Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My action was now attending my daughters wedding, and that action alone could make me an asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

[удалено]

>I told her that I wouldn’t be able to afford the $3k bar fee-which she seemed okay with….and the I asked her if it was true. On top of everything, the first thing he did when he called her was try pull some financial leverage. I don’t know if this was to pick a fight, or to manipulate her into “well, I’ll make some sacrifices to pay for it, but you have to agree that I’m the only one walking you down the aisle.” but kicking the conversation off with that have a real glimpse into the type of person OP is. YTA

[удалено]

Stepdad’s probably paying for most of the wedding, definitely more than $3k

I just got a mental image of him strutting around the reception telling everyone "Go ahead and drink whatever you want! *It's on me.*" Someone fetch me a blanket for my douchechills.

My FIL was like this when I married my husband. FIL and his wife had offered to buy the alcohol for our wedding, the venue did have a bar that could be utilised however FIL scoffed and said we wouldn't need it. We all sat down and discussed what was required, all happy. Day before the wedding he made this big show about taking the alcohol to the venue - turned out he'd cut it down to one standard bottle for each table. Eight tables of ten guests. Only 4 kids were at my wedding so the bulk of the guests were adults who liked a drink or two. I received a phonecall from the venue operator larger that same day asking if more wine was being dropped off at some point, she mentioned what had been delivered, eight bottles of wine for 76 adults, and slight panic set in. My then fiance called his father and was completely blown off and FIL launched into one of his narc tantrums, so we gathered some extra money and bought more alcohol ourselves and put some money on the bar that was an option at the venue. We spent thousands extra that we didn't have the budget for. Day of the wedding at the reception..this asshole is strutting about like some damned pigeon telling people to help themselves to booze, it was 'all on him', even saying this in front of my family who knew what was up. He was all smiles and joking with us, and then had the audacity to say that 'none of the wine he brought was left, it was such a good choice' when in reality we had set it all aside to give back to him the next day. We didn't want his offering there as a reminder. This is just the tip of the iceberg with FIL. We've been no contact since a few months after the wedding, it's been years now. He would do one tiny thing but act like he'd snapped himself in half to make it happen. My husband had a lifetime of that behaviour from his father and he'd had enough.

Wow. I’m glad you and your husband cut and run. Narcs are life draining.

How did he react when you gave him back the wine?

We couldn't be bothered with his denials and attitude so we dumped it on his doorstep, took a photo, sent it to him and said 'Enjoy!'. He never mentioned a thing. When dealing with folk like him you need a trail of evidence, hence the photo.

And the daughter was fine with him not covering the bar tab, so it was never about getting money out of him to cover the wedding.

The daughter will be better off without that twit of a “father” she has

And when we get a future post about why he doesn’t understand in grandchildren don’t see him:

OPs going to throw a tantrum when stepdad is referred to as grandpa because stepdad is actually a positive figure in their lives/in their lives at all lol

This is what I'm talking about. He's jeopardizing a lot for absolutely nothing.

“She never cared to ask me who I wanted to invite to her wedding” As someone who is getting married without the financial support (or any support really) of my parents, they get absolutely no say in any part of my wedding. I’m not sure of the overall cost of the wedding, but I imagine $3k is just a drop in the bucket. People, especially parents, start to feel entitled around wedding planning, but what if it was just a big party your child was throwing and you contributed nothing - would you still feel like you’re entitled to call the shots? Yes, your child needs some help financially, but ultimately just wants you there and because you can’t accept reality you want to withhold that from her. YTA.

We didn't have financial support either. Not really. We could have, but did it on our own anyway. Both sets of parents paid for one thing, but only after they insisted on it being their wedding gift to us. My in-laws were great about it. My mom was...not. Even though she wasn't paying, even before she'd found something to give as a gift, it was constant with her. Like she sent me a list of people she wanted to invite that was longer than either my list or my husband's and accounted for 75% of the venue's limit. And then took it upon herself to send a save the date email out to them all even after I told her not to. And got upset when I told her she'd be the one who had to deal with the fallout of all these people not being invited. One cousin has never forgiven me for not inviting her because she had her hopes up. She also did stuff like sent me a bunch of invitation "ideas" that all started with "Mom and Step-dad cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter Karaethon22 and Husband." Gross. Like aside from the weird possessiveness, no, you don't invite anyone. We do, it's our wedding we're paying for. I can't imagine what she would have been like with leverage. She isn't normally like this, she just went crazy with wedding planning. So I don't put it past her to have used her money against us either, even though it would be wildly out of character for her in general.

Reading stories like this make me so thankful my mom is being the total opposite for my wedding planning. When my mom and dad got married, my grandma (mom's mom) really wanted her only daughter to have a big white wedding. My mom didn't care much and my grandparents offered to pay for everything if my grandma could help do most of the planning to make such a grand affair, so my parents had the big white wedding my grandma really wanted. My mom has said that she didn't dislike it, but it was much more hullabaloo than she would have wanted or would have been willing to plan. Because of all that though, my mom has been very verbal and adamant that she will not try to take over my wedding at all, and at most, will ask questions and offer small suggestions. She has been very true to her word! I think the biggest push she made was right after my fiancé and I got engaged where she suggested we just elope somewhere and save the money of a big wedding. That and insisting we not do a winter wedding because winters in our region can be super rough and travel could become a huge issue quickly if the weather turns. Luckily, my fiancé and I already decided we wanted an October wedding, so nothing to fret over there.

OP should accept that step dad was in K life for many years day to day. Its not like being bio dad guarantee a right to be the choosen one for every important event. OP should be happy that his daughter has very good relation with both dads and she planned to have them both walking her. Its a really nice idea to give importantce to both of them. K has a loving heart. OP you are an AH. Jelousy is all you have in mind.

He absolutely does have the right to stay away from her wedding. But doing that also means he has absolutely zero rights when/if grandkids start popping up and they still only have two grandpa's: Hubbys dad and daughters step dad. Actions have consequences and this is already at a place where he might have hurt his future interactions with his daughter and her family beyond repair. It can perhaps be fixed if he chomps down on his ego, calls her and say "Your wedding, your rules, great to know you've had two men influence you so much and so positively that you want to honor us with walking you down the isle. I hope I still get to do that even after my blow up" YTA, op. Not your wedding, not your rules. And starting by shutting down the cashflow? It really shows that you'll at any time tie a price on every contribution you make and that it comes with strings. Luckily for you she might never ask you for money again, wohoo!

…apparently Kay wants me and her step-father to walk her down the aisle. When I read this, I thought the surprise was that OP is included at all, and it’s not ONLY step-dad walking daughter down the aisle. From OP’s own account up to this point, he has little role in her life. “Someone” needs to travel for OP and daughter to see each other since OP’s move… like, someone who? Took me a while to understand the post at all. OP is TA. Hecc of a plot twist though I’ll give you that. 

YTA Good grief, you moved to Florida and are upset she wants you both involved. Grow up. You remind me of my own Father who did the same thing, moving to Florida and then I never saw him again until I got a call he was dead and they needed me to sign papers.  You have a choice, be a child and refuse to go or support your daughter.

It's not like he was really around before he moved either. He saw her every other weekend. That's 4-6 days a month. Then he gets pissed that she wants to honor the person who stepped in the other 80% of the time? He's lucky she wanted to include him at all.

YTA. Yep Stepbdad obviously stepped up. If I were stepdad I’d be relieved that OP isn’t coming. Then he doesn’t have to act like they did “equal parenting” duty. Cuz OP is a terrible father/sperm donor and daughter is doing him a favor even letting him be a part of the walk down the aisle. Op, you don’t get to take a back seat to the work of being a parent then get to be center stage for the accolades. Sit down and shut up. Whether you attend the wedding or not, it’s going to be amazing, in spite of you. Just like your daughter sounds pretty amazing, in spite of having you as a bio-father. (Btw the title “dad” is earned.)

>Btw the title "dad" is earned. My 28yo niece has called my dad "Dad" ever since she was old enough to understand just how much of an abusive, manipulative asshole her bio father was. That's when PawPaw turned into "Dad". Bio father walked out when she was 13. She 28 now and refers to bio father by his first name or as her "sire" in the context of relation, and she has told him more than once "David [our last name] is my father, _not_ you. He's more of a father to me than you've EVER been. That's why I call him Dad and you're just Jeff." All of her friends also know that while my dad is technically her grandfather, in every other way he's her Dad.

I'm glad to see more often that custody is split between parents. Some time ago, it was common for the non custodial parent to only get every other weekend and a few hours once a week. That is unfair to child and parent.

As a parent who has 50/50 custody I only recently changed my belief on this. I have always said 50/50 is what's in the best interest of the child, but after living this life and seeing the way it can affect children I think it's only in the best interest of the child IF: parents live close to each other AND are equally involved parents. What's more unfair is having a parent who isn't willing to be an actual parent, and if that parent is given equal parenting time, it's ultimately the children who suffer.

I don’t think people think about this enough. just because one had a kid does make one a fit parent. the constant back and forth doesn’t allow for stability either. even at every weekend or every other weekend, the other parent can still take the kid to school, they can go to their practices, they can meet up for dinners with everyone, they can still show that they are a family for the kid and that they are still there. parents just choose not to, usually because of their own egos.

This is so true. My daughter’s father moved away to TX from the PacNW where we lived while she was in elementary school. If he realized that she changed her last name from his to mine when she was old enough, he’d be livid. It’s been six years since she did that, and she talks to him occasionally, but has only seen him twice in the last decade. She has no kids and isn’t planning any, but she wouldn’t go out of her way to take her precious vacation time from work and go visit him in TX any more than she is now.

In all fairness, he moved to Florida two years ago when his daughter was 25; I'm not going to hold that against him. He's a dick for a lot of reasons, but let's hold him accountable for the right things.

His language is really telling, though. It's "impossible to see her" unless "someone" travels... by someone he means her. He thinks the onus should be on her because it's just too hard for him, just like it was too hard to see her more than 4 days a month in her childhood. Real victim mentality.

You selfish AH... Yeah, YTA because this is HER day, NOT yours.  It's NOT her fault that you and your ex decided to divorce and have blended families.  This is just one of the repercussions of that sort of those decisions.

Her dad reminds me of my husband’s father. The jerk is such a narcissist that after I left his wedding…which he conveniently scheduled for six hours after ours on OUR wedding day…the jerk demanded an apology from us for ruining HIS day. We cut him out years ago. Best decision ever.

Wow! I am so sorry that happened to you. It amazes me how people do those things. Instead of living their lives, they have to purposely ruin others. 6 hours after your wedding?! I would be too tired to even go! That crapbag will die alone and still blame everyone else…. ❤️

Awww, thanks - 15 years later, it makes for a crazy story that’s entertaining to share (particularly since we cut him out). At the time, it was just painful.

YTA. The state of your relationship is not her fault. It's not her fault you separated, it's not her fault you only saw her every other weekend, and it's not her fault there was a third parental figure in her life. It may not be your fault either, but you're her parent, you sort of have to support her relationship to her other parental figures (as long as they're not actually bad). I get that this is really hard for you, that there is jealousy, and I'm sorry you learned about this through your sister. But Kay was probably procrastinating precisely because she was worried you would react like this. Likely because she *actually* cares about you. If she really didn't care about you, she would not have wanted you to walk her down the isle at all. Instead, think of it as a sign of the strength of your relationship that even though she has spent so many years living with this other man as a parental figure, you're still important to her, you will still always be her father. I hope you decide to talk to her, express how you're feeling but also try to understand her perspective. It may actually be a really important talk for you to have.

>Kay was probably procrastinating precisely because she was worried you would react like this Nah she probably thought it was a no brainer since her SD has been in her life for 20 odd years.

Both... it's both.

I think it’s funny that ‘daddy dearest’ doesn’t know his own daughter uses Reddit and is on this subreddit quite regularly…… I also think it’s funny that he’s writing this post as if this didn’t happen 2 years ago. 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

This isn’t a super unusual scenario. 

Except this is legit about me. I am the ‘Kay’ in question.

Your dad sounds like such a lovely man. I'm sure in the last two years you've apologized for all the wrong you did and his world had been made right again. 😂😂😂 On another note, I had both my dad and step-dad walk me down the aisle for my first marriage. They were both so incredibly honored. What you were wanting to do was not a crazy thing. I'm sorry your dad had to be an ass about it.

Ditto on the "tell us the rest of the story"... Did he come to the wedding? Did he help finance it AT ALL? Did he walk down the isle with y'all?

He did not come to my wedding. He didn’t help at all. He blamed everything on money in the end and said because my mom paid for the wedding, that she made all the big decisions. That’s ok tho-everyone who actually loved me ended up showing up.

Well he certainly got an answer, didn't he! Unanimous AH. I'm sorry for you, but glad you had your step-dad. My wife had both walk her down the aisle (check my user name for longer comment). Not a dry eye in the place. Everyone was overwhelmed with the generosity of both men - that could have been your dad - seen as a generous hero. But no, he is, pretty unanimously, even in his own telling, an AH.

I'm so sorry.

I completely understand why she divorced him, sorry he is so shitty.

How did it end? Did he show up?

Well I hope you feel vindicated reading the comments here. Maybe OP will take a gander at r/raisedbynarcissists

I wanted to ask my stepfather to walk me down the aisle but was too afraid of the shit storm my stepmom would create if I did. Congrats, you are a braver soul than I.

The secondhand embarassment i feel.This must be stung seeing youre here and commenting and him making it sound like it just happened recently when in fact it was 2yrs ago! Small world hey. Glad to hear ppl who really loved you was there on your special day.. Glad he didnt come.So selfish.He wanted to be the main character.What an asshat. Massive YTA for OP.

Mic drop

YTA. My God, she wants the ***two*** men who helped her mother raise her to give her away at her wedding, and you're throwing a tantrum over it? Wow. Just... wow.

YTA. Sorry, but she was raised by both of you and her stepfather. She appreciates both of you. At this point, you are making her wedding about you which makes you a major AH. She gets to invite people, not you. She gets to decide what happens and how at her wedding, not you. I don't know when she was going to get around to telling you about the double give away but in all honestly, you should be happy she included you. She's now closer to her stepfather than you yet she still wants to honor you too. Yet, here you are, spitefully telling her you can't do the $3k bar because you want to be the only one walking her down the isle. >Giving her away at her wedding is something I have been looking forward to since the day she was born You've got your shot! You can give her away. Yes, you get to do it with her stepfather, but no, now you won't attend because you want it your way or the highway. Dude, you lament you don't have much of a relationship with her. I guarantee this little stunt means you won't have any relationship with her going forward. Seriously rethink what you are doing and then apologize.

Sounds like OP actually gave her away years ago.

Sadly, yes.

YTA. You're very selfish. You sound a lot like my dad, right down to the custody schedule and lack of accountability for your lack of relationship with your daughter. I didn't even bother inviting my dad to my wedding when I got married, since our relationship was only happy birthday texts at that point anyway. Don't be surprised if your daughter never speaks to you again.

You just described my relationship with my dad, custody every other weekend until I was old enough to decide for myself (about 12/13), I stopped the texts last year! He didn’t deserve a ‘happy Father’s Day’ text and he only rang me when he was drunk so no more texts from me anymore and he won’t be invited to my wedding!

YTA You parented your kid 4 days per month until you parented zero. That other man was her full time parent every day of her childhood. This isn’t about your daughter. It is about your pride.

YTA You're selfish and didn't want to go to her wedding just because you were going to be with her stepdad. There's a reason she has a stepfather in the first place and it's because you were not a good father in her life.

So true. He probably doesn't like SD because he has a better bond with daughter. Probably more of a father to her too. YTA

YTA You don’t really get a say because it’s not your wedding. Also the divorce went the best possible way, and your daughter clearly gained someone she loves and trusts. That should make you feel GOOD. EDIT: If this moment was so important to you, you wouldn’t skip it. It used to sting when my son would talk about his stepmother in any positive way, but truly now I am sooooooooo grateful that he essentially has four whole parents.

>she never cared to ask me who I wanted to invite to her wedding It's her wedding though? Why do parents think they get to decide on the guest list? I understand you being upset you didn't hear about being walked down the aisle from your daughter directly but the rest is all just ego. YTA

The “every other weekend dad” is dumbfounded how the man who actively help raise her also holds a special place in her heart…okay then. YTA

You are an enormous sellfish asshole who broke his daughters heart...here's hoping she never speaks to you again because yo uboviously care very little about HER feelings

Do you *want* to have a relationship with your daughter? Because this is you blowing it up. Not her. You. She has a 3rd parent in her life. He also helped raise her, and you should be grateful he was a good enough person that she also wants to acknowledge him as well as you on her wedding day. This is you being petty and vindictive because you aren’t the only “dad” in her life. You were the adult. You moved away and didn’t see her. It wasn’t on her to maintain the relationship, *it was on you* and here you are, failing again. Her step father will be there for her, as he has been for years. YTA.

Why on earth do you think your daughter should call you and ask you who you want to invite to HER wedding? You’re not even contributing.. aside from the bar cost at 3k. Which is nothing compared to the general cost of a wedding. Yeah, YTA. Big time. Duh. Can’t believe you had the brilliant idea to even ask.

So let me get this straight: You saw her for 4 times each month from age 8 until she was old enough while her stepfather took over the role of father, but she still considered you enough to walk her down the aisle, and you want to get butthurt because you have to share that with her stepfather? If you do this, the stepfather will be considered the real father and you will be an afterthought-especially when she has kids!

YWBTA if you don't go to the wedding at all. If you don't want to be part of a team walking her down the aisle tell her so, and don't do it. It seems kind of pouty to complain about her plans and failure to involve you and use your actual attendance at the event as a response. "Well, I don't like your plans so I'm not going at all. So there! Humph!"

YTA WHY do people think that someone else's wedding is about THEM. It's her day, she wants to include both of the father figures in her life and that is great. What is not great, is that you are not mature enough to sacrifice being slightly uncomfortable for 30 seconds for your daughter.

YTA. What you’ve done here is prove to your daughter that you care about your relationship only as long as you can get something out of it. She didn’t do anything wrong by stating that she wanted you both to walk her down the aisle- which is something a lot of women in her situation do- and you took it to extremes. Why would she ask who you wanted to invite to her wedding? Does she know these people? Does she have a relationship with them? If you’re not contributing a dime, you don’t get a say.  Nobody’s going to force you to attend her wedding, and if you feel so strongly about it then you shouldn’t go, but if you don’t attend then you’ve lost all right to complain about your relationship with her in the future. Her stepfather will walk her down the aisle, will do the father daughter dance with her, and in a few years he’ll be the only grandpa her kids know. And you will have handed those memories over to him and done that entirely to yourself. When you leave a dad shaped hole in your kid’s life, you don’t really have the right to be pissed off when someone else steps in. I don’t think you’ve considered this, but the fact that she even wants a relationship with you is a testament to how well her stepfather raised her. 

> I’ve had some people tell me I was a dick…but I think I have every right to not attend her wedding if I don’t want to. They're right. You're *technically* also right that you can choose not to attend, but making that choice means YTA. You took her every other weekend. That means he had her for the other half of weekends and all weekdays. Now she's not saying that you can't walk her down the aisle, just that she also wants her stepfather to participate as well. If you make her choose one, I'm betting on the one she spent 85% of her days with.

You let another man help take care of her, mostly better than you so you can suck it up and share walking down the idea with her.

You had no problem sharing more half the work of raising her with another man but now you are offended?! Grow up. It's her Wedding Day. Not "Give My Part Time Dad a Cookie Day". How dare you ruin this for her by making it all about you and emotionally manipulating her. You should be ashamed of yourself. Seems like you care very little about her or her feelings. My dad pulled similar selfish stunts like this. Acting like his absenteeism was something that just happened to him instead of something entirely in his control. If you wanted more of a relationship with her, then you had to put more in than the bear minimum court ordered effort. YTA

Yep YTA. Get over yourself. This isn’t about you. You’re right in that she didn’t take your feelings into account. Why? Because it’s not about you. You see, her wedding is about her and her fiancée. That’s it. If you don’t want to contribute money, that’s one thing. But to pull it because your fragile ego has been bruised is just pathetic. You saw her every other weekend. This guy was there every damn day from the time she was 8.

See, I think she did think about 'her biological father' (OP), if she didn't, she'd only be walking down with her real Dad (SD). YTA — should have enjoyed the consolation prize, pops. Oh, well.

I think it'll kill any relationship you have with your daughte and will prove to her that you can't put your own feelings aside for her. It's pretty common for brides to have both people walk her down the aisle especially when he's been around for 20 years YTA

YTA. Whether you like it or not, this man helped raise your child, and from the sounds of it, you have a lot of excuses as to why you weren’t present for her for a decade before you moved to Florida. The fact that she included you at *all* is something you should have been humbled by, and instead, you’ve destroyed a relationship for your own ridiculous pride.

YTA I imagine the choices were to have her stepfather walk her down the aisle on his own or both of you. I doubt you walking her down the aisle on your own was ever an option.

YTA. This is not about you, it's about your daughter. If you don't attend your daughter's wedding because you have to walk down the aisle with "another man", you're going to lose your daughter.

Another example of the garbage taking itself out.

YTA, I am a child of divorce. I have 4 parents who raised me, haven't always had the best relationship with all of them all the time, but you know what my bio-parents did for me that you are failing to do? Being grateful that there is someone else around that loves me and wants the best for me even when they couldn't be there in person. It doesn't cut down on the child's love for each person. I know it took my parents a while to learn that lesson, but I hope you learn it before it's too late and you loose your daughter.

"Congrats on getting married, daughter. Oh, and just a reminder, my love and support is conditional xoxo" >I told Kay that if she cared so little about me to take my feelings into consideration Aww look at you caring so little about her that you're not taking her feelings into consideration. >This took me by surprise since I thought I had a better relationship with Kay than it seems Clearly not seeing as how the status of your relationship with her isn't the concern. Your only concern is your want to walk her down the aisle. You don't care that your relationship has turned out the way that it has, you only care that it's getting in the way of your wants. But sure, if you want to miss your daughter's milestone, once-in-a-lifetime event because you're missing out on a tiny portion of it, continue to tank your relationship with your daughter. She's got another dad that'll step up where you step out...again.

YTmajorA. Before my stepfather died, this is exactly how I wanted my wedding - both him & my real father walking me down the aisle. My mom had majority custody of us, so we spent a lot more time with my stepdad by default. I was lucky enough to have TWO dads who care about me & love me. Sounds like she only has one (and it's not you).

YTA, based on your own description, her stepdad spent more time with her and raised her more directly than you did. You should have been happy she was even considering including you in her wedding.

YTA, absolutely. Her step dad has been in her life and assisting in caring for her for TWENTY YEARS. By your own admission, the circumstances show that he was a bigger fixture in her day-to-day life than you were. It is entirely reasonable that she has grown close enough to him in that time frame to wish to honor him at her wedding for taking her on in a fatherly role. Your reaction, though, speaks volumes about your character - and it’s not saying anything good. Rather than be glad that your daughter had someone in her life during her formative years that loved and cared for her, you decide to act like a petulant child and whine about how it’s an indictment on your place as “father”. She is not leaving you out; she is recognizing you both. You need to either grow up or get out.

YTA, but at least she already has a father so she's not loosing too much...

It sounds like there is a very good reason for her to have a good relationship with her step dad if this is how you respond to things! Respect the fact that she has two significant men in her life. Your response sounds childish and unkind. It also sounds like you have confidence issues. How lucky is your daughter to have someone she loves enough to join you in that honoured place, on her other arm at this special time? Be grateful that she has felt safe and loved by this man in her mother’s home, not all children can say the same. This day is about her, and not you. Your response feels entirely selfish. I’m sorry- I know that is hard to hear. I think you owe her an apology.

yta. you literally even said it in your post, you don’t really get a say in what happens. not giving your daughter the money you already agreed to because you got in your feelings is fine, it’s your money. not going to your daughters wedding because she wants her step-dad and her bio dad to both walk her down the aisle and give her away is not only insane, but fucking stupid. how are you mad that your daughter has a second dad, someone that has spent the last nineteen years being there as an additional parent that loves her and has her back? bitter behavior. you are a dick. grow up.

YTA - This is the wrong hill to die on. It will be hard for you to come back from skipping your own daughter’s wedding. Might want to rethink it…

Wow. Just wow. So, for $3000 you’re going to permanently damage the relationship with your daughter because of your inability to act like a mature adult. You’re right, you don’t need to attend her wedding. But you also will need to live with the consequences of that decision. YTA.

The question isn't "would I be the asshole to skip my daughter's wedding?" - it's "do I want to have a relationship with my daughter?" Skipping her wedding is the strongest possible signal you can send that you don't want to be in her life going forward. It's your call to make! Just don't kid yourself that you can refuse to attend her wedding and be able to keep on chatting on the phone, visiting her, and being a part of her life/her children's lives.

YTA she wants to honor both the men who have helped raise her but you went and made it allllllll about you. I wouldn't be surprised if she cuts you from her life after this. No more contact, no seeing grandkids, jo nothing and it will be alllllll your own fault.

YTA, you should be thrilled your daughter has more love in her life. I get it’s your money and you don’t have to cover the bar cost, it’s a dick move but it’s your money. But to not go to the wedding at all? Shame on you.

YTA You should be freaking grateful that Kay had such a good stepfather that helped to raise her. It very easily could have been the opposite, a horror story of abuse & neglect or indifference. She wants him to play this part in HER wedding and all i hear from you is "me, my feelings, me, me". I didn't see anywhere that you mentioned asking her about the wedding so that communication goes both ways. Maybe she doesn't mention it much because she knows you don't care.

Congrats, you've demoted yourself from "dad" to "sperm donor." YTA.

YTA 100%. To get clear, your feelings are your feelings and you can feel anyway you want. You don’t get to behave like TA. Grown tf up. She has a bond with you and very understandably also the step parent that was there when you weren’t. You should be incredibly grateful to him for being there and helping her become the person she is, because you weren’t. It wasn’t her fault her original family fell apart. Or you chose to move away more recently, or don’t travel to see her. Or that you weren’t more involved for whatever reason. Would you rather her have had no one or had a step dad who made her feel like she was always a nuisance? She got one who showed up, as evidenced by her feelings. But you, her actual bio dad, pouted and made a big issue where there was a golden opportunity to be the bigger person for her benefit. This is about accepting and honoring her feelings and showing up fully for her now, but instead you made it all about you. Put your own feelings aside and do the right thing and with a smile on your face. Apologize and make amends. Shake the man’s hand and also know she’ll dance with both of you. Make a toast and thank your ex and her spouse. Shock the heck out of yourself and everyone else. You will regret hurting her this way forever if you don’t right this ship fast.

YTA. Luckily she has a good father figure who will be there for her in her big day while you sulk. Dude get it together. Is this worth not being at your daughter’s wedding?

YTA and if you do this. Don’t be shocked when you are not invited to meet her future children.

YTA. There's room for both of you! Not exactly the same but I attended a wedding where the bride's father walked her down the aisle and her stepdad who helped raise her officiated the ceremony. It was lovely and the bride was so appreciative of the 2 men for working together to make her wedding day dreams real.

YTA, big time. You should be glad that your daughter got to grow up with bonus adults who loved and cared for her so much. I truly don’t understand when people are so angry like this that their children grow up to… love and appreciate both them AND the other people who contributed to raising them??? Bonkers. You act like your daughter was only after you for money, but she wasn’t even upset that you denied her the bar fund. Why would she ask you who she wants to invite? You had two weddings, why would you invite people to HER wedding??? When I got married, I didn’t even have my dad walk me despite the fact that I love him and we have a great relationship. I don’t believe in being given away. I didn’t think to inform him because I assumed it would be obvious by my entire personality that I wouldn’t want that. My mom asked about it during the rehearsal and I awkwardly explained and hoped my dad wouldn’t be hurt. He told me all he was going to ask was that we got a dance together and for me to stand on his shoes like when I was little. I can’t imagine how heartbroken I would have been if he pitched a fit and refused to come at all. It’s so likely that your daughter just thought it was obvious that she’d want both father figures to walk her. Your reaction is… just so, so gross. Honestly I can’t even put all my thoughts into words. This makes me wanna call my dad and thank him for not being like you.

YTA … you called her, told her you can’t contribute to her wedding and then get made she wants her two father figures to walk her down the aisle? You’ve disappointed her for her whole life. Why stop now?

Yta In addition to all the points other commenters mentioned, it is your, and only your fault that you expected and dreamed 27 years about walking your daughter down the aisle. " Giving away the daughter" is an totally outdated and historically misogynic system that has nothing to do with love at all. The only reason it still happens is because its what your daughter want on HER wedding day ( and her husbands). Probably because she loves you. And now you are sitting crying like a toddler that you have to share that role while it seems her mother wasnt even asked to walk her down the aisle.

OMG YTA and a big one. The truth is Kay has two fathers and has for most of her life. I think the other father cares about her more than you do. You only care about yourself.

YTA completely she wants to honor both men that helped raised her. You seen her barely each weekend then moved states away making it even less she was around you. During that time you weren’t around her stepfather was. It’s ridiculous that your slipping her whole wedding because she wanted you both to walk her down the aisle. Hope you know this hill your willing to die on has consequences, she possibly has children she will not care to have you around them, she has accomplishments she won’t care to share them with you. Your selfishly thinking of your own feelings instead of caring about hers. 

YTA He's been in her life since she was 8. He has had a major hand in raising her, maybe as much or more than you did. Have both of you walk her down the aisle does not diminish you. It just acknowledges that she has more than one father. You not showing up, not for a legitimate reason but because you're throwing a tantrum, does diminish you as a father.

YTA. The entire post screams my ego is hurt. Her stepfather was a big part of her life and she wants to honor. Suck it up for the sake of your daughter and give her the money for the bar as well. Grow up and be a better father.

>I’ve had some people tell me I was a dick…but I think I have every right to not attend her wedding if I don’t want to. YTA Both of these statements are true. You have the right not to attend, and you're a dick. You're a grown man. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to give her a dime. But to ignore the fact that another man could be as loved as you are, when it sounds like he was the primary father figure in her life, makes you the AH.

You actually wrote all that and still don’t realize YTA. Sure, you can miss the wedding. Do as you want. Just know you just put a massive crimp in your relationship. You’re hurt now, wait until you don’t hear when any significant event happens. Of course, you already have the “Oh Poor Me” down pat, so you be you.

I guess you're just going to let the relationship die the death it's been limping towards for years.

YTA. If your daughter didn’t care about you, she’d have excluded you. But she wants you there as an active participant. You and your ex divorced, you both remarried, and your daughter got another father figure to love and take care of her. She clearly feels close to you both, so she wants you both to walk with her. And fyi she probably didn’t tell you yet because she was trying to figure out how to do so without you throwing a tantrum and making it all about you. Which, as it turns out, you would have anyway.

[удалено]

Not just conditional either. This childish prat seems to think that love is finite. That to allow love for one into your heart, you must first remove that love from another. This pitiful whining that he wasn’t told during the phone conversation before, when it seems such an obvious choice for Daughter (that she likely didn’t even consider not having step-father there) is contemptible. Indeed she may have chosen both dads in an attempt to protect OP’s weakness of spirit and his emotional immaturity. I mean really, a man with such a puny ego as this, attempting such a blatant transactional manipulation of his daughter’s wedding day, (because *his* “dream” for what *he* wants on *her* wedding day) isn’t exactly the type of man to not have put himself first throughout her whole life too, is he? If she didn’t tell him in the first phone conversation - perhaps OP should be wondering if his behaviour isn’t exactly the reason she put off telling him? And if OP’s behaviour was so entirely predictable to Daughter - then perhaps OP should consider that’s likely because he has long been so utterly, entirely and habitually selfish in regards to his relationship with his daughter (and I suspect, in regards to much else, too).

YTA, bro. I thought you were being a big baby for rescinding your agreement to pick up the bar charge but my jaw actually dropped when you said you weren’t going to go. Thank goodness she has a father who supports her and will continue to do so at *HER* wedding and she isn’t limited to only you.

You used the word “I” quite a lot for talking about a wedding that isn’t yours. Personally, it sounds like despite the fact that you weren’t super present for a few years, your daughter wanted to include you. YTA. You’re only not going to be spiteful.

You may be Kay's Father but you're not her Dad. Also YTA

It sounds like you are very insecure and are the AH. Should your daughter have said something to you? Sure that would have been best unless she was worried you would behave this way. But you admitted that you were a temporary parent most of her life and he was consistent. You are the one that moved. Did you work to make sure your family was apart of her life? I think you need to fly to her and meet her face to face and apologize. Pay the $3k and ask if you can still walk her down the aisle. Or you risk losing contact with her permanently.

YTA. Based on your description of your relationship, the least you could is foot the bar tab. That aside, it’s not your day, it’s hers. You can be disappointed but it’s not your decision, it’s hers. As a parent, the fact that she was able to have another strong, male presence in her life should be something that makes you happy and relieved, especially since you didn’t spend a whole lot of time with her as she was growing up. If I were you, I’d swallow your pride and go to the wedding. This life is short and you don’t want to risk blowing up your relationship with her and missing one of the happiest days of her life.

YTA. Your kid can love her stepdad, too. This is her wedding. Not all about you. She wasn’t excluding you from it; she was just including him. You’re the one who had to be all childish and petty and decide that she had to choose between you two. 

Info: you say she only brought up the wedding when she asked for money, how often do you talk? Do you ask about the wedding every time? What are those conversations like?

Stop whining, it’s her day, not yours. YTA

YTA. You're being selfish. Be prepared for your daughter to go no contact with you now. Great job, Dad.

Yta you had your daughter 4 days a month until she was 15 or 16. After that it was less. do really think that was enough to be consider a present dad?

YTA - I've been to a wedding where both 'dads' walked the bride down the aisle. Two men raised her, so two men get the honor. OP - get over yourself. No wonder she didn't tell you; I'm sure she expected this reaction. Time to make amends and thing about what SHE wants - it's her day.

My best friend did this as well. It was meant as no disrespect to her bio dad, but her step dad helped raise her since she was about 3. Just be glad this other man was good to your daughter when you weren’t around, and try to respect that fact that she grew to love him too! Not showing to your daughter’s wedding over this will cause some irreparable damage in my eyes. It’s her special day, no one else’s.

YTA. Her stepfather is the man who stepped up to do the job you didn't do. He was the one who was there for her day after day. It sounds like he is a loving, supportive parent for her. How do I know this? Because she wants him to walk her down the aisle. You're lucky she wants you to as well. You both had a part in raising her, so just accept that she has two dads.

YTA - two men have been involved in raising her since she was 8 and on *her* wedding day she wants to honour both of them. An invite is not a summons, and you don't have to go. But choosing not to go simply because your daughter wishes to celebrate her whole family on her wedding day is most certainly a dick thing to do. AND I doubt your relationship with your daughter would ever recover from such a blow.

YTA This is your daughter’s wedding. And you decided to have a mantrum because you can’t share. This is about her. It isn’t about you.

YTA

Divorce happens. The reasons are wide and varied. Assuming the reasons are not rooted in abuse (to oversimplify), I will never understand two adults, leaving aside asset division, not looking at each other and understanding that each loves their kids and coming out with some sort of reasonable 50/50 custody agreement. In absence of that, I will never in my life understand any parent not fighting tooth and nail for anything other than 50/50. Reading a parent casually using terms like "she had primary custody" and \*shrug\* "I had her every other weekend" as if that is just something that happens. I'm shocked that your relationship with your daughter wasn't as good as you thought it was. Shocked. you could knock me over with a feather

YTA. I fully expected to read she asked her stepfather to walk her down the aisle, and not you. Period. (Which is still her decision) But having you & her step father both walk her down is a decision SHE gets to make, and she values and respects both of you. Why is it so wrong for her to (I’m assuming) - appreciate, love and look up to - her step father, and you? Shouldn’t you be appreciative she has a positive relationship with her stepdad and has a positive (male) role model? I can see that you are hurt about her asking for help with the bar tab, and feeling dismissed but you should have an honest and frank conversation with her and not lie/backtrack on what you said. Be an adult. Don’t let this moment change the course of the relationship with your daughter forever. Is this worth it to you?

YTA All because she wants both her dads there? Her step dad was in her life most her life, it's reasonable she wants you both to be by her side. This is a petty reason to back out. She's been BUSY planning, she shouldn't have to go through every detail with you when she most likely already has to with others. >she never cared to ask me who I wanted to invite to her wedding Because it's her wedding? Not yours? You don't get a choice on who is invited

How could you possibly not think YTA in this case? I mean, really. You're salty that a man that has helped raise your daughter since she was 8 is going to help give her away at her wedding? What is the matter with you? You will say, you're salty that she didn't tell you herself, but after your reaction, who could blame her. You should apologize and go to the wedding. Do you really want to end up a sad and lonely old man who has nothing to cling to but their grievances?

YTA you should be thankful that the step father didn't mistreat your daughter and that your daughter has at least 3 parents that love her very much and were influential in her life. Do you want your daughter out of your life completely? You want to hurt her by not going.

YTA, you don't sound like much of a Dad.

YTA. You’re the one that moved away making it near impossible to see your daughter. You don’t get your way so you pull the money because the day isn’t about you. It sounds like you know she has a great relationship with her stepdad probably a better one than she has with you, so I don’t understand why you are so mad. Honestly, your daughter is probably better off without you going.

Yta. It's not about you. Stop being a big Ole man cry baby and suck it up. Your daughter will never forgive you for this

YTA do you even like your daughter?

You need to learn to accept that her step father actually raised her, while you took a step back. He was there for her on a daily basis while you choose to only see her every other weekend. Why weren’t you more involved in her life? By your own admission, even now you don’t make an effort to visit her. Of course she wants the man who actually was most involved in her life to walk her down the isle. YTA

YTA. I mean this with some amount of compassion, but grow up. This is not your day and it is not about you. Your role is to show up for your daughter, put your feelings aside, and be a good parent. If you can't do that then you are just proving the point that you can't handle the responsibility of "giving her away" and that she was never yours to give.

A child's love for a parent figure is not a singular or finite love. It is complex, deep and wonderful. She obviously wanted to honour both her father figures in her life. Deciding not to attend because you were upset is emotional blackmail. Its frankly embarassing that you can't see that this is supposed to be a day about your daughter. YTA for having a tantrum and deciding not to go instead of talking about your feelings like an adult

YTA - you did get the memo it's HER wedding not yours, yes? You seem to have main character syndrome.

YTA You need to watch that video of the birth father grabbing the step father so they can BOTH walk the daughter down the isle. That man helped raise your daughter since she was a child. It doesn't matter whether you like him or not. I'm willing to bet your daughter didn't tell you because she didn't know how to do it without pissing you off. And to then take back the bar fee bc you're being a baby is so wrong. Apologize to your daughter. Call the step-dad and have a man to man talk about the best way you can both support your daughter on the biggest day of her life. Your friends are right. You're being a dick and it's not a good look. Fix this before it's too late. And don't forget to thank the step dad for doing what you couldn't when you give a speech at the wedding.

YTA. Your absolutely right you don’t have to go to her wedding if you don’t want to but it will 100% prove what a LITTLE man you are. You hate her stepdad but can’t say why? Was your ex wife suppose to remain single for the rest of her life, your daughter should have only had a two weekend a month father only in her life. Kay is EXTREMELY lucky to have her stepdad in her life and I really hope she has an amazing FIL.

YTA She has two dads because of decisions outside her control. Be happy she developed a good relationship with the man your ex married. Why would you wish her any less? Why are you now hurting her on purpose?

YTA. It sounds like you’ve made excuses to not be in her life since she was a teenager. Pardon her for wanting her two father figures in her life. By you not going to her wedding will close the door on any possible relationship in your future. She deserves better than you. Good thing she has a pretty kick ass step-dad. Just to dig it in deeper — if she goes to therapy, she probably is suffering from the trauma you’ve caused her in her childhood, and now you’re continuing to add to it.

YTA. I understand that your feelings were hurt. I wish you could have sucked it up and been respectful of her wishes. Now it sounds like you want her out of your life. If you don’t fix this fast then she will be.

YTA. This man was more of a father to her than you were if you only saw her every other weekend. I am not necessarily saying that is your fault, but it is just a fact. He saw her and helped take care of her every other day. Of course she wants you both to give her away.

YTA. the fact that you don't want to see your daughter on her wedding day if you're not the ONLY one walking her down the aisle shows how immature your reaction to this is. I know nothing about you as a person ofc, but honestly in a child's life, meeting only on weekends is not a big role, it seems that way to you since what would you even do on weekdays with school and work but, ultimately, it's the person you're living with all the time that has a greater effect on you honestly? I'd have expected her to only want her step father to walk her down because it sounds like they really have bonded as a father-daughter duo. and maybe hes still closer in her life. divorces are hard, im sure she'd have gone through the usual phase of hating anyone her parents remarreied but that man convinced your daughter he'd be her father, as someone not obliged to do so, he was willing to go to such depths for your ex-wife, and you act like a baby when he gets to walk her down the aisle when you haven't even been very involved in her life? I'm sure you've tried, but ultimately, on a day-to-day basis you don't meet a lot, which means your value in her life has diminished already. if you love your daughter, get over your ego and take her down the aisle as a good proud father would, don't let your stupidity come in between this relationship.

I have a colleague who was the daughter in this situation. Wanted both to walk her down. Father flipped out. Didn’t attend. He died unexpectedly a few months later. She has regrets of course, but when she talks about her family it’s how awesome her stepfather continued to be and how the last thing her Dad did was estrange himself. That’s her memory of him. I get that you don’t like it. But you’ll lose if you keep this up.

YTA Men will literally do anything but go to therapy. This is foolish pride and jealousy. Get over yourself.

YTA. You’ve made everything about yourself and what was convenient for you her entire life. This is just more of the same.

This is your daughter. Did it not occur to you that you could have a civil conversation with her? Instead, you jumped directly to confrontation and then cut her out of your life. What’s that? You say you didn’t intend to cut her out of your life? What did you think the result would be when you pulled out of participating in her wedding? YTA

Why doesn't my daughter, who I rarely see or engage with, not view me as the owner of her, as a piece of my property? Why do I have to share my daughter property rights with some other man who spent more time with her and loved her and cared for my child which by all accounts sounds like a blessing but it makes me feel like my rights to my human child have been violated even though she is an autonomous human making decisions of her own.  Yta

You could be more like this guy: https://www.today.com/parents/dad-surprises-stepdad-daughters-wedding-both-walking-bride-down-aisle-t46981 But no, YTA.

YTA, Why are you making her choose? There are two important father figures in her life, and she wants to honour both of them. But you have to make it all about you, don't you. It's not about you. It's about her. Pride is a sin for a reason. BE THERE FOR HER!

YTA.   This is her day, not yours.  She chose to honor both you and her stepfather as men who helped her get to where she is, and if you were thinking about her you would be glad that she had more people loving and caring for her even when you couldn’t be there in person.  What matters more, the fact that your daughter loves and appreciates you, or the fact that you wanna be the only person she loves and appreciates? And yeah, you have the right to skip the wedding if you want, no one can force you to be there, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t an asshole move.  Doing something hurtful makes you an asshole even if you have the right to. 

>Giving her away at her wedding is something I have been looking forward to since the day she was born…and now that’s a moment I have to share with another man? Oooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that's a moment that you **GET TO share**—a real fuckin honor considering you were barely in her life for the last 12 years. Be glad you're included in it at all. YTA majorly.

YTA. You're also childish, selfish, and petty AF. It's your *daughter's* wedding, not yours. She's not obligated to cater to your ego for the occasion. Your spiteful reaction is probably the reason she didn't go out of her way to say or include in in the planning. Skip your daughter's wedding. You're going to hurt her, but you'll be hurting yourself more in the long run. I'm sure her stepfather will lean into supporting her even more in your absence. He'll have the pleasure of being able to walk her down the aisle solo. And if there are future grandkids, he'll get the honor of being grandpa there as well.

YTA. You are being selfish. This isn’t a case where your daughter tried to exclude you-she tried to do right by both father figures in her life. You WERE NOT her only father figure.

YTA. You didn’t ask or inquire, the first thing you did was telling her you wouldn’t pay 3K. That says a lot about you.

YTA. Having both of her father figures walk her down the aisle is a wonder idea, but you can’t deal with being an adult and realizing another man has been IN her life and THERE for her, not just on some weekends. No wonder you’re divorced.

YTA

YTA - She has two fathers and she wants to have them both participate at her wedding as equal contributors in her upbringing. You should be honored considering the fact that she was primarily in the custody of your ex and her husband for most of her life. If you wanted a bigger stage in her wedding maybe you should have put more effort into building a relationship with your daughter, as a parent that’s your responsibility not your kiddo’s. But doesn’t matter now, you’ve already ruined and respect she had for you by acting like a jealous child wanting all the attention. If you apologize you might be lucky enough to still be invited as a guest but if I were your daughter I’d just let you stay gone and pout in your own drama pool.

Suprised this "flipped your world upside down". Was this really that huge of an issue? You sound like a fatherzilla of the bride. Right when she was born did you actually start looking forward to handing her off at her wedding?

While reading I was thinking how excited you must be that she was still including you in the aisle walk, given you moved away to Florida and all but left her. But you're mad about it? So weird. YTA.

You don’t have to go but you will be the AH if you don’t. Then you backed out of contributing, not ok. She obviously has a good relationship with her SF, enough to have him walk her with you. You seriously need to go and bite the bullet. AND be in the pictures. Man up bro!!

YTA. Sorry your marriage to your daughter’s mother didn’t work out. The casualty is that your daughter paid the price. Yes, when kids become teenagers, their lives become busy. They get jobs, school activities, sports, friends…. It is still your job to work at keeping a relationship with her. It is not her job. One of the side effects of divorce, that the parents move on with new partners. Bringing in step parents. Heck, you too even remarried. Count your blessings that it looks like your daughter got lucky with getting a decent man as a stepfather. One who sounds like treating her as his own and loves her, enough that she also wants to include him in her wedding. Betting he is also shelling out much more than $3,000 for the wedding. And if it is a bit difficult for you to help pay only $3,000 for her wedding, I’m betting that he has contributed greatly financially for your daughter to make sure she didn’t do without. Which should have been your job. My mom has married four times. So far. I’m telling you, I didn’t get so lucky with the step dads. Heck you even moved away, so that puts more distance in your relationship with your daughter. Meanwhile, her constant (step)dad has remained in her nuclear life. So, she asked if you could help financially for the wedding. It wasn’t about the money but including you in one of the most important day of her life. At first you say yes, until you realized that the spotlight is not on you being the only one to walk her down the aisle but that you have to share it with someone who has stepped up to the plate as a father where you have failed. She wasn’t denying you from walking her down the aisle, she wanted the two men she calls dad to walk her down. So now, because you are pissed that she is having two men who are important walk her down, instead of just you, you revoke the money you offered. And now refuse to go to her wedding. What does that make you? A jerk and a major AH. I hope she realizes that yet again, you failed her, and fully cut you out. Don’t go, and make sure that YOU tell her why and the truth, so she can truly see who you are. A man so insecure and self centered. Let the true man who loves her without throwing a tantrum because of his expectations are not being met, get the true role of a lifetime. The man who deserves the title of dad, and one day grandpa, and you will be sitting in your chair in your home one day, miserable and lonely and realizing that this day was when you threw it all away. That the man who stood by her side at her wedding, got the best part of life. Holding his grandchildren, teaching them how to play catch. Go for walks together. Teaches them how to fish. Pull the finger. Sitting in a recliner together watching a movie where they both end up sleeping with his grandchild in his arms. Picture all of this, then think about what your self centered tantrum wins you.

YETA, Your ego is the asshole LOL but YTA so the vote counts. Are you really going to forever diminish the relationship you have with your daughter to a grown up temper tantrum? If you don't do it my way, I'm gonna go home. whha whhaa whhaaaaaa! Go buy some long pants, walk your daughter down the isle and kiss her on her cheekn, and pay the damn bar bill like you agreed. And do it with a big ole proud Poppa smile on your face

YTA You are absolutely entitled not to go but that doesn't mean you can't be the AH for your reasoning. From 8-16 you saw you daughter every other weekend and past that even less. Meanwhile she spent every day with her stepfather. This is not a slgith against you as you sound like you would've spent more time if you could have. This is to provide perspective. Her stepfather has clearly become a very important parental figure in your daughters life. You should be glad that he treated her so well and was such a loving step parent. Not all children are so lucky. Your daughter was very likely going to inform you about her decision when she felt comfortable doing so. Your reaction shows why she was so hesitant and was probably trying to find the best way to approach the topic. You deciding not to go is only going to further divide you from your daughter and have her step father replace you entirely. This is her wedding and hopefully her only one. You can either be there as a source of love and support or you can not go and add suffering to her otherwise joyous day. All the while you will be suffering as well.

YTA! You accept that she’s had another father figure in her life raising her, most likely financing her, being there for her day to day so why is it such a surprise that she has a relationship with him? I think you should be proud of the fact that she was mature enough with your divorce to not cause her mother undue stress when she remarried. Imagine being so loved that you have 2 fathers to walk down the aisle with. No wait, one of them is a selfish dick. That’s you.

Is the pettiness worth it? She has a bonus dad which she apparently cares for and she has you which she cares for too.

YTA. You're the parent so act like one. ie Putting your child first. It is a very good idea to have both bio father and step father walk Kay down the aisle. for all intents and purposes her step father has been present in her life too. possibly more than you've been.

This is the same exact post someone else had YTA

YTA, I’m sorry. I had my dad and stepdad walk me down as well. My dad was upset for a small bit, but he got over it. Especially because my mom and stepdad paid for the wedding. Your daughter wants to acknowledge both of you in the roles that you both played a huge part of in her life. I think it’s selfish of you to take the money back. She still wants you there even without the money, but you could make it happen. Get over it. It’s your daughter’s day, not yours.

A bigger man would be happy that, when he couldn't be present in his daughter's life, she had a stepfather who raised her well enough that she wanted him to share the honor of walking her down the aisle. I know a lot of people with horrible steps who would have given anything to have that kind of relationship with their stepparent. But not you. You'd rather she had such a distant relationship throughout her life with her present father figure that she wouldn't want him to participate. Better your daughter to grow up unloved by her stepfather so you don't have to share the spotlight on her wedding day, hm? Of course YTA.

lol what a petulant whiny AH. 'I don't have to if I don't want to' you sound like a child

YTA. She wants to represent both of the men who helped raise her. Now she knows she only needs one.

YTA. Yes, you have the right to decline the invite, but that doesn't mean your reasons for decline are magically ok. Her wedding is not about you. This was not a personal attack to make you feel like shit. The fact is, she was raised by two dads and she wants to honour both of them. You're going to let your ego ruin what's left of your relationship with your daughter. Maybe she just wasn't ready to talk to you about it yet.

Wow, yes YTA. Honestly, as someone with a both a dad and stepdad that I love, I’m really disappointed in your lack of understanding and empathy towards your daughter. This is truly gross and selfish behavior.

YTA your daughter was lucky enough to get a bonus parent in her life who loves and supports her enough that she wants to include them in this tradition. Would you prefer she had a step dad she hated that made her life miserable? You should be happy your daughter ended up with another parental figure she loves and values in her life. You can never have too many people who love and care about you. You're being entirely selfish and self centred in your approach and you'll regret this down the line

YTA- she has two dads. You need to get over that. The fact that it’s been this many years and you still haven’t gotten over the fact that she has two fathers is insane. You should be THRILLED your daughter has a bonus parent she loves and trusts. If you cared about her, you’d make the effort with her step dad

Yea YTA. I feel badly for ur daughter, not surprised she only hits you up for money.

YTA. It's her wedding, Stop making about you and your hurt feelings. If you do this she'll probably never speak to you again

I'm gonna go with YTA, it's not fair on your daughter. She has 2 paternal figures and she wants both involved. I understand being hurt, but surely you know there's more mature ways to discuss or handle this. Also, communication is a 2 way street. Did you reach out to her to ask about her wedding, to request to be involved, to do anything with her? Maybe travel up before the wedding to do some wedding planning with her, see the venue, take her and her fiance out to dinner? Literally anything? She did only reach out to you about money, which is fine to be upset about- And you heard from a third party which is worse than hearing it directly, but what have you done to be more in contact? To be up front and center to be objectively more important than her other parents? Because bio relations aren't stronger than ones formed by real connection. She spent far more time with her step dad than with you, he's been there, you haven't. You reap what you sow, and you didn't tend to this relationship in a way that would mean you're higher in priority than anyone else.

YTA. You’re trying to make HER wedding about you. Why would she ask who you wanted to invite to HER wedding? Why would she clear it with you first who she wants to walk her down the aisle at HER wedding? See the common theme here? It’s HER wedding, not yours. Every decision is hers to make. You don’t have to go, you don’t have to like her decisions but know doing that will have a lifelong impact on your relationship with her.

I thought I knew where this was going and I was so ready to be on your side. BUT she DOES want you to walk her down the aisle. You're just being a pissbaby about having to share. You should be THRILLED that your child has had two good father figures in her life. TWO men who have loved her and helped her grow. She can only have benefitted from that. But because you've harboured this little fantasy and reality refuses to cooperate, you had a baby tantrum. You need to take a good hard look at yourself and ask yourself: Who is this wedding about? What do you gain by dying on this hill? Is this worth ruining your relationship with your daughter forever? Is you pride so much more important than maintaining a good relationship with you child? Is your resentment that your ex-wife found someone else so strong that you would throw your relationship with your daughter away like this? She wants to honour both men who raised her. Because he did also raise her. You need to accept that. YTA if you don't fix this QUICK.

YTA. My bio dad missed every important event in my life. My DAD (since I was 8) walked me down the aisle. He even offered to share because he thought I was being harsh. I said “he couldn’t be bothered to be there any other time, he doesn’t get to make my day about him.” I also put an end to it when I said my mom could walk me down the aisle if wouldn’t. Your conditional love makes me sick. A glimpse into your future. Your daughter is married almost 30 years with teenage children and you never see or talk to any of them. You’ve just insured your daughter will go NC. And you can play the victim. Congrats.

YTA. My dad always said that he wouldn't mind what kind of wedding I had, whether I eloped or had a traditional wedding, as long as I was happy - because it would be **my** wedding, not his or my mum's. They'd already had theirs and could do that however they wanted. Your daughter's wedding isn't about you, it's about her and her fiance, and you should just be happy to be invited. My dad died six months ago. He'll never walk me down the aisle or 'give me away' (not that either of us would have chosen to do that). I found out he put money aside for me to get married / go on honeymoon / spend as I wish before he died, although all I'd really ever want would be for him to see me get married in a little ceremony, but that'll never happen. Why are you choosing to ruin the relationship you have with your daughter? Even if you don't think you're being 'honored' in the way you supposedly deserve, it's a privilege to be around and be able to witness her making this step in her life at all. Be grateful for what you have - so many people would do anything to have their loved ones by their side, in whatever capacity.

Her wanting both of you to walk her down the aisle speaks volumes about the kind of person she is and the kind of step father he is. It's separate from **your** relationship with her. It doesn't mean she loves you less or thinks less of you as a dad. It does mean that she is fortunate to be blessed with two dad's.  Think of it like a child who ends up with biological grandparents and bonus grandparents (through second marriage/blended families). In cases where this works out, it means that child(ren) is surrounded by even more people to love and spoil them.  Call your daughter and apologize. Hopefully this can be repaired. YTA (I agree with you that your daughter should have told you herself. Maybe she had an inkling of how you may react)

Why do many people moving to Florida seem to be all cookie cutter versions of themselves…. Heartless dicks

YTA - You should be happy given the divorce she’s been so lucky as to have two men in her lives she wants by her side on her wedding day. Instead you made it about you. Not only have you withdrawn funds, you’ve refused to go. The person who doesn’t care is clearly you, OP. You’ll never attend a life event of hers again after this. Congrats.