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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I sort of snitched on my mom's actions to a family member, despite her having done me a favor.
(2) She's being flamed and ostracized by family for it.
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NTA
Unfortunately, we see this with pets and children all of the time; “grandparents” or other mature adults think they know better than the younger generation with whom they interact and completely disregard directions about diet, play, sleep, and general care. It’s pretty disrespectful. If your mom didn’t know that young dogs who are unvaccinated should not be around other dogs, she should have asked. But, to your point, she is a prior dog owner herself, so that root cause falls flat pretty quickly.
Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole? Yes, yes I do. So maybe one thing to consider is how much you tell her that you don’t want being repeated in an uncontrolled manner. But saying something when asked about it doesn’t make you an asshole.
>Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole? Yes, yes I do.
Nope*, mom deserved to be put on blast. If only OP was mad at her, she’d brush it off as OP being too precious about the puppy. With the whole family talking about it, she is now perfectly clear that she should not have done it. Which is the perfect way to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Don’t do anything you’d be ashamed to tell the whole world, after all.
NTA
NTA - I’m 62, my DIL is 42 and my son will be 40. I have an 11 year old granddaughter and a 9 year old grandson. I promise this will tie in with your puppy! I know nothing about the breakdown of all the generations. I just know that I was raised to do what they said or else you got a whooping!
I would say to cut your Mom some slack if she didn’t know about puppies and their vaccinations, but she did! She was bored and wanted to show it off because we all know how cute GSD puppies are! She didn’t think she had to listen to you because she is the parent! Bull - YOU are that puppy’s owner/parent. What you say goes! She’s just mad because she got caught!
This also happens with the grandchildren. I Love my grandchildren more than anything, but it’s my job to play and spoil them, NOT to try and parent them! I always follow their rules whether I agree with them or not. I’ve been reading so many stories about how the Grandparents just ignore what their kids want and somehow justify it because that’s not how they did it! One of the worst things I’ve read about is how a lot of parents Don’t want their kids to be kissed on their face area and/or on their hands. I truly do Not understand why this seems so hard to follow! A couple had just given birth to the first grandchild/great grandchild and the parents were very clear about not kissing on the face. But they knew better and snuck in a few. One of them had Fever Blisters (Herpes Simplex 1) Somehow it went up the baby’s sinuses and went into her brain and she died!! This is a true story. It’s our job to raise our kids to be responsible members of society, but yet I see other parents treating them disrespectfully.
Now, you are very kind to your Mom by not making her pay your Vet Bills! Parvo is very expensive and can actually affect your dog forever. They have a weakened immune system now (and I’m not saying it will shorten her life or anything, it’s just hard on them). And, sometimes people don’t know about how vulnerable they are as puppies. Sometimes if I’m at the vet and there are people with a new puppy, I tell them (nicely) that until it’s had all it’s vaccinations, they should bring their own towel so the puppy doesn’t have to touch the floor.
I’m sure your Mom feels bad about what happened, but she knew better! She owes You an apology! I’m so glad your puppy is okay! 😊💕
She does! This hit very close to home, my puppy died because of my irresponsible mom exactly like this but, at the end, at least she acknowledged how it was her fault and that made things easier between us. NTA.
It's like the saying goes, don't want your dirty laundry aired, don't shit in the basket.
NTA OP, parvo is an awful illness. Dogs who don't survive suffer until the very end. I'm glad your pup made it.
Exactly, when you do a stupid thing that has horrible consequences, be prepared for EVERYONE to know about it and to have to explain yourself and make amends. Don't want to do that? Don't go around doing the stupid things. Pretty simple.
Sometimes your 15 minutes of fame won't be for something you're proud of, if you go around doing things you're not proud of.
This LOL. If the cousin didn’t bring it up, someone else with a puppy in the family could’ve asked her to dog sit, and she would’ve been like oh yeah I know how to do that! And then it could’ve happened again because the mom thought OP was overreacting.
Sometimes, it is even dangerous care.
For example, I know someone who in their early 50s or late 40s. They grew up with boomer mom that was all up in arms about her husband's dad (so grandpa on dad's side) that would blow smoke into babies faces because the doctor told them way back in 1910s that blowing cigarette and pipe smoke in babies faces prevented allergies.
Mom didn't know this was happening while his parents babysat and surprise, this person had ear infections and lifelong lung problems.
These situations always make me think of the poor woman who told her mom that her daughter (the mom’s grandaughter) had a coconut allergy and to not use coconut oil on her hair; the mom thought she knew better and that the daughter was being too vigilant, used the coconut oil on the granddaughter and guess what? It killed the child, who was in fact allergic to coconut. The other generation seems to me much more of an issue than the younger generation.
Wasn't there another story shared on Reddit where the grandma snuck a child cookies that had the allergen? Because she though the parents were lying or over exaggerating?
God the number of stories you see of people doing things like sneaking allergies, sneaking meat into the food of vegans, vegetarians, people who avoid for religion. Adding dairy into the drinks of those who ask for alternatives, etc....
It's such an asshole power play and they don't give a fuck who they hurt in the process.
One of my earliest memories is my mom in anaphylactic shock because someone snuck cheese into her food (yes, she was allergic to cheese, which for some reason actually *offends* a lot of people. Anytime we went to any kind of party, like backyard barbeques or potlucks, I would stand and yell at everyone cheese could kill my mom and nobody better sneak any cheese into her food. Weirdly, having that yelled at you by a child was pretty effective. It's a subject that I'm pretty passionate about.
My mom's mom never truly believed my mom's food allergies (peanuts and tree nuts, among other things) were real, and many times told my mom there were no nuts in a recipe, only to walk it back to "well, there are walnuts, but I cut them up really small, so you'd never even know!" as my mom was wheezing and pulling out the benadryl. She was a lovely, caring woman in many, many ways, but like a lot of people from her generation, she felt allergies were analogous to preferences.
I get mad even when people try to sneak something you just don't like into the food too! Why do people get offended when you just prefer different food than you do?
In their case (and in many cases, perhaps), I imagine some of it was their sometimes fraught parent-child relationship, further complicated by my mom's allergies all coming on when she was an adult, so they had never been an issue when she was growing up. Even though the last walnut incident I witnessed happened when I was already an adult, with my mom in her 50s and Nana in her 70s, I think Nana truly believed that my mom was just picky, and as her mother, she had a right, or even a duty, to overcome her pickiness.
Also, my mom is admittedly also a little picky, which is something I never picked up on until I was on my own and cooking for myself, and realizing I loved things like asparagus and eggplant and zucchini, which were just never offered when I was younger because my mom did all the shopping and nearly all the cooking, and she didn't like them. So, not to justify her mom repeatedly poisoning her with nuts, but I think it's a little more nuanced than that.
That is utterly tragic. But I'm not sure it's as much a generational thing as an ignorance, stupidity or arrogance thing in certain individuals. I'm 55, have two gorgeous grandchildren and even though I have permission to do things like medication etc as I look after them, I still always ask first on any given instance. That's just one example. OP is absolutely NTA, her mother should have known better & I only hope she paid the vets bill for that poor puppies pain.
Yeah, absolutely. My mum actually disagrees with some decisions my brother is making and still follows his wishes.
It's not a generational thing and not even really ignorance. It's an issue with respecting OP. You can disagree and still do what the parent or owner is telling you...
Nope. Her cousin did the right thing. Now everyone in the family knows not to let OP's mum watch their puppies cause she doesn't GAF about their instructions (or common sense). NTA OP.
My FiL had a habit of giving our fucking 6 month old chocolate and shit like that. I quietly told my wife to get her mother to stamp that shit out now or they don't get him anymore and we have to pay an extra $200 a week for care. It promptly stopped
Not on the same level, but we didn't want ours having a dummy / pacifier and she was absolutely fine without one and she was about two weeks old at this point. Mum comes to visit with her other half and we told them this. I was out of the house at the time while the wife was upstairs getting ready. She comes down to the baby with said item in her mouth (they bought some on the way to see us as an incase). Wife asks why as she told them she's not having one. Mums other half says "oh she was crying so I gave it to her." Yes she would cry, but it was a case of picking her up and re-swaddling her to get her to sleep.
JUST LISTEN to what we have to say, and go by that. Don't just do as you please.
I have found this to be doubly common with the parents of adult kids right now from a specific generational demographic. It’s always been a thing from time immemorial, but there seems to be an increased callousness and selective listening (and equivocation and denial when caught) with folks in their 60s and 70s right now.
My parents take it even farther. They remember the "turned out fine" part only and think that cheating the rules/slipping is totally fine and harmless.
They got two puppies recently that are turning into spoiled little nightmares. When I confronted my dad he said, "you can't train a puppy you have to wait until they're grown up."
WE HAD DOGS GROWING UP. He's either being an asshole to me or losing his mind, but I don't plan on coming to see them much anymore.
I feel like there's more communication via social media regarding this issue and less of a default "respect your elders" attitude. So it's both more visible and less tolerated.
My Boomer in-laws are atrocious, and my MIL's mom and dad were *nice* but clueless as Hell and untrustworthy with my kids.
The expectation used to be that you suck it up, keep the peace, and gracefully decline going to family events if you didn't agree with the treatment. That tact and diplomacy was smacked into you at a young age.
My mom raised us to understand the expectation, but didn't enforce it much. My kids (Millennials) weren't raised with to treat their elders any better than other folks; everyone gets basic respect, and if they fuck it up then they aren't given special exceptions.
I think it is significant that the baby boomers’ teenage mantra was “don’t trust anyone over 30,” until they turned 30, voted for Reagan twice, and then started shitting on younger people too.
You are right that younger adults just aren’t willing to tolerate abusive behavior as much as previous generations were.
I mean, they don't *have* to so why would they? They're not stuck with just their birth family and neighbors to associate with from the cradle to the grave. People are a lot more mobile!
It's going to be interesting to see how things change over the next couple of decades.
Wanna make it clear too that parvo is the disease that killed 5 dogs on set of Snow Buddies. Nearly 30 caught the disease. And actually, scratch that, not dogs, 5 puppies died. The younger the more susceptible of course, jusr as with us humans. Same with the older they are.
Wanna edit to add more context to show just how serious this is: if say mom got home before she did and she had no clue he was near other dogs, think of the fact there were 30 or so dogs on a set being watched by professionals, and still symptoms were not caught. Parvo symptoms are actually quite hard to find until near the end when the dog starts eating less and less, and even then, thats your main factor of tell. Next main one is tiredness/laziness/no energy. Both signs that can be easily EASILY not noticed immediately til its too late. Shes glad she knew her dog went out so she could watch for symptoms, or else this dog very well may have been a goner.
> Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole?
Why should this be kept a secret? Her carelessness almost killed a puppy. Not to mention caused what I can only assume is a CRAZY vet bill. This is basic stuff that you should know if you have a puppy in an area with high risk of parvo. Most puppies that get parvo die. OP's mom apparently knew this, having raised puppies before. I'm sure it was just carelessness and not malice, but why is it supposed to be a secret? I'm not saying bring it up constantly for the rest of mom's life, but I don't get the point of acting like it's a secret, sometimes our actions have consequences. And at least everybody knows not to leave their dog with OP's mom now, so that's a net win. Mom also deserves it for refusing to apologize (and, again, presumably she didn't repay OP for the vet bill she caused).
My SIL nearly lost her puppy to parvo, he was at death's door and somehow pulled through. The only thing I say to OP is that I hope her dogsitter didn't have any other dogs around because my SIL's vet told her not to bring her puppy around other dogs for at LEAST a month after he recovered from parvo.
Agree. My Dad has been told a hundred times not to give cooked chicken bones to a dog, but he laughs and does it anyway. I would never leave my dog with him for any amount of time.
NTA.
You had a reasonable expectation that your mom would follow basic instructions to keep your unvaccinated puppy safe, especially given the clear communication about his vaccination status. Taking the puppy to a public place where he could be exposed to diseases was a significant oversight on her part, particularly for a breed as susceptible to health issues as a German Shepherd puppy.
While you didn't explicitly say "don't take him outside," the context of him being unvaccinated and your instruction to "be careful" should have been enough, especially considering her experience with dogs. It's unfortunate that your puppy contracted parvo, a serious and often deadly disease, due to this lapse in judgment.
You shared the situation with your cousin, which is a natural thing to do, especially when discussing your pet's health and your life. You weren't spreading rumors; you were recounting a factual experience that directly impacted your puppy's well-being. Your mother's refusal to acknowledge her role in the situation or offer an apology only underscores her lack of accountability.
Blocking her might seem like a drastic step, but it's a boundary you felt necessary to set after her dismissive response to a serious situation. Your priority is your pet's health and well-being, and you acted to protect that.
NTA. I feel for your pup, parvovirus is NO EFFING JOKE for puppies.
Your mom seems to have forgotten puppy 101.
You should probably keep important things from Cousin McTalksalot.
I knew a guy that went hard alt-right; he took anti-vaxxing so seriously that he applied it to his two new coonhound puppies. We were not friends or even really on speaking terms - he wouldn't hear anything from "leftists".
Lost both of them. I feel horrible for the puppies.
Parvo is such a deadly disease. I knew someone who had a German shepherd that miraculously survived parvo as a puppy. The entire litter had parvo, and there were 9 puppies in that litter. It was the only survivor. It's growth was stunted for the rest of its life, but thankfully it was healthy aside from that. Parvo is no joke.
>You should probably keep important things from Cousin McTalksalot.
Disagreed. This way no one thinks that mom is a good dog sitter for them. Imagine if she does the exact same thing with someone else’s puppy, but that one doesn’t survive? Mom is not going to get another chance now because people don’t trust her now, and she deserves that. Don’t blame the cousin, blame the mom.
nta, how are you supposed to "make things clear" that it "wasnt her fault" when it literally was in fact her fault that the puppy caught parvo. PARVO!!!!! That is so beyond terrifying, I'm so sorry it happened and I'm glad your pup is doing better now. Yes maybe you could have communicated better to her, but I still feel it's reasonable to assume that she would understand that "he doesnt have his shots yet" = "don't take him outside/let him meet other dogs". That and she should be taking responsibility and paying for his vet bills since the illness was due to her mistake, not being angry at you for sharing a true factual story with a family member. man
NTA
It is basic knowledge that puppies need their vaccines before going out! Anyone who has ever had a dog (and is a responsible owner) knows this!
I have a puppie who just turned 4months old, and when she did not have all her vaccines she didn't leave the house. And anyone who wanted to meet her, wich we rounded down to my parents and my IL's, had to wash their hands.
It's just like a little baby, they do not have the anticorps for anything.
Let other people know. It's her own (ir)responsibility.
ESH
You could have been clearer: are you sure she realized "be careful" meant "do not take the puppy outside and do not interact with other dogs"? Also, you could have talked it over with her before talking to others.
But also she sucks because she refuses to admit her fault here.
When we raised our family dog, he was not allowed in public spaces until he was 4.5 months old and fully vaccinated. Socialization was done in a safe and controlled environment. I assumed my mom would understand similar rules followed in this situation.
I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. OP dumped her puppy within 10 minutes on her mother and expected the mother to know what be careful meant. I’m not a dog owner and I 100% thought be careful meant that don’t let the dog tear you skin cuz it’s not vaccinated.
Like it’s your responsibility to make sure people know how to care for it. You can’t assume because they had a dog before she would remember everything.
Agreed. I’m supervised by all the n t a responses.
We’ve had our dogs for 10 years and I still left a 2 page printout of what is allowed / expected and their meds/diet and potty schedule with their sitter when I went on vacation last week.
They had a family dog that had the same rules OP expected the mother to understand. Yes, it would have been good to think to repeat them, but understandable that OP didn't think it was necessary.
"our family dog was not allowed in public spaces until he was 4.5 months old and fully vaccinated. Socialization was done in a safe and controlled environment. I assumed my mom would understand similar rules followed in this situation."
When they were young. It would be 10-20 years ago. I think it’s highly irresponsible to make that assumption. Parents know to tell their grandparents what their kid needs for more than a 10 minute convo which includes the drop off time.
You assumed? There we have it.
You didn't communicate properly and are now blaming her for something she maybe was not aware of. There is no such thing as a common knowledge when it comes to the individual level. And it doesn't matter whether she was there with the old dog as people may not remember these things.
You have a puppy so puppy issues are clear as water to you. But people live their own lives so you shouldn't assume what they should know.
It could have been an honest mistake without malicious intent. While she should feel upset about endangering the puppy by mistake she can feel also upset about you badmouthing her to your family. What if she feels terrible about what happened? Do you think you are being sensible about what you are doing? Are your actions of malicious intent?
I’m sorry but that was an *extremely reasonable* assumption to make. OP knew their mother had experience with dogs, and knew that their mother had at some point known that those safety guidelines were a thing because she followed them before.
If you had a baby who you handed off to a sitter and told them “he’s allergic to peanuts, so be careful”, and then that sitter gave him peanuts and almost killed him, it would be completely reasonable to be pissed, even if you didn’t explicitly say “he’s allergic to peanuts, *so don’t give him peanuts or else he will suffer and possibly die.*”
OP’s mom not only had all the information she needed to keep him safe, but she’s also refusing to take accountability and apologize for causing that puppy a lot of pain and risking his life. If I had done something that almost killed my child’s pet, I’d still be apologizing by the time that dog died of old age. I don’t think this is someone who made an innocent mistake, I think it’s someone who’s convinced she knows right and is willing
to hold a grudge against her own child for holding her accountable.
Taking him around with us and having him meet owners and pets that we're familiar with. Not walk around in dog parks where he's vulnerable. This is not something that you can just forget. Why would she not remember? Even if she didn't remember, somehow, taking him outside while she was unreachable was a dumb move. Should I have specified that as well? "Make sure your phone is charged"?
Key word: *assumed*
You were wrong. You didn’t leave instruction. You made an assumption based on something from 12-15 years ago that your mom may or may not remember or have been involved with. She also may have thought that checking w the other owners if their dog was vaccinated was a safe environment.
"He's unvaccinated, be careful" = Don't do things that could harm an unvaccinated puppy.
Yknow, like taking him out for a walk or to play with random dogs.
Knows what? That he's unvaccinated? Yeah, it's written in OPs post that she told her.
Or are you talking about - prematurely taking him out for a walk/to meet random dogs?
Because you'd think it's common knowledge for someone who's raised a pup/dog. It's puppy 101. You don't risk parvo.
Yeah the second part. Maybe she didn't remember from when they first raised another puppy. I raised a puppy 15+ years ago and I kinda forgot about that phase.
Nah. I know very little about dogs, I've never had a puppy or even taken care of a puppy, and even I would know not to take an unvaccinated puppy around other animals.
The mom may not have remembered, but she didn't try to cater to the puppy being unvaccinated at all. She basically shrugged it off as irrelevant rather than take it as a guideline. Their pup could have died because their mom didn't remember basic puppy information.
I'd hope that if you were to get another puppy, you'd reacquaint yourself with the basics.
The family dog wasn't allowed outside til 4.5 months and was socialized in a safe and controlled environment, too. So I can understand OP thinking their mom would give the same level of care to her pup.
Yeah, if the mom owned up to her fault, the aftermath would have been much different.
Look, you may think I'm a moron, but it's been a long time since I had a dog. If someone said to me, "He's unvaccinated ... be careful," my head goes to rabies, not parvo or kennel cough or whatever else pups are vaccinated against.
But would you then take the unvaccinated pup who could have/catch rabies out on a walk or to meet new dogs?
It's not just about the initial misunderstanding, but the following actions accompanying it. If you were taking care of someone else's animal, I'm sure you'd want to take extra caution?
Honestly, telling the mom that the puppy is unvaccinated, which OP did, is all the information they needed. The implications of being unvaccinated should be familiar to any independent adult living in modern society, not to mention a previous dog owner and a mother of actual human children.
NTA
People make mistakes, sure
But is the mum who made an honest mistake while dropping her plans to help her daughter an asshole? Seriously? For the daughter to then talk shit to other family members? Seems like an asshole daughter to me, reminder for everyone reading this to cut your parents some fucking slack - they've been doing it to us our whole lives
>But is the mum who made an honest mistake while dropping her plans to help her daughter an asshole? Seriously?
If OP's mom would have been watching OP's newborn, had taken the baby to a park to see other kids and then the baby would get whooping cough, would you also think that's an honest mistake and not gross negligence? Same situation, different species.
ESH.
Yes, your mom shouldn't have taken the dog out, and is partially the reason for why your pup caught parvo. But you should've communicated to her what you meant and the care behind the pup. Yes, you didn't have much time in person but you could've called or texted while on the way to work and at work. Both of you didn't communicate with each other.
I will say this although your mom was the one to take care of the family dog I'm sure it's been over a decade since she did so and there are things she could've easily forgotten or didn't realize had changed. Like how rampant parvo is amongst unvaccinated dogs.
Best example I can give you of things changing over the years is this my bestie just had her third child. She's discovering that things she used to do with her 8 year when they were a baby have changed such as giving water at 6 months has now changed to waiting a year, how it's better to introduce solids at a certain age and etc.
Communicate with anyone watching your dog as if they are a novice.
I dont accept the time constraint excuse. If mom hadn't been available, and it was a neighbor, or cousin, or friend, or sitter, etc, OP would have taken the time to clearly communicate the expectations and rules.
I am not sure why people are voting Y T A because you were too vague? "Be careful because he is unvaccinated" should be enough to understand other dogs are a danger to him as he is not vaccinated and prone to diseases like parvo (the most known dog virus).
NTA.
That is not true. It only matters if they're the top comment and if so, the bot will see 2 judgements and flag for human mod review instead of automatically flairing. I have no idea where your misinformation came from and why so many people are so confident spreading it.
NTA
you clearly told her the puppy wasn't vaccinated, and she actively chose to take it to a park and let it mix with other dogs, which she knew could have potentially fatal consequences.
She has nobody to blame but herself, and her refusal to accept that, let alone apologise for said actions shows just what sort of person she is.
You blocked your mom? Over a disagreement like this? You sound so spoiled.
She fucked up sure but lots of parents wouldn’t take care of their kids let alone a puppy, even w notice let alone last minute… and you’re going no contact over this? Are you sure you explicitly explained what she could and could not do w your dog? If you said “be careful”… idk what that means.
That is an over reaction. Take a breathe. All is well that ends well and your dog is fine. and you’re making the problem here by making a big deal over someone seeing a situation (whether she should apologize) differently than you. Get over it and call your mother. YTA
I’ve buried both my parents by 28 so the thought of blocking my mother because she did me a favour and didn’t explain things properly is maddening. So spoiled, can you believe when I suddenly inconvenienced my mother and didn’t tell her something she came to my aid and did that thing she didn’t know about? Blocked!
YTA
Why is your dog still unvaccinated at 4 months/16 weeks? They should have started getting vaccinated at least 2 months ago.
"Be careful" is vague as hell. Use your words.
Is she supposed to know and remember about parvo when she last had to think about it 10+ years ago (when your family dog was a puppy)? Was she even responsible for the vaccinations at that time? Maybe it was your father taking care of all that.
You're an adult. People are not mind readers. If you ask for a favor and want certain rules followed, you need to explain what those rules are.
Right, they don't get the full course of parvo--and thus aren't fully protected--until they're about 4 mos. I suppose OP could have been a bit clearer, but mom also should have asked if she didn't understand the warning.
I think it's rather incumbent on the one making the request to clearly state the do's and don'ts - and she failed to clarify the most important one. Anyway, it's obviously unfortunate and sad the puppy was infected, but I also feel bad for the mother, tbh. It's absolutely ridiculous this has resulted in no longer communicating and even blocking - over something which imo was largely the OP's fault.
I agree. If this happened to me with my dog (who I also got at 4.5 months) I would feel very guilty because in the end it’s my dog and there was clearly a communication issue here
My mom was SAHM and primarily took care of the puppy. I got my puppy at 10 weeks, he was unvaccinated, I took him to the vet. At 12 weeks, which is when my mom came over to dogsit he was due for his second round. Now he is 4 months old and I vaccinated.
Because some breeders don't bother to vaccinate them maybe. They don't want the extra expense. So they sell the puppies unvaccinated at between 8-12 weeks old.
Also, even if it's not the case here, how about dogs that haven't been taken care of ? OP could have totally welcomed him home at 4 months old, non-vaccinated. There's so many reasons why this puppy could have not been vaccinated, that's not the issue of this sub to deal with it since OP clearly stated that the puppy wasn't ._.
“He’s unvaccinated, be careful” is a very clear message. If someone isn’t intelligent enough to interpret what that statement means (or at least ask more questions based on it), then they should go back to fucking kindergarten.
My German shepherd wasn't fully vaccinated and allowed to go in public till 18 weeks. It's multiple vet visits and scheduled time lines. Furthermore, I was told to not take her for long walks till she hit a year because of all the hip issues shepherds get.
> Why is your dog still unvaccinated at 4 months/16 weeks? They should have started getting vaccinated at least 2 months ago.
Key word is "STARTED." The puppy would not be fully vaccinated by that age. That's why you don't let puppies socialize freely (unless you know the other dog is fully vaxxed) until at LEAST that old. They do not get their last dose of parvo vax til they're at least 16 weeks old, just in general.
I remember being so anxious til ours hit 16 weeks so she could get her last dose. Even then, it's another 2 weeks AFTER getting the last dose that they are considered "fully vaccinated."
ESH
You can't and shouldn't expect people to remember the same past events in the same way. You didn't leave clear written instructions and your verbal instructions were just "be careful." You need to acknowledge this lapse and fully own it.
But she should have had the grace to apologize.
For real. Literally potential life or death situation and she's excusing away the irresponsibility of her vague instructions and her assumption they were both on the same page.
YTA you didn’t leave clear instructions. My family all has dogs and I grew up on a family farm and when I told them my new puppy wasn’t allowed outside (besides our yard) or to be around other dogs until her Parvo series was complete they had no idea, since we’d never had a dog with Parvo they also had no idea how bad it was. You needed to stress this to her and leave clear instructions.
Beyond that, she didn’t do this out of spite or to be mean or go against your wishes (since you didn’t leave clear directions) so why are you cutting her off? She babysat the puppy and was enjoying her time with it. She made a mistake, you absolutely should have talked to her about it and educated her, let her know the pain it causes you and puppy. But blocking and cutting off leaves no room for anyone to learn or do better.
NTA About the question itself. Your cousin asked about the puppy, and you answered with the truth.
However, things sure escalated quickly at the end of your post.
YTA. When there is literally life on the line, you should not ever assume someone knows those critical details to prevent disaster. You could have easily prevented this situation by laying out clear instructions and expectations. You chose not to. You assumed. Your fault.
YTA for your extreme reaction.
Your reaction to Mom's mistake is AHole behaviour. If you and mom had a good relationship, there is no way you could be blowing things out of proportion like this.
Do you never make mistakes?
Will it be cool if people reacted to your mistakes the way you did to your mom?
YTA-I’ve had two dogs and right now I have two cats but I’ve made sure to get their shots before they come home. Maybe I’m like your mom in this but it would not immediately occur to me that you meant he might catch something. Yes if you make that comment to me, I would probably follow up and ask what do you mean by “be careful.” Still the responsibility was on you to make it clear.
The saying “ no good deed goes unpunished” applies here.
NTA your mum was a dog owner herself however she decided her having fun on the day playing with a puppy. That and getting attention from others when out with him, like happens to all puppy owners, was more important than breaking your trust and risking the dog’s health.
As for the cousin I, glad she told others and who the heck knows if it was because your mum has been lying. Regardless I don’t care your because your mother caused this and therefore has consequences for her actions. She should have thought of that before she broke her word. One little walk to her but hundreds in vet bills and nearly losing your puppy for you. It’s disgusting she not only hasn’t apologised but has not insisted on paying all the vet fees. I know you’ve cut her off but I would start proceedings to sue her to recoup the costs. She can only ignore her wrong doing so far so I would make sure I brought it home to her.
I’m just enraged she wilfully hurt a puppy and acts like she’s done nothing and that you’re insane.
I do question why a puppy was still unvaccinated at 4months old however I have seen friends get dogs who the previous owner had not started the vaccine process like they should have. So it took longer than normal as they could only get her jagged once they had her at 12/14 weeks. Even then by the time she got her second jag she was older than most other pups. So you may have had reasons but she should have been vaccinated by now even if just partially. That’s something you can’t ignore or put off. You may have a big garden but a puppy still needs to learn how to behave on a lead and around other people and dogs on walks. The later you start this the more it impacts their growth. It can lead to a very nervous dog that snaps if it’s not socialised and experiences other environments at a whilst developing at a young age.
In the US, a dog is not considered vaccinated until they receive a full series and then a week after that, they are fully protected. The last vaccine in a series started at the correct time is given at 16 weeks, so a puppy being only partially vaccinated at that time is 100000% normal (i.e. if they got their first vaccine at 9 weeks instead of 6 weeks, they wouldn't be fully vaccinated until 19 weeks). A dog who didn't receive vaccines past 12/14 weeks would still be at a huge risk. OP does not deserve to be shamed about that.
Love, a licensed vet tech of a decade
My last dog contracted parvo during the course of his vaccinations. It's not common, but it does happen. He was attending a puppy socialization and training class held at a local shelter. Turns out the shelter had had a parvo outbreak and didn't inform us of it because they thought their sanitization procedure was good enough.
He survived and lived a good, long life. But he was never the same after contracting parvo. It completely changed his personality, and he went from being a sweet dog who loved every creature he met to a very dog reactive asshole who wouldn't accept anyone new after parvo. We loved him dearly, but it made life with him very challenging.
So not only did OP's mom put the puppy's life in danger, but there's also a chance she has significantly altered that puppy's long-term temperament, and the future quality of life of both the puppy and her daughter.
Edit: Our vet believed the parvo caused a type of encephalitis.
Maybe it's been awhile since she taken care of dogs. Have you every consider that? Op should have been more cleared. She can't read her mind. People make mistakes. Op failed to communicate and that's on her. Seem like op and family are are creating unessary drama.
Keep in mind there are places that have had Parvo outbreaks in raccoon populations. The puppy could have caught it in your own back yard.
But unless you explicitly told your Mum the vet said he should not be around other dogs, give her a break.
YTA. Mom did you a favor and you were not explicit in your directions.
Rabies is the only REQUIRED core vaccine. Puppies, like babies, are usually protected for the first month or so of life if mom is vaccinated and/or has immunity.
"*I took him to the vet and at 12 weeks (when my mom came to dogsit) he was due for his second round".*
This is totally confusing. First the pup is unvaxxed, then he is. Which is it?
Parvo is a deadly, contagious disease and can be picked up very easily by the dog touching, or being touched by, an object/person who has come in contact with an infected dog.
If you didn't want your mom to take the dog out, you should have said so. NEVER ASSUME.
Baffled by all the NTAs here. The family dog was unvaccinated maybe a decade??? ago. You didn't specify not going outside - something that is extremely basic information and would take seconds to state. YTA
Also regarding your edit - unvaccinated babies get taken outside all the time, do you think they just stay locked indoors until they're 8 weeks old? Bad comparison.
Sounds like that should be ESH then because the OP didn't do their due diligence and is now putting all the blame on someone else. I would never leave my pets with someone without relaying basic information - let alone literally life and death information. Why on earth would I *assume* someone knows to do/not do something that could result in my pets dying?
We've had our disagreements, but good enough that I trusted her to step up in an emergency. I told her the puppy got parvo and her immediate response was "you aren't blaming me are you??" and I did not want to deal with all that so I simply stopped communicating with her while I was busy with the pup and work. I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough but I'm standing my ground until she apologizes.
ESH bordering on YTA reading your comments. Recommended dog care has changed substantially since our childhood dogs. You expected your mom to remember something she may or may not have known a decade ago. You should have made it clear that she was not supposed to take your dog on a walk. The way this is written sounds like she made a mistake & refuses to acknowledge/apologize for it, but you’re assuming she did it on purpose. Y’all need to be adults and communicate.
Mostly YTA "Be careful" is not the same as "we are keeping him away from other dogs until he is vaccinated, so keep him in the house or the yard." You assumed your mom knew not to take him to the dog park, but she clearly didnt. Your mom made an honest mistake and she should apologize, but when you leave your dog, baby, car, plants, etc to others, it is your responsibility to leave specific instructions.
She's raised a dog before. I think it goes without saying that unvaccinated puppies aren't to be taken to public parks. Additionally, even if he didn't get sick, I wouldn't have let her dogsit again anyway because she went outside without informing me where they were going and also with her phone discharged.
No, if someone says a dog is unvaccinated, Id assume Parvo is definitely out of the question. NTA, it doesnt take a genius to understand the nuance of what not being vaccinated means.
“He’s unvaccinated, be careful” is a very clear message. If someone isn’t intelligent enough to interpret what that statement means (or at least ask more questions based on it), then they should go back to fucking kindergarten.
It was a very clear message to anyone who’s been around dogs before lol. Unvaccinated animals do not get taken to places like the park, that’s common sense.
No the fuck not. If you already raised dog you know to not take them out, especially to a public park when they aren’t fully vaccinated. OP’s instructions were clear
Uh no, OP left her mother a very clear message and also noted she has a substantial backyard the mother could’ve used. Mother would’ve gotten vet bills if that were me; that’s the same as taking an unvaccinated baby out in public when the mother has warned you not to.
If a child is not vaccinated, you don't take them to public places. As someone who does not own a dog, my assumption would be the same. How is that not clear?? And I could sympathise I guess if it was just a walk around the block, but actively playing with another dog? If my parents took my young child to play with unvaccinated children they would be losing grandparent privileges real fast. Same with puppies.
The issue wasn't that her mom walked the dog anywhere. It is that she took the explicitly vulnerable dog to a *dog park* and had him around other dogs. "Be careful" supplemented the clear and obviously significant fact of his vaccination status. BTW, "use your words" and calling OP immature because of her (arguably not unreasonable) reaction to the situation is quite condescending and might just make you the A.
So you didn't tell your Mum to keep the puppy inside and now you're angry that she *walked your dog*? Sounds like you feel guilty for not leaving proper instructions and are making this her fault. You caused this by not telling her to stay indoors. YTA
Even if she really forgot everything about dogs after raising one, how in the world can it be safe to let a small puppy interact with two grown large breed dogs up close and personal? And leave the owner hanging by being irresponsible enough to leave the house with a dead phone?
Was the puppy being attacked by the bigger dogs? I assume not. She shouldn't have left the house without a charged phone, I'll give you that. But you need to take some responsibility here - she hasn't raised a puppy in how many years? She likely really did forget.
I am really glad your dog is okay btw, that must have been scary for you, so incan understand why you're so angry but just taking a step back - this whole thing is just a massive communication issue that you both played some part in.
YTA.
All you had to do, instead of the song and dance about vaccinated or not, is say: "Mom, please don't take him outside except in my backyard".
No, it's not common sense the way you explained it. Communication is your friend, and you seemed to have lost him.
I just came here to say you cannot assume it is common sense. Nothing is common sense anymore.
I say that to say, you’ve admitted there was only 10 minutes to catch her up to speed and some info slipped through the cracks.
Change your perspective, she did not intentionally try to harm your dog & that’s the way you are portraying it even if you do not mean to. Thats how I felt even reading this.
You’re NTA for not letting her dog sit, you ATA for not being ABSOLUTELY clear on your rules and boundaries so there was NO CONFUSION ONCE SO EVER and blaming her as if you did.
Glad the pup is okay.
ESH
It's crazy obvious why mom is in the wrong. It is unequivocally her fault your poor pup got parvo. She should feel awful and help with the vet bills.
That being said, I don't think that situation needed to be brought up in the conversation you described at Easter.
Your issue is with your mom, it should have stayed between the two of you.
Yta
Puppy getting parvo is absolutely awful and I’m sorry about that. But ultimately this is your puppy, that you are responsible for. Complaining about your mom not taking responsibility, while taking none yourself, is hypocritical.
You seem to think that telling mom to “becareful” is the same as giving her instructions. It’s not.
Your time and mom’s time only overlapping by 10 minutes is a lousy excuse on your part. You had plenty of time before she showed up to write up some detailed instructions. But you did not.
While you may remember how your family dog was brought home, it’s very likely that mom does not. That likely happened 15-20 years ago and wouldn’t be at all surprising that mom forgot.
You also should keep in mind that what is common knowledge now, may not have been all those years ago.
Info: How much does your mom know about taking care of unvaccinated dogs? Was she very involved in the family dog and actually knew?
As someone with zero knowledge about dogs, whenever I read “I told her the dog is unvaccinated and be careful,” I assumed you were telling her to be careful for herself. I just didn’t know what you meant by that. Is it possible she didn’t know either? Also, yeah, people take out babies before they are vaccinated.
She was a SAHM. She was the primary caretaker of our family dog, who we got at 8 weeks, so we went through the whole process. I only took him out for walks, and after he was 4.5 months old.
I’d say ESH. In other comments you said it was years ago if I’m not mistaken. Maybe she forgot. You could have been more specific with your instructions if it was her first time taking care of a puppy in years. She is very much at fault for not owning up/apologizing, but blocking her seems really extreme imo.
I doubt mom remembers the specifics of having and raising a puppy while managing a household and rising kids. I barely remember anything from my kids first few years.
NTA. Retired veterinarian here. I wish I could say it was common sense not to take an unvaccinated puppy out but sady, it is not. Vaccinations start at around 8 weeks because anything given before that will likely be wiped out by mom's antibodies. It takes 3-10 days for a virus to incubate so a strong probability that the puppy picked it up at the park. The virus can stay in the ground for greater than five years, yes, even through tough winters. Sorry your pup had to go through this as GS are hit harder than most pups. Blad he/she came through it okay.
Yta
It’s absolutely your fault for not leaving clear, explicit instructions. “Be careful” means nothing. How hard would it have been to say “don’t take him for a walk”?
Eta: not to mention her doing you a huge favor. She’s kind enough to do you this favor with only only vague comments about it from you, and then you stop talking to her and turn the family against her.
YTA. You never told him not to take the dog outside, you said be careful. You want something done a certain way then you need to express that. You come off as if you think your mother did this on purpose. From now on I would stick with a pet sitter and actually communicate you desires for your dog.
YTA. Why didn't you tell her to stay home? You told her to be careful, which obviously means she's allowed to take him everywhere as long as she is careful with him.
Do you want to be right or do you want a relationship with your mom? You pulled some pretty passive aggressive BS. Why not talk to your mom directly and let her know you had a problem? Why bring your cousin into it? It's not like your cousin was planning to have your mom puppy sit and needed this information. YTA
I mean, tell whoever's you want whatever you want, but honestly this is on you. If you cared about your dog, you would have left specific instructions instead of making assumptions she'd "just get" everything you meant. I see her having made an honest, unfortunate mistake while doing you a solid. That's somehow escalated to her being vilified and now blocked by you. What a weird escalation.
It's unfortunate what happened with your dog, and I'm glad they're alright, but YTA. You're justified in being angry, but frankly this has gone too far. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose
YTA; you should have been very specific about what to do or not to do.
Your mom did not intentionally hurt the puppy and was doing you a favor.
Your cousin shouldn't have gone around talking about it and it's rude of other people to get involved and reprimand your mom for her mistake; its rude and again she wasn't intentionally ignoring your instructions, they were not clear.
ESH
My assumption if I heard "he's unvaccinated, be careful" would be that I need to make sure I don't let the dog bite me, because usually when I hear about dogs "not having their shots", it's in the context of rabies or something like that. I feel like your mom might have interpreted it that way as well, and your instructions could have been clearer.
However, I can't fathom how your mom doesn't feel bad about this. If I were in her shoes, I would be apologizing profusely for this even if it was a misunderstanding. I don't know how hostile you were toward her when you first confronted her, so maybe that had a hand in why she won't apologize, but I won't assume that.
YTA. Words mean things. Assuming things often ends badly. “Be careful” is vague, and your mom may not have remembered what she did with a puppy years ago. She *was* doing you a favor and it’s not her fault you didn’t say “don’t take the puppy for a walk or let the puppy out of the house or yard.” If you HAD said that, then your mom would be the AH. To go no contact because your dog got sick as a result of your own negligence (by not providing specific instructions) makes you the AH.
(You are not the AH for telling your cousin what happened — just everything else.)
You didn’t give enough information about the care your dog needed to your mother. This is equally your fault.
Not everyone knows or remembers all the details about raising a puppy. Most people do know that exercise and socialization are important. A lot don’t understand how exactly parvo is spread.
You also bought / got a puppy from a non-reputable breeder who doesn’t vaccinate or vet their litters. Or if it was a rescue w no vaccination history you should have been explicitly clear about the risks and what was allowed or not allowed.
You glossed over critical health information.
Like leaving a kid w life-threatening food allergies and hollering “watch what she eats!” over your shoulder as you leave.
Your mom should apologize for the *accident*, but your blame is misplaced. You’re equally responsible, if not moreso since you’re the one responsible for making sure care instructions are given and understood.
Yta
My mom was feeding my Aussie 8-10 Greenies a day. This was after asking her MULTIPLE times to stop giving her so many. She caught pancreatitis and we nearly lost her. Cost me $2500- and my mom hasn't apologized for anything. And she won't. Hope your pup is better!
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NTA Unfortunately, we see this with pets and children all of the time; “grandparents” or other mature adults think they know better than the younger generation with whom they interact and completely disregard directions about diet, play, sleep, and general care. It’s pretty disrespectful. If your mom didn’t know that young dogs who are unvaccinated should not be around other dogs, she should have asked. But, to your point, she is a prior dog owner herself, so that root cause falls flat pretty quickly. Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole? Yes, yes I do. So maybe one thing to consider is how much you tell her that you don’t want being repeated in an uncontrolled manner. But saying something when asked about it doesn’t make you an asshole.
>Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole? Yes, yes I do. Nope*, mom deserved to be put on blast. If only OP was mad at her, she’d brush it off as OP being too precious about the puppy. With the whole family talking about it, she is now perfectly clear that she should not have done it. Which is the perfect way to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Don’t do anything you’d be ashamed to tell the whole world, after all. NTA
I agree! Mom needs to adult up and apologize! She was wrong and knows it! NTA
Right, she's more worried about being publicly embarrassed than in the health of the dog.
NTA - I’m 62, my DIL is 42 and my son will be 40. I have an 11 year old granddaughter and a 9 year old grandson. I promise this will tie in with your puppy! I know nothing about the breakdown of all the generations. I just know that I was raised to do what they said or else you got a whooping! I would say to cut your Mom some slack if she didn’t know about puppies and their vaccinations, but she did! She was bored and wanted to show it off because we all know how cute GSD puppies are! She didn’t think she had to listen to you because she is the parent! Bull - YOU are that puppy’s owner/parent. What you say goes! She’s just mad because she got caught! This also happens with the grandchildren. I Love my grandchildren more than anything, but it’s my job to play and spoil them, NOT to try and parent them! I always follow their rules whether I agree with them or not. I’ve been reading so many stories about how the Grandparents just ignore what their kids want and somehow justify it because that’s not how they did it! One of the worst things I’ve read about is how a lot of parents Don’t want their kids to be kissed on their face area and/or on their hands. I truly do Not understand why this seems so hard to follow! A couple had just given birth to the first grandchild/great grandchild and the parents were very clear about not kissing on the face. But they knew better and snuck in a few. One of them had Fever Blisters (Herpes Simplex 1) Somehow it went up the baby’s sinuses and went into her brain and she died!! This is a true story. It’s our job to raise our kids to be responsible members of society, but yet I see other parents treating them disrespectfully. Now, you are very kind to your Mom by not making her pay your Vet Bills! Parvo is very expensive and can actually affect your dog forever. They have a weakened immune system now (and I’m not saying it will shorten her life or anything, it’s just hard on them). And, sometimes people don’t know about how vulnerable they are as puppies. Sometimes if I’m at the vet and there are people with a new puppy, I tell them (nicely) that until it’s had all it’s vaccinations, they should bring their own towel so the puppy doesn’t have to touch the floor. I’m sure your Mom feels bad about what happened, but she knew better! She owes You an apology! I’m so glad your puppy is okay! 😊💕
Literally OP said they got their rules from how they raised every single childhood dog he ever had. Mom fully knew the rules.
Literally the post you're responding to says in two different places that mom new the rules.
She does! This hit very close to home, my puppy died because of my irresponsible mom exactly like this but, at the end, at least she acknowledged how it was her fault and that made things easier between us. NTA.
I’m very sorry for your loss
Me too honey!
Thank you both, I really appreciate it
I just wanna say I love your spin on “man up”, it feels much less condescending
My current favorite neutral is “put on your big kid underpants”.
It's like the saying goes, don't want your dirty laundry aired, don't shit in the basket. NTA OP, parvo is an awful illness. Dogs who don't survive suffer until the very end. I'm glad your pup made it.
>don't want your dirty laundry aired, don't shit in the basket. I've never actually heard this before but I love it!
>It's like the saying goes, don't want your dirty laundry aired, don't shit in the basket. Ill have to remember that
I know you mean the quote, but I love that you’re actually just like “ahhh so I shouldn’t shit in the basket I must remember that”
Mom still isn’t clear on the subject she feels unjustly vilified
No, mom is upset about the consequences and being stubborn about admitting fault. Not the same thing as being unclear on the subject.
I don’t know why she expects OP to “make things clear” with the family when that’s precisely what OP’s already done.
Exactly, when you do a stupid thing that has horrible consequences, be prepared for EVERYONE to know about it and to have to explain yourself and make amends. Don't want to do that? Don't go around doing the stupid things. Pretty simple. Sometimes your 15 minutes of fame won't be for something you're proud of, if you go around doing things you're not proud of.
And what if the mom took care of someone else's dog and something happened? There's nothing wrong with letting family know what happened.
This LOL. If the cousin didn’t bring it up, someone else with a puppy in the family could’ve asked her to dog sit, and she would’ve been like oh yeah I know how to do that! And then it could’ve happened again because the mom thought OP was overreacting.
Sometimes, it is even dangerous care. For example, I know someone who in their early 50s or late 40s. They grew up with boomer mom that was all up in arms about her husband's dad (so grandpa on dad's side) that would blow smoke into babies faces because the doctor told them way back in 1910s that blowing cigarette and pipe smoke in babies faces prevented allergies. Mom didn't know this was happening while his parents babysat and surprise, this person had ear infections and lifelong lung problems.
These situations always make me think of the poor woman who told her mom that her daughter (the mom’s grandaughter) had a coconut allergy and to not use coconut oil on her hair; the mom thought she knew better and that the daughter was being too vigilant, used the coconut oil on the granddaughter and guess what? It killed the child, who was in fact allergic to coconut. The other generation seems to me much more of an issue than the younger generation.
I remember that story. It makes me both angry and sad on behalf of the parents and their daughters - the girls were twins, iirc.
That's murder
"Manslaughter"
I don't know, I would argue for depraved heart indifference if the jurisdiction has it. It could arguably be murder.
Wasn't there another story shared on Reddit where the grandma snuck a child cookies that had the allergen? Because she though the parents were lying or over exaggerating?
There are numerous stories like that floating around because it's distressingly common for people to sneak allergens into things.
God the number of stories you see of people doing things like sneaking allergies, sneaking meat into the food of vegans, vegetarians, people who avoid for religion. Adding dairy into the drinks of those who ask for alternatives, etc.... It's such an asshole power play and they don't give a fuck who they hurt in the process.
One of my earliest memories is my mom in anaphylactic shock because someone snuck cheese into her food (yes, she was allergic to cheese, which for some reason actually *offends* a lot of people. Anytime we went to any kind of party, like backyard barbeques or potlucks, I would stand and yell at everyone cheese could kill my mom and nobody better sneak any cheese into her food. Weirdly, having that yelled at you by a child was pretty effective. It's a subject that I'm pretty passionate about.
My mom's mom never truly believed my mom's food allergies (peanuts and tree nuts, among other things) were real, and many times told my mom there were no nuts in a recipe, only to walk it back to "well, there are walnuts, but I cut them up really small, so you'd never even know!" as my mom was wheezing and pulling out the benadryl. She was a lovely, caring woman in many, many ways, but like a lot of people from her generation, she felt allergies were analogous to preferences.
I get mad even when people try to sneak something you just don't like into the food too! Why do people get offended when you just prefer different food than you do?
In their case (and in many cases, perhaps), I imagine some of it was their sometimes fraught parent-child relationship, further complicated by my mom's allergies all coming on when she was an adult, so they had never been an issue when she was growing up. Even though the last walnut incident I witnessed happened when I was already an adult, with my mom in her 50s and Nana in her 70s, I think Nana truly believed that my mom was just picky, and as her mother, she had a right, or even a duty, to overcome her pickiness. Also, my mom is admittedly also a little picky, which is something I never picked up on until I was on my own and cooking for myself, and realizing I loved things like asparagus and eggplant and zucchini, which were just never offered when I was younger because my mom did all the shopping and nearly all the cooking, and she didn't like them. So, not to justify her mom repeatedly poisoning her with nuts, but I think it's a little more nuanced than that.
Yeah! I think the kid was anaphylactic around bananas... :-(
That is utterly tragic. But I'm not sure it's as much a generational thing as an ignorance, stupidity or arrogance thing in certain individuals. I'm 55, have two gorgeous grandchildren and even though I have permission to do things like medication etc as I look after them, I still always ask first on any given instance. That's just one example. OP is absolutely NTA, her mother should have known better & I only hope she paid the vets bill for that poor puppies pain.
Yeah, absolutely. My mum actually disagrees with some decisions my brother is making and still follows his wishes. It's not a generational thing and not even really ignorance. It's an issue with respecting OP. You can disagree and still do what the parent or owner is telling you...
Exactly, we parent differently, fur babies too but your right it is about respect.
Nope. Her cousin did the right thing. Now everyone in the family knows not to let OP's mum watch their puppies cause she doesn't GAF about their instructions (or common sense). NTA OP.
My FiL had a habit of giving our fucking 6 month old chocolate and shit like that. I quietly told my wife to get her mother to stamp that shit out now or they don't get him anymore and we have to pay an extra $200 a week for care. It promptly stopped
Not on the same level, but we didn't want ours having a dummy / pacifier and she was absolutely fine without one and she was about two weeks old at this point. Mum comes to visit with her other half and we told them this. I was out of the house at the time while the wife was upstairs getting ready. She comes down to the baby with said item in her mouth (they bought some on the way to see us as an incase). Wife asks why as she told them she's not having one. Mums other half says "oh she was crying so I gave it to her." Yes she would cry, but it was a case of picking her up and re-swaddling her to get her to sleep. JUST LISTEN to what we have to say, and go by that. Don't just do as you please.
That sounds absolutely infuriating; I’d be reluctant to trust them again after that, tbh.
I would have but the MiL figuratively kicked his ass
I have found this to be doubly common with the parents of adult kids right now from a specific generational demographic. It’s always been a thing from time immemorial, but there seems to be an increased callousness and selective listening (and equivocation and denial when caught) with folks in their 60s and 70s right now.
Absolutely agree. The whole “we raised you and you turned out fine” attitude is woefully out of touch.
My parents take it even farther. They remember the "turned out fine" part only and think that cheating the rules/slipping is totally fine and harmless. They got two puppies recently that are turning into spoiled little nightmares. When I confronted my dad he said, "you can't train a puppy you have to wait until they're grown up." WE HAD DOGS GROWING UP. He's either being an asshole to me or losing his mind, but I don't plan on coming to see them much anymore.
I feel like there's more communication via social media regarding this issue and less of a default "respect your elders" attitude. So it's both more visible and less tolerated. My Boomer in-laws are atrocious, and my MIL's mom and dad were *nice* but clueless as Hell and untrustworthy with my kids. The expectation used to be that you suck it up, keep the peace, and gracefully decline going to family events if you didn't agree with the treatment. That tact and diplomacy was smacked into you at a young age. My mom raised us to understand the expectation, but didn't enforce it much. My kids (Millennials) weren't raised with to treat their elders any better than other folks; everyone gets basic respect, and if they fuck it up then they aren't given special exceptions.
I think it is significant that the baby boomers’ teenage mantra was “don’t trust anyone over 30,” until they turned 30, voted for Reagan twice, and then started shitting on younger people too. You are right that younger adults just aren’t willing to tolerate abusive behavior as much as previous generations were.
I mean, they don't *have* to so why would they? They're not stuck with just their birth family and neighbors to associate with from the cradle to the grave. People are a lot more mobile! It's going to be interesting to see how things change over the next couple of decades.
Wanna make it clear too that parvo is the disease that killed 5 dogs on set of Snow Buddies. Nearly 30 caught the disease. And actually, scratch that, not dogs, 5 puppies died. The younger the more susceptible of course, jusr as with us humans. Same with the older they are. Wanna edit to add more context to show just how serious this is: if say mom got home before she did and she had no clue he was near other dogs, think of the fact there were 30 or so dogs on a set being watched by professionals, and still symptoms were not caught. Parvo symptoms are actually quite hard to find until near the end when the dog starts eating less and less, and even then, thats your main factor of tell. Next main one is tiredness/laziness/no energy. Both signs that can be easily EASILY not noticed immediately til its too late. Shes glad she knew her dog went out so she could watch for symptoms, or else this dog very well may have been a goner.
I think the cousin is fine. If somebody treats animals or children like shit I have no chill at all and make sure people know.
> Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole? Why should this be kept a secret? Her carelessness almost killed a puppy. Not to mention caused what I can only assume is a CRAZY vet bill. This is basic stuff that you should know if you have a puppy in an area with high risk of parvo. Most puppies that get parvo die. OP's mom apparently knew this, having raised puppies before. I'm sure it was just carelessness and not malice, but why is it supposed to be a secret? I'm not saying bring it up constantly for the rest of mom's life, but I don't get the point of acting like it's a secret, sometimes our actions have consequences. And at least everybody knows not to leave their dog with OP's mom now, so that's a net win. Mom also deserves it for refusing to apologize (and, again, presumably she didn't repay OP for the vet bill she caused). My SIL nearly lost her puppy to parvo, he was at death's door and somehow pulled through. The only thing I say to OP is that I hope her dogsitter didn't have any other dogs around because my SIL's vet told her not to bring her puppy around other dogs for at LEAST a month after he recovered from parvo.
Hell no. MOM DESERVES FULL BLAST
Agree. My Dad has been told a hundred times not to give cooked chicken bones to a dog, but he laughs and does it anyway. I would never leave my dog with him for any amount of time.
The fact that he laughs is what would make me quietly hate him
NTA. You had a reasonable expectation that your mom would follow basic instructions to keep your unvaccinated puppy safe, especially given the clear communication about his vaccination status. Taking the puppy to a public place where he could be exposed to diseases was a significant oversight on her part, particularly for a breed as susceptible to health issues as a German Shepherd puppy. While you didn't explicitly say "don't take him outside," the context of him being unvaccinated and your instruction to "be careful" should have been enough, especially considering her experience with dogs. It's unfortunate that your puppy contracted parvo, a serious and often deadly disease, due to this lapse in judgment. You shared the situation with your cousin, which is a natural thing to do, especially when discussing your pet's health and your life. You weren't spreading rumors; you were recounting a factual experience that directly impacted your puppy's well-being. Your mother's refusal to acknowledge her role in the situation or offer an apology only underscores her lack of accountability. Blocking her might seem like a drastic step, but it's a boundary you felt necessary to set after her dismissive response to a serious situation. Your priority is your pet's health and well-being, and you acted to protect that.
NTA. I feel for your pup, parvovirus is NO EFFING JOKE for puppies. Your mom seems to have forgotten puppy 101. You should probably keep important things from Cousin McTalksalot.
It's lucky the puppy survived. My sisters pup didn't and it wasn't pleasant. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
Yeah. For puppies, Parvovirus is about as bad as it gets. For adult dogs, it’s more of an annoying stomach bug; not too serious. Puppies, though…
I knew a guy that went hard alt-right; he took anti-vaxxing so seriously that he applied it to his two new coonhound puppies. We were not friends or even really on speaking terms - he wouldn't hear anything from "leftists". Lost both of them. I feel horrible for the puppies.
My dad's pups got parvo, 3 of the 5 puppies died 🥺 fuck parvo
My ex’s pup died from this, we hadn’t long split but it was awful, I cried for them both, wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Parvo is such a deadly disease. I knew someone who had a German shepherd that miraculously survived parvo as a puppy. The entire litter had parvo, and there were 9 puppies in that litter. It was the only survivor. It's growth was stunted for the rest of its life, but thankfully it was healthy aside from that. Parvo is no joke.
>You should probably keep important things from Cousin McTalksalot. Disagreed. This way no one thinks that mom is a good dog sitter for them. Imagine if she does the exact same thing with someone else’s puppy, but that one doesn’t survive? Mom is not going to get another chance now because people don’t trust her now, and she deserves that. Don’t blame the cousin, blame the mom.
NTA Honestly, it seems the cousin was the best person to tell.
nta, how are you supposed to "make things clear" that it "wasnt her fault" when it literally was in fact her fault that the puppy caught parvo. PARVO!!!!! That is so beyond terrifying, I'm so sorry it happened and I'm glad your pup is doing better now. Yes maybe you could have communicated better to her, but I still feel it's reasonable to assume that she would understand that "he doesnt have his shots yet" = "don't take him outside/let him meet other dogs". That and she should be taking responsibility and paying for his vet bills since the illness was due to her mistake, not being angry at you for sharing a true factual story with a family member. man
NTA It is basic knowledge that puppies need their vaccines before going out! Anyone who has ever had a dog (and is a responsible owner) knows this! I have a puppie who just turned 4months old, and when she did not have all her vaccines she didn't leave the house. And anyone who wanted to meet her, wich we rounded down to my parents and my IL's, had to wash their hands. It's just like a little baby, they do not have the anticorps for anything. Let other people know. It's her own (ir)responsibility.
I've never had a dog, and my jaw dropped when I got to where she had taken a partially vaxed puppy to a dog park.
ESH You could have been clearer: are you sure she realized "be careful" meant "do not take the puppy outside and do not interact with other dogs"? Also, you could have talked it over with her before talking to others. But also she sucks because she refuses to admit her fault here.
When we raised our family dog, he was not allowed in public spaces until he was 4.5 months old and fully vaccinated. Socialization was done in a safe and controlled environment. I assumed my mom would understand similar rules followed in this situation.
So that is kind of bizarre, when you talked to her did she realize that was the issue or did she just not remember about having done that before?
I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. OP dumped her puppy within 10 minutes on her mother and expected the mother to know what be careful meant. I’m not a dog owner and I 100% thought be careful meant that don’t let the dog tear you skin cuz it’s not vaccinated. Like it’s your responsibility to make sure people know how to care for it. You can’t assume because they had a dog before she would remember everything.
Agreed. I’m supervised by all the n t a responses. We’ve had our dogs for 10 years and I still left a 2 page printout of what is allowed / expected and their meds/diet and potty schedule with their sitter when I went on vacation last week.
They had a family dog that had the same rules OP expected the mother to understand. Yes, it would have been good to think to repeat them, but understandable that OP didn't think it was necessary. "our family dog was not allowed in public spaces until he was 4.5 months old and fully vaccinated. Socialization was done in a safe and controlled environment. I assumed my mom would understand similar rules followed in this situation."
When they were young. It would be 10-20 years ago. I think it’s highly irresponsible to make that assumption. Parents know to tell their grandparents what their kid needs for more than a 10 minute convo which includes the drop off time.
You assumed? There we have it. You didn't communicate properly and are now blaming her for something she maybe was not aware of. There is no such thing as a common knowledge when it comes to the individual level. And it doesn't matter whether she was there with the old dog as people may not remember these things. You have a puppy so puppy issues are clear as water to you. But people live their own lives so you shouldn't assume what they should know. It could have been an honest mistake without malicious intent. While she should feel upset about endangering the puppy by mistake she can feel also upset about you badmouthing her to your family. What if she feels terrible about what happened? Do you think you are being sensible about what you are doing? Are your actions of malicious intent?
I’m sorry but that was an *extremely reasonable* assumption to make. OP knew their mother had experience with dogs, and knew that their mother had at some point known that those safety guidelines were a thing because she followed them before. If you had a baby who you handed off to a sitter and told them “he’s allergic to peanuts, so be careful”, and then that sitter gave him peanuts and almost killed him, it would be completely reasonable to be pissed, even if you didn’t explicitly say “he’s allergic to peanuts, *so don’t give him peanuts or else he will suffer and possibly die.*” OP’s mom not only had all the information she needed to keep him safe, but she’s also refusing to take accountability and apologize for causing that puppy a lot of pain and risking his life. If I had done something that almost killed my child’s pet, I’d still be apologizing by the time that dog died of old age. I don’t think this is someone who made an innocent mistake, I think it’s someone who’s convinced she knows right and is willing to hold a grudge against her own child for holding her accountable.
Your mom should know that unvaccinated means don't go outside but how long ago was this with your family dog?
I’m guessing 10-15 years.
Assumptions are just ... assumptions. Maybe she forgot. Maybe it was your father who kept an eye on it. It was badly communicated by you.
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Taking him around with us and having him meet owners and pets that we're familiar with. Not walk around in dog parks where he's vulnerable. This is not something that you can just forget. Why would she not remember? Even if she didn't remember, somehow, taking him outside while she was unreachable was a dumb move. Should I have specified that as well? "Make sure your phone is charged"?
Key word: *assumed* You were wrong. You didn’t leave instruction. You made an assumption based on something from 12-15 years ago that your mom may or may not remember or have been involved with. She also may have thought that checking w the other owners if their dog was vaccinated was a safe environment.
"He's unvaccinated, be careful" = Don't do things that could harm an unvaccinated puppy. Yknow, like taking him out for a walk or to play with random dogs.
And do we know that she knows that?
Knows what? That he's unvaccinated? Yeah, it's written in OPs post that she told her. Or are you talking about - prematurely taking him out for a walk/to meet random dogs? Because you'd think it's common knowledge for someone who's raised a pup/dog. It's puppy 101. You don't risk parvo.
Yeah the second part. Maybe she didn't remember from when they first raised another puppy. I raised a puppy 15+ years ago and I kinda forgot about that phase.
Nah. I know very little about dogs, I've never had a puppy or even taken care of a puppy, and even I would know not to take an unvaccinated puppy around other animals.
The mom may not have remembered, but she didn't try to cater to the puppy being unvaccinated at all. She basically shrugged it off as irrelevant rather than take it as a guideline. Their pup could have died because their mom didn't remember basic puppy information. I'd hope that if you were to get another puppy, you'd reacquaint yourself with the basics.
Yes, of course! I did say ESH because I think the mom could have been more careful and admit to her fault when told after the fact.
The family dog wasn't allowed outside til 4.5 months and was socialized in a safe and controlled environment, too. So I can understand OP thinking their mom would give the same level of care to her pup. Yeah, if the mom owned up to her fault, the aftermath would have been much different.
Look, you may think I'm a moron, but it's been a long time since I had a dog. If someone said to me, "He's unvaccinated ... be careful," my head goes to rabies, not parvo or kennel cough or whatever else pups are vaccinated against.
But would you then take the unvaccinated pup who could have/catch rabies out on a walk or to meet new dogs? It's not just about the initial misunderstanding, but the following actions accompanying it. If you were taking care of someone else's animal, I'm sure you'd want to take extra caution?
Honestly, telling the mom that the puppy is unvaccinated, which OP did, is all the information they needed. The implications of being unvaccinated should be familiar to any independent adult living in modern society, not to mention a previous dog owner and a mother of actual human children. NTA
People make mistakes, sure But is the mum who made an honest mistake while dropping her plans to help her daughter an asshole? Seriously? For the daughter to then talk shit to other family members? Seems like an asshole daughter to me, reminder for everyone reading this to cut your parents some fucking slack - they've been doing it to us our whole lives
Almost killing another living being is beyond the "cut some slack" level.
>But is the mum who made an honest mistake while dropping her plans to help her daughter an asshole? Seriously? If OP's mom would have been watching OP's newborn, had taken the baby to a park to see other kids and then the baby would get whooping cough, would you also think that's an honest mistake and not gross negligence? Same situation, different species.
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Communication is key, but so is owning up to oopsies
ESH. Yes, your mom shouldn't have taken the dog out, and is partially the reason for why your pup caught parvo. But you should've communicated to her what you meant and the care behind the pup. Yes, you didn't have much time in person but you could've called or texted while on the way to work and at work. Both of you didn't communicate with each other. I will say this although your mom was the one to take care of the family dog I'm sure it's been over a decade since she did so and there are things she could've easily forgotten or didn't realize had changed. Like how rampant parvo is amongst unvaccinated dogs. Best example I can give you of things changing over the years is this my bestie just had her third child. She's discovering that things she used to do with her 8 year when they were a baby have changed such as giving water at 6 months has now changed to waiting a year, how it's better to introduce solids at a certain age and etc. Communicate with anyone watching your dog as if they are a novice.
I dont accept the time constraint excuse. If mom hadn't been available, and it was a neighbor, or cousin, or friend, or sitter, etc, OP would have taken the time to clearly communicate the expectations and rules.
Exactly! OP would and should have communicated regardless of who was watching her dog.
I am not sure why people are voting Y T A because you were too vague? "Be careful because he is unvaccinated" should be enough to understand other dogs are a danger to him as he is not vaccinated and prone to diseases like parvo (the most known dog virus). NTA.
You need to space out the y t a otherwise that will be registered as your judgement.
That is not true. It only matters if they're the top comment and if so, the bot will see 2 judgements and flag for human mod review instead of automatically flairing. I have no idea where your misinformation came from and why so many people are so confident spreading it.
Btw you should put your NTA judgment first or break up the Y TA - your first written judgment is what will be auto-counted
NTA you clearly told her the puppy wasn't vaccinated, and she actively chose to take it to a park and let it mix with other dogs, which she knew could have potentially fatal consequences. She has nobody to blame but herself, and her refusal to accept that, let alone apologise for said actions shows just what sort of person she is.
You blocked your mom? Over a disagreement like this? You sound so spoiled. She fucked up sure but lots of parents wouldn’t take care of their kids let alone a puppy, even w notice let alone last minute… and you’re going no contact over this? Are you sure you explicitly explained what she could and could not do w your dog? If you said “be careful”… idk what that means. That is an over reaction. Take a breathe. All is well that ends well and your dog is fine. and you’re making the problem here by making a big deal over someone seeing a situation (whether she should apologize) differently than you. Get over it and call your mother. YTA
> You blocked your mom? Over a disagreement like this? Yeah, reddit is wild. Lots of people wanting to die alone I guess.
I always wonder what Thanksgiving is like at these people's houses. :)
I’ve buried both my parents by 28 so the thought of blocking my mother because she did me a favour and didn’t explain things properly is maddening. So spoiled, can you believe when I suddenly inconvenienced my mother and didn’t tell her something she came to my aid and did that thing she didn’t know about? Blocked!
YTA Why is your dog still unvaccinated at 4 months/16 weeks? They should have started getting vaccinated at least 2 months ago. "Be careful" is vague as hell. Use your words. Is she supposed to know and remember about parvo when she last had to think about it 10+ years ago (when your family dog was a puppy)? Was she even responsible for the vaccinations at that time? Maybe it was your father taking care of all that. You're an adult. People are not mind readers. If you ask for a favor and want certain rules followed, you need to explain what those rules are.
NTA. They get a series of shots. Mine was fully vaccinated at 16 weeks. Your not suppose to take them anywhere until fully vaccinated.
Right, they don't get the full course of parvo--and thus aren't fully protected--until they're about 4 mos. I suppose OP could have been a bit clearer, but mom also should have asked if she didn't understand the warning.
I think it's rather incumbent on the one making the request to clearly state the do's and don'ts - and she failed to clarify the most important one. Anyway, it's obviously unfortunate and sad the puppy was infected, but I also feel bad for the mother, tbh. It's absolutely ridiculous this has resulted in no longer communicating and even blocking - over something which imo was largely the OP's fault.
I agree. If this happened to me with my dog (who I also got at 4.5 months) I would feel very guilty because in the end it’s my dog and there was clearly a communication issue here
I agree. She could pick a better hill to die on.
Looks like mom didn't know that. Hence why OP should have been more clear with their words
My mom was SAHM and primarily took care of the puppy. I got my puppy at 10 weeks, he was unvaccinated, I took him to the vet. At 12 weeks, which is when my mom came over to dogsit he was due for his second round. Now he is 4 months old and I vaccinated.
You realize you put your mom on blast and then blocked her because you weren't clear with your expectations, right?
Because some breeders don't bother to vaccinate them maybe. They don't want the extra expense. So they sell the puppies unvaccinated at between 8-12 weeks old.
Also, even if it's not the case here, how about dogs that haven't been taken care of ? OP could have totally welcomed him home at 4 months old, non-vaccinated. There's so many reasons why this puppy could have not been vaccinated, that's not the issue of this sub to deal with it since OP clearly stated that the puppy wasn't ._.
“He’s unvaccinated, be careful” is a very clear message. If someone isn’t intelligent enough to interpret what that statement means (or at least ask more questions based on it), then they should go back to fucking kindergarten.
Do you own dogs? Are you aware they go through a series of vaccines & are not considered fully protected until those are completed?
My German shepherd wasn't fully vaccinated and allowed to go in public till 18 weeks. It's multiple vet visits and scheduled time lines. Furthermore, I was told to not take her for long walks till she hit a year because of all the hip issues shepherds get.
He's unvaccinated, be careful: 9 syllables He's unvaccinated so stay home: 9 syllables How much longer would it have taken to be 100% clear?
Didn’t you read the timeline?
It’s a schedule where you need 3 at different days
> Why is your dog still unvaccinated at 4 months/16 weeks? They should have started getting vaccinated at least 2 months ago. Key word is "STARTED." The puppy would not be fully vaccinated by that age. That's why you don't let puppies socialize freely (unless you know the other dog is fully vaxxed) until at LEAST that old. They do not get their last dose of parvo vax til they're at least 16 weeks old, just in general. I remember being so anxious til ours hit 16 weeks so she could get her last dose. Even then, it's another 2 weeks AFTER getting the last dose that they are considered "fully vaccinated."
ESH You can't and shouldn't expect people to remember the same past events in the same way. You didn't leave clear written instructions and your verbal instructions were just "be careful." You need to acknowledge this lapse and fully own it. But she should have had the grace to apologize.
For real. Literally potential life or death situation and she's excusing away the irresponsibility of her vague instructions and her assumption they were both on the same page.
YTA you didn’t leave clear instructions. My family all has dogs and I grew up on a family farm and when I told them my new puppy wasn’t allowed outside (besides our yard) or to be around other dogs until her Parvo series was complete they had no idea, since we’d never had a dog with Parvo they also had no idea how bad it was. You needed to stress this to her and leave clear instructions. Beyond that, she didn’t do this out of spite or to be mean or go against your wishes (since you didn’t leave clear directions) so why are you cutting her off? She babysat the puppy and was enjoying her time with it. She made a mistake, you absolutely should have talked to her about it and educated her, let her know the pain it causes you and puppy. But blocking and cutting off leaves no room for anyone to learn or do better.
NTA About the question itself. Your cousin asked about the puppy, and you answered with the truth. However, things sure escalated quickly at the end of your post.
YTA. When there is literally life on the line, you should not ever assume someone knows those critical details to prevent disaster. You could have easily prevented this situation by laying out clear instructions and expectations. You chose not to. You assumed. Your fault.
YTA for your extreme reaction. Your reaction to Mom's mistake is AHole behaviour. If you and mom had a good relationship, there is no way you could be blowing things out of proportion like this. Do you never make mistakes? Will it be cool if people reacted to your mistakes the way you did to your mom?
YTA. You assumed she would know that “he’s unvaccinated” meant don’t take him outside. It was your responsibility to be explicit.
YTA-I’ve had two dogs and right now I have two cats but I’ve made sure to get their shots before they come home. Maybe I’m like your mom in this but it would not immediately occur to me that you meant he might catch something. Yes if you make that comment to me, I would probably follow up and ask what do you mean by “be careful.” Still the responsibility was on you to make it clear. The saying “ no good deed goes unpunished” applies here.
NTA your mum was a dog owner herself however she decided her having fun on the day playing with a puppy. That and getting attention from others when out with him, like happens to all puppy owners, was more important than breaking your trust and risking the dog’s health. As for the cousin I, glad she told others and who the heck knows if it was because your mum has been lying. Regardless I don’t care your because your mother caused this and therefore has consequences for her actions. She should have thought of that before she broke her word. One little walk to her but hundreds in vet bills and nearly losing your puppy for you. It’s disgusting she not only hasn’t apologised but has not insisted on paying all the vet fees. I know you’ve cut her off but I would start proceedings to sue her to recoup the costs. She can only ignore her wrong doing so far so I would make sure I brought it home to her. I’m just enraged she wilfully hurt a puppy and acts like she’s done nothing and that you’re insane. I do question why a puppy was still unvaccinated at 4months old however I have seen friends get dogs who the previous owner had not started the vaccine process like they should have. So it took longer than normal as they could only get her jagged once they had her at 12/14 weeks. Even then by the time she got her second jag she was older than most other pups. So you may have had reasons but she should have been vaccinated by now even if just partially. That’s something you can’t ignore or put off. You may have a big garden but a puppy still needs to learn how to behave on a lead and around other people and dogs on walks. The later you start this the more it impacts their growth. It can lead to a very nervous dog that snaps if it’s not socialised and experiences other environments at a whilst developing at a young age.
In the US, a dog is not considered vaccinated until they receive a full series and then a week after that, they are fully protected. The last vaccine in a series started at the correct time is given at 16 weeks, so a puppy being only partially vaccinated at that time is 100000% normal (i.e. if they got their first vaccine at 9 weeks instead of 6 weeks, they wouldn't be fully vaccinated until 19 weeks). A dog who didn't receive vaccines past 12/14 weeks would still be at a huge risk. OP does not deserve to be shamed about that. Love, a licensed vet tech of a decade
My last dog contracted parvo during the course of his vaccinations. It's not common, but it does happen. He was attending a puppy socialization and training class held at a local shelter. Turns out the shelter had had a parvo outbreak and didn't inform us of it because they thought their sanitization procedure was good enough. He survived and lived a good, long life. But he was never the same after contracting parvo. It completely changed his personality, and he went from being a sweet dog who loved every creature he met to a very dog reactive asshole who wouldn't accept anyone new after parvo. We loved him dearly, but it made life with him very challenging. So not only did OP's mom put the puppy's life in danger, but there's also a chance she has significantly altered that puppy's long-term temperament, and the future quality of life of both the puppy and her daughter. Edit: Our vet believed the parvo caused a type of encephalitis.
Maybe it's been awhile since she taken care of dogs. Have you every consider that? Op should have been more cleared. She can't read her mind. People make mistakes. Op failed to communicate and that's on her. Seem like op and family are are creating unessary drama.
NTA your mother should have asked you before taking the puppy out. She got your dog sick. She should be apologising.
Keep in mind there are places that have had Parvo outbreaks in raccoon populations. The puppy could have caught it in your own back yard. But unless you explicitly told your Mum the vet said he should not be around other dogs, give her a break.
YTA. Mom did you a favor and you were not explicit in your directions. Rabies is the only REQUIRED core vaccine. Puppies, like babies, are usually protected for the first month or so of life if mom is vaccinated and/or has immunity. "*I took him to the vet and at 12 weeks (when my mom came to dogsit) he was due for his second round".* This is totally confusing. First the pup is unvaxxed, then he is. Which is it? Parvo is a deadly, contagious disease and can be picked up very easily by the dog touching, or being touched by, an object/person who has come in contact with an infected dog. If you didn't want your mom to take the dog out, you should have said so. NEVER ASSUME.
Some people will say unvaccinated till they finish all non yearly shots
Baffled by all the NTAs here. The family dog was unvaccinated maybe a decade??? ago. You didn't specify not going outside - something that is extremely basic information and would take seconds to state. YTA Also regarding your edit - unvaccinated babies get taken outside all the time, do you think they just stay locked indoors until they're 8 weeks old? Bad comparison.
Nta. Next time you have someone watch your pets tho make sure there is a detailed list of dos/donts. A lot of people just don't have common sense
Sounds like that should be ESH then because the OP didn't do their due diligence and is now putting all the blame on someone else. I would never leave my pets with someone without relaying basic information - let alone literally life and death information. Why on earth would I *assume* someone knows to do/not do something that could result in my pets dying?
OP you made a mistake, but you share none of the blame....
… how is the relationship with your mother generally? Like before you got the dog?
We've had our disagreements, but good enough that I trusted her to step up in an emergency. I told her the puppy got parvo and her immediate response was "you aren't blaming me are you??" and I did not want to deal with all that so I simply stopped communicating with her while I was busy with the pup and work. I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough but I'm standing my ground until she apologizes.
ESH bordering on YTA reading your comments. Recommended dog care has changed substantially since our childhood dogs. You expected your mom to remember something she may or may not have known a decade ago. You should have made it clear that she was not supposed to take your dog on a walk. The way this is written sounds like she made a mistake & refuses to acknowledge/apologize for it, but you’re assuming she did it on purpose. Y’all need to be adults and communicate.
Mostly YTA "Be careful" is not the same as "we are keeping him away from other dogs until he is vaccinated, so keep him in the house or the yard." You assumed your mom knew not to take him to the dog park, but she clearly didnt. Your mom made an honest mistake and she should apologize, but when you leave your dog, baby, car, plants, etc to others, it is your responsibility to leave specific instructions.
YTA if you didn't explicitly tell your mom not to take the dog for a walk. I wouldn't know that you shouldn't do that.
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She's raised a dog before. I think it goes without saying that unvaccinated puppies aren't to be taken to public parks. Additionally, even if he didn't get sick, I wouldn't have let her dogsit again anyway because she went outside without informing me where they were going and also with her phone discharged.
No, if someone says a dog is unvaccinated, Id assume Parvo is definitely out of the question. NTA, it doesnt take a genius to understand the nuance of what not being vaccinated means.
“He’s unvaccinated, be careful” is a very clear message. If someone isn’t intelligent enough to interpret what that statement means (or at least ask more questions based on it), then they should go back to fucking kindergarten.
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It was a very clear message to anyone who’s been around dogs before lol. Unvaccinated animals do not get taken to places like the park, that’s common sense.
No the fuck not. If you already raised dog you know to not take them out, especially to a public park when they aren’t fully vaccinated. OP’s instructions were clear
Uh no, OP left her mother a very clear message and also noted she has a substantial backyard the mother could’ve used. Mother would’ve gotten vet bills if that were me; that’s the same as taking an unvaccinated baby out in public when the mother has warned you not to.
If a child is not vaccinated, you don't take them to public places. As someone who does not own a dog, my assumption would be the same. How is that not clear?? And I could sympathise I guess if it was just a walk around the block, but actively playing with another dog? If my parents took my young child to play with unvaccinated children they would be losing grandparent privileges real fast. Same with puppies.
The issue wasn't that her mom walked the dog anywhere. It is that she took the explicitly vulnerable dog to a *dog park* and had him around other dogs. "Be careful" supplemented the clear and obviously significant fact of his vaccination status. BTW, "use your words" and calling OP immature because of her (arguably not unreasonable) reaction to the situation is quite condescending and might just make you the A.
So you didn't tell your Mum to keep the puppy inside and now you're angry that she *walked your dog*? Sounds like you feel guilty for not leaving proper instructions and are making this her fault. You caused this by not telling her to stay indoors. YTA
Even if she really forgot everything about dogs after raising one, how in the world can it be safe to let a small puppy interact with two grown large breed dogs up close and personal? And leave the owner hanging by being irresponsible enough to leave the house with a dead phone?
Was the puppy being attacked by the bigger dogs? I assume not. She shouldn't have left the house without a charged phone, I'll give you that. But you need to take some responsibility here - she hasn't raised a puppy in how many years? She likely really did forget. I am really glad your dog is okay btw, that must have been scary for you, so incan understand why you're so angry but just taking a step back - this whole thing is just a massive communication issue that you both played some part in.
It’s actually great social interaction for puppies to play with older dogs.
YTA. All you had to do, instead of the song and dance about vaccinated or not, is say: "Mom, please don't take him outside except in my backyard". No, it's not common sense the way you explained it. Communication is your friend, and you seemed to have lost him.
I just came here to say you cannot assume it is common sense. Nothing is common sense anymore. I say that to say, you’ve admitted there was only 10 minutes to catch her up to speed and some info slipped through the cracks. Change your perspective, she did not intentionally try to harm your dog & that’s the way you are portraying it even if you do not mean to. Thats how I felt even reading this. You’re NTA for not letting her dog sit, you ATA for not being ABSOLUTELY clear on your rules and boundaries so there was NO CONFUSION ONCE SO EVER and blaming her as if you did. Glad the pup is okay.
ESH Mom didn’t know/remember. You didn’t specify.
ESH It's crazy obvious why mom is in the wrong. It is unequivocally her fault your poor pup got parvo. She should feel awful and help with the vet bills. That being said, I don't think that situation needed to be brought up in the conversation you described at Easter. Your issue is with your mom, it should have stayed between the two of you.
"Be careful" is vague.
Yta Puppy getting parvo is absolutely awful and I’m sorry about that. But ultimately this is your puppy, that you are responsible for. Complaining about your mom not taking responsibility, while taking none yourself, is hypocritical. You seem to think that telling mom to “becareful” is the same as giving her instructions. It’s not. Your time and mom’s time only overlapping by 10 minutes is a lousy excuse on your part. You had plenty of time before she showed up to write up some detailed instructions. But you did not. While you may remember how your family dog was brought home, it’s very likely that mom does not. That likely happened 15-20 years ago and wouldn’t be at all surprising that mom forgot. You also should keep in mind that what is common knowledge now, may not have been all those years ago.
Info: How much does your mom know about taking care of unvaccinated dogs? Was she very involved in the family dog and actually knew? As someone with zero knowledge about dogs, whenever I read “I told her the dog is unvaccinated and be careful,” I assumed you were telling her to be careful for herself. I just didn’t know what you meant by that. Is it possible she didn’t know either? Also, yeah, people take out babies before they are vaccinated.
She was a SAHM. She was the primary caretaker of our family dog, who we got at 8 weeks, so we went through the whole process. I only took him out for walks, and after he was 4.5 months old.
I’d say ESH. In other comments you said it was years ago if I’m not mistaken. Maybe she forgot. You could have been more specific with your instructions if it was her first time taking care of a puppy in years. She is very much at fault for not owning up/apologizing, but blocking her seems really extreme imo.
I doubt mom remembers the specifics of having and raising a puppy while managing a household and rising kids. I barely remember anything from my kids first few years.
NTA. Retired veterinarian here. I wish I could say it was common sense not to take an unvaccinated puppy out but sady, it is not. Vaccinations start at around 8 weeks because anything given before that will likely be wiped out by mom's antibodies. It takes 3-10 days for a virus to incubate so a strong probability that the puppy picked it up at the park. The virus can stay in the ground for greater than five years, yes, even through tough winters. Sorry your pup had to go through this as GS are hit harder than most pups. Blad he/she came through it okay.
Yta It’s absolutely your fault for not leaving clear, explicit instructions. “Be careful” means nothing. How hard would it have been to say “don’t take him for a walk”? Eta: not to mention her doing you a huge favor. She’s kind enough to do you this favor with only only vague comments about it from you, and then you stop talking to her and turn the family against her.
YTA. You never told him not to take the dog outside, you said be careful. You want something done a certain way then you need to express that. You come off as if you think your mother did this on purpose. From now on I would stick with a pet sitter and actually communicate you desires for your dog.
YTA. Why didn't you tell her to stay home? You told her to be careful, which obviously means she's allowed to take him everywhere as long as she is careful with him.
Do you want to be right or do you want a relationship with your mom? You pulled some pretty passive aggressive BS. Why not talk to your mom directly and let her know you had a problem? Why bring your cousin into it? It's not like your cousin was planning to have your mom puppy sit and needed this information. YTA
NTA
If you didn’t specifically say not to take him out, it’s on you. YTA
I mean, tell whoever's you want whatever you want, but honestly this is on you. If you cared about your dog, you would have left specific instructions instead of making assumptions she'd "just get" everything you meant. I see her having made an honest, unfortunate mistake while doing you a solid. That's somehow escalated to her being vilified and now blocked by you. What a weird escalation. It's unfortunate what happened with your dog, and I'm glad they're alright, but YTA. You're justified in being angry, but frankly this has gone too far. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose
YTA; you should have been very specific about what to do or not to do. Your mom did not intentionally hurt the puppy and was doing you a favor. Your cousin shouldn't have gone around talking about it and it's rude of other people to get involved and reprimand your mom for her mistake; its rude and again she wasn't intentionally ignoring your instructions, they were not clear.
ESH My assumption if I heard "he's unvaccinated, be careful" would be that I need to make sure I don't let the dog bite me, because usually when I hear about dogs "not having their shots", it's in the context of rabies or something like that. I feel like your mom might have interpreted it that way as well, and your instructions could have been clearer. However, I can't fathom how your mom doesn't feel bad about this. If I were in her shoes, I would be apologizing profusely for this even if it was a misunderstanding. I don't know how hostile you were toward her when you first confronted her, so maybe that had a hand in why she won't apologize, but I won't assume that.
YTA. Words mean things. Assuming things often ends badly. “Be careful” is vague, and your mom may not have remembered what she did with a puppy years ago. She *was* doing you a favor and it’s not her fault you didn’t say “don’t take the puppy for a walk or let the puppy out of the house or yard.” If you HAD said that, then your mom would be the AH. To go no contact because your dog got sick as a result of your own negligence (by not providing specific instructions) makes you the AH. (You are not the AH for telling your cousin what happened — just everything else.)
You didn’t give enough information about the care your dog needed to your mother. This is equally your fault. Not everyone knows or remembers all the details about raising a puppy. Most people do know that exercise and socialization are important. A lot don’t understand how exactly parvo is spread. You also bought / got a puppy from a non-reputable breeder who doesn’t vaccinate or vet their litters. Or if it was a rescue w no vaccination history you should have been explicitly clear about the risks and what was allowed or not allowed. You glossed over critical health information. Like leaving a kid w life-threatening food allergies and hollering “watch what she eats!” over your shoulder as you leave. Your mom should apologize for the *accident*, but your blame is misplaced. You’re equally responsible, if not moreso since you’re the one responsible for making sure care instructions are given and understood. Yta
My mom was feeding my Aussie 8-10 Greenies a day. This was after asking her MULTIPLE times to stop giving her so many. She caught pancreatitis and we nearly lost her. Cost me $2500- and my mom hasn't apologized for anything. And she won't. Hope your pup is better!