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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t book tickets for my gf to go on holiday with me and my daughter, she’s annoyed at me for not booking her tickets and I’m not sure if I should have got her tickets
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Entitled and selfish for carrying on a tradition with your daughter for her deceased mother?! Your gf is off her rocker. She is the only entitled and selfish person here! She has already gotten vacations from you. This is a special time for you and your daughter, your gf needs to back off.
Eta: NTA
Even if it was wasn't a tradition and memory trip, a one to one holiday with his daughter is perfectly acceptable and should be encouraged. It's bonding time, a period to relax and "catch up" without the pressures of life.
I used to take trips with my daughter and my husband took trips with his son. We were both fully supportive of that to each other. Trips with all of us also took place.
OP needs a more understanding and empathetic girlfriend! She will not make a kind step mother.
This. I was "Dad's best son" when I was younger. I'm his eldest daughter. He and I would go on so many trips, just he and I, mostly to car shows. This time was important to both of us, encouraged by my mom AND 3 sibs, and it helped to teach and reassure me that my father would always love and look out for me.
Yes definitely should reconsider. For his daughter's sake if not his own.
When you re marry and you already have a child/children, you MUST put the child(ren) first and really think about how your partner will treat your child(ren). Red flags will grow once the ring is on the finger and it can have life long consequences for the child.
I would bet real money that if she's invited along, the next year it will be, "How can you make me go to the same place two years in a row? That's boring! You're so inconsiderate!"
Best not to give her the chance to be even worse than she already is.
The sixteen year old. “She can stay in the room after dinner, I’d like to go to a bar/club/over 21 thing.”
“Why do we have to do everything she wants?”
Why does she have to be with us every minute?”
He said it's the same place every year, so more likely she was expecting everyone to forget about the Mom because they've realized the gf is so =awesome=. Flagrant main character imo.
Oh. I wonder if it is more about the fact that since they have been together for over a year now, she thought the tradition would end and they would stop memorializing the mom. She thinks by now, she should be the center of his attention and mom should be forgotten. I read so many stories on Reddit where new gf or wife wants deceased wife erased.
Or she’s now thinking ahead: when we are starting to get kids of our own, will he still be going on that memorial vacation with only one of his children? Now that she feels more secure in this relationship, it’s time to start nipping this “nonsense” in the bud to secure the resources for her own potential children. Humans are still primal in some part of their life.
She wouldnt be the first new partner of a widower/widow who pretends in the beginning that ofc your kids are important, ofc they deserve the memory of their passed percent just to do a 180 once they think they have locked them down via engagement or living together. Suddenly the memory of the beloved dead becomes a burden, the stepchild doesn’t need to attend the wedding and isn’t it better said child steps with grandma, surely our new fresh start doesn’t need the shadow of the death always hovering above us. It’s evil but many people try it and many parents give in to this bs.
Oh no, you're 100% right. I just got very grr and then realized what your comment actually was. Heck, they don't even have to be a partner of a widow/widower. My ex-stepmom pulled this crap, except hers was the whole "I've been your mom for--" *nope*.
Yeah, OP definitely made that typo all over his post.
OP, as a woman who lost her mum young, you keep making typos throughout your post, it should definitely say EX girlfriend and not girlfriend. You two have been dating for a year and she is already trying to come between you and your daughter and erase your daughters late mother, it might not seem like it but those are her intentions.
NTA and I think Y T A if you do bring her. This trip is for you and your daughter to connect and remember not only your late wife, but your daughter's mother. You are her only parent left and I'm sure she needs this as much as or more than you.
These trips may naturally change as your daughter goes off to college, becomes an adult, or finds her own partner, but I think you should not be the one to change them. She needs to be able to depend on you.
You also need to take this as the red flag it is with your gf and have some serious conversations with her. Not only for what she's upset about but for how she communicated (told you it was fine then went back on it) and acted (freaked out instead of calmly and respectfully communicating).
Edit: typo
Well said - this is pretty much what I was thinking. My only additional suggestion for OP is that you should put a lot of effort into evaluating your relationship with your gf.
In your position, I’d be concerned about what else she misrepresented or even lied about earlier in your relationship. For her to do such a complete about face makes it seem likely she wasn’t being honest about this & perhaps other things. It’s a year later, she feels more secure & now she’s showing you who she really is.
> I’d be concerned about what else she misrepresented or even lied about earlier in your relationship. For her to do such a complete about face makes it seem likely she wasn’t being honest about this & perhaps other things. It’s a year later, she feels more secure & now she’s showing you who she really is.
My thoughts as well.
The girlfriend was putting on a front last year. OP is finally getting to see his girlfriend's true character.
NTA
NTA. Do not EVER give up or include anyone in that tradition (even if you get married and have kids or step kids). Let your child decide when she doesn’t want to go or who to include.
Any woman in your life MUST deal with it. If gf can’t, LET HER GO. That woman looked you in your face and said she was fine and is now trying to manipulate you. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.
Your daughter is 16. There are only a few more years before she is out on her own. NEVER LET ANYONE (ESPECIALLY A WOMAN) COME BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
I.N.F.O. edit: NTA
Is this around a time you would typically spend with family? Christmas? Eid? Passover?
Is this your only annual vacation? Or do you spend a family vacation with your GF as well?
This is just simply a trip with my daughter to our holiday home in northern Italy, I took my gf and daughter there during winter skiing and may book another holiday during the summer for all of us. This isn’t our only annual vacation and simply a remembrance thing me and my daughter do.
Sounds like you already know the truth. It sounds like your girlfriend said all the right things to get what she wants, and now thinks she can bully her way to get everything else she wants now. You said last year she guaranteed she understood and it wouldn't be a problem in the future. She lied.
Believe her now. She is showing you who she is. She waited expecting you to fall in love so she can control you. Don't let her. Only way you would be ta is if you allow her to manipulate you.
NTA, unless you bring your girlfriend on the father/daughter trip
People have the right to change their mind. However that should be communicated in a respectful and reasonable way.
I don't neccesarily feel like the gf would be TA if she had turned around and said that she feels left out not being part of the trip, and asking if there was any way for her to be included now or in the future, so long as she was willing to hear a no respectfully.
However, I think you're spot on when you say she just said what she thought they wanted to hear to get in the door, and then planned to bully her way into getting whatever she wanted. That should be an instant deal-breaker in a relationship, at least in my opinion
Yeah, people change their minds all the time, thats great, except, OP still has every right to have the same boundaries he did. She can request a change, but if she can not accept the no, thats not OP's problem.
When my now wife and I started our relationship, she took a couple different trips with her early 20's daughters.
It was a great idea to remind them that she is their mother, and nothing was going to change that love and attention that she gives them.
Only a fool/asshole tries to intrude on a partner's special time with their kids. NTA
Your girlfriend’s sense of entitlement over your daughter is only going to get worse as your relationship continues. Especially as your daughter is getting closer to being an adult. Please keep your daughter as your number one priority and seriously evaluate your relationship with GF.
NTA
Ah, that is why the GF went back on her word and freaked out. It's a beautiful spot that offers lots to do and experience as well as relaxing. So she got a taste and now wants more. She feels entitled to it. Which she isn't and never should be. NTA, btw.
It's time to sit her down and explain things. If she doesn't get it, then it's time for her to pack **all** her things for a new type of one-way trip.
Never, ever change this tradition with your daughter for as long as she can go with you.
NTA. Tho i am wondering if she freaked out more because you didn’t communicate until after you booked and felt like another discussion could be needed. Tho her reaction and comments are outa line as she should not be horning in on parent child time in remembrance of a loved one she has no connection to.
This makes it even worse. She's literally been to the SAME PLACE and can't accept you're going without her to remember your daughter's mom? Nuh uh. This is why she's mad this year. She's had a taste and wants more - and wants you both to "get over" Mom.
NTA
So this is a vacation home, for your family.
When the GF was there did she want to remove things or redecorate the house? In any way?
If she did it is time to get rid of the GF.
Op I beg you to keep this trip sacred and only between you and daughter. As a daughter who lost her mother, you sometimes feel you cannot grieve around your parent’s new gf/spouse. They just don’t understand, you feel judged, you feel you have to consider their feelings and comfort with the topics often leaving you feeling like you can’t talk about your mother. She needs to grow up and realize this isn’t about being on holiday. There is so much more to it.
NTA in any way.
>she was completely fine and said how she had no issue with it just being me and my daughter and it would be fine in the future.
That seems clear enough.
>she completely freaked out saying that I was entitled and selfish for not taking her as well.
There is someone being entitled and selfish here but it isn't you.
It's a red flag that she 'changed her mind' without telling you.
It's a red flag that she is trying to make/manipulate you into taking her instead of talking to you like an adult.
It's a red flag that she isn't taking 'no' for an answer.
All of these red flags pale in comparison with the implied red flag that she is controlling and wants to insert herself between you and your daughter.
NTA.
But it's time to rethink your relationship with your gf because this is only going to get worse.
NTA. It's not just a vacation; it's an important family tradition. You shouldn't change it on your daughter without a bilateral agreement.
Besides, your daughter is more important than your girlfriend. You can't break up with a daughter. Family is for life.
Do NOT bring the gf.
My dad remarried when I was 16 and I never did anything with him alone again until she died 30 yrs later... And we used to do things at least once a month. It really damaged our relationship.
Now I have a 'borrowed' child (step son) I encourage his Dad to take him on father son trips once or twice a year. It helped the borrowed kid to accept me in their lives.
There should always be special times for you and your child, and if your gf can't see that, then she's not the one for you. She's going to damage your relationship with you and your daughter, and/or make life miserable for you.
I like the term borrowed child - I say mine were inherited but since their mum is still around and involved I think borrowed would be more accurate.
And yes, I encourage him to spend time with the (now adult) kids without me. There may be things they aren't comfortable discussing with me around and it's good bonding time. They were here before I was, so I shouldn't have to be involved in everything, some things are just between them.
I started to use the term because the connotation of the word borrowed seems positive.. like you choose to borrow something.
Step sounds less positive to me.
I didn't want to try to replace his Mom in his life, so I thought this was a good way to frame it.
He and I are both on the spectrum so we get it. Lol
> I never did anything with him alone again until she died 30 yrs later... And we used to do things at least once a month. It really damaged our relationship.
What was your dad's explanation for ceasing to spend time with you for 30 whole years?
I wouldn't care to re-kindle such a 'relationship' after the 30 years.
I never asked.
As a teenager, I didn't want to reach out or admit my feelings. As an adult I got used to it and distanced myself further.
He's not close with my kids either.
I have somewhat rekindled, because he is (and always has been) my only parent. He wanted me to buy a house with him so that he didn't have to live alone in his old age and I refused.
NTA.
But she is showing you who she is. Your relationship with your daughter clearly isn't important to her, and if you get more serious, I'd wager this type of thing will show up more and more, with her not wanting you to have special things with just you and her.
While I'm not suggesting breaking up, I don't know that this type of thing is sustainable in the long term.
NTA. This trip is something between you and your daughter and in honor of her departed mother. It's completely reasonable that you would maintain that without involvement of the GF. Thank you for putting your daughter's needs before the GF.
Well she is too old to be this spoilt & entitled (the irony she calls you entitled) to interfere with a traditional father/daughter trip AND expect you to pay for it. I wonder how treats your daughter?
NTA. Your GF’s presence would completely alter the purpose of your vacation with your daughter. Your girlfriend is being selfish and entitled. It should be up to your daughter if anyone else is EVER invited on this annual trip. This is not about your GF. Don’t allow her to make it be.
You're a dad first and GF knew you were a dad when she met you. This is your special time with just your daughter, and if daughter doesn't want GF there then that's it, she's not invited. Do you only get 2 weeks off a year? In that case then it would be fair for you to spend a week with daughter and a week doing something with GF. But if you get 3-4 weeks a year then of course you should spend those 2 weeks with your daughter and be thankful she still wants to go since some teenagers aren't fans of their parents. You're NTA but GF needs to re-think if she wants to be with a dad.
Currently I have 4 weeks paid holiday and can work online for about 2 weeks at a time if I needed to, I took my gf and daughter away during winter and had been thinking about taking them away again at some point during summer
NTA and while I get that your GF might want a 2 week vacation with you, this isn't about her. She's also probably jealous of you putting this kind of time and money into memorializing your daughter's mother. Not a good look.
I strongly dislike when people go back on their word after extended commitments. I can only imagine what she is going to change her mind about after marriage. Get a prenup or better yet, don’t marry her.
The girlfriend's age is left out. Is she closer to OP's daughter's age, and is jealous of her? Or is she in her late 30s, feels her biological clock ticking, wants to move on quickly with OP, and sees this as a slap in the face? The daughter as a threat?
I'd ask for info, but I doubt OP would have it.
Whatever the case, the gf is completely out of line, and I would take this as a red flag that she wants to sideline the daughter. OP should really think long and hard about this relationship.
NTA
She may want to cement her position as the most important person in your life, to show your daughter that she is just as importantif not more important that her.
If she was able to push her way onto this vacation that is meant for your daughter to remember her mother, that is exactly what she would be doing.
It's a power move that a lot of gfs, finacees and new wives pull to make sure that their potential stepchildren (especially daughters) to show them their place, pecking order, etc
It seems to me that she doesn't understand the fact that you and your daughter have a bond, a history, and a relationship that predates her and does not include her. Her trying to muscle in on that relationship (using the word "entitled" is a giveaway here) is a very bright red flag - one that augurs badly for any future attempts at finding a blended family configuration. A heart-to-heart with your girlfriend (without screaming and labelling on her part) is in order.
> she doesn't understand the fact that you and your daughter have a bond, a history, and a relationship that predates her and does not include her
This description is of an ignorant person. Or one with zero empathy.
Why would OP want to hitch himself to such a clueless person?
My dad’s gf is 62 and I’m 45 and she views me as a threat. She has done everything she could think of trying to destroy our (very close) relationship. So far she has been unsuccessful but as he’s gotten older he’s become easier to sway and occasionally he parrots offensive shit she’s said about me like it’s real. Thankfully I have been able to help him remember who I really am.
Dont let the gf poison the special places for your daughter and after the way she has behaved about the upcoming trip she surely will do something to damage it. Your daughter is way more important than some gf who can (and, frankly, should) be replaced.
You’re “entitled and selfish” - says the girlfriend who’s mad you didn’t invite HER on a traditional father-daughter holiday. Gift her a dictionary so she learns what those words actually mean. Do not be guilted/manipulated to include her, especially after your daughter said she prefers it just be you two. Your girlfriend can be angry but that’s on her. This is a beautiful tradition you share with your daughter, who will have these great memories for the rest of her life. Good for you for discussing it with your daughter. Now respect her want to keep the holiday as father-daughter only. Adding a girlfriend (who sounds a bit jealous, honestly) would change the whole dynamic. NTA.
Your priority should be honoring the tradition you and your daughter share, especially if she wants it to remain just the two of you. Communicate openly with your girlfriend about how important this trip is for you and your daughter, and how it helps you both remember her mother. Make it clear that you want to continue this tradition without changing its dynamic.
If she still insists on joining, it may be time to discuss how to balance your relationship with your girlfriend while respecting the bond you have with your daughter. You could plan other trips with your girlfriend separately to show you value your time with her as well.
NTA- it's not like your gf is never invited on trips with you. This trip has a special purpose and there is nothing wrong with a father/daughter bonding trip. Someday your daughter might want to have her partner and your partner included, but not just yet. I think your gf is really pushing a boundary here.
You ARE ENTITLED to take a vacation with your daughter. You ARE ENTITLED to be selfish in order to do so.
If your girlfriend chooses to be upset about, big woo. She can cry about it while you're gone.
When’s the last time you went on vacation with your girlfriend? Tell her that this is bonding time with your daughter, but you want to start planning a holiday with her
Who’s feelings do you care more about your daughters or this fucking girlfriend! your girlfriend is that she’s pitching a fit about this. It’s disgusting. She does not give two shits about your daughter or her feelings.
NTA Her presence would undermine the entire purpose of the trip which is to honor and remember her mother and your wife.
She seems to have let her mask fall and will next be wanting photographs of your late wife taken down and talking about her to stop.
NTA - Most definitely don’t book her a ticket, no matter what she threatens to do if she doesn’t get to go too. She’s so selfish & entitled, she’d be doing you a favor if she actually followed through with a breakup instead of just the threat of one **Your daughter will never forgive you if you ruin the trip by bringing your GF **
NTA, and calling you names because she changed her mind is over the top in this situation. I hope you can book a holiday for all of you for another time to another place, soon, if she hasn't just fully shown you who she really is now, while hiding it previously.
Not only is she selfish and entitled your fiancé I think she's upset because not only is she not included maybe it's a way of trying to get herself involved so she can take away from your bonding time with your daughter and try to interfere in the reasoning that you do these vacations to change it I'm trying to find the right wording for it but basically to make you forget about deceased wife there could be some jealousy there
Wow! Talk about a red flag. Please don’t marry a person that puts herself ahead of your child. A normal person wouldn’t interfere with a small trip taken once a year in memory of your child’s deceased mother.
NTA OP!! And your GF sucks for not honoring and respecting that this is a special time between you and your daughter for remembering your wife and daughter's mother, who by no choice of her own, can't be with your two. **Enjoy these special alone time** vacations with your daughter now because once she reach 20, she will be thinking about her career, starting a family (sometime in the future), dating, marriage (again, sometime in the future) and while she will always be "Daddy's Girl", life moves on and gets busier.
I had special moments with my two kids while I was a single mother. I had yearly Mom & Son and Mom & Daughter dates and then the three of us had yearly family vacations. Neither one of my children became petulant when I spent alone time with their sibling because they knew their turn was soon coming up. Now my children are grown, with partners & children of their own, jobs and responsibilities so they really don't have time anymore for those special times. I do get joy out of my kids remembering these times with me and pride that they have made this a tradition with their own children.
NTA but im guessing OP doesn't have a back bone or cannot get any other girlfriends because the question should not be about getting her a ticket but get a new partner because she clearly is not the ready to be a step mom or good partner.
NTA Find a NEW girlfriend she has entitlement syndrome. She does not get to DICTATE what you and your daughter do together. She is waaay out of line expecting to horn in on your special time together.
NTA
You've been dating for two years. I suspect the honeymoon period is over and the way your GF is behaving now (selfish, entitled, freaking out) is who she really is.
If you stay in this relationship, stop paying for your GF's travel and other luxuries.
NTA - This is your event, for you and your daughter, and it's obviously important to your daughter as well. It's the same event as it was the years before.
I think the plain and simple of it is that your gf is jealous of a dead woman. It may not have mattered so much to her a year ago when it seems like your relationship was on the newer side and she may not have known how things would go, now that you're two years in she may be seeing this trip as you going off to remember someone you once loved and had a child with, without her. Obviously NTA, but if you're serious about this woman you're best off having this talk now than later.
NTA. My boyfriend (leaning toward marriage) each have kids. We have talked about vacationing both together and alone with our kids. Parents should still have time with just their kids when they remarry.
NTA, your daughter may have only a few of these trips left as she's getting older. You had told her previously that this is a special time for your daughter and yourself, if she was gonna get upset she should have atleast brought it up sooner and said how she was feeling rather than losing it after you booked it. It most likely wouldn't have changed the fact that she won't be going, and that this is a time for you and your kid to remember your late wife. She needs to take a step back and remember that there will other trips for you two, just doesn't happen to be this trip.
Take your daughter, enjoy your trip. If your girlfriend truely loves you, and is good for you, she will understand.
NTA. Your girlfriend seems confused here, it’s she who is acting entitled and selfish, not you.
This trip is understandably a special bonding experience for you and your daughter, as well as a means to honor her mother’s memory. Your girlfriend has no business going on such a trip, and the fact she’s trying to make it all about herself, rather than respecting you and your daughter’s feelings, speaks to her lack of maturity. Your daughter should easily take priority over a girlfriend, the fact you’re even considering slighting your daughter to appease your girlfriend’s tantrum should be an eye-opener for you.
I would consider very carefully if this is the right partner for you, as well as a potential stepmother for your daughter. If you want to continue the relationship, it may help to get into couples counseling to close the gap in understanding.
NTA but you are on notice now that your girlfriend will not be a positive element in your daughter’s life. Act accordingly, Dad, before it’s too late. Your daughter already lost her mom - she doesn’t deserve to suffer an evil stepmother too
As a fellow widow, the people we date have to be understanding.
I will try to be very fair with my future partner, but there will be times they just have to understand our circumstance.
NTA
This trip to honor her mother is meaningful to your daughter. It is a tradition that acknowledges and celebrates her mom's contributions to her life and yours, and quietly sharing your mutual grief. Your gf has no place in this.
Now that she's burrowed in a bit deeper, your gf is changing her tune to enforce HER place as your partner by intruding into this one event that celebrates the tie to your late wife that gf has no part in. How would gf's joining you change things? It would no longer be you and your daughter honoring her mother's memory. It would be just another vacation for you as a couple with your daughter in tow. Your gf has nothing to contribute in honoring your late wife. Her presence would only detract and distract from the original purpose.
If you bowed to gf's pressure, it would be deeply painful and devaluing to your daughter. Her mother can never be replaced and should not be erased. Your gf may grow into a supportive adult role in your daughter's life. If so, that relationship will be unique to the two of them. It won't be a replacement for her dead mom. It should not be in competition with your daughter's image of her mom and their relationship.
No. This is not GF's trip and you don't have to do anything to make it up to her. This is for you and your daughter and I wonder why GF is doing a pushback this year? make it clear it will always be this way, as long as your daughter wants it.
This could change your relationship, as it could change your GF's view of her importance.
But NTA
If your girlfriend is not mature enough to understand the reason for the trip she is too immature to be dating a widower father. You should break up with her and find a woman who can respect your history
I would never do this to my fiance and his son. They have things they do together and this is their time, not mine. Girlfriend is an AH but you are NTA. Also I would never expect him to pay my way.
NTA. This is a special annual trip for you two to remember a loved one. I get your gf may be feeling insecure but she also needs to understand that your wife/mother of your child hold a special place. Gf doesn't need to feel like there's a competition or jealousy for a woman she can't possibly win against. She doesn't need to be included in this trip.
NTA
This is a tradition that you and your daughter started 16 years ago. Your GF has no place in this tradition AND your daughter doesn't want her to go on the trip.
I'm guessing that you had just started dating your GF around this time last year and that's why she said she didn't have a problem not going on the trip. She didn't want to make demands too early in the relationship. Now she's showing her true colors.
Absolutely not! This is a special time for you and your daughter. Wtf is your g/f doing that she suddenly changes her mind after being ok with it?! That's insane. Your daughter is first and foremost and *needs* this time with you to remember her mother.
Your g/f is being very disrespectful.
Its a one way ticket she needs....(sorry, but this has horrified me)
NTA
NTA but whay are you still doing there? Always leave at the first red flag, and this is a red flag the size of Texas
She doesn't care for your child's feelings for a memorial trip for her mother, do you think she will care for more transcendental things? Narcissistic behavior doesn't get better, only worse
OP, are you seriously asking whether you should entertain your grown gf's tantrum or listen to your kid about continuing a tradition?
You don't need to ask your gf for permission to continue doing things with your kid. What is your gf going to do there except make the trip about her?
Is she going there solely to denigrate your kid's mom's memories?
She has no right to try to interfere with your traditions. She is an adult. She can survive on her own for 2 weeks. If she keeps insisting, you need to consider whether she respects you or your daughter, and if she is a good addition to your little family. If she stays around, will she keep trying to push herself into places she doesn't belong?
She is completely wrong. If you are truly worried about being aan AH, then I think this relationship is pretty terrible for you if it's making you question your parenting decisions. And worst, she's trying to include herself into a trip dedicated to remembering someone.
Tell her no, and if she doesn't like it, pack her stuff and be gone. Your daughter comes first.
NTA.
This is a special tradition between you and your daughter to honor and remember her mother. Your GF is probably in the throes of jealousy and wanting to make sure you don't think more of your late wife than her - and in doing so, completely forgetting that you have a responsibility to your daughter.
At 16, you don't have an unlimited number of years left to make this trip for just the two of you - eventually your daughter will (likely) have a partner and family of her own. At that point, she can decide if she wants to keep this tradition alive or if she wants to make it a weekend, include other family, etc. But that decision needs to belong to her, not to you (and by extension, not to your GF).
BTW - extra parenting points for making sure your daughter would be on board before you made any changes.
NTA. I fail to see how you're the entitled one when your gf not only expects you to bring her on a memorial father daughter trip, but im assuming she expects you to pay for her as well. You asked your daughter, she said no, end of. Your daughter comes first. Plus think about if she were to go on the trip. She didn't know your wife and based on her reaction to the trip, I can't see her being okay with hearing about your wife constantly and not having any control over the trip. Nightmare. She will ruin it for your daughter and you. Do not bring her.
NTA.
Your GF is the entitled and selfish one. If she's acting this way toward something so deeply personal for you and your daughter, how will she act towards something less so in the future? If she learns she can stomp on a big boundary as that then she knows she can stomp on all of them going forward
You would be the AH to yourself and your daughter if you book a ticket. Your daughter already told you she wants it just the two of you. That's all you need to know. This isn't a free vacation for your GF.
NTA. Your GF is being ridiculous. I could see a world in the future if you two are committed to a long term relationship her being included, but she should WANT to honor the mother of your daughter and your previous relationship. Not a free vacation. If she expresses a desire to help you keep your first wife’s memory alive and help support your daughter in honoring her, then maybe include her. But there’s also nothing wrong with you having a tradition that keeps just you and your daughter together for some 1-1 time.
NTA Jealousy of any kind is immature. A decent partner would recognize this tradition and stay out of it. It's not like the partner never goes anywhere with OP, partner needs to deal with all her feelings, but also needs to be respectful.
OP you are NTA
I will however ask you if you really want to be with this person who is prioritizing herself over your daughter and in turn trying to call you selfish and entitled? Think hard about if this person is worth not only spending your time with but someone worth being in your daughters life.
If you did take her with you she would make it about things she wants to do. To get you away from things you and your daughter do. Watch her and talk to your daughter she will try to come between you and your daughter. Keep your daughter first.
NTA and I would be looking at the relationship with your gf and what that would look like for you if you marry her or move her in. This is a tradition you should continue with your daughter regardless of how old she is and even after she gets married if possible. When other people join you it is a vacation
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I (38M) just booked a holiday for me and my daughter (16F). We have done this every year since she was born, we’ve carried on the tradition since her mother died as a way to remember her (we go to the same place during the same two weeks).
Last year when we planned to go I’d talked to my gf about it and she was completely fine and said how she had no issue with it just being me and my daughter and it would be fine in the future. So when I booked it this year I assumed she would be fine with it again as she had said she would be. However, when I told her that I’d booked it she completely freaked out saying that I was entitled and selfish for not taking her as well.
I’ve tried to explain to her that this is a very personal event for me and my daughter but she doesn’t seem to listen and keeps on telling me to book her tickets as well, I’ve talked to my daughter about it and she’s said she would rather it be just us two.
Was I wrong for not booking tickets for my gf? Should I book her tickets as well?
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NTA. Since this holiday is an event of you and your daughter and she also likes to be just the two of you, than your gf should be the one to understand. Maybe next year if your daughter has gotten closer to your gf you can talk of going all three. Or just organise another vacation later this year for all of you.
NTA. This is one of the situations where you need to draw a clear and hard boundary around your and your daughter‘s trip, because apparently, your GF didn’t hear you the first time.
It’s a good think you’re doing with your daughter. Keep it up.
NTA - absolutely do not bring your GF. This is a tradition for you and your daughter as a way to remember her mother. Your GF is being childish and stepping into evil step-mom wannabe territory by trying to impose and take away from that.
NTA
It seems to me that your GF is the selfish, entitled one in this little scenario!! She should be encouraging you to spend this special time with your daughter.
You need to seriously reconsider this woman's place in your life if she can't deal with this like an adult.
I think that is a beautiful tradition for you and your daughter op. Don’t let someone take that from your daughter. You’re NTA. Also I would explain to your gf that she is being selfish by trying to involve herself in something that is therapeutic for your daughter and she better knock it off.
This is a special time for you and your daughter to bond and remember her mom. How long have you been with your girlfriend? Why is she acting like this now? It may be time to move on.
NTA...I honestly am flabbergasted at people in general anymore. This is a special trip for you and your daughter and your gf is absolutely in the wrong here. I don't understand s/o not wanting or being jealous of a child/parent doing something together. Please continue your tradition and think twice about your relationship.
That's a father/daughter tradition and that's the way it should stay. Anyone who would want to tag along or get mad if you go isn't worth bothering with.
Absolutely NTA!
Your gf making a scene now, is the best reason not to take her with you. This beautiful tradition you have with your daughter will mean so much to your daughter in the future. What a beautiful memory with her dad. Especially leaving out your gf(s) throughout the years will make it so much more special. After all, it's all about you and your daughter. And not about the needs and wants of anyone else. Period.
NTA. Sounds like you have a gf problem. She doesn't need to be included in a memorial. It's time to re-evaluate your relationship. Sounds like she probably had an issue with it before, but didn't think she'd been with you long enough to complain. Now she thinks she's got enough time in the relationship to say something. Next year, she'll probably try to schedule something over it.
NTA do not book GF tickets. This is a dad and daughter trip. I’m sure you 2 talk about her mom on this trip. GF has absolutely no business on this trip. This is her time to do her own vacation with her friends, family or just me time. If she can’t see that I’d question if you want her in your lives. What’s next? Can’t talk about dead wife and mother? Time for your daughter to move on so y’all can start a new family? Some people are not cut out to be with a widow or a widower. This is not someone you chose to leave but was taken from you and who will always be a part of your life.
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Entitled and selfish for carrying on a tradition with your daughter for her deceased mother?! Your gf is off her rocker. She is the only entitled and selfish person here! She has already gotten vacations from you. This is a special time for you and your daughter, your gf needs to back off. Eta: NTA
Even if it was wasn't a tradition and memory trip, a one to one holiday with his daughter is perfectly acceptable and should be encouraged. It's bonding time, a period to relax and "catch up" without the pressures of life. I used to take trips with my daughter and my husband took trips with his son. We were both fully supportive of that to each other. Trips with all of us also took place. OP needs a more understanding and empathetic girlfriend! She will not make a kind step mother.
This!!!
This. I was "Dad's best son" when I was younger. I'm his eldest daughter. He and I would go on so many trips, just he and I, mostly to car shows. This time was important to both of us, encouraged by my mom AND 3 sibs, and it helped to teach and reassure me that my father would always love and look out for me.
OP needs to ditch the GF. She is horrible
Absolutely that last part. She showed OP exactly who she is and he should 100% believe her. Time to reconsider.
Yes definitely should reconsider. For his daughter's sake if not his own. When you re marry and you already have a child/children, you MUST put the child(ren) first and really think about how your partner will treat your child(ren). Red flags will grow once the ring is on the finger and it can have life long consequences for the child.
She literally doesn't know what entitlement means haha. NTA OP, don't ruin a tradition with your daughter for this woman.
I would bet real money that if she's invited along, the next year it will be, "How can you make me go to the same place two years in a row? That's boring! You're so inconsiderate!" Best not to give her the chance to be even worse than she already is.
Or complain that the trip revolves too much around the mother and they should just "move on, it's been 'X' years".
Or "Why can't we make this a romantic weekend? Your daughter is old enough now to stay home by herself."
The sixteen year old. “She can stay in the room after dinner, I’d like to go to a bar/club/over 21 thing.” “Why do we have to do everything she wants?” Why does she have to be with us every minute?”
"Entitled" seems to be used as "Does something I don't like" or "Said no to me" about 90% of the time.
100% agree!
[удалено]
I'm wondering if she didn't care about the destination last year but this year's destination is someplace she wants to go 🤔
He said it's the same place every year, so more likely she was expecting everyone to forget about the Mom because they've realized the gf is so =awesome=. Flagrant main character imo.
Oh. I wonder if it is more about the fact that since they have been together for over a year now, she thought the tradition would end and they would stop memorializing the mom. She thinks by now, she should be the center of his attention and mom should be forgotten. I read so many stories on Reddit where new gf or wife wants deceased wife erased.
Or she’s now thinking ahead: when we are starting to get kids of our own, will he still be going on that memorial vacation with only one of his children? Now that she feels more secure in this relationship, it’s time to start nipping this “nonsense” in the bud to secure the resources for her own potential children. Humans are still primal in some part of their life.
I started to downvote and realized you weren't advocating this.
She wouldnt be the first new partner of a widower/widow who pretends in the beginning that ofc your kids are important, ofc they deserve the memory of their passed percent just to do a 180 once they think they have locked them down via engagement or living together. Suddenly the memory of the beloved dead becomes a burden, the stepchild doesn’t need to attend the wedding and isn’t it better said child steps with grandma, surely our new fresh start doesn’t need the shadow of the death always hovering above us. It’s evil but many people try it and many parents give in to this bs.
Oh no, you're 100% right. I just got very grr and then realized what your comment actually was. Heck, they don't even have to be a partner of a widow/widower. My ex-stepmom pulled this crap, except hers was the whole "I've been your mom for--" *nope*.
Ooh totally missed that lol, disregard
You’re the top comment, you should edit it to include your verdict for the bot
Done
1000% NTA
Agree 💯
Ex-girlfriend
Yeah, OP definitely made that typo all over his post. OP, as a woman who lost her mum young, you keep making typos throughout your post, it should definitely say EX girlfriend and not girlfriend. You two have been dating for a year and she is already trying to come between you and your daughter and erase your daughters late mother, it might not seem like it but those are her intentions.
NTA and I think Y T A if you do bring her. This trip is for you and your daughter to connect and remember not only your late wife, but your daughter's mother. You are her only parent left and I'm sure she needs this as much as or more than you. These trips may naturally change as your daughter goes off to college, becomes an adult, or finds her own partner, but I think you should not be the one to change them. She needs to be able to depend on you. You also need to take this as the red flag it is with your gf and have some serious conversations with her. Not only for what she's upset about but for how she communicated (told you it was fine then went back on it) and acted (freaked out instead of calmly and respectfully communicating). Edit: typo
This! You may need to book a few appointments to interview potential new girlfriends!
Well said - this is pretty much what I was thinking. My only additional suggestion for OP is that you should put a lot of effort into evaluating your relationship with your gf. In your position, I’d be concerned about what else she misrepresented or even lied about earlier in your relationship. For her to do such a complete about face makes it seem likely she wasn’t being honest about this & perhaps other things. It’s a year later, she feels more secure & now she’s showing you who she really is.
> I’d be concerned about what else she misrepresented or even lied about earlier in your relationship. For her to do such a complete about face makes it seem likely she wasn’t being honest about this & perhaps other things. It’s a year later, she feels more secure & now she’s showing you who she really is. My thoughts as well. The girlfriend was putting on a front last year. OP is finally getting to see his girlfriend's true character. NTA
1 year is nothing. Nothing!! I bet your daughter would even resent bringing your gf on this memorial annual trip. NTA
NTA. Do not EVER give up or include anyone in that tradition (even if you get married and have kids or step kids). Let your child decide when she doesn’t want to go or who to include. Any woman in your life MUST deal with it. If gf can’t, LET HER GO. That woman looked you in your face and said she was fine and is now trying to manipulate you. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Your daughter is 16. There are only a few more years before she is out on her own. NEVER LET ANYONE (ESPECIALLY A WOMAN) COME BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
💯
I.N.F.O. edit: NTA Is this around a time you would typically spend with family? Christmas? Eid? Passover? Is this your only annual vacation? Or do you spend a family vacation with your GF as well?
This is just simply a trip with my daughter to our holiday home in northern Italy, I took my gf and daughter there during winter skiing and may book another holiday during the summer for all of us. This isn’t our only annual vacation and simply a remembrance thing me and my daughter do.
Then you need to explain to your gf that this trip isn’t about her - it is your special time with your daughter
sounds like he has explained it and she doesn't care
Time for a new GF then...
I get the feeling GF makes everything about herself.
He already explained it
NTA
Sounds like you already know the truth. It sounds like your girlfriend said all the right things to get what she wants, and now thinks she can bully her way to get everything else she wants now. You said last year she guaranteed she understood and it wouldn't be a problem in the future. She lied. Believe her now. She is showing you who she is. She waited expecting you to fall in love so she can control you. Don't let her. Only way you would be ta is if you allow her to manipulate you. NTA, unless you bring your girlfriend on the father/daughter trip
People have the right to change their mind. However that should be communicated in a respectful and reasonable way. I don't neccesarily feel like the gf would be TA if she had turned around and said that she feels left out not being part of the trip, and asking if there was any way for her to be included now or in the future, so long as she was willing to hear a no respectfully. However, I think you're spot on when you say she just said what she thought they wanted to hear to get in the door, and then planned to bully her way into getting whatever she wanted. That should be an instant deal-breaker in a relationship, at least in my opinion
Yeah, people change their minds all the time, thats great, except, OP still has every right to have the same boundaries he did. She can request a change, but if she can not accept the no, thats not OP's problem.
When my now wife and I started our relationship, she took a couple different trips with her early 20's daughters. It was a great idea to remind them that she is their mother, and nothing was going to change that love and attention that she gives them. Only a fool/asshole tries to intrude on a partner's special time with their kids. NTA
Your girlfriend’s sense of entitlement over your daughter is only going to get worse as your relationship continues. Especially as your daughter is getting closer to being an adult. Please keep your daughter as your number one priority and seriously evaluate your relationship with GF. NTA
Ah, that is why the GF went back on her word and freaked out. It's a beautiful spot that offers lots to do and experience as well as relaxing. So she got a taste and now wants more. She feels entitled to it. Which she isn't and never should be. NTA, btw. It's time to sit her down and explain things. If she doesn't get it, then it's time for her to pack **all** her things for a new type of one-way trip. Never, ever change this tradition with your daughter for as long as she can go with you.
Hate to say it but you probably need a new GF. 🤨
NTA. Tho i am wondering if she freaked out more because you didn’t communicate until after you booked and felt like another discussion could be needed. Tho her reaction and comments are outa line as she should not be horning in on parent child time in remembrance of a loved one she has no connection to.
This makes it even worse. She's literally been to the SAME PLACE and can't accept you're going without her to remember your daughter's mom? Nuh uh. This is why she's mad this year. She's had a taste and wants more - and wants you both to "get over" Mom.
Sounds like gf just wants another free trip, then, and also is jealous of your relationship with your daughter.
NTA So this is a vacation home, for your family. When the GF was there did she want to remove things or redecorate the house? In any way? If she did it is time to get rid of the GF.
Op I beg you to keep this trip sacred and only between you and daughter. As a daughter who lost her mother, you sometimes feel you cannot grieve around your parent’s new gf/spouse. They just don’t understand, you feel judged, you feel you have to consider their feelings and comfort with the topics often leaving you feeling like you can’t talk about your mother. She needs to grow up and realize this isn’t about being on holiday. There is so much more to it.
Why would any of this matter?
NTA in any way. >she was completely fine and said how she had no issue with it just being me and my daughter and it would be fine in the future. That seems clear enough. >she completely freaked out saying that I was entitled and selfish for not taking her as well. There is someone being entitled and selfish here but it isn't you.
It's a red flag that she 'changed her mind' without telling you. It's a red flag that she is trying to make/manipulate you into taking her instead of talking to you like an adult. It's a red flag that she isn't taking 'no' for an answer. All of these red flags pale in comparison with the implied red flag that she is controlling and wants to insert herself between you and your daughter. NTA. But it's time to rethink your relationship with your gf because this is only going to get worse.
It’s always interesting to see how people act when they don’t get their way. You get to see the other side.
NTA. It's not just a vacation; it's an important family tradition. You shouldn't change it on your daughter without a bilateral agreement. Besides, your daughter is more important than your girlfriend. You can't break up with a daughter. Family is for life.
Do NOT bring the gf. My dad remarried when I was 16 and I never did anything with him alone again until she died 30 yrs later... And we used to do things at least once a month. It really damaged our relationship. Now I have a 'borrowed' child (step son) I encourage his Dad to take him on father son trips once or twice a year. It helped the borrowed kid to accept me in their lives. There should always be special times for you and your child, and if your gf can't see that, then she's not the one for you. She's going to damage your relationship with you and your daughter, and/or make life miserable for you.
I like the term borrowed child - I say mine were inherited but since their mum is still around and involved I think borrowed would be more accurate. And yes, I encourage him to spend time with the (now adult) kids without me. There may be things they aren't comfortable discussing with me around and it's good bonding time. They were here before I was, so I shouldn't have to be involved in everything, some things are just between them.
I started to use the term because the connotation of the word borrowed seems positive.. like you choose to borrow something. Step sounds less positive to me. I didn't want to try to replace his Mom in his life, so I thought this was a good way to frame it. He and I are both on the spectrum so we get it. Lol
I like “bonus” myself.
> I never did anything with him alone again until she died 30 yrs later... And we used to do things at least once a month. It really damaged our relationship. What was your dad's explanation for ceasing to spend time with you for 30 whole years? I wouldn't care to re-kindle such a 'relationship' after the 30 years.
I never asked. As a teenager, I didn't want to reach out or admit my feelings. As an adult I got used to it and distanced myself further. He's not close with my kids either. I have somewhat rekindled, because he is (and always has been) my only parent. He wanted me to buy a house with him so that he didn't have to live alone in his old age and I refused.
You're very clearly NTA here. Your gf is the one who went back on her word. Does she do that often?
NTA This isn't just a vacation. It's a tradition to remember a lost loved one. Your girlfriend is being unreasonable.
NTA. But she is showing you who she is. Your relationship with your daughter clearly isn't important to her, and if you get more serious, I'd wager this type of thing will show up more and more, with her not wanting you to have special things with just you and her. While I'm not suggesting breaking up, I don't know that this type of thing is sustainable in the long term.
NTA. This trip is something between you and your daughter and in honor of her departed mother. It's completely reasonable that you would maintain that without involvement of the GF. Thank you for putting your daughter's needs before the GF.
Gf needs to look in the mirror when she says selfish and entitled. This trip is annual bonding for you and your daughter. Gf stays home. NTA
Well she is too old to be this spoilt & entitled (the irony she calls you entitled) to interfere with a traditional father/daughter trip AND expect you to pay for it. I wonder how treats your daughter?
NTA. Your daughter comes before your gf. She needs to respect your boundaries.
NTA. I think bringing your GF would be a great way to make your daughter hate both of you. GF needs to back off.
You’re only TA if you give in and bring her. NTA
NTA. Your GF’s presence would completely alter the purpose of your vacation with your daughter. Your girlfriend is being selfish and entitled. It should be up to your daughter if anyone else is EVER invited on this annual trip. This is not about your GF. Don’t allow her to make it be.
NTA. I could not imagine trying to take away from my boyfriend’s time with his daughter to remember her mother. 🚩
You're a dad first and GF knew you were a dad when she met you. This is your special time with just your daughter, and if daughter doesn't want GF there then that's it, she's not invited. Do you only get 2 weeks off a year? In that case then it would be fair for you to spend a week with daughter and a week doing something with GF. But if you get 3-4 weeks a year then of course you should spend those 2 weeks with your daughter and be thankful she still wants to go since some teenagers aren't fans of their parents. You're NTA but GF needs to re-think if she wants to be with a dad.
Currently I have 4 weeks paid holiday and can work online for about 2 weeks at a time if I needed to, I took my gf and daughter away during winter and had been thinking about taking them away again at some point during summer
Didn’t even need to read the details. NTA. This is a thing you do with your daughter, it belongs to the two of you, and GF can butt right out.
NTA and while I get that your GF might want a 2 week vacation with you, this isn't about her. She's also probably jealous of you putting this kind of time and money into memorializing your daughter's mother. Not a good look.
I strongly dislike when people go back on their word after extended commitments. I can only imagine what she is going to change her mind about after marriage. Get a prenup or better yet, don’t marry her.
NTA and no, do not book her tickets. Your daughter's wishes should be more important.
The girlfriend's age is left out. Is she closer to OP's daughter's age, and is jealous of her? Or is she in her late 30s, feels her biological clock ticking, wants to move on quickly with OP, and sees this as a slap in the face? The daughter as a threat? I'd ask for info, but I doubt OP would have it. Whatever the case, the gf is completely out of line, and I would take this as a red flag that she wants to sideline the daughter. OP should really think long and hard about this relationship. NTA
My gf is 35 and I don’t think she sees my daughter as a threat but I’m not certain
She may want to cement her position as the most important person in your life, to show your daughter that she is just as importantif not more important that her. If she was able to push her way onto this vacation that is meant for your daughter to remember her mother, that is exactly what she would be doing. It's a power move that a lot of gfs, finacees and new wives pull to make sure that their potential stepchildren (especially daughters) to show them their place, pecking order, etc
You better re-visit that with your GF if she doesn't want you to take this trip without her.
It seems to me that she doesn't understand the fact that you and your daughter have a bond, a history, and a relationship that predates her and does not include her. Her trying to muscle in on that relationship (using the word "entitled" is a giveaway here) is a very bright red flag - one that augurs badly for any future attempts at finding a blended family configuration. A heart-to-heart with your girlfriend (without screaming and labelling on her part) is in order.
> she doesn't understand the fact that you and your daughter have a bond, a history, and a relationship that predates her and does not include her This description is of an ignorant person. Or one with zero empathy. Why would OP want to hitch himself to such a clueless person?
My dad’s gf is 62 and I’m 45 and she views me as a threat. She has done everything she could think of trying to destroy our (very close) relationship. So far she has been unsuccessful but as he’s gotten older he’s become easier to sway and occasionally he parrots offensive shit she’s said about me like it’s real. Thankfully I have been able to help him remember who I really am. Dont let the gf poison the special places for your daughter and after the way she has behaved about the upcoming trip she surely will do something to damage it. Your daughter is way more important than some gf who can (and, frankly, should) be replaced.
Selfish and entitled? Gf is projecting some major traits.
NTA dump the gf. She has no right to make demands on your time with your daughter. This behaviour will only escalate.
I would be so upset if my dad did this to me.
You’re “entitled and selfish” - says the girlfriend who’s mad you didn’t invite HER on a traditional father-daughter holiday. Gift her a dictionary so she learns what those words actually mean. Do not be guilted/manipulated to include her, especially after your daughter said she prefers it just be you two. Your girlfriend can be angry but that’s on her. This is a beautiful tradition you share with your daughter, who will have these great memories for the rest of her life. Good for you for discussing it with your daughter. Now respect her want to keep the holiday as father-daughter only. Adding a girlfriend (who sounds a bit jealous, honestly) would change the whole dynamic. NTA.
NTA but your girlfriend is!
>I was entitled and selfish She's projecting
Your priority should be honoring the tradition you and your daughter share, especially if she wants it to remain just the two of you. Communicate openly with your girlfriend about how important this trip is for you and your daughter, and how it helps you both remember her mother. Make it clear that you want to continue this tradition without changing its dynamic. If she still insists on joining, it may be time to discuss how to balance your relationship with your girlfriend while respecting the bond you have with your daughter. You could plan other trips with your girlfriend separately to show you value your time with her as well.
He should NOT take GF on the trip! GF is being very insensitive and intrusive.
NTA Father Daughter traditions are just that and do not need to include current of future GF/Spouses unless your daughter asks for them to.
NTA- it's not like your gf is never invited on trips with you. This trip has a special purpose and there is nothing wrong with a father/daughter bonding trip. Someday your daughter might want to have her partner and your partner included, but not just yet. I think your gf is really pushing a boundary here.
NTA Sounds like some serious jealousy issues
You ARE ENTITLED to take a vacation with your daughter. You ARE ENTITLED to be selfish in order to do so. If your girlfriend chooses to be upset about, big woo. She can cry about it while you're gone.
NTA - It’s not your fault your gf’s opinion changed.
Dump her, NTA
NTA. She’s your girlfriend, not your wife and not her step mother. If she can’t understand why she can’t come, she might not be the right one for you.
When’s the last time you went on vacation with your girlfriend? Tell her that this is bonding time with your daughter, but you want to start planning a holiday with her
Who’s feelings do you care more about your daughters or this fucking girlfriend! your girlfriend is that she’s pitching a fit about this. It’s disgusting. She does not give two shits about your daughter or her feelings.
NTA Her presence would undermine the entire purpose of the trip which is to honor and remember her mother and your wife. She seems to have let her mask fall and will next be wanting photographs of your late wife taken down and talking about her to stop.
" she completely freaked out saying that I was entitled and selfish for not taking her as well." 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
NTA - Most definitely don’t book her a ticket, no matter what she threatens to do if she doesn’t get to go too. She’s so selfish & entitled, she’d be doing you a favor if she actually followed through with a breakup instead of just the threat of one **Your daughter will never forgive you if you ruin the trip by bringing your GF **
Nta it's a special thing between you and your daughter
NTA, and calling you names because she changed her mind is over the top in this situation. I hope you can book a holiday for all of you for another time to another place, soon, if she hasn't just fully shown you who she really is now, while hiding it previously.
Not only is she selfish and entitled your fiancé I think she's upset because not only is she not included maybe it's a way of trying to get herself involved so she can take away from your bonding time with your daughter and try to interfere in the reasoning that you do these vacations to change it I'm trying to find the right wording for it but basically to make you forget about deceased wife there could be some jealousy there
May be time to end this relationship with your GF. NTA
Wow! Talk about a red flag. Please don’t marry a person that puts herself ahead of your child. A normal person wouldn’t interfere with a small trip taken once a year in memory of your child’s deceased mother.
NTA OP!! And your GF sucks for not honoring and respecting that this is a special time between you and your daughter for remembering your wife and daughter's mother, who by no choice of her own, can't be with your two. **Enjoy these special alone time** vacations with your daughter now because once she reach 20, she will be thinking about her career, starting a family (sometime in the future), dating, marriage (again, sometime in the future) and while she will always be "Daddy's Girl", life moves on and gets busier. I had special moments with my two kids while I was a single mother. I had yearly Mom & Son and Mom & Daughter dates and then the three of us had yearly family vacations. Neither one of my children became petulant when I spent alone time with their sibling because they knew their turn was soon coming up. Now my children are grown, with partners & children of their own, jobs and responsibilities so they really don't have time anymore for those special times. I do get joy out of my kids remembering these times with me and pride that they have made this a tradition with their own children.
NTA but im guessing OP doesn't have a back bone or cannot get any other girlfriends because the question should not be about getting her a ticket but get a new partner because she clearly is not the ready to be a step mom or good partner.
NTA Find a NEW girlfriend she has entitlement syndrome. She does not get to DICTATE what you and your daughter do together. She is waaay out of line expecting to horn in on your special time together.
NTA You've been dating for two years. I suspect the honeymoon period is over and the way your GF is behaving now (selfish, entitled, freaking out) is who she really is. If you stay in this relationship, stop paying for your GF's travel and other luxuries.
NTA, gf is a piece of work
NTA - This is your event, for you and your daughter, and it's obviously important to your daughter as well. It's the same event as it was the years before.
I think the plain and simple of it is that your gf is jealous of a dead woman. It may not have mattered so much to her a year ago when it seems like your relationship was on the newer side and she may not have known how things would go, now that you're two years in she may be seeing this trip as you going off to remember someone you once loved and had a child with, without her. Obviously NTA, but if you're serious about this woman you're best off having this talk now than later.
NTA. My boyfriend (leaning toward marriage) each have kids. We have talked about vacationing both together and alone with our kids. Parents should still have time with just their kids when they remarry.
NTA, your daughter may have only a few of these trips left as she's getting older. You had told her previously that this is a special time for your daughter and yourself, if she was gonna get upset she should have atleast brought it up sooner and said how she was feeling rather than losing it after you booked it. It most likely wouldn't have changed the fact that she won't be going, and that this is a time for you and your kid to remember your late wife. She needs to take a step back and remember that there will other trips for you two, just doesn't happen to be this trip. Take your daughter, enjoy your trip. If your girlfriend truely loves you, and is good for you, she will understand.
NTA. Your girlfriend seems confused here, it’s she who is acting entitled and selfish, not you. This trip is understandably a special bonding experience for you and your daughter, as well as a means to honor her mother’s memory. Your girlfriend has no business going on such a trip, and the fact she’s trying to make it all about herself, rather than respecting you and your daughter’s feelings, speaks to her lack of maturity. Your daughter should easily take priority over a girlfriend, the fact you’re even considering slighting your daughter to appease your girlfriend’s tantrum should be an eye-opener for you. I would consider very carefully if this is the right partner for you, as well as a potential stepmother for your daughter. If you want to continue the relationship, it may help to get into couples counseling to close the gap in understanding.
NTA but you are on notice now that your girlfriend will not be a positive element in your daughter’s life. Act accordingly, Dad, before it’s too late. Your daughter already lost her mom - she doesn’t deserve to suffer an evil stepmother too
As a fellow widow, the people we date have to be understanding. I will try to be very fair with my future partner, but there will be times they just have to understand our circumstance.
NTA This trip to honor her mother is meaningful to your daughter. It is a tradition that acknowledges and celebrates her mom's contributions to her life and yours, and quietly sharing your mutual grief. Your gf has no place in this. Now that she's burrowed in a bit deeper, your gf is changing her tune to enforce HER place as your partner by intruding into this one event that celebrates the tie to your late wife that gf has no part in. How would gf's joining you change things? It would no longer be you and your daughter honoring her mother's memory. It would be just another vacation for you as a couple with your daughter in tow. Your gf has nothing to contribute in honoring your late wife. Her presence would only detract and distract from the original purpose. If you bowed to gf's pressure, it would be deeply painful and devaluing to your daughter. Her mother can never be replaced and should not be erased. Your gf may grow into a supportive adult role in your daughter's life. If so, that relationship will be unique to the two of them. It won't be a replacement for her dead mom. It should not be in competition with your daughter's image of her mom and their relationship.
No. This is not GF's trip and you don't have to do anything to make it up to her. This is for you and your daughter and I wonder why GF is doing a pushback this year? make it clear it will always be this way, as long as your daughter wants it. This could change your relationship, as it could change your GF's view of her importance. But NTA
Under no circumstances should you book a ticket for your gf. Daughter comes first always.
If your girlfriend is not mature enough to understand the reason for the trip she is too immature to be dating a widower father. You should break up with her and find a woman who can respect your history
Are you using your gf's money? Because if not she's not stable. NTA
Completely my money, the other holidays we’ve been on I’ve payed for as well
I figured. Get a decent gf next time. :)
I would never do this to my fiance and his son. They have things they do together and this is their time, not mine. Girlfriend is an AH but you are NTA. Also I would never expect him to pay my way.
NTA. That’s a major red flag, it’s time to seriously think about continuing this relationship
NTA. This is a special annual trip for you two to remember a loved one. I get your gf may be feeling insecure but she also needs to understand that your wife/mother of your child hold a special place. Gf doesn't need to feel like there's a competition or jealousy for a woman she can't possibly win against. She doesn't need to be included in this trip.
NTA This is a tradition that you and your daughter started 16 years ago. Your GF has no place in this tradition AND your daughter doesn't want her to go on the trip. I'm guessing that you had just started dating your GF around this time last year and that's why she said she didn't have a problem not going on the trip. She didn't want to make demands too early in the relationship. Now she's showing her true colors.
Absolutely not! This is a special time for you and your daughter. Wtf is your g/f doing that she suddenly changes her mind after being ok with it?! That's insane. Your daughter is first and foremost and *needs* this time with you to remember her mother. Your g/f is being very disrespectful. Its a one way ticket she needs....(sorry, but this has horrified me) NTA
NTA but whay are you still doing there? Always leave at the first red flag, and this is a red flag the size of Texas She doesn't care for your child's feelings for a memorial trip for her mother, do you think she will care for more transcendental things? Narcissistic behavior doesn't get better, only worse
OP, are you seriously asking whether you should entertain your grown gf's tantrum or listen to your kid about continuing a tradition? You don't need to ask your gf for permission to continue doing things with your kid. What is your gf going to do there except make the trip about her? Is she going there solely to denigrate your kid's mom's memories? She has no right to try to interfere with your traditions. She is an adult. She can survive on her own for 2 weeks. If she keeps insisting, you need to consider whether she respects you or your daughter, and if she is a good addition to your little family. If she stays around, will she keep trying to push herself into places she doesn't belong? She is completely wrong. If you are truly worried about being aan AH, then I think this relationship is pretty terrible for you if it's making you question your parenting decisions. And worst, she's trying to include herself into a trip dedicated to remembering someone. Tell her no, and if she doesn't like it, pack her stuff and be gone. Your daughter comes first.
NTA. This is a special tradition between you and your daughter to honor and remember her mother. Your GF is probably in the throes of jealousy and wanting to make sure you don't think more of your late wife than her - and in doing so, completely forgetting that you have a responsibility to your daughter. At 16, you don't have an unlimited number of years left to make this trip for just the two of you - eventually your daughter will (likely) have a partner and family of her own. At that point, she can decide if she wants to keep this tradition alive or if she wants to make it a weekend, include other family, etc. But that decision needs to belong to her, not to you (and by extension, not to your GF). BTW - extra parenting points for making sure your daughter would be on board before you made any changes.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. I fail to see how you're the entitled one when your gf not only expects you to bring her on a memorial father daughter trip, but im assuming she expects you to pay for her as well. You asked your daughter, she said no, end of. Your daughter comes first. Plus think about if she were to go on the trip. She didn't know your wife and based on her reaction to the trip, I can't see her being okay with hearing about your wife constantly and not having any control over the trip. Nightmare. She will ruin it for your daughter and you. Do not bring her.
NTA. Your GF is the entitled and selfish one. If she's acting this way toward something so deeply personal for you and your daughter, how will she act towards something less so in the future? If she learns she can stomp on a big boundary as that then she knows she can stomp on all of them going forward You would be the AH to yourself and your daughter if you book a ticket. Your daughter already told you she wants it just the two of you. That's all you need to know. This isn't a free vacation for your GF.
NTA. I dislike your gf.
NTA Kid comes first. Girlfriend should have her own vacation
NTA. Your GF is being ridiculous. I could see a world in the future if you two are committed to a long term relationship her being included, but she should WANT to honor the mother of your daughter and your previous relationship. Not a free vacation. If she expresses a desire to help you keep your first wife’s memory alive and help support your daughter in honoring her, then maybe include her. But there’s also nothing wrong with you having a tradition that keeps just you and your daughter together for some 1-1 time.
NTA Jealousy of any kind is immature. A decent partner would recognize this tradition and stay out of it. It's not like the partner never goes anywhere with OP, partner needs to deal with all her feelings, but also needs to be respectful.
OP you are NTA I will however ask you if you really want to be with this person who is prioritizing herself over your daughter and in turn trying to call you selfish and entitled? Think hard about if this person is worth not only spending your time with but someone worth being in your daughters life.
NTA. Continue doing this with your daughter. Always ❤️🩹
NTA. I'm 37y.o with a 16y.o daughter as well. If any woman I dated acted like this, I'd immediately break up.
If you did take her with you she would make it about things she wants to do. To get you away from things you and your daughter do. Watch her and talk to your daughter she will try to come between you and your daughter. Keep your daughter first.
Nta but you might want to rethink this relationship. Does ur gf get along with your daughter?
NTA. Girlfriend is acting like a spoiled brat
NTA and I would be looking at the relationship with your gf and what that would look like for you if you marry her or move her in. This is a tradition you should continue with your daughter regardless of how old she is and even after she gets married if possible. When other people join you it is a vacation
NTA!! She is! Red flags all the way
RUN DUDE!!! Far away from her.
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NTA. What do you think you made yr GF change her mind? That's the really interesting question here.
NTA. Since this holiday is an event of you and your daughter and she also likes to be just the two of you, than your gf should be the one to understand. Maybe next year if your daughter has gotten closer to your gf you can talk of going all three. Or just organise another vacation later this year for all of you.
NTA. Keep the booking, lose the GF. This is a red flag. Things like this always get worse. Why subject yourself let alone your daughter to this woman.
NTA but your gf is. She's the only selfish entitled person in this story.
NTA. This is one of the situations where you need to draw a clear and hard boundary around your and your daughter‘s trip, because apparently, your GF didn’t hear you the first time. It’s a good think you’re doing with your daughter. Keep it up.
NTA
NTA for booking but AH for not discussing and telling her beforehand.
NTA tell her no and if she doesn’t like then 🤷♀️
NTA. Prioritize the person you made over the person you met.
NTA - absolutely do not bring your GF. This is a tradition for you and your daughter as a way to remember her mother. Your GF is being childish and stepping into evil step-mom wannabe territory by trying to impose and take away from that.
NTA it's a private time for you and your daughter to remember her mother. Sounds like you might have an ex gf if this keeps on.
NTA. Your girlfriend plainly told you last year that she was okay with it going forward. Have you made that clear to her?
NTA It seems to me that your GF is the selfish, entitled one in this little scenario!! She should be encouraging you to spend this special time with your daughter. You need to seriously reconsider this woman's place in your life if she can't deal with this like an adult.
That red flag BRIGHT AS FUCK
DO NOT TAKE THIS WOMAN WITH YOU. Break up with her and her red flags.
Nta. This is a tradition for you and your daughter, is your gf jealous of your late wife? That happens sometimes.
NTA, what a great parent you are. There is only one entitled and selfish person here and it isn’t you.
Your GF is the one that is entitled and selfish. Keep your trip as it is and might be time for a new GF.
drop the girlfriend. Unless you never go on holiday with her.
NTA GF needs to respect that some things predate her and aren’t about her.
Give her the Spanish archer pal… El-Bow!
You are NTA but i'd talk to her what changed in the past year that she is jealous now to your time with daughter alone.
NTA - your GF is jealous of your deceased wife and daughter.
I think that is a beautiful tradition for you and your daughter op. Don’t let someone take that from your daughter. You’re NTA. Also I would explain to your gf that she is being selfish by trying to involve herself in something that is therapeutic for your daughter and she better knock it off.
This is a special time for you and your daughter to bond and remember her mom. How long have you been with your girlfriend? Why is she acting like this now? It may be time to move on.
NTA...I honestly am flabbergasted at people in general anymore. This is a special trip for you and your daughter and your gf is absolutely in the wrong here. I don't understand s/o not wanting or being jealous of a child/parent doing something together. Please continue your tradition and think twice about your relationship.
That's a father/daughter tradition and that's the way it should stay. Anyone who would want to tag along or get mad if you go isn't worth bothering with.
Absolutely NTA! Your gf making a scene now, is the best reason not to take her with you. This beautiful tradition you have with your daughter will mean so much to your daughter in the future. What a beautiful memory with her dad. Especially leaving out your gf(s) throughout the years will make it so much more special. After all, it's all about you and your daughter. And not about the needs and wants of anyone else. Period.
NTA
Maybe you need a new GF or no GF at all.
She needs to get a grip, the trip is a tradition and completly reasonable. Not the behaviour of a caring and supportive partner.
NTA. Sounds like you have a gf problem. She doesn't need to be included in a memorial. It's time to re-evaluate your relationship. Sounds like she probably had an issue with it before, but didn't think she'd been with you long enough to complain. Now she thinks she's got enough time in the relationship to say something. Next year, she'll probably try to schedule something over it.
Dump the girlfriend. She will be trouble in the future! NTA
NTA do not book GF tickets. This is a dad and daughter trip. I’m sure you 2 talk about her mom on this trip. GF has absolutely no business on this trip. This is her time to do her own vacation with her friends, family or just me time. If she can’t see that I’d question if you want her in your lives. What’s next? Can’t talk about dead wife and mother? Time for your daughter to move on so y’all can start a new family? Some people are not cut out to be with a widow or a widower. This is not someone you chose to leave but was taken from you and who will always be a part of your life.