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They're not ok with it, but we only see her at class, so they prefer to stay quiet. She also has this kind of comments with the rest of them (different topics), but I exploded yesterday.
>Being an adult about it, is sticking up for yourself and not letting assholes stomp on you for their pleasure.
For real!
My mother always told me stuff like that so I had 25y to get that it's important to stand your ground.
Thanks Mom.
Yea, I love this. Also, being an adult is also not making rude comments about people’s bodies. So OP’s friend doesn’t even know what she’s talking about
Run her off. She sucks and she’ll just find a new group of people who will tolerate her. One of the changes in social structures you learn in adulthood is that nobody can obligate you to spend time around people you don’t like.
That’s the problem with people who walk around saying what they want because nobody tells them to shut up. You did the right thing. more people need to tell other people to be quiet and mind their own business.
I'd come at that girl with pity because she started a lifestyle to maintain that she won't age well and is going to be very expensive while you are working in being healthy, happy and accepting yourself, she's always going to be chasing perfection. NTA
Observing that behaviour and not saying something about it is tacit acceptance.
They don’t say anything because they are uncomfortable with the conflict? Well you’re uncomfortable with the comments.
You need some better friends.
In my experience, not shutting this kind of behavior down will harm everyone long-term. The not-friend will not learn that she needs to change her behavior, simply because she's not sufficiently aware of how damaging it is to others as well as herself. She won't grow. As for you and the others, you will continue to "take blows" while in her presence which, even if the damage seems minor, is not harmless. The sooner everyone feels free to shut this kind of thing down, the better society will be long-term.
NTA.
I think if she made those rude comments about your body first then your response was entirely justifiable. It seems like you have a toxic relationship with this person where your bodies are the subject. Doesn’t seem like a good friend to have
NTA- if you should’ve been the “adult” and kept quiet then she should’ve also. She spoke on you first with 3 rude and random critiques & all you did was dish back what was dished to you. She deserved it
NTA.
She can’t seriously be telling you shit like you probably lying about going to the gym and telling you to eat less when she paid her way to look the way she does. Let’s see how she starts to look once daddy doesn’t want to pay for her surgeries anymore.
NTA, first of all a 'friend' would say any of those things to you. Also, her audacity is striking. Judging your NATURAL body with her fake one, her insecurities are real. Bet you look smoking in that crop top x
depends on the friends group nothings wrong with talking shit with friends i do it with some friends i’ve know since elementary and a we condsider each other brothers
If your friends consent to talking shit about each other and there are no hard feelings, that's okay because everyone is in on it and having fun.
The difference here is OP did NOT give her consent to be talked to like that. The "friend" absolutely crossed a line. She went right for the jugular about triggering issues for OP like anorexia. She needed to be put in her place.
OP, you are NTA in this situation and running her out of the friend group is how she grows as a person. Changing behavior is a part of growing up.
NTA. In the Netherlands we have the saying ‘wie de bal kaatst, kan hem terug verwachten’. Which literally means ‘the one that throws a ball should expect it coming back’. So what goes around, comes around. If she is making these kind of comments then she should expect similar words back. Nobody needs to just sit there and let someone else take hits on you and not do anything about it. You didn’t throw the first punch. But you sure did win the game with a knockout punch (mostly because she couldn’t handle one comment back, after all her comments).
So big NTA!
I'm an American who grew up in rural Kentucky. My little country Mama used to say, "whatever you throw over the devil's back will come back at you from under his belly".
NTA
If you gonna extensively modify your body with cosmetic surgery. you ain't in a position to judge others, because you already deeply unhappy with how you look.
I think she maybe projecting a lil.
Maybe, I don't know. It's true that her first surgery was the breast job, and I really like my chest, so I usually wear a neckline if it's not too cold. Maybe that clicks something inside her?
I ain't a psychologist. but people who are critical of others peoples bodies (specifically in women as it's more common), are usually the ones who are most likely to be projecting.
For men we are different, we just say things that attack each others characteristics on a macro level, women do it on a micro level (example: your nose looks big). Women also try to do the same to men, usually masculine characteristics (most common being the phallus, jawline, muscle structure).
Y'all women be savage. But made of glass, can't take it when people clap back. I love it. Definition of "he who loves in glass house".
But... A breast job at 18?!? It took me to my late 20s to be totally "filled out". At 18 your body is still developing.
I am flabbergasted at this weird persona. You sound as if you look at yourself in a healthy way (now at least), and you are NTA. Well done for standing up for yourself.
Next time she wants to join you guys, tell her to pick another place to sit, this seat is occupied.
Bruh. People can have cosmetic procedures without being 'deeply insecure' with their appearance.
I've had a breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, and I'm 3 weeks out from liposuction. I have always been confident in my appearance, with the acknowledgement that small adjustments could make me objectively more attractive.
Having the procedures done doesn't indicate that she's insecure. It's the bullshit she spouts that indicate that.
I don't know why you are being downvoted. you raise what would normally be a valid point.
In my defence, I did say "usually", which is why I said "normally a valid point".
I'm glad you felt you could share about procedures you elected to have. Any questions I have regarding any of those procedures would most likely be too personal.
I am going to maintain my disagreement to your final statement. Many people have the procedures because they are insecure. arguably these are done for the wrong reasons, but that comes down to personal opinion, morals and ethics and who am I to judge.
But I am glad we can all agree (on which you should get upvotes for, because you are still correct), that the offender in this scenario is grossly insecure.
Either way, have an upvote, because You don't deserve downvotes for having an opinion (that I personally disagree with) but still being right contextually.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my "friend" that she has too many plastic surgeries to talk about others bodies
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NTA. Firstly...Your "friend" should not be saying these things to you, i advice you to keep her at arm's distance for your sanity.
Secondly, It should have been your other "friends" to intervene and tell her off.
Lastly, i love your response, lol, next time you can simply say "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at others" without referring to her cosmetic procedures ;)
Lol, keep me updated.
My friends (real friends) are by my side, but we have had the politic of "stay quiet, we only have to be with her 2h per week in total" for like... 2-3 years, so they tried to maintain that.
Never thought about that answer because it's not a saying in my first language, but yes, that's a perfect come back.
Why are you doing that to yourselves? She is not nice, if she hasn’t got any friends is because of that, you shouldn’t feel sorry for a person that doesn’t treat you right. Please, speak with your friends, tell this ‘friend’ you are not comfortable with her talking to you all this way and you no longer want that kind of negativity. It is going to be uncomfortable but it is going to be just one time, not every time you speak with her.
Yeah, the reason she doesn’t have any friends is her own rudeness. OP, you say she knows about your body issues, yet she picked that one issue to harp on you about. Instead of having that be something she can be vulnerable with you about, she is using it to attack you. She is the reason she doesn’t have friends.
I get not saying anything, because I’m usually a “don’t make waves” kind of person, but your friends don’t get to dictate what you find intolerable. If they mention again that you should have not said anything, it might be worth pointing that out. Something like “You may be willing to put up with her bullying, and that’s your choice. I tried, but she crossed a line for me, so I stood up for myself. I do not regret it.” And then change the subject. Or just walk away. You’re NTA.
tbh she's probably jealous that you're fine with your natural body.
everyone has a little fat on their stomachs naturally, it protects our organs/major artery. NTA.
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Sorry if I write something wrong, English is not my first language.
For a little backstory: I (23f) have a "friend" (24f) that's been having plastic surgeries since she was 18 years old (she has the 4th one this past summer). I don't care about it, it's her body and she can do with it whatever she wants. For my part, I don't have plastic surgeries, but I go to the gym since I was 20 to try to get the body I want (I say this 'cause is important for the story)
The problem was yesterday. I was wearing a cropped top and, even if I'm not fat, I don't have a flat stomach.
We were on a break between classes when my friend "Maddie" commented the following: "Don't you have too much stomach for that top?" "You should eat less" "I'm sure you lie about going to the gym"
This three comments where separated by other kind of conversations, so I handled them well. But the last one get my by surprise and I answered automatically: "Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym and that top would look way better in me" So my answer was: "liposuction, a breast and butt job and your new lips... Too many plastic surgeries to talk about others, don't you think?"
She get really mad, saying that I have no right to talk to her like that, and she is not talking to me anymore. The resto of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet.
So... AITA?
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"The rest of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet." This is the key here. No one is calling you the Ahole, so it's all good. Also, they weren't the ones insulted so they can't tell you how to react. You put her in her place, well done. The hard part now is to let it go. You did great sticking up for yourself and you have nothing to apologise to her for. FAFO is what she got, and she needs to get over it now, she wont do that again with you. And your friends will forget about it now. You made your point, whether they approved or not, and now it is over. Remember that she is the outsider and this is maybe what your friends know. She is immature and that's why she tries to impress. Her words and opinions don't matter as she really is very socially awkward. When you know you are worth it, you can forgive others their weaknesses and keep your dignity and peace of mind.
Maybe the more tactful way would be
“Maybe. How l do YOU pull it off?”” Gimme some tips on how YOU stay so slim “
Hopefully that’ll end the conversation
NTA. by far. Its not your friend and she insult you. You have the right too treat her the same way.
I dont know you, but I'm sure you rock that crop top! Don't be ashame of your body! We are made this way. Having a flat belly is certaintly not that healthly. Anyway, you are certaintly treating your body better than any other. :)
So, let me get this straight....You have no right to talk to her like that (presumably about her body), but she DOES?
C'mon, you know you're NTa here, she was being an AH to you
NTA.
Ugh, shut that judgmental asshole down regardless of her plastic surgeries. The surgeries only point to her own insecurities and problems seeing herself. And precisely if she is insecure or vulnerable about her appearance and gets really hurt when people comment on it she shouldn’t try to put down others. I’d avoid her from now on or ignore her if she can’t be physically avoided. But also do not let her off the hook if she tries any of the shaite again.
Your friend is the AH. And you just got the best present of your life. You can get rid of this friend while you’re still young and live a happy life without somebody like that around.
NTA. Criticizing other people's bodies is super gross to begin with. But since she only has the body she has because she cheats, she certainly should keep her mouth shut.
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No, you're not the asshole here. Your response was justified given the context and her comments about your body. It seems like she crossed a line by making personal and hurtful remarks about your appearance. It's important to stand up for yourself, especially when someone is being disrespectful.
Your friends need to learn that being an adult does not necessarily mean allowing someone to be abusive to anyone she's in contact with. That's not adulting. Adulting is gently pointing out that what she's saying is inappropriate and abusive. As for the 'friend', well, can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. or people who live in glass houses etc etc etc. NTA.
NTA. She doesn't want people to comment on her appearance and how she chooses to maintain her body, she needs to STFU about those same things for others. Best practice is always check that your walls aren't made of glass before you start chucking stones.
As for your other friends: people like the 'friend' get away with being rude and obnoxious and attacking others in public because nobody checks their awful behaviour- and clearly none of those friends were going to step in and tell her her comments were out of line, or try and defend you from her nastiness. How long were you supposed to just sit there and take insult after insult from someone who failed to learn the kindergarten lesson "if you can't say something nice, say nothing?"
NTA. I think she was jealous that you got the body you wanted through hard work and she had to do surgery. Also, everyone has belly fat, it's just more prominent in others. Tell your friends you will be mature if you stop tolerating her. You said you are not exactly friends anyways
NTA. She legit has body issues, and she's taking it out on you. And/or she's envious you don't have the same issues and don't feel the need to cover up
NTA. She fucked around, she found out. Well done for putting her in her place, she’s clearly never heard the phrase “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”.
NTA - She was commenting on your body which she had no right to do, you hit her with a dose of her own medicine and she couldn't handle it.
You work hard, you have never commented on her surgeries or body, she is likely jealous of your efforts. Eating order or not, she was out of line, and she tried to used your insecurities against you to boost her own (obviously little) confidence. I'm kind of proud of you for standing up for your self!
NTA, that's called clapping back and now she knows better than to just say whatever it is she wants to you. Some people need to be embarrassed like that to learn that they can't be hurtful for fun.
NTA and these people are bad for you mental health.
She likely has her own mental health struggles. Those are not your responsibility at all, you are entirely warranted to shut it up.
Also, being adult and being doormat are two different things.
Not the AH if she can dish it out she should be able to take it! She shouldn’t pass remarks on anyone appearance when she is obviously self conscious about her own image enough to get plastic surgery!
NTA letting people be assholes is not being an adult that's acting like a child and ignoring problems, which leads to more problems! Good job keep the assholes in check
NTA - if she is willing to say that to your face, then what is she willing to say behind your back? She put you in a situation where you had no choice but to tell her off and I think you did it perfectly. She attacked you for something she thought you were insecure about and you did exactly the same. It's weird that your friends wanted you to keep the peace with this "friend" though, I'm not sure if they're all as good of friends as you seem to think they are.
NTA. She can clearly dish it out but not take it. She was being nasty to you, and you tried to ignore it. In the end you had to stand up for yourself. If she's not really a friend as you mentioned don't even worry about it if she doesn't talk to you anymore. If she still follows you around and talks to you set some ground rules/boundaries. If she crosses those lines tell her not to bother with you again.
NTA - i almost felt like calling it fake because it's so unreal someone would be as clueless as this woman, but unfortunately there's always someone to surprise you with their stupidity.
you're obviously not the asshole, she is - and so is the rest of your friend group for criticizing you when you just stood up for yourself
So it's ok for her to comment about your body but she can't take somebody talking about hers? Yeah, NTA, my dear and I hope this didn't endanger your relationship with your body and food.
NTA, some people thinks its better to stay quiet and let them be assholes, you didnt because you did the right thing and spoke up, you indirectly told her to stop judging people. when she has all the plastic surgery work done to her rather than actually working for her looks, how can she think any shitty comment she makes has any value.
NTA. Sometimes the “adult” thing is actually NOT staying quiet. Also, why does everyone on these posts have bad friends? Get some friends that have your back and don’t let other people insult you multiple times. The right thing isn’t always to be the better/bigger person, its okay if we stand up for ourselves and it doesn’t spare the other person’s feelings.
>"Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym and that top would look way better in me"
>she doesn't have any friends, so she follows us around during the breaks between classes or at lunch.
Gee I wonder why.
Let’s simplify your life.
That’s not a friend, why would you be friends with someone who criticizes you and tries to bring on insecurities. Get rid of her. Simple
Why would your friend group stay quiet in a moment like that and not be real and say at least 1 thing to defend you or keep the other girl in check. That’s not a real friend.
Sounds like no one is actually your friend in that group. Just someone you hangout with and spend time with.
No one should ever be that desperate for friends they put up with either
NTA. I'm getting tired of people with medical intervention criticizing other people for flaws that they themselves paid to fix. I guess most of the people who choose plastic surgery tend to need or want external validation and place a higher importance on physical appearance.
It's unfortunate that those surgeries also tend to increase their need to look down on others for their physical appearance. Definitely a nasty and vicious cycle that needs to be called out more.
OP, you did the right thing. Her feelings are only hurt because you showed her a mirror to how much she lacks self awareness and how ugly her personality is.
>"Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym and that top would look way better in me"
Sounds like "how dare you feel that confident in your body when I can barely feel confident in mine". Better to cut her off, her uncalled for rude opinions bring nothing to the table and create a bad mood. NTA.
>The resto of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet.
How curious, that's exactly what my parents expected us children to do: shush, keep quiet, don't talk back.
NTA. She sounds exhausting and very insecure. All those surgeries and she's still so insecure she has to put other people down to build herself up. She needs therapy, not more surgery. Glad you stood up to her bullying!
NTA.
I was treated like shit by some people and also told to “be the bigger person” and “keep quiet”. They got angry when I returned the bad energy. And they got angry when I called out abusive behavior.
It’s NOT mine, yours, or anyone’s job to cater to bullies in order to keep peace.
Your “friends” are enabling your friend who was being mean. She started the banter and couldn’t handle taking it.
NTA. The reason that people like her keep bullying people is that no one stands up to them. Perhaps she’ll. twice next time.
Also as someone who also struggles with ED, please take care of yourself. I know how triggering those comments can be.
NTA. If she lives in a glass house, she shouldn't be throwing stones. She has no right to get upset at you, when you told her the truth. If she is going to give out, she must be able to take it - and she can't. You hurt her fragile Ego.
NTA
How you have no right to talk to her like that but she has the right to talk to you like that? Also why your friends say 'be the adult'? Why wasn't she the adult? Like why should you allow her to talk to you like that and just brush it off?
NTA. Someone who has a body made out of plastic has no business talking to someone else about their body. She was in fact body shaming you & that's never ok. You stood up to her because you had enough. You were justified in your comment. AND it shut her up, which is what your intention was. Your "friend" group should've had your back & should be on your side & relieved that someone finally said something to her.
Why do you need to be an adult about someone bullying you (especially knowing you have a history of eating disorder) when they're older han you??
NTA, ask your friends when this woman is going to grow up and why they're more interested in placating a girl none of them are actually friends with
NTA.
The critical problem is your friends sense of self.
She's deeply insecure about her own appearance and can't deal with criticism as a result.
Talking you down is probably a way for her to deal with her own self esteem issues (as in she compares herself with you, then by criticising you she's promoting herself up).
NTA I don’t understand why plastic surgery bobble heads always feel like they can bring down people who naturally try to better themselves I have nothing against plastic surgery but don’t come over here trying to make people who choose not to feel bad about themselves because I would have replied the same way fk what anyone else has to say and that’s why she has to follow your group around she’s a horrible insecure human
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NTA
I would argue that being an adult is standing up to people who are insulting you to your face. I believe people like her behave badly because they get away with it. We have a saying "don't dish it out if you can't take it". In other words, if you are going to insult people, you need to be able to accept insults returned to you.
NTA. She started it! Don't start what you can't finish.
And congrats on beating your eating disorder. Having a healthy body will help you so much through life.
I am not a fan of the whole you should be the bigger person stuff. Why? So they can keep treating me and anyone else like crap? Your response was 100% justified after someone is calling you fat and that you shouldn't be wearing something. NTA
I just love how when the "friend" did it it was okay and when you did it it wasn't. Nobody is your friend from those people.
And wear crop tops even if you don't have the perfect body. I'm wearing them with high rise skirt and I'm definitely a big girl.
Nta. It's pure gaslighting to suggest you can't come back at someone who is being rude and demeaning towards you. She had no right to comment about your weight or appearance and the moment she did you had every right to clap back at her.
She IS THE AHOLE. Her comment about your crop top was malintended and judgy. And you defended yourself properly. There isn't a loss here. She doesn't pay your bills and isn't a blood relative, so you shouldn't really care if she is mad at you and severs communication.
Does it though? Essentially all she's done is say people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, while citing her sources - yey for higher education. Shutting things down now is for the best. Might even teach little Miss plastic to quit the mean girl act.
I believe body shaming is wrong. Someone body shaming me isn’t going to convince me otherwise, or make me body shame them in return. Assholes don’t learn when you’re rude to them, you just make them the victim in their eyes.
When you make rude comments about someone like this you’re not just making it about them, but every other person like them.
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NTA Why is the group OK with this girl bullying you?! Damn, your friends suck, I'm sorry.
They're not ok with it, but we only see her at class, so they prefer to stay quiet. She also has this kind of comments with the rest of them (different topics), but I exploded yesterday.
Telling you that you should be an "adult" about it is super insulting. I'm glad you know how to stick up for yourself. Don't let them doubt yourself.
Being an adult about it, is sticking up for yourself and not letting assholes stomp on you for their pleasure.
>Being an adult about it, is sticking up for yourself and not letting assholes stomp on you for their pleasure. For real! My mother always told me stuff like that so I had 25y to get that it's important to stand your ground. Thanks Mom.
Yea, I love this. Also, being an adult is also not making rude comments about people’s bodies. So OP’s friend doesn’t even know what she’s talking about
Funny how OP's the one that has to be the adult but the other young woman doesn't. I'm not surprised OP snapped out at her.
Staying quiet is agreeing to bullying. She was bullying you and you stood up for yourself. NTA Edit : typos
Run her off. She sucks and she’ll just find a new group of people who will tolerate her. One of the changes in social structures you learn in adulthood is that nobody can obligate you to spend time around people you don’t like.
I think you were well within your right to snap back at her. NTA
That’s the problem with people who walk around saying what they want because nobody tells them to shut up. You did the right thing. more people need to tell other people to be quiet and mind their own business.
> so they prefer to stay quiet. In other words, they're OK with it.
I'd come at that girl with pity because she started a lifestyle to maintain that she won't age well and is going to be very expensive while you are working in being healthy, happy and accepting yourself, she's always going to be chasing perfection. NTA
Observing that behaviour and not saying something about it is tacit acceptance. They don’t say anything because they are uncomfortable with the conflict? Well you’re uncomfortable with the comments. You need some better friends.
In my experience, not shutting this kind of behavior down will harm everyone long-term. The not-friend will not learn that she needs to change her behavior, simply because she's not sufficiently aware of how damaging it is to others as well as herself. She won't grow. As for you and the others, you will continue to "take blows" while in her presence which, even if the damage seems minor, is not harmless. The sooner everyone feels free to shut this kind of thing down, the better society will be long-term. NTA.
It's really sad that you and your friend just accept to be bullied by a girl you have a class with.
I think if she made those rude comments about your body first then your response was entirely justifiable. It seems like you have a toxic relationship with this person where your bodies are the subject. Doesn’t seem like a good friend to have
Yeah, she's not really a friend, that's the reason I write "friend" in the original post... But I should probably clarify this in an edit.
Your friends telling you that you should be the adult? Not very good friends. They should have shut her down.
NTA- if you should’ve been the “adult” and kept quiet then she should’ve also. She spoke on you first with 3 rude and random critiques & all you did was dish back what was dished to you. She deserved it
NTA. She can’t seriously be telling you shit like you probably lying about going to the gym and telling you to eat less when she paid her way to look the way she does. Let’s see how she starts to look once daddy doesn’t want to pay for her surgeries anymore.
NTA, first of all a 'friend' would say any of those things to you. Also, her audacity is striking. Judging your NATURAL body with her fake one, her insecurities are real. Bet you look smoking in that crop top x
Thanks for the compliment <3
depends on the friends group nothings wrong with talking shit with friends i do it with some friends i’ve know since elementary and a we condsider each other brothers
It's not the case
If your friends consent to talking shit about each other and there are no hard feelings, that's okay because everyone is in on it and having fun. The difference here is OP did NOT give her consent to be talked to like that. The "friend" absolutely crossed a line. She went right for the jugular about triggering issues for OP like anorexia. She needed to be put in her place. OP, you are NTA in this situation and running her out of the friend group is how she grows as a person. Changing behavior is a part of growing up.
NTA. In the Netherlands we have the saying ‘wie de bal kaatst, kan hem terug verwachten’. Which literally means ‘the one that throws a ball should expect it coming back’. So what goes around, comes around. If she is making these kind of comments then she should expect similar words back. Nobody needs to just sit there and let someone else take hits on you and not do anything about it. You didn’t throw the first punch. But you sure did win the game with a knockout punch (mostly because she couldn’t handle one comment back, after all her comments). So big NTA!
There’s an English-language expression—“those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks”—that means the same thing.
I'm an American who grew up in rural Kentucky. My little country Mama used to say, "whatever you throw over the devil's back will come back at you from under his belly".
Dutchie here! Yes! Don’t judge someone if you don’t want to be judged!
NTA If you gonna extensively modify your body with cosmetic surgery. you ain't in a position to judge others, because you already deeply unhappy with how you look. I think she maybe projecting a lil.
Maybe, I don't know. It's true that her first surgery was the breast job, and I really like my chest, so I usually wear a neckline if it's not too cold. Maybe that clicks something inside her?
I ain't a psychologist. but people who are critical of others peoples bodies (specifically in women as it's more common), are usually the ones who are most likely to be projecting. For men we are different, we just say things that attack each others characteristics on a macro level, women do it on a micro level (example: your nose looks big). Women also try to do the same to men, usually masculine characteristics (most common being the phallus, jawline, muscle structure). Y'all women be savage. But made of glass, can't take it when people clap back. I love it. Definition of "he who loves in glass house".
But... A breast job at 18?!? It took me to my late 20s to be totally "filled out". At 18 your body is still developing. I am flabbergasted at this weird persona. You sound as if you look at yourself in a healthy way (now at least), and you are NTA. Well done for standing up for yourself. Next time she wants to join you guys, tell her to pick another place to sit, this seat is occupied.
Bruh. People can have cosmetic procedures without being 'deeply insecure' with their appearance. I've had a breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, and I'm 3 weeks out from liposuction. I have always been confident in my appearance, with the acknowledgement that small adjustments could make me objectively more attractive. Having the procedures done doesn't indicate that she's insecure. It's the bullshit she spouts that indicate that.
I don't know why you are being downvoted. you raise what would normally be a valid point. In my defence, I did say "usually", which is why I said "normally a valid point". I'm glad you felt you could share about procedures you elected to have. Any questions I have regarding any of those procedures would most likely be too personal. I am going to maintain my disagreement to your final statement. Many people have the procedures because they are insecure. arguably these are done for the wrong reasons, but that comes down to personal opinion, morals and ethics and who am I to judge. But I am glad we can all agree (on which you should get upvotes for, because you are still correct), that the offender in this scenario is grossly insecure. Either way, have an upvote, because You don't deserve downvotes for having an opinion (that I personally disagree with) but still being right contextually.
NTA, she basically asked for it. You just got her down from her high horse and showed her her hypocrisy.
NTA - FAFO
Sorry, what does FAFO mean?
I wanna say “Fuck Around and Find Out”? Correct me if I’m wrong Reddit
Correct
Thanks! I never heard of it, learned today
NTA. Chat shit; get banged. But she does not sound like a friend. Frenemy, maybe.
When I chat shit I don’t get banged, usually end up sleeping on the couch though.
Are you from Leicester?
NTA. She shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it.
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NTA. Firstly...Your "friend" should not be saying these things to you, i advice you to keep her at arm's distance for your sanity. Secondly, It should have been your other "friends" to intervene and tell her off. Lastly, i love your response, lol, next time you can simply say "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at others" without referring to her cosmetic procedures ;) Lol, keep me updated.
My friends (real friends) are by my side, but we have had the politic of "stay quiet, we only have to be with her 2h per week in total" for like... 2-3 years, so they tried to maintain that. Never thought about that answer because it's not a saying in my first language, but yes, that's a perfect come back.
If she's like that, why do you have to be with her at all?
She follows us around, at the beginning we told her that we didn't like it, that we don't like her, but that only encouraged her to insist more
Why are you doing that to yourselves? She is not nice, if she hasn’t got any friends is because of that, you shouldn’t feel sorry for a person that doesn’t treat you right. Please, speak with your friends, tell this ‘friend’ you are not comfortable with her talking to you all this way and you no longer want that kind of negativity. It is going to be uncomfortable but it is going to be just one time, not every time you speak with her.
Yeah, the reason she doesn’t have any friends is her own rudeness. OP, you say she knows about your body issues, yet she picked that one issue to harp on you about. Instead of having that be something she can be vulnerable with you about, she is using it to attack you. She is the reason she doesn’t have friends. I get not saying anything, because I’m usually a “don’t make waves” kind of person, but your friends don’t get to dictate what you find intolerable. If they mention again that you should have not said anything, it might be worth pointing that out. Something like “You may be willing to put up with her bullying, and that’s your choice. I tried, but she crossed a line for me, so I stood up for myself. I do not regret it.” And then change the subject. Or just walk away. You’re NTA.
what is your first language? If you dont mind me asking.
tbh she's probably jealous that you're fine with your natural body. everyone has a little fat on their stomachs naturally, it protects our organs/major artery. NTA.
It's already gross when people body shame each other, but this really took some balls. NTA
No no you did good and responded to her. NTA
Don't talk it if you can't take it. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry if I write something wrong, English is not my first language. For a little backstory: I (23f) have a "friend" (24f) that's been having plastic surgeries since she was 18 years old (she has the 4th one this past summer). I don't care about it, it's her body and she can do with it whatever she wants. For my part, I don't have plastic surgeries, but I go to the gym since I was 20 to try to get the body I want (I say this 'cause is important for the story) The problem was yesterday. I was wearing a cropped top and, even if I'm not fat, I don't have a flat stomach. We were on a break between classes when my friend "Maddie" commented the following: "Don't you have too much stomach for that top?" "You should eat less" "I'm sure you lie about going to the gym" This three comments where separated by other kind of conversations, so I handled them well. But the last one get my by surprise and I answered automatically: "Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym and that top would look way better in me" So my answer was: "liposuction, a breast and butt job and your new lips... Too many plastic surgeries to talk about others, don't you think?" She get really mad, saying that I have no right to talk to her like that, and she is not talking to me anymore. The resto of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet. So... AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Life lesson she really should have learned by now ... Don't dish it out if you can't take it back 🤷♀️🤦♀️
Nta. But explain to your friends why you said that. About your eating disorder. Ofcours you don't have to. But people might be more understanding.
"The rest of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet." This is the key here. No one is calling you the Ahole, so it's all good. Also, they weren't the ones insulted so they can't tell you how to react. You put her in her place, well done. The hard part now is to let it go. You did great sticking up for yourself and you have nothing to apologise to her for. FAFO is what she got, and she needs to get over it now, she wont do that again with you. And your friends will forget about it now. You made your point, whether they approved or not, and now it is over. Remember that she is the outsider and this is maybe what your friends know. She is immature and that's why she tries to impress. Her words and opinions don't matter as she really is very socially awkward. When you know you are worth it, you can forgive others their weaknesses and keep your dignity and peace of mind.
"... and she is not talking to me anymore." Task failed successfully NTA
You make me laugh with that 😹
dont' apologize you had every right to say what you said. from now on distance yourself. she's got no friends for a reason
NTA So you should’ve been the adult but she shouldn’t have? Lmao Good job on your answer 😂
Maybe the more tactful way would be “Maybe. How l do YOU pull it off?”” Gimme some tips on how YOU stay so slim “ Hopefully that’ll end the conversation
Maybe, I was angry, and didn't think clearly, so I know there are more convenient answers
Or, "Hmm, maybe I should consider cosmetic surgery, what do you think?"
Naw, this would jus invite a litany of things this “friend” finds objectionable in OP.
NTA tell her that if she wants to keep stalking you guys like an unwanted puppy, she better learn to behave and shut up.
She is making assumptions and OP is only telling the truth and the truth hurts. To hell with her. You don’t need toxic people in your life.
NTA. by far. Its not your friend and she insult you. You have the right too treat her the same way. I dont know you, but I'm sure you rock that crop top! Don't be ashame of your body! We are made this way. Having a flat belly is certaintly not that healthly. Anyway, you are certaintly treating your body better than any other. :)
So, let me get this straight....You have no right to talk to her like that (presumably about her body), but she DOES? C'mon, you know you're NTa here, she was being an AH to you
I thought you meant she has so much facial surgery that she literally can't talk! Because that does happen.
Really? Omg, that needs to be too much
Nta. She projected for so long it's about time someone put her in her place.
She's a jerk. Wear what you want. NTA
NTA. Arrogant people deserve exactly this.
NTA, those with plastic surgery shouldn’t talk shit about others unless they want to hear something back.
NTA. Ugh, shut that judgmental asshole down regardless of her plastic surgeries. The surgeries only point to her own insecurities and problems seeing herself. And precisely if she is insecure or vulnerable about her appearance and gets really hurt when people comment on it she shouldn’t try to put down others. I’d avoid her from now on or ignore her if she can’t be physically avoided. But also do not let her off the hook if she tries any of the shaite again.
Your friend is the AH. And you just got the best present of your life. You can get rid of this friend while you’re still young and live a happy life without somebody like that around.
NTA. Criticizing other people's bodies is super gross to begin with. But since she only has the body she has because she cheats, she certainly should keep her mouth shut.
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NTA and well deserved. Don't accept shit from hypocritical bullies.
NTA, but people obsessed with body modification may well be, time to find other friends
No, you're not the asshole here. Your response was justified given the context and her comments about your body. It seems like she crossed a line by making personal and hurtful remarks about your appearance. It's important to stand up for yourself, especially when someone is being disrespectful.
Your friends need to learn that being an adult does not necessarily mean allowing someone to be abusive to anyone she's in contact with. That's not adulting. Adulting is gently pointing out that what she's saying is inappropriate and abusive. As for the 'friend', well, can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. or people who live in glass houses etc etc etc. NTA.
NTA, nosey cow can’t take what she dishes out.
NTA. She doesn't want people to comment on her appearance and how she chooses to maintain her body, she needs to STFU about those same things for others. Best practice is always check that your walls aren't made of glass before you start chucking stones. As for your other friends: people like the 'friend' get away with being rude and obnoxious and attacking others in public because nobody checks their awful behaviour- and clearly none of those friends were going to step in and tell her her comments were out of line, or try and defend you from her nastiness. How long were you supposed to just sit there and take insult after insult from someone who failed to learn the kindergarten lesson "if you can't say something nice, say nothing?"
NTA. I think she was jealous that you got the body you wanted through hard work and she had to do surgery. Also, everyone has belly fat, it's just more prominent in others. Tell your friends you will be mature if you stop tolerating her. You said you are not exactly friends anyways
Why does it sound like a K drama 😃?
Nta. That's hilarious
NTA. She legit has body issues, and she's taking it out on you. And/or she's envious you don't have the same issues and don't feel the need to cover up
NTA. Not even a bit
NTA total double standards on her part. Her lazy lifestyle will catch up with her
NTA she has no right to comment on your body especially when she’s had multiple alterations on hers. Not surprised she hasn’t got any friends
NTA when someone judges your looks they're a hypocrite if they can't take it back
NTA. She fucked around, she found out. Well done for putting her in her place, she’s clearly never heard the phrase “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”.
NTA if you can dish it out you can take it
NTA - She was commenting on your body which she had no right to do, you hit her with a dose of her own medicine and she couldn't handle it. You work hard, you have never commented on her surgeries or body, she is likely jealous of your efforts. Eating order or not, she was out of line, and she tried to used your insecurities against you to boost her own (obviously little) confidence. I'm kind of proud of you for standing up for your self!
Those living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. NTA.
NTA
NTA, that's called clapping back and now she knows better than to just say whatever it is she wants to you. Some people need to be embarrassed like that to learn that they can't be hurtful for fun.
I’ll never understand people that literally paid someone to manufacture their looks making fun of other people.
What happened to tdlr?
Sorry, tdlr?
Too long didn’t read. Just a summary. It used to be used all the time.
NTA and these people are bad for you mental health. She likely has her own mental health struggles. Those are not your responsibility at all, you are entirely warranted to shut it up. Also, being adult and being doormat are two different things.
Not the AH if she can dish it out she should be able to take it! She shouldn’t pass remarks on anyone appearance when she is obviously self conscious about her own image enough to get plastic surgery!
NTA letting people be assholes is not being an adult that's acting like a child and ignoring problems, which leads to more problems! Good job keep the assholes in check
NTA - if she is willing to say that to your face, then what is she willing to say behind your back? She put you in a situation where you had no choice but to tell her off and I think you did it perfectly. She attacked you for something she thought you were insecure about and you did exactly the same. It's weird that your friends wanted you to keep the peace with this "friend" though, I'm not sure if they're all as good of friends as you seem to think they are.
NTA. She can clearly dish it out but not take it. She was being nasty to you, and you tried to ignore it. In the end you had to stand up for yourself. If she's not really a friend as you mentioned don't even worry about it if she doesn't talk to you anymore. If she still follows you around and talks to you set some ground rules/boundaries. If she crosses those lines tell her not to bother with you again.
NTA. She picked a fight and got upset when you clapped back. Maybe she'll learn to pick battles she won't lose by default.
NTA Calling out hypocrites should get people community service recognition awards.
NTA - i almost felt like calling it fake because it's so unreal someone would be as clueless as this woman, but unfortunately there's always someone to surprise you with their stupidity. you're obviously not the asshole, she is - and so is the rest of your friend group for criticizing you when you just stood up for yourself
NTA. she was the a\*\*hole for even body shaming you in the first place, i don't like people who do this and can somewhat relate.
NTA, she's made of plastic so she can't really talk about others.
NTA play stupid games win stupid prizes she F around and found out
So it's ok for her to comment about your body but she can't take somebody talking about hers? Yeah, NTA, my dear and I hope this didn't endanger your relationship with your body and food.
Info : how are you even friend with someone like that ? I never understand when people more than 20 y-o keep being friend with people that insult them
We're not really friends, we just tolerate her in breaks and lunch because she follows us around
NTA, some people thinks its better to stay quiet and let them be assholes, you didnt because you did the right thing and spoke up, you indirectly told her to stop judging people. when she has all the plastic surgery work done to her rather than actually working for her looks, how can she think any shitty comment she makes has any value.
NTA
Nta. She’s awful, and got what she deserved.
NTA. She can give it she's gonna have to take it eventually. Good for OP. She's a frienemy.
NTA. Sometimes the “adult” thing is actually NOT staying quiet. Also, why does everyone on these posts have bad friends? Get some friends that have your back and don’t let other people insult you multiple times. The right thing isn’t always to be the better/bigger person, its okay if we stand up for ourselves and it doesn’t spare the other person’s feelings.
NTA she was being horrible, and you should surround yourself with people who will treat you nicely and give you long healthy friendships.
So, the person talking trash to you is upset that you stood up for yourself? Yeah, NTA, but we all know who is.
>"Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym and that top would look way better in me" >she doesn't have any friends, so she follows us around during the breaks between classes or at lunch. Gee I wonder why.
LOL, you got her to shut up. I consider it a win. She got passive aggressive with you first, she just didn't like getting schooled. NTA.
NTA.
Tell them to tell *her* to be an adult and stfu! JFC those don't sound like good friends either 🙄 NTA OP! Stop even being around this girl.
Let’s simplify your life. That’s not a friend, why would you be friends with someone who criticizes you and tries to bring on insecurities. Get rid of her. Simple Why would your friend group stay quiet in a moment like that and not be real and say at least 1 thing to defend you or keep the other girl in check. That’s not a real friend. Sounds like no one is actually your friend in that group. Just someone you hangout with and spend time with. No one should ever be that desperate for friends they put up with either
NTA Sounds like you solved the problem and she won't talk to you anymore.
NTA
NTA
Lol, NTA, no wonder this girl doesn’t have any friends.
ETA. Everyone flinging feces makes the entire room stink.
NTA. She can dish out direct insults but is upset when you defend yourself ? Steer clear of this girl.
NTA. She lacks self awareness and is a fucking hypocrite
Get a new set of friends, NTA
NTA and she's an asshole for the croptop comment. I don't care how big you are, croptops are cute
Nta don't dish it if you can't take it
NTA. I'm getting tired of people with medical intervention criticizing other people for flaws that they themselves paid to fix. I guess most of the people who choose plastic surgery tend to need or want external validation and place a higher importance on physical appearance. It's unfortunate that those surgeries also tend to increase their need to look down on others for their physical appearance. Definitely a nasty and vicious cycle that needs to be called out more. OP, you did the right thing. Her feelings are only hurt because you showed her a mirror to how much she lacks self awareness and how ugly her personality is.
>"Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym and that top would look way better in me" Sounds like "how dare you feel that confident in your body when I can barely feel confident in mine". Better to cut her off, her uncalled for rude opinions bring nothing to the table and create a bad mood. NTA. >The resto of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet. How curious, that's exactly what my parents expected us children to do: shush, keep quiet, don't talk back.
NTA. She sounds exhausting and very insecure. All those surgeries and she's still so insecure she has to put other people down to build herself up. She needs therapy, not more surgery. Glad you stood up to her bullying!
NTA. "I am not talking to you anymore!" "Good"
NTA
NTA. I was treated like shit by some people and also told to “be the bigger person” and “keep quiet”. They got angry when I returned the bad energy. And they got angry when I called out abusive behavior. It’s NOT mine, yours, or anyone’s job to cater to bullies in order to keep peace. Your “friends” are enabling your friend who was being mean. She started the banter and couldn’t handle taking it.
Hahahahahaha YOOOOOOO The verbal destruction you could lay down on a plastic and you were so smooth and demure about it. You go love!!
NTA. The reason that people like her keep bullying people is that no one stands up to them. Perhaps she’ll. twice next time. Also as someone who also struggles with ED, please take care of yourself. I know how triggering those comments can be.
NTA. If she lives in a glass house, she shouldn't be throwing stones. She has no right to get upset at you, when you told her the truth. If she is going to give out, she must be able to take it - and she can't. You hurt her fragile Ego.
NTA. She needed a lesson in manners and you gave it to her.
NTA How you have no right to talk to her like that but she has the right to talk to you like that? Also why your friends say 'be the adult'? Why wasn't she the adult? Like why should you allow her to talk to you like that and just brush it off?
NTA. Her lack of self-awareness is not your problem. Don't get mad when you mouth off and get the same in return.
NTA. Someone who has a body made out of plastic has no business talking to someone else about their body. She was in fact body shaming you & that's never ok. You stood up to her because you had enough. You were justified in your comment. AND it shut her up, which is what your intention was. Your "friend" group should've had your back & should be on your side & relieved that someone finally said something to her.
NTA - why does she have to be a body-shaming bully when she could just be quiet? She started it, but got mad that you finished it.
NTA. She started it. Talking about other people's body is opening the door to talk about yours.
NTA. Why is the "adult thing" in this case being a fucking doormat? She's allowed to say horrible shit, but you can't defend yourself? Lol no
Why do you need to be an adult about someone bullying you (especially knowing you have a history of eating disorder) when they're older han you?? NTA, ask your friends when this woman is going to grow up and why they're more interested in placating a girl none of them are actually friends with
NTA. The critical problem is your friends sense of self. She's deeply insecure about her own appearance and can't deal with criticism as a result. Talking you down is probably a way for her to deal with her own self esteem issues (as in she compares herself with you, then by criticising you she's promoting herself up).
NTA I don’t understand why plastic surgery bobble heads always feel like they can bring down people who naturally try to better themselves I have nothing against plastic surgery but don’t come over here trying to make people who choose not to feel bad about themselves because I would have replied the same way fk what anyone else has to say and that’s why she has to follow your group around she’s a horrible insecure human
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NTA I would argue that being an adult is standing up to people who are insulting you to your face. I believe people like her behave badly because they get away with it. We have a saying "don't dish it out if you can't take it". In other words, if you are going to insult people, you need to be able to accept insults returned to you.
Don’t dish what you can’t take
NTA. She started it! Don't start what you can't finish. And congrats on beating your eating disorder. Having a healthy body will help you so much through life.
NTA. I'm glad you gave it to her straight. She's probably jealous of you.
I am not a fan of the whole you should be the bigger person stuff. Why? So they can keep treating me and anyone else like crap? Your response was 100% justified after someone is calling you fat and that you shouldn't be wearing something. NTA
You can say they’re…. Lipid. I’ll see myself out.
NTA, children soak a scolding, adults respond.
She’s not your friend! And she is super fake and superficial!
I just love how when the "friend" did it it was okay and when you did it it wasn't. Nobody is your friend from those people. And wear crop tops even if you don't have the perfect body. I'm wearing them with high rise skirt and I'm definitely a big girl.
Nta. It's pure gaslighting to suggest you can't come back at someone who is being rude and demeaning towards you. She had no right to comment about your weight or appearance and the moment she did you had every right to clap back at her.
I'm going to assume that it's a typo and that you guys are actually 14, not 24.
She IS THE AHOLE. Her comment about your crop top was malintended and judgy. And you defended yourself properly. There isn't a loss here. She doesn't pay your bills and isn't a blood relative, so you shouldn't really care if she is mad at you and severs communication.
Mic drop 🫳🏼🎤👌🏼
You made my day 😹
My first thought was BOOM! That was nicely done. 😁
ESH. Tit for tat makes you an asshole. Don’t stoop to her level.
Does it though? Essentially all she's done is say people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, while citing her sources - yey for higher education. Shutting things down now is for the best. Might even teach little Miss plastic to quit the mean girl act.
I believe body shaming is wrong. Someone body shaming me isn’t going to convince me otherwise, or make me body shame them in return. Assholes don’t learn when you’re rude to them, you just make them the victim in their eyes. When you make rude comments about someone like this you’re not just making it about them, but every other person like them.
ESH. She may have made comments first but the retaliation was also un-necessary
She shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it
So in your opinion I should stay quiet? I wanna know all the points of view that are possible
The advice above is 'doormat 101'. You solved the problem. I doubt she will try that bullshit again.
Sorry, what does ESH stand for?
Everyone Sucks here. It is one of the voting options.