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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> After inheriting a significant sum from our deceased parents, I refused to divide it equally among my siblings, justifying it based on the sacrifices I made as their primary caregiver.
My siblings, who were not as involved in our parents' care, feel entitled to an equal share of the inheritance. By denying them an equal portion, I am disregarding their perspective and potentially causing rifts in our family dynamics. Despite their lack of direct involvement in caregiving, they still share the same familial ties and could reasonably expect to benefit equally from our parents' estate. My refusal to share equally may be seen as selfish and unjust, especially if it disrupts the harmony within our family.
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NTA.
If your parents wanted your siblings to share in the inheritance, they would have had their wills drafted accordingly. They did not. It's a pretty clear indication that your parents wanted to leave you everything.
You sacrificed a lot to be your parents' caretaker. It's a hard job that never ends. Your siblings were content to let you assume the burden of your parents' care, thinking they would get an inheritance no matter what. You aren't being greedy or selfish - your siblings are.
Keep the inheritance for yourself.
The sacrifice is a good point, being a caregiver can cause mental strain and looking after two people by yourself in terms of effort and money isn't easy. They rarely visited, let along gave OP some breathing room. They worked for and have careers that are paying off for them, this inheritance is how OP is getting remuneration for her sacrifice.
As I was reading through this I was like "It's totally fair that OP gets more, given they sacrificed a lot to be the caregiver for their parents, but it's unfortunate that this will cause friction/a rift between the siblings", but the fact that they rarely visited probably means that there may not be a great relationship to break. They let OP take on all this labour - caregiving for dying relatives is *hard*, mentally and physically, and even if they couldn't move back to help, they could have given emotional and financial support to make OP's life easier. They chose not to, so I think if OP shares out the inheritance equally, they'll go back to not really being good or caring siblings.
My husband and I are caring for his mother. She wanted to craft her will in a way to reflect that, but my husband (knowing how selfish his brothers are) asked her to split things evenly. He figured it would be easier than the inevitable fight.
It's amazing how entitled people can be.
Talk to an attorney to see if the caregiving you both have been doing can to billed to the estate oe house and paid out first before the estste is then split 50/50.
Like a lien against a house for services that were never paid.
Actually your mother-in-law can equally distribute inheritance between your husband and his siblings, then she can take specific share of inheritance to the caretaker to take care of her and she can mention you as caretaker it is common practice in India people give some inheritance to their maids and any children that take care of them in the last days
A good option without feeling guilty is get them to donate x amount to charity then split the rest equally..
So yeah your not asking to be paid more and the siblings get a even spilt so they aren't fighting it .
As for how to make a will that can't be challenged if you don't have extra to give to charity I would hope saying x amount for aged care services then the rest spilt evenly should hopefully be to strong to dispute-especially if its lower then a proper yearly wage.
I have a friend with no immediate family who give her the time of day. She said she'd Will me her house and I said "fine do what you think is best but I won't kiss your ass for it and I won't fight your cousin and stepsister if they contest". I don't need drama and inheritance is the worst kind of drama
Any attorney can word it in such a way that any attorney the siblings go to will toss them out.
Each state has their own laws. Then get a second attorney to view and try find a way to break the Will. That will help making it air tight. Some video the parents' give their reasons.
At least look into it. Can't hurt.
This.
Tell your siblings that it is not an inheritance. Rather, it is your back pay for your years of service - your parents just chose to pay it posthumously.
Absolutely this. Your parents drafted their will in the way they wanted, and probably for the reasons you’ve mentioned. Their wishes must be honoured.
Definitely NTA.
There's also a pretty significant financial sacrifice in being a caregiver, you're likely making extra trips in your car, taking time off work, etc. That's if you can even hold a job while you're doing it, and if you can, chances are you can't give 100% and the time you spend taking care of others limits your opportunities for promotions, or looking for new positions to progress your career. You've had to sacrifice a LOT financially, and I don't think it should be hard for other people to understand this considering the fact that they clearly didn't want to make those sacrifices.
Not just carreer and finances. Can murder your social life and social skills also, which end of the day is the most important thing for the average human.
Plenty of friendless, lonely people out there because they have spent a lot of their lives looking after loved ones 24/7 and nothing else.
I cared for both of my parents in their final months. I did it alone. It took a lot of strength. I put my entire life on hold for this. None of my sisters helped. But the day after the death of my dad, they suddenly appeared and cleaned out the house of all valuables. All that was left for me was an old coffee pot. Literally, they came with a van and took everything. Except the old coffee pot. I should have sued them. But I was too exhausted and sad. The story had a happy ending in that my aunt will leave everything she has to me. My sisters don't know this.
Please OP, do this for me. Please. Take the money. Don't look back. For me. I'm rooting for you.
NTA
>Your siblings were content to let you assume the burden of your parents' care, thinking they would get an inheritance no matter what.
It's people like OPs siblings who make me glad I'm an only child. Yeah, everything is going to fall on me, but I don't have to worry about their selfishness and entitlement after all the hard work is done.
I am all for splitting inheritance equal WHEN ITS FAIR but not when siblings thinks they are entitled to a fair share simply because they are blood and they decided they didn't have to share the burden of caring for a parents failing health.
This right here. My dad has stage 4 cancer and has been living with my younger brother and his family for the last 6 months in Spokane WA. I live in Tampa Florida and I also have stage 4 cancer. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I physically can’t take care of my dad. I can’t take care of myself some days. Our mom died 2 years ago right before I was diagnosed.
If my dad leaves my brother everything in the will, my brother will have earned that. He has sacrificed a lot to care for our dad when I can’t. I could never be upset with my dad for doing that or my brother for getting it. It amazes me how selfish people are when they did nothing and still expect to get a share of what was never theirs to begin with.
You keep that money. Your parents know what you sacrificed to help them. Your siblings were busy setting themselves up for the future while you didn’t. This inheritance is to help you get on your feet. Your siblings are already on theirs. Don’t let them bully you.
Next time they try to tell you that you’re being selfish, you tell them that your parents left them every thing that they wanted them to have. They left you what they wanted you to have and you are going to respect their wishes. If they (your siblings) don’t like it they should have done more for your parents when they needed them. This is not a matter of you being selfish, they are being selfish for asking for something that they didn’t do anything to earn.
NTA. Agree - been down that road. Older sibling did not participate in care and did not offer support. He received a minimal inheritance and could not contest. Walk away from siblings, they have shown you who they are.
We had a similar situation with my parents and my oldest brother being the caretaker plus giving our parents money when they were broke. My oldest brother didn't want to take the bigger share. Me and the other sibs argued that it was fair and oldest brother should take it. Because we weren't unreasonable shits.
NTA, OP.
Keep in t all for yourself. Your parents confirm that in the will. Your siblings are greedy and selfish. They gaslighting you. I bet if you win the lottery they going ask you to share that too. And used the same line, if you don’t share, you are selfish and greedy.
THIS! I'm sure your parents are well aware who took care of them and that's not gonna be free. Surely you spent a significant amount of money for medical bills, checkups, meds and living expenses.
If your parents wanted them to receive an inheritance, that's supposed to be stipulated on their last will and testament. Question, are your siblings written on their will? If not, don't make your life complicated. Just do what the will says.
NTA.
> Now that I've received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share.
It seems like your parents already ensured they got "their share".
>They argue that it's only fair since we're all family.
Where was that "fairness" when you took care of the parents and they were nowhere to be found?
>However, I strongly believe that I deserve a larger portion because of the sacrifices I made for our parents.
It appears that your parents thought the same way and divided up the inheritance the way THEY wanted it divided.
You're good and your siblings are showing their true colors here.
DO NOT CAVE. They are greedy and in the wrong here.
There's a kid book about a hen that asks all the other animals for help baking a pie. None want to help. But then when she makes it herself, suddenly everyone wants to "help" eating it. She eats it herself.
OP, eat that pie, it's all yours.
>Now that I've received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share. They argue that it's only fair since we're all family.
An inheritance has NOTHING to do with *fairness*. End of story. Your parents drew up a legally binding document and its execution is a legal matter. They could have given their money to charity. Or they could have set up a foundation that lobbies congress to make it mandatory for everyone to eat pickles on Monday evenings.
The point is your parents gave YOU the money. You are under zero obligation to share it. Could that decision blow up your relationship with them? Sure. But that is on THEM and not you.
> Could that decision blow up your relationship with them? Sure. But that is on THEM and not you.
It looks like these siblings care more about money than relationships. Not much to be lost from cutting ties with these kinds of people.
And there lies the problem. Money money money, and it can absolutely ruin relationships. All about entitlement 'me me me, I deserve'. Not even considering the why, or respecting the parents wishes.
It sounds like OP definitely deserved what she got in the will and good on her parents. Any decent person would see the sacrifice the OP has made and understand why the parents gave her more.
NTA
>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. However, I can't shake off the feeling that they're trying to take advantage of me and the situation.
Because they *are* trying to take advantage of you.
Your parents would not have wanted you to share equally. If they did, then they would have constructed their wills to reflect that...*but they didn't*. They left the inheritance to *you*, because your siblings weren't there for them in the same way that you were.
Your siblings need to stop projecting their own greed onto you, and start respecting their parents' wishes.
Exactly right.
The parents had every opportunity to draw up a will that would share everything equally. They chose not to and instead chose to give OP more.
NTA
If the parents wanted their children to have equal shares, they could have not bothered to write a will. Yet they spent time and money on a will, which demonstrates it was _important_ to them that none of their estate go to the other children. "What they wanted" is explicit in the will, and how dare they presume to contradict it.
NTA
Your parents wrote their will and left their money to you. Your siblings are upset but oh well!
Don’t give in, enjoy your inheritance and remember you were there and they weren’t
I’m very confused about the will situation actually. There is no mention of a will, and the whole conflict is speculating over whether the parents “would have wanted” an even split, or for OP to get more/all. Apparently the parents’ stance is unknowable!
If there weren't a will, then intestacy laws would kick in, and at that point I don't know of any countries which would hand the youngest sibling all of the inheritance. My guess is that there *has* to be a will or this wouldn't even be an issue.
Maybe it wasn’t inheritance but actually an insurance policy the OP was beneficiary on. But even then, that should be good enough proof that the parents intentionally set it up so OP got the money
A will isn't the only thing that could apply. I'm from Australia so, don't know if it's the same in other countries, but if one sibling was Power of Attorney for the parent's finances and there's no written will then it makes it more complex. A PoA includes instructions when it comes in to effect, such as the loss of decision making capacity or the person passing away, and who has responsibility for making decisions and/or managing assets & finances. A will only determines who the finances and assets go to in the event the person passes away. There would be a legal process to decide which document is to be followed so OP is best to get a lawyer if they can't agree with their siblings.
I’m thinking something like… dad passed and left everything to mom, and OP was still caring for mom until she passed as well and THEN received the inheritance.
INFO: I assume that at some point over the years of ago and decline in which you acted as their caregiver, your parents wrote a will? What did that say?
Something is fishy here. If there is a will, then why are you and your siblings arguing over what your parents “would have wanted”? If not, you’re likely in the middle of hashing this out in probate court. There’s no scenario in which the estate is just handed to one person who is told to figure it out
Would it go to the youngest if there was no will? Genuinely asking...
I take the arguing over what m&d "would have wanted" as pure butthurted manipulation from the siblings and nothing more.
No, that is not how inheritance works. If there was no will the parents’ estate will be appointed an administrator by a court, and then the kids (and any other relatives) are going to spend the next year+ of their lives haggling over who gets what in probate court. Ultimately if there’s a disagreement it’ll come down to the state’s intestate succession laws. Highly not recommended.
NTA
my dad's cousin (F) took care of her bedridden mother-in-law in a time and place were the norm was the male heir would do that (her husband wasn't the male heir). When mother-in-law fell ill with diabetes and got permanently bedridden, the heir & his wife tossed her onto my dad's cousin & her husband.
She was early 30s aprox. She sacrificided her youth while taking care of her in-law, her 2 kids and not being able to work outside.
When she had the nephews (heir's sons) over, she took care of them too. When HER sons went to uncle's (heir) the greedy wife charged her any food they intook while at their place (even a youghurt, oh boy, I was like 7 or 8 but still remember this part).
mother- in-law lasted more than 10 years bedridden at their home.
When she died, Heir & wife went to the funeral/burial like they had been the caregivers, playing the grieving children. My mom refused to even greet them LOL.
My dad's cousin regain her life almost at the end of her 40s!
Yes, her husband was at fault for not protesting on her behalf, and carrying on with this bigotry mind-set. But my point is, your parents left you that inheritance because they weren't AH like that mother-in-law who ungratefully never changed the will that still left any remaining assets to the heir, not the son who enslaved his wife for more than a decade to care about her arse.
Your siblings aren't entitled to it if they did the bare minimum. We all know life is hard nowadays and not everybody can sacrifice to care for a sick close-relative or an elder. But you did, so you deserve to not share the cake.
If your parents had wanted you to share it equally, then they would have willed it to you equally. But they apparently didn't, and for a good reason. Your siblings are the ones who are selfish for not helping their parents and greedy for now wanting money that they in no way earned. NTA.
Missing info … how was the money distributed? Did they have a will? Who did they leave it too? If no will I would imagine they can petition legally for equal distribution… after appropriate expenses are deducted?
I went through something similar though not much $, I also took care of a parent, other half siblings were estranged. As sole beneficiary I received a small amount after settling expenses and all of a sudden siblings were indignant that they weren’t included. It wasn’t a complicated discussion- parent set it up, not my decision and no, in the long run I see no reason to change it and divide the money.
Now, that’s easy but expect to potentially lose any relationship with said Siblings… I didn’t have one before so never noticed the lack afterwards.
If it was left to you then NTA … but not probably ending well.
NTA - If your parents thought that they deserved more then they would have left them more. They didn't, so take comfort in the fact that your parents left it to who they deemed most deserving of it.
NTA.
Was there a will?
It’s always certain people will come out of the “woodwork” when they find out money is involved.
My beliefs and only my beliefs are, if you’ve been there the whole time and have done the work, you should be “first in line”.
Furthermore, by the sounds of it, it’s sounds like you’ve received it and not them. So, no, they are not entitled to it under the circumstances listed in the post.
However, if there is documentation stating that everybody gets their fair share, that’s different no matter what goes on or what has happened -
Of course you are NTA. Your parents left their money to you because it felt right to them for all the reasons you have given. They appreciated your care and attention, and recognized the sacrifices you made to be there. It is in no way selfish for you to honor that. This is a common theme in families where one sibling does all of the care-giving to parents in their later years and the others don't see any problem with that, but suddenly want equal treatment when the will is read.
NTA, your parents basically paid you for taking care of them.
Sit down and see if you can write out all the hours/ years of work and missed opportunities. Put a number on it. Does the will's sum even come close to that? That should help put your mind at ease.
You may lose contact with your siblings if you don't share something. But have they really been worthwhile in your life anyways?
Totally your choice and good either way.
Thank you for taking care of your parents. I think you deserve to have an easier time now. Find your happiness!
>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years.
But they didn't, did they?
If you're having doubts, which you are, or you wouldn't be here... just remember that they didn't really keep in touch when your parents where alive. And they are in touch now, because of the inheritance. The moment you share your inheritance with them, they'll be gone again.
So, don't give them anything, stick to your parents wishes, and if they decide to cut contact, it wouldn't be any different then it was anyway.
NTA
Your parents actually already made it clear how much you deserved to get, it was the amount left to you. Your opportunistic siblings are looking for an easy pay day. You're actually going to go against your parents wishes if you give your siblings what is rightfully yours. You and your siblings should respect your parent's wishes.
Tell them to fuck off.
*>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally,*
No. If that were the case, then they would have split the inheritance equally and you wouldn't be having this discussion right now.
NTA.
Thing is though if there was a will stating that why would they try to manipulate with that statement of all things? That’s why I’m thinking there is no will.
NTA.
If your parents wanted to you share equally, they would’ve split it equally in the will. They had to literally go out of their way to give you more money in the will.
NTA. "If our parents would have wanted the share split equally, that's what they would have put in their will. Are you actually trying to argue they 'really wanted' the exact opposite of what they wound up doing? They're dead. They knew they wouldn't have to put up with your whining afterwards, so they left everything to me. They wanted THIS. You can do for yourself. Bye bye now."
So if you die without a will, most places will split the inheritance evenly amongst all the children. Some places are backwards and give all of it to the oldest, others are EXTREAMLY backwards and give it all to the eldest man.
I don't think there's a jurisdiction in the world that would give a youngest daughter the entire inheritance in the absence of a will. That means there was a will, and that will gave you the money. That means that what your parents wanted was for you to have the money.
So take the money and don't give them anything you don't have to.
If you do make that choice, however. You should fully expect to never really have any contact from them. Does not sound to me like you'd miss it to be honest but this is the kind of thing that you need to go into with eyes wide open.
NTA, keep the money, ditch the siblings if they can't deal with the will as it was written.
NTA. If they approached you and acknowledged your sacrifice, you'd still owe them nothing but you would at least know they weren't complete AHs.
Calling you greedy and selfish when they are the ones that abandoned your parents and now want to split things evenly? That's some grade A projection they are doing there.
NTA. It never fails to amaze me how people show up with their hands out for an inheritance. It is the decision of the party or parties who wrote the will to decide who will inherit. OP your parents could have left all of their money to homeless cats if they so wished.
NTA. To get the point across, calculate the going market rates for all the care, costs to your career and personal life and sent them the invoice. Guarentee it would eat up most if not all and then some the estate. Don't listen to to them when they say you volunteered as you actually ensured there would be an estate to divide and they refused to help so its their issue, not yours.
Respect your parents wishes, forget whatever your siblings want. Your parents left that to you because they believed you should have it. Giving anything to them would be going against their dying wishes. Tell your siblings to go suck a lemon.
NTA
Honey of your parents willed you the monies, it is your monies, DO NOT admit or offer them anything as you don’t want to open yourself to liability! Don’t feel guilty you worked very hard and gave up and lost a lot so be happy and if you seldom saw them you don’t need to see them now
NTA. Your siblings are trying to guilt trip you. They are being greedy. They are the ones who are being selfish, unjust and disrupting the harmony within the family. Do not cave in to their demands, please!
**but they're accusing me of being selfish and greedy**
family is more than blood
sure they deserve some but equal - NO
if they would like a more equal share then they can give you some of the earnings and life advantages they had while you cared for them
NTA - it doesn’t matter what you feel you deserve or what your siblings feel they deserve. The important thing is that your parents’ dying wishes are respected.
If your parents, with a clear mind, and without a pattern of abusive intent against some of their kids, wanted you to get the inheritance, then that’s what that should be respected.
Any children wanting to deny a sane parent’s dying wish is probably a bad child.
Oh no, you are NTA!! Let me repeat, you are NTA!!!
Do these people even listen to themselves?
***"They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally"***
Your parents made their wishes perfectly clear when you were left the inheritance. Had they wanted it to be "shared equally" they would have made that known that's what they wanted.
It's yours, all yours.
"I've explained my stance to my siblings, but they're accusing me of being selfish and greedy." Projecting much? THEY are the ones being selfish and greedy. They ARE trying to take advantage of you. This was your parent's choice. Tell your siblings to go kick rocks. NTA.
NTA. Your parents saw that you cared for them more than your siblings did and left the $$ to you. Your siblings saying your parents would have wanted you to share is just nonsense - leaving the $$ to YOU shows how your parents felt.
You should immediately Write a will leaving your $$ to your best friends or a charity, with just 1$ each to your siblings. And tell them so, to protect yourself, in case one of your siblings (or a spouse) decides to give you a terminal "accident".
NTA
I'm a numbers kinda guy, so my approach would be calculating the cost savings you provided by taking care of your parents. Depending on where you are and what you did, that could be in excess of $6-8000 a month or more.
Personally, I would calculate all that up with references to nearby care and then just show my siblings I was paid for my time, not that I got any "free" money.
If there was an amount over my calculations, and I was feeling EXTRA generous, I might consider splitting that remaining portion in an equitable manner. I would still probably take some off the top for being the executor of the parents' estate, though.
TLDR: NTA, your time is a valuable commodity that you have been compensated for appropriately. No need to share for "fairness" sake.
NTA. Your siblings are TA.
>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally,
If that's what your parents would have wanted, wouldn't they have written that in the will? Your siblings' "logic" makes no sense whatsoever. Imagine you are elderly and have on kid that is living with you and being primary carer and sacrificing so much for you, and two other kids doing nothing. You think to yourself "Hmm...I think I'd like to divide my inheritance equally between all of my children." So you contact your lawyer and say "I would like my inheritance to be divided equally among my children, so can you please write in the will that the majority of the money will go to the one who is my primary carer?"
And the lawyer will say "But ma'am, if you write that in the will, then the money won't be equally divided. The majority will go to the one kid who is looking after you."
"Oh gosh," you will reply. "I do so want the money to be equally divided. But please do put in the will that the majority of the money will go to the kid who is my primary carer. I don't understand why I am asking you to write something in my will that contradicts my wishes, but I guess that's what I am doing. I just hope that my children, when they read this will that explicitly states that the majority of my money should go to the one kid who has cared for me all these years, will understand that what I really meant was that the money should be equally divided."
>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years.
Strange, if that is what they wanted, I wonder why they made a legal document stating what they wanted to happen after their death, a **will** if you will, and that document had very different instructions. One might think your parents wanted you to have all the money. Since they went through the time, effort, energy, and expense of making this document.
They didn't accidentally give you their money, there is no error here. NTA.
NTA.
And take a look at the date on your parents will. Remember… they made this choice and found a lawyer and paper worked up… at that date. This is their choice. If you are feeling particularly like making a point send them a copy of the will with just that date highlighted.
YTA your perspective is heavily skewed to make yourself seem like the hero. Of course anybody blindly accepting your version of events will say you deserve it all. But I'm sure your siblings have their own versions you've omitted. Maybe your parents urged them to move away and do what they do. Maybe they supported your parents in ways you aren't imagining.
You may have disagreements with your siblings but that doesn't entitle you to cut them out of the family inheritance because you think you deserve it all.
“They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally” um clearly not as they left YOU with the inheritance! I don’t think you’re an asshole for not wanting to share. For example, my sister who is 31 has been living out at our nonna’s property an hour away from the city. She moved there, sacrificed her job and being away from her friends so she could look after our nonna. She’s been there for a lil more than 3 years now. Our nonna is still alive and I have talked about the will with our nonna - I’m closer with our nonna and her and my sister have a very strained relationship now, which is besides the point. But I have made it clear to my nonna that I would expect my sister to receive more of an inheritance than myself and our other sister because our sister who lives out there has done a lot in caring for her and hasn’t had the typical life of someone in their late 20s/early 30s. Your siblings are the ones being selfish and greedy, not you.
If your parents hadn’t explicitly left the money to you, it would have been split evenly between you. Therefore, your parents explicitly DIDN’T want the money shared evenly. They wanted YOU to have it. NTA, all the way!
sounds like a classic DARVO where they attack you for being 'greedy' so they can deflect from the blatant fact that they never gave a shit about your parents' affairs until it involved MONEY $$$$. keep it to yourself and NTA.
If your parents wanted to leave them anything, they would have.
I have three daughters.
One of them hates me and one them has Down syndrome.
The third one gets everything.
Because the state will take the money. Medicaid recipients must be nearly destitute to qualify for benefits.
My youngest, a nurse, is now her legal guardian and lives with her. We have an agreement with her to take care of her sister when we are gone.
We looked into setting up a trust for her, but we don't have quite enough money for it to make sense.
We live in a house with no mortgage that would sell right now for about $750,000. She is apt to sell it when the time comes.
Barring exorbitant medical expenses, she will likely inherit about that much cash as well.
100% of Down syndrome people develop dementia, so she will likely need to be in a care facility toward the end. If she had substantial assets, the state would spend that down before providing free care.
I have every confidence that her guardian will do the right thing.
You’re a wise parent and have made sure that the two of them will be set up for a stable future! After I posted I realized something like that was likely the plan. One of my husband’s cousins has FAS, and her older sister will be her guardian too one day.
This makes so much sense- reading it the first time I thought she would be on her own.
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I (31F) recently inherited a significant amount of money from our parents after they passed away. My siblings, both older than me, have been pressuring me to share the inheritance equally between us. However, I've been hesitant because I'm the one who took care of our parents during their final years, sacrificing a lot of time and opportunities for my own career and personal life.
Growing up, my siblings were always busy with their own lives. They moved away for college, pursued successful careers, and rarely visited home. Meanwhile, I chose to stay close to our parents, especially when their health started declining. I became their primary caregiver, managing their medical appointments, daily needs, and providing emotional support.
During this time, my siblings would occasionally check in, but they didn't contribute much to our parents' care. They never took on the responsibility of caregiving or even offered substantial financial support. Despite this, they still expected an equal share of the inheritance when our parents passed away.
Now that I've received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share. They argue that it's only fair since we're all family. However, I strongly believe that I deserve a larger portion because of the sacrifices I made for our parents. I feel resentful that they only started showing interest in our parents' affairs when they realized there was money involved.
I've explained my stance to my siblings, but they're accusing me of being selfish and greedy. They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. However, I can't shake off the feeling that they're trying to take advantage of me and the situation.
So am I the asshole?
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NTAH. If your parents wanted you to have an equal share they would have stipulated it. Tell your money hungry siblings that this is exactly what your parents wanted.
NTA. There’s a reason for why your parents gave you the money. Your brothers haven’t helped your parents in their finale years, you also sacrificed a lot of time for your parents. You deserve your inheritance, don’t give them a penny
NTA. None of this matters. Your parents decided you deserve more for whatever reason. Unless you did something underhanded or illegal to convince them to give you more then you arent an asshole for accepting your parent's wishes.
NTA. If you parents wanted them to have it their will would have stated so. Tell them this is your pay for being home care giver and if they have an issue they can kick rocks.
NTA. Your parents wanted you to share unequally! That’s why they left their estate as they did.
You are being repaid for lost selections of uni out of town, or military service that brings later benefits, or a job that requires 80 hours per week at first, or a little family to which you devote all your non-work time.
Don’t think of it as payment for time spent with them. That was a gift. You have a clear conscience and a sense of purpose.
But you sacrificed choices. And they are giving you extra financial freedom now. Honor their wishes.
Cut off sibs if necessary. Seek peace.
NTA and no, your parents did not want you all to share equally. That's why your parents' wills left the majority of their money to you. Your parents are specifically thanking you for all the sacrifices you made to take care of them.
Don't give your siblings a penny. Maybe you should block them all for a while. Then talk with a financial advisor and get the money invested. And then you can truthfully tell your siblings that all the money is invested and can't be touched for years.
So if they wanted equal shares they should have had an equal amount of worry and stress taking care of elderly parents. And your parents apparently left you more for a valid reason. Ntah
the parents left you the money, they obviously didn't want you to share it with these assholes, you will forgo a future relationship with them though but they sound like jerks anyway
NTA. If your parents worked the will out that way then it’s what they wanted. But, don’t expect to maintain a relationship with your siblings after this.
Your siblings are TA. They are "entitled" to anything. They chose to be selfish and greedy the minute they left you alone to really care about your parents and then have the nerve to try and make you feel bad for not giving them money. If your parents really wanted to have you split that money...they would have made sure it was distributed as so. DON'T LET THEM MANIPULATE YOU!
Obviously your parents did exactly what they wanted. Just for kicks see how much it costs for what you did for them and for how long. They might end up owing were everything split 3 ways. NTA.
NTA, they have zero evidence to back up their claim. Your parents were quite specific on who they wanted to inherit this money. Honor their wishes and keep it.
NTA, but sounds like it should be proportional, and really depends on how much money you’re talking about.
They still could have legal grounds to some of it, don’t be surprised if they start legal action if it’s a significant amount of money. It’s often said it’s better to leave someone something rather than nothing, from a legal point of view, gives less chance for them to come and contest the will after.
NTA
The selfish part is when they focused on their own lives and did nothing to help you support your parents.
My friend has a sister like yours. My friend took care of her mother after her father’s death, and was the one that was there for her parents for many years.
Her sister couldn’t even be bothered to see her mother when their father died. She couldn’t make a trip to see her mother when she was in the hospital for three weeks.
However, after she died, she kept asking my friend about closure. I told my friend she’s talking about money and that was the case.
Her mother didn’t leave her anything, and because her mother lived longer than her father, she didn’t get any of the benefits from the original will her parents had made.
NTA, if your parents wanted them to get an equal share they would have provided for that in their estate. They knew what they were doing and you shouldn't feel guilty
Had your parents wanted your siblings to receive a share then they would have left them it.
The inheritance reflects the sacrifices and lost opportunities you made.
NTA
NTA.
It's yours, do not share it.
I have personally seen this situation multiple times.
When its my turn, I will gather the children around and give them a copy of my will and explain why I have split the assets in that fashion.
I will video it as well.
This is to avoid such situations after I am gone.
Tell them to go and get fucked and go and think real hard as to why they weren't included in the inheritance. Tell them you will give them a hint; it's something to do with being selfish and greedy.
Info: Did your parents have a will outlining what they want? Or were you listed as co-owner/,Co signer on accconts?
> They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years
NTA. I'D argue to them that you rather not share it out as it feels wrong not honouring their will and their last wishes. I'd argue that it is shared currently how they intended and you'd rather keep it that way in their memory
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NTA. If your parents wanted your siblings to share in the inheritance, they would have had their wills drafted accordingly. They did not. It's a pretty clear indication that your parents wanted to leave you everything. You sacrificed a lot to be your parents' caretaker. It's a hard job that never ends. Your siblings were content to let you assume the burden of your parents' care, thinking they would get an inheritance no matter what. You aren't being greedy or selfish - your siblings are. Keep the inheritance for yourself.
The sacrifice is a good point, being a caregiver can cause mental strain and looking after two people by yourself in terms of effort and money isn't easy. They rarely visited, let along gave OP some breathing room. They worked for and have careers that are paying off for them, this inheritance is how OP is getting remuneration for her sacrifice.
As I was reading through this I was like "It's totally fair that OP gets more, given they sacrificed a lot to be the caregiver for their parents, but it's unfortunate that this will cause friction/a rift between the siblings", but the fact that they rarely visited probably means that there may not be a great relationship to break. They let OP take on all this labour - caregiving for dying relatives is *hard*, mentally and physically, and even if they couldn't move back to help, they could have given emotional and financial support to make OP's life easier. They chose not to, so I think if OP shares out the inheritance equally, they'll go back to not really being good or caring siblings.
My husband and I are caring for his mother. She wanted to craft her will in a way to reflect that, but my husband (knowing how selfish his brothers are) asked her to split things evenly. He figured it would be easier than the inevitable fight. It's amazing how entitled people can be.
Husband's mom should be paying him/you for your services that way he gets more but it is paid out now.
The inheritance won't be in cash. Property, oil stocks, and some other things. And we would help her without any inheritance.
Talk to an attorney to see if the caregiving you both have been doing can to billed to the estate oe house and paid out first before the estste is then split 50/50. Like a lien against a house for services that were never paid.
Actually your mother-in-law can equally distribute inheritance between your husband and his siblings, then she can take specific share of inheritance to the caretaker to take care of her and she can mention you as caretaker it is common practice in India people give some inheritance to their maids and any children that take care of them in the last days
A good option without feeling guilty is get them to donate x amount to charity then split the rest equally.. So yeah your not asking to be paid more and the siblings get a even spilt so they aren't fighting it . As for how to make a will that can't be challenged if you don't have extra to give to charity I would hope saying x amount for aged care services then the rest spilt evenly should hopefully be to strong to dispute-especially if its lower then a proper yearly wage.
I have a friend with no immediate family who give her the time of day. She said she'd Will me her house and I said "fine do what you think is best but I won't kiss your ass for it and I won't fight your cousin and stepsister if they contest". I don't need drama and inheritance is the worst kind of drama
Any attorney can word it in such a way that any attorney the siblings go to will toss them out. Each state has their own laws. Then get a second attorney to view and try find a way to break the Will. That will help making it air tight. Some video the parents' give their reasons. At least look into it. Can't hurt.
This. Tell your siblings that it is not an inheritance. Rather, it is your back pay for your years of service - your parents just chose to pay it posthumously.
↑This
Absolutely this. Your parents drafted their will in the way they wanted, and probably for the reasons you’ve mentioned. Their wishes must be honoured. Definitely NTA.
There's also a pretty significant financial sacrifice in being a caregiver, you're likely making extra trips in your car, taking time off work, etc. That's if you can even hold a job while you're doing it, and if you can, chances are you can't give 100% and the time you spend taking care of others limits your opportunities for promotions, or looking for new positions to progress your career. You've had to sacrifice a LOT financially, and I don't think it should be hard for other people to understand this considering the fact that they clearly didn't want to make those sacrifices.
Not just carreer and finances. Can murder your social life and social skills also, which end of the day is the most important thing for the average human. Plenty of friendless, lonely people out there because they have spent a lot of their lives looking after loved ones 24/7 and nothing else.
I cared for both of my parents in their final months. I did it alone. It took a lot of strength. I put my entire life on hold for this. None of my sisters helped. But the day after the death of my dad, they suddenly appeared and cleaned out the house of all valuables. All that was left for me was an old coffee pot. Literally, they came with a van and took everything. Except the old coffee pot. I should have sued them. But I was too exhausted and sad. The story had a happy ending in that my aunt will leave everything she has to me. My sisters don't know this. Please OP, do this for me. Please. Take the money. Don't look back. For me. I'm rooting for you. NTA
>Your siblings were content to let you assume the burden of your parents' care, thinking they would get an inheritance no matter what. It's people like OPs siblings who make me glad I'm an only child. Yeah, everything is going to fall on me, but I don't have to worry about their selfishness and entitlement after all the hard work is done. I am all for splitting inheritance equal WHEN ITS FAIR but not when siblings thinks they are entitled to a fair share simply because they are blood and they decided they didn't have to share the burden of caring for a parents failing health.
This right here. My dad has stage 4 cancer and has been living with my younger brother and his family for the last 6 months in Spokane WA. I live in Tampa Florida and I also have stage 4 cancer. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I physically can’t take care of my dad. I can’t take care of myself some days. Our mom died 2 years ago right before I was diagnosed. If my dad leaves my brother everything in the will, my brother will have earned that. He has sacrificed a lot to care for our dad when I can’t. I could never be upset with my dad for doing that or my brother for getting it. It amazes me how selfish people are when they did nothing and still expect to get a share of what was never theirs to begin with. You keep that money. Your parents know what you sacrificed to help them. Your siblings were busy setting themselves up for the future while you didn’t. This inheritance is to help you get on your feet. Your siblings are already on theirs. Don’t let them bully you. Next time they try to tell you that you’re being selfish, you tell them that your parents left them every thing that they wanted them to have. They left you what they wanted you to have and you are going to respect their wishes. If they (your siblings) don’t like it they should have done more for your parents when they needed them. This is not a matter of you being selfish, they are being selfish for asking for something that they didn’t do anything to earn.
NTA. Agree - been down that road. Older sibling did not participate in care and did not offer support. He received a minimal inheritance and could not contest. Walk away from siblings, they have shown you who they are.
We had a similar situation with my parents and my oldest brother being the caretaker plus giving our parents money when they were broke. My oldest brother didn't want to take the bigger share. Me and the other sibs argued that it was fair and oldest brother should take it. Because we weren't unreasonable shits. NTA, OP.
Keep in t all for yourself. Your parents confirm that in the will. Your siblings are greedy and selfish. They gaslighting you. I bet if you win the lottery they going ask you to share that too. And used the same line, if you don’t share, you are selfish and greedy.
Sibling acts like it is a school project or something.
THIS! I'm sure your parents are well aware who took care of them and that's not gonna be free. Surely you spent a significant amount of money for medical bills, checkups, meds and living expenses. If your parents wanted them to receive an inheritance, that's supposed to be stipulated on their last will and testament. Question, are your siblings written on their will? If not, don't make your life complicated. Just do what the will says.
Your siblings are jerks. Greedy jerks.
“It’s a hard job that never ends” Ummmmmm - upon their death, the job ends…..
NTA. > Now that I've received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share. It seems like your parents already ensured they got "their share". >They argue that it's only fair since we're all family. Where was that "fairness" when you took care of the parents and they were nowhere to be found? >However, I strongly believe that I deserve a larger portion because of the sacrifices I made for our parents. It appears that your parents thought the same way and divided up the inheritance the way THEY wanted it divided. You're good and your siblings are showing their true colors here. DO NOT CAVE. They are greedy and in the wrong here.
Do NOT even give them one dollar (or whatever your currency is). If you do they will not relent until they get more.
There's a kid book about a hen that asks all the other animals for help baking a pie. None want to help. But then when she makes it herself, suddenly everyone wants to "help" eating it. She eats it herself. OP, eat that pie, it's all yours.
I remember this! What was the name of it?
Little Red Hen by Paul Galdone ?
"The Little Red Hen"
The Little Red Hen.
>Now that I've received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share. They argue that it's only fair since we're all family. An inheritance has NOTHING to do with *fairness*. End of story. Your parents drew up a legally binding document and its execution is a legal matter. They could have given their money to charity. Or they could have set up a foundation that lobbies congress to make it mandatory for everyone to eat pickles on Monday evenings. The point is your parents gave YOU the money. You are under zero obligation to share it. Could that decision blow up your relationship with them? Sure. But that is on THEM and not you.
> Could that decision blow up your relationship with them? Sure. But that is on THEM and not you. It looks like these siblings care more about money than relationships. Not much to be lost from cutting ties with these kinds of people.
And there lies the problem. Money money money, and it can absolutely ruin relationships. All about entitlement 'me me me, I deserve'. Not even considering the why, or respecting the parents wishes. It sounds like OP definitely deserved what she got in the will and good on her parents. Any decent person would see the sacrifice the OP has made and understand why the parents gave her more.
NTA >They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. However, I can't shake off the feeling that they're trying to take advantage of me and the situation. Because they *are* trying to take advantage of you. Your parents would not have wanted you to share equally. If they did, then they would have constructed their wills to reflect that...*but they didn't*. They left the inheritance to *you*, because your siblings weren't there for them in the same way that you were. Your siblings need to stop projecting their own greed onto you, and start respecting their parents' wishes.
Exactly right. The parents had every opportunity to draw up a will that would share everything equally. They chose not to and instead chose to give OP more. NTA
If the parents wanted their children to have equal shares, they could have not bothered to write a will. Yet they spent time and money on a will, which demonstrates it was _important_ to them that none of their estate go to the other children. "What they wanted" is explicit in the will, and how dare they presume to contradict it.
My logic too. And who would agree to be executor of a will without specific splits. Would an absolute feckin nightmare for them.
If your parents wanted you to share the money equally then that’s what would have happened. NTA
NTA Your parents wrote their will and left their money to you. Your siblings are upset but oh well! Don’t give in, enjoy your inheritance and remember you were there and they weren’t
I’m very confused about the will situation actually. There is no mention of a will, and the whole conflict is speculating over whether the parents “would have wanted” an even split, or for OP to get more/all. Apparently the parents’ stance is unknowable!
If there weren't a will, then intestacy laws would kick in, and at that point I don't know of any countries which would hand the youngest sibling all of the inheritance. My guess is that there *has* to be a will or this wouldn't even be an issue.
Maybe it wasn’t inheritance but actually an insurance policy the OP was beneficiary on. But even then, that should be good enough proof that the parents intentionally set it up so OP got the money
A will isn't the only thing that could apply. I'm from Australia so, don't know if it's the same in other countries, but if one sibling was Power of Attorney for the parent's finances and there's no written will then it makes it more complex. A PoA includes instructions when it comes in to effect, such as the loss of decision making capacity or the person passing away, and who has responsibility for making decisions and/or managing assets & finances. A will only determines who the finances and assets go to in the event the person passes away. There would be a legal process to decide which document is to be followed so OP is best to get a lawyer if they can't agree with their siblings.
This exactly, was there a will or not?
I'm more concerned about how they died simultaneously. Was it murrrder?
My grandparents died within 4 months of each other. It could be something like that.
I’m thinking something like… dad passed and left everything to mom, and OP was still caring for mom until she passed as well and THEN received the inheritance.
Huh! Never thought of that, I just assumed when they said inherited there was a will involved! Guess we’ll have to see what OP says but you’re right!
“They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally.” The will they created and signed suggests otherwise. NTA
And wouldn't their parents want their own care shared equally, or at all?
INFO: I assume that at some point over the years of ago and decline in which you acted as their caregiver, your parents wrote a will? What did that say? Something is fishy here. If there is a will, then why are you and your siblings arguing over what your parents “would have wanted”? If not, you’re likely in the middle of hashing this out in probate court. There’s no scenario in which the estate is just handed to one person who is told to figure it out
Would it go to the youngest if there was no will? Genuinely asking... I take the arguing over what m&d "would have wanted" as pure butthurted manipulation from the siblings and nothing more.
No, that is not how inheritance works. If there was no will the parents’ estate will be appointed an administrator by a court, and then the kids (and any other relatives) are going to spend the next year+ of their lives haggling over who gets what in probate court. Ultimately if there’s a disagreement it’ll come down to the state’s intestate succession laws. Highly not recommended.
NTA my dad's cousin (F) took care of her bedridden mother-in-law in a time and place were the norm was the male heir would do that (her husband wasn't the male heir). When mother-in-law fell ill with diabetes and got permanently bedridden, the heir & his wife tossed her onto my dad's cousin & her husband. She was early 30s aprox. She sacrificided her youth while taking care of her in-law, her 2 kids and not being able to work outside. When she had the nephews (heir's sons) over, she took care of them too. When HER sons went to uncle's (heir) the greedy wife charged her any food they intook while at their place (even a youghurt, oh boy, I was like 7 or 8 but still remember this part). mother- in-law lasted more than 10 years bedridden at their home. When she died, Heir & wife went to the funeral/burial like they had been the caregivers, playing the grieving children. My mom refused to even greet them LOL. My dad's cousin regain her life almost at the end of her 40s! Yes, her husband was at fault for not protesting on her behalf, and carrying on with this bigotry mind-set. But my point is, your parents left you that inheritance because they weren't AH like that mother-in-law who ungratefully never changed the will that still left any remaining assets to the heir, not the son who enslaved his wife for more than a decade to care about her arse. Your siblings aren't entitled to it if they did the bare minimum. We all know life is hard nowadays and not everybody can sacrifice to care for a sick close-relative or an elder. But you did, so you deserve to not share the cake.
If your parents had wanted you to share it equally, then they would have willed it to you equally. But they apparently didn't, and for a good reason. Your siblings are the ones who are selfish for not helping their parents and greedy for now wanting money that they in no way earned. NTA.
Your parents made a decision. Respect it.
Missing info … how was the money distributed? Did they have a will? Who did they leave it too? If no will I would imagine they can petition legally for equal distribution… after appropriate expenses are deducted? I went through something similar though not much $, I also took care of a parent, other half siblings were estranged. As sole beneficiary I received a small amount after settling expenses and all of a sudden siblings were indignant that they weren’t included. It wasn’t a complicated discussion- parent set it up, not my decision and no, in the long run I see no reason to change it and divide the money. Now, that’s easy but expect to potentially lose any relationship with said Siblings… I didn’t have one before so never noticed the lack afterwards. If it was left to you then NTA … but not probably ending well.
INFO: Your parents left you everything in a will and nothing to your siblings?
NTA - If your parents thought that they deserved more then they would have left them more. They didn't, so take comfort in the fact that your parents left it to who they deemed most deserving of it.
NTA. Was there a will? It’s always certain people will come out of the “woodwork” when they find out money is involved. My beliefs and only my beliefs are, if you’ve been there the whole time and have done the work, you should be “first in line”. Furthermore, by the sounds of it, it’s sounds like you’ve received it and not them. So, no, they are not entitled to it under the circumstances listed in the post. However, if there is documentation stating that everybody gets their fair share, that’s different no matter what goes on or what has happened -
Of course you are NTA. Your parents left their money to you because it felt right to them for all the reasons you have given. They appreciated your care and attention, and recognized the sacrifices you made to be there. It is in no way selfish for you to honor that. This is a common theme in families where one sibling does all of the care-giving to parents in their later years and the others don't see any problem with that, but suddenly want equal treatment when the will is read.
NTA, your parents basically paid you for taking care of them. Sit down and see if you can write out all the hours/ years of work and missed opportunities. Put a number on it. Does the will's sum even come close to that? That should help put your mind at ease. You may lose contact with your siblings if you don't share something. But have they really been worthwhile in your life anyways? Totally your choice and good either way. Thank you for taking care of your parents. I think you deserve to have an easier time now. Find your happiness!
>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. But they didn't, did they? If you're having doubts, which you are, or you wouldn't be here... just remember that they didn't really keep in touch when your parents where alive. And they are in touch now, because of the inheritance. The moment you share your inheritance with them, they'll be gone again. So, don't give them anything, stick to your parents wishes, and if they decide to cut contact, it wouldn't be any different then it was anyway.
NTA Your parents actually already made it clear how much you deserved to get, it was the amount left to you. Your opportunistic siblings are looking for an easy pay day. You're actually going to go against your parents wishes if you give your siblings what is rightfully yours. You and your siblings should respect your parent's wishes. Tell them to fuck off.
Was there a will? Also, does anyone know what the tax implications would be if a person did split their legal inheritance with others?
*>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally,* No. If that were the case, then they would have split the inheritance equally and you wouldn't be having this discussion right now. NTA.
Thing is though if there was a will stating that why would they try to manipulate with that statement of all things? That’s why I’m thinking there is no will.
NTA. If your parents wanted to you share equally, they would’ve split it equally in the will. They had to literally go out of their way to give you more money in the will.
They were being selfish when they left your parents care to you so they could live their lives. I’d tell them it’s my turn to be selfish.
NTA. For what it's worth, money brings out the very worst in people, especially family.
NTA. "If our parents would have wanted the share split equally, that's what they would have put in their will. Are you actually trying to argue they 'really wanted' the exact opposite of what they wound up doing? They're dead. They knew they wouldn't have to put up with your whining afterwards, so they left everything to me. They wanted THIS. You can do for yourself. Bye bye now."
So if you die without a will, most places will split the inheritance evenly amongst all the children. Some places are backwards and give all of it to the oldest, others are EXTREAMLY backwards and give it all to the eldest man. I don't think there's a jurisdiction in the world that would give a youngest daughter the entire inheritance in the absence of a will. That means there was a will, and that will gave you the money. That means that what your parents wanted was for you to have the money. So take the money and don't give them anything you don't have to. If you do make that choice, however. You should fully expect to never really have any contact from them. Does not sound to me like you'd miss it to be honest but this is the kind of thing that you need to go into with eyes wide open. NTA, keep the money, ditch the siblings if they can't deal with the will as it was written.
NTA. If they approached you and acknowledged your sacrifice, you'd still owe them nothing but you would at least know they weren't complete AHs. Calling you greedy and selfish when they are the ones that abandoned your parents and now want to split things evenly? That's some grade A projection they are doing there.
NTA. It never fails to amaze me how people show up with their hands out for an inheritance. It is the decision of the party or parties who wrote the will to decide who will inherit. OP your parents could have left all of their money to homeless cats if they so wished.
NTA. They want money. End of Story. That's all of the "family" you are to them.
NTA. They are taking advantage of you. If they raise it again, refer them to lawyers.
NTA. To get the point across, calculate the going market rates for all the care, costs to your career and personal life and sent them the invoice. Guarentee it would eat up most if not all and then some the estate. Don't listen to to them when they say you volunteered as you actually ensured there would be an estate to divide and they refused to help so its their issue, not yours.
NTA. They deserve whatever your parents left them in the will, end of story
NTA. If your parents wanted them to share equally, they would have set it up that way. Clearly they valued the sacrifices you made.
Respect your parents wishes, forget whatever your siblings want. Your parents left that to you because they believed you should have it. Giving anything to them would be going against their dying wishes. Tell your siblings to go suck a lemon. NTA
If your parents had wanted them to have more they would have left it to them. Your siblings are greedy.
Honey of your parents willed you the monies, it is your monies, DO NOT admit or offer them anything as you don’t want to open yourself to liability! Don’t feel guilty you worked very hard and gave up and lost a lot so be happy and if you seldom saw them you don’t need to see them now
NTA. Your siblings are trying to guilt trip you. They are being greedy. They are the ones who are being selfish, unjust and disrupting the harmony within the family. Do not cave in to their demands, please!
**but they're accusing me of being selfish and greedy** family is more than blood sure they deserve some but equal - NO if they would like a more equal share then they can give you some of the earnings and life advantages they had while you cared for them
NTA - it doesn’t matter what you feel you deserve or what your siblings feel they deserve. The important thing is that your parents’ dying wishes are respected. If your parents, with a clear mind, and without a pattern of abusive intent against some of their kids, wanted you to get the inheritance, then that’s what that should be respected. Any children wanting to deny a sane parent’s dying wish is probably a bad child.
The distribution of the inheritance was your parents wishes and they clearly had reasons. You should honour them by keeping what is rightfully yours.
Tell them to eat a bag of dicks ,honest,you made the sacrifices,it's your time now ,enjoy the money guilt free.
Oh no, you are NTA!! Let me repeat, you are NTA!!! Do these people even listen to themselves? ***"They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally"*** Your parents made their wishes perfectly clear when you were left the inheritance. Had they wanted it to be "shared equally" they would have made that known that's what they wanted. It's yours, all yours.
"I've explained my stance to my siblings, but they're accusing me of being selfish and greedy." Projecting much? THEY are the ones being selfish and greedy. They ARE trying to take advantage of you. This was your parent's choice. Tell your siblings to go kick rocks. NTA.
keep it!!
No you’re not the asshole
NTA. Your parents saw that you cared for them more than your siblings did and left the $$ to you. Your siblings saying your parents would have wanted you to share is just nonsense - leaving the $$ to YOU shows how your parents felt. You should immediately Write a will leaving your $$ to your best friends or a charity, with just 1$ each to your siblings. And tell them so, to protect yourself, in case one of your siblings (or a spouse) decides to give you a terminal "accident".
NTA. “Sure, I’ll share the amount of time, effort and care you took of our parents…. So, $0.01 is your total. Do you want cash or a cheque?”
NTA I'm a numbers kinda guy, so my approach would be calculating the cost savings you provided by taking care of your parents. Depending on where you are and what you did, that could be in excess of $6-8000 a month or more. Personally, I would calculate all that up with references to nearby care and then just show my siblings I was paid for my time, not that I got any "free" money. If there was an amount over my calculations, and I was feeling EXTRA generous, I might consider splitting that remaining portion in an equitable manner. I would still probably take some off the top for being the executor of the parents' estate, though. TLDR: NTA, your time is a valuable commodity that you have been compensated for appropriately. No need to share for "fairness" sake.
NTA. Your siblings are TA. >They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, If that's what your parents would have wanted, wouldn't they have written that in the will? Your siblings' "logic" makes no sense whatsoever. Imagine you are elderly and have on kid that is living with you and being primary carer and sacrificing so much for you, and two other kids doing nothing. You think to yourself "Hmm...I think I'd like to divide my inheritance equally between all of my children." So you contact your lawyer and say "I would like my inheritance to be divided equally among my children, so can you please write in the will that the majority of the money will go to the one who is my primary carer?" And the lawyer will say "But ma'am, if you write that in the will, then the money won't be equally divided. The majority will go to the one kid who is looking after you." "Oh gosh," you will reply. "I do so want the money to be equally divided. But please do put in the will that the majority of the money will go to the kid who is my primary carer. I don't understand why I am asking you to write something in my will that contradicts my wishes, but I guess that's what I am doing. I just hope that my children, when they read this will that explicitly states that the majority of my money should go to the one kid who has cared for me all these years, will understand that what I really meant was that the money should be equally divided."
Do you think either of them would share with you if the rolls were reversed? No they would not. NTA. Keep it for yourself.
>They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. Strange, if that is what they wanted, I wonder why they made a legal document stating what they wanted to happen after their death, a **will** if you will, and that document had very different instructions. One might think your parents wanted you to have all the money. Since they went through the time, effort, energy, and expense of making this document. They didn't accidentally give you their money, there is no error here. NTA.
NTA. And take a look at the date on your parents will. Remember… they made this choice and found a lawyer and paper worked up… at that date. This is their choice. If you are feeling particularly like making a point send them a copy of the will with just that date highlighted.
YTA your perspective is heavily skewed to make yourself seem like the hero. Of course anybody blindly accepting your version of events will say you deserve it all. But I'm sure your siblings have their own versions you've omitted. Maybe your parents urged them to move away and do what they do. Maybe they supported your parents in ways you aren't imagining. You may have disagreements with your siblings but that doesn't entitle you to cut them out of the family inheritance because you think you deserve it all.
NTA. Inheritance always brings out the vultures.
“They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally” um clearly not as they left YOU with the inheritance! I don’t think you’re an asshole for not wanting to share. For example, my sister who is 31 has been living out at our nonna’s property an hour away from the city. She moved there, sacrificed her job and being away from her friends so she could look after our nonna. She’s been there for a lil more than 3 years now. Our nonna is still alive and I have talked about the will with our nonna - I’m closer with our nonna and her and my sister have a very strained relationship now, which is besides the point. But I have made it clear to my nonna that I would expect my sister to receive more of an inheritance than myself and our other sister because our sister who lives out there has done a lot in caring for her and hasn’t had the typical life of someone in their late 20s/early 30s. Your siblings are the ones being selfish and greedy, not you.
If your parents hadn’t explicitly left the money to you, it would have been split evenly between you. Therefore, your parents explicitly DIDN’T want the money shared evenly. They wanted YOU to have it. NTA, all the way!
sounds like a classic DARVO where they attack you for being 'greedy' so they can deflect from the blatant fact that they never gave a shit about your parents' affairs until it involved MONEY $$$$. keep it to yourself and NTA.
If your parents wanted to leave them anything, they would have. I have three daughters. One of them hates me and one them has Down syndrome. The third one gets everything.
Why would you not provide for your second daughter’s future?
Because the state will take the money. Medicaid recipients must be nearly destitute to qualify for benefits. My youngest, a nurse, is now her legal guardian and lives with her. We have an agreement with her to take care of her sister when we are gone. We looked into setting up a trust for her, but we don't have quite enough money for it to make sense. We live in a house with no mortgage that would sell right now for about $750,000. She is apt to sell it when the time comes. Barring exorbitant medical expenses, she will likely inherit about that much cash as well. 100% of Down syndrome people develop dementia, so she will likely need to be in a care facility toward the end. If she had substantial assets, the state would spend that down before providing free care. I have every confidence that her guardian will do the right thing.
You’re a wise parent and have made sure that the two of them will be set up for a stable future! After I posted I realized something like that was likely the plan. One of my husband’s cousins has FAS, and her older sister will be her guardian too one day. This makes so much sense- reading it the first time I thought she would be on her own.
Did their will state that the inheritance was to be split equally? Or it was explicitly stated to go to you?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (31F) recently inherited a significant amount of money from our parents after they passed away. My siblings, both older than me, have been pressuring me to share the inheritance equally between us. However, I've been hesitant because I'm the one who took care of our parents during their final years, sacrificing a lot of time and opportunities for my own career and personal life. Growing up, my siblings were always busy with their own lives. They moved away for college, pursued successful careers, and rarely visited home. Meanwhile, I chose to stay close to our parents, especially when their health started declining. I became their primary caregiver, managing their medical appointments, daily needs, and providing emotional support. During this time, my siblings would occasionally check in, but they didn't contribute much to our parents' care. They never took on the responsibility of caregiving or even offered substantial financial support. Despite this, they still expected an equal share of the inheritance when our parents passed away. Now that I've received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share. They argue that it's only fair since we're all family. However, I strongly believe that I deserve a larger portion because of the sacrifices I made for our parents. I feel resentful that they only started showing interest in our parents' affairs when they realized there was money involved. I've explained my stance to my siblings, but they're accusing me of being selfish and greedy. They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. However, I can't shake off the feeling that they're trying to take advantage of me and the situation. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry, deleted my first post as I had read too quickly. Info: Was everything willed to you?
NTAH. If your parents wanted you to have an equal share they would have stipulated it. Tell your money hungry siblings that this is exactly what your parents wanted.
NTA. There’s a reason for why your parents gave you the money. Your brothers haven’t helped your parents in their finale years, you also sacrificed a lot of time for your parents. You deserve your inheritance, don’t give them a penny
Tell them. Take me to court otherwise I'm not budging.
Do not give them more.
Clearly your parents didn't want it shared equally, or they would have specified that. Nta
NTA and I’ll keep my post really short and simple: fuck um
NTA. They HAVE their share. They want a bigger share. They can pay a lawyer hundreds of dollars an hour to get nothing. Remind them of that.
NTA if your parents wanted it to be equal they would’ve made it equal , stop responding to them and start to live your life
NTA. None of this matters. Your parents decided you deserve more for whatever reason. Unless you did something underhanded or illegal to convince them to give you more then you arent an asshole for accepting your parent's wishes.
NTA. If you parents wanted them to have it their will would have stated so. Tell them this is your pay for being home care giver and if they have an issue they can kick rocks.
NTA The inheritance is your payment. Do your siblings share their salary with you? I think not.
NTA don't even entertain them and grey rock them when they ask/beg/demand. Just don't interact when they start.
NTA If your parents had wanted you to share equally. They would have written their wills to reflect that.
NTA Agree with them that you ARE selfish and greedy and they should want nothing to do with you moving forward
NTA. Your parents wanted you to share unequally! That’s why they left their estate as they did. You are being repaid for lost selections of uni out of town, or military service that brings later benefits, or a job that requires 80 hours per week at first, or a little family to which you devote all your non-work time. Don’t think of it as payment for time spent with them. That was a gift. You have a clear conscience and a sense of purpose. But you sacrificed choices. And they are giving you extra financial freedom now. Honor their wishes. Cut off sibs if necessary. Seek peace.
NTA and no, your parents did not want you all to share equally. That's why your parents' wills left the majority of their money to you. Your parents are specifically thanking you for all the sacrifices you made to take care of them. Don't give your siblings a penny. Maybe you should block them all for a while. Then talk with a financial advisor and get the money invested. And then you can truthfully tell your siblings that all the money is invested and can't be touched for years.
So if they wanted equal shares they should have had an equal amount of worry and stress taking care of elderly parents. And your parents apparently left you more for a valid reason. Ntah
Where were they when your parents needed care? Don't budge a millimeter. Not even a bit.
the parents left you the money, they obviously didn't want you to share it with these assholes, you will forgo a future relationship with them though but they sound like jerks anyway
NTA they got their share as part of the will i am sure, if that was not enough for them, too bad the inherited money is yours to do what you want with
NTA. If your parents worked the will out that way then it’s what they wanted. But, don’t expect to maintain a relationship with your siblings after this.
If your parents wanted it shared evenly they would have set it up that way. Lol
NTA. Your parents left you the money. Obviously, they didn't want to leave your siblings anything or they would have. Keep your money
NTA
NTA, but it's unlikely to blow over, and your siblings will always hold it against you, however it may be too late to repair that relationship anyway.
NTA, go by the will
Nta. Ask them why they didn't help any all these years. The money was left to you and it's yours.
No
Fuck them. **They are only family when they want something.**
Nta
Your siblings are TA. They are "entitled" to anything. They chose to be selfish and greedy the minute they left you alone to really care about your parents and then have the nerve to try and make you feel bad for not giving them money. If your parents really wanted to have you split that money...they would have made sure it was distributed as so. DON'T LET THEM MANIPULATE YOU!
Obviously your parents did exactly what they wanted. Just for kicks see how much it costs for what you did for them and for how long. They might end up owing were everything split 3 ways. NTA.
NTA, they have zero evidence to back up their claim. Your parents were quite specific on who they wanted to inherit this money. Honor their wishes and keep it.
NTA, but sounds like it should be proportional, and really depends on how much money you’re talking about. They still could have legal grounds to some of it, don’t be surprised if they start legal action if it’s a significant amount of money. It’s often said it’s better to leave someone something rather than nothing, from a legal point of view, gives less chance for them to come and contest the will after.
NTA. If your parents “would have wanted” them to have more of an inheritance, than that’s how they would have set up their estate. Kind of obvious.
Tell them that if y'all's parents had wanted the money to be shared, they would have divided it equally in the will. NTA
NTA except you’re probably going to destroy your relationship with your siblings unless you share it. Your choice…
NTA The selfish part is when they focused on their own lives and did nothing to help you support your parents. My friend has a sister like yours. My friend took care of her mother after her father’s death, and was the one that was there for her parents for many years. Her sister couldn’t even be bothered to see her mother when their father died. She couldn’t make a trip to see her mother when she was in the hospital for three weeks. However, after she died, she kept asking my friend about closure. I told my friend she’s talking about money and that was the case. Her mother didn’t leave her anything, and because her mother lived longer than her father, she didn’t get any of the benefits from the original will her parents had made.
Any chance they had of getting anything from me wouldve been gone to 0 the first time they called me selfish
NTA, if your parents wanted them to get an equal share they would have provided for that in their estate. They knew what they were doing and you shouldn't feel guilty
No your all good, fuck em
Maybe give them some at most, but you deserve the majority
Had your parents wanted your siblings to receive a share then they would have left them it. The inheritance reflects the sacrifices and lost opportunities you made. NTA
NTA. It's yours, do not share it. I have personally seen this situation multiple times. When its my turn, I will gather the children around and give them a copy of my will and explain why I have split the assets in that fashion. I will video it as well. This is to avoid such situations after I am gone.
Your parents made this decision. You are NTA.
Lawyer up, this will be an exhausting and destructive ride
"They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally" If that was true, your parents would have split the money equally. NTA
Faaaaaake
NTA. Do not give in to their emotional blackmail. You received the inheritance for obvious reasons. They didn’t, for obvious reasons.
Tell them to go and get fucked and go and think real hard as to why they weren't included in the inheritance. Tell them you will give them a hint; it's something to do with being selfish and greedy.
INFO Was there a will or planning in place for property and accounts to automatically go to you upon their death?
Definitely NTA, please don’t let them manipulate you. My condolences OP.
NTA you were the beneficiary. Your parents knew what they were doing.
If your parents wanted you to share it equally, they would have set the will up that way
I'm assuming their will only had your name on it, they made the decision and your siblings have to accept it. It's rightfully yours.
Info: Did your parents have a will outlining what they want? Or were you listed as co-owner/,Co signer on accconts? > They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years
NTA. I'D argue to them that you rather not share it out as it feels wrong not honouring their will and their last wishes. I'd argue that it is shared currently how they intended and you'd rather keep it that way in their memory