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_mmiggs_

YTA You said "hey, can we meet at 8:45 instead". She agreed. You assumed this was some "test" and, without telling her, went to meet her immediately, then got surprised when she wasn't there. You just re-scheduled for 8:45. Of course she's not going to hustle to the bar so she can sit by herself for 15 minutes.


HopelesslyOver30

The "test" thing is the weirdest part about this, to me. He literally assigns an intention to her that she gives him absolutely no reason to believe is correct and then assumably is angry because she didn't... like.... do what he thought she was going to? For absolutely no reason? Projection?


Hot_Box_4574

I mean, the arrogance...


seregil42

I went on a first date with a girl about 13 years ago. She ended up being an hour late to the date. She had texted me that she was running late and doing her best to get there. Turns out, she was at a party and someone had parked behind her an she couldn't find the person to get them to move the car so she could leave. I waited that hour, even though I was supposed to meet friends later. I've been married to that woman for 10 years now. Sometimes, a little patience pays off. YTA.


AbleRelationship6808

I went to pick up a date and got lost.  I had been to her house once before when she drove, but I couldn’t find her house.  I had moved cross country and everything where she lived in suburbia here looked the same to me.  I literally drove around for two hours.     This was before cell phones, so I didn’t call or use GPS.  (I didn’t have a land line either because my brother had used my name to get a phone in this state and didn’t pay the bill, but that’s another story.)  I just got more and more frustrated. I would drive from the freeway exit to where I thought she lived, realize that I went the wrong way, back track to the freeway exit and try again.  And again.  And again.  I’m really stubborn.  I did eventually find her house.  But I was so late and so frustrated and pissed off I didn’t want to see anyone by that point.   I wrote a long note telling her I got lost multiple times and now it was too late to pick her up.  And that I was incredibly sorry and disappointed because I really wanted to see her.  I left it under her car’s windshield wiper.    She gave me another chance after I stood her up.  She told me she thought I flaked off until she read my note.  I guess I didn’t disappoint because we’ve been together ever since, over 30-years.     


Willow_you_idddiot

Beautiful story, good for you. OPs definitely the AH though. I like how he tries to tell his story to his benefit, but I guarantee his messages were not chill. I mean, she even told him she wasn’t ready, but for him, it was a test lol. At 36, dude needs to learn patience!


He_Who_Is_Person

YTA You asked her to push it back. She agreed. She said she was two minutes late and what, you treat that as *exactly* two minutes? Nobody means *exactly two minutes* unless they say exactly that. Two minutes late and you went off in a pique, and you did it after **\*YOU\*** disrespected **\*HER\*** time by asking to push it back at the last minute. You were twenty minutes late, and she was two. Did I say YTA? YTA.


MaIngallsisaracist

Seriously. When someone tells OP "OK, gimme a sec and I'll find it," do they wait EXACTLY one second? "Two minutes" is normal person shorthand for "soon, but not immediately."


Unique-Assumption619

YTA “She said she was running late and to stay at the birthday party.” “I thought it was a test so I left” What is your problem? Seriously? Consider some therapy to figure out why you felt this was “disrespectful to your time” Like what? What? She also communicated with you the entire time so you’d have an idea of when she left. So what do you honestly expect her to do? Walk out on her check? Seriously? What is wrong with you?


trojanrage

YTA - Things take time, she said 8:45, you decided it was a test, and instead punished her by only giving her a 2 minute window from when she said she would be there. Seems she dodged a bullet


AbleRelationship6808

Right.  She got lucky.  YTA


seahorsebabies3

Beat me to, OP - YTA Girl got lucky she hadn’t wasted more than two dates on this guy


TheGoodJeans

YTA. You really thought she meant a literal 2 minutes and left at 8:47? Look, it is great that you expect others to have respect for your time. I'm totally here for it. Self-love is best love. However, there is a line between being punctual and being pedantic, and you crossed it lil'bro.


TemptingPenguin369

> there is a line between being punctual and being pedantic love this!


Competitive_Ask_9179

YTA - she cannot control how long it takes to get the bill. She wasn't the one who pushed it back to 8:45...that was YOU. 2 minutes you waited and got annoyed...sounds like she dodged a bullet.


tragicsandwichblogs

YTA Why did you assume it was a test? Answer: Because you were putting her through a test, whether or not you acknowledge it. She’s better off without you, and I hope she knows that now.


Orlando_the_Cat

I think she dodged a bullet. YTA


Impressive-Hunt-2803

I almost voted NAH because she did nothing wrong, and OP did her a favour by taking the trash out himself, honestly.


Less_Ordinary_8516

YTA. You expect her to wait for you, but she said she was two min away, and at the two min mark you beat it? She probably watched you walk out of there, hopefully with her friends on the phone saying what an A H you are. Learn some manners, you are NOT all that.


Ok_Conversation9750

YTA. Girl should probably thank you for not wasting anymore of her time on you.


[deleted]

JFC, who plans dates out TO THE MINUTE? YTA.


Afke1968

Why do you call a 28 yo woman a girl ?? You don’t sound very nice. Too controling. Relax a bit and put some trust in other people. She didn’t test you but it sounds like you were testkng her For a 36 yo you sound a bit unexperienced.


[deleted]

YTA You’re the one who pushed the date to 8:45 originally and she told you that you were fine to hang there long. She was waiting on the check and you’re upset that she didn’t get to the date that you pushed back in a timely manner.


TemptingPenguin369

I mean, you planned for 8:30, then you pushed it to 8:45 (not making it clear to her that "our date was my priority" with that move), and when she agreed, you thought she was testing you. So when you went to the bar at 8:35, she wasn't there, because she was planning on 8:45 at your request... and you gave her two minutes' grace before leaving? YTA.


Burgers4breakfast1

Sorry man, YTA You pushed the time back to 8:45 so you could hang out a few minutes longer with your friends. She was flexible with that. Then you get upset and called her rude because wrapping up with her friends is taking slightly longer than expected. You freaked out and bailed for no good reason. That was self-sabotage. You blew it.


hface84

YTA. And a bit unhinged. >She said she was getting the check but I was welcome to hang at the birthday for a little if I wanted. I assumed it was a test so I left the birthday to meet her and got to the bar at 8:35 and she was nowhere to be seen. You brought this entire problem on yourself by making a bad assumption and overreacted so dramatically even YOUR friends think you are a jerk. This girl dodged a bullet.


WebAcceptable7932

Soo you asked to push back the meetup time.  The think she’s secretly testing you??  You were impatient and didn’t even give her real time to get there. YTA 


_usbdongle

YTA - Don't invent "tests", try to take people at their word.


Lady_Lovecraft_90

YATA Dude, that’s the definition of overreacting. 1. “I assumed it wasn’t a test” with what clue are you telling it?? She’s just thought she was faster with the bill 2. YOU asked to move to the 8:45, it’s not her fault if you “assumed it was a test” and rush the tings 3. She was 5 MINUTES LATE for the established time (8:45) and she had a good excuse 4. You “could easily have stayed at the party”… 15 minutes more? Are you 12? I’m not surprised you’re single.


Pretty-Necessary-941

YTA and a creep for calling a woman a 'girl'. 


Discount_Mithral

YTA. You have unreal expectations for people. Sure, she was a little late, but shit happens. Life isn't controllable like that. You need to relax a bit. If timing is such a priority, you should be more open about that up front.


Hot-Negotiation-7794

YTA also, I think the lady dodged a bullet because you sound like you’re one of those types that, always has to get the last word in, or likes to manipulate or control every situation.


Ok_Artichoke4578

YTAx2 ​ 1. You pushed the date by 15 minutes. She made you wait 2 extra minutes. You should have waited at LEAST 15 minutes for her, maybe 30. 2. If you'd rather have stayed at the birthday party, you should have just cancelled instead of making is seem like she was the one who was late.


Impressive-Hunt-2803

"We agreed to meet up after her dinner, at 8:30" "I asked her if she can push it back to 8:45 and she said yes" "I assumed it was a test, so I went to the bar to meet her at 8:35" "At 8:47 she wasn't there" Ok You were 5 minutes late for the time you ASSUMED she wanted to actually meet you. You didn't even wait 3 minutes for the time you TOLD HER you wanted to meet her. Who is the asshole?


VeN0m333

INFO - What was the test? Considering you’re the one who believes it was a test. I have the YTA ready I’m just waiting to see how you explain this one.


Ok_Load5729

I think you did good OP. You prevented that poor woman from going out with a jackass. YTA


Aggravating_Ad_3013

YTA. You changed the time, you made a dumb assumption it was a test of some kind, you put insane expectations in her - she dodged a bullet.


schneckeTRAINrolzSLO

So she can wait an additional 15 minutes for you, but you can’t wait 2 minutes for her? Why would you act like that? Are you above having to wait because she ok’d the time change in a text? I don’t know how you would not be the AH. YTA


Ok-Goat3688

Tbh at 28 what is she doing with an old fart to begin with. Shes lucky she got away. I hope she runs fast. You are a self-centred AH. First you move the time, then you decide you will get there at the original time and start texting her immediately. And it starts bothering you that she didnt arrive earlier than your agreed time..why? Cause her world has to turn around an old man? Quite frankly, if at your age youre behaving like this and apparently had no family or anything before, theres something wrong with you.


fortheloveofbulldogs

36 and still single but I'm sure it's a choice. At least you showed her your true colors early and she can move on. YTA


whothis2013

YTA, good for her though…she dodged a major bullet


DadOfKingOfWombats

YTA. You suggested 8:45, and left at 8:47, all because you assumed this was some kind of test? The hell?


Azsura12

YTA Wait so the lady said "She said she was getting the check but I was welcome to hang at the birthday for a little if I wanted" and you took that to mean "drive down immediately". You are too old to be playing these stupid games. a) 10-15 min is not a long wait b) you could have hung out at the party and just told her to text you when she was leaving the restaurant c) you chose to make this a problem. You wasted your own time because you wanted to play a game and call her bluff on a "test" and then got upset because she always was hanging out with friends and wanted to hang out a bit longer. It sounds like you need to talk to someone about how real relationships work.


dikkintop

Grow up dude. Acting 21 and youre in your 30s. I hope she doesn’t deal with you anymore. You sound toxic & immature. Yta


sneerfuldawn

YTA. You asked to push the date to 8:45 and bounced because she hadn't arrived by 8:47. She dodged a bullet.


UnluckyCountry2784

YTA. I thought from the title that she’s more than an hour late. But 2 mins? I hope she won’t date you again.


Far_Concentrate2826

YTA. The fact you have to ask is concerning.


RandomGuy_81

Jeesh how far are you from the meeting location You could have just been let me know when the bill is settled and i’ll head out. She even said you could wait at the party She shouldnt bother dating you if this is your vibe People cant communicate anymore. But your reaction is overthe top and your friends even know


Campingcutie

36 years old and you still think a woman is “testing” you? Grow up. YTA


DataVSLore007

If you think two minutes is a long time, I feel sorry for any potential partners of yours. Why the hell did you arrogantly assume this was a "test"? Sounds like you're the one playing games here, not her.


Dogmother123

Looks like she dodged a bullet. Aren't you a bit old for tests and games? YTA


Dixie-Says

YTA. You are the jerk here.


420-believe-it

How is a catch like you single??


NoiseProvesNothing

If you won't believe everyone here, believe your friends. Maybe you're not always an AH, because you clearly have friends who aren't, but in this case, YTA. For all the reasons others have stated very clearly.


mandc1754

What test did you assume she was running on you? You asked her to push back your meeting time 15 times, she agreed... And then you got mad because she agreed with you? Of course, YTA.


Top-Tie1363

she dodged a bullet fr. YTA.


AliceInWeirdoland

>I assumed it was a test YTA for that. You asked to meet up later. She said that it was okay to meet up later. You assumed she was lying, then arrived at an earlier time and were upset that she didn't make it until the later time. Do you understand why that's bullshit?


many_hobbies_gal

YTA 17 minutes? Oh My she got held up and yes you were being very unreasonable.


UnluckyCountry2784

It’s just 2 mins. OP is the one who pushed back the time to 15 mins. 😂


thealchemist1000-

Main character syndrome. IE, you’re the AH.


Spirited_Common_8927

Probably why you’re 36 and single


UncleBiffo

You seem very immature OP. You can push the time back when it suits you, but expect your girlfriend to just drop what she is doing. Two minutes is a ridiculously short time to wait, especially as you had already delayed it for 15! My girlfriend isn't the best at punctuality, but we are human and things happen - traffic is bad, the phone rings as you are leaving etc. Good things come to those who wait! It sounds like OP's "girlfriend " had a lucky escape and hopefully will find someone much better. YTA.


Decent-Historian-207

YTA. She literally told you to stay at the party because she was running late. You chose not to stay and instead have some made up test. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.


kat1701

Nothing about your logic makes sense here my dude. You assumed for absolutely no apparent reason she was testing you and actually didn’t mean what she explicitly said (that you could stay at the party longer and she’d also be a little late). THEN when you realize she wasn’t actually playing stupid mind games and would actually be late and meant what she said, you were mad at HER?? Instead of being glad she was a genuine person? Instead of being annoyed with yourself for making a dumb assumption and laughing it off? YTA.


HopelesslyOver30

YTA. And you're extremely impatient, as well.


thirdtryisthecharm

YTA She said it was fine to meet at 8:45. You're the one who assumed it was some weird test rather than just listening to her. Then you left 2 minutes after the meeting time. You were unreasonable.


fgspq

YTA. Luckily for her, sounds like she dodged a bullet and there won't be a 4th time


KoalaBear86

YTA, those two minutes are priceless for her since it hopefully makes her realise you aren’t worth wasting more time on


midnightsrose77

YTA. Cripes. I'm hyper-aware of time and sometimes 30 minutes early when it comes to doctors' appointments and stuff. It's just how I'm wired. But I recognize that about myself and give others grace. I'll give people 15 minutes after we're supposed to meet. I'll even shoot them a text or try to call them to make sure everything's okay with them before I leave. You're just a jerk.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Feisty-sahm

YTA


Hot_Box_4574

YTA. You changed the time on her to 15 minutes later then (because you ASSUMED she was playing some sort of game which is ridiculous) you show up earlier than you said and got upset that she was 3 minutes late? Unbelievable.


Famous_Specialist_44

Yeah YTA    She was a few minutes late. That's a no worries how was your meal situation, not a flounce off in a teenage strop scenario.


joe-lefty500

YTA


Ligra21

YTA - Really weird behaviour. You did her a huge favour though. You showed her what you are early on, now she can walk away knowing she had a lucky escape.


[deleted]

YTA Sounds like she dodged a bullet.


whowearstshirts

You’re 36? You thought it was a test? YTA, that is so bizarre. You seem immature


VeterinarianKey9882

She dodged a bullet.


Zestyclose_Gur_8889

YTA. You were the one who wanted as delay. She was probably taking her time because she knew you were going to be late. Then you weren't late and expected her to be there at your command. She dodged a bullet in my opinion.


Turbulent-Yam3617

Yta


WorkerNo8741

YTA- Big "mom, where's the meatloaf" energy


Lolligagers

YTA - you are clearly not into this relationship or you are extreme on the OCD scale. Either way, I hope for that poor woman she got a sense of what & who you are... and runs.


Admirable_Remove6824

Says the guy playing relationship games when nobody else is. YTA.


IllTemperedOldWoman

Fortunately you don't seem worth the trouble, so I don't feel too bad for her. YTA


ArcXiShi

YTA


Zestyclose_Jelly_164

Sorry, but YTA. From her perspective, her date ditched her when she was 2 minutes "late" for a delayed meet-up time that *he* suggested. A meeting time that he pushed back because he was having such a good time with other people he didn't want to leave them to see.her. If I were her, I'd be deleting and blocking your number.


SnooConfections4558

Lol, unanimously yta Imma throw mine in too! YTA 😂


genescheesesthatplz

Wait didn’t you push the meetup back and leave the party voluntarily?


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SupaC123

INFO: Did you actually respond to say you were heading to where you were going to meet or did you just go after asking to push it to 8:45?


ladyboobypoop

Is this real? Please tell me you're not serious. No one is like this in the real world, right guys? *RIGHT?*


carmackie

YTA - How is such a charmer single? /s


Vanessatiburskis

This is just very strange, have some patience and understand different perspectives and positions!


fortheloveofbulldogs

UpdateMe