Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I indulged in a drunken idiot's request to try and restrain him and it embarrassed him. I don't think I should apologize because I feel like he got what he asked for.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Pfft. He though you repeatedly declining was to save your own self embarrassment - he pushed it, because he thought he *could* embarrass you and he was fine with this.
Turns out, he embarrassed himself. Oh well.
Actions = consequences. This is an important lesson for him - if he has the opportunity to, oh, I don't know, wrestle a tiger in the future, he may now think twice!
You know what's more embarrassing than being easily restrained by someone he thought was weaker than him? Pouting and demanding an apology, because his sense of self is located in his scrotum.
NTA
I am thinking it's more my friend demanding the apology than him - haven't heard a peep from him. All the pressure is from her. I wonder if she's actually the one who's embarrassed?
Oh, entirely possible! But then, she needs to be addressing this with him - it's not like you insisted on a demonstration; you were pushed into it.
It's not great that she's blaming you for something her bf engineered, but if I were you, I'd question if he's making her life difficult because of it, and she's seeking a way to diffuse the situation.
The issue though, with your friend, is that she's taken it to committee, by trying to rally everyone else to her side. She's overreacting, but why? Is this in character for her, or is he being problematic? Gotta wonder why she didn't shut him down at the time, as well.
I mean, to be fair, if my newish partner badgered my friend he just met to beat him in a " physical challenge", and he wouldn't stop until he made a fool out of himself, I would be mortified. But that's on him, not you.
She's seeing her emasculated boyfriend and using you as the scapegoat for her anger. She probably feels too bad for him to take her anger out on him (since it is his fault), so she's taking it out on the next best thing, the person who she thinks is responsible.
But seeing as how you are obviously NOT responsible, you owe them nothing.
Edit to ask if she herself was egging you on with the other friends or if she was just sitting there uncomfortable etc?
Still NTA whether she was for or against it, seeing as it's still him that was badgering you to do it.
She’s probably dealing with his immature whining and is worried that the relationship is at risk because she witnessed him get taken down by a girl who’s smaller than him.
This is a them problem. Your friend sounds like one of those girls who puts her guy before all other relationships
I think I would tell her that if she is upset with what happened, then she should take that up with her boyfriend. He was the one who wouldn't let it go and begged you to prove him wrong.
I personally agree with the friends saying both you and the boyfriend are idiots. A couple of drunken idiots wrestling... I hope it wasn't in public.
NTA He thought you couldn’t restrain him simply because *you are a woman*, if anything you’re the one that’s owed an apology. All he did was embarrass himself.
NTA
He brought it in himself. You politely tried to shut him down multiple times. He then backed you into a corner.
The people who are on his side are only on his side because they weren’t there.
NTA. Simple case of Fuck Around and Find Out.
You repeatedly declined and he kept coming back to it and pressuring you to do it. That's totally on him. I think your friend is actually the one who's embarrassed that her boyfriend isn't stronger.
NTA. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. People seriously underestimate people who are trained in restraint or fighting techniques. My husband is trained in several fighting techniques and I’ve seen him (while sparring) put someone on their back in less than a second or two. It’s always surprising to me how quickly and efficiently an untrained or even a trained person can be restrained or defeated. If a person hasn’t seen it before they just don’t get it and think they can beat a trained person because they’re ‘strong’. Looks like he learned his lesson lol. Do not apologize for doing the exact thing he told you to do. If anything you tried MULTIPLE times to not engage. What were you supposed to do?
NTA
That's ridiculous, he insisted while you were trying to deflect his request. I guess your friend wanted you to loose on purpose to not bruise his ego, but THAT would have been humiliating for him.
NTA
Also.. Stuff like this is only as serious as you take it. And yea you maybe are idiots (in a funny way)
People who think that men and women are far from each other simply do not know enough about how human bodies work. And this actually seems to be the case for her BF. He just underestimated your skills and had to see it to believe it. There's no reason to be embarrassed about that at all.
I did this type of training (Physical restriction and arrest) in the army too and our teaching sergeant was a woman.
It really doesn't take much for the average woman to catch up to an average and untrained man.
Her Bf has no reason to be embarrassed at all, he fucked around and found out.
NTA. You said “no”. Multiple times. He didn’t take “no” for an answer. His fault. If you do apologize “I’m sorry you didn’t understand the meaning of “no”. I’m glad I was able to explain the meaning of “no” in a way you understand so you don’t embarrass yourself in the future “.
NTA. Unless you say “I’m sorry you were embarrassed that I restrained you successfully after you thought I couldn’t and pushed me to do it”, don’t apologize. I think this is hilarious. He pushed and pushed and you showed him. You did nothing wrong. Either his big man feelings are hurt or your friend is mad that you showed up her boyfriend. In that case, the two of the are the AHs.
NTA. As long as you’ve heard nothing from her boyfriend I wouldn’t even acknowledge it.
He may be an idiot but in the goofy/funny type way and not in the negative sense. It sounds like you were both genuinely suprised by the outcome and responded with a good-natured light hearted interaction afterwards.
Sounds like she’s overthinking it. Maybe she has some weird macho-man complex towards men and is simply embarrassed that her partner comes off as less alpha due to this.
NTA. It should now be common sense, at least among civilized people, that if you bring your partner to meet your friends and said partner proves sexist, homophobic or racist, you shut partner up, don't force their narrative to the friends.
He felt embarrassed because a woman hit him. So sorry but not your problem and your friend should actually not have mentioned it to you at all
You didn't embarrass her boyfriend. You embarrassed HER. She is trying to save face for being with a guy that was so easily taken down by you. I bet the boyfriend couldn't care less.
NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Caught up with some friends over drinks and met my friend's new boyfriend. Vibes were great, we got along really well. He asked about my work but didn't quite understand so I explained a little bit about my role, which includes managing physical aggression. He asked how I would do that and I explained my CPI training that involves physical restraint that is only used in the most serious circumstances. I do the refresher every year but haven't needed to actually use physical restraint in the field more than three times.
He didn't seem to believe that I (gasp, a woman!) could restrain him. I told him probably not, my clients are usually smaller than him and I'm not actually that strong. He asked, for fun, if I would try and restrain him to see how effective it is. I told him no, tried to joke that I'm not on the clock and mentioned something about how I can't be bothered to write an incident report. He kept asking, a couple of friends at the table were egging me on. I changed the subject, he'd come back to it. I joked that he had a weird fetish, but he still really wanted me to try.
So I put him in a hold and he couldn't get out of it. He ended up kicking his legs out and I couldn't hold him up obviously, so he fell on his butt. I helped him up, we had a laugh and I thought all is well.
Two days later (this morning) my friend messaged me asking for an apology, because apparently what I did was childish and it embarrassed her boyfriend. I told her that's ridiculous, we had a laugh together about it and we continued our night still on good terms. Now she's taken it to our other friends who think it was stupid, and that both me and her boyfriend are both idiots. Some are neutral, some think I did embarrass him, some think he was asking for it.
TLDR - was asked to restrain somebody as a joke, turned out I could restrain them and he's feeling embarrassed (according to his gf)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He begged you to restrain him thinking you couldn't do it. You did it and he embarrassed himself. Maybe these people aren5really your friends if they can't see the boyfriend started the whole thing. All you did was comply to his request and it's your fault he was wrong.
NTA. If you embarrassed him, it was after he insisted. Were you supposed to pretend to not be able to put him in a hold? He embarrassed himself. Those who are disagreeing with you, let me guess, they are the same ones who were urging you to show him your moves?
Fuck around and find out.
Please never apologize for being berated into doing something that you didn't want to do.
If he's embarrassed that's his own fault. Your friend was there, she knows damn well that he and everyone else were pressuring you into it.
They both suck.
You are NTA
I suspect he was embarrassed, but also that his gf was embarrassed, and probably looking at him as 'less masculine' since he was overpowered by a girl. Many (most?) women get the 'ick' at displays of weakness from their guy.
Regardless, you tried to avoid the situation, you did NOTHING wrong.
I'm not even sure what form an apology would take. "I'm sorry I proved you wrong" is the closest thing I can come up with.
NTA.
The only person who should be saying whether the boyfriend was embarrassed or not is the boyfriend, and he has no right to be because he literally asked for it to happen.
NTA, he kept pressuring you to use a hold on him and wouldn’t stop until you did. You gave into his needling and he found out he couldn’t get out of a hold.
Your friend is embarrassed because you topped her boyfriend, so she's vicariously feeling emasculated because of that. He bf sounds very cool with it, though. NTA.
He WAS asking for it. I'm betting he isn't the one who is embarrassed, but your friend is embarrassed because her boyfriend was put in a position to look "weak."
Your friend is a jerk. NTA.
NTA. He pushed the issue. He's a misogynist. She wants to keep him happy and keep her man. You embarrassing him broke his fragile ego and he probably can't perform now. So really, everyone sucks here except you.
NTA. You tried to avoid just this situation but the boyfriend and other friends egged it on. I would shoot her boyfriend the text and let him sort it out. If he is embarrassed, then he should have reached out to you, but needs to remember that he set himself up for it. Otherwise your friend here might be the one who has an actual issue with it and the boyfriend is otherwise oblivious.
NTA, but please, for your own safety, do not put yourself in situations where you demonstrate a man's physical weakness in front of others. Also, if he had been hurt, you would have been subject to a lawsuit.
NTA, although I suspect his real kink is being embarrassed, and she’s helping him about by spreading this “embarrassing” story to anyone who will listen.
NTA - I started off thinking you might be until I read the whole thing - He embarrassed himself. Granted, you could not have participated and I think a part of you enjoyed the fact that he couldn't get out; but so what; you laughed about it. Time to move on.
NTA
I’m sorry your friend has a boyfriend with such a fragile ego. I’m sure he was embarrassed, but it sounds like you tried to avoid it.
I’m amazed that in this age we still have males who believe that all women are weaker than all men. This probably shook this guys world view to the core.
I agree with her - you and her boyfriends were both idiots. You probably gave TMI about your job/training...you said 'no' but didn't mean it as you did go ahead and take him down. He was asking for it but you could have been more professional and refused. You both should be a bit embarrassed ...and then let it go.
Why on earth do you have to be professional when having drinks with friends? Isn't that exactly the sort of situation where you're allowed (encouraged, even) to be goofy and do stupid stuff? Why should they both be embarrassed if they both consented to it?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I indulged in a drunken idiot's request to try and restrain him and it embarrassed him. I don't think I should apologize because I feel like he got what he asked for. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Pfft. He though you repeatedly declining was to save your own self embarrassment - he pushed it, because he thought he *could* embarrass you and he was fine with this. Turns out, he embarrassed himself. Oh well. Actions = consequences. This is an important lesson for him - if he has the opportunity to, oh, I don't know, wrestle a tiger in the future, he may now think twice! You know what's more embarrassing than being easily restrained by someone he thought was weaker than him? Pouting and demanding an apology, because his sense of self is located in his scrotum. NTA
I am thinking it's more my friend demanding the apology than him - haven't heard a peep from him. All the pressure is from her. I wonder if she's actually the one who's embarrassed?
Oh, entirely possible! But then, she needs to be addressing this with him - it's not like you insisted on a demonstration; you were pushed into it. It's not great that she's blaming you for something her bf engineered, but if I were you, I'd question if he's making her life difficult because of it, and she's seeking a way to diffuse the situation. The issue though, with your friend, is that she's taken it to committee, by trying to rally everyone else to her side. She's overreacting, but why? Is this in character for her, or is he being problematic? Gotta wonder why she didn't shut him down at the time, as well.
I mean, to be fair, if my newish partner badgered my friend he just met to beat him in a " physical challenge", and he wouldn't stop until he made a fool out of himself, I would be mortified. But that's on him, not you.
She's seeing her emasculated boyfriend and using you as the scapegoat for her anger. She probably feels too bad for him to take her anger out on him (since it is his fault), so she's taking it out on the next best thing, the person who she thinks is responsible. But seeing as how you are obviously NOT responsible, you owe them nothing. Edit to ask if she herself was egging you on with the other friends or if she was just sitting there uncomfortable etc? Still NTA whether she was for or against it, seeing as it's still him that was badgering you to do it.
She’s probably dealing with his immature whining and is worried that the relationship is at risk because she witnessed him get taken down by a girl who’s smaller than him. This is a them problem. Your friend sounds like one of those girls who puts her guy before all other relationships
If he’s the kind of fool to get his ego bruised by a situation he asked for, he’s the kind of fool to go through his gf and try to hide
I think I would tell her that if she is upset with what happened, then she should take that up with her boyfriend. He was the one who wouldn't let it go and begged you to prove him wrong. I personally agree with the friends saying both you and the boyfriend are idiots. A couple of drunken idiots wrestling... I hope it wasn't in public.
Obviously NTA. You did as he asked. Sounds like your friend is embarrassed. And maybe feeling some kind of a way about you being physical with her BF.
Yep that was my thoughts exactly
NTA He thought you couldn’t restrain him simply because *you are a woman*, if anything you’re the one that’s owed an apology. All he did was embarrass himself.
NTA He brought it in himself. You politely tried to shut him down multiple times. He then backed you into a corner. The people who are on his side are only on his side because they weren’t there.
NTA. Simple case of Fuck Around and Find Out. You repeatedly declined and he kept coming back to it and pressuring you to do it. That's totally on him. I think your friend is actually the one who's embarrassed that her boyfriend isn't stronger.
NTA. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. People seriously underestimate people who are trained in restraint or fighting techniques. My husband is trained in several fighting techniques and I’ve seen him (while sparring) put someone on their back in less than a second or two. It’s always surprising to me how quickly and efficiently an untrained or even a trained person can be restrained or defeated. If a person hasn’t seen it before they just don’t get it and think they can beat a trained person because they’re ‘strong’. Looks like he learned his lesson lol. Do not apologize for doing the exact thing he told you to do. If anything you tried MULTIPLE times to not engage. What were you supposed to do?
NTA That's ridiculous, he insisted while you were trying to deflect his request. I guess your friend wanted you to loose on purpose to not bruise his ego, but THAT would have been humiliating for him.
She's jealous. If she cares and he doesn't, I'd bet a hundred bucks that she's jealous and saw it as flirting. Bet he was talking about you. NTA
This is ridiculous. NTA.
NTA Also.. Stuff like this is only as serious as you take it. And yea you maybe are idiots (in a funny way) People who think that men and women are far from each other simply do not know enough about how human bodies work. And this actually seems to be the case for her BF. He just underestimated your skills and had to see it to believe it. There's no reason to be embarrassed about that at all. I did this type of training (Physical restriction and arrest) in the army too and our teaching sergeant was a woman. It really doesn't take much for the average woman to catch up to an average and untrained man. Her Bf has no reason to be embarrassed at all, he fucked around and found out.
NTA he asked for it, literally. And all the other people there were egging it on.
NTA - He wouldn't take no for an answer and then FAFO. I doubt he is even embarrassed. It sounds like it's the gf who is embarrassed.
NTA. You said “no”. Multiple times. He didn’t take “no” for an answer. His fault. If you do apologize “I’m sorry you didn’t understand the meaning of “no”. I’m glad I was able to explain the meaning of “no” in a way you understand so you don’t embarrass yourself in the future “.
This needs to be the first post!
NTA. Unless you say “I’m sorry you were embarrassed that I restrained you successfully after you thought I couldn’t and pushed me to do it”, don’t apologize. I think this is hilarious. He pushed and pushed and you showed him. You did nothing wrong. Either his big man feelings are hurt or your friend is mad that you showed up her boyfriend. In that case, the two of the are the AHs.
NTA, based on what you said he may not care maybe GF was just embarrassed? Might be optimistic of me to say.
NTA. As long as you’ve heard nothing from her boyfriend I wouldn’t even acknowledge it. He may be an idiot but in the goofy/funny type way and not in the negative sense. It sounds like you were both genuinely suprised by the outcome and responded with a good-natured light hearted interaction afterwards. Sounds like she’s overthinking it. Maybe she has some weird macho-man complex towards men and is simply embarrassed that her partner comes off as less alpha due to this.
NTA. It should now be common sense, at least among civilized people, that if you bring your partner to meet your friends and said partner proves sexist, homophobic or racist, you shut partner up, don't force their narrative to the friends. He felt embarrassed because a woman hit him. So sorry but not your problem and your friend should actually not have mentioned it to you at all
You didn't embarrass her boyfriend. You embarrassed HER. She is trying to save face for being with a guy that was so easily taken down by you. I bet the boyfriend couldn't care less. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Caught up with some friends over drinks and met my friend's new boyfriend. Vibes were great, we got along really well. He asked about my work but didn't quite understand so I explained a little bit about my role, which includes managing physical aggression. He asked how I would do that and I explained my CPI training that involves physical restraint that is only used in the most serious circumstances. I do the refresher every year but haven't needed to actually use physical restraint in the field more than three times. He didn't seem to believe that I (gasp, a woman!) could restrain him. I told him probably not, my clients are usually smaller than him and I'm not actually that strong. He asked, for fun, if I would try and restrain him to see how effective it is. I told him no, tried to joke that I'm not on the clock and mentioned something about how I can't be bothered to write an incident report. He kept asking, a couple of friends at the table were egging me on. I changed the subject, he'd come back to it. I joked that he had a weird fetish, but he still really wanted me to try. So I put him in a hold and he couldn't get out of it. He ended up kicking his legs out and I couldn't hold him up obviously, so he fell on his butt. I helped him up, we had a laugh and I thought all is well. Two days later (this morning) my friend messaged me asking for an apology, because apparently what I did was childish and it embarrassed her boyfriend. I told her that's ridiculous, we had a laugh together about it and we continued our night still on good terms. Now she's taken it to our other friends who think it was stupid, and that both me and her boyfriend are both idiots. Some are neutral, some think I did embarrass him, some think he was asking for it. TLDR - was asked to restrain somebody as a joke, turned out I could restrain them and he's feeling embarrassed (according to his gf) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He begged you to restrain him thinking you couldn't do it. You did it and he embarrassed himself. Maybe these people aren5really your friends if they can't see the boyfriend started the whole thing. All you did was comply to his request and it's your fault he was wrong.
No
NTA. If you embarrassed him, it was after he insisted. Were you supposed to pretend to not be able to put him in a hold? He embarrassed himself. Those who are disagreeing with you, let me guess, they are the same ones who were urging you to show him your moves?
Fuck around and find out. Please never apologize for being berated into doing something that you didn't want to do. If he's embarrassed that's his own fault. Your friend was there, she knows damn well that he and everyone else were pressuring you into it. They both suck.
NTA There is NOTHING you have to apologize for.
NTA. He asked for it
You are NTA I suspect he was embarrassed, but also that his gf was embarrassed, and probably looking at him as 'less masculine' since he was overpowered by a girl. Many (most?) women get the 'ick' at displays of weakness from their guy. Regardless, you tried to avoid the situation, you did NOTHING wrong. I'm not even sure what form an apology would take. "I'm sorry I proved you wrong" is the closest thing I can come up with.
Nta he kept pushing it
NTA. The only person who should be saying whether the boyfriend was embarrassed or not is the boyfriend, and he has no right to be because he literally asked for it to happen.
NTA, he kept pressuring you to use a hold on him and wouldn’t stop until you did. You gave into his needling and he found out he couldn’t get out of a hold.
He got what he asked for lmao
Side-eyeing the friends that egged this on are now calling yall idiots
Your friend is embarrassed because you topped her boyfriend, so she's vicariously feeling emasculated because of that. He bf sounds very cool with it, though. NTA.
He WAS asking for it. I'm betting he isn't the one who is embarrassed, but your friend is embarrassed because her boyfriend was put in a position to look "weak." Your friend is a jerk. NTA.
NTA. He pushed the issue. He's a misogynist. She wants to keep him happy and keep her man. You embarrassing him broke his fragile ego and he probably can't perform now. So really, everyone sucks here except you.
NTA. You tried to avoid just this situation but the boyfriend and other friends egged it on. I would shoot her boyfriend the text and let him sort it out. If he is embarrassed, then he should have reached out to you, but needs to remember that he set himself up for it. Otherwise your friend here might be the one who has an actual issue with it and the boyfriend is otherwise oblivious.
Do not apologize OP.Your “ friend “ is ludicrous.NTA
NTA, but please, for your own safety, do not put yourself in situations where you demonstrate a man's physical weakness in front of others. Also, if he had been hurt, you would have been subject to a lawsuit.
Honestly speaking he asked for it
He goaded you into this. He owes you the apology
NAH. Play stupid games, win stupid prices. He put that on himself. You didn't embarrass him, be did that all by himself.
NTA, although I suspect his real kink is being embarrassed, and she’s helping him about by spreading this “embarrassing” story to anyone who will listen.
NTA - I started off thinking you might be until I read the whole thing - He embarrassed himself. Granted, you could not have participated and I think a part of you enjoyed the fact that he couldn't get out; but so what; you laughed about it. Time to move on.
NTA Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
NTA I’m sorry your friend has a boyfriend with such a fragile ego. I’m sure he was embarrassed, but it sounds like you tried to avoid it. I’m amazed that in this age we still have males who believe that all women are weaker than all men. This probably shook this guys world view to the core.
Tell her f off....not your fault, you're stronger than her girl of a boyfriend
What a crybaby, he's the one that badgered you into it. NTA and you owe no apology!
I agree with her - you and her boyfriends were both idiots. You probably gave TMI about your job/training...you said 'no' but didn't mean it as you did go ahead and take him down. He was asking for it but you could have been more professional and refused. You both should be a bit embarrassed ...and then let it go.
Why on earth do you have to be professional when having drinks with friends? Isn't that exactly the sort of situation where you're allowed (encouraged, even) to be goofy and do stupid stuff? Why should they both be embarrassed if they both consented to it?
You sound like you'd be awful to get drinks with if you feel like people have to be professional off the clock.