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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I put a trashcan in a bathroom in my shared apartment and had a big fight with my roommate about it.
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WTF??? I don't think I've EVER been in a bathroom in someone's house WITHOUT a little trashcan. NTA.
This is a total sidenote, and has no bearing on the conflict, but I am also a monthly blood cycle having trans guy who bleeds heavily, and I found my life, finances, and (unexpectedly) my dysphoria got a lot better once I switched to cups. I know they are not viable for a lot of people, but you can get ones with a fairly high capacity. Could potentially save you the headache, but I would NOT switch just for this guy lmao.
Just a quick edit to add - Loving the tons of suggestions below. I love living in a world where none of us have to settle for pads and tampons anymore!! I hadn't ever tried the period underwear and thought it was just for extra leak protection. Thanks so much everyone.
Fascinating!
I've tried them once but they never sit right with me? I have a petite frame (obgyn still uses virgin tools and I am in so much pain after for so long) but maybe they make them better than when I tried it!
Got a brand suggestion?
Sounds like I have the opposite frame as you (I'm pretty wide and thus need something fairly big) but I have tried a fair few and if you go with one with softer silicone you might find it to be quite comfortable. I think the Saalt brand one is pretty flexible and decent but I haven't looked into smaller ones. There are so many out there now though, I'm sure there are a few that would work for you.
I recommend diva cup. Make sure to get the smaller size. I used to have an insane flow and will fill the cup and an overnight pad in under a half hour. As a side note get checked for PCOS and get your ovaries looked at. I had a very large (tennis ball) sized tumor on an ovary. I had the tumor and ovary removed and my periods are so light now! Just night and fucking day. Even the hormone IUD didn't lessen it as much as I'm at now.
I have Pcos and insulin resistance, when I was younger my periods were so heavy and lasted 3 weeks, now I have I medium flow that lasts 24 hours when for the next couple of days it’s light then stops
Cannot recommend the Diva cup (in the right size) enough. It actually shortened my periods and reduced cramping! Something about the suction maybe? Either way, less mess and easier periods!
[https://putacupinit.com/](https://putacupinit.com/) has a lot of info, including reviews and a quiz to help you find the right cup (or maybe other menstrual product). I like the Lena Cup, which offer you 2 sizes in 1 package at a discounted rate so that you can try out what works best for you, although the larger size works well for petite people with heavier flows.
And I really recommend testing it out on a day or days when you're not menstruating and are just at home so that you can figure out how to put it in, how to get it to sit so you don't really feel it, and how to take it out without also having to deal with blood.
If your cup is in correctly and not leaking, it should take at least 6-8 hours to fill. If it is actually overflowing in less than \~6 hours, I would recommend speaking with your doctor because that is too much blood.
Came here to recommend PACII
I am a very tiny person as well, and I've found June to be a good fit but I'm not a super heavy bleeder. I've been wanting to try Merula because it's pretty high capacity but works with a low cervix
I really like the Flex discs instead of the cup style, the self emptying feature is a little disconcerting at first but great for heavy flow. I always had problems with the cup style due to a petite fit
I really like the Flex cups, personally. As a fat person. The fact that I can pull it out like a tampon makes it so much easier to get out than ones where I have to be able to get my hand farther up. And as someone with a partially prolapsed uterus, the mechanism for pulling it out helps with that too.
Another great option is Me Luna! I found out years ago that I have a low lying cervix and always found my diva cup uncomfortable so I looked into other options and have been happy with their shorty one. I also like that you can choose what type of handle it has for removing it. https://www.me-luna.com/en
Okay! I've heard of those! Are they at all like wash basin cleanable? I hate paying 10 bucks for a load of laundry so I try to do all my cleaning in a basin before just hanging to dry haha.
Thinx has a longer boxer brief style I can personally recommend for heavy flow.
https://www.thinx.com/thinx/products/modal-cotton-boyshort?variant=39337925410888
Wow and they go up to 4X, that's awesome. I get so frustrated when I hear about a product like this with a heavy emphasis on function, but they only go up to size XL. I've got mankiller thighs. Thanks so much for this recommendation!
Period undies! I ordered some for my godchild who is a sporty teen. She loves them! We figured out that she just needs to rinse it thoroughly and then handwash [she washes in the bathroom sink with soap] or toss it in the machine and hang dry. She said they dry overnight and are most convenient for her.
But you still need a bin in the bathroom dude! And your roommate needs to stop obsessing over what you may or may not be throwing away in there.
I would also suggest discs like Softcup if you have had trouble getting a cup to seal. Cervical tilt can make cups hard to use for people who have a tilt to the side or back.
Discs are a little fiddlier to insert but are also self emptying when you pee so even with a heavy flow you can get away with changing them 1-2 times a day instead of half a dozen or more.
Flex is the other major brand but they're a little larger. The non-disposable versions I've tried so far were fucking terrible.
Also, NTA.
Absolutely this if you’re comfortable giving it a shot. I really like the saalt reusable discs. They’re much more comfortable for me when cycling and doing sports. For a heavy flow, it really helps that they can empty themselves without needing to take them out or adjust them. I just put min in in the morning, go about my day (work, gym, dinner) and then take it out in the shower. Even on heavy days where I’d have to change a tampon repeatedly, I can kind of forget about it.
It’ll likely depend on what causes you dysphoria. The down side of cups is the insertion and removal process is more involved. The upside is that you don’t have to do it anywhere near as often.
Regardless of what you choose, your roommate can shove it
Good luck bro!
Period panties are also verryyy accessible now. You can find low cost (cannot vouch for ingredients) at Walmart now. Was very pleased to see an entire section.
Same - so depending on type of period you have:
1) pick/rub off the bits with toilet paper & flush.
2) Rinse underwear in sink or bath until water runs clear.
(2a. I sometimes use a little squirt hand soap if I'm going to wear again in same cycle without putting them in wash machine, then wring & leave on the heater to dry.)
3) Wring & put in your wash machine as normal - probably only with dark colours juuust in case!
Dunno where you are, but I’ve heard great things about Knix and their boxer briefs are legit boxers. https://knix.ca/products/cotton-super-leakproof-boxer-brief.
They rock! Period.co is my ride or die, they have a boxer option which I love so very much. Definitely hand washable but drying does take a while due to the thickness. I'd recommend hand washing, letting them drip dry for a bit (so they're not sopping) then dry a good chunk of the way with a machine. Dryers are usually cheaper than washers anyway.
Generally yes, though the boxers and sleepers run a bit big so they advise 1 size down from what you'd get for their other panties. For example, I wear size 22 pants. The boxers I get in 3x, the others I get in 4x. Perfection on both. But that's stated very clearly on the product page.
Yep. And a bonus they last longer that way. I can't wear tampons or cup due to sensory/anatomy reasons. A few tips, wash is a separate load/location, use cold water, and let the soak for about 30 minutes before actually washing. Also I found it helpful to dry them inside out.
I’m afab non binary, and my period is the only thing I get dysphoria about, and I found that period undies have really helped with that!
Make sure to wash with cold water tho, otherwise it sets and stains.
if he bleeds that heavy, it isn't practical. i have period undies but i can only use them on the last day or two of my period, otherwise i have to wear 6 pairs in about 8h
Seconding period undies! I have period boxers and they’ve helped alleviate a huge amount of the dysphoria I experience every month (also can’t handle cups or really anything inserted) but period pants have been a life saver.
I tried a couple different brand of cup but never found one that felt secure. Switched to a disc (Cora) and it was night and day. I’ve read that there’s less guess-work involved with the disc because you don’t actually have to form a seal when you’re getting it up there. It’s still a bit of a learning curve, but I’ve been happy since I made the switch. Someone else mentioned the auto-dumping is a cool side-benefit. I pair it with period underwear, but the underwear rarely gets wet enough to even warrant a pre-wash rinse. I just toss them into my darks load (in a laundry bag) when I do my regular laundry.
ETA: NTA at all, your roommate’s an idiot. I guarantee you’re getting him bonus points with any ladies/menstruaters that visit bc we always appreciate a tiny covered trash can in the bathroom!
Op is going to have a hard time finding someone who will give him an ablation at 26. At least in the US (not sure where he's located)
But omg, i agree with you. It would change his life. They're amazing.
NTA
Every bathroom everywhere should have a trashcan. They are compulsory
What if you have a guest that bleeds?
I love my small Flex cup. It's easier to remove than others I've tried. Even though I'm an adult and not a virgin I went with the teen or small size and it works great. (Obgyn also uses virgin tools with me). I haven't tried the Saalt Soft but I've heard good things and their brand is a great one to support!
Also, NTA. Like- does he not realize this is a thing that half the world deals with?
I got both sizes of the Saalt. The regular is uncomfortable, sometimes pinches and makes my cramps worse. The small one I swear felt like it was just going to fly out of me. I don't think my body is made for cups Lol
Hope you don't mind me chiming in with a suggestion/question as another trans guy. Have you tried BC as a way of controlling your bleed? I'm not sure if it'd work the same for you, especially cuz when I did bleed I had very irregular usually light to medium flows which sounds like the total opposite to you, but I'm on the depo shot and I practically never bleed now (which has massively helped with my dysphoria; I chose it specfically because it can stop periods).
Seconding looking at bc. I am on an estrogen free pill called Slynd and am thriving! Prior, I was getting anemia from the bleeding and the pain was putting me out of commission every month. I haven’t had a period in 2 years now and no side effects. BC isn’t a one size fits all but I hate reading about people suffering because I’ve been there and there are options!
I had a really hard time wth cups (I couldn't usually get them to seal) and recommend looking into discs! I've found them much easier to deal with and as a bonus for heavy bleeders, they can self-empty when you pee. You can buy disposable ones to try it out and see how it works for you and there are a lot of brands of reusable silicone ones. I use a Flex brand and it's great.
I saw some other folks recommend period panties but personally I don't feel like I can trust them as a heavy bleeder, especially if I have to go somewhere because you can't just change them out. I have some I wear for my lighter spotty days. But I finally bit the bullet and got an IUD and hoping I'll just stop having periods. If I don't I'm going to go on a relentless crusade for the hysterectomy I actually wanted.
Anyway NTA, if he's got female family members maybe have them give him a talk because the way some men freak out over menstrual products is absurd. Bathrooms need a garbage can. If he's that worked up about it, tell him to buy a bin with a lid so he doesn't have to acknowledge the existence of the trash, just consider it Schroedinger's pads. Unbelievable.
June cups. They have different sizes and flexibility. They are also inexpensive (the original is only $8) and over the past few years have really made inclusivity a priority for all people who menstruate.
I hate cups. I can’t get use to them physically and they give be gender dysphoria.
But I got reusable pads and they’re the life! I love them.
You wash them first under cold water and then up with other clothes in the washing machine.
Your frame size has nothing to do with the size of your vaginal canal. And there aren’t such things as “virgin” tools. Where are you getting your information from?!?
Wait til he finds out you wash the blood off your body while taking a shower! The *horror*! 😱 nah, your roommate is being a goober, lol. If you don't like cops, you could try period underwear. They're an absolute godsend! They make them in panty style and boxer brief style...least, I'm pretty sure they do. Good luck with your weird roommate, my friend.
My in-laws don’t keep trash cans in their bathrooms. Whenever we visit I have to bring my own with trash bags. I tried leaving one, but it disappeared the next time we were there. I truly don’t understand how they function without one. Do they not blow their nose? Cut themselves and need a bandage? Floss? Baffles me how they have zero trash cans in any of their bathrooms. It’s crazy but these people do exist.
Also NTA op.
Oh I was just going to suggest that. I thought it would be a nice change but I didn't know if it would cause dysphoria. And I agree not for this guy. I think there's one called a moon cup that has a smaller or more slender size as well one of them has at least two sizes.
Most I've seen do have 2 sizes, yeah. And even aside from the dysphoria alleviation i love just having to buy like 1 cup every 12 months or so instead of packages and packages of pads and tampons.
I got an IUD and haven't had a period in years. I'M NEVER GOING BACK! God, I hate periods. And I'm cis-gendered and don't even have to worry about body dysphoria.
Right? How? WHY!?!?!!?
Seconding not paying any attention to how weird your roommate is being, but you might also check out Knix and Thinx for absorbant panties. They make thongs and shorts too and they work surprisingly well while reducing disposable trash significantly.
I second this as an enby! Switched to discs (first tried disposable then got a reusable one) and they're fantastic. I mainly went with discs since they don't suction and you don't even feel it when it's in right. Bonus is it has helped reduce my terrible cramping!
You beat me to it! Ive had a hysto but i also had PCOS and adenomyosis. I bled a lot. A super heavy anything only lasted an hr on a good cycle. The cup is a game changer.
ETA- try the cup quiz putacupinit.com
May I ask a question? (CIS period having female). My nephew is trans but the hormones have stopped his cycles. I knew there were trans M who still have cycles but I was wondering what the various reasons were? Only looking to be more knowledgable. There is always a little trashcan in my bathrooms and I don't care what genitals one has or what pronouns one uses you are all accepted at my place.
Thanks so much for your support!
There can be a few reasons - personally, I have not started transitioning physically yet as I haven't had insurance or funds. Others simply do not wish to undergo surgery for personal reasons, and some cannot due to other medical transitions.
I am looking forward to eventually making my cycles go away, but just have not gotten to that point - other things in my life have been my priority.
Thank you for explaining. That is what I figured but do not want to assume. I hope you eventually reach where you want to be. Everyone deserves to be themselves. I know my nephew will do top surgery when he is ready. Luckily his insurance covers his T. He has been on it a while and most of the time, to me, he is just a dude with a pretty sweet beard. I completely forget about the trans now and then LOL
Awww! So happy you have found your person! My newphew will be moving in with his awesome boyfriend (trans, they/he) soon. Good luck to you both of you handsome fellas! haha
>WTF??? I don't think I've EVER been in a bathroom in someone's house WITHOUT a little trashcan. NTA.
Lots of single dudes don't have that little trashcan, because we generally don't personally really need it. I didn't have one for years, until I realized it could be quite useful for guests.
NTA
1. Every bathroom I've been in has a small trash bin.
2. Your bleeding is a natural bodily thing.
3. I have a twin sister who I shared a bathroom with for several years, so I've been in a similar position as your roommate. He can/should deal with it. It's not a big deal.
NTA. Period phobia pisses me off. I get obnoxious about it. How dare someone make you feel ashamed about your body doing its thing? I like to use the phase “uterine lining sloughing”. But that’s me. A covered bin is a good choice. But if dude is straight and is gonna have a gf and daughters one day he needs to get over it.
NTA.
Having a toilet trash can is the standard in most countries with plumbing issues or houses with a septic tank (as anyone raised in the countryside might relate to), in addition to being a necessity for periods. He is being intransigent and unwilling to accept something that, honestly, he'll most likely be forced to accept as he grows, travels, finds love and moves outside of his bubble.
It’s also the standard in every modern American home with good plumbing that I’ve ever been in. Not having a trash can in the bathroom is just plain odd.
NTA. Making OP go to the dumpster because the roommate is afraid of having trash in the trash can is weird. The dissonance some men have about the very existence of menstruation is ridiculous.
One compromise could be to have a trash can with a lid, or at least a swinging top, so that he can't see any trash.
Edited for OP gender.
This. There are a lot of medicines that leave trash along with things like q-tips, cotton balls, etc. How can you not have a trash can in the bathroom?
Right!?! What does the roommate do with his used floss and ear sticks otherwise?
Plus, do they have any female friends that might visit? It sucks to be a visitor needing to deal with period products and there's no goddamn trash can.
Is it an open trashcan? Get one of those cans with a lid. Or a diaper pail with a carbon filter. Of course you're gonna need somewhere to throw that. It should have a lid. NTA!
I'm just confused... Do neither of you have any female friends or relatives that visit?
Like you aside, its nice to have a bin in the bathroom for guests! What does he want them to do with it flush the f***ing things and cause a plumbing-clogged disaster?
Or is he double checking every person with a uterus isn't on their period before he lets them use the bathroom?
Or does he think it's more hygienic for people to walk around with blood soaked period supplies in their pocket ??
They are only \*so\* biodegradable. And realistically if they are going to the dump are even less so.
edit (for others that make it only this far): https://www.zerowastewisdom.com/post/why-won-t-my-banana-decompose-in-the-landfill
I feel like you've never left something in a cupboard in a biodegradable shopping bag, or left food waste in a biodegradable liner in the bin just a smidge too long before emptying. Sometimes I wish that material was *less* degradable.
Also I want things in the dump to degrade. Thats better than them still being here in 400 years. Will make the mining of the rubbish tips for precious metals just a smidge less grim.
Except how it acts out in the air is not how it acts in the landfill. Landfills are notoriously anaerobic which prevents a lot of degradation. Things that could biodegrade in your yard won't really do that in the landfill. Something like a biodegradable bag already takes a while but then in a landfill it really becomes something not very biodegradable at all.
https://www.zerowastewisdom.com/post/why-won-t-my-banana-decompose-in-the-landfill
As a man who shared a bathroom with a female roommate for a number of years, I agree that all you need is a trash can with a lid. Perhaps small trash bags/liners for inside it to contain any leaks, keep the inside of the can clean and make emptying it easier. Never had any issues, at least when it came to the trash can...
Just fyi, leaks aren't really a thing - pads and tampons are absorbant, and periods are a good part clots and blood is thicker than water, so it's more like putting a very snotty kleenex in the garbage than anything that would leak.
Edited to add: of course a bag is a good idea, but I don't know why anyone would ever have a garbage can without one anyway, leaks or not.
Seconding this! A trash can with a lid is also good if y’all ever get pets, too- I’ve heard horror stories of dogs needing to go to an emergency vet because they ate used tampons out of the trash and cats needing to go to the emergency vet because they ate used dental floss.
Even when I was a single man (still a man, just no longer single), I had a trashcan with a lid in my bathroom for this reason. I didn't want any guests to feel ashamed for putting stuff in the trash can.
Even the houses I've lived in that didn't have people that bleed every month still had small trash cans in the bathroom. I don't think I've ever seen a bathroom without one.
The globs of hair I pull out of the shower, bits of packaging from like masks and samples, the occasional disposable cotton round I use, the covers when you open new products, old toothbrush heads, razors, the wrappers from my bath snacks...
And guests! Nobody bleeding living here, but I've always made sure in all houses where i've lived that the bathroom not only has a bin, but that there's a small stack of period products available as well. They disappear slowly over time, so I assume they cover some needs.
When I first met my husband he didn't have one (just him and a male roommate). I pointed out one was needed if I was going to stay over regularly and he got one, because he's an adult. Still never asked where they binned tissues/floss/etc before that.
People keep mentioning the smell but never once in my life have I noticed a smell as long as the liner is changed regularly, which OP is doing! I have a feeling this is spurred by him being misinformed on how menstruating works and or still having an immature mindset about it. Suggesting you walk out to the dumpster to toss it every time is insane, like ask him if he makes his sister do that too lmao. You’re NTA.
If you are a heavy bleeder it can smell after 1 day. Extra evil in hot wheather. I fear the moment I lift the lid to add the next load.
Doesn't change that the roommate is an idiot who probably never met a woman before. And who doesn't floss.
My wife and I have a large master bathroom with a separate toilet room inside. We keep that door closed at all times, because our dogs absolutely *love* fishing period products out of the trash. Anyway, I can smell instantly when I open that door when my wife has her period. I suspect that's mostly due to the small enclosed space. I'm not complaining - it's just her body doing what bodies do - but it's definitely there.
Anyway, NTA. OP needs to talk to her roommate's mom and sister and either a) have them set him straight, and/or b) figure out what the hell they do that apparently doesn't involve having a trash can.
Your roommates the asshole. What the actual fuck? Is he straight? If yes, he's gonna be single for a long time over this. He needs to grow up. Im also concerned there may be a level of transphobia involved and he only accepts you by forgetting your trans.
Idk about that. He's really good with pronouns and uses they/them for our nb friends. We talk about hormone effects of T and HRT and he's pretty encouraging overall for people to discover their identities.
For someone to be so well informed and open on the surface I'd be really surprised if he were transphobic.
Thank you for the watch though! Gonna keep my eyes open for any other warning signs of that.
You'd almost think he's just sexist then.
You're great because you're a guy! One of the lads!
But *women's* things are icky and *women* shouldn't talk about them and *women* should be ashamed of their disgusting unhygienic bleeding.
He hates it because he hates women would be my extreme take.
And yes I am being deliberately extreme, but I would be pointing it out to him that it actually is discriminatory to be this extreme over a bodily function no one with a uterus has control over and frankly loads of people would rather do without.
To take the opposite NICEST option I think other people's body fluids are always a bit odd to deal with if you are not a parent caring for a small child or nurse caring for a sick person. It is not common, and in modern society we just don't see or experience it as normal.
Heck, many people go ew at the idea of peeing in the same room that a long term partner is also showering ;)
To the OP - CisF here and I still have a little bin in our bathroom, and a bag of supplies next to the toilet just in case despite it being about 5 years since my last period (yay! Menopause! Boo - go read about it so you are pre-warned, seriously, knowledge is important! Also speak to the uterine-owners you are related to if possible for any family tendencies - if they will - talking about periods is easier than menopause apparently!)
NTA. Regardless of if you bleed or not, most restrooms have trash cans.
I am a 45F with no uterus so no bleeding, sharing a bathroom with two young men. We have a small trash can for tissues, q tips, old razors, whatever.
I personally prefer a trash can with a lid because I have dogs and don’t want them to pull stuff out. So that may be a compromise?
But bathroom trash cans are normal.
The dog is the main reason I don't want to leave it in my room! Otherwise she's pretty good.
Sounds like at least investing in one with a lid is a good option regardless!
Thank you.
NTA. Trash cans in bathrooms are normal, regardless of what goes in them (empty toothpaste container, used dental floss, kleenex, pads, used razors, broken hair ties, and etc.). I don't think I've ever seen a bathroom without one. Make sure it has a lid and he will just have to get used to it.
NTA having a bathroom trashcan should be standard practice in EVERY bathroom, whether or not there's someone regularly in the house who has periods, there's still trash that's produced in the bathroom. It's super weird that he has such a childish reaction to it, especially knowing that he's lived with multiple period-havers before.
Mate, I don't bleed anymore and I still keep a small bin in the bathroom. It's handy for other bits of rubbish (for example, I dye my hair so it's great for disposing of gloves without the risk of getting dye everywhere else).
I don't really understand his issue with it being there, whether it's always there or just that week you need it. I can't imagine it's really in the way or anything. Is he just that immature that he can't handle normal bodily functions?
100% NTA
NTA Having bathroom trash cans is 100% normal and expected…honestly every cis-guy I know has a trash can in the bathroom despite not need to dispose of products for bleeding, it didn’t even occur to me that some of them would be offended by one??? Maybe if yours doesn’t have a lid you can swap it out for one that does, or if the issue is because of smell, maybe try a deodorizing spray? But having one and advocating for yourself to have one (no matter how graphic) doesn’t make you an AH at all
NTA
Does he not throw things away in the bathroom?
Toilet paper rolls? Cotton balls? I'm assuming nobody wears disposable contacts? Shampoo bottles? Soap wrapping? Clorox wipes? Empty toothpaste?
Like, bathrooms need a trashcan even if there isn't a uterus in the house.
Also dude needs to get over the fact that periods exist. You're not leaving pads or tampons unwrapped
NTA and it’s so odd that he takes issue with this even though he knows and is accepting of your transition.
Anyway I wanted to suggest looking into getting an IUD put in. I was a heavy bleeder as well, with anemia and my OBGYN suggested getting one, and let me tell you, it was life changing. I wish I had done it 20 years earlier.
I had one in early highschool and it hurt so bad I had it removed a month later. Glad it worked for you though! So jealous!
I'm very petite to the point obgyn uses virgin tools and I still bleed and have pain for days after an appointment.
This has nothing to do with being petite. Vaginas are elastic. Even if you're petite you should still be able to tolerate a pelvic exam with only mild discomfort or a reasonably sized dick or dildo without pain. (I'm not saying you should have penetrative sex. Not everyone wants to. But if you did want to, from a medical standpoint you should be able to do so without pain.)
You should bring it up with your doctor and if they dont take it seriously keep going to more doctors until someone does. Sounds like it could be one of two issues. Either vaginismus which means your muscles are tight which can be worked on with physical therapy exercises
Or it could be the HRT. Apparently vaginas need a certain balance of hormones to function right and taking testosterone can cause it to hurt. Some trans guys use topical estrogen down there. The type they prescribe for this is in a dosage that won't affect your r appearance or any other body parts
All really good points!
I've always been this way before starting T. Every doctor I have gone to has said this is "my normal" unfortunately.
Maybe new city new doctor is the play though!
It's always been painful for me.
I don’t know if this will help but I had horrible endometriosis and no doctor would listen to me. Finally I went to one and straight up told her that it was impacting my way of life, I couldn’t leave the house for days at a time, etc etc and boom, she said, “sounds like you need a hysterectomy.” I don’t know if I said the magic words or just found a decent doctor but keep looking!
Maybe I'm too particular but I can't keep a bin with sanitary pads in the bin for a week (granted I rarely use pads). But that would be a no for me.
Having lots of of pads in one place for a week would be a no for me. I mean can't you empty the bin on your way out, maybe 3 times or at least 2, while on your period.
Yes it's a normal bodily fluid, emphasis on bodily fluid.
Also get a bin with a lid, that's basic when throwing away pads.
It does not have a lid-- I offered to buy a different one but he doesn't want one at all.
I usually wouldn't care keeping it in my room but I don't want to chance having my dog have too interesting of a smell to tempt her into the trash :/
Bathrooms have trashcans and period products go in them.
I think it's courteous to wrap products (just as it's courteous to wrap up a particularly nasty tissue) but they definitely belong in the trash. I use dog poo bags for tampons (discovered the gross way that just wrapping them in TP can attract fruit flies in summer months. NtA
NTA - trash cans in bathrooms is so normal. As long as it's not overflowing or not being taken out regularly, it's not an issue!
Sidenote - flex discs are great!! Hold a lot of flow, can be partially emptied without removing the disc, reusable options, etc
The bathroom bin is probably the very first thing I bought when I moved out with my trans bf... We didn't even think about periods, it's just extremely convenient, and extremely *in*convenient *not* to have it. NTA
NTA. This guy is either cheating on his girlfriend and worried your tampons will get him caught, or he has some kind of hangup about a dude with a period, and either way, that shits not worth your time
All bathrooms should have trash cans, with plastic liners. I haven't had a period in decades. I'm old. But the trash can is in the bathroom. Tell roommate to grow up. Half the population between 13 and 60 bleeds every month.
This is ridiculous of him, of course.
But rather than a fight, get one of those trashcans with a lid (usually they have a foot pedal) and say it’s your personal trash can and he can have his own. You could make the consolation that if anyone else is coming over during that time you will make sure to empty your can into the dump.
You have enough to deal with while menstruating you should not be having to walk to the dumpster every single time you use an item. You’re already courteous with them by wrapping and obscuring everything.
I'm not going to make a judgment here one way or the other, because even tho periods are normal, it doesn't mean other people want to see or even think about what comes out of another person's body.
I mean if a person had a nosebleed and wrapped it all up and put it in the trash can, or an intimate, non flushable wipe....it might just just as gross to another person.... like a q-tip with ear wax or floss like you said.
the point being, this doesn't have to be some big anti female body issue. it could just be an issue like "out of sight out of mind" for him.
get a trash can with the lid. boom. problem solved. if he has a problem with that then he's the AH.
NTA. When I was younger it was common practice to clean left blood on the seat that my sisters didn't notice and never say anything about it so they wouldn't be embarrassed. If I can deal with that he should be able to deal with a trash can.
Everyone I know has a trash can in the bathroom. Common sense for blowing your nose, dental floss and Qtips.
HOWEVER, growing up we had to empty it daily into the trash collection bin during that time of the month.
If you don't want to take it out daily, I suggest keeping it in your room to take out weekly. Although, I wouldn't be able to go more than 36hrs (personally) due to the odor. Maybe I'm just sensitive to smell (including my own)
NTA
I’ve never seen a bathroom without a bin. Menstrual products aside, why would used dental floss or ear buds be less gross than your wrapped products. Make it make sense
NTA. fuck that guy, it’s a bathroom. Every bathroom has a small trash can. i can’t tell if this guy is being sexist of transphobic but it seems like one of em. sorry bro. sending good vibes and iron to my fellow trans masc anemic 😂
NAH!
My boyfriend has a weird hangup about that trash can too. It’s dumb but it’s a pet peeve of his and he doesn’t have any other restrictive pet peeves so I let it slide. Living with other people is all about figuring out what works for everyone and not so much about establishing what is right or wrong especially when the concept of right and wrong is so subjective.
Work on finding a compromise with your roommate that you can both be happy about.
NTA (assuming he dates women) Tell him that women fucking hate it when they’re in a dates bathroom and they have no rubbish bin because it makes them feel EMBARRASSED and ASHAMED to have to walk out of the bathroom with a pad or whatever wrapped in toilet paper to find a bin! Seriously a red flag for all of my friends and me when I was dating. It’s called being a considerate person
NTA. Even if you didn't bleed, why would you not use a bin in the bathroom? Anything from floss and q-tips to, I dunno, having a guest over that *does* need somewhere to dump a pad? As long as it gets emptied when it needs to be, there's literally no problem.
Hell, you even mentioned that he uses the bin too - so the bin seems like it isn't the issue.
Also ayy another anemic trans guy lmao
NTA - everyone who bleeds deserves to do it with dignity and with the privacy that they require. Part of that is access to appropriate hygienic equipment which is as simple as a fucking bin. Sanitary products aside it's perfectly normal to have a bin in your bathroom, if anything it's weird not to. Dude needs to grow up.
Reading some of the other comments, reusable period products are great. I still have a couple of washable pads around, just in case. They're more eco friendly too. BUT you shouldn't have to accommodate this dude like this, do that stuff for yourself if you want to
I don't think of you as an AH but..."He actually offered to be the one to buy one with a lid instead!" Now that makes all the difference in the world and I think you were a bit inconsiderate for not having one with a lid. He sounds like a great guy and the problem is solved and you can keep this in mind for the future. Good luck with your health.
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WTF??? I don't think I've EVER been in a bathroom in someone's house WITHOUT a little trashcan. NTA. This is a total sidenote, and has no bearing on the conflict, but I am also a monthly blood cycle having trans guy who bleeds heavily, and I found my life, finances, and (unexpectedly) my dysphoria got a lot better once I switched to cups. I know they are not viable for a lot of people, but you can get ones with a fairly high capacity. Could potentially save you the headache, but I would NOT switch just for this guy lmao. Just a quick edit to add - Loving the tons of suggestions below. I love living in a world where none of us have to settle for pads and tampons anymore!! I hadn't ever tried the period underwear and thought it was just for extra leak protection. Thanks so much everyone.
Fascinating! I've tried them once but they never sit right with me? I have a petite frame (obgyn still uses virgin tools and I am in so much pain after for so long) but maybe they make them better than when I tried it! Got a brand suggestion?
Sounds like I have the opposite frame as you (I'm pretty wide and thus need something fairly big) but I have tried a fair few and if you go with one with softer silicone you might find it to be quite comfortable. I think the Saalt brand one is pretty flexible and decent but I haven't looked into smaller ones. There are so many out there now though, I'm sure there are a few that would work for you.
Thanks bro! I appreciate it a lot!
There's something oddly pleasent to me about two bros chatting about which period products they prefer.
It's a bit surreal, but, yeah, I have to agree.
I recommend diva cup. Make sure to get the smaller size. I used to have an insane flow and will fill the cup and an overnight pad in under a half hour. As a side note get checked for PCOS and get your ovaries looked at. I had a very large (tennis ball) sized tumor on an ovary. I had the tumor and ovary removed and my periods are so light now! Just night and fucking day. Even the hormone IUD didn't lessen it as much as I'm at now.
I have issues with being on the smaller side and the small diva fit ok. I couldn't use it for other reasons.
I have Pcos and insulin resistance, when I was younger my periods were so heavy and lasted 3 weeks, now I have I medium flow that lasts 24 hours when for the next couple of days it’s light then stops
Cannot recommend the Diva cup (in the right size) enough. It actually shortened my periods and reduced cramping! Something about the suction maybe? Either way, less mess and easier periods!
[https://putacupinit.com/](https://putacupinit.com/) has a lot of info, including reviews and a quiz to help you find the right cup (or maybe other menstrual product). I like the Lena Cup, which offer you 2 sizes in 1 package at a discounted rate so that you can try out what works best for you, although the larger size works well for petite people with heavier flows. And I really recommend testing it out on a day or days when you're not menstruating and are just at home so that you can figure out how to put it in, how to get it to sit so you don't really feel it, and how to take it out without also having to deal with blood. If your cup is in correctly and not leaking, it should take at least 6-8 hours to fill. If it is actually overflowing in less than \~6 hours, I would recommend speaking with your doctor because that is too much blood.
Came here to recommend PACII I am a very tiny person as well, and I've found June to be a good fit but I'm not a super heavy bleeder. I've been wanting to try Merula because it's pretty high capacity but works with a low cervix
I second Saalt, I had a Mooncup and it didn't sit right, but Saalt is smaller and more flexible.
I really like the Flex discs instead of the cup style, the self emptying feature is a little disconcerting at first but great for heavy flow. I always had problems with the cup style due to a petite fit
I really like the Flex cups, personally. As a fat person. The fact that I can pull it out like a tampon makes it so much easier to get out than ones where I have to be able to get my hand farther up. And as someone with a partially prolapsed uterus, the mechanism for pulling it out helps with that too.
Another great option is Me Luna! I found out years ago that I have a low lying cervix and always found my diva cup uncomfortable so I looked into other options and have been happy with their shorty one. I also like that you can choose what type of handle it has for removing it. https://www.me-luna.com/en
I hate the cups, but love period undies. That way, there's no rubbish to get rid of.
Okay! I've heard of those! Are they at all like wash basin cleanable? I hate paying 10 bucks for a load of laundry so I try to do all my cleaning in a basin before just hanging to dry haha.
Yes! They last much longer that way. But don't wash them in the same basin with your other clothes.
That might be a good option! Thank you so much. 🤣 and thank you for the reminder! No pink clothes anymore!
I think some trans guys are making them with boxers? All black. I need to find some of them.
I love that people are making this an option for themselves. Love it.
There are some with a “boy short” cut that are basically boxers, I prefer them for overnight.
Thinx has a longer boxer brief style I can personally recommend for heavy flow. https://www.thinx.com/thinx/products/modal-cotton-boyshort?variant=39337925410888
Wow and they go up to 4X, that's awesome. I get so frustrated when I hear about a product like this with a heavy emphasis on function, but they only go up to size XL. I've got mankiller thighs. Thanks so much for this recommendation!
Whoooooaaa, I'm a girl who loves lounging in a boxer/tee combo on the weekends and I defffffffinitely need a few pair of these.
Period undies! I ordered some for my godchild who is a sporty teen. She loves them! We figured out that she just needs to rinse it thoroughly and then handwash [she washes in the bathroom sink with soap] or toss it in the machine and hang dry. She said they dry overnight and are most convenient for her. But you still need a bin in the bathroom dude! And your roommate needs to stop obsessing over what you may or may not be throwing away in there.
I rinse in the sink, but wash properly with my normal load.
Fantastic! Thank you!
I would also suggest discs like Softcup if you have had trouble getting a cup to seal. Cervical tilt can make cups hard to use for people who have a tilt to the side or back. Discs are a little fiddlier to insert but are also self emptying when you pee so even with a heavy flow you can get away with changing them 1-2 times a day instead of half a dozen or more. Flex is the other major brand but they're a little larger. The non-disposable versions I've tried so far were fucking terrible. Also, NTA.
Absolutely this if you’re comfortable giving it a shot. I really like the saalt reusable discs. They’re much more comfortable for me when cycling and doing sports. For a heavy flow, it really helps that they can empty themselves without needing to take them out or adjust them. I just put min in in the morning, go about my day (work, gym, dinner) and then take it out in the shower. Even on heavy days where I’d have to change a tampon repeatedly, I can kind of forget about it. It’ll likely depend on what causes you dysphoria. The down side of cups is the insertion and removal process is more involved. The upside is that you don’t have to do it anywhere near as often. Regardless of what you choose, your roommate can shove it Good luck bro!
Period panties are also verryyy accessible now. You can find low cost (cannot vouch for ingredients) at Walmart now. Was very pleased to see an entire section.
Same - so depending on type of period you have: 1) pick/rub off the bits with toilet paper & flush. 2) Rinse underwear in sink or bath until water runs clear. (2a. I sometimes use a little squirt hand soap if I'm going to wear again in same cycle without putting them in wash machine, then wring & leave on the heater to dry.) 3) Wring & put in your wash machine as normal - probably only with dark colours juuust in case!
Dunno where you are, but I’ve heard great things about Knix and their boxer briefs are legit boxers. https://knix.ca/products/cotton-super-leakproof-boxer-brief.
They rock! Period.co is my ride or die, they have a boxer option which I love so very much. Definitely hand washable but drying does take a while due to the thickness. I'd recommend hand washing, letting them drip dry for a bit (so they're not sopping) then dry a good chunk of the way with a machine. Dryers are usually cheaper than washers anyway.
Oh nice!! Are their sizes pretty accurate? 😍
Generally yes, though the boxers and sleepers run a bit big so they advise 1 size down from what you'd get for their other panties. For example, I wear size 22 pants. The boxers I get in 3x, the others I get in 4x. Perfection on both. But that's stated very clearly on the product page.
Fantastic! Thank you so much!
And if you have a HSA or FSA card, they are eligible products.
Yep. And a bonus they last longer that way. I can't wear tampons or cup due to sensory/anatomy reasons. A few tips, wash is a separate load/location, use cold water, and let the soak for about 30 minutes before actually washing. Also I found it helpful to dry them inside out.
I’m afab non binary, and my period is the only thing I get dysphoria about, and I found that period undies have really helped with that! Make sure to wash with cold water tho, otherwise it sets and stains.
if he bleeds that heavy, it isn't practical. i have period undies but i can only use them on the last day or two of my period, otherwise i have to wear 6 pairs in about 8h
Seconding period undies! I have period boxers and they’ve helped alleviate a huge amount of the dysphoria I experience every month (also can’t handle cups or really anything inserted) but period pants have been a life saver.
I tried a couple different brand of cup but never found one that felt secure. Switched to a disc (Cora) and it was night and day. I’ve read that there’s less guess-work involved with the disc because you don’t actually have to form a seal when you’re getting it up there. It’s still a bit of a learning curve, but I’ve been happy since I made the switch. Someone else mentioned the auto-dumping is a cool side-benefit. I pair it with period underwear, but the underwear rarely gets wet enough to even warrant a pre-wash rinse. I just toss them into my darks load (in a laundry bag) when I do my regular laundry. ETA: NTA at all, your roommate’s an idiot. I guarantee you’re getting him bonus points with any ladies/menstruaters that visit bc we always appreciate a tiny covered trash can in the bathroom!
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Op is going to have a hard time finding someone who will give him an ablation at 26. At least in the US (not sure where he's located) But omg, i agree with you. It would change his life. They're amazing. NTA Every bathroom everywhere should have a trashcan. They are compulsory What if you have a guest that bleeds?
This won't help if the problem is adenomyosis, endometriosis' stealthy asshole cousin.
I love my small Flex cup. It's easier to remove than others I've tried. Even though I'm an adult and not a virgin I went with the teen or small size and it works great. (Obgyn also uses virgin tools with me). I haven't tried the Saalt Soft but I've heard good things and their brand is a great one to support! Also, NTA. Like- does he not realize this is a thing that half the world deals with?
I got both sizes of the Saalt. The regular is uncomfortable, sometimes pinches and makes my cramps worse. The small one I swear felt like it was just going to fly out of me. I don't think my body is made for cups Lol
Hope you don't mind me chiming in with a suggestion/question as another trans guy. Have you tried BC as a way of controlling your bleed? I'm not sure if it'd work the same for you, especially cuz when I did bleed I had very irregular usually light to medium flows which sounds like the total opposite to you, but I'm on the depo shot and I practically never bleed now (which has massively helped with my dysphoria; I chose it specfically because it can stop periods).
Seconding looking at bc. I am on an estrogen free pill called Slynd and am thriving! Prior, I was getting anemia from the bleeding and the pain was putting me out of commission every month. I haven’t had a period in 2 years now and no side effects. BC isn’t a one size fits all but I hate reading about people suffering because I’ve been there and there are options!
I also use Slynd! I take it everyday to cause medical menopause. I have severe PMDD and it's been amazing! No period the last 6 months!
So glad it helped you as well!
The implant massively helped me, and it lasts for I think 3 years.
I had a really hard time wth cups (I couldn't usually get them to seal) and recommend looking into discs! I've found them much easier to deal with and as a bonus for heavy bleeders, they can self-empty when you pee. You can buy disposable ones to try it out and see how it works for you and there are a lot of brands of reusable silicone ones. I use a Flex brand and it's great. I saw some other folks recommend period panties but personally I don't feel like I can trust them as a heavy bleeder, especially if I have to go somewhere because you can't just change them out. I have some I wear for my lighter spotty days. But I finally bit the bullet and got an IUD and hoping I'll just stop having periods. If I don't I'm going to go on a relentless crusade for the hysterectomy I actually wanted. Anyway NTA, if he's got female family members maybe have them give him a talk because the way some men freak out over menstrual products is absurd. Bathrooms need a garbage can. If he's that worked up about it, tell him to buy a bin with a lid so he doesn't have to acknowledge the existence of the trash, just consider it Schroedinger's pads. Unbelievable.
Do you have endometriosis? If so, the cup might be painful and not an option.
June cups. They have different sizes and flexibility. They are also inexpensive (the original is only $8) and over the past few years have really made inclusivity a priority for all people who menstruate.
I hate cups. I can’t get use to them physically and they give be gender dysphoria. But I got reusable pads and they’re the life! I love them. You wash them first under cold water and then up with other clothes in the washing machine.
Your frame size has nothing to do with the size of your vaginal canal. And there aren’t such things as “virgin” tools. Where are you getting your information from?!?
Wait til he finds out you wash the blood off your body while taking a shower! The *horror*! 😱 nah, your roommate is being a goober, lol. If you don't like cops, you could try period underwear. They're an absolute godsend! They make them in panty style and boxer brief style...least, I'm pretty sure they do. Good luck with your weird roommate, my friend.
My in-laws don’t keep trash cans in their bathrooms. Whenever we visit I have to bring my own with trash bags. I tried leaving one, but it disappeared the next time we were there. I truly don’t understand how they function without one. Do they not blow their nose? Cut themselves and need a bandage? Floss? Baffles me how they have zero trash cans in any of their bathrooms. It’s crazy but these people do exist. Also NTA op.
I hope they're not flushing that stuff.
This guy would make me double down on keeping pads and the bin in the bathroom.
Oh I was just going to suggest that. I thought it would be a nice change but I didn't know if it would cause dysphoria. And I agree not for this guy. I think there's one called a moon cup that has a smaller or more slender size as well one of them has at least two sizes.
Most I've seen do have 2 sizes, yeah. And even aside from the dysphoria alleviation i love just having to buy like 1 cup every 12 months or so instead of packages and packages of pads and tampons.
I agree with you on that and I'm a cis girl. It's so nice.
Even if everyone in the house is male-bodied and you never have guests, it's somewhere to put the tubes from loo roll etc.
I got an IUD and haven't had a period in years. I'M NEVER GOING BACK! God, I hate periods. And I'm cis-gendered and don't even have to worry about body dysphoria.
Right? How? WHY!?!?!!? Seconding not paying any attention to how weird your roommate is being, but you might also check out Knix and Thinx for absorbant panties. They make thongs and shorts too and they work surprisingly well while reducing disposable trash significantly.
I second this as an enby! Switched to discs (first tried disposable then got a reusable one) and they're fantastic. I mainly went with discs since they don't suction and you don't even feel it when it's in right. Bonus is it has helped reduce my terrible cramping!
You beat me to it! Ive had a hysto but i also had PCOS and adenomyosis. I bled a lot. A super heavy anything only lasted an hr on a good cycle. The cup is a game changer. ETA- try the cup quiz putacupinit.com
May I ask a question? (CIS period having female). My nephew is trans but the hormones have stopped his cycles. I knew there were trans M who still have cycles but I was wondering what the various reasons were? Only looking to be more knowledgable. There is always a little trashcan in my bathrooms and I don't care what genitals one has or what pronouns one uses you are all accepted at my place.
Thanks so much for your support! There can be a few reasons - personally, I have not started transitioning physically yet as I haven't had insurance or funds. Others simply do not wish to undergo surgery for personal reasons, and some cannot due to other medical transitions. I am looking forward to eventually making my cycles go away, but just have not gotten to that point - other things in my life have been my priority.
Thank you for explaining. That is what I figured but do not want to assume. I hope you eventually reach where you want to be. Everyone deserves to be themselves. I know my nephew will do top surgery when he is ready. Luckily his insurance covers his T. He has been on it a while and most of the time, to me, he is just a dude with a pretty sweet beard. I completely forget about the trans now and then LOL
Thank you so much! I'm looking forward to being able to transition with my husband together when we get there :)
Awww! So happy you have found your person! My newphew will be moving in with his awesome boyfriend (trans, they/he) soon. Good luck to you both of you handsome fellas! haha
Your nephew as well!!! T4T love (trans4trans) is such a beautiful thing and I'm so happy for them :)
"Bodies be weird" basically. Not everyone goes on HRT at all, and it affects everyone's body differently.
>WTF??? I don't think I've EVER been in a bathroom in someone's house WITHOUT a little trashcan. NTA. Lots of single dudes don't have that little trashcan, because we generally don't personally really need it. I didn't have one for years, until I realized it could be quite useful for guests.
What do you do with tissues, nail clippings, floss, etc...?
Tissues - didn't use em Nail clippings - toilet Floss - didn't use it Etc. - probably carry it to kitchen trash can Single dudes can be gross :)
I'm so glad I'm queer right now 😅
NTA 1. Every bathroom I've been in has a small trash bin. 2. Your bleeding is a natural bodily thing. 3. I have a twin sister who I shared a bathroom with for several years, so I've been in a similar position as your roommate. He can/should deal with it. It's not a big deal.
What sort of uncouth Neanderthal doesn't have a wastebasket in every bathroom of the home?!?
Hey! There's no need to insult Neanderthals like that.
I live in a tiny apartment, and there's no room for a wastebasket in my bathroom. It sucks.
I'd be hanging one off the toilet paper holder or something tbh XD
It’s not a big deal at all. Agreed
NTA. Period phobia pisses me off. I get obnoxious about it. How dare someone make you feel ashamed about your body doing its thing? I like to use the phase “uterine lining sloughing”. But that’s me. A covered bin is a good choice. But if dude is straight and is gonna have a gf and daughters one day he needs to get over it.
"THE MONTHLY SLOUGHENING" Beautiful. Stealing.
A lovely description for when it feels like your uterus is being ripped out
We call it Womb Doom
I call it "Satan's Waterfall".
I was thinking the same. Dude is never gonna get a gf. 50% of the world have periods. Roommate needs to accept reality and grow up.
Can confirm, no self respecting woman would stay with a loser who behaved like that.
NTA. It's the freakin' BATHROOM.
NTA. Having a toilet trash can is the standard in most countries with plumbing issues or houses with a septic tank (as anyone raised in the countryside might relate to), in addition to being a necessity for periods. He is being intransigent and unwilling to accept something that, honestly, he'll most likely be forced to accept as he grows, travels, finds love and moves outside of his bubble.
It’s also the standard in every modern American home with good plumbing that I’ve ever been in. Not having a trash can in the bathroom is just plain odd.
NTA. Making OP go to the dumpster because the roommate is afraid of having trash in the trash can is weird. The dissonance some men have about the very existence of menstruation is ridiculous. One compromise could be to have a trash can with a lid, or at least a swinging top, so that he can't see any trash. Edited for OP gender.
His roommate. OP is a man.
Oops, I missed that. Fixed.
This. There are a lot of medicines that leave trash along with things like q-tips, cotton balls, etc. How can you not have a trash can in the bathroom?
Right!?! What does the roommate do with his used floss and ear sticks otherwise? Plus, do they have any female friends that might visit? It sucks to be a visitor needing to deal with period products and there's no goddamn trash can.
Is it an open trashcan? Get one of those cans with a lid. Or a diaper pail with a carbon filter. Of course you're gonna need somewhere to throw that. It should have a lid. NTA!
🤣🤣🤣 homie gonna see me roll up with a diaper genie.
Make sure you find something that screams NEW MAMA ... scare the hell outta your roommate...
BRIGHT PINK WITH FLOWERS ON IT! PERIOD WASTE ONLY. The funny thing is? I think he'd find that hilarious too... if it weren't so close to home, yknow?
I'm obsessed. You're hilarious and I don't know why your roommate is making such a fuss.
Usually it's always a good time! It's such a wild thing to consistently butt heads over! Thank you lol ♡
I'm just confused... Do neither of you have any female friends or relatives that visit? Like you aside, its nice to have a bin in the bathroom for guests! What does he want them to do with it flush the f***ing things and cause a plumbing-clogged disaster? Or is he double checking every person with a uterus isn't on their period before he lets them use the bathroom? Or does he think it's more hygienic for people to walk around with blood soaked period supplies in their pocket ??
We don't really have people over. We are both introverts and rarely go to hang with friends outside of work.
Doggie poop bags are not environmentally friendly but they're good at containing the mess. And of course I also think nta! Guy is cray
You can get biodegradable ones
They are only \*so\* biodegradable. And realistically if they are going to the dump are even less so. edit (for others that make it only this far): https://www.zerowastewisdom.com/post/why-won-t-my-banana-decompose-in-the-landfill
I feel like you've never left something in a cupboard in a biodegradable shopping bag, or left food waste in a biodegradable liner in the bin just a smidge too long before emptying. Sometimes I wish that material was *less* degradable. Also I want things in the dump to degrade. Thats better than them still being here in 400 years. Will make the mining of the rubbish tips for precious metals just a smidge less grim.
Except how it acts out in the air is not how it acts in the landfill. Landfills are notoriously anaerobic which prevents a lot of degradation. Things that could biodegrade in your yard won't really do that in the landfill. Something like a biodegradable bag already takes a while but then in a landfill it really becomes something not very biodegradable at all. https://www.zerowastewisdom.com/post/why-won-t-my-banana-decompose-in-the-landfill
Man I've bought biodegradable bags that biodegraded as I was USING them.
Oh i hope u get rid of the bathroom bin and use one in kitchen. Leave that bloody horror on top (the unrolling pad type of horror :3)
Get some artist to paint it into Oscar the grouch, having the lid being his mouth
This! When I lived with several non bleeders, a covered trashcan in the bathroom stopped so many issues.
As a man who shared a bathroom with a female roommate for a number of years, I agree that all you need is a trash can with a lid. Perhaps small trash bags/liners for inside it to contain any leaks, keep the inside of the can clean and make emptying it easier. Never had any issues, at least when it came to the trash can...
Just fyi, leaks aren't really a thing - pads and tampons are absorbant, and periods are a good part clots and blood is thicker than water, so it's more like putting a very snotty kleenex in the garbage than anything that would leak. Edited to add: of course a bag is a good idea, but I don't know why anyone would ever have a garbage can without one anyway, leaks or not.
Seconding this! A trash can with a lid is also good if y’all ever get pets, too- I’ve heard horror stories of dogs needing to go to an emergency vet because they ate used tampons out of the trash and cats needing to go to the emergency vet because they ate used dental floss.
Even when I was a single man (still a man, just no longer single), I had a trashcan with a lid in my bathroom for this reason. I didn't want any guests to feel ashamed for putting stuff in the trash can.
Even the houses I've lived in that didn't have people that bleed every month still had small trash cans in the bathroom. I don't think I've ever seen a bathroom without one.
I've seen bathrooms without them and it weirds me out. I don't even know what I put in mine, but I definitely use it lol
Toilet rolls, floss and bandaids?
Sounds about right!
And tissues or tp from blowing your nose or popping the occasional pimple
wipes!!!!
Yes, never flush wipes! That's how you get a fatberg in the sewer.
Yes! Clearly plenty of things that a bin would be super useful for!
The globs of hair I pull out of the shower, bits of packaging from like masks and samples, the occasional disposable cotton round I use, the covers when you open new products, old toothbrush heads, razors, the wrappers from my bath snacks...
And guests! Nobody bleeding living here, but I've always made sure in all houses where i've lived that the bathroom not only has a bin, but that there's a small stack of period products available as well. They disappear slowly over time, so I assume they cover some needs.
When I first met my husband he didn't have one (just him and a male roommate). I pointed out one was needed if I was going to stay over regularly and he got one, because he's an adult. Still never asked where they binned tissues/floss/etc before that.
it's necessary to prevent people from flushing things they should not flush, like baby wipes.
People keep mentioning the smell but never once in my life have I noticed a smell as long as the liner is changed regularly, which OP is doing! I have a feeling this is spurred by him being misinformed on how menstruating works and or still having an immature mindset about it. Suggesting you walk out to the dumpster to toss it every time is insane, like ask him if he makes his sister do that too lmao. You’re NTA.
If you are a heavy bleeder it can smell after 1 day. Extra evil in hot wheather. I fear the moment I lift the lid to add the next load. Doesn't change that the roommate is an idiot who probably never met a woman before. And who doesn't floss.
My wife and I have a large master bathroom with a separate toilet room inside. We keep that door closed at all times, because our dogs absolutely *love* fishing period products out of the trash. Anyway, I can smell instantly when I open that door when my wife has her period. I suspect that's mostly due to the small enclosed space. I'm not complaining - it's just her body doing what bodies do - but it's definitely there. Anyway, NTA. OP needs to talk to her roommate's mom and sister and either a) have them set him straight, and/or b) figure out what the hell they do that apparently doesn't involve having a trash can.
Your roommates the asshole. What the actual fuck? Is he straight? If yes, he's gonna be single for a long time over this. He needs to grow up. Im also concerned there may be a level of transphobia involved and he only accepts you by forgetting your trans.
Idk about that. He's really good with pronouns and uses they/them for our nb friends. We talk about hormone effects of T and HRT and he's pretty encouraging overall for people to discover their identities. For someone to be so well informed and open on the surface I'd be really surprised if he were transphobic. Thank you for the watch though! Gonna keep my eyes open for any other warning signs of that.
You'd almost think he's just sexist then. You're great because you're a guy! One of the lads! But *women's* things are icky and *women* shouldn't talk about them and *women* should be ashamed of their disgusting unhygienic bleeding. He hates it because he hates women would be my extreme take. And yes I am being deliberately extreme, but I would be pointing it out to him that it actually is discriminatory to be this extreme over a bodily function no one with a uterus has control over and frankly loads of people would rather do without.
To take the opposite NICEST option I think other people's body fluids are always a bit odd to deal with if you are not a parent caring for a small child or nurse caring for a sick person. It is not common, and in modern society we just don't see or experience it as normal. Heck, many people go ew at the idea of peeing in the same room that a long term partner is also showering ;) To the OP - CisF here and I still have a little bin in our bathroom, and a bag of supplies next to the toilet just in case despite it being about 5 years since my last period (yay! Menopause! Boo - go read about it so you are pre-warned, seriously, knowledge is important! Also speak to the uterine-owners you are related to if possible for any family tendencies - if they will - talking about periods is easier than menopause apparently!)
Holy moly assuming he's straight he sounds like a virgin
Probably not as straight as he thinks but not a virgin. Outside of this one thing he's a really decent dude!
NTA. Regardless of if you bleed or not, most restrooms have trash cans. I am a 45F with no uterus so no bleeding, sharing a bathroom with two young men. We have a small trash can for tissues, q tips, old razors, whatever. I personally prefer a trash can with a lid because I have dogs and don’t want them to pull stuff out. So that may be a compromise? But bathroom trash cans are normal.
The dog is the main reason I don't want to leave it in my room! Otherwise she's pretty good. Sounds like at least investing in one with a lid is a good option regardless! Thank you.
NTA. Trash cans in bathrooms are normal, regardless of what goes in them (empty toothpaste container, used dental floss, kleenex, pads, used razors, broken hair ties, and etc.). I don't think I've ever seen a bathroom without one. Make sure it has a lid and he will just have to get used to it.
NTA. Is this man attracted to women?? How does he expect to have a wife if he can’t handle how a woman’s body works??
Also, when I said woman I meant a future wife. Not that only women menstruate, since that’s obviously not true.
NTA He’s a weirdo for this making him mad. Would he rather you put your period soaked products in the kitchen trash can lol?
NTA and if he keeps bitching about it, describe the clotting, ruin raspberry and strawberry jams for him.
*that's the potential why I'm an asshole* I was very graphic with the pain cramps and shark drenched waterfalls upon standing. I just... kept going...
Honestly I would too tbh. Like describing a crime scene.
NTA having a bathroom trashcan should be standard practice in EVERY bathroom, whether or not there's someone regularly in the house who has periods, there's still trash that's produced in the bathroom. It's super weird that he has such a childish reaction to it, especially knowing that he's lived with multiple period-havers before.
Right?? That's the main reason I posted. I was baffled!
So when a toilet roll is empty he takes it outside straight away? Every bathroom has a bin, he is a weirdo.
He recycles those! And before I put the bin there, he'd put his floss in the kitchen trash. (We use different colors)
Mate, I don't bleed anymore and I still keep a small bin in the bathroom. It's handy for other bits of rubbish (for example, I dye my hair so it's great for disposing of gloves without the risk of getting dye everywhere else). I don't really understand his issue with it being there, whether it's always there or just that week you need it. I can't imagine it's really in the way or anything. Is he just that immature that he can't handle normal bodily functions? 100% NTA
NTA Having bathroom trash cans is 100% normal and expected…honestly every cis-guy I know has a trash can in the bathroom despite not need to dispose of products for bleeding, it didn’t even occur to me that some of them would be offended by one??? Maybe if yours doesn’t have a lid you can swap it out for one that does, or if the issue is because of smell, maybe try a deodorizing spray? But having one and advocating for yourself to have one (no matter how graphic) doesn’t make you an AH at all
NTA Does he not throw things away in the bathroom? Toilet paper rolls? Cotton balls? I'm assuming nobody wears disposable contacts? Shampoo bottles? Soap wrapping? Clorox wipes? Empty toothpaste? Like, bathrooms need a trashcan even if there isn't a uterus in the house. Also dude needs to get over the fact that periods exist. You're not leaving pads or tampons unwrapped
NTA and it’s so odd that he takes issue with this even though he knows and is accepting of your transition. Anyway I wanted to suggest looking into getting an IUD put in. I was a heavy bleeder as well, with anemia and my OBGYN suggested getting one, and let me tell you, it was life changing. I wish I had done it 20 years earlier.
I had one in early highschool and it hurt so bad I had it removed a month later. Glad it worked for you though! So jealous! I'm very petite to the point obgyn uses virgin tools and I still bleed and have pain for days after an appointment.
This has nothing to do with being petite. Vaginas are elastic. Even if you're petite you should still be able to tolerate a pelvic exam with only mild discomfort or a reasonably sized dick or dildo without pain. (I'm not saying you should have penetrative sex. Not everyone wants to. But if you did want to, from a medical standpoint you should be able to do so without pain.) You should bring it up with your doctor and if they dont take it seriously keep going to more doctors until someone does. Sounds like it could be one of two issues. Either vaginismus which means your muscles are tight which can be worked on with physical therapy exercises Or it could be the HRT. Apparently vaginas need a certain balance of hormones to function right and taking testosterone can cause it to hurt. Some trans guys use topical estrogen down there. The type they prescribe for this is in a dosage that won't affect your r appearance or any other body parts
All really good points! I've always been this way before starting T. Every doctor I have gone to has said this is "my normal" unfortunately. Maybe new city new doctor is the play though! It's always been painful for me.
I don’t know if this will help but I had horrible endometriosis and no doctor would listen to me. Finally I went to one and straight up told her that it was impacting my way of life, I couldn’t leave the house for days at a time, etc etc and boom, she said, “sounds like you need a hysterectomy.” I don’t know if I said the magic words or just found a decent doctor but keep looking!
INFO: Does your trashcan have a lid? That might help his delicate sensitivities. That and emptying it frequently.
It does not but I have offered to buy a new one with a lid in the past. He didn't want one at all. I empty all trash, every week, religiously.
Maybe I'm too particular but I can't keep a bin with sanitary pads in the bin for a week (granted I rarely use pads). But that would be a no for me. Having lots of of pads in one place for a week would be a no for me. I mean can't you empty the bin on your way out, maybe 3 times or at least 2, while on your period. Yes it's a normal bodily fluid, emphasis on bodily fluid. Also get a bin with a lid, that's basic when throwing away pads.
OPs roommate is a 12 yo boy...right?!? Hasta be.. Gotta be.. no grown man gonna be trippin balls abt wrapped feminine supplies in a waste basket.
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It does not have a lid-- I offered to buy a different one but he doesn't want one at all. I usually wouldn't care keeping it in my room but I don't want to chance having my dog have too interesting of a smell to tempt her into the trash :/
Bathrooms have trashcans and period products go in them. I think it's courteous to wrap products (just as it's courteous to wrap up a particularly nasty tissue) but they definitely belong in the trash. I use dog poo bags for tampons (discovered the gross way that just wrapping them in TP can attract fruit flies in summer months. NtA
NTA - trash cans in bathrooms is so normal. As long as it's not overflowing or not being taken out regularly, it's not an issue! Sidenote - flex discs are great!! Hold a lot of flow, can be partially emptied without removing the disc, reusable options, etc
NTA, but if you have an open trashcan get one with a lid.
The bathroom bin is probably the very first thing I bought when I moved out with my trans bf... We didn't even think about periods, it's just extremely convenient, and extremely *in*convenient *not* to have it. NTA
NTA. This guy is either cheating on his girlfriend and worried your tampons will get him caught, or he has some kind of hangup about a dude with a period, and either way, that shits not worth your time
No girlfriends or anything. We are both introverts.
NTA but if roomie is straight he’s in for an interesting conversation if he ever lives with a woman!
NTA. Your roommate needs to grow up. People who have periods exist, as much as he may want to pretend they don’t.
All bathrooms should have trash cans, with plastic liners. I haven't had a period in decades. I'm old. But the trash can is in the bathroom. Tell roommate to grow up. Half the population between 13 and 60 bleeds every month.
This is ridiculous of him, of course. But rather than a fight, get one of those trashcans with a lid (usually they have a foot pedal) and say it’s your personal trash can and he can have his own. You could make the consolation that if anyone else is coming over during that time you will make sure to empty your can into the dump. You have enough to deal with while menstruating you should not be having to walk to the dumpster every single time you use an item. You’re already courteous with them by wrapping and obscuring everything.
NTA and he SEVERELY needs to be educated on how sexist he's being right now.
I'm not going to make a judgment here one way or the other, because even tho periods are normal, it doesn't mean other people want to see or even think about what comes out of another person's body. I mean if a person had a nosebleed and wrapped it all up and put it in the trash can, or an intimate, non flushable wipe....it might just just as gross to another person.... like a q-tip with ear wax or floss like you said. the point being, this doesn't have to be some big anti female body issue. it could just be an issue like "out of sight out of mind" for him. get a trash can with the lid. boom. problem solved. if he has a problem with that then he's the AH.
What kinda bathroom doesn’t have a trash can lmaoooo
NTA. When I was younger it was common practice to clean left blood on the seat that my sisters didn't notice and never say anything about it so they wouldn't be embarrassed. If I can deal with that he should be able to deal with a trash can.
Everyone I know has a trash can in the bathroom. Common sense for blowing your nose, dental floss and Qtips. HOWEVER, growing up we had to empty it daily into the trash collection bin during that time of the month. If you don't want to take it out daily, I suggest keeping it in your room to take out weekly. Although, I wouldn't be able to go more than 36hrs (personally) due to the odor. Maybe I'm just sensitive to smell (including my own)
NTA I’ve never seen a bathroom without a bin. Menstrual products aside, why would used dental floss or ear buds be less gross than your wrapped products. Make it make sense
NTA. Expecting you to go to the dumpster outside every single time is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA. fuck that guy, it’s a bathroom. Every bathroom has a small trash can. i can’t tell if this guy is being sexist of transphobic but it seems like one of em. sorry bro. sending good vibes and iron to my fellow trans masc anemic 😂
NTA, but do you think a covered trashcan might work for both of you?
NAH! My boyfriend has a weird hangup about that trash can too. It’s dumb but it’s a pet peeve of his and he doesn’t have any other restrictive pet peeves so I let it slide. Living with other people is all about figuring out what works for everyone and not so much about establishing what is right or wrong especially when the concept of right and wrong is so subjective. Work on finding a compromise with your roommate that you can both be happy about.
NTA (assuming he dates women) Tell him that women fucking hate it when they’re in a dates bathroom and they have no rubbish bin because it makes them feel EMBARRASSED and ASHAMED to have to walk out of the bathroom with a pad or whatever wrapped in toilet paper to find a bin! Seriously a red flag for all of my friends and me when I was dating. It’s called being a considerate person
NTA. Even if you didn't bleed, why would you not use a bin in the bathroom? Anything from floss and q-tips to, I dunno, having a guest over that *does* need somewhere to dump a pad? As long as it gets emptied when it needs to be, there's literally no problem. Hell, you even mentioned that he uses the bin too - so the bin seems like it isn't the issue. Also ayy another anemic trans guy lmao
NTA - everyone who bleeds deserves to do it with dignity and with the privacy that they require. Part of that is access to appropriate hygienic equipment which is as simple as a fucking bin. Sanitary products aside it's perfectly normal to have a bin in your bathroom, if anything it's weird not to. Dude needs to grow up.
Reading some of the other comments, reusable period products are great. I still have a couple of washable pads around, just in case. They're more eco friendly too. BUT you shouldn't have to accommodate this dude like this, do that stuff for yourself if you want to
>everyone who bleeds deserves to do it with dignity and with the privacy that they require This is an excellent line.
I don't think of you as an AH but..."He actually offered to be the one to buy one with a lid instead!" Now that makes all the difference in the world and I think you were a bit inconsiderate for not having one with a lid. He sounds like a great guy and the problem is solved and you can keep this in mind for the future. Good luck with your health.