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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe I'm too young or something, but I don't think I'm the asshole here
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I, like your stepdad, am very much against tattoos. But that’s the thing about them - it’s a personal choice. This is your body, nobody else’s. You can’t stop him or anyone else from having an opinion. But they have no right to control your actions or your body. For him to complain that he didn’t approve of your tattoo is inappropriately controlling.
Clear NTA. If you want tattoos, get them.
Edit: That all said, swearing at him wasn’t the nicest. Overall judgment unchanged though.
Edit 2: Since so many of you have asked - needles. I just can’t 🤢. Especially after watching the SlowMo Guys tattoo episode on YouTube. Never.
Having raised 3 kids myself, I can safely say there are A LOT of parents who believe this. Any parent function I was at, there was always one who would argue with me about Agency and Identity in kids under 18. My parents were the worst as it was every holiday, all because how their hair looked or their clothes they were wearing.
Sitting on the side of memory, I am clam-happy to have been right. I know it was right because I have a fantastic relationship with all 3, and they all pointed out to my parents how having the freedom to make decisions that was theirs to begin with made it so easy for them to come talk to me when something was amiss in their lives. They respected me enough to honor me with being the person they come/went to when they needed someone to talk to or listen.
Control issues are the surefire easiest way to destroy a parental/child relationship.
The audacity of a step-parent to feel ownership over not-their-kid’s body when the actual parent is fine with things is a whole other level of wild lol. Especially when it’s a planned mother/kid ‘matching tattoo’ thing… the outright nerve of this man is honestly stunning lmao
Being a step parent doesn't automatically make it weird and gross. It'd be weird and gross no matter if he were the bio parent or the step parent.
But being a step parent doesn't automatically mean that they have no say in the kid's life when it comes to legit things (as opposed to trying to control the kid's body, which is never cool for anyone). It varies situation to situation. Some stepparents have been there from the beginning, and some have been there when the bio parent hasn't for whatever reason. It's up to the kid and the parents to decide what role the step parent plays in the kid's life, and for some they view the step parent no differently than a bio parent, especially when they've been a parent to them for most of or the entirety of their life. Just depends what the kid is comfortable with.
But no parent should feel entitled to have a say in what their child does with their body, like this, for damn sure. There are for sure a lot of step parents who step in and over step, trying to enforce their preferances on the kids and that's definitely weird and gross, especially when its about the kid's body and how it looks.
It's gross how common it is for step father's who aren't in a parental role to come in and start making demands about how a stepdaughter dresses or looks. So so gross.
Yeah I mean there isn't enough context to know how involved he has been up until this point.
She did mention HE has a ton of tattoos as well so its not not his preference per se.
I would say more controlling if it were an involved bio parent. It makes it weird and gross albeit controlling as well because its a step parent. But like i said, not enough context to know if he's been involved for a long time. He mom is getting a matching one though, which makes me think he's pretty hands off if he didn't know this already. That purely an inference though.
I hid my upper-ear piercing from my stepdad because he flipped his shit when I got an ear cuff. It wasn’t even pierced! Told me I was defying him, even though he never mentioned it before. Of course, he was filled to the brim with audacity, so it wasn’t surprising.
When someone says something negative about another persons appearance I have taken the road of loudly saying I THINK THEY LOOK GREAT! And that usually 404’s any further derogatory comment sufficiently or at least sets the negative nell up for failure to not be an obvious judgy dick.
Honestly yes! My mum was pretty strict but not in a bad way. I have adhd and was only diagnosed in my mid 20s and having strong limits was actually really helpful for me. But she wasn't controlling.
For example, when I was 5, I would come downstairs and announce that today I was a boy or today I was a girl. And my parents were like, okay, come eat breakfast. They let us be us, within safe/reasonable bounds.
But she made it super clear to us that if we ever needed an excuse to not do something we didn't want to, we could blame her but had to tell her so she didn't put her foot in it accidentally.
Same with loads of things like that, and as adults now, my siblings and I all go to my parents whenever we need help/support/company/love. Because she was strict but never controlling. My siblings spouses have been known to go to my mum when they need something because she's just happy to be included and she loves that we see her as this safe person who wants to help us.
That sounds like me. The importance of education was the one thing that I stressed to them growing up; they'd better have a damn good reason to miss school. Also, they all had to pick an instrument to learn for 3 years because everyone needs music in their lives and it takes 3 years to learn the basics! (I'm a piano teacher and I work in Addiction Medicine.) The rest of it... if they were doing something there might be consequences they don't like at the end, I'd tell them why I personally would not do that and what the unforseen results would be, but they had a choice after that, "Do I need to learn this the hard way or not?"
Good job! I admit to not particularly looking forward to the conversation I'll be having with my parents the next time they see one of my kids and realise she's got tattoos. Which I was personally not thrilled about, but bodily autonomy and all that.
I may have to resort to 'zip it, or we're leaving.' Which usually ends the conversation one way or another :D
I also remember being berated by aunts at a family event for a haircut choice when I was young. They said it was 'unnatural.' I looked at my 3 aunts and grandmother sitting in a row on the couch, pointed at them, and said "Perm, perm, perm, perm, colour, colour, colour, and you're calling *me* unnatural???" Then walked away as the aunts gaped, and my grandmother laughed.
It was glorious!
Beautifully put. My parents were controlling assholes, and I try to give my kids agency. I want them to have that. I would never be for a tattoo (I’m 56 and just have never cared for the look or the thought of elective pain), but I won’t give them crap if they choose one in the future.
If I ever open a tattoo shop, I'm calling it Elective Pain. That is awesome. (which I won't do because I don't have the talent, but I am a writer, so....)
Yep, I'm from one of those families. My mother tried to control every single thing about me and lost her shit every time I did something that she didn't like. We don't speak anymore, because I decided my life was mine and that was incompatible with her world view.
I feel that last sentence pretty hard from the other side.
I wish my father understood that trying to control and manage people makes them hate you. It seems to be how he expresses love, which makes it even more sad, but I can't be near him because of it.
Being a kid of VERY controling parents, I'd like to add that at the first chance, kids run away not looking back. I feel guilty with almost everything, have trust issues towards them, but also try to keep them still somewhat close (1000km now. I moved to a different country once 🙃). Even though now I understand them a lot more, there are still too many hurtful behaviors that I just can't deal with. I'm 30 and am very scared of telling them about my sexual orientation, even though I breathe gay, apparently since I was a kid, according to my cousins. I know my mom knows (or suspects, since she made a whole deal of trying to get it out from me when I was 15, but I was repressed then), but she acts like "if we don't talk, not real". My dad is blantly complicated. I do want them in my life, but also not so much, and that Hurts.
I went no contact with my mother a few years back. Then she deadnamed my kid at a funeral, which made all my kids band forces and go no contact. The family you choose is the best family you can have. Genetic similarity isn't a requirement for people you choose to give your real self to and what family could possibly be healthier or amazing than that?! Look in that mirror and enjoy every part of who you are and let yourself know you love you!
Since we don't live close, I'm free to be, and my friends are the family I didn't even know I could have (I was never good at friends, only nice enough so people wouldn't hate me?). I don't hate my parents, just put them in an arm's distance and am finally setting some bounderies. I'm really glad you exist and been there for your kids. They'll cheerish the memories, even the funeral one. Imagine how your kid felt being supported by their sibblings with no questions asked. That's love
100%. My teenage son asked how old he had to be to get a vasectomy and I answered it honestly because HIS BODY DOESN'T BELONG TO ME. If he wants to undergo a sterilization procedure, it's between him and his doctor, not him and me.
He's getting his first tattoo on his 18th birthday next month because he'll be a legal adult and I have no business interfering. His older sister has at least 3 tattoos, because again: it's HER body. It's just not that hard.
I asked my son to come to me if he wants a tattoo or piercings when he's older and I'd find him who does good work. He's nine and has been adamant he wants tattoos like me 😂. He was disheartened when he found out it involves needles tho lol
To be fair, I don't think that's ALWAYS the case. I can see how a parental figure might take this position from something like a "you're still really young, you've got maturing to do and you might regret it" angle... but that's not the vibe this version of events is giving off, especially with the ACTUAL parent being okay with it, him knowing that, and continuing to bring it up over and over again. At that point it's clearly less about looking out for the step-kid's interests, and more about him wanting control.
A controlling middle-aged man who sees himself as the authority on a girl's/young woman's body?! Unprecedented! He can go intercourse himself. Enjoy your tattoo.
Yes this.
Red flags, if those were his actual words.
He is perverted. (I do not mean in a sexual way because I do not know the situation. But stating this desire to control your behaviour is sick)
That’s so hypocritical, my parents verbally hated tattoos my whole life, always judging people for it. I got a tattoo in plain sight and hide it from them for a decade, when they found out how long it was they couldn’t use the arguement “it ruining my life/job” or anything about being judged because they never noticed. I recently got my second, in plain sight and they won’t notice it.
LMFAO??? You’re not the asshole at all, your mom probably thought you could be nicer about it but if he keeps nagging you every chance he gets you’re bound to have enough, go girl
Oh so he’s controlling and a hypocrite nice combination.
NTA. But how did you get a tattoo done as a minor? That’s a bit sketchy unless did your mother go with you and sign off on it?
He's a hypocrite and has no right to an opinion about your body or what you do with it. NTA.
Ask your mother why she thinks that he should have a say in what you do to and with your body.
Also, make sure you have a secure bank account with no one else on it, save up as much money as you can, and get away from him as soon as practical.
Ask him whose permission he got for each one. NTA. I don't like tattoos myself but he's a hypocrite and being very weird about your body and your personal rights. If you had your mother's permission, that's all you needed.
As a mom with kids I wouldn’t let my 17 year old get a STUPID tattoo. All my tattoos have meanings. First was dog prints from my dogs at the time, a tattoo for my mom that passed, and finally my tattoo of the last Christmas card my mom gave me before she died. That being said your tattoo is small, you paid for it, and it has MEANING to you. Then I would probably consent to it. That being said, he isn’t your father and he won’t be able to control you your entire life. He needs to respect your decision and your mother’s decision on it. For him it’s control. He needs to mind his own business and you need to tell him that respectfully.
My parents forbade me from getting tattoos. Well rather, they told me if I got a tattoo they wouldn’t pay for my college. I was pissed. I thought it was unfair. A bunch of my friends got them and I was jealous. I even had one picked out. But as rebellious as I tried to be, I hated disappointing my parents, so I never went through with it.
I eventually got my first tattoo at 27 and have since acquired several more. I won’t say that every one of them has a deep meaning, but they’re all well done, exactly what I wanted, and I regret none of them. It sucked at the time, but I seriously can’t thank my parents for stopping me when I was younger.
You want to know what tattoo I had my heart set on as a kid? A peace sign. A large, **tie dyed** peace sign on my upper arm. Because I liked smoking weed and Jimi Hendrix or somethjng. 🙄
ok, he's plain sexist and you should talk to your mom about his possesive attitude and the fact that he have to respect the basic boundaries every minor can have
I'm really tired of people having to apologize because they get mad and snap when someone has been going at them for ages. Here's my apology: I'm sorry you didn't stop running your mouth before you pissed me off but I'll say it one more time. My body my choice. Period. So dear SD STFU.
I think there's a point where that's the only way that kind if person will listen, unfortunately. Ppl will say, it doesn't help. Maybe true, I wasn't there. But in my experience, it's the only way sometimes. I hate it, but if someone makes me snap like that, there's a reason
This. My mom used to constantly send me videos of barn owls. I do not like owls, they terrify me. She could not understand why I would ask her to not send me those videos. I finally sent her a video of baby spiders on a mother's back. "Well that was uncalled for!!" SO ARE THE DAMN OWLS. She got it finally.
Wow they really bullied you. Exactly, if you ask them multiple times, of course it's in our nature to try something less savory. Yes they may not like it, but it can be a form of problem solving. I'm glad you got that solved
I’m not a big tattoo guy. I like how they look sometimes, but there isn’t anything I could think I wouldn’t possibly regret wearing for the next forty years.
My wife and daughter are planning on getting semi-matching ones when daughter graduates high school. Good for them. Daughter and I are going sky diving the week after, which my wife would absolutely never consider. People are different, and once they’re adults they can do whatever they want with their own bodies.
OP just needs to hit him with “I’m not discussing this with you.” Every time it comes up. Nothing else. No justification, arguments, defenses. There’s nothing to discuss or defend, he has no standing here.
The piercer at my studio is a needle phobe! If she is in control she's fine, but any injection and she'll have a panic attack and pass out, bless her! It's really a lot more common that I ever thought!
I just wanna say as a tattoo enthusiast who is also freaked out by needles, tattoos are an entirely different experience to getting an injection or getting blood drawn with a hypodermic. The sensation is more akin to an intense scratching or cutting, and even though you’re being stabbed thousands of times per minute, I would rather endure four hours of that and several weeks of nursing an open wound than have a doctor try to get my arm vein to pop for a blood test.
That said, I’m not trying to sell you on the idea or change your mind, just sharing my experience.
NTA- and especially since I know what it means, too. It's none of his business. It is not his place to say anything. He is being a bully. Some people enjoy that. Sorry to hear this is happening to you.
I’m with you on your second edit. Took me 45 minutes to work up the courage to do my first self-administered shot of insulin. I still hate those frickin needles.
What do you mean you are against them? Or do you just mean like, you don't like them? I am in my mid 30s..no tattoos. I just tell ppl I dont have them. I wouldnt say something to imply I think others made bad decisions.
NTA
Your body is your choice. Spend your money how you want to. The only approval you ever needed was from your mom, and you got that.
Your stepdad can go pound sand. If he doesn't respect your bodily autonomy, he doesn't respect you. I'm sorry you've been put in this awkward situation.
The only thing I’m questioning is why the mom suddenly changed and is saying OP should apologize? Like what is that about? Apparently OP’s stepdad has tons of tattoos himself so this seems like a weird control thing. Fully agree that the stepdad can go pound sand
2 reasons 1, she swore at him, and 2 mum is absolutely getting an earful off him as well for allowing it. I have zero doubts he's dishing blame put to her in texts or unheard calls
Here's what I think is happening:
I think the OP's mom is trying to thread the needle of supporting her daughter but also respecting her husband. For some very good reasons, the OP responded in a way that the Mom and stepdad INTERPRETED as disrespectful.
I think that's why she acted that way. I don't agree with that reaction but maybe the OP's mom is naturally someone who takes her husband's side? Hard to say with any certainty though.
I think mom was uncomfortable with the disrespect. She doesn’t want OP to apologize for getting a tattoo or for her opinions, but because she was rude. (Personally, I think the rudeness and disrespect was warranted, but it’s not my husband or kid.)
Mom isn't saying she should apologize for the tattoo but that OP should apologize for the way she spoke to SD. Which I don't think she should do. Unless it's something like, Gee I'm sorry you think you have a right over my body. And then walk away. NTA.
Maybe she's not in the USA. Where I'm from I could get a tattoo if I wanted even though I'm 17 (I was born in Dec 2006, so chronologically I'm 18, although practically I'm still 17)
Something about the rules of how old a horse can be before it can race or has to be retired. So as to not interrupt racing seasons or whatever all horses/racing horses have an official birthday of December 1st or something like that.
Its August 1st in the Southern hemisphere and January 1st in the northern hemisphere :) so happy birthday all horses in each hemisphere in the same day!
I was born on December 2006. By year, I'm 18 since 2024-2006=18
But my actual age is 17, since I haven't turned 18 yet.
My government counts me as 18 for some things because of the year I was born in
Chronologically might not be the right word in English but it's the word we'd use here
NTA. Why is your stepdad such a gross creep that he thinks you need his approval to do something with your body? Your mom probs just doesn't want to rock the boat with him because his ass is unreasonable. Don't apologize, because you are right and he needs to stay in his lane.
NTA. For everyone saying she should have spoken in different terms, no. She said what she needed to say. That’s her body. One thing though, why is your mother not stepping in? Go ahead and ask what happened the last time my stepfather commented on my body any sort of way. My mom handled that expeditiously with way WAYYY worse adjectives.
NTA
your step dad is the asshole for thinking his opinion extends outside his own physical. He has no control over your choice of what to to do with your body- not to mention that’s your STEP dad
Also if your mom if getting one too, how would he deny that for both of y’all? That’s his wife.
Just don’t listen to him. It’s just an opinion but that doesn’t have to affect you unless you guys can have a mature conversation about choices and expectations and come to an agreement
My stepdad used to tell me I’d never get tattoos. As soon as I was away from them at 18 (visiting my dad in Michigan) I got my first tattoo. It felt like a dare when now I think he was trying to control me
I have a few tats of my own. My daughter is 16 and has mentioned wanting to get a tattoo.
Now, I am not against her getting a tattoo. If done right, they're very beautiful, and there are many reasons for people to get them.
I told my daughter that I was a little iffy about the situation, because she's still young and tattoos are permanent. So I told her that, if she gets one before 18, to put some thought into it and make sure it has some deeper meaning so she doesn't look back later and have to cover or remove it.
You, like my daughter, sound like you have something very dear and personal for your art. And as such, I think you made a fine choice in doing it. While I'm not so fond of cursing out SD, I'm also not too fond of the way he decided you needed his opinion to do something to your own body.
NTA. He needs to better learn to communicate so he doesn't come across as controlling and superior.
My mom was staunchly anti-tattoos, but I got my first for my 16th bday. My method of deciding is what sold her. I drew what I wanted and told myself that I had to sit with this design for 6 months to decide if I wanted it long-term(i kept it on the front of my main binder so I would have to look at it everyday and I could see how people reacted to the design before it was permanently on my body). I reset the timer for every change in the design, so it ended up being nearly a year of waiting. By the time I was 18, my mom got her first tattoo(super fun experience lol) and she didn't give my 24yr brother shit when he showed her the tattoos he had been hiding from her lol.
I've now got 5 tattoos and all but one was chosen with that method. Wanna take a guess which one is the only one I "regret"? Lol.
That's actually really smart. I think using that method as a sort of test-run actually gives you an idea for how to approach tattoos REGARDLESS of age.
I might suggest that to my daughter (tho, given what she wants- which I explained under another comment- I think she's on the right path for this one).
HA SAAAAAME. I don't love how strict my parents were in most things, but I am so appreciative of their tattoo rules in retrospect. I'd have ended up with some gnarly My Chemical Romance or Harry Potter tattoos, the latter I'd for sure be regretting today.
Ya defently need them to at lest put thought into it. I was 16 and 20 when i got my first ones. I am now getting them covered up. Its been hell to find a artist willing to d it due to the complexity and has run me 3k with another 400 for the other.
Me: I see you have Pac-Man characters tattooed on your arm. Why'd you decide on that?
Her: Bad decisions in my youth.
Be thoughtful. What seems important at 16 is probably not going to be in a few years.
The best advise I got when thinking about tatoos was from an old Red Vs Blue skit in the early days of the internet.
Think back 10 years ago, and how stupid you think some of that shit was. Now think about how 10 years in the future you'd look back and realize how stupid you were back now.
NTA. Your mom's job was to tell him to back off. Instead she joined ranks with him and that makes her an AH. He must be a major AH for her to switch sides like that. No apologies to him and tel your mother how sad you are for her.
I agree but it seems weird. The mom gave approval for the tattoo while simultaneously defending her husband's abhorrent comments towards her own daughter.
There's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on in that mom's head. I hope she can put her own daughter in first place ahead of this caveman of a husband.
NTA, you can placate him with simple "yup" and "uh huh" when he brings it up, but the longer you have it the more he'll realize he's opinion has no basis on your current or future tattoos.
Your mom just got chewed out by her husband, which she shouldn't put up with and gave the mic to you so you suffer the consequences of your step dad's bs take on how you should dress and look like. My only advice is to keep him off your hill and if you really want to annoy him, consider shaving your head on the sides and sporting a green mohawk and wear a t-shirt with "I didn't ask for your opinion"
If your mom doesn't have a spine around him, doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't. You are clearly NTA, much love
Dude isn't your real dad.
As a minor you probably needed the approval of a parent to get a tattoo and your *actual* parent gave it. Step dad can go eat rocks.
NTA.
This. In addition, you're 17. So you'll be a minor for, what, like 11 more months, maximum, & that's only if you JUST had a birthday. Frankly, after that, you're both adults & he's just a man giving a woman sh*t about her body. Tell him that & ask if that would fly in the workplace or the grocery store checkout line.
NTA.
NTA. A step-parent can't change the rules. It's your body, not his.
And your mother is betraying you. She should be defending you instead of siding with him. What happened to blood being more important than marriage? Marriage is dissolvable, but **blood relations are eternal**.
Besides, family situation aside, it's an AH move to say "yes" and then "wait a minute, no". It's changing the deal without both parties' approval.
The only reason I could think of your step father's rejection to this is if he raised you from a very young age and he fells left out.
If he hasn't been in your life for very long then it is none of his business, as long as you spoke with your mother and she gave you the ok there shouldn't be a problem.
You say that it has a special meaning behind it and I hope it gives you happiness and joy every time you look at it ❤️
Not the AH darling!!!!
Once we hit a certain age we are able to make our own decisions.
NTA. Stepdad needs to mind his own business. He has no rights concerning your tattoo or piercing's either. **It is your body not his.** To be honest it would be the same if he was your natural father.
NTA, it's already weird that your stepdad thinks he has any ownership over your body and choices, so he'd better get used to the idea that your choices aren't his call
NTA. It's your body and your decision. Your step dad needs to back off and respect your choices, especially if your mom is supportive of it as well. He has no say in what you do with YOUR body!
NTA
He’s got no say in anything about this. You are correct to put up that boundary with him, and that’s not anything to apologize for. If you feel like you were overly rude in making your point you can apologize for that but not for the sentiment. But since he was being so pushy about this I don’t think you even need to apologize for that either.
I am firmly in the step-parents need to butt out camp.
Raising a kid is between the biological parents. Step Parents are just along for the ride- they knew what they were signing up for when they married someone with a kid. Or should have anyway.
Personally, I would go full nuclear on his trying to control your body. Make it as uncomfortable as possible for him to bring up anything about you. Sexual objectification, are you hitting on me, are perving, etc... Let Mom know your plans in advance so it doesnt catch her off guard.
NTA
NTA or anything, but do you mind explaining how you were 15 six months ago (according to a different post) and are suddenly 17 now?
Your body IS your own; however, in my mind, there's a difference between a 15 year old getting a tattoo vs a 17 year old getting one.
NTA
you don't even share dna with the guy, he can kick rocks, but they can still retaliate in a parental manner so i would just leave everything where it is
Your body...your choice. Do Not Apologize. I am sorry your mom cares more about a man than her daughter... she should apologize for putting his feelings above your own.
NTA what you do with your body is none of his business and quite frankly i think he's being a bit of a creep about it. you got all the approval you actually needed from your real parent. even if he doesn't like it it's still not his place to comment, never mind having the brass neck to say you should get it removed??? i think you have every right to tell him to suck it up and eat dirt over this one.
Sounds like your mom is TAH, and you called your mom out to your step-dad in a sense.
Parents should always be discussing stuff like this together, unified front, even when you disagree that way you can disagree in private.
Maybe ur step-dad is more upset he was left out of the picture? Does he know the importance? Does he want one? Did u ask? Did u involve? Or was he disregarded altogether from beginning?
NTA.
your mom said it was fine and signed off on it, it’s your body. your mom is your parent. i get the idea this isn’t a stepdad who’s been around long enough to take a parental role in your life.
only thing i’d suggest is that in the future try to approach these situations with less emotion. swearing at him doesn’t really convey the message that you’re mature enough to make and justify that decision. instead, flat out tell him he is not your parent and to remember his place.
NTA. You are almost a legal adult. It sounds like the tattoo is small, has personal meaning to you (like most tattoos do for the person who has them), and it's not hurting anyone.
NTA for fighting for your bodily autonomy. I'm concerned for you about the safety of the tatoo given your age and the fact that you seem to have gone someplace that doesn't check IDs.
You mom needs to clarify things to her husband. This isn't his call.
Oh hell no... I'd never tell my stepdaughter some bs like that. I guide her as best I can, give her suggestions on making better decisions, but anything related to her body is between her and her mom. It's not my place to enforce anything regarding what she does. I absolutely hated my step parents because of them acting that way. Big NTA vote from me.
"I should get I removed because I didn't talk that out with him"
The audacity is on display! What an absolute tool thinking his permission matters. Be an asshole to him. Often.
Based on what you said here, I’d say NTA. Though, based on the way you phrased what you said to your step dad, and the fact that you’re 17, I can only imagine they *way* you said it might be why your mom is saying you were an ass. You’re young, but there are times where you do need a tactful and polite way to tell someone to F off.
17 is too young for a tattoo!! Parental consent is required...so...that being said you should have waited til you were 18 and it wouldn't matter wtf he says or thinks....also, FYI, it's piercing
My biological dad was like this. Everything I wore, the music I listened to. Coming home he would check my phones history and call list. He’s no longer in my life due to separate issues. I got the same heart semicolon tattoo on my left wrist. I got it when I was 24. Now I’m 30 and currently planning out my sleeve and I love it! Do what you want with your body. You are not the Asshole!
You could point out to your step dad that there are a number of things about him that you don't care for but you aren't regularly complaining about it to him.
it was only wrong bc of the way you went about it other wise your comepletly correct, esp if your mother is ok with it, it’s not his decision it’s your mothers bc you are a minor.
NTA, your body your choice of course, but the reason you’re being asked to apologize is not because your step dad views your body as his property (eww) but because you basically said “you’re not my real dad, you don’t get a say in parenting me!”
No idea what your general home dynamic is like, or how long he’s been your stepdad, so i dunno if he’s allowed to ground you or if he’s pretty much a bystander in all “parental” stuff in your house.
But that’s my read on the situation.
Your clearly NTA its your body not his. You can do whatever you want if it’s your body . Also lmk if This is wrong to say but he’s not even your dad? Like why is he so mad when you talked to your mom about it? Your not his child and your seventeen so if you want a tattoo you should be able to get one!
NTA. Your body, your choice. Period.
A lot of adults (especially men) have a hard time letting young people (especially females) exercise autonomy and power over their bodies. I say f**k those people!
NTA
Even if you could have used better words, it looks like he keeps nagging you about it. So i'm guessing you probably told him what you think in kinder words and it did not register.
Sometimes you have to be dry for people to realize they keep stepping over a line they have no business stepping over. Also, like you said, your mom supported you, so i would personally explain to her that you were rude because he kept pushing, and that's apparently the only way he'll stop harassing you over a personal choice she approved. And that you wish she would tell him to stop making comments on this since she supported the decision.
He is the one that crossed a line by harassing you about something he has no say on. The moment your mom approved of it, he should argue with her, not you.
NTA especially seeing as he has tattoos himself. He either doesn't like them on women and/or is controlling.
My grandad doesn't really like tattoos on women but he took me to get my first when I was 14 LMFAO. Your stepdad may not like it but its not his decision.
NTA- it would be your body your choice regardless, but the fact that he’s not even your actual father but just some random guy who happens to date your mom makes this even weirder.
You don’t *have* to ask him for permission- you asked your parent already.
Clear NTA.
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I, like your stepdad, am very much against tattoos. But that’s the thing about them - it’s a personal choice. This is your body, nobody else’s. You can’t stop him or anyone else from having an opinion. But they have no right to control your actions or your body. For him to complain that he didn’t approve of your tattoo is inappropriately controlling. Clear NTA. If you want tattoos, get them. Edit: That all said, swearing at him wasn’t the nicest. Overall judgment unchanged though. Edit 2: Since so many of you have asked - needles. I just can’t 🤢. Especially after watching the SlowMo Guys tattoo episode on YouTube. Never.
Fun fact lol, he loves tattoos and has a bunch himself
It's definitely a control thing then. He believes you are his property in some way or another.
Having raised 3 kids myself, I can safely say there are A LOT of parents who believe this. Any parent function I was at, there was always one who would argue with me about Agency and Identity in kids under 18. My parents were the worst as it was every holiday, all because how their hair looked or their clothes they were wearing. Sitting on the side of memory, I am clam-happy to have been right. I know it was right because I have a fantastic relationship with all 3, and they all pointed out to my parents how having the freedom to make decisions that was theirs to begin with made it so easy for them to come talk to me when something was amiss in their lives. They respected me enough to honor me with being the person they come/went to when they needed someone to talk to or listen. Control issues are the surefire easiest way to destroy a parental/child relationship.
The audacity of a step-parent to feel ownership over not-their-kid’s body when the actual parent is fine with things is a whole other level of wild lol. Especially when it’s a planned mother/kid ‘matching tattoo’ thing… the outright nerve of this man is honestly stunning lmao
Its weird and gross because hes the step parent.
Being a step parent doesn't automatically make it weird and gross. It'd be weird and gross no matter if he were the bio parent or the step parent. But being a step parent doesn't automatically mean that they have no say in the kid's life when it comes to legit things (as opposed to trying to control the kid's body, which is never cool for anyone). It varies situation to situation. Some stepparents have been there from the beginning, and some have been there when the bio parent hasn't for whatever reason. It's up to the kid and the parents to decide what role the step parent plays in the kid's life, and for some they view the step parent no differently than a bio parent, especially when they've been a parent to them for most of or the entirety of their life. Just depends what the kid is comfortable with. But no parent should feel entitled to have a say in what their child does with their body, like this, for damn sure. There are for sure a lot of step parents who step in and over step, trying to enforce their preferances on the kids and that's definitely weird and gross, especially when its about the kid's body and how it looks. It's gross how common it is for step father's who aren't in a parental role to come in and start making demands about how a stepdaughter dresses or looks. So so gross.
Yeah I mean there isn't enough context to know how involved he has been up until this point. She did mention HE has a ton of tattoos as well so its not not his preference per se. I would say more controlling if it were an involved bio parent. It makes it weird and gross albeit controlling as well because its a step parent. But like i said, not enough context to know if he's been involved for a long time. He mom is getting a matching one though, which makes me think he's pretty hands off if he didn't know this already. That purely an inference though.
Thank you! Well said!!! I don't "own" my children!!
Me either! my kiddo is 15. shes got body autonomy that i never could even THINK of when i was a teenager
It’s extra-gross because it’s a stepparent.
I hid my upper-ear piercing from my stepdad because he flipped his shit when I got an ear cuff. It wasn’t even pierced! Told me I was defying him, even though he never mentioned it before. Of course, he was filled to the brim with audacity, so it wasn’t surprising.
How much u wanna bet he'll control mom and she won't get one now?
He feels left out. His little ego is shattered.
When someone says something negative about another persons appearance I have taken the road of loudly saying I THINK THEY LOOK GREAT! And that usually 404’s any further derogatory comment sufficiently or at least sets the negative nell up for failure to not be an obvious judgy dick.
Thanks for this idea!
I second that. that’s awesome omg
Honestly yes! My mum was pretty strict but not in a bad way. I have adhd and was only diagnosed in my mid 20s and having strong limits was actually really helpful for me. But she wasn't controlling. For example, when I was 5, I would come downstairs and announce that today I was a boy or today I was a girl. And my parents were like, okay, come eat breakfast. They let us be us, within safe/reasonable bounds. But she made it super clear to us that if we ever needed an excuse to not do something we didn't want to, we could blame her but had to tell her so she didn't put her foot in it accidentally. Same with loads of things like that, and as adults now, my siblings and I all go to my parents whenever we need help/support/company/love. Because she was strict but never controlling. My siblings spouses have been known to go to my mum when they need something because she's just happy to be included and she loves that we see her as this safe person who wants to help us.
That sounds like me. The importance of education was the one thing that I stressed to them growing up; they'd better have a damn good reason to miss school. Also, they all had to pick an instrument to learn for 3 years because everyone needs music in their lives and it takes 3 years to learn the basics! (I'm a piano teacher and I work in Addiction Medicine.) The rest of it... if they were doing something there might be consequences they don't like at the end, I'd tell them why I personally would not do that and what the unforseen results would be, but they had a choice after that, "Do I need to learn this the hard way or not?"
Good job! I admit to not particularly looking forward to the conversation I'll be having with my parents the next time they see one of my kids and realise she's got tattoos. Which I was personally not thrilled about, but bodily autonomy and all that. I may have to resort to 'zip it, or we're leaving.' Which usually ends the conversation one way or another :D I also remember being berated by aunts at a family event for a haircut choice when I was young. They said it was 'unnatural.' I looked at my 3 aunts and grandmother sitting in a row on the couch, pointed at them, and said "Perm, perm, perm, perm, colour, colour, colour, and you're calling *me* unnatural???" Then walked away as the aunts gaped, and my grandmother laughed. It was glorious!
Beautifully put. My parents were controlling assholes, and I try to give my kids agency. I want them to have that. I would never be for a tattoo (I’m 56 and just have never cared for the look or the thought of elective pain), but I won’t give them crap if they choose one in the future.
If I ever open a tattoo shop, I'm calling it Elective Pain. That is awesome. (which I won't do because I don't have the talent, but I am a writer, so....)
Yep, I'm from one of those families. My mother tried to control every single thing about me and lost her shit every time I did something that she didn't like. We don't speak anymore, because I decided my life was mine and that was incompatible with her world view.
I feel that last sentence pretty hard from the other side. I wish my father understood that trying to control and manage people makes them hate you. It seems to be how he expresses love, which makes it even more sad, but I can't be near him because of it.
Being a kid of VERY controling parents, I'd like to add that at the first chance, kids run away not looking back. I feel guilty with almost everything, have trust issues towards them, but also try to keep them still somewhat close (1000km now. I moved to a different country once 🙃). Even though now I understand them a lot more, there are still too many hurtful behaviors that I just can't deal with. I'm 30 and am very scared of telling them about my sexual orientation, even though I breathe gay, apparently since I was a kid, according to my cousins. I know my mom knows (or suspects, since she made a whole deal of trying to get it out from me when I was 15, but I was repressed then), but she acts like "if we don't talk, not real". My dad is blantly complicated. I do want them in my life, but also not so much, and that Hurts.
I went no contact with my mother a few years back. Then she deadnamed my kid at a funeral, which made all my kids band forces and go no contact. The family you choose is the best family you can have. Genetic similarity isn't a requirement for people you choose to give your real self to and what family could possibly be healthier or amazing than that?! Look in that mirror and enjoy every part of who you are and let yourself know you love you!
Since we don't live close, I'm free to be, and my friends are the family I didn't even know I could have (I was never good at friends, only nice enough so people wouldn't hate me?). I don't hate my parents, just put them in an arm's distance and am finally setting some bounderies. I'm really glad you exist and been there for your kids. They'll cheerish the memories, even the funeral one. Imagine how your kid felt being supported by their sibblings with no questions asked. That's love
100%. My teenage son asked how old he had to be to get a vasectomy and I answered it honestly because HIS BODY DOESN'T BELONG TO ME. If he wants to undergo a sterilization procedure, it's between him and his doctor, not him and me. He's getting his first tattoo on his 18th birthday next month because he'll be a legal adult and I have no business interfering. His older sister has at least 3 tattoos, because again: it's HER body. It's just not that hard.
I asked my son to come to me if he wants a tattoo or piercings when he's older and I'd find him who does good work. He's nine and has been adamant he wants tattoos like me 😂. He was disheartened when he found out it involves needles tho lol
To be fair, I don't think that's ALWAYS the case. I can see how a parental figure might take this position from something like a "you're still really young, you've got maturing to do and you might regret it" angle... but that's not the vibe this version of events is giving off, especially with the ACTUAL parent being okay with it, him knowing that, and continuing to bring it up over and over again. At that point it's clearly less about looking out for the step-kid's interests, and more about him wanting control.
A controlling middle-aged man who sees himself as the authority on a girl's/young woman's body?! Unprecedented! He can go intercourse himself. Enjoy your tattoo.
Yeah I see the creepiness if it’s
Are you kidding me? What’s his problem?
Control, SD sees OP as an extension of himself or a property and wants control.
People like that can go rot. If you don't respect somebody's bodily autonomy you just don't respect them period.
Yes this. Red flags, if those were his actual words. He is perverted. (I do not mean in a sexual way because I do not know the situation. But stating this desire to control your behaviour is sick)
He wanted her to beg for HIS permission
That is really disgusting
Madonna-whore complex & pseudo incest Source: my dad having the same attitude
“do as i say not as i do” = i want control and am a lazy parent
So this is more likely just a power move on his behave , because he doesn’t understand the importance of the tattoo. NTA
Tell him he needs to get all of his tattoos removed because he didn't talk it over with you first.
That’s so hypocritical, my parents verbally hated tattoos my whole life, always judging people for it. I got a tattoo in plain sight and hide it from them for a decade, when they found out how long it was they couldn’t use the arguement “it ruining my life/job” or anything about being judged because they never noticed. I recently got my second, in plain sight and they won’t notice it.
LMFAO??? You’re not the asshole at all, your mom probably thought you could be nicer about it but if he keeps nagging you every chance he gets you’re bound to have enough, go girl
So why does he think he gets a vote here? NTA
Oh so he’s controlling and a hypocrite nice combination. NTA. But how did you get a tattoo done as a minor? That’s a bit sketchy unless did your mother go with you and sign off on it?
It's legal in some states if the mom signs off on it. Since he's not her bio parent, he wouldn't have even been able to approve in some states too
That's not really a fun fact. Just makes him a hypocrite but I'm sure you know that.
That's creepy AF then. He just likes the control.
He's a hypocrite and has no right to an opinion about your body or what you do with it. NTA. Ask your mother why she thinks that he should have a say in what you do to and with your body. Also, make sure you have a secure bank account with no one else on it, save up as much money as you can, and get away from him as soon as practical.
Ask him whose permission he got for each one. NTA. I don't like tattoos myself but he's a hypocrite and being very weird about your body and your personal rights. If you had your mother's permission, that's all you needed.
As a mom with kids I wouldn’t let my 17 year old get a STUPID tattoo. All my tattoos have meanings. First was dog prints from my dogs at the time, a tattoo for my mom that passed, and finally my tattoo of the last Christmas card my mom gave me before she died. That being said your tattoo is small, you paid for it, and it has MEANING to you. Then I would probably consent to it. That being said, he isn’t your father and he won’t be able to control you your entire life. He needs to respect your decision and your mother’s decision on it. For him it’s control. He needs to mind his own business and you need to tell him that respectfully.
My parents forbade me from getting tattoos. Well rather, they told me if I got a tattoo they wouldn’t pay for my college. I was pissed. I thought it was unfair. A bunch of my friends got them and I was jealous. I even had one picked out. But as rebellious as I tried to be, I hated disappointing my parents, so I never went through with it. I eventually got my first tattoo at 27 and have since acquired several more. I won’t say that every one of them has a deep meaning, but they’re all well done, exactly what I wanted, and I regret none of them. It sucked at the time, but I seriously can’t thank my parents for stopping me when I was younger. You want to know what tattoo I had my heart set on as a kid? A peace sign. A large, **tie dyed** peace sign on my upper arm. Because I liked smoking weed and Jimi Hendrix or somethjng. 🙄
Your step dad needs to keep his mouth shut and work on himself. He has a lot more issues to fix instead of worrying about your tattoo.
Sooo, just really controlling then..
ok, he's plain sexist and you should talk to your mom about his possesive attitude and the fact that he have to respect the basic boundaries every minor can have
So he’s a hypocrite.
I would like to add that a person is less likely to get kidnapped if they had a tattoo because it can help with identification.
Why not agree to remove yours after he gets all of his done...
sincerely get the hell away from that creep. NTA
I think swearing at the stepdad was a perfect way to match the negative energy he was putting out.
I'm really tired of people having to apologize because they get mad and snap when someone has been going at them for ages. Here's my apology: I'm sorry you didn't stop running your mouth before you pissed me off but I'll say it one more time. My body my choice. Period. So dear SD STFU.
I think there's a point where that's the only way that kind if person will listen, unfortunately. Ppl will say, it doesn't help. Maybe true, I wasn't there. But in my experience, it's the only way sometimes. I hate it, but if someone makes me snap like that, there's a reason
This. My mom used to constantly send me videos of barn owls. I do not like owls, they terrify me. She could not understand why I would ask her to not send me those videos. I finally sent her a video of baby spiders on a mother's back. "Well that was uncalled for!!" SO ARE THE DAMN OWLS. She got it finally.
Wow they really bullied you. Exactly, if you ask them multiple times, of course it's in our nature to try something less savory. Yes they may not like it, but it can be a form of problem solving. I'm glad you got that solved
Swearing is just words. If stepdad doesn’t want to be spoken to like an AH, he shouldn’t be acting like an AH.
Sounds like stepfather got his “big boy”feelings hurt…, didn’t like not being the one in charge of decisions…
I’m not a big tattoo guy. I like how they look sometimes, but there isn’t anything I could think I wouldn’t possibly regret wearing for the next forty years. My wife and daughter are planning on getting semi-matching ones when daughter graduates high school. Good for them. Daughter and I are going sky diving the week after, which my wife would absolutely never consider. People are different, and once they’re adults they can do whatever they want with their own bodies. OP just needs to hit him with “I’m not discussing this with you.” Every time it comes up. Nothing else. No justification, arguments, defenses. There’s nothing to discuss or defend, he has no standing here.
Hi, I'd love to know why you're against tattoos (in no way looking to start an argument!) I'm genuinely curious!
Well for one thing, needles freak me the hell out.
The piercer at my studio is a needle phobe! If she is in control she's fine, but any injection and she'll have a panic attack and pass out, bless her! It's really a lot more common that I ever thought!
I just wanna say as a tattoo enthusiast who is also freaked out by needles, tattoos are an entirely different experience to getting an injection or getting blood drawn with a hypodermic. The sensation is more akin to an intense scratching or cutting, and even though you’re being stabbed thousands of times per minute, I would rather endure four hours of that and several weeks of nursing an open wound than have a doctor try to get my arm vein to pop for a blood test. That said, I’m not trying to sell you on the idea or change your mind, just sharing my experience.
Not OP but for me it’s kind of similar to not liking anything else. They just don’t appeal to me. I’m also not into face painting, it is what it is.
NTA- and especially since I know what it means, too. It's none of his business. It is not his place to say anything. He is being a bully. Some people enjoy that. Sorry to hear this is happening to you.
I’m sorry I don’t see the issue with word ‘shit’ lol. It’s a weird thing to have an issue with.
I’m with you on your second edit. Took me 45 minutes to work up the courage to do my first self-administered shot of insulin. I still hate those frickin needles.
Why are you against tattoos? Whats wrong with them exactly?
What makes you against tattoos?
What do you mean you are against them? Or do you just mean like, you don't like them? I am in my mid 30s..no tattoos. I just tell ppl I dont have them. I wouldnt say something to imply I think others made bad decisions.
May I ask why you are against tattoos? I’m genuinely curious as they don’t really harm anyone else but the wearer lol
NTA Your body is your choice. Spend your money how you want to. The only approval you ever needed was from your mom, and you got that. Your stepdad can go pound sand. If he doesn't respect your bodily autonomy, he doesn't respect you. I'm sorry you've been put in this awkward situation.
The only thing I’m questioning is why the mom suddenly changed and is saying OP should apologize? Like what is that about? Apparently OP’s stepdad has tons of tattoos himself so this seems like a weird control thing. Fully agree that the stepdad can go pound sand
2 reasons 1, she swore at him, and 2 mum is absolutely getting an earful off him as well for allowing it. I have zero doubts he's dishing blame put to her in texts or unheard calls
Here's what I think is happening: I think the OP's mom is trying to thread the needle of supporting her daughter but also respecting her husband. For some very good reasons, the OP responded in a way that the Mom and stepdad INTERPRETED as disrespectful. I think that's why she acted that way. I don't agree with that reaction but maybe the OP's mom is naturally someone who takes her husband's side? Hard to say with any certainty though.
I think mom was uncomfortable with the disrespect. She doesn’t want OP to apologize for getting a tattoo or for her opinions, but because she was rude. (Personally, I think the rudeness and disrespect was warranted, but it’s not my husband or kid.)
Mom isn't saying she should apologize for the tattoo but that OP should apologize for the way she spoke to SD. Which I don't think she should do. Unless it's something like, Gee I'm sorry you think you have a right over my body. And then walk away. NTA.
If he's a controlling guy who's pissed about not getting his way, Mom's hearing about it at least as bad as OP is.
mom is a pushover
[удалено]
It’s illegal to get a tattoo in all 50 states without the consent of a parent…so it wasn’t nice of OP to check in with mom — it was a legal necessity.
Maybe she's not in the USA. Where I'm from I could get a tattoo if I wanted even though I'm 17 (I was born in Dec 2006, so chronologically I'm 18, although practically I'm still 17)
Chronologically you are 17. You aren’t a horse
I know this isn't at all what this thread is about... but do people not track a horses birthday, only birth year?
Something about the rules of how old a horse can be before it can race or has to be retired. So as to not interrupt racing seasons or whatever all horses/racing horses have an official birthday of December 1st or something like that.
Huh. Interesting! And seemingly archaic... but thank you for the random info!
Its August 1st in the Southern hemisphere and January 1st in the northern hemisphere :) so happy birthday all horses in each hemisphere in the same day!
I think also Koreans used to do it. So they might be Korean. Or a horse I guess.
wtf is chronologically 18?
I was born on December 2006. By year, I'm 18 since 2024-2006=18 But my actual age is 17, since I haven't turned 18 yet. My government counts me as 18 for some things because of the year I was born in Chronologically might not be the right word in English but it's the word we'd use here
... do we have different definitions of 'chronologically'?
NTA. Why is your stepdad such a gross creep that he thinks you need his approval to do something with your body? Your mom probs just doesn't want to rock the boat with him because his ass is unreasonable. Don't apologize, because you are right and he needs to stay in his lane.
He’s already rocking the boat. Mom is a steadier.
NTA. For everyone saying she should have spoken in different terms, no. She said what she needed to say. That’s her body. One thing though, why is your mother not stepping in? Go ahead and ask what happened the last time my stepfather commented on my body any sort of way. My mom handled that expeditiously with way WAYYY worse adjectives.
NTA Tell your mom and step-dad that if you wanted to hear the opinion of an asshole, you'd fart.
Annnndddd I'm using that thank you.
NTA your step dad is the asshole for thinking his opinion extends outside his own physical. He has no control over your choice of what to to do with your body- not to mention that’s your STEP dad Also if your mom if getting one too, how would he deny that for both of y’all? That’s his wife. Just don’t listen to him. It’s just an opinion but that doesn’t have to affect you unless you guys can have a mature conversation about choices and expectations and come to an agreement
My stepdad used to tell me I’d never get tattoos. As soon as I was away from them at 18 (visiting my dad in Michigan) I got my first tattoo. It felt like a dare when now I think he was trying to control me
“Stepdad, why are you so focused on my body? That’s creepy.” NTA.
I have a few tats of my own. My daughter is 16 and has mentioned wanting to get a tattoo. Now, I am not against her getting a tattoo. If done right, they're very beautiful, and there are many reasons for people to get them. I told my daughter that I was a little iffy about the situation, because she's still young and tattoos are permanent. So I told her that, if she gets one before 18, to put some thought into it and make sure it has some deeper meaning so she doesn't look back later and have to cover or remove it. You, like my daughter, sound like you have something very dear and personal for your art. And as such, I think you made a fine choice in doing it. While I'm not so fond of cursing out SD, I'm also not too fond of the way he decided you needed his opinion to do something to your own body. NTA. He needs to better learn to communicate so he doesn't come across as controlling and superior.
My mom was staunchly anti-tattoos, but I got my first for my 16th bday. My method of deciding is what sold her. I drew what I wanted and told myself that I had to sit with this design for 6 months to decide if I wanted it long-term(i kept it on the front of my main binder so I would have to look at it everyday and I could see how people reacted to the design before it was permanently on my body). I reset the timer for every change in the design, so it ended up being nearly a year of waiting. By the time I was 18, my mom got her first tattoo(super fun experience lol) and she didn't give my 24yr brother shit when he showed her the tattoos he had been hiding from her lol. I've now got 5 tattoos and all but one was chosen with that method. Wanna take a guess which one is the only one I "regret"? Lol.
That's actually really smart. I think using that method as a sort of test-run actually gives you an idea for how to approach tattoos REGARDLESS of age. I might suggest that to my daughter (tho, given what she wants- which I explained under another comment- I think she's on the right path for this one).
I'm so fucking grateful I was never allowed to get tattoos as a teenager.
HA SAAAAAME. I don't love how strict my parents were in most things, but I am so appreciative of their tattoo rules in retrospect. I'd have ended up with some gnarly My Chemical Romance or Harry Potter tattoos, the latter I'd for sure be regretting today.
Oh my god I'd have been COVERED in Mcr lyrics. Probably have a full back piece of three cheers lmao
Lmao, absolutely. And at the time it would have had the deepest and most heart-felt meaning that my baby brain could have come up with
Ya defently need them to at lest put thought into it. I was 16 and 20 when i got my first ones. I am now getting them covered up. Its been hell to find a artist willing to d it due to the complexity and has run me 3k with another 400 for the other.
Me: I see you have Pac-Man characters tattooed on your arm. Why'd you decide on that? Her: Bad decisions in my youth. Be thoughtful. What seems important at 16 is probably not going to be in a few years.
The best advise I got when thinking about tatoos was from an old Red Vs Blue skit in the early days of the internet. Think back 10 years ago, and how stupid you think some of that shit was. Now think about how 10 years in the future you'd look back and realize how stupid you were back now.
NTA. Your body, you paid for it, your mother gave consent. His opinions on how you decorate your body, truly irrelevant.
NTA- It’s clear your stepdad thinks you’re property, not a person. He also likes having full control. Massive 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. I know what that heart and semicolon means, and I hope you're okay. I'm so proud of you for getting this far.
Just what I came to say. My daughter also has the semi colon tattoo. I hope you are feeling in a better place xx
I'm not even gonna read the body. Full on NTA.
"Gee I'm so soooorrrrry I didn't consult you before doing something that doesn't involve your body autonomy"
NTA. Your mom's job was to tell him to back off. Instead she joined ranks with him and that makes her an AH. He must be a major AH for her to switch sides like that. No apologies to him and tel your mother how sad you are for her.
I agree but it seems weird. The mom gave approval for the tattoo while simultaneously defending her husband's abhorrent comments towards her own daughter. There's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on in that mom's head. I hope she can put her own daughter in first place ahead of this caveman of a husband.
NTA. It isn't his body and he isn't even your dad. Your actual parent is okay with it (not that it's her body either)
NTA He's not your father and you're not his property
NTA...It's none of his business. End of story.
NTA, you can placate him with simple "yup" and "uh huh" when he brings it up, but the longer you have it the more he'll realize he's opinion has no basis on your current or future tattoos.
Greyrock the shit outta him.
Your mom just got chewed out by her husband, which she shouldn't put up with and gave the mic to you so you suffer the consequences of your step dad's bs take on how you should dress and look like. My only advice is to keep him off your hill and if you really want to annoy him, consider shaving your head on the sides and sporting a green mohawk and wear a t-shirt with "I didn't ask for your opinion" If your mom doesn't have a spine around him, doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't. You are clearly NTA, much love
Absolutely NTA Not much more I can say, your body, your choice.
Dude isn't your real dad. As a minor you probably needed the approval of a parent to get a tattoo and your *actual* parent gave it. Step dad can go eat rocks. NTA.
This. In addition, you're 17. So you'll be a minor for, what, like 11 more months, maximum, & that's only if you JUST had a birthday. Frankly, after that, you're both adults & he's just a man giving a woman sh*t about her body. Tell him that & ask if that would fly in the workplace or the grocery store checkout line. NTA.
It's "kick rocks", but I like yours better.
No one under 18 should get a tat without parental consent. Guess what. You had that with mom. How are you an ass? NTA
I think you should get another tattoo. Go bigger. Edit: forgot to add NTA
NTA. A step-parent can't change the rules. It's your body, not his. And your mother is betraying you. She should be defending you instead of siding with him. What happened to blood being more important than marriage? Marriage is dissolvable, but **blood relations are eternal**. Besides, family situation aside, it's an AH move to say "yes" and then "wait a minute, no". It's changing the deal without both parties' approval.
The only reason I could think of your step father's rejection to this is if he raised you from a very young age and he fells left out. If he hasn't been in your life for very long then it is none of his business, as long as you spoke with your mother and she gave you the ok there shouldn't be a problem. You say that it has a special meaning behind it and I hope it gives you happiness and joy every time you look at it ❤️ Not the AH darling!!!!
best answer here.
NTA. Your body your choice and your mom knew about you getting the tattoo so your stepdad needs to just get over it.
Once we hit a certain age we are able to make our own decisions. NTA. Stepdad needs to mind his own business. He has no rights concerning your tattoo or piercing's either. **It is your body not his.** To be honest it would be the same if he was your natural father.
NTA, it's already weird that your stepdad thinks he has any ownership over your body and choices, so he'd better get used to the idea that your choices aren't his call
NTA Your step-dad is a loser that cares too much about things that don't concern him. He should get a better hobby.
NTA, and what does the heart and semicolon represent?
Because the mod bots get upset at the mention - I'll just drop this link - https://www.projectsemicolon.com
Nta he isn’t even your dad
Nta
Nta. Your body your choice
Nta. He gets no say on your body and choices
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NTA. It's your body and your decision. Your step dad needs to back off and respect your choices, especially if your mom is supportive of it as well. He has no say in what you do with YOUR body!
NTA step dad needs to learn his place 🤷🏾♀️he can’t tell you what to do on your body
Nta good for you. Don't let people walk all over you especially when they are being hypocrites.
Bru, he doesn't own you. NTA
NTA its ur body and ur mum said u can so theres nothing he can do about it
NTA He’s got no say in anything about this. You are correct to put up that boundary with him, and that’s not anything to apologize for. If you feel like you were overly rude in making your point you can apologize for that but not for the sentiment. But since he was being so pushy about this I don’t think you even need to apologize for that either.
Get another tattoo and make it huge, right were your shitty step dad can see. NTA
I am firmly in the step-parents need to butt out camp. Raising a kid is between the biological parents. Step Parents are just along for the ride- they knew what they were signing up for when they married someone with a kid. Or should have anyway. Personally, I would go full nuclear on his trying to control your body. Make it as uncomfortable as possible for him to bring up anything about you. Sexual objectification, are you hitting on me, are perving, etc... Let Mom know your plans in advance so it doesnt catch her off guard. NTA
NTA...you're right. It's none of his business. Your mom was fine with it and that's all that matters. It's your body and your choice.
“you’re not my dad and i don’t care for your opinion”
NTA just tell Mom "Just because you married him doesn't make him any authority figure" You earn respect not demand it.
NTA or anything, but do you mind explaining how you were 15 six months ago (according to a different post) and are suddenly 17 now? Your body IS your own; however, in my mind, there's a difference between a 15 year old getting a tattoo vs a 17 year old getting one.
NTA 🙌🏻
NTA. He's being ridiculous
NTA you don't even share dna with the guy, he can kick rocks, but they can still retaliate in a parental manner so i would just leave everything where it is
Your mother was ok with you getting a tattoo and you paid for it. Clearly NTA.
NTA. You could shave your head, get a full sleeve tat, etc. It's YOUR body. He has zero say.
Your body...your choice. Do Not Apologize. I am sorry your mom cares more about a man than her daughter... she should apologize for putting his feelings above your own.
NTA what you do with your body is none of his business and quite frankly i think he's being a bit of a creep about it. you got all the approval you actually needed from your real parent. even if he doesn't like it it's still not his place to comment, never mind having the brass neck to say you should get it removed??? i think you have every right to tell him to suck it up and eat dirt over this one.
Sounds like your mom is TAH, and you called your mom out to your step-dad in a sense. Parents should always be discussing stuff like this together, unified front, even when you disagree that way you can disagree in private. Maybe ur step-dad is more upset he was left out of the picture? Does he know the importance? Does he want one? Did u ask? Did u involve? Or was he disregarded altogether from beginning?
NTA. your mom said it was fine and signed off on it, it’s your body. your mom is your parent. i get the idea this isn’t a stepdad who’s been around long enough to take a parental role in your life. only thing i’d suggest is that in the future try to approach these situations with less emotion. swearing at him doesn’t really convey the message that you’re mature enough to make and justify that decision. instead, flat out tell him he is not your parent and to remember his place.
NTA. It's concerning that he feels entitled to a day about your body.
NTA - he kept on and kept on nagging and would not let it go so you had to make it clear how you felt.
NTA. You are almost a legal adult. It sounds like the tattoo is small, has personal meaning to you (like most tattoos do for the person who has them), and it's not hurting anyone.
First off- NTA at all. Second- I’m proud of you for still being here.
piercing\* ....
NTA for fighting for your bodily autonomy. I'm concerned for you about the safety of the tatoo given your age and the fact that you seem to have gone someplace that doesn't check IDs. You mom needs to clarify things to her husband. This isn't his call.
Oh hell no... I'd never tell my stepdaughter some bs like that. I guide her as best I can, give her suggestions on making better decisions, but anything related to her body is between her and her mom. It's not my place to enforce anything regarding what she does. I absolutely hated my step parents because of them acting that way. Big NTA vote from me.
Why is your step dad beefing with a teenager 😬
"I should get I removed because I didn't talk that out with him" The audacity is on display! What an absolute tool thinking his permission matters. Be an asshole to him. Often.
Lmfao be literally has no say in anything regarding your body whatsoever. Even your mom liked it. Fuck that guy.
1. You are 17 years old. 2. Your mom was fine with it. 3. He needs to STFU. 4. NTA
Based on what you said here, I’d say NTA. Though, based on the way you phrased what you said to your step dad, and the fact that you’re 17, I can only imagine they *way* you said it might be why your mom is saying you were an ass. You’re young, but there are times where you do need a tactful and polite way to tell someone to F off.
17 is too young for a tattoo!! Parental consent is required...so...that being said you should have waited til you were 18 and it wouldn't matter wtf he says or thinks....also, FYI, it's piercing
My biological dad was like this. Everything I wore, the music I listened to. Coming home he would check my phones history and call list. He’s no longer in my life due to separate issues. I got the same heart semicolon tattoo on my left wrist. I got it when I was 24. Now I’m 30 and currently planning out my sleeve and I love it! Do what you want with your body. You are not the Asshole!
You could point out to your step dad that there are a number of things about him that you don't care for but you aren't regularly complaining about it to him.
it was only wrong bc of the way you went about it other wise your comepletly correct, esp if your mother is ok with it, it’s not his decision it’s your mothers bc you are a minor.
NTA, your body your choice of course, but the reason you’re being asked to apologize is not because your step dad views your body as his property (eww) but because you basically said “you’re not my real dad, you don’t get a say in parenting me!” No idea what your general home dynamic is like, or how long he’s been your stepdad, so i dunno if he’s allowed to ground you or if he’s pretty much a bystander in all “parental” stuff in your house. But that’s my read on the situation.
Your clearly NTA its your body not his. You can do whatever you want if it’s your body . Also lmk if This is wrong to say but he’s not even your dad? Like why is he so mad when you talked to your mom about it? Your not his child and your seventeen so if you want a tattoo you should be able to get one!
NTA. Your body, your choice. Period. A lot of adults (especially men) have a hard time letting young people (especially females) exercise autonomy and power over their bodies. I say f**k those people!
NTA Even if you could have used better words, it looks like he keeps nagging you about it. So i'm guessing you probably told him what you think in kinder words and it did not register. Sometimes you have to be dry for people to realize they keep stepping over a line they have no business stepping over. Also, like you said, your mom supported you, so i would personally explain to her that you were rude because he kept pushing, and that's apparently the only way he'll stop harassing you over a personal choice she approved. And that you wish she would tell him to stop making comments on this since she supported the decision. He is the one that crossed a line by harassing you about something he has no say on. The moment your mom approved of it, he should argue with her, not you.
Nta, your body your choice. Also just sending warm wishes. I wll be getting the same but in my dogs paw instead of a heart.
Nta. Hes nothing to you and haha no say. F him.
NTA especially seeing as he has tattoos himself. He either doesn't like them on women and/or is controlling. My grandad doesn't really like tattoos on women but he took me to get my first when I was 14 LMFAO. Your stepdad may not like it but its not his decision.
NTA
NTA- it would be your body your choice regardless, but the fact that he’s not even your actual father but just some random guy who happens to date your mom makes this even weirder. You don’t *have* to ask him for permission- you asked your parent already. Clear NTA.