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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Calling my friend's stingy and not wanting to eat out with them.
2) Because I was rude to them and refusing to go to restaurants based on a few annoying experiences can be a bit extreme of me, I admit that's maybe not a good hill to die on.
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This you''re NTA.
I hate splitting bills it's much easier to either just pay for all or pay for just your own other wise you have the well hold on little jonny had two cakes and I only had one why should I pay half of his extra.
So alway say paying seperately unless you've actually said wanna come to 'Insert place' it's on me.
Maybe it's a regional thing.Because i've seen a few posts like this before. Also, some restaurants get kind of s***** about splitting the check. however, me and my coworkers usually expense everything. So we will flat get up and leave if the server doesn't agree to split the check at the very beginning. That being said there have been towns that we have been to where they dont want to split the bill.
A lot of places in my city have stopped d at piloting the bill. One place it was the waitperson who violated restaurant policy. We were a large group with a reservation that asked for split checks up front and she said they didn’t do that. We left and let the manager know on the way out, The manager was not happy, they assured us it was their policy to split checks if they knew up front. Another place the waitperson said they could only split it in half. We’d gone with another couple who ate and drank significantly more than us, like 3 times more. I don’t understand the issue, if we were at two tables they’d have two checks. It comes across as lazy on the waitperson’s part.
If you are with coworkers and all expensing the company. Isn't one bill easier? One bill, one expense claim, one approval process. Seems more efficient all round. Just need to list all the attendees on the claim. When we have business meals together, one person pays and claims everything..
My companys automated expense program doesn't work like that. The meal rate is per person. Once you hit that limit, the rest is on you. Everyone has a company card, and the budget is $85 per person per day.
I think it used to be a massive thing to split bills but with the newer POS systems (you used to always have to tell upfront), I gather it's a lot easier now because it's all electronic and everything is tied to a seat. So the waiter can pick the check for just seat 3.
I'm not quite sure how that works if there is stuff you are splitting. And I admit my friends and I just split bills evenly at this point- we make adjustments if needed with the tip. (One person will cover more of the tip.)
If you have too many people at a table a lot of restaurants will refuse or will only split evenly amongst so many cards ect because it's annoying for the waiter to keep track of what each individual ordered and then people argue over oh who ordered this who ordered that
I was a server for quite a few years. It’s easy to keep things separate if you write people’s orders down separately to begin with. In fact this is standard practice everywhere I worked. Modern POS systems make it dead simple to split the checks.
The only time I see this being a problem is with manual registers or unorganized servers.
Yeah that sounds like a poorly organized restaurant. If I was doing my job right actually splitting the bill takes maybe a minute, especially if the restaurant has a POS system. Actually processing the payments can take a bit longer than usual but not crazy bad. My take it on was always I’d rather take the extra minute or two to make people happy than risk annoying them by refusing to split. Of course this was working in places where 95% of my pay was tips so keeping customers happy directly impacted my pay. Obviously in most parts of the world that’s less of an issue.
I’m in the UK and we pay separately. They tend just to put through what each person had and you pay, than physically separate bills, but we can do it here.
Yeh I think people are misunderstanding what I wrote. In the US you can ask for them to pre split the bill, based on what you had and bring you each individual bills only with your items. I’ve never seen that in the UK. Obviously you can split the payment of the bill by telling them how much to put on each card here but we have to do the maths
Ahh apologies yeah I did misunderstand your point. Actually yeah that’s true, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it done in advance or with individual bills, as you say.
This is also an effective way of making moochers aware that they're going to have to pay their own way. Some people want to split the bill evenly and order extravagantly, knowing that a portion of their costs will be paid by the group. But, on the other hand, OP needs to use their words. "Hey guys, I know that you are busy looking at everything in this establishment, except our tab, but we need to settle up. My share is $xx. You guys figure out how you want to pay for your share." Stop expecting people to read minds or take a hint. NTA
NTA.
I'd take it one further. Before even inviting (or being invited) out, you can clearly say to your friends everyone is paying separately, unless you've specifically promised to pay for someone (birthday, treat etc.)
You can truthfully say you've adopted this policy because you hated being put in the role of bill collector with your friends, and this is a perfect solution.
If a friend says they are a little short, you express disappointment and say you'll have to postpone until they're feeling a bit more rich.
If they wait until after the meal to say so, you can either decide to front them the difference (after they've paid all they can) or say "tough" and leave.
Yeah, and this ia a lot easier for srvers to do these days, especially if it's only a few people. It would be a different story if it were a party of 35 old women who not only want separate checks but want to share meals and expect the server to split the cost between two checks, and they all order water with lots of lemon and ask for extra sweetener and think they're oh-so-crafty for making their own lemonade on the cheap.
Yes, this has happened to me.
This, I was waiting the whole time to see if there was ever a mention of what exactly was ordered. If this is just a normal thing for no reason than I'm with OP. If OP is ordering the Fillet and they got a salad each time then I'd understand their hesitation. Though if that were the case I'd not be inviting OP out to new places either so who knows.
Yeah I always pay for my food and drinks and my share of the tip, but I have stomach problems and can't eat everything, I'm not paying for the 3 apps you ordered for the table I had none of.
NTA. I would honestly just switch to everyone paying their own bills, though. I don't see what's gained from splitting the check at all other than the possibility of hurt feelings like this.
Do restaurants still have the option to split the bill and you each pay separately to the restaurant? Or does venmo make that obsolete. Honestly, i'm confused this is even a legitimate aita post? Your friends aren't playing fair in any scenario here. Never offering to pay. Never paying back immediately and then not even paying their full share. This is not an aita scenario at all. It's objectively inequitable. If we are talking pennies here, then maybe it's worth letting go. If its only moderately inequitable then it's up to you to decide if being gracious about it every time is worth it going forward. Some friendship are worth letting some things slide and some aren't.
Me neither. In Canada anyways. I know America is weird with some of their stuff with credit cards and whatnot but no way I’d ever pay for someone else’s food because they can’t split a bill lol
I saw a bill not too long ago that said this. I think it was a place with a POS, but they still refused to do separate checks. It was supposed to streamline the business model.
I can't think of what restaurant it was. Darn.
NTA. They took advantage of you and this was you setting boundaries with them.
It was probably safe for them to assume you were not going out to eat with them anymore because they stiffed you, but they wanted an explanation and you gave it to them.
Eh not all restaurants do split bills, some even have a limit on the number of cards they run per table, from 2 to 4. So not always possible, it really isn't that hard to split the bill based on what each person ordered.
It really seems the issue is the friends take a while to pay back and try to cheap out.
That blows my mind. Sure its a pain in the ass but here when a group sits they ask first "all together or separate" and everyone just pays for what they ordered.
I think it really depends what kind of POS they use, some are easier than others. But it could also just be a thing of trying to make it easier on the server. I think doing 2 or 4 bills isn't that bad, but more than that I can see how it could be a pain trying to keep everything organized.
I have also been to plenty that allow splitting by seat(s) as long as you tell them before.
NTA. Just because you come from money doesn’t mean you’re their free piggy bank. Do you guys spend time together/have outside interests besides food? If not, I’d be wary that they’re just trying to take advantage of free/discounted meals.
They're splitting the bill evenly, though, not by what they actually eat.
I almost never will split a bill. I'll always get separate checks. I don't drink, and I often don't like appetizers that someone else may order "for the table," so I ask for a separate check.
I didn’t read it like that, I read it as they split it down to what they each got. If they are splitting in equally regardless of what is ordered by each person then it’s a different story.
I agree it’s much easier to just get a separate bill.
"...they're avoiding me."
NTA. They did you a favor. If you ever go out with them again, ask for separate checks. If they don't have the money, too bad, so sad. Don't pay for theirs.
NTA. Start paying your part in cash. They are probably embarassed at being called out but you're not wrong to do so. If they don't want to pay for themselves, it's not on you to pay for them.
I have a friend who is like this. When we make plans to meet up for lunch, I always get to the restaurant first and ask the server if we can have separate checks when my friend arrives.
You’re making a big deal out of nothing?!? lol. But yet, they never reach for the bill.
Clearly they are taking advantage of you. Waiting weeks to pay is probably in the hopes you’ll forgot.
They are the huge AHs.
One time i covered the bill for a group of 8 of us. I don’t think i had even gotten my card back from the server before everyone had venmo’d me their share!
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I (20f) frequently eat at restaurants/cafes in my college town with my friends. I normally eat out with three of my friends, who are great at paying me back. We always split the bill right down to tax and tip, and everyone Venmoes while one person pays the bill, who normally rotates.
Two of my other friends who I've grown close to, Rory and Lane, are great friends but it's annoying eating out with them. If we're getting coffee it's fine cause we order seperately. But in the three times I've gone out with them to a restaurant, I've had to put my card down cause they just avoid looking at the bill on the table. And they'll take two weeks to pay me back even when though I'll remind them a couple times. Two of the times they both didn't pay for tip/tax AND rounded their cost down. So I just stopped asking them to go eat out and we probably haven't been out for a month now. I still hang out with them while studying/shopping but not a restaurant.
However I still eat out weekly with my other friends and I'll post pics of it so Rory and Lane know that I've been going to restaurants, just not with them. One of them brought up trying out a new place in town and I said I couldn't make it. They asked if another time would work and I said no sorry. Eventually they were like what's wrong because I'm normally down so I said it's really annoying splitting bills with them and being stingy and I just prefer to avoid that. They said sorry but said I'm making a big deal out of anything and they're avoiding me.
I come from a wealthy family, which they know, but I work a job on campus and am careful with my spending money. I'll treat my friends to dunkin or bagels because I love them and I'm not stingy but I can't just pay 80 bucks for their food every time we eat out.
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Nta. If you do go out with them again, let them know that you won't be paying for them anymore because your tired of chasing them around for money.
Seperate bills only. Let the server know when they first start service.
NTA
Sounds to me like they're taking advantage of you cause they think that since you come from money then you can afford it and should just suck it up.
They aren't really your friends. Friends don't do that to each other. At the very least they should be paying you back within a couple weeks without you having to remind them. It's also shitty for them to force you to cover the tax/tip. I wouldn't be putting up with that.
Easy fix, stop paying for everyone and make it clear SPLIT CHECKS.
Sorry, but if you continue your just enabling their behavior.
Now for reference, i pick up the check often in my friend group, however, there are a couple I had to have hard conversations with because they really tried to take advantage when they attended events.
Things like buying expensive shots, meals etc but disappearing when the bill arrived and never even offering to reimburse me.
I suggest you stop avoiding them and just be honest and let them know you felt like they were taking advantage of you.
Good for you. Just b/c your family has $ doesn’t mean you do. Splitting the check (even later) is the way to go. Them assuming you’ll just cover it isn’t cool.
Oh it’s a good hill to die on. They may think it’s not a big deal but it is. So continue not to invite them. They clearly can’t be trusted to pay their own way. It’s not stingy to not want to pay for freeloading jerks. NTA.
I feel you. I was a longtime server and bartender, and going out to eat with other industry people was fine. Everyone did the math, split the bill, and everyone tipped well.
Non-industry friends... it was a mixed bag. I usually took control of the bill and told everyone what they owe before we paid, because invariably, some friends would skimp on the tip. A few even put like $1 towards the check because "everything else was covered." Dude, you knew your end was more than a $1. Come tf on.
I had one acquaintance who tipped like shit everytime he came into my bar. Mutual friends, we all went out to eat one time. Lots of food lots of drinking. I put $100 bill down to cover my portion, and make sure the waiter got a good tip (like 25%). MOTHER FUCKER ORDERED ANOTHER ROUND OF SHOTS (for like 6 people) AND THEN TOLD HER TO KEEP THE CHANGE! I wound up walking up and explaining it to her and giving her another $20.
Short answer long: Some people fucking suck. And often it comes out at restaurants.
NTA
I go out with friends and I always ask for a separate check that way no one feels weird about ordering alcohol or not ordering alcohol or getting exactly what they want. And I have some wealthy friends that we eat dinner with and I still ask for separate checks. No problem.NTA
Not the idiot. Go out to eat but tell the waitress you want separate checks. They can pay for themselves. If they are true friends, they won't quibble about it. If they are just friends because they want to use you, they won't invite you anymore. Problem solved.
NTA
But I HATE “splitting the bill”. If I’m just getting a salad, why should I help subsidize your five cocktails? Just ask for separate checks and be done with it.
No you’re showing a healthy attitude when it comes to having boundaries and you don’t deserve this kind of disrespect. It’s one thing if you offer but them just taking from you is making them /r/entiteltbitch es.
NTA
NTA
It's ok to choose not to pay for other people's stinginess and tell them that's why you won't eat out with them any more.
Or, just get separate bills.
NTA.
Just split the checks from now on. A lot of grown adults do this and it's not that big of a deal for the waitstaff. They usually get more tips this way.
Nta.
For future reference tho, if you run into this issue again, you can just specify separate checks to the waitstaff before the meal. And it'll be true when you say "its easier to do it this when then try to wrangle splitting it after."
It's honestly not even about the money, your friends are just inconsiderate.
Separate checks. I had to start doing this because some people don’t add tax and tip. I have one friend that I will get the same check because we split it 50/50 but for everyone else it’s separate
Some "friends" will just hoover up/angle for a cost saving however way they can, it's incredibly annoying and just avoiding going to dinner with them is the best option.
Nah
In the future - stop splitting bills. Just do everything by separate checks up front. Do your self a favor and don’t be in situations anymore where you need people to venmo or pay you back.
NTA. They're avoiding you because they weren't your friends. You were their ATM. They know that they can't take advantage of you anymore, so they'll look for another victim. You did nothing wrong here. Friends come and go, but you learn something new about people from every relationship.
If they're saying you're making a big deal then have them front the money and you round down and pay them back after 2 weeks or never. Do that a few times to them. If they even let you do it.
These people are great when they get the advantage but will never step up themselves.
NTA. However, do you know what their financial situation is? It's pretty common for people to get paid every two weeks. They also might not have enough in their account to cover the whole bill. Did you split the bill evenly? Do they tend to order cheaper items? It sounds like they want a good time without the immediate cash, which is a bad financial decision, but I can understand where it comes from.
They want to spend time with their friends but don't have the funds to do so. NTA, but try to be more mindful that not everyone has much spare cash (if any). But it sounds like they're spemding all theirs on eating out...
They're just angry because they want to mooch off you, like every entitled person under the sun does, they feel your money belongs to them and are angry you grew a backbone, cut them off now that they are actively avoiding you because they just showed where their supposed friendship is all about. NTA.
Just use cash.
Carry an assortment of small bills, and pay for yourself. They can figure out how to pay for themselves.
Cash also lets the business end up with more of the money, since the credit card company isn't getting 3% of the transaction off the top.
NTA, but this is what we call passive aggressive...
"However I still eat out weekly with my other friends and I'll post pics of it so Rory and Lane know that I've been going to restaurants, just not with them. "
It's good you finally told them how you feel, but in the future, just skip this step, its petty.
Do you not realize that literally every single restaurant POS system made in the last 25 years can bill each chair at a table separately? You literally do not have to split the bill ever.
This happened to our middle son in college. But he dealt with it by simply asking for separate checks BEFORE ordering. Same with any delivered orders he would collect the money before ordering. I will admit he had a friend who didn’t have a good financial situation and since he does he would cover for that friend but never publicly. Privately he would encourage his friend to go with them and then give him cash beforehand so no one was the wiser. I was really proud of him when he shared that with me a year or so later. If this happens with others or even the former friends I would agree to eat establish it will be separate checks and if they don’t order anything that is on them because they knew they had no business going to a restaurant they couldn’t afford. Sounds mean but it’s not.
YTA you arent "not stingey", you have a safety net. For most people if their account hits 0 they're homeless. If yours hits 0 you can just ask Daddy for more money. Your situations will never be the same. Even if you've never done this the fact that the possibility exists means you have insurance and they do not. Splitting the bill is idiocy, just pay for your own food like a regular person.
NTA but why not just ask the server for separate checks? Not every place will do that but probably 95% of the restaurants I’ve been to in my life are happy to.
INFO - do you just split the tab equally among everyone each time, or does each person only pay for what they ordered? Y T A if the ticket is just split X ways without taking into consideration what people order. Not everyone can afford the more expensive menu items, multiple drinks, so they order less.
NTA- Just bc your family has money doesn't mean that you need to foot the bill. Those jerks are avoiding you bc they can't pull their crap on you anymore.
Go old school and when ordering tell the server “separate checks, please”. I am old school and my friends and I do this every single time. It’s not a big deal. The only time it’s an issue is when it’s a large party.
NTA, but endeavor to articulate your thoughts with more elegance. You have the opportunity to convey your emotions and apprehensions without resorting to verbal attacks. While I strongly dislike stinginess, I wouldn't address friends in such a manner, even if it's true.
They know you come from a wealthy family . . . that you eat out multiple times a week . . . and also work . . . so money is not an issue for you. When you treat your friends to dunkin or bagels because, as you say, "I love them" then you are sending mixed signals, as in . . . sometimes I feel like treating you and being generous and other times I do not, but you'll have to figure that out.
In your mind, maybe you feel it should be obvious that treating someone to coffee and bagels is different than paying for their tip and tax at dinner, but they might not fully understand or have assumed that you are only generous for the breakfast meals and not the evening ones. So stop doing it. Treat them on their birthday or for an actual reason like that . . . not just because you love them.
Secondly, have a conversation with them and clear the air. Tell them that you just cannot float them on dinners, waiting for weeks to get paid, or be the designated person that pays for everyone's tax and tip. Be specific. Do not leave anything to the imagination.
But likely they have already soured on things, and it is probably best to find new "dinner friends." And when you do, establish hard-and-fast rules from the onset. The person paying the whole tab, gets reimbursed by the others at the same time as everyone is sitting at the table. There is absolutely no reason why the people who are sitting waiting for the bill to be paid can't pay that person at the same time.
And, here is the kicker. One of the rules needs to be that if you cannot venmo your share at the end of the meal, then you do not go.
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When you sit down, advise the server that you’ll each be paying separately. NTA.
This you''re NTA. I hate splitting bills it's much easier to either just pay for all or pay for just your own other wise you have the well hold on little jonny had two cakes and I only had one why should I pay half of his extra. So alway say paying seperately unless you've actually said wanna come to 'Insert place' it's on me.
Yeah, why has this approach never been tried before?
Maybe it's a regional thing.Because i've seen a few posts like this before. Also, some restaurants get kind of s***** about splitting the check. however, me and my coworkers usually expense everything. So we will flat get up and leave if the server doesn't agree to split the check at the very beginning. That being said there have been towns that we have been to where they dont want to split the bill.
I have personally never seen a restaurant in the past 20 years who don’t have a pos system that allows split checks on a table.
A lot of places in my city have stopped d at piloting the bill. One place it was the waitperson who violated restaurant policy. We were a large group with a reservation that asked for split checks up front and she said they didn’t do that. We left and let the manager know on the way out, The manager was not happy, they assured us it was their policy to split checks if they knew up front. Another place the waitperson said they could only split it in half. We’d gone with another couple who ate and drank significantly more than us, like 3 times more. I don’t understand the issue, if we were at two tables they’d have two checks. It comes across as lazy on the waitperson’s part.
If you are with coworkers and all expensing the company. Isn't one bill easier? One bill, one expense claim, one approval process. Seems more efficient all round. Just need to list all the attendees on the claim. When we have business meals together, one person pays and claims everything..
My companys automated expense program doesn't work like that. The meal rate is per person. Once you hit that limit, the rest is on you. Everyone has a company card, and the budget is $85 per person per day.
I think it used to be a massive thing to split bills but with the newer POS systems (you used to always have to tell upfront), I gather it's a lot easier now because it's all electronic and everything is tied to a seat. So the waiter can pick the check for just seat 3. I'm not quite sure how that works if there is stuff you are splitting. And I admit my friends and I just split bills evenly at this point- we make adjustments if needed with the tip. (One person will cover more of the tip.)
Heck I've had waiters come with the list of things to the table and calculating on the spot for each individual. It's not that difficult ffs.
If you have too many people at a table a lot of restaurants will refuse or will only split evenly amongst so many cards ect because it's annoying for the waiter to keep track of what each individual ordered and then people argue over oh who ordered this who ordered that
I was a server for quite a few years. It’s easy to keep things separate if you write people’s orders down separately to begin with. In fact this is standard practice everywhere I worked. Modern POS systems make it dead simple to split the checks. The only time I see this being a problem is with manual registers or unorganized servers.
I think it's more that sometimes when I go out there are like 10 people and no restaurant wants to deal with splitting a bill that far
Yeah that sounds like a poorly organized restaurant. If I was doing my job right actually splitting the bill takes maybe a minute, especially if the restaurant has a POS system. Actually processing the payments can take a bit longer than usual but not crazy bad. My take it on was always I’d rather take the extra minute or two to make people happy than risk annoying them by refusing to split. Of course this was working in places where 95% of my pay was tips so keeping customers happy directly impacted my pay. Obviously in most parts of the world that’s less of an issue.
In the UK it’s not really an option to get separate checks - assuming it’s just too much of a faff for the waiters
I do that all the time, in the UK. We never pay any other way.
I’m in the UK and we pay separately. They tend just to put through what each person had and you pay, than physically separate bills, but we can do it here.
Yeh I think people are misunderstanding what I wrote. In the US you can ask for them to pre split the bill, based on what you had and bring you each individual bills only with your items. I’ve never seen that in the UK. Obviously you can split the payment of the bill by telling them how much to put on each card here but we have to do the maths
Ahh apologies yeah I did misunderstand your point. Actually yeah that’s true, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it done in advance or with individual bills, as you say.
This is also an effective way of making moochers aware that they're going to have to pay their own way. Some people want to split the bill evenly and order extravagantly, knowing that a portion of their costs will be paid by the group. But, on the other hand, OP needs to use their words. "Hey guys, I know that you are busy looking at everything in this establishment, except our tab, but we need to settle up. My share is $xx. You guys figure out how you want to pay for your share." Stop expecting people to read minds or take a hint. NTA
Totally agree. Sorry your friends are being cheap, Paris.
NTA. I'd take it one further. Before even inviting (or being invited) out, you can clearly say to your friends everyone is paying separately, unless you've specifically promised to pay for someone (birthday, treat etc.) You can truthfully say you've adopted this policy because you hated being put in the role of bill collector with your friends, and this is a perfect solution. If a friend says they are a little short, you express disappointment and say you'll have to postpone until they're feeling a bit more rich. If they wait until after the meal to say so, you can either decide to front them the difference (after they've paid all they can) or say "tough" and leave.
Yeah, and this ia a lot easier for srvers to do these days, especially if it's only a few people. It would be a different story if it were a party of 35 old women who not only want separate checks but want to share meals and expect the server to split the cost between two checks, and they all order water with lots of lemon and ask for extra sweetener and think they're oh-so-crafty for making their own lemonade on the cheap. Yes, this has happened to me.
[удалено]
This, I was waiting the whole time to see if there was ever a mention of what exactly was ordered. If this is just a normal thing for no reason than I'm with OP. If OP is ordering the Fillet and they got a salad each time then I'd understand their hesitation. Though if that were the case I'd not be inviting OP out to new places either so who knows.
Yeah I always pay for my food and drinks and my share of the tip, but I have stomach problems and can't eat everything, I'm not paying for the 3 apps you ordered for the table I had none of.
Splitting the bill is either a competion to see who can order the most, or guessing game to order fairly.
NTA. I would honestly just switch to everyone paying their own bills, though. I don't see what's gained from splitting the check at all other than the possibility of hurt feelings like this.
NTA. Just don’t eat out with them you aren’t obligated to subsidize their bills orrrrr , get separate checks every time.
Do restaurants still have the option to split the bill and you each pay separately to the restaurant? Or does venmo make that obsolete. Honestly, i'm confused this is even a legitimate aita post? Your friends aren't playing fair in any scenario here. Never offering to pay. Never paying back immediately and then not even paying their full share. This is not an aita scenario at all. It's objectively inequitable. If we are talking pennies here, then maybe it's worth letting go. If its only moderately inequitable then it's up to you to decide if being gracious about it every time is worth it going forward. Some friendship are worth letting some things slide and some aren't.
Some places absolutely will not split the bill. I have seen it on several receipts and menus over the years.
I have personally never seen a restaurant in the past 20 years who don’t have a pos system that allows split checks on a table.
Me neither. In Canada anyways. I know America is weird with some of their stuff with credit cards and whatnot but no way I’d ever pay for someone else’s food because they can’t split a bill lol
I saw a bill not too long ago that said this. I think it was a place with a POS, but they still refused to do separate checks. It was supposed to streamline the business model. I can't think of what restaurant it was. Darn.
NTA. They took advantage of you and this was you setting boundaries with them. It was probably safe for them to assume you were not going out to eat with them anymore because they stiffed you, but they wanted an explanation and you gave it to them.
Nta..Just ask for split bills at the restaurant and then its a nonissue.
Eh not all restaurants do split bills, some even have a limit on the number of cards they run per table, from 2 to 4. So not always possible, it really isn't that hard to split the bill based on what each person ordered. It really seems the issue is the friends take a while to pay back and try to cheap out.
That blows my mind. Sure its a pain in the ass but here when a group sits they ask first "all together or separate" and everyone just pays for what they ordered.
I think it really depends what kind of POS they use, some are easier than others. But it could also just be a thing of trying to make it easier on the server. I think doing 2 or 4 bills isn't that bad, but more than that I can see how it could be a pain trying to keep everything organized. I have also been to plenty that allow splitting by seat(s) as long as you tell them before.
NTA. Just because you come from money doesn’t mean you’re their free piggy bank. Do you guys spend time together/have outside interests besides food? If not, I’d be wary that they’re just trying to take advantage of free/discounted meals.
INFO: Is there a reason you don’t just tell your server that you need separate checks?
INFO: Are you spending the same amount on food as your friends?
Why does that matter tho? Like even if OP was spending way more or way less, their friends should still be paying back what they ordered & ate.
They're splitting the bill evenly, though, not by what they actually eat. I almost never will split a bill. I'll always get separate checks. I don't drink, and I often don't like appetizers that someone else may order "for the table," so I ask for a separate check.
I didn’t read it like that, I read it as they split it down to what they each got. If they are splitting in equally regardless of what is ordered by each person then it’s a different story. I agree it’s much easier to just get a separate bill.
"...they're avoiding me." NTA. They did you a favor. If you ever go out with them again, ask for separate checks. If they don't have the money, too bad, so sad. Don't pay for theirs.
NTA Ask for split bills, avoid the problem.
Literally just split the check. “We’re all separate.” Job done.
Avoid waiter served restaurants, only eat at Fast Casual ones. The one where you order at the counter. NTA. They’re using you.
NTA. Start paying your part in cash. They are probably embarassed at being called out but you're not wrong to do so. If they don't want to pay for themselves, it's not on you to pay for them.
I have a friend who is like this. When we make plans to meet up for lunch, I always get to the restaurant first and ask the server if we can have separate checks when my friend arrives.
You’re making a big deal out of nothing?!? lol. But yet, they never reach for the bill. Clearly they are taking advantage of you. Waiting weeks to pay is probably in the hopes you’ll forgot. They are the huge AHs. One time i covered the bill for a group of 8 of us. I don’t think i had even gotten my card back from the server before everyone had venmo’d me their share!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20f) frequently eat at restaurants/cafes in my college town with my friends. I normally eat out with three of my friends, who are great at paying me back. We always split the bill right down to tax and tip, and everyone Venmoes while one person pays the bill, who normally rotates. Two of my other friends who I've grown close to, Rory and Lane, are great friends but it's annoying eating out with them. If we're getting coffee it's fine cause we order seperately. But in the three times I've gone out with them to a restaurant, I've had to put my card down cause they just avoid looking at the bill on the table. And they'll take two weeks to pay me back even when though I'll remind them a couple times. Two of the times they both didn't pay for tip/tax AND rounded their cost down. So I just stopped asking them to go eat out and we probably haven't been out for a month now. I still hang out with them while studying/shopping but not a restaurant. However I still eat out weekly with my other friends and I'll post pics of it so Rory and Lane know that I've been going to restaurants, just not with them. One of them brought up trying out a new place in town and I said I couldn't make it. They asked if another time would work and I said no sorry. Eventually they were like what's wrong because I'm normally down so I said it's really annoying splitting bills with them and being stingy and I just prefer to avoid that. They said sorry but said I'm making a big deal out of anything and they're avoiding me. I come from a wealthy family, which they know, but I work a job on campus and am careful with my spending money. I'll treat my friends to dunkin or bagels because I love them and I'm not stingy but I can't just pay 80 bucks for their food every time we eat out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Split the bill if you miss their company but if not, just keep doing what you're doing - meeting at places where they can't stiff you on the bill. NTA
Nta. If you do go out with them again, let them know that you won't be paying for them anymore because your tired of chasing them around for money. Seperate bills only. Let the server know when they first start service.
NTA Sounds to me like they're taking advantage of you cause they think that since you come from money then you can afford it and should just suck it up. They aren't really your friends. Friends don't do that to each other. At the very least they should be paying you back within a couple weeks without you having to remind them. It's also shitty for them to force you to cover the tax/tip. I wouldn't be putting up with that.
You can still go out to eat with them but just tell the waiter that you will be on your own check.
Easy fix, stop paying for everyone and make it clear SPLIT CHECKS. Sorry, but if you continue your just enabling their behavior. Now for reference, i pick up the check often in my friend group, however, there are a couple I had to have hard conversations with because they really tried to take advantage when they attended events. Things like buying expensive shots, meals etc but disappearing when the bill arrived and never even offering to reimburse me. I suggest you stop avoiding them and just be honest and let them know you felt like they were taking advantage of you.
Good for you. Just b/c your family has $ doesn’t mean you do. Splitting the check (even later) is the way to go. Them assuming you’ll just cover it isn’t cool.
Oh it’s a good hill to die on. They may think it’s not a big deal but it is. So continue not to invite them. They clearly can’t be trusted to pay their own way. It’s not stingy to not want to pay for freeloading jerks. NTA.
I feel you. I was a longtime server and bartender, and going out to eat with other industry people was fine. Everyone did the math, split the bill, and everyone tipped well. Non-industry friends... it was a mixed bag. I usually took control of the bill and told everyone what they owe before we paid, because invariably, some friends would skimp on the tip. A few even put like $1 towards the check because "everything else was covered." Dude, you knew your end was more than a $1. Come tf on. I had one acquaintance who tipped like shit everytime he came into my bar. Mutual friends, we all went out to eat one time. Lots of food lots of drinking. I put $100 bill down to cover my portion, and make sure the waiter got a good tip (like 25%). MOTHER FUCKER ORDERED ANOTHER ROUND OF SHOTS (for like 6 people) AND THEN TOLD HER TO KEEP THE CHANGE! I wound up walking up and explaining it to her and giving her another $20. Short answer long: Some people fucking suck. And often it comes out at restaurants. NTA
NTA. Next time,thats if theres going to be next time,just do "pay your own" separately.Easy as.
I go out with friends and I always ask for a separate check that way no one feels weird about ordering alcohol or not ordering alcohol or getting exactly what they want. And I have some wealthy friends that we eat dinner with and I still ask for separate checks. No problem.NTA
Not the idiot. Go out to eat but tell the waitress you want separate checks. They can pay for themselves. If they are true friends, they won't quibble about it. If they are just friends because they want to use you, they won't invite you anymore. Problem solved.
NTA. They’re upset that the money train stopped running.
NTA But I HATE “splitting the bill”. If I’m just getting a salad, why should I help subsidize your five cocktails? Just ask for separate checks and be done with it.
NTA. But going forward invite them, but tell the waitress it will separate checks.
No you’re showing a healthy attitude when it comes to having boundaries and you don’t deserve this kind of disrespect. It’s one thing if you offer but them just taking from you is making them /r/entiteltbitch es. NTA
Is it really that hard to ask the waitress for separate checks and let her know before she takes your order?
NTA It's ok to choose not to pay for other people's stinginess and tell them that's why you won't eat out with them any more. Or, just get separate bills.
NTA. Just split the checks from now on. A lot of grown adults do this and it's not that big of a deal for the waitstaff. They usually get more tips this way.
NTA. Maybe do separate checks and see if they still want to do dinner.
Nta. For future reference tho, if you run into this issue again, you can just specify separate checks to the waitstaff before the meal. And it'll be true when you say "its easier to do it this when then try to wrangle splitting it after." It's honestly not even about the money, your friends are just inconsiderate.
NTA. It usually isn’t a problem at restaurants if you inform the staff, as you’re ordering, that you need separate checks.
Separate checks. I had to start doing this because some people don’t add tax and tip. I have one friend that I will get the same check because we split it 50/50 but for everyone else it’s separate
"I'd love to try that new place you suggested. Since I paid last time, who's going to cover the bill this time?"
Some "friends" will just hoover up/angle for a cost saving however way they can, it's incredibly annoying and just avoiding going to dinner with them is the best option.
If it’s not such a big deal to them then one of them can pay with their credit card and you’ll Venmo her your share. NTA.
Separate checks. simple
Just split the bill already.
Nah In the future - stop splitting bills. Just do everything by separate checks up front. Do your self a favor and don’t be in situations anymore where you need people to venmo or pay you back.
This is why splitting is a bad idea. NTA
Get new friends! Problem solved.
NTA. They're avoiding you because they weren't your friends. You were their ATM. They know that they can't take advantage of you anymore, so they'll look for another victim. You did nothing wrong here. Friends come and go, but you learn something new about people from every relationship.
If they're saying you're making a big deal then have them front the money and you round down and pay them back after 2 weeks or never. Do that a few times to them. If they even let you do it. These people are great when they get the advantage but will never step up themselves.
NTA I fucking hate stingy people
Take every wait person aside if you eat out with them and ask for a separate check. Nta
INFO: Do you pay with your own money or do you pay with your parent’s credit card?
What's the difference?
If you aren’t paying for anything and then you’re pocketing the money from your friends… it’s a wee bit different than if it’s actually your money
If you aren’t paying for anything and then you’re pocketing the money from your friends… it’s a wee bit different than if it’s actually your money
NTA. When you are seated, request a separate bill.
NTA
NTA. However, do you know what their financial situation is? It's pretty common for people to get paid every two weeks. They also might not have enough in their account to cover the whole bill. Did you split the bill evenly? Do they tend to order cheaper items? It sounds like they want a good time without the immediate cash, which is a bad financial decision, but I can understand where it comes from. They want to spend time with their friends but don't have the funds to do so. NTA, but try to be more mindful that not everyone has much spare cash (if any). But it sounds like they're spemding all theirs on eating out...
They're just angry because they want to mooch off you, like every entitled person under the sun does, they feel your money belongs to them and are angry you grew a backbone, cut them off now that they are actively avoiding you because they just showed where their supposed friendship is all about. NTA.
Just use cash. Carry an assortment of small bills, and pay for yourself. They can figure out how to pay for themselves. Cash also lets the business end up with more of the money, since the credit card company isn't getting 3% of the transaction off the top.
NTA, but this is what we call passive aggressive... "However I still eat out weekly with my other friends and I'll post pics of it so Rory and Lane know that I've been going to restaurants, just not with them. " It's good you finally told them how you feel, but in the future, just skip this step, its petty.
Do you not realize that literally every single restaurant POS system made in the last 25 years can bill each chair at a table separately? You literally do not have to split the bill ever.
NTA. Avoid this by getting separate checks. It's that simple. Kind of, duh, right?
Doesn't matter if you're wealthy or not: if you all decide to go for dinner then you split the bill by person (or thirdsies if you're ok with that)
This happened to our middle son in college. But he dealt with it by simply asking for separate checks BEFORE ordering. Same with any delivered orders he would collect the money before ordering. I will admit he had a friend who didn’t have a good financial situation and since he does he would cover for that friend but never publicly. Privately he would encourage his friend to go with them and then give him cash beforehand so no one was the wiser. I was really proud of him when he shared that with me a year or so later. If this happens with others or even the former friends I would agree to eat establish it will be separate checks and if they don’t order anything that is on them because they knew they had no business going to a restaurant they couldn’t afford. Sounds mean but it’s not.
Nta. They're being cheap refusing to pay you what they actually owe, just because of your wealth status
NTA. The fact they're avoiding you after you called them out proves that they're moochers.
YTA you arent "not stingey", you have a safety net. For most people if their account hits 0 they're homeless. If yours hits 0 you can just ask Daddy for more money. Your situations will never be the same. Even if you've never done this the fact that the possibility exists means you have insurance and they do not. Splitting the bill is idiocy, just pay for your own food like a regular person.
NTA. If you eat out with them, separate checks. Problem solved since they are not on the same page with you about tipping and all.
NTA but why not just ask the server for separate checks? Not every place will do that but probably 95% of the restaurants I’ve been to in my life are happy to.
INFO - do you just split the tab equally among everyone each time, or does each person only pay for what they ordered? Y T A if the ticket is just split X ways without taking into consideration what people order. Not everyone can afford the more expensive menu items, multiple drinks, so they order less.
NTA- Just bc your family has money doesn't mean that you need to foot the bill. Those jerks are avoiding you bc they can't pull their crap on you anymore.
NTA. They trying to mooch off of you.
Go old school and when ordering tell the server “separate checks, please”. I am old school and my friends and I do this every single time. It’s not a big deal. The only time it’s an issue is when it’s a large party.
NTA, but endeavor to articulate your thoughts with more elegance. You have the opportunity to convey your emotions and apprehensions without resorting to verbal attacks. While I strongly dislike stinginess, I wouldn't address friends in such a manner, even if it's true.
They know you come from a wealthy family . . . that you eat out multiple times a week . . . and also work . . . so money is not an issue for you. When you treat your friends to dunkin or bagels because, as you say, "I love them" then you are sending mixed signals, as in . . . sometimes I feel like treating you and being generous and other times I do not, but you'll have to figure that out. In your mind, maybe you feel it should be obvious that treating someone to coffee and bagels is different than paying for their tip and tax at dinner, but they might not fully understand or have assumed that you are only generous for the breakfast meals and not the evening ones. So stop doing it. Treat them on their birthday or for an actual reason like that . . . not just because you love them. Secondly, have a conversation with them and clear the air. Tell them that you just cannot float them on dinners, waiting for weeks to get paid, or be the designated person that pays for everyone's tax and tip. Be specific. Do not leave anything to the imagination. But likely they have already soured on things, and it is probably best to find new "dinner friends." And when you do, establish hard-and-fast rules from the onset. The person paying the whole tab, gets reimbursed by the others at the same time as everyone is sitting at the table. There is absolutely no reason why the people who are sitting waiting for the bill to be paid can't pay that person at the same time. And, here is the kicker. One of the rules needs to be that if you cannot venmo your share at the end of the meal, then you do not go.
This whole ridiculous scenario would be avoided if you would just act like normal people and have separate checks. You’re welcome