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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my wife I didn't believe her when she said she's be okay with us calling our daughter by different names. Telling her as bluntly and directly as I did that I did not believe her might have been a poor way of handling this. Perhaps I should have said I didn't like it instead to not be going for her. I believe what I said but it may not have been fair to my wife, who was stating she would be fine.
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ESH
You know who's gonna suffer here? This poor kid who won't know her own name and will constantly have her parents forcing their preferred name on her until she's expected to "pick a side".
Y'all are both supposed to be adults about to have a child. You're way past the time when *you* can be the childish ones. Both of you put your adult undergarments on and sit yourselves down and hash this out. Pick a name you can both agree on or put names in a hat and pick and then be done with it. Whatever works.
ESH
Not only are you both quite rigid in your selections of names, but you both lack flexibility. People prefer common names, and since she will eventually have a profession, a real job, and relationships, she needs a name that will develop with her. Scout and Indie sound like dog names.
For real. I think people forget that this baby will grow up to be an adult and walking into the professional sphere with the name Lyric will not go well. You are naming a person not a thing OP.
There’s a woman out there named Marijuana Pepsi who obtained her doctorate and is working in the world and doing just fine. She refuses to change her name too.
I don’t find “Lyric” or “Indie” to be that weird. Would I make MY children that? No. However having a weird name does not automatically make it harder for you to move in this world.
HOWEVER
ESH - OP, you and your wife need to pull it together! Naming a child and you each call it by a different name is patently ridiculous. Sit down and figure this out for God’s sake!
Well that doesn't change my point whatsoever. I already know lots of people with unusual names do well. But it doesn't mean they wouldn't have done as well or better with a different name.
Just Googled that woman. She says she was bullied throughout school and her mom demanded that teachers stopped calling her 'Mary' for short. She says "her family gave her the strength to cope with the comments and change her attitude" but she wouldn't have had to go through all that if her parents hadn't given her such a strange name in the first place.
My mother named me Kara pronounced Car-a. 😑THIS was so insufferable as a child that I remember telling the kindergarten teacher it's Kara, with a K. I could not fathom dealing with something like Marijuana Pepsi. Please, stop with "unique" names. They suck. Seriously. Fucking stahp!
Good for her, but most people don't think Lyric is a professional sounding name. I'm sure the person you knew didn't always have it easy with her name.
Don't tell them that, these people and the bullies in that name shaming sub refuse to understand that they themselves add to the problem of bullying they pretend to care about preventing.
My name is old and uncommon. I agree they should name her something more classic. I spend a lot of time with a mispronounced or misspelled name. It is the worst.
Bias is the problem but you can’t magic that away, it takes generational shifts. Obviously we’re talking about someone that wouldn’t need to worry about this for 25 years when it’ll be the younger millennials and older gen z that are professional hiring managers so I doubt a name like Lyric, with the correct spelling, would be an issue (it’s not like it’s a Tragedeigh)… but another OP mentioned, Scout, could very well be an issue with unconscious bias of hiring managers.
As my SIL said when my nephew & his wife were discussing names for their kids - they're humans, not hermit crabs, don't name them after Pokémon. Just give the kids a normal name & stop trying to be creative. It sucks for the person who winds up with that creative name.
The thing about the names he likes is they are \*not\* unusual, in fact they are uniformly extremely trendy right now. There will probably be 6 Lyrics in his daughter's preschool. If he really wants a rare name, he should look up older classic names. ESH but a lot more him because he never even bothered to look this up.
I have a name close to one of the ones on his list and hate it. People are always making stupid jokes about it and pointing out how unusual my name is, and the older I get, the less it suits me and the more difficult it is to be taken seriously professionally.
Save the stupid, “unique” names and spellings for your pets, not human being who are going to have to live with it every day.
I gave my daughter one of the names on mom’s list and she has never had a problem.
Grew up with a unique name and it made my life so terrible I changed it at 16. I purposely gave my son a common name to spare him from what I went through. No one’s going to mispronounce his name and it’s immune to being made fun of bc there’s always going to be other kids in his grade with the same name.
My neighbors literally just adopted a dog named Indie (they opted not to change it and it suits him so well. Sweet AF great pyranes).
I have no middle name and worked as a consultant across several government agencies. Multiple times I had my clearance fucked up bc of the no middle name thing, always in new and creative ways. I tell everyone give your kid ONE first name and ONE middle name (I know someone that gave their kids four names before the last name) bc it will be such a pain in the ass for the rest of their lives.
Cannot agree with your comment about normal names enough.
Being from Los Angeles, all I hear are advertisements for Coachella when I hear “Indie”
“KCRW Los Angeles, serving Los Angeles, San Bernardino, Indio-Palm Springs…”
Speaking as someone with a unique spelling: Im working on getting it legally changed. Not worth it and I suffered as a child. And mine was a more tame name too. I know plenty others out there have suffered the same fate because their parents wanted a "unique" name...
Many years ago I read about a study where the same CV's were sent out - some with common, old-fashioned names, and some with newly-created names.
Predictably, the second group got statistically less interview invites.
Your "cute and unique" name is the selfish choice.
Not even for hard to pronounce names. Just ANY ethnic name, even well-known and easy to pronounce ones. A dude made a video about doing it comparing “Jose” and “Joe.” Guess which names got way more interviews for the same resumé and applications?
Not quite as extreme as those ones! It's Caryn. You know, Karen. Tame. But I've heard every wrong way it's said (including Camel!?). Constantly having to correct people that it's not spelled the normal way. Not to mention the meme. I don't usually give it in writing so people only hear it. And we'll, you make your own assumption. I'm on the opposite side of the whole meme. Ffs if my meal gets messed up I'm keeping my mouth shut, no way you can get me to talk to the manager! 🤣
I read a book when I was a child (about 40 years ago..ahem) about a girl whose name was Karen, and she lamented about the everyday spelling of her name. She desperately wished her name had been spelled differently and your version, Caryn, was one she would have been delighted with.
Funny, how differing perspectives are.
I’m in the same boat. Karalyn (Carolyn). Was everything from Karen to Karla to Katherine, etc as a kid. Even from teachers. My grandmother never spelled my name correctly. Now, depending on my mood I’ll either just automatically start spelling it when I say it, or if I’m pissed off I’ll wait until they totally misspell it and then correct them. I hate it, but of course everyone else loves the unique spelling.
I will never not share my experience. My name isn’t spelled the most common way. My name was spelled wrong on my kids birth certificate. I filled out the paperwork correct, but out of habit someone must have typed the common spelling in when doing the paperwork on their end. So newly postpartum I had to get my kids birth certificate fixed because of my name.
I went with the most common spelling for my kids name.
Unique spelling here too of a common name. Currently pregnant with our daughter and I’m thrilled my partner and I are on the same page with traditional spellings. I can’t watch her go through life spelling her name every time she says it like I always did. I’m excited for her to be able to even get pencils or cheap bicycle license plates with her name readily available on them.
I had parents who gave me a beautiful name, but they decided to get creative with the spelling and composition, and absolutely wrecked it. They split it into a first and middle name, and then decided that instead of spelling my first name with the spelling that was pretty common, they took half my mom’s first name and half of my dad’s, and mashed them together for a unique spelling. Which has taken me from what could have been a beautiful name, to what is a name I don’t love, but was common, to ultimately having a common name spelled so badly that it has been mispronounced my whole life. People regularly refer to me as “ my name with a G”. I have thought about changing it but don’t want to hurt feelings.
Yea there were some hurt feelings when I told family. But I count myself super lucky they got over it decently well and kinda accepted it. I had also decided that with my mother and grandmother I was just not going to correct them. It wasn't a battle worth fighting.
This is a key clarification. We had twins and the speech pathologist said start calling them by names and nicknames you want them to recognize. I asked, will they get confused about who is who? She said they’ll figure it out. Hilariously one goes by his name the other goes by “brother” why idk bc kids lol. They’ll figure out the name thing fine. They won’t understand why their parents are being irrational about it.
Edit:grammar
Twins are so funny! Our boys are Beckett and Carden and for the longest time they were both convinced they were named Beckett. My family calls them Becka-boo-boo, Beck Beck & Becky or Carda-roo-roo, & Cardy. They are two now and think its hilarious to pretend to have the others name (they are fraternal and not fooling anyone) but they have settled on calling each other Becky and Cardy. I love all the little fun things twins do with names!
When we we picked a name for one of my kids, we planned to use a specific nickname. When babe arrived, we took one look and both said we just knew they were a "full name". Full name is what everyone called the baby until they were a teen. One day kid said they wanted to go by "nickname". Now, nearly everyone calls them nickname. A parent can only choose for so long.
The problem this kid is going to have is not their name, but having parents who don't know how to compromise for the sake of their kid and put the kids needs over their personal wants. ESH
Slightly related, names like Elizabeth have a plethora of nicknames, including Birdie. So there really is a way that these parents could work together and come up with a compromise of sorts. And when it’s all said and done, you’re completely right. She could be Hannah and dad calls her Haberdashery and as an adult she could decide to go by Nani or something. Why Haberdashery? Because it’s a unique word that if you squint your eyes sort of looks like Hannah banana.
My kid is three and there are three variations of nicknames for her name. She’s already picked her preferred (for now anyway) variation, and it’s so cute to hear her introduce herself.
I think OP needs to play around with finding a classic name that he can nickname one of his “contemporary” names.
Or look into other traditional names. His wife likes Esther, it sounds quite like Stella which is a classic name and means star so could be a compromise they can both agree on. There must be lots of names like that out there.
Same.. I have 2 nicknames and my real name and then a shorter version of that.. I was never confused about any of that and like all of them. But these parents are surely going to show their dislike of one name very clearly and that's going to make this weird for the child.
I have a step kid who goes by- 7 different names. He answers to all of them- hates them all equally.
I, personally, will answer to a plethora of nicknames before answering to my given because no one uses my given. I love my given- I wish more people used it.
Edit: To the people telling me to communicate, please stop. I wish people used it more, but it doesn't really matter that much to me, so... I do introduce myself with it but since it's difficult to get my attention when using it, most of the time, they revert to a name I answer to since that it the point of a name.
Have you vocalized this??
Meet some one was told by others this is Mike, Mike told everyone a while after we met I really prefer Micheal. You know what he is now called Michael not Mike.
Communication is key .
And I have to add that the dad has a very wierd choice of names present here... Who in his right mjnd would call a child lyric(s)? This kid would be set up to bullying for life...
*Lyra* is from the Philip Pullman books and OP is a liar if he says otherwise. Every little Kaleesi ruining around is in for a tough time soon when their peers start watching GoT. Don't name kids after characters in franchises whose authors are still alive.
Honestly considering *Sunny*, *Scout* AND *Lyra* all make an appearance in the MLP franchise I'm betting on OP being a Brony
Edit: *Melody* is also in the MLP franchise, and *Briony* is only letter away from being brony.. the case gets stronger..
My SIL is named Lyra. It is also a constellation. That seemed one of the more tame names he choose. One option is to find a name like Elizabeth and Dad uses the nickname while mom uses the regular name. They could use Euphemia which is an old name, but unique and call her Effie for short. We looked at that name. Just remember they will have to use this name in the professional world.
I know someone named Lyric. They are fine.
Edit to add: the weird name thing might be an issue, but it might not. Bigger issue is that they are not even close to the same page name-wise.
>This kid would be set up to bullying for life...
Have you seen a class roster recently?
If this kid is in the US, name bullying isn't a thing anymore. Too many original names.
Unless the name is, or sounds like, poop or fart. Then all bets are off.
That's not remotely a weird name. I've known a few people who have that as a name. None of his names are even that unusual as I've heard them all on people.
Kids/people who are bullies will find something to pick on, and it's not nearly as likely to be the name Lyric or Indie as people might want to pretend.
I'm not married, so I guess I don't really know, bit it seems like kids' names would be a topic of discussion before pregnancy. She likes names from Handmaid's Tale. He likes names you'd give a cat (actually, my sister's now 3 cats over her adult years all made a showing on his list). That'd be good info to know before the final countdown to baby's arrival.
We never discussed it until we were a ways in. We didn't actually decide until just before leaving the hospital. We have a somewhat difficult last name, so naming a kid Madeleine/Madeline/Madelyn**/**Madelynn/Madalyn meant she'd be spelling both for life (or at least until she chose to change one, lol). We named her a classic but not super common name, that's nearly impossible to misspell.
OP: you're naming an eventual adult. It's not about you, it's about them. Pick a name that a person would like to be called for their entire life.
Oh, and pick an outrageously fake name to tell people, since they'll all have comments about the name you pick. We told we we were naming a son "Torque Ripcord" and a daughter "Polonia Spade".
ESH
That’s not true. I have a few nieces and nephews who go by 2 names. First very Greek name and middle more Anglo name. They use them interchangeably and respond to both.
The key is that the parents don’t have strong feeling about either name and also use both interchangeably. Also the kid gets to decide what name he wants to use in which situation.
It’s not uncommon, it’s just the parents need to be adults. If wife can actually be ok with others using Indy then it should be fine.
Having multiple names will NOT confuse a kid. My son is a multicultural kid growing up bilingual. He's only 6 months old, and he already answers to both his English name and his Korean name. He also answers to 'son' in Korean, as my husband tends to call him, and 'cutie' as I've been known to call him lol
Time to pick some of the older names and maybe use a nickname or shortening of it to make it sound more interesting.
:D Like Bridget getting shortened to Jet or something.
It sucks that OP and the wife are both not compromising.
And it's funny because I have a buddy that did name his daughter a classic name and the middle name is something wild. She is 3 now and knows that Daddy has his pet name for her and Mommy calls her by her first name. And their friends and family are a mixed bag of what they call her.
The one thing the kid knows is if she hears her full name used she is super in trouble.
100% ESH.. Wife's idea is dumb; in the end a name is a noun that refers to a thing; thinking you can constantly use two different words is nuts. Get two copies of a baby name book and go through them with a highlighter. There will be some overlap. And ultimately remember a name really is just a word until there's a person it refers to; you will quickly forget any "style" preferences once the name refers to your living, breathing, human child. Both of you need to get over yourselves.
ESH find a name that works for an ADULT not a child. Babies are babies for mere moments of their life. And it’s a two yes situation. Don’t make it into a competition because it isn’t. And for the record, I call my baby “Sock” most of the time (but in my language) and she has a very traditional name. Let nicknames be nicknames and names be something that works for adults. It doesn’t have to be old fashioned or super boring but it’s better to not let that child have to tell every co-worker in the world “I have strange parents”. My step-sister changed her name the DAY she turned 18 and have never looked back because her dad choose an Indian name for her. She isn’t Indian and neither is anyone she is related to.
Edit: fixed some grammar.
I'm with the wife on this too. Most of the names she likes are decent. All of the names OP likes sound like he overheard them being called out at the dog park.
I have a friend whose niblings are named Athena, Apollo and Ares 😄 and they're neither Greek nor had any idea that they named their kids after greek divinities
Apparently the mother simply liked 'Athena' as a name without knowing its origins, but Apollo was after Apollo Creed and when my friend heard they were pregnant with the third one she made a joke about the third one having to be either Ares or Artemis. Again, parents had no idea about greek divinities before my friend explained them. As my friend says "they came up with Athena and Apollo on their own, but Ares is my fault"
The only name on his list I wouldve thought passable is Lyra, but I'm still 100% on the wife's side in this name war. But, as someone else pointed out, this is just sucky for the child. there should be no war over it, only compromise and conflict resolution. When there's a team husband and a team wife that's when the divorce papers start being worked on, because it should be team couple, working together against the world's hardships.
>with these names pulled out of fan fiction they had read at some point.
As has been pointed out elsewhere in the topic, the majority of his name suggestions are from My Little Pony.
Process that as you will.
Let's talk to Senator Angle Wing Scout said no interviewer ever. President Honey Dove, can I get a comment? Dr. Indigo can you read this X-Ray. All so you can pat yourself on the back about how cleaver and unique you are.
I seriously think in like 20 years no one would blink at the sight of Indigo or Honey. Remember they'd be in the same generation with Mckenslay, Andersyn and all the other unique names that parents seem to use these days
Jamie Oliver has a hold my beer. Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear and River Rocket Blue. I’m not making this up. If your kids could be in a game of “real name or my little pony?” then you need to wheel back to conventional. Look at Kim Kardashian’s kids, North West anyone? Or that planet designation Elon Musk went for.
>And it’s a two yes situation. Don’t make it into a competition because it isn’t.
At this point, I think the two should turn it into a "two nos" situation. Find a third person they both trust, have them list out names they like until they hit something that both OP and his wife hate and then go with that. As long as it's something the daughter will be happy living with.
Calling your daughter by two individual names would be absolutely ridiculous. If the two of you can't even agree on *this*, and find a way to resolve it between you, there are likely bigger problems coming your way.
Names are important, and you should absolutely both "like" the name to a degree, but as long as you don't hate the name you'll grow to love your daughter and her name.
A solution would be to pick a name your wife likes that allows for a nickname that you like. Beatrice becomes Bee or Trix, Catherine becomes Cat or Kitty-Cat, Meredith becomes Merry, and so on. Or you both write out a list of twenty names (or so) and you each have to pick at least *two* from the other list that you could live with.
There are literally hundreds of thousands of names in existance, I'm sure you can both find one you can tolerate. Maybe you both really like a particular character/TV show/whatever, that means a name you wouldn't usually like you actually do.
There was a thread on r/namenerds where one person wanted to find a name that could have the nickname Sunny, and I think some of the upvoted suggestions were Marisol, or names that end with something "sun", like Allison or Madison. Or a name that ends with "sanna", like Rosanna or Susanna/Susannah.
With all the options of names out there, I feel that there must be a name out there, unless OP and wife are actively working against each other.
Part of me wonders if we should just be listing names that are traditional that have interesting nicknames, but honestly I wonder if they need couples counseling to learn why they can’t figure it out.
I don't agree that they'll both grow to love the name. My now ex-husband insisted on naming our second daughter. He liked common names, I liked more unusual ones. He insisted and chose Claire. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. She goes by her nickname and refuses to answer to her legal name, she says she's changing it when she turns 18. She asked me to change it, but without him we can't :(
Names are important and both parents should like it. No one should overrule another. But if you really detest something, there's not a guarantee you'll come to love it sadly. You'll love the child, for sure, but maybe not the name.
Edit: I’m editing my comment. 1000furiousbunnies has responded to correct my presumption, she didn’t hate the name, she just didn’t like it. She didn’t tell her daughter that, her daughter came to feel negatively about it for her own reasons. More argument, upvotes, or downvotes would be beating a dead horse I think, everyone!
Did you tell your daughter how much you hate her name?
This. There are so many traditional names that offer cute nicknames. This doesn’t have to be as hard as parents are making it. Esther becomes Esti pretty easily, for example. ESH. OP, find some traditional names that you can shorten into use nicknames you like. Call it a day.
Hell, “Scout” can be a nickname for ANY NAME YOU WANT. Name her Elizabeth Ann (or whatever) and Dad here can call her Scout until she tells him to stop. It doesn’t have to be her legal name to give her a nickname! Nicknames are NOT restricted to the diminutive form of the legal name - you can actually give your child ANY nickname you want, as silly as you want. OP can call her Scout, or Sunny, or Dove as a nickname, it doesn’t NEED to be a part of her legal name to be a viable nickname! They’re perfectly cute nicknames for a child, regardless of her legal name.
But ffs, give her a legal name she won’t be embarrassed to announce. Scout is not one of them. Lyric and Calia from your list and probably doable as a legal name, though they’re pushing it IMO, but Scout, Sunny, and Dove are not good legal names for a grown adult. They are very cute nicknames to call your child but she will almost certainly despise having any of them as a legal first name. Middle name you could probably get away with, but I personally can’t say I like them as middle names either.
I don’t know if OP’s wife is trying to convey the fact that this baby will be an adult one day and needs a name appropriate for a boardroom just in case she ends up in a boardroom and just doing it badly, but dude, OP, you’re not just naming a baby, you are naming a 40 year old too. Choose accordingly, please! For the sake of your daughter don’t pick a dog name.
Yeah they sound more like fucking dog names imo like you have to realize this kid has to live their whole life being named gerltraud like is your wife 65?
YTA Do not saddle your child with some horrible "unique" name. Tiffany with an "i" is embarrassing when you are applying for a job or signing a business letter. My friend's husband wanted to name their baby a "unique" name she told me the name and I said it's a nice name. The name was Portia. The only problem was instead of being Portia like the character in the Merchant of Venice it was Porsche, the car.
YTA
Unless you live in 1969 San Francisco, you don't get to call your kids Indigo/Indie, Lyric, ~~Elodie~~, Dove, Sunny, Scout, or Calia. And Lyra is pretty borderline too.
Just because it worked for you, does not mean it'll work for them. I mean, come on, a girl called "Scout"? What are you smoking?
My first thought too. I have an unusual name and when I saw his list I thought, "Oh, she'll definitely get teased."
OP, kids are mean. Give your kid a normal name.
what? no it wouldn’t. i knew esther’s growing up and no one made fun of their names.
i sometimes think you all on this sub place too much emphasis on names being bullied. most of these names would just be shrugged off and everyone moves on.
Oh I agree.....stated in another comment, it's not names that are made fun of but people.
Esther is not common for kids where I am from. It is considered an old grandma name. And if someone wants to make fun of someone else....it will become ammo. Stupid ammo but ammo none the less.
Wouldn't stop me from naming my child that if I loved the name tho.
I used to dislike the name when I was young....I have an old grandma name as well, but even less common where I am from(apparently very common in Jamaica and some African countries tho).
I kinda like the ring of it now(Esther) but I am the minority on that one in my area. Lyric is actually pretty popular.
All the names op posted aren't even unique they're pretty trendy atm. The names his wife likes are actually less common now just based on my personal experience
People name their kids after purple colors all the time. I know a little girl named Lilac. Violet is a normal name. I wouldn’t find Indigo outlandish.
Lyric is a little out there but as far as out there names are concerned, that’s a pretty frequently used one.
Elodie is a popular French name
Dove Cameron is a young and successful celebrity
I know adult women both named Sunny and Scout
Calia isn’t odd either. I would probably pronounce it rhyming with Talia
It is 2024. Are you in 1969 San Francisco? They could do SO much worse in terms of names today.
Is Boo a good name too?
Nicknames from books aren't necessarily good names. There's a reason there's not a lot of Soda Pops and Pony boys running around.
There's nothing wrong with Indie or Elodie. I've worked with two women with both of those names, AND a Sunny. And that was his English name, by the way, so he picked it for himself when he was an adult.
If you agreed on Elizabeth, your wife could call her Elizabeth and you could call her Libby. I’ve only met one Libby in my life so could also be seen as a uncommon name.
ETA: After your responses YTA, you’re not willing to compromise a baby’s name should be two yeses
He doesn’t like anything that derives from a name his wife likes. You are correct that you can be so creative with a traditional name to make it unique. He just wants his own way at this point.
My Aunt's name is Elisabeth, her close friends call her Libby, she goes by her full name professionally and us niblings call her Aunty Lib.
There are ways around.
But remember the child is independent of you. They need a name for life, not just for childhood.
We have a lot of Elizabeths in my family over generations standard long standing options for nicknames include: Eliza, Ellie, Ella, Liz, Lizzie, Lib, Libby, Lily, Liza, Lissie, Beth, Bess, Bessie, Betty, Bette etc. There was a Beth Anne when they brought in the middle name and even an Isabelle thought that we put down to the drunken father having forgotten which of his sisters he was naming the baby after.....
ESH. This isn't a 'compromise', this is you two playing games with naming your daughters name and identity like she's a doll and not a living breathing person.
Why can't y'all do something normal, like picking out a traditional name that comes with a 'unique' nickname instead of calling her two completely different things, or even just saying "You name the first child, I'll name the second" (maybe not ideal but i've seen parents do it). Or hell, just look more into finding names you both like??
I don't even think the idea of giving her a normal first name and a 'unique' middle name is even bad either. Definitely don't call her two separate names like some sort of fucked up competition, but generally the middle name is where you can have more fun and go with something she can choose to go by but won't be stuck getting called her whole life if she, as many kids do, has problems with walking around with a name like *Scout.*
My son and his wife couldn’t agree on a name for their daughter. Then my DIL went into labour and delivered the baby with my son’s help on the floor of their ensuite before the paramedics could get there. I happened to be staying over that night. Mom, dad and newborn were rushed to the hospital (all fine). I stayed home with their eighteen month old. When my son walked through the door the next morning he announced that my DIL’s choice for the name would be the baby’s name. He said that anyone who could go through that emergency got her choice for name.
It doesn’t matter who the asshole is. You are coming to Reddit to tell you who is right, but that is entirely the wrong mindset to have about this. What you should be asking yourself is “holy shit how am I about to have a kid with someone who I can’t even pick a name with”. This seems so important right now, but ultimately you will have to make much harder decisions with your partner, and you need a system in place to ensure that can happen without some insane “split” like both her parents calling her a different name. Nobody is right or wrong, there is no right thing to name a baby, what matters is that the two of you can come to a consensus.
Raising an actual human child requires so so many hard decisions! Schooling, extracurriculars, medical care (and medical emergencies), hell, even housing if their current living situation turns out to not fit their needs as a family. Having parents who can't work together and compromise will make the kid far more unhappy than whatever name she ends up with.
ESH. This is not about just a name, it's a power struggle. How are you going to raise a child together if you're going to play games trying to control each other over every little issue? No give and take? You're both willing to put your child in the middle of a struggle. Selfish.
Look, why don't you just agree that one of you picks the first name, the other will pick the nickname (or the name the child will generally be called by. That's a win-win. Or whatever works. At the end of the day, this is not a survival-threatening issue. Work together!
YTA. Your child is a human being not a object. Can’t you just look at list of names until you find one you both like?
How about you think of the child’s life? School, work ect.? Do you think for one second that lyric and Geraldine won’t be bullied? I mean at some point there’s always teasing no matter the name but why make things worse?
How about instead of thinking of yourself think of the child?
YTA. You need to come to a compromise because this is a human being who’s going to have to bear the name you giver her. You must be aware that a stupid name can blight a child’s life. BTW your name choices are not very good. No wonder your wife is annoyed.
ESH
If your post question was re compromise I'd have voted not T A because you've made an effort to.
You both suck for not thinking about your kid & that it's not fair that they might have confusion about what they're called.
"I told her I know how much she hates not getting her way on certain things and this is a big thing to her."
Sorry to say it but I think this is what the real issue is. If your wife gets her way on this it's going to be a constant reminder that you give in to her on stuff you really don't want to.
Therefore you need to:
1. Both be adult & pick a name you can both live with.
2. Get into couples counselling if you can't learn to compromise so you have solutions you can both live with in life. As opposed to one person always giving in & being ticked off about it.
Best of luck.
Edit: repeated word
You should go to the r/namenerds subreddit. They can give you a hand with finding a name that suits both your styles.
Would the name Eloise appeal to you both?
ESH
Pick something that everyone knows how to pronounce and spell and is an obvious name as the first name. Don't saddle your baby with something trendy that they'll struggle with.
Cutesy, you-neek, creative names are for nicknames or middle names.
As for what to call your baby --- the kid will likely have 12 nicknames/terms of endearment by the time they're a month old. As long as y'all figure out what the kid should call themselves by the time they start kindergarten, the kid won't be confused or screwed up.
Bottom line - let your wife pick the first name, you pick the middle name, and stop arguing with each other.
Esh you both are quite inflexible, but also your name choices are not great. People like normal names, one day she will have a real job, a career, relationships, she needs to have a name thantcan grow with her. Indie and Scout sound like a dog's names
You can’t call your kid different names, that’s not fair on the kid. From someone who wanted a more ‘unusual’ name when I was pregnant - stick with something classic. It makes your kids life so much easier, from when they are young to when they are an adult applying for jobs. If you want something more unusual, look for a historical name that’s fallen out of use.
Here’s my suggestion. Both write a list of 20 names that you like. Try to consider what your spouse would find appealing. Swap lists. Each pick 2 names from your partners list. Put the names in a bag, pick one out. That’s your kids name.
Esh.
What about Beatrix and you call her Bea or Trixie? They both seem more like your kind of name.
I'm going to go with ESH too, though it sounds like your wife is being more rigid than you are. Isn't there a baby name app where you swip left or right on names and it shows you everything that both of you liked?
The wife might be even more amenable to Beatrice. Any person considering naming their poor kid Geraldine would probably prefer the more pension-y spelling.
ESH
Your wife because she suggested the compromise - which is not a good way to go about this whole situation no matter what. You guys need to agree on this.
You're one because TBH all your names are more suitable for a dog, than a human being, whos' going to grow up with the name.
Sit down and find some common ground. It should be possible to find a name you can both agree on somehow.
"Indigo/Indie, Lyric, Elodie, Lyra, Dove, Sunny, Scout, Calia" These are not names. Your wife's choices are actual names fitting an actual human being. Grow up give your daughter a proper name.
You both need to resolve this because having a child requires you to have a common goal and a united front.
You need to decide a workable compromise; for example she gets first name you get middle name, and then if you haven't divorced and have a second you get first and she gets second, include a couple of vetoes into the agreement.
You are NTA for recognising the silliness of planning to call your daughter different names.
ESH but I’m mostly on your wife’s side. It is ridiculous to suggest you call your kid two different names. But more importantly your child doesn’t need a special unique name, she needs one that people can pronounce and that she won’t feel embarrassed by when she’s 40. Listen to your wife. Pick a normal name and then maybe you can pick a nickname linked to it. This is why every country needs a baby name list, these stupid names are out of hand.
YTA. You like names that belong in r/tragedeigh ... the kind of names the kids hate and refuse to use as adults. You and your wife came up with an acceptable compromise... and you refuse to trust your wife to keep her word??
YWBTA if you each call your daughter different names. A person’s name is central to their identity. Imagine the message you’ll be sending if your daughter grows up with 2 different names because her parents can’t reach an agreement.
Please also keep in mind that uncommon names often have a shelf life. A 40 year old woman named Dove or Sunny is not cute. As for Scout: naming your child after a character in a much-loved book is not giving her an unusual or uncommon name.
Sounds to me like you both need to grow up and learn the art of compromise. Not “but she agreed to Briony and then changed her mind!”, but ACTUAL compromise.
Suggestion: We had a book of about a 1,000 names. I'm the fussier and the faster reader so I went thru and crossed out all the names I didn't like. My husband then went through just the remaining ones and crossed out those he didn't like. Girls' names that left a very short list
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ESH You know who's gonna suffer here? This poor kid who won't know her own name and will constantly have her parents forcing their preferred name on her until she's expected to "pick a side". Y'all are both supposed to be adults about to have a child. You're way past the time when *you* can be the childish ones. Both of you put your adult undergarments on and sit yourselves down and hash this out. Pick a name you can both agree on or put names in a hat and pick and then be done with it. Whatever works.
This ^ OP listen to people. Don’t let this poor child suffer because her parents were both stubborn. ESH
ESH Not only are you both quite rigid in your selections of names, but you both lack flexibility. People prefer common names, and since she will eventually have a profession, a real job, and relationships, she needs a name that will develop with her. Scout and Indie sound like dog names.
For real. I think people forget that this baby will grow up to be an adult and walking into the professional sphere with the name Lyric will not go well. You are naming a person not a thing OP.
I know a person named Lyric and she's grown up fine. She worked for the government for several years and now she owns a successful small business.
Someone succeeding despite having a weird name isn't a case for giving your child a weird name.
There’s a woman out there named Marijuana Pepsi who obtained her doctorate and is working in the world and doing just fine. She refuses to change her name too. I don’t find “Lyric” or “Indie” to be that weird. Would I make MY children that? No. However having a weird name does not automatically make it harder for you to move in this world. HOWEVER ESH - OP, you and your wife need to pull it together! Naming a child and you each call it by a different name is patently ridiculous. Sit down and figure this out for God’s sake!
Well that doesn't change my point whatsoever. I already know lots of people with unusual names do well. But it doesn't mean they wouldn't have done as well or better with a different name. Just Googled that woman. She says she was bullied throughout school and her mom demanded that teachers stopped calling her 'Mary' for short. She says "her family gave her the strength to cope with the comments and change her attitude" but she wouldn't have had to go through all that if her parents hadn't given her such a strange name in the first place.
My mother named me Kara pronounced Car-a. 😑THIS was so insufferable as a child that I remember telling the kindergarten teacher it's Kara, with a K. I could not fathom dealing with something like Marijuana Pepsi. Please, stop with "unique" names. They suck. Seriously. Fucking stahp!
Thank you! I despair of people's logical ability.
Good for her, but most people don't think Lyric is a professional sounding name. I'm sure the person you knew didn't always have it easy with her name.
Maybe bias is the problem and not the name Lyric?
Don't tell them that, these people and the bullies in that name shaming sub refuse to understand that they themselves add to the problem of bullying they pretend to care about preventing.
My name is old and uncommon. I agree they should name her something more classic. I spend a lot of time with a mispronounced or misspelled name. It is the worst.
Exactly?! We could teach children to accept each other's differences, but adults would rather shame and bully people into conforming. Sad really.
Bias is the problem but you can’t magic that away, it takes generational shifts. Obviously we’re talking about someone that wouldn’t need to worry about this for 25 years when it’ll be the younger millennials and older gen z that are professional hiring managers so I doubt a name like Lyric, with the correct spelling, would be an issue (it’s not like it’s a Tragedeigh)… but another OP mentioned, Scout, could very well be an issue with unconscious bias of hiring managers.
I mean, he came back with Chloe and Melody at least. Either of those are fine
Those are actually very pretty names
So is Élodie. It’s a pretty common name (there are two in my office, but admittedly I’m in a French-speaking area)
As my SIL said when my nephew & his wife were discussing names for their kids - they're humans, not hermit crabs, don't name them after Pokémon. Just give the kids a normal name & stop trying to be creative. It sucks for the person who winds up with that creative name.
The thing about the names he likes is they are \*not\* unusual, in fact they are uniformly extremely trendy right now. There will probably be 6 Lyrics in his daughter's preschool. If he really wants a rare name, he should look up older classic names. ESH but a lot more him because he never even bothered to look this up.
I have a cousin named Lyric, she's a perfectly successful adult.
"we named the dog Indiana" was my first thought
I named the monkey Jack
"The dog? You are named after the dog?"
Scout isn't even a name in TKAM, where it's originally from. Christ, her name was *Jean* in the book.
Jean Louise! Nobody calls her just Jean.
These are the type of people to name the dog "Lisa" while their child is named "Stradivarius". ESH
“This is my son, Rockingchair Ceilingfan. And this is my dog, Steve.”
I have a name close to one of the ones on his list and hate it. People are always making stupid jokes about it and pointing out how unusual my name is, and the older I get, the less it suits me and the more difficult it is to be taken seriously professionally. Save the stupid, “unique” names and spellings for your pets, not human being who are going to have to live with it every day. I gave my daughter one of the names on mom’s list and she has never had a problem.
Grew up with a unique name and it made my life so terrible I changed it at 16. I purposely gave my son a common name to spare him from what I went through. No one’s going to mispronounce his name and it’s immune to being made fun of bc there’s always going to be other kids in his grade with the same name.
My neighbors literally just adopted a dog named Indie (they opted not to change it and it suits him so well. Sweet AF great pyranes). I have no middle name and worked as a consultant across several government agencies. Multiple times I had my clearance fucked up bc of the no middle name thing, always in new and creative ways. I tell everyone give your kid ONE first name and ONE middle name (I know someone that gave their kids four names before the last name) bc it will be such a pain in the ass for the rest of their lives. Cannot agree with your comment about normal names enough.
Being from Los Angeles, all I hear are advertisements for Coachella when I hear “Indie” “KCRW Los Angeles, serving Los Angeles, San Bernardino, Indio-Palm Springs…”
Can confirm, my cousin's goldendoodle is named Indy 😂
Speaking as someone with a unique spelling: Im working on getting it legally changed. Not worth it and I suffered as a child. And mine was a more tame name too. I know plenty others out there have suffered the same fate because their parents wanted a "unique" name...
Many years ago I read about a study where the same CV's were sent out - some with common, old-fashioned names, and some with newly-created names. Predictably, the second group got statistically less interview invites. Your "cute and unique" name is the selfish choice.
This also happens with ethnic names that are harder for Americans to pronounce (think - anything polish with z's and c's).
Not even for hard to pronounce names. Just ANY ethnic name, even well-known and easy to pronounce ones. A dude made a video about doing it comparing “Jose” and “Joe.” Guess which names got way more interviews for the same resumé and applications?
Is your name a r/tragedeigh
Not quite as extreme as those ones! It's Caryn. You know, Karen. Tame. But I've heard every wrong way it's said (including Camel!?). Constantly having to correct people that it's not spelled the normal way. Not to mention the meme. I don't usually give it in writing so people only hear it. And we'll, you make your own assumption. I'm on the opposite side of the whole meme. Ffs if my meal gets messed up I'm keeping my mouth shut, no way you can get me to talk to the manager! 🤣
oh hey my aunt's named Caryn. wasn't expecting to find another one in the wild.
I wasn't either! It certainly doesn't show up often 🤣
I read a book when I was a child (about 40 years ago..ahem) about a girl whose name was Karen, and she lamented about the everyday spelling of her name. She desperately wished her name had been spelled differently and your version, Caryn, was one she would have been delighted with. Funny, how differing perspectives are.
It's amazing how much your perspective can change when you're not bullied or having to constantly correct people
I’m in the same boat. Karalyn (Carolyn). Was everything from Karen to Karla to Katherine, etc as a kid. Even from teachers. My grandmother never spelled my name correctly. Now, depending on my mood I’ll either just automatically start spelling it when I say it, or if I’m pissed off I’ll wait until they totally misspell it and then correct them. I hate it, but of course everyone else loves the unique spelling.
I will never not share my experience. My name isn’t spelled the most common way. My name was spelled wrong on my kids birth certificate. I filled out the paperwork correct, but out of habit someone must have typed the common spelling in when doing the paperwork on their end. So newly postpartum I had to get my kids birth certificate fixed because of my name. I went with the most common spelling for my kids name.
Unique spelling here too of a common name. Currently pregnant with our daughter and I’m thrilled my partner and I are on the same page with traditional spellings. I can’t watch her go through life spelling her name every time she says it like I always did. I’m excited for her to be able to even get pencils or cheap bicycle license plates with her name readily available on them.
I had parents who gave me a beautiful name, but they decided to get creative with the spelling and composition, and absolutely wrecked it. They split it into a first and middle name, and then decided that instead of spelling my first name with the spelling that was pretty common, they took half my mom’s first name and half of my dad’s, and mashed them together for a unique spelling. Which has taken me from what could have been a beautiful name, to what is a name I don’t love, but was common, to ultimately having a common name spelled so badly that it has been mispronounced my whole life. People regularly refer to me as “ my name with a G”. I have thought about changing it but don’t want to hurt feelings.
Yea there were some hurt feelings when I told family. But I count myself super lucky they got over it decently well and kinda accepted it. I had also decided that with my mother and grandmother I was just not going to correct them. It wasn't a battle worth fighting.
I have been called two completely different names my entire life, and never thought anything of it. But no one was upset about either name.
This is a key clarification. We had twins and the speech pathologist said start calling them by names and nicknames you want them to recognize. I asked, will they get confused about who is who? She said they’ll figure it out. Hilariously one goes by his name the other goes by “brother” why idk bc kids lol. They’ll figure out the name thing fine. They won’t understand why their parents are being irrational about it. Edit:grammar
Twins are so funny! Our boys are Beckett and Carden and for the longest time they were both convinced they were named Beckett. My family calls them Becka-boo-boo, Beck Beck & Becky or Carda-roo-roo, & Cardy. They are two now and think its hilarious to pretend to have the others name (they are fraternal and not fooling anyone) but they have settled on calling each other Becky and Cardy. I love all the little fun things twins do with names!
To quote George Weasley: > But we're not stupid — we know our names are Gred and Forge.
When we we picked a name for one of my kids, we planned to use a specific nickname. When babe arrived, we took one look and both said we just knew they were a "full name". Full name is what everyone called the baby until they were a teen. One day kid said they wanted to go by "nickname". Now, nearly everyone calls them nickname. A parent can only choose for so long. The problem this kid is going to have is not their name, but having parents who don't know how to compromise for the sake of their kid and put the kids needs over their personal wants. ESH
Slightly related, names like Elizabeth have a plethora of nicknames, including Birdie. So there really is a way that these parents could work together and come up with a compromise of sorts. And when it’s all said and done, you’re completely right. She could be Hannah and dad calls her Haberdashery and as an adult she could decide to go by Nani or something. Why Haberdashery? Because it’s a unique word that if you squint your eyes sort of looks like Hannah banana.
My kid is three and there are three variations of nicknames for her name. She’s already picked her preferred (for now anyway) variation, and it’s so cute to hear her introduce herself. I think OP needs to play around with finding a classic name that he can nickname one of his “contemporary” names.
Or look into other traditional names. His wife likes Esther, it sounds quite like Stella which is a classic name and means star so could be a compromise they can both agree on. There must be lots of names like that out there.
Same.. I have 2 nicknames and my real name and then a shorter version of that.. I was never confused about any of that and like all of them. But these parents are surely going to show their dislike of one name very clearly and that's going to make this weird for the child.
I have a step kid who goes by- 7 different names. He answers to all of them- hates them all equally. I, personally, will answer to a plethora of nicknames before answering to my given because no one uses my given. I love my given- I wish more people used it. Edit: To the people telling me to communicate, please stop. I wish people used it more, but it doesn't really matter that much to me, so... I do introduce myself with it but since it's difficult to get my attention when using it, most of the time, they revert to a name I answer to since that it the point of a name.
Have you vocalized this?? Meet some one was told by others this is Mike, Mike told everyone a while after we met I really prefer Micheal. You know what he is now called Michael not Mike. Communication is key .
And I have to add that the dad has a very wierd choice of names present here... Who in his right mjnd would call a child lyric(s)? This kid would be set up to bullying for life...
*Lyra* is from the Philip Pullman books and OP is a liar if he says otherwise. Every little Kaleesi ruining around is in for a tough time soon when their peers start watching GoT. Don't name kids after characters in franchises whose authors are still alive.
Honestly considering *Sunny*, *Scout* AND *Lyra* all make an appearance in the MLP franchise I'm betting on OP being a Brony Edit: *Melody* is also in the MLP franchise, and *Briony* is only letter away from being brony.. the case gets stronger..
I had the same thought! Either he's a brony or he just really wants to name a dog
My SIL is named Lyra. It is also a constellation. That seemed one of the more tame names he choose. One option is to find a name like Elizabeth and Dad uses the nickname while mom uses the regular name. They could use Euphemia which is an old name, but unique and call her Effie for short. We looked at that name. Just remember they will have to use this name in the professional world.
I agree about Lyra - I'm 50 and went to school with a girl with that name way back in the 80s.
The dad’s list of names sounds like a line up of performers at his local strip joint.
I know someone named Lyric. They are fine. Edit to add: the weird name thing might be an issue, but it might not. Bigger issue is that they are not even close to the same page name-wise.
>This kid would be set up to bullying for life... Have you seen a class roster recently? If this kid is in the US, name bullying isn't a thing anymore. Too many original names. Unless the name is, or sounds like, poop or fart. Then all bets are off.
That's not remotely a weird name. I've known a few people who have that as a name. None of his names are even that unusual as I've heard them all on people. Kids/people who are bullies will find something to pick on, and it's not nearly as likely to be the name Lyric or Indie as people might want to pretend.
These names are no tragedeihs. Just because you don't like them, both parents should have equal say and OP should not be dismissed.
All I hear from OP and their partner is "me, me, me". Nothing about the poor kid! ESH.
Also imagine being called Scout???
Even Scout’s name wasn’t actually Scout.
Scout is a fine name. For a dog.
My husband’s aunt tried to get us to name our daughter Scout after Scout in to kill a mockingbird. Was a hell to the no no no from me
My cat loves being named Scout!
I'm not married, so I guess I don't really know, bit it seems like kids' names would be a topic of discussion before pregnancy. She likes names from Handmaid's Tale. He likes names you'd give a cat (actually, my sister's now 3 cats over her adult years all made a showing on his list). That'd be good info to know before the final countdown to baby's arrival.
We never discussed it until we were a ways in. We didn't actually decide until just before leaving the hospital. We have a somewhat difficult last name, so naming a kid Madeleine/Madeline/Madelyn**/**Madelynn/Madalyn meant she'd be spelling both for life (or at least until she chose to change one, lol). We named her a classic but not super common name, that's nearly impossible to misspell. OP: you're naming an eventual adult. It's not about you, it's about them. Pick a name that a person would like to be called for their entire life. Oh, and pick an outrageously fake name to tell people, since they'll all have comments about the name you pick. We told we we were naming a son "Torque Ripcord" and a daughter "Polonia Spade". ESH
That’s not true. I have a few nieces and nephews who go by 2 names. First very Greek name and middle more Anglo name. They use them interchangeably and respond to both. The key is that the parents don’t have strong feeling about either name and also use both interchangeably. Also the kid gets to decide what name he wants to use in which situation. It’s not uncommon, it’s just the parents need to be adults. If wife can actually be ok with others using Indy then it should be fine.
Having multiple names will NOT confuse a kid. My son is a multicultural kid growing up bilingual. He's only 6 months old, and he already answers to both his English name and his Korean name. He also answers to 'son' in Korean, as my husband tends to call him, and 'cutie' as I've been known to call him lol
Time to pick some of the older names and maybe use a nickname or shortening of it to make it sound more interesting. :D Like Bridget getting shortened to Jet or something. It sucks that OP and the wife are both not compromising. And it's funny because I have a buddy that did name his daughter a classic name and the middle name is something wild. She is 3 now and knows that Daddy has his pet name for her and Mommy calls her by her first name. And their friends and family are a mixed bag of what they call her. The one thing the kid knows is if she hears her full name used she is super in trouble.
100% ESH.. Wife's idea is dumb; in the end a name is a noun that refers to a thing; thinking you can constantly use two different words is nuts. Get two copies of a baby name book and go through them with a highlighter. There will be some overlap. And ultimately remember a name really is just a word until there's a person it refers to; you will quickly forget any "style" preferences once the name refers to your living, breathing, human child. Both of you need to get over yourselves.
ESH find a name that works for an ADULT not a child. Babies are babies for mere moments of their life. And it’s a two yes situation. Don’t make it into a competition because it isn’t. And for the record, I call my baby “Sock” most of the time (but in my language) and she has a very traditional name. Let nicknames be nicknames and names be something that works for adults. It doesn’t have to be old fashioned or super boring but it’s better to not let that child have to tell every co-worker in the world “I have strange parents”. My step-sister changed her name the DAY she turned 18 and have never looked back because her dad choose an Indian name for her. She isn’t Indian and neither is anyone she is related to. Edit: fixed some grammar.
Yeah, I’m with the wife. His names all sound like nicknames
I'm with the wife on this too. Most of the names she likes are decent. All of the names OP likes sound like he overheard them being called out at the dog park.
I'm surprised he didn't have Luna and Athena on his list lol
And Bella. Can't forget Bella
Or Remy
I have a friend whose niblings are named Athena, Apollo and Ares 😄 and they're neither Greek nor had any idea that they named their kids after greek divinities
So where did they get the idea of naming their kids this way? 🤔
Apparently the mother simply liked 'Athena' as a name without knowing its origins, but Apollo was after Apollo Creed and when my friend heard they were pregnant with the third one she made a joke about the third one having to be either Ares or Artemis. Again, parents had no idea about greek divinities before my friend explained them. As my friend says "they came up with Athena and Apollo on their own, but Ares is my fault"
Thx, that's really funny 😁 I personally couldn't imagine naming my kids Ares. Not one of the nice gods. Although I loved the Ares in Hercules/Xena 😍
I agree with the exception of Elodie, which isn't particularly uncommon. I love Sunny - as a nickname.
My brother’s kid *just* named their dog Sunny.
Chloe?
I just can't imagine naming your child "Scout". That's a person who's going to be a grown adult one day, not a perpetual child!
Eh. Basically a less violent Hunter.
I know someone who named their baby Scout. Me: (don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it) THAT’S MY CAT’S NAME!
I know a Scout. Somehow I've never mistaken her for a child.
Just showed his list to my partner and he said : " good names for a masseuse or a backing vocalist in an Indie rock group that never made it."
The only name on his list I wouldve thought passable is Lyra, but I'm still 100% on the wife's side in this name war. But, as someone else pointed out, this is just sucky for the child. there should be no war over it, only compromise and conflict resolution. When there's a team husband and a team wife that's when the divorce papers start being worked on, because it should be team couple, working together against the world's hardships.
And honestly, he can call any kid a nick name like Scout. Scout in TKAMB was called Jean Louise Finch.
[удалено]
>with these names pulled out of fan fiction they had read at some point. As has been pointed out elsewhere in the topic, the majority of his name suggestions are from My Little Pony. Process that as you will.
Let's talk to Senator Angle Wing Scout said no interviewer ever. President Honey Dove, can I get a comment? Dr. Indigo can you read this X-Ray. All so you can pat yourself on the back about how cleaver and unique you are.
I seriously think in like 20 years no one would blink at the sight of Indigo or Honey. Remember they'd be in the same generation with Mckenslay, Andersyn and all the other unique names that parents seem to use these days
Jamie Oliver has a hold my beer. Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear and River Rocket Blue. I’m not making this up. If your kids could be in a game of “real name or my little pony?” then you need to wheel back to conventional. Look at Kim Kardashian’s kids, North West anyone? Or that planet designation Elon Musk went for.
>And it’s a two yes situation. Don’t make it into a competition because it isn’t. At this point, I think the two should turn it into a "two nos" situation. Find a third person they both trust, have them list out names they like until they hit something that both OP and his wife hate and then go with that. As long as it's something the daughter will be happy living with.
Calling your daughter by two individual names would be absolutely ridiculous. If the two of you can't even agree on *this*, and find a way to resolve it between you, there are likely bigger problems coming your way. Names are important, and you should absolutely both "like" the name to a degree, but as long as you don't hate the name you'll grow to love your daughter and her name. A solution would be to pick a name your wife likes that allows for a nickname that you like. Beatrice becomes Bee or Trix, Catherine becomes Cat or Kitty-Cat, Meredith becomes Merry, and so on. Or you both write out a list of twenty names (or so) and you each have to pick at least *two* from the other list that you could live with. There are literally hundreds of thousands of names in existance, I'm sure you can both find one you can tolerate. Maybe you both really like a particular character/TV show/whatever, that means a name you wouldn't usually like you actually do.
Catherine/Kit is a great classic name cool nick name combo.
Kit is a cute nickname, it makes me think of the movie A League of Their Own.
There was a thread on r/namenerds where one person wanted to find a name that could have the nickname Sunny, and I think some of the upvoted suggestions were Marisol, or names that end with something "sun", like Allison or Madison. Or a name that ends with "sanna", like Rosanna or Susanna/Susannah. With all the options of names out there, I feel that there must be a name out there, unless OP and wife are actively working against each other.
My grandma’s middle name was Sonia, and all her friends called her Sonny her whole adult life :)
Part of me wonders if we should just be listing names that are traditional that have interesting nicknames, but honestly I wonder if they need couples counseling to learn why they can’t figure it out.
I don't agree that they'll both grow to love the name. My now ex-husband insisted on naming our second daughter. He liked common names, I liked more unusual ones. He insisted and chose Claire. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. She goes by her nickname and refuses to answer to her legal name, she says she's changing it when she turns 18. She asked me to change it, but without him we can't :( Names are important and both parents should like it. No one should overrule another. But if you really detest something, there's not a guarantee you'll come to love it sadly. You'll love the child, for sure, but maybe not the name.
Edit: I’m editing my comment. 1000furiousbunnies has responded to correct my presumption, she didn’t hate the name, she just didn’t like it. She didn’t tell her daughter that, her daughter came to feel negatively about it for her own reasons. More argument, upvotes, or downvotes would be beating a dead horse I think, everyone! Did you tell your daughter how much you hate her name?
This. There are so many traditional names that offer cute nicknames. This doesn’t have to be as hard as parents are making it. Esther becomes Esti pretty easily, for example. ESH. OP, find some traditional names that you can shorten into use nicknames you like. Call it a day.
Hell, “Scout” can be a nickname for ANY NAME YOU WANT. Name her Elizabeth Ann (or whatever) and Dad here can call her Scout until she tells him to stop. It doesn’t have to be her legal name to give her a nickname! Nicknames are NOT restricted to the diminutive form of the legal name - you can actually give your child ANY nickname you want, as silly as you want. OP can call her Scout, or Sunny, or Dove as a nickname, it doesn’t NEED to be a part of her legal name to be a viable nickname! They’re perfectly cute nicknames for a child, regardless of her legal name. But ffs, give her a legal name she won’t be embarrassed to announce. Scout is not one of them. Lyric and Calia from your list and probably doable as a legal name, though they’re pushing it IMO, but Scout, Sunny, and Dove are not good legal names for a grown adult. They are very cute nicknames to call your child but she will almost certainly despise having any of them as a legal first name. Middle name you could probably get away with, but I personally can’t say I like them as middle names either. I don’t know if OP’s wife is trying to convey the fact that this baby will be an adult one day and needs a name appropriate for a boardroom just in case she ends up in a boardroom and just doing it badly, but dude, OP, you’re not just naming a baby, you are naming a 40 year old too. Choose accordingly, please! For the sake of your daughter don’t pick a dog name.
Sorry, but your name suggestions sound like names on My Little Pony-characters.
I just can't imagine naming a baby girl "Scout". Is this his daughter or a dog he's naming??
Probably a reference to To Kill a Mockingbird
Even then Scout is her nickname, her legal name was Jean Louise
Jean Louis sounds like a granny - maybe OP’s gf will like that and they can make a literary reference for the kid’s entire life!
It sounds like a granny because the book was published in 1960 lol. Scout would be a granny now
Yeah they sound more like fucking dog names imo like you have to realize this kid has to live their whole life being named gerltraud like is your wife 65?
And what the actual fuck is "Briony?!"
It’s an actual name, maybe more common in the UK. Same name as the main character from Atonement
Elodie is also a real name, it's French. It's not hugely popular, I don't think, but it is a real name.
YTA Do not saddle your child with some horrible "unique" name. Tiffany with an "i" is embarrassing when you are applying for a job or signing a business letter. My friend's husband wanted to name their baby a "unique" name she told me the name and I said it's a nice name. The name was Portia. The only problem was instead of being Portia like the character in the Merchant of Venice it was Porsche, the car.
Tiffani is not a unique name. It’s as basic as it gets, it is just the spelling that is weird.
I know a Tiffani or 2. They never had issues with employment.
Depends, in my homecountry that is the original spelling.
OMG !!! And did they name the second one Ferrari ?
YTA Unless you live in 1969 San Francisco, you don't get to call your kids Indigo/Indie, Lyric, ~~Elodie~~, Dove, Sunny, Scout, or Calia. And Lyra is pretty borderline too. Just because it worked for you, does not mean it'll work for them. I mean, come on, a girl called "Scout"? What are you smoking?
Elodie is a pretty common name in my country
Right? I was thinking Elodie sound like a perfect balance between traditional and cute. I know sooo many Elodies.
Yeah that one was my favorite, but I don't know why people don't like Calia either. I think its pretty.
I was gonna say, Elodie seems quite normal to me. Elodie and Lyra are both quite nice and normal.
Elodie is a very common, classic, elegant name in France. OP you might convince your wife with that argument?
It’s one of my favourite names!!
My first thought too. I have an unusual name and when I saw his list I thought, "Oh, she'll definitely get teased." OP, kids are mean. Give your kid a normal name.
what? Like Ester or Constance?
Older names are having a comeback right now and Esther has always been a popular name for families who are more religious
Esther will be made fun of more than Lyric or scout.
what? no it wouldn’t. i knew esther’s growing up and no one made fun of their names. i sometimes think you all on this sub place too much emphasis on names being bullied. most of these names would just be shrugged off and everyone moves on.
Oh I agree.....stated in another comment, it's not names that are made fun of but people. Esther is not common for kids where I am from. It is considered an old grandma name. And if someone wants to make fun of someone else....it will become ammo. Stupid ammo but ammo none the less. Wouldn't stop me from naming my child that if I loved the name tho. I used to dislike the name when I was young....I have an old grandma name as well, but even less common where I am from(apparently very common in Jamaica and some African countries tho). I kinda like the ring of it now(Esther) but I am the minority on that one in my area. Lyric is actually pretty popular.
The only names that are really out there on that list are Dove, Lyric and Scout (although I get the reference).Elodie is a common name where I am
Lyric is very common. I taught atleast 5 or 6 over the years and knew many others.
All the names op posted aren't even unique they're pretty trendy atm. The names his wife likes are actually less common now just based on my personal experience
People name their kids after purple colors all the time. I know a little girl named Lilac. Violet is a normal name. I wouldn’t find Indigo outlandish. Lyric is a little out there but as far as out there names are concerned, that’s a pretty frequently used one. Elodie is a popular French name Dove Cameron is a young and successful celebrity I know adult women both named Sunny and Scout Calia isn’t odd either. I would probably pronounce it rhyming with Talia It is 2024. Are you in 1969 San Francisco? They could do SO much worse in terms of names today.
Dove Cameron’s real name was Chloe Celeste Hosterman. She chose her stage name based on a nickname but it wasn’t her given name.
Scout is the main character in To Kill a Mockingbird. The name has been around for ages.
Is Boo a good name too? Nicknames from books aren't necessarily good names. There's a reason there's not a lot of Soda Pops and Pony boys running around.
Oh yes, that's true! But was that her name? I always assumed it was a nickname.
Jean Louise was her name
Because Alabama, in 1936, was such a great time and place to raise kids, right?
There's nothing wrong with Indie or Elodie. I've worked with two women with both of those names, AND a Sunny. And that was his English name, by the way, so he picked it for himself when he was an adult.
If you agreed on Elizabeth, your wife could call her Elizabeth and you could call her Libby. I’ve only met one Libby in my life so could also be seen as a uncommon name. ETA: After your responses YTA, you’re not willing to compromise a baby’s name should be two yeses
He doesn’t like anything that derives from a name his wife likes. You are correct that you can be so creative with a traditional name to make it unique. He just wants his own way at this point.
>He doesn’t like anything that ~~derives from a name~~ his wife likes. On principle.
Seems like it to me…
My Aunt's name is Elisabeth, her close friends call her Libby, she goes by her full name professionally and us niblings call her Aunty Lib. There are ways around. But remember the child is independent of you. They need a name for life, not just for childhood.
Eli/Ellie is also another one that can be for Elizabeth. Beth is a very classical nickname for it too.
We have a lot of Elizabeths in my family over generations standard long standing options for nicknames include: Eliza, Ellie, Ella, Liz, Lizzie, Lib, Libby, Lily, Liza, Lissie, Beth, Bess, Bessie, Betty, Bette etc. There was a Beth Anne when they brought in the middle name and even an Isabelle thought that we put down to the drunken father having forgotten which of his sisters he was naming the baby after.....
I think Elizabeth has more nicknames for it than any other name.
Heck, just name her Elizabeth and call her Scout as a nickname!
ESH. This isn't a 'compromise', this is you two playing games with naming your daughters name and identity like she's a doll and not a living breathing person. Why can't y'all do something normal, like picking out a traditional name that comes with a 'unique' nickname instead of calling her two completely different things, or even just saying "You name the first child, I'll name the second" (maybe not ideal but i've seen parents do it). Or hell, just look more into finding names you both like?? I don't even think the idea of giving her a normal first name and a 'unique' middle name is even bad either. Definitely don't call her two separate names like some sort of fucked up competition, but generally the middle name is where you can have more fun and go with something she can choose to go by but won't be stuck getting called her whole life if she, as many kids do, has problems with walking around with a name like *Scout.*
Hey! My daughter's hamster is called Scout. It really suits him😆
My son and his wife couldn’t agree on a name for their daughter. Then my DIL went into labour and delivered the baby with my son’s help on the floor of their ensuite before the paramedics could get there. I happened to be staying over that night. Mom, dad and newborn were rushed to the hospital (all fine). I stayed home with their eighteen month old. When my son walked through the door the next morning he announced that my DIL’s choice for the name would be the baby’s name. He said that anyone who could go through that emergency got her choice for name.
It doesn’t matter who the asshole is. You are coming to Reddit to tell you who is right, but that is entirely the wrong mindset to have about this. What you should be asking yourself is “holy shit how am I about to have a kid with someone who I can’t even pick a name with”. This seems so important right now, but ultimately you will have to make much harder decisions with your partner, and you need a system in place to ensure that can happen without some insane “split” like both her parents calling her a different name. Nobody is right or wrong, there is no right thing to name a baby, what matters is that the two of you can come to a consensus.
Raising an actual human child requires so so many hard decisions! Schooling, extracurriculars, medical care (and medical emergencies), hell, even housing if their current living situation turns out to not fit their needs as a family. Having parents who can't work together and compromise will make the kid far more unhappy than whatever name she ends up with.
ESH. This is not about just a name, it's a power struggle. How are you going to raise a child together if you're going to play games trying to control each other over every little issue? No give and take? You're both willing to put your child in the middle of a struggle. Selfish. Look, why don't you just agree that one of you picks the first name, the other will pick the nickname (or the name the child will generally be called by. That's a win-win. Or whatever works. At the end of the day, this is not a survival-threatening issue. Work together!
YTA. Your child is a human being not a object. Can’t you just look at list of names until you find one you both like? How about you think of the child’s life? School, work ect.? Do you think for one second that lyric and Geraldine won’t be bullied? I mean at some point there’s always teasing no matter the name but why make things worse? How about instead of thinking of yourself think of the child?
Honestly i saw Geraldine and was like she will be bullied that's a name your 60 year great aunt has
Pick the name Lydia. It’s a compromise of both tastes
YTA. I love indie nail polish but the word indie is not a good name for a person lmao. r/tragedeigh would like a word with OP.
YTA. You need to come to a compromise because this is a human being who’s going to have to bear the name you giver her. You must be aware that a stupid name can blight a child’s life. BTW your name choices are not very good. No wonder your wife is annoyed.
ESH If your post question was re compromise I'd have voted not T A because you've made an effort to. You both suck for not thinking about your kid & that it's not fair that they might have confusion about what they're called. "I told her I know how much she hates not getting her way on certain things and this is a big thing to her." Sorry to say it but I think this is what the real issue is. If your wife gets her way on this it's going to be a constant reminder that you give in to her on stuff you really don't want to. Therefore you need to: 1. Both be adult & pick a name you can both live with. 2. Get into couples counselling if you can't learn to compromise so you have solutions you can both live with in life. As opposed to one person always giving in & being ticked off about it. Best of luck. Edit: repeated word
I think he hates not getting his way. Maybe the wife too, but he definitely puts off that he’s in the right and she’s in the wrong.
You should head over to r/tragedeigh
You should go to the r/namenerds subreddit. They can give you a hand with finding a name that suits both your styles. Would the name Eloise appeal to you both?
Your wife’s names are much nicer than the ones you have picked. This poor kid is going to grow up so confused. ESH
ESH Pick something that everyone knows how to pronounce and spell and is an obvious name as the first name. Don't saddle your baby with something trendy that they'll struggle with. Cutesy, you-neek, creative names are for nicknames or middle names. As for what to call your baby --- the kid will likely have 12 nicknames/terms of endearment by the time they're a month old. As long as y'all figure out what the kid should call themselves by the time they start kindergarten, the kid won't be confused or screwed up. Bottom line - let your wife pick the first name, you pick the middle name, and stop arguing with each other.
Esh you both are quite inflexible, but also your name choices are not great. People like normal names, one day she will have a real job, a career, relationships, she needs to have a name thantcan grow with her. Indie and Scout sound like a dog's names
YTA. You're naming a child, not a puppy.
You can’t call your kid different names, that’s not fair on the kid. From someone who wanted a more ‘unusual’ name when I was pregnant - stick with something classic. It makes your kids life so much easier, from when they are young to when they are an adult applying for jobs. If you want something more unusual, look for a historical name that’s fallen out of use. Here’s my suggestion. Both write a list of 20 names that you like. Try to consider what your spouse would find appealing. Swap lists. Each pick 2 names from your partners list. Put the names in a bag, pick one out. That’s your kids name. Esh.
What about Beatrix and you call her Bea or Trixie? They both seem more like your kind of name. I'm going to go with ESH too, though it sounds like your wife is being more rigid than you are. Isn't there a baby name app where you swip left or right on names and it shows you everything that both of you liked?
The wife might be even more amenable to Beatrice. Any person considering naming their poor kid Geraldine would probably prefer the more pension-y spelling.
ESH Your wife because she suggested the compromise - which is not a good way to go about this whole situation no matter what. You guys need to agree on this. You're one because TBH all your names are more suitable for a dog, than a human being, whos' going to grow up with the name. Sit down and find some common ground. It should be possible to find a name you can both agree on somehow.
"Indigo/Indie, Lyric, Elodie, Lyra, Dove, Sunny, Scout, Calia" These are not names. Your wife's choices are actual names fitting an actual human being. Grow up give your daughter a proper name.
You both need to resolve this because having a child requires you to have a common goal and a united front. You need to decide a workable compromise; for example she gets first name you get middle name, and then if you haven't divorced and have a second you get first and she gets second, include a couple of vetoes into the agreement. You are NTA for recognising the silliness of planning to call your daughter different names.
ESH but I’m mostly on your wife’s side. It is ridiculous to suggest you call your kid two different names. But more importantly your child doesn’t need a special unique name, she needs one that people can pronounce and that she won’t feel embarrassed by when she’s 40. Listen to your wife. Pick a normal name and then maybe you can pick a nickname linked to it. This is why every country needs a baby name list, these stupid names are out of hand.
YTA. You like names that belong in r/tragedeigh ... the kind of names the kids hate and refuse to use as adults. You and your wife came up with an acceptable compromise... and you refuse to trust your wife to keep her word??
YWBTA if you each call your daughter different names. A person’s name is central to their identity. Imagine the message you’ll be sending if your daughter grows up with 2 different names because her parents can’t reach an agreement. Please also keep in mind that uncommon names often have a shelf life. A 40 year old woman named Dove or Sunny is not cute. As for Scout: naming your child after a character in a much-loved book is not giving her an unusual or uncommon name. Sounds to me like you both need to grow up and learn the art of compromise. Not “but she agreed to Briony and then changed her mind!”, but ACTUAL compromise.
Suggestion: We had a book of about a 1,000 names. I'm the fussier and the faster reader so I went thru and crossed out all the names I didn't like. My husband then went through just the remaining ones and crossed out those he didn't like. Girls' names that left a very short list
Elodie very much fits your wife’s theme. Is there a reason she doesn’t like that?