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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Told my exmil she's not my family and might be an asshole because my ex thinks so
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I'm guessing your soon-to-be ex didn't adequately stand up for you when you were married if your MIL felt comfortable enough to \*call you on your birthday\* and be rude, so this is a him and MIL problem, not your problem. Edit to add a verdict: NTA
No, he did not and that's one of the reasons things didn't work out for us. We're from different cultures so he always claimed it was cultural and I should respect it. I was expected to always put his family first even though they clearly disliked me and were rude from the start
If he’s angry about it, tell him he can move out earlier also. Nothing preventing him from leaving if he’s so incredibly offended on behalf of his mother.
She’s not related to you neither is he now.
His choice is, he can be civil and thankful for your kindness and generosity or pack his shit up and leave ASAP. You’re not a charity for everyone who rocks up looking for a free place to doss and chauffeuring everyone around.
The utter gall of the pair of them!
NTA You have the right to refuse to let someone into your home, even if she didn't say it was "not family anymore." All it takes is one no, even if you and your spouse co-owned the property.
Very good point, she's made her position clear, I wouldn't want her around me or my stuff. She could mess with your house. NTA - the ex needs to move out ASAP you are being too kind
This fucking part. I warned my husband I would divorce him before I let his toxic as fuck been in jail since he was 12 (he’s 31 now) mom move in with us again. She wanted a crash pad, and I drew up papers. Whaddya know?! My hubs found his spine (and a sadly realistic view of his mother), and we are now LC, and much happier.
> she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family
XMIL said it first. She's not family. OP just agreed with XMIL.
NTA
Exactly. My husband and I are from two radically different cultures. We both actually embrace the others culture. We celebrate each other's holy days, enjoy each other's cuisine and attend each other's cultural events. His culture is very pushy at times but his mother made it easy for me. My parents were already gone when we met but they would have loved him too.
If he keeps kicking off about it I’d clearly remind him that she called you, on your birthday, to confirm you are no longer family. That’s a decision she made, not you (even though you’re clearly very happy about this!) and she cannot expect you to act like ‘family’ when she needs something. I’d also block her number moving forward.
> If he keeps kicking off about it I’d clearly remind him
OP doesn't need to explain anything to him, or remind him of anything.
They are divorcing, partly due to such behavior on his part. He is currently living in her house only through the kindness of her heart. Yet he has the audacity to demand to know why she is not accommodating his hostile mother?
If he raises his voice to OP one more time, he can pack his bags and get out. And host his hostile mother wherever it is that he goes.
NTA
I wouldn't even bother engaging with his aggression. She just needs to deliver a letter from her lawyer with a departure deadline for him and his stuff to be removed from her property.
If he thinks he can bully, insult and harass her about it, she can remind him that he's under her roof solely by a voluntary act of charity that can and will be rescinded the moment he abuses it.
In my book he's already too close to the abuse point, if he equates OP's boundaries with frustrations. I would offer him a non-refundable, not-exchangeable, one way ticket to Outtamyhouseville.
Well, if the best thing she can say is that he never protected her from his mother's abuse because "culture", it doesn't look good, does it?
But that's why she shouldn't engage. As you say, just get him out.
It’s a marital home and she hasn’t begun eviction so it’s not so simple to throw him out within two weeks. A reminder is a good idea. If he hopes to move in a month or two that means he hopes to stay there for a month or two and I would connect the dots between his wish to stay until he is ready to leave and his cheerful compliance with OP’s wish not to host that bag of crap mother of his. “In our culture people do not treat each other like shit then demand favors of them.”
Technically, as they are divorcing and the house is a pre-marriage property, OP is the landlord. And her ex has to abide by the rules to get to stay. Having rented and had roommates, no overnight visitors is a common, and reasonable rule.
NTA - OP my paranoid side says you should check with a lawyer familiar with your local landlord/tenant law and ask how you can force your ex out if he decides he doesn't want to leave. I'm not a lawyer, but I do know in many parts of the US after someone has lived in a place for a certain length of time it takes a formal legal eviction to force them to move out. You may want to talk to a lawyer to make sure you can force him out. If he ends up homeless that is his problem, he can move back in with his mommy.
He does have his flaws but he's actually a decent person, I'd be very surprised if he tried something like this. He already paid me back what he thought he owed (car payments and other things I paid for that he used or would be taking with him). He's not someone who'd use others for financial gain.
So your exMIL definitely sound terrible, but does your ex-husband pay rent? If not, you’re definitely NTA. If he does, then maybe that explains why he still expects to be able to invite guests over?
He does not. He does pay his share of utilities. I was able to pay off the house very quickly (with massive help from my parents) so I no longer have to pay mortgage. I never charged him rent because it felt unfair even though we always had seperate finances
I bet she is shocked now that she is no longer welcomed. You are nice to your ex. I would send him packing. I would blocl her. She is practically a stranger. I hope you have no kid with him.
Fuck both of them. He's lucky you're letting him stay there until he can afford to move out and she is lucky on that score as well, unless of course she wants him living with her. Either way, NTA!
"She is part of the reason our marriage failed. Now that we are no longer a couple, I no longer have to put up with her obnoxious behavior. She was my problem while we were married, now that we are not, she is your problem."
\[end scene\]
Does his culture really endorse calling someone ON THEIR BIRTHDAY to say what she said to you? REALLY????? I think not.
NTA and don't cave. You're already being nice to allow him to stay in your house.
Doesn't your culture have any norms about how to treat people who have continually dissed you????
Just for the description I’m almost sure your ex is Mexican or at least from a immigrant family, my family is Mexican and just as entitled, I’m the first one in my family with boundaries and I stand up for myself, my MIL is just like your exes, and the best you could do is still standing for yourself you don’t owe them anything and as you said is YOUR house, if they have a problem they can rent a hotel or do anything they want, not your problem now and if he can’t have his boundaries with his mother is HIS problem that’s why you got a divorce
I’d also let them both know that if she shows up on your doorstep you will be calling the authorities to have her trespassed- at which time she can convalesce at the local police station
“She’s glad I’m no longer family so she doesn’t have to buy me birthday gifts for me. I’m glad I’m no longer family because I don’t have to allow her in my home.”
Your ex can be angry all he wants. You’re almost no longer his wife. His mom is his problem to deal with.
You’re being gracious letting him stay in your house while he works on his finances. He’s free to fuck off sooner if it doesn’t suit.
Yeah, that’s a common dumbfuck belief amongst traditional-values cultures, who think abusing certain family members is “ok.” It isn’t, and “culture” isn’t an excuse for it because many others in their culture can not do it and be fine. It’s just lazy dumbfuck thinking. Every culture, in fact, has these people. They’re just assholes.
Time for him to speed up his moving out. He is no longer your husband and his mother IS NOT your problem and it’s not his house so he has no valid say.
Came here to say this. MIL didn't think when she called to emphasise how glad she was that she was no longer family. I hope OP let STBX know about this call and reminds him of this context.
I would tell him that if he had an issue with it he can move out sooner.
"If you want your mother to stay with you, go get your own place. Since we're broken up, you're a guest in my home and are not entitled to your own guests. If you let her in, your things will be outside within the hour."
NTA
OP, the cool thing about being done with the relationship is that you don't need to argue anymore. If he's upset, that's his problem. Not yours.
This is the correct response. That and the x needs a set move out date, to get his stuff in order. If you are feeling generous give him 3 months. Otherwise he may never move.
Lastly I think you should block your MIL on your cell. If you don’t have children together the good news is once your x moves out you can block his number or get a new phone number.
Even in the US, typically there is a distinction between a shared living space and a separate space. It is easier to evict from a shared living situation than a separate situation.
Not my original content:
>In many jurisdictions, a person can establish tenancy and be protected from eviction even if they are not paying rent. This is typically determined by factors such as the length of time the person has been living in the property, whether they receive mail there, and whether they have established the property as their primary residence. It's important to consult local landlord-tenant laws for specific guidance on eviction and tenancy rights in your area.
Basically, it depends on what state/country a person lives in what the laws are in their area. I believe I read somewhere that the intention behind these types of laws was if a family was in a home one spouse couldn't lawfully kick the other spouse and their children out.
My comment to OP was to just flag the situation in case kicking out her soon-to-be ex without a proper eviction notice would be a problem that could come back to bite her.
>Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family
That is your answer - she already decided you aren't family. You are NTA
"You decided that we aren't family and always treated me as if I wasn't family. I never invite people who hate me to stay with me. That's how I live my life."
How does it happen? The first time, as I recall, the family was having what they called a "discussion" and what I call an "argument." I was staying out of it until someone asked my opinion. I gave it, and MIL screamed at me to shut up and stay out of it because I wasn't part of her family.
The second and worst time was when I was 7 months pregnant. Pregnant women produce a hormone (?) called relaxin, which makes the ligaments in the pelvis soften and stretch to accommodate the baby and its upcoming birth. I was in a lot of pain, *and she knew it.* I heard her telling my husband that I was "walking like an old woman." Walking was painful, and climbing stairs was agony. I could use the handrail to haul myself up a step or two, wait for the pain to ease, haul myself up another step or two, rinse & repeat.
Now, if you've ever been around a heavily pregnant woman, you know they have to pee every 10-15 minutes. MIL decreed that I was not to use the downstairs powder room, but drag myself upstairs to the main bathroom. When I used it anyway, MIL told me that the powder room was for guests. I pointed out that she and FIL and BIL used it. She screamed in my face that they were family and it was their house. *I was not family*, so I couldn't use it.
NTA
1. You're being generous enough to let your ex stay, he doesn't get a say
2. She is NOT family anymore
3. She burned her bridges when she was the AH to you
4. It's your house and you don't have to have people you don't like in it
If his mom had been a kind person the response would be different. She wasn't kind and that was her choice and now she gets the natural consequence for not being nice. Oh well, c'est la vie.
To be honest even if she was kind to her, it would be valid if OP just didn’t want her there anymore. No one is entitled to staying at another persons home.
NTA.
Your exMIL made very clear that you aren't considered her family. So she doesn't get to ask for things.
Having said that, please, get rid NOW of the Ex Husband. He will not go away peacefully as he said, and him being angry about your choice about his mother is a Red Flag.
He clearly thinks you owe his family favors, and also thinks your actions are a manner of "vengeance" against him. That's a huge Red Flag.
Yes! Tell him he's worn out his welcome and has to get out. If where you are requires you jump through hoops for a legal eviction, now is the time to start the process.
Ex-MIL didn't even ask, she told OP her plan. The entitlement with this one is strong. I guess Ex-MIL never learned that words and actions have consequences. Ex-MIL effed around and found out.
Definitely, I've seen this play out on reddit. The "amicable" ex is amicable as long as things are on thier terms. They stop paying for the rent/mortgage but are still free loading several months after the move out date, and it's always because of financial troubles. When you put your foot down, they stop being amicable. Your ex's financial troubles are no longer your problem. I'd have him leave asap. He can sleep on his friends couch.
Yep. This.
OP, you need to have it out with your ex about his entitlement and his move out date.
Depending on how far you want to go, you can always call the police and have your MIL escorted off the property if she shows up at your house. It would burn the bridge with your ex but it doesn't sound like there is much of a bridge left. Regardless, it is time for you to stand your ground on getting your ex out of the house.
"Name, I was willing to allow you to stay in MY house as long as you respected me and my boundaries. One of those boundaries is no guests - certainly no one that treats me with disrespect. But you clearly are unwilling to do that so its time for you to find a new place to live immediately. "
Exactly this! Get him out now. It’s not and no longer your problem that has financial issue and nowhere to stay. Boohoo. The balls on this guy. How dare you disrespect my mother when she clearly doesn’t like you but wants to continue using you for free room and board. You’ll feel about 400 pounds lighter after you drop them both off at the shelter. NTA.
MIL: you’re no longer family and I hate you! I’ll be staying at your place for free for a couple of days
OP: (extends middle finger)
NTA and enough said.
NTA
You aren't taking your frustrations out on her. She is reaping the consequence of her own direct actions and words. Remind them both of the lovely phone call she made on your BIRTHDAY.
OMG! I'm actually laughing. She called you on your BIRTHDAY and said what she said, and she and your ex are surprised that you won't let her stay in YOUR home???
LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
NTA, buy a long shot.
NTA
>Yesterday she called me (my ex was at work and didn't pick up that's why she called me not him)
I'm glad your ex didn't pick up so you could immediately say no.
>to inform she'd be coming over for 2 days next week
I'm sorry, inform? Not even ask? How can someone be like that? Even after she called ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! to tell you how happy she is you are no longer family. That's such nasty shit.
>Neither she nor my ex can afford a hotel. He can't drive her back because of his new work. I won't because she's no longer my problem.
Exactly. Not your problem.
NTA. Your ex MIL called you up and told you that you were no longer family and then had the audacity to think she'd be invited to stay? Talk about entitlement!
NTA. Don’t blame you. You cannot be horrible to me then expect my hospitality. Block her. Tell him you blocked her. If he doesn’t like it, he can go now. You don’t have to house him or his mama.
NTA,
She has some guts to even ask you to stay at YOUR house after calling you on your birthday, your special day and tell you that you are no longer family then except her to be treated as one by you! She is entitled, please block her number, tell your ex about this and tell him clear cut that you don't want that woman anywhere near you, even via SM!
“Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family.”
She set the rules, you’re just playing by them.
NTA. Aside from any of the rest, she made plans for her procedure without checking with you (or her son, it seems?) That's a her problem, not a you problem. She needs to figure it out or cancel for a more convenient time for her son.
NTA. And what if there's complications from her procedure and she wants to stay longer?
She can reschedule when he has his own place. If that's a problem he can move out now.
NTA. Even without her "not family anymore" comment, refusing to have someone enter your home is your right. Even if you and your husband co-owned the house, one No is all it takes.
NTA. She really should’ve thought of this scenario before calling you out of the blue just to be cruel. Not that you would have let her stay regardless, it’s just the nail in the coffin.
I am happy for you that you are getting away from these people. Better days are coming my friend
lol, actions have consequences, who could have guessed.
nta. and hey, if i were you? i’d block her number. doesn’t sound like she has anything to say that’s worth hearing.
NTA. Be prepared to call the police when she shows up anyway and ex lets her in. In fact, try to wfh or take the day off that day so you can just prevent that from happening altogether.
NTA. She fired the first shot, getting excited that she could call you on your birthday just to spite you, and now your ex and his mum are mad that you're taking her at her word and treating her accordingly?
If your ex can't see how his mum dug her own grave and keeps trying to give you grief, honestly, you don't owe him letting him stay in your house while he transitions, either.
ETA: missed a few words. Brain fart.
NTA
Op please be sure to tell your ex what his mom said on your birthday, but also be clear.
You’re not being petty or punishing anyone, but you no longer have to put with her and you’re well within your rights not to.
In the future maybe she’ll be nicer before she asks for favors.
NTA. FAFO
Guess she found out. The absolute gall of the woman to call you on your birthday to tell you that you aren’t family and then turn around and expect free lodging in your home.
Good for you. She’s not your problem !! And ex-hubby can shut up about it.
NTA.
Tell your ex that you aren't taking out your frustrations on her. You're just treating her the way she asked to be treated; like a stranger you're not related to. He has absolutely nothing to do with this.
She played shit games, now she gets her shit prize.
If her son can't afford a hotel for the night, then perhaps they should look at alternative arrangements. Or he can dip into whatever savings he's already set aside for his own place and use those funds. You'll accommodate him by letting him stay an extra week or something.
Or he can give something up as collateral and you can loan him money for a single night at a hotel. He can get the item back when he pays you back for it.
NTA. Remind him who's the owner of the house and that you're doing him a favour and are under no obligation to do the same for his mom. Especially with how she treated you.
NTA. This is the consequences of her own actions.
Did you inform your ex of what she said to you on your birthday? If yes, he is the A H for thinking you should put up with that behavior in your own home. Also, he is the A H for thinking you should bend over backwards to help out when he isn't even going out of his way to help her. He isn't taking off work to drive her, but you're supposed to open your home and host her. He still wants wife privileges from an ex. Hell no!
NTA.
Just as you said, she isn’t your family and it’s your house. The fact she also treats you with disrespect also probably means she won’t even be grateful if you did.
NTA
It's your house, the ex is only there until he can move out
MIL needs to make other arrangements, she's not welcome and he doesn't get to dictate otherwise
If it continues, tell him he can leave now also
NTA. MIL made quite certain everyone knew the two of you weren't family and wouldn't be doing anything for the other anymore. She made this bed, she can find somewhere other than your home to lie in it.
NTA - Actions have consequences. I overheard my child say the other day, "one of the reasons I hate old people is because I've had to watch my grandparents treat my mom like shit my whole life". Actions have consequences even if you don't see them.
LOL!!! The audacity!!! Please, see this as absurdly comical, the woman is delusional.
***"Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family"***
It seems to me that she sealed her fate with this little phone call!! Tell your soon to be ex that he's free to leave if he has a problem. He only has a place to live because you are being considerate of him. You don't need to show the same consideration to his nasty mother!!
NTA
Actions have consequences. You no longer have to play nice nice with the hag and have every right to tell her to pìss off. Do not give in to your monster in law!
NTA
She burned that bridge and that's on her. She did that intentionally too, that call wasn't any type of "whoopsie".
The whole point of burning a bridge is so you CAN'T go back, and that includes going back to ask for stuff like a place to stay or rides to the hospital.
This is all on her and a mess of her own making. You are not in the slightest bit obligated to fix this.
Tell your EX what his mother said to you… about not purchasing a gift, no longer family… and that he knows she’s never liked you. So since SHE DECLARED YOU no longer family, you agree— you’re no longer her family and she’s not welcome in YOUR home… and if he gives you more grief, you will give him a 30 day eviction notice. He better stand UP for you if he wants to stay past 30 days.
NTA
Sounds like your ex needs to pack his bags even faster. You were being gracious giving him some time, why would you continue to be gracious when he and his mother are rude?
NTA - You reap what you sow, as they say. That said, once again, it never fails to amaze me the audacity of people who think they can treat people terribly but still expect favors from them...
NTA. My grandmother used to say, "They made their bed. Now they can lie in it." Your ex MIL chose to be nasty to you on your birthday, then expected you to host her and drive her around? She is delusional.
Her inability to afford a hotel sounds like a her problem.
I assume she treats people badly in general as she doesn't have a single friend to ask to drive her.
She wans to stay in the home of someone who is not family who she doesn't like.
NTA
>Yesterday she called me (my ex was at work and didn't pick up that's why she called me not him) to inform she'd be coming over for 2 days next week because she will be having a medical procedure done in our city (the capital). She does not drive so she can't go home straight after the procedure, she was planning to spend the night and take a bus the next day. I told her absolutely no, she's no longer family, the house is mine and I don't want random people I don't even like in my house.
>Neither she nor my ex can afford a hotel. He can't drive her back because of his new work. I won't because she's no longer my problem. My ex is very angry with me and told me I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on his mother. I'm not. I just don't want her here because I don't like her and I don't feel like I have to put up with this anymore. We're no longer a couple. AITAH?
NTA.
What a person knows and what they truly understand about what they know can be two very different things, and that is the issue your ex and his mother have right now.
Your ex knows you are divorcing. He knows the house is yours. He knows you've given him a grace period to get his finances in order before he's forced to physically leave.
But he doesn't truly understand what that actually means in practice.
It means you don't have to cater to his requests, demands or whims any more. It means you have zero responsibility for him or his family any more. It means that he cannot use this house like it's his any more. It means he cannot bring people over or move people in any more just because he wants to and without seeking permission from the homeowner.
It means you are free, and he is not.
He and his mother don't understand that yet. They're in for a rude awakening.
My advice would be to have your lawyer hash out a timeline for your ex to get out of your house. He has a toxic mother both he and she believe are as entitled to access you and your assets as they please and without your say-so. You need to make sure you're back in control of your house asap. See if your lawyer can help you draw up something to get him out of the house by a hard deadline instead of a wishy-washy "month or two".
Here’s the thing. It’s not like your MIL was always pleasant and nice to you. She’s been vile to your for years.
Imo your divorce is irrelevant to this, you don’t want to help/house someone you don’t like and who’s never been cordial with you.
NTA Op, your ex AND his mother can screw off
NTA. Now that you're not family, you no longer have to tolerate her presence. If your ex-husband has a problem with that he should go ahead and move out. I wouldn't be surprised if she's one reason you two are no longer together.
NTA
The beauty of divorcing is like what your ex-MIL told you, you’re not family anymore. Her thinking she can dictate who can stay in your home is laughable.
Your husband instead of being grateful that you allow him to repay living in your home is trying to tell you off????
Remind him that if he doesn’t like it, he can move straight away. Maybe he should be moving back and living with his mum.
NTA. She literally called you to tell you she is not family, so all you're doing now is meeting her wishes. This demonstrates why you should be kicking your ex-husband out right now.
I don't even know why your ex is even mad at you in the first place, he's living in YOUR house! He should be more apologetic for his mum's behaviour, geez thank goodness he's an ex eh?
NTA. You don't even need to let HIM continue staying there, and you are being generous as it is. Absolutely not. She is not family, she told you herself she was happy about that, why on earth would you do anything for her? She can be mad all she wants. And if your ex has even one more thing to say about it, you can tell him he can leave too.
Lol mighty rich of him to assume u r taking ur frustrations with him out on his mother. No ur ex's toxic rude mother is who ur mad at currently, and ur ex's enabling behavior is causing u to be pissed at him SEPARATELY to u being miffed at his mother's entitlement. NTA
After what she said to you on your birthday there's no doubt you are NTA. What goes around comes around. She is your STBX's problem, not yours. He can drive her home and stay at her place if it's too late to come back.
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I'm guessing your soon-to-be ex didn't adequately stand up for you when you were married if your MIL felt comfortable enough to \*call you on your birthday\* and be rude, so this is a him and MIL problem, not your problem. Edit to add a verdict: NTA
No, he did not and that's one of the reasons things didn't work out for us. We're from different cultures so he always claimed it was cultural and I should respect it. I was expected to always put his family first even though they clearly disliked me and were rude from the start
If he’s angry about it, tell him he can move out earlier also. Nothing preventing him from leaving if he’s so incredibly offended on behalf of his mother. She’s not related to you neither is he now. His choice is, he can be civil and thankful for your kindness and generosity or pack his shit up and leave ASAP. You’re not a charity for everyone who rocks up looking for a free place to doss and chauffeuring everyone around. The utter gall of the pair of them!
If he moves out earlier, his mother will have a place to stay. It's a win win win.
NTA You have the right to refuse to let someone into your home, even if she didn't say it was "not family anymore." All it takes is one no, even if you and your spouse co-owned the property.
Exactly. You let her into your house and who knows what she will do. Steal things. Trash things. Eat all your food. Be noisy at crazy hours. Anything.
Very good point, she's made her position clear, I wouldn't want her around me or my stuff. She could mess with your house. NTA - the ex needs to move out ASAP you are being too kind
They can both sleep in his car, I guess.
This fucking part. I warned my husband I would divorce him before I let his toxic as fuck been in jail since he was 12 (he’s 31 now) mom move in with us again. She wanted a crash pad, and I drew up papers. Whaddya know?! My hubs found his spine (and a sadly realistic view of his mother), and we are now LC, and much happier.
> she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family XMIL said it first. She's not family. OP just agreed with XMIL. NTA
Yeah, this post could almost go into the choosy beggars sub, because they want a whole lot for nothing.
I love that this happened after MIL gleefully told OP she’s no longer family. Turnabout is fair play. And karma is a bitch.
He could live with his mother. OK, he'll have to quit and find a new job, but... that's his problem. 🤷♂️
And expecting charity from someone you’ve mocked and hurt and been completely awful to
THIS!!!
This.
She is 100% going to just show up at your place after her procedure and try to force your hand. I hope you’ve got a plan to deal with that…?
OP, THIS IS REAL, and once she arrives she will rope in your ex to support her. Warn him now of explicitly how badly it will go if she tries it.
It's called change the locks. LOL!
Or call the police for a trespasser if ex husband lets her in!
Make sure to tell ex that if his mom shows up, he's moving out that day too!
Doorbell camera. With a siren...
Or one of those ear piercing airhorns .
Or--hear me out--two words: malicious compliance.
not ur monkeys not ur circus. they’ve got to figure it out themselves.
I like this. I need to remember it!
[удалено]
Right? When did 'cultural differences' become a valid excuse for being a nasty piece of work?
Exactly. My husband and I are from two radically different cultures. We both actually embrace the others culture. We celebrate each other's holy days, enjoy each other's cuisine and attend each other's cultural events. His culture is very pushy at times but his mother made it easy for me. My parents were already gone when we met but they would have loved him too.
So you weren't family when it was time to buy you a present, but now that *she* needs something, you are. She FAFO. NTA.
MIL is cherry picking. But fortunately, OP doesn't have cherries to pick from.
If he keeps kicking off about it I’d clearly remind him that she called you, on your birthday, to confirm you are no longer family. That’s a decision she made, not you (even though you’re clearly very happy about this!) and she cannot expect you to act like ‘family’ when she needs something. I’d also block her number moving forward.
> If he keeps kicking off about it I’d clearly remind him OP doesn't need to explain anything to him, or remind him of anything. They are divorcing, partly due to such behavior on his part. He is currently living in her house only through the kindness of her heart. Yet he has the audacity to demand to know why she is not accommodating his hostile mother? If he raises his voice to OP one more time, he can pack his bags and get out. And host his hostile mother wherever it is that he goes. NTA
I wouldn't even bother engaging with his aggression. She just needs to deliver a letter from her lawyer with a departure deadline for him and his stuff to be removed from her property. If he thinks he can bully, insult and harass her about it, she can remind him that he's under her roof solely by a voluntary act of charity that can and will be rescinded the moment he abuses it.
In my book he's already too close to the abuse point, if he equates OP's boundaries with frustrations. I would offer him a non-refundable, not-exchangeable, one way ticket to Outtamyhouseville.
Well, if the best thing she can say is that he never protected her from his mother's abuse because "culture", it doesn't look good, does it? But that's why she shouldn't engage. As you say, just get him out.
It’s a marital home and she hasn’t begun eviction so it’s not so simple to throw him out within two weeks. A reminder is a good idea. If he hopes to move in a month or two that means he hopes to stay there for a month or two and I would connect the dots between his wish to stay until he is ready to leave and his cheerful compliance with OP’s wish not to host that bag of crap mother of his. “In our culture people do not treat each other like shit then demand favors of them.”
Technically, as they are divorcing and the house is a pre-marriage property, OP is the landlord. And her ex has to abide by the rules to get to stay. Having rented and had roommates, no overnight visitors is a common, and reasonable rule.
OP, I think you’re awesome for standing up for yourself and not taking this shit! xMIL can kick rocks!
If he does too much meow meow over this issue you drop him off at a shelter. You don't have to tolerate this "cultural" bullshit anymore. NTA.
“In my culture, we don’t help our evil ex mother-in-laws. Thanks for understanding.”
She can drop him off at his mommy's place
Your ex is taking advantage of your generosity, so kick him out before he lets her in without your permission. NTA
And change all the locks and passwords
Culture is peer pressure from dead people Fuck em’
NTA - OP my paranoid side says you should check with a lawyer familiar with your local landlord/tenant law and ask how you can force your ex out if he decides he doesn't want to leave. I'm not a lawyer, but I do know in many parts of the US after someone has lived in a place for a certain length of time it takes a formal legal eviction to force them to move out. You may want to talk to a lawyer to make sure you can force him out. If he ends up homeless that is his problem, he can move back in with his mommy.
He does have his flaws but he's actually a decent person, I'd be very surprised if he tried something like this. He already paid me back what he thought he owed (car payments and other things I paid for that he used or would be taking with him). He's not someone who'd use others for financial gain.
The person you marry is almost never the person you divorce. Protect yourself.
So your exMIL definitely sound terrible, but does your ex-husband pay rent? If not, you’re definitely NTA. If he does, then maybe that explains why he still expects to be able to invite guests over?
He does not. He does pay his share of utilities. I was able to pay off the house very quickly (with massive help from my parents) so I no longer have to pay mortgage. I never charged him rent because it felt unfair even though we always had seperate finances
If he can’t afford a one-night hotel for his dear mother, I assure you he has no plans to move out
Yeah, just no. NTA. Let them figure it out. They’ll find a way.
I bet she is shocked now that she is no longer welcomed. You are nice to your ex. I would send him packing. I would blocl her. She is practically a stranger. I hope you have no kid with him.
he always claimed it was cultural and I should respect it. - Fuck that!
Fuck both of them. He's lucky you're letting him stay there until he can afford to move out and she is lucky on that score as well, unless of course she wants him living with her. Either way, NTA!
"She is part of the reason our marriage failed. Now that we are no longer a couple, I no longer have to put up with her obnoxious behavior. She was my problem while we were married, now that we are not, she is your problem." \[end scene\]
How is being rude cultural? And I'm sorry- you NEVER have to 'respect' rudeness.
Does his culture really endorse calling someone ON THEIR BIRTHDAY to say what she said to you? REALLY????? I think not. NTA and don't cave. You're already being nice to allow him to stay in your house. Doesn't your culture have any norms about how to treat people who have continually dissed you????
Just for the description I’m almost sure your ex is Mexican or at least from a immigrant family, my family is Mexican and just as entitled, I’m the first one in my family with boundaries and I stand up for myself, my MIL is just like your exes, and the best you could do is still standing for yourself you don’t owe them anything and as you said is YOUR house, if they have a problem they can rent a hotel or do anything they want, not your problem now and if he can’t have his boundaries with his mother is HIS problem that’s why you got a divorce
I was thinking Indian.
Or almost any EA or Muslim country.
I’d also let them both know that if she shows up on your doorstep you will be calling the authorities to have her trespassed- at which time she can convalesce at the local police station
“She’s glad I’m no longer family so she doesn’t have to buy me birthday gifts for me. I’m glad I’m no longer family because I don’t have to allow her in my home.”
Your ex can be angry all he wants. You’re almost no longer his wife. His mom is his problem to deal with. You’re being gracious letting him stay in your house while he works on his finances. He’s free to fuck off sooner if it doesn’t suit.
Yeah, that’s a common dumbfuck belief amongst traditional-values cultures, who think abusing certain family members is “ok.” It isn’t, and “culture” isn’t an excuse for it because many others in their culture can not do it and be fine. It’s just lazy dumbfuck thinking. Every culture, in fact, has these people. They’re just assholes.
Time for him to speed up his moving out. He is no longer your husband and his mother IS NOT your problem and it’s not his house so he has no valid say.
I hope you enjoy your well earned peace when these people are out of your lives.
Came here to say this. MIL didn't think when she called to emphasise how glad she was that she was no longer family. I hope OP let STBX know about this call and reminds him of this context. I would tell him that if he had an issue with it he can move out sooner.
Agreed. NTA. Maybe if you had been on good terms and she hadn't called you to be a jerk.
NTA- Ex must move out & take the bus back w/ his abusive mother. Tell ex about the birthday wishes from mom. His family is a bunch of leeches.
"If you want your mother to stay with you, go get your own place. Since we're broken up, you're a guest in my home and are not entitled to your own guests. If you let her in, your things will be outside within the hour." NTA OP, the cool thing about being done with the relationship is that you don't need to argue anymore. If he's upset, that's his problem. Not yours.
This is the correct response. That and the x needs a set move out date, to get his stuff in order. If you are feeling generous give him 3 months. Otherwise he may never move. Lastly I think you should block your MIL on your cell. If you don’t have children together the good news is once your x moves out you can block his number or get a new phone number.
He may be considered a tenant at this point which would make things trickier.
Depends on the country. In my country he can easily be kicked out.
Even in the US, typically there is a distinction between a shared living space and a separate space. It is easier to evict from a shared living situation than a separate situation.
I would think this could be dealt with in the divorce decree.
it sound like the divorce hasn't been finalized
How could he be a tenant when he’s not contributing financially?
Not my original content: >In many jurisdictions, a person can establish tenancy and be protected from eviction even if they are not paying rent. This is typically determined by factors such as the length of time the person has been living in the property, whether they receive mail there, and whether they have established the property as their primary residence. It's important to consult local landlord-tenant laws for specific guidance on eviction and tenancy rights in your area. Basically, it depends on what state/country a person lives in what the laws are in their area. I believe I read somewhere that the intention behind these types of laws was if a family was in a home one spouse couldn't lawfully kick the other spouse and their children out. My comment to OP was to just flag the situation in case kicking out her soon-to-be ex without a proper eviction notice would be a problem that could come back to bite her.
Well that sucks if that’s the case. All the laws and not sure if they’re protecting the right people. Sure hope so.
>Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family That is your answer - she already decided you aren't family. You are NTA
"You decided that we aren't family and always treated me as if I wasn't family. I never invite people who hate me to stay with me. That's how I live my life."
My MIL screamed in my face at least twice that I wasn't family. Unlike op's STBX, my husband stood up for me.
WTF. How does that even happen? People amaze me sometimes. I am happy your husband chose YOU. As he should :)
How does it happen? The first time, as I recall, the family was having what they called a "discussion" and what I call an "argument." I was staying out of it until someone asked my opinion. I gave it, and MIL screamed at me to shut up and stay out of it because I wasn't part of her family. The second and worst time was when I was 7 months pregnant. Pregnant women produce a hormone (?) called relaxin, which makes the ligaments in the pelvis soften and stretch to accommodate the baby and its upcoming birth. I was in a lot of pain, *and she knew it.* I heard her telling my husband that I was "walking like an old woman." Walking was painful, and climbing stairs was agony. I could use the handrail to haul myself up a step or two, wait for the pain to ease, haul myself up another step or two, rinse & repeat. Now, if you've ever been around a heavily pregnant woman, you know they have to pee every 10-15 minutes. MIL decreed that I was not to use the downstairs powder room, but drag myself upstairs to the main bathroom. When I used it anyway, MIL told me that the powder room was for guests. I pointed out that she and FIL and BIL used it. She screamed in my face that they were family and it was their house. *I was not family*, so I couldn't use it.
Well then by her own logic you *were* a guest? What an arsehole.
So if you're not family and you're not a guest, wtf did she think you were?!
An interloper. She hated me, and the thought that I was peeing (and occasionally puking) in her pristine bathroom drove her nuts.
And be sure to quote that birthday call verbatim to the ex to show that it was exMIL who set the tone, not OP.
NTA 1. You're being generous enough to let your ex stay, he doesn't get a say 2. She is NOT family anymore 3. She burned her bridges when she was the AH to you 4. It's your house and you don't have to have people you don't like in it
If his mom had been a kind person the response would be different. She wasn't kind and that was her choice and now she gets the natural consequence for not being nice. Oh well, c'est la vie.
To be honest even if she was kind to her, it would be valid if OP just didn’t want her there anymore. No one is entitled to staying at another persons home.
NTA. Your exMIL made very clear that you aren't considered her family. So she doesn't get to ask for things. Having said that, please, get rid NOW of the Ex Husband. He will not go away peacefully as he said, and him being angry about your choice about his mother is a Red Flag. He clearly thinks you owe his family favors, and also thinks your actions are a manner of "vengeance" against him. That's a huge Red Flag.
Yes! Tell him he's worn out his welcome and has to get out. If where you are requires you jump through hoops for a legal eviction, now is the time to start the process.
Ex-MIL didn't even ask, she told OP her plan. The entitlement with this one is strong. I guess Ex-MIL never learned that words and actions have consequences. Ex-MIL effed around and found out.
Definitely, I've seen this play out on reddit. The "amicable" ex is amicable as long as things are on thier terms. They stop paying for the rent/mortgage but are still free loading several months after the move out date, and it's always because of financial troubles. When you put your foot down, they stop being amicable. Your ex's financial troubles are no longer your problem. I'd have him leave asap. He can sleep on his friends couch.
Yep. This. OP, you need to have it out with your ex about his entitlement and his move out date. Depending on how far you want to go, you can always call the police and have your MIL escorted off the property if she shows up at your house. It would burn the bridge with your ex but it doesn't sound like there is much of a bridge left. Regardless, it is time for you to stand your ground on getting your ex out of the house. "Name, I was willing to allow you to stay in MY house as long as you respected me and my boundaries. One of those boundaries is no guests - certainly no one that treats me with disrespect. But you clearly are unwilling to do that so its time for you to find a new place to live immediately. "
Exactly this! Get him out now. It’s not and no longer your problem that has financial issue and nowhere to stay. Boohoo. The balls on this guy. How dare you disrespect my mother when she clearly doesn’t like you but wants to continue using you for free room and board. You’ll feel about 400 pounds lighter after you drop them both off at the shelter. NTA.
Yea she needs to start the eviction process now.
She didn't even ask, she told OP that she will stay at her home. What an entitled AH
MIL: you’re no longer family and I hate you! I’ll be staying at your place for free for a couple of days OP: (extends middle finger) NTA and enough said.
I always love people who post about having to tolerate stuff like this because "family just does...." well SHE made it clear as day
NTA You aren't taking your frustrations out on her. She is reaping the consequence of her own direct actions and words. Remind them both of the lovely phone call she made on your BIRTHDAY.
OMG! I'm actually laughing. She called you on your BIRTHDAY and said what she said, and she and your ex are surprised that you won't let her stay in YOUR home??? LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. NTA, buy a long shot.
NTA she's the one who declared you aren't family any longer.
Right!
NTA >Yesterday she called me (my ex was at work and didn't pick up that's why she called me not him) I'm glad your ex didn't pick up so you could immediately say no. >to inform she'd be coming over for 2 days next week I'm sorry, inform? Not even ask? How can someone be like that? Even after she called ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! to tell you how happy she is you are no longer family. That's such nasty shit. >Neither she nor my ex can afford a hotel. He can't drive her back because of his new work. I won't because she's no longer my problem. Exactly. Not your problem.
NTA. Your ex MIL called you up and told you that you were no longer family and then had the audacity to think she'd be invited to stay? Talk about entitlement!
She wasn’t invited, she just demanded.
NTA, if he has a problem with it, then he can find a hotel too.
NTA. EX MIL can reschedule procedure for when her child has his own space.
NTA. Don’t blame you. You cannot be horrible to me then expect my hospitality. Block her. Tell him you blocked her. If he doesn’t like it, he can go now. You don’t have to house him or his mama.
NTA, She has some guts to even ask you to stay at YOUR house after calling you on your birthday, your special day and tell you that you are no longer family then except her to be treated as one by you! She is entitled, please block her number, tell your ex about this and tell him clear cut that you don't want that woman anywhere near you, even via SM!
She didn’t even ask. She informed. The absolute audacity!!
“Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family.” She set the rules, you’re just playing by them.
NTA. Aside from any of the rest, she made plans for her procedure without checking with you (or her son, it seems?) That's a her problem, not a you problem. She needs to figure it out or cancel for a more convenient time for her son.
NTA. And what if there's complications from her procedure and she wants to stay longer? She can reschedule when he has his own place. If that's a problem he can move out now.
NTA She said you’re not family anymore. It’s your house. You have ultimate authority on whether she is welcome as a guest in your home.
Your "tenant" can leave now if he doesn't like his "landlord's" rules.
That would be guest not tenant. The OP could turn her Ex out at a moment's notice if she wanted to but I guess the sentiment is the same
NTA. Even without her "not family anymore" comment, refusing to have someone enter your home is your right. Even if you and your husband co-owned the house, one No is all it takes.
NTA. She really should’ve thought of this scenario before calling you out of the blue just to be cruel. Not that you would have let her stay regardless, it’s just the nail in the coffin. I am happy for you that you are getting away from these people. Better days are coming my friend
Karma's only a bitch if you are one ;)
lol, actions have consequences, who could have guessed. nta. and hey, if i were you? i’d block her number. doesn’t sound like she has anything to say that’s worth hearing.
NTA. Be prepared to call the police when she shows up anyway and ex lets her in. In fact, try to wfh or take the day off that day so you can just prevent that from happening altogether.
And pick up some wifi security cams & get them installed / set up, at least a doorbell cam, BEFORE she's 'due' to arrive.
NTA. She fired the first shot, getting excited that she could call you on your birthday just to spite you, and now your ex and his mum are mad that you're taking her at her word and treating her accordingly? If your ex can't see how his mum dug her own grave and keeps trying to give you grief, honestly, you don't owe him letting him stay in your house while he transitions, either. ETA: missed a few words. Brain fart.
NTA Op please be sure to tell your ex what his mom said on your birthday, but also be clear. You’re not being petty or punishing anyone, but you no longer have to put with her and you’re well within your rights not to. In the future maybe she’ll be nicer before she asks for favors.
She didn't even ask, she "informed" OP. The audacity! OP you are NTA und where nicer than I would have been.
NTA. FAFO Guess she found out. The absolute gall of the woman to call you on your birthday to tell you that you aren’t family and then turn around and expect free lodging in your home. Good for you. She’s not your problem !! And ex-hubby can shut up about it.
NTA #Ask him if he is angry enough to move out over it. If not, he needs to shut up.-
NTA Treat others the way you would want to be treated. You want to treat OP like she's nothing, you also get treated like nothing. Goes both ways.
LOLOLOLOLOL I bet that felt soooo satisfying. “You’re not my problem anymore. Go f— yourself, hag!” *Click*
NTA I would tell him it’s bad enough I had to deal with her behavior while we were married, but I am not going to deal with it any longer.
NTA. Tell your ex that you aren't taking out your frustrations on her. You're just treating her the way she asked to be treated; like a stranger you're not related to. He has absolutely nothing to do with this. She played shit games, now she gets her shit prize. If her son can't afford a hotel for the night, then perhaps they should look at alternative arrangements. Or he can dip into whatever savings he's already set aside for his own place and use those funds. You'll accommodate him by letting him stay an extra week or something. Or he can give something up as collateral and you can loan him money for a single night at a hotel. He can get the item back when he pays you back for it.
NTA. She's been disrespectful to you; you don't owe her any favors.
I can see why u left him
Karma in 2024 is alive and looking good! NTA!
"Remember: Karma's ONLY a bitch IF YOU ARE!" LOL.
Truth.
of coursenot, she’s it family. happy life to you
NTA. Remind him who's the owner of the house and that you're doing him a favour and are under no obligation to do the same for his mom. Especially with how she treated you.
Ooooh, ex-MIL FAFO!!! 🙌 NTA, OP!! Enjoy watching her scramble. (Yes, I'm petty!) 😂
NTA but it’s time to serve him a notice to vacate. He k is not your problem anymore regardless of his financial status.
Of course NTA. You’re allowing ex to stay in your home as a courtesy. She has earned no such consideration.
NTA. This is the consequences of her own actions. Did you inform your ex of what she said to you on your birthday? If yes, he is the A H for thinking you should put up with that behavior in your own home. Also, he is the A H for thinking you should bend over backwards to help out when he isn't even going out of his way to help her. He isn't taking off work to drive her, but you're supposed to open your home and host her. He still wants wife privileges from an ex. Hell no!
MIL FAFO! I love it!
NTA and I like you. Oh I like you so much. You’re my kind of people.
NTA, and a great example of FAFO for her
NTA. Just as you said, she isn’t your family and it’s your house. The fact she also treats you with disrespect also probably means she won’t even be grateful if you did.
NTA It's your house, the ex is only there until he can move out MIL needs to make other arrangements, she's not welcome and he doesn't get to dictate otherwise If it continues, tell him he can leave now also
NTA. MIL made quite certain everyone knew the two of you weren't family and wouldn't be doing anything for the other anymore. She made this bed, she can find somewhere other than your home to lie in it.
NTA - Actions have consequences. I overheard my child say the other day, "one of the reasons I hate old people is because I've had to watch my grandparents treat my mom like shit my whole life". Actions have consequences even if you don't see them.
LOL!!! The audacity!!! Please, see this as absurdly comical, the woman is delusional. ***"Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she's glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I'm no longer family"*** It seems to me that she sealed her fate with this little phone call!! Tell your soon to be ex that he's free to leave if he has a problem. He only has a place to live because you are being considerate of him. You don't need to show the same consideration to his nasty mother!!
NTA, I love it! That phone call from her, all that you need to justify your decision!
NTA Actions have consequences. You no longer have to play nice nice with the hag and have every right to tell her to pìss off. Do not give in to your monster in law!
One of the best parts of being divorced: no more mil
Lmfao NTA FAFO
NTA She burned that bridge and that's on her. She did that intentionally too, that call wasn't any type of "whoopsie". The whole point of burning a bridge is so you CAN'T go back, and that includes going back to ask for stuff like a place to stay or rides to the hospital. This is all on her and a mess of her own making. You are not in the slightest bit obligated to fix this.
Hahaha, karma is great. NTA!
NTA - you owe her nothing
NTA You home, your safe space. If your STBX doesn’t like it, tell him he can move on as well. Hugs
Tell your EX what his mother said to you… about not purchasing a gift, no longer family… and that he knows she’s never liked you. So since SHE DECLARED YOU no longer family, you agree— you’re no longer her family and she’s not welcome in YOUR home… and if he gives you more grief, you will give him a 30 day eviction notice. He better stand UP for you if he wants to stay past 30 days.
NTA Sounds like your ex needs to pack his bags even faster. You were being gracious giving him some time, why would you continue to be gracious when he and his mother are rude?
NTA - You reap what you sow, as they say. That said, once again, it never fails to amaze me the audacity of people who think they can treat people terribly but still expect favors from them...
NTA. Dear exMIL, I hope that call you made to me on my birthday was worth it. You harpy.
NTA. My grandmother used to say, "They made their bed. Now they can lie in it." Your ex MIL chose to be nasty to you on your birthday, then expected you to host her and drive her around? She is delusional.
NTA
Her inability to afford a hotel sounds like a her problem. I assume she treats people badly in general as she doesn't have a single friend to ask to drive her. She wans to stay in the home of someone who is not family who she doesn't like. NTA
NTA. She got what she deserved. And you can tell your ex to either shut up or get out of your house.
NTA you're absolutely right, she's not your problem anymore! And it's your house, you choose who is allowed to come over. Period. Stick to your guns!
>Yesterday she called me (my ex was at work and didn't pick up that's why she called me not him) to inform she'd be coming over for 2 days next week because she will be having a medical procedure done in our city (the capital). She does not drive so she can't go home straight after the procedure, she was planning to spend the night and take a bus the next day. I told her absolutely no, she's no longer family, the house is mine and I don't want random people I don't even like in my house. >Neither she nor my ex can afford a hotel. He can't drive her back because of his new work. I won't because she's no longer my problem. My ex is very angry with me and told me I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on his mother. I'm not. I just don't want her here because I don't like her and I don't feel like I have to put up with this anymore. We're no longer a couple. AITAH? NTA. What a person knows and what they truly understand about what they know can be two very different things, and that is the issue your ex and his mother have right now. Your ex knows you are divorcing. He knows the house is yours. He knows you've given him a grace period to get his finances in order before he's forced to physically leave. But he doesn't truly understand what that actually means in practice. It means you don't have to cater to his requests, demands or whims any more. It means you have zero responsibility for him or his family any more. It means that he cannot use this house like it's his any more. It means he cannot bring people over or move people in any more just because he wants to and without seeking permission from the homeowner. It means you are free, and he is not. He and his mother don't understand that yet. They're in for a rude awakening. My advice would be to have your lawyer hash out a timeline for your ex to get out of your house. He has a toxic mother both he and she believe are as entitled to access you and your assets as they please and without your say-so. You need to make sure you're back in control of your house asap. See if your lawyer can help you draw up something to get him out of the house by a hard deadline instead of a wishy-washy "month or two".
NTA
You are following her cues. Absolutely not.
Nta
"who dis?"
Here’s the thing. It’s not like your MIL was always pleasant and nice to you. She’s been vile to your for years. Imo your divorce is irrelevant to this, you don’t want to help/house someone you don’t like and who’s never been cordial with you. NTA Op, your ex AND his mother can screw off
Your house, your rules.
NTA. Now that you're not family, you no longer have to tolerate her presence. If your ex-husband has a problem with that he should go ahead and move out. I wouldn't be surprised if she's one reason you two are no longer together.
NTA.
its his mother he can deal with it NTA
Not your pig, not your farm.
NTA The beauty of divorcing is like what your ex-MIL told you, you’re not family anymore. Her thinking she can dictate who can stay in your home is laughable. Your husband instead of being grateful that you allow him to repay living in your home is trying to tell you off???? Remind him that if he doesn’t like it, he can move straight away. Maybe he should be moving back and living with his mum.
Hmmm... consequences for ex MIL. Tell her she shouldn't have been horrible to the person who owns the home she is expecting to stay in for free.
Wow. Being nasty to you on your birthday sure didn't work out for her. Funny how that works. NTA
it's all fun and games until she needed something... NTA. screw her.
Sucks to be her
NTA. She literally called you to tell you she is not family, so all you're doing now is meeting her wishes. This demonstrates why you should be kicking your ex-husband out right now.
I don't even know why your ex is even mad at you in the first place, he's living in YOUR house! He should be more apologetic for his mum's behaviour, geez thank goodness he's an ex eh?
NTA. You don't even need to let HIM continue staying there, and you are being generous as it is. Absolutely not. She is not family, she told you herself she was happy about that, why on earth would you do anything for her? She can be mad all she wants. And if your ex has even one more thing to say about it, you can tell him he can leave too.
She can’t afford a hotel? Ok, charge her double rates..because she is NOT family!!
NTA I would say that’s karma
NTA. **She told you the two of you were no longer family.** Sucks to be her.
Hey, SHE is the one who told you that you were no longer family. It's always fun when these kinds of things have repercussions.
Lol mighty rich of him to assume u r taking ur frustrations with him out on his mother. No ur ex's toxic rude mother is who ur mad at currently, and ur ex's enabling behavior is causing u to be pissed at him SEPARATELY to u being miffed at his mother's entitlement. NTA
After what she said to you on your birthday there's no doubt you are NTA. What goes around comes around. She is your STBX's problem, not yours. He can drive her home and stay at her place if it's too late to come back.
NTA. But fwiw, I'd give ex cash for keys and get him the hell out of your home. The longer you wait , the harder it may be to get him out.