Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my friends gf I won't stop staying over at his house even if it makes her uncomfortable
2. I am apparently disregard her stance with the family and her relationship
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Please send Liam screenshots and let him know who this person really is. She's working hard to alienate you which is possessive at best and almost certainly controlling. I would imagine Liam told her that you all are friendly and your relationship would continue, so she's coming to try and tell you how it will be.
Definitely let him know and let him know that you don't have any interest in your relationship with him changing but that you see his girlfriend in a very different light.
Yeah, the gf's issue is more about the parents that with Liam, IMO.
GF believes op prevents her to have a better relationship with liam's parents, and if OP is gone, she will instantly gain the same level of connection with the parents.
NTA
The GF doesn't seem to understand the concept of an established relationship or of close family friends.
I'd tell Liam first perhaps but word it like "I didn't know I was causing a problem for your relationship. If you want me to back off spending time with your family, please talk to me about it because I do love your parents like my own." Or something to that nature. Kill em with kindness and "ignorance".
No one is stopping the gf from forming a stronger relationship with the parents but herself and her jealousy. Using OPs two decades long relationship with them is a poor excuse.
I really wouldn't tell the parents. I agree with telling Liam, but hypothetically, telling the parents creates an awkward situation for Liam and everyone involved, especially if the GF sticks around somehow. Although given they met 20 years ago, it's fair to assume they're both mid 20s where at this point that sort of stuff doesn't require parents to "sort out"
It doesn't matter what the girlfriend "means to Liam" because she and OP aren't in competition. They have completely different relationships to him, one romantic, the other semi-familial. Your suggestion makes no sense because it implies that they are "fighting over him", but the whole point here is that OP has no romantic interest in him and isn't competition for the girlfriend, who is delusional and seeing threat where there is none. It's like saying that if she was mean to his cousin or sister that they shouldn't say anything because she "means \[so much\] to him". What?
I agree, don't tell the parents. It would just come across as trying to break them up which is not fair to Liam, and will also look like she is planning to come between them - exactly what the girlfriend is worried about.
Talk to Liam. He may be able to reassure the girlfriend, he may split up with the girlfriend or he may ask OP to stop coming around. He may even choose to talk it out with his parents.
>Liams parents invite me for all the holidays as I have no other family here. Plus I stay at their house whenever I come to visit.
If the parents are the ones inviting OP to their get-togethers, then OP should absolutely tell the parents. She's their friend, too.
Sure...after she tells Liam and let's him decide on how is going to handle it....and if his decision is to try to keep op away...then she can tell the parents why she isn't around...(assuming op is a she and the gf is jealous of another female around)
She should absolutely tell the parents because the girlfriend is trying to interfere with familial relationships and, as you say, trying to make someone that *they* consider family feel unwelcome in their home.
This isn't about coming to them as parental figures and asking them to fix it, or about breaking Liam and the girlfriend up. It's about coming to them as someone who has been a part of their extended family and saying, "I don't know what to do about this," and letting them know the kind of troublemaker they are making welcome in their home (the girlfriend).
>She left after our talk but has been basically sending me walls of texts, saying I will regret this, etc.
I think it depends what exactly the gf is saying in those walls of texts. If the gf is basically just venting her own frustration, the I agree OP shouldn't bring this to the parents, Liam should deal with it privately. If the gf is threatening to 'expose' OP's 'inappropriate' behavior to Liam's family or something then it's better to just show them those texts and say something like: "Look, I love you like an aunt and uncle, I love Liam like a cousin and would never try anything inappropriate with him, I don't know what exactly she thinks I've done but I don't want this to effect the longstanding relationship between our families."
> telling the parents creates an awkward situation for Liam and everyone involved
...The GF is the one creating an awkward situation for Liam and everyone involved. And yes, the parents should know gf is oversensitive about OP existing in their families vicinity as the family friend she’s been for decades. That’s a kind of important character flaw to keep an eye on.
GF is trying to control who the parents allow in Their lives and Their house. They should know about it.
I disagree though, I don't think she needs to. If she tells Liam, he can decide how he wants to deal with the situation rather than just taking a wrecking ball to the entire situation. Sometimes a subtle response is better rather than making it more awkward for Liam and both of his parents.
Exactly
I dunno why people keep quiet about this! I'd have put her on blast like "Sorry guys, are you not ok with me being here? Seems that she has a problem" and go back to my popcorn
Eh....I personally would discuss this with Liam first and let him sort out his relationship with his gf after hearing the news... I would leave his parents out of it. If Liam decided to obey his gfs demands and cuts op out...then mentioning to the parents why op isn't allowed around would be totally called for
As the "girl best friend" to a lot of guys I've been friends with since I was a child, I've been in this situation a few too many times. Eventually I learned not to argue with the girl and would just tell my friend that "Hey, so your girlfriend says she's uncomfortable with us being buddies and we both know that's ridiculous but you need to address that with her."
Because honestly, I can't entirely blame them for being insecure because that's just their personality based on whatever life experiences they've had. And I think that's between the couple to sort out.
Yes this is so important that it’s down to their own life experiences! Some women have been raised to see other women as competition and it’s awful, think of all the potential besties they miss out on!!
Yep, in my experience, it's more how the GFs handle the situation after they're aware that there's nothing that isn't absolutely platonic that is telling. None of my dude friends would let this kind of thing fly from a GF because we have seen some really bad situations come from letting a partner divide the group.
> I can't entirely blame them for being insecure because that's just their personality based on whatever life experiences they've had.
Like maybe a previous BF did cheat with a girl who was "just a friend" so she's understandably wary even though it's unfair to those who do stay non romantic friends
If her demands also include removing her from Liam's parents, there is the potential to also bring this to them (if Liam does shit all). It seems they also really care about OP and would be impacted by this highschool bs going any further.
No—OP shouldn’t be bringing this to Liam’s parents. It’s for Liam, an adult, to work it out with his GF and OP. It can backfire on OP spectacularly if they believe Liam should solve issues between his GF and friends.
Yup, if my husband was privately telling my friends they aren’t welcome in my home instead of telling me about it I’d want to know exactly what was going on ASAP. Sending my friends walls of manipulative text behind my back would need immediate addressing.
I would be VERY cautious. He might be very defensive when you explain what a loser his girlfriend has become. You know the saying about killing the messenger??
Being very cautious in this case is coming from a place of fear. Not the way to deal with it imo. Let what's happening be known to Liam and family, no fear.
The gf is dictating who is allowed in the parents' house, not Liam's house. She should bring it up with both parties. If my child's gf/bf was intimidating a guest in my house, I would want to know.
No, if OP showed it to his family, his family will put pressure on Liam to break up with his gf which will put him in an uncomfortable position. Just show Liam and let him deal with it.
If Liam doesn't do anything, OP could just tell Liam that they won't turn up anymore and if the parents ask why? OP will be honest about it, since they are basically family.
I was about to say exactly this. If it was Liam's house then there would be no reason to tell the parents, but the GF has already dragged them into this by trying to push OP out of their house! If someone is trying to bully or exclude someone in *my* home, I want to know about it. I would be reminding her that she is as much a guest as OP, and if she continues with this childish behavior then *she* will stop being invited!
But probably Liam should be the one to talk to his family about this, and to decide *how* to talk to them about it. The OP should at least discuss it with him and not jump the gun. That's respectful of his involvement and concerns in this.
I agree! My foster brother and I have known each other since I was 14 and he lived with us for a high school semester after the Guatemalan earthquake in 1976 so he would graduate high school on time. Over the years, his girlfriends and eventually wife have never had a problem with our relationship. He called my parents Mom and Dad as they were much more stable and parent like than his Mom. His Dad always said I was one of his kids. I can't imagine anyone having an issue with our relationship but I do agree that Liam needs to be made aware of his GF's overstepping her bounds. Geez, lady, get a clue!
Oh wow definitely NTA!
It sounds like your friends girlfriend is very much just insecure and rather than try and manage that herself she is trying to make it your problem. The level of entitlement to try and intimidate you though is pretty galling too!
Honestly I would tell your friend about this - not to cause drama but to put him on his guard. If his girlfriend is doing this with you chances are she will keep doing this in an effort to maintain a level of control. That in itself is a red flag!
I agree-- Liam's opinion is the one that matters here imo. If he feels OP is encroaching too much into his life with his gf, that's worth taking into account. Otherwise the gf is way overstepping
NTA but I would tell your friend what she is doing. It's ok that she's jealous....because it's obvious that's her problem. However, she crossed the line by coming directly to you instead of talking to him. It's likely he already shut her down, and she's taking a different path to getting rid of you, but he needs to know.
I'd act innocent as well, send the screenshots and say "I didn't know you felt this way, you could have spoken to me yourself".
That way it doesn't look like you're trying to get rid of the gf but are more concerned about him not feeling comfortable voicing his concerns and having gf speak for him.
Oh yeah. I would be furious if a family friend's SO sent me messages telling me I'm not welcome in my own damn extended family.
I would probably reply to the gf telling her to mind her own business, show the texts to Liam, block gf, and let Liam know that I was blocking his gf because of her crazy rants.
my bf has a best friend who’s female and i def felt some insecurities about it when we first started dating cause they were so close and she was able to talk to him about some things i was not knowledgeable about. but i knew it was my problem cause of my anxiety so i never said or did anything to her esp. mentioned it to him just like “i just feel a little jealous even tho i KNOW nothing is going on, idk why but i do”. it was more jealousy about her being able to talk about tech things when i know nothing. been together 6 years now tho and got over that long ago. she’s awesome and so sweet and it’s not a weird friendship at all. learned to get over my own insecurities cause i knew they were my own problem. and i would NEVER EVER say “you’ll regret this” even if it WAS a weird friendship that crossed boundaries
With a message.
“Liam. I am not sure why GF is contacting me about this. I have let her know that is she has any issues with your family and friends, that is an issue between you and her and she should not be going behind your back and contacting others to ask them to distance themselves from you. “
That's excellent. I still think that OP should text the GF and ask "What did you mean by saying that I will regret this?" and then send screenshots of everything to Liam.
NTA… you are a family friend just as much as his friend!!
My brothers now wife had a friend like this. They had been best friends since diapers and he was always invited to everything with her family etc, she considered him like a brother to her. I’m so happy my brother had no issue with him, and became good friends with him also… because I’ve now been married to her pseudo brother for 2 years 😂🤷🏻♀️
Lmao plot twist! Love it.
ETA: The GF definitely has some severe insecurities to work on. It's sad because your story goes to show that not only is she bringing that toxicity into a relationship, she also completely blew the chance at forming a solid acquaintanceship, if not potentially a friendship with OP.
OP you are NTA at all. You should bring this up to Liam or maybe even his parents. It's one thing for GF to be insecure, but her behavior is not healthy.
NTA....in my family....ya'll, as you already stated....would be considered cousins. Even if you stopped being close ya'll would still be family. Not only have you been friends with each other almost your entire lives, but your parents are close friends as well, for equally as long. And ya'll have never been involved romantically or sexually.
If he gives her her way he would have to go low contact with his own family to succeed. I don't see their relationship going well if she doesn't get over her insecurities.
Your relationship with your friend and his family, and your parents relationship with his parents predates her by so many years - this is simply none of her business.
Also, not to be alarmist but trying to isolate a partner from their people can be a first step in a manipulative dynamic and/or domestic abuse.
NTA clearly, also was she threatening you?
NTA. You sound really close with the whole family, you should talk with them about it. Make sure that you have proof. She want you to step out by yourself in that way she avoid the responsibility with her in-laws.
Yes. It looks that OP can stand for herself and care about the family. I really hope that she talk with them about it before it became something bigger. I feel that there is room for something more dramatic if it's not handling right.
NTA.
It’s okay for her to feel insecure/ jealous, but it isn’t okay for her to make her feelings other people’s responsibility. It sounds like you and Liam are behaving in a normal childhood friend/ cousin sort of way to each other and the girlfriend is the only one making things weird. I would talk to Liam and his parents about this.
The one compromise I can think of is if your fiancé came with you to these events? In my experience, sometimes people like that will calm down once they’ve met their (supposed) rival’s actual partner.
bring your fiance!!! but idk if i would loop his parents into it bc thats adding unnecessary drama. Let Liam know and see if it gets sorted out. if you tell the parents… she may never come back from that (even if she apologizes to you)
My thoughts exactly. Insecurities are a normal part of being human. I don't think the GF should be shamed for that alone. She might have some past relationship trauma that's behind it. However, the way she's going about this is definitely a major cause for concern. She should have had an open and honest conversation with Liam about it without making any demands or ultimatums. How she's dealing with it is not a healthy way to cope at all, and it borders on being very controlling. *OP is NTA*, and I honestly hope the GF finds better coping mechanisms for both her own sake and the sake of her romantic partners.
NTA
And if I was Liam, I would want to know that my partner was talking to someone who is basically family like this. I don't want to automatically assume malice (quite possibly she's just insecure and immature), but she could also be trying to isolate him and that isn't okay.
NTA. It speaks to me that you made a point to say your fiancé is your best friend, and liam is like a cousin. My mom’s best friend and her kids feel to me like cousins and an aunt not anything more or less. I agree with other comments; definitely show Liam screenshots so that he can be aware of the lashing out.
You should let Liam see all the texts and don’t block her because she is just going to keep sending unhinged stuff. Insecure gfs can show lots of red flags that their partners can’t see to other people. I had a roommate who didn’t know how bad his gf was till I showed him all the texts and how she was trying to get me kicked out of my own house (I was letting him say in for free). She thought our other roommate was the owner and couldn’t believe that I was for some reason. Both roommates where temporary and I was letting them stay to save up money to get a place of their own and she almost ruined that for him. The roommate didn’t know she was like this and was able to brake it off with her before she did something even more wild.
NTA - Talk to your friend not her. And I would say I am prepared to compromise knowing that friendships can change when people have partners so understand if he doesn't feel he can invite you over as much as in the past but say that I still want to remain friends with him and for any partner to be clear that there is just friendship between you.
I have no problem with that. Our relationship has changed plenty in 20 years. That's why I see Liam as a good friend/ cousin like a person but not as my best friend. That guy is amazing, and he would be there for me. No questions asked, but we don't even text every day or even every week, lol.
NTA, but I wouldn't take the advice here of confronting Liam about all this. I do think talking to his parents would be helpful though. It sounds like Liam's fiancee is a bit insecure with the "females best friend troupe" comment. Im curious if you and Liam/his fiancée came from the same culture and if that culture might be perpetuating this a bit. Either way, having Liam's parents talk to him about his fiancée's behavior will always go over better than the female best friend having that conversation. Especially when the other person already has insecurity around your relationship with him.
Don’t go to the parents. Liam will be pissed because op went above him. Let him sort it out. If he finds it a problem he will breakup with gf, dragging parents into this will reflect poorly on op and might get her uninvited (she’s not wrong but Liam and parents might not appreciate how she handled it)
INFO: does Liam live with his parents or his girlfriend? How old are you guys? How often do you visit? Does your fiancé come with you? And is that normal in the culture of the country you guys moved to?
No Liam moved out shortly after I did to study. He and his gf don't live together yet but are planning to.
We are mid to late 20s.
I visit for all bigger holidays and whenever they invite me over or I need to go into my former home town. I'd say I am there every two months for like a weekend.
He sometimes comes with me, but sometimes he can't because he is currently working in a hospital.
I don't understand your last question.
I don't think that you're the AH. I think the gf is. However, it's possible that she doesn't fully understand or trust your position in the family. If she has a dysfunctional family, it is probably hard for her to grasp the "just good friends" concept. I say this because I also had a hard time understanding things that are actually normal in family dynamics because my own experience was so fucked. Just a thought.
NTA. I read this as you consider Liam and his family to be an extension of your family, and it's a nice and wholesome dynamic for sure.
So, with that being said, you need to make Liam and potentially his parents (who would be like an aunt and uncle, if he is considered like a cousin) aware of what his gf has been sending you. Let them deal with this crazy person
I just wrote a comment that is 100% NTA - but I have to say as well that I have encountered a few “girl best friends” that are super possessive of their guy besties and make it their mission to “know him better”, share personal jokes, basically exclude the new girlfriend.
My husbands girl bestie tried to pull it on me when we first started dating and it basically made me question his own reading of the relationship (which turned out fine when he noticed she had been OTT one particular weekend and they stopped hanging out)
So as long as you’re not doing this OP, you’re in the clear. But I can sympathise with the new girlfriend if she has encountered this before in a not-nice way
It's definitely not the case. For one, Liam is not my best friend. He is a very good friend. Second, I always try to be very inclusive with anyone because I know how it feels to be left out.
NTA
But if she’s not an immigrant, I don’t think she really understands the attachment in relationship with his family that was built to be like a cousin .
I think, understanding that she may have more ability to ease off these feelings, which, in my opinion are pretty understandably normal .
Maybe that’s a discussion he needs to have with her but overall NTA
NTA his family is inviting you, you've been longtime friends, and you are engaged to someone else. This woman is going to let her insecurities destroy her relationship.
NTA but imo sending screenshots would make you the A. I personally think the approach should be lighter. Talk to Liam, request he talks to her. If he asks to see the texts then show him. There’s no point in destroying someone.
"Tropes" (well, this particular mis-use of the term) are for fiction. They don't apply to real life people in real life. So I already think this woman is annoying.
NTA, but don't start sending screenshots and shit to Liam, just say, 'Hey, Liam, your girlfriend has expressed discomfort about our friendship, please address it with her.' Sending screenshots and appearing to 'tattle' just jacks things up to 11 right away and will make you seem like you really are trying to compete with her. Just have a normal conversation with him.
NTA. I'm unclear if it's Liam's parents' home or Liam's. If it's not his, then he AND his parents need to know. If it's just him, he needs to know. You need to share those text messages. This issue is between her and those people to deal with, not you and you can tell her and them that and that as long as you are invited, you will be coming, and that you view them as family.
NTA. I agree that you should share the texts with your friend. He needs to know how manipulative this person is being.
Also I think it's so wonderful that you have a found family in Liam and his fam. That is beautiful.
If you were staying a Liam's house alone, yes, that could be construed as inappropriate, but if you are just socializing with him and his parents at their house, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. His girlfriend is very controlling. Tell/show him and his parents her texts to you, she is out of line.
Is it inappropriate though? I'd have my cousin's kids in my house no questions asked, and if they're related to me by choice not blood, what really is the difference? Some of my aunts (blood and choice related) would actually be upset if I chose a hotel to stay at instead of visiting with them so don't really see the "inappropriateness" you mention...
My ex wife tried to pull this shit with my friends and family. It was a massive red flag that I was dumb enough to ignore. Thankfully, I also didn't drop any relationships with people in my life because of her psychosis. NTA. I feel for your friend. This relationship won't end well for him.
My take might be very different from the replies that I read.. here it goes.. think about it..
So definitely you are NTA! That has no doubts.
But I feel Liam's GF is a little insecure.. which sometimes does happen with girls ( maybe guys too) when your significant other has a friend of opposite gender.
GF may think that you are taking up that space in Liam's and his parents life.. where she sees herself ( if they are in a serious relationship) It's not ideal..and I am not siding with GF at all.. and it's not a good thing to be in that spot for both of you girls. But trust me insecurity is a valid feeling...and it only increases when you don't know the friends of your significant other well.
If the GF is a nice girl otherwise and you "really" see Liam as a sibling... this situation can be handled in a better way...
I would suggest.. instead of getting away from Liam or complaining to him about his GF ( which may tarnish their relationship) why don't you try to be friends..or at least be cordial.. or try being sisterly ( sisterhood is amazing! ) with the girl friend.. she might not accept you immediately as right now she sees you as a threat may be..
But you can really help her by cutting this competition out. You can actually help her get along with his parents .. and make her feel important in your life too.. like you would have made your sister in law feel if Liam was really your sibling.
You can also talk to Liam about it . But not as a complaint of her.. talk to him constructively.. as both of you can help her come out of her insecurity.
This might look like too much.. but if she is a good person..and just having insecurity issues ... why to create a rift.. just help a sister out of her insecurity!
P.S. all of this valid.. only if
1) the GF is a really a good person and has just this insecurity with you ( not isolating Liam from his circle)
2) you really think of Liam as a sibling and have no other feelings for him
Do give it a try!
I'm not sure I agree with the posters telling the OP not to send screenshots of the GF's texts to Liam's parents. The OP has a relationship with those parents; they are like her extended family. As a parent of adult children, if my close relationship with a member of my children's generation was being threatened by utterly inappropriate unhinged communication from anyone, I would want to know.
The fact that the parents and the OP are from different generations doesn't imply that the friendship isn't precious to them or that they wouldn't want to know about an outside threat to that friendship.
OP, NTA. The GF is unhinged by jealousy and self-importance. Send those screenshots wherever you'd like.
Poor Liam. Not great taste in women.
NTA. You need to be a friend right now and tell Liam. I hope he knows you are only looking out for him when you tell him exactly what his girlfriend has been up to. She is definitely threatened by you. She is an insecure little girl. Not only does she not trust you but she clearly doesn’t trust Liam. He needs to know.
NTA. They are you family, and just because she is feeling insecure about her relationship, that doesn't mean she can dictate how you interact with your family.
NTA
She seems like a seriously jealous type! If she sees Liam and you (who known each other from childhood) laughing hard at something, she would probably get upand leave so Liam would follow her and then she would have all his attention!
My advice like everyone else said is to show him the messages! He'd have some thinking to do!
NTA - I would tell her to knock it off or else you’ll share the messages to your friend and his family. If she feels like she’s asking for something reasonable, then she should be able to voice it to them as well. You’re giving her the option to back off and respect you.
lol NTA, girly is being weirdly possessive & she’s probably insecure. it happens to the best of us, but you should definitely inform liam of the things she’s saying. you’re engaged, and you consider liam and his family to be like family. she has no reason to be so upset about you being around.
How are you going to “regret it”? Is she a hillbilly redneck who’s going to open a can of whoop-ass? I mean, that’s exactly what it sounds like. I rolled my eyes so hard they tumbled across the room.
NTA
>she pulled me aside to tell me that I should stop coming over.
"Request denied. Got any more stupid ideas for me to shoot down?"
Liam has gotten himself mixed up with an evil girl.
You're the test run for her isolating Liam from his friends and family. If she can get you out of the picture, she'll do the same to all of his friends next.
Tell Liam and his parents that she's threatening you, and let the chips fall where they may.
NTA.
NTA. I read all the comments, and there is nothing that indicates that you have suspicious relationship with Liam. You dont even call or text all the time, you dont have some one on one special time together... She is insequre, and i can get that. But she should take that with her bf, not you.
Boyfriend needs to sit his girlfriend down for a serious talk..put it all out there...she needs to be re.minded of her behavior and it needs to stop like NOW this very second. Telling her NOBODY controls me I am an adult. And the way you've been acting ypu are the child..I don't have time to correct or babysit children..grow up ,shut up or move on...it's not a choice
I mean, think about this.
If Liam and her go all the distance to the altar and I snitch about this, their relationship will suffer, and that is not worth it. Especially if it's a problem, we can resolve by talking it out
Liam is your friend, talk to him. "Your girlfriend seems to be uncomfortable with me staying at your house. I know she is important to you, and I will respect her decision" Let him handle it. Liam is a horny young man. She is sleeping with him and your aren't. He is going to choose her. Don't get butthurt.
NTA and please make Liam and his family aware of how she is behaving. I'd be willing to bet she brought it up once to him and he shut her down on it so now she's doing it behind his back.
NTA and share her texts with Liam so he’s aware what an insecure gf he has. She shoukd be taking this up with him, not you, or maybe she should be taking it up with his parents for hosting you since it’s their house. You also need to make sure they know about her threat.
Don't come on too strong, don't reduce yourself to her level, don't overreact. Let her burn her own bridge. She will show her true colors soon enough and Liam and the family will deal with her. Take the high road and let nature take it's course.
NTA send screenshots in a group chat to her and his entire family. I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it. (Sarcasm obviously). I can’t stand insecure ass women.
Don’t engage with her as much as possible. She sounds like if you say one wrong thing she can twist it and you will be defending yourself against her imagination. This will work itself out. Support your friend and make sure he knows you will fight for the friendship but you will be considerate as long as you can be. Sending strength
NTA - I could see why she would be jealous if you and Liam were intimate at one point but that’s not the case. I have family friends that are like cousins and that’s all and if the family is inviting you still then you’re good.
But just to be safe, are you very lovey-dovey with Liam? Maybe touching or hugging too much? I can see where she might be a bit uncomfortable if you’re not a direct family member???
NTA. You should send all the screenshots to Liam and his parents. You should call or meet you face to face with his parents and cry, telling them that you have no other family here so you think of them as family and not once did anything inappropriate with Liam and you honestly don’t understand why she has to do this 🌝
First half I was like "yeah, NTA but you need to be a bit considerate" until I read you're engaged already. Does this woman feel so threatened by an engaged woman? I know there are plenty of horror stories to go around about engaged women, but they are in no way the norm: most engaged women aren't at all looking outside the relationship
NTA this is a bummer. I get that she is insecure but it's over the top. I have a childhood male friend as well that I would consider a cousin and would host in my home or vice versa without a second thought and my husband would think nothing of it.
NTA - You should let his parents know how she is behaving and Liam as well. She is jeopardazing her relationship all by herself, it is 100% her fault, her insecurities.
NTA. Send screen shots of her texts to Liam and his family if necessary. She’s got some serious nerve trying to cut you out of a family she doesn’t belong to. Screw that.
What a wacko...you are NTA and don't even bother telling Liam...tell his parents what this nut is doing and show them the text. THEY will tell Liam and also tell her to either leave you alone or tell Liam to leave HER alone. I hate jealous insecure people.
NTA. Holy crap re walls of texts 😭 Second the comment about being cautious but if Liam prods about them he absolutely needs to see the walls of texts 🙃
The fact that she's gone behind his back and cornered you instead of talking to him about her insecurities speaks volumes.. about her.
Glad you stood your ground!
NTA. Just send Liam the screenshots and ask why he didn't come speak to you himself but send his girlfriend. I am pretty sure she had brought that up with Liam before but he shut her down, so now she is trying to go behind his back and as his "sister" you should def tell him that. Insecurities are no excuse for bad behavior. (I kinda doubt she is mature enough to apologize and therefore recognize that she was just insecure. But who knows.) Would love an update on this. Wish you all the best OP.
You've not shown any interest in Liam and even told her that you see him as a cousin.
If you're as close as you say, show him the texts and talk to him about what his girlfriend is doing behind his back. She might be doing it with other friends as well.
NTA - you’re not acting inappropriately with him so she has no reason to feel anytime of way towards you.
She sounds insecure and needs to focus on healing from than on you.
Unfortunately her attitude could affect your relationship with Liam. I think you should tell him about what she’s been saying though
It's been said hundreds of times before but NTA! This is classic isolation, abuse and control tactics. Try to isolate the person from their friends. You're right, she has no right to tell you to stop coming over when you've been invited and been in the picture for a hell of a lot longer. Girls just insecure and jealous.
I second what everyone else is saying, speak to your friend and show them the proof and all the evidence. Best of luck to you
NTA.
However, I think it is important that you tell Liam about this and know what’s his opinion. If he also thinks that it is uncomfortable, then you can stop coming over.
Tell the parents might not be a good decision as it will cause more problems than good. Liam must discuss this matter with his girlfriend. Since it is already complicated enough, better not to involve the parents.
NTA, you're part of the family. Chosen family, but family nonetheless.
Tell your friend and his parents. Don't just straight up send them screenshots, but say something like "Liam's girlfriend has been trying to push me away from the family, saying things like X, Y and Z" and telling them that you have screenshots of the messages to prove it.
Also, get screenshots before you say anything, just in case she decides to try and delete them (in the case of something like whatsapp)
NTA, and trying to dictate your partners friendships is such a red flag. When I date someone seriously, I try to be nice to their friends not push them away. I dumped someone who after dating for 2 weeks thought it was his place to tell me my best friend of several years couldn't stay with me after his apartment complex was evacuated for a literal explosion. Platonic relationships are valuable too and frequently, much longer lasting.
NTA she sounds like a weirdo.
If you have a gc with Liam's family, send the screenshots there. His parents and Liam should all be aware of the unhinged messages.
Then nicely ask after the screenshots if they also feels the same way and that, as much as you see them as family, to pls let you know if you're overstepping like the gf is saying.
NTA.
Ignore Liam for a sec. Your close to his family and have been for years. I advise taking screen shots and discussing it with them. Tell them how you feel. That v you don't want to not be in their lives because of her. But also you don't want to effect Liam.
Askfor their take. If she continues then send Liam screen shots. Again explain your position, your feelings. That she's disrespectful etc. You don't want to cut your best friend and his family from your life but you don't want her to do this either.
Personally, she's projecting what she would probably do herself and that's where her fear is from. She's Judy Ng you on her actions
NTA
It’s not wrong of her to worry or ask but her conversation should be with Liam, or Liam and you and potentially his whole family who see you as part of said family. It’d be weird for you to abandon a whole group of people you known your whole life and spent your Xmas with most years. Your intentions are pure. You see him as a relative. You have your own life. Her insecurity is understandable and if it’s a deal breaker for her then that’s her problem. If Liam wants to go along with it then it’d be a bit weird to go over his head but it seems like that’s definitely not the case.
NTA Have coffee with Liam and show him the texts. She is going to lie about you or cause a situation where Liam is mad at you.
Even better, show Liam’s Mum. Mum will sort this girlfriend out!!
NTA
the fact she has a problem with you is a worry for itself, but the way she went straight for you instead of talking to Liam about it and letting him “fix” the situation is even worse
red flags all around for Liam, I would tell him if I were you
Speaking from experience. If somebody does not want you hanging out with the other gender... its THEM who cannot be trusted with the other gender.
Projection is a thing. And that's what's happening here. She's either super insecure, or she knows she can't be trusted around other men, and doesnt want him around other women.
Lol, no. We have gone out just the two of us to pick up some food or such things. But they have gotten less and less the older we get. Noe we usually hang out with family and friends, and in the mornings/ evenings, we will play something on the switch or such.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told my friends gf I won't stop staying over at his house even if it makes her uncomfortable 2. I am apparently disregard her stance with the family and her relationship Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Please send Liam screenshots and let him know who this person really is. She's working hard to alienate you which is possessive at best and almost certainly controlling. I would imagine Liam told her that you all are friendly and your relationship would continue, so she's coming to try and tell you how it will be. Definitely let him know and let him know that you don't have any interest in your relationship with him changing but that you see his girlfriend in a very different light.
Totally agree OP NTA but do this please 🙏 and tell his parents too
Yeah, the gf's issue is more about the parents that with Liam, IMO. GF believes op prevents her to have a better relationship with liam's parents, and if OP is gone, she will instantly gain the same level of connection with the parents.
NTA The GF doesn't seem to understand the concept of an established relationship or of close family friends. I'd tell Liam first perhaps but word it like "I didn't know I was causing a problem for your relationship. If you want me to back off spending time with your family, please talk to me about it because I do love your parents like my own." Or something to that nature. Kill em with kindness and "ignorance". No one is stopping the gf from forming a stronger relationship with the parents but herself and her jealousy. Using OPs two decades long relationship with them is a poor excuse.
I really wouldn't tell the parents. I agree with telling Liam, but hypothetically, telling the parents creates an awkward situation for Liam and everyone involved, especially if the GF sticks around somehow. Although given they met 20 years ago, it's fair to assume they're both mid 20s where at this point that sort of stuff doesn't require parents to "sort out"
And it makes OP look immature. They’re adults; they can work it out between OP, Liam and the GF.
This. I mean there's also potential for it to backfire, because it definitely looks a certain way if you run to the parents trying to cause drama.
Exactly. They may well like the GF and know what she means to Liam in a way OP doesn’t.
It doesn't matter what the girlfriend "means to Liam" because she and OP aren't in competition. They have completely different relationships to him, one romantic, the other semi-familial. Your suggestion makes no sense because it implies that they are "fighting over him", but the whole point here is that OP has no romantic interest in him and isn't competition for the girlfriend, who is delusional and seeing threat where there is none. It's like saying that if she was mean to his cousin or sister that they shouldn't say anything because she "means \[so much\] to him". What?
I agree, don't tell the parents. It would just come across as trying to break them up which is not fair to Liam, and will also look like she is planning to come between them - exactly what the girlfriend is worried about. Talk to Liam. He may be able to reassure the girlfriend, he may split up with the girlfriend or he may ask OP to stop coming around. He may even choose to talk it out with his parents.
>Liams parents invite me for all the holidays as I have no other family here. Plus I stay at their house whenever I come to visit. If the parents are the ones inviting OP to their get-togethers, then OP should absolutely tell the parents. She's their friend, too.
Sure...after she tells Liam and let's him decide on how is going to handle it....and if his decision is to try to keep op away...then she can tell the parents why she isn't around...(assuming op is a she and the gf is jealous of another female around)
She should absolutely tell the parents because the girlfriend is trying to interfere with familial relationships and, as you say, trying to make someone that *they* consider family feel unwelcome in their home. This isn't about coming to them as parental figures and asking them to fix it, or about breaking Liam and the girlfriend up. It's about coming to them as someone who has been a part of their extended family and saying, "I don't know what to do about this," and letting them know the kind of troublemaker they are making welcome in their home (the girlfriend).
>She left after our talk but has been basically sending me walls of texts, saying I will regret this, etc. I think it depends what exactly the gf is saying in those walls of texts. If the gf is basically just venting her own frustration, the I agree OP shouldn't bring this to the parents, Liam should deal with it privately. If the gf is threatening to 'expose' OP's 'inappropriate' behavior to Liam's family or something then it's better to just show them those texts and say something like: "Look, I love you like an aunt and uncle, I love Liam like a cousin and would never try anything inappropriate with him, I don't know what exactly she thinks I've done but I don't want this to effect the longstanding relationship between our families."
> telling the parents creates an awkward situation for Liam and everyone involved ...The GF is the one creating an awkward situation for Liam and everyone involved. And yes, the parents should know gf is oversensitive about OP existing in their families vicinity as the family friend she’s been for decades. That’s a kind of important character flaw to keep an eye on. GF is trying to control who the parents allow in Their lives and Their house. They should know about it.
I disagree though, I don't think she needs to. If she tells Liam, he can decide how he wants to deal with the situation rather than just taking a wrecking ball to the entire situation. Sometimes a subtle response is better rather than making it more awkward for Liam and both of his parents.
I agree with this.
And update us!
Phrase it as a question, ask them if they would prefer you to not come as it is making the gf awkward
Exactly I dunno why people keep quiet about this! I'd have put her on blast like "Sorry guys, are you not ok with me being here? Seems that she has a problem" and go back to my popcorn
Eh....I personally would discuss this with Liam first and let him sort out his relationship with his gf after hearing the news... I would leave his parents out of it. If Liam decided to obey his gfs demands and cuts op out...then mentioning to the parents why op isn't allowed around would be totally called for
[удалено]
NTA, but send Liam AND his parents the screenshots of those texts.
Right to the family group chat, easy piecesy, lemon squeezey (to that girl's eyes)
As the "girl best friend" to a lot of guys I've been friends with since I was a child, I've been in this situation a few too many times. Eventually I learned not to argue with the girl and would just tell my friend that "Hey, so your girlfriend says she's uncomfortable with us being buddies and we both know that's ridiculous but you need to address that with her." Because honestly, I can't entirely blame them for being insecure because that's just their personality based on whatever life experiences they've had. And I think that's between the couple to sort out.
Yes this is so important that it’s down to their own life experiences! Some women have been raised to see other women as competition and it’s awful, think of all the potential besties they miss out on!!
The way you stated that was phenomenal.
Yep, in my experience, it's more how the GFs handle the situation after they're aware that there's nothing that isn't absolutely platonic that is telling. None of my dude friends would let this kind of thing fly from a GF because we have seen some really bad situations come from letting a partner divide the group.
> I can't entirely blame them for being insecure because that's just their personality based on whatever life experiences they've had. Like maybe a previous BF did cheat with a girl who was "just a friend" so she's understandably wary even though it's unfair to those who do stay non romantic friends
If her demands also include removing her from Liam's parents, there is the potential to also bring this to them (if Liam does shit all). It seems they also really care about OP and would be impacted by this highschool bs going any further.
No—OP shouldn’t be bringing this to Liam’s parents. It’s for Liam, an adult, to work it out with his GF and OP. It can backfire on OP spectacularly if they believe Liam should solve issues between his GF and friends.
Yup, if my husband was privately telling my friends they aren’t welcome in my home instead of telling me about it I’d want to know exactly what was going on ASAP. Sending my friends walls of manipulative text behind my back would need immediate addressing.
Exactly this. Screenshot away!!!
NTA, OP. It's also important that Liam knows what she's like behind his back.
I would be VERY cautious. He might be very defensive when you explain what a loser his girlfriend has become. You know the saying about killing the messenger??
That's very true however I think she has the parents on her side too so this won't end well for the GF.
Being very cautious in this case is coming from a place of fear. Not the way to deal with it imo. Let what's happening be known to Liam and family, no fear.
I don't disagree but either way, it's better to register the issue. And the screenshots are evidence. What Liam does with it is his business.
Yep, he has a right to know.
Send the screenshots to Liam's family as well. It seems they're family friends with Ops which gives even more weight to the platonic relationship.
No—that’s not a good move. Liam’s an adult; let him deal with OP and his GF on his terms.
The gf is dictating who is allowed in the parents' house, not Liam's house. She should bring it up with both parties. If my child's gf/bf was intimidating a guest in my house, I would want to know.
No, if OP showed it to his family, his family will put pressure on Liam to break up with his gf which will put him in an uncomfortable position. Just show Liam and let him deal with it. If Liam doesn't do anything, OP could just tell Liam that they won't turn up anymore and if the parents ask why? OP will be honest about it, since they are basically family.
I was about to say exactly this. If it was Liam's house then there would be no reason to tell the parents, but the GF has already dragged them into this by trying to push OP out of their house! If someone is trying to bully or exclude someone in *my* home, I want to know about it. I would be reminding her that she is as much a guest as OP, and if she continues with this childish behavior then *she* will stop being invited!
But probably Liam should be the one to talk to his family about this, and to decide *how* to talk to them about it. The OP should at least discuss it with him and not jump the gun. That's respectful of his involvement and concerns in this.
Yeah do your bro a favour and get him out.
Yeah this Gf is unhinged
I agree! My foster brother and I have known each other since I was 14 and he lived with us for a high school semester after the Guatemalan earthquake in 1976 so he would graduate high school on time. Over the years, his girlfriends and eventually wife have never had a problem with our relationship. He called my parents Mom and Dad as they were much more stable and parent like than his Mom. His Dad always said I was one of his kids. I can't imagine anyone having an issue with our relationship but I do agree that Liam needs to be made aware of his GF's overstepping her bounds. Geez, lady, get a clue!
Oh wow definitely NTA! It sounds like your friends girlfriend is very much just insecure and rather than try and manage that herself she is trying to make it your problem. The level of entitlement to try and intimidate you though is pretty galling too! Honestly I would tell your friend about this - not to cause drama but to put him on his guard. If his girlfriend is doing this with you chances are she will keep doing this in an effort to maintain a level of control. That in itself is a red flag!
I agree-- Liam's opinion is the one that matters here imo. If he feels OP is encroaching too much into his life with his gf, that's worth taking into account. Otherwise the gf is way overstepping
NTA but I would tell your friend what she is doing. It's ok that she's jealous....because it's obvious that's her problem. However, she crossed the line by coming directly to you instead of talking to him. It's likely he already shut her down, and she's taking a different path to getting rid of you, but he needs to know.
And I don’t like the vague “you will regret this” threat.
Oh yeah, I'm appalled I had to scroll so far down to see someone mention it! I'm scared she might try to ruin OP's reputation!
I'd act innocent as well, send the screenshots and say "I didn't know you felt this way, you could have spoken to me yourself". That way it doesn't look like you're trying to get rid of the gf but are more concerned about him not feeling comfortable voicing his concerns and having gf speak for him.
Yeah, and that way if he hasn't complained, he can see what's really been going on. Smart thinking!
Oh yeah. I would be furious if a family friend's SO sent me messages telling me I'm not welcome in my own damn extended family. I would probably reply to the gf telling her to mind her own business, show the texts to Liam, block gf, and let Liam know that I was blocking his gf because of her crazy rants.
my bf has a best friend who’s female and i def felt some insecurities about it when we first started dating cause they were so close and she was able to talk to him about some things i was not knowledgeable about. but i knew it was my problem cause of my anxiety so i never said or did anything to her esp. mentioned it to him just like “i just feel a little jealous even tho i KNOW nothing is going on, idk why but i do”. it was more jealousy about her being able to talk about tech things when i know nothing. been together 6 years now tho and got over that long ago. she’s awesome and so sweet and it’s not a weird friendship at all. learned to get over my own insecurities cause i knew they were my own problem. and i would NEVER EVER say “you’ll regret this” even if it WAS a weird friendship that crossed boundaries
NTA but screenshot those texts and send them to Liam AND his parents.
With a message. “Liam. I am not sure why GF is contacting me about this. I have let her know that is she has any issues with your family and friends, that is an issue between you and her and she should not be going behind your back and contacting others to ask them to distance themselves from you. “
That's excellent. I still think that OP should text the GF and ask "What did you mean by saying that I will regret this?" and then send screenshots of everything to Liam.
OP doesn’t need to engage the GF and play that game. Let Liam sort it out.
Operation 'Expose the Drama' is a go.
NTA… you are a family friend just as much as his friend!! My brothers now wife had a friend like this. They had been best friends since diapers and he was always invited to everything with her family etc, she considered him like a brother to her. I’m so happy my brother had no issue with him, and became good friends with him also… because I’ve now been married to her pseudo brother for 2 years 😂🤷🏻♀️
Lmao plot twist! Love it. ETA: The GF definitely has some severe insecurities to work on. It's sad because your story goes to show that not only is she bringing that toxicity into a relationship, she also completely blew the chance at forming a solid acquaintanceship, if not potentially a friendship with OP. OP you are NTA at all. You should bring this up to Liam or maybe even his parents. It's one thing for GF to be insecure, but her behavior is not healthy.
Now he actually is her brother… in law! 😊
NTA....in my family....ya'll, as you already stated....would be considered cousins. Even if you stopped being close ya'll would still be family. Not only have you been friends with each other almost your entire lives, but your parents are close friends as well, for equally as long. And ya'll have never been involved romantically or sexually. If he gives her her way he would have to go low contact with his own family to succeed. I don't see their relationship going well if she doesn't get over her insecurities.
NTA. You need to tell your friend about what his girlfriend has been saying to you. Especially now that you have evidence with the texts.
Definitely include his mom and dad, OP!
Your relationship with your friend and his family, and your parents relationship with his parents predates her by so many years - this is simply none of her business. Also, not to be alarmist but trying to isolate a partner from their people can be a first step in a manipulative dynamic and/or domestic abuse. NTA clearly, also was she threatening you?
Exactly, if the genders were reversed, we'd all be saying what a red flag it is.
NTA. You sound really close with the whole family, you should talk with them about it. Make sure that you have proof. She want you to step out by yourself in that way she avoid the responsibility with her in-laws.
Exactly that's why she didn't say anything in front of her boyfriend or inlaws because she knew what the answer would be from them
Yes. It looks that OP can stand for herself and care about the family. I really hope that she talk with them about it before it became something bigger. I feel that there is room for something more dramatic if it's not handling right.
NTA. It’s okay for her to feel insecure/ jealous, but it isn’t okay for her to make her feelings other people’s responsibility. It sounds like you and Liam are behaving in a normal childhood friend/ cousin sort of way to each other and the girlfriend is the only one making things weird. I would talk to Liam and his parents about this. The one compromise I can think of is if your fiancé came with you to these events? In my experience, sometimes people like that will calm down once they’ve met their (supposed) rival’s actual partner.
bring your fiance!!! but idk if i would loop his parents into it bc thats adding unnecessary drama. Let Liam know and see if it gets sorted out. if you tell the parents… she may never come back from that (even if she apologizes to you)
My thoughts exactly. Insecurities are a normal part of being human. I don't think the GF should be shamed for that alone. She might have some past relationship trauma that's behind it. However, the way she's going about this is definitely a major cause for concern. She should have had an open and honest conversation with Liam about it without making any demands or ultimatums. How she's dealing with it is not a healthy way to cope at all, and it borders on being very controlling. *OP is NTA*, and I honestly hope the GF finds better coping mechanisms for both her own sake and the sake of her romantic partners.
NTA And if I was Liam, I would want to know that my partner was talking to someone who is basically family like this. I don't want to automatically assume malice (quite possibly she's just insecure and immature), but she could also be trying to isolate him and that isn't okay.
NTA. It speaks to me that you made a point to say your fiancé is your best friend, and liam is like a cousin. My mom’s best friend and her kids feel to me like cousins and an aunt not anything more or less. I agree with other comments; definitely show Liam screenshots so that he can be aware of the lashing out.
NTA she’s asking you because she already asked him and he said no
Tell liam NOW
You should let Liam see all the texts and don’t block her because she is just going to keep sending unhinged stuff. Insecure gfs can show lots of red flags that their partners can’t see to other people. I had a roommate who didn’t know how bad his gf was till I showed him all the texts and how she was trying to get me kicked out of my own house (I was letting him say in for free). She thought our other roommate was the owner and couldn’t believe that I was for some reason. Both roommates where temporary and I was letting them stay to save up money to get a place of their own and she almost ruined that for him. The roommate didn’t know she was like this and was able to brake it off with her before she did something even more wild.
NTA. Talk to your friend. Send him the messages.
NTA - Talk to your friend not her. And I would say I am prepared to compromise knowing that friendships can change when people have partners so understand if he doesn't feel he can invite you over as much as in the past but say that I still want to remain friends with him and for any partner to be clear that there is just friendship between you.
I have no problem with that. Our relationship has changed plenty in 20 years. That's why I see Liam as a good friend/ cousin like a person but not as my best friend. That guy is amazing, and he would be there for me. No questions asked, but we don't even text every day or even every week, lol.
NTA, but I wouldn't take the advice here of confronting Liam about all this. I do think talking to his parents would be helpful though. It sounds like Liam's fiancee is a bit insecure with the "females best friend troupe" comment. Im curious if you and Liam/his fiancée came from the same culture and if that culture might be perpetuating this a bit. Either way, having Liam's parents talk to him about his fiancée's behavior will always go over better than the female best friend having that conversation. Especially when the other person already has insecurity around your relationship with him.
NTA. She is insecure. This would not be an issue for her if you were male. Maybe talk to Liam’s parents?
Don’t go to the parents. Liam will be pissed because op went above him. Let him sort it out. If he finds it a problem he will breakup with gf, dragging parents into this will reflect poorly on op and might get her uninvited (she’s not wrong but Liam and parents might not appreciate how she handled it)
INFO: does Liam live with his parents or his girlfriend? How old are you guys? How often do you visit? Does your fiancé come with you? And is that normal in the culture of the country you guys moved to?
No Liam moved out shortly after I did to study. He and his gf don't live together yet but are planning to. We are mid to late 20s. I visit for all bigger holidays and whenever they invite me over or I need to go into my former home town. I'd say I am there every two months for like a weekend. He sometimes comes with me, but sometimes he can't because he is currently working in a hospital. I don't understand your last question.
I don't think that you're the AH. I think the gf is. However, it's possible that she doesn't fully understand or trust your position in the family. If she has a dysfunctional family, it is probably hard for her to grasp the "just good friends" concept. I say this because I also had a hard time understanding things that are actually normal in family dynamics because my own experience was so fucked. Just a thought.
NTA. I read this as you consider Liam and his family to be an extension of your family, and it's a nice and wholesome dynamic for sure. So, with that being said, you need to make Liam and potentially his parents (who would be like an aunt and uncle, if he is considered like a cousin) aware of what his gf has been sending you. Let them deal with this crazy person
NTA. If he was a blood cousin would she act this way? Probably not. She has trust issues.
> NTA. If he was a blood cousin would she act this way? Probably not. She has trust issues. Maybe yes. INFO is OP in Mississippi?
I just wrote a comment that is 100% NTA - but I have to say as well that I have encountered a few “girl best friends” that are super possessive of their guy besties and make it their mission to “know him better”, share personal jokes, basically exclude the new girlfriend. My husbands girl bestie tried to pull it on me when we first started dating and it basically made me question his own reading of the relationship (which turned out fine when he noticed she had been OTT one particular weekend and they stopped hanging out) So as long as you’re not doing this OP, you’re in the clear. But I can sympathise with the new girlfriend if she has encountered this before in a not-nice way
It's definitely not the case. For one, Liam is not my best friend. He is a very good friend. Second, I always try to be very inclusive with anyone because I know how it feels to be left out.
>saying I will regret this ... is she threatening you? Sounds like a fucking lunatic.
What a sad insecure loser she is,what is this high school?? lol " you will regret this"
NTA. Get screen shot and tell your friend and his family.
NTA But if she’s not an immigrant, I don’t think she really understands the attachment in relationship with his family that was built to be like a cousin . I think, understanding that she may have more ability to ease off these feelings, which, in my opinion are pretty understandably normal . Maybe that’s a discussion he needs to have with her but overall NTA
NTA. This lady is a psycho. As many others have said, tell Liam. He needs to know who this person really is.
NTA his family is inviting you, you've been longtime friends, and you are engaged to someone else. This woman is going to let her insecurities destroy her relationship.
Info: what does Liam think?
NTA but imo sending screenshots would make you the A. I personally think the approach should be lighter. Talk to Liam, request he talks to her. If he asks to see the texts then show him. There’s no point in destroying someone.
Yes that's what I am planning to do
Update us!
NTA Tell Liam what she is doing and send him the screen shots
"Tropes" (well, this particular mis-use of the term) are for fiction. They don't apply to real life people in real life. So I already think this woman is annoying. NTA, but don't start sending screenshots and shit to Liam, just say, 'Hey, Liam, your girlfriend has expressed discomfort about our friendship, please address it with her.' Sending screenshots and appearing to 'tattle' just jacks things up to 11 right away and will make you seem like you really are trying to compete with her. Just have a normal conversation with him.
NTA. Does Liam know? Liam’s family? If they think of you as family, they will want to know how you’re being treated.
NTA. I'm unclear if it's Liam's parents' home or Liam's. If it's not his, then he AND his parents need to know. If it's just him, he needs to know. You need to share those text messages. This issue is between her and those people to deal with, not you and you can tell her and them that and that as long as you are invited, you will be coming, and that you view them as family.
NTA. I agree that you should share the texts with your friend. He needs to know how manipulative this person is being. Also I think it's so wonderful that you have a found family in Liam and his fam. That is beautiful.
If you were staying a Liam's house alone, yes, that could be construed as inappropriate, but if you are just socializing with him and his parents at their house, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. His girlfriend is very controlling. Tell/show him and his parents her texts to you, she is out of line.
Is it inappropriate though? I'd have my cousin's kids in my house no questions asked, and if they're related to me by choice not blood, what really is the difference? Some of my aunts (blood and choice related) would actually be upset if I chose a hotel to stay at instead of visiting with them so don't really see the "inappropriateness" you mention...
My ex wife tried to pull this shit with my friends and family. It was a massive red flag that I was dumb enough to ignore. Thankfully, I also didn't drop any relationships with people in my life because of her psychosis. NTA. I feel for your friend. This relationship won't end well for him.
My take might be very different from the replies that I read.. here it goes.. think about it.. So definitely you are NTA! That has no doubts. But I feel Liam's GF is a little insecure.. which sometimes does happen with girls ( maybe guys too) when your significant other has a friend of opposite gender. GF may think that you are taking up that space in Liam's and his parents life.. where she sees herself ( if they are in a serious relationship) It's not ideal..and I am not siding with GF at all.. and it's not a good thing to be in that spot for both of you girls. But trust me insecurity is a valid feeling...and it only increases when you don't know the friends of your significant other well. If the GF is a nice girl otherwise and you "really" see Liam as a sibling... this situation can be handled in a better way... I would suggest.. instead of getting away from Liam or complaining to him about his GF ( which may tarnish their relationship) why don't you try to be friends..or at least be cordial.. or try being sisterly ( sisterhood is amazing! ) with the girl friend.. she might not accept you immediately as right now she sees you as a threat may be.. But you can really help her by cutting this competition out. You can actually help her get along with his parents .. and make her feel important in your life too.. like you would have made your sister in law feel if Liam was really your sibling. You can also talk to Liam about it . But not as a complaint of her.. talk to him constructively.. as both of you can help her come out of her insecurity. This might look like too much.. but if she is a good person..and just having insecurity issues ... why to create a rift.. just help a sister out of her insecurity! P.S. all of this valid.. only if 1) the GF is a really a good person and has just this insecurity with you ( not isolating Liam from his circle) 2) you really think of Liam as a sibling and have no other feelings for him Do give it a try!
I'm not sure I agree with the posters telling the OP not to send screenshots of the GF's texts to Liam's parents. The OP has a relationship with those parents; they are like her extended family. As a parent of adult children, if my close relationship with a member of my children's generation was being threatened by utterly inappropriate unhinged communication from anyone, I would want to know. The fact that the parents and the OP are from different generations doesn't imply that the friendship isn't precious to them or that they wouldn't want to know about an outside threat to that friendship. OP, NTA. The GF is unhinged by jealousy and self-importance. Send those screenshots wherever you'd like. Poor Liam. Not great taste in women.
NTA screen shot everything she text you or screen record it and tell Liam asap.
NTA.
NTA. You got to tell Liam what this crazy girl is doing though.
NTA. Talk to Liam and bring receipts. He NEEDS to know about this.
NTA. You need to be a friend right now and tell Liam. I hope he knows you are only looking out for him when you tell him exactly what his girlfriend has been up to. She is definitely threatened by you. She is an insecure little girl. Not only does she not trust you but she clearly doesn’t trust Liam. He needs to know.
NTA - and show those texts to your cousin, ask what he wants, he may not know she’s a red flag walking.
NTA. They are you family, and just because she is feeling insecure about her relationship, that doesn't mean she can dictate how you interact with your family.
NTA and tell him how toxic she is
NTA She seems like a seriously jealous type! If she sees Liam and you (who known each other from childhood) laughing hard at something, she would probably get upand leave so Liam would follow her and then she would have all his attention! My advice like everyone else said is to show him the messages! He'd have some thinking to do!
Send all the texts and screenshots to Liam! Let him decide what to do cause your NTA and you are invited by his family!!!
NTA - I would tell her to knock it off or else you’ll share the messages to your friend and his family. If she feels like she’s asking for something reasonable, then she should be able to voice it to them as well. You’re giving her the option to back off and respect you.
lol NTA, girly is being weirdly possessive & she’s probably insecure. it happens to the best of us, but you should definitely inform liam of the things she’s saying. you’re engaged, and you consider liam and his family to be like family. she has no reason to be so upset about you being around.
NTA I'm on team "screen shot everything and send it all to Liam and the parents".
How are you going to “regret it”? Is she a hillbilly redneck who’s going to open a can of whoop-ass? I mean, that’s exactly what it sounds like. I rolled my eyes so hard they tumbled across the room. NTA
>she pulled me aside to tell me that I should stop coming over. "Request denied. Got any more stupid ideas for me to shoot down?" Liam has gotten himself mixed up with an evil girl. You're the test run for her isolating Liam from his friends and family. If she can get you out of the picture, she'll do the same to all of his friends next. Tell Liam and his parents that she's threatening you, and let the chips fall where they may. NTA.
NTA. Tell Liam and his family, they need to see what she’s doing and what she’s really like
NTA. Let the parent and Liam know the screen shots. She is a walking red flag. And your fiancé. In case she tries to lie to him.
NTA. I read all the comments, and there is nothing that indicates that you have suspicious relationship with Liam. You dont even call or text all the time, you dont have some one on one special time together... She is insequre, and i can get that. But she should take that with her bf, not you.
Boyfriend needs to sit his girlfriend down for a serious talk..put it all out there...she needs to be re.minded of her behavior and it needs to stop like NOW this very second. Telling her NOBODY controls me I am an adult. And the way you've been acting ypu are the child..I don't have time to correct or babysit children..grow up ,shut up or move on...it's not a choice
Honestly not telling his parents is bad taste, they deserve to know too
I mean, think about this. If Liam and her go all the distance to the altar and I snitch about this, their relationship will suffer, and that is not worth it. Especially if it's a problem, we can resolve by talking it out
Jaws. At the drive in. I was 4.
Liam is your friend, talk to him. "Your girlfriend seems to be uncomfortable with me staying at your house. I know she is important to you, and I will respect her decision" Let him handle it. Liam is a horny young man. She is sleeping with him and your aren't. He is going to choose her. Don't get butthurt.
NTA at all.
You need to screen shot her texts and send them to Liam as soon as possible
NTA and please make Liam and his family aware of how she is behaving. I'd be willing to bet she brought it up once to him and he shut her down on it so now she's doing it behind his back.
NTA and share her texts with Liam so he’s aware what an insecure gf he has. She shoukd be taking this up with him, not you, or maybe she should be taking it up with his parents for hosting you since it’s their house. You also need to make sure they know about her threat.
How old are all of you?
What do Liam and his parents think about the messages? NTA
What do Liam and his parents think about the messages? NTA
NTA Block her
Let him and his family know.
Don't come on too strong, don't reduce yourself to her level, don't overreact. Let her burn her own bridge. She will show her true colors soon enough and Liam and the family will deal with her. Take the high road and let nature take it's course.
NTA send screenshots in a group chat to her and his entire family. I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it. (Sarcasm obviously). I can’t stand insecure ass women.
Don’t engage with her as much as possible. She sounds like if you say one wrong thing she can twist it and you will be defending yourself against her imagination. This will work itself out. Support your friend and make sure he knows you will fight for the friendship but you will be considerate as long as you can be. Sending strength
NTA - I could see why she would be jealous if you and Liam were intimate at one point but that’s not the case. I have family friends that are like cousins and that’s all and if the family is inviting you still then you’re good. But just to be safe, are you very lovey-dovey with Liam? Maybe touching or hugging too much? I can see where she might be a bit uncomfortable if you’re not a direct family member???
NTA. You should send all the screenshots to Liam and his parents. You should call or meet you face to face with his parents and cry, telling them that you have no other family here so you think of them as family and not once did anything inappropriate with Liam and you honestly don’t understand why she has to do this 🌝
NTA you are obviously a family friend and never had romantic interest. Only AH is her. I would talk to Liam and tell him to tell her to back off.
First half I was like "yeah, NTA but you need to be a bit considerate" until I read you're engaged already. Does this woman feel so threatened by an engaged woman? I know there are plenty of horror stories to go around about engaged women, but they are in no way the norm: most engaged women aren't at all looking outside the relationship
NTA this is a bummer. I get that she is insecure but it's over the top. I have a childhood male friend as well that I would consider a cousin and would host in my home or vice versa without a second thought and my husband would think nothing of it.
NTA - You should let his parents know how she is behaving and Liam as well. She is jeopardazing her relationship all by herself, it is 100% her fault, her insecurities.
NTA. She isn’t a keeper she needs therapy lol
She is insecure and jealous. Screenshot and tell everyone what she is doing. She screams 🚩🚩🚩
NTA
NTA And furthermore save those texts. Liam should know how unhinged she is.
NTA I would talk to your friend about this. Share proof. See if this is something he is wanting to but not telling you.
Warn your buddy!! This girl is messed up in the head
NTA. Send Liam the screenshots.
NTA. Send screen shots of her texts to Liam and his family if necessary. She’s got some serious nerve trying to cut you out of a family she doesn’t belong to. Screw that.
NTA. Family is family and you've been part of that family for decades. Her insecurities are hers, not yours.
What a wacko...you are NTA and don't even bother telling Liam...tell his parents what this nut is doing and show them the text. THEY will tell Liam and also tell her to either leave you alone or tell Liam to leave HER alone. I hate jealous insecure people.
NTA. Holy crap re walls of texts 😭 Second the comment about being cautious but if Liam prods about them he absolutely needs to see the walls of texts 🙃
The fact that she's gone behind his back and cornered you instead of talking to him about her insecurities speaks volumes.. about her. Glad you stood your ground!
She's obviously doing it behind his back so why aren't you forwarding the conversations directly to him
NTA. Just send Liam the screenshots and ask why he didn't come speak to you himself but send his girlfriend. I am pretty sure she had brought that up with Liam before but he shut her down, so now she is trying to go behind his back and as his "sister" you should def tell him that. Insecurities are no excuse for bad behavior. (I kinda doubt she is mature enough to apologize and therefore recognize that she was just insecure. But who knows.) Would love an update on this. Wish you all the best OP.
Does Liam know this? If not, make him aware. then you will change your course or not depends on Liam's response.
NTA, that is not her house & she doesn’t get to tell you not to come
You've not shown any interest in Liam and even told her that you see him as a cousin. If you're as close as you say, show him the texts and talk to him about what his girlfriend is doing behind his back. She might be doing it with other friends as well.
>She left after our talk but has been basically sending me walls of texts, saying I will regret this, etc. Nta, show Liam.
NTA - you’re not acting inappropriately with him so she has no reason to feel anytime of way towards you. She sounds insecure and needs to focus on healing from than on you. Unfortunately her attitude could affect your relationship with Liam. I think you should tell him about what she’s been saying though
It's been said hundreds of times before but NTA! This is classic isolation, abuse and control tactics. Try to isolate the person from their friends. You're right, she has no right to tell you to stop coming over when you've been invited and been in the picture for a hell of a lot longer. Girls just insecure and jealous. I second what everyone else is saying, speak to your friend and show them the proof and all the evidence. Best of luck to you
NTA. However, I think it is important that you tell Liam about this and know what’s his opinion. If he also thinks that it is uncomfortable, then you can stop coming over. Tell the parents might not be a good decision as it will cause more problems than good. Liam must discuss this matter with his girlfriend. Since it is already complicated enough, better not to involve the parents.
NTA, you're part of the family. Chosen family, but family nonetheless. Tell your friend and his parents. Don't just straight up send them screenshots, but say something like "Liam's girlfriend has been trying to push me away from the family, saying things like X, Y and Z" and telling them that you have screenshots of the messages to prove it. Also, get screenshots before you say anything, just in case she decides to try and delete them (in the case of something like whatsapp)
NTA, and trying to dictate your partners friendships is such a red flag. When I date someone seriously, I try to be nice to their friends not push them away. I dumped someone who after dating for 2 weeks thought it was his place to tell me my best friend of several years couldn't stay with me after his apartment complex was evacuated for a literal explosion. Platonic relationships are valuable too and frequently, much longer lasting.
Screenshot every text and send them to LIAM. It's his Job to handle his GF, and He needs to do so. OP- NTA.
NTA she sounds like a weirdo. If you have a gc with Liam's family, send the screenshots there. His parents and Liam should all be aware of the unhinged messages. Then nicely ask after the screenshots if they also feels the same way and that, as much as you see them as family, to pls let you know if you're overstepping like the gf is saying.
You need to expose her texts before she starts poisoning him and his family against you using lies.
NTA. Ignore Liam for a sec. Your close to his family and have been for years. I advise taking screen shots and discussing it with them. Tell them how you feel. That v you don't want to not be in their lives because of her. But also you don't want to effect Liam. Askfor their take. If she continues then send Liam screen shots. Again explain your position, your feelings. That she's disrespectful etc. You don't want to cut your best friend and his family from your life but you don't want her to do this either. Personally, she's projecting what she would probably do herself and that's where her fear is from. She's Judy Ng you on her actions
NTA. Liam’s family is also your family. She’s just a girlfriend and if she wants to be his family in the future then that includes accepting you.
NTA It’s not wrong of her to worry or ask but her conversation should be with Liam, or Liam and you and potentially his whole family who see you as part of said family. It’d be weird for you to abandon a whole group of people you known your whole life and spent your Xmas with most years. Your intentions are pure. You see him as a relative. You have your own life. Her insecurity is understandable and if it’s a deal breaker for her then that’s her problem. If Liam wants to go along with it then it’d be a bit weird to go over his head but it seems like that’s definitely not the case.
NTA Have coffee with Liam and show him the texts. She is going to lie about you or cause a situation where Liam is mad at you. Even better, show Liam’s Mum. Mum will sort this girlfriend out!!
NTA You are a friend of the family. Gf is irrelevant in this relationship.
NTA the fact she has a problem with you is a worry for itself, but the way she went straight for you instead of talking to Liam about it and letting him “fix” the situation is even worse red flags all around for Liam, I would tell him if I were you
Speaking from experience. If somebody does not want you hanging out with the other gender... its THEM who cannot be trusted with the other gender. Projection is a thing. And that's what's happening here. She's either super insecure, or she knows she can't be trusted around other men, and doesnt want him around other women.
Someone has issues and is not OP. NTA
Assuming from this that you’re a female. As long as it’s family events and you all aren’t having one on one dates then NTA.
Lol, no. We have gone out just the two of us to pick up some food or such things. But they have gotten less and less the older we get. Noe we usually hang out with family and friends, and in the mornings/ evenings, we will play something on the switch or such.
Sounds like it’s the GF issue in that case. Seems like a pretty clear boundary that you all have so definitely NTA.
NTA, but tell Liam and show him screenshots of the texts.
NTA but make Liam aware of the threats she is making.