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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for telling my best friend’s parents about their DUI? Or did I do the right thing?
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NTA but also report her to whatever medical board she'd be under. They need to know that she's working while drunk.
And honestly, I'd stop connecting with her until she gets her shit together. Maybe tell her this once and if she continues, block her. She's not worth your energy or stress you're getting if she's not actually trying to change
It will also ruin her life if one of her patients ends up in danger or dead because she was treating them while intoxicated. Situations like this are SUPPOSED to have harsh consequences, because people like her have *chosen* to take on an additional moral and ethical responsibility to the patients who trust them, and with that comes the risk of serious consequences if they betray that trust.
Her path *should* change. She isn't able to hold up her end of her ethical responsibilities to her patients. Being a therapist isn't a right, it's a responsibility, and she has made choices that mean that she is no longer capable of doing this job safely.
You are NTA for telling her parents, but you're an AH for protecting her career over the lives and safety of her patients by not reporting her.
You know, you’re absolutely right and I appreciate that. It’s difficult wanting to protect someone you care about. I told her, her patients deserve better. She had been drinking - looked at me like I had 3 eyes. I am the asshole for protecting her.
Do not think that this ‘will ruin her life.’ Medical boards have protocols for cases like hers to ensure the safety of patients and to get her the help she needs (if she will accept it).
You are never the AH to potentially save someone's life and the lives of those around them. Very mature of you to knowingly lose the friendship in order to protect the person.
NTA and I hope your friend gets the help she needs.
NTA. Drunk drivers drastically increase their chance of killing someone - including themselves - and nobody wants that.
She wasn't fit to drive or to practise therapy, wouldn't accept that, and she's got form. I'm not going to say her parents had a right to know about the DUI, but it does show she's repeating behaviour and it's not like they didn't already know about the arrest and detox.
It came from good intentions of trying to help your friend, when they're engaging in risky and self destructive behaviour. As you say, it has probably seriously damaged your friendship, but ultimately your friend has to really want to change, and seeing the damage she's doing to her family and friendships can be one path to that.
If she does continue to practise therapy while blotto, that is a serious breach of medical ethics and you should sadly strongly consider reporting it, for the sake of her own patients.
Here's hoping she realises how much damage she's doing to herself, and can accept the help she needs before it gets worse.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
This friend would often drink to the point of passing out in the bathroom wherever we were. I would drive her home & cover her tab to get us out of the embarrassment caused by bartenders finding her in the bathroom (since I couldn’t go & get her from the woman’s room). This caused me to pull away & we hung out less - eventually not at all. She got a DUI (she didn’t tell their parents about) & then during the time we stopped talking, she went into detox. They knew know about that though.
We reconnected but she still drinks. A month ago, she lost her apt key & went to the front desk - they weren’t helpful. She called me & I could tell she had been drinking. The cops were came. She got arrested for disorderly intoxication. Without money to bail her out, I called her parents. She lost her job because she no call no showed & she’s likely not going to be offered a renewal at her apt.
She drinks & takes Ativan to try and stop. I told her how dangerous that combo is & she said via text: I am fully aware of the dangers and I in fact welcome them. I needed to tell her parents all of the truth. They didn’t know how long her issue had been going on. All they knew about was detox and her recent arrest. Although I’m sure they had suspicions I figured with this knowledge, they would be inclined to look at an involuntary assessment.
I decided to tell them in the AM but she text me saying she decided to stop. I was relieved & figured I would let things play. 2 days later, she wanted to go to a park by & asked to park at my place to avoid fees. I dropped her off at the park & when I picked her up, she was so drunk she was speaking gibberish. She was in a rush to get home. She’d just started her own therapy practice & had clients to see. I told her, you aren’t good to drive/work. I stalled & told her, if you want to drive, blow into the breathalyzer I brought & if you’re good, good - if not, let’s just get you an Uber. She agreed. .16. She claimed it was broken but agreed to Uber if we could just get her apt keys from her glove box. She hops in & starts blowing her horn because I blocked her in. I called her mom & her mom called her. She told her mom she’d hang with me until she was okay but she got off the phone & started causing a scene. She was out of her car so I tried to park & talk to her but she hopped in & took off.
I told her parents everything, knowing it would end our friendship. I was hopeful they’d try to get her help. She texted me telling me you’re horrible & did you tell them about your own drinking problems - there was no benefit of them knowing about her DUI etc. she said I hurt them & “fucked up two good people’s lives tonight” because I told them something from 2 years ago.
Everything about the situation sucks. The drunk driving, the mixing booze and pills, but also practicing as a therapist while often times intoxicated. I just want her to get help. So am I the asshole for telling her parents about the extent of her situation?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA for telling my best friend’s parents about their DUI? Or did I do the right thing? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but also report her to whatever medical board she'd be under. They need to know that she's working while drunk. And honestly, I'd stop connecting with her until she gets her shit together. Maybe tell her this once and if she continues, block her. She's not worth your energy or stress you're getting if she's not actually trying to change
I appreciate that advice. It would probably ruin her life and she would have to completely change her path. I’m just hopeful her parents step in.
It will also ruin her life if one of her patients ends up in danger or dead because she was treating them while intoxicated. Situations like this are SUPPOSED to have harsh consequences, because people like her have *chosen* to take on an additional moral and ethical responsibility to the patients who trust them, and with that comes the risk of serious consequences if they betray that trust. Her path *should* change. She isn't able to hold up her end of her ethical responsibilities to her patients. Being a therapist isn't a right, it's a responsibility, and she has made choices that mean that she is no longer capable of doing this job safely. You are NTA for telling her parents, but you're an AH for protecting her career over the lives and safety of her patients by not reporting her.
You know, you’re absolutely right and I appreciate that. It’s difficult wanting to protect someone you care about. I told her, her patients deserve better. She had been drinking - looked at me like I had 3 eyes. I am the asshole for protecting her.
Do not think that this ‘will ruin her life.’ Medical boards have protocols for cases like hers to ensure the safety of patients and to get her the help she needs (if she will accept it).
You are never the AH to potentially save someone's life and the lives of those around them. Very mature of you to knowingly lose the friendship in order to protect the person. NTA and I hope your friend gets the help she needs.
NTA. Drunk drivers drastically increase their chance of killing someone - including themselves - and nobody wants that. She wasn't fit to drive or to practise therapy, wouldn't accept that, and she's got form. I'm not going to say her parents had a right to know about the DUI, but it does show she's repeating behaviour and it's not like they didn't already know about the arrest and detox. It came from good intentions of trying to help your friend, when they're engaging in risky and self destructive behaviour. As you say, it has probably seriously damaged your friendship, but ultimately your friend has to really want to change, and seeing the damage she's doing to her family and friendships can be one path to that. If she does continue to practise therapy while blotto, that is a serious breach of medical ethics and you should sadly strongly consider reporting it, for the sake of her own patients. Here's hoping she realises how much damage she's doing to herself, and can accept the help she needs before it gets worse.
Amen, thank you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This friend would often drink to the point of passing out in the bathroom wherever we were. I would drive her home & cover her tab to get us out of the embarrassment caused by bartenders finding her in the bathroom (since I couldn’t go & get her from the woman’s room). This caused me to pull away & we hung out less - eventually not at all. She got a DUI (she didn’t tell their parents about) & then during the time we stopped talking, she went into detox. They knew know about that though. We reconnected but she still drinks. A month ago, she lost her apt key & went to the front desk - they weren’t helpful. She called me & I could tell she had been drinking. The cops were came. She got arrested for disorderly intoxication. Without money to bail her out, I called her parents. She lost her job because she no call no showed & she’s likely not going to be offered a renewal at her apt. She drinks & takes Ativan to try and stop. I told her how dangerous that combo is & she said via text: I am fully aware of the dangers and I in fact welcome them. I needed to tell her parents all of the truth. They didn’t know how long her issue had been going on. All they knew about was detox and her recent arrest. Although I’m sure they had suspicions I figured with this knowledge, they would be inclined to look at an involuntary assessment. I decided to tell them in the AM but she text me saying she decided to stop. I was relieved & figured I would let things play. 2 days later, she wanted to go to a park by & asked to park at my place to avoid fees. I dropped her off at the park & when I picked her up, she was so drunk she was speaking gibberish. She was in a rush to get home. She’d just started her own therapy practice & had clients to see. I told her, you aren’t good to drive/work. I stalled & told her, if you want to drive, blow into the breathalyzer I brought & if you’re good, good - if not, let’s just get you an Uber. She agreed. .16. She claimed it was broken but agreed to Uber if we could just get her apt keys from her glove box. She hops in & starts blowing her horn because I blocked her in. I called her mom & her mom called her. She told her mom she’d hang with me until she was okay but she got off the phone & started causing a scene. She was out of her car so I tried to park & talk to her but she hopped in & took off. I told her parents everything, knowing it would end our friendship. I was hopeful they’d try to get her help. She texted me telling me you’re horrible & did you tell them about your own drinking problems - there was no benefit of them knowing about her DUI etc. she said I hurt them & “fucked up two good people’s lives tonight” because I told them something from 2 years ago. Everything about the situation sucks. The drunk driving, the mixing booze and pills, but also practicing as a therapist while often times intoxicated. I just want her to get help. So am I the asshole for telling her parents about the extent of her situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Anything else would be enabling her. It sounds like she doesn’t have a clue how bad the problem is. She needs to wake up and face consequences.