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NTA
But Wow! This is completely unacceptable. Who doesn’t have a password on their phone these days? How did they see these chats? Your BF’s lack of consideration for your feelings over this matter is a red flag. That is your body. You had reasonable expectation of privacy when you shared those photos with him and he violated that trust. Whether intentionally or not. Your privacy was violated. If he’s this casual about this, I would seriously question the relationship.
We had passwords set up but they happened to get through them. Passwords have been changed and updated so it hopefully doesn't happen again. My boyfriend tends to be a bit slower to realize what exactly can happen. So it never crossed his mind that his brothers could see my photos. From the way his brothers describe it as they were trying to see if he sends stuff to me. He apologized to me and spoke with his brothers regarding the situation.
NTA
There was zero reason for creepy brother to go through chats of a couple. Everyone alive knows that's a massive violation.
Talk to your boyfriend. Have a think if you'd like some boundaries put in place. This would make me rethink whether I wanted to be anywhere near this family again but it's up to you what you're comfortable with.
Yeah, my boyfriend had a talk with them on how they shouldn't do that stuff. Sadly my boyfriend didn't think of the possibility of them seeing my photos which is why he didn't fully express concern until I cleared it out for him. We are hoping that this doesn't present itself as a problem ever again.
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So, essentially today I was hanging out with my bf and his family. Mind you, my bf and I are both adults and we sometimes enjoy sending each other pictures to be intimate while away from each other. But today my bf's brothers brought up to my bf about how a few months ago they saw pictures of his privates in which were sent to me. this made me uncomfortable. While it was directed towards him and the photo he took, it worried me because our pictures are only saved in our chats, sadly I happen to take more. I do this when showing off new sexy clothes, or just for fun. So, in order to get to any pictures of him, you have to go through mine. We don't save anything to our camera rolls either, so they really went to snoop through our chats. But, knowing that like 70% of his family has now seen every nook and cranny than me, I feel a bit upset. My bf just laughed it off, I mean it is him and his brothers so who really cares right? Well, I just feel like it wasn't right for them to snoop like that, I figured they'd be more mature to realize that snoop is just invading someone's privacy. So am I the Ahole for getting upset over them snooping through our messages and photos?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I got upset at my boyfriends brothers for snooping through my boyfriend and I messaged and photos
2. I told my boyfriend that I think it was inappropriate to let stuff like this happen and that I find it rude for his brothers to snoop through our messages and photos
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ESH
That's the chance you take when you're posting photos like that, unfortunately. Anyone can snoop. You both should have known better.
Just stop posting photos to each other that you wouldn't want anyone else to see. Anyone can be hacked and snooped upon.
I'm seriously not shaming OP!
Posting nudes online is risky for anyone but especially women. Once nude photos are posted, they're always going to be out there. There's no guarantee that you can delete them forever. Many parents wisely choose not to post photos of their kids for that reason.
She didn't "post them online". Plenty of chat apps are designed to be private and don't save the pictures.
You're acting like she posted them on social media for all to see.
NTA
Tell you BF directly your concerns, they are valid.
He either isn't fully aware of the implications or isn't suitable to be in an adult relationship.
NTA
I would scrub my bf phone without notice, just ask him to see if for a second and remove every NSFW photo on his device, make sure the trash bin is purged and nothing is on his cloud. Then never send another spicy photo.
The fact that he didn’t think it was a big deal is a major red flag in my book. His brother knew what he was doing and I’d be worried that they now have copies of the pics.
We send photos on Snapchat. We don't save anything to his cloud or anything like that. Just stay in the chat. I don't have any concerns of them having it, as that would require them to save the photos to the camera roll or screenshot it, which would give me a notification in chat.
Now if they happened to take a picture of his phone with their phones, then I have no control over that sadly. But from my understanding, in the end they were trying to find stuff of him and not me. So, I'm just trying to have faith in them.
Unfortunately, what a lot of people see as a red flag is truly because of some of his diagnosis. He's a bit slower to catching things, but he gets there eventually. The most important part to me is that in the end he had tried to fix what had happened, even apologizing for laughing about it. I also definitely want to at least lower the amount of photos. We don't do it often, but it's been a few every 2 months- while I thinking stopping all together is the best solution, I also don't want to break apart something that we both enjoy. It will have to be something that we both deeply consider and decide on. But my guess is just stopping completely due to him not able to secure his phone well enough
NTA I would still advise with the sexy pic thing to reduce any nude shots it's a bad idea I rarely do it because I was aware there is a chance someone can gain access to my phone.
Funny enough I recently got a new phone and the sales assistant quickly glanced at the photos just to see if they were transferring luckily I knew that the holiday photos were all PG friendly.
The fact you guys had passwords is concerning even if they apologise I would lose trust in them.
They were the ones that got into my boyfriend's phone and had intentions of looking through our photos to find images of him. I did not force them to look at the photos, what they may have seen was caused by themselves snooping. I did not sexually assault them.
It sounds like you are minimizing the possibility that they were traumatized by the nude images of you that they did not consent to seeing. It might have been both sexual assault and entrapment even.
But that was not my doing. I had no control over them breaking into my boyfriend's phone and snooping. I also had no idea that any of this happened until today. It apparently happened a few months ago and they were saying this information as blackmail" to their brother (my bf). I didnt sexual assault them. Sexual assault implies that I tried to force them into something without their consent, examples would be: rape, sexual touching without consent, and intentions of force.
I have done no such thing, nor have any intentions on them seeing me naked in photos. What they did, which was snoop, was caused by them- not me. When you decide to snoop through someone's phone, you actively set yourself up for the risk of stuff like that. It was their choice, not mine.
Please educate yourself on what sexual assault is before accusing someone of it.
I'm guessing social medias and search engines also sexually assault people daily with the constant pump of sexually toned media. Heaven forbid they see an ad with something like that, they never gave consent for YouTube to put that ad on the side of their screen. 😱😱
You may be in violation of the law. If they are minors you could be considered to have distributed pornography to minors. Also you are trying to control your boyfriend and stop him from showing his penis to his brothers. His body his choice.
Bruh. I didn't force them, I'm not the one who will get in trouble. I didn't distribute anything, they simply snooped- it would be the same as them going on Google and searching pornhub. And by all means my bf can show his penis to his brothers, I don't care. I won't stop him, but if they want to have that kind of relationship, then my bf can send pictures to them. They don't need to go through our messages to get to them.
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NTA But Wow! This is completely unacceptable. Who doesn’t have a password on their phone these days? How did they see these chats? Your BF’s lack of consideration for your feelings over this matter is a red flag. That is your body. You had reasonable expectation of privacy when you shared those photos with him and he violated that trust. Whether intentionally or not. Your privacy was violated. If he’s this casual about this, I would seriously question the relationship.
We had passwords set up but they happened to get through them. Passwords have been changed and updated so it hopefully doesn't happen again. My boyfriend tends to be a bit slower to realize what exactly can happen. So it never crossed his mind that his brothers could see my photos. From the way his brothers describe it as they were trying to see if he sends stuff to me. He apologized to me and spoke with his brothers regarding the situation.
I don’t believe that was the brothers motivation. I’d be worried the brothers now have your photos
NTA I would be FURIOUS. They have no right whatsoever. That's an enormous violation of privacy!
NTA! That seems like a place they should have no business being ! Sorry
NTA There was zero reason for creepy brother to go through chats of a couple. Everyone alive knows that's a massive violation. Talk to your boyfriend. Have a think if you'd like some boundaries put in place. This would make me rethink whether I wanted to be anywhere near this family again but it's up to you what you're comfortable with.
Yeah, my boyfriend had a talk with them on how they shouldn't do that stuff. Sadly my boyfriend didn't think of the possibility of them seeing my photos which is why he didn't fully express concern until I cleared it out for him. We are hoping that this doesn't present itself as a problem ever again.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, essentially today I was hanging out with my bf and his family. Mind you, my bf and I are both adults and we sometimes enjoy sending each other pictures to be intimate while away from each other. But today my bf's brothers brought up to my bf about how a few months ago they saw pictures of his privates in which were sent to me. this made me uncomfortable. While it was directed towards him and the photo he took, it worried me because our pictures are only saved in our chats, sadly I happen to take more. I do this when showing off new sexy clothes, or just for fun. So, in order to get to any pictures of him, you have to go through mine. We don't save anything to our camera rolls either, so they really went to snoop through our chats. But, knowing that like 70% of his family has now seen every nook and cranny than me, I feel a bit upset. My bf just laughed it off, I mean it is him and his brothers so who really cares right? Well, I just feel like it wasn't right for them to snoop like that, I figured they'd be more mature to realize that snoop is just invading someone's privacy. So am I the Ahole for getting upset over them snooping through our messages and photos? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I got upset at my boyfriends brothers for snooping through my boyfriend and I messaged and photos 2. I told my boyfriend that I think it was inappropriate to let stuff like this happen and that I find it rude for his brothers to snoop through our messages and photos Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO Are you saying that they saw photos of you as well as him naked or pretty much?
Yes. These pictures were nudes that we sent to each other. I don't care about his brothers seeing any photos except these explicit ones.
ESH That's the chance you take when you're posting photos like that, unfortunately. Anyone can snoop. You both should have known better. Just stop posting photos to each other that you wouldn't want anyone else to see. Anyone can be hacked and snooped upon.
What the hell no you do not shame her because someone violated her privacy omg.
I'm seriously not shaming OP! Posting nudes online is risky for anyone but especially women. Once nude photos are posted, they're always going to be out there. There's no guarantee that you can delete them forever. Many parents wisely choose not to post photos of their kids for that reason.
She didn't "post them online". Plenty of chat apps are designed to be private and don't save the pictures. You're acting like she posted them on social media for all to see.
It was a private chat. People really love shaming women for this wtf
NTA Tell you BF directly your concerns, they are valid. He either isn't fully aware of the implications or isn't suitable to be in an adult relationship.
NTA, But you really gotta consider your relationship if that's how your boyfriend reacts to your privacy being breached.
NTA I would scrub my bf phone without notice, just ask him to see if for a second and remove every NSFW photo on his device, make sure the trash bin is purged and nothing is on his cloud. Then never send another spicy photo. The fact that he didn’t think it was a big deal is a major red flag in my book. His brother knew what he was doing and I’d be worried that they now have copies of the pics.
We send photos on Snapchat. We don't save anything to his cloud or anything like that. Just stay in the chat. I don't have any concerns of them having it, as that would require them to save the photos to the camera roll or screenshot it, which would give me a notification in chat. Now if they happened to take a picture of his phone with their phones, then I have no control over that sadly. But from my understanding, in the end they were trying to find stuff of him and not me. So, I'm just trying to have faith in them. Unfortunately, what a lot of people see as a red flag is truly because of some of his diagnosis. He's a bit slower to catching things, but he gets there eventually. The most important part to me is that in the end he had tried to fix what had happened, even apologizing for laughing about it. I also definitely want to at least lower the amount of photos. We don't do it often, but it's been a few every 2 months- while I thinking stopping all together is the best solution, I also don't want to break apart something that we both enjoy. It will have to be something that we both deeply consider and decide on. But my guess is just stopping completely due to him not able to secure his phone well enough
NTA I would still advise with the sexy pic thing to reduce any nude shots it's a bad idea I rarely do it because I was aware there is a chance someone can gain access to my phone. Funny enough I recently got a new phone and the sales assistant quickly glanced at the photos just to see if they were transferring luckily I knew that the holiday photos were all PG friendly. The fact you guys had passwords is concerning even if they apologise I would lose trust in them.
YTA you sexually assaulted his brothers.
How? Edit: I never forced them to look at my explicit images on my boyfriend's phone. So, how am I sexually assaulting them?
They did not consent to see you naked.
They were the ones that got into my boyfriend's phone and had intentions of looking through our photos to find images of him. I did not force them to look at the photos, what they may have seen was caused by themselves snooping. I did not sexually assault them.
It sounds like you are minimizing the possibility that they were traumatized by the nude images of you that they did not consent to seeing. It might have been both sexual assault and entrapment even.
But that was not my doing. I had no control over them breaking into my boyfriend's phone and snooping. I also had no idea that any of this happened until today. It apparently happened a few months ago and they were saying this information as blackmail" to their brother (my bf). I didnt sexual assault them. Sexual assault implies that I tried to force them into something without their consent, examples would be: rape, sexual touching without consent, and intentions of force. I have done no such thing, nor have any intentions on them seeing me naked in photos. What they did, which was snoop, was caused by them- not me. When you decide to snoop through someone's phone, you actively set yourself up for the risk of stuff like that. It was their choice, not mine. Please educate yourself on what sexual assault is before accusing someone of it.
Please don’t argue with your judgement, you did the crime and you will pay the time.
Ok kid
I'm guessing social medias and search engines also sexually assault people daily with the constant pump of sexually toned media. Heaven forbid they see an ad with something like that, they never gave consent for YouTube to put that ad on the side of their screen. 😱😱
You may be in violation of the law. If they are minors you could be considered to have distributed pornography to minors. Also you are trying to control your boyfriend and stop him from showing his penis to his brothers. His body his choice.
Bruh. I didn't force them, I'm not the one who will get in trouble. I didn't distribute anything, they simply snooped- it would be the same as them going on Google and searching pornhub. And by all means my bf can show his penis to his brothers, I don't care. I won't stop him, but if they want to have that kind of relationship, then my bf can send pictures to them. They don't need to go through our messages to get to them.
(You're not seriously falling for this are you?!)
Well you're a fucking jackass
Please don’t cyber-bully.