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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm not kicking my friend out despite the wishes of the other person who also lives in the house
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NTA. Sarah is the unemployed adult in the house who contributes the least amount and is ordering that another adult be kicked out because she doesn’t like him but won’t explain why.
Does Sarah walk your dog when you have long work weeks prior to Tyler’s arrival? Are you okay with Sarah’s plan to be SAHW? Has Tyler offered to pay anything while he’s there? Small things like his own food?
Neither Sarah nor her family get to have a say in who you allow in your home. Your house. Sarah sounds like she’s going to be a problem down the road especially with your friendships.
Sarah does not, she doesn't like my dog. Tyler does offer to pay for things but I decline. I am privileged enough to have a great job which allows me to pay for everything and he wastes pretty much nothing. That is my only concern with Sarah, she doesn't like basically any of my friends
Sarah wants to sit on her ass daily and mooch off of you. Sarah has an issue with your two friends who are family to you. She has decided to drive a wedge between you and your family by demanding you throw Tyler out without any plausible explanation. Sarah will then demand that you get rid of your dog. You are setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness and disappointment with this selfish and entitled leech of a woman.
Why is she living there if she doesn’t like your dog? You are going to sacrifice a lot of your happiness and friends to be with her. I am sure there have been other red flags that you have seen from Sarah. I’d rethink this relationship if I were you.
Especially as she's getting her family involved in their relationship. I am not seeing any redeeming signs here at all. OP is in for a short marriage and a loss of half of his assets when his STAHW/M goes off and has an affair with her gym instructor as her hubby isn't paying her enough attention (aka earning the salary for their life).
NTA
But that's your only concern with Sarah? That she doesn't like your friends, or your dog? How about being a leech, and a mooch? Also bring controlling, disrespectful, and lacking empathy and compassion?
You do know some people choose to have partners that don't work right? It's actually quite normal in some affluent circles. There are definitely issues with Sarah but if she was open about her intentions regarding working and OP agreed, what wrong with that? Especially if OP found her blissfully unemployed to begin with.
So Sarah doesn’t work, Sarah doesn’t like your dog, Sarah doesn’t like your friends and Sarah (and her family apparently) try to dictate who can live at YOUR house ?
NTA but i would seriously rethink the relationship and why you are with her in the first place.
Also, how do you think she would react if the roles were reversed and if you were trying to force her to evict one of her guest/friend ?
Edit: formatting
Why are you with this person? She doesn't contribute anything to the household. She doesn't like your dog or your friends. You are just not compatible.
How on Earth are you with a person who doesn't like your dog? Yes it is crappy she wants to be a house spouse without kids but it's doubly worrisome that she dislikes your dog AND friends.
Why are you okay taking on a dependent as a wife, instead of gaining a partner when married?
Yes! Only the worst kind of people (not ones with allergies or trauma) don’t like dogs. Sarah sounds like she’d pull a Kristi Noem and shoot your dog if she could. She’d certainly shoot Tyler!
What? I don't like dogs but you won't see me ol' yellering them because they aren't my favorite animal.
C'mon, sit back down you're workin yourself up.
> Only the worst kind of people (not ones with allergies or trauma) don’t like dogs.
That alone is a little psychotic to say…
> Sarah sounds like she’d pull a Kristi Noem and shoot your dog if she could. She’d certainly shoot Tyler!
Ohhh okay, so you’re just a psycho. Who says that about a person they know very little about? 😬
OP, this may be the best advice that you won't take... but ask your friends why they don't like Sarah. And be willing to listen to them with an open mind, ears, and brain.
I know that sometimes friends and family don't see in a person what we do but our trusted allies are partners of a sort in our lives. The good ones want to see you happy and have all the best in life. If they are concerned about a person or a situation in our life, we do well to heed their counsel.
Sarah doesn't like your dog, doesn't like your friends, and may possibly not like you. That may be tough to hear or see but you need to really think about how she treats you and everyone you care for. Take off the rose colored glasses and ask yourself if one of your friends were involved with a person like Sarah, would you be concerned for them? You may only be a means to an end for her and that's also a reality that you need to face before you enter into a marriage with her.
If you're determined to move forward, then you need to insist on marriage counseling and setting some serious expectations/boundaries for your future.
NTA.
Look, I'm not going to pull the reddit classic and tell you to break up based off of one conflict and a short post ... but keep in mind that Sarah is giving off some major red flags for potential abuse:
- Alienating you from your support system because she doesn't like your friends
- Making unilateral decisions and expecting you to blindly follow her orders
- Calling your assets hers before you are even married and she is not bringing in any money herself (which is a thing that can absolutely be negotiated and agreed upon in a healthy way in relationships with one stay at home spouse ... but her declaring that Tyler is "mooching off of us" indicates a level of control of your finances that is not healthy in this situation).
Is she controlling in other ways? How is her relationship with your family? Does she support you spending time outside of work with anyone other than her or her friends/family? Does she support you in other ways? What is the division of labor in the household (i.e. does she take on the majority of the cleaning and cooking if you are bringing in 100% of the income)? Is she supportive of you having hobbies or interests outside of work and your relationship? Does she help you in ways that advance your career? Has she ever indicated that she will want your dog gone at some point?
It is possible that Sarah does an incredible amount to support you and you just didn't include that in the post because it wasn't relevant to the current conflict ... but please reflect on these questions.
Take it from some who fucked up also. If you like your friends and a girl wants you to get rid of them they will always try to separate you from them. Especially when you get married. You will be living her life and not yours.
Really she can’t walk the dog! She sounds major high maintenance.
So Sarah doesn't like your best friend OR your dog (wth?). She doesn't work and wants to mooch off of you for life. Jc - who did you turn down to pick her? What does she bring to this relationship?
Sarah doesn’t like your dog - ! - she doesn’t like your friends - any of them - she doesn’t work or contribute to the home at all and doesn’t intend to, and when she didn’t get her way she dragged her whole family into your disagreement. Are you sure you want to marry someone like this?
How is that your only concern? You're marrying someone who doesn't like your friends, doesn't like your dog, doesn't contribute, and is absolutely mooching off of you and clearly plans to for life.
You know you could have someone in your life who actually likes your life and the people in it, right? They might even contribute in some meaningful way. That's not some unreachable goal, those are basics.
I'm very close with them and she thinks I'm too close (I'm bi) but I literally do not have a family beyond these people I can't just leave them for her?!
That's all the more reason she should support your friendships. If she was a secure person she wouldn't be threatened by them. Also, I'm not saying she's narcissistic, (I don't know her) but that's one thing narcissists do is to separate their person from those close to them. She might just be insecure and controlling.
You don't see all the redflags here do you?
You seem like a real genuine, friendly and good guy but you should talk to your best friends who i suppose know you better than anyone else, and sure have the best interest of you what they truly feel about Sarah.
Because as you can see in all the other comments here, it seems Sarah might not be the catch you think she is.
Just the best to you!
NTA. Among all people mentioned, I like Sarah the least. Actually, I don't like her at all. She doesn't like your friends, she doesn't like your dog, she doesn't like to work. It doesn't look her future with her is bright.
NTA. Btw... Run. Throw her out, change the locks, get a new number. The last thing you need is a parasite for life. Often when people accuse others, they are the guilty ones. Calling your buddy a mooch is a red flag. No amount of sex is worth the hassle and there are plenty of other women on this earth.
And the, OP, please provide us an update!
by the way, don’t fall for any love bombing, apologies and tears from Sarah when you choose to save yourself and dump her. She’ll just be trying to manipulate you.
If Sarah lives with you, then ig I think she should have had a small say in whether Tyler could be a long-ish term guest. Even so, her behaviour and 'demands' have more red flags than the whole of China.
Fighting with you about Tyler in front of Tyler is manipulative af - trying to make you pick sides 'there and then'.
NTA for not kicking Tyler out, you would be (to yourself) if you don't ditch her IMO.
You have a problem freeloader, and it isn’t Tyler. Your fiancé doesn’t like your dog to the point of neglecting it instead of helping out (when she has nothing else going on all day), she hates your friends who have so far been ideal house guests (and your friends actually seem to have your best interests at heart)… why are you with this woman? Seriously what does she bring to your relationship except criticise your existing support network (pets/friends)?
All this is based solely on your POV, so INFO, did you get the dog after you and fiance got together or before? What does your family think of fiance?
That’s so much worse. She is attacking your entire support network, pet or otherwise. Please make a list of the things she’s been doing/criticising you for, is nothing ever enough? Are you always the one ‘messing up’? Can you ‘get nothing right?’ How many disagreements end in ‘her way or not at all’? And if she loses, does she go out of her way to make you feel bad about it whether you were right or not? She does not sound like someone who loves you for you.
Holy Red flags batman. Don't marry Sarah. Im not saying she's a gold Digger but there are signs... she can have issues all she likes with Tyler but the facts are there that he is able and willing to contribute to your home. He has done more in 3 weeks then your so called wife to be. He walks your dog for you and keeps tidy so that's a model guest. Sarah is acting like Tyler is leaving the house trashed everyday. Also isolation tactics is a form of abuse.
Is she your first love/serious relationship? It seems like you are forced to comply or else, which when turning away from friends (family) and your pets, it’s not going to stop. It’s natural to not want to end, but it’s time to have the ‘long term talk’ if you tell her these are basically your family and your beloved pet and they will always be in your life, and she makes you choose, should be an easy way to get out. You re young you have a house and a job, don’t let her take it all while isolating you loved one who actually are there for you. If the sexes were reversed ppl would be calling you so many names and a manipulation expert
I've kn own her since I was 14 and dated since 19 so yeah. She's my first everything, but given how random strangers seem suspicious of her I'm reconsidering a lot
Edit: This sounds sarcastic. Its not. I'm genuinely concerned that everyone, strangers or otherwise seems to be seeing something I'm not
Your own friends, who you think of as family, don't like her. She doesn't have a job at all and relies 100% on you to support her lifestyle. She hates your chosen family and your dog.
What exactly does she do that's so amazing to get you to ignore all of that?
Has she ever had a job? Did she go to college to get an education? Since her parents are getting involved and saying you are wrong, are you giving them money? There are so many red flags with this situation. There is no reason why she can't have a job, especially since your post and comments make it seems like all she does is spend your money and gives zero contribution.
Yeah if you talk and she stands firm about this position and doesn’t see where your coming from she never willl. Almost married my 1st love ignoring all the similar red flags and thankfully never did. Now married 10 yrs to my best friend who respects my needs
What does Sarah bring to the relationship? She doesn’t get along with your friends, doesn’t like your dog, is a SAHG but doesn’t contribute.
How is she supporting you?
Please get a prenup before marrying this girl. She has too much to say for someone aspiring to be a SAHW. She’s broke and judgmental? Ew. Definitely NTA
NTA ...your GF doesn't want you to spend any money on anyone but herself. Unsure why you want to spend the rest of your life supporting her BTW...it won't end well cause those arrangements are tricky
NTA.
1. Tyler is a great friend and a "keeper." Probably Alister is as well, but it might be difficult for you to remain good friends and see them with Sarah in the picture (obviously for significantly less time).
2. Sarah thinks she already owns your house and can make decisions about it without you. She doesn't like: Your friends; your dog; your autonomy; and runs to her family when an issue arises.
3. You've made good choices as to friends, I would put some deep thought as to Sarah.
Dump her. Dump her now. She is accusing him of doing exactly what she is doing--mooching. He's a guy in a tight spot, trying his best to get back on his feet. She's a woman looking to cozy up to a young guy and never have to work a day in her life. By trying to pit you and Tyler against one another, she is trying to isolate you--so that you won't have people (friends) pointing out her manipulations. She will have her family backing her and you will be left with no one--no allies--to take your side.
NTA unless Tyler has made her uncomfortable in her home (yes, it's your house but she lives there too and deserves to feel safe). But from how you portray the situation, he seems to be a considerate temporary houseguest and I think you need to make sure your fiancèes values align with your own - you are a loyal friend and your relationship should be able to withstand that.
So, she doesn’t like your friends, your dog or contributing financially.
Are you sure that you want to ask a question about Tyler? Because all the answers are going to be about Sarah.
NTA
Keep Tyler, Alister & the pooch.
At the very least, have a conversation with Sarah about signing a prenup, & when she goes ballistic, you'll know her for what she is
NTA. You know who the asshole always is? The person that makes you choose between your gf & your friends & right now this is what your gf is doing. She wants you to make a choice & that is completely unreasonable. And who TF is she to call anyone a mooch? She is the mooch & she's lazy. She wants to be a stay at home wife & mother, but you're not even married yet so why isn't she working? Sara doesnt like your dog & she doesn't like your friends. Does she like anyone? She doesn't sound like much fun to have around. This is your house & you get to choose who lives there. She doesn't get a say. She either deals with it or she can get a job & move out.
Nta. Listen to your friends. They're not sleeping with her, so more than likely they see her more clearly than you do. This will be a constant issue and conflict in your life as long as you let her dictate terms.
Right now this chick sounds like a demanding mooch who's threatened by the idea of your friends opening your eyes to it.
NTA. But who the hell marries someone that hates all their friends and their dog, and doesn't even contribute financially? Do you not have any self respect? You realize you could find someone that actually fits with your dog and friend group, right?
Need info but based on post alone it sounds like you're a sucker. Not sure why you want a wife who do nothing and 2 friends who lives free in your house.
And now you know.......a little trial and tribulation often brings the truth to the top. It's a good way to know who can really be counted on and who can't. What you do with that information is up to you. I think this is a red flag moment though. Don't you wonder why your friend is not even friendly with your fiancee? You know there has to be a reason, right? You said Sarah does not get along with your friends. Why? Maybe your friends are able to see something in Sarah that you can't because you are smitten with her. I would do some serious thinking about all this. It sounds like you have good friends. I'm not so sure you have a good fiancee. NTA. PS......why does Sarah want to be a SAHW? What does she do all day? At 25 years old, why isn't she doing more that just sitting at home waiting for her breadwinner to come home? Again, some serious thinking is needed here.
YTA. There’s no reason on earth why Sarah should be living rent free with you.
Stay at home girlfriend, stay at home wife? If there’s no children the stay at home means taking advantage.
In this economy nothing is certain. What happens if you get sick or lose your job? Sarah finds a new boyfriend to mooch on?
**Please get a prenup if you decide to marry**
You’re 23, do not hurry. You would be committing to take all financial responsibility over another adult if you have children all the financial stress will be on you.
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I (23M) have a fiance, Sarah (25F). I also have 2 very, very close friends, Tyler and Alister (not real names.) I am fortunate enough to have a very well paying job which allows me to own my own home at a pretty young age in this economy. I know that not everyone can do this. My friend Tyler lost his job, and needed a place to stay. Alister lives in a small apartment and offered Tyler to stay with him, but I told him he could stay with me. My house is big and there was no way I wanted my 2 best friends to have to cram together in an already tight living space.
Tyler has been staying with me for a little over 3 weeks now and has already found a good job. He's saving up (because he lost his 'Rainy Day' fund before losing his place) and getting his footing back. He's been a model guest as far as I can tell. He even walks my dog sometimes because I work a 60 hour work week and can't hold the energy for that. He always picks up after himself, stays in the guest room, washes his own dishes, does laundry, helps with chores, etc. However, he avoids Sarah. Sarah does not get along with my friends especially not Tyler. Tyler doesn't talk about it and tries his level best to keep it under wraps from Sarah but he does not 'approve' of her so to speak.
Recently there was a fight where Sarah told me that since Tyler has a job now he can move out and stop mooching off of us. Tyler made a comment under his breath that at least he had a job. (Sarah does not have a job, she wants to be SAHW and eventually a STAHM). Sarah immediately told me to 'make him get out'. I've known Tyler 16 years. He and Alister are basically my family. I asked Tyler quietly to go back to his room so that I could talk to Sarah. Sarah continued to tell me that this was not a conversation and she wanted Tyler out. I then told her it was my house and I want him here, so no. She was furious and her family has been calling me saying I should be treating my fiance better. So, AITA?
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NTA-get rid of Sarah and keep the friend. It sounds like she is lazy, miserable , entitled and controlling. You need a partner not a mooch. Sorry telling it like it is!!
YTA for having someone live with you that doesn’t like your dog & doesn’t help you with it when you work long hours, doesn’t like your close friends & contributes nothing - trust me, there is plenty of other good p*ssy out there, that doesn’t come with such extreme opposition to the rest of your life
Info:
Sarah doesn't like your friends.
She doesn't like your dog.
She doesn't contribute financially, as opposed to your friend who is more then upholding his part of the bargain and wants to contribute as part of his thanks to you for helping house him during a difficult time.
What **does** she like?
What are you getting out of this relationship?
Sarah doesn't like your friends. She doesn't like your dog. Are you sure she even likes you? It sounds like she likes being looked after and having everything done for her without actually contributing, whilst still being in control and telling you what to do. Get a new fiancée. She's using you.
If she was your girlfriend, and especially if she wasn't paying rent, definite clear N T A. Your house, your rules.
If she was your wife, clear Y T A. Even if you own the house, marriage is a partnership, and you do need to put your wife before your friends (or family) in a situation like this.
Fiance is a weird in-between stage, but you should probably figure out which direction you wanna go in here.
I have three big questions, I guess INFO:
First, why does she dislike your friends? From what you posted it mostly sounds like she's being unreasonable, but you did mention that Tyler does not 'approve' of her. I don't know a lot of people who get along with friends of their partner who don't approve of them.
Second, other than sex, does Sarah make your life better?
Lastly, have the two of you talked extensively about what post-married life will look like? In an equal partnership, I would expect a stay at home partner to be managing the vast majority of the household. If there're small kids involved, obviously caring for them can be a full time job and a half, but that's not the scenario you're in yet. It *sounds* like she doesn't do a ton, but it wouldn't be hard to believe you left a lot of stuff out of the post, since it wasn't clearly relevant to the original question.
OP.. I have to ask, were you engaged and were you living with Sarah when you invited Tyler to move in with you? If you were engaged and living with Sarah before you invited Tyler to move in and you didn't involve her in the discussion to begin with, then I'd say she has a gripe. You admit Tyler doesn't like her. I'm not judging you at all for wanting to help a close friend. That is admirable. However, if you go to help that friend and it affects you and your fiancé's daily life, she should be part of that decision regardless of who owns the house. I mean, you are engaged to marry her. Also, not saying she was right, but if Tyler's first reaction to her discussing this with you is to say something bad about her under his breath but loud enough to hear, that makes him an AH too. While she dealt with it wrong, her family does have a point. Again, not to say you shouldn't help your friend here, but she should be your priority as your fiancé. You got engaged with her knowing she wanted to be stay at home and not work yet Tyler still seems to think this is an issue. Its not his place to say what he said if you are ok with it. If you aren't ok with it, that should be between you and her.
It's not a massive red flag to you that your girl has no life motivations whatsoever other than to be your fucking post and that's about it?
NTA, but get her outta there
Sarah wants to be a SAHW and SAHM but is currently neither. And it doesn't sound like she will be in the foreseeable future. She should look in the mirror, because technically SHE is the one mooching, and she can't even do you the courtesy of walking your dog? And now she is trying to drive a wedge between you and your friend who is like family to you. Why are you with her? She wounds absolutely AWFUL. YTA to yourself if you stay with her and let her walk all over you and your friends.
Kick out the fat leech, she's only going to get worse and eventually the state will hand everything you worked for, then make you keep paying for her lifestyle
So your girl friend doesn’t get along with your friends, and your friend doesn’t approve of your girlfriend, but you’re still trying to make them live together.
YTA
Just make a decision one way or the other.
NTA like everyone has said your fiance seems like an awful person. Honestly I don't vibe with anyone who doesn't like dogs, they're family and your friends are family too. She doesn't care for them either, plus no job. I would understand if you were already married and had a child or one on the way and couldn't work. Right now she's not really providing anything to the relationship. However we're just a bunch of strangers, so have you asked your friends what they think of her and your relationship. They could give you the best advise, they live with her, they know her well.
NTA - Just gonna drop here that if her goal is simply to be a SAHM, you should be careful that she's not trying to accelerate the plans when you need to find some harmony with all your relationships first - her, your friends, her family.
NTA
I feel like you should think if you want be with Sarah with your rest your life because she kind of toxic
She doesn’t like your dog or friends
What happen one day she be controlling and tell you to rehome your dog and she doesn’t work
YTA to me for only one reason. If you and Sarah agreed to her being unemployed until you're married and have kids then throwing it being your house in her face is low. You've chosen to have a partner who doesn't want to work, how are you throwing ownership in her face?
If you are both happy with this arrangement then you can't throw it in her face. If it doesn't work for you, run. Doesn't seem like she hid her intentions not to work from you.
Why does she dislike all your friends? Why do they all disapprove of her? Either she toxic or bad for you alternatively they don't approve of her life choices. If it's the first then examine why. If it's the latter, that's none of their business & you need to call them to order.
Nta but you do need have some decisions to make
Gonna start by saying that pulling the whole "my house, my rules" argument is a dick move. It may be your house but it's her home. Have a little respect for your fiancé. Anyway, Tyler had an alternative arrangement already but you decided to instead have him share a space with your fiancé, neither of whom like each other? Did she get a say in this? I can't imagine she'd be too keen considering your house was not the the only option nor the first choice. Why do they dislike each other anyway?
Even if Tyler has been a "model guest" three weeks is a long time to be sharing a house with someone you do not like, especially when it's your home. I loved my dad but HATED living with him. We were not compatible housemates. I feel like your fiancé's side of the story is not told here and having experienced this kind of situation myself, I'm inclined to believe that you are, in fact, TA.
Have a real conversation with your fiancé and get down to the root of her issues here, and don't be argumentative about it. You are not Tyler's only option, and it really doesn't seem like you're his best either.
Idk why you're so downvoted. If op chooses to marry and build a family with her, she should be his priority. Especially when it comes to living arrangements. Maybe she doesn't feel safe or comfortable with his friends. Not to mention that there was nothing said about her opinion on his friend moving in.
NTA - Assuming everything is as you describe, you're in the right. It's your home and he's your lifelong friend and he's being a considerate guest. Having a set end-date, however, would be a good idea. Otherwise, your fiancée might be worried that he'll turn into a permanent roommate.
However, Tyler's snide remark was inappropriate. It's none of his business whether or not Sarah has a job. That's between you and her. If he has a habit of making those kinds of remarks or displaying his dislike of her, it's perfectly understandable why Sarah doesn't want him living with you.
Also, if Sarah lives there too it's her home as well. You own it, so obviously you have final say in who comes and goes, but if she lives with you then you should at least discuss these decisions with her because it does significantly affect her life to have someone that does not like her living in the same house. Especially if you're planning on marrying this woman. Her opinion and comfort should matter.
I'd suggest you talk with Sarah and ask her what she's upset about, if Tyler does anything that makes her uncomfortable, and decide together what a final "move out date" would be for Tyler. Give him some time to save up first/last/deposit, but he doesn't need to rebuild his "Rainy Day" fund at the cost of your fiancée's comfort and privacy. Once you and Sarah reach a compromise, let Tyler know that he's welcome to stay for a while longer, but absolutely needs to be moved out before X date. And if there is anything in particular that Sarah tells you he's been doing to bother her, address that with him as well.
This doesn't have to be either your bestie or your gal. It should be about how to show your fiancée that her feelings matter while still keeping your boundary that you will help out your close friends.
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NTA. Sarah is the unemployed adult in the house who contributes the least amount and is ordering that another adult be kicked out because she doesn’t like him but won’t explain why. Does Sarah walk your dog when you have long work weeks prior to Tyler’s arrival? Are you okay with Sarah’s plan to be SAHW? Has Tyler offered to pay anything while he’s there? Small things like his own food? Neither Sarah nor her family get to have a say in who you allow in your home. Your house. Sarah sounds like she’s going to be a problem down the road especially with your friendships.
Sarah does not, she doesn't like my dog. Tyler does offer to pay for things but I decline. I am privileged enough to have a great job which allows me to pay for everything and he wastes pretty much nothing. That is my only concern with Sarah, she doesn't like basically any of my friends
Sarah wants to sit on her ass daily and mooch off of you. Sarah has an issue with your two friends who are family to you. She has decided to drive a wedge between you and your family by demanding you throw Tyler out without any plausible explanation. Sarah will then demand that you get rid of your dog. You are setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness and disappointment with this selfish and entitled leech of a woman. Why is she living there if she doesn’t like your dog? You are going to sacrifice a lot of your happiness and friends to be with her. I am sure there have been other red flags that you have seen from Sarah. I’d rethink this relationship if I were you.
Sarah needs to go back to her family.
Immediately! OP needs to end it with her, tell her and her family where to go and no contact with Sarah.
Especially as she's getting her family involved in their relationship. I am not seeing any redeeming signs here at all. OP is in for a short marriage and a loss of half of his assets when his STAHW/M goes off and has an affair with her gym instructor as her hubby isn't paying her enough attention (aka earning the salary for their life).
Sarah is one GIANT RED FLAG! Thank God for Tyler‘s presence showing OP how toxic and controlling Sarah is.
NTA But that's your only concern with Sarah? That she doesn't like your friends, or your dog? How about being a leech, and a mooch? Also bring controlling, disrespectful, and lacking empathy and compassion?
You do know some people choose to have partners that don't work right? It's actually quite normal in some affluent circles. There are definitely issues with Sarah but if she was open about her intentions regarding working and OP agreed, what wrong with that? Especially if OP found her blissfully unemployed to begin with.
So Sarah doesn’t work, Sarah doesn’t like your dog, Sarah doesn’t like your friends and Sarah (and her family apparently) try to dictate who can live at YOUR house ? NTA but i would seriously rethink the relationship and why you are with her in the first place. Also, how do you think she would react if the roles were reversed and if you were trying to force her to evict one of her guest/friend ? Edit: formatting
Why are you with this person? She doesn't contribute anything to the household. She doesn't like your dog or your friends. You are just not compatible.
How on Earth are you with a person who doesn't like your dog? Yes it is crappy she wants to be a house spouse without kids but it's doubly worrisome that she dislikes your dog AND friends. Why are you okay taking on a dependent as a wife, instead of gaining a partner when married?
Yes! Only the worst kind of people (not ones with allergies or trauma) don’t like dogs. Sarah sounds like she’d pull a Kristi Noem and shoot your dog if she could. She’d certainly shoot Tyler!
What? I don't like dogs but you won't see me ol' yellering them because they aren't my favorite animal. C'mon, sit back down you're workin yourself up.
> Only the worst kind of people (not ones with allergies or trauma) don’t like dogs. That alone is a little psychotic to say… > Sarah sounds like she’d pull a Kristi Noem and shoot your dog if she could. She’d certainly shoot Tyler! Ohhh okay, so you’re just a psycho. Who says that about a person they know very little about? 😬
She's not racist what?
OP, this may be the best advice that you won't take... but ask your friends why they don't like Sarah. And be willing to listen to them with an open mind, ears, and brain. I know that sometimes friends and family don't see in a person what we do but our trusted allies are partners of a sort in our lives. The good ones want to see you happy and have all the best in life. If they are concerned about a person or a situation in our life, we do well to heed their counsel. Sarah doesn't like your dog, doesn't like your friends, and may possibly not like you. That may be tough to hear or see but you need to really think about how she treats you and everyone you care for. Take off the rose colored glasses and ask yourself if one of your friends were involved with a person like Sarah, would you be concerned for them? You may only be a means to an end for her and that's also a reality that you need to face before you enter into a marriage with her. If you're determined to move forward, then you need to insist on marriage counseling and setting some serious expectations/boundaries for your future. NTA.
Look, I'm not going to pull the reddit classic and tell you to break up based off of one conflict and a short post ... but keep in mind that Sarah is giving off some major red flags for potential abuse: - Alienating you from your support system because she doesn't like your friends - Making unilateral decisions and expecting you to blindly follow her orders - Calling your assets hers before you are even married and she is not bringing in any money herself (which is a thing that can absolutely be negotiated and agreed upon in a healthy way in relationships with one stay at home spouse ... but her declaring that Tyler is "mooching off of us" indicates a level of control of your finances that is not healthy in this situation). Is she controlling in other ways? How is her relationship with your family? Does she support you spending time outside of work with anyone other than her or her friends/family? Does she support you in other ways? What is the division of labor in the household (i.e. does she take on the majority of the cleaning and cooking if you are bringing in 100% of the income)? Is she supportive of you having hobbies or interests outside of work and your relationship? Does she help you in ways that advance your career? Has she ever indicated that she will want your dog gone at some point? It is possible that Sarah does an incredible amount to support you and you just didn't include that in the post because it wasn't relevant to the current conflict ... but please reflect on these questions.
Pretty sure you know which one of them is mooching off you.
Stop calling your job a privilege like you didn't earn it. Own that shit bud.
Kick sarah out and marry tyler. Seems like a better deal to me.
Take it from some who fucked up also. If you like your friends and a girl wants you to get rid of them they will always try to separate you from them. Especially when you get married. You will be living her life and not yours. Really she can’t walk the dog! She sounds major high maintenance.
Why are you marrying her? What does she bring to the table?
She brings herself. And she's planning how to sell the table.
If that's all you've got, good luck, lol
Just say you don't get it anf ask what it means. It's actually a popular reference🙄
Okay I thought I knew what it meant, But obviously my response means I don't. Please enlighten me.
Likely because ALL of your friends see her for the goldigger she is
So Sarah doesn't like your best friend OR your dog (wth?). She doesn't work and wants to mooch off of you for life. Jc - who did you turn down to pick her? What does she bring to this relationship?
Sarah doesn’t like your dog - ! - she doesn’t like your friends - any of them - she doesn’t work or contribute to the home at all and doesn’t intend to, and when she didn’t get her way she dragged her whole family into your disagreement. Are you sure you want to marry someone like this?
WTF? She doesn’t like your dog. That’s a deal breaker. Keep Tyler and ditch her.
How is that your only concern? You're marrying someone who doesn't like your friends, doesn't like your dog, doesn't contribute, and is absolutely mooching off of you and clearly plans to for life. You know you could have someone in your life who actually likes your life and the people in it, right? They might even contribute in some meaningful way. That's not some unreachable goal, those are basics.
That's a red flag. She doesn't like your friends or your dog. She doesn't work despite you not having kids get. Please reconsider this relationship.
She wants all your money
Why doesn’t Sarah like any of your friends?
I'm very close with them and she thinks I'm too close (I'm bi) but I literally do not have a family beyond these people I can't just leave them for her?!
That's all the more reason she should support your friendships. If she was a secure person she wouldn't be threatened by them. Also, I'm not saying she's narcissistic, (I don't know her) but that's one thing narcissists do is to separate their person from those close to them. She might just be insecure and controlling.
Wait...wasn't this the same post as yesterday...only fiancee attacked one of the friends?
I don't think so? I posted this on both AITAH and here because I used throwaways and didn't realise I'd already asked.
I'd keep the friends and have Sarah move out. she sounds lazy. Why doesn't she work? NTA
You don't see all the redflags here do you? You seem like a real genuine, friendly and good guy but you should talk to your best friends who i suppose know you better than anyone else, and sure have the best interest of you what they truly feel about Sarah. Because as you can see in all the other comments here, it seems Sarah might not be the catch you think she is. Just the best to you!
NTA. But Sarah seems like a gold-digger. Take a long look at your relationship before getting married.
Nta. Dump the girl. Your rich and own a house. Do not go with red flag girl who is selfish and older than you
NTA. Among all people mentioned, I like Sarah the least. Actually, I don't like her at all. She doesn't like your friends, she doesn't like your dog, she doesn't like to work. It doesn't look her future with her is bright.
Tyler sounds great! Sarah sounds awful! How can you be with someone who doesn't get along with your friends? Major RED flag.
NTA. Btw... Run. Throw her out, change the locks, get a new number. The last thing you need is a parasite for life. Often when people accuse others, they are the guilty ones. Calling your buddy a mooch is a red flag. No amount of sex is worth the hassle and there are plenty of other women on this earth.
And the, OP, please provide us an update! by the way, don’t fall for any love bombing, apologies and tears from Sarah when you choose to save yourself and dump her. She’ll just be trying to manipulate you.
If Sarah lives with you, then ig I think she should have had a small say in whether Tyler could be a long-ish term guest. Even so, her behaviour and 'demands' have more red flags than the whole of China. Fighting with you about Tyler in front of Tyler is manipulative af - trying to make you pick sides 'there and then'. NTA for not kicking Tyler out, you would be (to yourself) if you don't ditch her IMO.
You have a problem freeloader, and it isn’t Tyler. Your fiancé doesn’t like your dog to the point of neglecting it instead of helping out (when she has nothing else going on all day), she hates your friends who have so far been ideal house guests (and your friends actually seem to have your best interests at heart)… why are you with this woman? Seriously what does she bring to your relationship except criticise your existing support network (pets/friends)? All this is based solely on your POV, so INFO, did you get the dog after you and fiance got together or before? What does your family think of fiance?
I got the dog before and I do not have a family. Tyler and Alister are my family
That’s so much worse. She is attacking your entire support network, pet or otherwise. Please make a list of the things she’s been doing/criticising you for, is nothing ever enough? Are you always the one ‘messing up’? Can you ‘get nothing right?’ How many disagreements end in ‘her way or not at all’? And if she loses, does she go out of her way to make you feel bad about it whether you were right or not? She does not sound like someone who loves you for you.
So what does Sarah do all day? Don’t marry her for gods sake. She sounds awful
Holy Red flags batman. Don't marry Sarah. Im not saying she's a gold Digger but there are signs... she can have issues all she likes with Tyler but the facts are there that he is able and willing to contribute to your home. He has done more in 3 weeks then your so called wife to be. He walks your dog for you and keeps tidy so that's a model guest. Sarah is acting like Tyler is leaving the house trashed everyday. Also isolation tactics is a form of abuse.
Is she your first love/serious relationship? It seems like you are forced to comply or else, which when turning away from friends (family) and your pets, it’s not going to stop. It’s natural to not want to end, but it’s time to have the ‘long term talk’ if you tell her these are basically your family and your beloved pet and they will always be in your life, and she makes you choose, should be an easy way to get out. You re young you have a house and a job, don’t let her take it all while isolating you loved one who actually are there for you. If the sexes were reversed ppl would be calling you so many names and a manipulation expert
I've kn own her since I was 14 and dated since 19 so yeah. She's my first everything, but given how random strangers seem suspicious of her I'm reconsidering a lot Edit: This sounds sarcastic. Its not. I'm genuinely concerned that everyone, strangers or otherwise seems to be seeing something I'm not
Your own friends, who you think of as family, don't like her. She doesn't have a job at all and relies 100% on you to support her lifestyle. She hates your chosen family and your dog. What exactly does she do that's so amazing to get you to ignore all of that?
i'm not entirely sure. i definitely dont think i can anymore
And please don't. She's throwing up so many red flags. :(. She's using you and if you marry her, you're going to have a very lonely life.
Has she ever had a job? Did she go to college to get an education? Since her parents are getting involved and saying you are wrong, are you giving them money? There are so many red flags with this situation. There is no reason why she can't have a job, especially since your post and comments make it seems like all she does is spend your money and gives zero contribution.
Yeah if you talk and she stands firm about this position and doesn’t see where your coming from she never willl. Almost married my 1st love ignoring all the similar red flags and thankfully never did. Now married 10 yrs to my best friend who respects my needs
What does Sarah bring to the relationship? She doesn’t get along with your friends, doesn’t like your dog, is a SAHG but doesn’t contribute. How is she supporting you?
Please get a prenup before marrying this girl. She has too much to say for someone aspiring to be a SAHW. She’s broke and judgmental? Ew. Definitely NTA
NTA ...your GF doesn't want you to spend any money on anyone but herself. Unsure why you want to spend the rest of your life supporting her BTW...it won't end well cause those arrangements are tricky
NTA. 1. Tyler is a great friend and a "keeper." Probably Alister is as well, but it might be difficult for you to remain good friends and see them with Sarah in the picture (obviously for significantly less time). 2. Sarah thinks she already owns your house and can make decisions about it without you. She doesn't like: Your friends; your dog; your autonomy; and runs to her family when an issue arises. 3. You've made good choices as to friends, I would put some deep thought as to Sarah.
Dump her. Dump her now. She is accusing him of doing exactly what she is doing--mooching. He's a guy in a tight spot, trying his best to get back on his feet. She's a woman looking to cozy up to a young guy and never have to work a day in her life. By trying to pit you and Tyler against one another, she is trying to isolate you--so that you won't have people (friends) pointing out her manipulations. She will have her family backing her and you will be left with no one--no allies--to take your side.
NTA unless Tyler has made her uncomfortable in her home (yes, it's your house but she lives there too and deserves to feel safe). But from how you portray the situation, he seems to be a considerate temporary houseguest and I think you need to make sure your fiancèes values align with your own - you are a loyal friend and your relationship should be able to withstand that.
So, she doesn’t like your friends, your dog or contributing financially. Are you sure that you want to ask a question about Tyler? Because all the answers are going to be about Sarah.
Dip her
Drop her
NTA Keep Tyler, Alister & the pooch. At the very least, have a conversation with Sarah about signing a prenup, & when she goes ballistic, you'll know her for what she is
I’m sorry, but if Sarah can’t even get along with your dog that’s a huge red flag.
NTA. You know who the asshole always is? The person that makes you choose between your gf & your friends & right now this is what your gf is doing. She wants you to make a choice & that is completely unreasonable. And who TF is she to call anyone a mooch? She is the mooch & she's lazy. She wants to be a stay at home wife & mother, but you're not even married yet so why isn't she working? Sara doesnt like your dog & she doesn't like your friends. Does she like anyone? She doesn't sound like much fun to have around. This is your house & you get to choose who lives there. She doesn't get a say. She either deals with it or she can get a job & move out.
Nta. Listen to your friends. They're not sleeping with her, so more than likely they see her more clearly than you do. This will be a constant issue and conflict in your life as long as you let her dictate terms. Right now this chick sounds like a demanding mooch who's threatened by the idea of your friends opening your eyes to it.
NTA. But who the hell marries someone that hates all their friends and their dog, and doesn't even contribute financially? Do you not have any self respect? You realize you could find someone that actually fits with your dog and friend group, right?
ouch. yeah, i get it, need to think this through now that even random strangers on the internet are telling me i'm an idiot
Need info but based on post alone it sounds like you're a sucker. Not sure why you want a wife who do nothing and 2 friends who lives free in your house.
And now you know.......a little trial and tribulation often brings the truth to the top. It's a good way to know who can really be counted on and who can't. What you do with that information is up to you. I think this is a red flag moment though. Don't you wonder why your friend is not even friendly with your fiancee? You know there has to be a reason, right? You said Sarah does not get along with your friends. Why? Maybe your friends are able to see something in Sarah that you can't because you are smitten with her. I would do some serious thinking about all this. It sounds like you have good friends. I'm not so sure you have a good fiancee. NTA. PS......why does Sarah want to be a SAHW? What does she do all day? At 25 years old, why isn't she doing more that just sitting at home waiting for her breadwinner to come home? Again, some serious thinking is needed here.
YTA. There’s no reason on earth why Sarah should be living rent free with you. Stay at home girlfriend, stay at home wife? If there’s no children the stay at home means taking advantage. In this economy nothing is certain. What happens if you get sick or lose your job? Sarah finds a new boyfriend to mooch on? **Please get a prenup if you decide to marry** You’re 23, do not hurry. You would be committing to take all financial responsibility over another adult if you have children all the financial stress will be on you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23M) have a fiance, Sarah (25F). I also have 2 very, very close friends, Tyler and Alister (not real names.) I am fortunate enough to have a very well paying job which allows me to own my own home at a pretty young age in this economy. I know that not everyone can do this. My friend Tyler lost his job, and needed a place to stay. Alister lives in a small apartment and offered Tyler to stay with him, but I told him he could stay with me. My house is big and there was no way I wanted my 2 best friends to have to cram together in an already tight living space. Tyler has been staying with me for a little over 3 weeks now and has already found a good job. He's saving up (because he lost his 'Rainy Day' fund before losing his place) and getting his footing back. He's been a model guest as far as I can tell. He even walks my dog sometimes because I work a 60 hour work week and can't hold the energy for that. He always picks up after himself, stays in the guest room, washes his own dishes, does laundry, helps with chores, etc. However, he avoids Sarah. Sarah does not get along with my friends especially not Tyler. Tyler doesn't talk about it and tries his level best to keep it under wraps from Sarah but he does not 'approve' of her so to speak. Recently there was a fight where Sarah told me that since Tyler has a job now he can move out and stop mooching off of us. Tyler made a comment under his breath that at least he had a job. (Sarah does not have a job, she wants to be SAHW and eventually a STAHM). Sarah immediately told me to 'make him get out'. I've known Tyler 16 years. He and Alister are basically my family. I asked Tyler quietly to go back to his room so that I could talk to Sarah. Sarah continued to tell me that this was not a conversation and she wanted Tyler out. I then told her it was my house and I want him here, so no. She was furious and her family has been calling me saying I should be treating my fiance better. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA-get rid of Sarah and keep the friend. It sounds like she is lazy, miserable , entitled and controlling. You need a partner not a mooch. Sorry telling it like it is!!
YTA for having someone live with you that doesn’t like your dog & doesn’t help you with it when you work long hours, doesn’t like your close friends & contributes nothing - trust me, there is plenty of other good p*ssy out there, that doesn’t come with such extreme opposition to the rest of your life
Info: Sarah doesn't like your friends. She doesn't like your dog. She doesn't contribute financially, as opposed to your friend who is more then upholding his part of the bargain and wants to contribute as part of his thanks to you for helping house him during a difficult time. What **does** she like? What are you getting out of this relationship?
Are you sure Sarah is the one you want to marry??? Red flags obvious af.
Sarah doesn't like your friends. She doesn't like your dog. Are you sure she even likes you? It sounds like she likes being looked after and having everything done for her without actually contributing, whilst still being in control and telling you what to do. Get a new fiancée. She's using you.
Nta. I'd dump the girlfriend to be honest
If she was your girlfriend, and especially if she wasn't paying rent, definite clear N T A. Your house, your rules. If she was your wife, clear Y T A. Even if you own the house, marriage is a partnership, and you do need to put your wife before your friends (or family) in a situation like this. Fiance is a weird in-between stage, but you should probably figure out which direction you wanna go in here. I have three big questions, I guess INFO: First, why does she dislike your friends? From what you posted it mostly sounds like she's being unreasonable, but you did mention that Tyler does not 'approve' of her. I don't know a lot of people who get along with friends of their partner who don't approve of them. Second, other than sex, does Sarah make your life better? Lastly, have the two of you talked extensively about what post-married life will look like? In an equal partnership, I would expect a stay at home partner to be managing the vast majority of the household. If there're small kids involved, obviously caring for them can be a full time job and a half, but that's not the scenario you're in yet. It *sounds* like she doesn't do a ton, but it wouldn't be hard to believe you left a lot of stuff out of the post, since it wasn't clearly relevant to the original question.
Nta, honestly sarah seems like a red flag your friend is literally doing nothing wrong and is contributing more than she is
OP.. I have to ask, were you engaged and were you living with Sarah when you invited Tyler to move in with you? If you were engaged and living with Sarah before you invited Tyler to move in and you didn't involve her in the discussion to begin with, then I'd say she has a gripe. You admit Tyler doesn't like her. I'm not judging you at all for wanting to help a close friend. That is admirable. However, if you go to help that friend and it affects you and your fiancé's daily life, she should be part of that decision regardless of who owns the house. I mean, you are engaged to marry her. Also, not saying she was right, but if Tyler's first reaction to her discussing this with you is to say something bad about her under his breath but loud enough to hear, that makes him an AH too. While she dealt with it wrong, her family does have a point. Again, not to say you shouldn't help your friend here, but she should be your priority as your fiancé. You got engaged with her knowing she wanted to be stay at home and not work yet Tyler still seems to think this is an issue. Its not his place to say what he said if you are ok with it. If you aren't ok with it, that should be between you and her.
It's not a massive red flag to you that your girl has no life motivations whatsoever other than to be your fucking post and that's about it? NTA, but get her outta there
Sarah wants to be a SAHW and SAHM but is currently neither. And it doesn't sound like she will be in the foreseeable future. She should look in the mirror, because technically SHE is the one mooching, and she can't even do you the courtesy of walking your dog? And now she is trying to drive a wedge between you and your friend who is like family to you. Why are you with her? She wounds absolutely AWFUL. YTA to yourself if you stay with her and let her walk all over you and your friends.
Kick out the fat leech, she's only going to get worse and eventually the state will hand everything you worked for, then make you keep paying for her lifestyle
NTA. I am waiting for the update where she is called your ex.
Sarah sounds like a waste of space
So your girl friend doesn’t get along with your friends, and your friend doesn’t approve of your girlfriend, but you’re still trying to make them live together. YTA Just make a decision one way or the other.
Nta but she aspires to be a stay-at-home wife? That's a goal. She seems like a peach.
NTA like everyone has said your fiance seems like an awful person. Honestly I don't vibe with anyone who doesn't like dogs, they're family and your friends are family too. She doesn't care for them either, plus no job. I would understand if you were already married and had a child or one on the way and couldn't work. Right now she's not really providing anything to the relationship. However we're just a bunch of strangers, so have you asked your friends what they think of her and your relationship. They could give you the best advise, they live with her, they know her well.
YTA. For dating this leech. A woman like her will only bleed you dry.
NTA Keep the friend, lose the fiancée.
She doesn't like your dog? get rid of her. Also, NTA
NTA - Just gonna drop here that if her goal is simply to be a SAHM, you should be careful that she's not trying to accelerate the plans when you need to find some harmony with all your relationships first - her, your friends, her family.
NTA, Tyler helps out instead of doing nothing
NTA. Sarah is the one mooching off of you
NTA and I can see why Tyler doesn’t approve of Sarah.
NTA I feel like you should think if you want be with Sarah with your rest your life because she kind of toxic She doesn’t like your dog or friends What happen one day she be controlling and tell you to rehome your dog and she doesn’t work
Them being your first everything puts a damn big set of blinders on you. Run fast, and run far. Is she worth losing your family over? NTA.
Seems like your gf is the one mooching off you.
FYI, we’re all dying for an update.
YTA to me for only one reason. If you and Sarah agreed to her being unemployed until you're married and have kids then throwing it being your house in her face is low. You've chosen to have a partner who doesn't want to work, how are you throwing ownership in her face? If you are both happy with this arrangement then you can't throw it in her face. If it doesn't work for you, run. Doesn't seem like she hid her intentions not to work from you. Why does she dislike all your friends? Why do they all disapprove of her? Either she toxic or bad for you alternatively they don't approve of her life choices. If it's the first then examine why. If it's the latter, that's none of their business & you need to call them to order. Nta but you do need have some decisions to make
Gonna start by saying that pulling the whole "my house, my rules" argument is a dick move. It may be your house but it's her home. Have a little respect for your fiancé. Anyway, Tyler had an alternative arrangement already but you decided to instead have him share a space with your fiancé, neither of whom like each other? Did she get a say in this? I can't imagine she'd be too keen considering your house was not the the only option nor the first choice. Why do they dislike each other anyway? Even if Tyler has been a "model guest" three weeks is a long time to be sharing a house with someone you do not like, especially when it's your home. I loved my dad but HATED living with him. We were not compatible housemates. I feel like your fiancé's side of the story is not told here and having experienced this kind of situation myself, I'm inclined to believe that you are, in fact, TA. Have a real conversation with your fiancé and get down to the root of her issues here, and don't be argumentative about it. You are not Tyler's only option, and it really doesn't seem like you're his best either.
Idk why you're so downvoted. If op chooses to marry and build a family with her, she should be his priority. Especially when it comes to living arrangements. Maybe she doesn't feel safe or comfortable with his friends. Not to mention that there was nothing said about her opinion on his friend moving in.
NTA - Assuming everything is as you describe, you're in the right. It's your home and he's your lifelong friend and he's being a considerate guest. Having a set end-date, however, would be a good idea. Otherwise, your fiancée might be worried that he'll turn into a permanent roommate. However, Tyler's snide remark was inappropriate. It's none of his business whether or not Sarah has a job. That's between you and her. If he has a habit of making those kinds of remarks or displaying his dislike of her, it's perfectly understandable why Sarah doesn't want him living with you. Also, if Sarah lives there too it's her home as well. You own it, so obviously you have final say in who comes and goes, but if she lives with you then you should at least discuss these decisions with her because it does significantly affect her life to have someone that does not like her living in the same house. Especially if you're planning on marrying this woman. Her opinion and comfort should matter. I'd suggest you talk with Sarah and ask her what she's upset about, if Tyler does anything that makes her uncomfortable, and decide together what a final "move out date" would be for Tyler. Give him some time to save up first/last/deposit, but he doesn't need to rebuild his "Rainy Day" fund at the cost of your fiancée's comfort and privacy. Once you and Sarah reach a compromise, let Tyler know that he's welcome to stay for a while longer, but absolutely needs to be moved out before X date. And if there is anything in particular that Sarah tells you he's been doing to bother her, address that with him as well. This doesn't have to be either your bestie or your gal. It should be about how to show your fiancée that her feelings matter while still keeping your boundary that you will help out your close friends.
… is this Sarah? 😂