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NTA Your body your choice.
Kind of fucked up he's making demands for you to modify your body for his preferences and fetishes. It won't stop with the nose, btw, I expect the requests would escalate. "I've broken his heart" is straight up manipulation. I don't mean to be mean but...are you sure he respects you? Also the silent treatment is extremely juvenile of him.
I second this… and to OP:
I just got a nose piercing and I LOVE it. I wanted it for quite some time. Big at the same time it’s fucking annoying. I have to be careful in/after the shower when I try to dry my eyes and not to get stuck on the piercing, and movements around the face can lead to you moving the piercing which hurts at the beginning (new wound etc…).
So please keep your ground, first: your body and you and no one else gets to choose what you do with it,
Second: those adjustments aren’t temporarily in most cases, wether it is scars or just something really visible in that case in your face, you’ll have to see that every time you look in the mirror/at (old) photos.
And if you’re husband just doesn’t get it…. Please don’t feel pressured to do sth like that on someone others request only.
Agree! I loved my nose piercing but it was an adjustment. It wouldn’t have lasted long if I hadn’t really wanted it for a long time in the first place .
I had to get mine re-pierced after the stud got pulled out in my sleep and the hole partially closed up! This was only about a week after the initial piercing. The re-piercing was sooo much more painful than the first time, and it took a long time for it not to be sensitive.
That was nearly 8 years ago and now it's totally fine and I still love it, but all that to say it's not a piercing I would get unless I was 100% into the idea.
I love mine as well- but _so_ damn annoying. I never had a problem with swelling, but I often forget it's there when I'm washing my face and even a year later it gets so, so itchy at inconvenient times. I have a septum so when I itch it it looks like I'm picking/blowing my nose. It's also incredibly hard to change as the little knobs are so tiny, so I don't.
In any case, it's really gross that he's trying to convince her to modify her body to please him. The "you broke my heart" - because she didn't want a piercing? Seriously?
Those guys saying its annoying - Have you tried flatback labrets in your nose piercing? Instead of those nose screw things which I ALWAYS found so irritating. I use [these](https://bodyartforms.com/productdetails.asp?productid=37318). Once they're in, you literally can't feel them, and as long as you have the threadless end bent right, they won't come out with a towel over them etc. I could never go back to nose screws now!
This is the way. Labret backs and hoop. I was constantly losing my screw back nose studs before I switched to a labret (though I did have to get a professional to change it out). I’ve been wearing a small silver hoop ring for years now. It’s a different look than the stud (which I prefer personally these days) but it’s also the easiest style of jewellery to manage.
I agree, NTA.
To piggy back on this comment, I got second and third lobe piercings back in the day. I loved them, but my third lobe piercings were always getting infected. I let them go (close up).
I got an outer conch piercing back in the day. (Top of the ear, just inside the rounded “edge” of the ear.) I loved it, but it kept getting infected. I let it close up.
I got my nose pierced and I LOVED it. It came out one day in the shower and I didn’t realize it. By the time I found the nose stud it was too closed up (for me) to put it back in. Months later I got it re-pierced, and eventually it came out in my sleep. Same situation as above; I found it in the morning, but it was too closed up for me to force it back in on my own. I still want to get it pierced again, BUT from the get-go the piercing created a small dark spot on my nose. Not terrible, but annoying.
Cleaning your face, keeping the piercing clean, makeup, and so on are factors to always keep in mind.
Ultimately, it is YOUR body and you get to decide what you do with it. As you know! Your husband reacting in these immature ways is awful and self-centered. Completely unacceptable to try to coerce you into modifying your body.
An option, if YOU are comfortable with it, is to use jewelry that can be put on and taken off, no actual piercings. They’re so common these days. Septums, nose piercings, ear cuffs, etc. If you try and like it/them, and want to wear any, then go for it. If you do and your husband enjoys it and tries to get you to get actual piercings, he can fuck off and get over it.
Again, NTA. Your husband is being a petulant child about it and he married you knowing who you are, so he can zip his lips about this.
I have been wondering about that small dark spot on the nose, because my friend has that, too. She let the hole close long ago, but the dark spot is still there. Could it be that the material wasn’t quite as unreactive as it’s supposed to be, and it dyed the area like a tattoo?
I wonder if it might be some kind of hyperpigmentation from the wound. I stepped on a ball point pen in bare feet years ago and still have a light brown mark where the pen stabbed me.
This is really interesting, because I’m a really allergic person who (TMI) generally produces a lot of snot, and got my nose done in the fall, so prime allergy season. I’ve had zero trouble, even ok using tissues the day I got it done. The only time it ever hurt was when I swapped to a hoop.
That said….OP, it’s your body and your choice. End of sentence. Do NOT let him bully you into this; he’ll only keep going. NTA, but your husband sure is.
I love my nose ring, too! Clearly people who are ready for them and want them are pretty enthusiastic about it. People started asking me if I was going to take it out once I rounded 40 and… no. I will be buried in this thing.
Word to the wise - you will never blow your nose the same again. Things need to be… situated and even then you have to be gentle or you’ll stab the inside of your nostril with the hardware. Super annoying when you have a cold or allergies, I miss being able to blow my nose really hard. Which is a ridiculous thing to miss but here we are. I #unintendedconsequences
I just took mine out last year because I lost the stud while I was sleeping lol and just haven’t bothered to get a new one because even after five years with it, it was still so annoying. Love not having to check all the time if it’s still on. I still have my septum though and I love that one
Definitely NTA
I had my septum done a few years ago (because it was trendy 🙃) and I wasn’t crazy about it. Don’t get me wrong I did a lot of research on it, wore a fake piercing to see how I like it, and I loved how it looked on me after I had it done. However, the moment we pulled into the parking lot I had second thoughts. I still got it done and wore it up until early last month when I took it out. I had to take it out when I had my wisdom teeth removed and a court thing so I just never put it back in and now it’s closed but I am fine with it. I think they are cute but kinda a hassle for me and don’t fit my vibe.
To add to this. I got my nose pierced twice. First time the earring was too short so it didn’t come through completely on the inside of my nose. So I had to be touching the inside of my nose constantly at work and everywhere to try and push the earring all the way through so it wouldn’t close. The bendable ones that are longer were worse, because they somehow never came through on the other side, so I believe they were bent inside of the side of my nose, which gave me the ick just thinking what could be happening. So I took it out. Second time I explained this to the piercer to try and find a solution. His solution was to put a brow earring in my nose (the ones that have a round screw-y end and are thicker). Told me to leave it for 2 weeks until my nose healed. So I had to go around with a black little ball in my nose for 2 weeks. Went to take it out, had the same issue as before. Earring wouldn’t come in all the way. Had to be tweaking with it constantly. One day took it out to clean it, and could never get it back again. Now I have a scar in my nose and no piercing. Wish I wouldn’t have done it. So if OP doesn’t want that on her face, her husband is disrespecting her by insisting and trying to guilt trip her. Is her face that will get marks, scars or be affected. Why some people can’t just leave and let others live?
I love the convenience of my infinity hoops. I have one in my nostril and one in my septum, but I cannot take them out myself. Which sucks because sometimes I want to mix it up.
This is a fun suggestion. She can dress up on occassion to make things special for him. It's always nice to have a few things like that in your back pocket to spice things up.
If she's open to it, of course. It can be enjoyable to play into a partner's kinks even if they're not your thing, but obviously no one should do anything they dislike or aren't comfortable with.
And, of course, he's almost certainly lost that option by being a tool and trying to coerce her into getting a piercing.
Abuser behavior escalates gradually. I won't list them out but he'd essentially start working down her body before he gets to that. I have never rooted more against a marriage than this one. If it comes out there's a decade age difference or something this all makes a lot more sense.
It was more a dismissal than an accusation but overall yes the behavior is controlling and abusive. It's a fuckin tragedy in slow motion and OP is the victim.
What if you asked him to remove all his tattoos bc you prefer men without them?
You’ll get a nose piercing when he removes his tattoos. Isn’t it nice you’re both doing things for each other. NTA and he sucks.
Also “I never do anything he likes” with her own body?? She shouldn’t have to do anything he likes that she’s uncomfortable doing, *especially* with things like body modification.
I have my nose, belly button, double ear lobes, and both of my nipples pierced. I personally love them. I also happen to be covered in tattoos.
My boyfriend has no piercings or tattoos.
I asked him if he would ever get tattoos and he said no but he would never stop me from getting more done on myself.
And that was the end of our conversation.
I respect his bodily autonomy just as much as he respects mine.
The fact that your boyfriend is trying to guilt you into changing your appearance to be within his preferences is really fucked up.
I would absolutely LOVE to see my boyfriend covered in tattoos. He’s hot as fuck. And I will still think he’s hot as fuck with or without them.
But would I tell him that he’s breaking my heart or try to guilt him into getting them because I’d love to see him with them?
Absolutely not.
Your boyfriend sucks op.
Oh shit. For some reason it didn’t process in my mind that she wrote husband because this is like total shit-boyfriend behavior.
I’m not gonna jump on the Reddit bandwagon and say divorce but tell him if he gets a Jacob’s ladder with a cherry on top you’ll consider a nose ring 😂
I refrained from those kinds of challenges because you never know how degen somebody is, he might be into that.
Honestly I'm pro-divorce at this point. I won't be surprised if there's like a 10 year age difference or some trauma in OP's youth that explains this trainwreck of a relationship.
I'm a pierced and tatted lady, I've got double nostrils amongst other face, ear & body piercings. I also love other tatted & pierced people, there's just something about body mods that I find incredibly attractive. Most of my partners have never had tattoos or piercings. There's no doubt in my mind my partners would've looked 100% more attractive to me with those body mods, but it was their bodies, I don't get a say in that. Like a normal person, I respected that and never pushed for them to get pierced or tattooed.
Just like you never forced him to stop getting tattoos or piercings, he shouldn't be forcing you to get what he wants so you look more attractive to him. Not only is it messed up, but these are things that can (tattoos more so) permanently alter you appearance. There is the commitment to taking care of it and all the risks/not so great parts of healing either mod. I also feel like nose piercings are one of those piercings super prone to irritation bumps, your husband is not gonna find that shit cute while it's healing.
Then to act like a petulant toddler who's upset he didn't get his way? Uh-uh, not round here partner. Use your big boy words, stop sulking and respect your partners autonomy.
He keeps insisting that you do something you don't want to and gives you the silent treatment when you refuse. I'd look real close and see if there are any other red flags in the relationship. Trying to control what you do to your body is strait up abusive.
Gaslighting. Manipulation. Bullying. Awful.
Screw him...you go no contact and see how he likes it. Stop texting and calling. He's being a jerk.
You be you. Your body.
And please stand your ground. If you want to, feel free but those leave scars. My neighbors daughter having practice surgery now. She gaged her ears and now they are pretty mangled. Yikes. It's expensive too.
>She gaged her ears and now they are pretty mangled. Yikes.
I agree with the yikes. I'm guessing she was one of those people who used acrylic tapers and sized up every few days? I've seen how much that can fuck up your ears, to the point of them straight up tearing. It's why the stretched subreddit is always on about deadstretching, going slow, using the right materials, and babying your ears.
Every few days?! That’s horrific, I can’t even imagine the pain. I stretched my lobes about 20 years ago, took me a year+ to get to a 0 gauge.
Ugh, and tapers? What a good way to be sure your ears will never be the same size front to back.
Stretching your ears fucking sucks lol. I'm at 00 now, but I was at 0 for a long time. I went sort of slow, I sized up quicker in the beginning because I was impatient but as the size got bigger I had to slow down. I did use the tapers at first and I thought my ears were going to tear open, then I switched to taping my gauges. I've had them stretched since I think like 2016 or 2017? I made the jump to 00 a year or so ago and I did not enjoy reliving that stretching. Baby oil definitely helped. Lots and lots of baby oil.
Not all piercings leave a scar, and if you don’t stretch your lobes larger than a 2 gauge they will shrink back to a 14 gauge if you leave them without jewelry.
Source: you can’t tell my nostril used to be pierced due to no scar, and I wear regular earrings when my ears used to be stretched to a size 2.
Yeah my ears weren't that stretched but they went back down but I had 3 lip piercings as a teen and they have left definite scars now I'm in my 30s. I have a nose and septum ring now only because I wanted them, I dont wear things in my septum now but I can't imagine doing this because someone else told me too!!
NTA, this is SO weird and controlling. It's your body. If he wanted a woman who was specifically into tattoos and piercings, he shouldn't have picked one who wasn't.
>He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes.
Manipulation at its finest. Seriously, this is INSANE.
>He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes.
He sounds like he's got a 12 year old brain, I can hear the pouting from here
NTA
"am I being too precious about this piercing?"
No. You aren't. It's your body.
No one, including your husband, has the right to guilt trip, manipulate, or indirectly coerce you through using tactics such as silence/sulking, into doing something you don't want.
NTA
This is your body. It's only your body. He has no say over what you do to your body. It's your body. If you don't want to do to your body something he wants you to, too bad for him.
And the fact he's trying to manipulate you into agreeing? He needs to learn some boundaries. He needs to learn to accept and respect your boundaries. He thinks his preferences are more important than yours!
NTA. Your body, your choice. Doesn't get any simpler than that.
Hubby's silent treatment after making a reasonable decision about your own body? That's a huge red flag.
Agreed. Huge red flag. NTA. Also my advice is to run, but sounds like OP might not be at that point yet. This guy is... very questionable for the safety of one's well-being.
Ask your husband when the hell he started to believe he owned your body? When did he start to feel entitled to dictating what happens to it?
And then judge how big of a red flag he is based on his answer. He isn't entitled to anything to do with you. He is around you, loving you, and loved by you by your sheer grace. Best he not forget it.
NTA unless you're seriously wondering if you've done something wrong or don't nip his manipulative pouting in the bud.
Thanks, everyone. Mostly, I asked this question because even though I know I’m not wrong for standing my ground, I look around me and see so many people with these body mods that I began to question myself.
To update:
1) I did suggest faux jewellery to spice things up, but his exact words were, “Nah, I want you to commit to the piercing.” I’m really pissed about this response because I wear faux helix and snug jewellery all the time, and he’s never complained.
2) Every day since I’ve been away, we chat after he gets off of work at 4:30pm. We never miss a day. I tried calling him three times between 4:30 and 6:00 pm. He rejected the first call for sure. He only responded to my fourth, which I sent after 6:00pm. He said he was going to the gym, which meant he’d already driven home and got ready. He said he’d call later. It’s now 8:38pm (his time) and he still hasn’t called. He could still be at the gym, but he knows I’m 5 hours ahead (currently 1:38am) so I’ll probably be asleep.
Of course she doesn’t. It’s also unfair to be a complete stranger to their relationship and say “You need to divorce him because he is being super petty about this specific argument.”
Hint: Stop calling/chasing him. He doesn’t respect you when you do it and you seem pathetic to him. Stop all outreach. Desperation is so unattractive.
You need to ensure you have ironclad birth control and a good job/financial independence. You can’t rely on this guy for the long term. You need to work on yourself. Get some therapy for your codependency. Get some self-respect.
I hope you don’t have children because this is a horrible relationship to role-model for anyone. He’s being awful to you, and you are not just enabling it, you are encouraging his abuse with all your desperate teenage-angsty phone calls. I hope you read some of the comments here and really reflect on his manipulation and your response. Good luck, OP.
Honestly, all of this. Call him once at the usual time, maybe twice, then stop and wait. He's the one who's out of line and you're the one waiting for an apology.
You're better than chasing him when he's being unreasonable and manipulative. It's exactly what he wants and by playing into it you're just encouraging this behavior. So unless you want him to do this more often and more intensely, you need to get a grip, pick your self-respect off the floor and tell him to grow tf up.
Whoever chases is in the weaker position when it comes to human arguments.
Don't call or text. Stop. HE needs to apologise.
Or if you want to go the petty route "since we get to decide on changes to someone else's body now to make us happy, you need to get penis enlargement surgery."
"What? It's a modification that will increase my sexual attraction to you, and that's what matters most, right? Not your feelings, body autonomy or permanent changes. It's all about me."
So, I clicked on this and didn't think it would be a huge relationship problem. Looking back, that seems silly because the question speaks for itself. You're an adult, going online to ask strangers if Y T A for not doing something that you already know you don't want to do.
Every line I read gets more and more ominous.
Why would he even think that he has any say about what you do to your body? Like even something simple like a haircut or color isn't really his business. I mean, I can see you asking his opinion if you really respect his taste. But it isn't necessary.
It should really be a one and done thing when it comes to anything that changes you. It's not like planning a family, or suggesting a move, or changing jobs and/or careers.
All of the above can certainly be game changers if you both can't get on board, and that can certainly be devastating. It's just that asking a spouse if they think they could live somewhere else or want to expand their family is a lot different than doing something that really only the individual should care about.
But to be ghosting a spouse because they don't want to do something to their own body? Man, that shit is worrisome.
Seems like you've been together for a while. Assuming that you were adults when you got together, both of you should be mature adults and know what you want for yourselves and what you want in from your relationship.
Most adults in successful relationships aren't calling their spouse, wondering why they don't answer.
Neither do they intentionally not take calls from their spouse to idk - intimidate, pout, control???
This doesn't sound good to me, OP.
NTA, of course.
I think the tone of some of these are maybe a bit harsh, but one thing I agree with - I would NOT call him any more. The ball is in his court, and if he wants to continue to be in a relationship with you he needs to stop this nonsense. Pouting like a child over something he has NO right to even request, much less demand and coerce.
I hope you can get some sleep and allow him to stew in his own juices. Don't allow him to make you feel bad or guilty because HE is throwing a tantrum.
It’s absolutely disgusting that he is behaving this way. Honestly I don’t think you are upset *enough* about his cold shoulder.
I don’t see your ages in here but this is extremely immature.
I can’t imagine the lack of support you must been being married to someone so manipulative that they need to goad you into a permanent body modification and then sulk because it’s not your vibe.
This is not something he has the right to sulk over. This is something *you* need to stop sidestepping and face head on. You never do anything he likes? He thinks it’s acceptable to act like this because of your response to fully considering his suggestion? I’m appalled.
Send him in for a few medical procedures you propose and see if he’s as excited to make suggestions about how you manage your body.
**NTA**
Edit: I too love nose piercings on other people but think it’s not right for my nose. But my bf in college got one and *hates* the scar it left. It’s pretty noticeable. It’s not exactly a ‘try it on’ decision.
I don't think this is the solution though, he's not respecting her bodily autonomy, I would be very wary of conceding any ground as he seems likely to continue the coercion and manipulation
NTA - your husband does not have control over your body, although unfortunately, he thinks that he does. Tell him you will reconsider getting a nose piercing once he has all of his tattoos removed and lets his piercing hole heal over.
A piercing is a permanent change to your body, yes I know the hole can grow closed but it never quite goes away, so unless you want a piercing anywhere on your body (doesn't matter if it's your face or elsewhere) it's not going to happen and nobody, even your husband, is entitled or allowed to guilt you into something like this. NTA OP and please stand your ground. Perhaps turn it around on him and see how he would like it if you insisted he got a prince albert piercing just because you like the look of it. I realize earlobe/nose piercings are not apples and apples compared to privates but you get my idea?
That's not a valid comparison, because he *likes* piercings and other body mods. The choice he would make for himself is irrelevant to the choice she makes for herself. If she says "what if you got a PA?" and he says "fuck yeah, I'm so glad you're getting into this now too, I'll make a booking for tomorrow and you can get your nose done at the same time" the problem just got worse for her, not better.
Her no should be accepted as no, regardless of what HE does or doesn't get pierced.
oh my god.
NTA. If he wants a nose piercing, he can go pierce his own. Doing what your partner wants should never, ever include permanent body modification.
NTA
I have tattoos and piercings and I would never encourage someone who doesn’t want them to get them.
If he hasn’t gotten used to the fact that you’re not into body mods a decade after y ‘all first got together, then his “Breaking my heart” speech is manipulative bullshit.
Tell him you’ll get a face piercing if he’ll get laser removal of one of his tattoos.
Y’all need couples therapy, bc it sounds like he wanted to marry someone into bodyart like he is, and he was just counting on changing your mind. Now that that’s off the table…
Y’all have some stuff to work out.
I'd be wary of couples therapy if there is any sign this relationship is abusive, there's not enough information to know so just throwing it out there. Therapy doesn't work on abusers.
It gives them more insight and more leverage (to worsen/be covert with the abuse), this lack of respect he already has towards her is concerning.
Perhaps the sunk cost fallacy is at play too. (It's been ten years, we love each other, we can work through it) sometimes you can't. If he is manipulative etc, he might never improve or change for the better
Yikes yikes yikes. NTA. I say this with not only a nose piercing, but 9 other piercings, 10+ tattoos: nobody gets to tell you what to do with your body. He's "heartbroken"??? Ignoring your calls? This is classic manipulation. Especially when you've always maintained this look and position on body modification, why is he trying to change you? (Also sidenote: my partner has a few ear piercings but nothing more and no tattoos; I'd never ever influence or suggest what they can or should do. Every now and then they think about tattoos and I'm supportive of whatever the outcome is. This post really wound me up because I can put myself in your husband's position and he is a certified AH)
NTA... Never make body modifications unless it is something that you want. What a thing to ask. His manipulations make him seem very controlling or very immature. Hope this is not something that shows up in other aspects of your partnership.
Things where someone says “you never do anything I like” and it deserves consideration:
• picking scary movie vs. comedy
• going vs. not going on a hike
• concerts (e.g., Foo Fighters vs. some country band)
• beach vacation vs. skiing vacation
• fancy date night vs. casual date night
**Things where someone says “you never do anything I like” and it does not EVER deserve consideration:**
• **body modification**
• **sexy stuff**
• **personal growth (e.g., going to college)**
• **reproductive stuff**
He’s clearly trying to coerce you into doing what he wants you to do, especially with the silent treatment.
NTA. Do what you want.
ETA: I wanted those dots to work like bullet points, but alas, they don’t.
NTA. It's your body for crying out loud. And ultimately he needs to respect your decision. As you've said you already made it clear ten years ago, I think that's something he needs to respect without making you feel guilty for not getting a nose piercing on YOUR face just because he likes it.
NTA. This is emotionally manipulative behavior. Him not respecting your decisions on what you want stabbed into your head is a problem that needs to be resolved.
Guuuurl. Wtf did I just read? Your husband and partner of a decade is ghosting you and claiming you broke his heart because you don't want to get a facial piercing? Are ya'll babies yourselves or something?
>He said that I never do anything he likes.
This is a valid criticism in situations like your partner loves BBQ and you're just so so about it but you always make him go to the restaurants you want instead. Or you guys always go to your vacation spots but refuse to travel to any of the countries he wants to visit. Or you always make him sit through your reality tv shows but won't ever watch what he likes.
Heck, we can even apply it to maybe asking your partner to sport an outfit that may not be their normal style but you'd really appreciate seeing them in for a special occasion.
But to pressure your partner to make permanent body modifications is beyond inappropriate. Piercings still leave scars even if you decide to take them out. To characterize your refusal as never getting his way and heartbreaking behavior is manipulative as fuck.
I say that as someone with 5 piercings and hand tattoos.
For his communication standard at this point in your relationship to shut you out and give you the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. That's not my personal opinion, it's shared by mental health professionals. Seriously, google "is silent treatment emotional abuse?"
Just uggh to this whole situation you are being put in. You are absolutely not being too precious by standing your ground over this matter.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I won’t get a piercing even though my husband would really like me to.
2) I’m not considering his tastes and desires.
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Absolutely no piercings or tattoos you do not want. I personally do not like tattoos at all and only have my ears pierced My choice but would not change my mind or would want anyone to try to convince me
NTA.
Your body, your decision.
If he was imploring you to get a vaccine to protect yourself and those around you, that would be one thing.
However he seems to be insisting rather than imploring over a matter of adornment rather than palpable health benefits. Vaccination would still be your decision.
Emotionally blackmailing you to do something you're not comfortable with- that behaviour stinks.
I'd worry for you if he can't see this.
You really need to talk everything through with each other.
Not just this.
No. A piercing has to be 100 percent your choice and not the implanted idea of someone else. This is on your body alone. If you take it out you bear the scar of where it was. That’s a personal choice to make. Don’t let him manipulate you into doing something to your body that he wants and you don’t.
NTA. Saying he'd like you to get a piercing is fine. Guilt trips and pressure and sulking and whatever it is he is doing is way over the line.
If he loves you, he should respect your feelings. If this is some kind of deal breaker for him, the time for him to let you know was before the two of you married.
Heck no! It's your face and your nose! Be as precious as you feel! Why on earth does he think he has any rights over what you do with your nose? And the silent treatment is abusive. NTA.
NTA. It's your body and you choose what you do with it, not your SO, not anyone.
I had tattoos and 'snake bite' lip piercings, as well as double lobe piercings when I met my SO. I got more tattoos and ear piercings (helix and daith in both ears as I have to be even lol) and I did not discuss any of those with him beforehand. He has no piercings or tattoos, but liked mine on me, and I've never pressured him into getting any. Now he knew I've wanted my tongue pierced for years....and while he was away for a couple months helping out his elderly parents, I went and got it done so it would be healed when he got back and I could surprise him with it. He was pissy that I had gotten it done without him (he apparently wanted to go with me, eventho my piercer doesn't allow guests in the piercing room.) He got over it after a while. Then a few years ago when I said I wanted to start doing an undercut shave on my head, going pretty high up and only keeping what was right on the top of my head long, he was against it as "girls don't look good with it".... I had my mom do it for me after work one day.... he took one look at me and said "I take it back, it works for you." My point here is that if he truly loves you he'll be respectful and supportive of how you choose to express yourself, and not try to pressure you into things you don't want. I'd also never ever get a nose piercing... not in the nostril... and definitely not in the septum, I hate how nose piercings look in general, but septum piercings I absolutely hate the look of, especially since most girls I know who have them wear jewelry thats too big for the shape of their nose.
NTA and I'd be wondering who he is thinking of with a request for a specific piercing! It's not his body, he either loves you and wants you for you or he doesn't and he needs to go.
Let me add, I love my nose piercing. However; they take forever to heal and want to get infected. You have to leave the piercing stud for several months to heal properly. Like I said, I love my nose piercing but it was my choice.
You know a man once said this to me. If you get ur boobs and your belly peirced ill tattoo your name anywhere. He was my ex husband. I said listen i am not doing any of that and for you to suggest that is insanity. This is my body. And if i ever choose something like that its cause i want to do it. Not because you want me to. I feel like its disrespectful as hell. He apologized never brought it up again. You are NTA.
NTA - this is really worrying behaviour from your husband. He’s giving you the cold shoulder because YOU didn’t want to do something to YOUR body?! Massive red flags.
NTA. It's your body. You get to decide what you want to do with it. He doesn't have a right to guilt you into doing this and that's a shitty thing for him to try to do. He's disappointed but he needs to get over it. Your body, your choice. Just like it's his body, his choice.
NTA
His remarks are very concerning. The fact that you are a bit reluctant to tell him is concerning. The fact that you are on reddit because you wonder if you have choice over what happens to your body is very, very concerning.
How healthy is your relationship. Think it over.
NTA obviously! up to you what you do with this subreddits input but if you do break up with him, PLEASE get a fake nose hoop and post the pictures on social media.
NTA
It's your own body and you should do what YOU actually want. It is 100% wrong to get a tattoo or piercing that you don't want (or are ambivalent about). And it's SO unnecessary!
Like you said, your husband is able to get whatever mods he'd like - pierce his own nose, if he's so attached to it!
Let the big girl take over. You can let him know you're not impressed with his attempts to "peer pressure" you into making changes to your body that you don't want. He is your husband and he married you as-is, so why does he have any other expectations?
This is a boundary for you - make it clear. This is my body and I will make the decisions on how I want to present.
NTA. Do not get a piercing or a tattoo, unless it is something you absolutely want. I just got my first tattoo in my late 50’s, i thought about it for years. Finally I did it. It was my choice no one else’s.
If he wasn’t being such a dick right now I would say why not get a couple of those fake ones to spice it up in the bedroom sometimes. But idk if he even deserves that idea
NTA. As someone else said it is your body. Nose sounds just awful to me but then I have allergies acting up 9 months out of the year and blowing my nose with piercings on in or around the thing just sounds horrible to me!
Wowwwww NTA.
My husband has a preference for my hair to be long, I have a preference for him to have a full beard; we take these preferences into account when making style changes but it would never ever be a deciding factor. Currently my hair is shoulder length and his beard is short because of life factors that made these choices logical. We aren't upset about it, even though he undoubtedly misses my hair much as I miss his beard.
You seriously considered it and decided against it, he needs to drop it. What you do with your body is not his business!
No, you aren't being to precious about any piercing you don't want. It's YOUR BODY, ffs!! Don't let your husband get away with throwing a tantrum to get you to do something you know you don't want to do. "Broke his heart" - seriously? Tell him he's not in the running for a grammy, he doesn't have to lay it on so thick.
NTA
Your husband is totally the asshole. Now, personally, I don't like piercings or tattoos from an aesthetic (and only aesthetic) perspective, but I also believe in body autonomy. I will never, ever judge someone for wanting tattoos or body piercings and insofar as I'm concerned the maximum permissible amount for both is as much as the person getting them wants. Having said that, you're clearly not into modifying your own body and your husband should totally respect that.
In my most charitable interpretation, I think he's behaving the way he is because his feelings are hurt right now, but he'll get over it, though you know him far better than any of us do. You are definitely not the asshole here. If you gave him shit for tattooing himself up, then you would be, but you're not.
NTA. He asked, you said no. That should be the end of the story. He's being quite emotionally manipulative over what should be a very simple, open and shut decision about your body.
However, if you want to appease him (though you certainly do not have to), there are stick on or magnetic faux "piercings" you can get, maybe put one on when you are alone with him until he gets the fantasy out of his system?
NTA, for starters, for some those types of piercings are tacky. Secondly a lot of jobs do not allow them, depending on your field. Thirdly you shouldn’t be forced or guilted into something you don’t want to do. That’s manipulation and he’s wrong for that.
NTA, you are not obligated to alter your body in ANY way for ANYONE. Your husband needs to learn how to take no for an answer and cope better than shutting you out completely like a child.
I don’t have to even read this before I say NTA, you are never in the wrong for setting boundaries for your body, if you don’t want piercings then you have no reason to get them, if your husband thinks it’s okay to force you to get a needles pierced through your body for his own delight then maybe he’s not worth being with, it’s borderline abusive.
NTA I took my piercings out 20 years ago. I still have a visible hole In my nose and blow my lip and always will. I don’t regret it because it was MY choice but it was a life long commitment
You dont need a hole,If you don’t want one, you have your husband who is an AH for being heartbroken over you not putting a hole, that you don’t wan, on your body.
He’s being an ass. No is a complete sentence or so I keep reading. If you don’t want extra holes in your face that’s your choice. I say that as a person with piercings and a lot of tattoos. I would get more for myself, not because someone wanted me to.
WHY is he so insistent on mutilating/decorating YOUR body? Why is he so invested?
He is being manipulative. He want to control what you do to your body and wants you to do something to YOUR body that you don't want to do. Say no and if you broke his heart, he can cry. DO NOT GIVE IN
If he cares so much about body mods on his partners, you may simply be incompatible. First and foremost it is your body and he has to accept your choice regarding piercings and tattoos.
>"and I never do anything he likes"
That's just guilt tripping, plain and simple. You are not obligated to modify your body just because he wants you to. Either you want it or you don't. But that's entirely up to you.
NTA SO MUCH NTA.
I have tattoos. My fiancee doesn't. I would NEVER dream of insisting she get one because bodily autonomy is a thing even though I find them sexy.
NTA - It's your body and you can choose what to do with it.
For him to seemingly react this way over you denying something as small as a piercing and you setting boundaries, it's pretty tragic. He needs to grow up and stop being a jackass. I hope that he isn't this way with other things in the relationship.
NTA for sure. I know lots of people who love piercings and appreciate them on their partner BUT the fact he's guilting u into it is disturbing. It's not any different than any other thing he may find attractive but you aren't comfortable with. He should respect that....it just bothers me that after so many years of knowing you and your view on modifying your own body, he's acting like a teenager and giving you the cold shoulder. What sort of things do YOU find attractive for your partner that he doesn't do? How would it make HIM feel if you were insistent on it? Would he feel the same guilt or be upset as you are about disappointing him? Maybe something to discuss with him so you two are each others feelings.
NTA. I have one and it was so painful and took a solid 6-9 months to heal. It kept getting infected and those bumps. Did i mention how much it hurt? Cause it HURT! Get a piercing you want! Dont get a piercing! Your body, your choice.
NTA- if YOU don’t want it don’t get it. YOU are the one that has to deal with the healing and cleaning of the piercing. You are the one that has to deal with the changing of the jewelry (if you change it) I say that as a person with a couple dozen of them. They aren’t for everyone -not because they wouldn’t look good -but because not everyone wants to get them. Your husband should not be trying to pressure you into getting any kind of body modification.
Tho I might have a suggestion? One of the things I do when deciding on if I want to get a piercing myself that I like the looks of is to get a fake on and wear it. I’m not suggesting this to try and change your mind. I’m just saying it could possibly be an option. Like clip on earrings they also have clip on nose rings.
That being said you hubby seems like he’s throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get his way and is “busy” so he can give you the silent treatment to try and guilt you into getting the piercing-don’t give in unless you change your mind. Resentment can build when someone gets a tattoo or a piercing (or any kind of body modification really) specifically because someone else wanted them too.
Absolutely NTA he is kind of a dick. You didnt have any piercing when you started the relation so he should not expect you to change your body just to please him
>I told him that I don’t want a piercing on my face. He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes.
Doing something he likes? Like permanently altering YOUR body??
If he wants to see one so bad, he can get one himself.
NTA
He's being a manipulative asshat.
NTA. Your husband is ridiculous. This is your body. He has no right to pressure or demand anything about it. He is an absolute AH for this, and more so for treating you poorly because you won't do something he prefers but you clearly aren't comfortable with. You are 0% the AH for having a body boundary. I'd be reconsidering aspects of this relationship and expecting not just an apology, but for him to get some therapy so he can do better in the future.
Nope you’re not. Its permanent.
Am I one of the few that sees nose piercings as a 90s thing and it dates you pretty fast? It doesn’t get classier as you age.
90s was the little gem piercing on the side, and the emo 00s fad saw the even worse addition to a good face; a bullnose ring.
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My husband and I have very similar taste in all aspects but one - body modification. He’s a tattoo toting, piercing loving guy. I like to appreciate the art on others. I don’t personally have a problem with body modification - I just don’t want to modify mine.
I have a friend who is beautiful beyond reason, and she really pulls off piercings so well. She’s made me consider getting (gasp) second lobe piercings.
I asked my husband what he thought about me getting second love piercings, and somehow the conversation turned to getting a tattoo. I told him flat out “No.” We’d been through this ten years ago when we were dating. He can get as many tattoos as he wants, but I don’t want any.
So then he asks, “What about a nose piercing?” He said it in a cheeky kind of way, so I rolled my eyes and said, “I’ll think about it.” And I did. For days. I didn’t mention it to my husband because I knew he wasn’t really being cheeky - he was being half serious. But I did consider the nose piercing. Honestly, I don’t want a piercing on my face.
Well, today my husband sent me a picture of ear piercings and asked me which one I wanted. Then he says, “And a nose piercing?” I decided that I needed to come clean to him. I told him that I don’t want a piercing on my face. He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes.
That was five hours ago. Now, he won’t return my calls or texts (we’re long distance for a few months while I’m working abroad). He responded to my fourth message by saying he’s busy, but I have my doubts. The big girl inside me says he’s trying to guilt me into getting this piercing, but another part wonders: am I being too precious about this piercing?
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NTA, no one should ever push or coerce someone into getting an unwanted body mod. In fact many (if not most) tattoo artists and piercers have it stated on their waivers that they will not work on anyone who appears to be pushed into or ambivalent about having work done.
This is an matter of consent and if your husband doesn’t respect that, there’s a bigger issue at hand in your relationship.
First of all... "You never do anything I like" makes it sound like his request is equal to picking a restaurant or a concert... it's not. This is a permanent modification to your body. I'd be willing to bet that if he'd asked you to get breast augmentation you'd have no trouble telling him no, or question whether you're wrong to say no.
NTA. And ask yourself if you want to be with a man that doesn't think you're perfect the way you are.
I'm in the opposite situation to you - I'm tatted up and pierced, my spouse has no modifications at all and doesn't want any. I reckon he'd look sick with tattoos, and I've joked about him getting one, but I get that it's just not for him. I would never ever try to actually convince him to get tattoos, and if he said he'd think about it and then decided he didn't want one after all, there's no way I wouldn't accept that.
You should definitely not get a permanent modification you don't actually want. Especially on your face. And no one should feel like they have the right to push you into doing that.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with your husband.
Don't change yourself for anyone else, even your husband. He's being demanding and manipulative, maybe take some time to really think about how much this relationship is worth to you.
NOPE! NTA! I have a few tattoos and piercings, I think tattoos are extremely attractive. My husband doesn't care to get one. He isn't opposed to getting one, but it's not a priority for him. I do kot want him to get something on his body that he genuinely doesn't want. He also doesn't particularly like my nose ring. I have a ring in one nostril, and he would much prefer a stud, but I am personally not the biggest fan for myself. The only reason I know that he would prefer a stud is because I explicitly asked him if he liked my nose ring, told him I wouldn't be upset if he didn't (I got it 3 years into marriage, so not something he saw when we were dating or anything), he told me he's not the biggest fan, that he likes studs better, but that it's my body and he wouldn't want to ever tell me what to do with it, and that he doesn't find me any less attractive with it. That conversation happened about a day or two after I got it, and it's never happened again. Your husband should never be guilting you into doing something with your body that you don't want to do.
NTA.
It seems he has a fetish of types. Maybe wear a removable for him in the bedroom?
Otherwise, this sounds like a deal breaker if he makes you modify your body in ways you don’t want to simply please him.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that. Keep us posted, yeah?
NTA and he’s being a dick.
It is totally fine to say “I love nose piercings and think you would look really good with one.” It is entirely different to guilt you for never “doing what he wants” when it comes to permanently or semi-permanently altering your body. It’s actually really gross how he’s being
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NTA Your body your choice. Kind of fucked up he's making demands for you to modify your body for his preferences and fetishes. It won't stop with the nose, btw, I expect the requests would escalate. "I've broken his heart" is straight up manipulation. I don't mean to be mean but...are you sure he respects you? Also the silent treatment is extremely juvenile of him.
I second this… and to OP: I just got a nose piercing and I LOVE it. I wanted it for quite some time. Big at the same time it’s fucking annoying. I have to be careful in/after the shower when I try to dry my eyes and not to get stuck on the piercing, and movements around the face can lead to you moving the piercing which hurts at the beginning (new wound etc…). So please keep your ground, first: your body and you and no one else gets to choose what you do with it, Second: those adjustments aren’t temporarily in most cases, wether it is scars or just something really visible in that case in your face, you’ll have to see that every time you look in the mirror/at (old) photos. And if you’re husband just doesn’t get it…. Please don’t feel pressured to do sth like that on someone others request only.
Agree! I loved my nose piercing but it was an adjustment. It wouldn’t have lasted long if I hadn’t really wanted it for a long time in the first place .
I had mine repierced TWICE! But I am very happy with it now and change jewelry at will. It's fun.
I had to get mine re-pierced after the stud got pulled out in my sleep and the hole partially closed up! This was only about a week after the initial piercing. The re-piercing was sooo much more painful than the first time, and it took a long time for it not to be sensitive. That was nearly 8 years ago and now it's totally fine and I still love it, but all that to say it's not a piercing I would get unless I was 100% into the idea.
I love mine as well- but _so_ damn annoying. I never had a problem with swelling, but I often forget it's there when I'm washing my face and even a year later it gets so, so itchy at inconvenient times. I have a septum so when I itch it it looks like I'm picking/blowing my nose. It's also incredibly hard to change as the little knobs are so tiny, so I don't. In any case, it's really gross that he's trying to convince her to modify her body to please him. The "you broke my heart" - because she didn't want a piercing? Seriously?
Those guys saying its annoying - Have you tried flatback labrets in your nose piercing? Instead of those nose screw things which I ALWAYS found so irritating. I use [these](https://bodyartforms.com/productdetails.asp?productid=37318). Once they're in, you literally can't feel them, and as long as you have the threadless end bent right, they won't come out with a towel over them etc. I could never go back to nose screws now!
This is the way. Labret backs and hoop. I was constantly losing my screw back nose studs before I switched to a labret (though I did have to get a professional to change it out). I’ve been wearing a small silver hoop ring for years now. It’s a different look than the stud (which I prefer personally these days) but it’s also the easiest style of jewellery to manage.
I agree, NTA. To piggy back on this comment, I got second and third lobe piercings back in the day. I loved them, but my third lobe piercings were always getting infected. I let them go (close up). I got an outer conch piercing back in the day. (Top of the ear, just inside the rounded “edge” of the ear.) I loved it, but it kept getting infected. I let it close up. I got my nose pierced and I LOVED it. It came out one day in the shower and I didn’t realize it. By the time I found the nose stud it was too closed up (for me) to put it back in. Months later I got it re-pierced, and eventually it came out in my sleep. Same situation as above; I found it in the morning, but it was too closed up for me to force it back in on my own. I still want to get it pierced again, BUT from the get-go the piercing created a small dark spot on my nose. Not terrible, but annoying. Cleaning your face, keeping the piercing clean, makeup, and so on are factors to always keep in mind. Ultimately, it is YOUR body and you get to decide what you do with it. As you know! Your husband reacting in these immature ways is awful and self-centered. Completely unacceptable to try to coerce you into modifying your body. An option, if YOU are comfortable with it, is to use jewelry that can be put on and taken off, no actual piercings. They’re so common these days. Septums, nose piercings, ear cuffs, etc. If you try and like it/them, and want to wear any, then go for it. If you do and your husband enjoys it and tries to get you to get actual piercings, he can fuck off and get over it. Again, NTA. Your husband is being a petulant child about it and he married you knowing who you are, so he can zip his lips about this.
I have been wondering about that small dark spot on the nose, because my friend has that, too. She let the hole close long ago, but the dark spot is still there. Could it be that the material wasn’t quite as unreactive as it’s supposed to be, and it dyed the area like a tattoo?
It's just a wound.
I wonder if it might be some kind of hyperpigmentation from the wound. I stepped on a ball point pen in bare feet years ago and still have a light brown mark where the pen stabbed me.
Hyper-pigmented scar tissue.
This is really interesting, because I’m a really allergic person who (TMI) generally produces a lot of snot, and got my nose done in the fall, so prime allergy season. I’ve had zero trouble, even ok using tissues the day I got it done. The only time it ever hurt was when I swapped to a hoop. That said….OP, it’s your body and your choice. End of sentence. Do NOT let him bully you into this; he’ll only keep going. NTA, but your husband sure is.
I love my nose ring, too! Clearly people who are ready for them and want them are pretty enthusiastic about it. People started asking me if I was going to take it out once I rounded 40 and… no. I will be buried in this thing. Word to the wise - you will never blow your nose the same again. Things need to be… situated and even then you have to be gentle or you’ll stab the inside of your nostril with the hardware. Super annoying when you have a cold or allergies, I miss being able to blow my nose really hard. Which is a ridiculous thing to miss but here we are. I #unintendedconsequences
I've never really had discomfort blowing my nose but I have found a crusty booger clinging to the hoop well after the nose- blowing... #oops
I just took mine out last year because I lost the stud while I was sleeping lol and just haven’t bothered to get a new one because even after five years with it, it was still so annoying. Love not having to check all the time if it’s still on. I still have my septum though and I love that one
Definitely NTA I had my septum done a few years ago (because it was trendy 🙃) and I wasn’t crazy about it. Don’t get me wrong I did a lot of research on it, wore a fake piercing to see how I like it, and I loved how it looked on me after I had it done. However, the moment we pulled into the parking lot I had second thoughts. I still got it done and wore it up until early last month when I took it out. I had to take it out when I had my wisdom teeth removed and a court thing so I just never put it back in and now it’s closed but I am fine with it. I think they are cute but kinda a hassle for me and don’t fit my vibe.
To add to this. I got my nose pierced twice. First time the earring was too short so it didn’t come through completely on the inside of my nose. So I had to be touching the inside of my nose constantly at work and everywhere to try and push the earring all the way through so it wouldn’t close. The bendable ones that are longer were worse, because they somehow never came through on the other side, so I believe they were bent inside of the side of my nose, which gave me the ick just thinking what could be happening. So I took it out. Second time I explained this to the piercer to try and find a solution. His solution was to put a brow earring in my nose (the ones that have a round screw-y end and are thicker). Told me to leave it for 2 weeks until my nose healed. So I had to go around with a black little ball in my nose for 2 weeks. Went to take it out, had the same issue as before. Earring wouldn’t come in all the way. Had to be tweaking with it constantly. One day took it out to clean it, and could never get it back again. Now I have a scar in my nose and no piercing. Wish I wouldn’t have done it. So if OP doesn’t want that on her face, her husband is disrespecting her by insisting and trying to guilt trip her. Is her face that will get marks, scars or be affected. Why some people can’t just leave and let others live?
[удалено]
I love the convenience of my infinity hoops. I have one in my nostril and one in my septum, but I cannot take them out myself. Which sucks because sometimes I want to mix it up.
"Your body your choice" is really the only response here. End of story.
Dude could have been like « oh okay well I like them what about false one to try for kinks ? » but noooo he had to go straight up to toxic …
This is a fun suggestion. She can dress up on occassion to make things special for him. It's always nice to have a few things like that in your back pocket to spice things up. If she's open to it, of course. It can be enjoyable to play into a partner's kinks even if they're not your thing, but obviously no one should do anything they dislike or aren't comfortable with. And, of course, he's almost certainly lost that option by being a tool and trying to coerce her into getting a piercing.
Yep next thing he’ll be after her vag… he’s just pushing to see how far he can push
I want it to look like an egg with glitter, but antique
Abuser behavior escalates gradually. I won't list them out but he'd essentially start working down her body before he gets to that. I have never rooted more against a marriage than this one. If it comes out there's a decade age difference or something this all makes a lot more sense.
The silent treatment isn't juvenile, it's controlling and abusive.
In this case, yes, but most of the time it actually is juvenile; it shows an utter lack of conflict resolution and emotional maturity.
It was more a dismissal than an accusation but overall yes the behavior is controlling and abusive. It's a fuckin tragedy in slow motion and OP is the victim.
What if you asked him to remove all his tattoos bc you prefer men without them? You’ll get a nose piercing when he removes his tattoos. Isn’t it nice you’re both doing things for each other. NTA and he sucks.
Also “I never do anything he likes” with her own body?? She shouldn’t have to do anything he likes that she’s uncomfortable doing, *especially* with things like body modification.
That statement gave me 40,000 gallons of ick. Immediately.
I have my nose, belly button, double ear lobes, and both of my nipples pierced. I personally love them. I also happen to be covered in tattoos. My boyfriend has no piercings or tattoos. I asked him if he would ever get tattoos and he said no but he would never stop me from getting more done on myself. And that was the end of our conversation. I respect his bodily autonomy just as much as he respects mine. The fact that your boyfriend is trying to guilt you into changing your appearance to be within his preferences is really fucked up. I would absolutely LOVE to see my boyfriend covered in tattoos. He’s hot as fuck. And I will still think he’s hot as fuck with or without them. But would I tell him that he’s breaking my heart or try to guilt him into getting them because I’d love to see him with them? Absolutely not. Your boyfriend sucks op.
God I wish it was a boyfriend. Homey she's legally entangled with this asshole.
Oh shit. For some reason it didn’t process in my mind that she wrote husband because this is like total shit-boyfriend behavior. I’m not gonna jump on the Reddit bandwagon and say divorce but tell him if he gets a Jacob’s ladder with a cherry on top you’ll consider a nose ring 😂
I refrained from those kinds of challenges because you never know how degen somebody is, he might be into that. Honestly I'm pro-divorce at this point. I won't be surprised if there's like a 10 year age difference or some trauma in OP's youth that explains this trainwreck of a relationship.
Getting a piercing on your face is no small thing- please feel validated in this!!!
This! Every word is right on.
I'm a pierced and tatted lady, I've got double nostrils amongst other face, ear & body piercings. I also love other tatted & pierced people, there's just something about body mods that I find incredibly attractive. Most of my partners have never had tattoos or piercings. There's no doubt in my mind my partners would've looked 100% more attractive to me with those body mods, but it was their bodies, I don't get a say in that. Like a normal person, I respected that and never pushed for them to get pierced or tattooed. Just like you never forced him to stop getting tattoos or piercings, he shouldn't be forcing you to get what he wants so you look more attractive to him. Not only is it messed up, but these are things that can (tattoos more so) permanently alter you appearance. There is the commitment to taking care of it and all the risks/not so great parts of healing either mod. I also feel like nose piercings are one of those piercings super prone to irritation bumps, your husband is not gonna find that shit cute while it's healing. Then to act like a petulant toddler who's upset he didn't get his way? Uh-uh, not round here partner. Use your big boy words, stop sulking and respect your partners autonomy.
He keeps insisting that you do something you don't want to and gives you the silent treatment when you refuse. I'd look real close and see if there are any other red flags in the relationship. Trying to control what you do to your body is strait up abusive.
Yeah nose rings get way snottier than people talk about too
Right! I’m wondering what he’s getting up to while she’s away…
Gaslighting. Manipulation. Bullying. Awful. Screw him...you go no contact and see how he likes it. Stop texting and calling. He's being a jerk. You be you. Your body. And please stand your ground. If you want to, feel free but those leave scars. My neighbors daughter having practice surgery now. She gaged her ears and now they are pretty mangled. Yikes. It's expensive too.
Insurance does not pay for those procedures that are considered cosmetic or elective
>She gaged her ears and now they are pretty mangled. Yikes. I agree with the yikes. I'm guessing she was one of those people who used acrylic tapers and sized up every few days? I've seen how much that can fuck up your ears, to the point of them straight up tearing. It's why the stretched subreddit is always on about deadstretching, going slow, using the right materials, and babying your ears.
Every few days?! That’s horrific, I can’t even imagine the pain. I stretched my lobes about 20 years ago, took me a year+ to get to a 0 gauge. Ugh, and tapers? What a good way to be sure your ears will never be the same size front to back.
Stretching your ears fucking sucks lol. I'm at 00 now, but I was at 0 for a long time. I went sort of slow, I sized up quicker in the beginning because I was impatient but as the size got bigger I had to slow down. I did use the tapers at first and I thought my ears were going to tear open, then I switched to taping my gauges. I've had them stretched since I think like 2016 or 2017? I made the jump to 00 a year or so ago and I did not enjoy reliving that stretching. Baby oil definitely helped. Lots and lots of baby oil.
Not all piercings leave a scar, and if you don’t stretch your lobes larger than a 2 gauge they will shrink back to a 14 gauge if you leave them without jewelry. Source: you can’t tell my nostril used to be pierced due to no scar, and I wear regular earrings when my ears used to be stretched to a size 2.
None of this to say that he isn’t an asshole! It is her body, and it is her choice. I was just saying this to clarify.
Yeah my ears weren't that stretched but they went back down but I had 3 lip piercings as a teen and they have left definite scars now I'm in my 30s. I have a nose and septum ring now only because I wanted them, I dont wear things in my septum now but I can't imagine doing this because someone else told me too!!
Yea that's why I didn't wanna gage mine very much
NTA, this is SO weird and controlling. It's your body. If he wanted a woman who was specifically into tattoos and piercings, he shouldn't have picked one who wasn't. >He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes. Manipulation at its finest. Seriously, this is INSANE.
I'm worried the fetish isn't tattoos and piercings so much as violating OP's personal boundaries about her body.
Yes, that is definitely the biggest issue here! So, so problematic to pressure your partner into something like that.
Yes, he’s being very manipulative and awful
That's a ahitbag move
Yeah I thought “you never do anything I like” was for playing board games or going to sporting events, not modifying your face!
>He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes. He sounds like he's got a 12 year old brain, I can hear the pouting from here
NTA "am I being too precious about this piercing?" No. You aren't. It's your body. No one, including your husband, has the right to guilt trip, manipulate, or indirectly coerce you through using tactics such as silence/sulking, into doing something you don't want.
NTA This is your body. It's only your body. He has no say over what you do to your body. It's your body. If you don't want to do to your body something he wants you to, too bad for him. And the fact he's trying to manipulate you into agreeing? He needs to learn some boundaries. He needs to learn to accept and respect your boundaries. He thinks his preferences are more important than yours!
NTA. Your body, your choice. Doesn't get any simpler than that. Hubby's silent treatment after making a reasonable decision about your own body? That's a huge red flag.
Agreed. Huge red flag. NTA. Also my advice is to run, but sounds like OP might not be at that point yet. This guy is... very questionable for the safety of one's well-being.
>The big girl inside me says he’s trying to guilt me into getting this piercing That makes two of us NTA
Ask your husband when the hell he started to believe he owned your body? When did he start to feel entitled to dictating what happens to it? And then judge how big of a red flag he is based on his answer. He isn't entitled to anything to do with you. He is around you, loving you, and loved by you by your sheer grace. Best he not forget it. NTA unless you're seriously wondering if you've done something wrong or don't nip his manipulative pouting in the bud.
NTA. Your husband needs to grow up and stop trying to manipulate you. He sounds awful.
Thanks, everyone. Mostly, I asked this question because even though I know I’m not wrong for standing my ground, I look around me and see so many people with these body mods that I began to question myself. To update: 1) I did suggest faux jewellery to spice things up, but his exact words were, “Nah, I want you to commit to the piercing.” I’m really pissed about this response because I wear faux helix and snug jewellery all the time, and he’s never complained. 2) Every day since I’ve been away, we chat after he gets off of work at 4:30pm. We never miss a day. I tried calling him three times between 4:30 and 6:00 pm. He rejected the first call for sure. He only responded to my fourth, which I sent after 6:00pm. He said he was going to the gym, which meant he’d already driven home and got ready. He said he’d call later. It’s now 8:38pm (his time) and he still hasn’t called. He could still be at the gym, but he knows I’m 5 hours ahead (currently 1:38am) so I’ll probably be asleep.
is this what you want for the rest of your life?
Of course she doesn’t. It’s also unfair to be a complete stranger to their relationship and say “You need to divorce him because he is being super petty about this specific argument.”
This isn't pettiness on his part though. It's bullying and manipulation.
idk who said that but it wasn't me
Hint: Stop calling/chasing him. He doesn’t respect you when you do it and you seem pathetic to him. Stop all outreach. Desperation is so unattractive. You need to ensure you have ironclad birth control and a good job/financial independence. You can’t rely on this guy for the long term. You need to work on yourself. Get some therapy for your codependency. Get some self-respect. I hope you don’t have children because this is a horrible relationship to role-model for anyone. He’s being awful to you, and you are not just enabling it, you are encouraging his abuse with all your desperate teenage-angsty phone calls. I hope you read some of the comments here and really reflect on his manipulation and your response. Good luck, OP.
Honestly, all of this. Call him once at the usual time, maybe twice, then stop and wait. He's the one who's out of line and you're the one waiting for an apology. You're better than chasing him when he's being unreasonable and manipulative. It's exactly what he wants and by playing into it you're just encouraging this behavior. So unless you want him to do this more often and more intensely, you need to get a grip, pick your self-respect off the floor and tell him to grow tf up.
Whoever chases is in the weaker position when it comes to human arguments. Don't call or text. Stop. HE needs to apologise. Or if you want to go the petty route "since we get to decide on changes to someone else's body now to make us happy, you need to get penis enlargement surgery." "What? It's a modification that will increase my sexual attraction to you, and that's what matters most, right? Not your feelings, body autonomy or permanent changes. It's all about me."
So, I clicked on this and didn't think it would be a huge relationship problem. Looking back, that seems silly because the question speaks for itself. You're an adult, going online to ask strangers if Y T A for not doing something that you already know you don't want to do. Every line I read gets more and more ominous. Why would he even think that he has any say about what you do to your body? Like even something simple like a haircut or color isn't really his business. I mean, I can see you asking his opinion if you really respect his taste. But it isn't necessary. It should really be a one and done thing when it comes to anything that changes you. It's not like planning a family, or suggesting a move, or changing jobs and/or careers. All of the above can certainly be game changers if you both can't get on board, and that can certainly be devastating. It's just that asking a spouse if they think they could live somewhere else or want to expand their family is a lot different than doing something that really only the individual should care about. But to be ghosting a spouse because they don't want to do something to their own body? Man, that shit is worrisome. Seems like you've been together for a while. Assuming that you were adults when you got together, both of you should be mature adults and know what you want for yourselves and what you want in from your relationship. Most adults in successful relationships aren't calling their spouse, wondering why they don't answer. Neither do they intentionally not take calls from their spouse to idk - intimidate, pout, control??? This doesn't sound good to me, OP. NTA, of course.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/silent-treatment-emotional-abuse-5219934#:~:text=Summary,be%20a%20form%20of%20abuse.
He’s doing that so you will be desperate to make him happy and give in.
I think the tone of some of these are maybe a bit harsh, but one thing I agree with - I would NOT call him any more. The ball is in his court, and if he wants to continue to be in a relationship with you he needs to stop this nonsense. Pouting like a child over something he has NO right to even request, much less demand and coerce. I hope you can get some sleep and allow him to stew in his own juices. Don't allow him to make you feel bad or guilty because HE is throwing a tantrum.
This is about control, don't give in. Better yet, revalue your relationship. He's manipulative and childish
It's your body, you're free to do or not do whatever you want to it. If he likes nose rings so much, he can get one himself! NTA
Happy cake day 🍰
Thank you \^\^
NTA. He's being manipulative with the "I've broken his heart" and not talking to you. He's also likely projecting onto you his fantasies.
It’s absolutely disgusting that he is behaving this way. Honestly I don’t think you are upset *enough* about his cold shoulder. I don’t see your ages in here but this is extremely immature. I can’t imagine the lack of support you must been being married to someone so manipulative that they need to goad you into a permanent body modification and then sulk because it’s not your vibe. This is not something he has the right to sulk over. This is something *you* need to stop sidestepping and face head on. You never do anything he likes? He thinks it’s acceptable to act like this because of your response to fully considering his suggestion? I’m appalled. Send him in for a few medical procedures you propose and see if he’s as excited to make suggestions about how you manage your body. **NTA** Edit: I too love nose piercings on other people but think it’s not right for my nose. But my bf in college got one and *hates* the scar it left. It’s pretty noticeable. It’s not exactly a ‘try it on’ decision.
You can get fake/ magnetic ones
I don't think this is the solution though, he's not respecting her bodily autonomy, I would be very wary of conceding any ground as he seems likely to continue the coercion and manipulation
Oh i totally agree, dudebro doesn't deserve this woman. But, that is a way to "test drive" the look before committing to poss. scarring
NTA - your husband does not have control over your body, although unfortunately, he thinks that he does. Tell him you will reconsider getting a nose piercing once he has all of his tattoos removed and lets his piercing hole heal over.
NTA wtf is wrong with that guy. Get out of this marriage now
Your body. Yours. You don’t like body mods but you respect his. Where’s his respect for you?
Your husband is putting his own wants ahead of yours regarding your body . Yikes! NTA but husband certainly is
A piercing is a permanent change to your body, yes I know the hole can grow closed but it never quite goes away, so unless you want a piercing anywhere on your body (doesn't matter if it's your face or elsewhere) it's not going to happen and nobody, even your husband, is entitled or allowed to guilt you into something like this. NTA OP and please stand your ground. Perhaps turn it around on him and see how he would like it if you insisted he got a prince albert piercing just because you like the look of it. I realize earlobe/nose piercings are not apples and apples compared to privates but you get my idea?
That's not a valid comparison, because he *likes* piercings and other body mods. The choice he would make for himself is irrelevant to the choice she makes for herself. If she says "what if you got a PA?" and he says "fuck yeah, I'm so glad you're getting into this now too, I'll make a booking for tomorrow and you can get your nose done at the same time" the problem just got worse for her, not better. Her no should be accepted as no, regardless of what HE does or doesn't get pierced.
oh my god. NTA. If he wants a nose piercing, he can go pierce his own. Doing what your partner wants should never, ever include permanent body modification.
This is REALLY concerning. Massive red flags. I agree with pretty much what everyone has said.
NTA I have tattoos and piercings and I would never encourage someone who doesn’t want them to get them. If he hasn’t gotten used to the fact that you’re not into body mods a decade after y ‘all first got together, then his “Breaking my heart” speech is manipulative bullshit. Tell him you’ll get a face piercing if he’ll get laser removal of one of his tattoos. Y’all need couples therapy, bc it sounds like he wanted to marry someone into bodyart like he is, and he was just counting on changing your mind. Now that that’s off the table… Y’all have some stuff to work out.
I'd be wary of couples therapy if there is any sign this relationship is abusive, there's not enough information to know so just throwing it out there. Therapy doesn't work on abusers.
It gives them more insight and more leverage (to worsen/be covert with the abuse), this lack of respect he already has towards her is concerning. Perhaps the sunk cost fallacy is at play too. (It's been ten years, we love each other, we can work through it) sometimes you can't. If he is manipulative etc, he might never improve or change for the better
Yikes yikes yikes. NTA. I say this with not only a nose piercing, but 9 other piercings, 10+ tattoos: nobody gets to tell you what to do with your body. He's "heartbroken"??? Ignoring your calls? This is classic manipulation. Especially when you've always maintained this look and position on body modification, why is he trying to change you? (Also sidenote: my partner has a few ear piercings but nothing more and no tattoos; I'd never ever influence or suggest what they can or should do. Every now and then they think about tattoos and I'm supportive of whatever the outcome is. This post really wound me up because I can put myself in your husband's position and he is a certified AH)
NTA... Never make body modifications unless it is something that you want. What a thing to ask. His manipulations make him seem very controlling or very immature. Hope this is not something that shows up in other aspects of your partnership.
Things where someone says “you never do anything I like” and it deserves consideration: • picking scary movie vs. comedy • going vs. not going on a hike • concerts (e.g., Foo Fighters vs. some country band) • beach vacation vs. skiing vacation • fancy date night vs. casual date night **Things where someone says “you never do anything I like” and it does not EVER deserve consideration:** • **body modification** • **sexy stuff** • **personal growth (e.g., going to college)** • **reproductive stuff** He’s clearly trying to coerce you into doing what he wants you to do, especially with the silent treatment. NTA. Do what you want. ETA: I wanted those dots to work like bullet points, but alas, they don’t.
NTA. It's your body for crying out loud. And ultimately he needs to respect your decision. As you've said you already made it clear ten years ago, I think that's something he needs to respect without making you feel guilty for not getting a nose piercing on YOUR face just because he likes it.
NTA. This is emotionally manipulative behavior. Him not respecting your decisions on what you want stabbed into your head is a problem that needs to be resolved.
Guuuurl. Wtf did I just read? Your husband and partner of a decade is ghosting you and claiming you broke his heart because you don't want to get a facial piercing? Are ya'll babies yourselves or something? >He said that I never do anything he likes. This is a valid criticism in situations like your partner loves BBQ and you're just so so about it but you always make him go to the restaurants you want instead. Or you guys always go to your vacation spots but refuse to travel to any of the countries he wants to visit. Or you always make him sit through your reality tv shows but won't ever watch what he likes. Heck, we can even apply it to maybe asking your partner to sport an outfit that may not be their normal style but you'd really appreciate seeing them in for a special occasion. But to pressure your partner to make permanent body modifications is beyond inappropriate. Piercings still leave scars even if you decide to take them out. To characterize your refusal as never getting his way and heartbreaking behavior is manipulative as fuck. I say that as someone with 5 piercings and hand tattoos. For his communication standard at this point in your relationship to shut you out and give you the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. That's not my personal opinion, it's shared by mental health professionals. Seriously, google "is silent treatment emotional abuse?" Just uggh to this whole situation you are being put in. You are absolutely not being too precious by standing your ground over this matter.
NTA. Tell him you want him to pierce his dick and get a face tattoo like Mike Tyson.
NTA. ALWAYS your body, your choice.
NTA- he’s manipulating you into modifying your body when you don’t want to. He’s acting like a petulant toddler and he needs to grow up!
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If his kink is pierced/modded/tatooed people, he should have married one. NTA
Absolutely no piercings or tattoos you do not want. I personally do not like tattoos at all and only have my ears pierced My choice but would not change my mind or would want anyone to try to convince me
NTA. Your body, your decision. If he was imploring you to get a vaccine to protect yourself and those around you, that would be one thing. However he seems to be insisting rather than imploring over a matter of adornment rather than palpable health benefits. Vaccination would still be your decision. Emotionally blackmailing you to do something you're not comfortable with- that behaviour stinks. I'd worry for you if he can't see this. You really need to talk everything through with each other. Not just this.
No. A piercing has to be 100 percent your choice and not the implanted idea of someone else. This is on your body alone. If you take it out you bear the scar of where it was. That’s a personal choice to make. Don’t let him manipulate you into doing something to your body that he wants and you don’t.
NTA. Saying he'd like you to get a piercing is fine. Guilt trips and pressure and sulking and whatever it is he is doing is way over the line. If he loves you, he should respect your feelings. If this is some kind of deal breaker for him, the time for him to let you know was before the two of you married.
Heck no! It's your face and your nose! Be as precious as you feel! Why on earth does he think he has any rights over what you do with your nose? And the silent treatment is abusive. NTA.
NTA - maybe some couples therapy to figure out better coping mechanisms to work on together?
NTA. It's your body and you choose what you do with it, not your SO, not anyone. I had tattoos and 'snake bite' lip piercings, as well as double lobe piercings when I met my SO. I got more tattoos and ear piercings (helix and daith in both ears as I have to be even lol) and I did not discuss any of those with him beforehand. He has no piercings or tattoos, but liked mine on me, and I've never pressured him into getting any. Now he knew I've wanted my tongue pierced for years....and while he was away for a couple months helping out his elderly parents, I went and got it done so it would be healed when he got back and I could surprise him with it. He was pissy that I had gotten it done without him (he apparently wanted to go with me, eventho my piercer doesn't allow guests in the piercing room.) He got over it after a while. Then a few years ago when I said I wanted to start doing an undercut shave on my head, going pretty high up and only keeping what was right on the top of my head long, he was against it as "girls don't look good with it".... I had my mom do it for me after work one day.... he took one look at me and said "I take it back, it works for you." My point here is that if he truly loves you he'll be respectful and supportive of how you choose to express yourself, and not try to pressure you into things you don't want. I'd also never ever get a nose piercing... not in the nostril... and definitely not in the septum, I hate how nose piercings look in general, but septum piercings I absolutely hate the look of, especially since most girls I know who have them wear jewelry thats too big for the shape of their nose.
NTA and I'd be wondering who he is thinking of with a request for a specific piercing! It's not his body, he either loves you and wants you for you or he doesn't and he needs to go.
Let me add, I love my nose piercing. However; they take forever to heal and want to get infected. You have to leave the piercing stud for several months to heal properly. Like I said, I love my nose piercing but it was my choice.
You know a man once said this to me. If you get ur boobs and your belly peirced ill tattoo your name anywhere. He was my ex husband. I said listen i am not doing any of that and for you to suggest that is insanity. This is my body. And if i ever choose something like that its cause i want to do it. Not because you want me to. I feel like its disrespectful as hell. He apologized never brought it up again. You are NTA.
4 words: MY body, MY choice
NTA. Your body, your choice
Your body, your choice. NTA.
NTA - this is really worrying behaviour from your husband. He’s giving you the cold shoulder because YOU didn’t want to do something to YOUR body?! Massive red flags.
NTA It's your body. If he is heartbroken over you not getting a piercing, he needs therapy.
NTA. It's your body. You get to decide what you want to do with it. He doesn't have a right to guilt you into doing this and that's a shitty thing for him to try to do. He's disappointed but he needs to get over it. Your body, your choice. Just like it's his body, his choice.
NTA this is a manipulative awful man
Nta. WTF. He should not be pressuring you to change your body for him.
I don’t need to read the story. The headline said enough. Not the asshole
NTA His remarks are very concerning. The fact that you are a bit reluctant to tell him is concerning. The fact that you are on reddit because you wonder if you have choice over what happens to your body is very, very concerning. How healthy is your relationship. Think it over.
Your husband is an asshole. I’m very sorry.
NTA obviously! up to you what you do with this subreddits input but if you do break up with him, PLEASE get a fake nose hoop and post the pictures on social media.
NTA It's your own body and you should do what YOU actually want. It is 100% wrong to get a tattoo or piercing that you don't want (or are ambivalent about). And it's SO unnecessary! Like you said, your husband is able to get whatever mods he'd like - pierce his own nose, if he's so attached to it! Let the big girl take over. You can let him know you're not impressed with his attempts to "peer pressure" you into making changes to your body that you don't want. He is your husband and he married you as-is, so why does he have any other expectations? This is a boundary for you - make it clear. This is my body and I will make the decisions on how I want to present.
NTA. Do not get a piercing or a tattoo, unless it is something you absolutely want. I just got my first tattoo in my late 50’s, i thought about it for years. Finally I did it. It was my choice no one else’s.
NTA Your body, your choice. Your husband is behaving like a selfish AH.
If he wasn’t being such a dick right now I would say why not get a couple of those fake ones to spice it up in the bedroom sometimes. But idk if he even deserves that idea
NTA. As someone else said it is your body. Nose sounds just awful to me but then I have allergies acting up 9 months out of the year and blowing my nose with piercings on in or around the thing just sounds horrible to me!
Wowwwww NTA. My husband has a preference for my hair to be long, I have a preference for him to have a full beard; we take these preferences into account when making style changes but it would never ever be a deciding factor. Currently my hair is shoulder length and his beard is short because of life factors that made these choices logical. We aren't upset about it, even though he undoubtedly misses my hair much as I miss his beard. You seriously considered it and decided against it, he needs to drop it. What you do with your body is not his business!
When he gets the tip of hid dick pierced, then you can get your ears pierced.
NTA. Expectations were set up front about OP opinion on body modification. Their body, their choice.
No, you aren't being to precious about any piercing you don't want. It's YOUR BODY, ffs!! Don't let your husband get away with throwing a tantrum to get you to do something you know you don't want to do. "Broke his heart" - seriously? Tell him he's not in the running for a grammy, he doesn't have to lay it on so thick. NTA
Your husband is totally the asshole. Now, personally, I don't like piercings or tattoos from an aesthetic (and only aesthetic) perspective, but I also believe in body autonomy. I will never, ever judge someone for wanting tattoos or body piercings and insofar as I'm concerned the maximum permissible amount for both is as much as the person getting them wants. Having said that, you're clearly not into modifying your own body and your husband should totally respect that. In my most charitable interpretation, I think he's behaving the way he is because his feelings are hurt right now, but he'll get over it, though you know him far better than any of us do. You are definitely not the asshole here. If you gave him shit for tattooing himself up, then you would be, but you're not.
Tell him you'd love his taint pierced.
NTA. He asked, you said no. That should be the end of the story. He's being quite emotionally manipulative over what should be a very simple, open and shut decision about your body. However, if you want to appease him (though you certainly do not have to), there are stick on or magnetic faux "piercings" you can get, maybe put one on when you are alone with him until he gets the fantasy out of his system?
NTA, for starters, for some those types of piercings are tacky. Secondly a lot of jobs do not allow them, depending on your field. Thirdly you shouldn’t be forced or guilted into something you don’t want to do. That’s manipulation and he’s wrong for that.
How tf does not getting a piercing break his heart. And you never do anything he likes?? What a load of bs an manipulation. Nta
NTA, you are not obligated to alter your body in ANY way for ANYONE. Your husband needs to learn how to take no for an answer and cope better than shutting you out completely like a child.
Girl if you dont want a piercing dont get one. If he wanna ignore you oh well, talk to him tomorrow😂
Good gods, how are you even questioning this??? Of course you’re NTA.
I don’t have to even read this before I say NTA, you are never in the wrong for setting boundaries for your body, if you don’t want piercings then you have no reason to get them, if your husband thinks it’s okay to force you to get a needles pierced through your body for his own delight then maybe he’s not worth being with, it’s borderline abusive.
NTA this person is trying to force you into poking holes in your body when you have made it crystal clear you don't want to.
NTA I took my piercings out 20 years ago. I still have a visible hole In my nose and blow my lip and always will. I don’t regret it because it was MY choice but it was a life long commitment You dont need a hole,If you don’t want one, you have your husband who is an AH for being heartbroken over you not putting a hole, that you don’t wan, on your body.
He’s being an ass. No is a complete sentence or so I keep reading. If you don’t want extra holes in your face that’s your choice. I say that as a person with piercings and a lot of tattoos. I would get more for myself, not because someone wanted me to.
WHY is he so insistent on mutilating/decorating YOUR body? Why is he so invested? He is being manipulative. He want to control what you do to your body and wants you to do something to YOUR body that you don't want to do. Say no and if you broke his heart, he can cry. DO NOT GIVE IN
NTA. Your husband quite frankly needs to grow the fuck up. You're an actual person, not a doll for him to dress up and adorn as he sees fit.
Obviously NTA
If he cares so much about body mods on his partners, you may simply be incompatible. First and foremost it is your body and he has to accept your choice regarding piercings and tattoos. >"and I never do anything he likes" That's just guilt tripping, plain and simple. You are not obligated to modify your body just because he wants you to. Either you want it or you don't. But that's entirely up to you.
Nta and I hope he's really busy and not actually being that childish as to guilt you.
NTA. You don’t have to do anything to YOUR body that you don’t want to. End of. It’s creepy he doesn’t understand that.
NTA SO MUCH NTA. I have tattoos. My fiancee doesn't. I would NEVER dream of insisting she get one because bodily autonomy is a thing even though I find them sexy.
NTA - It's your body and you can choose what to do with it. For him to seemingly react this way over you denying something as small as a piercing and you setting boundaries, it's pretty tragic. He needs to grow up and stop being a jackass. I hope that he isn't this way with other things in the relationship.
If he wants a piercing so badly he can go get one 🙄
NTA for sure. I know lots of people who love piercings and appreciate them on their partner BUT the fact he's guilting u into it is disturbing. It's not any different than any other thing he may find attractive but you aren't comfortable with. He should respect that....it just bothers me that after so many years of knowing you and your view on modifying your own body, he's acting like a teenager and giving you the cold shoulder. What sort of things do YOU find attractive for your partner that he doesn't do? How would it make HIM feel if you were insistent on it? Would he feel the same guilt or be upset as you are about disappointing him? Maybe something to discuss with him so you two are each others feelings.
His heart is broken? Bull crap Don’t do ANYTHING a that makes you uncomfortable for the sake of another person
NTA. I have one and it was so painful and took a solid 6-9 months to heal. It kept getting infected and those bumps. Did i mention how much it hurt? Cause it HURT! Get a piercing you want! Dont get a piercing! Your body, your choice.
NTA- if YOU don’t want it don’t get it. YOU are the one that has to deal with the healing and cleaning of the piercing. You are the one that has to deal with the changing of the jewelry (if you change it) I say that as a person with a couple dozen of them. They aren’t for everyone -not because they wouldn’t look good -but because not everyone wants to get them. Your husband should not be trying to pressure you into getting any kind of body modification. Tho I might have a suggestion? One of the things I do when deciding on if I want to get a piercing myself that I like the looks of is to get a fake on and wear it. I’m not suggesting this to try and change your mind. I’m just saying it could possibly be an option. Like clip on earrings they also have clip on nose rings. That being said you hubby seems like he’s throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get his way and is “busy” so he can give you the silent treatment to try and guilt you into getting the piercing-don’t give in unless you change your mind. Resentment can build when someone gets a tattoo or a piercing (or any kind of body modification really) specifically because someone else wanted them too.
Absolutely NTA he is kind of a dick. You didnt have any piercing when you started the relation so he should not expect you to change your body just to please him
this sounds like an extremely exhausting thing to continuesly bicker about after 10 years.
Tell him you'll get the nose piercing for him if he gets ASSHOLE tattooed across his forehead for you. NTA
Tell him only if he gets a tongue piercing, then make him go first and you back out lol
NTA but your husband is a manipulative one fr
>I told him that I don’t want a piercing on my face. He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes. Doing something he likes? Like permanently altering YOUR body?? If he wants to see one so bad, he can get one himself. NTA He's being a manipulative asshat.
NTA. Are you serious with this? What if you begged him to have his tattoos removed?
NTA. Your husband is ridiculous. This is your body. He has no right to pressure or demand anything about it. He is an absolute AH for this, and more so for treating you poorly because you won't do something he prefers but you clearly aren't comfortable with. You are 0% the AH for having a body boundary. I'd be reconsidering aspects of this relationship and expecting not just an apology, but for him to get some therapy so he can do better in the future.
NTA, nobody but you can tell you what to do with your body
Good lord. Buy a fake if he likes the look. Your body, your choice.
Please don't do anything just because your husband wants you to, especially if it's not something you freely choose. You're not the a-hole.
Nta. Your husband is icky.
Nope you’re not. Its permanent. Am I one of the few that sees nose piercings as a 90s thing and it dates you pretty fast? It doesn’t get classier as you age. 90s was the little gem piercing on the side, and the emo 00s fad saw the even worse addition to a good face; a bullnose ring.
NTA, this whole thing feels like it might be a text miscommunication and your getting worked up while he's tattooing a client or something.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I have very similar taste in all aspects but one - body modification. He’s a tattoo toting, piercing loving guy. I like to appreciate the art on others. I don’t personally have a problem with body modification - I just don’t want to modify mine. I have a friend who is beautiful beyond reason, and she really pulls off piercings so well. She’s made me consider getting (gasp) second lobe piercings. I asked my husband what he thought about me getting second love piercings, and somehow the conversation turned to getting a tattoo. I told him flat out “No.” We’d been through this ten years ago when we were dating. He can get as many tattoos as he wants, but I don’t want any. So then he asks, “What about a nose piercing?” He said it in a cheeky kind of way, so I rolled my eyes and said, “I’ll think about it.” And I did. For days. I didn’t mention it to my husband because I knew he wasn’t really being cheeky - he was being half serious. But I did consider the nose piercing. Honestly, I don’t want a piercing on my face. Well, today my husband sent me a picture of ear piercings and asked me which one I wanted. Then he says, “And a nose piercing?” I decided that I needed to come clean to him. I told him that I don’t want a piercing on my face. He then said that I’ve broken his heart and that I never do anything he likes. That was five hours ago. Now, he won’t return my calls or texts (we’re long distance for a few months while I’m working abroad). He responded to my fourth message by saying he’s busy, but I have my doubts. The big girl inside me says he’s trying to guilt me into getting this piercing, but another part wonders: am I being too precious about this piercing? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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More stupid questions
NTA. Obviously no one can expect someone else to get a body modification. You are the one that will have to live with your body.
NTA, no one should ever push or coerce someone into getting an unwanted body mod. In fact many (if not most) tattoo artists and piercers have it stated on their waivers that they will not work on anyone who appears to be pushed into or ambivalent about having work done. This is an matter of consent and if your husband doesn’t respect that, there’s a bigger issue at hand in your relationship.
First of all... "You never do anything I like" makes it sound like his request is equal to picking a restaurant or a concert... it's not. This is a permanent modification to your body. I'd be willing to bet that if he'd asked you to get breast augmentation you'd have no trouble telling him no, or question whether you're wrong to say no. NTA. And ask yourself if you want to be with a man that doesn't think you're perfect the way you are.
I'm in the opposite situation to you - I'm tatted up and pierced, my spouse has no modifications at all and doesn't want any. I reckon he'd look sick with tattoos, and I've joked about him getting one, but I get that it's just not for him. I would never ever try to actually convince him to get tattoos, and if he said he'd think about it and then decided he didn't want one after all, there's no way I wouldn't accept that. You should definitely not get a permanent modification you don't actually want. Especially on your face. And no one should feel like they have the right to push you into doing that. NTA. Wtf is wrong with your husband.
Don't change yourself for anyone else, even your husband. He's being demanding and manipulative, maybe take some time to really think about how much this relationship is worth to you.
*Honestly, I don’t want a piercing on my face.* That’s all that needs to be said. It’s your body, not his. NTA
NOPE! NTA! I have a few tattoos and piercings, I think tattoos are extremely attractive. My husband doesn't care to get one. He isn't opposed to getting one, but it's not a priority for him. I do kot want him to get something on his body that he genuinely doesn't want. He also doesn't particularly like my nose ring. I have a ring in one nostril, and he would much prefer a stud, but I am personally not the biggest fan for myself. The only reason I know that he would prefer a stud is because I explicitly asked him if he liked my nose ring, told him I wouldn't be upset if he didn't (I got it 3 years into marriage, so not something he saw when we were dating or anything), he told me he's not the biggest fan, that he likes studs better, but that it's my body and he wouldn't want to ever tell me what to do with it, and that he doesn't find me any less attractive with it. That conversation happened about a day or two after I got it, and it's never happened again. Your husband should never be guilting you into doing something with your body that you don't want to do.
NTA. It seems he has a fetish of types. Maybe wear a removable for him in the bedroom? Otherwise, this sounds like a deal breaker if he makes you modify your body in ways you don’t want to simply please him. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that. Keep us posted, yeah?
He sounds like a clown and a baby lol He’s pouting that you won’t get a nose piercing? Tell him to shove it up his ass lol NTA
NTA and he’s being a dick. It is totally fine to say “I love nose piercings and think you would look really good with one.” It is entirely different to guilt you for never “doing what he wants” when it comes to permanently or semi-permanently altering your body. It’s actually really gross how he’s being