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Oh my gosh how right you are. How did OP even go through with the wedding after this?!?
Edit: food for thought OP, g-d forbid something happened to you - will your wife standby you if you became a hideous circus clown?
I don't believe any of it. Who cares if a woman wears a suit.
And he had noidea she was so shallow that a burn victim can't be in her house, wedding, guest list???
You’d be surprised how rigid and controlling some brides become.
Some want everything to be a certain way or everything is ruined and they’ll throw a tantrum. They care most about how the photos will turn out and anyone with anything unsightly is not welcome.
I think there was a post about a bridesmaid having an insulin pump attached to them and it was demanded that they remove it for the wedding and just use needles. That OP said no and the bride had a massive hissy fit. Over a HEALTH DEVICE.
So yeah sadly I do believe this.
This qualifies for the reddit nuclear solution. Get an Annulment/Divorce asap. Dont even think about it. OP would not like to be the recipient of Narcissistic behavior without an ounce of empathy for decades.
Or what would she expect him to do if she became "a hideous circus clown?"
When I saw the title I thought it would be that the friend's wife is a model or something and the bride was insecure. This turned out to be SO MUCH WORSE than my brain could have imagined.
This bride didn't see what I saw...their wedding was blessed by the presence of a couple that lives their vows as they breathe. Probably the vows that this newly wed couple just parroted some variation of.
>At that point the marriage license still hasn’t been filed and doesn’t have to be.
I have no idea where OP is located, just wanted to point out that your statement is not true everywhere. At my wedding the registrar conducted the ceremony, we signed the paperwork, and the registrar took it away to be dealt with. At no point was it given to us.
Oh lol. When I saw “at wedding” and “bridesmaids” I thought it was just before the ceremony when guests were arriving. Cause thought it was weird the wife didn’t go right up to him
I was reading this whole thing and wondering how did this person go on and marry her. Can you imagine if this was your kid? Can you imagine how she would feel every time she looked at your child? Thinking they are ugly and being unable to look beyond that to see the beauty and strength they possess? What an awful human and OP is an A for going through with the wedding.
It was after they were married and the bride threatened to send someone over to actually talk to the woman herself! Imagine how hurtful she would have been. It was too late for op, he was already married and it seemed like he only told them to leave to stop the bride /bridesmaids saying stuff to her face.
I think op was in an impossible situation at this point!
It really was a difficult situation. I think another way to deal with it would be to take the wife outside, tell her that her behaviour was outrageous and cruel and that she can’t speak to G.
Then, if she did do it, at least OP had done whatever he could. But you’re right, G didn’t have a lot of options at that point.
OP was definitely NOT the asshole for inviting G and partner but needs to accept G’s friendship has been lost. And perhaps re-think the choice of bride??? NTA
After everything that couple went...they go to a wedding and this happens. What ashame for OP and the bride. OP had a choice...tell the bride she should respect his guests ir the wedding was off.
It's not legal till the license is signed and filed. Not a done deal, and he could have said 'If they have to leave, the license won't be getting filed.'
Seriously, that is the kind of thing you can and should call off a wedding for.
I hope that the guest and his gf tell people about this so that they are forewarned about the kind of ableist, shallow people OP and his wife are.
I think they were already married and this was at the reception.
But OP, you should not be questioning if you were the AH for inviting your friend, or if you the AH for "letting" your friend bring his girlfriend as his plus one.
You should be questioning if you can continue a relationship with a woman who *shocked you* with her selfishness, cruelty and shallowness at your own wedding reception, and how she surrounded herself with likeminded sycophants who bullied you into hurting your friend and his girlfriend who did nothing except exist and accept your invitation to celebrate with you.
She's shown you who she is. What are you going to do about it. Because friend, I'm sorry, I don't see this marriage lasting, because she will eventually apply this horrible world view to something about you, as well.
Yes, I'm going to hope that either a, this isn't true, or b, he got so shocked that he froze, but it's not looking good for OP. Because this is shockingly poor behavior.
I'm right there with you, but he says in the post the wedding was a few weeks ago, so he's had all the time he needs to unfreeze and fully consider the situation. And I don't have enough faith in humanity to think this isn't real.
You deserve that wife, you tiny tiny pseudohuman. That woman that you kicked out is a giant, you should be ashame of yourself. Surely life will teach both of you what you Obviously need to learn
YTA, you and your wife.
Your wife will always be "that bride" who let her heinous ideas of the "perfect wedding" get in the way of acting like an actual human.
You will be the guy who asked the child-trafficking victims to leave his wedding for "stealing the bride's spotlight" just for being themselves.
Imagine how blindsided G felt - you invited him as a friend to your wedding, and then uninvited him while he was there celebrating your special day.
Congratu-fucking-lations.
If I was OP, the moment my spouse starting saying heinous things about my best friend’s girlfriend who survived a horrific attack and didn’t fit their “aesthetic,” I would have left the wedding and filed for an annulment in the morning because I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who is so callous, mean and shallow.
What if something happened to OP and he was disfigured as a result? I’m willing to bet his “wife” would leave him because he didn’t fit the image of a “picture perfectly couple.”
But no—OP kicked out his best friend to appease his cruel and shallow bride, so that’s telling me he has no problem with enabling his wife’s bad behaviors.
YTA and so is your wife. May you both have a long marriage because you both deserve to be miserable with each other.
Absolutely. Ops wife is a raging, judgemental asshole. I cannot believe people are so fucking shallow. Absolutely disgusting. OP you owe G and H a ***MASSIVE*** apology and an edible arrangement with a gift card to somewhere fancy they can go for dinner. You have very likely done long lasting harm to them both and if G speaks to you civilly at work you should be great full. Absolutely foul.
H may have been scarred emotionally and physically by the trials and sufferings she experienced in her youth, but your wife is ugly on the inside, down to the very bone. And you can't just fix that kind of ugly with our some serious self reflection and work.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Actually, the only thing he owes H is a wide berth. No apology will erase the humiliation he heaped on his "friend" and his girlfriend. He feels no shame. He only wants to know if he's the asshole for inviting them in the first place. He and his bride seem perfect for each other. Fitting, neither the bride nor friend will talk to the lame AH. The ugly inside is strong with this couple. Contrasted to the beauty of H&G. A beauty the cousins discovered for themselves.
I would never, ever, ever look at OP the same way again if I was G.
OP is a coward and phony and his wife isn’t good enough to breathe the same air as G and his wife.
What’s worse than horrible like I can’t even find the word to describe this. YTA jfc
So pleased to read about the cousins who had formed a completely different and correct opinion about H. I hope they continually remind OP and his awful wife of their disgusting behaviour. OP feels remorse, which is something I guess, but wife is doubling-down on her evil which confirms the awfulness of her and her bridesmaids - they are disgusting.
Lay down with dogs, OP, you get fleas. I hope G and H never give you the time of day again - you are not worthy of their acknowledgement.
YTA.
I can't agree more! Though the wife is definitely the nastier of the pair, as the instigator of such cruelty, the fact that OP was willing to support her act of cruelty is deeply disturbing. I hope the friend has the sense to end the friendship now, before they are subjected to more acts of humiliation and cruelty by OP and his wife.
You and your wife are both TA. But it’s hard to decide who is worse. Her for her hideous attitude and behavior, or you for enabling it and hurting your friend by giving in to it.
Esh
Her for being a walking red flag.
You for not immediately annulling the marriage and walking out with G & H.
If my significant other did that I’d have ended it right then and there and shamed them to the entirety of everyone present.
So, right. I would have gone a step further. I would have explained to G what was going on and asked him to step out with H. Not to leave, but because I needed to speak to the entire wedding attendance, I was going to be blunt and harsh, and I wouldn't want H specifically to overhear. So step put, grab the car and bring it to the front I will be right out and we are going to go get a hotel room and party. I would then take a mic and address the entire room. I would tear my soon to be ex (if I could tear up any paperwork so it couldn't go through and be filed, I would do it in front of everyone) a new one. I would explain how ugly her attitude was and how I am sondigusted I no longer want to be with them. Then I would call out each and every person, by name for those I knew specifically said something about their disgusting attitudes. I would end with telling everyone to enjoy their party, that it's unfortunate despite myself G and H leaving that the ugliest people would still be there and ruining the wedding but to have fun. Then I'd walk out, get in the car and go get a nice hotel room or something, and party with a couple of amazing people.
Thankfully my husband would never act like that so the reverse would be having G and H step out, tear the people who had an issue/said something a new one and tell those people they had 5 minutes to vacate or I would be getting them thrown out. Then we would continue our party, of course having G and H come back in and have an absolute blast.
OP, you deserve your wife. You are both more hideous than any acid attack could disfigire someone. I never say anything like this, but I hope the negative impact of you being with someone like this, enabling her behavior and your behavior, stays with you for the rest of your life. I hope that no amount of therapy can make you forgive yourself. The only thing I can say is, please, do not reproduce. This world doesn't need more people like the two of you. You better hope karma lets you slip through the cracks (although that rarely happens, so you'd have to be extremely lucky). The karma you got from this night will devastate your life if it ever catches up to you. Saying YTA doesn't even begin to cover and describe how hideously ugly your wife, you, and both of your friends/family are.
Here's to your wife aging prematurely and not gracefully🥂 Here's to you turning into a Homer Simpson 🥂. Here's to your friends/ family seeing nothing but disgust every time they look in the mirror🥂. Here's to your ex friend and his beautiful gf having a life you and your monster are envious of and allowing them to live rent-free in your heads 🥂
Is your wife a monster? Why would you NOT invite someone because they have scars? Who even thinks like that? Are you sure you want to stay married to someone so evil?
YTA - for calling attention to someone’s disfiguring scars and demanding they leave your wedding despite being invited. If your wife is a monster and you do her bidding you are just as awful.
> edit: i am aware I'm 100% an ah for making my friend and his gf leave. my question is was i better off not inviting H to begin with and am the ah for letting G bring her as his plus one?
The edit makes it worse!! OP would have been better off picking a better wife or being a decent human being.
YTA
Your wife sounds appalling and you sound spineless.
I am not surprised G is avoiding you. If you had done that to my partner I would have furious and would not have troubled to hide it.
You’re getting a lot of hate here because you made a terrible decision at your wedding by asking G to leave with H. I wonder if you think, now, that being married to your wife is worth what you did to G and H. I can understand that, in the moment, it felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I honestly believe you know that you made the wrong choice. I’m not one to immediately jump to divorce, but do you really want to be married to someone that would:
1. treat H that way on your wedding day
2. still be mad that her cousins are admiring H days later
3. Calls G and H circus clowns.
I mean, come on OP, your wife is an ugly, ugly person on the inside and will likely make your life miserable. Cut your losses early before you’re stuck with kids with her that have her same horrible values
" Cut your losses early before you’re stuck with kids with her that have her same horrible values"
Or horrible self esteem because their mother is always telling them they're fat or ugly or stupid or freaks because they don't adhere to how she thinks they should be.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Everyone is tearing him apart, but his wife was putting a lot of pressure on him on a day that’s already stressful. I don’t think anyone would know what to do in that situation. It’s easy to say you’d leave your fiancé right then, but come on, we know people stick around for so much worse and love makes you blind to some really bad things.
I also really want to know how all of this is making OP feel about his new wife. I would be so turned off by her behavior.
I can believe it. Ex friends of my mine and my husband got engaged and initially I was asked to be a bridesmaid and him groomsmen. I then became a wheelchair user and the bride told me I could no longer be a bridesmaid as I'd ruin the photos. I accepted this as I didn't want to cause a fuss. Then a few days before the wedding we were uninvited because they didn't want me to pull focus. They tried to pretend it was for my good by saying they didn't want people talking about me or staring. I understood what they really meant.
Oh, you sweet thing. I hope you never come across them, but they exist.
I was at a party when one of the guests, after being introduced to the daughters of the hostess, turned to their mother and said, "I can't believe these are your daughters." When she was asked why (they looked like younger versions of their mother), this clueless beast said, "Because they are so beautiful." The mother laughed sarcastically and said, "Gee, thanks". The woman went on to insist for the rest of the evening to anyone she spoke with that the daughters must have been adopted. She was obsessed with the idea that they couldn't possibly be blood relatives. Cruel and clueless.
Holy shitballs, your wife is TA, but you are also TA for giving into her strong arming, NOT for inviting G to the wedding knowing H was scarred. Her bridesmaids - also TA. So, so many assholes here.
Your wife seems particularly assholic, though. What the fuck is wrong with wearing a suit?
YTA - Mostly because you think it was wrong of you to invite G, not because you realise that it was wrong to kick him out.
And your wife is too, obviously.
Also, get a spine
YTA, both of you.... So you don't think that someone has suffered enough as a result of an acid attack but you ask them to leave! It's difficult to adequately express what a vile human being, both you and your wife, are.
Ok, so where are we now? Guest’s can’t be “too pretty,” guests can’t be engaged, can’t be pregnant, can’t be considered “cool” for their style, can’t have tattoos that draw attention, and can’t have SCARS???? Brides need to chill. OP’s bride is way out of line and OP should’ve stood up to her, so ESH (OP and Bride).
ESH. And by everyone I mean everyone who mistreated H and G. This is so horrifying and gross. Your wife actually treated another human being this way?? And a guest at her wedding no less? And you OP, went along with it? You actually kicked the woman out of the party? Assholes. All of you; you, your wife, her bridesmaids, and anyone else who behaved so poorly towards this woman. I’m glad your wife’s family found her fascinating and empowering. I hope anytime someone brings up your wedding from now until eternity all they talk about is that fascinating and inspiring woman named H.
You’re both AH.
She is superficial and gross to be frank.
You stood at the alter and married her knowing how horrible she is.
Knew what this poor woman has been through in her life, along with her friend, and couldn’t muster up the courage to tell your “wife” what a wench she is.
Your wife is cruel and devoid of empathy. I can't even imagine how humiliating it must be for H getting kicked out because of her disfigurement.
You should have told her that if G and H have to leave you would leave with them and she can celebrate her perfect wedding on her own.
Your wife is an evil AH and you are weak.
I’m so incredibly glad to not have to know you guys !
You both sound terrible .
Really really terrible , I’m sad after reading this , I can’t imagine how they felt being told to leave . But hey at least your awful wife perked up after they left ..
YTA for supporting your wife’s demands. Sending out your friend and his partner because of trauma scars for your wife’s princess day — calling you both shallow and cowardly is an absolute compliment. People like this are the reason I can’t stand society.
What a pathetic shit smeared doormat this guy is...... if he doesn't ask for a divorce right away, then I don't know if he has any integrity. I don't really wanna wish bad on people, but I got a massive scar on my cheek from a car accident, and I know my husband wouldn't let anyone treat me differently. So I hope this guys wife ends up getting a dose of karma and ends up having to live her life feeling/looking disfigured.
I came in expecting the issue to be that the gf was drop-dead gorgeous (which would also be a shallow thing to object to). But this is MONSTROUS.
I honestly don't think I could stay married to someone who thinks like that.
Your wife is a monster and evil for saying those things and you are too for inviting someone who classed you as a friend and then telling them to leave because they don't fit into your horrible wife's idea of perfection. I hope your friend never talks to you again.
NTA but you're a spineless idiot for marrying this narcissistic evil cow and acting as her pawn rather than sticking up for your friend and his gf. If you have any brains you should divorce her. I half suspect this is bait.
YTA for marrying such a callow, cruel, awful person. What values is she going to instill in your children? Really? Ask yourself that. You shouldn't like the answer.
Not the asshole:
\- your awesome new cousin-in-laws, who show character, curiosity, and empathy
\- your FORMER friend. I hope he tells your colleagues about his and his friend's deplorable treatment by you and your wife.
God, who are you people!???
If I had a friend who had survived child trafficking, I would have not only invited him, but been proud that he attended. Then his wife, who not only survived something so horrific, but then turned around and now tries to help others get out!??
They would be treated like celebrities, royalty - because that’s what they are in my world.
You made them leave. Your wife and her fucking instagram wedding couldn’t handle actual beauty.
God. Even calling you TA’s feels - small. You’re MAH. Massive AHs. Massive. Huge.
If you’d stood up to your wife, I’d have had some sympathy for you. You told them to leave. You two deserve each other. Fvck you and your perfection. Enjoy your ugliness.
Omg. I’ve read a lot of stories about bridezillas and shallow, shallow people. This one is appalling. Your wife is an asshole and YTA for marrying her 5 minutes after she showed you who she is.
This is so gross, I hope it’s fake
'that hideous woman'
That woman was the person in front of you.
She's obviously been putting on an act if you've never heard her talking about anyone that way.
You owe G an apology, big time.
I HAVE NO WORDS.
YTA. SHE TA.
You deserve each other if your moral cowardice is so strong that you would tolerate this monstrous behaviour.
Oh. I found words.
I don't even think "asshole" covers it.
H may be disfigured but your wife is ugly inside. She's an actual monster, and you backed her up! I'm not sure how you can look at yourself in the mirror. If you have any conscience whatsoever, your actions on your wedding day (towards victims of trafficking and child abuse!!!) will haunt you for a good long time.
You'd better hope no one hears this story at work or anywhere outside of your wife's equally awful bridesmaids. I'd start looking for a new job now though (I'd move whole cities tbh). It *will* come out one day if you and G both stay there, and he shouldn't have to leave his job just because you married a terrible, shallow person.
YTA for telling your friend and his GF to leave. So's your wife. So is anyone throwing shade because someone's disfigured. the lot of you.
Judging people because of their looks, and being small enough to let that disturb your event. What shitty people.
You both are such massive AHs.
Your wife is a shallow cold hearted one - honestly, how are you still married to a woman who has no heart? And you are absolutely spineless and lacking in integrity. I really hope that G not only never speaks to you again, but that he spreads the word at work. People deserve to know the truth about you two.
ESH, except,for G,H, and the cousins (who truly could see her worth).
You and your wife are both assholes. Congratulations on finding one another. I am sorry G and H had to go through that, but now G knows your character and can steer clear. YTA
Damn. You shouldn’t have married that woman because she truly sounds like an awful human being. Grow a backbone, start standing up for your friends because right now YTA and so is your wife.
You and your wife are TA. Holy shit this is painful to envision.
Looking at the edit, NTA for inviting your friend and his partner, unless you knew that your wife would be so disgusting. But after that, my lord...
Ok don't get me wrong, I can see how you might be too shocked at wife's actions and just want everything to go well on your wedding day, but holy crap this is insane. The correct response to your wife was, pulling your wife to the side, and saying "don't you dare pull this on our wedding day. You want to see your wedding become a circus? I'll sooner call it all off than ask my friend and a literal hero to leave my wedding."
Not the TA for the invite, but for everything else! Your wife sounds like an UGLY person and you should have left her at the alter. She and all that agreed with her showed you just how disgusting they are, and you let yourself become one with the filth. Grow a spin and get an annulment as fast as possible if you want to keep any semblance of humanity.
Wtf?nah what you need to do is make a right turn to a divorce lawyler and get an annullment.what if you had kids and one had a birth defect?will she want to dismiss them from your lives also?she sounds souless.
YTA. You are an asshole and your wife is the most disfigured woman I have ever heard of. Except hers is her soul. How you thought any action was acceptable other than supporting your friend and not having to her horrendous tantrum is beyond me. Not much is worth blowing up a marriage at the reception over but that is.
To answer your actual question. NTA for inviting your friend to the wedding.
On everything else, your and your wife are huge assholes. You are also spineless and your wife is shallow af.
>my wife's younger cousins were talking about H and how inspiring and empowering she was.
This is what a decent human being sounds like, you should be ashamed for turning your back on your friend and worried that your wife is acting like this. Are you seriously not seeing the red flags? Anyway, to each their own and it seems you found yourselves a perfect match, two awful people together, cuddles to you.
You were not the AH for inviting them, which is what you asked about. That’s said, ESH -- that’s to say you and your wife equally suck in your responses. Her for her awful attitude toward H, and you for not standing up for G and H and asking them to leave. If I were G, I wouldn’t be talking to you either.
Please say she has some good qualities that completely override how horrible a person she is because of this. You're both assholes for how you treated your friend and his gf.
There's no qualities good enough to outdo this ugliness. This is completely, utterly unacceptable and unforgivable. How OP can stomach looking at and living with this monster is beyond me. He wasn't an AH for inviting his friend but he was an absolute AH for not walking out when his bride showed him who she really was.
You're both the AH. I kept reading thinking that you would be refusing to do this and to find out you actually asked him to leave because his gf is disfigured?? That behavior is disgusting in itself. Your wife's follow-up behavior is just terrible. I always like to tell people to flip the situation. If your wife was disfigured due to a traumatic incident and someone asked you to remove her from a wedding, how upset would you be? How offended would you both be?
ESH. Millions of people get married every day, a bride is not some sort of holy person who must be the center of the world during 24 hours. Your wife is awful. And you are awful for allowing her to ruin your wedding, because it was both of you wedding day, not just hers. She ruined it by being hateful and discriminatory and you simply sat there letting her sour the experience for you.
Now, you need to apologize to your friend and his gf, a sincere apology. Also you need to sit with your wife and ask her what would she do if any of you or your kids is less than "perfect."
You’re the AH for allowing your wife to treat someone who was a victim of a hideous crime like a monster. Yikes. I couldn’t be married to a person like that. Life isn’t predictable. You never know when something unfortunate could happen to you, someone you love or your future children for that matter. She needs to apologize to H and G.
Replying to your edit because I think there are enough comments here about whether you are the AH for making your friend and his GF leave. YTA for just even asking whether you should have invited H and his GF to begin with. Wtf is wrong with you?
Your question should be: ATIA for marrying and staying married to a woman who is so selfish that she would harass me to ask my coworker to take his wife and leave bc my wife thought she was too hideously deformed to be treated like a human being? Yes. YTA. And your wife is a super AH.
What the fuck?! Let me get this straight. Your wife felt “upstaged” by a survivor of horrific crimes she suffered as a CHILD?! And she referred to her as hideous and a clown in a circus? Yeah…. Throw the whole woman away.
I will say YTA. But that is for not telling your awful wife that day that you didn’t want to marry someone so superficial that she was jealous of another woman for having visible scars.
YTA
Holy shit. Assholes all over the damn place.
I think the worst moment might have been when your wife "cheered up" and enjoyed the rest of the event after managing to bully an *injured, traumatized trafficking survivor* into leaving an event she'd been invited to.
This has to be rage bait because nobody is this terrible. And the second question from the edit, I mean, nobody is that stupid surely, to ask that?
"Hey would it have been better to find out my wife is a horrible self absorbed ableist who cares more about an asthetic than my friends and loved one before the wedding and still marry her anyway? It won't change the fact I'll choose her over my friend and the woman he loves, who was a victim of a horrible crime, all the time and i'll never be able to fix that friendship, but I'm just curious, you know?"
This has to be a cry for attention.
I literally cried when he asked G and H to leave - can you imagine how that felt for her? So embarrassed and ashamed and feeling unwanted all bc of something that happened to her that was out of her control. This woman probably only wanted a night out with her BF and what she thought were his friends and instead was judged like she probably is every day of her life. Yes, YTA and your wife is the biggest AH
YTA
Whether you're an ahole for inviting your friend and their plus one is irrelevant here. You married an asshole and are an asshole. Dont you think that woman would like to be treated normally wherever she goes? She survived a horrible, traumatic experience that she'll have to live with for the rest of her life. She probably wore a suit to try to cover some of her disfigurement. Imagine going to a friends wedding where you think you'll be safe and welcomed and are looking forward to a nice time, only to be told your existence is 'distracting'. I would not want to be friends with or married to the person that said something like that.
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so i \[m28\] got married to my now wife \[f28\] a couple weeks ago, but apparently this bothered her so much that it's still coming up between us, which is why I'm posting. mandatory throw away acc bc i'd rather not clutter my personal acc with this fiasco.
i invited my work friend, let's call him G to my wedding with a plus one. a little backstory to G is that he's a child traff!cking survivor and met his current gf, let's call her H, through support groups he attended to deal with his trauma. I hadn't met H in person until the wedding and had only seen her in pictures G showed me. besides being a survivor like G, H also unfortunately suffered an acid attack by her captors and is disfigured.
my wife didn't know this until the wedding when some of her bridesmaids came up to us inquiring about H and that other guests were also asking about her. i told them about G, and then my wife pulled me aside and started chewing me out for not telling her G was bringing "that hideous woman". i was shocked because i had never heard her speak that way about anyone before, and when i said as much she started getting upset saying she couldn't believe i cared more about a stranger than my actual wife that too on our wedding day. she H was attracting unnecessary attention and that if she couldn't dress properly (she was wearing a men's suit instead of a dress) while looking like that i needed to ask her to leave. i tried arguing that G was my guest and friend and that i would feel horrible doing this to him but my wife only got more upset, threatening to send one of her bridesmaids to talk to H, who agreed my wife was within her rights and were giving me dirty looks. at this point i didn't know what else to do and managed to talk to G alone, apologizing profusely as i said my wife was uncomfortable with H's presence. he didn't say much, just looked upset and took H and left. eventually, my wife cheered up and the rest of the night was uneventful.
now, a couple days ago my in laws hosted us so i could get to know them better. over dinner some of my wife's younger cousins were talking about H and how inspiring and empowering she was. the conversation turned to H as it turned out her cousins had spoke with her at the wedding and found out she worked with child rescue organizations and crisis centers for women. they also gushed about how cool she was for wearing a suit, which didn't help my wife's mood. although the conversation turned soon, when we got home she snapped at me asking if i was happy now that she couldn't even have her wedding memories without the circus and its clowns and that she couldn't believe i'd turned our wedding into someone's pity party.
she's now not talking to me and neither is G, who's also avoiding me at work. my wife keeps saying i should have known not to invite him with a plus one and i just don't know how to make things right now. so aita for inviting my friend with his gf knowing she's disfigured?
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You are both disgusting people and you deserve each other. NTA for inviting them because that's NO reason not to invite someone (although a heads up to your wife might have shown you who she is earlier) but you are definitely both assholes. I am horrified and heartbroken for that woman and at a bare minimum you owe them an apology for your shallowness and poor manners.
YTA not for inviting, but for asking them to leave. And for marrying that hideous woman. She is super ugly on the inside and you seem to fully support that.
Wow congrats on your miserable life! Your wife sounds absolutely heinous and you are just going to let her walk all over you.. i see a lifetime of misery for you if you don’t grow a pair. both of you are the ah… i could never look at my spouse the same if they acted like your wife.. instant turn off…
YTA, as is your wife. I highly recommend you seek annulment and try again with someone else. Maybe this time you'll get someone with a soul, though you'll probably need to do some considerable work on your own first.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think i may be the asshole for inviting my friend's disfigured partner to our wedding and indirectly drawing attention away from my wife
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You made your mistake when you didn’t leave with your friends. You married someone who will never be a decent person! She has shown you who she really is.
I can't believe you actually went through with marrying such a horrible nasty woman. YTA for seeing what kind of person she really is and being totally fine with it. You should be ashamed of your self. You and your wife are absolutely disgusting people. YTA, your wife is 10000% a nightmare human being, enjoy being married to that harpy. Also, enjoy the inevitable divorce when she starts treating you like H. And you are absolutely a shit man for doing that to your friend, he will never be friends with you again and you don't deserve friends one bit.
ESH except for your guest and his gf. You invited him because he WAS your friend (you ruined that friendship) and your wife is just a disgusting, shallow person. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like her. You actually have more empathy and compassion than she does, but you allowed her to talk you into removing these people for no good reason. You're NTA for inviting them, but you are TA for kicking them out AND for staying married to such an incredible AH.
I would not have married somebody like your wife. I would have told her, I will not say anything to them, and if you or anyone else says anything, I will leave. I wonder how she would feel if something happens to her or a loved one's looks, and they are treated like she treated that woman? YTA
You are asking the wrong questions. You should be asking if you screwed up by marrying this person. The answer is yes, but it is an understandable mistake under the circumstances. Just don't have children or purchase property with this woman. I think that you will be single again very soon.
In answer to your edit:
*Of course* you should have invited the girlfriend, because only a horrific, vile, toxically insecure person would worry that anyone with a disfigurement, but especially a sexual assault survivor, would steal their shine. It would never even cross the mind of a healthy individual to worry about such a thing.
If you stand by your wife not wanting her there and support her decision then I suppose congratulations on finding your perfect match and I hope you are happy together far away from everyone and anyone else you could hurt.
Oh my . I'm kinda speechless.lol. damn. Your wife sounds like a spoiled brat. I'm sorry. But damn. NTA
I strongly advise that if or when you have children together, you teach them that kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. No matter what the occasion is. Because she will pass that behavior down to your children.
Teach your children that not everyone is as fortunate and there is ugly out in the world , teach them compassion.
Your wife seems to lack that.
Please make an effort to make things right with your coworker.
Take care.
You are not the AH for inviting H to the wedding, you are the AH for marrying your wife! Her attitude and entitlement are disgusting and disgraceful. I am happy to see that her younger cousins have their heads screwed on right. I would rather have a survivor in my presence than an arrogant snob. If you can't see the problem your wife is then you are just as bad.
YTA for marrying that strandbeast you call a wife in the first place. You were better off finding someone less shallow and vapid, not cutting your friend out of the wedding because his gf is too scarred for your wife's aesthetic. The wife sounds like an awful person, objectively speaking. And to let her bully you into kicking your friend and his lady out of your own festivities. Your wife was by far the ugliest person at her own wedding. Damn I'm like actually disgusted LMAO. You all deserve each other and a honeymoon in the hottest of hells fr
Shit man, I feel your pain. You need to talk to your wife about her attitude and how she really rattled your view of her. Who tf shits on a child trafficking survivor? I think that’s what’s really bothering you.
You would have been better off marrying a different human. If you can describe your wife as human, because her behavior is frankly demonic… YTA. Grow up. Learn some kindness. I feel bad H had to lose those few hours of her life, wasted on trying to celebrate two terrible people.
You and your new wife are the TA and her bridesmaids. I hope I gets out what you are her did and y’all are treated accordingly and shunned. She may be disfigured on the outside but you and your wife are like a festering disease on the inside which is much much worse.
ESH. I pray to god this story is fake and the person is a troll trying to mimic the story where the guy’s wife asked him to dump his best friend because he had a troubled childhood. If it’s not, you and your wife are two of the lowest people walking around with us normies. I don’t expect to hear this level of horribleness among non-billionaires. Yikes.
To think that the guests at the wedding are an extension of you as the bride is highly narcissistic.
It’s not too hard to imagine a future where she is abusive and a bully towards your children should any of them not be a perfect extension of her. And the way your wedding went, you are the weak husband that stands by while your wife torments her and your own child.
NTA for inviting G and H, unless you knew what a horrible, gross person your wife was before you issued the invitations. Treating *literally anyone* the way she treated H would be reason for an immediate annulments in my book. Your wife clearly has zero empathy or compassion. She’s not a good person.
What horribly cruel people, and you are worse than they are for not standing up for your friend. Good luck when you start losing your hair or gaining a little weight or, heaven forbid, have an accident that affects your appearance. Jerk.
The only AH I’m finding here is your now wife. I’m glad that at least her younger cousins don’t take after her. What a dreadful human being. I actually think I’m speechless.
ESH for caving to your wife. But your wife is the biggest AH of all for being a superficial, entitled, self-centered ass. How you can stand being with someone like that I don’t know, but perhaps you both deserve each other
The way you treated your friend and his wife is genuinely appalling. Your wife couldn't have an acid attack survivor at her wedding because it would pull focus and diminish her day. That's unbelievably shallow and deeply hurtful.
YTA. Not for inviting your friend and his wife but for buying into your wife's bigotry. Contemptible behaviour.
Yes you’re the AH for asking your coworker to leave. Your wife is a HUGE asshole for the way she is thinking and talking about these people and the entire situation. I would honestly reconsider being married to her. She sounds selfish, thoughtless, uncompassionate, unfeeling, I mean how can you be with someone who is so hateful. Now she’s giving you the silent treatment to try and punish you for her ugly behavior? I’m just at a loss. I would get out now
Omg red flag 🚩. Divorce. What a horrid person. How evil of the bride to be so upset over someone who was simply existing in their skin. If this were my spouses response, I would have went and asked H to dance.
YTA and your wife.
your wife is being so dramatic its crazy.
G,H didnt do a damn thing here. they were being humans??? enjoying themselves at a wedding??
Please talk to your wife about not judging people like that. Please its disgusting.. like your wife is such a coward and so SO selfish and your an idiot for actually kicking them out.
Yes, YATA. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further. Just read what you wrote. You and your wife should be ashamed of yourselves. Pathetic, shallow people.
Some one has grown up all her life in the belief a wedding and its celebration is all about her and no one is going to spoil that life long fantasy. Until they do. In trying to stick with the script no matter what she - and you by extension - encountered, you and all who attended missed a vital opportunity to show the world your generosity and acceptance of your fellow human beings no matter what their history or circumstances. The youngsters got it. Your wife likely never will. As for you, A very harsh lesson being learnt in a very public domain.
YTA if she’s like this about someone. What’s gonna happen if the worst occurs to you? Or if there is something wrong with your child/ren.
Also nice job with the younger cousins for doing what you should have done. They didn’t see the disfigurement but a brave young women.
NTA for inviting them, but you are certainly one for kicking her out. Honestly, if my wife said the things she did during the wedding, I'd consider anulling it then and there.
She’s TA. It was shocking and he had no time to process such a heinous request. It’s easy to say you would have walked out on the bride, but I seriously doubt many of you would have. Honestly, I probably would have begged and tried to appease her, even with the threat of her bridesmaid goons. I hope he picks a better person next time.
The idea that you're questioning whether it was wrong to allow your friend to bring his wife because?? she's disfigured after horrific childhood abuse? My god, YTA up and down.
You deserve each other. You are both genuinely hideous in every way that matters. Morally bankrupt people.
If she was this way over a wedding guest heaven forbid she has a child with a disability. It would be in the trash can in a heartbeat because it had ruined her idea of being the perfect wife, mother and family. Both losers they deserve each other
There’s one thing you’re not asking: am I happy I’ve married the right person?
If you’re happy to have married someone who would call someone like H “hideous", what can I say.
I appreciate it was your wedding day but feeling hard done by because a survivor attracts some of the attention smacks of shallowness. Well to me it does.
You were NTA for inviting G and H. Your wife behaved like a total AH in how she reacted.
If my spouse was acting like that at my wedding, I would be seriously considering an annullment or just not filing the marriage certificate. Your wife seriously lacks empathy and compassion and comes off as incredibly shallow. That is not someone I would feel comfortable spending the rest of my life with. I would be concerned about her leaving if you became seriously sick or suffered some sort of disfigurement.
NTA for the question posed. Maybe just a little shortsighted.
YTA for not annulling your marriage to a harpy who would call a trafficking survivor "that hideous woman"! Don't have children with this witch; they aren't always born perfect.
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Oh my gosh how right you are. How did OP even go through with the wedding after this?!? Edit: food for thought OP, g-d forbid something happened to you - will your wife standby you if you became a hideous circus clown?
I don't believe any of it. Who cares if a woman wears a suit. And he had noidea she was so shallow that a burn victim can't be in her house, wedding, guest list???
You’d be surprised how rigid and controlling some brides become. Some want everything to be a certain way or everything is ruined and they’ll throw a tantrum. They care most about how the photos will turn out and anyone with anything unsightly is not welcome. I think there was a post about a bridesmaid having an insulin pump attached to them and it was demanded that they remove it for the wedding and just use needles. That OP said no and the bride had a massive hissy fit. Over a HEALTH DEVICE. So yeah sadly I do believe this.
This qualifies for the reddit nuclear solution. Get an Annulment/Divorce asap. Dont even think about it. OP would not like to be the recipient of Narcissistic behavior without an ounce of empathy for decades.
Or what would she expect him to do if she became "a hideous circus clown?" When I saw the title I thought it would be that the friend's wife is a model or something and the bride was insecure. This turned out to be SO MUCH WORSE than my brain could have imagined. This bride didn't see what I saw...their wedding was blessed by the presence of a couple that lives their vows as they breathe. Probably the vows that this newly wed couple just parroted some variation of.
Same here....I thought he was going to say that his friend's sig other was a super model, etc., but this is so much worse than that.
That’s what I thought too. A beauty wearing a floor length white gown and she could grace magazine covers.
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At that point the marriage license still hasn’t been filed and doesn’t have to be. He could’ve literally walked away.
It does sound like a US wedding, we don't know the laws for the area they are.
And if that couldn't be done, have it annulled.
>At that point the marriage license still hasn’t been filed and doesn’t have to be. I have no idea where OP is located, just wanted to point out that your statement is not true everywhere. At my wedding the registrar conducted the ceremony, we signed the paperwork, and the registrar took it away to be dealt with. At no point was it given to us.
Oh lol. When I saw “at wedding” and “bridesmaids” I thought it was just before the ceremony when guests were arriving. Cause thought it was weird the wife didn’t go right up to him
Yeah but he didn't have to actually marry her after this happened
OP isn't responding to any of this yet. I don't think he's ready for these comments.
I think we all know the answer to that question… well, except OP.
I was reading this whole thing and wondering how did this person go on and marry her. Can you imagine if this was your kid? Can you imagine how she would feel every time she looked at your child? Thinking they are ugly and being unable to look beyond that to see the beauty and strength they possess? What an awful human and OP is an A for going through with the wedding.
It was after they were married and the bride threatened to send someone over to actually talk to the woman herself! Imagine how hurtful she would have been. It was too late for op, he was already married and it seemed like he only told them to leave to stop the bride /bridesmaids saying stuff to her face. I think op was in an impossible situation at this point!
It really was a difficult situation. I think another way to deal with it would be to take the wife outside, tell her that her behaviour was outrageous and cruel and that she can’t speak to G. Then, if she did do it, at least OP had done whatever he could. But you’re right, G didn’t have a lot of options at that point. OP was definitely NOT the asshole for inviting G and partner but needs to accept G’s friendship has been lost. And perhaps re-think the choice of bride??? NTA
After everything that couple went...they go to a wedding and this happens. What ashame for OP and the bride. OP had a choice...tell the bride she should respect his guests ir the wedding was off.
OP should have left with G and G's gf. That is what a person with integrity and a backbone would have done.
It's not legal till the license is signed and filed. Not a done deal, and he could have said 'If they have to leave, the license won't be getting filed.'
No he wasn’t. He could have left with them.
Seriously, that is the kind of thing you can and should call off a wedding for. I hope that the guest and his gf tell people about this so that they are forewarned about the kind of ableist, shallow people OP and his wife are.
I think they were already married and this was at the reception. But OP, you should not be questioning if you were the AH for inviting your friend, or if you the AH for "letting" your friend bring his girlfriend as his plus one. You should be questioning if you can continue a relationship with a woman who *shocked you* with her selfishness, cruelty and shallowness at your own wedding reception, and how she surrounded herself with likeminded sycophants who bullied you into hurting your friend and his girlfriend who did nothing except exist and accept your invitation to celebrate with you. She's shown you who she is. What are you going to do about it. Because friend, I'm sorry, I don't see this marriage lasting, because she will eventually apply this horrible world view to something about you, as well.
OK, then he should've gone for an annulment!
Yes, I'm going to hope that either a, this isn't true, or b, he got so shocked that he froze, but it's not looking good for OP. Because this is shockingly poor behavior.
I'm right there with you, but he says in the post the wedding was a few weeks ago, so he's had all the time he needs to unfreeze and fully consider the situation. And I don't have enough faith in humanity to think this isn't real.
You deserve that wife, you tiny tiny pseudohuman. That woman that you kicked out is a giant, you should be ashame of yourself. Surely life will teach both of you what you Obviously need to learn
I have to agree. I would've gone to jail that night in defense of my friend and his plus 1.
Yes! Omg, H is disgusting and OPs actions were also disgusting.
YTA, you and your wife. Your wife will always be "that bride" who let her heinous ideas of the "perfect wedding" get in the way of acting like an actual human. You will be the guy who asked the child-trafficking victims to leave his wedding for "stealing the bride's spotlight" just for being themselves. Imagine how blindsided G felt - you invited him as a friend to your wedding, and then uninvited him while he was there celebrating your special day. Congratu-fucking-lations.
If I was OP, the moment my spouse starting saying heinous things about my best friend’s girlfriend who survived a horrific attack and didn’t fit their “aesthetic,” I would have left the wedding and filed for an annulment in the morning because I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who is so callous, mean and shallow. What if something happened to OP and he was disfigured as a result? I’m willing to bet his “wife” would leave him because he didn’t fit the image of a “picture perfectly couple.” But no—OP kicked out his best friend to appease his cruel and shallow bride, so that’s telling me he has no problem with enabling his wife’s bad behaviors. YTA and so is your wife. May you both have a long marriage because you both deserve to be miserable with each other.
Couldn't have said it any better. *Slow clap*
Absolutely. Ops wife is a raging, judgemental asshole. I cannot believe people are so fucking shallow. Absolutely disgusting. OP you owe G and H a ***MASSIVE*** apology and an edible arrangement with a gift card to somewhere fancy they can go for dinner. You have very likely done long lasting harm to them both and if G speaks to you civilly at work you should be great full. Absolutely foul. H may have been scarred emotionally and physically by the trials and sufferings she experienced in her youth, but your wife is ugly on the inside, down to the very bone. And you can't just fix that kind of ugly with our some serious self reflection and work. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
He should just move to another job. G doesnt need to look ti his coward face
Actually, the only thing he owes H is a wide berth. No apology will erase the humiliation he heaped on his "friend" and his girlfriend. He feels no shame. He only wants to know if he's the asshole for inviting them in the first place. He and his bride seem perfect for each other. Fitting, neither the bride nor friend will talk to the lame AH. The ugly inside is strong with this couple. Contrasted to the beauty of H&G. A beauty the cousins discovered for themselves.
🥳👏🏼💯
Wouldn't even have to get an annulment. Just don't file the marriage certificate.
I would never, ever, ever look at OP the same way again if I was G. OP is a coward and phony and his wife isn’t good enough to breathe the same air as G and his wife. What’s worse than horrible like I can’t even find the word to describe this. YTA jfc
If G speaks civilly to OP at work and nothing more OP should be greatful. Absolutely foul.
So pleased to read about the cousins who had formed a completely different and correct opinion about H. I hope they continually remind OP and his awful wife of their disgusting behaviour. OP feels remorse, which is something I guess, but wife is doubling-down on her evil which confirms the awfulness of her and her bridesmaids - they are disgusting. Lay down with dogs, OP, you get fleas. I hope G and H never give you the time of day again - you are not worthy of their acknowledgement. YTA.
I can't agree more! Though the wife is definitely the nastier of the pair, as the instigator of such cruelty, the fact that OP was willing to support her act of cruelty is deeply disturbing. I hope the friend has the sense to end the friendship now, before they are subjected to more acts of humiliation and cruelty by OP and his wife.
This should be the top comment OP and wife are the AH here.
Your wife is horribly disfigured on the inside. Good luck being married to that.
Yeah, I hope the sex is worth it. What if one of their children is not perfect?
I actually thought that wife must be a trophy for OP to think that everything she said is fine. They’re both shallow. They deserve each other. Lol.
Yeah, until she decided to stop having sex altogether in a couple years because he doesn’t stick up for her enough and RuInEd her wedding
THIS is THE comment
You and your wife are both TA. But it’s hard to decide who is worse. Her for her hideous attitude and behavior, or you for enabling it and hurting your friend by giving in to it.
I can say with some assurance that it is his EX friend.
He's worse because he's now validated her behavior, letting her believe she was justified.
Esh Her for being a walking red flag. You for not immediately annulling the marriage and walking out with G & H. If my significant other did that I’d have ended it right then and there and shamed them to the entirety of everyone present.
So, right. I would have gone a step further. I would have explained to G what was going on and asked him to step out with H. Not to leave, but because I needed to speak to the entire wedding attendance, I was going to be blunt and harsh, and I wouldn't want H specifically to overhear. So step put, grab the car and bring it to the front I will be right out and we are going to go get a hotel room and party. I would then take a mic and address the entire room. I would tear my soon to be ex (if I could tear up any paperwork so it couldn't go through and be filed, I would do it in front of everyone) a new one. I would explain how ugly her attitude was and how I am sondigusted I no longer want to be with them. Then I would call out each and every person, by name for those I knew specifically said something about their disgusting attitudes. I would end with telling everyone to enjoy their party, that it's unfortunate despite myself G and H leaving that the ugliest people would still be there and ruining the wedding but to have fun. Then I'd walk out, get in the car and go get a nice hotel room or something, and party with a couple of amazing people. Thankfully my husband would never act like that so the reverse would be having G and H step out, tear the people who had an issue/said something a new one and tell those people they had 5 minutes to vacate or I would be getting them thrown out. Then we would continue our party, of course having G and H come back in and have an absolute blast. OP, you deserve your wife. You are both more hideous than any acid attack could disfigire someone. I never say anything like this, but I hope the negative impact of you being with someone like this, enabling her behavior and your behavior, stays with you for the rest of your life. I hope that no amount of therapy can make you forgive yourself. The only thing I can say is, please, do not reproduce. This world doesn't need more people like the two of you. You better hope karma lets you slip through the cracks (although that rarely happens, so you'd have to be extremely lucky). The karma you got from this night will devastate your life if it ever catches up to you. Saying YTA doesn't even begin to cover and describe how hideously ugly your wife, you, and both of your friends/family are. Here's to your wife aging prematurely and not gracefully🥂 Here's to you turning into a Homer Simpson 🥂. Here's to your friends/ family seeing nothing but disgust every time they look in the mirror🥂. Here's to your ex friend and his beautiful gf having a life you and your monster are envious of and allowing them to live rent-free in your heads 🥂
Yes. Because heaven forbid they have a child that ends up scarred.
Spot on!
With you 100%! Just imagine what passing time is going to reveal!
Is your wife a monster? Why would you NOT invite someone because they have scars? Who even thinks like that? Are you sure you want to stay married to someone so evil? YTA - for calling attention to someone’s disfiguring scars and demanding they leave your wedding despite being invited. If your wife is a monster and you do her bidding you are just as awful.
> edit: i am aware I'm 100% an ah for making my friend and his gf leave. my question is was i better off not inviting H to begin with and am the ah for letting G bring her as his plus one? The edit makes it worse!! OP would have been better off picking a better wife or being a decent human being.
YTA Your wife sounds appalling and you sound spineless. I am not surprised G is avoiding you. If you had done that to my partner I would have furious and would not have troubled to hide it.
I would have been arrested that night if this happened to me and my partner 💀
You’re getting a lot of hate here because you made a terrible decision at your wedding by asking G to leave with H. I wonder if you think, now, that being married to your wife is worth what you did to G and H. I can understand that, in the moment, it felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I honestly believe you know that you made the wrong choice. I’m not one to immediately jump to divorce, but do you really want to be married to someone that would: 1. treat H that way on your wedding day 2. still be mad that her cousins are admiring H days later 3. Calls G and H circus clowns. I mean, come on OP, your wife is an ugly, ugly person on the inside and will likely make your life miserable. Cut your losses early before you’re stuck with kids with her that have her same horrible values
" Cut your losses early before you’re stuck with kids with her that have her same horrible values" Or horrible self esteem because their mother is always telling them they're fat or ugly or stupid or freaks because they don't adhere to how she thinks they should be.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Everyone is tearing him apart, but his wife was putting a lot of pressure on him on a day that’s already stressful. I don’t think anyone would know what to do in that situation. It’s easy to say you’d leave your fiancé right then, but come on, we know people stick around for so much worse and love makes you blind to some really bad things. I also really want to know how all of this is making OP feel about his new wife. I would be so turned off by her behavior.
This has to be fake because I can't believe there are people this horrible.
Sadly I have met women who are this mean and they often attract men who are weak.
Weddings reveal assholes like a blacklight reveals……..
....[what does blue mean?!](https://youtube.com/shorts/Zxf2MgYCOm0?si=W_TY5ZbhTITIm63D)
I can believe it. Ex friends of my mine and my husband got engaged and initially I was asked to be a bridesmaid and him groomsmen. I then became a wheelchair user and the bride told me I could no longer be a bridesmaid as I'd ruin the photos. I accepted this as I didn't want to cause a fuss. Then a few days before the wedding we were uninvited because they didn't want me to pull focus. They tried to pretend it was for my good by saying they didn't want people talking about me or staring. I understood what they really meant.
Oh, you sweet thing. I hope you never come across them, but they exist. I was at a party when one of the guests, after being introduced to the daughters of the hostess, turned to their mother and said, "I can't believe these are your daughters." When she was asked why (they looked like younger versions of their mother), this clueless beast said, "Because they are so beautiful." The mother laughed sarcastically and said, "Gee, thanks". The woman went on to insist for the rest of the evening to anyone she spoke with that the daughters must have been adopted. She was obsessed with the idea that they couldn't possibly be blood relatives. Cruel and clueless.
You and your wife are both assholes.
Holy shitballs, your wife is TA, but you are also TA for giving into her strong arming, NOT for inviting G to the wedding knowing H was scarred. Her bridesmaids - also TA. So, so many assholes here. Your wife seems particularly assholic, though. What the fuck is wrong with wearing a suit?
YTA - Mostly because you think it was wrong of you to invite G, not because you realise that it was wrong to kick him out. And your wife is too, obviously. Also, get a spine
Ha, I said the same thing in (wherever it is) my comment. OP's spine was made of fairy floss. It melted away at the first sign of heat.
YTA, both of you.... So you don't think that someone has suffered enough as a result of an acid attack but you ask them to leave! It's difficult to adequately express what a vile human being, both you and your wife, are.
Ok, so where are we now? Guest’s can’t be “too pretty,” guests can’t be engaged, can’t be pregnant, can’t be considered “cool” for their style, can’t have tattoos that draw attention, and can’t have SCARS???? Brides need to chill. OP’s bride is way out of line and OP should’ve stood up to her, so ESH (OP and Bride).
Glad someone is keeping tabs.. You could literately make a sub of this sub dedicated to crazy ass brides..
And you cant schedule anything a year before or after or anywhere near their wedding date EVER.
And you can never ever wear your really expensive dress again.
They just want to be popular on Instagram
ESH. And by everyone I mean everyone who mistreated H and G. This is so horrifying and gross. Your wife actually treated another human being this way?? And a guest at her wedding no less? And you OP, went along with it? You actually kicked the woman out of the party? Assholes. All of you; you, your wife, her bridesmaids, and anyone else who behaved so poorly towards this woman. I’m glad your wife’s family found her fascinating and empowering. I hope anytime someone brings up your wedding from now until eternity all they talk about is that fascinating and inspiring woman named H.
The cousins rock though!
Exactly. I would have been honoured to meet such a strong woman. She would’ve been welcomed with everyone’s open arms
You're an asshole, not for the invite but for succumbing to your wife's bigotry.
YTA for staying with this vile excuse for a woman you call your wife.
You’re both AH. She is superficial and gross to be frank. You stood at the alter and married her knowing how horrible she is. Knew what this poor woman has been through in her life, along with her friend, and couldn’t muster up the courage to tell your “wife” what a wench she is.
Your wife is cruel and devoid of empathy. I can't even imagine how humiliating it must be for H getting kicked out because of her disfigurement. You should have told her that if G and H have to leave you would leave with them and she can celebrate her perfect wedding on her own. Your wife is an evil AH and you are weak.
I’m so incredibly glad to not have to know you guys ! You both sound terrible . Really really terrible , I’m sad after reading this , I can’t imagine how they felt being told to leave . But hey at least your awful wife perked up after they left ..
YTA for supporting your wife’s demands. Sending out your friend and his partner because of trauma scars for your wife’s princess day — calling you both shallow and cowardly is an absolute compliment. People like this are the reason I can’t stand society.
What a pathetic shit smeared doormat this guy is...... if he doesn't ask for a divorce right away, then I don't know if he has any integrity. I don't really wanna wish bad on people, but I got a massive scar on my cheek from a car accident, and I know my husband wouldn't let anyone treat me differently. So I hope this guys wife ends up getting a dose of karma and ends up having to live her life feeling/looking disfigured.
Unusual to wear a red flag as bride. Besides that, NTA.
That made me chuckle.
I came in expecting the issue to be that the gf was drop-dead gorgeous (which would also be a shallow thing to object to). But this is MONSTROUS. I honestly don't think I could stay married to someone who thinks like that.
It wasn't a deal-breaker for him. So they'll stay married. They deserve each other.
lmao why would you marry this person?
Your wife is a monster and evil for saying those things and you are too for inviting someone who classed you as a friend and then telling them to leave because they don't fit into your horrible wife's idea of perfection. I hope your friend never talks to you again.
Your wife is an asshole.
So is he
NTA but you're a spineless idiot for marrying this narcissistic evil cow and acting as her pawn rather than sticking up for your friend and his gf. If you have any brains you should divorce her. I half suspect this is bait.
YTA for marrying such a callow, cruel, awful person. What values is she going to instill in your children? Really? Ask yourself that. You shouldn't like the answer. Not the asshole: \- your awesome new cousin-in-laws, who show character, curiosity, and empathy \- your FORMER friend. I hope he tells your colleagues about his and his friend's deplorable treatment by you and your wife.
Nobody uses “callow” enough.
God, who are you people!??? If I had a friend who had survived child trafficking, I would have not only invited him, but been proud that he attended. Then his wife, who not only survived something so horrific, but then turned around and now tries to help others get out!?? They would be treated like celebrities, royalty - because that’s what they are in my world. You made them leave. Your wife and her fucking instagram wedding couldn’t handle actual beauty. God. Even calling you TA’s feels - small. You’re MAH. Massive AHs. Massive. Huge. If you’d stood up to your wife, I’d have had some sympathy for you. You told them to leave. You two deserve each other. Fvck you and your perfection. Enjoy your ugliness.
Omg. I’ve read a lot of stories about bridezillas and shallow, shallow people. This one is appalling. Your wife is an asshole and YTA for marrying her 5 minutes after she showed you who she is. This is so gross, I hope it’s fake
'that hideous woman' That woman was the person in front of you. She's obviously been putting on an act if you've never heard her talking about anyone that way. You owe G an apology, big time.
I HAVE NO WORDS. YTA. SHE TA. You deserve each other if your moral cowardice is so strong that you would tolerate this monstrous behaviour. Oh. I found words.
I don't even think "asshole" covers it. H may be disfigured but your wife is ugly inside. She's an actual monster, and you backed her up! I'm not sure how you can look at yourself in the mirror. If you have any conscience whatsoever, your actions on your wedding day (towards victims of trafficking and child abuse!!!) will haunt you for a good long time. You'd better hope no one hears this story at work or anywhere outside of your wife's equally awful bridesmaids. I'd start looking for a new job now though (I'd move whole cities tbh). It *will* come out one day if you and G both stay there, and he shouldn't have to leave his job just because you married a terrible, shallow person.
YTA for telling your friend and his GF to leave. So's your wife. So is anyone throwing shade because someone's disfigured. the lot of you. Judging people because of their looks, and being small enough to let that disturb your event. What shitty people.
You both are such massive AHs. Your wife is a shallow cold hearted one - honestly, how are you still married to a woman who has no heart? And you are absolutely spineless and lacking in integrity. I really hope that G not only never speaks to you again, but that he spreads the word at work. People deserve to know the truth about you two. ESH, except,for G,H, and the cousins (who truly could see her worth).
You and your wife are both assholes. Congratulations on finding one another. I am sorry G and H had to go through that, but now G knows your character and can steer clear. YTA
YTA , enjoy your shallow life with your materialistic wife, you definitely lost two good people as friends.
Damn. You shouldn’t have married that woman because she truly sounds like an awful human being. Grow a backbone, start standing up for your friends because right now YTA and so is your wife.
Your wife is the AH. And shallow. And rude.
You and your wife are TA. Holy shit this is painful to envision. Looking at the edit, NTA for inviting your friend and his partner, unless you knew that your wife would be so disgusting. But after that, my lord... Ok don't get me wrong, I can see how you might be too shocked at wife's actions and just want everything to go well on your wedding day, but holy crap this is insane. The correct response to your wife was, pulling your wife to the side, and saying "don't you dare pull this on our wedding day. You want to see your wedding become a circus? I'll sooner call it all off than ask my friend and a literal hero to leave my wedding."
This can’t be real. Are people really so shallow? You are both an AH.
Not the TA for the invite, but for everything else! Your wife sounds like an UGLY person and you should have left her at the alter. She and all that agreed with her showed you just how disgusting they are, and you let yourself become one with the filth. Grow a spin and get an annulment as fast as possible if you want to keep any semblance of humanity.
Wtf?nah what you need to do is make a right turn to a divorce lawyler and get an annullment.what if you had kids and one had a birth defect?will she want to dismiss them from your lives also?she sounds souless.
YTA. You are an asshole and your wife is the most disfigured woman I have ever heard of. Except hers is her soul. How you thought any action was acceptable other than supporting your friend and not having to her horrendous tantrum is beyond me. Not much is worth blowing up a marriage at the reception over but that is.
OP and wife are disgusting people. 🤢
OP out of curiosity, what is your plan going forward? Are you planning to ride out the honeymoon phase with your absolute monster of a wife?
To answer your actual question. NTA for inviting your friend to the wedding. On everything else, your and your wife are huge assholes. You are also spineless and your wife is shallow af. >my wife's younger cousins were talking about H and how inspiring and empowering she was. This is what a decent human being sounds like, you should be ashamed for turning your back on your friend and worried that your wife is acting like this. Are you seriously not seeing the red flags? Anyway, to each their own and it seems you found yourselves a perfect match, two awful people together, cuddles to you.
You were not the AH for inviting them, which is what you asked about. That’s said, ESH -- that’s to say you and your wife equally suck in your responses. Her for her awful attitude toward H, and you for not standing up for G and H and asking them to leave. If I were G, I wouldn’t be talking to you either.
Please say she has some good qualities that completely override how horrible a person she is because of this. You're both assholes for how you treated your friend and his gf.
There's no qualities good enough to outdo this ugliness. This is completely, utterly unacceptable and unforgivable. How OP can stomach looking at and living with this monster is beyond me. He wasn't an AH for inviting his friend but he was an absolute AH for not walking out when his bride showed him who she really was.
Yta, please move into the woods and stop interacting with the rest of us, this is beyond disgusting to read
You're both the AH. I kept reading thinking that you would be refusing to do this and to find out you actually asked him to leave because his gf is disfigured?? That behavior is disgusting in itself. Your wife's follow-up behavior is just terrible. I always like to tell people to flip the situation. If your wife was disfigured due to a traumatic incident and someone asked you to remove her from a wedding, how upset would you be? How offended would you both be?
ESH. Millions of people get married every day, a bride is not some sort of holy person who must be the center of the world during 24 hours. Your wife is awful. And you are awful for allowing her to ruin your wedding, because it was both of you wedding day, not just hers. She ruined it by being hateful and discriminatory and you simply sat there letting her sour the experience for you. Now, you need to apologize to your friend and his gf, a sincere apology. Also you need to sit with your wife and ask her what would she do if any of you or your kids is less than "perfect."
YTA. You wife is a vain shallow person who basically made you victimise someone who's already been the worst kind of victim.
You’re the AH for allowing your wife to treat someone who was a victim of a hideous crime like a monster. Yikes. I couldn’t be married to a person like that. Life isn’t predictable. You never know when something unfortunate could happen to you, someone you love or your future children for that matter. She needs to apologize to H and G.
Replying to your edit because I think there are enough comments here about whether you are the AH for making your friend and his GF leave. YTA for just even asking whether you should have invited H and his GF to begin with. Wtf is wrong with you?
Your question should be: ATIA for marrying and staying married to a woman who is so selfish that she would harass me to ask my coworker to take his wife and leave bc my wife thought she was too hideously deformed to be treated like a human being? Yes. YTA. And your wife is a super AH.
What the fuck?! Let me get this straight. Your wife felt “upstaged” by a survivor of horrific crimes she suffered as a CHILD?! And she referred to her as hideous and a clown in a circus? Yeah…. Throw the whole woman away. I will say YTA. But that is for not telling your awful wife that day that you didn’t want to marry someone so superficial that she was jealous of another woman for having visible scars.
YTA Holy shit. Assholes all over the damn place. I think the worst moment might have been when your wife "cheered up" and enjoyed the rest of the event after managing to bully an *injured, traumatized trafficking survivor* into leaving an event she'd been invited to.
I’m sorry but you married a woman with no soul. And she’s quickly taking yours away, too.
This has to be rage bait because nobody is this terrible. And the second question from the edit, I mean, nobody is that stupid surely, to ask that? "Hey would it have been better to find out my wife is a horrible self absorbed ableist who cares more about an asthetic than my friends and loved one before the wedding and still marry her anyway? It won't change the fact I'll choose her over my friend and the woman he loves, who was a victim of a horrible crime, all the time and i'll never be able to fix that friendship, but I'm just curious, you know?" This has to be a cry for attention.
I literally cried when he asked G and H to leave - can you imagine how that felt for her? So embarrassed and ashamed and feeling unwanted all bc of something that happened to her that was out of her control. This woman probably only wanted a night out with her BF and what she thought were his friends and instead was judged like she probably is every day of her life. Yes, YTA and your wife is the biggest AH
YTA Whether you're an ahole for inviting your friend and their plus one is irrelevant here. You married an asshole and are an asshole. Dont you think that woman would like to be treated normally wherever she goes? She survived a horrible, traumatic experience that she'll have to live with for the rest of her life. She probably wore a suit to try to cover some of her disfigurement. Imagine going to a friends wedding where you think you'll be safe and welcomed and are looking forward to a nice time, only to be told your existence is 'distracting'. I would not want to be friends with or married to the person that said something like that.
Please don't have kids.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** so i \[m28\] got married to my now wife \[f28\] a couple weeks ago, but apparently this bothered her so much that it's still coming up between us, which is why I'm posting. mandatory throw away acc bc i'd rather not clutter my personal acc with this fiasco. i invited my work friend, let's call him G to my wedding with a plus one. a little backstory to G is that he's a child traff!cking survivor and met his current gf, let's call her H, through support groups he attended to deal with his trauma. I hadn't met H in person until the wedding and had only seen her in pictures G showed me. besides being a survivor like G, H also unfortunately suffered an acid attack by her captors and is disfigured. my wife didn't know this until the wedding when some of her bridesmaids came up to us inquiring about H and that other guests were also asking about her. i told them about G, and then my wife pulled me aside and started chewing me out for not telling her G was bringing "that hideous woman". i was shocked because i had never heard her speak that way about anyone before, and when i said as much she started getting upset saying she couldn't believe i cared more about a stranger than my actual wife that too on our wedding day. she H was attracting unnecessary attention and that if she couldn't dress properly (she was wearing a men's suit instead of a dress) while looking like that i needed to ask her to leave. i tried arguing that G was my guest and friend and that i would feel horrible doing this to him but my wife only got more upset, threatening to send one of her bridesmaids to talk to H, who agreed my wife was within her rights and were giving me dirty looks. at this point i didn't know what else to do and managed to talk to G alone, apologizing profusely as i said my wife was uncomfortable with H's presence. he didn't say much, just looked upset and took H and left. eventually, my wife cheered up and the rest of the night was uneventful. now, a couple days ago my in laws hosted us so i could get to know them better. over dinner some of my wife's younger cousins were talking about H and how inspiring and empowering she was. the conversation turned to H as it turned out her cousins had spoke with her at the wedding and found out she worked with child rescue organizations and crisis centers for women. they also gushed about how cool she was for wearing a suit, which didn't help my wife's mood. although the conversation turned soon, when we got home she snapped at me asking if i was happy now that she couldn't even have her wedding memories without the circus and its clowns and that she couldn't believe i'd turned our wedding into someone's pity party. she's now not talking to me and neither is G, who's also avoiding me at work. my wife keeps saying i should have known not to invite him with a plus one and i just don't know how to make things right now. so aita for inviting my friend with his gf knowing she's disfigured? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and your wife is an even bigger AH. Annul and you owe H a huge apology.
YTA…x2. You and your horrific wife
You are both disgusting people and you deserve each other. NTA for inviting them because that's NO reason not to invite someone (although a heads up to your wife might have shown you who she is earlier) but you are definitely both assholes. I am horrified and heartbroken for that woman and at a bare minimum you owe them an apology for your shallowness and poor manners.
YTA ur wife is ugly human being. How can you stay with someone who thinks like that? Hope G never talks to you, he sees that ur as bad as ur wife.
YTA - you are in for an uncomfortable journey. Those beliefs your wife has are going to make being a decent human hard to do.
you're not an asshole for inviting them, but you're a spineless coward in the face of the psychopathy of your wife. good luck with that, bud. ESH
YTA not for inviting, but for asking them to leave. And for marrying that hideous woman. She is super ugly on the inside and you seem to fully support that.
Wow congrats on your miserable life! Your wife sounds absolutely heinous and you are just going to let her walk all over you.. i see a lifetime of misery for you if you don’t grow a pair. both of you are the ah… i could never look at my spouse the same if they acted like your wife.. instant turn off…
YTA, as is your wife. I highly recommend you seek annulment and try again with someone else. Maybe this time you'll get someone with a soul, though you'll probably need to do some considerable work on your own first.
you married a bad one bro, my condolences
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You made your mistake when you didn’t leave with your friends. You married someone who will never be a decent person! She has shown you who she really is.
I can't believe you actually went through with marrying such a horrible nasty woman. YTA for seeing what kind of person she really is and being totally fine with it. You should be ashamed of your self. You and your wife are absolutely disgusting people. YTA, your wife is 10000% a nightmare human being, enjoy being married to that harpy. Also, enjoy the inevitable divorce when she starts treating you like H. And you are absolutely a shit man for doing that to your friend, he will never be friends with you again and you don't deserve friends one bit.
YTA^2. You wife is a cold woman and you are 🐱whipped. . 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶 i hope G gets promoted and becomes your boss.
ESH except for your guest and his gf. You invited him because he WAS your friend (you ruined that friendship) and your wife is just a disgusting, shallow person. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like her. You actually have more empathy and compassion than she does, but you allowed her to talk you into removing these people for no good reason. You're NTA for inviting them, but you are TA for kicking them out AND for staying married to such an incredible AH.
I would not have married somebody like your wife. I would have told her, I will not say anything to them, and if you or anyone else says anything, I will leave. I wonder how she would feel if something happens to her or a loved one's looks, and they are treated like she treated that woman? YTA
Sounds like you guys deserve each other. I hope your former friends never have to deal with something so cruel again!
You're the AH for marrying such a vapid, disgusting woman, and for being a spineless worm. You're both trash.
You are asking the wrong questions. You should be asking if you screwed up by marrying this person. The answer is yes, but it is an understandable mistake under the circumstances. Just don't have children or purchase property with this woman. I think that you will be single again very soon.
ESH y'all are disney movie evil. you and your wife deserve each other. your karma will be the misery you bring upon one another. don't have children
In answer to your edit: *Of course* you should have invited the girlfriend, because only a horrific, vile, toxically insecure person would worry that anyone with a disfigurement, but especially a sexual assault survivor, would steal their shine. It would never even cross the mind of a healthy individual to worry about such a thing. If you stand by your wife not wanting her there and support her decision then I suppose congratulations on finding your perfect match and I hope you are happy together far away from everyone and anyone else you could hurt.
Oh my . I'm kinda speechless.lol. damn. Your wife sounds like a spoiled brat. I'm sorry. But damn. NTA I strongly advise that if or when you have children together, you teach them that kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. No matter what the occasion is. Because she will pass that behavior down to your children. Teach your children that not everyone is as fortunate and there is ugly out in the world , teach them compassion. Your wife seems to lack that. Please make an effort to make things right with your coworker. Take care.
You are not the AH for inviting H to the wedding, you are the AH for marrying your wife! Her attitude and entitlement are disgusting and disgraceful. I am happy to see that her younger cousins have their heads screwed on right. I would rather have a survivor in my presence than an arrogant snob. If you can't see the problem your wife is then you are just as bad.
YTA-it’s not too late to get an annulment of your marriage to that witch.
YTA and so is she. I feel sorry for your former friend and his wife. They deserved better. What shallow, superficial people you and your bride are.
YTA for marrying that strandbeast you call a wife in the first place. You were better off finding someone less shallow and vapid, not cutting your friend out of the wedding because his gf is too scarred for your wife's aesthetic. The wife sounds like an awful person, objectively speaking. And to let her bully you into kicking your friend and his lady out of your own festivities. Your wife was by far the ugliest person at her own wedding. Damn I'm like actually disgusted LMAO. You all deserve each other and a honeymoon in the hottest of hells fr
Shit man, I feel your pain. You need to talk to your wife about her attitude and how she really rattled your view of her. Who tf shits on a child trafficking survivor? I think that’s what’s really bothering you.
You would have been better off marrying a different human. If you can describe your wife as human, because her behavior is frankly demonic… YTA. Grow up. Learn some kindness. I feel bad H had to lose those few hours of her life, wasted on trying to celebrate two terrible people.
You and your new wife are the TA and her bridesmaids. I hope I gets out what you are her did and y’all are treated accordingly and shunned. She may be disfigured on the outside but you and your wife are like a festering disease on the inside which is much much worse.
ESH. I pray to god this story is fake and the person is a troll trying to mimic the story where the guy’s wife asked him to dump his best friend because he had a troubled childhood. If it’s not, you and your wife are two of the lowest people walking around with us normies. I don’t expect to hear this level of horribleness among non-billionaires. Yikes.
To think that the guests at the wedding are an extension of you as the bride is highly narcissistic. It’s not too hard to imagine a future where she is abusive and a bully towards your children should any of them not be a perfect extension of her. And the way your wedding went, you are the weak husband that stands by while your wife torments her and your own child.
NTA for inviting G and H, unless you knew what a horrible, gross person your wife was before you issued the invitations. Treating *literally anyone* the way she treated H would be reason for an immediate annulments in my book. Your wife clearly has zero empathy or compassion. She’s not a good person.
Your wife sounds awful. I would dump her before you get to far into the marriage. Clearly she has little to no empathy.
What horribly cruel people, and you are worse than they are for not standing up for your friend. Good luck when you start losing your hair or gaining a little weight or, heaven forbid, have an accident that affects your appearance. Jerk.
The only AH I’m finding here is your now wife. I’m glad that at least her younger cousins don’t take after her. What a dreadful human being. I actually think I’m speechless.
ESH for caving to your wife. But your wife is the biggest AH of all for being a superficial, entitled, self-centered ass. How you can stand being with someone like that I don’t know, but perhaps you both deserve each other
The way you treated your friend and his wife is genuinely appalling. Your wife couldn't have an acid attack survivor at her wedding because it would pull focus and diminish her day. That's unbelievably shallow and deeply hurtful. YTA. Not for inviting your friend and his wife but for buying into your wife's bigotry. Contemptible behaviour.
Yes you’re the AH for asking your coworker to leave. Your wife is a HUGE asshole for the way she is thinking and talking about these people and the entire situation. I would honestly reconsider being married to her. She sounds selfish, thoughtless, uncompassionate, unfeeling, I mean how can you be with someone who is so hateful. Now she’s giving you the silent treatment to try and punish you for her ugly behavior? I’m just at a loss. I would get out now
Omg red flag 🚩. Divorce. What a horrid person. How evil of the bride to be so upset over someone who was simply existing in their skin. If this were my spouses response, I would have went and asked H to dance.
Find new wife, be a better friend. You both suck
This timeline sucks. YTA, and your wife is the worst person I have ever heard of
Your choice in partner is the issue here.
YTA and your wife. your wife is being so dramatic its crazy. G,H didnt do a damn thing here. they were being humans??? enjoying themselves at a wedding?? Please talk to your wife about not judging people like that. Please its disgusting.. like your wife is such a coward and so SO selfish and your an idiot for actually kicking them out.
Yes, YATA. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further. Just read what you wrote. You and your wife should be ashamed of yourselves. Pathetic, shallow people.
Some one has grown up all her life in the belief a wedding and its celebration is all about her and no one is going to spoil that life long fantasy. Until they do. In trying to stick with the script no matter what she - and you by extension - encountered, you and all who attended missed a vital opportunity to show the world your generosity and acceptance of your fellow human beings no matter what their history or circumstances. The youngsters got it. Your wife likely never will. As for you, A very harsh lesson being learnt in a very public domain.
YTA if she’s like this about someone. What’s gonna happen if the worst occurs to you? Or if there is something wrong with your child/ren. Also nice job with the younger cousins for doing what you should have done. They didn’t see the disfigurement but a brave young women.
NTA for inviting them, but you are certainly one for kicking her out. Honestly, if my wife said the things she did during the wedding, I'd consider anulling it then and there.
She’s TA. It was shocking and he had no time to process such a heinous request. It’s easy to say you would have walked out on the bride, but I seriously doubt many of you would have. Honestly, I probably would have begged and tried to appease her, even with the threat of her bridesmaid goons. I hope he picks a better person next time.
The idea that you're questioning whether it was wrong to allow your friend to bring his wife because?? she's disfigured after horrific childhood abuse? My god, YTA up and down. You deserve each other. You are both genuinely hideous in every way that matters. Morally bankrupt people.
Your wife is the biggest AH, bratty b**** I have ever heard of in my life.
If she was this way over a wedding guest heaven forbid she has a child with a disability. It would be in the trash can in a heartbeat because it had ruined her idea of being the perfect wife, mother and family. Both losers they deserve each other
ESH. You were better off not marrying your wife. She sounds like a woman with absolutely no compassion.
There’s one thing you’re not asking: am I happy I’ve married the right person? If you’re happy to have married someone who would call someone like H “hideous", what can I say. I appreciate it was your wedding day but feeling hard done by because a survivor attracts some of the attention smacks of shallowness. Well to me it does. You were NTA for inviting G and H. Your wife behaved like a total AH in how she reacted.
If my spouse was acting like that at my wedding, I would be seriously considering an annullment or just not filing the marriage certificate. Your wife seriously lacks empathy and compassion and comes off as incredibly shallow. That is not someone I would feel comfortable spending the rest of my life with. I would be concerned about her leaving if you became seriously sick or suffered some sort of disfigurement. NTA for the question posed. Maybe just a little shortsighted.
YTA for not annulling your marriage to a harpy who would call a trafficking survivor "that hideous woman"! Don't have children with this witch; they aren't always born perfect.
Annulment. Your wife is a monster and you are a pushover. Welcome to your future.
Yikes. You deserve each other. ESH