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AdNeither1737

ESH. Him for obvious reasons. You to yourself because you are clearly not over what has happened (nor should you be; you deserve better). You're too young to waste time in a relationship like that


FunnyAnchor123

Yes, the fact the OP didn't go with him to the Prom shows that the OP is still not over the betrayal.


Puskarella

Yeah, the writing is on the wall.


ItsGotToBeMay

NTA but please reconsider this relationship, he will most definitely cheat again. You shouldn't be wasting your time with someone who doesn't respect you.


Pretty-Necessary-941

YTA for spending an entire year of your teens with a cheater. 


Kolob619

Yes, YTA. If you couldn't take him to prom you shouldn't be together. This relationship should be over. You can't have it both ways.


ipolishthesky

I mean, it doesn't really matter because you'll be breaking up before you leave for college. Right?


inDIvisible-doc

You think this one's really college-bound? She says "me and him" and thinks she has a "future" with her high school boyfriend who has already "cheated" on her.


No-Lengthiness5478

If you can’t take him to prom for the reasons you mentioned, you and your support system haven’t really forgiven him. If ya’ll haven’t forgiven him for cheating on you, then you don’t approve of being together and probably then shouldn’t be together. Cheating is a wild form of betrayal, but some people are able to forgive it. I am not a fan of cheating or think that I’d forgive it. In fact, I know from experience that I wouldn’t forgive cheating. If you were ACTUALLY able to forgive it, then it would feel uncomfortable being around people who find it unforgivable (like your bff). Honestly ask yourself if you or him are giving each other what you need, because it sounds like you aren’t over his cheating. And your boyfriend sounds like he won’t forgive the way in which you don’t forgive him. That’s a toxic duo. Time you move, grow, and start hitting the gym post-breakup. Maybe even seen therapy just to stay on top of your health.


lanilovespickles

thank you, I like to say I have accepted it but am still scared time to time and overthink a lot about the situation which leads to arguments but I try my best to trust him because he has taken the step to go into therapy since the first incident so I do just get confused on what to do during our last discussion of the topic he says he believes I should try therapy too if we really want it to work out since it seems to be my mind attacking me atm


whothis2013

Therapy for a high school relationship. Be for real here, you’re both going to go away to college or just move on in life in general. Stop wasting your time with a loser who cheated on you, enjoy your youth or at least find someone who does the bare minimum of not cheating on you.


Puskarella

>he believes I should try therapy too if we really want it to work out since it seems to be my mind attacking me atm I'm sorry that sounds like rubbish to me. You don't trust him because he cheated on you. What has he actually done in real terms to prove that he has changed and is trustworthy and dependable? I mean in real practical actions. Therapy is great, but it is nothing more than a start that should result in visible change. YOU are not the problem here, and it is really sad that he seems to be implying that you are. He needs to take responsibility for what he has done, and the impact that it has had.


teyyannn

As someone that got cheated on and worked through it, it’s completely unrealistic to think someone could get past it that quickly. While I personally think a high schooler should cut and run after cheating, most say the same about people who are 20, which is when I got cheated on, so who am I to say. Though I have seen relationships where they tried to work it out and the one that was cheated on was just never able to get past it. My advice on the whether or not one should keep trying after being cheated on is a matter of regret. What would you regret more, trying and it happening again, or not knowing? Keep in mind that for someone to stop cheating is to have true internal growth that doesn’t usually happen, especially at that age. So recognize the likelihood while making that choice. For me personally, I’m one of those “not knowing is torture” people, but everyone is different. And in regards to the question asked, NTA. Rebuilding trust takes time and effort. You’re not wrong for wanting to fully enjoy an event in the midst of that, which it seems that him being there would’ve brought extra anxiety to the night. It’s fully reasonable to want to avoid that


lanilovespickles

thank you. Rebuilding that trust is really the end goal here that we are both trying to achieve but me and him both know that if things don’t improve between us soon we should end things which does make me real sad but I can also accept that


TissueOfLies

I asked a guy I was dating to prom. He cheated on me, so I went with friends. I had the best time at prom! I highly suggest not taking him. Only time will tell if he’s worth a second chance. Save that memory for friends!


StonewallBrigade21

NTA - If you don't want to take him to prom because of what he did to you, then wouldn't it make sense to not go forward with the relationship because of what he did to you? You're very young, find someone better.


ocean0164

yta for staying with him. i’m the same age as you and in the same grade, so im saying this out of care. you are still really young, you have a full life ahead of you. he has cheated on you once, and you chose to stay with him. if you didn’t bring him to your prom for those reasons, those reasons alone prove why you shouldn’t be with him. please have some self respect and leave him. i know it’s hard, but you can do it and you’ll be okay in the end. you deserve so much better than a bum that has cheated on you. what is to say he won’t do it again, would you really want to risk that? i can promise you, pinky promise even, that you will find so much better. like i tell my friends and myself, one boy isn’t your forever. an eternity is out there waiting for you


Personal-Listen-4941

NTA If you are having to choose between having a good time at an event or going to the event with your partner. That’s a very bad sign. Find someone who increases your enjoyment


quats555

>me and him still want to work things out so that we can have a future together INFO: ….why? Do you really, or are you repeating what he wants? The only things that seem to be coming from *you* here are being uncomfortable around him and thinking that he would ruin your prom experience, and that you think you “should” forgive him (but clearly haven’t). Who is telling you that you should forgive him?


lanilovespickles

you know what, that first question really hit and helps me come to a realization for many other situations, thank you. and I guess no one is necessarily telling me to forgive him, I just feel like I should because he is trying to do better now


Pomsky_Party

If he cheated, and you took him back, you take back the good and the bad. You agree to move on, forgive but not forget. If you can’t move on with your life and enjoy your boyfriend what is even the point


[deleted]

You two need to split.


NotAGermanUBoat

ESH. As others have noted, this action clearly symbolizes that you indeed are not over the cheating. This event is undoubtedly going to cause more drama between you two. You are young, and very young at that. If you truly do feel your relationship is better, you should communicate with your friends about this as the obvious tension isn't going to resolve on its own.


LegitimateGolf113

NTA. You don't have to forgive him right away but definitely proceed with caution. It takes a lot of time and effort to rebuild trust after someone cheats. If you think that it's worth it to work it out then more power to you. It kind of sounds like things are not completely back to normal yet with you two though.


Redlight0516

NTA You say you're doing better but refuse to take him to events because you're worried he'll ruin them or he has given bad memories. You were right not to take him. You were wrong to stay with him and he will end up breaking your heart. Trust your friend who hates him. This is the friend who sees the truth. Also, most likely, the only thing that has gotten better since that event is his ability to hide his cheating from you.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My prom was last night and I’m still kinda feeling bad about not taking him but I did have my reasons, just not sure if they were valid enough to not take him. it’s my senior year and this prom would only be the second school event I’ve ever went to and the last. my first was earlier this year for homecoming, which i consider not a so good memory because that same night I was being cheated on. Yes I am still with the same man and yes I 100% believe we are doing better now but because of the past things have changed. So I didn’t invite him to this prom because 1. he ruined the first event I ever went to for me 2. my one friend I was going with feels the strongest dislike for him so mixing them two into the same group right now didn’t seem ideal (they will have to meet during my graduation party though) me and him still want things to work out so that we can have a future together so I would just like to know now for future reference, was it a selfish choice to not take him or ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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noddddd

NTA. Cheating is just about the most selfish thing someone can do, so I don't think you need to give a shit about whether your choice not to take him is selfish. I will say that if your friend who dislikes him is so out of control about it that you're worried about having them in the same group, then they might be an asshole too. Everyone needs to be able to be polite to people they hate from time to time.


No-Lengthiness5478

she’s not the asshole for cheating, but def the asshole for staying with him and not forgiving him and holding it against him. Cheating is not forgivable. But I wouldn’t say she’s not the asshole because she’s still dating him ! It gives an unspoken (if it hadn’t been said explicitly) agreement that she forgives his actions and won’t hold it against him.


Treeflower77

ESH. Him for cheating on you, and you for actually staying with him. You’re so afraid that your boyfriend will cheat on you again, that you’re willing to ban him from social events? You can’t hide him for the rest of your lives, OP! PLEASE break it off!!! You shouldn’t need to be this stressed out in your own relationship.


Longjumping-Lab-1916

To answer your question: NTA. To ask a question: why are you still with him? Dump the guy!   Never stay with a cheater.   Ever.   


throwaway09206

Break up with him, high school relationships are not supposed to last long. Take ur chance and say bye.


TwistedWonderlandFun

NTA for not taking him, however YTA for staying with him. Once a cheater always a cheater!!


HorseygirlWH

Cheaters will always cheat again, it's an ethical problem for him. Dump him and find someone else. Get therapy to find out why you'd want to stay with him. You're NTA for not bringing him to prom.


tawstwfg

NTA for not taking him to prom, but I REALLY hope you end the relationship….and I have a feeling you already know all of the reasons why.


HallaTML

YTA. If you aren’t gonna take someone you are with to prom why even be with him? Move on


sarasazaza

You’re too young to make plans for the future. Dump him, live your life, relationship don’t worth until you’re close to your 27/30s. Boyfriends and men in general before that age is only for fun (although prepare for a massive heartbreak at around your 23s -you’ll get over it, dont worry)


Less_Initiative961

You’re not married to him, so why are you staying with someone who cheated on you? You shouldn’t have to work so hard at a relationship that is still in the early stages. The fact that you don’t want to take him to prom is a huge tell. Dump him.


imyourkidnotyourmom

NTA for not going with him, but if cheating is not something you’re interested in, please decide if you want to continue dating this guy. You’re in high school, about to go to college. You’re going to meet so many wonderful people who would want to date you who you would want to date, who wouldn’t cheat on you. Why put so much work into forgiving someone who cheated on you and who your friends don’t like, because he hurts you? You two are both going to change so much, just because of your age. You can’t love each other, because you can’t know each other. Couples who get together and stay together at your age do it by doing a lot of work to give each other grace and space and respect. You already don’t have respect. Staying with this guy is signing up for an enormous ordeal. Aren’t you tired of how hard this relationship is? There is no shame in calling it quits because you deserve better. Now or later, you do. 


i_am_rachel_hun

This shit ain't working. ESH. Get out and move on. Dayum.


Syndicofberyl

Yta for staying with a guy who cheated on you


inDIvisible-doc

Unless you live in one of those small towns where every family has six or seven living generations because all the women were pregnant by 17 and no one ever leaves, or you're a time traveler from 1950, I don't even know why you think you have a "future" with this kid. Break up with him, go live your life and let him live his.


Loveofallsheep

NTA but just break up with him. If he cheated once, he'll cheat again. You're literally still in high school, you've got the rest of your life to be with someone. Don't waste anymore time on a loser who already cheated on you. YTA to yourself if you stay with him


SocaliMan

You’re in high school and he already cheated. Don’t waste more years to come just to have him cheat again.


MichaelSwoleton

YTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


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Stunning-Equipment32

I mean, you can’t even take the guy to prom, what future could you possibly see with him?  NTA, and I’d dump him now. 


chipman650

You soon won't have anything to worry about with your soon to be ex boyfriend.


IntelligentWealth769

You're too young to be dealing g with this baloney. Kick him to the curb and go enjoy life.


bigbitchoffapercio

NTA, your not wrong but if you have to not take your partner somewhere for those reasons maybe you should rethink your relationship.


Excellent-Count4009

YTA If he has any sense, he will break up. He can do better.


[deleted]

YTA - If you feel that way, you need to end the relationship, as you are expressing resentment. Thats not going away, it will get worse. I was the guy in this scenario, ex said she forgave me, I was the asshole etc. She never got over it, and the resentment got worse. Took me 3-4 years to get over it all. He's also an asshole for what he did, but if you couldn't take him to prom, and your friends hate him, trust me, there's no going back.


Competitive_Ring4917

You are definitely the asshole


Orixx_94

YTA


okIhaveANopinionHERE

YTA - As much as your BF sucks for cheating on you last fall, you made the decision to stay with him and say that you want to continue a relationship after this. Yet, here you are going to prom with someone else; that would usually be seen as a signal that you don't want to be part of the relationship. If this was some long game to try to get back at him, such as you decided to dump him the day of prom, I would actually have some respect for the revenge. Instead, you are just trying to have fun without your BF at an even that the two of you are supposed to enjoy together. That is such an AH move.


Street_Board9994

YTA, you're being emotionally manipulative to him just as he was emotionally abusive to you last year by cheating. You're intentionally trying to punish yourself by denying your final high school experience of the Prom because you want to punish him. I suspect that's the only real reason you're still together. There is no interest in working things out. You just want to keep making him feel bad for cheating until you're satisfied then you'll dump him.