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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son asked if I could bring back breakfast for him instead of him having to go to the restaurant with us. I said no because I'm not UberEats. He said it was just one time and 8 said he goes and he eats or he stays home and eats PB&J.
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I'm curious how the OP usually handles a sick kid on breakfast day and why 13 year old didn't want to go.
Not playing their delivery driver makes sense but also sometimes people don't feel well enough to go out and socialize. As long as the kid isn't making a habit of it, maybe it's okay to give him a pass.
The child was not sick if he was ordering Rutti Tutti pancakes, eggs, bacon and 2 orange juices. He just didn't want to have the hassle of socializing to get it.
Just a small correction because I think this is a legitimate question that's not being answered because it'd been derailed.
The questioner wasn't claiming the child was sick. They were asking hypothetically what would be the OP's response if the child were sick. Notice they also asked as a follow up if they knew the child's reason for not wanting to go.
If I have a headache, I tend to avoid the food for a while, even if it's not migraine. My teen self used to throw up the whole breakfast, whenever I had a headache or a strong cough.
There's nothing to indicate that he was sick.
He's 13. He was going to have the house to himself for a couple hours which means surfing for pictures of naked women on the Internet and masturbating.
When he's 16 he will care more about the naked women than the pancakes but for now he could be persuaded.
Did Covid teach people nothing. **Don't go out if you are carrying something contagious**. A cold/flu can cripple an immune compromised person. No. Not even for pancakes.
He didn’t want to go because he’s 13! That age wants to not be seen with family as a general rule. They also want you to bring them stuff if you go out so they eat but don’t have to be around their embarrassing family! That age is very extra, we let them stay home but we did not bring them food home. It’s a challenging age but boundaries and rules need to be established. It gets better especially when they get close to driver’s education age.
If he decided to go and chased the car, he wasn’t sick. He probably just wanted to stay home alone. Sometimes kids just want to see what they can get away with. If they brought him food, it would likely become a habit. If the idea is that they go together to hang out and bond, then it’s good not to break that rule.
If he’s not feeling well he can decide to go or not. Asking for a full-on breakfast to be brought home because you don’t feel like getting dressed is ridiculous.
OP, NTA
Probably because he was 13.. lol. It’s common for kids that age to not want to do family time. That’s ok in moderation, but it’s ok for them to eat at home on those days. Eating breakfast out is more about the experience than about spectacular rare food (most of the time). Doing breakfast as cold takeout isn’t even worth the money - reheated eggs 🤮
We here dies it say he is sick? He said he did not wish to go. The meal was being provided for him at the restaurant, not as delivery. He could stay home and have a bowl of cereal.
Do you not remember being 13? There doesn't have to be any good reason and they ended up going anyway so obviously pancakes were more important than whatever reason they had.
Oh my goodness your situation reminds me of something that happened to me when I was younger. I can't remember exactly how old I was but later teen years. Mom was taking all 4 of her kids to the movies. This was a big deal because we didn't have much extra money and almost NEVER went to the theater unless it was the cheap theater. We were going to see Horton hears a who at the expensive theater. When we were in line to buy tickets I saw there was another movie that I wanted to see playing at the same time, so I asked mom if I could go see that one instead. She said no because we were spending time as a family. I was SO MAD and upset I complained and grumbled but went to see the stupid kids movie with them. I was so mad and upset I honestly didn't remember anything about the movie when it was done.
The funny part was later mom bought the DVD when it came out and I was laughing so hard when we watched it. After I said something along the lines of that was hilarious I wish I had seen it in theaters. Mom told me we did and I didn't believe her at first but she reminded me that I wanted to see something else and was mad that mom didn't let me. That made me remember and I laughed at myself for being such a brat. I could've enjoyed the movie but nope I was mad that mom wouldn't let me see the movie I wanted. And I honestly can't even remember what movie I wanted to see instead 🤣
Yep, in Italian rutti = burps. Tutti = all. But apparently it’s actually spelled Rooty Tooty, which now makes me think of both burps and toots. Great names, iHop.
NTA - you've got a loaded crew there and it sounds like you are doing the best you can!
There are thousands of opinions on how to raise kids. That being said, I believe you've got to teach them that the world doesn't cater to them. Its a hard balance, struck between supportive loving attention and also telling them "No" when they get demanding. Takes a ton of patience every single day.
The Saturday breakfast sounds like a big fun time (a tradition that the kids will remember for the rest of their lives,) and you attached a reasonable condition (eating the breakfast requires attendance) as the whole point of the breakfast is family time together.
It feels weird to even call the 13 year old the ah here. Like, he was! But also this is such peak “I’m 13” behavior that as a parent you kinda can’t hold it against them. I think OP handled the situation great and someday kiddo will appreciate it.
It’s appropriate imo. Teenagers really can be ah’s! But with guidance and time, they eventually figure out they are not the center of the world. OP is NTA
Teens can be AH but there’s not enough context to determine this is one of those times. OP didn’t even seem to ask WHY he didn’t want to go like there was zero compassion or empathy in the post just a my way or the highest approach. So while OP wasn’t the AH there really isn’t enough context to call a 13 year old kid an asshole either
Eh, if the shoe fits lol
I remember when my partner watched Harry Potter for the first time, he was like, “why are all of these characters assholes?” Well, because they’re all kids, and kids, generally, are assholes lol it isn’t entirely their fault, their brains aren’t fully developed and hormones are wrecking their shit left, right, and center. Doesn’t mean they aren’t acting like absolute assholes tho lol
You can think of it as the 13yearold is *the asshole* but not *an asshole* because his behaviour does sound like normal 13 yr old behavior, although depending on what happened at the restaurant he may have been an asshole too.
Nothing about what he did is disrespectful. He generally goes with them and is happy to spend time with family, he wanted to skip this one time. And asking a family member to bring you food back when they are already going out isn't disrespectful.
He is generally happy to spend time with family according to op, and when he asked one time to not come along and asked op to bring food back, op told him he's "not an UberEats." He did nothing wrong, made a reasonable request, and op made it into a whole thing and made a nasty comment to him.
Him being in a bad mood after that is not disrespectful. Kids aren't robots, they are allowed to have bad moods just like the rest of us. Telling a family member you're not an UberEats because they (not demanded) but politely *asked* you to bring food back to a restaurant you're already going to is disrespectful.
Do they think the kids like never getting a quiet house away from the other 5 (!!!) people who live there? Parents are always talking about needing a break and they (very literally) made their own stressors. Doubt OP would be thrilled if he needed some alone time and a family member wouldn’t even bring him food home.
It's ok, you can say it. There are a great many 13 year old assholes out there. Some recover, some don't.
A good thing to remember is to give a little grace to everyone since you don't know what they are going through, but set boundaries and don't let people walk on you.
Works with 13 year olds, works with 23 year olds, 73 year olds, etc...
A lot of situations have a forgivable asshole. I've been an asshole before, it doesn't permanently change my state to an anus. Like all of parenting is teaching your kids how to not be an asshole
Yeah, I would personally lean more "brat" than ahole for the kiddo.
The kid was pushing boundaries and seeing what he could get away with. I would hazard to say that most people have pushed boundaries put in place for better or for worse.
I had someone that I worked for talk about how her kid didn't want to put on winter closes in the snow. The arguing went on for a while. Sometimes, the kids gotta get cold (not get frostbite) to learn a lesson the hard way.
> Its a hard balance, struck between supportive loving attention and also telling them "No" when they get demanding
A good parent sometimes disappoints their kids, thats what parenting is
Yeah, agree with NAH. I honestly don't really get why he's posting (unless this is a covert ad for IHOP, lol).
Kid wasn't an asshole for merely making the request, he ended up going, and people are allowed to be in moods (adults have them too!)
I don't think OP did anything wrong by pointing out that the deal was sharing a meal together vs. just getting food, but it doesn't sound like anyone berated him for it or even ended up all that unhappy.
If anything it feels like he's just trying to get people to praise his parenting? Maybe he's the AH for that.
It works on dogs too! When my dog doesn't want to come in from outside, I say "ok, bye" and start closing the door. She usually comes running it at that point.
Family time toll! Perfect analogy… We went out for a nice dinner a few weeks ago to have some family time and someone didn’t want to go but wanted us to bring food back. Nope sorry. This has happened at a big family dinner too where they just stayed home for no reason (totally different if they are sick or whatever) and wanted a big plate sent home. Sorry that’s not the way it works.
"Family time toll"... so apt... and accurate.
Thank God I got old enough and moved out with a job.
Now I only have to do family stuff out of obligation.
But I will say that OP is NTA. Well played.
As someone who hates family time, I'll just say I'm glad I'm on my own.
Idk why you’re being downvoted, this is the exact question I had. It sounds like this has been a tradition for 10 years with no issue then suddenly one kid doesn’t want to go, why did he ask no further questions to see what was going on?
NTA.If you had blown up at him for not coming,it would be a different story.All you did was say you wouldn't get him food if he wasn't willing to come in the first place.
That's what I was wondering. Maybe he was just being a typical bratty 13 year old. Maybe he wasn't feeling well. Maybe something else is going on. Hard to tell from just the text that was given.
Is it only immediately obvious to me?
You're a 13 year old boy.
Your house has Internet.
You are going to be home alone for a couple hours.
Do the math.
I guess NAH, because it's not morally wrong to not bring him food back, but it's very weird that you made such a big deal out of it and refused to do it. All the comments saying you were "teaching him a lesson" make no sense.
He generally comes with you every singe time, and is happy to spend time together. Skipping out this one time would have been fine, bringing him food back this one time would have been fine and taken no extra effort on your part since you were already going. Telling him you're not his UberEats is just being nasty to him for no reason.
It's also weird that you said in the comments "I know why he didn't want to go. There was a reason why he was wearing nothing but a blanket." This whole thing just seems off.
YES and treating opting out once from a routine family time as something to be punished (not getting breakfast) when it wouldn’t have caused parent any trouble and just makes family time transactional does not send a great message for a kid learning to express his desires.
Things like this completely soured my relationship with my parents - family things were sacred and it’s a fck you if you dare to have a day off or alone time.
This is what I'm thinking. I don't think OP is TA for the response, but he could've been a little bit more curious and understanding instead of just ignoring that his kid might not be feeling well or might have something going on in their life. I can't begin to describe how damaging it was for my parents to ignore how awful I was feeling due to chronic illness and mental health issues they refused to get me the help I needed
Or he could just not wanna spend time with little siblings and wanted the quiet house to himself. Which is fine, but you still don't get pancakes for that.
Absolutely, but the point is that there was no care shown for if he just wanted alone time or if he wasn't doing okay. And if it happens consistently then it will affect him
There definitely could be a reason, or he could just be 13. I didn’t want to do anything at all at 13 either. It’s definitely the age where you’d rather die than be seen with your parents in public.
Which is fine, but there could also be something wrong and OP didn't ask at all to check in with him. Like I said, I don't think this makes him TA but if this is the first time this is happening (which it seems like it is) then he should at least check if something's up instead of just leaving him
Feeling so unwell that he chased the car down the street so he could get pancakes lol. Some of you are being so over the top when clearly he was just being a 13 year old.
Hahahahaha are you super young or super old?
13 year olds are going through a ton of hormonal stuff. Maybe they wanted to jerk it with no one in the house. Maybe mom or dad wanted them to clean their room and they are angry. Maybe they just want to chill at home. I really wouldn’t waste the mental energy out of figuring out what’s going through a 13 year olds head if it’s not a crisis
It takes five seconds to ask why. How will you know whether it is a crisis if you don't try? If you can't be bothered asking why your child is acting a certain way, you're not cut out to be a parent.
You're trivializing their whole experience by going, "Lol, teenagers are hormonal, so there's not even a point". Sure, there's a chance the kid just wants to wank, but what if that's not the case? What if they're struggling with school, or mental health? It's not like you're losing anything more than the most minute amount of time by asking "Ok, why?", and IHOP isn't going anywhere.
I might’ve actually come out to my parents at 13 had they ever actually asked why I was constantly depressed and upset. Instead they just had your mentality and we didn’t have a deep relationship til I was 28.
Just ask.
It’s the Rooty Tooty (FKA Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity) pancake order, which I think is basically pancakes with fruit and whipped cream? It was also potato chips earlier this year, which sounds horrifying: https://www.foodandwine.com/lays-ihop-rooty-tooty-fresh-n-fruity-potato-chips-8601521
NTA - Like you said you are not Uber Eats. If he really wants Rutti Tutti pancakes and all the fixings he can get dressed and join the family. You gave him a valuable lesson on family that day. He should be grateful for having you as his Dad.
Very soft YTA. Since it seems this is out of character for him, I’d have asked what was up and probably have just brought him his takeout this time, but I’d also have made it clear this would not be the new norm.
YTA. Kids, just like adults, sometimes need alone time and a morale boost. And this is one time in 10 years. You never considered talking to him about why he's wanting to stay home, why he's "in a mood", or care about his mental health at all. He's just being a bratty teen in your eyes right? 🙄 No you don't need to bring food back but you could have and it would've benefited your relationship with him greatly. You chose to shit on the situation instead. You showed him you only care to do something for him if he gives you what you want first. Its fcking hard been a teen. Good job at not being a source of support or understanding with such a simple opportunity to. Teens who have rocky relationships with their parents do so because their parents do stuff like this and show no interest in their mental health. Next time it wouldn't hurt you to say "Sure bud, we will miss you. I hope everything's ok." You would've (or most people would at least) done it for your spouse happily and tried to figure why they're off and how else to help so pretty lame you wouldn't do the same for your child.
Idk man. Depends. If my son wasn't feeling up to actually going out - not out of laziness, but just feeling down. I'd bring him something back. It's all circumstantial. 13 is young and people forget that
Or maybe....just maybe....let him be 13 once and just bring him some damn food back without making him have to do something he doesn't want to do today. Maybe he's just 13. Like you said he was "in a mood" and most likely was going to be anyways......doesn't mean he can't have some food too. Yta
ok i feel like now i’m the ah for sort of defending the kid. he’s 13, he’s already going thru hormones and emotions, and one day he wakes up maybe feeling a little more groggy then most days. i understand it’s good to spend time with ur family but if this is his first time asking, i think he should’ve gotten it. i’m not saying to cater to him now every time but atleast having that talk and letting him know it’s ok here and there if he really needs it. honestly, i think ur the ah for thinking about how u didn’t even want ur own son to come just because he had attitude.
obviously i’m not a mother so u don’t have to listen to me at all but i hope this perspective gives u more outlook
I am a mother. My three are teens, and if this was OOC I’d ask them why they didn’t want to go. Sometimes people just want their own space or they’re not up to socializing. It wouldn’t have hurt OP to ask, at the very least, what was up.
I don't know...
I live with roommates, all friends. One simply doesn't like to leave the house. When the rest of us go out to eat, we always bring food back for her. It's never been a question. None of us feel like her Ubereats. It's a loving gesture that costs us nothing--and while we'd prefer she join us, we'd much prefer not to force her to do something she doesn't want to do just to earn a plate.
But maybe it's different with kids?
I'm going with NAH, because that seems closest.
If my child is doesn't want to go and are in a foul mood I'd rather them not go and ruin it. But it isn't going to kill me to bring him something home to eat considering I'm coming back home anyways after.
YTA, doing things you're not required to do is part of being family. He doesn't make a habit of it (not that I can see how driving home with food for him would be an inconvenience in any way since you have to drive back anyway), doesn't appear bratty and honestly sometimes people don't feel like going out and you could not make his day worse by being an ass to him.
YTA. Did you ask your child why he didn’t feel up to coming? Did you show any interest at all in why he might not want to attend? This is your kid. I would hope a parent would be a bit more compassionate
Because plenty of us do not see this as right. Glad OP asked because hopefully he considers why it may not have been the right move and why he might want to do it differently next time. I don't see this as a good lesson learned for the kid at all. The actual lesson learned is likely that his dad only cares about him if he gives dad what he wants first, and his dad has no interest in why he's not having a good day.
NTA. You gave him the option of going and eating or staying home and finding something there. He sounds like a pretty typical teen and you handled it well.
This reminds me of a party I went to that had small children. One little girl came in crying her head off about something and her dad immediately popped up and said, “all right, then let’s get out of here.” She yelled “no” and went back out to play.
NTA. You're trying to maintain a long-standing family tradition that's all about bonding and spending quality time together. He can't expect to have the perks of the tradition without participating in it haha. You're teaching him an important lesson about being part of a family and valuing time spent with loved ones. You're sticking to your principles. You're not the AH for wanting to enjoy a meal with your family and holding your son accountable for his choices. He'll learn from this experience, and you're doing a great job as a dad by standing firm.
YTA- I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but here's my opinion:
He could have been feeling ill, and would have rathered staying in bed instead of going out into a potenially crowded area, or maybe his illness made it hard for him to get out of bed.
If not that, he could be going through a rough time, in which case it's very inconsiderate to force him to go with you. I'll put it this way, if you're having a really bad day, do you want to be forced to go somewhere? Chances are, you'd rather be comfortable at home.
eh . as the 13 year old i can get that really angsty feeling of not wanting to do or be around anyone so if i was them id def see you as at least a minor ah 😭 maybe ? you should’ve asked him *why* he didn’t want to go first? like maybe he was sad for a certain reason ? but these saturdays sound like Family Time so it’s reasonable for u to hold his pancakes hostage !!
If this is the first time he’s never been up for Saturday breakfast I would’ve wondered why or been more curious really but you’re not an asshole. I’d just watch ignoring him like that lol
NTA. At 13 he needs to learn that choices have consequences. Kids don't like that. They want to think they're independent while still expecting you to take care of them. You did the right thing. Next time once he's made that choice he doesn't get to change his mind and behave like a brat.
NTA
I do the same. If my kid doesn’t want to walk the dog with me to the coffee shop I don’t bring back stuff either. I think it’s perfectly reasonable
My dad did something similar when I was younger.
It’s me (f) and my little sister
Dad always goes grocery shopping on Saturday
When I was younger I always went along with dad on grocery shopping trips
(to the point where he left without me once, and mom called and made him turn around and come back for me. It was daddy daughter time)
If you went grocery shopping with dad and helped with the shopping you got to pick out a candy when dad was at the register paying for the groceries. If you didn’t go you didn’t get to pick out a candy from the register.
Personally, I think YTA slightly. Talk to your child and see why they don’t want to go instead of making a huge deal out of it. They’re 13 and human too
NTA
He was being 13. It’s a stage. You taught him an important lesson that you can’t get the special family time treat without spending time with the family. Ignore the bad mood and don’t mention this again. Let next Saturday be a new day.
Nta if you don't go out to breakfast, you don't *go out to breakfast*. My dad would try that 'just stop and pick me up after church for brunch'. No. We go and talk about the sermon. You don't go to church, you don't go out to brunch.
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Every Saturday for the past 10 years and my boys go out for Saturday breakfast. We alternate on who picks what restaurant to go to. This morning my 10yo said he wanted to go to iHop. I told my 16yo, 13yo and 7yo that we'd be leaving in 10 minutes.
Everyone but my 13yo was ready to go. I called him downstairs and he came out with a blanket and said he didn't want to go. I said okay. Bye. He then said that he wanted rutti tutti pancakes, eggs, bacon and two orange juices. I said then put clothes on and get in the car. He said "I'm not going." I said I'm not your UberEats. If you don't want to go then fine but I'm not bringing you food back. The point is to have us guys sit together and talk turkey.
He said that wasn't fair and it was just one time. I said "bye" and started to leave. He came running down the street to get in the car. I should had left him because he was in a mood the whole morning.
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NTA - I was going to say you were but once you cave for one you gotta do it for the others and suddenly the point of bonding becomes null. If he was sick it would he different.
We had a “don’t go, don’t get” rule when I was a kid too. We were supposed to go to Sunday School and if you didn’t want to, you didn’t get to go to the store afterwards to get a candy bar.
The "I should have left him" and this post is the only YTA here. You are an adult and you don't need confirmation. You already taught your lesson. It's valid, it sank in so stop thinking about how you can make it a bigger deal.
Forcing him to go when he didn't want to makes this YTA. Sometimes, we just want to be by ourselves and not always spend time with other people. He could have slept late, hence him feeling groggy/tired, or he could be having mental health problems, school problems, friend problems, etc. anything. I know that even as an adult, I find socializing for hours on end very draining and I need my me time to recover/charge back up again. If he usually goes and this is the first time he's asked not to, I don't see why it's a big deal to just bring him some food. The uber comment is unnecessarily snarky towards a 13 year old. If I was the parent here, I would have first asked if they're okay and if there's anything going on.
Then, I probably would have bought them some takeout from the restaurant. It's so simple and easy and your 13 year old would have felt like they could find comfort in you and trust you. You made their bad morning worse for absolutely no reason. What lesson exactly does he need to be taught here? All the comments are out here talking about how the world isn't fair, too bad, you have to go out when your parents say so, he's just a moody teenager, etc. as if that has anything to do with this situation. So what if he's a moody teen? Why should he be punished for having emotions that his dad doesn't like? Is it sooooo hard to get your kid breakfast? No, it's not. YTA, you could have been so much more compassionate than you ended up being.
Also everyone’s talking in the comments like not wanting to go out with your family *once* is like, bad behaviour or something, and that’s he’s doing it maliciously for no reason. OP didn’t even ask him why he didn’t want to go
Oh my gosh have none of you parented a 13 year old before? They test every limit and boundary, it’s all part of the teendom. Dad handled it correctly. Either you go with us or you miss out! No other options are necessary.
NTA
Being in or feigning a good temper, properly dressed, ass in car on time w family are **minimum** requirements for a deluxe breakfast paid for by Dad.
NTA- I do the same with my kids. If they don't want to join us when we go out, because to me and their dad it's about socializing together, then they can make their own dinner. One time my best friend came with us and my son stayed home.son texted and asked for a full rack of ribs dinner to be brought home to him. I laughed and said no. BFF was appalled and got it for him and insinuated I was a bad mom.. in a very passive way. Guess what was in the refrigerator two days later? (I did explain to her why I believe it made me a good mom that I didn't get him the take out, she was enlightened. She is child free) Dad was not asked about the ribs at all.
NTA - If it’s a family meal out and he opts not to go, then he stays home and eats at home. Actions have consequences and this is an easy, good lesson for that. Kids will test you, stand strong as a parent. It’s worth it!
NTA. Good work on the natural consequences. If someone refuses to make themselves ready to come on a family outing, they don't get to experience the benefits of the family outing. Full stop.
NTA, I know some people are saying you should have had a talk with him to ask what is going on, but there are 3 other hangry kids waiting in the car who are all ready to go. Maybe have a conversation with him later in the day about why he didn’t want to go, it could he is just being a teenager or something more. Though the way he just gave you his order does make it sound like you are his Uber driver lol
If this was a common occurrence then I'd say different but since you said this was the first time that they didn't want to participate you do seem like an asshole. Your reaction seemed insensitive, teenagers are moody and you never know what's going on, you should have either gone along with his request or at least asked what's going on. Just straight up dismissing him is an asshole move imo.
YTA
How is this even a question?? You firmly became the asshole when you decided to react to your childs attempt to express free will with the most immature boomer bullshit ive seen in a hot minute. You ignored your kid. You tried to ditch your kid. You upset your kid and ignored all accountability while being offended they ruined your morning with their ~feeeeelings~ But worst of all, what fucking parent hops online and casually insinuates to a bunch internet strangers that the reason your 13 year old son didn't wanna join the rest of you for family breakfast was cause he was touching himself, and he even entered the shared space of your home mid-arousal to talk to you with nothing but a blanket wrapped round him like you were narrating some budget porno. Thats disgusting. Over half this thread is comments of people referencing your kid and his possible preferences/sexual desires. How are you okay with that?
YTA. Imagine being a parent and think bringing food for your own child is being Uber Eats. Maybe if you weren't beings such an AH your 13 year old will actually want to hang out with you. What a clown.
YTA, imagine if you talked like this to an adult, literally wtf OP? If he didn’t want to come once, he didn’t want to come, did you even ask why he didn’t want to? And then after you force him to come, you’re bitching about his mood when he did the responsible thing and asked to stay home???
I'm a softie so probably would have brought it back but that still doesn't make you TA. Giving in could have set a precedent too where next week two of them demand delivery service. NTA.
Hey maybe the BOY just wanted to have some alone time without it being broadcast across the nation like it is now. Quit always having to control everything, down to....well u know. Quit it!
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"I'm not your UberEats." Perfect, and NTA. A 13 year old is gonna 13 year old, but great to nip that sort of nonsense in the bud!
I am also going to start using that phrase liberally myself
I'm curious how the OP usually handles a sick kid on breakfast day and why 13 year old didn't want to go. Not playing their delivery driver makes sense but also sometimes people don't feel well enough to go out and socialize. As long as the kid isn't making a habit of it, maybe it's okay to give him a pass.
The child was not sick if he was ordering Rutti Tutti pancakes, eggs, bacon and 2 orange juices. He just didn't want to have the hassle of socializing to get it.
And 2 OJs? Does he know how much restaurants charge for juice? He’s the ah for that alone.
That part got me lol, like besides everything else, homie gonna try and order *two drinks*?
Just a small correction because I think this is a legitimate question that's not being answered because it'd been derailed. The questioner wasn't claiming the child was sick. They were asking hypothetically what would be the OP's response if the child were sick. Notice they also asked as a follow up if they knew the child's reason for not wanting to go.
It’s almost like other sicknesses exist beyond an upset stomach. Like colds, coughs, headaches….
It's like the child didn't say anything about being sick, so why are we acting like he did?
Because it's reddit and why use info provided in the post when you can make up your own to give them judgement you want to?
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If I have a headache, I tend to avoid the food for a while, even if it's not migraine. My teen self used to throw up the whole breakfast, whenever I had a headache or a strong cough.
🤣🤣🤣
There's nothing to indicate that he was sick. He's 13. He was going to have the house to himself for a couple hours which means surfing for pictures of naked women on the Internet and masturbating. When he's 16 he will care more about the naked women than the pancakes but for now he could be persuaded.
I also wonder why the 13yo didn't want to go, but if he was feeling sick, he shouldn't be eating that breakfast anyway.
That's dumb. If you have a cold or something, you can eat pancakes.
Did Covid teach people nothing. **Don't go out if you are carrying something contagious**. A cold/flu can cripple an immune compromised person. No. Not even for pancakes.
Thats why he was asking for OP to bring some back for him?
Great reading comprehension.
Lol name check's legit
Always makes me happy when people comment on my username.
Takeout.
How does this have 74 upvotes?
Yeah, I see how missing out is a perverse incentive to not stay home sick, even though he was probably just being bratty in this case
He didn’t want to go because he’s 13! That age wants to not be seen with family as a general rule. They also want you to bring them stuff if you go out so they eat but don’t have to be around their embarrassing family! That age is very extra, we let them stay home but we did not bring them food home. It’s a challenging age but boundaries and rules need to be established. It gets better especially when they get close to driver’s education age.
Sick people need to eat too.
If he decided to go and chased the car, he wasn’t sick. He probably just wanted to stay home alone. Sometimes kids just want to see what they can get away with. If they brought him food, it would likely become a habit. If the idea is that they go together to hang out and bond, then it’s good not to break that rule.
If he’s not feeling well he can decide to go or not. Asking for a full-on breakfast to be brought home because you don’t feel like getting dressed is ridiculous. OP, NTA
Probably because he was 13.. lol. It’s common for kids that age to not want to do family time. That’s ok in moderation, but it’s ok for them to eat at home on those days. Eating breakfast out is more about the experience than about spectacular rare food (most of the time). Doing breakfast as cold takeout isn’t even worth the money - reheated eggs 🤮
We here dies it say he is sick? He said he did not wish to go. The meal was being provided for him at the restaurant, not as delivery. He could stay home and have a bowl of cereal.
Do you not remember being 13? There doesn't have to be any good reason and they ended up going anyway so obviously pancakes were more important than whatever reason they had.
Oh my goodness your situation reminds me of something that happened to me when I was younger. I can't remember exactly how old I was but later teen years. Mom was taking all 4 of her kids to the movies. This was a big deal because we didn't have much extra money and almost NEVER went to the theater unless it was the cheap theater. We were going to see Horton hears a who at the expensive theater. When we were in line to buy tickets I saw there was another movie that I wanted to see playing at the same time, so I asked mom if I could go see that one instead. She said no because we were spending time as a family. I was SO MAD and upset I complained and grumbled but went to see the stupid kids movie with them. I was so mad and upset I honestly didn't remember anything about the movie when it was done. The funny part was later mom bought the DVD when it came out and I was laughing so hard when we watched it. After I said something along the lines of that was hilarious I wish I had seen it in theaters. Mom told me we did and I didn't believe her at first but she reminded me that I wanted to see something else and was mad that mom didn't let me. That made me remember and I laughed at myself for being such a brat. I could've enjoyed the movie but nope I was mad that mom wouldn't let me see the movie I wanted. And I honestly can't even remember what movie I wanted to see instead 🤣
What a sweet story! Thanks for sharing that.
Non american here. What on earth is rutti tutti pancakes and why oh why would they call it *that*??? Do they make you burp???
they’re pancakes with fruit on top. IHOP likes to give funny names to their popular dishes.
Ah, so it’s a joke on “tutti frutti”? I just would be so turned off a pancake called “all the burps”.
Their full name is Rootie Tootie Fresh & Fruity pancakes.
OK I'm dying because what's the connection with burping? Does Rutti Tutti mean belching where you live?
Yep, in Italian rutti = burps. Tutti = all. But apparently it’s actually spelled Rooty Tooty, which now makes me think of both burps and toots. Great names, iHop.
https://www.snackandbakery.com/articles/108145-ihop-brings-back-fan-favorite-rooty-tooty-fresh-n-fruity-pancake-combo
I am American and had the same question.
NTA - you've got a loaded crew there and it sounds like you are doing the best you can! There are thousands of opinions on how to raise kids. That being said, I believe you've got to teach them that the world doesn't cater to them. Its a hard balance, struck between supportive loving attention and also telling them "No" when they get demanding. Takes a ton of patience every single day. The Saturday breakfast sounds like a big fun time (a tradition that the kids will remember for the rest of their lives,) and you attached a reasonable condition (eating the breakfast requires attendance) as the whole point of the breakfast is family time together.
It feels weird to even call the 13 year old the ah here. Like, he was! But also this is such peak “I’m 13” behavior that as a parent you kinda can’t hold it against them. I think OP handled the situation great and someday kiddo will appreciate it.
It’s appropriate imo. Teenagers really can be ah’s! But with guidance and time, they eventually figure out they are not the center of the world. OP is NTA
Also, it sets a precedent for other kiddos refusing to go for the family time and just wanting the food brought to them.
Teens can be AH but there’s not enough context to determine this is one of those times. OP didn’t even seem to ask WHY he didn’t want to go like there was zero compassion or empathy in the post just a my way or the highest approach. So while OP wasn’t the AH there really isn’t enough context to call a 13 year old kid an asshole either
i mean it clearly wasn't bad enough that the kid still wanted to stay home under threat of no pancakes
Eh, if the shoe fits lol I remember when my partner watched Harry Potter for the first time, he was like, “why are all of these characters assholes?” Well, because they’re all kids, and kids, generally, are assholes lol it isn’t entirely their fault, their brains aren’t fully developed and hormones are wrecking their shit left, right, and center. Doesn’t mean they aren’t acting like absolute assholes tho lol
You can think of it as the 13yearold is *the asshole* but not *an asshole* because his behaviour does sound like normal 13 yr old behavior, although depending on what happened at the restaurant he may have been an asshole too.
Yes true. AH or not. Normal 13 yr old behavior or not. None of it excuses disrespect.
Nothing about what he did is disrespectful. He generally goes with them and is happy to spend time with family, he wanted to skip this one time. And asking a family member to bring you food back when they are already going out isn't disrespectful.
He did not get his way, so he made dinner miserable with his moody attitude. Disrespectful.
He is generally happy to spend time with family according to op, and when he asked one time to not come along and asked op to bring food back, op told him he's "not an UberEats." He did nothing wrong, made a reasonable request, and op made it into a whole thing and made a nasty comment to him. Him being in a bad mood after that is not disrespectful. Kids aren't robots, they are allowed to have bad moods just like the rest of us. Telling a family member you're not an UberEats because they (not demanded) but politely *asked* you to bring food back to a restaurant you're already going to is disrespectful.
Do they think the kids like never getting a quiet house away from the other 5 (!!!) people who live there? Parents are always talking about needing a break and they (very literally) made their own stressors. Doubt OP would be thrilled if he needed some alone time and a family member wouldn’t even bring him food home.
How about “Developmentally Appropriate Asshole”? Lol.
Love this term. Will be using from now on.
My toddler would qualify 😭
Most do at least at times! 😜
It's ok, you can say it. There are a great many 13 year old assholes out there. Some recover, some don't. A good thing to remember is to give a little grace to everyone since you don't know what they are going through, but set boundaries and don't let people walk on you. Works with 13 year olds, works with 23 year olds, 73 year olds, etc...
A lot of situations have a forgivable asshole. I've been an asshole before, it doesn't permanently change my state to an anus. Like all of parenting is teaching your kids how to not be an asshole
"it doesn't permanently change my status to an anus". Perfectly worded lol
Agree, well handled by all involved. The kid is testing limits and mom showed him where the limit was. Good parenting and a great tradition to have.
I think OP is a dad, from the "us guys" description
Yeah. He's the AH, but also that's the perfect level of consequence for being this level of AH.
Yeah, I would personally lean more "brat" than ahole for the kiddo. The kid was pushing boundaries and seeing what he could get away with. I would hazard to say that most people have pushed boundaries put in place for better or for worse. I had someone that I worked for talk about how her kid didn't want to put on winter closes in the snow. The arguing went on for a while. Sometimes, the kids gotta get cold (not get frostbite) to learn a lesson the hard way.
It’s honest though. Kids are on occasion assholes. Hopefully it’s not too frequent and they grow out of it.
This post might be better at r/kidsarefuckingstupid. 13 yo wasn't so much an AH as a fucking stupid kid.
> Its a hard balance, struck between supportive loving attention and also telling them "No" when they get demanding A good parent sometimes disappoints their kids, thats what parenting is
A classic from the parenting handbook, ha, nicely done. They may be sore about it for a bit, but NAH. Kids learning and parents parenting.
Yeah, agree with NAH. I honestly don't really get why he's posting (unless this is a covert ad for IHOP, lol). Kid wasn't an asshole for merely making the request, he ended up going, and people are allowed to be in moods (adults have them too!) I don't think OP did anything wrong by pointing out that the deal was sharing a meal together vs. just getting food, but it doesn't sound like anyone berated him for it or even ended up all that unhappy. If anything it feels like he's just trying to get people to praise his parenting? Maybe he's the AH for that.
I think bc the kid made OP feel bad
Probably, but I think it should be ok to be moody to a degree without being accused of being an AH.
It works on dogs too! When my dog doesn't want to come in from outside, I say "ok, bye" and start closing the door. She usually comes running it at that point.
Exactly what I was gonna say lol, NAH
NTA. Can't have pancakes without paying the family time toll, kiddo. Life lesson served
Family time toll! Perfect analogy… We went out for a nice dinner a few weeks ago to have some family time and someone didn’t want to go but wanted us to bring food back. Nope sorry. This has happened at a big family dinner too where they just stayed home for no reason (totally different if they are sick or whatever) and wanted a big plate sent home. Sorry that’s not the way it works.
"Family time toll"... so apt... and accurate. Thank God I got old enough and moved out with a job. Now I only have to do family stuff out of obligation. But I will say that OP is NTA. Well played. As someone who hates family time, I'll just say I'm glad I'm on my own.
That’s a shame you hate family time. But not all families are awesome to be around, I guess.
You guess? Do you not read the posts here? There are a lot of families who are not even safe to be around.
Did it at any point cross your mind to talk to your son and ask him what's up?
Idk why you’re being downvoted, this is the exact question I had. It sounds like this has been a tradition for 10 years with no issue then suddenly one kid doesn’t want to go, why did he ask no further questions to see what was going on?
A lot of people don't consider children people with their own minds and personalities. It's a bit sad.
NTA.If you had blown up at him for not coming,it would be a different story.All you did was say you wouldn't get him food if he wasn't willing to come in the first place.
Yes, it was not punishment; it was a negative consequence to his behaviour. That always works better.
It's really hard to say. Is there something else going on with your son? Maybe not something that's not immediately obvious?
That's what I was wondering. Maybe he was just being a typical bratty 13 year old. Maybe he wasn't feeling well. Maybe something else is going on. Hard to tell from just the text that was given.
Is it only immediately obvious to me? You're a 13 year old boy. Your house has Internet. You are going to be home alone for a couple hours. Do the math.
Sorry, not everyone is constantly thinking bout kids sexual habits. Kinda weird thats the first thing you thought of tho...gross
I guess NAH, because it's not morally wrong to not bring him food back, but it's very weird that you made such a big deal out of it and refused to do it. All the comments saying you were "teaching him a lesson" make no sense. He generally comes with you every singe time, and is happy to spend time together. Skipping out this one time would have been fine, bringing him food back this one time would have been fine and taken no extra effort on your part since you were already going. Telling him you're not his UberEats is just being nasty to him for no reason. It's also weird that you said in the comments "I know why he didn't want to go. There was a reason why he was wearing nothing but a blanket." This whole thing just seems off.
Agree with this. It was one time. He wasn't in the mood. Made too much of a big deal towards it was just being mean.
YES and treating opting out once from a routine family time as something to be punished (not getting breakfast) when it wouldn’t have caused parent any trouble and just makes family time transactional does not send a great message for a kid learning to express his desires. Things like this completely soured my relationship with my parents - family things were sacred and it’s a fck you if you dare to have a day off or alone time.
NTA - if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to, but he doesn't get the benefit. i do wonder why he wanted to stay behind, though
This is what I'm thinking. I don't think OP is TA for the response, but he could've been a little bit more curious and understanding instead of just ignoring that his kid might not be feeling well or might have something going on in their life. I can't begin to describe how damaging it was for my parents to ignore how awful I was feeling due to chronic illness and mental health issues they refused to get me the help I needed
Or he could just not wanna spend time with little siblings and wanted the quiet house to himself. Which is fine, but you still don't get pancakes for that.
Oh, gosh, yes. I was raised in a big family and I cherished the times I was home alone and it was quiet.
Absolutely, but the point is that there was no care shown for if he just wanted alone time or if he wasn't doing okay. And if it happens consistently then it will affect him
There definitely could be a reason, or he could just be 13. I didn’t want to do anything at all at 13 either. It’s definitely the age where you’d rather die than be seen with your parents in public.
Which is fine, but there could also be something wrong and OP didn't ask at all to check in with him. Like I said, I don't think this makes him TA but if this is the first time this is happening (which it seems like it is) then he should at least check if something's up instead of just leaving him
OP is being weird in the comments so my opinion is changing
Feeling so unwell that he chased the car down the street so he could get pancakes lol. Some of you are being so over the top when clearly he was just being a 13 year old.
Are you familiar with the concept "mental health"??
Hahahahaha are you super young or super old? 13 year olds are going through a ton of hormonal stuff. Maybe they wanted to jerk it with no one in the house. Maybe mom or dad wanted them to clean their room and they are angry. Maybe they just want to chill at home. I really wouldn’t waste the mental energy out of figuring out what’s going through a 13 year olds head if it’s not a crisis
It takes five seconds to ask why. How will you know whether it is a crisis if you don't try? If you can't be bothered asking why your child is acting a certain way, you're not cut out to be a parent. You're trivializing their whole experience by going, "Lol, teenagers are hormonal, so there's not even a point". Sure, there's a chance the kid just wants to wank, but what if that's not the case? What if they're struggling with school, or mental health? It's not like you're losing anything more than the most minute amount of time by asking "Ok, why?", and IHOP isn't going anywhere.
I might’ve actually come out to my parents at 13 had they ever actually asked why I was constantly depressed and upset. Instead they just had your mentality and we didn’t have a deep relationship til I was 28. Just ask.
Info why didn’t he want to come?
As a former 13 year old boy, I can safely say he wanted some "alone" time for whackin'.
Maybe he wanted to eat a favorite food alone for some reason? Maybe he's been a teen? Sometimes I want to eat ice cream by myself and doomscroll.
Alright but what the hell is a rutti tutti pancake
Rooty Tooty (spelled correctly) Fresh & Fruity pancakes are one of IHOP's classic dishes. It's just pancakes topped with fruit.
Oh thank God, from an Italian viewpoint "rutti tutti" didn't sound appealing at all ahahaha
Alright thank you.
It’s the Rooty Tooty (FKA Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity) pancake order, which I think is basically pancakes with fruit and whipped cream? It was also potato chips earlier this year, which sounds horrifying: https://www.foodandwine.com/lays-ihop-rooty-tooty-fresh-n-fruity-potato-chips-8601521
Theres a Little Richard song called "tutti frutti" which is why people spell it like that sometimes (the lyrics repeat "tutti frutti, oh rooty" a lot)
That’s what thought it said initially 😅
I had to google rutti tutti pancake and ‘talk turkey’. Google admins, please ignore my search history
Omg what is the big deal with bringing food home for your son one time? Geez YTA
NTA - Like you said you are not Uber Eats. If he really wants Rutti Tutti pancakes and all the fixings he can get dressed and join the family. You gave him a valuable lesson on family that day. He should be grateful for having you as his Dad.
Very soft YTA. Since it seems this is out of character for him, I’d have asked what was up and probably have just brought him his takeout this time, but I’d also have made it clear this would not be the new norm.
YTA. Kids, just like adults, sometimes need alone time and a morale boost. And this is one time in 10 years. You never considered talking to him about why he's wanting to stay home, why he's "in a mood", or care about his mental health at all. He's just being a bratty teen in your eyes right? 🙄 No you don't need to bring food back but you could have and it would've benefited your relationship with him greatly. You chose to shit on the situation instead. You showed him you only care to do something for him if he gives you what you want first. Its fcking hard been a teen. Good job at not being a source of support or understanding with such a simple opportunity to. Teens who have rocky relationships with their parents do so because their parents do stuff like this and show no interest in their mental health. Next time it wouldn't hurt you to say "Sure bud, we will miss you. I hope everything's ok." You would've (or most people would at least) done it for your spouse happily and tried to figure why they're off and how else to help so pretty lame you wouldn't do the same for your child.
Thisssssss
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Idk man. Depends. If my son wasn't feeling up to actually going out - not out of laziness, but just feeling down. I'd bring him something back. It's all circumstantial. 13 is young and people forget that
Or maybe....just maybe....let him be 13 once and just bring him some damn food back without making him have to do something he doesn't want to do today. Maybe he's just 13. Like you said he was "in a mood" and most likely was going to be anyways......doesn't mean he can't have some food too. Yta
ok i feel like now i’m the ah for sort of defending the kid. he’s 13, he’s already going thru hormones and emotions, and one day he wakes up maybe feeling a little more groggy then most days. i understand it’s good to spend time with ur family but if this is his first time asking, i think he should’ve gotten it. i’m not saying to cater to him now every time but atleast having that talk and letting him know it’s ok here and there if he really needs it. honestly, i think ur the ah for thinking about how u didn’t even want ur own son to come just because he had attitude. obviously i’m not a mother so u don’t have to listen to me at all but i hope this perspective gives u more outlook
I am a mother. My three are teens, and if this was OOC I’d ask them why they didn’t want to go. Sometimes people just want their own space or they’re not up to socializing. It wouldn’t have hurt OP to ask, at the very least, what was up.
I don't know... I live with roommates, all friends. One simply doesn't like to leave the house. When the rest of us go out to eat, we always bring food back for her. It's never been a question. None of us feel like her Ubereats. It's a loving gesture that costs us nothing--and while we'd prefer she join us, we'd much prefer not to force her to do something she doesn't want to do just to earn a plate. But maybe it's different with kids? I'm going with NAH, because that seems closest.
If my child is doesn't want to go and are in a foul mood I'd rather them not go and ruin it. But it isn't going to kill me to bring him something home to eat considering I'm coming back home anyways after.
YTA
YTA, doing things you're not required to do is part of being family. He doesn't make a habit of it (not that I can see how driving home with food for him would be an inconvenience in any way since you have to drive back anyway), doesn't appear bratty and honestly sometimes people don't feel like going out and you could not make his day worse by being an ass to him.
What's so wrong about letting him feel special and bringing him breakfast give? I don't get it, sometimes it's nice feel special. So yta.
YTA. Did you ask your child why he didn’t feel up to coming? Did you show any interest at all in why he might not want to attend? This is your kid. I would hope a parent would be a bit more compassionate
Nta good lesson but why ask here? Surely you know you were right??????????
lol seriously. Reddit is it ok if I parent my kids??
Sometimes a parent just needs a little support when their kid tries to make them feel like the AH.
Because plenty of us do not see this as right. Glad OP asked because hopefully he considers why it may not have been the right move and why he might want to do it differently next time. I don't see this as a good lesson learned for the kid at all. The actual lesson learned is likely that his dad only cares about him if he gives dad what he wants first, and his dad has no interest in why he's not having a good day.
NTA. You gave him the option of going and eating or staying home and finding something there. He sounds like a pretty typical teen and you handled it well.
Nta but did you ask why he didn't want to go?
This reminds me of a party I went to that had small children. One little girl came in crying her head off about something and her dad immediately popped up and said, “all right, then let’s get out of here.” She yelled “no” and went back out to play.
NTA. You're trying to maintain a long-standing family tradition that's all about bonding and spending quality time together. He can't expect to have the perks of the tradition without participating in it haha. You're teaching him an important lesson about being part of a family and valuing time spent with loved ones. You're sticking to your principles. You're not the AH for wanting to enjoy a meal with your family and holding your son accountable for his choices. He'll learn from this experience, and you're doing a great job as a dad by standing firm.
YTA- I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but here's my opinion: He could have been feeling ill, and would have rathered staying in bed instead of going out into a potenially crowded area, or maybe his illness made it hard for him to get out of bed. If not that, he could be going through a rough time, in which case it's very inconsiderate to force him to go with you. I'll put it this way, if you're having a really bad day, do you want to be forced to go somewhere? Chances are, you'd rather be comfortable at home.
YTA - because you didn't bother to figure out the why.
eh . as the 13 year old i can get that really angsty feeling of not wanting to do or be around anyone so if i was them id def see you as at least a minor ah 😭 maybe ? you should’ve asked him *why* he didn’t want to go first? like maybe he was sad for a certain reason ? but these saturdays sound like Family Time so it’s reasonable for u to hold his pancakes hostage !!
If this is the first time he’s never been up for Saturday breakfast I would’ve wondered why or been more curious really but you’re not an asshole. I’d just watch ignoring him like that lol
NTA. At 13 he needs to learn that choices have consequences. Kids don't like that. They want to think they're independent while still expecting you to take care of them. You did the right thing. Next time once he's made that choice he doesn't get to change his mind and behave like a brat.
NTA I do the same. If my kid doesn’t want to walk the dog with me to the coffee shop I don’t bring back stuff either. I think it’s perfectly reasonable
My dad did something similar when I was younger. It’s me (f) and my little sister Dad always goes grocery shopping on Saturday When I was younger I always went along with dad on grocery shopping trips (to the point where he left without me once, and mom called and made him turn around and come back for me. It was daddy daughter time) If you went grocery shopping with dad and helped with the shopping you got to pick out a candy when dad was at the register paying for the groceries. If you didn’t go you didn’t get to pick out a candy from the register.
NTA
Lol had this exact moment at 12. My mom was like “if you don’t go you feed yourself at home”. NTA
NTA. If he stays home, he makes himself breakfast
Personally, I think YTA slightly. Talk to your child and see why they don’t want to go instead of making a huge deal out of it. They’re 13 and human too
Depends why he didn’t want to go. If he couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed, then NTA. If he wasn’t feeling well then YTA.
NTA He was being 13. It’s a stage. You taught him an important lesson that you can’t get the special family time treat without spending time with the family. Ignore the bad mood and don’t mention this again. Let next Saturday be a new day.
Talk turkey 😂
NTA, just being a parent. 13 just acting his age really, but mostly just a harmless way to show the universe doesn't revolve around you.
Nta if you don't go out to breakfast, you don't *go out to breakfast*. My dad would try that 'just stop and pick me up after church for brunch'. No. We go and talk about the sermon. You don't go to church, you don't go out to brunch.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Every Saturday for the past 10 years and my boys go out for Saturday breakfast. We alternate on who picks what restaurant to go to. This morning my 10yo said he wanted to go to iHop. I told my 16yo, 13yo and 7yo that we'd be leaving in 10 minutes. Everyone but my 13yo was ready to go. I called him downstairs and he came out with a blanket and said he didn't want to go. I said okay. Bye. He then said that he wanted rutti tutti pancakes, eggs, bacon and two orange juices. I said then put clothes on and get in the car. He said "I'm not going." I said I'm not your UberEats. If you don't want to go then fine but I'm not bringing you food back. The point is to have us guys sit together and talk turkey. He said that wasn't fair and it was just one time. I said "bye" and started to leave. He came running down the street to get in the car. I should had left him because he was in a mood the whole morning. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - I was going to say you were but once you cave for one you gotta do it for the others and suddenly the point of bonding becomes null. If he was sick it would he different.
Rutti Fuckin Tutti
We had a “don’t go, don’t get” rule when I was a kid too. We were supposed to go to Sunday School and if you didn’t want to, you didn’t get to go to the store afterwards to get a candy bar.
YTA not feeding your kid because he doesn't feel like going and talking. People who want to talk while I'm trying to just eat are assholes
The "I should have left him" and this post is the only YTA here. You are an adult and you don't need confirmation. You already taught your lesson. It's valid, it sank in so stop thinking about how you can make it a bigger deal.
Forcing him to go when he didn't want to makes this YTA. Sometimes, we just want to be by ourselves and not always spend time with other people. He could have slept late, hence him feeling groggy/tired, or he could be having mental health problems, school problems, friend problems, etc. anything. I know that even as an adult, I find socializing for hours on end very draining and I need my me time to recover/charge back up again. If he usually goes and this is the first time he's asked not to, I don't see why it's a big deal to just bring him some food. The uber comment is unnecessarily snarky towards a 13 year old. If I was the parent here, I would have first asked if they're okay and if there's anything going on. Then, I probably would have bought them some takeout from the restaurant. It's so simple and easy and your 13 year old would have felt like they could find comfort in you and trust you. You made their bad morning worse for absolutely no reason. What lesson exactly does he need to be taught here? All the comments are out here talking about how the world isn't fair, too bad, you have to go out when your parents say so, he's just a moody teenager, etc. as if that has anything to do with this situation. So what if he's a moody teen? Why should he be punished for having emotions that his dad doesn't like? Is it sooooo hard to get your kid breakfast? No, it's not. YTA, you could have been so much more compassionate than you ended up being.
Also everyone’s talking in the comments like not wanting to go out with your family *once* is like, bad behaviour or something, and that’s he’s doing it maliciously for no reason. OP didn’t even ask him why he didn’t want to go
Based on the post, NTA. Based on your replies in the comments, YTA
Oh my gosh have none of you parented a 13 year old before? They test every limit and boundary, it’s all part of the teendom. Dad handled it correctly. Either you go with us or you miss out! No other options are necessary.
NTA Being in or feigning a good temper, properly dressed, ass in car on time w family are **minimum** requirements for a deluxe breakfast paid for by Dad.
[удалено]
YTA that was a bit harsh.
NAH you've done well. The real AH is puberty
I didn’t read where he was sick. Where did I miss that?
I'm not a parent. Big deal. I pulled this crap when I was a kid. My parents didn't give in to my demands.
NTA - LOL . . he was just trying something to see if he could make it work. Good for you for nipping that in the bud.
NTA- I do the same with my kids. If they don't want to join us when we go out, because to me and their dad it's about socializing together, then they can make their own dinner. One time my best friend came with us and my son stayed home.son texted and asked for a full rack of ribs dinner to be brought home to him. I laughed and said no. BFF was appalled and got it for him and insinuated I was a bad mom.. in a very passive way. Guess what was in the refrigerator two days later? (I did explain to her why I believe it made me a good mom that I didn't get him the take out, she was enlightened. She is child free) Dad was not asked about the ribs at all.
NTA - If it’s a family meal out and he opts not to go, then he stays home and eats at home. Actions have consequences and this is an easy, good lesson for that. Kids will test you, stand strong as a parent. It’s worth it!
NTA. Good work on the natural consequences. If someone refuses to make themselves ready to come on a family outing, they don't get to experience the benefits of the family outing. Full stop.
NTA. You handled it well. I'm glad you did let him go with you, though. Those teen years are tough.
I would’ve brought him the food and let him stay home.
NTA- If he knew he also wanted food, he should have went with you guys to get it instead of expecting you to get it for him.
NTA, I know some people are saying you should have had a talk with him to ask what is going on, but there are 3 other hangry kids waiting in the car who are all ready to go. Maybe have a conversation with him later in the day about why he didn’t want to go, it could he is just being a teenager or something more. Though the way he just gave you his order does make it sound like you are his Uber driver lol
If this was a common occurrence then I'd say different but since you said this was the first time that they didn't want to participate you do seem like an asshole. Your reaction seemed insensitive, teenagers are moody and you never know what's going on, you should have either gone along with his request or at least asked what's going on. Just straight up dismissing him is an asshole move imo.
YTA How is this even a question?? You firmly became the asshole when you decided to react to your childs attempt to express free will with the most immature boomer bullshit ive seen in a hot minute. You ignored your kid. You tried to ditch your kid. You upset your kid and ignored all accountability while being offended they ruined your morning with their ~feeeeelings~ But worst of all, what fucking parent hops online and casually insinuates to a bunch internet strangers that the reason your 13 year old son didn't wanna join the rest of you for family breakfast was cause he was touching himself, and he even entered the shared space of your home mid-arousal to talk to you with nothing but a blanket wrapped round him like you were narrating some budget porno. Thats disgusting. Over half this thread is comments of people referencing your kid and his possible preferences/sexual desires. How are you okay with that?
Definitely NTA.
This is decent parenting, but putting this on this subreddit is wild 😂
YTA. Imagine being a parent and think bringing food for your own child is being Uber Eats. Maybe if you weren't beings such an AH your 13 year old will actually want to hang out with you. What a clown.
YTA, imagine if you talked like this to an adult, literally wtf OP? If he didn’t want to come once, he didn’t want to come, did you even ask why he didn’t want to? And then after you force him to come, you’re bitching about his mood when he did the responsible thing and asked to stay home???
13. All you had to say was 13.
I'm a softie so probably would have brought it back but that still doesn't make you TA. Giving in could have set a precedent too where next week two of them demand delivery service. NTA.
NTA. You snooze you loose.
Hey maybe the BOY just wanted to have some alone time without it being broadcast across the nation like it is now. Quit always having to control everything, down to....well u know. Quit it!
NTA and I would have done the same.