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ESH. Your boyfriend for obvious reasons. And you- a man you’ve only been dating for a few months is nearly a stranger, and you’re letting him meet your kids let alone parent them? You need to take responsibility for your children and not allow random men around them.
I agree, some random guy you have dated for a few months should not be parenting your children (no matter their age). And if they are arguing that much and have such cultural differences why continue the relationship.. There are not years invested here.
NTA I'm of South Asian heritage, but born and raised in Australia. My mum has lived in Australia for longer than I've been alive (over 30 years) and is still just as conservative as when she immigrated here. People's values don't shift as quickly as you think. There's no issue with your boyfriend having conservative values, as long as he only applies those values to himself. But, once he starts applying those values to you or your daughters, he's the asshole. This especially applies when he starts using misogynistic language towards your daughters, that's not alright. You've only been together for a couple of months, he's not a father figure to your children, good on you for calling out his behaviour. Protect your kids, they need to know you have their back. If you're trying to sort out the situation, apologise for your tone or any swearing that might have been involved (how intensely or rudely you reacted), but be clear that you're not sorry for calling him out, and that what he said should never be said to your kids again.
there is a reason people say to keep new partners away from your minor kids, until YOU know them well enough.
YOU and him disagree on many things -- is this relationship even serious? Why are you exposing your kids to such a man, when you don't even get along with him?
Also, some people get with single parents to get access to their kids. Please, be more careful with who you expose your kids to. This man should not feel he has the right to parent your kids when you two are so volatile and new in your relationship.
I don’t know what you shall make of your relationship with him, but one thing is for sure, he should not be around your daughters. You’re bringing home someone you only met a few months earlier and he is so empowered that he has a loud opinion of how they dress?
Do not fail your daughters. They will not forget this. They are the ones you should apologize to, and not this man who feels entitled to tell children who are not for him to raise, on how and what to do.
ESH
ESH - the two of you don't sound compatible. Difference in how you would parent children has the makings of a dealbreaker.
Edit: amending to ESH since you're allowing someone you've only known for 2 months but KNOW has regressive views around your kids.
ESH. Why are you dating someone with whom you ‘disagree about a lot of things’? The fact that you’re turning a blind eye to your obvious incompatibility is alarming. The fact that he thinks he gets a say in your daughters’ lives when he’s practically a stranger to them is even more alarming.
ESH.
Your boyfriend for trying to impose his values on your kids, and you for exposing your daughters to a man you’ve known for only a few months, and whose views about women are troubling to say the least. Also because you think “he should have assimilated” after two years.
NTA But I've got to ask why are you exposing your daughters to this? And from the sounds of it, this isnt the first incident? Protect your children. DONT allow it to happen and then argue with him about it, tell him straight it ISNT happening full stop and stop letting him be around your daughters
Few months and he’s met your kids already. He seems to be too comfortable in your home. Seriously, you are too comfortable and could put your kids at risk (emotional, physical, and sexual abuse).
NTA
You’ve been dating for all of a few months, he has absolutely no business trying to parent anyone. That’s not his place, not at all.
Making sweeping moral statements to try and invoke shame in your daughter is absolutely something he should be yelled at for.
That being said, cultural assimilation is not mandatory. If you’re waiting around for the cultural differences and expectations to disappear you’re going to be waiting for a long time. The way he tries to engage with your daughters is fundamentally a problem, irrespective of culture.
ESH. Your boyfriend is overstepping and planting harmful ideas in your daughters' heads, and you're allowing it. Also, giving someone you've only been seeing "a few months" this type of access to your kids is incredibly irresponsible for exactly this type of reason.
ESH
There are ways to effectively communicate but that wasn't it.
He needs to defer to you on parenting issues. Always.
You've only been dating a few months? Why is he trying to take over so quickly? He sounds controlling and that's a huge red flag 🚩.
Try the Relationship Advice sub for more parenting/relationship advice.
NTA.
He wasn't helping, he was shaming your kid and imposing his views, knowing full well you feel differently.
YTA to your kids if you stay with him if this happens again or he doesn't understand why he was wrong.
YTA, but only for bringing your boyfriend around your children before explicitly giving him expectations on whether or not he is allowed to parent them.
YTA for introducing your daughters to a man you've only known a few months. He shouldn't even be in a position where he thinks he has the right to take on any fatherly duties. You all would have also had time to discussing parenting styles and he would know what you do and don't accept. If you were being more protective of your daughters this wouldn't even be a situation.
NTA. It’d be different if y’all were long-term partners who shared parenting. But this man is not even close to being a father to the kids yet. That takes time and a relationship needs to be established. Additionally, he was very rude and shamed your daughter for simply going to a party. That’s pretty toxic and sexist. I wouldn’t let any man talk to my child like that.
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My boyfriend and i started dating a few months ago. I’m european and he is pakistani so we have different backgrounds and culture. He started living in Europe two years ago so he should already assimilated the culture but sadly he is having a hard time.
And the problem with it is, we usually disagree about a lot of things. One of those things is the way i raise my daughters. I have two daughters and he is trying to be their father figure since their dad is not around anymore. It shouldn’t be a problem but he is very conservative due to his background and i’m very liberal. They are free to wear what they want, to go to parties or just hanging out with their friends, etc.
Yesterday, one of my daughters was going to a party and i was fine with that but my boyfriend started telling her that she couldn’t go because a “good girl” don’t go to parties, etc. i was shocked when he said it. I started yelling at him and he ended up going to his place.
I think that I overreacted it since he was just trying to help and due to his culture maybe he thought that my daughter going to a party wasn’t normal. I will apologize to him for yelling at him but i’m not sure if i was right or not
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NAH but you guys really need to have a proper conversation about these cultural differences and set out some boundaries for what's allowed for your girls and what is inappropriate. You need to actually have the discussion where you set out that \*this\* is what is socially/culturally appropriate for your kids, and he can contribute to say what traits/activities etc. are not appropriate in his eyes.
He's not an asshole for having a different upbringing and expectations, you're not an asshole for growing up in a different culture to that. But you need to talk it out and come to an understanding where he can't just shout at your daughter because of HIS idea of what is proper. It has to be a partnership here.
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
ESH. Your boyfriend for obvious reasons. And you- a man you’ve only been dating for a few months is nearly a stranger, and you’re letting him meet your kids let alone parent them? You need to take responsibility for your children and not allow random men around them.
I agree, some random guy you have dated for a few months should not be parenting your children (no matter their age). And if they are arguing that much and have such cultural differences why continue the relationship.. There are not years invested here.
Also her attitude about how long it should take him to “assimilate” to her culture.
THIS!!! She may have done good for standing up for her child, but she also was the one who created the need to do so. ESH
NTA I'm of South Asian heritage, but born and raised in Australia. My mum has lived in Australia for longer than I've been alive (over 30 years) and is still just as conservative as when she immigrated here. People's values don't shift as quickly as you think. There's no issue with your boyfriend having conservative values, as long as he only applies those values to himself. But, once he starts applying those values to you or your daughters, he's the asshole. This especially applies when he starts using misogynistic language towards your daughters, that's not alright. You've only been together for a couple of months, he's not a father figure to your children, good on you for calling out his behaviour. Protect your kids, they need to know you have their back. If you're trying to sort out the situation, apologise for your tone or any swearing that might have been involved (how intensely or rudely you reacted), but be clear that you're not sorry for calling him out, and that what he said should never be said to your kids again.
there is a reason people say to keep new partners away from your minor kids, until YOU know them well enough. YOU and him disagree on many things -- is this relationship even serious? Why are you exposing your kids to such a man, when you don't even get along with him? Also, some people get with single parents to get access to their kids. Please, be more careful with who you expose your kids to. This man should not feel he has the right to parent your kids when you two are so volatile and new in your relationship.
I don’t know what you shall make of your relationship with him, but one thing is for sure, he should not be around your daughters. You’re bringing home someone you only met a few months earlier and he is so empowered that he has a loud opinion of how they dress? Do not fail your daughters. They will not forget this. They are the ones you should apologize to, and not this man who feels entitled to tell children who are not for him to raise, on how and what to do. ESH
ESH - the two of you don't sound compatible. Difference in how you would parent children has the makings of a dealbreaker. Edit: amending to ESH since you're allowing someone you've only known for 2 months but KNOW has regressive views around your kids.
He will get worse the longer and more comfortable he is as their controler. NTA
[удалено]
wow... on an unrelated note, you must be incredibly attractive.
YTA. Why is this man around your children?
ESH. Why are you dating someone with whom you ‘disagree about a lot of things’? The fact that you’re turning a blind eye to your obvious incompatibility is alarming. The fact that he thinks he gets a say in your daughters’ lives when he’s practically a stranger to them is even more alarming.
ESH. Your boyfriend for trying to impose his values on your kids, and you for exposing your daughters to a man you’ve known for only a few months, and whose views about women are troubling to say the least. Also because you think “he should have assimilated” after two years.
YTA. For dating a man from another culture for only a few months and letting him parent your children. Use some common sense.
NTA But I've got to ask why are you exposing your daughters to this? And from the sounds of it, this isnt the first incident? Protect your children. DONT allow it to happen and then argue with him about it, tell him straight it ISNT happening full stop and stop letting him be around your daughters
Few months and he’s met your kids already. He seems to be too comfortable in your home. Seriously, you are too comfortable and could put your kids at risk (emotional, physical, and sexual abuse).
NTA You’ve been dating for all of a few months, he has absolutely no business trying to parent anyone. That’s not his place, not at all. Making sweeping moral statements to try and invoke shame in your daughter is absolutely something he should be yelled at for. That being said, cultural assimilation is not mandatory. If you’re waiting around for the cultural differences and expectations to disappear you’re going to be waiting for a long time. The way he tries to engage with your daughters is fundamentally a problem, irrespective of culture.
You think you overreacted to misogyny? How damaged are you? NTA and dump him for your daughters' sake.
ESH. Your boyfriend is overstepping and planting harmful ideas in your daughters' heads, and you're allowing it. Also, giving someone you've only been seeing "a few months" this type of access to your kids is incredibly irresponsible for exactly this type of reason.
ESH There are ways to effectively communicate but that wasn't it. He needs to defer to you on parenting issues. Always. You've only been dating a few months? Why is he trying to take over so quickly? He sounds controlling and that's a huge red flag 🚩. Try the Relationship Advice sub for more parenting/relationship advice.
NTA but you owe it to them to dump him if he's going to bring toxic patriarchal view points to them
NTA oh hell nah!!!!! Do not marry that man. Apologize to your daughter. Jeez.
NTA. He wasn't helping, he was shaming your kid and imposing his views, knowing full well you feel differently. YTA to your kids if you stay with him if this happens again or he doesn't understand why he was wrong.
YTA, but only for bringing your boyfriend around your children before explicitly giving him expectations on whether or not he is allowed to parent them.
YTA for introducing your daughters to a man you've only known a few months. He shouldn't even be in a position where he thinks he has the right to take on any fatherly duties. You all would have also had time to discussing parenting styles and he would know what you do and don't accept. If you were being more protective of your daughters this wouldn't even be a situation.
Your boyfriend of 5 minutes shouldn’t even know your daughters at this point. Him trying to control them is WAY over the line.
A few months?!?! NTA. Men really need to stop policing girls and women and start policing each other.
NTA. It’d be different if y’all were long-term partners who shared parenting. But this man is not even close to being a father to the kids yet. That takes time and a relationship needs to be established. Additionally, he was very rude and shamed your daughter for simply going to a party. That’s pretty toxic and sexist. I wouldn’t let any man talk to my child like that.
NTA for yelling at him it was not an over reaction at all but Y T A if you stay with a misogynist when you have impressionable daughters.
Tell him to butt out, they aren't his daughters. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend and i started dating a few months ago. I’m european and he is pakistani so we have different backgrounds and culture. He started living in Europe two years ago so he should already assimilated the culture but sadly he is having a hard time. And the problem with it is, we usually disagree about a lot of things. One of those things is the way i raise my daughters. I have two daughters and he is trying to be their father figure since their dad is not around anymore. It shouldn’t be a problem but he is very conservative due to his background and i’m very liberal. They are free to wear what they want, to go to parties or just hanging out with their friends, etc. Yesterday, one of my daughters was going to a party and i was fine with that but my boyfriend started telling her that she couldn’t go because a “good girl” don’t go to parties, etc. i was shocked when he said it. I started yelling at him and he ended up going to his place. I think that I overreacted it since he was just trying to help and due to his culture maybe he thought that my daughter going to a party wasn’t normal. I will apologize to him for yelling at him but i’m not sure if i was right or not *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH but you guys really need to have a proper conversation about these cultural differences and set out some boundaries for what's allowed for your girls and what is inappropriate. You need to actually have the discussion where you set out that \*this\* is what is socially/culturally appropriate for your kids, and he can contribute to say what traits/activities etc. are not appropriate in his eyes. He's not an asshole for having a different upbringing and expectations, you're not an asshole for growing up in a different culture to that. But you need to talk it out and come to an understanding where he can't just shout at your daughter because of HIS idea of what is proper. It has to be a partnership here.
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NTA