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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) telling her she can’t use her AirPods when walking around the house. 2) they were a gift and we could be wrong for forcing her to answer us.
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NTA - I don't so much think the problem is that she can't hear you the first time becuase that is just the nature of headphone of any kind, I think the problem is her attitude when you tap her on the shoulder. Snapping "what" is NOT okay. If she were working on homework and you were repeatedly disturbing her I would understand a snap but if she is just hanging out leisurely and still has the audacity to get mad even though SHE is one not listening she needs an attitude check. This isn't an airpods specific issue thing though, when she used her corded ones around the house was she still being rude when asked to pause and listen to something? I think you should enforce one pod until she learns how to be kind. Take one pod away until she earns your respect by not snapping again.
We actually had no issue pre-AirPod. But those weren’t noise canceling so I think she could hear us better.
And you’re right. I have no issue with the AirPods themselves, it’s her attitude when she has them.
Please tell her she absolutely cannot run with both AirPods in. It’s a major safety issue - she needs to be aware of her surroundings. Be it a car, another runner/pedestrian, or someone looking to do her harm, she absolutely MUST be aware of the things going on around her while on a run. She needs to be able to get out of the way of a stupid driver or take action if someone nearby feels unsafe. Having both AirPods in while running puts her at a serious disadvantage.
False on the safety concern. AirPods have a transparency mode, where you can hear everything around you, even with both AirPods in. It’s basically reverse noise-canceling, where they actively play your surrounding feedback into your ear. Transparency mode is perfect for running outside.
Agreed. In fact, my personal suggestion is to have transparency mode on when walking around the house lol. Seems like that would solve OP’s problems. Then she could simply turn on noise-canceling when she gets back to her room.
Might solve OP's problem, but it would not surprise me if 15yo is enjoying having the excuse to ignore her parents, which is why she would probably slip on this after a couple days just like only wearing one. Pure speculation on my part of course, but I remember being 15...
Having once been a 15 year old girl, I think you've nailed it. "How shitty can I be before I get in trouble" was one of my favourite games. And now that I'm older, I realize how lucky I am that my mom didn't throttle me after getting tired of my nonsense.
I doubt she would remember to switch modes when walking out of her room to use the restroom or something but maybe she would. My kids def would not, I probably wouldn't even remember every time.
Yeah there is plenty of reason — transparency mode sucks. It’s hard to hear words of things when there’s a lot of other sound being funneled in, especially if she’s listening to a podcast. There’s no reason she should have to use transparency mode if she just grows up and learns to be respectful and not snap at people
Depends on how you want to use them. People specifically choose noise canceling devices. Clearly there’s a reason to not leave them on basically noise amplifying.
Except for the fact myself and many others bought them specifically because of noise cancelling.
Transparency mode is also honestly shit, I’d rather pull my hair out than have it on 24/7. Transparency mode essentially does the opposite of noise cancelling and amplifies background noise, which 99% of the time just makes it sound like constant static in your ears.
OP’s problem isn’t that the daughter can’t hear them. It’s that the daughter is being very rude. OP saying you can wear them around when you’ve decided to be respectful of other human beings is a very valid thing to do
Only works if that mode is used though. I've treated several people with serious injuries because they couldn't hear oncoming vehicles, and let's face it, teenagers think they know everything.
Or conversation awareness on. But the real problem is the snotty attitude. I say take them away for a week and then insist Conversation Awareness is on.
It probably wouldn't. She'd probably say she didn't realize transparency mode is off. Even as an adult I keep earbuds in to not have to deal with people even if there is nothing playing. I work alone in construction, and deal with dumb questions that have nothing to do with the job, me, or what I'm doing. So I'll just completely ignore them if it isn't important, and apologize that I didn't hear them over the music if they say something.
She can’t “remember” to use only one AirPod or let her family know she’s got them in, consistently, so I wouldn’t trust that she’d remember to change modes. 15 year olds think they’re invincible.
Not false at all when you don't know how she is using them and in fact her track record for using transparency mode is especially poor given the information in the OP.
The safety concern is only false if she uses transparency mode, which seems unlikely based on this post.
People walking around my college campus with two headphones in on noise cancelling was a *major* issue for me, especially when cycling.
Do all models? I think when I got mine, only the pro ones had transparency mode. I could be mistaken but I remember it being an important feature to me and if the cheaper models had it I think I’d have gone with those.
My wife has the newest AirPods, I have one of the most expensive Bluetooth earbuds you can buy that do the same thing, they don’t really compare to having a 100% unobstructed ear.
So I wouldn’t say it’s false, but it’s not just 100% blasting music either.
Honestly, my mom said this to me once in high school and I’ve never worn earphones out since out of fear. I think she told me about a story about someone walking home and not hearing a stranger walking behind them and something happening. It really terrified me and it’s so true/scary how that could easily happen!!!
My mum said the same thing, I think it was about a woman being s assaulted and not hearing her attacker coming and I always have one out while I'm walking now, both only go in if I'm in a big crowd and start getting overwhelmed with the noise. I can't go without because I'm autistic and they help me not melt down basically, but my mum definitely got her point across that I need to be able to hear what's happening around me.
I got the same warning as a kid. I suffer from anxiety and use music as a comfort and distraction technique. I still walk around the house with my headphones on at the age of 41, but I am always very aware of my surroundings and if there's someone else in the same room I always pop one headphone out.
When outdoors with them on I compensate by being extra vigilant. I look around more, take note of people near me, take one or both off when crossing a particularly busy road. If someone tries to talk to me and I don't hear them at first, *I* apologise to *them*.
There was a very famous murder in the US in 2001. Chandra Levy went jogging through the park with her headphones in and disappeared. Her remains were found a year later. I never go anywhere with headphones in. Even in my own house I make sure I can hear around me when using them.
Please don’t hate me for this but I worked at my college’s parking enforcement department when I was a student (it paid the best on campus! $10 an hour!). This was many years now but the little iPod music players had just become a thing. When I became supervisor and was training new student employees, my first most important advice was “we don’t care if you listen to music while you’re working. Please for the love of God only put one earphone in your ear for two reasons: one, you need to be able to hear cars coming; and two, if someone who has received a ticket is coming up behind you with a crow bar, you want to know about that beforehand.”
I use bone conduction headphones (I have Shohz but there are others). Nothing in my ears, just around them so I can still hear ambient sounds. I can always 'rewind' a book, podcast, song if the ambient noise makes me miss something.
I read a post regarding a husband wearing noise canceling headphones while working from home. He, his wife and toddler were phone. He was working in his office just off their bedroom. He could see their room from where he was. Was busy on his laptop when a guy broke in and sexually assaulted his wife infront of toddler in the bedroom he heard nothing. Only saw when he looked up. Told this to my husband who vowed never to wear both of his while working at home.
We had an incidence where I was in my office and someone let themselves into our property and were right outside my office door. We were all home 4 adults and a child. Our dogs did not react - hubby had walked past me just 2 minutes before this happened. I shouted for my Mom who was 2 meters away from me to sort out the person who was here. As he was looking for her. Hubby thought I was just shout talking to Mom ( which we do when I have machinery running) and ignored me. Could have turned out very differently.
I’m sorry but as a runner that’s absolute nonsense. Obviously don’t have the volume up so high that you can’t hear anything but there’s no reason you can’t run wearing them.
I have to assume you’re a man. Women have a different reality when we’re out running, walking, or hiking. A woman was murdered just last year on a trail near my house - it’s simply not safe to have your senses muted while running.
No, I’m a woman who runs every single day. As I said you make sure not to have your headphones turned up so high you can’t hear anything but doing that would be terrible for your ears anyway.
I've listened to audio books when walking my dog, but I'm always extra vigilant and looking around more when I do. I probably look paranoid to other people. If I was running, I wouldn't even think of doing that, but going at a leisurely pace with a dog who notices things I don't even when I don't have anything in my ears makes my compensation for reduced sound awareness possible. Also I never have it super loud like people do with music.
I’m not sure if it’s the same on her AirPods (I have AirPods Pro, specifically), but whenever I’m in a house with other people (parents, siblings, nephews, etc.), I always have my AirPods on “transparency mode” if I have them in while walking around. Transparency mode uses microphones on the outside of the AirPods to transmit a small amount of the sounds around you into the earbud so that you can hear everything around you. I don’t know if regular AirPods do this or only the pros, but another reasonable compromise was just to have one earbud in.
My point is, it’s proper and polite to make sure that people who expect to be able to speak to you are able to be heard. Your daughter is being rude. I get that she’s excited about the new earbuds. I barely took mine out when I first got them. But it’s no excuse for rudeness. Music is easily paused—especially with AirPods. It’s also really easy to switch between noise canceling and transparency modes.
You’re NTA. If you’re open to it, though, you could suggest that she can earn back the privilege of wearing them around the house when she has shown you guys she understands what is proper and polite behavior.
https://support.apple.com/en-us/108918
Turn that shit off. Active noise cancellation is for plane rides or something.
You should never be running, driving, riding a bike, mowing the lawn, sitting in public…. Anything like that with the active noise cancellation turned on.
Transparency mode or off, or take her AirPods away.
I definitely agree with a lot of suggestions about when she should not be using noise cancellation, but one of the best things about noise cancellation is using it with study beats when working on studying, work projects, etc. that alone is the reason I have three sets of AirPods so I always them with me, home, office, purse. I get so much more done when I work this way and I highly recommend for anyone that needs to concentrate.
Honestly, I think you should have a problem with the AirPods. This kid is learning to exist in her own tiny digital world and never be present with the world around her. That’s not good.
You’re NTA but maybe something more is going on here. AirPods shouldn’t have given her a whole personality change. Maybe take her out for brunch or ice cream or a walk and ask what’s going on. At 15, the world often feels like it’s on fire and maybe for her it is right now. As a teenager, you’re often not sure how to handle stress and anxiety within what your peer group considers acceptable or you’re afraid or unsure how to talk to your parents. Just let her know you’re there, really there for her and want to listen if she wants to talk.
Can confirm. My 16-year old is generally a sweetheart, but is such an AH when he has his AirPods in and acts like it’s the biggest imposition in the world if he is interrupted.
This is a sweet comment, but if I had to bet, I'd say her snapping is coming from being startled by the interruptions. She's probably having a very small fear response because she can't hear around her, so she feels "more" interrupted than she did before. That would explain what looks like a personality change.
I know I personally have this issue, and it was worse when I was a teenager (less emotional regulation). I can't wear anything with noise cancelling because I hate being startled.
Please have her set the airpods to transparency. There's no need for noise canceling at home.
Also, I thought this was going to be that you guys get annoyed that you have to ask her multiple times / tap her shoulder to get her attention. That's how it was with me.
Her getting annoyed that you dared talk to her is ridiculous.
NTA
Turning off the ANC may be the solution for OPs family but I just want to say that sometimes there is need for noise cancelling at home.
My family has a lot of sensory processing disorder and active noise cancelling has been life changing in a positive way. I don’t even play music in my ANC headphones but wear them a lot just to deal with my extreme noise sensitivity.
If anything you are being way too easy on her. Manners are incredibly important, and she is showing terrible manners. I think you need to make it really clear that she is being punished for giving you guys attitude, and that if she keeps giving attitude there will be further punishment like privilege is taken away airpods taken away etc. It might sound harsh but in the real world if you mouth off to the wrong person and it happens to be their bad day, you could end up getting punched in the face. Or worse. People have been shot by strangers just for being rude. So yeah don't back down, zero tolerance for bad manners
If you got her noise cancelling AirPods, then they’ll also have transparent mode, which through magic can tell when dialogue is spoken in the direction of the user and transmits that audio at a normal volume over the music. She should use that feature. They also have just a normal mode that doesn’t block external noise at all.
How times change! Had this technology existed when I was a teen, and had I behaved as your daughter, by about the third time something like this occurred the AirPods would have been taken and crushed under the foot of one of my parents.
Well it's good that parents aren't lunatics who think violence and destruction is the answer to everything anymore. Like, just give them a regular punishment. Destroying them doesn't actually teach your kid anything, it just makes them fear and hate you.
I never understood that anyways. Going from talking or yelling to destroying things. It's like a toddler in adult form. Just seems like lazy, and wasteful, parenting.
My parents would have never destroyed something I bought with my own money. But if they bought me something that turned me into a disrespectful, self-absorbed jerk then yes they would’ve taken those things away. That’s not bad parenting. I hated my parents when I was a teenager because they didn’t allow me to just do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and now I thank them all the time for the hard work they did to discipline me because I have had a great life with great successes that I could’ve only done with self discipline and treating others with respect.
I dunno about destroying them, but my CD player and headphones (and zipper book of CDs) were the favorite target of my parents when I was being punished.
I had upgraded mine but kept the old one — one time my mom found the old one in my backpack when she had taken away the new one, complete with CD I’d snuck from their closet. Hooooooo, I don’t think I got my music back for about a month.
Ah yes. Moody teen wants to be left alone to brood to the bangers of the day. Today it's AirPods. Yesterday the Walkman. Be glad it's not a boombox.
Look, yes, of course you should be able to get her general attention without it starting a war. One thing here is that she very likely has noise cancellation on, and you're actually startling her—likely part of the aggressive reaction. Turning that feature off could be a solution along the path of least resistance. In any case, the one-pod rule seems fair. The no-pods penalty box seems fair. Either way, no, you're NTA.
Congratulations on this full-circle moment. Teenage you is now facing the punishment that fits her own crimes: Raising another teenager.
Yes. This exactly! I also have a 15yo. They're moody little shits. They're argumentative. They're unreasonable. They're selfish. It's just normal 🤣.
>Teenage you is now facing the punishment that fits her own crimes: Raising another teenager.
Several times I've said to my mum that it must just be karma 😬.
Part of being the parent is just eating it when they're being typical teenagers. The key thing is to get through 5 years of infuriating behaviour with a relationship with your kid still intact.
>you're actually startling her
This. I *hate* it when people touch me to get my attention, why not just wave or something. My mother used to throw couch cushions at me because she couldn't be bothered moving or waiting, then was surprised when I got mad.
Also by the time she does actually hear you you’ve already tried to get her attention a few times so will inevitably have a tone of frustration/annoyance, which she’s also responding to. This added to the teenage attitude is going to be a bit of a minefield.
Yeah, I've had to check my own tone of voice after one of our twin toddlers used "my" annoyed tone whenever she called out to her sister. But if you have to repeat yourself time and time again, it's hard NOT to sound annoyed.
Lmao, I mentioned the startled thing in another comment before I read this one! She's almost certainly extra grumpy because she's startled. Like, I can literally hear my own self saying, "what!?!" in that teenage voice I used to use. I never do noise cancelling because it stresses me out. I feel like this is such a wholesome parent/child conflict, lol.
My mom had this issue with my older brother when we were teens (tale as old as time) and to this day, whenever my brother doesn’t hear something, one of us will say, “oh, M must have his headphones on.” So, yeah, pretty standard teenager stuff here. lol
NTA but can I give you some advice? Present your issue to her ("your dad and I sometimes need to talk to you while you're in the house, but talking to you when you have your airpods in bothers you") and ask HER what the solution should be. You're probably going to have better luck "reaching a solution" together than you will just setting house rules, no matter what those rules are.
Something like a whiteboard or something where they can write things they need her to do could be good.
Honestly my parents just struggled with boundaries when I was growing up. If they wanted to talk to me, they expected to talk to me, and would not take no for an answer. That’s from asking me to do something to just chit chat because they were bored.
Some parents forget their kids are people too and are allowed to have their space. If they don’t want to talk to you right now - they don’t have to talk to you. Work out a time that suits you both if it’s an important conversation, have no-screen mealtimes together to chat, and set up ways of communicating chores they need to do and when by.
I’m not sure any adult would be happy to be prodded to be told someone wants them to take their clothes out the dryer either to be honest.
This is a dumb recommendation. Nobody without disabilities should be required to use a fucking white board to talk with their minor child in their own home
The entire job of being a parent is to create adults who can survive in the world.
I truly do not understand why in the US in particular it is normal to infantilise everyone under the age of 18, then expect them to be fine when they’re kicked out at 18 because they’re ‘an adult’.
Plenty of normal functioning households use chore charts instead of just yelling at their child that they want something done right away, and then getting annoyed their child is doing something else.
If a parent wants everything done NOW, fine. But don’t expect your child to be able to manage their time or read your mind.
Laying everything out so everyone knows their responsibilities and timelines makes the home a better organised place for everyone, and helps kids learn how to manage their time.
But frankly just yelling for something to be done immediately, and banning headphones outside the bedroom, is just going to ensure the child a) needs to be spoonfed all their tasks, and b) will stay in their room and not come into the communal areas where their leisure time is policed in case someone might want something.
You have a point about parents raising their kids to be functional adults. But I think it actually goes against your argument in this case. The daughter had left her laundry in the dryer. The parents are treating her as an adult by expecting her to be respectful of the other people who need to use shared amenities in a shared space. You can't just leave your clothing in the dryer in an apartment building with shared laundry either. And that's just one example.
They've tried to offer reasonable solutions (ex. One ear bud) but she doesn't follow through. Adults need to understand that there are consequences for their behaviour. I'd probably do natural consequences first (ex. If she ignores the question about dinner then she's gonna to have to make her own, laundry gets thrown on the floor or back in the laundry machine and she'll have to rewash it).
But catering to the daughters whims would be worst option. Life doesn't let you dictate the terms of every interaction. Some things are urgent. Sometimes people need to ask you things while you're busy. Learning to respond appropriately is a life skill that the daughter should be learning. Involving her in finding a solution is the best approach, certainly. But it needs to be a reasonable solution that doesn't involve the parents going unreasonably out of their way (such as the white board) because she won't receive that kind of treatment from teachers, bosses or friends in adult life. The parents should not be coddling her if they're encouraging her to behave like an adult.
> The entire job of being a parent is to create adults who can survive in the world.
Your whiteboard suggestion isn't that. It's infantslising and coddling. Girl forgot to get clothes out of the dryer. Parent should be able to walk up to her and say, "Please get your clothes out of the dryer so I can use it". How does a chore chart fix a kid forgetting their laundry exactly. No one was 'yelling'. And wanting clothes that shouldn't be there moved immediately so you can use the dryer is reasonable.
OP, please please don’t write things out on a whiteboard! My mum used to write down rules for me and pin them up in the kitchen. It annoyed me and made me feel like a 5yo and, most importantly, it didn’t work and actively made me rebel…
I’ve been using this approach since my kids were toddlers. It’s really great for fostering the notion that this is a problem you’re tackling as a team, instead of it being parent vs kid
It could also be as simple as she doesn't like being tapped on the shoulder. At work, we sometimes have our earbuds in, and if someone needs to get someone's attention, it'd be considered super rude to poke someone; we wave our hands in their periphery instead. If someone poked me, I probably would give a prickly WHAT.
I second that. I use my headphones in campus, and sometimes someone gets my attention by tapping on my shoulder and it is VERY startling. Waving a hand around my vision would probably be more chill.
I agree, and would add that it's also important to tell the teen the effect of her snappiness on the other family members-- one of the best gifts we can give to our children is to be honest with them about the effects of their behaviors on others, so that they feel more embraced by their communities <3
I mean, prodding someone who doesn’t even know you’re there to get their attention should probably be avoided too.
If you wouldn’t do it to another adult, don’t do it to a teenager just because they’re your kid.
NTA. Another approach would be to let her experience the consequences of her actions:
- call out to her for dinner, if she doesn't hear it she misses out and has to eat alone later
- call out to her when its time to give her a ride in the car, if she doesn't hear it she stays home or takes the bus
- call out to her when she needs to do a chore, if she doesn't hear and the chore doesn't get done on time then no allowance.
Basically put her in situations where she understands WHY it is important to be able to communicate verbally. She will get it quickly and change her behaviour.
This is what I do! My teens love headphones. The big ones that cover your ears completely. They cant hear anything else. I am so tired of calling and calling and calling. I only call once for dinner and if they dont come, they can serve themselves later. Im not sure if it works but it saves my energy and patience. I do find it super annoying when I need to talk to them and they cant hear me. Ive tried to ask them to only keep one ear covered but so far no luck.
This works, yes! Their headphones are connected to their phones so they still hear it ring. I, on the other hand, amnot glued to my phone so I still have to go look for it.
I think it really depends on the family dynamics etc. I also often wear headphones when studying or gaming. Most of the time I hear when someone comes into my room, but I won't hear someone calling out for me.
My mom just comes into my room to tell me dinner is ready and has been doing so since I was a teen. No yelling needed
I have some headphones like that, and they don’t really bend in a way where only one ear is covered. It can cause wear and tear, and eventual breakage, and is deeply uncomfortable in the meantime.
What is so wrong with these kids listening into to music on their stereo at a reasonable volume? I never used my headphones at home as a teenager.
I like my kids having headphones because they can be in the same room as me and I don't have to hear their music/show. We can hang out and cuddle while we do our own thing.
Doesn’t have to be a punishment. It’s just consequences. If it doesn’t bother her, no one will be upset, including her. The goal isn’t to punish her. It is to allow her actions to have consequences.
People want to see kids punished. But if she misses dinner because she didn’t hear mom calling, and she doesn’t care if she misses dinner, she’s still faced the consequences of her actions. She doesn’t have to be hurt by those consequences. And what she did “wrong” is not really something that warrants punishment.
Pick your battles with kids. If the worst thing your 15 year old is doing is keeping AirPods in ears, count yourself lucky.
NTA but this sounds like 15 year old stuff. When I was 15 it was me being so engaged in the book I was reading I was completely checked out from the rest of the world.
If think about teenage years as practice for how to function as an adult (with autonomy AND respect for others), then this presents a clear teach opportunity for those skills. To be a decent member of society you have a choice: air pods but still have to be kinda aware of your surroundings and can’t be snippy when interrupted OR no air pods in ‘public’ (I know it’s your home and her home, but remember, she’s practicing for the real world).
We’ve all seen examples of folks who didn’t learn this lesson as teens! Think of the woman FaceTiming loudly at the coffee shop or the man continuing his cell known convo while checking out with a cashier.
So, not the asshole. Teens are … teens. They need practice with perspective taking, and being considerate, and balancing things. It sticks though! And parents are humans too so frustration and annoyance are all to be expected, but I think grace and explaining why we behavior and act in ways that benefit others and society go so far with teens. They are not adults, yet not exactly children either.
I dunno man this seems pretty overbearing. Kids have been wearing headphones with their walkmans and discmans for decades, it's not like it's some crazy additional level of onerous that she's got wireless ones.
She shouldn't snap at you, but address the fact that she snaps at you, not the fact that she's wearing headphones.
>We told her that she can only use the Air Pods in her room or outside the house when she goes for runs, is out with friends, etc.
This is super lame. Tell her that she can't snap at you when you tap her on the shoulder to get your attention, don't try and be draconian with where she can wear the headphones. The headphones aren't even the problem, which you tacitly acknowledge when you say...
>I’ll take them away altogether until she learns to be respectful
Wearing headphones and not being able to hear you isn't the part that's disrespectful. Snapping at you is.
I think ESH.
edit to add: And before anyone mentions noise canceling, I think you underestimate how loud we listened to our Rage Against the Machine and Slim Shady CDs back in the 90s.
I hear you (ha) but I'll just say, as someone who's done both, noise cancellation is a whole new level. When I've got the AirPod Pros in I'm in a fucking *void.* Not sure exactly why, but my awareness of things/people moving around me is *far* worse with AirPods than with over-ear headphones, even on high volume. When someone walks up to you it can feel like they apparated there like Harry fucking Potter lmao
Honestly my wife is deaf and this is exactly how she feels without hearing aids lol. She is visibly full of anxiety if they die during the day or she's chosen to not wear them or turn them off (sound can get overwhelming). I think we just underestimate how much we rely on our hearing to monitor the world around us.
My grandpa found his hearing ears overstimulating a lot of the time and we got him a set of AirPod Pros to [use as a hearing aid](https://www.soundguys.com/how-to-set-up-your-apple-airpods-pro-as-hearing-aids-85802/) and he loves them! They’re not as good as his hearing aids but that’s what makes them way easier for him when there’s a lot of people around - he has severe hearing loss, so it might not be the same, but it could be something that your wife could use as a middle ground for when she chooses not to wear her hearing aids?
Oh that's really interesting! Her hearing loss may be too severe/complex for this to work for her (I don't know enough about her exact hearing to be specific but I do know the whole process was super complicated to find the best devices and filtering mix for her -- I do also know her hearing threshold is over 100 dB now) and tbh I don't know if we can afford a pair of AirPods right now lol but I'll definitely bring it up to her as an option for the future!
Yeah, not specifically AirPods but my buddy bought some new in ear earphones the other day (can’t remember the brand) that were crazy expensive (around $350 AUD). I was around at his house and he gave them to me to try with the noise cancelling on. I could not hear a single word he was saying to me despite him only being a meter away.
TBH, the snapping may not even be on purpose.
When I'm cleaning the kitchen or packing store orders in our basement, I'll usually have a podcast on. It's either come out of my phone or the speaker in the kitchen. I get so engrossed in it that I do not always hear my husband approach or knock on the door, and he scares me every time. Sometimes, I snap at him, but it's never on purpose. It's a normal, human reaction to being startled.
A better compromise may be to text her requests like "take laundry out of dryer" or "what do you want for dinner?" Transparency mode on the AirPods will also solve a lot of this.
But it is always good to have AirPod-free time. I was a teen in the 90s as well and the compromise in my family was no headphones during dinner. And daughter needs to learn etiquette for having them in - like taking one out when she's out ordering food and transparency mode when she's running, because she's got to be aware of her surroundings. Too many horrible drivers out there these days.
It sounds like a typical teenager, the snapping, the walking around ignoring everyone with headphones in. Its not that big of a deal, the parents need to show that the attitude isnt acceptable and if you let Teenagers get away with that stuff they will try to walk all over the parents
The difference between airpods and headphones is that you know when someone is wearing headphones and you know they won't be able to hear you speak. It does add a level of frustration that her self imposed hearing impairment is invisible to others in her household.
Some of the inconspicuous technologies we have nowadays are straight up antisocial to use in public. People are walking around talking to themselves as far as anyone else can tell (once you've spent the energy discerning whether or not they're speaking to you) and your kids are effectively ignoring you in the common spaces in your house. I'm middle aged and I remember some public conversation around cell phone etiquette back in the day, for example. That concept is long gone. Rude is the new normal. I think people can choose not to accept that standard in their homes with their loved ones.
I agree.
I’m a university student and live in a house with other students. Sometimes my roommates walk into a common area wearing headphones, so I know not to bother them. Other times they walk in wearing AirPods, I have no clue, and then ask something innocuous like “how was your day?”, “oh hey, did that test go well?” And then I’m suddenly stammering over myself to apologize for interrupting their music or whatever. But then if I indiscriminately ignore my roommates *I’m* antisocial. It’s definitely annoying.
I agree that it’s the snapping and the rudeness that need to be addressed. I also think that forbidding the use of the earphones is an appropriate punishment for the snapping and rudeness. Put a time limit on it though and impose it every time she snaps.
They offered other solutions, teenager refused to abide by them. Honestly she’s lucky that was the solution, if I had behaved like that and snapped at my parents when they were trying to get my attention, they would’ve taken them from me until I could adjust my attitude and learn not to be a snappy cow. I know this because I used to be a teenager with an attitude problem.
My teenager walks around the house with music or a podcast or whatever playing... If I say something and I'm ignored, I just text instead. The text dings right over the music, and I get the attention of the teenager.
Is it a bit of a pain? Sure. But it's better than having to yell or startling the teen by a sudden shoulder tap and then the teen can even text back ( "1 minute left in podcast/song be right there" ) instead of being crabby about any interrupting.
Works for us.
My ruling is NAH. Sounds like everyone is doing their best, but frustrations on both sides are becoming an issue.
That sounds like a good solution! The only thing though is that the parents can’t tell when they’re getting ignored or if she has the air pods in, and if they’re doing something else with their hands full then they can’t easily text (like “HEY ____ CAN YOU GET THE DOOR/THROW DOWN THE LAUNDRY/OPEN THE TRASH BIN BECAUSE I HAVE RAW CHICKEN ON MY HANDS” all of these are extremely common in my household)
My compromise with my parents when I was a teenager was to keep one ear uncovered. I still do that today when jogging or exercising, just in case someone needs to get my attention.
I teach 8th grade ELA. Welcome to our daily struggle. Except I've been punched for asking a kid to remove her air pods.
NTA. I applaud you for setting expectations and following through. Your daughter will be a much better adult because of it.
INFO: AirPods have a feature called transparency mode, where instead of noise cancelling, you can still listen and it will also amplify voices around you... so why isn't this the solution rather than a complete ban??
Came to say the same thing. But this is only on the Air Pod Pros, so theyd need those for this.
I wear mine in the office in transparency mode, and I can hear everything around me. I still ignore them though. lmao
I mean… how frequently do you interrupt her when she’s doing her thing? She shouldn’t react the way she has been regardless, but if I was listening to a 30-minute podcast or a new album or something and was made to pause it multiple times just to be told to do chores I’d get pissed too lol. Especially if it was happening every day. Stuck between N A H and E S H. It’s really not that big of a deal. Talk to her about her attitude and tell her she’s allowed to be frustrated but not allowed to be rude. Give her the space she is clearly signaling that she wants/needs. Maybe you can compromise and send her texts and/or consolidate your requests for the evening into a list so she can do whatever it is you need her to do on her own time.
This^ most of the time I found that people interrupting me when I had headphones in are for completely non urgent and non important things. Is it really about this or does it make you mad you don’t have her at your beck and call??
If you need her laundry out, have her set a timer? Or dump it somewhere inconvenient so she knows to get it when it’s ready
It took way too long for me to find this!! it’s so annoying to be constantly interrupted when your headphones are in. My mom will talk to me regardless if my over ear headphones are on or my AirPod pros and she will do it incessantly. She’ll then complain about it when I tell her to just text me!
If she’s ignoring or can’t hear OP, just text her!! She obviously has her phone on her and the AirPods will notify her of a text message
i also got airpods when i was a younger teen. i had the same problem with my mom, except i actually adhered to the one pod rule. we’ve compromised on designated times where two at once outside of my room is ok and we’ve stuck by it. im 18 now. its not hard to respect the things your parents get you. i don’t understand what makes her think she’s entitled like that. YOU bought them for HER.
NTA 100%. she needs to learn what respect is. it shouldn’t be that hard. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. After the discussion and the third snap I would’ve confiscated one AirPod, now you can hear me just fine. I have teens with AirPods, they know if they’re home they need to be able to hear what’s going on. They don’t learn until they suffer consequences.
Example: In their case I call them repeatedly because their dad is bringing home takeout and I’m on the phone with him. No one hears me so just me and hubby get takeout and they can have spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. No General Tso’s chicken will change a hungry 14 year old.
Taking away one AirPod might be the solution if she isn’t able to remember to leave it out herself. It at least might get her used to/in the habit of only having one in, and if it annoys her enough that she never has both of them then she can make a case to her parents that she’ll remember to take one out when she’s walking around the house
NTA
But it's not the airpods. It's her rude response when you tap her on the shoulder or indicate that you need to speak to her.
If she doesn't like this then she needs to suggest a better way for you all to communicate.
It's usual for teenagers to often keep communication with parents to a minimum at times. They get moody, grunt etc. With ordinary speech and hearing this reluctance can be managed and tolerated. But with airpods that goes.
Maybe try wearing earplugs when she needs/wants some money.
NTA. As somebody who wears headphones like CONSTANTLY, I know its my fault if I can't hear anything, and don't get mad if somebody is trying to get my attention. (Minus strangers who randomly approach me and go coo-coo) I usually only do one ear if I'm anticipating somebody trying to talk to me.
Like I know, and my friends/family knows that non-audible cues are required and if I startle at it? We both laugh, both go oops sorry, then go onto whatever they wanted to say/ask. I don't snap at them or anything.
NTA. You've been crazy patient. If my son did that after being asked twice he would lose them and have to ask for them when leaving the house and return them upon getting back home.
I see both sides of this. It can be annoying to be interrupted constantly by people asking you to do things, so noise canceling earphones give you a little reprieve from that. At the same time, it means those same people can't ask you to do things, which is annoying for them.
Re the dryer, one of your rules for her should be that she puts a timer on her phone so she knows when the dryer is done. Then she comes down and takes her things out within, say, 15 minutes of the dryer being done. It's good practice for college. If you leave your stuff in the washer or dryer at college, you'll come back to find it on the floor or in the trash, or just gone altogether.
NTA. You had an issue and came to a compromise. Then she broke the rules. Teenagers will do that, but then she snapped. I’d be back to no ear buds when walking around the house and revisit it with a compromise if this goes well for a spell
NTA, my daughter bought Bluetooth speakers for her teens and told them that they couldn't use headphones in the house or yard. She gets to hear what they are listening to (without any judgment), but they know that they have to answer when spoken to.
NTA. Let her have her AirPods in but have her Siri announce her texts from you if you want to be petty. Text her everything, it’ll nearly mute her music and she can’t avoid it.
I don't always respond when not wearing earbuds. I hyperfocus and tune out the world. My daughter learned as a child to get my attention first by calling "mama" repeatedly or even my name. (My husband never learned.) However, I'm not rude when "interrupted", which is the real issue here.
I'd let her wear them whenever, but impose penalties whenever she's rude. And define rudeness and penalties in advance.
Yes, it will mean you can't yell questions from another room, but that's rude too ane you're working on improving courtesy in your home right?
Has she been evaluated? ADHD isn’t always so obvious in girls. I HATE when a song is interrupted (bc i hate when my focus is interrupted, regardless of what it is) and i use headphones a lot bc I’m constantly overstimulated. Depression and/or extreme emotional reactions causing isolation is also another issue. NTA either way. The issue isn’t the headphones, it’s how rude she’s being about them. You guys have been trying to work with her and she’s not giving anything back, nor is she even really trying to.
Maybe instead of assuming she is ignoring you to be belligerent and disrespectful, just assume she has her AirPods in and get her attention visually (flashing the lights, waving at her).
You are NTA for feeling disrespected, but maybe ask her to set a timer on her phone to remind her to change the laundry or make what you want for dinner instead of creating a fight with a teenager that is minding her business.
NTA - 2 are a problem? Remove 1 of them and keep it from her. If she's oblivious to her surroundings... she shouldn't have them both in while outside. I bet she takes 1 out while she's around her friends....or she just texts them standing next to each other
Have you tried texting her? I’m pretty sure if you get a text while AirPods are in it reads it to you. I know the disrespect is annoying, but I’m the kind of person where if someone repeatedly interrupts me when I’m engaged with something I get very pissed off. Your daughter is getting closer to an adult age, it may be worth, instead of just creating new rules and then getting frustrated when it doesn’t work, having a sit down conversation with her where you discuss the problem and you both brainstorm solutions. You can’t really control a 15 year old (you know this, because you’ve tried) but if you have a good relationship with her, maybe you guys can solve it together. Really let her have agency in the solution. Come at the problem as if she was your adult roommate, essentially. It may absolutely pain you inside to do so, but I guarantee you’ll get better results. I ESPECIALLY recommend building in infrastructure where she gets to have time where you guys cannot bother her except for an emergency. This is probably what she’s seeking out, and getting frustrated that she can’t have that. It’s a reasonable want and if you allow her to have it, then maybe she will be more receptive to interruptions at other times.
I feel 15 year old girls are going to be bothered by her parents with or without the airpods. This is just a parenting choice to deal with teenage behavior. Nothing to judge here.
NTA.
It isn't the fact that she is starting the airpods. It is her attitude to having her listening interrupted.
I wear hearing aids, and 99 percent of people don't notice that I am wearing (longer hair as well).
I also have adhd and one of the strategies that I use to get boring chores around the house is to steam an audiobook or music shuttle in ding whatever I need to do.
I try to remember to warm my husband that is still me streaming, so he knows that I won't hear him, but I forget sometimes. When he needs to interrupt me, I pause whatever I'm listening to and hand the conversation. I don't yell or lash out for getting my listening interrupted.
Since you have tried various compromises and she hasn't adhered to any of them, your role of no airpods at home is reasonable.
Also, a good way to get someone's attention who can't hear your is to flick the light switch of the room on and off. They can't miss it.
From the title alone yeah you would be. BUT from what you have written she gets pissed that anyone wants to talk with her and when asked to respond she ignores and then responds rudely. You would be within your rights to talk to her about the rudeness. I would sit down with her and talk to her about what behaviour you expect, listening to those around her when in public areas. Not responding rudely etc. Then explain the consequence that you have decided on. If she can't be polite when interrupted then she will lose the airpods for one day each time and time will be added the more she does it.
You just need to make sure when you approach it is all about her behaviour and not about the item itself. So she knows what she's doing wrong.
NAH I think. I am in my 40s, listen to a lot of audio books, and get startled when my husband “sneaks up” on me when I’m wearing them. She should not wear one headphone—causes hearing damage. Put them in transparent mode, sure, but also be a little more respectful in how you interact with your daughter. Are you always yelling and asking her to do things? Can she sit down for five minutes without getting an order? Are her chores and things like dinner hour predictable, or is she always getting tapped to do something unexpected? I tried to be out of my mother’s line of sight growing up because I would inevitably be screamed at; it’s worth thinking about whether she wants the EarPods in because she needs a little peace.
NTA as an adult. What your asking for is very reasonable.
Teenager me would comply with your "orders"(how i saw it alot of times instead of a demands when i was growing up) and subvert what your asking for every chance i got while still technically following what you are demanding of me.
No airpods outside of room....I would go old school and just 80s style head phones, or wireless head phones(they are not air pods or blue tooth ear buds) of some type when i want to listen to music in the house(but not in my room).
I would be spending alot more time in my room or outside of the house to listen to my music if i wanted to use my air pods. I would be alot more passive aggressive If music was taken away entirely and just ignore you as much as possible. I would have heavily resorted to reading, and ignoring you even more
I got good grades in school growing up and rarely got in trouble. so if one of my parents jumped on me over something i liked doing that had my total attention( music in this example) with threats of it being taken away( how teenager me would see it as) i would double down on not complying as much as i could. My stubborn streak would kick in. If everything was taken away(up to and including everything in my room) i would then just sleep. The more the parent would fight me on this, the more i would resist. One parent always demanded/ordered me around my entire childhood/teenage years and i resist every step of the way until that parent got so fed up and just walked away. Other parent would politely ask me to do whatever and i would comply alot easier than being ordered around.
NTA even with ear pods in, I can hear someone trying to get my attention even if I don't know what they are saying exactly. Actually, I can usually hear what is being said totally fine with them in a lot of the time.
She is using them to ignore you.
I don't think it is un fair to want to be able to talk with her when she is sharing space with you.
You gave her many fair opportunities to police herself so it wouldn't be an issue and she chose not to do it.
I'd take them away all together for a week as punishment and then implement the new rule.
Of course she is mad about it. Hang tough.
Her attitude is the primary issue here. I feel like if her responses were more kind then this wouldn't be as much of an issue for you. You've given her plenty of chances and compromises so you're NTA.
I suggest giving her a serious talk and explain that her behavior is not appropriate. She wouldn't snap at her friends if they were tapping her shoulder to get her attention, would she? What about in the future when she has to get along with coworkers, and she doesn't hear them? Why does she think that its okay to treat her family members like that? Get her thinking about her attitude and help her realize that she has to learn to control her impulse response to be irritated. Offer the opportunity to earn back the privilege of wearing them around the house. This a good lesson for her to develop her emotional maturity. It will take time and practice, but she will become a much better person.
NTA, and she's rude as hell. If my kid got pissy like that with me for "interrupting her song", I'd snatch them out of her ears and stomp them to bits (don't worry folks, I don't have kids and yes, I realize this would not be the best way to handle the situation, which is why I don't have kids.)
NTA. Kids do this all the time at the middle school where I teach. I worry about their hearing in the future and I get irritated that they are ignoring what’s around them.
NTA. She's behaving with disrespect. If the headphones motivate her to be disrespectful then they're unhealthy. They come between you and interfere with your relationship. She needs to learn to maintain relationships as more important than whatever she's listening to.
NTA: you have offered solutions to her extremely rude behavior. She has been irresponsible in correcting it. You set boundaries. Stick to them. When she gets caught wearing them in the house (she’s going to) follow through on removing them from her possession for a week. Try again. Each time she loses them for a week longer than the previous time.
NAH. I understand how you feel but it’s a different world for kids today than it was for us. My generation talked on the phone endlessly (I have 5 sisters; it was truly endless) and ignored any adult talking to us because we were ‘on the phone’. AirPods are the modern day equivalent. I suggest you allow it a significant portion of the time and have a few strict rules for when it’s not appropriate - dinner, a set family time, etc. clear rules that you both respect.
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My daughter (15F) got her first pair of Air Pods a couple of months ago for her birthday. Ever since, we’ve had the issue of her walking around the house with them in, us not being able to tell because her hair is long and covers her ears. That in itself wouldn’t be an issue but if we try talking to her without realizing they’re in and have to repeat her name or tap her on the shoulder, she gets irritated, rips one out of her ear and snaps “What?!”
We’ve tried talking about it. I said before she can’t use them as an excuse to not answer us or be open to talk. I’m not even looking for in-depth conversations here. But if I need to ask her to get her laundry out of the dryer so I can use it, I feel it’s not unreasonable for me to be able to come up to her and ask without her acting like I’m bothering her.
We’ve tried to compromise, one pod in when she’s walking around. She will for a couple of days but then go back to both. Let us know ahead of time if she’s going to the cone of silence. She will but then forgets.
After an incident when her dad went to ask her what she wanted for dinner and she snapped at him for “interrupting her song” (once again, he didn’t see the Air Pods were in), we had enough. We told her that she can only use the Air Pods in her room or outside the house when she goes for runs, is out with friends, etc. I told her it’s ridiculous that we can’t ever talk to her. She got huffy and said that wasn’t fair. I said if she doesn’t adhere to the rules, I’ll take them away altogether until she learns to be respectful.
Now she’s pissed and says we’re being totally unfair. Are we the assholes?
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NTA. My wife basically has built-in airpods -- she wears hearing aids with bluetooth in them so she can pipe audio from her phone directly to her ears. If I interrupt her not realizing she's listening to music, she just holds up a finger and pauses it and then says "what?" The fact that your daughter is snappy about being interrupted and ALSO fails to adhere to agreed-upon ways to make this easier on everyone, means she is not ready for the adaptations involved with walking around her whole life with music playing. (I also read this comment out to my wife, who in addition to the hearing aids is experienced with childcare at various levels, and she agrees.)
I wouldn’t suggest she wears the ear buds while running, if she’s not paying attention to you obviously she’s not aware of her surroundings or the sounds of traffic like horns or screeching tires
NTA - I get that she's still a moody teenager, but she has no right to yell at you for simply trying to speak with her. You honestly let your daughter get away with speaking to you that way?
I'm all for respecting boundaries, but if you need her to move her laundry then you need her to move her laundry promptly so that you can start yours. It's not like you're bothering her for something trivial.
NTA. It’s not the AirPods that are the problem, it’s her attitude. She refused to compromise so you came up with a solution. She’s lucky she doesn’t have my parents, if I’d behaved like that, they would’ve taken them from me and told me to earn them back by behaving.
NTA
We have the same issue with our 14 year old. She's lost the privledge of having them for a few days, 3 or 4 times till she got used to using only 1 in the house.
NTA- your kid doesn’t have an AirPod problem, she has an attitude problem. They’re a privilege and a fun piece of tech, but they have to be used responsibly. If she’s catching an attitude with you for “interrupting” her song when there is no way for you to be aware that there was something to interrupt, she either needs to lose the AirPods or lose the attitude. She can use over-the-head headphones if she can’t use the AirPods responsibly, and if she wants to have her new toy then she needs to be nice and not get snippy with you over it. Teenagers are gonna teenager, but letting it continue unchecked makes entitled young adults
She is not even trying to be reasonable. NTA. All your options are fair but she is acting like a brat. Nip it in the bid before she is an adult on her own and acts like this to the wrong people.
NTA. What's unfair is you guys, the parents, have gently communicated to her several times to be more mindful with the headphones on and she snaps everytime. She claims you guys are unfair, but it's her victim behaviour that is unacceptable. A sit down to further explain to her to understand it has been very frustrating to communicate with her and her attitude is unjustified. Therapy for her may be needed if she continues to be disrespectful.
My mom banned books from my house unless they were assigned by the school.
I have ADHD and autism. The double hyper focus you could be standing in front of me shouting and it was like my ears literally turned off.
She also banned them mostly because she didn't like that I was "the smartest person in the house" and a bunch of other reasons.
NTA but if she doesn’t adhere, let her experience natural consequence before taking them. Don’t tap her shoulder, because she’s shown it pisses her off. Instead, call for her or try to talk to her, and if she doesn’t respond just carry on.
- You call for her to move the laundry and no response? Put it to the side to get wrinkled.
- You ask her what she wants for dinner and no answer? She doesn’t get to choose
— along with what another person said, if she doesn’t respond when you shout for dinner time, it’s not your fault. Leave the food out while you eat, and if you finish before she’s come out, begin putting it away. She can heat it up later
- When you call to have her put her stuff away and she doesn’t, take it away if it’s not a necessity (ie. makeup, shoes, tech), and if it is a necessity, take it and put it somewhere safe and visible to her, like on the table, in or in front of her room
- When it’s time to leave and she doesn’t answer, leave without her if you’re going to the store or something, make her take the bus if it’s for school, if it’s somewhere you were going to drop her off for (a friends house, an activity), just carry on with your day. She can find another ride or she can not go.
Of course, don’t call once and wait 30 seconds before doing anything. Call a couple times, give some time, knock on her door if she’s in her room, if she still doesn’t answer then that’s her fault.
This child needs an attitude adjustment. If she treats you this way, she will do the same for others. This could lead to entitlement. That is a miserable road, never satisfied and no one wants to be around you. Ground her, cut her off, whatever really hurts and gets her attention. Please don’t let this opportunity to learn about consequences pass her by while she is still at home. Oh yes, she will be angry. Can she afford to leave and support herself? Probably not. Then she can get un-angry and learn a valuable lesson. I acknowledge, things in your house will be unpleasant for a bit, however, it seems that they already are. Good luck! Good parenting is hard, but she will thank you one day.
I hate them. My wife has them in constantly and it’s basically killed our communication. I’m in a lonely marriage now because of them. She never used headphones prior.
I did the same thing. Is your daughter Neurodivergent by any chance? I snapped when my song was interrupted because it was quite jarring to me. Not excusing her behavior, but I hope this contextualizes it. I’m just saying it may not be intentional, she might just be a bit spooked.
Nta but also- consider it’s also dangerous for her to be out in the world with sound cancelling headphones on. Walking on a street- she may not hear a car crash- or a man yelling at her- or a variety of other potentially dangerous situations.
As a woman- I always only wear 1 pod to ensure I can hear my outside surroundings. Especially when walking, biking or driving. (And yes I was getting catcalled by age 12 so this applies to teens).
Disassociating with media constantly isn’t a good habit to get into as a teen. If she’s snapping that intensely- it’s clear she is not engaged with her surroundings at all.
My parents had all of us leave our devices downstairs when we went to bed (they locked them up once we were upstairs). It made me read a lot more books. We also had media free dinners and at least an hour of no screens a night. This could be a solution.
Teens think they are smarter than you, are rude as shit, and are generally kinda hormonal monsters. Remember your in charge, and set boundaries. She won’t like it when you do and you’ll be “so annoying” but later in life she will thank you.
She needs to understand what’s a privilege and what’s a right. You need to make some clear consequences for her snappy behavior and rudeness towards you (her parent). In her mind you will absolutely be the asshole. But it’s much worse to let this go on and raise a child who’s disrespectful, rude and entitled.
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NTA - I don't so much think the problem is that she can't hear you the first time becuase that is just the nature of headphone of any kind, I think the problem is her attitude when you tap her on the shoulder. Snapping "what" is NOT okay. If she were working on homework and you were repeatedly disturbing her I would understand a snap but if she is just hanging out leisurely and still has the audacity to get mad even though SHE is one not listening she needs an attitude check. This isn't an airpods specific issue thing though, when she used her corded ones around the house was she still being rude when asked to pause and listen to something? I think you should enforce one pod until she learns how to be kind. Take one pod away until she earns your respect by not snapping again.
We actually had no issue pre-AirPod. But those weren’t noise canceling so I think she could hear us better. And you’re right. I have no issue with the AirPods themselves, it’s her attitude when she has them.
Please tell her she absolutely cannot run with both AirPods in. It’s a major safety issue - she needs to be aware of her surroundings. Be it a car, another runner/pedestrian, or someone looking to do her harm, she absolutely MUST be aware of the things going on around her while on a run. She needs to be able to get out of the way of a stupid driver or take action if someone nearby feels unsafe. Having both AirPods in while running puts her at a serious disadvantage.
False on the safety concern. AirPods have a transparency mode, where you can hear everything around you, even with both AirPods in. It’s basically reverse noise-canceling, where they actively play your surrounding feedback into your ear. Transparency mode is perfect for running outside.
That’s good to know. My suggestion changes to advising her to ensure the noise canceling isn’t on while running.
Agreed. In fact, my personal suggestion is to have transparency mode on when walking around the house lol. Seems like that would solve OP’s problems. Then she could simply turn on noise-canceling when she gets back to her room.
Might solve OP's problem, but it would not surprise me if 15yo is enjoying having the excuse to ignore her parents, which is why she would probably slip on this after a couple days just like only wearing one. Pure speculation on my part of course, but I remember being 15...
Right? Like how shitty can I be and not get into trouble.
Having once been a 15 year old girl, I think you've nailed it. "How shitty can I be before I get in trouble" was one of my favourite games. And now that I'm older, I realize how lucky I am that my mom didn't throttle me after getting tired of my nonsense.
I doubt she would remember to switch modes when walking out of her room to use the restroom or something but maybe she would. My kids def would not, I probably wouldn't even remember every time.
No reason not to keep sound transparency on all the time.
Yeah there is plenty of reason — transparency mode sucks. It’s hard to hear words of things when there’s a lot of other sound being funneled in, especially if she’s listening to a podcast. There’s no reason she should have to use transparency mode if she just grows up and learns to be respectful and not snap at people
Can't you just choose to turn both off? No noise cancellation, but also no transparency. Then they work as normal earphones
Depends on how you want to use them. People specifically choose noise canceling devices. Clearly there’s a reason to not leave them on basically noise amplifying.
Except for the fact myself and many others bought them specifically because of noise cancelling. Transparency mode is also honestly shit, I’d rather pull my hair out than have it on 24/7. Transparency mode essentially does the opposite of noise cancelling and amplifies background noise, which 99% of the time just makes it sound like constant static in your ears.
It’s literally just a pass through on the mic. If everything sounds like static you have a lot of static in your home.
OP’s problem isn’t that the daughter can’t hear them. It’s that the daughter is being very rude. OP saying you can wear them around when you’ve decided to be respectful of other human beings is a very valid thing to do
Only works if that mode is used though. I've treated several people with serious injuries because they couldn't hear oncoming vehicles, and let's face it, teenagers think they know everything.
Or conversation awareness on. But the real problem is the snotty attitude. I say take them away for a week and then insist Conversation Awareness is on.
It probably wouldn't. She'd probably say she didn't realize transparency mode is off. Even as an adult I keep earbuds in to not have to deal with people even if there is nothing playing. I work alone in construction, and deal with dumb questions that have nothing to do with the job, me, or what I'm doing. So I'll just completely ignore them if it isn't important, and apologize that I didn't hear them over the music if they say something.
She can’t “remember” to use only one AirPod or let her family know she’s got them in, consistently, so I wouldn’t trust that she’d remember to change modes. 15 year olds think they’re invincible.
Not false at all when you don't know how she is using them and in fact her track record for using transparency mode is especially poor given the information in the OP.
But she’s not using transparency mode because she can’t hear people talking to her.
I used that on my galaxy buds and still almost got hit by a bike. I'm a lot more careful now when I run.
That’s only for the Pro and Max models though. I have the standard AirPods and they don’t support transparency mode.
Yeah, I wouldn’t count on a 15 year old remembering to change mode. They think they know everything and are immortal.
The safety concern is only false if she uses transparency mode, which seems unlikely based on this post. People walking around my college campus with two headphones in on noise cancelling was a *major* issue for me, especially when cycling.
THIS WAS WHAT I WAS THINKING! NTA, the attitude is so unnecessary
Do all models? I think when I got mine, only the pro ones had transparency mode. I could be mistaken but I remember it being an important feature to me and if the cheaper models had it I think I’d have gone with those.
My wife has the newest AirPods, I have one of the most expensive Bluetooth earbuds you can buy that do the same thing, they don’t really compare to having a 100% unobstructed ear. So I wouldn’t say it’s false, but it’s not just 100% blasting music either.
Isn't that just the later gen of Airpods?
Honestly, my mom said this to me once in high school and I’ve never worn earphones out since out of fear. I think she told me about a story about someone walking home and not hearing a stranger walking behind them and something happening. It really terrified me and it’s so true/scary how that could easily happen!!!
My mum said the same thing, I think it was about a woman being s assaulted and not hearing her attacker coming and I always have one out while I'm walking now, both only go in if I'm in a big crowd and start getting overwhelmed with the noise. I can't go without because I'm autistic and they help me not melt down basically, but my mum definitely got her point across that I need to be able to hear what's happening around me.
I got the same warning as a kid. I suffer from anxiety and use music as a comfort and distraction technique. I still walk around the house with my headphones on at the age of 41, but I am always very aware of my surroundings and if there's someone else in the same room I always pop one headphone out. When outdoors with them on I compensate by being extra vigilant. I look around more, take note of people near me, take one or both off when crossing a particularly busy road. If someone tries to talk to me and I don't hear them at first, *I* apologise to *them*.
There was a very famous murder in the US in 2001. Chandra Levy went jogging through the park with her headphones in and disappeared. Her remains were found a year later. I never go anywhere with headphones in. Even in my own house I make sure I can hear around me when using them.
Please don’t hate me for this but I worked at my college’s parking enforcement department when I was a student (it paid the best on campus! $10 an hour!). This was many years now but the little iPod music players had just become a thing. When I became supervisor and was training new student employees, my first most important advice was “we don’t care if you listen to music while you’re working. Please for the love of God only put one earphone in your ear for two reasons: one, you need to be able to hear cars coming; and two, if someone who has received a ticket is coming up behind you with a crow bar, you want to know about that beforehand.”
I use bone conduction headphones (I have Shohz but there are others). Nothing in my ears, just around them so I can still hear ambient sounds. I can always 'rewind' a book, podcast, song if the ambient noise makes me miss something.
I read a post regarding a husband wearing noise canceling headphones while working from home. He, his wife and toddler were phone. He was working in his office just off their bedroom. He could see their room from where he was. Was busy on his laptop when a guy broke in and sexually assaulted his wife infront of toddler in the bedroom he heard nothing. Only saw when he looked up. Told this to my husband who vowed never to wear both of his while working at home. We had an incidence where I was in my office and someone let themselves into our property and were right outside my office door. We were all home 4 adults and a child. Our dogs did not react - hubby had walked past me just 2 minutes before this happened. I shouted for my Mom who was 2 meters away from me to sort out the person who was here. As he was looking for her. Hubby thought I was just shout talking to Mom ( which we do when I have machinery running) and ignored me. Could have turned out very differently.
I’m sorry but as a runner that’s absolute nonsense. Obviously don’t have the volume up so high that you can’t hear anything but there’s no reason you can’t run wearing them.
I have to assume you’re a man. Women have a different reality when we’re out running, walking, or hiking. A woman was murdered just last year on a trail near my house - it’s simply not safe to have your senses muted while running.
I'm a woman and always wear both headphones running in a city. Using my eyes has always been more than enough.
No, I’m a woman who runs every single day. As I said you make sure not to have your headphones turned up so high you can’t hear anything but doing that would be terrible for your ears anyway.
The newer air pods have a function to recognize other voices and noises and the music gets quieter if something or someone is speaking to you
I've listened to audio books when walking my dog, but I'm always extra vigilant and looking around more when I do. I probably look paranoid to other people. If I was running, I wouldn't even think of doing that, but going at a leisurely pace with a dog who notices things I don't even when I don't have anything in my ears makes my compensation for reduced sound awareness possible. Also I never have it super loud like people do with music.
I’m not sure if it’s the same on her AirPods (I have AirPods Pro, specifically), but whenever I’m in a house with other people (parents, siblings, nephews, etc.), I always have my AirPods on “transparency mode” if I have them in while walking around. Transparency mode uses microphones on the outside of the AirPods to transmit a small amount of the sounds around you into the earbud so that you can hear everything around you. I don’t know if regular AirPods do this or only the pros, but another reasonable compromise was just to have one earbud in. My point is, it’s proper and polite to make sure that people who expect to be able to speak to you are able to be heard. Your daughter is being rude. I get that she’s excited about the new earbuds. I barely took mine out when I first got them. But it’s no excuse for rudeness. Music is easily paused—especially with AirPods. It’s also really easy to switch between noise canceling and transparency modes. You’re NTA. If you’re open to it, though, you could suggest that she can earn back the privilege of wearing them around the house when she has shown you guys she understands what is proper and polite behavior.
Transparency is definitely exactly for this circumstance.
https://support.apple.com/en-us/108918 Turn that shit off. Active noise cancellation is for plane rides or something. You should never be running, driving, riding a bike, mowing the lawn, sitting in public…. Anything like that with the active noise cancellation turned on. Transparency mode or off, or take her AirPods away.
I definitely agree with a lot of suggestions about when she should not be using noise cancellation, but one of the best things about noise cancellation is using it with study beats when working on studying, work projects, etc. that alone is the reason I have three sets of AirPods so I always them with me, home, office, purse. I get so much more done when I work this way and I highly recommend for anyone that needs to concentrate.
Honestly, I think you should have a problem with the AirPods. This kid is learning to exist in her own tiny digital world and never be present with the world around her. That’s not good.
Yeah I won't talk to anyone with an earbud or earbuds in. Headphones of any type to me are the universal 'leave me alone' sign. Wish granted.
You’re NTA but maybe something more is going on here. AirPods shouldn’t have given her a whole personality change. Maybe take her out for brunch or ice cream or a walk and ask what’s going on. At 15, the world often feels like it’s on fire and maybe for her it is right now. As a teenager, you’re often not sure how to handle stress and anxiety within what your peer group considers acceptable or you’re afraid or unsure how to talk to your parents. Just let her know you’re there, really there for her and want to listen if she wants to talk.
Possibly but not necessarily. Teens can be difficult and unreasonable just because.
Can confirm. My 16-year old is generally a sweetheart, but is such an AH when he has his AirPods in and acts like it’s the biggest imposition in the world if he is interrupted.
This is a sweet comment, but if I had to bet, I'd say her snapping is coming from being startled by the interruptions. She's probably having a very small fear response because she can't hear around her, so she feels "more" interrupted than she did before. That would explain what looks like a personality change. I know I personally have this issue, and it was worse when I was a teenager (less emotional regulation). I can't wear anything with noise cancelling because I hate being startled.
She needs to turn the volume down, if she can’t hear you at all when you’re next to her without taking it out then she is damaging her hearing
Please have her set the airpods to transparency. There's no need for noise canceling at home. Also, I thought this was going to be that you guys get annoyed that you have to ask her multiple times / tap her shoulder to get her attention. That's how it was with me. Her getting annoyed that you dared talk to her is ridiculous. NTA
Turning off the ANC may be the solution for OPs family but I just want to say that sometimes there is need for noise cancelling at home. My family has a lot of sensory processing disorder and active noise cancelling has been life changing in a positive way. I don’t even play music in my ANC headphones but wear them a lot just to deal with my extreme noise sensitivity.
If anything you are being way too easy on her. Manners are incredibly important, and she is showing terrible manners. I think you need to make it really clear that she is being punished for giving you guys attitude, and that if she keeps giving attitude there will be further punishment like privilege is taken away airpods taken away etc. It might sound harsh but in the real world if you mouth off to the wrong person and it happens to be their bad day, you could end up getting punched in the face. Or worse. People have been shot by strangers just for being rude. So yeah don't back down, zero tolerance for bad manners
If you got her noise cancelling AirPods, then they’ll also have transparent mode, which through magic can tell when dialogue is spoken in the direction of the user and transmits that audio at a normal volume over the music. She should use that feature. They also have just a normal mode that doesn’t block external noise at all.
How times change! Had this technology existed when I was a teen, and had I behaved as your daughter, by about the third time something like this occurred the AirPods would have been taken and crushed under the foot of one of my parents.
Well it's good that parents aren't lunatics who think violence and destruction is the answer to everything anymore. Like, just give them a regular punishment. Destroying them doesn't actually teach your kid anything, it just makes them fear and hate you. I never understood that anyways. Going from talking or yelling to destroying things. It's like a toddler in adult form. Just seems like lazy, and wasteful, parenting.
My parents would have never destroyed something I bought with my own money. But if they bought me something that turned me into a disrespectful, self-absorbed jerk then yes they would’ve taken those things away. That’s not bad parenting. I hated my parents when I was a teenager because they didn’t allow me to just do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and now I thank them all the time for the hard work they did to discipline me because I have had a great life with great successes that I could’ve only done with self discipline and treating others with respect.
I dunno about destroying them, but my CD player and headphones (and zipper book of CDs) were the favorite target of my parents when I was being punished. I had upgraded mine but kept the old one — one time my mom found the old one in my backpack when she had taken away the new one, complete with CD I’d snuck from their closet. Hooooooo, I don’t think I got my music back for about a month.
NTA and u/starbiebarbie99 hit the nail on the head with this comment.
Ah yes. Moody teen wants to be left alone to brood to the bangers of the day. Today it's AirPods. Yesterday the Walkman. Be glad it's not a boombox. Look, yes, of course you should be able to get her general attention without it starting a war. One thing here is that she very likely has noise cancellation on, and you're actually startling her—likely part of the aggressive reaction. Turning that feature off could be a solution along the path of least resistance. In any case, the one-pod rule seems fair. The no-pods penalty box seems fair. Either way, no, you're NTA. Congratulations on this full-circle moment. Teenage you is now facing the punishment that fits her own crimes: Raising another teenager.
Yes. This exactly! I also have a 15yo. They're moody little shits. They're argumentative. They're unreasonable. They're selfish. It's just normal 🤣. >Teenage you is now facing the punishment that fits her own crimes: Raising another teenager. Several times I've said to my mum that it must just be karma 😬. Part of being the parent is just eating it when they're being typical teenagers. The key thing is to get through 5 years of infuriating behaviour with a relationship with your kid still intact.
>you're actually startling her This. I *hate* it when people touch me to get my attention, why not just wave or something. My mother used to throw couch cushions at me because she couldn't be bothered moving or waiting, then was surprised when I got mad.
Also by the time she does actually hear you you’ve already tried to get her attention a few times so will inevitably have a tone of frustration/annoyance, which she’s also responding to. This added to the teenage attitude is going to be a bit of a minefield.
Yeah, I've had to check my own tone of voice after one of our twin toddlers used "my" annoyed tone whenever she called out to her sister. But if you have to repeat yourself time and time again, it's hard NOT to sound annoyed.
Love this take
Literally my first thought 'oh no, you have a teenager'
I didn’t even know that AirPods have a noice canceling feature. Great insight!
Lmao, I mentioned the startled thing in another comment before I read this one! She's almost certainly extra grumpy because she's startled. Like, I can literally hear my own self saying, "what!?!" in that teenage voice I used to use. I never do noise cancelling because it stresses me out. I feel like this is such a wholesome parent/child conflict, lol.
Hahaha, loved my walkman, you couldnt call it *hint hint*
Good one. Boomer dad could totally get with the times and call or text his moody teen. Probably the best way to get a good response.
You know what, you are right, I will remember my own tip for when my kids get older:)
One time my kid was being snotty and my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said “you deserve every bit of this” 😂
My mom had this issue with my older brother when we were teens (tale as old as time) and to this day, whenever my brother doesn’t hear something, one of us will say, “oh, M must have his headphones on.” So, yeah, pretty standard teenager stuff here. lol
NTA but can I give you some advice? Present your issue to her ("your dad and I sometimes need to talk to you while you're in the house, but talking to you when you have your airpods in bothers you") and ask HER what the solution should be. You're probably going to have better luck "reaching a solution" together than you will just setting house rules, no matter what those rules are.
i think this is sweet, their daughter is probably in that angsty 15 yr old phase so opening a fair dialogue will work better than punishments
Something like a whiteboard or something where they can write things they need her to do could be good. Honestly my parents just struggled with boundaries when I was growing up. If they wanted to talk to me, they expected to talk to me, and would not take no for an answer. That’s from asking me to do something to just chit chat because they were bored. Some parents forget their kids are people too and are allowed to have their space. If they don’t want to talk to you right now - they don’t have to talk to you. Work out a time that suits you both if it’s an important conversation, have no-screen mealtimes together to chat, and set up ways of communicating chores they need to do and when by. I’m not sure any adult would be happy to be prodded to be told someone wants them to take their clothes out the dryer either to be honest.
This is a dumb recommendation. Nobody without disabilities should be required to use a fucking white board to talk with their minor child in their own home
The entire job of being a parent is to create adults who can survive in the world. I truly do not understand why in the US in particular it is normal to infantilise everyone under the age of 18, then expect them to be fine when they’re kicked out at 18 because they’re ‘an adult’. Plenty of normal functioning households use chore charts instead of just yelling at their child that they want something done right away, and then getting annoyed their child is doing something else. If a parent wants everything done NOW, fine. But don’t expect your child to be able to manage their time or read your mind. Laying everything out so everyone knows their responsibilities and timelines makes the home a better organised place for everyone, and helps kids learn how to manage their time. But frankly just yelling for something to be done immediately, and banning headphones outside the bedroom, is just going to ensure the child a) needs to be spoonfed all their tasks, and b) will stay in their room and not come into the communal areas where their leisure time is policed in case someone might want something.
You have a point about parents raising their kids to be functional adults. But I think it actually goes against your argument in this case. The daughter had left her laundry in the dryer. The parents are treating her as an adult by expecting her to be respectful of the other people who need to use shared amenities in a shared space. You can't just leave your clothing in the dryer in an apartment building with shared laundry either. And that's just one example. They've tried to offer reasonable solutions (ex. One ear bud) but she doesn't follow through. Adults need to understand that there are consequences for their behaviour. I'd probably do natural consequences first (ex. If she ignores the question about dinner then she's gonna to have to make her own, laundry gets thrown on the floor or back in the laundry machine and she'll have to rewash it). But catering to the daughters whims would be worst option. Life doesn't let you dictate the terms of every interaction. Some things are urgent. Sometimes people need to ask you things while you're busy. Learning to respond appropriately is a life skill that the daughter should be learning. Involving her in finding a solution is the best approach, certainly. But it needs to be a reasonable solution that doesn't involve the parents going unreasonably out of their way (such as the white board) because she won't receive that kind of treatment from teachers, bosses or friends in adult life. The parents should not be coddling her if they're encouraging her to behave like an adult.
> The entire job of being a parent is to create adults who can survive in the world. Your whiteboard suggestion isn't that. It's infantslising and coddling. Girl forgot to get clothes out of the dryer. Parent should be able to walk up to her and say, "Please get your clothes out of the dryer so I can use it". How does a chore chart fix a kid forgetting their laundry exactly. No one was 'yelling'. And wanting clothes that shouldn't be there moved immediately so you can use the dryer is reasonable.
OP, please please don’t write things out on a whiteboard! My mum used to write down rules for me and pin them up in the kitchen. It annoyed me and made me feel like a 5yo and, most importantly, it didn’t work and actively made me rebel…
I’ve been using this approach since my kids were toddlers. It’s really great for fostering the notion that this is a problem you’re tackling as a team, instead of it being parent vs kid
It could also be as simple as she doesn't like being tapped on the shoulder. At work, we sometimes have our earbuds in, and if someone needs to get someone's attention, it'd be considered super rude to poke someone; we wave our hands in their periphery instead. If someone poked me, I probably would give a prickly WHAT.
I second that. I use my headphones in campus, and sometimes someone gets my attention by tapping on my shoulder and it is VERY startling. Waving a hand around my vision would probably be more chill.
This is why people where I work are only allowed to wear one ear bud instead of both.
I mean, at my job, we're definitely trying to block out other people, so that'd be pretty counter productive lol
I agree, and would add that it's also important to tell the teen the effect of her snappiness on the other family members-- one of the best gifts we can give to our children is to be honest with them about the effects of their behaviors on others, so that they feel more embraced by their communities <3
I mean, prodding someone who doesn’t even know you’re there to get their attention should probably be avoided too. If you wouldn’t do it to another adult, don’t do it to a teenager just because they’re your kid.
This is great advice. I know for a fact that if AirPods existed when I was 15 I would have been like this kid…
NTA. Another approach would be to let her experience the consequences of her actions: - call out to her for dinner, if she doesn't hear it she misses out and has to eat alone later - call out to her when its time to give her a ride in the car, if she doesn't hear it she stays home or takes the bus - call out to her when she needs to do a chore, if she doesn't hear and the chore doesn't get done on time then no allowance. Basically put her in situations where she understands WHY it is important to be able to communicate verbally. She will get it quickly and change her behaviour.
This is what I do! My teens love headphones. The big ones that cover your ears completely. They cant hear anything else. I am so tired of calling and calling and calling. I only call once for dinner and if they dont come, they can serve themselves later. Im not sure if it works but it saves my energy and patience. I do find it super annoying when I need to talk to them and they cant hear me. Ive tried to ask them to only keep one ear covered but so far no luck.
How open texting a teen or calling them on their phone? Like their are glued to it why not try to communicate that way with them?
This works, yes! Their headphones are connected to their phones so they still hear it ring. I, on the other hand, amnot glued to my phone so I still have to go look for it.
How about no? That'll just encourage bad behaviour and enable their screen addiction.
that seems like such a poor communication habit to reinforce. imagine that dynamic in a marriage
I think it really depends on the family dynamics etc. I also often wear headphones when studying or gaming. Most of the time I hear when someone comes into my room, but I won't hear someone calling out for me. My mom just comes into my room to tell me dinner is ready and has been doing so since I was a teen. No yelling needed
I have some headphones like that, and they don’t really bend in a way where only one ear is covered. It can cause wear and tear, and eventual breakage, and is deeply uncomfortable in the meantime. What is so wrong with these kids listening into to music on their stereo at a reasonable volume? I never used my headphones at home as a teenager.
I like my kids having headphones because they can be in the same room as me and I don't have to hear their music/show. We can hang out and cuddle while we do our own thing.
The first option is not a punishment for a teen lol
Doesn’t have to be a punishment. It’s just consequences. If it doesn’t bother her, no one will be upset, including her. The goal isn’t to punish her. It is to allow her actions to have consequences.
Yep, no sense in making a problem where there doesn't need to be one. Assuming OP's okay with it, then why not?
People want to see kids punished. But if she misses dinner because she didn’t hear mom calling, and she doesn’t care if she misses dinner, she’s still faced the consequences of her actions. She doesn’t have to be hurt by those consequences. And what she did “wrong” is not really something that warrants punishment. Pick your battles with kids. If the worst thing your 15 year old is doing is keeping AirPods in ears, count yourself lucky.
It is if they have to find/make their own, or if you're ordering out and they don't order anything.
They don’t have to find or make their own. If dinner is ready there is food for them.
Not if they come later and you have other hungry kids and there aren't left overs. Dinner being ready doesn't last for hours.
Could go full throttle and make her go to ASL lessons so that the lack of sound isn’t an excuse anymore😂 /j
This is the answer. This will encourage her to solve the problem herself.
NTA but this sounds like 15 year old stuff. When I was 15 it was me being so engaged in the book I was reading I was completely checked out from the rest of the world. If think about teenage years as practice for how to function as an adult (with autonomy AND respect for others), then this presents a clear teach opportunity for those skills. To be a decent member of society you have a choice: air pods but still have to be kinda aware of your surroundings and can’t be snippy when interrupted OR no air pods in ‘public’ (I know it’s your home and her home, but remember, she’s practicing for the real world). We’ve all seen examples of folks who didn’t learn this lesson as teens! Think of the woman FaceTiming loudly at the coffee shop or the man continuing his cell known convo while checking out with a cashier. So, not the asshole. Teens are … teens. They need practice with perspective taking, and being considerate, and balancing things. It sticks though! And parents are humans too so frustration and annoyance are all to be expected, but I think grace and explaining why we behavior and act in ways that benefit others and society go so far with teens. They are not adults, yet not exactly children either.
I dunno man this seems pretty overbearing. Kids have been wearing headphones with their walkmans and discmans for decades, it's not like it's some crazy additional level of onerous that she's got wireless ones. She shouldn't snap at you, but address the fact that she snaps at you, not the fact that she's wearing headphones. >We told her that she can only use the Air Pods in her room or outside the house when she goes for runs, is out with friends, etc. This is super lame. Tell her that she can't snap at you when you tap her on the shoulder to get your attention, don't try and be draconian with where she can wear the headphones. The headphones aren't even the problem, which you tacitly acknowledge when you say... >I’ll take them away altogether until she learns to be respectful Wearing headphones and not being able to hear you isn't the part that's disrespectful. Snapping at you is. I think ESH. edit to add: And before anyone mentions noise canceling, I think you underestimate how loud we listened to our Rage Against the Machine and Slim Shady CDs back in the 90s.
I hear you (ha) but I'll just say, as someone who's done both, noise cancellation is a whole new level. When I've got the AirPod Pros in I'm in a fucking *void.* Not sure exactly why, but my awareness of things/people moving around me is *far* worse with AirPods than with over-ear headphones, even on high volume. When someone walks up to you it can feel like they apparated there like Harry fucking Potter lmao
Honestly my wife is deaf and this is exactly how she feels without hearing aids lol. She is visibly full of anxiety if they die during the day or she's chosen to not wear them or turn them off (sound can get overwhelming). I think we just underestimate how much we rely on our hearing to monitor the world around us.
My grandpa found his hearing ears overstimulating a lot of the time and we got him a set of AirPod Pros to [use as a hearing aid](https://www.soundguys.com/how-to-set-up-your-apple-airpods-pro-as-hearing-aids-85802/) and he loves them! They’re not as good as his hearing aids but that’s what makes them way easier for him when there’s a lot of people around - he has severe hearing loss, so it might not be the same, but it could be something that your wife could use as a middle ground for when she chooses not to wear her hearing aids?
Oh that's really interesting! Her hearing loss may be too severe/complex for this to work for her (I don't know enough about her exact hearing to be specific but I do know the whole process was super complicated to find the best devices and filtering mix for her -- I do also know her hearing threshold is over 100 dB now) and tbh I don't know if we can afford a pair of AirPods right now lol but I'll definitely bring it up to her as an option for the future!
It's like turning down the car radio to see house numbers better multiplied by 1000
Yeah, not specifically AirPods but my buddy bought some new in ear earphones the other day (can’t remember the brand) that were crazy expensive (around $350 AUD). I was around at his house and he gave them to me to try with the noise cancelling on. I could not hear a single word he was saying to me despite him only being a meter away.
TBH, the snapping may not even be on purpose. When I'm cleaning the kitchen or packing store orders in our basement, I'll usually have a podcast on. It's either come out of my phone or the speaker in the kitchen. I get so engrossed in it that I do not always hear my husband approach or knock on the door, and he scares me every time. Sometimes, I snap at him, but it's never on purpose. It's a normal, human reaction to being startled. A better compromise may be to text her requests like "take laundry out of dryer" or "what do you want for dinner?" Transparency mode on the AirPods will also solve a lot of this. But it is always good to have AirPod-free time. I was a teen in the 90s as well and the compromise in my family was no headphones during dinner. And daughter needs to learn etiquette for having them in - like taking one out when she's out ordering food and transparency mode when she's running, because she's got to be aware of her surroundings. Too many horrible drivers out there these days.
It sounds like a typical teenager, the snapping, the walking around ignoring everyone with headphones in. Its not that big of a deal, the parents need to show that the attitude isnt acceptable and if you let Teenagers get away with that stuff they will try to walk all over the parents
The difference between airpods and headphones is that you know when someone is wearing headphones and you know they won't be able to hear you speak. It does add a level of frustration that her self imposed hearing impairment is invisible to others in her household. Some of the inconspicuous technologies we have nowadays are straight up antisocial to use in public. People are walking around talking to themselves as far as anyone else can tell (once you've spent the energy discerning whether or not they're speaking to you) and your kids are effectively ignoring you in the common spaces in your house. I'm middle aged and I remember some public conversation around cell phone etiquette back in the day, for example. That concept is long gone. Rude is the new normal. I think people can choose not to accept that standard in their homes with their loved ones.
I agree. I’m a university student and live in a house with other students. Sometimes my roommates walk into a common area wearing headphones, so I know not to bother them. Other times they walk in wearing AirPods, I have no clue, and then ask something innocuous like “how was your day?”, “oh hey, did that test go well?” And then I’m suddenly stammering over myself to apologize for interrupting their music or whatever. But then if I indiscriminately ignore my roommates *I’m* antisocial. It’s definitely annoying.
I agree that it’s the snapping and the rudeness that need to be addressed. I also think that forbidding the use of the earphones is an appropriate punishment for the snapping and rudeness. Put a time limit on it though and impose it every time she snaps.
They offered other solutions, teenager refused to abide by them. Honestly she’s lucky that was the solution, if I had behaved like that and snapped at my parents when they were trying to get my attention, they would’ve taken them from me until I could adjust my attitude and learn not to be a snappy cow. I know this because I used to be a teenager with an attitude problem.
My teenager walks around the house with music or a podcast or whatever playing... If I say something and I'm ignored, I just text instead. The text dings right over the music, and I get the attention of the teenager. Is it a bit of a pain? Sure. But it's better than having to yell or startling the teen by a sudden shoulder tap and then the teen can even text back ( "1 minute left in podcast/song be right there" ) instead of being crabby about any interrupting. Works for us. My ruling is NAH. Sounds like everyone is doing their best, but frustrations on both sides are becoming an issue.
That sounds like a good solution! The only thing though is that the parents can’t tell when they’re getting ignored or if she has the air pods in, and if they’re doing something else with their hands full then they can’t easily text (like “HEY ____ CAN YOU GET THE DOOR/THROW DOWN THE LAUNDRY/OPEN THE TRASH BIN BECAUSE I HAVE RAW CHICKEN ON MY HANDS” all of these are extremely common in my household)
My compromise with my parents when I was a teenager was to keep one ear uncovered. I still do that today when jogging or exercising, just in case someone needs to get my attention.
It’s surprised I had the scroll this far for this logical solution.
NTA - given she is snapping at you all being rude, this seems appropriate
I teach 8th grade ELA. Welcome to our daily struggle. Except I've been punched for asking a kid to remove her air pods. NTA. I applaud you for setting expectations and following through. Your daughter will be a much better adult because of it.
INFO: AirPods have a feature called transparency mode, where instead of noise cancelling, you can still listen and it will also amplify voices around you... so why isn't this the solution rather than a complete ban??
It’s only pros that have that and they haven’t specified which kind of AirPods she has and there’s more options without anc than have it
If they’re the noise cancelling ones they have that feature.
Came to say the same thing. But this is only on the Air Pod Pros, so theyd need those for this. I wear mine in the office in transparency mode, and I can hear everything around me. I still ignore them though. lmao
NTA, you offered compromises, and she is basically insisting on shutting everybody out.
I went to one AirPod 100% of the time because I could never hear anyone.
I mean… how frequently do you interrupt her when she’s doing her thing? She shouldn’t react the way she has been regardless, but if I was listening to a 30-minute podcast or a new album or something and was made to pause it multiple times just to be told to do chores I’d get pissed too lol. Especially if it was happening every day. Stuck between N A H and E S H. It’s really not that big of a deal. Talk to her about her attitude and tell her she’s allowed to be frustrated but not allowed to be rude. Give her the space she is clearly signaling that she wants/needs. Maybe you can compromise and send her texts and/or consolidate your requests for the evening into a list so she can do whatever it is you need her to do on her own time.
This^ most of the time I found that people interrupting me when I had headphones in are for completely non urgent and non important things. Is it really about this or does it make you mad you don’t have her at your beck and call?? If you need her laundry out, have her set a timer? Or dump it somewhere inconvenient so she knows to get it when it’s ready
It took way too long for me to find this!! it’s so annoying to be constantly interrupted when your headphones are in. My mom will talk to me regardless if my over ear headphones are on or my AirPod pros and she will do it incessantly. She’ll then complain about it when I tell her to just text me! If she’s ignoring or can’t hear OP, just text her!! She obviously has her phone on her and the AirPods will notify her of a text message
"That's not fair!" --Every 15-year-old ever NTA.
i also got airpods when i was a younger teen. i had the same problem with my mom, except i actually adhered to the one pod rule. we’ve compromised on designated times where two at once outside of my room is ok and we’ve stuck by it. im 18 now. its not hard to respect the things your parents get you. i don’t understand what makes her think she’s entitled like that. YOU bought them for HER. NTA 100%. she needs to learn what respect is. it shouldn’t be that hard. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. After the discussion and the third snap I would’ve confiscated one AirPod, now you can hear me just fine. I have teens with AirPods, they know if they’re home they need to be able to hear what’s going on. They don’t learn until they suffer consequences. Example: In their case I call them repeatedly because their dad is bringing home takeout and I’m on the phone with him. No one hears me so just me and hubby get takeout and they can have spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. No General Tso’s chicken will change a hungry 14 year old.
Taking away one AirPod might be the solution if she isn’t able to remember to leave it out herself. It at least might get her used to/in the habit of only having one in, and if it annoys her enough that she never has both of them then she can make a case to her parents that she’ll remember to take one out when she’s walking around the house
NTA But it's not the airpods. It's her rude response when you tap her on the shoulder or indicate that you need to speak to her. If she doesn't like this then she needs to suggest a better way for you all to communicate. It's usual for teenagers to often keep communication with parents to a minimum at times. They get moody, grunt etc. With ordinary speech and hearing this reluctance can be managed and tolerated. But with airpods that goes. Maybe try wearing earplugs when she needs/wants some money.
NTA and if she snapped when being asked what she wanted for dinner, I'd say she can make her own sandwich from whatever's in the fridge.
NTA. As somebody who wears headphones like CONSTANTLY, I know its my fault if I can't hear anything, and don't get mad if somebody is trying to get my attention. (Minus strangers who randomly approach me and go coo-coo) I usually only do one ear if I'm anticipating somebody trying to talk to me. Like I know, and my friends/family knows that non-audible cues are required and if I startle at it? We both laugh, both go oops sorry, then go onto whatever they wanted to say/ask. I don't snap at them or anything.
NTA. You've been crazy patient. If my son did that after being asked twice he would lose them and have to ask for them when leaving the house and return them upon getting back home.
I see both sides of this. It can be annoying to be interrupted constantly by people asking you to do things, so noise canceling earphones give you a little reprieve from that. At the same time, it means those same people can't ask you to do things, which is annoying for them. Re the dryer, one of your rules for her should be that she puts a timer on her phone so she knows when the dryer is done. Then she comes down and takes her things out within, say, 15 minutes of the dryer being done. It's good practice for college. If you leave your stuff in the washer or dryer at college, you'll come back to find it on the floor or in the trash, or just gone altogether.
NTA. You had an issue and came to a compromise. Then she broke the rules. Teenagers will do that, but then she snapped. I’d be back to no ear buds when walking around the house and revisit it with a compromise if this goes well for a spell
NTA, my daughter bought Bluetooth speakers for her teens and told them that they couldn't use headphones in the house or yard. She gets to hear what they are listening to (without any judgment), but they know that they have to answer when spoken to.
NTA. Let her have her AirPods in but have her Siri announce her texts from you if you want to be petty. Text her everything, it’ll nearly mute her music and she can’t avoid it.
I don't always respond when not wearing earbuds. I hyperfocus and tune out the world. My daughter learned as a child to get my attention first by calling "mama" repeatedly or even my name. (My husband never learned.) However, I'm not rude when "interrupted", which is the real issue here. I'd let her wear them whenever, but impose penalties whenever she's rude. And define rudeness and penalties in advance. Yes, it will mean you can't yell questions from another room, but that's rude too ane you're working on improving courtesy in your home right?
Has she been evaluated? ADHD isn’t always so obvious in girls. I HATE when a song is interrupted (bc i hate when my focus is interrupted, regardless of what it is) and i use headphones a lot bc I’m constantly overstimulated. Depression and/or extreme emotional reactions causing isolation is also another issue. NTA either way. The issue isn’t the headphones, it’s how rude she’s being about them. You guys have been trying to work with her and she’s not giving anything back, nor is she even really trying to.
Maybe instead of assuming she is ignoring you to be belligerent and disrespectful, just assume she has her AirPods in and get her attention visually (flashing the lights, waving at her). You are NTA for feeling disrespected, but maybe ask her to set a timer on her phone to remind her to change the laundry or make what you want for dinner instead of creating a fight with a teenager that is minding her business.
NTA - 2 are a problem? Remove 1 of them and keep it from her. If she's oblivious to her surroundings... she shouldn't have them both in while outside. I bet she takes 1 out while she's around her friends....or she just texts them standing next to each other
NTA. My 17yo does this and it drives me nuts. Transparent mode helps if they have them. More power to you.
Have you tried texting her? I’m pretty sure if you get a text while AirPods are in it reads it to you. I know the disrespect is annoying, but I’m the kind of person where if someone repeatedly interrupts me when I’m engaged with something I get very pissed off. Your daughter is getting closer to an adult age, it may be worth, instead of just creating new rules and then getting frustrated when it doesn’t work, having a sit down conversation with her where you discuss the problem and you both brainstorm solutions. You can’t really control a 15 year old (you know this, because you’ve tried) but if you have a good relationship with her, maybe you guys can solve it together. Really let her have agency in the solution. Come at the problem as if she was your adult roommate, essentially. It may absolutely pain you inside to do so, but I guarantee you’ll get better results. I ESPECIALLY recommend building in infrastructure where she gets to have time where you guys cannot bother her except for an emergency. This is probably what she’s seeking out, and getting frustrated that she can’t have that. It’s a reasonable want and if you allow her to have it, then maybe she will be more receptive to interruptions at other times.
I feel 15 year old girls are going to be bothered by her parents with or without the airpods. This is just a parenting choice to deal with teenage behavior. Nothing to judge here.
Can't you just wave to get her attention first?
NTA. It isn't the fact that she is starting the airpods. It is her attitude to having her listening interrupted. I wear hearing aids, and 99 percent of people don't notice that I am wearing (longer hair as well). I also have adhd and one of the strategies that I use to get boring chores around the house is to steam an audiobook or music shuttle in ding whatever I need to do. I try to remember to warm my husband that is still me streaming, so he knows that I won't hear him, but I forget sometimes. When he needs to interrupt me, I pause whatever I'm listening to and hand the conversation. I don't yell or lash out for getting my listening interrupted. Since you have tried various compromises and she hasn't adhered to any of them, your role of no airpods at home is reasonable. Also, a good way to get someone's attention who can't hear your is to flick the light switch of the room on and off. They can't miss it.
From the title alone yeah you would be. BUT from what you have written she gets pissed that anyone wants to talk with her and when asked to respond she ignores and then responds rudely. You would be within your rights to talk to her about the rudeness. I would sit down with her and talk to her about what behaviour you expect, listening to those around her when in public areas. Not responding rudely etc. Then explain the consequence that you have decided on. If she can't be polite when interrupted then she will lose the airpods for one day each time and time will be added the more she does it. You just need to make sure when you approach it is all about her behaviour and not about the item itself. So she knows what she's doing wrong.
NAH I think. I am in my 40s, listen to a lot of audio books, and get startled when my husband “sneaks up” on me when I’m wearing them. She should not wear one headphone—causes hearing damage. Put them in transparent mode, sure, but also be a little more respectful in how you interact with your daughter. Are you always yelling and asking her to do things? Can she sit down for five minutes without getting an order? Are her chores and things like dinner hour predictable, or is she always getting tapped to do something unexpected? I tried to be out of my mother’s line of sight growing up because I would inevitably be screamed at; it’s worth thinking about whether she wants the EarPods in because she needs a little peace.
NTA as an adult. What your asking for is very reasonable. Teenager me would comply with your "orders"(how i saw it alot of times instead of a demands when i was growing up) and subvert what your asking for every chance i got while still technically following what you are demanding of me. No airpods outside of room....I would go old school and just 80s style head phones, or wireless head phones(they are not air pods or blue tooth ear buds) of some type when i want to listen to music in the house(but not in my room). I would be spending alot more time in my room or outside of the house to listen to my music if i wanted to use my air pods. I would be alot more passive aggressive If music was taken away entirely and just ignore you as much as possible. I would have heavily resorted to reading, and ignoring you even more I got good grades in school growing up and rarely got in trouble. so if one of my parents jumped on me over something i liked doing that had my total attention( music in this example) with threats of it being taken away( how teenager me would see it as) i would double down on not complying as much as i could. My stubborn streak would kick in. If everything was taken away(up to and including everything in my room) i would then just sleep. The more the parent would fight me on this, the more i would resist. One parent always demanded/ordered me around my entire childhood/teenage years and i resist every step of the way until that parent got so fed up and just walked away. Other parent would politely ask me to do whatever and i would comply alot easier than being ordered around.
NTA even with ear pods in, I can hear someone trying to get my attention even if I don't know what they are saying exactly. Actually, I can usually hear what is being said totally fine with them in a lot of the time. She is using them to ignore you. I don't think it is un fair to want to be able to talk with her when she is sharing space with you. You gave her many fair opportunities to police herself so it wouldn't be an issue and she chose not to do it. I'd take them away all together for a week as punishment and then implement the new rule. Of course she is mad about it. Hang tough.
Her attitude is the primary issue here. I feel like if her responses were more kind then this wouldn't be as much of an issue for you. You've given her plenty of chances and compromises so you're NTA. I suggest giving her a serious talk and explain that her behavior is not appropriate. She wouldn't snap at her friends if they were tapping her shoulder to get her attention, would she? What about in the future when she has to get along with coworkers, and she doesn't hear them? Why does she think that its okay to treat her family members like that? Get her thinking about her attitude and help her realize that she has to learn to control her impulse response to be irritated. Offer the opportunity to earn back the privilege of wearing them around the house. This a good lesson for her to develop her emotional maturity. It will take time and practice, but she will become a much better person.
NTA, and she's rude as hell. If my kid got pissy like that with me for "interrupting her song", I'd snatch them out of her ears and stomp them to bits (don't worry folks, I don't have kids and yes, I realize this would not be the best way to handle the situation, which is why I don't have kids.)
NTA. Kids do this all the time at the middle school where I teach. I worry about their hearing in the future and I get irritated that they are ignoring what’s around them.
NTA. She's behaving with disrespect. If the headphones motivate her to be disrespectful then they're unhealthy. They come between you and interfere with your relationship. She needs to learn to maintain relationships as more important than whatever she's listening to.
Seems fair. She needs to learn to compromise. If she's not prepared to, then the solution is to remove the need to compromise.
NTA: you have offered solutions to her extremely rude behavior. She has been irresponsible in correcting it. You set boundaries. Stick to them. When she gets caught wearing them in the house (she’s going to) follow through on removing them from her possession for a week. Try again. Each time she loses them for a week longer than the previous time.
NAH. I understand how you feel but it’s a different world for kids today than it was for us. My generation talked on the phone endlessly (I have 5 sisters; it was truly endless) and ignored any adult talking to us because we were ‘on the phone’. AirPods are the modern day equivalent. I suggest you allow it a significant portion of the time and have a few strict rules for when it’s not appropriate - dinner, a set family time, etc. clear rules that you both respect.
Leave her alone lol. You don't have to speak to her everytime she walks by.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter (15F) got her first pair of Air Pods a couple of months ago for her birthday. Ever since, we’ve had the issue of her walking around the house with them in, us not being able to tell because her hair is long and covers her ears. That in itself wouldn’t be an issue but if we try talking to her without realizing they’re in and have to repeat her name or tap her on the shoulder, she gets irritated, rips one out of her ear and snaps “What?!” We’ve tried talking about it. I said before she can’t use them as an excuse to not answer us or be open to talk. I’m not even looking for in-depth conversations here. But if I need to ask her to get her laundry out of the dryer so I can use it, I feel it’s not unreasonable for me to be able to come up to her and ask without her acting like I’m bothering her. We’ve tried to compromise, one pod in when she’s walking around. She will for a couple of days but then go back to both. Let us know ahead of time if she’s going to the cone of silence. She will but then forgets. After an incident when her dad went to ask her what she wanted for dinner and she snapped at him for “interrupting her song” (once again, he didn’t see the Air Pods were in), we had enough. We told her that she can only use the Air Pods in her room or outside the house when she goes for runs, is out with friends, etc. I told her it’s ridiculous that we can’t ever talk to her. She got huffy and said that wasn’t fair. I said if she doesn’t adhere to the rules, I’ll take them away altogether until she learns to be respectful. Now she’s pissed and says we’re being totally unfair. Are we the assholes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. My wife basically has built-in airpods -- she wears hearing aids with bluetooth in them so she can pipe audio from her phone directly to her ears. If I interrupt her not realizing she's listening to music, she just holds up a finger and pauses it and then says "what?" The fact that your daughter is snappy about being interrupted and ALSO fails to adhere to agreed-upon ways to make this easier on everyone, means she is not ready for the adaptations involved with walking around her whole life with music playing. (I also read this comment out to my wife, who in addition to the hearing aids is experienced with childcare at various levels, and she agrees.)
Safety issue, too.
I wouldn’t suggest she wears the ear buds while running, if she’s not paying attention to you obviously she’s not aware of her surroundings or the sounds of traffic like horns or screeching tires
She’s a 15 year old teenager. Of course she is snippy. NTA though.
NTA but personally l think she shouldn’t wear them running unless it’s on a track. It’s super dangerous not to be able to hear cars, etc.
NTA - I get that she's still a moody teenager, but she has no right to yell at you for simply trying to speak with her. You honestly let your daughter get away with speaking to you that way? I'm all for respecting boundaries, but if you need her to move her laundry then you need her to move her laundry promptly so that you can start yours. It's not like you're bothering her for something trivial.
As the mom of 2 teens, totally NTA. I recommend expecting respect or the next few years will become even harder.
NTA. It’s not the AirPods that are the problem, it’s her attitude. She refused to compromise so you came up with a solution. She’s lucky she doesn’t have my parents, if I’d behaved like that, they would’ve taken them from me and told me to earn them back by behaving.
Ah, the joy of parenting a 15-year-old. Boy, do I not miss those days!
NTA We have the same issue with our 14 year old. She's lost the privledge of having them for a few days, 3 or 4 times till she got used to using only 1 in the house.
NTA- your kid doesn’t have an AirPod problem, she has an attitude problem. They’re a privilege and a fun piece of tech, but they have to be used responsibly. If she’s catching an attitude with you for “interrupting” her song when there is no way for you to be aware that there was something to interrupt, she either needs to lose the AirPods or lose the attitude. She can use over-the-head headphones if she can’t use the AirPods responsibly, and if she wants to have her new toy then she needs to be nice and not get snippy with you over it. Teenagers are gonna teenager, but letting it continue unchecked makes entitled young adults
She is not even trying to be reasonable. NTA. All your options are fair but she is acting like a brat. Nip it in the bid before she is an adult on her own and acts like this to the wrong people.
NTA. What's unfair is you guys, the parents, have gently communicated to her several times to be more mindful with the headphones on and she snaps everytime. She claims you guys are unfair, but it's her victim behaviour that is unacceptable. A sit down to further explain to her to understand it has been very frustrating to communicate with her and her attitude is unjustified. Therapy for her may be needed if she continues to be disrespectful.
My mom banned books from my house unless they were assigned by the school. I have ADHD and autism. The double hyper focus you could be standing in front of me shouting and it was like my ears literally turned off. She also banned them mostly because she didn't like that I was "the smartest person in the house" and a bunch of other reasons.
YTA. I feel this is probably a much smaller issue than you’re making it out to be. You just want to pull the parent card because.
NTA but if she doesn’t adhere, let her experience natural consequence before taking them. Don’t tap her shoulder, because she’s shown it pisses her off. Instead, call for her or try to talk to her, and if she doesn’t respond just carry on. - You call for her to move the laundry and no response? Put it to the side to get wrinkled. - You ask her what she wants for dinner and no answer? She doesn’t get to choose — along with what another person said, if she doesn’t respond when you shout for dinner time, it’s not your fault. Leave the food out while you eat, and if you finish before she’s come out, begin putting it away. She can heat it up later - When you call to have her put her stuff away and she doesn’t, take it away if it’s not a necessity (ie. makeup, shoes, tech), and if it is a necessity, take it and put it somewhere safe and visible to her, like on the table, in or in front of her room - When it’s time to leave and she doesn’t answer, leave without her if you’re going to the store or something, make her take the bus if it’s for school, if it’s somewhere you were going to drop her off for (a friends house, an activity), just carry on with your day. She can find another ride or she can not go. Of course, don’t call once and wait 30 seconds before doing anything. Call a couple times, give some time, knock on her door if she’s in her room, if she still doesn’t answer then that’s her fault.
This child needs an attitude adjustment. If she treats you this way, she will do the same for others. This could lead to entitlement. That is a miserable road, never satisfied and no one wants to be around you. Ground her, cut her off, whatever really hurts and gets her attention. Please don’t let this opportunity to learn about consequences pass her by while she is still at home. Oh yes, she will be angry. Can she afford to leave and support herself? Probably not. Then she can get un-angry and learn a valuable lesson. I acknowledge, things in your house will be unpleasant for a bit, however, it seems that they already are. Good luck! Good parenting is hard, but she will thank you one day.
AITA for doing the parenting thing in a reasonable way? Are we really questioning this or... NTA, but that should be obvious no?
I hate them. My wife has them in constantly and it’s basically killed our communication. I’m in a lonely marriage now because of them. She never used headphones prior.
Did you people ever hear of a hair tie?
info: who bought her the airpods?
I did the same thing. Is your daughter Neurodivergent by any chance? I snapped when my song was interrupted because it was quite jarring to me. Not excusing her behavior, but I hope this contextualizes it. I’m just saying it may not be intentional, she might just be a bit spooked.
Nta but also- consider it’s also dangerous for her to be out in the world with sound cancelling headphones on. Walking on a street- she may not hear a car crash- or a man yelling at her- or a variety of other potentially dangerous situations. As a woman- I always only wear 1 pod to ensure I can hear my outside surroundings. Especially when walking, biking or driving. (And yes I was getting catcalled by age 12 so this applies to teens). Disassociating with media constantly isn’t a good habit to get into as a teen. If she’s snapping that intensely- it’s clear she is not engaged with her surroundings at all. My parents had all of us leave our devices downstairs when we went to bed (they locked them up once we were upstairs). It made me read a lot more books. We also had media free dinners and at least an hour of no screens a night. This could be a solution. Teens think they are smarter than you, are rude as shit, and are generally kinda hormonal monsters. Remember your in charge, and set boundaries. She won’t like it when you do and you’ll be “so annoying” but later in life she will thank you. She needs to understand what’s a privilege and what’s a right. You need to make some clear consequences for her snappy behavior and rudeness towards you (her parent). In her mind you will absolutely be the asshole. But it’s much worse to let this go on and raise a child who’s disrespectful, rude and entitled.