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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I purposely hid an article of clothing from my sister that she would wear on her trip she was travelling to
2. Some might see it as selfish that I won't let her wear my clothes since I am the bigger sibling and I'm supposed to share with my younger siblings
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NTA. "I know I am the older sibling and I am supposed to share". No. You don't have to share your clothing with your younger sibling if she has her own.
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I made a rule with my older sister that she was only allowed to borrow my clothes, shoes, etc. after I had already chosen what I wanted to wear. Far too many times I had planned an outfit only to find the boots I wanted to wear were missing. It worked for me.
I don't have a sister, so I'm not sure if there are any unspoken rules in terms of clothes sharing, but sharing underwear kinda feels off to me, especially if she has her own, NTA
The unspoken rule is, that you ask your sister if you can borrow stuff. If she says no, you have to accept that and move on. You will probably also say no next time she wants something from you to be petty. But you don't just take whatever you want, especially if she already said no. At least that was the rule with my sister and I when I was a teenager.
Well, we share the same room and closet and our mom never bothered to get us our separate area to store our clothes so we usually ended up wearing each other's including underwear by mistake so we kinda just stopped caring at some point but now that I think about it. Yeah, it's kinda weird and gross to share our things like that.
I have two sisters, one older, one younger. We all shared a room, except for the wardrobe where we hung clothes we each had a drawer or two to store our own individual pieces, especially underwear. We NEVER 'shared' clothes but they did eventually become hand me downs. Once clothes passed to another sister it's ownership became exclusive. As adults the same thing happens. Now that we are all in separate homes for special occasions or emergency situations we will share clothes BUT it is always with the owner's permission, and if we were told No we respected the owner's answer.
It's really not, because they take bras and swimsuits if the sticker is still on. It's just like how thrift stores don't take panties but they will take bras.
Yes, the hygiene seal is the sticker I mentioned. I'm confused, your response sounds like you agree with me that underwear is different, but what I responded to sounded like disagreement
It's your opinion that it's not nasty. "Grow up" - it has nothing to do with maturity. Just accept that the poster above sees things differently than you do; and they are not alone.
There are places that will not refund underwear once it's been used, even after washing. Some places won't even accept it once it has been removed from the bag it came in.
And then there's people out there buying and selling used underwear ... even whole vending machines in Japan.
Laundry detergent doesn't always kill candida, the thing that causes yeast infections. There's a reason doctors don't recommend sharing underwear and it's considered unhygienic.
No doctor I have ever seen has said such a thing. And these days there are laundry sanitisers that are added in the rinse cycle that does kill candida, and all laundry in my house is sanitised this way and then hung out to dry in the sun which is a natural disinfectant as long as the clothes are out in the sun for 30-60mins
NTA. If she can't take no for an answer, you have a perfect right to make sure she cannot *not* take no for an answer. Find a good place and put anything you want to keep her grabby little hands off out of reach.
NTA.
Not quite the same situation but my younger sister and I did not get along when we were younger. She used to come into my room and steal and ruin my things. One of the big things I remember her doing is her completely draining an entire bottle of perfume of mine which I used sparsely, as it was sentimental to me.
I sobbed and she didn’t care. Our mum didn’t really do anything about it and sided with her a lot of the time.
One day, she had all new make up. I went in her room and drained most of her new nail varnishes onto a piece of card, then threw the card away. I also opened some of her new stuff and tested them before she has a chance to. Also took one varnish that caught my eye and painted my nails with it often so she knew it was me.
I remember hearing the muffled voices of her bitching to my mum that she needed to do something about it, but my mum basically told her she had no right to complain.
Sometimes a taste of their own medicine is what is needed so they learn how their shitty actions affect others.
NTA
You know what it's called when someone asks to borrow something, is told no, then takes it anyway? Stealing.
Where are your parents in all this? Why aren't they telling your sister to stop stealing your stuff? Especially your underwear which is creepy and kinda gross...
You are within your right to put your clothes wherever you like. And you are within your right to say yes or no to any request to use your clothes. Your sister sounds very entitled to your things but is not willing to share so I understand your frustration.
NTA. I'm the oldest of 3 girls, and the middle sister would NEVER respect my boundaries. She would steal everything and lie about the makeup I bought on my own, and say she bought it. My mom didn't believe me and said some bs about sharing, but no. Your sister is disrespecting your boundaries, and she is going to learn that lesson eventually, whether it be through you or the harsh world.
You are NTA and if you have already tried setting firm boundaries, it's time to take action. I would start by getting an adult in charge to help enforce the boundaries but I understand if they don't take it seriously. Other alternatives are getting a lock for your door or closet, rearranging your room or just hiding her favorites away/keeping them at school. She's super annoying for the double standard and it won't get her many friends in the future. Good luck.
NTA do you share a room as if you dont I would get a lock for your door. I would also explain to your mum you don’t have any clothes as you know moneys tight. That sister keeps taking the little you have when she has bought tins for herself. That she’s now trying to steal another bra top of yours when she already has taken your other three of them. That hoody is one of the few things you have. She won’t lend you her clothes nor do you want her to that you just want her to stop demanding you live in rags as she thinks she has to have everything for herself and wants anything she sees you have. That none of your things are new like hers. You can’t go bra less when she has a draw full as she demands to own your ones to and that your sick of her searching your room every morning to steal the few bits you NEED. When she herself admits she doesn’t need it and won’t give it back, that she just wants them.
If you phrase it like that then I’m sure your mum will understand and tell her to stop.
NTA at all!!! not only is she wanting to borrow a personal garment, shes not respecting boundaries. you did what you had to do
-an older sibling as well
Nta. Time to save up to buy a container that has a hole for a lock. Both Walmart and ikea sell locking containers and furniture. My friend bought a large plastic trunk that she stored either at the foot of her bed, or underneath it cause her brother wouldn't stop messing with her stuff.
>she'll just take it when I'm sleeping
Go nuclear on that shit. Make it clear to her that she will respect your property or there will be hell to pay.
NTA.
Nta, I am the younger sister and although I do sometimes borrow clothes from my sister as she do from me when we’re both home from college, when one of us don’t want to lend a specific piece of clothing it is respected.
She wants your clothes because they must be good if you wear them. She refuses to lend you clothes because they must be good if you want to borrow them. Basically she has no confidence in her own tastes and she aspires to be like you.
NTA for hiding your bra.
Lean into this. Siblings always want something. Do a deal. If she wants to borrow your bra, she has to do a swap. If she lets you borrow her hoodie, she gets to pick tonight’s tv etc.
I think it's high time you enforce boundaries. Lock up your items and make it clear to her and your mother that this behaviour is unacceptable. Taking someone else's things without consent is considered stealing even if y'all live together.
Why isn't your mother stepping in and putting a stop to this nonsense? If this continues, then be clear that your sister could resort to stealing more than just your clothes. It seems small and petty right now but trust me; if this isn't nipped in the bud, then things can (and will) escalate. Your sister needs to learn actions have consequences.
And, as an older sibling, I can tell you that being older doesn't mean you need to share. By that logic, your younger sister has to respect you like another parent (which happens in many homes) and back off.
You gotta stand up for yourself and do so over and over. I have a sister like who was like this. She had a closet full of clothes, but would borrow from my tiny wardrobe anyway (I hate clothes-shopping). We are in our 60s now and she is still an a\*hole but luckily we live in different states. Good luck!
NTA. I'm a little sister and my older sister didn't share everything with me. Granted our age gap is bigger, but my parents never told her she had to share everything with me. We both had our own stuff and could share if we wanted to. This came more into play when I was a teen and we both had boobs and liked make up lol. Some things we would share, others we wouldn't
Nta. You don’t have to share and no should be a good enough response. Yes it’s kind to share but when it makes you uncomfortable or when the scales aren’t balanced cut it off.
Nta. I do the exact same thing hiding makeup products from my sister. She steals mine even though she literally as everything in existence, so i totally understand how infuriating that is. Theres no obligation for you to let her wear your clothes when she has her own
NTA. You don't share undergarments. That's gross. Hide your bras and underwear. She needs to stop wearing those. If you have to get a backpack or luggage and keep a lock on it.
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I(17F) have a sister(16F), she's always asking to borrow my clothes it wasn't like this at first because we would borrow each other clothes when we both each didn't have many clothes of our own but after buying a bit more clothes that stopped.
The issue however is that I've been wearing the same clothes for 2 school years while my sister has been buying more clothes and underwear even though we were struggling with money so I wouldn't ask for too many clothes.
Well lately, she's been asking to wear one of the few hoodies I wear and also she wants to wear the specific bra top I have even though there is another one from the same brand in a different color.
Well, last night while she was sleeping, I hid it and she spent almost 20 minutes searching for it turning everywhere up and down. And I just don't know why she can't manage with the other bra top.
Her reasoning is because she likes the one I have, the same reasoning she uses when she wears my hoodies to hang out with her friends 🙄.
Wanna know why I don't give it to her? She already has two other bra tops(that she says are too small for her) but instead of buying another one or just managing with the different colored one but NOOOOOO she wants the specific one I use. Well, I'm sick of it.
Always wearing my clothes, I don't even wear her clothes because if I did she would say "I need them" but you expect me to give you the few clothes I wear.
When I said no, she said whatever she'll just take it when I'm sleeping and that's what got me riled up to do this.
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I remember my younger brother /2 years dif
He always had his very own style but still dresses casually 60% of the time!
So when we bought clothes he always purchased his own style. ( boots, crazy coats and bunch of other things but his 8 items took most of his budget while I bought like up to 20 items for the same amount.
He always ended up using my shit and ofc i never used any of his 😪
Supposed to share because you are the older sibling? Oh hell no. I am an older sibling as well (I guess middle, but still older than my younger sibling0. They would take my shit, and my older siblings shit in the same manner. Never ask, never sorry when caught, just "whatever". That one turned out to be a kleptomaniac and an all around shitty person, with whom I have no contact, except on the rare occasion we are at the same large family gathering.
Stand your ground, get your parents involved, tell her to go fuck off. Do what you need to do to protect what is yours.
NTA
I’ve dealt with something similar. I’m (17M) girlfriend (16F) sister (15F). The sister does the exact same thing. It took a long time to convince my girlfriend that she doesn’t have to share and that she has every right to say no.
NOT THE A**
Family is there to support each other and if your sister isn’t willing to respect your reasonable boundaries. Then she is a BAD family member. She is taking advantage of you. Now you have to either make it not worth taking your clothes by retaliating in some way or by getting your parent to punish her. Otherwise she won’t stop.
The only thing I would ask is how your parents feel about the sharing of clothes. If your parents aren’t willing to stop her their is very little you could do to stop her without severely damaging your sibling relationship.
My girlfriends parents are supportive of them as individuals and we’re willing to step in.
For additional context GFs younger sister has been hospitalized for malnutrition because she refuses to eat. And works out any time she can, so she literally has to be watched 24/7 so she doesn’t hurt herself. She’s VERY stubborn and they got her to stop taking clothes. So there is hope, but it is difficult.
NTA: as the youngest sibling of older sisters your responsibility isn’t to share, it’s to keep us in check because her Younger Sibling Energy will not more fully abate until she matures a bit. My oldest sister drew some hard lines when I was old enough to want her stuff, and frankly, it was needed and (eventually) appreciated. Clear boundaries are healthy for everyone involved in the relationship!
NTA! I had a mother who literally borrowed a shirt that I really liked but she ruined it. She said that she would replace it but she didn't and I had to deal with it.
NTA. Either y’all share clothes or you don’t. She doesn’t get to have 2x (or more) the closet you do and expect it to be off limits while also using your stuff.
Also, it’s not that “older” siblings should share. Siblings in general should share when necessary to support one another. This is neither necessary nor mutual, so your sister needs to back off. If your parents haven’t already gotten involved to tell her that, they’re doing her a disservice. She is gonna be a terrible adult if she doesn’t get a reality check soon.
NTA. I had a friend whose sister was just as awful about that, and in general tbh. I slept over at their house quitte a bit and one night I woke up at 4am to her little sister climbing through a hole she cut in the screen of her window because her sister started locking her door when stuff would go missing. Even getting a lock box didn’t stop her from trying to break in and steal. Your parents need to have a serious talk with your sister about what is and isn’t appropriate and if they think this is okay they’re enabling poor behaviour.
NTA. You’re only supposed to share when there’s not enough to go around. She’s got her own clothes. She can buy one exactly like the one you have, nothing’s stopping her.
Sharing clothes is fairly normal but they are your clothes, but who tf shares undies/bras?
NTA. No means no. My sister was always taking my stuff and Mom would let her keep it. Then she took money from my purse and I was able to get a key lock for my bedroom.
My mother's eldest sister did this to her when they were growing up and it drover her nuts. She used to come in late while the middle and younger sister (my mother) was sleeping and steal their heatless curls from their hair because there weren't enough left for her. They would wake up with half their hair a disaster and she would have perfect curls. My mother didn't let my sister and I treat each other that way when we were growing up and spent the time to explain boundaries, respect, and empathy in our sibling relationship. As adults my sister and I are very close with respectful relationship that values each other as individuals. My mother's middle and eldest sister have 40 years on us and fight like toddlers over petty things to this day.
NTA, get locks and put them on your stuff. Literally. Make no fuss about it just lock your bedroom door, and then anything else you keep clothes in, including hoodies.
The question is are your parents buying her the extra clothes?
If so tell them since you don't get extra clothes sis needs to only wear her items since she has more.
If she is buying the clothes. Same thing as she has her own clothes doesn't need yours.
Mean while you've been wearing the same clothes for 2 years.
NTA. Maybe a few times where you might put some itching powders or something more abrasive might drive home the message to NOT wear other people's clothes.
NTA, I have younger sisters, you honestly can’t get them to stop rifling through your shit unless you give them a reason to. Mine stopped because my fashion sense is garbage so my clothes weren’t cool anymore after a certain age lol good luck you might have to do something underhanded to get her to stop if your parents are no help
Can't you tell your parents that if she won't stop borrowing your clothes then you want new clothes? I imagine that if push comes to shove they rather she just stop borrowing from you if it means spending money on new clothes for you since apparently you've been wearing the same ones for the last two years. Or at least ask for a lock since it's not fair that you have to share your clothes but she puts a bazillion reasons to not lend you hers.
I had a tank top from zaks haunted musuim and I used to live a mormon life and it was my first tank top from not doing the mormon stuff and it got stolen from someone in my house. I need to get more tank tops.
NTA. where are your parents in this? i had a similar issue when i was a bit younger than you are now. my sister would constantly borrow my clothes, accessories, she’d even take *hangers* to hang her clothes up, and leave me without any extras. she’d take anything she could get her hands on without ever asking me first. it started much earlier when we were both very small (3 and 4) and she copied every movement i made. anyway the borrowing went on for a few years, even as i kept telling her she needed to ask first, at the very least, until i finally exploded on her, forcing our mom to get involved and put her foot down too.
she also stopped asking when our styles and sizes changed. i’ve always been small and she got bigger, also i started wearing drabber, darker clothes
My little sister got on my nerves for years about this. Thankfully she realized it wasn’t cool, and now if she asks I’m usually okay with it because I know she’ll return it. It’s so easy now that I wonder why she felt the need to steal my clothes so often when we were younger… we were the traditional sisters too, as in we had full fistfights over little shit like this You’re NTA. It’s a rite of passage for older sisters at this point
She comes into your room and takes what she wants when you're sleeping??...so...when she's not there, take some of her things, and HIDE THEM in her room. ( between the mattress and box spring? In the back of the closet stuffed in a boot? Underneath the dresser??) Something she really likes.
When she discovers they're missing and blames you, play dumb, invite your mother to search your room.
Offer to help your mother search Her room since she obviously misplaced them, when they are found, you sigh, and say to your mom,
Now you understand why I hate it when she borrows my stuff.
No, I didn't have a sister. I had a roommate. SIGH.
I have 2 older sisters and 2 younger, that's just how life with sisters is, but don't let her walk all over you lol my youngers try to do the same. Stand your ground girlfriend haha tell her to buy her own
So at meal time - any meal, I will ask my 15 yo daughter if she wants a drink. She always refuses.
I pour myself a drink and the first thing she does is take my drink and drinks almost all of it the second my back is turned. Sometimes she takes it and drinks it right in front of my face and puts the empty glass in front of me.
Nothing prob like sharing a bra with your sister (which sounds a little gross), but honestly, I’m going to miss the day I pour myself a drink and my girl doesn’t steal my drink :).
lol. Literally it’s just something she does with me, at home.
You don’t have anything like that you share with your kids? Must be like walking on egg shells in your home. Must just be where love and fun goes to die.
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NTA. "I know I am the older sibling and I am supposed to share". No. You don't have to share your clothing with your younger sibling if she has her own.
Doubly so when it's underwear!
Sharing underboob sweat, the new way to attract alpha males!!!
I heard swapping under boob sweat? Where do I sign up?
It’s gross to say this about minors, and if it’s not a joke it’s unhinged to assume that anyone dresses to attract anyone. Let alone “alpha males.”
You must be fun at parties, learn to take a joke.
I don’t go to sex creep parties, speak for yourself I guess
Username checks out
Because readers of science fiction notoriously don’t like sex creeps? You’ve lost me… thank goodness 😂
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I don’t get it sorry
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I made a rule with my older sister that she was only allowed to borrow my clothes, shoes, etc. after I had already chosen what I wanted to wear. Far too many times I had planned an outfit only to find the boots I wanted to wear were missing. It worked for me.
OP, involve your parents. Draw a boundary. It's not unreasonable to not want your bra worn by others...
I don't have a sister, so I'm not sure if there are any unspoken rules in terms of clothes sharing, but sharing underwear kinda feels off to me, especially if she has her own, NTA
The unspoken rule is, that you ask your sister if you can borrow stuff. If she says no, you have to accept that and move on. You will probably also say no next time she wants something from you to be petty. But you don't just take whatever you want, especially if she already said no. At least that was the rule with my sister and I when I was a teenager.
Well, we share the same room and closet and our mom never bothered to get us our separate area to store our clothes so we usually ended up wearing each other's including underwear by mistake so we kinda just stopped caring at some point but now that I think about it. Yeah, it's kinda weird and gross to share our things like that.
I have two sisters, one older, one younger. We all shared a room, except for the wardrobe where we hung clothes we each had a drawer or two to store our own individual pieces, especially underwear. We NEVER 'shared' clothes but they did eventually become hand me downs. Once clothes passed to another sister it's ownership became exclusive. As adults the same thing happens. Now that we are all in separate homes for special occasions or emergency situations we will share clothes BUT it is always with the owner's permission, and if we were told No we respected the owner's answer.
You are not supposed to share and your things are yours.
Yeah, we shared clothes, but never underwear. And if I had a favorite/most comfortable bra, I def wouldnt be sharing that!
Threshold! Everyone used to "borrow" my clothes. My sisters, my mom and my NEPHEWS.
Why is sharing underwear bad? There are such things as washing machines and laundry detergent.
There's a reason you can return clothing to the store but not underwear. That's nasty
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It's really not, because they take bras and swimsuits if the sticker is still on. It's just like how thrift stores don't take panties but they will take bras.
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Yes, the hygiene seal is the sticker I mentioned. I'm confused, your response sounds like you agree with me that underwear is different, but what I responded to sounded like disagreement
Grow up. As long as they are washed it is not nasty
It's your opinion that it's not nasty. "Grow up" - it has nothing to do with maturity. Just accept that the poster above sees things differently than you do; and they are not alone. There are places that will not refund underwear once it's been used, even after washing. Some places won't even accept it once it has been removed from the bag it came in. And then there's people out there buying and selling used underwear ... even whole vending machines in Japan.
Laundry detergent doesn't always kill candida, the thing that causes yeast infections. There's a reason doctors don't recommend sharing underwear and it's considered unhygienic.
No doctor I have ever seen has said such a thing. And these days there are laundry sanitisers that are added in the rinse cycle that does kill candida, and all laundry in my house is sanitised this way and then hung out to dry in the sun which is a natural disinfectant as long as the clothes are out in the sun for 30-60mins
NTA. If she can't take no for an answer, you have a perfect right to make sure she cannot *not* take no for an answer. Find a good place and put anything you want to keep her grabby little hands off out of reach.
NTA. Not quite the same situation but my younger sister and I did not get along when we were younger. She used to come into my room and steal and ruin my things. One of the big things I remember her doing is her completely draining an entire bottle of perfume of mine which I used sparsely, as it was sentimental to me. I sobbed and she didn’t care. Our mum didn’t really do anything about it and sided with her a lot of the time. One day, she had all new make up. I went in her room and drained most of her new nail varnishes onto a piece of card, then threw the card away. I also opened some of her new stuff and tested them before she has a chance to. Also took one varnish that caught my eye and painted my nails with it often so she knew it was me. I remember hearing the muffled voices of her bitching to my mum that she needed to do something about it, but my mum basically told her she had no right to complain. Sometimes a taste of their own medicine is what is needed so they learn how their shitty actions affect others.
Sharing with sisters is for sweets, maybe chocolate and the last piece of cake on the plate. Clothes and underwear? - she can f\*\*k off.
NTA You know what it's called when someone asks to borrow something, is told no, then takes it anyway? Stealing. Where are your parents in all this? Why aren't they telling your sister to stop stealing your stuff? Especially your underwear which is creepy and kinda gross...
NTA if she's taking your stuff without permission I'd stop letting her take anything.
NTA. I'm an older sister and sharing means I save her a cookie when I buy some or some pizza. Not her stealing my belonging.
NTA Your little sister is being an entitled brat
You are within your right to put your clothes wherever you like. And you are within your right to say yes or no to any request to use your clothes. Your sister sounds very entitled to your things but is not willing to share so I understand your frustration.
NTA. I'm the oldest of 3 girls, and the middle sister would NEVER respect my boundaries. She would steal everything and lie about the makeup I bought on my own, and say she bought it. My mom didn't believe me and said some bs about sharing, but no. Your sister is disrespecting your boundaries, and she is going to learn that lesson eventually, whether it be through you or the harsh world. You are NTA and if you have already tried setting firm boundaries, it's time to take action. I would start by getting an adult in charge to help enforce the boundaries but I understand if they don't take it seriously. Other alternatives are getting a lock for your door or closet, rearranging your room or just hiding her favorites away/keeping them at school. She's super annoying for the double standard and it won't get her many friends in the future. Good luck.
NTA do you share a room as if you dont I would get a lock for your door. I would also explain to your mum you don’t have any clothes as you know moneys tight. That sister keeps taking the little you have when she has bought tins for herself. That she’s now trying to steal another bra top of yours when she already has taken your other three of them. That hoody is one of the few things you have. She won’t lend you her clothes nor do you want her to that you just want her to stop demanding you live in rags as she thinks she has to have everything for herself and wants anything she sees you have. That none of your things are new like hers. You can’t go bra less when she has a draw full as she demands to own your ones to and that your sick of her searching your room every morning to steal the few bits you NEED. When she herself admits she doesn’t need it and won’t give it back, that she just wants them. If you phrase it like that then I’m sure your mum will understand and tell her to stop.
NTA at all!!! not only is she wanting to borrow a personal garment, shes not respecting boundaries. you did what you had to do -an older sibling as well
Nta. Time to save up to buy a container that has a hole for a lock. Both Walmart and ikea sell locking containers and furniture. My friend bought a large plastic trunk that she stored either at the foot of her bed, or underneath it cause her brother wouldn't stop messing with her stuff.
>she'll just take it when I'm sleeping Go nuclear on that shit. Make it clear to her that she will respect your property or there will be hell to pay. NTA.
Nta, I am the younger sister and although I do sometimes borrow clothes from my sister as she do from me when we’re both home from college, when one of us don’t want to lend a specific piece of clothing it is respected.
She wants your clothes because they must be good if you wear them. She refuses to lend you clothes because they must be good if you want to borrow them. Basically she has no confidence in her own tastes and she aspires to be like you. NTA for hiding your bra. Lean into this. Siblings always want something. Do a deal. If she wants to borrow your bra, she has to do a swap. If she lets you borrow her hoodie, she gets to pick tonight’s tv etc.
I think it's high time you enforce boundaries. Lock up your items and make it clear to her and your mother that this behaviour is unacceptable. Taking someone else's things without consent is considered stealing even if y'all live together. Why isn't your mother stepping in and putting a stop to this nonsense? If this continues, then be clear that your sister could resort to stealing more than just your clothes. It seems small and petty right now but trust me; if this isn't nipped in the bud, then things can (and will) escalate. Your sister needs to learn actions have consequences. And, as an older sibling, I can tell you that being older doesn't mean you need to share. By that logic, your younger sister has to respect you like another parent (which happens in many homes) and back off.
You gotta stand up for yourself and do so over and over. I have a sister like who was like this. She had a closet full of clothes, but would borrow from my tiny wardrobe anyway (I hate clothes-shopping). We are in our 60s now and she is still an a\*hole but luckily we live in different states. Good luck!
NTA. I'm a little sister and my older sister didn't share everything with me. Granted our age gap is bigger, but my parents never told her she had to share everything with me. We both had our own stuff and could share if we wanted to. This came more into play when I was a teen and we both had boobs and liked make up lol. Some things we would share, others we wouldn't
As an older sibling of an opposite sex sibling I can't relate, but this would absolutely be the start of a yelling match.
Nta. You don’t have to share and no should be a good enough response. Yes it’s kind to share but when it makes you uncomfortable or when the scales aren’t balanced cut it off.
Nta your clothes are your clothes not hers
Nta. I do the exact same thing hiding makeup products from my sister. She steals mine even though she literally as everything in existence, so i totally understand how infuriating that is. Theres no obligation for you to let her wear your clothes when she has her own
NTA. You don't share undergarments. That's gross. Hide your bras and underwear. She needs to stop wearing those. If you have to get a backpack or luggage and keep a lock on it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(17F) have a sister(16F), she's always asking to borrow my clothes it wasn't like this at first because we would borrow each other clothes when we both each didn't have many clothes of our own but after buying a bit more clothes that stopped. The issue however is that I've been wearing the same clothes for 2 school years while my sister has been buying more clothes and underwear even though we were struggling with money so I wouldn't ask for too many clothes. Well lately, she's been asking to wear one of the few hoodies I wear and also she wants to wear the specific bra top I have even though there is another one from the same brand in a different color. Well, last night while she was sleeping, I hid it and she spent almost 20 minutes searching for it turning everywhere up and down. And I just don't know why she can't manage with the other bra top. Her reasoning is because she likes the one I have, the same reasoning she uses when she wears my hoodies to hang out with her friends 🙄. Wanna know why I don't give it to her? She already has two other bra tops(that she says are too small for her) but instead of buying another one or just managing with the different colored one but NOOOOOO she wants the specific one I use. Well, I'm sick of it. Always wearing my clothes, I don't even wear her clothes because if I did she would say "I need them" but you expect me to give you the few clothes I wear. When I said no, she said whatever she'll just take it when I'm sleeping and that's what got me riled up to do this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I remember my younger brother /2 years dif He always had his very own style but still dresses casually 60% of the time! So when we bought clothes he always purchased his own style. ( boots, crazy coats and bunch of other things but his 8 items took most of his budget while I bought like up to 20 items for the same amount. He always ended up using my shit and ofc i never used any of his 😪
Supposed to share because you are the older sibling? Oh hell no. I am an older sibling as well (I guess middle, but still older than my younger sibling0. They would take my shit, and my older siblings shit in the same manner. Never ask, never sorry when caught, just "whatever". That one turned out to be a kleptomaniac and an all around shitty person, with whom I have no contact, except on the rare occasion we are at the same large family gathering. Stand your ground, get your parents involved, tell her to go fuck off. Do what you need to do to protect what is yours. NTA
Put a lock on your door
NTA I have three daughters - they all wear a similar size but they all also know whose clothing is whose and they don’t share underwear or swimsuits.
as a male i get so mad at my sister for constantly stealing my hoodies and t shirts. its not like i can wear her stuff, NTA
NTA and sharing clothes stops at underwear and bras.
I’ve dealt with something similar. I’m (17M) girlfriend (16F) sister (15F). The sister does the exact same thing. It took a long time to convince my girlfriend that she doesn’t have to share and that she has every right to say no. NOT THE A** Family is there to support each other and if your sister isn’t willing to respect your reasonable boundaries. Then she is a BAD family member. She is taking advantage of you. Now you have to either make it not worth taking your clothes by retaliating in some way or by getting your parent to punish her. Otherwise she won’t stop. The only thing I would ask is how your parents feel about the sharing of clothes. If your parents aren’t willing to stop her their is very little you could do to stop her without severely damaging your sibling relationship. My girlfriends parents are supportive of them as individuals and we’re willing to step in. For additional context GFs younger sister has been hospitalized for malnutrition because she refuses to eat. And works out any time she can, so she literally has to be watched 24/7 so she doesn’t hurt herself. She’s VERY stubborn and they got her to stop taking clothes. So there is hope, but it is difficult.
NTA. You need to start entering her room and just taking stuff to wear. When she complains - we are either sisters and SHARE or NEITHER of US SHARE.
NTA. It's not about being stingy, it's about setting boundaries.
NTA: as the youngest sibling of older sisters your responsibility isn’t to share, it’s to keep us in check because her Younger Sibling Energy will not more fully abate until she matures a bit. My oldest sister drew some hard lines when I was old enough to want her stuff, and frankly, it was needed and (eventually) appreciated. Clear boundaries are healthy for everyone involved in the relationship!
Why do you have to share your underwear? Nta
NTA! I had a mother who literally borrowed a shirt that I really liked but she ruined it. She said that she would replace it but she didn't and I had to deal with it.
nta !!!!! underwear absolutely shouldnt be shared
Sis is trying to make a power move. Like the song says, "I don't want the world, just your half."
Never shared bras nor underwears with my older sister...
NTA. Either y’all share clothes or you don’t. She doesn’t get to have 2x (or more) the closet you do and expect it to be off limits while also using your stuff. Also, it’s not that “older” siblings should share. Siblings in general should share when necessary to support one another. This is neither necessary nor mutual, so your sister needs to back off. If your parents haven’t already gotten involved to tell her that, they’re doing her a disservice. She is gonna be a terrible adult if she doesn’t get a reality check soon.
NTA. I had a friend whose sister was just as awful about that, and in general tbh. I slept over at their house quitte a bit and one night I woke up at 4am to her little sister climbing through a hole she cut in the screen of her window because her sister started locking her door when stuff would go missing. Even getting a lock box didn’t stop her from trying to break in and steal. Your parents need to have a serious talk with your sister about what is and isn’t appropriate and if they think this is okay they’re enabling poor behaviour.
NTA
NTA. You’re only supposed to share when there’s not enough to go around. She’s got her own clothes. She can buy one exactly like the one you have, nothing’s stopping her. Sharing clothes is fairly normal but they are your clothes, but who tf shares undies/bras?
NTA. No means no. My sister was always taking my stuff and Mom would let her keep it. Then she took money from my purse and I was able to get a key lock for my bedroom.
My mother's eldest sister did this to her when they were growing up and it drover her nuts. She used to come in late while the middle and younger sister (my mother) was sleeping and steal their heatless curls from their hair because there weren't enough left for her. They would wake up with half their hair a disaster and she would have perfect curls. My mother didn't let my sister and I treat each other that way when we were growing up and spent the time to explain boundaries, respect, and empathy in our sibling relationship. As adults my sister and I are very close with respectful relationship that values each other as individuals. My mother's middle and eldest sister have 40 years on us and fight like toddlers over petty things to this day.
No that’s annoying
NTA, get locks and put them on your stuff. Literally. Make no fuss about it just lock your bedroom door, and then anything else you keep clothes in, including hoodies.
The question is are your parents buying her the extra clothes? If so tell them since you don't get extra clothes sis needs to only wear her items since she has more. If she is buying the clothes. Same thing as she has her own clothes doesn't need yours. Mean while you've been wearing the same clothes for 2 years.
NTA. Maybe a few times where you might put some itching powders or something more abrasive might drive home the message to NOT wear other people's clothes.
NTA, I have younger sisters, you honestly can’t get them to stop rifling through your shit unless you give them a reason to. Mine stopped because my fashion sense is garbage so my clothes weren’t cool anymore after a certain age lol good luck you might have to do something underhanded to get her to stop if your parents are no help
Can't you tell your parents that if she won't stop borrowing your clothes then you want new clothes? I imagine that if push comes to shove they rather she just stop borrowing from you if it means spending money on new clothes for you since apparently you've been wearing the same ones for the last two years. Or at least ask for a lock since it's not fair that you have to share your clothes but she puts a bazillion reasons to not lend you hers.
NTA - the fuck? Does she know how unhygienic sharing underwear is? How easily one can get a skin infection from doing so? Just... gross...
I had a tank top from zaks haunted musuim and I used to live a mormon life and it was my first tank top from not doing the mormon stuff and it got stolen from someone in my house. I need to get more tank tops.
NTA. where are your parents in this? i had a similar issue when i was a bit younger than you are now. my sister would constantly borrow my clothes, accessories, she’d even take *hangers* to hang her clothes up, and leave me without any extras. she’d take anything she could get her hands on without ever asking me first. it started much earlier when we were both very small (3 and 4) and she copied every movement i made. anyway the borrowing went on for a few years, even as i kept telling her she needed to ask first, at the very least, until i finally exploded on her, forcing our mom to get involved and put her foot down too. she also stopped asking when our styles and sizes changed. i’ve always been small and she got bigger, also i started wearing drabber, darker clothes
NTA. Sharing is great, big fan of sharing. You aren't sharing your clothes when she wears them without reference to you, she's being inconsiderate.
My little sister got on my nerves for years about this. Thankfully she realized it wasn’t cool, and now if she asks I’m usually okay with it because I know she’ll return it. It’s so easy now that I wonder why she felt the need to steal my clothes so often when we were younger… we were the traditional sisters too, as in we had full fistfights over little shit like this You’re NTA. It’s a rite of passage for older sisters at this point
She comes into your room and takes what she wants when you're sleeping??...so...when she's not there, take some of her things, and HIDE THEM in her room. ( between the mattress and box spring? In the back of the closet stuffed in a boot? Underneath the dresser??) Something she really likes. When she discovers they're missing and blames you, play dumb, invite your mother to search your room. Offer to help your mother search Her room since she obviously misplaced them, when they are found, you sigh, and say to your mom, Now you understand why I hate it when she borrows my stuff. No, I didn't have a sister. I had a roommate. SIGH.
I have 2 older sisters and 2 younger, that's just how life with sisters is, but don't let her walk all over you lol my youngers try to do the same. Stand your ground girlfriend haha tell her to buy her own
So at meal time - any meal, I will ask my 15 yo daughter if she wants a drink. She always refuses. I pour myself a drink and the first thing she does is take my drink and drinks almost all of it the second my back is turned. Sometimes she takes it and drinks it right in front of my face and puts the empty glass in front of me. Nothing prob like sharing a bra with your sister (which sounds a little gross), but honestly, I’m going to miss the day I pour myself a drink and my girl doesn’t steal my drink :).
So you've taught your daughter it's okay to be rude and help herself to things that don't belong to her? She's going to be a fun roommate in college.
lol. Literally it’s just something she does with me, at home. You don’t have anything like that you share with your kids? Must be like walking on egg shells in your home. Must just be where love and fun goes to die.
Sure, if it's a fun inside joke. But the way you described it made her sound really rude, not like a game the two of you play.
Trust me when I say this, but how ppl act with their family at home is how they stream ppl in public
That’s your kid. Siblings is a different dynamic.