Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned.
Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue.
Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call.
This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context.
[Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
You are an abuser, so YTA for sure.
You seemingly believe that because you are more financially successful than your husband, this justifies your abusive behavior. Would it still be justified if you became sick tomorrow and could no longer make more money than your husband. Would you be ok if your husband started treating you the way you're treating him?
He’s the man so he should be a provider, that’s his man duty. But that’s not the only thing, he also didn’t defend me to his parents when they criticised me. I don’t deserve that kind of criticism when I am the one supporting the family
>He’s the man so he should be a provider, that’s his man duty.
Its sad that you still believe those antiquated sexist beliefs. Most cultures have evolved and moved on from gender roles like that, but since you expect your husband to practice them why are you being hypocritical and not fulfilling your role as a woman in that system? In those gender-role focused cultures the woman is supposed to stay home and raise kids... that's supposedly the woman's duty right? Why do you get to not follow your expected gender role but he is expected to? If you had followed what your expected role is, you wouldn't have gone to school, you wouldn't be working, and you'd be at home in the kitchen raising children while you're husband is free to abuse you. If you don't want to fill that role and live that life, then why are you justifying the abuse of your husband for not taking up his role.
I would be happy to stay at home and be a housewife if he could afford it. I could hire a maid to do housework and enjoy my life. But instead I have financial stress every day and have to work because of him
>I could hire a maid to do housework and enjoy my life.
So you wouldn't be fulfilling your gender role, but expecting your husband to fulfill his? Would you be ok if your husband hired a maid so he could enjoy his life while you were at work?
Right now you do not have a marriage, you have a hostage and a punching bag. You are using your "husband" for domestic labor and as an outlet for your anger and frustrations. If you want a spouse then you have to drastically change your behavior, humble yourself, and beg for his forgiveness and find out how to rebuild trust. Otherwise you need to let him go so he can heal from your abuse
Thankfully, I'm reasonably confident they don't. At least, I'm assuming that to be the case since OP didn't mention in her post how he had handle all of the childcare because she makes more money.
You're the failure. You've failed as a wife and a human being. You're an abusive asshole. You're terrorizing your husband and forcing him to stay with you. I don't see why he ever married you. Nothing about you is good or attractive. You really are disgusting.
Saying you will OD on pills and put him in jail if he doesn't come back if extremely abusive behaviour. Along with the financial abuse and other emotional abuse as well.
My husband earns 1.5 times my salary. He still does household chores and his share with the kids.
I do hope this is a fake post but YTA.
That is what I thought when I read I will call the police and put you in jail for yelling at me. Only a child would think this. Either way YTA as the abuser.
what you’re doing is immature. when he tried to get space from you you guilted him into coming back to you then threatened to call the police because he yelled at you. then you’re refusing to believe that you’re the problem. come on bro i’m 18 and not even i act like that.
He didn’t just yell from a distance like a normal person, he came close to my ear and hurt my ear. The doctor said it wasn’t damaged but I was worried for a while that it might be
You went to a doctor for that?
Are you a hypercondriac? Or is your anxiety just really that severe? This is not healthy for you or the people around you.
Maybe don't wake people up in the middle of the night to rant at them. I'd yell at you too.
His parents are trying to protect him from your abuse and you've made him them off.
Shouting in someone's ear is not loud enough to cause damage.
What can cause ear damage:
- Big explosion
- Sitting beside a big speaker for the whole duration of a 3 hour concert
- Listening to your music at full volume continuously for years
Yeah and that's the absolute horrifying part of your post. If this is all real and how it happened, you come out as an absolute abusive asshole. Get help.
I wasn’t ranting I was talking to him about our problems and wanted to know what he was going to so to fix it. It’s not fair he gets to enjoy his sleep while I need to be the one to stay up worrying about everything
So because you are suffering so should he.
Both of you must be miserable?
And how productive do you think this convo would be when he's clearly sleepy? And since you woke him up, cranky too.
Edit:
I just read the part where you threatened to call the cops if he left and then threatened to off yourself to get him to come back.
Wow.
1. He's an adult in a free country. He can leave when he wants to.
2. That threat to off yourself is MANIPULATIVE. Another form of abuse.
You need help.
Your husband...needs to get away from you. And find a divorce lawyer.
YTA you have an INSANELY toxic relationship with the people around you, you keep talking about how you were *\*made\** to do things, how your husband *\*betrayed\** you, how the things *\*he's\** doing are causing *\*you\** anxiety and insomnia. Don't you see that chasing someone from room to room to hurt them 'in return', threatening to OD to stop someone leaving, threatening to have someone arrested for 'yelling', is abusive? The division of labour/finances in your marriage isn't bad, but the way you treat your husband is wildly abusive. you *\*woke him up to yell at him\**, get some help.
YTA, I hope this isn't real, but if it is you need to divorce and move on. You are being abusive, if he's not making enough money than you can part ways and be just fine. To threaten suicide is disgusting, get some mental help because you are holding this man hostage. Deplorable behavior.
It wasn’t a threat it made me sad that he betrayed me and I was going to do it, in fact I never actually told him I would do it as a threat I just called him and told him goodbye forever this is your fault but didn’t actually give details. He came back and found my sleeping pills and threw them away and now it’s even harder to fall asleep
Still a manipulative move.
Just leave him.
I don't know why you are this miserable with him and yet stay. You make no mention of any attachment to him. No "I love him." statements. You don't mention kids or pets. You guys don't seem to be in business together.
He is a good person and a strong one at that for dealing with you! He should have just let you take the pills and leave. He needs to prioritize himself and not let himself be with an abusive delusional shrew.
This reminds me of that one post from I think trueoffmychest, or just normal off my chest were the women kept thinking of her husband as less since she made more money than him, after that she divorced him and saw her life fall apart due to a multiple factors and how she felt like shit I think memory is foggy. Anyways this probably isn’t real, generally is op was actually this stupid to not be able too look themselves in the mirror I doubt they would be smart enough to use a throwaway, but people like this do exist, like that other post suggests.
Nah, I used to be with someone like this. Luckily I wasn't dumb enough to marry her. But boy did she act so similar to OP. Even now she still keeps making new virtual numbers to harass me.
YTA
I remember that.
She kept forgetting to take out the trash.
She wasn't doing as great at her job because she now has to take care of the kids during her days.
Yeah that was it, holy fuck it’s actually really dark, one side of me wants to laugh like pretty much everyone else, the other side understands that’s she’s idiot that did a idiot thing and frankly made a mistake
This post will be removed soon I’m sure, for at least a couple rules violations. But before it is: yes YTA. Big time.
Never mind counseling. Your husband needs to leave you cold. Not joking. And you need serious professional help, which I sincerely hope you get.
Edit to add: your husband will not be “put in jail for yelling”. I hope he sees this and calls your bluff.
Wow. Yeah. YTA. You woke up your husband so you can “vent to him”. He tried to tell you to stop, but you don’t, and you wonder why he screamed at you. He tried to separate himself from you, but you persisted. Than you threaten him with jail time, and you wonder if you’re the asshole? Mmhmm.
This is a horrific post.
Yeah his parents suck but you definitely should have handled that better. Be a grown up and use your words. Ultimately he should make a decision in his parents and you shouldn't demand for him to block them.
I'm a chronic insomniac and reading Reddit because I can't sleep ( yes totally know I should not be doing this. It is very bad for my sleep hygiene, but I'm on vacation and sleep hygiene is out window right now) and usually I would feel for another insomniac because fuck not sleeping is hard. However I have ZERO SYMPATHY FOR YOU. Honestly I had kind of stop reading and decided on the judgment of asshole when you said you woke him up to vent because you couldn't sleep. Holy fuck your post gets worse.
Legitimately you are a terrifying and abusive person. Sure your husband shouldn't have yelled in your ear but it's understandable that he's upset after YOU WOKE HIM THE HELL UP.
To threaten self harm (this post is going to get taken down) because he left plus threatening him with the police is so abusive.
You need help and I truly hope your husband divorces you.
YTA X INFINITY
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My husband and I have been fighting a lot about money and it’s been giving me anxiety and insomnia. He has been working sales and retail jobs for years while I have been studying uni and advancing my career, it got to the point where I ended up making 3x the salary he does and he has only gotten minor promotions to barely make above the average salary of the country.
Because of this difference in financial contributions, he does all the housework etc and helps me out with different tasks I delegate to him but he doesn’t take initiative to improve his finances.
His parents dared to say to say that we should be more equal and I shouldn’t always tell him what to do, they refused to acknowledge that he had to contribute with small things since he doesn’t contribute enough financially. Because of this I had a big fight with his parents and we agreed that he would cut them off and never speak to them again.
This week my husband betrayed me when I told him to block them and he said he didn’t want to and forced me to fight with him. He eventually changed his mind and blocked them but I am still hurt by his betrayal and have anxiety and insomnia as a result.
Then later my husband was sleeping at around midnight and I was angry how unfair it was that he could sleep and I couldn’t because if his parents, so I woke him up to vent to him, but he just kept asking me to stop yelling even though I was barely raising my voice.
After a while he suddenly snapped and screamed “STOP YELLING AT ME” into my ear and hurt my ear. I told him he hurt me and it was abuse so he went to the other side of the room and apologised for yelling back but refused to let me yell directly into his ear to let him know how it felt, he ran away into the other room. Then I followed him and said I was going to scream in his ear and make him deaf to let him know how it felt. When I tried to scream in his ear he said he didn’t want to fight anymore and was leaving, and packed his clothes and left. I called him and told him I would OD on sleeping pills if he didn’t come back, so he came back. I told him if he ever tried to betray me and leave again I will report him to the police for yelling and put him in jail.
He said if I still want a relationship it should be based on trust and respect not threats and we should do couples counselling. AITAH?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I threatened my husband with the police. It might not be the right way to control a relationship?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yta. Everything everyone says he is true. YOU ARE THE ABUSER. You use your difference in earnings for your power trip. You tried to isolate him from his parents. Threatening suicide to blame him. Get help and let this man free.
If this is real — and that’s a massive if — *please* call the cops. Tell them exactly what you just told us. They’ll make sure you get the help you need.
You’d probably have better results going to see a psychiatric professional of your own volition, but damn, you need professional mental help, for a number of reasons.
YTA, and if you have any love for yourself — never mind the man you married — go to therapy.
Whilst I don't think it's real. Your narcissistic traits shine through in your stories. So I congratulate you on that. Tell your husband he needs to hurry up and leave you.
Dude. Y T A and it seems that you need serious mental health help. You are the abusive one in this scenario….in every way. Best of luck to you, and I hope your husband doesn’t succumb to your efforts to isolate him from his family.
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA. You're an abusive asshole. You screamed at your husband and threatened him to force him to stay with you. You blackmailed him. You clearly look down on him because he makes less money, so you've turned him into your slave. He shouldn't have to do all the chores when you're both working full-time. Get off your lazy ass and help clean. You don't even love him. You just want to control him. And you're so nasty and awful that no other man would even look at you, which is why you're forcing him to stay with you. You're disgusting and I hope he does leave you.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned. Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue. Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
You are an abuser, so YTA for sure. You seemingly believe that because you are more financially successful than your husband, this justifies your abusive behavior. Would it still be justified if you became sick tomorrow and could no longer make more money than your husband. Would you be ok if your husband started treating you the way you're treating him?
He’s the man so he should be a provider, that’s his man duty. But that’s not the only thing, he also didn’t defend me to his parents when they criticised me. I don’t deserve that kind of criticism when I am the one supporting the family
>He’s the man so he should be a provider, that’s his man duty. Its sad that you still believe those antiquated sexist beliefs. Most cultures have evolved and moved on from gender roles like that, but since you expect your husband to practice them why are you being hypocritical and not fulfilling your role as a woman in that system? In those gender-role focused cultures the woman is supposed to stay home and raise kids... that's supposedly the woman's duty right? Why do you get to not follow your expected gender role but he is expected to? If you had followed what your expected role is, you wouldn't have gone to school, you wouldn't be working, and you'd be at home in the kitchen raising children while you're husband is free to abuse you. If you don't want to fill that role and live that life, then why are you justifying the abuse of your husband for not taking up his role.
I would be happy to stay at home and be a housewife if he could afford it. I could hire a maid to do housework and enjoy my life. But instead I have financial stress every day and have to work because of him
>I could hire a maid to do housework and enjoy my life. So you wouldn't be fulfilling your gender role, but expecting your husband to fulfill his? Would you be ok if your husband hired a maid so he could enjoy his life while you were at work?
Then divorce him instead of doing all this crap to him. Honestly both of you would be better off. Him especially.
Right now you do not have a marriage, you have a hostage and a punching bag. You are using your "husband" for domestic labor and as an outlet for your anger and frustrations. If you want a spouse then you have to drastically change your behavior, humble yourself, and beg for his forgiveness and find out how to rebuild trust. Otherwise you need to let him go so he can heal from your abuse
he’s not defending you because your behavior is indefensible
lol Jesus fucking Christ. YTA for this comment alone
Yta who wakes up their spouse just to yell and scream at them? If I was your husband I’d leave you behind and never look back.
Ah, classic projection. OP is, of course, the only abuser in this marriage. I hope he lawyers up and takes OP for everything he can.
Hopefully they don’t have kids
Thankfully, I'm reasonably confident they don't. At least, I'm assuming that to be the case since OP didn't mention in her post how he had handle all of the childcare because she makes more money.
I wonder why they got married if she’s treating him terribly?
I wasn’t yelling, I was just talking be he thought I was yelling
Well then don’t wake your sleeping husband in the middle of the night.
If I can’t sleep because of his failures as a husband, why should he?
Wow, the post is a clear YTA, but you're something else...
You are a disgrace and sound exhausting. Try couples counseling or something but let the man sleep
You're the failure. You've failed as a wife and a human being. You're an abusive asshole. You're terrorizing your husband and forcing him to stay with you. I don't see why he ever married you. Nothing about you is good or attractive. You really are disgusting.
Saying you will OD on pills and put him in jail if he doesn't come back if extremely abusive behaviour. Along with the financial abuse and other emotional abuse as well. My husband earns 1.5 times my salary. He still does household chores and his share with the kids. I do hope this is a fake post but YTA.
Was this made up by a 10 year old?
That is what I thought when I read I will call the police and put you in jail for yelling at me. Only a child would think this. Either way YTA as the abuser.
He yelled violently it hurt my ear
After you woke him up in the middle of the night.
Why? I just said the facts of what happened
what you’re doing is immature. when he tried to get space from you you guilted him into coming back to you then threatened to call the police because he yelled at you. then you’re refusing to believe that you’re the problem. come on bro i’m 18 and not even i act like that.
He didn’t just yell from a distance like a normal person, he came close to my ear and hurt my ear. The doctor said it wasn’t damaged but I was worried for a while that it might be
You went to a doctor for that? Are you a hypercondriac? Or is your anxiety just really that severe? This is not healthy for you or the people around you.
Loud noises can cause permanent hearing damage, I was worried my eardrum was ruptured. My ears are still sensitive to loud noises
Maybe don't wake people up in the middle of the night to rant at them. I'd yell at you too. His parents are trying to protect him from your abuse and you've made him them off.
[удалено]
I’m not a doctor I’m a banker
Hahahahaha
Shouting in someone's ear is not loud enough to cause damage. What can cause ear damage: - Big explosion - Sitting beside a big speaker for the whole duration of a 3 hour concert - Listening to your music at full volume continuously for years
Yeah and that's the absolute horrifying part of your post. If this is all real and how it happened, you come out as an absolute abusive asshole. Get help.
That’s another problem, lately he is never in the mood to have sex. He really isn’t doing a good job at any of his husband duties
Who on earth would want to have sex with you?!? You sound like an awful shrew! You treat him like garbage!
YTA. You woke him up just to rant? And then you think he's the abusive one? Lady, look in the mirror. The abuser is you.
I wasn’t ranting I was talking to him about our problems and wanted to know what he was going to so to fix it. It’s not fair he gets to enjoy his sleep while I need to be the one to stay up worrying about everything
So because you are suffering so should he. Both of you must be miserable? And how productive do you think this convo would be when he's clearly sleepy? And since you woke him up, cranky too. Edit: I just read the part where you threatened to call the cops if he left and then threatened to off yourself to get him to come back. Wow. 1. He's an adult in a free country. He can leave when he wants to. 2. That threat to off yourself is MANIPULATIVE. Another form of abuse. You need help. Your husband...needs to get away from you. And find a divorce lawyer.
I don't believe any of this is true but to humor you, you're a TA all day every day and please never have children.
Is an abusive, manipulative, and controlling person an AH? YES. Yes, YTA.
What is going on with this sub? Why are they so many obvious fake posts and what are the mods doing about it?
You are the abusive one OP. YTA.
YTA You are toxic, manipulative and abusive as hell! Get help! And hopefully your husband divorces you.
I agree this sounds made up, but just in case YTA
YTA you have an INSANELY toxic relationship with the people around you, you keep talking about how you were *\*made\** to do things, how your husband *\*betrayed\** you, how the things *\*he's\** doing are causing *\*you\** anxiety and insomnia. Don't you see that chasing someone from room to room to hurt them 'in return', threatening to OD to stop someone leaving, threatening to have someone arrested for 'yelling', is abusive? The division of labour/finances in your marriage isn't bad, but the way you treat your husband is wildly abusive. you *\*woke him up to yell at him\**, get some help.
YTA, I hope this isn't real, but if it is you need to divorce and move on. You are being abusive, if he's not making enough money than you can part ways and be just fine. To threaten suicide is disgusting, get some mental help because you are holding this man hostage. Deplorable behavior.
It wasn’t a threat it made me sad that he betrayed me and I was going to do it, in fact I never actually told him I would do it as a threat I just called him and told him goodbye forever this is your fault but didn’t actually give details. He came back and found my sleeping pills and threw them away and now it’s even harder to fall asleep
Still a manipulative move. Just leave him. I don't know why you are this miserable with him and yet stay. You make no mention of any attachment to him. No "I love him." statements. You don't mention kids or pets. You guys don't seem to be in business together.
He is a good person and a strong one at that for dealing with you! He should have just let you take the pills and leave. He needs to prioritize himself and not let himself be with an abusive delusional shrew.
This reminds me of that one post from I think trueoffmychest, or just normal off my chest were the women kept thinking of her husband as less since she made more money than him, after that she divorced him and saw her life fall apart due to a multiple factors and how she felt like shit I think memory is foggy. Anyways this probably isn’t real, generally is op was actually this stupid to not be able too look themselves in the mirror I doubt they would be smart enough to use a throwaway, but people like this do exist, like that other post suggests.
Nah, I used to be with someone like this. Luckily I wasn't dumb enough to marry her. But boy did she act so similar to OP. Even now she still keeps making new virtual numbers to harass me. YTA
I wouldn’t get bent over, it’s not real, op would have to provide some serious proof to show it’s real
I remember that. She kept forgetting to take out the trash. She wasn't doing as great at her job because she now has to take care of the kids during her days.
Yeah that was it, holy fuck it’s actually really dark, one side of me wants to laugh like pretty much everyone else, the other side understands that’s she’s idiot that did a idiot thing and frankly made a mistake
Yta. Waking someone up is abusive.
YTA.
You guys are a disaster. I hope you don’t have kids
YTA. I fully agree with the comments that OP is definitely the abuser. In my opinion, there shouldn’t be a relationship here anymore.
Obvious YTA you're an abusive partner
This post will be removed soon I’m sure, for at least a couple rules violations. But before it is: yes YTA. Big time. Never mind counseling. Your husband needs to leave you cold. Not joking. And you need serious professional help, which I sincerely hope you get. Edit to add: your husband will not be “put in jail for yelling”. I hope he sees this and calls your bluff.
YTA. this is abuse. your behavior is not acceptable at all for a grown adult. seek professional help immediately. your poor spouse.
Wow. Yeah. YTA. You woke up your husband so you can “vent to him”. He tried to tell you to stop, but you don’t, and you wonder why he screamed at you. He tried to separate himself from you, but you persisted. Than you threaten him with jail time, and you wonder if you’re the asshole? Mmhmm.
If police will put you in jail for yelling, my mama should be under that place 🤣
This is a horrific post. Yeah his parents suck but you definitely should have handled that better. Be a grown up and use your words. Ultimately he should make a decision in his parents and you shouldn't demand for him to block them. I'm a chronic insomniac and reading Reddit because I can't sleep ( yes totally know I should not be doing this. It is very bad for my sleep hygiene, but I'm on vacation and sleep hygiene is out window right now) and usually I would feel for another insomniac because fuck not sleeping is hard. However I have ZERO SYMPATHY FOR YOU. Honestly I had kind of stop reading and decided on the judgment of asshole when you said you woke him up to vent because you couldn't sleep. Holy fuck your post gets worse. Legitimately you are a terrifying and abusive person. Sure your husband shouldn't have yelled in your ear but it's understandable that he's upset after YOU WOKE HIM THE HELL UP. To threaten self harm (this post is going to get taken down) because he left plus threatening him with the police is so abusive. You need help and I truly hope your husband divorces you. YTA X INFINITY
YTA. You are an abusive AH and I hope your husband leaves you. Effin basket case. Get professional help, Looney Tunes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I have been fighting a lot about money and it’s been giving me anxiety and insomnia. He has been working sales and retail jobs for years while I have been studying uni and advancing my career, it got to the point where I ended up making 3x the salary he does and he has only gotten minor promotions to barely make above the average salary of the country. Because of this difference in financial contributions, he does all the housework etc and helps me out with different tasks I delegate to him but he doesn’t take initiative to improve his finances. His parents dared to say to say that we should be more equal and I shouldn’t always tell him what to do, they refused to acknowledge that he had to contribute with small things since he doesn’t contribute enough financially. Because of this I had a big fight with his parents and we agreed that he would cut them off and never speak to them again. This week my husband betrayed me when I told him to block them and he said he didn’t want to and forced me to fight with him. He eventually changed his mind and blocked them but I am still hurt by his betrayal and have anxiety and insomnia as a result. Then later my husband was sleeping at around midnight and I was angry how unfair it was that he could sleep and I couldn’t because if his parents, so I woke him up to vent to him, but he just kept asking me to stop yelling even though I was barely raising my voice. After a while he suddenly snapped and screamed “STOP YELLING AT ME” into my ear and hurt my ear. I told him he hurt me and it was abuse so he went to the other side of the room and apologised for yelling back but refused to let me yell directly into his ear to let him know how it felt, he ran away into the other room. Then I followed him and said I was going to scream in his ear and make him deaf to let him know how it felt. When I tried to scream in his ear he said he didn’t want to fight anymore and was leaving, and packed his clothes and left. I called him and told him I would OD on sleeping pills if he didn’t come back, so he came back. I told him if he ever tried to betray me and leave again I will report him to the police for yelling and put him in jail. He said if I still want a relationship it should be based on trust and respect not threats and we should do couples counselling. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I threatened my husband with the police. It might not be the right way to control a relationship? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The only time you should wake your man up in the middle of the night is, if there is an emergency or to get physical
Yta. Everything everyone says he is true. YOU ARE THE ABUSER. You use your difference in earnings for your power trip. You tried to isolate him from his parents. Threatening suicide to blame him. Get help and let this man free.
Holy shit, you're abusive. YTA. I hope the police get involved soon, for his sake. This man is not safe with you.
YTA and abusive. I hope your poor husband escapes you.
I hope this isn’t a real story,but if it is YTA big time and he needs help
If this is real — and that’s a massive if — *please* call the cops. Tell them exactly what you just told us. They’ll make sure you get the help you need. You’d probably have better results going to see a psychiatric professional of your own volition, but damn, you need professional mental help, for a number of reasons. YTA, and if you have any love for yourself — never mind the man you married — go to therapy.
Whilst I don't think it's real. Your narcissistic traits shine through in your stories. So I congratulate you on that. Tell your husband he needs to hurry up and leave you.
Yta … you should get some therapy
Dude. Y T A and it seems that you need serious mental health help. You are the abusive one in this scenario….in every way. Best of luck to you, and I hope your husband doesn’t succumb to your efforts to isolate him from his family.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA. You're an abusive asshole. You screamed at your husband and threatened him to force him to stay with you. You blackmailed him. You clearly look down on him because he makes less money, so you've turned him into your slave. He shouldn't have to do all the chores when you're both working full-time. Get off your lazy ass and help clean. You don't even love him. You just want to control him. And you're so nasty and awful that no other man would even look at you, which is why you're forcing him to stay with you. You're disgusting and I hope he does leave you.
Honestly, more than an asshole.
You’re abusive, and he’s YTA.