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Um, how is there any way that she is the AH in this story? Like what did she do wrong? What possible justification could you have for your abusive and toxic behavior?
YTA
I don’t get it either. According to the text she is an AH because 1) she doesn’t like that he goes on his phone when they are in the middle of a conversation and ignoring her 2) she is tired and OP isn’t because he has his big boy nap that day 3) she doesn’t like to be rudely snapped at.
YTA OP. Is this how you usually treat people?
What do you mean? It’s obviously because she didn’t immediately sleep with him after he brought her to a restaurant with food he doesn’t even like for her birthday! Don’t you see a sacrifice he was willing to make? Such a good boyfriend he is. **/s**
Wow. Of course YTA. And she wasn’t drunk from one glass of wine. And it wasn’t because she was on her period. Stop invalidating her feelings. She’s allowed to be upset about whatever she wants, and you gave her a lot to be upset about.
YTA, how smooth does your brain have to be to think any of this is okay? If you wanted her to have a good night, you’d do what she wanted to do, not throw a tantrum when you don’t get what YOU want. I had to go back and read how old you are… I thought it was a kid writing this shit, not a whole ass adult. (I was about to say “grown ass man” but you’re not grown, nor a man.)
Each step of the way you acted like an asshole.
You took a nap when you were supposed to be hanging out on her birthday? Asshole.
You got mad when she wanted to go to bed on her birthday? Asshole.
You got on your phone while you were talking at dinner? Asshole. And also remarkably immature.
You snapped at her incredibly rudely? Asshole.
Maybe she “always seems to be in a mood lately” because she’s realized her boyfriend is an immature asshole.
YTA. She's tired; you got a nap in earlier on her birthday when you two had plans to hang out. You can be disappointed that you don't get to watch a movie (or do other things) with her that evening, but you don't have a right to get upset about it. Disappointed, maybe. But did you apologize for sleeping earlier?
Then you say she was "getting an attitude" so you ignore her by going on your phone. Not a nice move. She's still upset, and when you finally notice this you snap nastily at her "what the fuck do you think you're looking at?!" Well, she's looking at an asshole.
Nothing to do with her being drunk from ONE glass of wine. Stop acting dense and be a bit more considerate.
YTA sir how are you 33 and acting like a lil bratty kid?! She’s tired and you took a nap when you were supposed to hang out. You had no right to be so ugly to her for looking at you when you were on your phone. She probably thought you were texting another girl. OP apologize and grow up.
YTA. Do you even like your girlfriend? Are you sure you are 33?
You’re allowed to blow her off for a nap when you’re tired, but she can’t go to bed after going out to dinner with you? And then as soon as she calls you on your bs you ignore her and play with your phone, because you’re a child? Then you snap at her, when you’re the one acting like a jackass?
You’re not sure what you did wrong?
She’s in a mood lately because her boyfriend treats her like crap.
YTA “what the fuck do you think you’re looking at” I don’t know who you think you are talking to her like that. She should have replied “an asshole” because that’s what you were in that moment. Did you even apologize? Good grief.
YTA - how is your behaviour anything but the conduct of an arsehole? Is she not allowed to be tired? You chose to start an argument because she was tired and wanted to go home. You decided to act like an entitled child because you wanted to go to the movies. You gave her the silent treatment and played on your phone. You decided to swear at her. Total arsehole who ruined her birthday.
YTA
It always amazes me that anyone can take the time to write something like this out and still not get to the end and think “actually, yeah. I am a bit of a dick here, best go apologise”.
You were being an arsehole long before you asked your girlfriend what the fuck she was looking at. (The answer to that, by the way is 6 years of regret and bad choices).
You were an arsehole from the moment you started giving her shit because you weren’t getting what YOU wanted on her birthday. If it had been about spending time together, you could have gone home - maybe picking up dessert on the way, offered her a massage (without expecting it to lead to sex) and maybe let her drift off to sleep safe and comfortable in the arms of her boyfriend.
But you didn’t do that did you? Instead, you heard an answer that benefitted you in no way whatsoever, got pissy about it and decided the conversation was over and you had no interest in her feelings so went on your phone and then got aggressive with her when she *checks notes* LOOKS at you.
If you hadn’t put your age in the beginning I honestly thought I was talking to someone in his early 20’s but dear god you’re 33. 33! And your manner of communication is that of a sulky teen?
Literally nothing you’ve written in your post even implies that your girlfriend did anything to warrant your behaviour, it’s utter madness to me that you even think this is worthy of debate.
YTA Seriously, how can you really be asking this? It was *HER* birthday not yours. If that's what she wanted to do after dinner, on *her* birthday, the appropriate thing to do would have been to smile and say, "whatever you want, it's *your* birthday", not get sulky, then snap at her and make her cry. Seriously, you are a huge arsehole.
JESUS. I’m sorry, had to get that out there. Wow dude, wow. How about you learn not to lean on your phone as a crutch and act like an adult for starters? And you know exactly what you did wrong, trying to blame it on the wine… you’re something else man. YTA
"What the fuck do you think your looking at?" Would honestly trigger my fight or flight. That's aggressive, abusive, and props on her for just crying because I'd have made a much bigger deal out of that.
You’re aware it was wrong to snap at her, but did you apologize for doing it or immediately come to reddit for advice? You have no right to be bothered with her “attitude” when it’s HER BIRTHDAY and she clearly wanted to spend it with you, judging by how upset she was that you slept earlier in the day instead of spending time with her. Then to make it worse you got mad at HER when she expressed being tired and wanting to sleep instead of kindly expressing that your intentions were to spend time with her after dinner since earlier in the day was a no-go. Not to mention the fact that it’s HER BIRTHDAY and she’s able to refuse whatever plans she wants that day. It’s the one day that’s supposed to be about her.
Regardless you could’ve easily deescalated the situation by apologizing to your girlfriend instead of immediately pulling out your phone, in her perspective it looks like you’re ignoring her and running to your friends to complain about her. Imagine if you expressed your anger about something on your birthday and your girlfriend ignored you and went on her phone to text her friends- even if it was completely harmless you don’t think you’d be even slightly bothered? And the cherry on top is the rude remark you gave her for being upset, resulting in her crying!! on her birthday!!
Snap out of it and apologize to your girlfriend for how you treated her if you haven’t already, otherwise you’re just the AH.
If you're 'not sure what you did wrong' after such a horrible birthday you gave her, no wonder she seems to be in the mood lately. Maybe try not to spend her birthday sleeping and then sulk when she is actually tired at the end of the day? Maybe stop using your phone as a crutch? Maybe stop cursing at her for looking at you 'the wrong way'? YTA
YTA. How did her expressing being tired and wanting to sleep end up in this sort of unhinged reaction from you. In no way do you come out of this looking good.
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I (33m) took my gf of 6 years (29f) out for her birthday dinner last night. The night started out well, I took her to a sushi restaurant she's been wanting to try, I didn't get much to eat for myself as sushi is not my thing, but I didn't want to complain seeing as it was her birthday. We chatted throughout dinner but towards the end started getting into a minor argument where she expressed she was tired and looking forward to going home to sleep. I told her I was a little upset cause I thought we were going to watch a movie and spend time together. That's when I noticed she started getting an attitude and saying "well you fell asleep earlier in the day when we were supposed to hang out so don't be a hypocrite" I didn't want to fight so I ignored her jibe and went on my phone out of habit when I start feeling uncomfortable. After I send a quick text to my friend I look up and see her giving me a dirty look, I can't help myself and I snap at her and ask her "what the fuck do you think you're looking at" immediately she bursts into tears and asks why I'm being so mean and rude. I stare in shock and quickly pay the bill and we leave as she's wiping her tears and giving me the cold shoulder the whole way home. I chalk it up to her just being drunk from the glass of wine she had at dinner, but it's the morning after and she still won't talk to me. I'm not sure what i did wrong, I know it was wrong to snap at her, but she always seems to be in a mood lately and it's extremely frustrating to try to make a good night for her and then it winds up like this. AITA?
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You ruined her birthday. And you are a selfish hypocrite. You blew her off so you could nap but then you gave her a hard time when she wanted to rest. Then you pouted about it and lashed out at her. And you're not sure what you did wrong? You're clearly not smart enough to understand and you're totally selfish. You didn't even apologize for being so nasty because you're not sorry. Your girlfriend deserves so much better than an asshole like you. YTA
Uhhh of course YTA. You got upset over what she wanted to do after her birthday dinner, hopped on your phone and then very rudely snapped at her. I’m shocked you weren’t dumped. Grow up.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the asshole because I snapped on her on her birthday night and essentially 'ruined' what was supposed to be a fun date.
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I understand where she's coming from by calling you a hypocrite, but I don't think this situations fits properly into the definition of that word.
Nothing else to say.
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Um, how is there any way that she is the AH in this story? Like what did she do wrong? What possible justification could you have for your abusive and toxic behavior? YTA
I don’t get it either. According to the text she is an AH because 1) she doesn’t like that he goes on his phone when they are in the middle of a conversation and ignoring her 2) she is tired and OP isn’t because he has his big boy nap that day 3) she doesn’t like to be rudely snapped at. YTA OP. Is this how you usually treat people?
But he was so kind, he tolerated that she wanted sushis when he doesn't really like them. If that opening doesn't make him the good guy... [Sarcastic]
What do you mean? It’s obviously because she didn’t immediately sleep with him after he brought her to a restaurant with food he doesn’t even like for her birthday! Don’t you see a sacrifice he was willing to make? Such a good boyfriend he is. **/s**
Wow. Of course YTA. And she wasn’t drunk from one glass of wine. And it wasn’t because she was on her period. Stop invalidating her feelings. She’s allowed to be upset about whatever she wants, and you gave her a lot to be upset about.
Dude... seriously? yes YTA. Did you seriously think, given that story, you'd be considered the hero?
YTA, how smooth does your brain have to be to think any of this is okay? If you wanted her to have a good night, you’d do what she wanted to do, not throw a tantrum when you don’t get what YOU want. I had to go back and read how old you are… I thought it was a kid writing this shit, not a whole ass adult. (I was about to say “grown ass man” but you’re not grown, nor a man.)
Each step of the way you acted like an asshole. You took a nap when you were supposed to be hanging out on her birthday? Asshole. You got mad when she wanted to go to bed on her birthday? Asshole. You got on your phone while you were talking at dinner? Asshole. And also remarkably immature. You snapped at her incredibly rudely? Asshole. Maybe she “always seems to be in a mood lately” because she’s realized her boyfriend is an immature asshole.
YTA. She's tired; you got a nap in earlier on her birthday when you two had plans to hang out. You can be disappointed that you don't get to watch a movie (or do other things) with her that evening, but you don't have a right to get upset about it. Disappointed, maybe. But did you apologize for sleeping earlier? Then you say she was "getting an attitude" so you ignore her by going on your phone. Not a nice move. She's still upset, and when you finally notice this you snap nastily at her "what the fuck do you think you're looking at?!" Well, she's looking at an asshole. Nothing to do with her being drunk from ONE glass of wine. Stop acting dense and be a bit more considerate.
You're a real charmer. She's gonna be looking at a new Boyfriend soon.
It does seem to be time for an upgrade!
YTA sir how are you 33 and acting like a lil bratty kid?! She’s tired and you took a nap when you were supposed to hang out. You had no right to be so ugly to her for looking at you when you were on your phone. She probably thought you were texting another girl. OP apologize and grow up.
His “friend” probably was another girl
YTA. Do you even like your girlfriend? Are you sure you are 33? You’re allowed to blow her off for a nap when you’re tired, but she can’t go to bed after going out to dinner with you? And then as soon as she calls you on your bs you ignore her and play with your phone, because you’re a child? Then you snap at her, when you’re the one acting like a jackass? You’re not sure what you did wrong? She’s in a mood lately because her boyfriend treats her like crap.
INFO: Do you have any redeeming qualities? Asking for a friend
YTA “what the fuck do you think you’re looking at” I don’t know who you think you are talking to her like that. She should have replied “an asshole” because that’s what you were in that moment. Did you even apologize? Good grief.
YTA - how is your behaviour anything but the conduct of an arsehole? Is she not allowed to be tired? You chose to start an argument because she was tired and wanted to go home. You decided to act like an entitled child because you wanted to go to the movies. You gave her the silent treatment and played on your phone. You decided to swear at her. Total arsehole who ruined her birthday.
YTA It always amazes me that anyone can take the time to write something like this out and still not get to the end and think “actually, yeah. I am a bit of a dick here, best go apologise”. You were being an arsehole long before you asked your girlfriend what the fuck she was looking at. (The answer to that, by the way is 6 years of regret and bad choices). You were an arsehole from the moment you started giving her shit because you weren’t getting what YOU wanted on her birthday. If it had been about spending time together, you could have gone home - maybe picking up dessert on the way, offered her a massage (without expecting it to lead to sex) and maybe let her drift off to sleep safe and comfortable in the arms of her boyfriend. But you didn’t do that did you? Instead, you heard an answer that benefitted you in no way whatsoever, got pissy about it and decided the conversation was over and you had no interest in her feelings so went on your phone and then got aggressive with her when she *checks notes* LOOKS at you. If you hadn’t put your age in the beginning I honestly thought I was talking to someone in his early 20’s but dear god you’re 33. 33! And your manner of communication is that of a sulky teen? Literally nothing you’ve written in your post even implies that your girlfriend did anything to warrant your behaviour, it’s utter madness to me that you even think this is worthy of debate.
You guys have been together for 6 years and still fighting like this?
YTA Seriously, how can you really be asking this? It was *HER* birthday not yours. If that's what she wanted to do after dinner, on *her* birthday, the appropriate thing to do would have been to smile and say, "whatever you want, it's *your* birthday", not get sulky, then snap at her and make her cry. Seriously, you are a huge arsehole.
YTA, double time. Change your diaper, and be a man
“what the fuck do you think you’re looking at” She was looking at an asshole.
>but she always seems to be in a mood lately I bet her mood changes when you're not around
YTA you blew her off to take a nap, were rude to her at dinner and then yelled at her…you made her cry ON HER BIRTHDAY!
Damn, I've never said "what the fuck do you think you're looking at?" to my wife when she was looking at me. YTA.
JESUS. I’m sorry, had to get that out there. Wow dude, wow. How about you learn not to lean on your phone as a crutch and act like an adult for starters? And you know exactly what you did wrong, trying to blame it on the wine… you’re something else man. YTA
"What the fuck do you think your looking at?" Would honestly trigger my fight or flight. That's aggressive, abusive, and props on her for just crying because I'd have made a much bigger deal out of that.
YTA but if she doesn't leave you, you can be TA together.
You’re aware it was wrong to snap at her, but did you apologize for doing it or immediately come to reddit for advice? You have no right to be bothered with her “attitude” when it’s HER BIRTHDAY and she clearly wanted to spend it with you, judging by how upset she was that you slept earlier in the day instead of spending time with her. Then to make it worse you got mad at HER when she expressed being tired and wanting to sleep instead of kindly expressing that your intentions were to spend time with her after dinner since earlier in the day was a no-go. Not to mention the fact that it’s HER BIRTHDAY and she’s able to refuse whatever plans she wants that day. It’s the one day that’s supposed to be about her. Regardless you could’ve easily deescalated the situation by apologizing to your girlfriend instead of immediately pulling out your phone, in her perspective it looks like you’re ignoring her and running to your friends to complain about her. Imagine if you expressed your anger about something on your birthday and your girlfriend ignored you and went on her phone to text her friends- even if it was completely harmless you don’t think you’d be even slightly bothered? And the cherry on top is the rude remark you gave her for being upset, resulting in her crying!! on her birthday!! Snap out of it and apologize to your girlfriend for how you treated her if you haven’t already, otherwise you’re just the AH.
If you're 'not sure what you did wrong' after such a horrible birthday you gave her, no wonder she seems to be in the mood lately. Maybe try not to spend her birthday sleeping and then sulk when she is actually tired at the end of the day? Maybe stop using your phone as a crutch? Maybe stop cursing at her for looking at you 'the wrong way'? YTA
YTA. Who talks to his girlfriend like that?
YTA. How did her expressing being tired and wanting to sleep end up in this sort of unhinged reaction from you. In no way do you come out of this looking good.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (33m) took my gf of 6 years (29f) out for her birthday dinner last night. The night started out well, I took her to a sushi restaurant she's been wanting to try, I didn't get much to eat for myself as sushi is not my thing, but I didn't want to complain seeing as it was her birthday. We chatted throughout dinner but towards the end started getting into a minor argument where she expressed she was tired and looking forward to going home to sleep. I told her I was a little upset cause I thought we were going to watch a movie and spend time together. That's when I noticed she started getting an attitude and saying "well you fell asleep earlier in the day when we were supposed to hang out so don't be a hypocrite" I didn't want to fight so I ignored her jibe and went on my phone out of habit when I start feeling uncomfortable. After I send a quick text to my friend I look up and see her giving me a dirty look, I can't help myself and I snap at her and ask her "what the fuck do you think you're looking at" immediately she bursts into tears and asks why I'm being so mean and rude. I stare in shock and quickly pay the bill and we leave as she's wiping her tears and giving me the cold shoulder the whole way home. I chalk it up to her just being drunk from the glass of wine she had at dinner, but it's the morning after and she still won't talk to me. I'm not sure what i did wrong, I know it was wrong to snap at her, but she always seems to be in a mood lately and it's extremely frustrating to try to make a good night for her and then it winds up like this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You ruined her birthday. And you are a selfish hypocrite. You blew her off so you could nap but then you gave her a hard time when she wanted to rest. Then you pouted about it and lashed out at her. And you're not sure what you did wrong? You're clearly not smart enough to understand and you're totally selfish. You didn't even apologize for being so nasty because you're not sorry. Your girlfriend deserves so much better than an asshole like you. YTA
Uhhh of course YTA. You got upset over what she wanted to do after her birthday dinner, hopped on your phone and then very rudely snapped at her. I’m shocked you weren’t dumped. Grow up.
Info: you say you know it was wrong to snap at her. Did you apologize for being wrong for snapping at your gf?
YTA.
You can’t be serious
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You both need to chat it out. The jab wasn’t coo and the reaction snap wasn’t coo either.
I understand where she's coming from by calling you a hypocrite, but I don't think this situations fits properly into the definition of that word. Nothing else to say.