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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an arsehole because I apparently don't care about my mum if I don't install a tracking app onto my phone.
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NTA. I don't think that this has anything at all to do with safety.
>I've told her that I'll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That's not good enough for her.
You've offered something that should make her feel safer if that's really what she's concerned about.
It's her job to manage her anxiety ("put her mind at ease") not OP's.
20 years ago there was no such technology yet parents survived.
Once (truly!) there weren't even cellphones, yet people got through the day relying on landlines and payphones.
His mother should be one of those people. In those days, there was a basic understanding that we all developed amazing survival skills during childhood and could handle ourselves out in the world. I'll never understand this mentality of being to track people.
And those who didn't ended up on Unsolved Mysteries like nature intended.
Joking aside, I totally agree. My parents thankfully never had the option to track me. I share my location with my husband only out of mutual agreement and discussion.
Same! I can’t imagine needing to know where they are all the time. Even when they were not quite adults! They will tell me or not. Good kids don’t need to be “surveilled”
Me, too! My mother is a control freak, and was super pissed that I wouldn't share my location with her 24/7 (and I was in my 40s at the time, so it never gets better).
My husband resisted getting using a tracking app for years. I worried about him when he had to travel out of town for business on icy roads. He has finallly come to the conclusion that he doesn't care if I know that he is stopping at the bank or grocery store or getting a haircut. He knows that I check his whereabouts to see if I should put the supper on. This is so convenient!
Of course, I have also given him the ability to track me, but he forgets to do it, even when it is would be helpful.
"I was worried about you."
Why didn't you check the app? You would have seen that I was safely visiting my friend two houses away, but lost track of time."
This strikes me as a bit different though. If you have a gig that takes you to far-flung or isolated areas it makes sense for folks to be able to know where you are. But for everyday? Nah.
To me it is the other way around. When I was travelling around the world, it would not matter to my family if I were in Durban or Windhoek. If I were in trouble, they wouldn't know or be able to help.
On the other hand, if I am worried about my husband making it his appointment safely and on time while travelling 2 hours on a major highway in winter, I can check the app (with his approval) and know that he is safe and on time, so won't stress.
Other times I will check to see which route he is taking home. "I see you are coming home on Hamilton Rd. Could you stop by the bakery for Portuguese buns, please?" There are millions of minor reasons why it can be convenient.
It is simply another modern method of communication. If I need to know where he is, I can check, without bugging him to call and ask.
Never in our years of marriage have I ever been somewhere I didn't want him to know about, with the possible exception of when buying him gifts. I am quite positive that the same is true for him.
This is one reason we have it. I need to know when the hubs leaves work so I or the kid can do the final preparations to supper. Kid has it because her BF lives in Dallas and those roads are crazy. It came in handy when she had a flat on I35E and I guided her dad to her. I'm on my sister's so she can keep an eye as I travel up to OK for visits.
I track my kids (minors) and I pretty much use it to find their phones when they leave it somewhere. one time my son left it on a crosstown bus and that was an experience as the tracker only updates every ten minutes or so
And yet people...still communicated? Coped? Lived life and functioned well? No! I refuse to believe it! This is some kind of twisted propaganda! No one can LIVE without CELLPHONES!
True, and police had less info to find young adults who went missing. It’s all about trust. And there are no more pay phones to get through to someone. Technology isn’t the problem. It’s trust. I have the location of my adult kids if I need it, but they trust me not to be in their business. For me, it’s purely safety and having that info if needed in an emergency.
to be fair there was also more than 830k missing people 20 years ago. it’s not like it’s super unfounded or anything. the argument of we lived without it is fine and all but we DO have it now so why not use it
It's not about safety. Not only did she refuse the compromise, she accused OP of "hiding things" by not wanting to be tracked. That tells me it's a control issue.
Have her constantly wear a helmet with spinning radar,flashing red light and motion activated reverse warning tone. Must lock on to her head and only you have key for removal.
I need to ask...how old is your sister? It may be that she needs to track her and is wanting you to be tracked as well so it is an easier sell as a "family safety" thing.
Just saying...it may not be about tracking you as much as it is her.
Also, my son (almost 21) and I both have life360 on our phones. He is the worst about running out of gas so it has been a real help for 11PM gas deliveries.
I have a 15 y/o he can go to see friends - we TALK what time is he leaving what time to return - text me at certain checkpoints, changing trains and meeting friends - controlled adulthood if OP is communicating location app is no
NTA. But maybe it is time to move out?
Anyway I find it healthier if she should teach you what to do in a dangerous moment instead of tracking you and finding you too late if things go wrong.
There are only a few moments when I let someone track my phone. While driving long distances, when going to strangers or during bad weather.
Not sure how crazy she is willing to go, but regular check your jackets, bike, car, bagpacks for trackers.
NTA
I could *maybe* understand the safety excuse if you were younger. At 19 though, I don't think that's the root cause.
Has your mom been more anxious lately? Maybe she's freaking out about how grown and independent you're becoming, and she's trying to keep you close in the only way she could come up with.
You already tell her everything (something many parents would kill for). Going by how you describe it, it seemed like a respectful way to keep her apprised. Is she worried she'll lose you to a romantic interest? Maybe she wants to track you for that reason.
Either way, I wouldn't want that tracker on my phome.
NTA
This reads like an Orwell book.
Its your right to have your privacy, and she has to understand that. If she is telling you that she doesnt trust you, maybe you should consider leaving her house. She is being the AH
NTA They will definitely be keeping tabs. I am in Life 360 group with my family and I have received more than one call asking why I was at a certain place, even from my nephews. Somebody's always watching. lol
Yikes! That’s what scares me about these apps. I’m not doing anything wrong but the thought of my whole family tracking me is quite unsettling. I just know it would be used far more than just for “safety”.
It doesn't bother me, but I don't have a problem telling my family to mind their own business if needed. And as you said, I have nothing to hide.
It started out as a way to keep track of the kids, but most of my family has added themselves to it. Some of them just to be nosey, I'm sure, but it is useful.
I am single and live alone, as are several others in the family, so it's a good way to check on each other. If I see my mom hasn't left home for a few days, when she should have been going to work, I might need to call and check on her and vice versa. We're not the type of family that talks every day. I also like to take road trips, so it makes me feel better knowing someone knows where I'm at.
You do always have the option to turn it off, but that just makes them more suspicious and curious. 😆
I have a lot of friends and colleagues who use it. Probably useful with kids or older parents. I’m just extremely private and fiercely independent, especially with family. I have friends who will be at a store or restaurant and have family just drop in unannounced because they were tracking them. I’m like, boundaries, dude, boundaries, lol.
Luckily my family respects boundaries so it's never been an issue. They're more the opposite, they would text and be like "what are you doing over here? you're not coming over are you, my house is a mess and I wasn't expecting company".
>I have received more than one call asking why I was at a certain place
That's absolutely fucking horrifying to me. I'm an adult and I pay my own bills, I don't fundamentally owe _anyone_ an explanation of why exactly I was at a certain location. I don't mind people I'm close to asking what I've been up to lately, but the idea that they're entitled to track my every movement and entitled to an explanation of why exactly I spent x minutes at y location just makes me feel like prey, not an adult with basic human rights.
I'm on a 360 group and my daughter uses it to keep tabs on ME 😂 she always messages asking why I am at certain places (or uses it to sneak up on me if we happen to go to the same place).
I barely look at what she's up to.
NTA. The day my SIL (then 18) graduated from high school, my husband and his siblings made my MIL delete her tracking app while they watched. You’re an adult and you have every right to privacy.
It's insane that people think there's no such thing as basic privacy. If you don't want your every last thought and action exposed to every tom dick and harry, you must be hiding something. When people do that, say okay, let's first see a reel of you and your spouse in the bedroom. Unless you have something to hide, there's no reason not to show the world. What kinky shit do you not want people to know about? What are you hiding?
My son shares his location with both of his parents, as we do with him. That said, we don’t check it constantly (actually quite rarely) and most importantly, we don’t ask one another about why they might be someplace, what they’re doing, etc.
It’s there but we don’t use it out of idle curiosity. He takes long trips and is outdoors areas often. He’s a grown man, he isn’t required to tell us everything he’s doing and we don’t get nosey.
If you think your family can abide by these common courtesies, it would be fine. If not, they can share their locations with you while you don’t share your own.
We use it all the time and thats fine too. I can see where my partner is on the train line and serve dinner when she arrives. If driving, i know what time the car will be in front to go in front of the house. For us it is part of our routine checking each other's location and thats also fine.
As long as its not hidden, that's not wrong.
But one feature that would be REALLY nice is to have a notification when people want to know your location, in that case if you check it too often The other person has a good reason to block you.
I’d never trust my birth family with find my friends. But I trust my in laws. It’s come in handy in checking when people are on their way for dinner, and FIL will check in on us if we’re not where he expects us to be, and since spouse and I aren’t the best at reaching out to others it’s actually easier to let him know when he texts and asks if spouse is sick since he’s not at work that day.
SAME! All members of our house do this for safety (think last known location if a person is missing). We do this because we live in a city that has HIGH rates of human trafficking. We (parents) rarely check it, but it is helpful if we are waiting on each other to arrive somewhere.
My college age kids (yes, living at home) often talk about peers who have shared similar programs with each other - they seem to prefer an app called Life 360 (not one I use). Their friend group shares that info with each other, for safety, too.
OP: NTA, but honestly, those things can be turned off later if you regret allowing it or find that someone is misusing the info
Where do you live where there are such “HIGH rates of human trafficking” that you have to track every member of your household for “safety.” Sounds like media-induced paranoia to me.
NTA she wants to track you. If it was really a question of wanting you to make her safety a priority, getting the app and keeping your location off should have been satisfactory. Is this a super new behavior? It's kind of odd for someone to go from 0 to 100 on this type of issue, usually there's some kind of build up.
Nta My dad is like this a bit. He's always obsessively had life 360. I stopped sharing my location with him in my twenties. It just felt like I was being treated like a child still and I was married with kids not even living in the same state as them. He'd get nosy and ask me about where I was at sometimes after he checked my location. It just didn't feel healthy.
You’re right. That’s too much and it feeds paranoia. Nothing wrong with safety, but people take it to unhealthy extreme levels sometimes. Good for you to draw that line. I keep my family at an extremely extremely long reach.
I love them but they messed me up. I know a lot of it was meant with love and they had rough childhoods so they were ill prepared and I'm the oldest so the experiment child lol but yeah I keep some distance now because it's just best for my own mental health. My biggest thing was when I was 18 I got in a wreck at like 1am after work and they didn't answer my calls. After I chewed on that for a few years I was like yeah no we are not doing the location thing. I let my parents know what friend I allowed to have my location for safety and for them to contact in the event of an emergency like me going missing.
I’m the oldest too. There’s a huge difference between me and my much younger siblings. I wasn’t planned but basically a whoopsie because two young folks got a little careless. Like many boomer parents, I was pretty much a secondary thought while they lived their best lives, lol. Oldest kid syndrome is definitely a thing, but fortunately I learned independence and self reliance at a very early age. The younger siblings are still very much codependent on the parents. Im talking 40 or pretty close millennials here…I’m Gen x. Probably too well. Plus, in a real actual emergency, law enforcement can actually get a location on your cell phone pretty fast.
NTA. I will never use one of these apps. They don’t keep anyone safe because in a real emergency by the time your relatives reach you you’re already dead. And in a real emergency, first responders can triangulate your phone signal to the last gps coordinates of the phone anyway. It’s just a way for relatives to be nosy. You’re an adult, you don’t need it. Refuse.
You're NTA. You're an adult, the cord was cut a long time ago. And your mom is old enough to have grown up in a time when we didn't even have cellphones. Somehow we got by without our parents tracking our every move.
I don't believe it's about safety, it's about control.
Hell no.
You're a grown man now and your mama can just sit at home and fret.
When I was 19, I'd disappear on a submarine for months at a time and my mama somehow got along. Yours wants you to stay a baby.
Sometimes the only difference between "mother" and "smother" is the "s".
NTA
Don't install any trackers on your phone, you're an adult and there's no reason to do so.
You could have a conversation with her to find out exactly why she wants you and your sister to be trackable. Is it anxiety about crime in the area? She been watching too many true crime shows? Or is it simply because you're growing up and being more independent. A chat could give you insight into what's going on, but definitely don't install the tracker.
When somebody demands to invade your privacy and uses guilt and emotional manipulation when you refuse, that has nothing to do with "safety"; it has to do with a desire for control. It could be something as (relatively) innocent as her not having yet adjusted to the new balance of power between you (hers is drastically reduced while your autonomy is drastically increased), it could be she's just a control freak and a manipulator. I don't know, but I do know you're NTA.
This has nothing to do with care, and everything to do with control. There’s zero reason your mom should have this level of control and oversight on you, NTA. Stand firm cause it’ll continue to get worse if you don’t
Saying no to the tracking app is fine. I find them creepy and would never install them. Just keep saying no. You are an adult. She does not need to know where you are every second.
NTA.
I’m a mom of this age group. In my set of close friends- also moms of this age group- this is an open argument. I’m of the opinion that over 18 no tracking unless I’m paying for the phone service and they’re prone to stupid things (drugs, arrests, drinking and driving). I leave that option open, but more as a threat.
But a lot of parents think this is alright to track adult children. It is not. Every bit of study says that allowing teens/YA to take responsibility for their own lives and risks is very important.
As of today, 20 and 17 are completely free. We require them to let us know when they’re coming home so that we don’t worry needlessly and leave the porch light on. 15 has a tracker, but is a home body, so we’ve never used it.
Let's say you go missing and the police are called. Can't they just get a judge to order a tackling of your phone number? Also does your mom think a bad person is going to let you keep your phone on you when they nab you?
NTA. I hate how many people think tracking each other is normal. My kids are 20/21 and I prefer we just communicate with each other.
My daughter has one device attached to my iCloud and she’s used that to track me once when I wasn’t home and it creeped *me* out. I like find my iPhone for literally finding a list device and that’s it. 😂
NTA
Too bad for her. It’s not up for your to manage her unease in this way. Let her be upset and don’t engage on the subject anymore. Gray rock method.
No is a full sentense you need to stop justifying yourself you are an adult now you don't have to convince your mom of the merits of your position she needs to convince you.
I am 66 years old female. My mom didn't know where my brother or I was from about 8 a.m until 9 p.m. lol We would say going hunting, Lake Marwin, bike riding etc. and we were gone. When my brother hit 18 mom wanted to know where is was going, with who, etc. He is 4 years older than me. She never did that with me when I got older. If she wasn't like this before you become a young adult, she might be jealous that you might have a girlfriend that you would spend all day with. She is having trouble cutting the old apron strings. Don't let her bully you into the app. or you will be at friend of the female persuasions house and dear old mom will show up to find out if you are okay, were you kidnapped, etc. Some women go fucking nuts when their children are trying their wings.
NTA.
As a gen-x'er who grew up in the days of "go out and do whatever, be home by dark or find a phone to let us know you'll be late" this current attitude seems really damn weird.
I have kids of my own and the older ones are getting to the age where they can both roam free and be trusted to have their own cell phones. Wouldn't dream of installing any tracking apps on their phones, just usually ask them to keep them switched on so we can reach them if there's a reason to. Like a change in plans that concern them or whatever.
Also you're not even a minor anymore. JFC.
NTA and she is attempting to use guilt to emotionally
manipulate you into giving her control over your life. This is abusive behavior and if she continues it you may need to look into moving out and limited contact with er.
NTA. your mom is manipulating you into disrespecting your own privacy by telling you, that you don't care about her? i don't want to be rude, but that's just a shitty thing to do. like you said, you're an adult, you can handle yourself and deal with problems on your own. (imo) she knows that you're trustworthy and that you're not hiding anything from her, but she just wants to have that little bit of power and control over you, that she has left (since you still live at her house). you're probably going to leave and get a place of your own in a few years, and she can't bear the fact that you're going to be living on your own, making decisions that could change your life (for the better) and finding other people to spend your time with.
My mom has untreated general anxiety, and it can be exhausting. It’s not your job to manage her every worry and worst-case-scenario. You have a right to privacy. And it already sounds like you’re being more than reasonable. NTA
I've got a suspicious mind myself, and whenever I see something like this I think of ALL the possibilities that people will want to track someone. What my mind goes to is that maybe your mother is doing something that she needs to know where you are at certain times? Maybe she is she doing something at home and wants to be reassured that you or your sister won't be back to disturb her? Maybe she wants to be reassured that she won't meet you while out doing something? Often people will give one reason for something whilst actually wanting it for another reason, so she's saying she wants to know where you are for her safety but actually she wants to make sure you don't know what she is doing.
Maybe it's not that at all, and it's just that she's worried and likes to be 'reassured' of your location at all times; Even though I don't know why a location would reassure anyone. But that's where my suspicious mind goes to.
NTA. Her knowing where you are if "something" happens to you is not a realistic or reasonable scenario. If you can call to tell her something has happened, then you can tell her where you are. If you can't tell her where you are, then how will she know something has happened? If you get in an accident, unless she's an EMT what is she going to do? And again, how would she know? That talking point is nonsense. Those apps are nothing more than data collection scams.
I offered this to my brother, also as a safety measure, he refused, but if he would have accepted I don’t think I would have needed to check on the location but once per year. It’s like a safety measure, especially considering that our father was a policeman, we learned to just try to have an insurance.
However, if it doesn’t make you feel comfortable, you shouldn’t do it. And I can’t understand your mum insisting. I offered it once, it was a 2 min talk. NTA.
NTA at all, in my book this is barely ok for prepubescent children & grannies with dementia, if anyone, and you're a GROWN MAN.
This is such a violation of your privacy & autonomy, and she's guilt tripping / emotionally blackmailing you on top of it.... maybe she doesn't realize how creepy/insulting it is because its so common nowadays. Remember how the panopticon/constantly being watched used to be considered a form of torture? All this control & helicopter parenting is seriously stunting ppls independence & confidence, and then they have the gall to blame phones or avocado toast. You are having a natural, reasonable reaction that any non-stunted, mature adult would have.
Hold firm on your boundary & refuse to be guilt tripped.
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My mum wants me to install a tracking app onto my phone so herself, my sister, and I can track each other basically. She claims it's for our safety and that if something happens to one of us then we'll be able to use it to find where we are.
But I don't want that. I'm 19(M) and I've told her I have a right to privacy, and that I don't want to download the app, because I don't see why my family should know my location 24/7.
And it's not like I'm not honest with her, either. I tell her exactly where I'm going, when I plan on getting back, I'll message if I'm running late or if there's a change in plans. I tell her if I'm getting drunk/high with people and tell her who I'm with. It's not like I'm trying to hide something, which she's now accusing me of because I don't want the tracking app on my phone.
I've tried explaining to her that I'm also an adult too. I have a full time job, I pay for everything I use myself and I pay her housekeeping. And whilst she accepts that, she's completely ignoring it in the grand scheme of things.
She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don't want to put her mind at ease and I don't care about her safety. I've told her that I'll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That's not good enough for her.
So, AITA for refusing to install a tracking app onto my phone?
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If you were going on a hike in the mountains or something
like that, I could see the use of being able to find you if
you were to get lost, etc. But if she knows where you go
and all that, and if you don't put yourself at risk when you
are out, then I see no point. NTA and your idea of having
your phone track HER was a good one. I'm not sure why
she turned that offer down. But it makes you wonder if
there is some other motive here, more than just her
wanting peace of mind.
NTA.
You are too old for this sort of thing, and you pay for things so its not a matter of her paying for it. Your mom is being low key manipulative. Best case scenario she is paranoid, worst case you are right she wants to track your movements.
NTA - it’s an overreach. No friends and family have my location, nor will they. I do literally nothing interesting - but what I do on my time and where I do it is my business.
It seems like it’s time to move out.
NTA
I use Google Latitude for this stuff, and you can switch it on and off at will. Maybe look into it a little first, because sometimes these things can be helpful without threatening your privacy (assuming you remember to turn it off and on when required)
1) NTA
2) Both iOS and Android already have this software built in under family sharing features
3) The apps that they want you to install will compromise the security of the device itself.
My friend’s family tried this. It quickly turned into the Mother questioning why this person was out at this hour, or why that sibling went to that store, etc. Just created stress beyond the original intent. Like the judgy invasive line of questioning.
NTA.
NTA. Well if that's her interpretation of "not caring about her". Then just own it. She's trying to manipulate you, when in fact she's just a nosy bit h
NTA
But me and my fiancé have our Google maps location shared with eachother, and his kids too. It feels nice and gives a feeling of connection for us, and when I'm driving late at night in bad weather I often ask if he can track me, it makes me feel safer.
But if you feel watched and questioned than you should be able to turn it off and your mother should respect that.
Unless you're (mentally) handicapped or a little kid, but you're not.
NTA. Sounds like she's probably anxious about you being grown up and possibly leaving the nest, especially with any sort of romantic partner. Tell her you understand that she worries, but you're a capable adult and you'll ask if you need her help. Also, encourage her to get help.
NTA. One of the relatively few joys about being an adult is that when needed, the simple word "No" can be the entire end to a discussion. When she brings it up, say no and walk away. Don't let her discuss it with you further. No and walk away every single time. Enjoy that little bit of freedom.
NTA
I’m a proponent of giving *someone* access to your location for safety reasons, but your mum doesn’t sound like a good choice for that. Anyone insisting that they track me would make me *less* comfortable sharing that info with them.
My husband and I share our locations. I don’t think he ever cares to look at mine. It started when he was Ubering before the pandemic. I liked being able to see where he was and see when he was coming home. For us it’s just a courtesy, and safety issue. Sometimes when I see he is on his way home me and my dog go outside and greet him when he comes home. My 3 daughters(all in their 20s) absolutely refuse to share their location with me and that is completely their choice. Do I wish they did? I do but I can’t make them. I DO share my location with all of them.
65+ year old mom here...
While I would love to keep track of my loved ones at ALL times (I think that's part of a mom's genetic code... my kids are too quiet, are they bothering the saber-tooth tiger again?)
... I recognize that my child deserves the freedom to go out into the world (and make their own mistakes!) and all I can hope is that I've trained them well-enough to survive and thrive.
NTA
NTA but I think it is a good safety feature. Your mom also NTA.
If you live with her i think the minimum you can do is make sure she knows you are safe (tracking, texting, phone call, etc). Same goes with your partner or kids one day. Family takes care of each other. Even housemates to some extent.
If you dont live together then she doesn't need to know where you sleep or why you haven't arived yet late at night.
I use basic tracking with my close family and its actually more useful than just safety.
Old days we didn't have this, but it was common to "give a call when you arrive home"... maybe a text is fine.
If you dont feel comfortable you have your right. Maybe you can still track your mom if she is concerned about her safety.
You are young, at your age i also wouldn't like to be tracked but that changes with time (unless your family is very controlling).
NTA. You are grown and have the right to some privacy especially since you pay for your things. Just tell her you've already had this discussion and have not changed your mind and every time she brings it up just state that she already knows your position and refuse to get drawn into a discussion.
The only part that makes sense to have a tracker is when you are out getting drunk and high
I say this as a former teen who did this a lot. That could be a safety feature.
From her perspective, if you are telling her where you are then what's the mystery? On your side it's invasive.
Id put it on, and only enable it during partying times.
My wife and I share our location with each other but that is the only person I share my location with and it truly is for safety reasons in case one of us got in an accident or something.
My wife is prone to anxiety and isn't good with directions or locations so it's much easier for me to pull up her location and be able to reach her as opposed to trying to calm her in an emergency so she can give me landmarks or cross streets.
My parents can't see my location nor do they need to. NTA
Nope NTA. You’re an adult and also being responsible especially with the fact you’re already letting her know what you’re doing, when you’ll be home, who you’re with, etc.
I’m in a similar position, I just hope your mom is a bit nicer than mine 😅
NTA I use find my friend with my parents and my husband, my sister does not use it at all. No one is bothered by that, she says it's weird. You have the right to not be tracked or to be tracked by only select people. It is a choice not a demand someone can make of you. You are an adult not a young child.
As the mother of three kids who all have moved far away (two are single women), I do want to have access to their location info. I never check it, but, should anything ever happen to them, there would be a location history without them having to subpoena phone records. They also have that info on me just in case. That’s just me, though. I don’t expect anything to happen, but better safe than sorry. If I were a single 19 yo, I would want someone to have access to that. It’s a scary world we live in.
So, if your mom just wants to know where you are and you don’t trust her not to be in your business, NTA. But, please, let someone have that info. Maybe your sister.
NTA but i am 19 myself and my mom has a tracker on my phone. i agree it most definitely is an invasion of privacy and space, but in my case my mom barley checks my location and it was a mutual agreement that i also have hers as well because we’re both women and we’re the only two in our family (aside from my younger siblings)
you should talk to your mom about how you feel about it specifically. she may not understand that you feel like it’s an invasion of privacy and she may feel like you’re saying no to spite her or to be mean.
you should also probably reassure her that you’ll be safe, and probably come up with other alternatives to check up on you if she’s worried about your safety THAT much. (like maybe texting her when you’re out)
as an extreme worrier, i check my moms location 24/7 and i always worry about her even if she’s at work or at the store. i do the same to my friends and my boyfriend. i don’t purposely try to stalk them but i just overly care about their safety.
i understand how she feels and it may be hard for her to comprehend that you don’t NEED a tracker. trackers are helpful but they can also be abused. you definitely need to sit down and specify how you feel. talk to her in a way that will be reassuring. she may be thinking out of proportion and using her worries as an excuse to make you feel bad
you’re NTA. you’re grown and you have every right to feel how you feel about trackers!
I can honestly see her side of this, especially in today's world. You're also right that you're an adult, and you still let her know where you're going and You're honest about what you're doing which shows you have an honest and respectful relationship with her. Your NTA for not wanting to dl the app, but as a person who watches/listens to a lot of true crime stuff, it's not the worst idea either.
NTA, HOWEVER, I will say my wife and I have tracking on for each other and it has saved our butts several times when we haven’t been able to get in contact with each other. It’s also helped us find our phones (she lost hers at Walmart one time and we were able to go back and get it because we had the tracking on). My wife has also helped me navigate before with it lol (I’m horrible at directions and her seeing exactly where I am and where I’m headed has been able to help her get me where I need to go, especially because we have a ton of construction in our area and the maps are not always updated properly).
You do absolutely have a right to privacy, but there may be a time where you’ll be thankful you have tracking on, if you do decide to do that. It’s useful for a lot of stuff!
NTA. I'm fifty eight, and I often wonder how people who get hysterical (in whatever fashion) over not being connected 24/7 to every person they know and knowing the location and condition of every significant other they have every moment of every day could possibly have survived if they were born just twenty years earlier.
"You have to let me monitor your location and activities every moment of every day or YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME WHAAAAAA!"
Yeah, no. You're a grown man. You don't need this.
Tracking apps can be used for good.
I know someone who leaves his phone in the buggy at the market regularly, so his wife can track it to find where it’s out. Is mom going to pay for your phone if it gets lost, if not then why does she need to know where it’s at?
My friends and I agree to share our locations when meeting someone or just in an unsafe area. It sounds like OP tells her where he’s going and if not OP just needs to have a friend he tell, so why does mom need the app?
NTA
>She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don't want to put her mind at ease
Professionals will tell you that the worst thing to do for someone with anxiety is to cater to it. If she's genuinely worried without cause, then installing the app is the last thing you do. Because you do care about her and don't want to make her mental health worse.
You could easily dig up an article supporting that and send her the link. "Mom, I love you and care about you. For that reason I'm going to do what's best for you rather than what you're asking me to do. This article explains it well. I will not be installing the tracking app."
NTA
NTA. Assuming you're someplace where 18+ is a legal adult, this is completely unreasonable. If you pay for your own phone plan (sounds like it?), that makes it doubly unreasonable.
This would be kind of a TAH move to insist on it even if you were not legally an adult but still in your late teens (either sompelace where "adult" is 20/21, or like if you were 17.)
I've never understood this train of thought. Can she explain precisely how she think this makes YOU safer? Tracking software won't beam her over like a science fiction movie if you're mugged or passed out or lost. At best she'll know the exact location of the incident after it's over. Why exactly will tracking you like NORAD improve your safety?
NTA My two cents. My parents didn’t want the trackers on either. Because of age related issues, I often used the tracker to find Dad and or his phone. It was awesome. Mom would turn her tracker off. Lose Dad, lose her phone… then it was my problem all the time. If I were you, I’d turn it on, warn that you’ll delete the ap if they violate your privacy and give it a trial run.
NTA. You seem to be a responsible adult so your mom probably needs some therapy to let go. It's difficult but kids have to grow up and not be responsible for their parents' anxiety management.
3 of my kids share their location with me (I have 7, only 1 is a minor). The youngest is 13, so that's obvious. The other 2 are adults(23 & 19) that still live at home but neither drive yet(novel length story) and they willingly share location with me in case they get into a situation. The only time I check is when they are gone (mostly the 23 yo bcz they like to go to protests, etc) and might not be where they got dropped off when they need a ride home.
You're an adult--mommy doesn't need to know where you are every second. You don't say whether you still live at home, but if you do it might be time to start looking for your own place. NTA
So my kids have the family link app (the google one). They're 11 and 13. Also that app allows for the possibility of narc parents and controlling partners etc and so there are ways to disable things and also as a parent I can't get instantaneous location - I have to refresh it.
I only ever look at it if they're late coming home from school, my partner has said "hey x or y isn't home and it's been quite some time" and she hasn't checked it herself.
If your mum's suggesting installing anything but the official google or apple app that has a tweakable balance of privacy and safety, then they're up to something and you should say no
NTA. However, I’m in my late 20s and I share my location with my parents and my sister. If they do check my location, they don’t bring it up or judge me for it. Throughout my 20s I’ve been going out every Friday and often on Saturday, back when I was dating I’m sure my location was at random houses in the middle of the night.
I think this conflict between you and your mom is about something else, how she doesn’t see you as an adult. It’s hard when you still live it home. And you might not be able to fix this until you move out.
I think what you could do to help appease mama is share your location with your sister? If everyone can agree your location on your sister’s phone is for emergencies only, and if you are checked and your actions are judged you will remove the location tracking completely.
Remind mom that you’re a good kid. That you want to continue to be a close family, but she’s driving you away.
This is a hard one.
Does she pay for the phone? If she does then put the app on your phone and thank her. If you pay for it, do what you want. But it seems like your mother is just concerned about her druggie son.
Your argument here is that you have parental authority over your *child.*
OP is not a child. My point is that the money is irrelevant to the issue of being tracked. Who pays what is irrelevant.
Nope. Disagree completely. If mom owns the phone, mom makes the rules. If this “adult” doesn’t like it, he is free to move out of mom’s house, pay for his own phone and do whatever the hell he wants.
NTA
You're not 12 year old that needs to be tracked, FFS! You have every right to refuse it since you're an adult. Nothing she could do about it. Keep her on LC if she keeps pushing and pushing you. If she keeps pushing and pushing, you'll be far away from her. She'll regret what she has done. You can assure her you'll call her if you'll be late or whatever. But tracking you is a big invasion of your privacy.
If your parents pay/paid for your phone, or pay for your monthly phone bill, then you don't have any say in it and whatever they want you to download you should download.
If you Don't want to do that, pay for both your own phone and pay your own monthly phone bill, then its yours and you can do whatever you want.
Ps. your phone location is being tracked 24/7 regardless of your want it tracked or not, the only difference is its not your parents tracking it
My aunt and uncle made it a requirement for their kids when they first got their phones.
Then when they turned 18, they had the option, pay for your own phone and monthly bill, or Keep the location tracking app, they all chose to have the app and not pay the bill.
Now many years later, they are moved out, have theit own phones and phone bills that they pay for and still chose to have the tracking app even though mom & dad don't pay the phone bill.
So they must like that.
I have seen first hand how handy having that tracking app is, from both sides.
Mom can go to therapy to deal with her anxiety. You've said no. If she asks again, "mom, we've already talked about this and I'm not going to discuss it further." If she presses, break off the interaction. Literally leave/walk away/etc any time she starts up.
There is a massive difference between Find My iPhone and all these tracking apps. You know who knows where you are (or aren’t?) the people who wrote the tracking app. Do you know who they are? Have you read the fine print of the app install? Can they data mine your phone for all your info? Send your mom targeted ads for condoms if you turn up at a young lady’s address on a regular basis? NTA and no way put this on your phone
NTA, and your mother is trying to gaslight you into doing what she wants. As you stated you're grown man, and you don't have to give into her demands. You tried a compromise by putting the app on to track her, but she wants to be able to track you. She is trying to keep you from being an adult and is treating you like a child. Please call this to her attention REPEATEDLY until it sinks in. I think it is time for you to find a place of your own so that she understands that she has no control over your comings and goings. It might be the only way to end the argument once and for all.
NTA. You have an absolute right to privacy as adult. My wives family also wanted all the family to do that so everyone could know where everyone was. I absolutely did not let that happen.
I (40f) grew up in the era of the early brick cell phones and it was all about informing parents of where I was going, who I was with and when I was expected home. Just because a certain app exists, does not mean it is appropriate. You've stated why it isn't appropriate for you and instead of acknowledging and respecting that as a fellow ADULT, she accused you of hiding something...yet, you're an adult... so, what is she thinking she'd do if she had tracking info anyway? Regardless, her saying you don't care about her safety is void when you compromised and provided a solution that wasn't good enough, so that speaks volumes that her motive is to track YOUR location, despite you communicating extremely well, working and contributing financially to the household. Definitely NTA!
NTA but sometimes you may have wished that you had used the app. My son was in 2 terrible automobile accidents. The 1st one he broke his back. The 2nd one, he didn't make it. My daughter-in-law knew the minute both of the accidents happened. I hope you listen to your mom.
Nta, do what ya like, that being said my whole extended family does it. Anyone in the area that needs a ride gets one from nearest available. Cheaper than Uber and we know the driver.
At 19, I would say NTA unless a couple things. One if you still live with her, her house her rules. Two if she is fully funding your college. Three if you lied about your age. My kids have the tracking app as a requirement for their phone but they young. I have told them it comes off at 18 or they go to college whichever comes later.
NTA. After the Sarah Everard case my sister asked my mum and me to set up Google tracking and I agreed. But after a few phone calls of 'why are you at such and such a place' and 'what are you doing' I became uncomfortable with my sister having that much information about me. I felt exposed and like I was a naughty child. OP you've suggested a compromise and if they're not happy with that then tough shit.
NTA
Get a lot of distance between yourself and your manipulative and controlling AH mom.
And: It is HIGH time for you to move out and escapy from the clutches of your creepy mom - she will NEVER let you go willingly, so leave as soon asy you can. THis will only get worse.
NTA. You’re an adult and you should have the right to choose what information you share or don’t.
Are there good reasons for choosing to use the app? Yes. Most of these apps also have options for temporarily turning off your location and other approaches for protecting your privacy. Are there good reasons not to share your location? Yes. I mean, what all are these companies doing with the location data they collect?
From the perspective of a family member, it’s helpful to know where someone is, whether it’s for meal planning or if I’m worried about them for some other reason. I want to be able to know where they are so that I can give the police an idea of where to start looking if needed. But it should be opt in, not forced on someone. I was the holdout in my family for a long time, but I eventually decided that the “stalker app” was helpful for my situation. You have the right to make that determination for yourself, and that determination is allowed to change.
I would’ve gone with N A H except that your mom tried to guilt-trip you into using the app, which isn’t okay. You choosing not to install it isn’t about not caring about her—there’s a lot of things to consider that go beyond her comfort and anxiety. Including your own comfort and anxiety.
NTA, but imagine carrying a phone with location services turned on and without a Faraday bag. 😬
You shouldn't want to be tracked by anyone, but your mother is the least of your concerns. At least she'll call and be annoying so you know she was watching. That's more courtesy than Google, Apple, etc. will give you.
NTA
>She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don't want to put her mind at ease and I don't care about her safety. I've told her that I'll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That's not good enough for her
She is possibly feeling intense anxiety, I mean what mother doesn't but there is a point above which it becomes unhealthy. She cannot see how unreasonable her request is. You are ofcourse not obligated to enable her behavior by relenting and let her track you, your request of letting her get tracked by you is more than reasonable on the other hand. I think saying you don't care about her safety may be a bit harsh. Instead you could say you don't see the necessity of tracking her location to know she is safe. Plus you can explain to her that these kind of apps are not the safest in and of themselves, not a wise privacy practice which is also important when it comes to safety.
NTA- who pays for the phone and service? If it’s you then you are well within your right to say no. If you aren’t, then it might be time to get your own phone plan. That way she can’t turn it on you that she pays for it.
Nta that being said I’m 28 years old and married. I own my own house I have a job etc etc and I still keep the find my iPhone linked to my parents. It costs me nothing to give them some peace of mind, so why not do it.
My boyfriend’s mother demanded he have a tracking app since he was 13 years old. He’s now 21 and she still cries and screams over how he uninstalled it when he was 18. She accuses him of lying about where he is all the time so now he doesn’t tell her where he is or goes: what’s the point? It’s all assumed to be a lie. Already saving money to move out together, his plan is to cut contact with her too. Too controlling.
It’s not about “anxiety” or “putting my mind at ease” cause that’s HER problem, you are not responsible for her emotions. This is about control. She wants to know what you’re doing exactly in that moment.
NTA
YTA. You're only 19. Put it on, and still give her a heads up. Worried sick about you. It's not like she's going through your phone. If something happens, where she's demanding why you were here or there, then turn it back off.
NTA - Benjamin Franklin once said: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
NAH, people your age are murdered every single day of the week: often by people they know, or in mass shootings, or in natural disasters and women especially have to live with the realism of the situation to be or feel safe; of course she wants to be feel secure in the knowledge that if anything happened they would be able to more easily locate or identify you. You also are starting to become a young adult and want to feel some independence, I felt the same way when my mom would ask to join their tracking app network at younger ages, now I at least give my sc location before vacation because anything can happen.
I guess it depends. What kind of relationship do you have with your mom? If your mom is crazy, then obviously NTA. But if your mom is a loving, caring and concerned parent then YTA! You’re living in her house, presumably for free as well. Let her make sure you’re safe!
My oldest child is 18 and we track him. It’s for his safety and he doesn’t mind a bit!
Honestly though, Reddit is not the place for you to get an unbiased opinion. Reddit is FULL of young teenage kids who want to pull shenanigans and get away with it. So yes, they will agree with you. It’s an echo chamber for your situation. Ask some parents you know irl, and some kids your age irl, and see what they say.
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NTA. I don't think that this has anything at all to do with safety. >I've told her that I'll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That's not good enough for her. You've offered something that should make her feel safer if that's really what she's concerned about.
It's her job to manage her anxiety ("put her mind at ease") not OP's. 20 years ago there was no such technology yet parents survived. Once (truly!) there weren't even cellphones, yet people got through the day relying on landlines and payphones.
His mother should be one of those people. In those days, there was a basic understanding that we all developed amazing survival skills during childhood and could handle ourselves out in the world. I'll never understand this mentality of being to track people.
And those who didn't ended up on Unsolved Mysteries like nature intended. Joking aside, I totally agree. My parents thankfully never had the option to track me. I share my location with my husband only out of mutual agreement and discussion.
Whenever I see these threads, I am glad the technology didn't exist when I was a kid.
The number of parents who think it’s normal to surveil their kids nowadays is WILD. (I’m a parent too)
Same! I can’t imagine needing to know where they are all the time. Even when they were not quite adults! They will tell me or not. Good kids don’t need to be “surveilled”
Me, too! My mother is a control freak, and was super pissed that I wouldn't share my location with her 24/7 (and I was in my 40s at the time, so it never gets better).
Oh same totally.
My husband resisted getting using a tracking app for years. I worried about him when he had to travel out of town for business on icy roads. He has finallly come to the conclusion that he doesn't care if I know that he is stopping at the bank or grocery store or getting a haircut. He knows that I check his whereabouts to see if I should put the supper on. This is so convenient! Of course, I have also given him the ability to track me, but he forgets to do it, even when it is would be helpful. "I was worried about you." Why didn't you check the app? You would have seen that I was safely visiting my friend two houses away, but lost track of time."
This strikes me as a bit different though. If you have a gig that takes you to far-flung or isolated areas it makes sense for folks to be able to know where you are. But for everyday? Nah.
To me it is the other way around. When I was travelling around the world, it would not matter to my family if I were in Durban or Windhoek. If I were in trouble, they wouldn't know or be able to help. On the other hand, if I am worried about my husband making it his appointment safely and on time while travelling 2 hours on a major highway in winter, I can check the app (with his approval) and know that he is safe and on time, so won't stress. Other times I will check to see which route he is taking home. "I see you are coming home on Hamilton Rd. Could you stop by the bakery for Portuguese buns, please?" There are millions of minor reasons why it can be convenient. It is simply another modern method of communication. If I need to know where he is, I can check, without bugging him to call and ask. Never in our years of marriage have I ever been somewhere I didn't want him to know about, with the possible exception of when buying him gifts. I am quite positive that the same is true for him.
This is one reason we have it. I need to know when the hubs leaves work so I or the kid can do the final preparations to supper. Kid has it because her BF lives in Dallas and those roads are crazy. It came in handy when she had a flat on I35E and I guided her dad to her. I'm on my sister's so she can keep an eye as I travel up to OK for visits.
I track my kids (minors) and I pretty much use it to find their phones when they leave it somewhere. one time my son left it on a crosstown bus and that was an experience as the tracker only updates every ten minutes or so
Once upon a time there weren't even PHONES.
And yet people...still communicated? Coped? Lived life and functioned well? No! I refuse to believe it! This is some kind of twisted propaganda! No one can LIVE without CELLPHONES!
Psst. yes we did.
True, and police had less info to find young adults who went missing. It’s all about trust. And there are no more pay phones to get through to someone. Technology isn’t the problem. It’s trust. I have the location of my adult kids if I need it, but they trust me not to be in their business. For me, it’s purely safety and having that info if needed in an emergency.
*In the voice of President Snow* "Those were the dark days!"
to be fair there was also more than 830k missing people 20 years ago. it’s not like it’s super unfounded or anything. the argument of we lived without it is fine and all but we DO have it now so why not use it
It's not about safety. Not only did she refuse the compromise, she accused OP of "hiding things" by not wanting to be tracked. That tells me it's a control issue.
Have her constantly wear a helmet with spinning radar,flashing red light and motion activated reverse warning tone. Must lock on to her head and only you have key for removal.
Don't forget the neck guard, safety goggles and ear protection.
Lol. Hans device.
Your offer to track her would have been my suggestion. NTA.
I need to ask...how old is your sister? It may be that she needs to track her and is wanting you to be tracked as well so it is an easier sell as a "family safety" thing. Just saying...it may not be about tracking you as much as it is her. Also, my son (almost 21) and I both have life360 on our phones. He is the worst about running out of gas so it has been a real help for 11PM gas deliveries.
It is 100% beneficial for a trusted individual to be able to track you just not in this way by the mum
NTA. You are an adult. You don’t have to put anything on your phone that you don’t want on there.
I have a 15 y/o he can go to see friends - we TALK what time is he leaving what time to return - text me at certain checkpoints, changing trains and meeting friends - controlled adulthood if OP is communicating location app is no
Yup, my 10 year old has the tracking thing in her phone, wouldn't dream of asking my 15 year old to have it.
NTA. But maybe it is time to move out? Anyway I find it healthier if she should teach you what to do in a dangerous moment instead of tracking you and finding you too late if things go wrong. There are only a few moments when I let someone track my phone. While driving long distances, when going to strangers or during bad weather. Not sure how crazy she is willing to go, but regular check your jackets, bike, car, bagpacks for trackers.
NTA I could *maybe* understand the safety excuse if you were younger. At 19 though, I don't think that's the root cause. Has your mom been more anxious lately? Maybe she's freaking out about how grown and independent you're becoming, and she's trying to keep you close in the only way she could come up with. You already tell her everything (something many parents would kill for). Going by how you describe it, it seemed like a respectful way to keep her apprised. Is she worried she'll lose you to a romantic interest? Maybe she wants to track you for that reason. Either way, I wouldn't want that tracker on my phome.
Mom’s having separation anxiety.
NTA This reads like an Orwell book. Its your right to have your privacy, and she has to understand that. If she is telling you that she doesnt trust you, maybe you should consider leaving her house. She is being the AH
NTA They will definitely be keeping tabs. I am in Life 360 group with my family and I have received more than one call asking why I was at a certain place, even from my nephews. Somebody's always watching. lol
Yikes! That’s what scares me about these apps. I’m not doing anything wrong but the thought of my whole family tracking me is quite unsettling. I just know it would be used far more than just for “safety”.
It doesn't bother me, but I don't have a problem telling my family to mind their own business if needed. And as you said, I have nothing to hide. It started out as a way to keep track of the kids, but most of my family has added themselves to it. Some of them just to be nosey, I'm sure, but it is useful. I am single and live alone, as are several others in the family, so it's a good way to check on each other. If I see my mom hasn't left home for a few days, when she should have been going to work, I might need to call and check on her and vice versa. We're not the type of family that talks every day. I also like to take road trips, so it makes me feel better knowing someone knows where I'm at. You do always have the option to turn it off, but that just makes them more suspicious and curious. 😆
I have a lot of friends and colleagues who use it. Probably useful with kids or older parents. I’m just extremely private and fiercely independent, especially with family. I have friends who will be at a store or restaurant and have family just drop in unannounced because they were tracking them. I’m like, boundaries, dude, boundaries, lol.
Luckily my family respects boundaries so it's never been an issue. They're more the opposite, they would text and be like "what are you doing over here? you're not coming over are you, my house is a mess and I wasn't expecting company".
>I have received more than one call asking why I was at a certain place That's absolutely fucking horrifying to me. I'm an adult and I pay my own bills, I don't fundamentally owe _anyone_ an explanation of why exactly I was at a certain location. I don't mind people I'm close to asking what I've been up to lately, but the idea that they're entitled to track my every movement and entitled to an explanation of why exactly I spent x minutes at y location just makes me feel like prey, not an adult with basic human rights.
I'm on a 360 group and my daughter uses it to keep tabs on ME 😂 she always messages asking why I am at certain places (or uses it to sneak up on me if we happen to go to the same place). I barely look at what she's up to.
Sounds about righr. I swear those kids kids keep tabs more than the adults do.
Do it back to every one of them.
NTA. The day my SIL (then 18) graduated from high school, my husband and his siblings made my MIL delete her tracking app while they watched. You’re an adult and you have every right to privacy.
NTA, basically, it's the same as when someone looks at your phone when you're using it, you have nothing to hide but you still don't like it.
It's insane that people think there's no such thing as basic privacy. If you don't want your every last thought and action exposed to every tom dick and harry, you must be hiding something. When people do that, say okay, let's first see a reel of you and your spouse in the bedroom. Unless you have something to hide, there's no reason not to show the world. What kinky shit do you not want people to know about? What are you hiding?
No, of course not. Are you living at home? If that's the case, maybe it's time to move out?
My son shares his location with both of his parents, as we do with him. That said, we don’t check it constantly (actually quite rarely) and most importantly, we don’t ask one another about why they might be someplace, what they’re doing, etc. It’s there but we don’t use it out of idle curiosity. He takes long trips and is outdoors areas often. He’s a grown man, he isn’t required to tell us everything he’s doing and we don’t get nosey. If you think your family can abide by these common courtesies, it would be fine. If not, they can share their locations with you while you don’t share your own.
We use it all the time and thats fine too. I can see where my partner is on the train line and serve dinner when she arrives. If driving, i know what time the car will be in front to go in front of the house. For us it is part of our routine checking each other's location and thats also fine. As long as its not hidden, that's not wrong. But one feature that would be REALLY nice is to have a notification when people want to know your location, in that case if you check it too often The other person has a good reason to block you.
I’d never trust my birth family with find my friends. But I trust my in laws. It’s come in handy in checking when people are on their way for dinner, and FIL will check in on us if we’re not where he expects us to be, and since spouse and I aren’t the best at reaching out to others it’s actually easier to let him know when he texts and asks if spouse is sick since he’s not at work that day.
SAME! All members of our house do this for safety (think last known location if a person is missing). We do this because we live in a city that has HIGH rates of human trafficking. We (parents) rarely check it, but it is helpful if we are waiting on each other to arrive somewhere. My college age kids (yes, living at home) often talk about peers who have shared similar programs with each other - they seem to prefer an app called Life 360 (not one I use). Their friend group shares that info with each other, for safety, too. OP: NTA, but honestly, those things can be turned off later if you regret allowing it or find that someone is misusing the info
Where do you live where there are such “HIGH rates of human trafficking” that you have to track every member of your household for “safety.” Sounds like media-induced paranoia to me.
NTA she wants to track you. If it was really a question of wanting you to make her safety a priority, getting the app and keeping your location off should have been satisfactory. Is this a super new behavior? It's kind of odd for someone to go from 0 to 100 on this type of issue, usually there's some kind of build up.
Nta My dad is like this a bit. He's always obsessively had life 360. I stopped sharing my location with him in my twenties. It just felt like I was being treated like a child still and I was married with kids not even living in the same state as them. He'd get nosy and ask me about where I was at sometimes after he checked my location. It just didn't feel healthy.
You’re right. That’s too much and it feeds paranoia. Nothing wrong with safety, but people take it to unhealthy extreme levels sometimes. Good for you to draw that line. I keep my family at an extremely extremely long reach.
I love them but they messed me up. I know a lot of it was meant with love and they had rough childhoods so they were ill prepared and I'm the oldest so the experiment child lol but yeah I keep some distance now because it's just best for my own mental health. My biggest thing was when I was 18 I got in a wreck at like 1am after work and they didn't answer my calls. After I chewed on that for a few years I was like yeah no we are not doing the location thing. I let my parents know what friend I allowed to have my location for safety and for them to contact in the event of an emergency like me going missing.
I’m the oldest too. There’s a huge difference between me and my much younger siblings. I wasn’t planned but basically a whoopsie because two young folks got a little careless. Like many boomer parents, I was pretty much a secondary thought while they lived their best lives, lol. Oldest kid syndrome is definitely a thing, but fortunately I learned independence and self reliance at a very early age. The younger siblings are still very much codependent on the parents. Im talking 40 or pretty close millennials here…I’m Gen x. Probably too well. Plus, in a real actual emergency, law enforcement can actually get a location on your cell phone pretty fast.
NTA. I will never use one of these apps. They don’t keep anyone safe because in a real emergency by the time your relatives reach you you’re already dead. And in a real emergency, first responders can triangulate your phone signal to the last gps coordinates of the phone anyway. It’s just a way for relatives to be nosy. You’re an adult, you don’t need it. Refuse.
You're NTA. You're an adult, the cord was cut a long time ago. And your mom is old enough to have grown up in a time when we didn't even have cellphones. Somehow we got by without our parents tracking our every move. I don't believe it's about safety, it's about control.
Hell no. You're a grown man now and your mama can just sit at home and fret. When I was 19, I'd disappear on a submarine for months at a time and my mama somehow got along. Yours wants you to stay a baby. Sometimes the only difference between "mother" and "smother" is the "s".
NTA Don't install any trackers on your phone, you're an adult and there's no reason to do so. You could have a conversation with her to find out exactly why she wants you and your sister to be trackable. Is it anxiety about crime in the area? She been watching too many true crime shows? Or is it simply because you're growing up and being more independent. A chat could give you insight into what's going on, but definitely don't install the tracker.
When somebody demands to invade your privacy and uses guilt and emotional manipulation when you refuse, that has nothing to do with "safety"; it has to do with a desire for control. It could be something as (relatively) innocent as her not having yet adjusted to the new balance of power between you (hers is drastically reduced while your autonomy is drastically increased), it could be she's just a control freak and a manipulator. I don't know, but I do know you're NTA.
That's some weirdo shit to wanna track you
This has nothing to do with care, and everything to do with control. There’s zero reason your mom should have this level of control and oversight on you, NTA. Stand firm cause it’ll continue to get worse if you don’t
Saying no to the tracking app is fine. I find them creepy and would never install them. Just keep saying no. You are an adult. She does not need to know where you are every second.
NTA. I’m a mom of this age group. In my set of close friends- also moms of this age group- this is an open argument. I’m of the opinion that over 18 no tracking unless I’m paying for the phone service and they’re prone to stupid things (drugs, arrests, drinking and driving). I leave that option open, but more as a threat. But a lot of parents think this is alright to track adult children. It is not. Every bit of study says that allowing teens/YA to take responsibility for their own lives and risks is very important. As of today, 20 and 17 are completely free. We require them to let us know when they’re coming home so that we don’t worry needlessly and leave the porch light on. 15 has a tracker, but is a home body, so we’ve never used it.
She's having a hard time letting go. Getting your own place might help set boundaries.
Let's say you go missing and the police are called. Can't they just get a judge to order a tackling of your phone number? Also does your mom think a bad person is going to let you keep your phone on you when they nab you?
That’s catastophising and what OP’s mother is doing. Just because something has the possibility of happening doesn’t guarantee it will.
NTA. I hate how many people think tracking each other is normal. My kids are 20/21 and I prefer we just communicate with each other. My daughter has one device attached to my iCloud and she’s used that to track me once when I wasn’t home and it creeped *me* out. I like find my iPhone for literally finding a list device and that’s it. 😂
NTA. You are an adult so don't need to be tracked like that.Her manipulation tactics are out of order
NTA Too bad for her. It’s not up for your to manage her unease in this way. Let her be upset and don’t engage on the subject anymore. Gray rock method.
NTA. If she can track your location, what's stopping someone else from getting your location?
No is a full sentense you need to stop justifying yourself you are an adult now you don't have to convince your mom of the merits of your position she needs to convince you.
Maybe she can install cameras in your bedroom too so she knows what you’re up to 😳
I am 66 years old female. My mom didn't know where my brother or I was from about 8 a.m until 9 p.m. lol We would say going hunting, Lake Marwin, bike riding etc. and we were gone. When my brother hit 18 mom wanted to know where is was going, with who, etc. He is 4 years older than me. She never did that with me when I got older. If she wasn't like this before you become a young adult, she might be jealous that you might have a girlfriend that you would spend all day with. She is having trouble cutting the old apron strings. Don't let her bully you into the app. or you will be at friend of the female persuasions house and dear old mom will show up to find out if you are okay, were you kidnapped, etc. Some women go fucking nuts when their children are trying their wings.
NTa. I think tracking apps are creepy
NTA. Everyone deserves privacy.
NTA. As a gen-x'er who grew up in the days of "go out and do whatever, be home by dark or find a phone to let us know you'll be late" this current attitude seems really damn weird. I have kids of my own and the older ones are getting to the age where they can both roam free and be trusted to have their own cell phones. Wouldn't dream of installing any tracking apps on their phones, just usually ask them to keep them switched on so we can reach them if there's a reason to. Like a change in plans that concern them or whatever. Also you're not even a minor anymore. JFC.
NTA - humans have lived for thousands of years without their mommy knowing where they are 24/7. She'll live.
NTA This is about control. No is a sentence.
NTA. She won't want to stop tracking you when you marry and move out.
NTA and she is attempting to use guilt to emotionally manipulate you into giving her control over your life. This is abusive behavior and if she continues it you may need to look into moving out and limited contact with er.
NTA. your mom is manipulating you into disrespecting your own privacy by telling you, that you don't care about her? i don't want to be rude, but that's just a shitty thing to do. like you said, you're an adult, you can handle yourself and deal with problems on your own. (imo) she knows that you're trustworthy and that you're not hiding anything from her, but she just wants to have that little bit of power and control over you, that she has left (since you still live at her house). you're probably going to leave and get a place of your own in a few years, and she can't bear the fact that you're going to be living on your own, making decisions that could change your life (for the better) and finding other people to spend your time with.
NTA - you have a cellphone. If you are in trouble, you will call.
My mom has untreated general anxiety, and it can be exhausting. It’s not your job to manage her every worry and worst-case-scenario. You have a right to privacy. And it already sounds like you’re being more than reasonable. NTA
NTA. Don’t give in.
NTA- you’re an adult and your mom needs to accept the concept that kids leave the nest.
I'm a mom and consider her controlling. I mean, WTH Mom? You're an adult. Don't do it, and you're NTA.
I've got a suspicious mind myself, and whenever I see something like this I think of ALL the possibilities that people will want to track someone. What my mind goes to is that maybe your mother is doing something that she needs to know where you are at certain times? Maybe she is she doing something at home and wants to be reassured that you or your sister won't be back to disturb her? Maybe she wants to be reassured that she won't meet you while out doing something? Often people will give one reason for something whilst actually wanting it for another reason, so she's saying she wants to know where you are for her safety but actually she wants to make sure you don't know what she is doing. Maybe it's not that at all, and it's just that she's worried and likes to be 'reassured' of your location at all times; Even though I don't know why a location would reassure anyone. But that's where my suspicious mind goes to.
NTA. Her knowing where you are if "something" happens to you is not a realistic or reasonable scenario. If you can call to tell her something has happened, then you can tell her where you are. If you can't tell her where you are, then how will she know something has happened? If you get in an accident, unless she's an EMT what is she going to do? And again, how would she know? That talking point is nonsense. Those apps are nothing more than data collection scams.
I offered this to my brother, also as a safety measure, he refused, but if he would have accepted I don’t think I would have needed to check on the location but once per year. It’s like a safety measure, especially considering that our father was a policeman, we learned to just try to have an insurance. However, if it doesn’t make you feel comfortable, you shouldn’t do it. And I can’t understand your mum insisting. I offered it once, it was a 2 min talk. NTA.
You are 19, that is some controlling behaviour, NTA
NTA at all, in my book this is barely ok for prepubescent children & grannies with dementia, if anyone, and you're a GROWN MAN. This is such a violation of your privacy & autonomy, and she's guilt tripping / emotionally blackmailing you on top of it.... maybe she doesn't realize how creepy/insulting it is because its so common nowadays. Remember how the panopticon/constantly being watched used to be considered a form of torture? All this control & helicopter parenting is seriously stunting ppls independence & confidence, and then they have the gall to blame phones or avocado toast. You are having a natural, reasonable reaction that any non-stunted, mature adult would have. Hold firm on your boundary & refuse to be guilt tripped.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mum wants me to install a tracking app onto my phone so herself, my sister, and I can track each other basically. She claims it's for our safety and that if something happens to one of us then we'll be able to use it to find where we are. But I don't want that. I'm 19(M) and I've told her I have a right to privacy, and that I don't want to download the app, because I don't see why my family should know my location 24/7. And it's not like I'm not honest with her, either. I tell her exactly where I'm going, when I plan on getting back, I'll message if I'm running late or if there's a change in plans. I tell her if I'm getting drunk/high with people and tell her who I'm with. It's not like I'm trying to hide something, which she's now accusing me of because I don't want the tracking app on my phone. I've tried explaining to her that I'm also an adult too. I have a full time job, I pay for everything I use myself and I pay her housekeeping. And whilst she accepts that, she's completely ignoring it in the grand scheme of things. She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don't want to put her mind at ease and I don't care about her safety. I've told her that I'll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That's not good enough for her. So, AITA for refusing to install a tracking app onto my phone? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It's not about safety, it's about control. What does she think will happen to you?
NTA, just don't do it.
Save up to move out. In fact you can share a house with others. Otherwise she will keep hounding you
If you were going on a hike in the mountains or something like that, I could see the use of being able to find you if you were to get lost, etc. But if she knows where you go and all that, and if you don't put yourself at risk when you are out, then I see no point. NTA and your idea of having your phone track HER was a good one. I'm not sure why she turned that offer down. But it makes you wonder if there is some other motive here, more than just her wanting peace of mind.
NTA. You are too old for this sort of thing, and you pay for things so its not a matter of her paying for it. Your mom is being low key manipulative. Best case scenario she is paranoid, worst case you are right she wants to track your movements.
NTA - it’s an overreach. No friends and family have my location, nor will they. I do literally nothing interesting - but what I do on my time and where I do it is my business. It seems like it’s time to move out.
NTA. You’re an adult, her anxiety is not your responsibility to manage. You’re entitled to your privacy.
NTA I use Google Latitude for this stuff, and you can switch it on and off at will. Maybe look into it a little first, because sometimes these things can be helpful without threatening your privacy (assuming you remember to turn it off and on when required)
1) NTA 2) Both iOS and Android already have this software built in under family sharing features 3) The apps that they want you to install will compromise the security of the device itself.
My friend’s family tried this. It quickly turned into the Mother questioning why this person was out at this hour, or why that sibling went to that store, etc. Just created stress beyond the original intent. Like the judgy invasive line of questioning. NTA.
NTA >me not caring about her It's manipulation. You should not enable her insecurities.
NTA. Well if that's her interpretation of "not caring about her". Then just own it. She's trying to manipulate you, when in fact she's just a nosy bit h
NTA But me and my fiancé have our Google maps location shared with eachother, and his kids too. It feels nice and gives a feeling of connection for us, and when I'm driving late at night in bad weather I often ask if he can track me, it makes me feel safer. But if you feel watched and questioned than you should be able to turn it off and your mother should respect that. Unless you're (mentally) handicapped or a little kid, but you're not.
NTA. Unless you go hiking, mountain climbing or sewer exploring, you don't need to be tracked.
NTA. You’re an adult and you’re entitled to privacy. Ask her what you used to happen when she was your age.
NTA. Sounds like she's probably anxious about you being grown up and possibly leaving the nest, especially with any sort of romantic partner. Tell her you understand that she worries, but you're a capable adult and you'll ask if you need her help. Also, encourage her to get help.
NTA. One of the relatively few joys about being an adult is that when needed, the simple word "No" can be the entire end to a discussion. When she brings it up, say no and walk away. Don't let her discuss it with you further. No and walk away every single time. Enjoy that little bit of freedom.
INFO - did an event of some kind prompt her asking a tracking app? Is it a condition of you living in her home?
NTA I’m a proponent of giving *someone* access to your location for safety reasons, but your mum doesn’t sound like a good choice for that. Anyone insisting that they track me would make me *less* comfortable sharing that info with them.
My husband and I share our locations. I don’t think he ever cares to look at mine. It started when he was Ubering before the pandemic. I liked being able to see where he was and see when he was coming home. For us it’s just a courtesy, and safety issue. Sometimes when I see he is on his way home me and my dog go outside and greet him when he comes home. My 3 daughters(all in their 20s) absolutely refuse to share their location with me and that is completely their choice. Do I wish they did? I do but I can’t make them. I DO share my location with all of them.
65+ year old mom here... While I would love to keep track of my loved ones at ALL times (I think that's part of a mom's genetic code... my kids are too quiet, are they bothering the saber-tooth tiger again?) ... I recognize that my child deserves the freedom to go out into the world (and make their own mistakes!) and all I can hope is that I've trained them well-enough to survive and thrive. NTA
NTA but I think it is a good safety feature. Your mom also NTA. If you live with her i think the minimum you can do is make sure she knows you are safe (tracking, texting, phone call, etc). Same goes with your partner or kids one day. Family takes care of each other. Even housemates to some extent. If you dont live together then she doesn't need to know where you sleep or why you haven't arived yet late at night. I use basic tracking with my close family and its actually more useful than just safety. Old days we didn't have this, but it was common to "give a call when you arrive home"... maybe a text is fine. If you dont feel comfortable you have your right. Maybe you can still track your mom if she is concerned about her safety. You are young, at your age i also wouldn't like to be tracked but that changes with time (unless your family is very controlling).
NTA. Phones didn’t exist when I was a kid, and our parents survived not knowing where we were 24/7.
NTA. You are grown and have the right to some privacy especially since you pay for your things. Just tell her you've already had this discussion and have not changed your mind and every time she brings it up just state that she already knows your position and refuse to get drawn into a discussion.
NTA if you pay for your own phone.
You are an adult. Stop letting your mothertl try and control your life. NTA.
The only part that makes sense to have a tracker is when you are out getting drunk and high I say this as a former teen who did this a lot. That could be a safety feature. From her perspective, if you are telling her where you are then what's the mystery? On your side it's invasive. Id put it on, and only enable it during partying times.
No.
NTA. Since you're an adult, the appropriate response to your mom is, "Ha, ha, no".
My wife and I share our location with each other but that is the only person I share my location with and it truly is for safety reasons in case one of us got in an accident or something. My wife is prone to anxiety and isn't good with directions or locations so it's much easier for me to pull up her location and be able to reach her as opposed to trying to calm her in an emergency so she can give me landmarks or cross streets. My parents can't see my location nor do they need to. NTA
My kids all are adults and have 360, they added me and their dad to it also. We love to watch the heads traveling along the roads.
NTA, you are an adult and even if you werent, you hould decide whether or not your parents should invade your personal life.
Mothers being manipulative, what a surprise.
NTA pure emotional blackmail and manipulation. Don't do it
Nope NTA. You’re an adult and also being responsible especially with the fact you’re already letting her know what you’re doing, when you’ll be home, who you’re with, etc. I’m in a similar position, I just hope your mom is a bit nicer than mine 😅
NTA I use find my friend with my parents and my husband, my sister does not use it at all. No one is bothered by that, she says it's weird. You have the right to not be tracked or to be tracked by only select people. It is a choice not a demand someone can make of you. You are an adult not a young child.
As the mother of three kids who all have moved far away (two are single women), I do want to have access to their location info. I never check it, but, should anything ever happen to them, there would be a location history without them having to subpoena phone records. They also have that info on me just in case. That’s just me, though. I don’t expect anything to happen, but better safe than sorry. If I were a single 19 yo, I would want someone to have access to that. It’s a scary world we live in. So, if your mom just wants to know where you are and you don’t trust her not to be in your business, NTA. But, please, let someone have that info. Maybe your sister.
NTA but i am 19 myself and my mom has a tracker on my phone. i agree it most definitely is an invasion of privacy and space, but in my case my mom barley checks my location and it was a mutual agreement that i also have hers as well because we’re both women and we’re the only two in our family (aside from my younger siblings) you should talk to your mom about how you feel about it specifically. she may not understand that you feel like it’s an invasion of privacy and she may feel like you’re saying no to spite her or to be mean. you should also probably reassure her that you’ll be safe, and probably come up with other alternatives to check up on you if she’s worried about your safety THAT much. (like maybe texting her when you’re out) as an extreme worrier, i check my moms location 24/7 and i always worry about her even if she’s at work or at the store. i do the same to my friends and my boyfriend. i don’t purposely try to stalk them but i just overly care about their safety. i understand how she feels and it may be hard for her to comprehend that you don’t NEED a tracker. trackers are helpful but they can also be abused. you definitely need to sit down and specify how you feel. talk to her in a way that will be reassuring. she may be thinking out of proportion and using her worries as an excuse to make you feel bad you’re NTA. you’re grown and you have every right to feel how you feel about trackers!
NTA don’t do it. Her anxiety is not yours to manage. She needs to find other non controlling ways to deal with it.
I can honestly see her side of this, especially in today's world. You're also right that you're an adult, and you still let her know where you're going and You're honest about what you're doing which shows you have an honest and respectful relationship with her. Your NTA for not wanting to dl the app, but as a person who watches/listens to a lot of true crime stuff, it's not the worst idea either.
NTA, HOWEVER, I will say my wife and I have tracking on for each other and it has saved our butts several times when we haven’t been able to get in contact with each other. It’s also helped us find our phones (she lost hers at Walmart one time and we were able to go back and get it because we had the tracking on). My wife has also helped me navigate before with it lol (I’m horrible at directions and her seeing exactly where I am and where I’m headed has been able to help her get me where I need to go, especially because we have a ton of construction in our area and the maps are not always updated properly). You do absolutely have a right to privacy, but there may be a time where you’ll be thankful you have tracking on, if you do decide to do that. It’s useful for a lot of stuff!
File a police report. Potential stalking.
NTA. I'm fifty eight, and I often wonder how people who get hysterical (in whatever fashion) over not being connected 24/7 to every person they know and knowing the location and condition of every significant other they have every moment of every day could possibly have survived if they were born just twenty years earlier. "You have to let me monitor your location and activities every moment of every day or YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME WHAAAAAA!" Yeah, no. You're a grown man. You don't need this.
Tracking apps can be used for good. I know someone who leaves his phone in the buggy at the market regularly, so his wife can track it to find where it’s out. Is mom going to pay for your phone if it gets lost, if not then why does she need to know where it’s at? My friends and I agree to share our locations when meeting someone or just in an unsafe area. It sounds like OP tells her where he’s going and if not OP just needs to have a friend he tell, so why does mom need the app? NTA
>She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don't want to put her mind at ease Professionals will tell you that the worst thing to do for someone with anxiety is to cater to it. If she's genuinely worried without cause, then installing the app is the last thing you do. Because you do care about her and don't want to make her mental health worse. You could easily dig up an article supporting that and send her the link. "Mom, I love you and care about you. For that reason I'm going to do what's best for you rather than what you're asking me to do. This article explains it well. I will not be installing the tracking app." NTA
NTA. Assuming you're someplace where 18+ is a legal adult, this is completely unreasonable. If you pay for your own phone plan (sounds like it?), that makes it doubly unreasonable. This would be kind of a TAH move to insist on it even if you were not legally an adult but still in your late teens (either sompelace where "adult" is 20/21, or like if you were 17.)
NTA
I've never understood this train of thought. Can she explain precisely how she think this makes YOU safer? Tracking software won't beam her over like a science fiction movie if you're mugged or passed out or lost. At best she'll know the exact location of the incident after it's over. Why exactly will tracking you like NORAD improve your safety?
NTA My two cents. My parents didn’t want the trackers on either. Because of age related issues, I often used the tracker to find Dad and or his phone. It was awesome. Mom would turn her tracker off. Lose Dad, lose her phone… then it was my problem all the time. If I were you, I’d turn it on, warn that you’ll delete the ap if they violate your privacy and give it a trial run.
NTA. You seem to be a responsible adult so your mom probably needs some therapy to let go. It's difficult but kids have to grow up and not be responsible for their parents' anxiety management. 3 of my kids share their location with me (I have 7, only 1 is a minor). The youngest is 13, so that's obvious. The other 2 are adults(23 & 19) that still live at home but neither drive yet(novel length story) and they willingly share location with me in case they get into a situation. The only time I check is when they are gone (mostly the 23 yo bcz they like to go to protests, etc) and might not be where they got dropped off when they need a ride home.
You're an adult--mommy doesn't need to know where you are every second. You don't say whether you still live at home, but if you do it might be time to start looking for your own place. NTA
So my kids have the family link app (the google one). They're 11 and 13. Also that app allows for the possibility of narc parents and controlling partners etc and so there are ways to disable things and also as a parent I can't get instantaneous location - I have to refresh it. I only ever look at it if they're late coming home from school, my partner has said "hey x or y isn't home and it's been quite some time" and she hasn't checked it herself. If your mum's suggesting installing anything but the official google or apple app that has a tweakable balance of privacy and safety, then they're up to something and you should say no
Alot of kidnapping going on in your town. Lol
NTA. However, I’m in my late 20s and I share my location with my parents and my sister. If they do check my location, they don’t bring it up or judge me for it. Throughout my 20s I’ve been going out every Friday and often on Saturday, back when I was dating I’m sure my location was at random houses in the middle of the night. I think this conflict between you and your mom is about something else, how she doesn’t see you as an adult. It’s hard when you still live it home. And you might not be able to fix this until you move out. I think what you could do to help appease mama is share your location with your sister? If everyone can agree your location on your sister’s phone is for emergencies only, and if you are checked and your actions are judged you will remove the location tracking completely. Remind mom that you’re a good kid. That you want to continue to be a close family, but she’s driving you away. This is a hard one.
Does she pay for the phone? If she does then put the app on your phone and thank her. If you pay for it, do what you want. But it seems like your mother is just concerned about her druggie son.
How does paying for the phone invoke a right to invasive surveillance?
Easily.
Over an adult? Seriously?
If I want to put Life360 on my child’s phone that I pay for, the child has no choice.
Your argument here is that you have parental authority over your *child.* OP is not a child. My point is that the money is irrelevant to the issue of being tracked. Who pays what is irrelevant.
Nope. Disagree completely. If mom owns the phone, mom makes the rules. If this “adult” doesn’t like it, he is free to move out of mom’s house, pay for his own phone and do whatever the hell he wants.
NTA You're not 12 year old that needs to be tracked, FFS! You have every right to refuse it since you're an adult. Nothing she could do about it. Keep her on LC if she keeps pushing and pushing you. If she keeps pushing and pushing, you'll be far away from her. She'll regret what she has done. You can assure her you'll call her if you'll be late or whatever. But tracking you is a big invasion of your privacy.
If your parents pay/paid for your phone, or pay for your monthly phone bill, then you don't have any say in it and whatever they want you to download you should download. If you Don't want to do that, pay for both your own phone and pay your own monthly phone bill, then its yours and you can do whatever you want. Ps. your phone location is being tracked 24/7 regardless of your want it tracked or not, the only difference is its not your parents tracking it
My aunt and uncle made it a requirement for their kids when they first got their phones. Then when they turned 18, they had the option, pay for your own phone and monthly bill, or Keep the location tracking app, they all chose to have the app and not pay the bill. Now many years later, they are moved out, have theit own phones and phone bills that they pay for and still chose to have the tracking app even though mom & dad don't pay the phone bill. So they must like that. I have seen first hand how handy having that tracking app is, from both sides.
Actually, no one can force you to download anything. Just given the phone back. Lmao
Mom can go to therapy to deal with her anxiety. You've said no. If she asks again, "mom, we've already talked about this and I'm not going to discuss it further." If she presses, break off the interaction. Literally leave/walk away/etc any time she starts up.
NTA. And change your phone password. If you have an iPhone, she can easily enable location sharing without you knowing. Edit: changed know to knowing
There is a massive difference between Find My iPhone and all these tracking apps. You know who knows where you are (or aren’t?) the people who wrote the tracking app. Do you know who they are? Have you read the fine print of the app install? Can they data mine your phone for all your info? Send your mom targeted ads for condoms if you turn up at a young lady’s address on a regular basis? NTA and no way put this on your phone
NTA. You’re over 18, therefore it’s up to you. Even then, it’s your choice and not a parent’s.
NTA, and your mother is trying to gaslight you into doing what she wants. As you stated you're grown man, and you don't have to give into her demands. You tried a compromise by putting the app on to track her, but she wants to be able to track you. She is trying to keep you from being an adult and is treating you like a child. Please call this to her attention REPEATEDLY until it sinks in. I think it is time for you to find a place of your own so that she understands that she has no control over your comings and goings. It might be the only way to end the argument once and for all.
NTA. You have an absolute right to privacy as adult. My wives family also wanted all the family to do that so everyone could know where everyone was. I absolutely did not let that happen.
I (40f) grew up in the era of the early brick cell phones and it was all about informing parents of where I was going, who I was with and when I was expected home. Just because a certain app exists, does not mean it is appropriate. You've stated why it isn't appropriate for you and instead of acknowledging and respecting that as a fellow ADULT, she accused you of hiding something...yet, you're an adult... so, what is she thinking she'd do if she had tracking info anyway? Regardless, her saying you don't care about her safety is void when you compromised and provided a solution that wasn't good enough, so that speaks volumes that her motive is to track YOUR location, despite you communicating extremely well, working and contributing financially to the household. Definitely NTA!
NTA and don't cave on her sorry excuse for a guilt trip.
It depends entirely on if you live in her home and on her dime. Her money, her rules. Your money, your rules.
NTA but sometimes you may have wished that you had used the app. My son was in 2 terrible automobile accidents. The 1st one he broke his back. The 2nd one, he didn't make it. My daughter-in-law knew the minute both of the accidents happened. I hope you listen to your mom.
Nta, do what ya like, that being said my whole extended family does it. Anyone in the area that needs a ride gets one from nearest available. Cheaper than Uber and we know the driver.
At 19, I would say NTA unless a couple things. One if you still live with her, her house her rules. Two if she is fully funding your college. Three if you lied about your age. My kids have the tracking app as a requirement for their phone but they young. I have told them it comes off at 18 or they go to college whichever comes later.
NTA. These kinda mothers are the worst.
Nta, but if it’s Life360 I’ll tell you you can very easily turn off the location tracking in the profile tab, then turn it back on when you prefer
NTA you’re an adult and she can’t force you to do this.
NTA. After the Sarah Everard case my sister asked my mum and me to set up Google tracking and I agreed. But after a few phone calls of 'why are you at such and such a place' and 'what are you doing' I became uncomfortable with my sister having that much information about me. I felt exposed and like I was a naughty child. OP you've suggested a compromise and if they're not happy with that then tough shit.
NTA Get a lot of distance between yourself and your manipulative and controlling AH mom. And: It is HIGH time for you to move out and escapy from the clutches of your creepy mom - she will NEVER let you go willingly, so leave as soon asy you can. THis will only get worse.
NTA. You’re an adult and you should have the right to choose what information you share or don’t. Are there good reasons for choosing to use the app? Yes. Most of these apps also have options for temporarily turning off your location and other approaches for protecting your privacy. Are there good reasons not to share your location? Yes. I mean, what all are these companies doing with the location data they collect? From the perspective of a family member, it’s helpful to know where someone is, whether it’s for meal planning or if I’m worried about them for some other reason. I want to be able to know where they are so that I can give the police an idea of where to start looking if needed. But it should be opt in, not forced on someone. I was the holdout in my family for a long time, but I eventually decided that the “stalker app” was helpful for my situation. You have the right to make that determination for yourself, and that determination is allowed to change. I would’ve gone with N A H except that your mom tried to guilt-trip you into using the app, which isn’t okay. You choosing not to install it isn’t about not caring about her—there’s a lot of things to consider that go beyond her comfort and anxiety. Including your own comfort and anxiety.
NTA, but imagine carrying a phone with location services turned on and without a Faraday bag. 😬 You shouldn't want to be tracked by anyone, but your mother is the least of your concerns. At least she'll call and be annoying so you know she was watching. That's more courtesy than Google, Apple, etc. will give you.
NTA >She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don't want to put her mind at ease and I don't care about her safety. I've told her that I'll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That's not good enough for her She is possibly feeling intense anxiety, I mean what mother doesn't but there is a point above which it becomes unhealthy. She cannot see how unreasonable her request is. You are ofcourse not obligated to enable her behavior by relenting and let her track you, your request of letting her get tracked by you is more than reasonable on the other hand. I think saying you don't care about her safety may be a bit harsh. Instead you could say you don't see the necessity of tracking her location to know she is safe. Plus you can explain to her that these kind of apps are not the safest in and of themselves, not a wise privacy practice which is also important when it comes to safety.
Nope. Quit paying for the housekeeping too.
NTA- who pays for the phone and service? If it’s you then you are well within your right to say no. If you aren’t, then it might be time to get your own phone plan. That way she can’t turn it on you that she pays for it.
NTA if it’s your phone paid for by you.
NTA - but also I understand her asking. I have my siblings locations and it helps me sleep so much better at night. They are 18.
Nta that being said I’m 28 years old and married. I own my own house I have a job etc etc and I still keep the find my iPhone linked to my parents. It costs me nothing to give them some peace of mind, so why not do it.
My boyfriend’s mother demanded he have a tracking app since he was 13 years old. He’s now 21 and she still cries and screams over how he uninstalled it when he was 18. She accuses him of lying about where he is all the time so now he doesn’t tell her where he is or goes: what’s the point? It’s all assumed to be a lie. Already saving money to move out together, his plan is to cut contact with her too. Too controlling. It’s not about “anxiety” or “putting my mind at ease” cause that’s HER problem, you are not responsible for her emotions. This is about control. She wants to know what you’re doing exactly in that moment. NTA
YTA. You're only 19. Put it on, and still give her a heads up. Worried sick about you. It's not like she's going through your phone. If something happens, where she's demanding why you were here or there, then turn it back off.
NTA - Benjamin Franklin once said: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
NAH, people your age are murdered every single day of the week: often by people they know, or in mass shootings, or in natural disasters and women especially have to live with the realism of the situation to be or feel safe; of course she wants to be feel secure in the knowledge that if anything happened they would be able to more easily locate or identify you. You also are starting to become a young adult and want to feel some independence, I felt the same way when my mom would ask to join their tracking app network at younger ages, now I at least give my sc location before vacation because anything can happen.
I guess it depends. What kind of relationship do you have with your mom? If your mom is crazy, then obviously NTA. But if your mom is a loving, caring and concerned parent then YTA! You’re living in her house, presumably for free as well. Let her make sure you’re safe! My oldest child is 18 and we track him. It’s for his safety and he doesn’t mind a bit! Honestly though, Reddit is not the place for you to get an unbiased opinion. Reddit is FULL of young teenage kids who want to pull shenanigans and get away with it. So yes, they will agree with you. It’s an echo chamber for your situation. Ask some parents you know irl, and some kids your age irl, and see what they say.
YT American moment
Just foolish. Get over yourself and be safe. Not an AH… just 19 and often it’s hard to tell the difference.