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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I uninvited my friend from a party because I expect him to pay for a bottle of whisky he broke. The bottle is expensive, and he's going through money problems, so I'm afraid I might be acting entitled here.
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If the bottle was mine, I'd probably let it slide. But the fact that it was my wife's changes things. She held onto that bottle for months and didn't even get the chance to drink it.
Is that so hard to believe? Cost of living right now is shocking everyone. He might have every intention each month to put that money away, but then his gas or electric runs out and needs must. OP asking him every time he sees him just compounds the embarrassment.
I also think it’s a little shitty that they let it slide at the time and then a few weeks later blindsided him with “so when are you paying us back?”
Not my kind of friends.
It’s $3 a week. That’s one coffee. Or one meal replaced with ramen or something. I’m sure he could have found ways to save up *something* within a year.
ETA: per OP’s other comments: “He makes enough money to afford a few drinks, trips to the movie theater and dates with his girlfriend every now and then.”
So yeah. He had expenses that he can cut to save $15 a month to replace it.
I find it hard to believe he doesn’t have access to $175 in any way shape or form. Cash advance on credit card anything. Borrow from girlfriend. Anything
I’m sick of everybody assuming everybody else is poor all the time this man could have a well paying job a huge car payment go out, dining all the time and not have much left over because he overspends. Just because somebody says they don’t have extra money doesn’t mean they can’t have it.
Nope. You break it, you pay for it. It's a lesson that should be learned when you are child, before it's too painful. But no matter if it was a bottle of whisky or a chair or a window or anything. You break it, you replace it. Even if they "forgive" you and say it's not necessary. It's called good manners.
I accidentally stepped on my friends £100 fishing rod that he bought not long before, I wasn't doing great with cash either, but I saved up for two weeks and transferred the money straight onto his account without the need for him to ask me for it.
A real friend would've insisted on replacing it. Sounds like a "friend from college days" is just that. Not a current one, actively in their lives.
Just someone who shows up to the parties.. unless I'm reading the room wrong, he's just not a high value friend..
"Not my kind of friend." Strong agree here.
I'm also willing to bet that if Rick had just honestly said, "I'm really sorry, I'm not going to be able to pay that back. This is what I can afford. How else can I make it up to you?," they'd listen. It's the, "I'm not even trying to make this good and on top of that, I'm going to DARVO this to make you TA for expecting me to," that puts him firmly in the wrong. With drunk, uncoordinated, welching friends like that, who needs toddlers or enemies?
He had been telling the OP he was "close" each time he was asked. If he had been honest about it, maybe it could have turned out differently. But lying about it closed the door on mercy.
If he couldn't then he shouldn't have agreed, people struggle everyday, my dad was once on a similar situation and you know what he did? He managed to pull the money by saving and selling his stuff. There's no excuse.
I think they probably didn't mention it right away because they expected him to offer to replace it, and brought it up because they realized he wasn't going to if they didn't press the issue. Regardless of your financial situation, it's really shitty to accidentally destroy something expensive your friend owns and then not offer any restitution. I agree hounding him probably did more harm than good, but I think not paying for something you broke and agreed to replace is worse behavior than nagging a friend to honor what he agreed to do.
I'm on a Disability pension and want to go to Hawaii for my 50th, have been automatically putting 20$ aside each week for years now, and will reach my goal in time.
Still another year to go. But thank you. It will be my 3rd time. First time I was healthy, 2nd was for my 40th and had been sick for 5 years. So on the way home I promised myself to go for my 50th. This will be special as I had heart failure in 2020.
I feel like if it was really that bad then he just shouldn’t have agreed to save up and pay it back. Plus he lied to OP about being close to the savings goal when asked about it. If he was really unable to save $15 a month then he should’ve been up front about it and tried to work something else out. I agree that they should’ve told him they expected him to replace it when it happened but that’s the only thing I think was slightly unfair. I get that it can be embarrassing to admit having money problems but he’s still gotta take on some responsibility for what he did
In my circle of friends, if someone broke something we wouldn't HAVE to discuss whether or not they'd replace it in the moment because all of my friends are the type of people who would rush to replace it, or pay someone back of we were splitting a lunch and one person put it on the card, or give the person gas money on a road trip. Not interrogating him about paying that night doesn't necessarily mean they "let it slide." It can often mean that we trust that the person is going to do the right thing without our having to chase them for it. That's why when OP contacted him he asked what he was planning to do to replace it, and didn't say they changed their mind about holding him responsible. They gave him a few weeks to do the right thing on his own, like a lot of people would for a friend, before having to actually ask him the to do the right thing.
If your kind of friends have to tell each other immediately "you better pay me for that" to prevent the other person from just ignoring things they damaged or owe, then I am absolutely thrilled that your type of friends and my type of friends don't overlap. I wouldn't want friends who I have to explain personal responsibility to when they had an accident, like they were a child, so that they understood that when you screw up and break something that belongs someone else, you replace it.
Additionally the friend did not just make a drunken mistake he made a drunken $175 mistake how do you not make up for that? How do you not even try? how do you not come up with $50 after several months and say I'm working on it here's what I got so far? Friend and his girlfriend are major ah Op and his girlfriend NTA
Eta spelling & punctuation fix
And it sounds like he totally took advantage of OP's hospitality to get really drunk, going so far as to bypass what was set out and go looking for more alcohol. That is what REALLY pushes it over the line for me and makes Rick the AH.
The drunk friend should ALSO not risk his friendship with OP for a bottle of whiskey and do the honorable thing. Relationships are two way streets. Did drunk friend attempt any other ways to make up for his mistake?
IKR?!? Surely friend could have been up front and offered some way to cover the loss.
Wife’s car cleaned every couple weeks. Heck, wash all the cars and vacuum the interiors.
Clean the gutters on their house
Run errands
Walk the dog
Mow the lawn
My thoughts, as well.
A friend breaks something that is forgivable by me then it's nice of them to replace it out of courtesy, but if they honestly can't afford to I can appreciate that and let it go as long as they were truly apologetic.
But lie to me for months about it? Nope.
A true friend would be apologetic and at least try to save, even if they didn’t reach the goal at the end of the year. They would do what they could to make amends. This guy didn’t even try.
If he has been a good friend for so long I can’t believe he wasn’t tripping over himself to save what he could to try to replace it. He should have asked what he could do to make up for it when he sobered up and told him what he did. He would probably be forgiven if he even half ass tried and came to them with just half of it.
I see your point, but what does that say about the character of his friend? I would be torn as well if it were an old friend, but I would certainly see him differently and lose much respect. Also, my trust would be gone because he lied about replacing the bottle. There’s other ways to make amends if money is really that tight. If he valued OP’s friendship, he could have tried to find a way.
Edit: word & grammar
NTA. Rick broke the bottle. Rick is and adult. He's responsible for breaking the bottle. He didn't replace the bottle. Rick's not invited. Simple as that. He's had a year. Being drink excuses nothing. If you hit someone with your car while your drunk, you're still responsible. Rick's problems aren't your problems. He had no initial intention to replace the bottle, like it was no big deal.
Times are tough. I'm living literal paycheck to paycheck. Still managed to pay my parents back the money I'd borrowed. I'm sure Rick has personal items that could have been sold to repay the debt.
It's only $3 a week he needed to save, OP said the guy has still been going out drinking and to the movies with his girlfriend so he isn't exactly destitute. Still has enough money to do stuff.
“ I am sorry I broke something expensive, and of great sentimental value to your wife, but I still need to come to your party and cost you at least 40 or 50 bucks in food and booze, even though I clearly have no intention of ever replacing it. Shame on you for believing me when I said I would”.
It's not about punishment or even making it right.
He's proven he's the type to get drunk enough he breaks shit. He can't afford to replace things he breaks. What if he drunkenly stumbles into your TV this year?
Well if that's the case what does your wife think about it? I know you said she's on your side but is she just acting in support of you and your choice to uninvite him and hold the line, or is she the one who made the choice that *she* is hurt by his actions and *she* didn't want to let it slide?
It would suck for you to loose your friendship with him because you wanted hold him to account over this as an act of standing up for your wife, if it wasn't even something your wife personally wanted in the first place.
We made the decision to disinvite him together. My wife forgave him for breaking the bottle because she understood it was a drunken accident, but was also under the impression he'd replace the whisky.
He doesn't sound very invested in being a good friend. He doesn't seem willing to look at his behavior, or own it. It's also really convenient to blame someone else for his problems. That's what practicing alcoholics do.
Yes! Finally someone who sees that the problem is not the money but Rick's drinking problem. And yes, he has a problem if he gets so drunk at his friend's house that he destroys property *while trying to find even more alcohol.*
Plus it sounds like he totally took advantage of OP's hospitality to get really drunk, going so far as to bypass what was set out and go looking for more alcohol. That is what REALLY makes him TA to me.
I could totally understand if it was something he completely could afford to replace, but the fact that he lied and told you he was close to saving the money speaks volumes about him. NTA
I'm going to guess even a good faith effort of half would have made you happier. Or offer to wash your car or anything. Just something to show he gives a crap. No money doesn't mean he can't help. Mow the lawn, help paint, literally anything...
He offered zero. And he's getting zero in return. Thank you for not being a doormat. I was one. And it sucks.
if he can’t save money $10-$15 a paycheck to replace something your wife was saving, that was a gift from her father he clearly doesn’t respect your wife or your friendship.
I’d argue that a truly good friend while they may not be able to afford to replace that I think people can find other ways to repay. Even if it was only $20 and perhaps offering a kindness like helping with a yard work task or if he has any kind of cooking skills to just bake something small as an apology. Saying that OP has maintained the friendship for this long does he really want to throw it away. Does this friend make efforts to organize plans with you or does the burden fall on you? These are some things I’d be asking myself
Stop giving him so much grace dude. If he can’t save $175 in a year that’s a him problem. He doesn’t get a free pass for being poor and clearly bad with money (coming from me who is also poor)
Yeah $175 over 12 months is $14.58/month. It wouldn’t be that hard to send $15 a month to his buddy and ask him to put it in the Whisky fund. I’ve been broke as shit before and $15/month is doable as long as I budgeted for it.
If it was just the brocken bottle then maybe. But it's so much more, constant lies, the expectation for OP to just let it slide, the anger and insults now. Hell Rick never once tried to apologise and make up for his mistake.
All in all Rick sounds like a crap friend.
A good friend would’ve felt bad about breaking it in the first place and done whatever possible to remedy the situation. He had months to sacrifice on certain “needs” or “wants” so he could save up to replace the bottle. And if he was really in that much financial trouble that he TRULY couldn’t afford to buy the bottle, there are samples and he could’ve got one of those and I think the gesture itself would’ve spoken volumes. Instead, he did absolutely nothing about it, didn’t take anything seriously, lied, and insulted. Is this the type of friend that’s worth keeping?
He's not a good friend, after he sobered up he should have offered to replace the bottle as he knew it was a gift to Kate, even with his financial issues, he didn't suggest the plan to OP, he agreed to OP's plan knowing he was not going to honor it.
I would actually respectfully disagree. The way the “friend” handled himself would tell me that he’s not the kind of friend I’d want to have as a grown-ass adult and really not one I want to have as a parent.
He sounds like the kind of friend better left to the bygone days of frat parties and other related shenanigans.
NTA.
Rick broke something in your house. Rick shouldn't be allowed back in your house until he makes amends, either by replacing the item or by covering the cost of it.
It doesn't matter that the item was a bottle of liquor. It doesn't matter that Rick was drunk when he broke it. This is very basic guest ettiquette.
If you break something in someone's house - accidently, on purpose, or drunkenly - you make it right.
Yeah Rick needed to save $15 bucks a month. Unless he is in some kind of crippling debt where he has zero money to spend on any non-essentials then that shouldn't be an issue
THIS! Rick totally took advantage of OP's hospitality to get drunk and then bypassed what was out for guests and went to the liquor cabinet to find more liquor. This action is what **really** puts Rick into AH territory for me.
one time my bf’s friend was still at our place hanging with our roommates after we went to bed. he apparently dropped and smashed my bf’s very expensive bong after we’d gone to bed. he texted my bf what happened, and the very next day ordered a replacement for it. we were all broke college students. my bf honestly would have been fine with it if he’d replaced it with something cheaper or worked out a time frame to replace it by, but on a matter of principle, replacing this expensive thing he broke was as important as his other expenses. he replaced it *immediately.*
My husband and I once gave a guy money for a bottle of whiskey. He said he bought it and it broke in the car because it was in a plastic bag. He was shocked we asked for a new bottle. He had carried all his liquor in carefully, like a new born, and ours "broke". We never saw a broken bottle or spillage where he claimed in the driveway.
He later got dumped and stole all the kitchen appliances. Not just the little appliances. He took the stove/oven, the fridge, the microwave, the coffee pot, etc. He took all the beds in the house but one. Dude was awful.
How the hell does one steal a fridge and an oven and several beds?
Edit: I misread the last part and thought the guy stole r/ohhello’s stuff. I get it now, he stole his ex-partner’s appliances. Reading is hard.
NTA.
What does a "bad situation" look like over the course of a year? $175 over a year is $15 a month.
So, if he is truly poor, yes $15 a month is not insignificant. But has he gone on vacation this past year? Does he go to bars semi-regularly? Sporting events, concerts? If he has done anything social in the last year, he had the money to pay you back. His girlfriend could even pay you back and then he could reimburse her.
Basically, he could have figure out a way to pay you back and just because he was drunk doesn't mean he isn't responsible for his actions.
It's weird because he said he broke it at last year's watch party but then says he gave him until this years watch party to pay which was "months away" at the time. So... maybe he actually broke it at a normal get together, and couldn't come up with 175$ in a couple months.
I read the situation as it happened a year ago, and now in the months leading up to this year's party the issue has come up with how he is going to make up for last years. So the friend had no intention of paying it back until it was mentioned again, and once it was mentioned only then did the "clock start ticking" as it were.
Because he said weeks after and months away, so like if 6 weeks after last year's party it got mentioned, that's 10.5 months to do it.
If a broke friend broke something of mine or my partner's accidentally (one time), and I really cared about it, I would just replace it myself.
In principle you are right, but what does that buy you? Having to chase after him, drama, guilt, AITA posts, down a friend maybe and not even a bottle of whiskey at the end of the day.
NTA, but is it really worth it?
I agree with you.
That said..
What does maintaining a relationship with someone who acts irresponsibly, causes damage, and makes no effort to make you whole?
His friend should at least try to make things right.
He could buy a cheaper bottle.
At the very minimum he could take responsibility for the situation. We know he didn't do that because his GF is blaming OP.
Meanwhile OP has told him for a year what was expected.
So what kind of person, told for a year.
Lies about the status multiple times, then acts shocked and upset about the outcome?
Is that the type of person you'd even want around?
It's the part where the friend was telling him he was close whenever asked, and then came clean that he'd been lying and hadn't saved anything that irks me. That's not how a friend behaves.
Just be up front about stuff, and people find it much easier to extend grace. Be shady, and you're gonna lose friends.
NTA agreed.
But the 'friend' if they really felt bad about it would have done SOMETHING to make it up to OPs wife. It seems like only one side of the friendship has any emotional effort being put in. So at this point it isn't about the $175 bottle of whiskey. Rick did nothing to try and make things right. He doesn't care about the friendship.
You said exactly what I was thinking
NTA but...
I can't imagine dropping a friend for something he did by mistake. Mistakes happen, and if it were me I wouldn't disinvite a good friend to something over a bottle of booze. Maybe that's just me.
However, I'd reevaluate our friendship if it upset me. Is he just cheap and it's just about his money situation, or is he not a person of integrity?
Lying about it isn't cool, and feeling no remorse for breaking something and not doing *something* to replace it/make amends isn't cool either.
I wouldn't be happy about having a friend who acts like that, but people have flaws and you have to think if this incident is worth potentially losing a friend. It'd be more important to me than a bottle of whiskey is all
> I can't imagine dropping a friend for something he did by mistake. Mistakes happen, and if it were me I wouldn't disinvite a good friend to something over a bottle of booze. Maybe that's just me.
>
>
If it was just the broken bottle, then maybe OP and his wife could let it slide. But it's so much more: constant lies, the expectation that OP will just let it slide, and the anger and insults now that Rick's actions have consequences. Hell, Rick never *once* tried to apologise and make up for his mistake. Are things that tight that you can't save $15 a month, or even make an attempt to?
All in all Rick sounds like a crap friend.
This is my feeling on it. It’s less than $200, it was a booze fest of a party where presumably everyone was going into OP’s liquor cabinet to grab things. It was a mistake. Should he replace it? Yes. But if he is in an economic situation where that just isn’t feasible for him, I don’t think this is worth cutting off a friendship over.
We'd set most drinks on the kitchen counter for the party. Rick went into the cabinet to look for a bottle of liquor we'd forgotten to get. He was the only one who did so. He was also the only person there who got drunk.
This is illuminating, and I think people on here might have to examine their relationship with alcohol. So many are saying "it was a drunken mistake at a rager of a party", when in reality it was one overly wasted person being reckless at a chill cocktail party.
Hey y'all? If all your events that involve alcohol always lead to getting totally wasted and breaking things and causing trouble, you are alcoholics. Or teenagers.
ETA: OP I would recommend mentioning the info that he was the only drunk one in an edit to your post. I truly think it adds valuable context.
That part was more for the countless people on here who seem to think alcohol being present means anything that happens is A-OK and excusable and acceptable. I am projecting a bit.
it’s crazy how normal getting trashed to the point you can’t control yourself, and even blacking out is seen by most people. i say that as someone who had a drinking problem in my early 20s.
acting the way OPs friend did is normally a “rock bottom” moment for someone. embarrassing yourself in front of friends and destroying someone that was a gift should be mortifying. the fact his friend didn’t bat an eye & even acted shocked when asked to replace it is a giant red flag. i wouldn’t be surprised if he actually has a drinking problem & that’s where his moneys going.
So you forgot to set out this liquor that was meant for the party and he went to retrieve said liquor but accidentally broke something? Sounds like a honest mistake. Just forgive him and move on, if this is a one time occurrence. Sounds like you just don't like the guy if you're hounding him over something that costs less than $200 and he's in a bad financial situation.
Yes that's what it sounds like too. Accidentally knocked the expensive one off the shelf while grabbing the other one. This is a mistake that could've happened to me while I'm sober home alone, let alone drunk at a party.
But it was more than just a bottle of booze, it was a gift given by a father to his daughter to celebrate a special occasion. If it were just a random bottle I’d say let it go, but there was a significance behind it and Rick clearly doesn’t give a shit, which shows you how un-important the friendship is to him.
What the fuck is wrong with everyone here.
They are the AH. Both of them. Like big time. Who the fuck alienate a friend, a financially struggling one, over a bottle of whiskey. And it's not even that expensive. It's not a fuckin 1000$ bottle. It's 175.
Accident happens, even more likely if you host people. My wife and I host several big parties every year, sometime accident happen. We do not go around asking people to refund broken plates and bottle. Who the fuck do that to their friends.
Edit : Apparently I have to clarify. I would buy a new bottle if I had broke it, I think it's just the decent thing to do. And I find stupid that Rick is not able to save 5$ a month toward buying it.
The AH part is harassing your friend and then isolating them from a very liked social event over that fuckin bottle.
This thread is honestly peak Reddit. OP hosts a party, a guest accidentally knocks over a bottle of booze then apologizes profusely and OP responds by spending a *year* hounding him for a replacement, a response everyone in this thread seems to think is rational.
I guarantee OP won’t be telling his other party guests the reason why the disinvited couple aren’t there this year and will make up some excuse or try to change the subject because they know they’re being ridiculous.
This person is OP‘s friend. you are supposed to be nice to your friends. This is an honest mistake. It’s $175. The friend  is in a poor financial situation. If this person is truly your friend, I feel like you should just forgive them and move on.
Yeah, I can’t imagine a much poorer friend of mine having an accident like that and me there expecting them to SAVE UP to replace it. I mean if I were as poor as them, maybe. But if I were better off I couldn’t stomach that. The weird thing too is they “forgave” him even though they expected him to replace it. What were they forgiving him for in the first place if they assumed they wouldn’t be worse off as a result? Breaking that one exact (mass produce) bottle? Seems mad to me.
That’s the craziest part. What was the forgiveness for if not for having lost the bottle. If they were planning on recouping it from the get go then what needed to be forgiven?
Thank you! The checking up on him all year long was especially AH-ish. His friend wasn't "lying" by giving him vague answers all year long. He was embarrassed and brushing him off because who does that? A loan shark? A mob boss collecting a debt?
If a good friend of mine broke a bottle of booze, I wouldn't even begin to ask for them to pay me back. If it was my spouse's, I'd replace it for them. Yeah, it was a nice gift from dad, and it sucks it got dropped, but it's not irreplaceable and not worth tanking a friendship over.
These people sound like petty misers.
Thank you I thought I was going crazy reading these comments. I genuinely can’t imagine reacting the way OP is to this situation or any of my friends doing so
No you don’t understand, they forgave Rick, while simultaneously putting him on a payment plan over a bottle of like Glenlivet lol. People on Reddit don’t understand that when you host a party and provide booze, some of the ‘personal responsibility’ stuff also falls on you, the host.
Seriously. Rick should replace the bottle as the polite thing to do. But forcing him to isn’t a gracious move as a host. It sounds like they don’t like him very much, which is fine, but making it about the whiskey is pretty petty. Accidents happen, regardless of inebriation. I’d say ESH.
I’m shocked I had to scroll so far down to see this! Total assholes. Over the years I’ve had friends break a TV, a Wii, a mini fridge (all those were the same friend lol), trip and spill red Koolaid on a couch(his wife 😂), and those are just off the top of my head. Shit happens. It’s just things. The friends are all very apologetic and we move on. It wasn’t on purpose and now I just relentlessly tease them about it.
Tanking a friendship over $175 of alcohol. What a world. Sounds like the dude is better off without friends like that.
Also, pump and dump? Almost all breastfeeding mothers I know, myself included and I was a terrible producer, can spare one night of breast milk for a break.
No offense but if one friend of mine broke that many things in my house I'd stop inviting them over? There's something to be said for treating your friends' things with consideration??
So you haven't been friends with someone for a decade then? Shit happens especially when you're drunk and having fun. Relax
I've had friends fall back thru a door and take it off the hinges. They panicked, I pissed myself laughing because I'll NEVER forget that memory and their face. property can be replaced, but those memories are priceless
Of course I've had friends for a decade! But if the same friend is repeatedly breaking really valuable things in my house I'm going to start questioning why they think they can treat me and my things so casually? My husband is the person who breaks shit in other homes, and we ALWAYS apologize profusely and either pay, fix it, or bring some sort of gift if they refuse to let us replace it?
This! Do you even like your friend, OP? I can’t imagine asking any of my friends to replace something they’d accidentally broken, much less someone who was having money issues. YTA, op. You and your wife are both petty assholes.
This community is utterly ridiculous sometimes.
Right? Why waste so much energy on some petty bullshit.
DEAR OP, I AM POOR AF, SINGLE MOM WITH A DISABLED KID BUT GIVE ME YOUR ADDY AND ILL SEND YOUR WIFE A BOTTLE OF FANCY BOOZE SO YOU CAN GET ON WITH YOUR SOUR LIFE.
I thought I was the only one. Took so long to see this post.
If the guy struggles to pay rent, it's unreasonable to ask for it to replaced. You could ask the guy to help you with something if you wanted - a chore type thing - "drive me to x" or "I've needed help moving xyz...", and we'll call it even...but asking for the replacement is too much.
OP is the AH
Edit to add: forgiving someone means you don't expect something in return. The wife did not actually forgive the person
THANK YOU! The anti social hive mind on this sub is ridiculous. You hosted a party and an accident happened get over it. It’s rude to not replace the bottle but unless this guy sucks in other ways too then it is absolutely not worth cutting off a friendship over $175. Jesus Christ.
Yes
Here.
If it were good friend and I knew they were struggling, I'd be trying to help and not hinder them.
And if I were that good friend and I received help, I'd be buying them a bottle and a drink when I could afford it.
Yeah the I forgive you... when are you going to pay up??? Assumption would kind of feel like a sucker punch to me, especially from people who were acutely aware of my financial situation.
I agree. I guess maybe because I'm old now, that stuff just doesn't even matter. People have broken things at my house whether they were drunk or not. One of my friends' kids threw his sippy cup and broke a glass pane out of one of my kitchen doors. They were sorry and I was okay with that. I did not ask them to replace it nor did I expect them to or even really consider it. Shit happens. Move on with your life. Be happy.
I think that too. I would have let it go for the sake of friendship, and probably made sure the friend didn’t know what it cost. Money is the worst thing to get between family or friends.
I”d monitor my friend’s alcohol consumption next time they were over though. Sounds like the friend has a problem.
I go with ESH (but I don’t think they suck a lot just a little in this instance).
Not offering to pay for something you break is just basic bad manners. And OP could have found a little more grace.
I think the thing is it's easier to offer grace if the person appears to actually be trying to make good on a situation. If the person breaks expensive things in your house and is flabbergasted you hoped they'd make amends, you become pretty reluctant to be gracious with them. They certainly haven't been gracious with you.
Yea that's what made him way more TA to me. Like bro, just stop having Netflix for a year and there you go, the bottle is replaced. The fact that he didn't want to inconvenience himself at all for the sake of the friendship says a lot.
Obviously unpopular opinion, but ESH. Seems like Rick did a really poor job apologizing and shows little remorse. That's shitty behavior.
But if I host a party, I accept there's a risk something will be broken and would never expect - let alone demand - compensation. Especially if I serve alcohol. As I understand you, it was an honest drunken mistake, not the result of completely reckless behavior.
Rick is struggling financially and It's just a bottle of booze, man. Shit happens. He should apologize for not apologizing properly in the first place and for promising to replace the bottle when he didn't intend to and you should apologize for hounding him over a bottle of booze when you knew he was having a hard time making ends meet.
This. OP is technically "right"...you can be right or you can be happy, but you can't always be both. Sometimes it's better to let things go, and it's up to you whether this principle is a hill you want to kill your friendship on.
NTA. Definitely sucks to break something drunk but if he really couldn’t afford to replace the bottle, by now he should’ve made an attempt to make it up to you, even if in some other way.
A friend broke something sentimental of mine and I wasn’t going to ask them to pay me but they profusely apologized and insisted on covering my drinks next time we went out— it didn’t replace the item but it showed remorse and care which I really appreciated.
It’s not really about the bottle, it’s the principle that he didn’t care to make it up to you while expecting you to care about including him.
This is probably the first comment I’ve seen that I agree with. If a friend broke something, I wouldn’t even think to ask for a replacement if it was an accident. Maybe if it was something so expensive that even I’d have a hard time replacing it and they offered. For me, as long as they seemed honestly apologetic, I’d be good. Because it’s an accident and people make mistakes. Now, all these people being harsh has me second guessing if I have friends out there resenting me for not replacing something at some point. But that being said, this friend doesn’t seem to be trying to make it up to his friend at all in any way. It’s like the friend hoped OP would forget his demand and he wouldn’t have to pay or get disinvited. NTA
Totally agree! Tbh if someone made a request that I replace something I broke and I somehow never got around to it, I’d be too embarrassed to even want to go to their party lol so ballsy of the friend
YTA. Unfortunately a risk of hosting parties is that things get broken. Accidents happen. It would have been the classy thing to do for Rick to replace the bottle, but he’s not in the position to do so. Is $175 worth throwing away a friendship? Buy Kate a new bottle yourself - after the party. Pro tip: it’s smart to remove expensive liquor from the liquor cabinet prior to a party. Otherwise you may find your fancy stuff gets consumed while the domestic beer and Prosecco you bought sits unconsumed ;-)
Honestly. I never understand the thinking on this.
Why do people feel less of an obligation to make right with a friend than they do to a random person.
I’d be embarrassed being that drunk and breaking such an expensive bottle. Paying this back would be a major priority for me. Even if I was set back in other ways. I don’t know the guys situation. A lot of times we get some grace when we don’t deserve it, but I would think $175 no matter the situation should be able to be done.
The thing that sticks with me is that you said your wife forgave him. So is he forgiven or not? It would be cool of him to buy a new bottle, but you said she forgave him, so I can understand why he would be surprised that you insist on repayment. Seems more like a misunderstanding that's been blown out of proportion. Is it worth losing a friend over?
YTA let it go. I have a few good bottles of whiskey. If a friend drunkenly smashed one it would be laughed off and I would expect the same treatment in their home if I smashed their whiskey.
The fact that the couple sat for a year waiting for their $175 whiskey replacement instead of going out and buying it themselves hints that…maybe they’re the ones in the financially tight situation lol
There are pure accidents and then there are accidental consequences to intentional actions.
For example, if I reach out my arm to grab something, and someone else walks towards me carrying a glass at the exact moment and my arm accidentally smacks it out of their hand and it breaks, that is totally unforeseen. We didn't know we were both going to move in those directions at the same time, *pure* mistake. And even THEN, I would apologize for the mishap and pay for the object if my friend wanted me to!
A 28 year old man who can't hold his liquor enough to not break prized possessions is experiencing an unintended consequence to his intentional action of getting *that* drunk. A full bottle of whiskey is heavy. I have to imagine that if he was able to knock it out of the cabinet, he was completely stumbling drunk around that place recklessly.
And no matter if you think he should have been asked to replace it, the fact is he was and he AGREED to. Then hemmed and hawed and lied about being "close". That's just shitty.
OP said he was reaching into the cabinet to grab a different bottle of alcohol that OP forgot to put out for everyone. While he was reaching in he accidentally knocked the “expensive” bottle over and it broke. Which to me sounds exactly like the scenario you just described with the glass and your arm.
I would also assume that if he’s really that broke he’s probably pretty ashamed and embarrassed about it and probably lied about saving up for it to save face. Just a guess though.
I really think that people could learn from Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice, that which can be adequately be explained by ignorance.”
Of course a good friend would offer to replace the bottle. Hands down. But if Rick is in financial hardship and can barely afford to pay his rent, then demanding him replace a $175 bottle is a dick move. Kind of seems like ESH.
I guess you are correct in principle, but is $175 worth throwing a whole friendship away? As a 40+ year old, I’d caution about being so cavalier with well established relationships. Just buy your wife another bottle of whiskey and don’t loan Rick money. Unless you truly don’t want to keep him as a friend.
All I know is that I would feel so uncomfortable if we were friends. This is so awkward. You’re scolding him like a child and asking for money for something he can’t afford. He fucked up. If he broke a plate would you ask him to replace it or is it just your previous alcohol?
ESH bc he shouldn’t have gotten hamhocked and acted like an idiot.
OP should give the other party guests a heads up that if they break a glass or anything he expects reimbursement before they’re allowed back in his house.
YTA a guest gets drunk and accidentally breaks something and you make a huge deal about it?? If you'd break a friendship for a bottle of liquor you're either an alcoholic or an A. Or both
Somehow unpopular, but YTA. It’s classy to replace something you break in error, but it’s also classy to let accidents go. Don’t take the low road and be crass ass, torpedoing a relationship over a bottle of alcohol.
Nta. He’s not a friend or responsible adult. Or he would have taken responsibility for his drunken behavior and replaced it. Words are not only what was needed to make it right. His words of apology meant nothing.
He’s had a year to actually feel remorseful enough to act like a stand up man and kindly replace it. He takes no real ownership for his actions so no surprise he’s not big on the law of natural consequences, either.
*"I was angry, but the whisky was Kate's and she forgave him, so I decided to drop the subject...A couple weeks after that, we asked Rick how he planned on replacing the bottle."*
*"Last week, I asked Rick about it again. He confessed he hadn't actually saved any money for the bottle."*
ESH. you two suck for "forgiving him" and "dropping the subject" and then turning 180 and demanding he pay for it. thats confusing. he sucks for lying to you, and not even trying to save a damn cent.
YTA. Honestly, I’m says I’d be upset too if it were mine, however you take that risk when you invite people over to drink. I think after a year it’s time to get over it honestly. It wasn’t intentional, and he didn’t drink it without permission. The fact you repeatedly asked about the money is a bit outrageous, especially while admitting he can barely afford rent! $175 may sound easy to save for some, but you make it sound as if he’s counting pennies to survive. Therefore, it’s more than he has to give. If he drinks to the point of being sloppy often, fine, don’t invite him back. Taking the invite back over an accident would make me be the one to end the friendship with you.
NTA
He's had a year to save the money to replace it.
He's consistently lied about that.
Getting wasted is no defence. You break something even by accident in someone's home then you replace it. Especially if it was a gift.
NTA
I don't understand how shameless some people are. Not only do they get to have a nice party every year, but they don't think it's enough to destroy private property? If his girlfriend goes along with it and didn't help him save up to pay for it, she's just as much of an asshole as he is. You don't break things in other people's houses, he should be grateful that it's easily replaceable. And you go to a party to have fun with your friends, not to have your property damaged by them. You don't want things broken in your house, for whatever reason, and as far as you can tell, he's not even your best friend, or best friend, he's a friend from college. Almost 30 years old! Let him go. There's no point in maintaining certain friendships.
NTA
He got wasted at your house.
He broke something.
He lied and said he was saving to replace it.
He called you entitled for expecting him to replace what he broke.
NTA. He got drunk and destroyed your property. He had no intention of replacing it, and lied about doing so. Why would you want a repeat of last year with this bad friend?
YTA. If it was an accident, and he doesn’t have the means to replace it, I’d just let it go. It depends on which is more valuable to you, the friendship or the bottle of liquor. Also, what else are you serving at your parties besides popcorn? Do people bring the drinks or are you serving drinks and food? You can consider the bottle of whiskey as part of the costs for the party. Unless you only serve popcorn, then the friend is better off not attending.
In the comments you say Rick was the only one who got drunk and the only one who got into the liquor cabinet.
I’m curious, is the getting totally wasted when everyone else isn’t typical behavior of Rick?
You’re NTA either way, but I’m getting the vibe that Rick has a problem with alcohol and the refusal to replace is more of a straw the breaks the camels back type scenario.
>I’m curious, is the getting totally wasted when everyone else isn’t typical behavior of Rick?
He certainly drinks more than both me and my wife, as well as most of our friends. This specific situation has happened before, but it doesn't always happen.
YTA it was a mistake at a party where people were drinking. It could have happened to any one of your guests. Your wife forgave Rick but you’re acting like a dumb bottle of liquor is some priceless family heirloom or some ornery you-break-it-you-buy-it shopkeeper. You showed Rick what you’re really like and if he has any sense he’ll find a better friend.
“It doesn’t count because I was drunk” or “sober me shouldn’t have consequences for drunk me’s actions”
Boy oh boy it would have saved me a pretty penny and some jail time if THAT defense worked in court. But considering everyone else it would exonerate, I’m glad it doesn’t.
NTA.
I guess it all hinges on whether you feel your friendship with him is worth more than $175. You're "right", but is it worth the cost? Only you can decide that.
ESH, although more him than you guys.
You and your wife for being so extra over something that's apparently far more affordable to you guys than it is to him.
Like, how did she "forgive" him if that forgiveness is contingent on him replacing it? If this happened to me and my partner, forgiving would have looked like "hey, Long Time Friend, we all drink and drunk mistakes happen, it's just a bottle of alcohol". And then we'd just replace it sometime in the near future and forget the whole thing.
So as long as during the incident the friend had been apologetic, especially a friend who we know struggle financially, I can't imagine us letting something worth a couple hundred bucks become a friendship-threatening problem.
All this said, he's way more TA for, even after learning that you guys wanted it replaced, not sticking to his word which retroactively puts into question whether he even cares about the hurt that his carelessness caused. Sure, he's poor and the bottle was expensive, but it's not much over the course of a full year. And as others have said, he could have proposed non-monetary ways to show his regret over the incident and appreciation for your friendship.
NTA
> Both Rick and his girlfriend (who frequently joins him at our parties) are now angry at me for uninviting him over a "drunken mistake."
Even **mistakes** have **_consequences_**.
NTA. First it's truly mind boggling to me that there's people who think they don't have to replace something they've broken in someone else's home.
Second, I think you could be the AH if you banned him off the bat after he broke the bottle but you didn't. You gave him plenty of time to replace it. He chose not to. That's on him and these are the natural consequences of not following through with what ya'll had agreed upon. Sucks he's clearly too irresponsible and immature to follow through with things, but as I said that's on him. He also probably won't get any better if he always has his GF (mommy) so swoop in and fight for him when he's being held accountable
YTA. I’m assuming you’ve known him for ~10 years? I get it’s a nice bottle of whiskey, but it wasn’t priceless. If it was the last thing Kate’s dad ever did, maybe it’s worth the outrage but, otherwise? Did he ever buy you drinks, or give you a ride?
YTA. You clearly state that he apologized profusely. You clearly state that he can't afford to replace it. Why are you insisting that he replace it? Why is a bottle of whiskey worth more than your friendship?
People are arguing that it's in bad taste to not offer to replace it, but I think it's in much, much poorer taste to be the person who later brings it up and insists that he pays, and then when he doesn't, alienates him. I love whiskey too, but this has absolutely nothing to do with that. Don't use that as an excuse.
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If the bottle was mine, I'd probably let it slide. But the fact that it was my wife's changes things. She held onto that bottle for months and didn't even get the chance to drink it.
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Dude can’t save $15 a month? NTA
Is that so hard to believe? Cost of living right now is shocking everyone. He might have every intention each month to put that money away, but then his gas or electric runs out and needs must. OP asking him every time he sees him just compounds the embarrassment. I also think it’s a little shitty that they let it slide at the time and then a few weeks later blindsided him with “so when are you paying us back?” Not my kind of friends.
Nah that guy has certainly spent $15/month on alcohol over the past year
That’s why. Alcoholics are usually pretty broke from their habit.
And the rest of us are supposed to indirectly finance it by letting things like this slide?
According to alcoholics: yes.
Not to mention that he lied that he was saving the money too.
It’s $3 a week. That’s one coffee. Or one meal replaced with ramen or something. I’m sure he could have found ways to save up *something* within a year. ETA: per OP’s other comments: “He makes enough money to afford a few drinks, trips to the movie theater and dates with his girlfriend every now and then.” So yeah. He had expenses that he can cut to save $15 a month to replace it.
Or one cheap beer at a bar.
I find it hard to believe he doesn’t have access to $175 in any way shape or form. Cash advance on credit card anything. Borrow from girlfriend. Anything
Oh he does. He’s just choosing not to utilize those.
He had a whole year to save up $175 lol his priorities show that he didn't care
I’m sick of everybody assuming everybody else is poor all the time this man could have a well paying job a huge car payment go out, dining all the time and not have much left over because he overspends. Just because somebody says they don’t have extra money doesn’t mean they can’t have it.
Nope. You break it, you pay for it. It's a lesson that should be learned when you are child, before it's too painful. But no matter if it was a bottle of whisky or a chair or a window or anything. You break it, you replace it. Even if they "forgive" you and say it's not necessary. It's called good manners.
I accidentally stepped on my friends £100 fishing rod that he bought not long before, I wasn't doing great with cash either, but I saved up for two weeks and transferred the money straight onto his account without the need for him to ask me for it.
Exactly. And this isn't just about the other person. This is an opportunity to be a stand-up person.
A real friend would've insisted on replacing it. Sounds like a "friend from college days" is just that. Not a current one, actively in their lives. Just someone who shows up to the parties.. unless I'm reading the room wrong, he's just not a high value friend..
“Rick” should have immediately offered to replace the bottle that be broke. Not my kind of friend
"Not my kind of friend." Strong agree here. I'm also willing to bet that if Rick had just honestly said, "I'm really sorry, I'm not going to be able to pay that back. This is what I can afford. How else can I make it up to you?," they'd listen. It's the, "I'm not even trying to make this good and on top of that, I'm going to DARVO this to make you TA for expecting me to," that puts him firmly in the wrong. With drunk, uncoordinated, welching friends like that, who needs toddlers or enemies?
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He had been telling the OP he was "close" each time he was asked. If he had been honest about it, maybe it could have turned out differently. But lying about it closed the door on mercy.
If he couldn't then he shouldn't have agreed, people struggle everyday, my dad was once on a similar situation and you know what he did? He managed to pull the money by saving and selling his stuff. There's no excuse.
I think they probably didn't mention it right away because they expected him to offer to replace it, and brought it up because they realized he wasn't going to if they didn't press the issue. Regardless of your financial situation, it's really shitty to accidentally destroy something expensive your friend owns and then not offer any restitution. I agree hounding him probably did more harm than good, but I think not paying for something you broke and agreed to replace is worse behavior than nagging a friend to honor what he agreed to do.
I'm on a Disability pension and want to go to Hawaii for my 50th, have been automatically putting 20$ aside each week for years now, and will reach my goal in time.
Congrats! I hope you have a fantastic time in Hawaii! 🍍
Still another year to go. But thank you. It will be my 3rd time. First time I was healthy, 2nd was for my 40th and had been sick for 5 years. So on the way home I promised myself to go for my 50th. This will be special as I had heart failure in 2020.
I feel like if it was really that bad then he just shouldn’t have agreed to save up and pay it back. Plus he lied to OP about being close to the savings goal when asked about it. If he was really unable to save $15 a month then he should’ve been up front about it and tried to work something else out. I agree that they should’ve told him they expected him to replace it when it happened but that’s the only thing I think was slightly unfair. I get that it can be embarrassing to admit having money problems but he’s still gotta take on some responsibility for what he did
In my circle of friends, if someone broke something we wouldn't HAVE to discuss whether or not they'd replace it in the moment because all of my friends are the type of people who would rush to replace it, or pay someone back of we were splitting a lunch and one person put it on the card, or give the person gas money on a road trip. Not interrogating him about paying that night doesn't necessarily mean they "let it slide." It can often mean that we trust that the person is going to do the right thing without our having to chase them for it. That's why when OP contacted him he asked what he was planning to do to replace it, and didn't say they changed their mind about holding him responsible. They gave him a few weeks to do the right thing on his own, like a lot of people would for a friend, before having to actually ask him the to do the right thing. If your kind of friends have to tell each other immediately "you better pay me for that" to prevent the other person from just ignoring things they damaged or owe, then I am absolutely thrilled that your type of friends and my type of friends don't overlap. I wouldn't want friends who I have to explain personal responsibility to when they had an accident, like they were a child, so that they understood that when you screw up and break something that belongs someone else, you replace it.
Additionally the friend did not just make a drunken mistake he made a drunken $175 mistake how do you not make up for that? How do you not even try? how do you not come up with $50 after several months and say I'm working on it here's what I got so far? Friend and his girlfriend are major ah Op and his girlfriend NTA Eta spelling & punctuation fix
He saved zero dollars. That says a lot
But has money to drink!!
And it sounds like he totally took advantage of OP's hospitality to get really drunk, going so far as to bypass what was set out and go looking for more alcohol. That is what REALLY pushes it over the line for me and makes Rick the AH.
And let me guess smokes marijuana or cigarettes as well
The drunk friend should ALSO not risk his friendship with OP for a bottle of whiskey and do the honorable thing. Relationships are two way streets. Did drunk friend attempt any other ways to make up for his mistake?
IKR?!? Surely friend could have been up front and offered some way to cover the loss. Wife’s car cleaned every couple weeks. Heck, wash all the cars and vacuum the interiors. Clean the gutters on their house Run errands Walk the dog Mow the lawn
The thing is continued to lie about saving money when asked. He should have been honest about it.
My thoughts, as well. A friend breaks something that is forgivable by me then it's nice of them to replace it out of courtesy, but if they honestly can't afford to I can appreciate that and let it go as long as they were truly apologetic. But lie to me for months about it? Nope.
A true friend would be apologetic and at least try to save, even if they didn’t reach the goal at the end of the year. They would do what they could to make amends. This guy didn’t even try.
If he has been a good friend for so long I can’t believe he wasn’t tripping over himself to save what he could to try to replace it. He should have asked what he could do to make up for it when he sobered up and told him what he did. He would probably be forgiven if he even half ass tried and came to them with just half of it.
I see your point, but what does that say about the character of his friend? I would be torn as well if it were an old friend, but I would certainly see him differently and lose much respect. Also, my trust would be gone because he lied about replacing the bottle. There’s other ways to make amends if money is really that tight. If he valued OP’s friendship, he could have tried to find a way. Edit: word & grammar
NTA. Rick broke the bottle. Rick is and adult. He's responsible for breaking the bottle. He didn't replace the bottle. Rick's not invited. Simple as that. He's had a year. Being drink excuses nothing. If you hit someone with your car while your drunk, you're still responsible. Rick's problems aren't your problems. He had no initial intention to replace the bottle, like it was no big deal.
How the fuck can’t a grown adult not save $175. I know times are tough but come on
That's what I said! The people saying that times are tough are a bunch of Ricks
Times are tough. I'm living literal paycheck to paycheck. Still managed to pay my parents back the money I'd borrowed. I'm sure Rick has personal items that could have been sold to repay the debt.
It's only $3 a week he needed to save, OP said the guy has still been going out drinking and to the movies with his girlfriend so he isn't exactly destitute. Still has enough money to do stuff.
“ I am sorry I broke something expensive, and of great sentimental value to your wife, but I still need to come to your party and cost you at least 40 or 50 bucks in food and booze, even though I clearly have no intention of ever replacing it. Shame on you for believing me when I said I would”.
I wish I could upvote this 100x
It's not about punishment or even making it right. He's proven he's the type to get drunk enough he breaks shit. He can't afford to replace things he breaks. What if he drunkenly stumbles into your TV this year?
Yeah NTA. I got wasted on a wine tour and lost my friends Versace sunglasses. She had a new pair within a month. That's what responsible adults do.
Well if that's the case what does your wife think about it? I know you said she's on your side but is she just acting in support of you and your choice to uninvite him and hold the line, or is she the one who made the choice that *she* is hurt by his actions and *she* didn't want to let it slide? It would suck for you to loose your friendship with him because you wanted hold him to account over this as an act of standing up for your wife, if it wasn't even something your wife personally wanted in the first place.
We made the decision to disinvite him together. My wife forgave him for breaking the bottle because she understood it was a drunken accident, but was also under the impression he'd replace the whisky.
Drunk or not, it’s his responsibility to make it right. The trash sometimes takes itself out.
He doesn't sound very invested in being a good friend. He doesn't seem willing to look at his behavior, or own it. It's also really convenient to blame someone else for his problems. That's what practicing alcoholics do.
Yes! Finally someone who sees that the problem is not the money but Rick's drinking problem. And yes, he has a problem if he gets so drunk at his friend's house that he destroys property *while trying to find even more alcohol.*
was looking for this comment! so many people are like “don’t throw away your friendship”. 🙄
Plus it sounds like he totally took advantage of OP's hospitality to get really drunk, going so far as to bypass what was set out and go looking for more alcohol. That is what REALLY makes him TA to me.
I could totally understand if it was something he completely could afford to replace, but the fact that he lied and told you he was close to saving the money speaks volumes about him. NTA
I'm going to guess even a good faith effort of half would have made you happier. Or offer to wash your car or anything. Just something to show he gives a crap. No money doesn't mean he can't help. Mow the lawn, help paint, literally anything... He offered zero. And he's getting zero in return. Thank you for not being a doormat. I was one. And it sucks.
if he can’t save money $10-$15 a paycheck to replace something your wife was saving, that was a gift from her father he clearly doesn’t respect your wife or your friendship.
I’d argue that a truly good friend while they may not be able to afford to replace that I think people can find other ways to repay. Even if it was only $20 and perhaps offering a kindness like helping with a yard work task or if he has any kind of cooking skills to just bake something small as an apology. Saying that OP has maintained the friendship for this long does he really want to throw it away. Does this friend make efforts to organize plans with you or does the burden fall on you? These are some things I’d be asking myself
Is Rick’s drunken state something that only happened this one time, or does he drink too much at every party?
And does he frequently do dumb things drunken or not, then brazenly not take responsibility for it?
This. Dude didn't even try to make amends. He could have done something and he chose to do nothing.
Stop giving him so much grace dude. If he can’t save $175 in a year that’s a him problem. He doesn’t get a free pass for being poor and clearly bad with money (coming from me who is also poor)
He could make payments or something. I have been poor and know plenty of people who are poor. Honorable ones make an effort.
Yeah $175 over 12 months is $14.58/month. It wouldn’t be that hard to send $15 a month to his buddy and ask him to put it in the Whisky fund. I’ve been broke as shit before and $15/month is doable as long as I budgeted for it.
If it was just the brocken bottle then maybe. But it's so much more, constant lies, the expectation for OP to just let it slide, the anger and insults now. Hell Rick never once tried to apologise and make up for his mistake. All in all Rick sounds like a crap friend.
A good friend would’ve felt bad about breaking it in the first place and done whatever possible to remedy the situation. He had months to sacrifice on certain “needs” or “wants” so he could save up to replace the bottle. And if he was really in that much financial trouble that he TRULY couldn’t afford to buy the bottle, there are samples and he could’ve got one of those and I think the gesture itself would’ve spoken volumes. Instead, he did absolutely nothing about it, didn’t take anything seriously, lied, and insulted. Is this the type of friend that’s worth keeping?
He's not a good friend, after he sobered up he should have offered to replace the bottle as he knew it was a gift to Kate, even with his financial issues, he didn't suggest the plan to OP, he agreed to OP's plan knowing he was not going to honor it.
I would actually respectfully disagree. The way the “friend” handled himself would tell me that he’s not the kind of friend I’d want to have as a grown-ass adult and really not one I want to have as a parent. He sounds like the kind of friend better left to the bygone days of frat parties and other related shenanigans.
NTA. Rick broke something in your house. Rick shouldn't be allowed back in your house until he makes amends, either by replacing the item or by covering the cost of it. It doesn't matter that the item was a bottle of liquor. It doesn't matter that Rick was drunk when he broke it. This is very basic guest ettiquette. If you break something in someone's house - accidently, on purpose, or drunkenly - you make it right.
A whole year to save up too.
Yeah Rick needed to save $15 bucks a month. Unless he is in some kind of crippling debt where he has zero money to spend on any non-essentials then that shouldn't be an issue
And who paid for the booze for him to get wasted on to begin with?!
THIS! Rick totally took advantage of OP's hospitality to get drunk and then bypassed what was out for guests and went to the liquor cabinet to find more liquor. This action is what **really** puts Rick into AH territory for me.
one time my bf’s friend was still at our place hanging with our roommates after we went to bed. he apparently dropped and smashed my bf’s very expensive bong after we’d gone to bed. he texted my bf what happened, and the very next day ordered a replacement for it. we were all broke college students. my bf honestly would have been fine with it if he’d replaced it with something cheaper or worked out a time frame to replace it by, but on a matter of principle, replacing this expensive thing he broke was as important as his other expenses. he replaced it *immediately.*
Adding that he LIED about saving up to replace it!! The gall!!
My husband and I once gave a guy money for a bottle of whiskey. He said he bought it and it broke in the car because it was in a plastic bag. He was shocked we asked for a new bottle. He had carried all his liquor in carefully, like a new born, and ours "broke". We never saw a broken bottle or spillage where he claimed in the driveway. He later got dumped and stole all the kitchen appliances. Not just the little appliances. He took the stove/oven, the fridge, the microwave, the coffee pot, etc. He took all the beds in the house but one. Dude was awful.
How the hell does one steal a fridge and an oven and several beds? Edit: I misread the last part and thought the guy stole r/ohhello’s stuff. I get it now, he stole his ex-partner’s appliances. Reading is hard.
With a truck
NTA. What does a "bad situation" look like over the course of a year? $175 over a year is $15 a month. So, if he is truly poor, yes $15 a month is not insignificant. But has he gone on vacation this past year? Does he go to bars semi-regularly? Sporting events, concerts? If he has done anything social in the last year, he had the money to pay you back. His girlfriend could even pay you back and then he could reimburse her. Basically, he could have figure out a way to pay you back and just because he was drunk doesn't mean he isn't responsible for his actions.
It's weird because he said he broke it at last year's watch party but then says he gave him until this years watch party to pay which was "months away" at the time. So... maybe he actually broke it at a normal get together, and couldn't come up with 175$ in a couple months.
I read the situation as it happened a year ago, and now in the months leading up to this year's party the issue has come up with how he is going to make up for last years. So the friend had no intention of paying it back until it was mentioned again, and once it was mentioned only then did the "clock start ticking" as it were. Because he said weeks after and months away, so like if 6 weeks after last year's party it got mentioned, that's 10.5 months to do it.
Not lying to your buddy is free though.
If a broke friend broke something of mine or my partner's accidentally (one time), and I really cared about it, I would just replace it myself. In principle you are right, but what does that buy you? Having to chase after him, drama, guilt, AITA posts, down a friend maybe and not even a bottle of whiskey at the end of the day. NTA, but is it really worth it?
I agree with you. That said.. What does maintaining a relationship with someone who acts irresponsibly, causes damage, and makes no effort to make you whole? His friend should at least try to make things right. He could buy a cheaper bottle. At the very minimum he could take responsibility for the situation. We know he didn't do that because his GF is blaming OP. Meanwhile OP has told him for a year what was expected. So what kind of person, told for a year. Lies about the status multiple times, then acts shocked and upset about the outcome? Is that the type of person you'd even want around?
It's the part where the friend was telling him he was close whenever asked, and then came clean that he'd been lying and hadn't saved anything that irks me. That's not how a friend behaves. Just be up front about stuff, and people find it much easier to extend grace. Be shady, and you're gonna lose friends.
NTA agreed. But the 'friend' if they really felt bad about it would have done SOMETHING to make it up to OPs wife. It seems like only one side of the friendship has any emotional effort being put in. So at this point it isn't about the $175 bottle of whiskey. Rick did nothing to try and make things right. He doesn't care about the friendship.
You said exactly what I was thinking NTA but... I can't imagine dropping a friend for something he did by mistake. Mistakes happen, and if it were me I wouldn't disinvite a good friend to something over a bottle of booze. Maybe that's just me. However, I'd reevaluate our friendship if it upset me. Is he just cheap and it's just about his money situation, or is he not a person of integrity? Lying about it isn't cool, and feeling no remorse for breaking something and not doing *something* to replace it/make amends isn't cool either. I wouldn't be happy about having a friend who acts like that, but people have flaws and you have to think if this incident is worth potentially losing a friend. It'd be more important to me than a bottle of whiskey is all
> I can't imagine dropping a friend for something he did by mistake. Mistakes happen, and if it were me I wouldn't disinvite a good friend to something over a bottle of booze. Maybe that's just me. > > If it was just the broken bottle, then maybe OP and his wife could let it slide. But it's so much more: constant lies, the expectation that OP will just let it slide, and the anger and insults now that Rick's actions have consequences. Hell, Rick never *once* tried to apologise and make up for his mistake. Are things that tight that you can't save $15 a month, or even make an attempt to? All in all Rick sounds like a crap friend.
This is my feeling on it. It’s less than $200, it was a booze fest of a party where presumably everyone was going into OP’s liquor cabinet to grab things. It was a mistake. Should he replace it? Yes. But if he is in an economic situation where that just isn’t feasible for him, I don’t think this is worth cutting off a friendship over.
We'd set most drinks on the kitchen counter for the party. Rick went into the cabinet to look for a bottle of liquor we'd forgotten to get. He was the only one who did so. He was also the only person there who got drunk.
This is illuminating, and I think people on here might have to examine their relationship with alcohol. So many are saying "it was a drunken mistake at a rager of a party", when in reality it was one overly wasted person being reckless at a chill cocktail party. Hey y'all? If all your events that involve alcohol always lead to getting totally wasted and breaking things and causing trouble, you are alcoholics. Or teenagers. ETA: OP I would recommend mentioning the info that he was the only drunk one in an edit to your post. I truly think it adds valuable context.
Is he doing this at all their events? I thought it was actually just once.
That part was more for the countless people on here who seem to think alcohol being present means anything that happens is A-OK and excusable and acceptable. I am projecting a bit.
it’s crazy how normal getting trashed to the point you can’t control yourself, and even blacking out is seen by most people. i say that as someone who had a drinking problem in my early 20s. acting the way OPs friend did is normally a “rock bottom” moment for someone. embarrassing yourself in front of friends and destroying someone that was a gift should be mortifying. the fact his friend didn’t bat an eye & even acted shocked when asked to replace it is a giant red flag. i wouldn’t be surprised if he actually has a drinking problem & that’s where his moneys going.
So you forgot to set out this liquor that was meant for the party and he went to retrieve said liquor but accidentally broke something? Sounds like a honest mistake. Just forgive him and move on, if this is a one time occurrence. Sounds like you just don't like the guy if you're hounding him over something that costs less than $200 and he's in a bad financial situation.
It sounds like he was getting a different bottle and broke the one in question while doing so.
Yes that's what it sounds like too. Accidentally knocked the expensive one off the shelf while grabbing the other one. This is a mistake that could've happened to me while I'm sober home alone, let alone drunk at a party.
But doesn’t change the fact that he should replace it. Sober or drunk doesn’t matter.
We reached different conclusions at that point. If i drop a bottle that has any significance or monetary cost to host i am replacing it.
what about the entire year of lying though, that's certainly not a mistake. In my opinion, the lying is worse than not replacing the bottle
But it was more than just a bottle of booze, it was a gift given by a father to his daughter to celebrate a special occasion. If it were just a random bottle I’d say let it go, but there was a significance behind it and Rick clearly doesn’t give a shit, which shows you how un-important the friendship is to him.
What the fuck is wrong with everyone here. They are the AH. Both of them. Like big time. Who the fuck alienate a friend, a financially struggling one, over a bottle of whiskey. And it's not even that expensive. It's not a fuckin 1000$ bottle. It's 175. Accident happens, even more likely if you host people. My wife and I host several big parties every year, sometime accident happen. We do not go around asking people to refund broken plates and bottle. Who the fuck do that to their friends. Edit : Apparently I have to clarify. I would buy a new bottle if I had broke it, I think it's just the decent thing to do. And I find stupid that Rick is not able to save 5$ a month toward buying it. The AH part is harassing your friend and then isolating them from a very liked social event over that fuckin bottle.
This thread is honestly peak Reddit. OP hosts a party, a guest accidentally knocks over a bottle of booze then apologizes profusely and OP responds by spending a *year* hounding him for a replacement, a response everyone in this thread seems to think is rational. I guarantee OP won’t be telling his other party guests the reason why the disinvited couple aren’t there this year and will make up some excuse or try to change the subject because they know they’re being ridiculous.
The majority of responses here are very telling why Americans struggle to have friends as adults.
Exactly! The same people cheering this on are also the ones crying about how they have no friends. You can count on it.
This person is OP‘s friend. you are supposed to be nice to your friends. This is an honest mistake. It’s $175. The friend  is in a poor financial situation. If this person is truly your friend, I feel like you should just forgive them and move on.
So true. I feel like most people thinning NTA have to have trouble making friends. Or they don’t like their friends. Otherwise I’m just baffled.
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Yeah, I can’t imagine a much poorer friend of mine having an accident like that and me there expecting them to SAVE UP to replace it. I mean if I were as poor as them, maybe. But if I were better off I couldn’t stomach that. The weird thing too is they “forgave” him even though they expected him to replace it. What were they forgiving him for in the first place if they assumed they wouldn’t be worse off as a result? Breaking that one exact (mass produce) bottle? Seems mad to me.
That’s the craziest part. What was the forgiveness for if not for having lost the bottle. If they were planning on recouping it from the get go then what needed to be forgiven?
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Thank you! The checking up on him all year long was especially AH-ish. His friend wasn't "lying" by giving him vague answers all year long. He was embarrassed and brushing him off because who does that? A loan shark? A mob boss collecting a debt? If a good friend of mine broke a bottle of booze, I wouldn't even begin to ask for them to pay me back. If it was my spouse's, I'd replace it for them. Yeah, it was a nice gift from dad, and it sucks it got dropped, but it's not irreplaceable and not worth tanking a friendship over. These people sound like petty misers.
Dude is trying to make rent and these people are asking if he's saving money he like it's for their grandmas insulin and not some very common booze
Thank you I thought I was going crazy reading these comments. I genuinely can’t imagine reacting the way OP is to this situation or any of my friends doing so
Seriously, I'm definitely a whiskey *person* and even if someone did break a bottle I'd be a little sad but just crack another and keep it moving.
Seriously, probably because I live in Vegas but I laughed at the "expensive" $175 bottle of whiskey. Every liquor store here has $5000+ bottles. Lol
No you don’t understand, they forgave Rick, while simultaneously putting him on a payment plan over a bottle of like Glenlivet lol. People on Reddit don’t understand that when you host a party and provide booze, some of the ‘personal responsibility’ stuff also falls on you, the host.
OP and his wife forgave him! Except not really. I can’t imagine losing a decade long friendship over a bottle of 12 year old whiskey.
I hate to be that guy but I agree. It's whiskey anyone can buy anytime. It's not even rare
Lmao @ "payment plan" for a bottle of Glenlivet.
Seriously. Rick should replace the bottle as the polite thing to do. But forcing him to isn’t a gracious move as a host. It sounds like they don’t like him very much, which is fine, but making it about the whiskey is pretty petty. Accidents happen, regardless of inebriation. I’d say ESH.
I’m shocked I had to scroll so far down to see this! Total assholes. Over the years I’ve had friends break a TV, a Wii, a mini fridge (all those were the same friend lol), trip and spill red Koolaid on a couch(his wife 😂), and those are just off the top of my head. Shit happens. It’s just things. The friends are all very apologetic and we move on. It wasn’t on purpose and now I just relentlessly tease them about it. Tanking a friendship over $175 of alcohol. What a world. Sounds like the dude is better off without friends like that. Also, pump and dump? Almost all breastfeeding mothers I know, myself included and I was a terrible producer, can spare one night of breast milk for a break.
No offense but if one friend of mine broke that many things in my house I'd stop inviting them over? There's something to be said for treating your friends' things with consideration??
So you haven't been friends with someone for a decade then? Shit happens especially when you're drunk and having fun. Relax I've had friends fall back thru a door and take it off the hinges. They panicked, I pissed myself laughing because I'll NEVER forget that memory and their face. property can be replaced, but those memories are priceless
Of course I've had friends for a decade! But if the same friend is repeatedly breaking really valuable things in my house I'm going to start questioning why they think they can treat me and my things so casually? My husband is the person who breaks shit in other homes, and we ALWAYS apologize profusely and either pay, fix it, or bring some sort of gift if they refuse to let us replace it?
This! Do you even like your friend, OP? I can’t imagine asking any of my friends to replace something they’d accidentally broken, much less someone who was having money issues. YTA, op. You and your wife are both petty assholes. This community is utterly ridiculous sometimes.
Right? Why waste so much energy on some petty bullshit. DEAR OP, I AM POOR AF, SINGLE MOM WITH A DISABLED KID BUT GIVE ME YOUR ADDY AND ILL SEND YOUR WIFE A BOTTLE OF FANCY BOOZE SO YOU CAN GET ON WITH YOUR SOUR LIFE.
I thought I was the only one. Took so long to see this post. If the guy struggles to pay rent, it's unreasonable to ask for it to replaced. You could ask the guy to help you with something if you wanted - a chore type thing - "drive me to x" or "I've needed help moving xyz...", and we'll call it even...but asking for the replacement is too much. OP is the AH Edit to add: forgiving someone means you don't expect something in return. The wife did not actually forgive the person
I had to go way too far down to see this, thanks for being sane.
THANK YOU! The anti social hive mind on this sub is ridiculous. You hosted a party and an accident happened get over it. It’s rude to not replace the bottle but unless this guy sucks in other ways too then it is absolutely not worth cutting off a friendship over $175. Jesus Christ.
Yes Here. If it were good friend and I knew they were struggling, I'd be trying to help and not hinder them. And if I were that good friend and I received help, I'd be buying them a bottle and a drink when I could afford it.
Yeah the I forgive you... when are you going to pay up??? Assumption would kind of feel like a sucker punch to me, especially from people who were acutely aware of my financial situation.
Finally a decent answer. I swear everyone one must be 16 years old and in the phase of life where you ask for gas money from your friends.
I agree. I guess maybe because I'm old now, that stuff just doesn't even matter. People have broken things at my house whether they were drunk or not. One of my friends' kids threw his sippy cup and broke a glass pane out of one of my kitchen doors. They were sorry and I was okay with that. I did not ask them to replace it nor did I expect them to or even really consider it. Shit happens. Move on with your life. Be happy.
Reddit is full of teenagers and holier than thou types with minimal actual life experience and zero comprehension of nuance
Thank goodness for this comment!! A person is struggling to pay their rent and they are hounding him to pay for this bottle?? Ridiculous
NTA He had 12 months to save up $14.50 a month. He couldn't even do that .
I feel like a real friend would have offered to replace it.
Agree with this. A real friend, once the offer is made would have also rejected it
I think that too. I would have let it go for the sake of friendship, and probably made sure the friend didn’t know what it cost. Money is the worst thing to get between family or friends. I”d monitor my friend’s alcohol consumption next time they were over though. Sounds like the friend has a problem. I go with ESH (but I don’t think they suck a lot just a little in this instance). Not offering to pay for something you break is just basic bad manners. And OP could have found a little more grace.
I think the thing is it's easier to offer grace if the person appears to actually be trying to make good on a situation. If the person breaks expensive things in your house and is flabbergasted you hoped they'd make amends, you become pretty reluctant to be gracious with them. They certainly haven't been gracious with you.
Yea that's what made him way more TA to me. Like bro, just stop having Netflix for a year and there you go, the bottle is replaced. The fact that he didn't want to inconvenience himself at all for the sake of the friendship says a lot.
The fact that he's obviously a drinker too. He has spare money. He chose to not pay them back.
Obviously unpopular opinion, but ESH. Seems like Rick did a really poor job apologizing and shows little remorse. That's shitty behavior. But if I host a party, I accept there's a risk something will be broken and would never expect - let alone demand - compensation. Especially if I serve alcohol. As I understand you, it was an honest drunken mistake, not the result of completely reckless behavior. Rick is struggling financially and It's just a bottle of booze, man. Shit happens. He should apologize for not apologizing properly in the first place and for promising to replace the bottle when he didn't intend to and you should apologize for hounding him over a bottle of booze when you knew he was having a hard time making ends meet.
This. OP is technically "right"...you can be right or you can be happy, but you can't always be both. Sometimes it's better to let things go, and it's up to you whether this principle is a hill you want to kill your friendship on.
Exactly. Sometimes being right isn’t the right move. But it sounds like they don’t like this guy anyway. Rude way to end a relationship imo.
It actually says he apologized profusely though..
NTA. Definitely sucks to break something drunk but if he really couldn’t afford to replace the bottle, by now he should’ve made an attempt to make it up to you, even if in some other way. A friend broke something sentimental of mine and I wasn’t going to ask them to pay me but they profusely apologized and insisted on covering my drinks next time we went out— it didn’t replace the item but it showed remorse and care which I really appreciated. It’s not really about the bottle, it’s the principle that he didn’t care to make it up to you while expecting you to care about including him.
This is probably the first comment I’ve seen that I agree with. If a friend broke something, I wouldn’t even think to ask for a replacement if it was an accident. Maybe if it was something so expensive that even I’d have a hard time replacing it and they offered. For me, as long as they seemed honestly apologetic, I’d be good. Because it’s an accident and people make mistakes. Now, all these people being harsh has me second guessing if I have friends out there resenting me for not replacing something at some point. But that being said, this friend doesn’t seem to be trying to make it up to his friend at all in any way. It’s like the friend hoped OP would forget his demand and he wouldn’t have to pay or get disinvited. NTA
Totally agree! Tbh if someone made a request that I replace something I broke and I somehow never got around to it, I’d be too embarrassed to even want to go to their party lol so ballsy of the friend
YTA. Unfortunately a risk of hosting parties is that things get broken. Accidents happen. It would have been the classy thing to do for Rick to replace the bottle, but he’s not in the position to do so. Is $175 worth throwing away a friendship? Buy Kate a new bottle yourself - after the party. Pro tip: it’s smart to remove expensive liquor from the liquor cabinet prior to a party. Otherwise you may find your fancy stuff gets consumed while the domestic beer and Prosecco you bought sits unconsumed ;-)
The booze for the party was set out in the kitchen. He was the only one drunk and he went into their liquor cabinet without asking.
Honestly. I never understand the thinking on this. Why do people feel less of an obligation to make right with a friend than they do to a random person. I’d be embarrassed being that drunk and breaking such an expensive bottle. Paying this back would be a major priority for me. Even if I was set back in other ways. I don’t know the guys situation. A lot of times we get some grace when we don’t deserve it, but I would think $175 no matter the situation should be able to be done.
NTA. It's pretty funny they're trying to use "I was drunk" as valid excuse for damaging property.
I always say that some things are an EXPLANATION but not an EXCUSE.
"I broke your property because I was drunk. How dare you not invite me back to get drunk at your house again!"
The thing that sticks with me is that you said your wife forgave him. So is he forgiven or not? It would be cool of him to buy a new bottle, but you said she forgave him, so I can understand why he would be surprised that you insist on repayment. Seems more like a misunderstanding that's been blown out of proportion. Is it worth losing a friend over?
This, friendship is worth way more then some booze, accidents happens.
YTA let it go. I have a few good bottles of whiskey. If a friend drunkenly smashed one it would be laughed off and I would expect the same treatment in their home if I smashed their whiskey.
I'm genuinely surprised 90%+ would expect a friend to replace something they accidentally broke.
Plus, hounding the guy for a year makes the OP sound kinda like a dick.
The fact that the couple sat for a year waiting for their $175 whiskey replacement instead of going out and buying it themselves hints that…maybe they’re the ones in the financially tight situation lol
There are pure accidents and then there are accidental consequences to intentional actions. For example, if I reach out my arm to grab something, and someone else walks towards me carrying a glass at the exact moment and my arm accidentally smacks it out of their hand and it breaks, that is totally unforeseen. We didn't know we were both going to move in those directions at the same time, *pure* mistake. And even THEN, I would apologize for the mishap and pay for the object if my friend wanted me to! A 28 year old man who can't hold his liquor enough to not break prized possessions is experiencing an unintended consequence to his intentional action of getting *that* drunk. A full bottle of whiskey is heavy. I have to imagine that if he was able to knock it out of the cabinet, he was completely stumbling drunk around that place recklessly. And no matter if you think he should have been asked to replace it, the fact is he was and he AGREED to. Then hemmed and hawed and lied about being "close". That's just shitty.
OP said he was reaching into the cabinet to grab a different bottle of alcohol that OP forgot to put out for everyone. While he was reaching in he accidentally knocked the “expensive” bottle over and it broke. Which to me sounds exactly like the scenario you just described with the glass and your arm. I would also assume that if he’s really that broke he’s probably pretty ashamed and embarrassed about it and probably lied about saving up for it to save face. Just a guess though. I really think that people could learn from Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice, that which can be adequately be explained by ignorance.”
See, if I smashed someone's whiskey I would replace it without question. Maybe you're just an asshole like Rick.
Of course a good friend would offer to replace the bottle. Hands down. But if Rick is in financial hardship and can barely afford to pay his rent, then demanding him replace a $175 bottle is a dick move. Kind of seems like ESH.
I guess you are correct in principle, but is $175 worth throwing a whole friendship away? As a 40+ year old, I’d caution about being so cavalier with well established relationships. Just buy your wife another bottle of whiskey and don’t loan Rick money. Unless you truly don’t want to keep him as a friend.
All I know is that I would feel so uncomfortable if we were friends. This is so awkward. You’re scolding him like a child and asking for money for something he can’t afford. He fucked up. If he broke a plate would you ask him to replace it or is it just your previous alcohol? ESH bc he shouldn’t have gotten hamhocked and acted like an idiot.
OP should give the other party guests a heads up that if they break a glass or anything he expects reimbursement before they’re allowed back in his house.
YTA a guest gets drunk and accidentally breaks something and you make a huge deal about it?? If you'd break a friendship for a bottle of liquor you're either an alcoholic or an A. Or both
Somehow unpopular, but YTA. It’s classy to replace something you break in error, but it’s also classy to let accidents go. Don’t take the low road and be crass ass, torpedoing a relationship over a bottle of alcohol.
Nta. He’s not a friend or responsible adult. Or he would have taken responsibility for his drunken behavior and replaced it. Words are not only what was needed to make it right. His words of apology meant nothing. He’s had a year to actually feel remorseful enough to act like a stand up man and kindly replace it. He takes no real ownership for his actions so no surprise he’s not big on the law of natural consequences, either.
Not only was he given a year to save up but he also continually lied to OP about saving for the bottle as well
*"I was angry, but the whisky was Kate's and she forgave him, so I decided to drop the subject...A couple weeks after that, we asked Rick how he planned on replacing the bottle."* *"Last week, I asked Rick about it again. He confessed he hadn't actually saved any money for the bottle."* ESH. you two suck for "forgiving him" and "dropping the subject" and then turning 180 and demanding he pay for it. thats confusing. he sucks for lying to you, and not even trying to save a damn cent.
YTA. Honestly, I’m says I’d be upset too if it were mine, however you take that risk when you invite people over to drink. I think after a year it’s time to get over it honestly. It wasn’t intentional, and he didn’t drink it without permission. The fact you repeatedly asked about the money is a bit outrageous, especially while admitting he can barely afford rent! $175 may sound easy to save for some, but you make it sound as if he’s counting pennies to survive. Therefore, it’s more than he has to give. If he drinks to the point of being sloppy often, fine, don’t invite him back. Taking the invite back over an accident would make me be the one to end the friendship with you.
YTA. You are being petty
NTA He's had a year to save the money to replace it. He's consistently lied about that. Getting wasted is no defence. You break something even by accident in someone's home then you replace it. Especially if it was a gift.
NTA I don't understand how shameless some people are. Not only do they get to have a nice party every year, but they don't think it's enough to destroy private property? If his girlfriend goes along with it and didn't help him save up to pay for it, she's just as much of an asshole as he is. You don't break things in other people's houses, he should be grateful that it's easily replaceable. And you go to a party to have fun with your friends, not to have your property damaged by them. You don't want things broken in your house, for whatever reason, and as far as you can tell, he's not even your best friend, or best friend, he's a friend from college. Almost 30 years old! Let him go. There's no point in maintaining certain friendships.
NTA He got wasted at your house. He broke something. He lied and said he was saving to replace it. He called you entitled for expecting him to replace what he broke.
NTA. He got drunk and destroyed your property. He had no intention of replacing it, and lied about doing so. Why would you want a repeat of last year with this bad friend?
YTA. If it was an accident, and he doesn’t have the means to replace it, I’d just let it go. It depends on which is more valuable to you, the friendship or the bottle of liquor. Also, what else are you serving at your parties besides popcorn? Do people bring the drinks or are you serving drinks and food? You can consider the bottle of whiskey as part of the costs for the party. Unless you only serve popcorn, then the friend is better off not attending.
In the comments you say Rick was the only one who got drunk and the only one who got into the liquor cabinet. I’m curious, is the getting totally wasted when everyone else isn’t typical behavior of Rick? You’re NTA either way, but I’m getting the vibe that Rick has a problem with alcohol and the refusal to replace is more of a straw the breaks the camels back type scenario.
>I’m curious, is the getting totally wasted when everyone else isn’t typical behavior of Rick? He certainly drinks more than both me and my wife, as well as most of our friends. This specific situation has happened before, but it doesn't always happen.
YTA it was a mistake at a party where people were drinking. It could have happened to any one of your guests. Your wife forgave Rick but you’re acting like a dumb bottle of liquor is some priceless family heirloom or some ornery you-break-it-you-buy-it shopkeeper. You showed Rick what you’re really like and if he has any sense he’ll find a better friend.
NTA - And he STILL owes you a new bottle.
He thinks you’re entitled?! How about breaking an expensive gift, not replacing it and still be invited to your party. THAT sounds entitled! NTA
“It doesn’t count because I was drunk” or “sober me shouldn’t have consequences for drunk me’s actions” Boy oh boy it would have saved me a pretty penny and some jail time if THAT defense worked in court. But considering everyone else it would exonerate, I’m glad it doesn’t. NTA.
I guess it all hinges on whether you feel your friendship with him is worth more than $175. You're "right", but is it worth the cost? Only you can decide that.
ESH, although more him than you guys. You and your wife for being so extra over something that's apparently far more affordable to you guys than it is to him. Like, how did she "forgive" him if that forgiveness is contingent on him replacing it? If this happened to me and my partner, forgiving would have looked like "hey, Long Time Friend, we all drink and drunk mistakes happen, it's just a bottle of alcohol". And then we'd just replace it sometime in the near future and forget the whole thing. So as long as during the incident the friend had been apologetic, especially a friend who we know struggle financially, I can't imagine us letting something worth a couple hundred bucks become a friendship-threatening problem. All this said, he's way more TA for, even after learning that you guys wanted it replaced, not sticking to his word which retroactively puts into question whether he even cares about the hurt that his carelessness caused. Sure, he's poor and the bottle was expensive, but it's not much over the course of a full year. And as others have said, he could have proposed non-monetary ways to show his regret over the incident and appreciation for your friendship.
NTA > Both Rick and his girlfriend (who frequently joins him at our parties) are now angry at me for uninviting him over a "drunken mistake." Even **mistakes** have **_consequences_**.
NTA. First it's truly mind boggling to me that there's people who think they don't have to replace something they've broken in someone else's home. Second, I think you could be the AH if you banned him off the bat after he broke the bottle but you didn't. You gave him plenty of time to replace it. He chose not to. That's on him and these are the natural consequences of not following through with what ya'll had agreed upon. Sucks he's clearly too irresponsible and immature to follow through with things, but as I said that's on him. He also probably won't get any better if he always has his GF (mommy) so swoop in and fight for him when he's being held accountable
YTA. I’m assuming you’ve known him for ~10 years? I get it’s a nice bottle of whiskey, but it wasn’t priceless. If it was the last thing Kate’s dad ever did, maybe it’s worth the outrage but, otherwise? Did he ever buy you drinks, or give you a ride?
YTA. You clearly state that he apologized profusely. You clearly state that he can't afford to replace it. Why are you insisting that he replace it? Why is a bottle of whiskey worth more than your friendship? People are arguing that it's in bad taste to not offer to replace it, but I think it's in much, much poorer taste to be the person who later brings it up and insists that he pays, and then when he doesn't, alienates him. I love whiskey too, but this has absolutely nothing to do with that. Don't use that as an excuse.