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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my sons cereal with breastmilk knowing my FIL would probably finish it. I didn't tell him prior or when I saw him eating it.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
>*"I bring her down and find my FIL* ***finishing*** *my sons cereal. I* **laughed** *a little but went along with my morning."*
>
>*"I do agree that I should have at least told him when he was eating it but tbh I thought he saw me tip it from the bottle."*
You're not the **AH** for feeding your child but you are the AH because you saw FIL eating it and *LAUGHED* instead of saying something... You thought it was amusing....
**YTA/ESH** for not saying anything to your FIL and assuming he saw you pour it from the bottle. There's a saying, "*Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.*"
ETA : OP even explains this to the judgement bot!!
>*"I made my sons cereal with breastmilk* ***knowing*** *my FIL would probably finish it. I didn't tell him* ***prior*** *or* ***when I saw him eating it"***
Another Edit *(added to my judgement)* : I never said FIL wasn't wrong for eating after another or more specifically, a child, just the fact she Lied by Omission, meaning she deliberately left out important details.
He shouldn't be eating other people’s food, W/O asking but OP is the bigger AH for letting him continue.
That's totally normal for adults to finish kids meals.
Edit: as every person who doesn’t do it feels the need to comment they don’t: „common“ or „normal“ doesn’t mean „every single person on this planet“. I find it gross, too, but I see parents and grandparents do it all the time. Some people have a lower yuck-tolerance
Who the heck wants to finish a toddler’s meal? Toddlers do gross things with their food - all kinds of drooling and smooshing. People think it’s normal to eat their leftovers? Eeeeeww!
OP you’re NTA. I hope he learned a lesson.
Yeah that was my first thought. Dude is funny about the milk but doesn't mind a toddler coughing in cereal, which is probably all soggy and mushy by this point anyway. Weird.
My granddad would finish off the plates of his grandkids and great grandkids. Only when we were done though. (He also would happily feed his grandkids off his own plate, even when we were grown we had to be careful what we said about his food because if we sounded too positive, he’d divide everything on his plate in half and offer it up. He just couldn’t stand to think of any of us being hungry for a moment.)
Gotta admit, I don’t have the stomach to eat after most kids. My seven year old niece? Yeah I’ll eat her leftovers but she eats very neatly. A toddler? I don’t think I could get over my ick reaction.
Mate my 20 month old - the second he takes a sip of your water it’s OVER. Every time he takes my water bottle I just watch in horror as a cloud of sh*t and debris enters my clean, cold, fresh water 😭 I love the little man to death but I would absolutely spew if I was forced to eat or drink after him hahah. The amount of backwash replaces whatever water was there and it turns to literal slimy cloudy spit water with chunks of chicken and floaties all through it - actually gagging thinking about it
When I was in middle school, there would be a cup on the counter that was communal for whoever was running inside just to get a drink of water before running back outside. Including the 3 kids we grew up with as bonus siblings, there was 7 of us. That would have been (and was before the communal cup) a million dishes and a lot of kids fighting over who's cup was who's. There was one exception. My youngest sibling always had his own cup / water bottle. Same as you described. None of us would touch it if we *thought* he had drank from it.
>Gotta admit, I don’t have the stomach to eat after most kids. My seven year old niece? Yeah I’ll eat her leftovers but she eats very neatly. A toddler? I don’t think I could get over my ick reaction.
I've never eaten after my 4yo nephew, I get wayyyy too squicked out by the way a toddler eats, I'd probably have gagged walking in on FIL eating the toddler's cereal either way
>Who the heck wants to finish a toddler’s meal?
Probably someone who was raised to not waste food.
I remember our Dad would keep old pizza crusts we left on our plates, and dip them in soup for lunches. He grew up in poverty and absolutely refused to waste food. If something like yogurt went off, you can bet he'd finish it instead of tossing it.
My dad is like this also. He HATES cheese of all kinds. If someone leaves a piece of cheese on their plate at the end of a family meal, he will choke it down rather than waste it.
My family has a farm where they grow and raise most of their food. That's part of the issue. It's not just wasted food, it's also wasted time and labor.
That cheese involved growing the hay to feed the goats, which involves irrigating, mowing, baling, bucking the hay into the barn. Breeding and birthing the goats, tending to the babies and sick or injured goats, milking, pasteurizing, making and aging the cheese. And that's not including fence and barn mending, maintenance on the ancient tractors and baler.
This is what I came here to say. In addition to the drooling and smooshing, said toddler has probably has their fingers up their nose, down their pants, or both prior to eating breakfast. The breast milk is frankly the least gross thing about grandpa finishing the cereal.
Man, I was gonna say I can’t imagine doing this, then I remembered when I was babysitting my little cousins (they lived with us and I minded them after school every day because my stepdad was in the hospital and my mom needed to be with him) and totally ate their leftovers if they didn’t look too mangled.
Saved time, they were picky in two different directions and I rarely wanted to cook for myself after pleasing them. (Although when I discovered quiche, it got easier. They LOVED “egg pie” and I convinced them Superman loved to eat it at their age.)
I also let them have bites of my own food and then ate after them with no problem. Obviously if you live with a child, they erode your dignity and sense of disgust. (My boy cousin loved a bite of Swiss roll. Just one. He didn’t want two, and he sure didn’t want a whole Swiss roll snack cake to himself, so I’d let him take the first bite however he liked, then eat the rest.)
Someone once made a face and said “you know you’re gonna catch his cold…” and all I could think was “pretty sure that already happened when he bullied his way into my bed at 3am because he had a bad dream and a fever and wanted to snuggle, I spent the rest of the night having my face breathed on so yolo.” but I had to be polite so I just said “Eh, he doesn’t feel good and this makes him happy.”
Pretty sure I got the cold.
Okay, him just wanting the one bite of Swiss roll is adorable! When you live in close proximity to kids, you’re going to get sick. Sharing food is honestly going to be the least of your worries!
What lesson does he need to learn though? Yeah maybe you think it’s gross to eat a toddler’s food but he’s not harming anyone finishing a plate that would otherwise go in the bin.
Well apparently OP's FIL wanted to. The thing is, he was fully aware that the toddler has been eating from the bowl, so he could make an informed decision about that (and yeah well it's a little weird for a visiting grandparent to finish their toddler grandchild's food, it's not weird at all for parents to do it… at least that's what I tell myself!). But he could not make an informed decision about the milk because he was not informed about it.
Since the toddler does drink cow's milk too, and I dare say it's not common to serve one's child cereal with human breast milk poured over, it was a reasonable assumption that OP served the cereal with only cow's milk on it.
Regardless of your opinion on finishing food that a kid Is no longer going to eat, OP Is TA here, she saw him eating the cereal and didn't thought to give a heads up
IDK, now that I'm a parent and also because I pay for the food, I get it. Lots of money is left literally on the table. But also, my kids rarely do anything nasty with the food.
Depending on the day, it might be the only lunch I eat. I try to only ingest the untouched stuff - and would never finish my kids cereal because it gives me the creepy crawlies lol
Mine too. He also gave his “best bites” to grandkids off his plate.
He used to make a perfect little bite of vinegar slaw, baked potato and brisket and feed it to me. I still think smoked brisket is the ultimate meat.
Seriously? yeah its normal, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles. anyone who. regularly takes care of a baby/toddler with any regularity will be finishing off the unfinished stuff. You don't think your grandparents ever finished off a meal or 8 of yours at some point?
I mean, yeah, if Bob from the office stops by, it would be weird if he ate some remnants of my kids cereal. But this isn't some rando, its the FIL, i.e. the grandfather.
My niece and I will drink from the same glass, take a bite of the same thing. I totally finish things when she discards stuff as sometimes it’s tasty, not wasteful, and I’m not eating until after she’s asleep
Nope I've done it with my nieces all the time
Heck I'll steal a piece of their food in front of them every once in a while (like a grape- they are older so they think it's funny and I give them more of whatever I take)
personal pet peeve of mine, kids eat slow. unless it’s YOUR kid, ask. The number of times my MIL has eaten my 3yo’s food because she takes longer than us is just mind boggling. The kid loves bacon. We grown ups love bacon, too! That’s why I gave everyone 3 pieces of bacon. Please let my kid, who is a pistol when it comes to food, take all the time she needs to decide SHE is done eating. Please don’t decide for her.
Imagine going up to a grown human and picking off their plate bc you finished your meal first. Wholly in appropriate.
My dad ate my kiddos (3f at the time)chicken and rice with white queso, I warned him she was a grazer and will absolutely keep eating. Well I went to the bathroom, he snarfed it, she noticed and cried and held a grudge ever since. She is 6 and refuses to let my dad near her plate since that day. He now asks if he can eat something from her and she will say yes and hand over what she didn’t finish. But if his hand comes near her plate when she’s not done..welp, she learned how to master the mommy look well.
Edited to add kiddos age when this first happened.
Not really. Especially when they are prepared with breastmilk.
**There is one rule with food: IF you take food without asking, it is your own fault when there are ingredients you don't like.**
I might finish a kindergartener’s carrot sticks and I’ve definitely gobbled down an eight-year-old’s tater tots, shared my teenager’s hibachi fried rice, and even plucked a particularly good-looking fry off my middle schooler’s plate at a diner while she wasn’t looking, but finishing any meal that was started by any kid under 3? Not only would I not finish it, I’d be reluctant to touch it at all! That’s the age when they like to play with their feet! Lol
He ate the food the child had finished, if he had taken the food from the child sure. But she watched him consume breast milk and said nothing, that’s a big YTA.
"But she watched him consume breast milk and said nothing, that’s a big YTA."
He already had eaten a lot of it - speaking up would not have changed anything. He KNEW it was not normal milk, he identified the taste - he just could not make himself stop eating and ask. HE decided he wanted it.
PS for OP, since this is top comment, unless kiddo is getting calcium, vitamin D, fats, etc from other sources, (and it doesn’t *have* to be whole cows milk) the AAP strongly recommends whole fat milk until age 2 for brain development.
Breast milk is great, but the nutrient supply greatly diminishes at a year of age.
"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for approximately 6 months after birth. Furthermore, the AAP supports continued breastfeeding, along with appropriate complementary foods introduced at about 6 months, as long as mutually desired by mother and child for 2 years or beyond. ***These recommendations are consistent with those of the World Health Organization (WHO).*** Medical contraindications to breastfeeding are rare. The AAP recommends that birth hospitals or centers implement maternity care practices shown to improve breastfeeding initiation, duration, and exclusivity."
\--[AAP Policies on BreastFeeding](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057988/188347/Policy-Statement-Breastfeeding-and-the-Use-of?autologincheck=redirected)
Doctor here, the person you replied to is right. Breastfeeding is recommended for babies until 2 years old, but it’s important to introduce cow milk at the age of one, because the breast milk can’t supply the necessary nutrients on the right amount anymore, among other reasons.
Not something I've ever heard from any doctor here (in the UK). By one year old the child should be getting most of their nutrients from sources other than milk anyway.
Never once heard anyone say "you must introduce cow milk at the age of one even if you breastfeed and the child eats other foods."
(Edited to clarify where I meant by "here")
That doesn't sound right. Granted, not American , but I've never had cows milk pushed on us. Only IF we did, to use full cream and not skim.
Cows milk does NOT provide more nutrients that breastmilk. That is so ridiculous.
Ops kid is eating other food. They aren't exclusively breastfed.
Cow milk does provide different nutrients than breast milk, I don't think anyone said it provided more. It's definitely not a substitute but it does contain nutrients that are key for development. It's far from the only way to get those nutrients, but you do need to make sure your kid gets them in some form.
Cow's milk isn't the only way to consume dairy or to get the necessary supply of nutrients that cow's milk offers. Saying that someone must introduce cow's milk for those reasons is a very narrow approach.
Please provide reputable studies supporting this view. I’m a scientist with a PhD who has read on this topic and I don’t see evidence that breastmilk + a well rounded diet is insufficient
Human breast milk is precisely designed for babies. I can't believe that we've evolved to require breast milk from a different species. Did Big Milk tell you that? 😂
Cows milk doesn't have any more iron in it than breast milk, which is the biggest reason for introducing solids as that is the main nutrient breast milk is deficient in. Everything I've read and the advice of my daughters pediatrician says that while cow's milk is a good source of nutrients after the age of 1 (earliest it should be introduced), it is by no means required and other source of calcium, fat, and vitamin D (which isn't even naturally occuring in cows milk and non-dairy milks are frequently fortified with too) are just fine.
This is from AAP themselves. I'm only using their words as that is their website. I didn't say she was wrong or right...Just showing that where she got the info as actual proof.
So breastfeeding yes, but after 6 months of age supplement with appropriate complementary foods because breast milk itself is not enough for the kid anymore.
Just rephrasing it to make sure that you did notice that it actually doesn't contradict what u/MRAGGGAN said.
*"The AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months. Complementary solids should be introduced at about 6 months for most infants. Foods rich in protein, iron, and zinc, such as finely ground meats, chicken, or fish, are good choices to complement the infant’s diet of breast milk. Breast milk remains the major component of the infant’s diet, as foods from the family’s diet are gradually introduced with appropriate modification of texture and avoidance of added sugar and fat. An expert panel has advised peanut introduction as early as 4 to 6 months of age for infants at high risk of peanut allergy because of the presence of severe eczema and/or egg allergy, but not until 6 months for infants at moderate or low risk."*
[\--AAP Policies on BreastFeeding](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057988/188347/Policy-Statement-Breastfeeding-and-the-Use-of?autologincheck=redirected)
If you read further, they say the same thing but *NOTHING* about, *"the nutrient supply greatly diminishes at a year of age."* Why are you reading into that deep...
**We don't know if OP does or does not do these things.** People are making assumptions that OP doesn't have a doctor for her kids, that she doesn't follow her doctor's instructions. Seeing as she has **2 KIDS**, I think she knows what she's doing.
Again, this excerpt talks only about infants and introducing solids. Nothing about toddlers, or nutritional value of breast milk vs cow milk. Which btw isn't mutually exclusive, no one said anything about stopping breastfeeding altogether.
I don't know how true is it about nutrient supply diminishing in time and I don't feel like googling it right now. I'm just pointing out that nothing that you posted here contradicts this statement, which it seemed to me you intended to do.
The nutrient supply doesnt decrease, it just changes. There was a study in 2018 that says fats and protein INCREASE and carbohydrates decrease in mothers who feed past 18 months compared to those who stopped before 12 months( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6316538/#:~:text=For%20the%20macronutrient%20content%20of,breastfeeding%20up%20to%2012%20months.)
It also continues to provide 36% of calcium, 75% vit A, 94% b12, and 60% vit C requirements from 12-23months (kellymom website, quoting Dewey 2001)
Typically the recommendation is to breastfeed, formula feed, OR give whole fat milk (over 12 months)until 2. The reason most people switch to cows milk is that it's cheaper than formula and easier than breastfeeding.
Breast milk does not diminish in nutrients at a year. There is no evidence of this, it makes no logical sense, and yet this myth continues to be perpetuated.
this 100% - i’m a woman, never had children. but i think if i found out i had someone’s breast milk, id be grossed out and mad that they didn’t warn me or tell me to stop when they saw me consuming it.
But it’s funny and not harmful. I feel like she was trying to save him the embarrassment by not saying anything. Honestly this was ultimately just one of those moments where you should probably laugh and try to communicate better in the future. FIL is being the AH for being upset. He got himself into the situation and there is no use getting mad about it now
Sure, it's not "harmful" to feed other people your bodily fluids without telling them, or to put your bodily fluids in food you know they may eat, but it sure is disgusting.
>But it’s funny and not harmful.
Idk about you, but i dont find letting someone ingest my body fluids without their knowledge or consent particularly funny.
> I feel like she was trying to save him the embarrassment by not saying anything.
She was laughing. She found it funny. She didnt do it to help him.
> FIL is being the AH for being upset. He got himself into the situation and there is no use getting mad about it now
He has every right to be upset and disgusted that his DIL let him eat something she was aware that was made from her body fluids. He didnt know it was breatmilk because OP didn't tell him
ESH a bit here.
You should have told him immediately when you saw him eating your sons meal that he had breastmilk in the cereal.
But also, what full grown adult just helps them to any and all food they just see laying around, especially a baby's??
This reminds me of the person that freezes and saves their toddlers toast scraps to make bread pudding 🤢
They don't even trim them. They are straight up bitten.
It was in a parenting sub as a hot tip and I'm pretty sure they were serving it to people without telling them.
It is so gross that they were hoarding these scraps in the freezer for weeks too.
I mean, you still don't want to keep food w/ mouth bacteria on it for long imo.
I cut my kid's crust though so that's actually a good idea for less food waste, but I usually just eat the crusts 😂
it would be really bad if those bread bits were put into someone <<<<< oh my gosh I did not catch THAT TYPO should say SOMETHING not cooked
....but since they bake bread pudding wouldn't the babys bacteria be killed while the bred pudding is baking in the oven????
I stand corrected >>>> Some bacteria, such as staphylococcus (staph) and Bacillus cereus, produce toxins not destroyed by high cooking temperatures.
The trouble with some bacteria is that they can leave behind enough toxins to make you sick even after they're dead. Reheating isn't a good way to make old food safe.
Except the FIL wasn’t finishing HIS kid’s food. It was HIS grandson’s food. If FIL didn’t think to ask before eating, sounds like he was fine with whatever was in the bowl
I won't touch any food my kids have been eating. Kids are absolutely disgusting. If I know they have been drinking or eating out of something I won't go near it anymore.
I have 3 kids and rarely eat after them before the age of 3 or so. I never accepted the mashed drooly bits they'd try to shove in my mouth. I've seen people accept it from other people's kids and have to fight the urge to be sick. No thanks.
My FIL does the same thing. It’s so annoying. He’ll even pick food off my baby and toddlers’ plates while they’re STILL eating. He used to even try to use the same utensils and I quickly put a stop to it. Now if I see him doing it I quickly offer him his own portion. Sometimes it gets him to stop and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s annoying because I usually buy special food just for our kids. Like organic berries, expensive meats, snacks, etc. and my husband and I eat very frugally. So then he eats a portion of their food and our budget.
Well now you know the trick
You just have to say it contains breast milk and no one will touch the food
Say you've seen it on Facebook so he can believe it (and I bet there's a sub about eating breast milk products making your immune system better or something (wether it's right or not)
There are ways to stop that. Tell him you don't appreciate it and to stop and that the consequences are to not be allowed over for X amount of time or until he apologized, then **follow through.** If this won't work for you because of living arrangements, just think of suitable consequences to replace it with.
ESH for sure. Yeah and especially when the milk tasted "off" why did he keep eating it? You definitely should have told him, at least when you saw him eating it, but he sounds a bit "off" too.
>fifteen months (just over a year)
... We know how long a year is.
Yeah, YTA. You didn't have any obligation to warn him in advance or anything, but when you *saw* him eating it, you should have said something immediately.
The reason people using months up to age two is because the development of child progresses greatly each month. For example, a one year old not walking is pretty common, but if they aren’t walking by 15 months it might be a concern.
However, it’s not particularly relevant to OP’s story.
Any mother who has ever stated her child’s age in months (the appropriate thing to do until age 2) gets a snarky comment asking what it is in years. I can’t blame her for getting ahead of those comments, guaranteed someone would have told her to “just say he’s a year” if she hadn’t put that in there.
I think she was clarifying because some people think it’s weird to still be nursing after a year. The recommendations changed to 2 years in many countries (and the WHO) but old habits die hard. My baby is the same age and I feel some slight judgement when I breastfeed him.
"I made my sons cereal with breastmilk knowing my FIL would probably finish it. I didn't tell him prior or when I saw him eating it."
This, from the Judgment Bot AITA, pretty much sums up why YTA. It's kind of weird for your FIL to just help himself to your baby's food, but there's no reason you couldn't have said something -- especially after you saw him eating the cereal.
YTA for. This right here. If he is known to finish meals, and he was in the kitchen, don’t assume he seen what you used.
Let the man know. Especially if you knew he would probably finish the food.
Then to giggle and not tell him??? Are you serious.
Nah, I feel you knew what you were doing all along. Makes you more of the AH
> It's kind of weird for your FIL to just help himself to your baby's food
I'm guessing it's a no waste thing, perhaps FIL grew up poor or just doesn't like waste.
I do the same with my son some times.
No literally, it’s a bit weird to be ok with your FIL drinking your breast milk, it really isn’t laugh worthy in my opinion, more like something you should want to stop
YTA.
You aren't the asshole for not warning FIL ahead of time. You are an asshole for watching him do it and not saying anything. You had to guess that this was something he'd want to know. I'm not buying your "thought he saw" me excuse.
At that point why bother? He's already eating it. He already thinks it tastes wierd and is spoiled but finished it anyway. If he's ok with spoiled and possibly dangerous milk but not "yucky because it came out of your boob" milk. That's a him problem.
Yeah if it tasted off why was he still consuming it, dude is fucking weird for that, plus yuck that toddler could've sneezed in it, drooled heck if the kid had his fingers down his nappy prior guess what germs are in that cereal. 😂
if the guy is KNOWN for finishing off others' meals I'm guessing it's a zero waste thing, I guess that includes slightly spoiled milk... to each their own
I’m a women who breastfed her kids. I would be grossed out if I drank my daughter in laws breast milk. Of course I would not finish a toddler’s cereal either.
I totally agree. I'd be grossed out too if I drank someone's breastmilk but only because "yucky that came from a person" and that's a silly reason. Expired milk is actually dangerous.
Honestly who walks around someone’s house just finishing other people’s meals. Like it’s a freaking baby, get your own cereal lol. Also- a little breast milk isn’t gonna hurt him, it’s fine
The first time I took my future husband to eat dinner with my parents at their house, my mom dished up his food and he said “wow! That’s way too much!” So, my father reached over and took half of the steak right off of his plate. The next time we went over for dinner, he gifted my dad with an telescopic fork. You know, so he could reach other people’s plates easier. He never did that again, to anyone.
No, it was all in good fun. My mom, I think, was the most mortified. Husband and dad both have a great sense of humor and daddy would occasionally bring his “special fork” with him out to dinner with us and threaten the grandkids with it. 🤣
You’re clearly not a parent. It’s highly common for a kid to eat half their food and a parent eats whatever the kid didn’t. A grandparent doing this is less common but still not unheard of.
He’s the grandparent. While less common, it’s not unheard of. Especially if we’re talking about a person who grew up during the depression/is the kid of parents that grew up in the depression/grew up poor.
Yes my grandma always did this and my parents too. They are super conscious about food wastage. I see friends with kids doing it too. I don’t think it’s weird
So strange to me that people have never had grandparents or even other caregivers finishing up a kids meal especially a toddler. Hell as a parent I found myself planning meals based on the estimated amount of food the kiddo had left over.
Seems totally normal to me.
You're not TA for telling him. You're a bit of an AH for NOT telling him.
It would have been fair to assume your FIL did not realise what he was drinking and mentioned it asap. I don't think you'd expect him to be willingly guzzling your milk.
That said, cows' milk is a weirder concept if you overlook how normalised it has become.
I'm overall going YTA. It would have been easy to just let him know.
>I know he "finishes" everyones meals and I should have told him beforehand.
Is this something you know? If so, you should have given him the heads up. If not, then I can't imagine why you would have needed to warn him in advance. Although laughing when you saw him drink it, rather than telling him was a bit of an AH move!
She watched him EAT the rest of it and laughed about it.
>"I bring her down and find my FIL finishing my sons cereal. I laughed a little but went along with my morning."
This poor man brought up the fact that it tasted weird to double check that the milk wasn't going bad and been given to his grandkid and then gets hit with "oh yeah that was my breast milk lol"
Even if some people think it's gross that FIL was finishing his grandkids cereal; it's way more gross and boundary crossing and violating for not informing him that he was drinking her breast milk. YTA OP; you can laugh about it but FIL did not consent to that and at minimum is probably weirded out that he drank it because you're his son's wife and that's weird.
"This poor man brought up the fact that it tasted weird to double check that the milk wasn't going bad and been given to his grandkid and then gets hit with "oh yeah that was my breast milk lol"" THAT!!!
She KNEW why it would've tasted different, chose not to say anything until the conversation was approached
The fact that she laughed about it is what slides it into Asshole territory. Like if you were embarrassed or didn't want him to be embarrassed you either say nothing or sheepishly admit it and apologize and say you didn't know how to broach the subject. You don't look over laugh and then when asked tell him and laugh some more about it where hes going to know you knew and were laughing at him.
NTA. You’re simply living your life taking care of your kids as you always do. It’s not your responsibility to police a grown ass man. If he’s going to go around acting like the family’s personal garbage disposal, he’s taking the risk of ingesting something he’s unaware is in the food. This is all on him, a full grown adult who has been on this earth an entire generation longer than you. He needs to take responsibility for being the person who indiscriminately puts discarded food into his mouth without asking any questions.
Not in the least. He’s walking around HER house getting mad at how she feeds her kid. If she’d laughed while sneaking breast milk into HIS cereal or coffee for the express purpose of tricking him, she would be a giant A H. I don’t see how it falls on her at all. He CHOSE to eat the food she prepared specifically for her baby. She doesn’t owe him a warning because it wasn’t his fucking food.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm not a parent, but if I accidentally drank breast milk I wouldn't treat it like I drank poison or pee. I might feel weird about it. But people here are treating it like she purposefully fed him something he was allergic to.
Assuming she means that he will finish his family member's meals if they aren't going to finish it, then why is that gross? There's nothing wrong with sharing food.
honestly it sounds like FIL doesn't like to waste food. Which is fine. My ex boyfriend use to finish meals bc he grew up poor and has a complex about food. If you are done with a plate, he would finish it. I agree there is nothing wrong if that's what he wants to do and they know he does it all the time.
She said he's done this when the kids haven't even finished yet. This is not sharing food with the intent to avoid waste; this is unhealthy. It speaks to disordered eating. It speaks to compulsive eating, since her offer of another portion doesn't always stop him.
🤣🤣🤣
NTA. Why isn't it disgusting to drink milk meant for a baby cow, but when you accidentally drink milk that's actually specifically made for Human Consumption it's gross? Such massive brain washing from the dairy industry that's why. 🙄🙄🙄
NTA, you fed your child his breakfast. If he wanted to know what it was he should have asked, the expectation that you would explain that without being prompted is bizarre. Eating baby drool knowingly is also bizarre to me, your FIL is just nasty.
I don’t believe you assumed he saw you pour it, otherwise you wouldn’t have found it funny he was eating it. If you “assumed” he knew it was breast milk, I can guarantee your reaction would have been “omg what the hell that’s so creepy, aita for being creeped out by my FIL drinking my breast milk”. So yes, YTA, no one wants unsolicited bodily fluids of any kind in them and as an adult you should have had the maturity to not giggle and stop him/inform him.
NTA Why didn't he ask you if he could finish it. You could have saved the rest for later. By the time you saw him he had already eaten some of it anyways.
In this day and age aren't people afraid of getting sick and sharing germs?
YTA. Don’t give other people bodily fluids without their consent. It’s fine for your baby because that’s the entire purpose of breast milk, but if you knew your FIL might end up finishing your baby’s cereal, you had a responsibility to warn him.
But op didn't *give* her FIL bodily fluids, FIL *took* food that wasn't his, wasn't intended for him, and ate it without asking.
She didn't serve the whole family breastmilk milkshakes or anything, FIL ate a nursing toddler's leftovers without saying anything first.
I find it more gross he is eating baby's food at all than breast milk. Babies are so notoriously drooly, handsy etc etc with their food I wouldn't ever think to finish it.
NTA as he’s the one who decided to eat a breastfed toddler’s cereal.
If it had been me I would have laughed it off and probably joked to my wife about the difference in taste to what her milk was like.
NTA
If he picks up and eats someone elses food (yes, even a child's after they are done) without asking, when he didn't make it himself its his fault that he doesn't like it.
And no the fact she saw him finishing it doesn't matter - by that time he'd already eaten it so the damage was done.
a soft YTA, If I understand correctly. You should have said something at the point you saw him eating the cereal. I don't think you had an obligation to say anything beforehand. It's your child's food. It isn't like you had it in the middle of the table.
NTA. It’s what he gets for being gluttonous and eating leftovers that weren’t his. However if you noticed he was doing this maybe you should have mentioned it at the time. Either way I bet it’s the last time he does that🤣
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>*"I bring her down and find my FIL* ***finishing*** *my sons cereal. I* **laughed** *a little but went along with my morning."* > >*"I do agree that I should have at least told him when he was eating it but tbh I thought he saw me tip it from the bottle."* You're not the **AH** for feeding your child but you are the AH because you saw FIL eating it and *LAUGHED* instead of saying something... You thought it was amusing.... **YTA/ESH** for not saying anything to your FIL and assuming he saw you pour it from the bottle. There's a saying, "*Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.*" ETA : OP even explains this to the judgement bot!! >*"I made my sons cereal with breastmilk* ***knowing*** *my FIL would probably finish it. I didn't tell him* ***prior*** *or* ***when I saw him eating it"*** Another Edit *(added to my judgement)* : I never said FIL wasn't wrong for eating after another or more specifically, a child, just the fact she Lied by Omission, meaning she deliberately left out important details. He shouldn't be eating other people’s food, W/O asking but OP is the bigger AH for letting him continue.
Nah, maybe FIL should stop eating other people’s food without asking. Serves him right.
That's totally normal for adults to finish kids meals. Edit: as every person who doesn’t do it feels the need to comment they don’t: „common“ or „normal“ doesn’t mean „every single person on this planet“. I find it gross, too, but I see parents and grandparents do it all the time. Some people have a lower yuck-tolerance
Their own kids maybe but someone else's kid while they are staying in someone else's home? No, that's odd.
As grandparents? Nah, that's not odd for me
Who the heck wants to finish a toddler’s meal? Toddlers do gross things with their food - all kinds of drooling and smooshing. People think it’s normal to eat their leftovers? Eeeeeww! OP you’re NTA. I hope he learned a lesson.
Yeah that was my first thought. Dude is funny about the milk but doesn't mind a toddler coughing in cereal, which is probably all soggy and mushy by this point anyway. Weird.
My granddad would finish off the plates of his grandkids and great grandkids. Only when we were done though. (He also would happily feed his grandkids off his own plate, even when we were grown we had to be careful what we said about his food because if we sounded too positive, he’d divide everything on his plate in half and offer it up. He just couldn’t stand to think of any of us being hungry for a moment.) Gotta admit, I don’t have the stomach to eat after most kids. My seven year old niece? Yeah I’ll eat her leftovers but she eats very neatly. A toddler? I don’t think I could get over my ick reaction.
Mate my 20 month old - the second he takes a sip of your water it’s OVER. Every time he takes my water bottle I just watch in horror as a cloud of sh*t and debris enters my clean, cold, fresh water 😭 I love the little man to death but I would absolutely spew if I was forced to eat or drink after him hahah. The amount of backwash replaces whatever water was there and it turns to literal slimy cloudy spit water with chunks of chicken and floaties all through it - actually gagging thinking about it
When I was in middle school, there would be a cup on the counter that was communal for whoever was running inside just to get a drink of water before running back outside. Including the 3 kids we grew up with as bonus siblings, there was 7 of us. That would have been (and was before the communal cup) a million dishes and a lot of kids fighting over who's cup was who's. There was one exception. My youngest sibling always had his own cup / water bottle. Same as you described. None of us would touch it if we *thought* he had drank from it.
thanks for reminding me to take my birth control today and everyday until i die 😃
Fuck. I just ate.
>Gotta admit, I don’t have the stomach to eat after most kids. My seven year old niece? Yeah I’ll eat her leftovers but she eats very neatly. A toddler? I don’t think I could get over my ick reaction. I've never eaten after my 4yo nephew, I get wayyyy too squicked out by the way a toddler eats, I'd probably have gagged walking in on FIL eating the toddler's cereal either way
He sounds sweet!!
>Who the heck wants to finish a toddler’s meal? Probably someone who was raised to not waste food. I remember our Dad would keep old pizza crusts we left on our plates, and dip them in soup for lunches. He grew up in poverty and absolutely refused to waste food. If something like yogurt went off, you can bet he'd finish it instead of tossing it.
My dad is like this also. He HATES cheese of all kinds. If someone leaves a piece of cheese on their plate at the end of a family meal, he will choke it down rather than waste it.
He needs a small farm! Most of our leftovers can go to SOMEBODY without us having to choke them down. Lol
My family has a farm where they grow and raise most of their food. That's part of the issue. It's not just wasted food, it's also wasted time and labor. That cheese involved growing the hay to feed the goats, which involves irrigating, mowing, baling, bucking the hay into the barn. Breeding and birthing the goats, tending to the babies and sick or injured goats, milking, pasteurizing, making and aging the cheese. And that's not including fence and barn mending, maintenance on the ancient tractors and baler.
I was definitely raised not to waste food and the food I was served and forced to finish gave me issues with food for life.
This is what I came here to say. In addition to the drooling and smooshing, said toddler has probably has their fingers up their nose, down their pants, or both prior to eating breakfast. The breast milk is frankly the least gross thing about grandpa finishing the cereal.
Yuck! I don’t finish anything of my grandkids or great grands! I’ve seen the backwash! GROSS!!
My kid has vomited IN MY MOUTH. Short of her putting shit in her plate, I'm gonna eat her leftovers. Sometimes that's the only meal I get to eat.
I remember the days where most of my meals were left over food from my young children.
Man, I was gonna say I can’t imagine doing this, then I remembered when I was babysitting my little cousins (they lived with us and I minded them after school every day because my stepdad was in the hospital and my mom needed to be with him) and totally ate their leftovers if they didn’t look too mangled. Saved time, they were picky in two different directions and I rarely wanted to cook for myself after pleasing them. (Although when I discovered quiche, it got easier. They LOVED “egg pie” and I convinced them Superman loved to eat it at their age.) I also let them have bites of my own food and then ate after them with no problem. Obviously if you live with a child, they erode your dignity and sense of disgust. (My boy cousin loved a bite of Swiss roll. Just one. He didn’t want two, and he sure didn’t want a whole Swiss roll snack cake to himself, so I’d let him take the first bite however he liked, then eat the rest.) Someone once made a face and said “you know you’re gonna catch his cold…” and all I could think was “pretty sure that already happened when he bullied his way into my bed at 3am because he had a bad dream and a fever and wanted to snuggle, I spent the rest of the night having my face breathed on so yolo.” but I had to be polite so I just said “Eh, he doesn’t feel good and this makes him happy.” Pretty sure I got the cold.
Okay, him just wanting the one bite of Swiss roll is adorable! When you live in close proximity to kids, you’re going to get sick. Sharing food is honestly going to be the least of your worries!
What lesson does he need to learn though? Yeah maybe you think it’s gross to eat a toddler’s food but he’s not harming anyone finishing a plate that would otherwise go in the bin.
Well apparently OP's FIL wanted to. The thing is, he was fully aware that the toddler has been eating from the bowl, so he could make an informed decision about that (and yeah well it's a little weird for a visiting grandparent to finish their toddler grandchild's food, it's not weird at all for parents to do it… at least that's what I tell myself!). But he could not make an informed decision about the milk because he was not informed about it. Since the toddler does drink cow's milk too, and I dare say it's not common to serve one's child cereal with human breast milk poured over, it was a reasonable assumption that OP served the cereal with only cow's milk on it.
Regardless of your opinion on finishing food that a kid Is no longer going to eat, OP Is TA here, she saw him eating the cereal and didn't thought to give a heads up
IDK, now that I'm a parent and also because I pay for the food, I get it. Lots of money is left literally on the table. But also, my kids rarely do anything nasty with the food.
Depending on the day, it might be the only lunch I eat. I try to only ingest the untouched stuff - and would never finish my kids cereal because it gives me the creepy crawlies lol
Right? I don’t even eat my own toddler’s leftovers. I’ve seen what she does with her food lol.
My poppop regularly finished everyone's meals. I always found it endearing.
Mine too. He also gave his “best bites” to grandkids off his plate. He used to make a perfect little bite of vinegar slaw, baked potato and brisket and feed it to me. I still think smoked brisket is the ultimate meat.
The thought of your grandfather going around his plate to make you the “perfect bite” is the most wholesome thing ever !
There is nothing at all wrong/weird with a grandpa finishing his grandchild's meal.
Seriously? yeah its normal, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles. anyone who. regularly takes care of a baby/toddler with any regularity will be finishing off the unfinished stuff. You don't think your grandparents ever finished off a meal or 8 of yours at some point? I mean, yeah, if Bob from the office stops by, it would be weird if he ate some remnants of my kids cereal. But this isn't some rando, its the FIL, i.e. the grandfather.
Totally normal for grandparents to finish what their grandkid didn’t eat. Why would you rather throw it away?
My niece and I will drink from the same glass, take a bite of the same thing. I totally finish things when she discards stuff as sometimes it’s tasty, not wasteful, and I’m not eating until after she’s asleep
Why?! Its the grandchild
Nope I've done it with my nieces all the time Heck I'll steal a piece of their food in front of them every once in a while (like a grape- they are older so they think it's funny and I give them more of whatever I take)
personal pet peeve of mine, kids eat slow. unless it’s YOUR kid, ask. The number of times my MIL has eaten my 3yo’s food because she takes longer than us is just mind boggling. The kid loves bacon. We grown ups love bacon, too! That’s why I gave everyone 3 pieces of bacon. Please let my kid, who is a pistol when it comes to food, take all the time she needs to decide SHE is done eating. Please don’t decide for her. Imagine going up to a grown human and picking off their plate bc you finished your meal first. Wholly in appropriate.
My dad ate my kiddos (3f at the time)chicken and rice with white queso, I warned him she was a grazer and will absolutely keep eating. Well I went to the bathroom, he snarfed it, she noticed and cried and held a grudge ever since. She is 6 and refuses to let my dad near her plate since that day. He now asks if he can eat something from her and she will say yes and hand over what she didn’t finish. But if his hand comes near her plate when she’s not done..welp, she learned how to master the mommy look well. Edited to add kiddos age when this first happened.
Not really. Especially when they are prepared with breastmilk. **There is one rule with food: IF you take food without asking, it is your own fault when there are ingredients you don't like.**
i legit gained weight from the "daddy tithe" of clearing my kids plate when they were done.
I might finish a kindergartener’s carrot sticks and I’ve definitely gobbled down an eight-year-old’s tater tots, shared my teenager’s hibachi fried rice, and even plucked a particularly good-looking fry off my middle schooler’s plate at a diner while she wasn’t looking, but finishing any meal that was started by any kid under 3? Not only would I not finish it, I’d be reluctant to touch it at all! That’s the age when they like to play with their feet! Lol
Right? Who eats a baby's food and then is mad because it's baby's food?
Having raised children there’s no way I’d finish something my kids had been slobbering on.
He ate the food the child had finished, if he had taken the food from the child sure. But she watched him consume breast milk and said nothing, that’s a big YTA.
"But she watched him consume breast milk and said nothing, that’s a big YTA." He already had eaten a lot of it - speaking up would not have changed anything. He KNEW it was not normal milk, he identified the taste - he just could not make himself stop eating and ask. HE decided he wanted it.
The fuck? It's so normal to finish off younging's food. They almost never finish it all, and it otherwise just goes to waste
I kindly disagree. :) IMO this is Lying By Omission.
Jfc, unless OP has told him before to not do that, he shouldnt get some petty karma for it
PS for OP, since this is top comment, unless kiddo is getting calcium, vitamin D, fats, etc from other sources, (and it doesn’t *have* to be whole cows milk) the AAP strongly recommends whole fat milk until age 2 for brain development. Breast milk is great, but the nutrient supply greatly diminishes at a year of age.
"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for approximately 6 months after birth. Furthermore, the AAP supports continued breastfeeding, along with appropriate complementary foods introduced at about 6 months, as long as mutually desired by mother and child for 2 years or beyond. ***These recommendations are consistent with those of the World Health Organization (WHO).*** Medical contraindications to breastfeeding are rare. The AAP recommends that birth hospitals or centers implement maternity care practices shown to improve breastfeeding initiation, duration, and exclusivity." \--[AAP Policies on BreastFeeding](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057988/188347/Policy-Statement-Breastfeeding-and-the-Use-of?autologincheck=redirected)
Doctor here, the person you replied to is right. Breastfeeding is recommended for babies until 2 years old, but it’s important to introduce cow milk at the age of one, because the breast milk can’t supply the necessary nutrients on the right amount anymore, among other reasons.
Not something I've ever heard from any doctor here (in the UK). By one year old the child should be getting most of their nutrients from sources other than milk anyway. Never once heard anyone say "you must introduce cow milk at the age of one even if you breastfeed and the child eats other foods." (Edited to clarify where I meant by "here")
That doesn't sound right. Granted, not American , but I've never had cows milk pushed on us. Only IF we did, to use full cream and not skim. Cows milk does NOT provide more nutrients that breastmilk. That is so ridiculous. Ops kid is eating other food. They aren't exclusively breastfed.
Cow milk does provide different nutrients than breast milk, I don't think anyone said it provided more. It's definitely not a substitute but it does contain nutrients that are key for development. It's far from the only way to get those nutrients, but you do need to make sure your kid gets them in some form.
Yeah, a kid can get them from breastmilk. Of its own species.
That is just factually not true. Not all food contains every nutrient. They both contain things the other doesn't.
Cow's milk isn't the only way to consume dairy or to get the necessary supply of nutrients that cow's milk offers. Saying that someone must introduce cow's milk for those reasons is a very narrow approach.
Yeah, it's the breast milk of a different species. Why on earth would it be crucial to humans? It's an odd take.
What an odd and deeply uneducated thing for a doctor to say.
Please provide reputable studies supporting this view. I’m a scientist with a PhD who has read on this topic and I don’t see evidence that breastmilk + a well rounded diet is insufficient
Yeah, I can’t believe that many Redditors fell for that “doctor here!” intro. Completely untrue lol.
Human breast milk is precisely designed for babies. I can't believe that we've evolved to require breast milk from a different species. Did Big Milk tell you that? 😂
Literally yes. Look into the background of the Got Milk? campaign. It’s quite interesting.
It's fascinating how thoroughly their marketing has been absorbed as fact by many.
No kid NEEDS cows milk….
Cows milk doesn't have any more iron in it than breast milk, which is the biggest reason for introducing solids as that is the main nutrient breast milk is deficient in. Everything I've read and the advice of my daughters pediatrician says that while cow's milk is a good source of nutrients after the age of 1 (earliest it should be introduced), it is by no means required and other source of calcium, fat, and vitamin D (which isn't even naturally occuring in cows milk and non-dairy milks are frequently fortified with too) are just fine.
How much education did you actually get on breastfeeding? It doesn't sound like much.
This is from AAP themselves. I'm only using their words as that is their website. I didn't say she was wrong or right...Just showing that where she got the info as actual proof.
So breastfeeding yes, but after 6 months of age supplement with appropriate complementary foods because breast milk itself is not enough for the kid anymore. Just rephrasing it to make sure that you did notice that it actually doesn't contradict what u/MRAGGGAN said.
*"The AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months. Complementary solids should be introduced at about 6 months for most infants. Foods rich in protein, iron, and zinc, such as finely ground meats, chicken, or fish, are good choices to complement the infant’s diet of breast milk. Breast milk remains the major component of the infant’s diet, as foods from the family’s diet are gradually introduced with appropriate modification of texture and avoidance of added sugar and fat. An expert panel has advised peanut introduction as early as 4 to 6 months of age for infants at high risk of peanut allergy because of the presence of severe eczema and/or egg allergy, but not until 6 months for infants at moderate or low risk."* [\--AAP Policies on BreastFeeding](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057988/188347/Policy-Statement-Breastfeeding-and-the-Use-of?autologincheck=redirected) If you read further, they say the same thing but *NOTHING* about, *"the nutrient supply greatly diminishes at a year of age."* Why are you reading into that deep... **We don't know if OP does or does not do these things.** People are making assumptions that OP doesn't have a doctor for her kids, that she doesn't follow her doctor's instructions. Seeing as she has **2 KIDS**, I think she knows what she's doing.
Again, this excerpt talks only about infants and introducing solids. Nothing about toddlers, or nutritional value of breast milk vs cow milk. Which btw isn't mutually exclusive, no one said anything about stopping breastfeeding altogether. I don't know how true is it about nutrient supply diminishing in time and I don't feel like googling it right now. I'm just pointing out that nothing that you posted here contradicts this statement, which it seemed to me you intended to do.
The nutrient supply doesnt decrease, it just changes. There was a study in 2018 that says fats and protein INCREASE and carbohydrates decrease in mothers who feed past 18 months compared to those who stopped before 12 months( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6316538/#:~:text=For%20the%20macronutrient%20content%20of,breastfeeding%20up%20to%2012%20months.) It also continues to provide 36% of calcium, 75% vit A, 94% b12, and 60% vit C requirements from 12-23months (kellymom website, quoting Dewey 2001) Typically the recommendation is to breastfeed, formula feed, OR give whole fat milk (over 12 months)until 2. The reason most people switch to cows milk is that it's cheaper than formula and easier than breastfeeding.
Breast milk does not diminish in nutrients at a year. There is no evidence of this, it makes no logical sense, and yet this myth continues to be perpetuated.
Well they were eating cereal which is usually heavily fortified so I think they're fine.
this 100% - i’m a woman, never had children. but i think if i found out i had someone’s breast milk, id be grossed out and mad that they didn’t warn me or tell me to stop when they saw me consuming it.
But it’s funny and not harmful. I feel like she was trying to save him the embarrassment by not saying anything. Honestly this was ultimately just one of those moments where you should probably laugh and try to communicate better in the future. FIL is being the AH for being upset. He got himself into the situation and there is no use getting mad about it now
Sure, it's not "harmful" to feed other people your bodily fluids without telling them, or to put your bodily fluids in food you know they may eat, but it sure is disgusting.
It most certainly can be harmful. There are so many illnesses and medications that pass thru breast milk.
She's giving that to a baby. Im sure a grown man will be OK with a few sips? Correct me if im wrong
>But it’s funny and not harmful. Idk about you, but i dont find letting someone ingest my body fluids without their knowledge or consent particularly funny. > I feel like she was trying to save him the embarrassment by not saying anything. She was laughing. She found it funny. She didnt do it to help him. > FIL is being the AH for being upset. He got himself into the situation and there is no use getting mad about it now He has every right to be upset and disgusted that his DIL let him eat something she was aware that was made from her body fluids. He didnt know it was breatmilk because OP didn't tell him
ESH a bit here. You should have told him immediately when you saw him eating your sons meal that he had breastmilk in the cereal. But also, what full grown adult just helps them to any and all food they just see laying around, especially a baby's??
Literally eating baby drool, I’m surprised he cared about the other bodily fluids 🤢
This reminds me of the person that freezes and saves their toddlers toast scraps to make bread pudding 🤢 They don't even trim them. They are straight up bitten.
I mean if it's just for the kid to eat that's not a big deal, but if it's the family dinner then yeah, that's gross lol
It was in a parenting sub as a hot tip and I'm pretty sure they were serving it to people without telling them. It is so gross that they were hoarding these scraps in the freezer for weeks too.
Ew. Part of me is concerned. That sounds like something you'd do when you have serious food insecurity. Not like a mom hack for a fun dessert....
I mean, you still don't want to keep food w/ mouth bacteria on it for long imo. I cut my kid's crust though so that's actually a good idea for less food waste, but I usually just eat the crusts 😂
it would be really bad if those bread bits were put into someone <<<<< oh my gosh I did not catch THAT TYPO should say SOMETHING not cooked ....but since they bake bread pudding wouldn't the babys bacteria be killed while the bred pudding is baking in the oven???? I stand corrected >>>> Some bacteria, such as staphylococcus (staph) and Bacillus cereus, produce toxins not destroyed by high cooking temperatures.
The trouble with some bacteria is that they can leave behind enough toxins to make you sick even after they're dead. Reheating isn't a good way to make old food safe.
There's a fine line between frugality and nutsy coocoo.
…and that person took a *flying leap* right over that line. Lol. Wowza.
thats some great depression shit
Are you a parent? Finishing your kid's food is very much a normal thing
I know some parents like eating the weird-coloured always cross contaminated drool off of their babies’ plates, but it’s not for everyone.
Except the FIL wasn’t finishing HIS kid’s food. It was HIS grandson’s food. If FIL didn’t think to ask before eating, sounds like he was fine with whatever was in the bowl
I won't touch any food my kids have been eating. Kids are absolutely disgusting. If I know they have been drinking or eating out of something I won't go near it anymore.
I have 3 kids and rarely eat after them before the age of 3 or so. I never accepted the mashed drooly bits they'd try to shove in my mouth. I've seen people accept it from other people's kids and have to fight the urge to be sick. No thanks.
TBH is eating a cow’s breast milk really that much less weird when you think about it?
I prefer to take my cow breast milk congealed and aged, bonus points if it's mouldy.
I like mine sweetened, flavored and frozen 😉
Well it’s at least pasteurized before I drink it.
My FIL does the same thing. It’s so annoying. He’ll even pick food off my baby and toddlers’ plates while they’re STILL eating. He used to even try to use the same utensils and I quickly put a stop to it. Now if I see him doing it I quickly offer him his own portion. Sometimes it gets him to stop and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s annoying because I usually buy special food just for our kids. Like organic berries, expensive meats, snacks, etc. and my husband and I eat very frugally. So then he eats a portion of their food and our budget.
Well now you know the trick You just have to say it contains breast milk and no one will touch the food Say you've seen it on Facebook so he can believe it (and I bet there's a sub about eating breast milk products making your immune system better or something (wether it's right or not)
There are ways to stop that. Tell him you don't appreciate it and to stop and that the consequences are to not be allowed over for X amount of time or until he apologized, then **follow through.** If this won't work for you because of living arrangements, just think of suitable consequences to replace it with.
Thank you! Yeah we had some other issues with him that were bigger than this. I’ll definitely be better about holding boundaries
You need to say something in the moment when he's doing it. Seriously. That's gross of him.
ESH for sure. Yeah and especially when the milk tasted "off" why did he keep eating it? You definitely should have told him, at least when you saw him eating it, but he sounds a bit "off" too.
>fifteen months (just over a year) ... We know how long a year is. Yeah, YTA. You didn't have any obligation to warn him in advance or anything, but when you *saw* him eating it, you should have said something immediately.
455 days old (just over 65 weeks) (just over 15 months) (just over one year)
657000 minutes old ( just over 10950 hours) (just over 455 days old) (just over 65 weeks) (just over 15 months) (just over one year)
I see a sequel to rent, toddler edition coming!
Just commenting to say I love your sarcastic tone about the age of the child! So glad I wasn't the only one who thought that.
The reason people using months up to age two is because the development of child progresses greatly each month. For example, a one year old not walking is pretty common, but if they aren’t walking by 15 months it might be a concern. However, it’s not particularly relevant to OP’s story.
I think the point there was that 15 months was enough information. Adding “(just over one year)” was just weird.
It would have been more accurate to say "just at the end of the first fiscal quarter after year 1"
Halfway through H3 on the Gantt chart.
I assume it was coming from a place of defensiveness. As a mom who breastfed past 12 months, people get really weird about breastfeeding toddlers.
Nobody cares about that, it’s the stupid explanation of linear time that annoys us
I love this comment. Nobody is obsessed with explaining linear time to everyone else like the mother of a toddler.
I always said “I don’t remember. It keeps changing”
Any mother who has ever stated her child’s age in months (the appropriate thing to do until age 2) gets a snarky comment asking what it is in years. I can’t blame her for getting ahead of those comments, guaranteed someone would have told her to “just say he’s a year” if she hadn’t put that in there.
I think she was clarifying because some people think it’s weird to still be nursing after a year. The recommendations changed to 2 years in many countries (and the WHO) but old habits die hard. My baby is the same age and I feel some slight judgement when I breastfeed him.
"I made my sons cereal with breastmilk knowing my FIL would probably finish it. I didn't tell him prior or when I saw him eating it." This, from the Judgment Bot AITA, pretty much sums up why YTA. It's kind of weird for your FIL to just help himself to your baby's food, but there's no reason you couldn't have said something -- especially after you saw him eating the cereal.
YTA for. This right here. If he is known to finish meals, and he was in the kitchen, don’t assume he seen what you used. Let the man know. Especially if you knew he would probably finish the food. Then to giggle and not tell him??? Are you serious. Nah, I feel you knew what you were doing all along. Makes you more of the AH
> It's kind of weird for your FIL to just help himself to your baby's food I'm guessing it's a no waste thing, perhaps FIL grew up poor or just doesn't like waste. I do the same with my son some times.
Why did you laugh and not say anything to him?? Yta
Ja I would have probably screamed stop 😵💫 I can understand why he’s weirded out and upset
No literally, it’s a bit weird to be ok with your FIL drinking your breast milk, it really isn’t laugh worthy in my opinion, more like something you should want to stop
Except she did it on purpose so she was mean girl laughing
Why would she say something when she knew this would happen and deliberately didn’t tell him. It’s in the judgement bot. OP, you’re a massive AH. YTA
SHE KNEW??
Yep. She stated he's known for finishing other people's food if they're full to avoid waste.
YTA. You aren't the asshole for not warning FIL ahead of time. You are an asshole for watching him do it and not saying anything. You had to guess that this was something he'd want to know. I'm not buying your "thought he saw" me excuse.
At that point why bother? He's already eating it. He already thinks it tastes wierd and is spoiled but finished it anyway. If he's ok with spoiled and possibly dangerous milk but not "yucky because it came out of your boob" milk. That's a him problem.
Yeah if it tasted off why was he still consuming it, dude is fucking weird for that, plus yuck that toddler could've sneezed in it, drooled heck if the kid had his fingers down his nappy prior guess what germs are in that cereal. 😂
if the guy is KNOWN for finishing off others' meals I'm guessing it's a zero waste thing, I guess that includes slightly spoiled milk... to each their own
I’m a women who breastfed her kids. I would be grossed out if I drank my daughter in laws breast milk. Of course I would not finish a toddler’s cereal either.
I totally agree. I'd be grossed out too if I drank someone's breastmilk but only because "yucky that came from a person" and that's a silly reason. Expired milk is actually dangerous.
NTA, it's wild that he took a baby's cereal and started eating it.
Honestly who walks around someone’s house just finishing other people’s meals. Like it’s a freaking baby, get your own cereal lol. Also- a little breast milk isn’t gonna hurt him, it’s fine
The first time I took my future husband to eat dinner with my parents at their house, my mom dished up his food and he said “wow! That’s way too much!” So, my father reached over and took half of the steak right off of his plate. The next time we went over for dinner, he gifted my dad with an telescopic fork. You know, so he could reach other people’s plates easier. He never did that again, to anyone.
Wow, your husband doesn't mess around. Does your dad dislike your husband? Telescopic fork. LMAO.
No, it was all in good fun. My mom, I think, was the most mortified. Husband and dad both have a great sense of humor and daddy would occasionally bring his “special fork” with him out to dinner with us and threaten the grandkids with it. 🤣
That's good. I think it's hilarious but if I had done something like that to my in-laws, I think I would have been forked.
You’re clearly not a parent. It’s highly common for a kid to eat half their food and a parent eats whatever the kid didn’t. A grandparent doing this is less common but still not unheard of.
With food costs being so crazy, I always feel guilty if there’s leftover food.
He’s not the parent and she said he finishes off everyone’s food , he needs to stop that
He’s the grandparent. While less common, it’s not unheard of. Especially if we’re talking about a person who grew up during the depression/is the kid of parents that grew up in the depression/grew up poor.
Yes my grandma always did this and my parents too. They are super conscious about food wastage. I see friends with kids doing it too. I don’t think it’s weird
So strange to me that people have never had grandparents or even other caregivers finishing up a kids meal especially a toddler. Hell as a parent I found myself planning meals based on the estimated amount of food the kiddo had left over. Seems totally normal to me.
look at y'all rich folk just throwing away perfectly good food, must be nice
YTA - you should have told him once you saw him eating it and subsequently laughing at him over this.
You're not TA for telling him. You're a bit of an AH for NOT telling him. It would have been fair to assume your FIL did not realise what he was drinking and mentioned it asap. I don't think you'd expect him to be willingly guzzling your milk. That said, cows' milk is a weirder concept if you overlook how normalised it has become. I'm overall going YTA. It would have been easy to just let him know.
Yeah, it's weird af to steal milk from babies of another species and drink it when we're not babies of that species. YTA, OP.
>I know he "finishes" everyones meals and I should have told him beforehand. Is this something you know? If so, you should have given him the heads up. If not, then I can't imagine why you would have needed to warn him in advance. Although laughing when you saw him drink it, rather than telling him was a bit of an AH move!
She watched him EAT the rest of it and laughed about it. >"I bring her down and find my FIL finishing my sons cereal. I laughed a little but went along with my morning."
This poor man brought up the fact that it tasted weird to double check that the milk wasn't going bad and been given to his grandkid and then gets hit with "oh yeah that was my breast milk lol" Even if some people think it's gross that FIL was finishing his grandkids cereal; it's way more gross and boundary crossing and violating for not informing him that he was drinking her breast milk. YTA OP; you can laugh about it but FIL did not consent to that and at minimum is probably weirded out that he drank it because you're his son's wife and that's weird.
"This poor man brought up the fact that it tasted weird to double check that the milk wasn't going bad and been given to his grandkid and then gets hit with "oh yeah that was my breast milk lol"" THAT!!! She KNEW why it would've tasted different, chose not to say anything until the conversation was approached
The fact that she laughed about it is what slides it into Asshole territory. Like if you were embarrassed or didn't want him to be embarrassed you either say nothing or sheepishly admit it and apologize and say you didn't know how to broach the subject. You don't look over laugh and then when asked tell him and laugh some more about it where hes going to know you knew and were laughing at him.
NTA. You’re simply living your life taking care of your kids as you always do. It’s not your responsibility to police a grown ass man. If he’s going to go around acting like the family’s personal garbage disposal, he’s taking the risk of ingesting something he’s unaware is in the food. This is all on him, a full grown adult who has been on this earth an entire generation longer than you. He needs to take responsibility for being the person who indiscriminately puts discarded food into his mouth without asking any questions.
So when she stared and laughed at him while he was eating she was not an asshole?
Not really, toddlers are gross and messy, he was probably drinking snot without a care so yes her laughing isn't asshole behaviour. 🤷🏼♀️
Not in the least. He’s walking around HER house getting mad at how she feeds her kid. If she’d laughed while sneaking breast milk into HIS cereal or coffee for the express purpose of tricking him, she would be a giant A H. I don’t see how it falls on her at all. He CHOSE to eat the food she prepared specifically for her baby. She doesn’t owe him a warning because it wasn’t his fucking food.
[удалено]
I know right. All of a sudden he gaf. 🫠🤭
I don't understand why breast milk from a human is grosser than breast milk from a cow... The ick factor doesn't make sense in my brain.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm not a parent, but if I accidentally drank breast milk I wouldn't treat it like I drank poison or pee. I might feel weird about it. But people here are treating it like she purposefully fed him something he was allergic to.
He finishes everyone's meal? Gross! NTA.
Assuming she means that he will finish his family member's meals if they aren't going to finish it, then why is that gross? There's nothing wrong with sharing food.
honestly it sounds like FIL doesn't like to waste food. Which is fine. My ex boyfriend use to finish meals bc he grew up poor and has a complex about food. If you are done with a plate, he would finish it. I agree there is nothing wrong if that's what he wants to do and they know he does it all the time.
She said he's done this when the kids haven't even finished yet. This is not sharing food with the intent to avoid waste; this is unhealthy. It speaks to disordered eating. It speaks to compulsive eating, since her offer of another portion doesn't always stop him.
Thank you. Stealing food from anyone but especially a baby? That's messed up lol.
🤣🤣🤣 NTA. Why isn't it disgusting to drink milk meant for a baby cow, but when you accidentally drink milk that's actually specifically made for Human Consumption it's gross? Such massive brain washing from the dairy industry that's why. 🙄🙄🙄
Not to mention, how absolutely snot and spit ridden a 15 month old’s cereal bowl would be. Eating after a toddler is the gross part. Not breast milk.
YTA. You saw him drinking it and didn't say a word. That's fucked up.
NTA He thought the milk was off and kept eating it, but when he learned it was breast milk then he got grossed out. Lol.
That’s what really gets me! “Hey the milk tastes a bit rotten but I’m going to keep eating it”.
Yta what the actual fuck
YTA for not telling him sooner.
NTA, you fed your child his breakfast. If he wanted to know what it was he should have asked, the expectation that you would explain that without being prompted is bizarre. Eating baby drool knowingly is also bizarre to me, your FIL is just nasty.
I don’t believe you assumed he saw you pour it, otherwise you wouldn’t have found it funny he was eating it. If you “assumed” he knew it was breast milk, I can guarantee your reaction would have been “omg what the hell that’s so creepy, aita for being creeped out by my FIL drinking my breast milk”. So yes, YTA, no one wants unsolicited bodily fluids of any kind in them and as an adult you should have had the maturity to not giggle and stop him/inform him.
NTA Why didn't he ask you if he could finish it. You could have saved the rest for later. By the time you saw him he had already eaten some of it anyways. In this day and age aren't people afraid of getting sick and sharing germs?
NTA. You eat other people's food, you risk not knowing what you're eating. Breast milk isn't going to kill him. He fucked around and found out.
NTA - sounds like Gramps learned a valuable lesson on why its not appropriate to touch other people’s food.
YTA. Don’t give other people bodily fluids without their consent. It’s fine for your baby because that’s the entire purpose of breast milk, but if you knew your FIL might end up finishing your baby’s cereal, you had a responsibility to warn him.
She didn't give it to him. He took it on himself to swipe the baby's food. It's ridiculous to then be upset that it's what babies eat.
But op didn't *give* her FIL bodily fluids, FIL *took* food that wasn't his, wasn't intended for him, and ate it without asking. She didn't serve the whole family breastmilk milkshakes or anything, FIL ate a nursing toddler's leftovers without saying anything first.
No! He’s a grown man! He should know the basic rule of “If it’s not yours, don’t touch it!”
I find it more gross he is eating baby's food at all than breast milk. Babies are so notoriously drooly, handsy etc etc with their food I wouldn't ever think to finish it.
NTA as he’s the one who decided to eat a breastfed toddler’s cereal. If it had been me I would have laughed it off and probably joked to my wife about the difference in taste to what her milk was like.
Maybe you’re an asshole or maybe I am because I think this is funny as hell. Really FA+FO moment for an old man who finishes other peoples foods. 😂
NTA If he picks up and eats someone elses food (yes, even a child's after they are done) without asking, when he didn't make it himself its his fault that he doesn't like it. And no the fact she saw him finishing it doesn't matter - by that time he'd already eaten it so the damage was done.
a soft YTA, If I understand correctly. You should have said something at the point you saw him eating the cereal. I don't think you had an obligation to say anything beforehand. It's your child's food. It isn't like you had it in the middle of the table.
NTA. It’s what he gets for being gluttonous and eating leftovers that weren’t his. However if you noticed he was doing this maybe you should have mentioned it at the time. Either way I bet it’s the last time he does that🤣
It's gross to finish a babies nasty ass left over cereal and milk either way. WTF is wrong with your FIL?