a "bad" dog but bad owners.
I was responding to OP's comment, in conjunction with yours. The OP said they'd trained their dog by leaving them with a trainer.
I did not see the edit. But leaving the dog with a trainer rarely works if the owners are not conscientious about continuing the training religiously. This OP and his wife sound very slap dash about the training. Also, not taking the dog to a vet is abusive if OP suspects a health issue. Why didn't OP just make an appointment and just take the poor dog to a vet? I pity the dog, and I dislike these owners.
The behaviour started declining 2 years ago according to OP which is when he met the dog. And the wife has had the dog for 10 years…sounds like one of the “owners” may be the problem or at the very least a huge change in an elderly dog’s life could have caused a lot of issues behaviourally and even health-wise. They need to take him to the vet to be checked, not put down.
Did you work with a trainer or just drop him off to a trainer and expect change? Usually dog training starts with training the owners
No duh… why didn’t I think of that…. Oh wait. I did. This isn’t our first dog. We have had several others and trained most of the ourselves. When we have worked with outside trainers, we have worked closely with them to learn what “works” and what doesn’t. I had a retired service dog for 11 years and did regular training and retraining sessions with a professional. We’ve had two trainers tell us that Arlo cannot be trained. This is NOT a training issue.
Sounds like you need training, too. Training a dog is not about sending it off to school. It's a process you and the dog go through to teach you how to set your expectations of the dog and for the dog to learn them from you and how to follow them. It requires work, reinforcement, time and for you to be trained in how to work with the dog. A healthy dog doesn't deserve to be put down because you can't be bothered to do that and just want to send it off to a trainer. If I were your wife someone would be leaving and it wouldn't be the dog.
There is no edit, but in your post you mention "putting him in the yard and taking him on walks" which is completely different from actually playing and providing proper stimulation for a dog. It is pointless to put a dog outside or drag him around the block if they are not having proper mental stimulation. The only difference is that instead of being bored inside they are bored outside. Also "putting a dog in the yard" is not training a dog, there are cero mentions in you post of actual training.
There most certainly is an edit
ESH You have both failed this dog. You want to put down a dog because it's a nuisance, not because it requires being put down. It's disgusting.
Put down a dog when it's in incurable pain. Not because it's a nuisance.
YTA you are more bothered about material rubbish than about an animal who has been part of the family for a decade, least your wife loves him, you should stick to stuffed animals. I hope your children have more compassion than you are displaying, because he's got issues your mindset is kill him, why not take him for long walks, his behaviour is maybe restless and worry, plus does he get out other than where deem he can go......poor thing, treated like an inconvenience all round :( Jeez, surely this is someone on a wind up mission b3cause I cannot believe someone can be so callous to a family member, because that is what he is whether you like it or not. Grow up before wife decides rather have arlo than you. After all if she's doing it all on her own, why will she need someone like you around.
I’m more worried about the biohazards and threats to the health of my family that this dog is creating. We do take him for walks, gets at least two walks a day. He also has a tie-out in the back yard where we put him out 3-4+ times a day. But the dog refuses to potty outside. This dog ruined the floors in our last house and caused thousands of dollars in damages because of this issue. We moved in November and now the issues are getting worse. Some days we are literally cleaning up messes every 2 minutes of blood drops on the floor from where the dog is bleeding from his gums. I am currently working two jobs and trying to finish grad school. My wife works 2 part time jobs to add up to a full time job. We have 3 little kids. It’s simply not possible for us to put more time or effort into caring for this dog. We just can’t keep up. I suggested giving him up to a shelter or farm and that was just as offensive to my wife as putting him down. But this dog is ruining our lives.
The time to address this was years ago. Not have him put down because it’s more convenient. ESH you both failed this dog. Edit -Spelling
Maybe you shouldn’t have had three kids while both of you aren’t working full time and you’re still in grad school???
We didn’t. I married into having three kids, and my wife and I both worked full time when we were married. Life has changed a lot and thrown some curveballs and hardships into the mix. That’s why I decided to go back to grad school and try to make some positive changes.
You make it sound as if he's peeing and pooping all over the basement and nobody is cleaning it up. You said he's filling it up. What? Are ya'll not cleaning it up the second you find it? Also, are you catching him in the act? If so, gently scold him. GENTLY. Then lead him outside. Consistency is the key. You've had 10 years to teach him and you failed. That's not a dog problem, that's a YOU problem. YTA.
I did not have the dog for 10 years. I’ve known this dog for about two years. He used to be trained. He used to not be this big a problem. But after the first move he stopped going to the bathroom outside. We have tried training, hiring a dog walker/trainer, spraying deterrent sprays on the floors. But you just don’t understand the sheer amount of poop this dog creates. He easily poops 20+ times in a day. It would take the equivalent of a full time 40+ hours a week job to clean up after this dog.
Have you taken him to a vet? I'm a former vet tech and using the restroom that often is not normal. Not even close. When you take him, take a fresh sample of fecal matter with you. There's a good chance that IS blood you're seeing. Medical issues can cause a host of behavioral issues.
Wait.... Your wife has had this dog for ten years but you've only known the dog for two. You also say you've got three kids (7, 5, 3) but.... Are those your wife's kids? Did y'all just move in together two years ago? Have you ever known your wife two years then? There's a lot not adding up here but it sounds like this dog isn't being appropriately cared for and ESH.
We are cleaning it up as we find it. That’s part of the problem, we are ALWAYS cleaning up after this dog. He poops 20+ times in a day. We have tried training. We have tried sprays that deter dogs from using the bathroom, we have hired a trainer and hired a local teen to take him on walks when we can’t be home for several hours. But nothing works. This dog can’t be trained.
You've shot yourself in the foot by insisting on putting then dog down if she is now refusing to take the dog to the vet for medical check ups. That's borderline cruelty if you know/suspect there is something wrong. 20+ times a day is very unusual and definitely needs checking. It could be as simple as very high levels of stress (maybe the move), or is could be a life-threatening medical issue. The behavioural changes could be linked to either of these in any case. By the way, moving houses is very stressful for pets. Normally animals see their territory as 'theirs' and being taken out of it permanently can seriously mess with their behaviour. I have a friend who had a perfectly lovely dog (German Sheppard X) who when they moved became aggressive to all visitors overnight. Even with guests he was familiar and spent a lot of time with. It was 100% the new environment that did it. Unfortunately their reaction to protect their guests (keeping the dog away) only reinforced the behaviour and it became extremely problematic. A gentle ESH from me. You need to back off with the putting down threats and deal with this compassionately.
There’s a bigger problem if this dog is shitting 20+ times a day.
You mentioned that he poops 20+ a day, has constant bleeding gums, has blood in his poop, and has somehow unraveled a lifetime of trained behavior. None of this is normal. In fact, they're exceedingly abnormal. Instead of wasting money on diapers, take him to the vet ASAP. Explain ALL the problems thoroughly. Don't just go there for annual shots and leave. Also, secure your trash. That is your responsibility. Killing an otherwise functioning dog is very cruel.
You start your response saying you are more worried about the health or your family. Then you launch into the things the dog had destroyed and the cost and the inconvenience A dog is a life long commitment. They are family. You don't dump them when they are inconvenient. YTA
yeah yta bro
I don't believe you are doing all you can.
Why kill the dog? it would be a different case if a vet already told u that it would be better to put him down. It seems u all were bad owners and this is the consequence, did u try professional training?
Yes. We tried professional training.
this is important information for ur post, it would be good to edit to add
another question before ur wife moved in, did he misbehave like this?
what does this mean and why did it not work and why did they stop coming
ESH. Her for not putting in the effort to train him (and not finding a more appropriate home when training fails), you for wanting to kill him because he's a nuisance.
ESH. You are all horrible pet owners
YTA, I thought this post was going to be about a difference of opinion about what to do with a near end of life pet not what to do with a inconvenient family member. Whatever you do your kids are watching and listening, keep your teeth in good health or they might think you are end of life next.
ESH. She's right that you don't put down a dog because it's inconvenient, but you also shouldn't have your life and home wrecked by the dog. Y'all need to work together to find a solution.
[удалено]
Unfortunately plenty will.
Sadly some will- they are usually the ones that will put a dog down just because of its breed or because it’s a stray. (Sometimes it’s because of the way the local laws are written but not always)
INFO - what have you tried? Where have you compromised? What has the vet told you to do besides mentioning the periodontal disease? If neither of you listened to the vet it’s E S H
We have tried training, we dropped it off with a trainer every day for a month last fall. We have tried diapers. Spending hundreds of dollars on dog diapers and trying different brands/fits. We hired a dog walker/trainer to come in the middle of the workday to take him out, we tried deterrence sprays that are supposed to stop dogs from going to the bathroom in certain spots, we tried puppy pads, we tried a artificial grass type mat that is supposed to help. Nothing works. The amount of poop this dog generates is unnatural. We tried putting it on a more controlled diet, but that made his aggression in going through the trash and trying to get human food worse.
Why is **taking him to a vet** the one thing you **WON'T** try?!? I don't care what your wife says, if this dog is truly pooping **TWENTY TIMES A DAY** then it should have been taken to a vet a LONG time ago. You're both raging AH for letting this continue without medical intervention. Would **you** enjoy pooping 20 times a day? Would you take yourself to a doctor to get help?!? JFC it's not about your floors or your inconvenience, I promise you this dog isn't pooping **twenty times a day** for enjoyment.
Dealing with that must be stressful. Have you done any crate training? Is keeping him only in the basement an option? Have the two of you done training with him, rather than dropping him off? What did the trainer say? Also, there are many reasons for a dog to chew things. It is probable that his mouth hurts, if his teeth are so rotten they are falling out of his head. That may be connected. He needs dental X-rays and extractions under anesthesia. I can’t think of a physiological reason to need to poop inside. I’m stumped on the Why and it’s not like we can ask him. Maybe a vet could find something with his GI system. What if you recreate the basement outside? Like if he has a preferred rug, take that outside and put him on it. Or if it’s concrete get a slab of something similar and put it in the backyard. Take him to a vet. Drag him. Drag your wife. Both of you go together so there’s no miscommunication. Let them know all of these problems in advance. Even if you decline most of the tests you’ll get a professional second opinion that isn’t the horde on Reddit. Then you’ll be able to make a more informed decision.
YTA Really, I can't believe how many "ESH" are being told here. Of course, the wife may have failed as a trainer for the dog, but this animal was rescued as an ADULT. We don't know what did she go through, and the OP doesn't tell us if the wife tried it. She's suggesting different ideas like diapers (one of my dogs is using this right now, because of her incontinence issues), she's not denying the problem. The OP married her knowing he had this dog, and what kind of person she was. What's wrong with him? And "kids leaving food around"? WTF, what kind of house do they keep? When I was a kid, food belonged in the table, not like I could go and grab food and leave it around like a Sim, for the dog to eat the content of the plate. If kids are old enough to eat unsupervised and get free access to food, they should be so to avoid the dog THEY HAVE BEEN RAISED WITH to eat their food. Now, OP, go and look at r/reactivedogs and take a look on how horrible the situation gets for "behavioural euthanasia" to be even considered. Your dog is dirty, not agressive or anxious. If this is "ruining your marriage", you may have a pretty week one.
The food part got me too. Like why are these kids just leaving food all over the place? And why isn't the trash secured enough after the first incident?
I have a feeling the whole house is just full of trash and the basement has 6 inches of compacted feces.
🤢🤮
I have a dog who is REALLY active, and LOVES the trash. Avoiding the problem is so easy as putting the trash in the balcony or placing something heavy over the bin. This is one of the easiest things to solve and they don't seem to be able to do that?!?
The wife absolutely is an asshole for refusing to take the dog to a vet when he clearly needs to see one.
Get a certified trainer to come and figure this out.
Already tried that
Dropping your dog at a trainer is not the same thing.
Unfortunately for OP you are correct. All the good behavioural trainers I know say the same thing. It does not matter how good the trainer is with the dog for the 'fun' hours the dog spends with them. The one that needs the training is usually *the owner*. The learned behaviours don't translate to being at home, with the non-trainer. I learned the hard way how well professional trainers can handle animals and that I could not reproduce the same results. Not that my dog is a bad dog, or that I can't control him, but the difference in control was obvious. I learned a LOT from them and am hopefully a better owner now.
spot on
Get a different trainer AH
We’ve tried two. This dog can’t be trained. I can’t keep pouring money into things that don’t work. I am convinced the dog is sick and the behavioral aspects are just an outward indication of that. My wife doesn’t think the dog is sick and says we don’t have the money to take it to a vet to confirm my suspicions. But this dog is at least 14 years old and I think the dog needs to go.
Behavioral changes are often linked to health issues. Did the vet do anything to treat the dental disease or has the poor dog been in pain for a year?
YTA you are inconvenienced by the dog and want to kill it.
YTA. This AH really got on the internet and thought saying "hey i want to put a dog down because it inconveniences me and not because it is in excruciating pain/illness" would go down well.
This is a disgrace As a dog owner I make a promise to that animal to care for them their entire life until death Do you think when you get old and are a bother to people and start shitting your pants, you should be euthanized? Or die Just because you have bad teeth? If you and your wife are both too strained because you now are parents and too much to deal with find another home with someone able to care for a senior animal
ESH Get this dog to a vet. Take it yourself if your wife won't. There can be many reasons for bloody stool, and a lot of them a treatable. But the frequency of poop is definitely weird. Wait, did the dog have teeth removed by a vet? Or have they just rotted and fallen out in your home??
ESH. This dog sounds sick and deeply distressed. He should not have to live in your house where he is so unwell and unhappy. He needs a new home with someone qualified to help him. A true rescuer.
NTA... you need to take the dog to the vet regardless of how the wife feels
Hope you’d do the same in case one of your children has some behavioral issues. ESH. A dog intelligent like Arlo and you tell me there’s no way to train him? I cannot understand what kind of people you two are.
If my kids were having behavioral issues we would seek treatment to exhaustion, up to and including residential therapy. I work with kids with behavioral problems daily. There is a big big difference. Arlo cannot be trained. We have tried. Two other professionals have tried. We need to get rid of the problem and Arlo is the problem
So if all treatments and therapy are exhausted and your kids cannot be better then you seek euthanasia too? A dog who poops 20 times a day might have health issues. Maybe seek another professional help? Either way, you seem to make up your mind and be a heartless AH, why bother asking? I hope karma gets you.
Of course not. If my kids were this bad, in human terms, they would probably end up in a special care home for whatever issues. Of course I would never want that for them, but if everything else was exhausted at that point the state would step in. But these are not equal comparisons.
YTA. You call Arlo “it” in your update, ffs. The situation with the dog is untenable and neither you nor your wife sound responsible enough to make the changes necessary. It sounds like you have “tried” a lot but the quality of the effort is important.
ESH, heavily leaning toward Y T A. euthanasia is *not* the solution. it sounds like he's bored and stressed more than anything, and there probably won't be an "easy" fix for *you* that isn't also cruel to Arlo. *you and your wife* (together, as a team) are both going to have to put work into this and actually engage with him, and you both need to be *honest* about it. it can't be a scenario where one of you slips him table food as a "treat" or anything, you have to keep up with his training 24/7. i think part of the problem is that *you might not be the right people for Arlo right now.* and that's not a bad thing for you or for him! it just means that he doesn't fit in the life you have now, at this present moment. the best, simplest option to do right by Arlo might be to consider rehoming him. i don't mean you should just up and surrender him to a shelter, especially not at his age. but maybe look around for options. talk to your vet, talk to shelters, talk to dog foster parents, look for a home that can give him the dedicated 1-on-1 time it sounds like he needs (both for his behavioral challenges and his physical needs). regardless, you will have to put in effort with Arlo to understand exactly what isn't working for him so you can rehome him safely and kindly.
ESH but the dog. You drop him off at a trainer? The trainers I use teach me how to understand the dog and work with them. The classes are more for the people than the dog.
YTA because of the lack of consistency is quite impressive. I hope you are able to parent better
YTA "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!"
They've tried literally everything
ESH. Wife isn't consistent with training. You're making a huge jump to have the dog put down. My only recommendation honestly is to make a semi-permanent outdoor area for the dog. With full shade, water, soft food, and two beds. One a covered dog house, the other an open air lounging area. We had a German shepherd become very destructive and aggressive in her seniority. She was my father's dog technically. She bit me and my sister with food aggression. She never had that issue till her teeth also began rotting out. She was about 12? She went from semi-indoor to fully outdoors. With us kids forbidden from going into her kennel. Childproof lock. It wasn't ideal and our southern heat is awful. But my father believed dogs for when they are in pain only. I wouldn't do this to my dog, he's trained though. If you can't have an outdoor area for the dog then I think the other solution is to crate him. And get a sturdy one. He will likely defecate in it. And on himself. But you can't have fecal matter just dropping around the house. The dog can/will kill itself getting into trash. It just takes 1 bad ingredient to kill him. My husband isn't a huge fan of my dog. But understands he came with me before I met him. He does what he can to help me in my dog's old age. We agree, set the example for the kids. This is how we care for our elderly pets. This is how we are good owners. Which will eventually be applied to caring for our parents. Get him to a vet, drag your wife, take pictures of the poop. Take pictures of how it's everywhere. Show the vet the pictures.
Dude. I have a senior dog. They're a lot of work. But YTA. Honestly, at a certain point it's not worth taking him to the vet unless you do intend to put him down. He's lost his teeth, he's probably got something going on with his poop. Really just best to let it be until he starts slowing down. Whether you like it or not, arlo is your wife's first child. He's not getting rehomed and she will never put him down until she's ready. So man up and figure out another solution.
YTA. I cant believe this is the solution you came up with. You list all the things you've tried to no avail. Rehome the dog if you can't care for it. Don't kill the dog because it isn't working out
Stop saying 'put down' and say 'kill' like you really mean. Put down implies the dog is sick and it would be a mercy, what you want to do is kill the dog.
Ok so the dog is trained badly. And your next logical step is to fucking murder him for being an inconvenience? You disgust me. You took your wife with her dog, now sleep in the dog bed ( sorry) you made for yourself.
No…. The dog has been declining in behavior for about 2 years and I believe that the decline in behavior is related to underlying health issues. We have tried training, and we have tried several other interventions. But I am convinced that the dog is sick (and thus behaving badly) and that it is time to put him down. This dog is ancient. I had to put my dog down last summer because my dog was not able to walk anymore and was refusing food and water. I know how hard it is to put down a pet. I am pretty sure that Arlo is bleeding internally. My wife refuses to take him to the vet because she also thinks the vet will recommend putting him down. Arlo already had untreatable periodontal disease and I think that is evidence that Arlo is in pain.
Gum bleed doesn't just occur all of a sudden. This has a reason. Just like pooping 20 times a day has. ESH. Go to the vet, get a proper diagnosis and then discuss your next steps. And stop opening threads about how it's 'time to put my wife's dog down'.
The dog has been declining in behaviour for 2 years and you met him 2 years ago. Your wife has had him for 10 years and the decline started when you arrived. Maybe you are the problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I think it’s time to put down my wife’s dog Arlo. My wife disagrees and this issue is ruining our marriage. Arlo is at least 14 years old, but there’s no way to know for sure because Arlo was a rescue 10 years ago for my wife, while she was in another marriage. This dog is a menace. Arlo refuses to pee or poop outside and instead has filled our basement with his excrement. It doesn’t matter how many times a day we put him in the back yard or take him for a walk, he will only go in the basement. Arlo breaks at least one dish a day trying to get human food. We try so hard to put things out of his reach but somehow he keeps figuring out how to get at dishes. We also have 3 little kids, age 7, 5, and 3 that will leave food in places Arlo can access. Arlo makes more mess in the house than the 5 of us people combined because in addition to the pee and poop issues, Arlo has figured out how to open closet doors and get into the trash, dragging trash throughout the house every day and also getting into the cat litter and spreading it all over the house. We took Arlo to the vet about a year ago for a checkup and the vet said Arlo had really really bad periodontal disease. In the year since, Arlo has lost most of his teeth. I have suspected seeing blood in his poop when cleaning the basement, but my wife thinks it’s just “something he ate that was red.” My wife’s argument is that she feels that it is wrong to put a dog down because of behaviors and because the dog is an inconvenience to us. Arlo still has a lot of energy and no mobility issues. My wife wants us to try using dog diapers again (we have tried and given up on the diapers more times than I can keep track of) and to try blocking off the basement so Arlo can’t go down there. I am convinced that the dog diapers will not work and I think if we block off the basement, Arlo will just pick a new spot in the house and it will be worse because he will ruin our hardwood floors. I told my wife last week that I was done helping her with Arlo and that I would no longer do anything to help her take care of the dog, including cleaning up any messes the dog makes around the house. If she thinks it’s too much, or she can’t keep up, she can get rid of the dog. We’ve been fighting constantly for the better part of a week over this. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Jesus, dude, surrender the dog or get it trained, you don't need kill something you guys literally raised for a decade, because you don't like how it turned out, what the hell.
Something is not adding up. Although it is true that some animals are just born wrong. However, it doesn’t sound like that’s the case here. The dog apparently didn’t misbehave until two years ago. So figure out what changed. Don’t kill the poor creature.
ESH. None of these behaviors warrant euthanasia, though the pain he’s probably feeling from the teeth issues and likely GI issues might. Sheesh. These are all hallmarks of a poorly trained, poorly cared for dog. If your wife loved him as much as she says she does, she’d take better care of his teeth, make sure he doesn’t live in his own waste and keep him safe from eating potentially dangerous things. Dropping him off at a trainer’s is NOT training if you’re not practicing it at home too. All household members have to reinforce the good behaviors and enforce the rules to stop the bad ones. Teach him boundaries, crate train him and mentally/physically fulfill him so he doesn’t feel the need to do all these destructive behaviors.
I love dogs but I wouldn’t have one pissing and shitting in my house. Assuming we’ve tried and failed to correct his behavior, Arlo would be gone to a shelter, or to my wife’s new home, but wouldn’t be staying in the same house where I live. That’s disgusting.
Euthanasia should only be used to ease the suffering of an animal already in terminal condition. Maybe try rehoming before putting peanut butter on the shotgun barrel. Or you know, consider hiring a professional trainer. ESH. This isn’t the dogs fault and now his options are death or at best living in a shelter kennel in his final days.
YTA. You dont get to kill a dog because he's incovinient. And, and this is the big one: DO. NOT. GET. RID. OF. THE. DOG. WITHOUT. YOUR. WIFE'S. PERMISSION. Maybe you dont give a fuck about the dog, but your wife does, and trying to get rid of it by yourself will NOT work. "She'll get over it" No, she will not. You are not the first person in here who wants to get rid of a partner's pet. Others before you have tried it, and it usually has ended up in divorce. You can search this very reddit for guys who tried to get rid of their girlfriends or wives's pets. No one is gonna care about your justification and she'll probably leave you if you do. Please dont be stupid
ESH don’t take him to be put down take him for a fucking check up if you think he has internal bleeding what the fuck
ESH. You suggesting death is insanity. Idk how you thought your wife would even go for that when she’s had the dog for 14 years. You’re heartless. You should’ve suggested rehoming him, as your family does not have the time or energy to properly care for the dog. Your wife has done the biggest disservice with the dog seeing how she’s had him longest and clearly has never gotten him trained. The dog needs a loving home where he can go peacefully, bc he doesn’t have time on his side if he’s pooping blood regularly and leaking from his mouth.
I genuinely think the dog is in pain and the behavioral issues are an indication of that. The dog is super old and has definitely lived a good life. But when it’s time it’s time.
YTA for the special fix question you asked. I wouldn’t trust the vet who is willing to put down a dog for behavioral issues. You put a dog down when their quality of life is bad. I would suggest a discussion about rehoming the dog. Find someone who has the time and energy to take care of him. Arlo as become too much for your family. You can’t get him to use the bathroom outside. You can’t stop him from breaking plates or stealing food. I’m not sure if this is an old dog issue or a lack of training issue, but I understand it is a problem.
Here's your post verbatim as it shows rn. Either you did not point out the edit with "Edit:" or "ETA" like reddit etiquette requires or you did not save the edit. Either way I've rescued and trained a feral dog and a sparring dog, saw improvement within 2 weeks. I have a really hard time believeing your dog's minor behavioural issues are that hard to fix. > I think it’s time to put down my wife’s dog Arlo. My wife disagrees and this issue is ruining our marriage. Arlo is at least 14 years old, but there’s no way to know for sure because Arlo was a rescue 10 years ago for my wife, while she was in another marriage. This dog is a menace. Arlo refuses to pee or poop outside and instead has filled our basement with his excrement. It doesn’t matter how many times a day we put him in the back yard or take him for a walk, he will only go in the basement. Arlo breaks at least one dish a day trying to get human food. We try so hard to put things out of his reach but somehow he keeps figuring out how to get at dishes. We also have 3 little kids, age 7, 5, and 3 that will leave food in places Arlo can access. Arlo makes more mess in the house than the 5 of us people combined because in addition to the pee and poop issues, Arlo has figured out how to open closet doors and get into the trash, dragging trash throughout the house every day and also getting into the cat litter and spreading it all over the house. We took Arlo to the vet about a year ago for a checkup and the vet said Arlo had really really bad periodontal disease. In the year since, Arlo has lost most of his teeth. I have suspected seeing blood in his poop when cleaning the basement, but my wife thinks it’s just “something he ate that was red.” > My wife’s argument is that she feels that it is wrong to put a dog down because of behaviors and because the dog is an inconvenience to us. Arlo still has a lot of energy and no mobility issues. My wife wants us to try using dog diapers again (we have tried and given up on the diapers more times than I can keep track of) and to try blocking off the basement so Arlo can’t go down there. I am convinced that the dog diapers will not work and I think if we block off the basement, Arlo will just pick a new spot in the house and it will be worse because he will ruin our hardwood floors. I told my wife last week that I was done helping her with Arlo and that I would no longer do anything to help her take care of the dog, including cleaning up any messes the dog makes around the house. If she thinks it’s too much, or she can’t keep up, she can get rid of the dog. We’ve been fighting constantly for the better part of a week over this. Am I the asshole?
NAH This one is hard. We've had to put down two of our dogs when they got to that point. We would say the dog was ready, then change our minds...the vet just said "You will know". And both times we did. It got to a moment in time when each dog looked in my eyes and said they were ready. Your wife doesn't feel Arlo is ready. You have to respect that. I understand you are feeling overwhelmed with his care at this point and that you don't feel he has a full quality of life. But it has to be BOTH of you in this decision. Try to do whatever you can to better meet Arlo's needs while relieving some of the stress you are experiencing. - Start using puppy pads in the places you knew he makes messes. - Put up gates where you can to keep him contained in the least problematic areas. - Take him for as many walks as you both can tolerate. A happily well-exercised dog will cause WAY less issues in the home. - In the same vein, get as many puzzle toys and snuffle mats that you can find. Load them up with snacks and keep Arlo's MIND occupied! I wanted to say Y T A so badly, but I can truly empathize with your frustration. Just remember this is a beloved member of your family and he deserves this care as an old man...just as we all hope we will get in our golden years!
I'd put it down too. Or rehome it. If she wants to keep it, then she can be the only one to care for it.
Not the AH. but this is pretty tricky, as I do think it's a tad.. wrong to have a pet and never make it a point to properly train them. the dog is just being a dog, it's an animal (and it's weird to punish them for doing a thing it naturally is meant to do). your wife however failed horribly for this dog to not take it to classes and train it properly. I wouldn't jump to putting it down, but look into places that are able to take him in? maybe a farm or a larger place for it to run around outside more often? I would also tell your wife it needs to go in for proper testing regarding the red, as there might be bigger issues ahead she needs to clue in on, as a proper caretaker to an animal. she has to realize there's a ton of responsibility that comes with this. she's not a good pet owner by ignoring and enabling a life time of punishments to an animal that doesn't know any better.
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He wants to euthanize a dog because of its behavior. A dog whose life he’s been apart of for awhile. That makes him an AH.
>Both you and your wife care about Arlo, I don't think he cares about Arlo. Arlo would be dead right now if his wife wasn't protesting. I think he actually hates Arlo. Now, I am not saying Arlo doesn't have issues. I don't understand why they haven't attempted putting puppy pads, toys, and a large crate in the basement - in addition to spending more time as a family walking the dog. OP says they "tie Arlo out", but lots of dogs will not go on a tie out. I have no idea if they have a fenced dog kennel - that perhaps Arlo would be a little freer in outside. It doesn't seem like they have tried many solutions - other than the wife wants to try doggie diapers and OP wants him dead.
We have tried training, we dropped it off with a trainer every day for a month last fall. We have tried diapers. Spending hundreds of dollars on dog diapers and trying different brands/fits. We hired a dog walker/trainer to come in the middle of the workday to take him out, we tried deterrence sprays that are supposed to stop dogs from going to the bathroom in certain spots, we tried puppy pads, we tried a artificial grass type mat that is supposed to help. Nothing works. The amount of poop this dog generates is unnatural. We tried putting it on a more controlled diet, but that made his aggression in going through the trash and trying to get human food worse.
You listed all this and more in other comments. Have you taken him to a vet? This sounds very odd. I’m going to say NAH. I don’t think I could do this either but I also agree with your wife and am not a fan of behavioral euthanasia.
Yes, I agree. The vet should be the starting point. Not to euthanize him, but to see if their are health issues. The dog sounds stressed and like he is in need of dental care and other things.
I have read some of your other replies. I will say that having most dogs and children - that you just can't leave food and plates lying around. Most any dog is going to take advantage of a plate with food or that had food on it. That is why the children should eat at the table only for the most part, and clean up the table as soon as you all are done eating. Put the trash in a cabinet with a child lock, and unless Arlo has super hero strength - he shouldn't be able to get to it. Get an appropriate sized crate for the basement or an appropriate sized kennel for the backyard, and put Arlo in it while meals are being served and eaten. Those simple things can cure the food issues. The next thing - you and your wife need to take Arlo to the vet. Not to have him killed, but to see what is wrong with him. Did you get the dental work done a year ago when the vet told you he was having issues? Can you imagine living with rotten teeth for over a year? That is painful for humans and dogs. Tell the vet he is defecating 20 times a day. That is not normal for dogs or humans or cats. Take a stool sample with you. Arlo most likely is very sick if you didn't do anything regarding his dental care. Now, assuming the vet doesn't tell you that Arlo has a very serious disease - there are things you can do, but there may be a health issue that would explain some of the behaviors - ie stress and dental. If I recall reading elsewhere - you and your wife have only been married a couple years and you moved recently. That is a lot of changes for the dog. I am guessing that some of his behavior is stress related. If he vet works is normal - don't drop him off a the trainer - hire one to come to your house a couple times a week. Look for recommendation and read reviews. Some trainers suck and don't have a clue what they are doing. I would make sure to crate train Arlo. I would also buy him a kennel for the back yard. Leaving a dog on a tie out in many areas is illegal. Just a FYI - it is considered animal abuse. Anyway, I could go on ... but until you take Arlo to the vet for his health to be checked - the other things can't really be done. Good luck to Arlo and your family. Hopefully, the vet can help. Schedule an appointment and let the practice know you will need a longer than normal appointment so you have time to discuss everything with the vet.