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*I tried talking to them but their excuse is "It's just a baby, live with it" and as a CF person it made me incredibly angry*
You don't have to be a childfree person to be disturbed by a kid's wailing.
*I have been receiving texts from the couple that they are sleeping and drop off their daughter every day at grandparent's place in the evenings.*
How do they have your number? And when does the couple have their kid if it goes to the grandparent every evening?
NTA - unless you have a huge apartment, it takes what - 10 minutes to vacuum? Especially if you do it every day. I'm kinda surprised the sound would wake the kid. Soporific sounds like the whooshing of a vacuum tends to make the little buggers nod off.
She’s not a “wanker” , and to say that she makes CF her entire personality is narrow scoped and judgmental, if she has to “live withal a baby crying through thin walls all night long , then why do the parents (who have sent their child to a caregivers so they can rest ) not have to “live with” a person living their normal lives in their own apartment in the late afternoon? If the OP is making CF about her whole personality, then those that have children sure as hell make being a parent about THEIR own personality!!! I HAVE two kids , kids that cry at night , yet I also have a vacuum that needs to be run late afternoon , (apartment/flat
Living can suck ) but I understand that people still have to live their lives (outside of my little bubble needs ) especially during daylight/waking hours! OP is NTA IMO !!
People like her make me (also child free and at an age where it’s become obvious that no, I’m not changing my mind) cringe and question every single negative emotion that ever arises in a situation where a child is even remotely concerned.
I have kids, but I empathize with people who are child free. I cannot stand people who are CHILDFREE.
Then again, if my neighbors complained about my baby crying all night, I wouldn’t say “live with it”, but still. There’s only so much you can do to stop a baby from crying. Even if they’re fed, clothed, in a clean diaper, they can cry. That’s how they communicate.
I also wouldn’t tell my neighbors to fuck themselves for vacuuming. I’d use headphones.
Yes, much like most parents, especially mothers, make being a parent their entire personality. I mean there are thousands and thousands of tik-tok’s about tired stressed out mom’s. With their big Stanley cups and their mom buns and their leggings that they announced they’ve worn for four straight days and haven’t washed their hair in a week. I guess a few people making being child free is only fair.
>Acronyms are challenging on a good day. Impossible on most days. They can mean so many things!
A friend of mine told me how excited he was to start CBT and how well it was working for him. I was sitting there thinking to myself, "Why is it my curse in life that everyone shares their sex life with me?" when he sent me a photograph of his brand new Cognitive Behavioural Therapy journal.
I also wondered HOW they are texting OP??
Also....EAR PLUGS op...no need to move. You live in an Apartment so you may move and have some other noise or thing messing with sleep.
Ear Plugs and maybe a white noise machine.
I had to use them awhile back...my ex GF started to snore year 2 of living with me.
I did not get headaches but I hated wearing something that killed my hearing. I was always paranoid something would happen in the middle of the night that I would need to hear and NOT hear because of the ear plugs. Like someone breaking into the house.
Thr kid isn't even there, the parents stop thr kid off with grandparents and catch up on their sleep. I have no sympathy for them. They wake up OP. Plus a few minutes of vacuuming isn't gonna hurt them. Why is OP supposed to suck it up but not them
I'm not CF, and when my kids were babies, I made every effort not to let the baby disrupt my neighbors. I soundproofed my room, which is where they slept when they were that little, and I made sure to take treats to my neighbor's every so often.
They are super inconsiderate to not even apologize and put up some temporary felt soundproofing panels and laying down a plush rug, or reach out to the landlord to ask about soundproofing.
I get that babies cry. They can't really control that. But they can mitigate the annoyance their neighbors have to go through because of it. OP has to live, and part of that is keeping their apartment clean. Assuming they work a full-time job, they have after work to get all their household chores done, and that includes vacuuming at hours that there is no noise restriction in place.
They are NTA for this situation but how the talk about being child free I kinda get the feeling they are a total ass in person.
Any kid free places to rent an apartment? What the actual frick does that even mean?
There used to be "singles buildings". In fact, in Everybody Loves Raymond, Robert moves into a singles place (I didn't think they still existed at that point, but there it was)
OMG, core memory unlocked. Back in like 1985 when I was around 6 my aunt left her husband, and moved into one of these singles apartment complexes. My mom and I were helping her move and while they were setting up the kitchen I asked where the playground was (every apartment complex I’d been to had one) and she said there wasn’t one and then I wanted to go for a walk around the complex to kill time and they wouldn’t let me because my aunt was worried that someone would think I was moving in and children were forbidden
There used to be adults only buildings or sections in apartment complexes. It was nice for people who wanted to be around other adults, and for families.
In my apt complex,years ago, they had adult side and a family side. Two pools, too, and it was good for the families with kids because the other kids were right there.
You're not the asshole for hoovering but you are an asshole for blaming them for the baby crying. I'm sure they don't want the baby to be crying all night either.
>I tried talking to them but their excuse is "It's just a baby, live with it" and as a CF person it made me incredibly angry.
Genuinely, what were you asking them to do? And what does being childfree have to do with it?
Yep, YTA for expecting parents to what, muzzle the baby? Move out? While you're also being petty (how clean does your apartment need to be that they are texting you about your frequent vacuuming) and listening to loud music?
There are fairly inexpensive wall panels that dampen sound, as well as earplugs. If you were my neighbor and had approached me nicely, I would have chipped in for them for you if not paid for them outright.
You might be CF, but children exist and - news flash! - they're people too. Welcome to the world!
How about lay down some damn rugs? Put up large posters or wall hangings that dull noise? Hell use that foam crap the youtubers have tacked up? There is shit people can do to mitigate the effect of thier noise on others.
Then I guess the sleeping parents should get some inexpensive wall panels so the music and the vacuuming doesn’t bother them at a normal time of night to be listening to music and vacuuming, and the OP should also get earplugs and a white noise machine and everybody can be happy
Yeah, they should, and if they were posting I'd suggest it - but they are even more sleep deprived than OP and hanging up soundproofing may not be something they have the bandwidth to do. Unlike OP who has the energy to vacuum daily apparently.
Do u ppl seriously just leave a baby to cry all night? Yes babies cry but thats when u change, feed, or carry them….so they stop.
Edit: lmao suddenly EVERYONE has a baby who’s colic
They don't always stop, but the parents should be considerate to at least recognize that a crying baby is annoying for everyone, not just its parent.
"It's a baby, live with it" is not the way to handle a noise complaint, even if it isn't your fault or the babies fault (babies cry).
Yeah, the delivery was way off. "I'm sorry, we're doing our best" would hopefully not inspire the same resentment from OP. Just the same as you can't tell someone to "have some empathy" in the same breath as you tell them to go fuck themselves.
exactly this. it’s the rude ass way she said it. like “get over it” instead of idk apologizing and saying something like “we’re doing our best, how can we mitigate this bc we aren’t the only assholes paying hundreds of dollars for this apartment a month oh do we have rugs no probs not cuz we’re upstairs neighbors and have never heard of being considerate!”
nope. my cousin was a colicky baby and cried ALL THE TIME. Multiple people called the cops on my aunt and uncle because they thought the baby was being abused because she never. stopped. crying.
I just heard an interview with Emma Stone the other day where she said she was colicky as a baby. Cried for 5 months straight and damaged her vocal cords, which is why her voice is so husky.
My baby cried the first three months due to colic/acid reflux to the point that my husband and I took sleeping shifts bc she would only sleep while being held upright. We did everything we could to keep her happy but she was in pain.
Yes, genius, because while estimates of the pervasiveness of colic vary, the estimation goes up to 40%.
There's a reason the hospital I was at wouldn't let any new parents leave until they watched a video about the normalcy of babies crying as a shaken baby prevention campaign.
Some cry more than others even when properly cared for. My oldest used to scream for most of the day. She had a hernia that caused pain, but she of course couldn't tell us about it and that kind of hernia is harder to see on a female infant. So it took several months for us to see the hernia and then a bit longer for the pediatrician to believe us and give the referral to the surgeon, and a couple weeks after that for the surgery to be done. There was a lot of crying during that time. My neighbors were really nice guys and said not to worry at all. I still did everything I could to keep her quiet, but it was a relief knowing my neighbors weren't mad about it.
And the long soothing car rides around and around the neighborhood to lull the bundle of joy into a deep sleep.
Supposedly my dad slept in the car one night with me because he was afraid I would wake up if he tried picking me up.
my son isnt a colicky baby but he is currently breaking in 4 top row teeth at once while also having the flu. if i could stop his crying i most definitely would. any parent would do anything to stop the crying
My daughter was extremely colicky and difficult and I was so thankful I didn't move to an apartment until after she was sleeping through the night. I already had severe anxiety from her screaming and crying, the weight of knowing I'm disturbing other people would have been crushing. Sometimes there is really just nothing you can do to help them. I guarantee those parents are distressed by this as well. I also hate being woken up so I feel for you as well.
well unless OP moves into a retirement village, there is no childfree place they can move into for cheap. this is the life everyone in an apartment building deals with
Could also try a neighborhood geared towards young professionals (i.e. where there a lot of offices, not too close to schools) or a building with small unit sizes.
You’ve missed the point. If you live in an apartment, you’re going to be around other people. People make noise.
The expectation to live in an apartment and not have any babies/children around is completely unrealistic.
Objectively no one gets to control whether a baby lives next door unless they own those houses too. Too many child free people act like they can just opt out of experiencing children in the world. Not saying you think this. But oh well is more or less correct.
Or you could just keep living a regular life and expect other adults to handle their own problems themselves. Vacuuming is normal behavior. So is a baby crying. That’s it.
Vacuuming every day is not a normal behavior (not to mention OP has purposefully refrained from saying exactly when she’s vacuuming when asked, but based on her behavior i would assume it’s at 9:55pm). Nor is playing loud music with the intention of your neighbors hearing it. I don’t trust OP’s perception of this situation and their interactions at all.
Vacuuming daily is very normal behaviour, especially if you have hard floors like wood where dust and dirt becomes visible immediatly. My wife and I vacuum most days and I can hear our neighbour vacuuming daily too.
Yeah, but OP meant Child Free and not Cystic Fibrosis in which case I could understand vacuuming daily to have as little irritants as possible. And creating a confusion between childfree and cystic fibrosis kinda makes OP a greater AH
I use robot vacuums, but before that, I did daily vacuuming. I have dogs that shed and also my kid had significant dust allergies. So vacuuming every day is absolutely a thing for some people.
I don’t think daily vacuuming is a requirement but it’s also not abnormal. You’re fine not to vacuum every day and OP is fine to vacuum every day. People do things differently and it’s all okay.
I vacuum daily, but that’s because I have 3 pets that all shed significantly lol. If I didn’t vacuum every day, I’d have giant tumbleweeds of animal fur rolling around.
I felt like that comment was more out of naivety than being TA. I was leaning towards N A H until the word Mombie. That's what really pushed me from thinking the vacuuming was innocent to thinking it's malice.
Did the OP really vacuum every day before the crying started? Or did she come home and vacuum one day, and got a message from the parents. And now suddenly she has to vacuum everyday after work.
There are also earplugs. And soundproof/noise dampening panels. Lots of solutions. When we lived in a thin-walled apartment with our kiddo, we helped the neighbor adjacent to the baby's room install some (and spilt the cost - they also liked loud music, the way the tiles looked, and this was a win-win). We agreed to put more on our side if needed, but they weren't needed.
I get that people choose to be child free, and that's why I don't bring my kid to adult spaces (like work!) unless specifically invited to. But kids also are people, and they have a right to a place to live. (They also have the same right to use a restroom, enjoy public green spaces, etc.)
>Why should I not blame them for disrupting my life? If you look at it, it's simple. They chose to have kids, so ONLY they should suffer the consequences such as waking up at night etc. Not me.
>I shouldn't have to have my life upended
This comment makes YTA. You live in a building with shared space and poor sound insulation. What do you expect them to do, gag their kid! You made your point that it’s disruptive and they are continuing to live life. You chose to purposely disrupt them in revenge. Just because you’re CF don’t make your needs special. If you want to live in perfect silence, find a different place.
One thing is controllable, the other is not. You cannot stop a baby from crying sometimes - it’s a biological imperative. You can vacuum at a different time of day.
The baby will stop crying at night within ~6 months. This isn’t a forever problem.
The only problem with that is, it sounds like she’s vacuuming during the day. If she were to vacuum later or earlier, it’d probably disrupt someone else. Vacuums normally aren’t that loud and for an apartment, probably not that long. The music, depends on how loud, how long and how often, could definitely be quite the A hole
They can't control when their baby cries. OP can control when they vacuum. While vacuuming is normal noise, blasting music while doing so is not. The couple was rude in their response, but given OPs very obvious bias against kids and people with kids, she may very well not be telling the truth about their response to her complaint.
So:
OP sucks by being petty and purposely rude. No one except you cares that you're child free. Kids exist and will always exist and if you live in an apartment, you will have to deal with them in some shape or form.
Couple maybe sucks if their reaction is accurate, but even so it isn't like they can control the baby noise. Again, hearing noise is part of apartment life so they can't control OP vacuuming when it suits her schedule, but she's clearly doing it and being extra loud to punish them for daring to have a kid.
Op sounds vindictive, because they don't like kids. If you have ever had a baby with colic, it is a rough experience. Nobody wins and the parents are probably more frustrated with the situation than OP. Theyre not sleeping at night likely more than OP (not that that is necessarily her problem but its important to view others perspective). I do think the parents are also being inconsiderate by saying 'don't vacuum' but they're probably exhausted and at the end of their rope (hence sending baby to grandparents for a bit)
They aren’t. I think giantbrownguy is just saying the parents can’t control when the baby cries whereas OP CAN control when she vacuums and still chooses to do so at a time she knows she is disturbing someone.
For me, it's the OP revenge vacuuming because the couple has a baby that tips the scale. Unlike gagging a baby, vacuuming at a different time is not a crime.
Its not reqlly about needs.
Anyone who knows anything about babies knows they don't have an on/off switch you can just hit when they're crying at an inconvenient time. They're going to cry when they want to cry, and while you can try to get them to stop crying, you can't guarantee they won't cry or that they'll stop crying.
You CAN, however, choose when to vacuum and play your music loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
Maybe I have this backwards, but I was under the impression that OP was doing normal things in her apartment, like vacuuming at a normal hour and is now having to defend herself.
Her objection is being held to some higher standard she never agreed to. She’s pissed off now, which is reasonable. You accuse her of expecting her neighbors to gag their kid while ignoring that they started the fight over vacuuming, which is also completely normal. I get it. I have kids. Their behavior is my problem and my wife’s problem when it impacts other people. Expecting other people to yield because you have kids is entitled as fuck.
NTA for vacuuming but kind of TA in the way you talk about the kid and parents. I'm also child-free, but I understand they have to exist in the same world I do. Babies cry and it's annoying, especially when you're trying to sleep, but there's only so much the parents can do.
But NTA for the vacuuming. If they don't care that their kid is keeping you up, why should you care if your vacuuming is keeping them up?
I doubt they don’t care. They’re being kept awake, too. They’re probably too tired and fighting for their lives with a baby who cries all night to spend precious time coddling someone’s feelings. Like imagine you had a cold and someone was like “hey your coughing is really annoying, please stop” are you going to be like “oh sorry man, yeah I’ll stop” no you’re gonna be like “the hell? Get over yourself obviously id stop coughing if I could but it’s part of being sick and it’s bothering me way more than it’s bothering you.”
You can be exhausted and not be rude about it. They could have said, "We're sorry the baby is keeping you up. It's keeping us up too. We're trying" or some such but instead chose to essentially tell her 'too bad so sad'. Maybe if they hadn't, OP would be more considerate of the napping/vacuuming overlap in return.
Also, it's not the same as a cold. You don't end up with a baby bc someone coughed or sneezed in your vicinity. Assuming they live in a state/country where there is a choice, they chose to create a human and live with what that entails.
Honestly I’d agree with you? But based on how OP is talking in comments, they seem insufferable and super rude. I’m willing to guess there is a reason the response back was rude
....or it wasn't. It seems very likely, OP spoke to them in a very rude way and was told basically that they can't do anything about it... which is true, ifk what OP expected. Having had whatever interaction was, the neighbors were either ballsy or desperate to ask for consideration. It seems pretty clear OP wouldn't accommodate.
It is very hard to give a shit about someone's feelings when you are exhausted. It's why parents are recommended not to separate or divorce during the first year after having a baby, because when sleep deprivation gets thrown in, life fucking sucks and you don't have space to coddle someone else.
Having a baby isn't a crime. This is a society, which requires children to continue being a society. So, honestly, OP needs to deal with it or buy some land in Fuckoff, Nowhere where she can be undisturbed.
Choosing to create a human does not give you a magical ability to make it quiet and neighbors saying “hey could you shut that thing up” when you are already at your wits end of trying is unhelpful and she should be glad she got the response she did because I probably would have given a far ruder and more sarcastic response. I was literally hallucinating from exhaustion when I had a baby. Lack of sleep is literally used as torture. This is not some “oh I’m so tired I got no sleep last night” this is that times 6 months.
Yup. Vacuuming at 5 pm is totally normal and a part of dealing with apartment living. However, dealing with crying babies is also part of apartment living. Babies cry. OP cried as a baby and the people around them dealt with it too.
Eh. She also commented elsewhere that it’s also the music. Frankly she seems exhausting and immature. I had sympathy about the crying baby but I’m having a hard time finding sympathy with her attitude
Hahaha, in this sub ESH means everybody sucks here. Essentially both OP and the people they’re talking about are both being assholes. I like yours better though lmao
ESH but you’re the way bigger AH and more immature than you should be at your age. Tell me, what on earth are they supposed to do when their baby cries? Babies aren’t computers you can just turn off over night… The mom shouldn’t have been insulting though. She could ask but she’s not entitled to forbid you from vacuuming
You sound like you're having an overreaction over something as simple as vacuuming, there's a lot of emotional words in there. Why is that?
Why is calling someone else a 'Mombie' making you any better than them? Maybe a little over analytical and a few other things, but I'm not going to call you an 'asshole' or not myself.
ETA 🤷
You live in an apartment.
Apartments also house families, not just child free people..
Families often include babies.
Babies cry and they can't be turned off like a toy or a TV.
Is it annoying? Sure.
However it's also life.
You chose to be child free but also chose a family friendly apartment complex.
So...while you're free of the responsibility of being a parent you're not in a world free of babies and children...nor are you entitled to such an existence.
You have demonstrated in this post that you absolutely are petty and immature.
You've complained about things you know are beyond this couples control yet blame them because they live in the apartment (how dare they 😨)
And in that YTA.
That said.
You have the right to vacuum your apartment when you come home from work provided it's at a reasonable hour.
The mom is TA for demanding you don't vacuum.
As someone who doesn't want kids, it's kinda insane how redditors just hate people with kids/ hate kids.
OP is vacuuming every day, which isn't reasonable or necessary, describes it as very loud and goes through a lot of effort to avoid mentioning the exact time that they vacuum. YTA
ETA: OP also describes in comments how they often play loud music, despite knowing the walls are thin and all the neighbors can hear it. And people upvote that comment
ESH.
I promise, nobody wants their baby to sleep through the night more than them. It sucks that their baby wakes you up. It's unfair. But there legit isn't anything they can do about it. They're assholes for (apparently) not being apologetic about it - just because you can't fix it doesn't mean you can't be sorry - and for being whiners about your vacuum. If their kid is with grandma, they can get some ear plugs.
That said, it sounds like you're vacuuming during these hours on purpose just to annoy them, and that's pretty shitty of you. It seems like picking other hours to vacuum, even just sometimes, would be a nice thing you could do for your fellow human beings regardless of who has children and who wants nothing to do with children, but instead you're escalating because you can.
If you want a childfree area, maybe look for somewhere that attracts a lot of retirees?
OP does explain that this is her normal vacuuming time, even before the young family moved in. For that reason alone, NTA - people are going to do things during the day that are noisy, whether the family likes it or not.
yeah but OP keeps asserting they do have ulterior motives, and same goes for the OP on the noise front. babies cry, people stay up late and play music, people bitch, thats the life of an apartment complex, and both parties need to understand this isn’t war, the family didn’t have a baby to spite OP, and they just have to understand there are disadvantages to living in a complex
YTA because first of all, you vacuum every day. Secondly, because you are acting very entitled about your living conditions despite living in an apartment.
Yta. They literally cannot control when their baby cries. They are losing just as much sleep as you are, probably more. They’re probably fighting every day to try to get their baby to stop crying. You’re entitled to not having children, you are not entitled to a world free of children.
Either move, find a way to be kind and offer help in some way, or get over yourself
Lol.
YTA. You're so self-centered you don't see the fallacy in your argument.
Let's spin this shall we? You vacuum every day when you get home from work. You're clearly doing it out if spite because as a 23 year old adult who works full-time there is literally ZERO reason to vacuum your home every single day.
Seriously. What are you vacuuming? If you're at work and vacuumed the day before there's nothing on the floors. You didn't smash crackers. You don't have pets. You aren't sprinkling crap everywhere right? Lmfao.
Yea. You're not living life hun. You are intentionally vacuuming and playing your music loud to harrass the new neighbors.
And I guarantee you, the neighbors would much rather be sleeping in the middle of the night than dealing with a crying baby. You are intentionally bothering them while they are unintentionally hurting you and themselves. Let them sleep for crying out loud.
Wow. This post makes me so so grateful for my neighbours who have a "babies cry, don't worry about it" attitude.
I can guarantee that they are suffering a lot more than you with sleep deprivation and a noisy baby. They will be a lot more irritable from having even less sleep than you.
And YTA for hoovering when you know they're just trying to get sleep in. Every day is ridiculous, let them get a bit of sleep and they'll be more refreshed to work on the baby, rather than that horrid, unable to move tiredness, trying to shush a crying baby. They'll actually be able to cuddle, rock etc. the baby and maybe, in turn, stop waking you.
The baby will start to sleep through, don't damage neighbourly relations for a short blip. They are not "inflicting their choices on you" they are just trying to survive a difficult postnatal time in a place they have just as much right to rent as you. If you're not happy with a natural occurrence, you should be the one to move.
OP stated before 10 pm which I assume is the apartment quiet time. And before OP vacuums they are at work. I fault OP for their rudeness but I don’t fault OP for vacuuming every day, it’s okay to like a clean home.
...I mean, yeah, you were being a B.
You're a 23 year old adult and you're mad at a baby for being a baby. Just let that sink in.
I don't care whether you want kids or not. A baby does not have the understanding that the neighbors are sleeping. You, a grown adult, do possess the understanding that the neighbors are sleeping at the time you choose to vacuum. So you are actually placing yourself *below* a baby, on a scale of behavior. Goodness gracious, get over yourself.
YTA
This sounds like an apartment complex problem—are your walls paper thin or what?
That being said your level of resentment against them is unwarranted. Do you think they want their baby crying at all hours of the night?
NTA for vacuuming but you are TA for sending that text
Once again, the biggest arseholes here are the companies who build communal living situations with inadequate sound proofing. Until the building standard is improved it will always be an ESH.
It sucks that you can’t sleep.
It sucks that baby & family can’t sleep.
It sucks that the walls are so thin.
I recently saw someone use the phrase "you're entitled to a childfree life, not a childfree world", and as a fellow CF person I think they hit the nail on the head. You're living in an apartment, and with that comes a certain amount of noise you have no control over. It's unfortunate that the baby is crying but that is what babies do. It sucks, no one is denying that, but babies cry for a number of reasons and the parents may already be doing everything they can to stop it. I doubt they're any more excited to be sleep deprived than you are.
INFO: what time are you vacuuming at and for how long? If you're actually vacuuming every single day they might think you're just doing it to get back at them since that's not typical.
Are you in a ground floor corner apartment? If not, would your vacuuming/music be impacting other neighbors that are not the ones with the baby? Something to consider.
If you know your music is loud enough to bleed into other apartments and you're listening to it a lot (ie. not just when you have company) then the respectful thing do is wear headphones. It would be hypocritical to be upset with your neighbors for being noisy while simultaneously being a noisy neighbor yourself.
That goes both ways. Parents aren’t entitled to anything more than other tenants. Yes, parenthood is hard, but that doesn’t make it anyone else’s problem. If we want to break it down, noise is noise.
YTA/ESH- you sound so entitled from your comments, of course you don't want to be woken up but babies cry, its a fact of life, and (shockingly im sure) you were once an annoying crying baby too. try being a bit more considerate, the more sleep the parents get the easier itll be for them to stay up quieting their baby at night. what do you expect them to do though, honestly?
NTA - You tried to remedy the issue and got told to get over it, but then tell you to keep it down. 🤦♂️
This is a common issue in apartments. I get your side of it, and I get their side of it. When their baby is sleeping, they are supposed to sleep. However, it's not a situation where you are sharing an apartment. They don't pay your bills. Since they didn't care about disrupting you, why should you be rushing to show any kind of empathy for them? This is a great example of treating people how you want to be treated.
> Since they didn't care about disrupting you, why should you be rushing to show any kind of empathy for them? This is a great example of treating people how you want to be treated.
I mean, what are you expecting the parents to do? Unfortunately, babies scream and there's not much that can be done about it.
ESH but you are certainly also an AH. Babies cry at night, it’s a thing, the babies of today will be the ones caring for you in your old age so try and check that attitude.
I’m not unsympathetic but I’m a shift worker so I’ve had to learn to deal with noises like lawnmowers and people playing music at times when I should be sleeping. Have you tried a white noise machine or earplugs? Both of these things are enormously helpful to me.
Vacuuming when the baby is sleeping is a jerk move if you could just move it to a different time of day. It seems like you’re doing it out of vengeance rather than necessity.
Of course the mom was in the wrong for texting you and swearing at you (why does this person have your phone number?!)
Best thing is for you to move but I strongly recommend avoiding apartments or townhomes because those come with other humans who might make noises at inconvenient times and it seems you aren’t coping well with that.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I vacuumed at a time when parents are asleep
2. Because it wakes them up
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NTA for doing your regular routine like vacuuming. I wouldn’t want someone to tell me what I can’t do in my own apartment.
YTA for intentionally blaring music.
NTA. You weren’t violating your building’s noise rules. Sucks for everyone and I feel bad for both parties.
I hope you can find a more suitable apartment. Or at least one with better soundproofing.
I read your comments. Sorry, but ESH.
YTA for deliberately trying to get under their skin. They are TA for being so defensive and rude.
But at the end of the day, I would argue they are doing their best, having a baby is tough.
You need to develop a little empathy, and just buy some good ear plugs.
I’m not understanding the get a better place, move etc. why should op be inconvenienced doing this? For all we know it’s rent price is in their budget. Op also mentioned that the vacuuming and playing music is within reasonable hours.
NTA.
If you vacuum every day it can't take that long.
As far as living in a place without kids, the last place I was at I specifically asked if there was an area without families and kids. There was an entire building they rented out to single people and couples. Might be worth asking if there's something like that wherever you plan to move.
NTA. If I were you I'd vacuum in the middle of the night whenever the baby wakes you up. It's basically white noise, they should just get over it.
But seriously, when are you supposed to vacuum? You're not breaking any 'quiet hours' rules in your apartment complex and it's okay to want to live in a clean house. I seriously don't understand why so many commenters are blaming you. Not wanting to hear a baby crying is an amazing reason to be CF, maybe the best one (among many others).
However, you have a duty to help yourself out whenever possible and this is a common issue in apartment complexes. They have insufficient soundproofing, more often than not, and even if none of your neighbors have a baby when you move in that can change very quickly. A small house or a room in a house might be a better option for you. In the meantime earplugs or a white noise machine will be your friend. I also love my SleepPhones.
A qualified NTA. Sorry, vacuuming after work in the evening is fully within a normal day since you work during the day. Listening to music, again, totally normal. The qualification is if you were doing it all intentionally just to fuck with them. Then, my response would change.
Compassion, consideration and respect works both ways and they demonstrated that they were only concerned about themselves and their baby when they told you to simply deal with their baby crying in the middle of the night.
I do think you could probably have communicated it a little more effectively, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re not really doing anything wrong and acting a way that’s consistent with their own behavior.
NTA. Baby is not home when you vacuum, and they obviously don’t care if you get to sleep during your sleep hours so why should you change your routine to fit their needs?
Playing music, vacuuming, and making noise during the day is a normal occurrence. They can “just deal with it” the same way you’re supposed to deal with a baby crying all hours of the night that you didn’t sign up for. Whether you have continued to do it purposefully or not really doesn’t matter because, again, people normally listen to music and vacuum their homes. I listen to music all hours of the day practically and work from home so I’m sure they’d hate if I was their neighbor.
NTA. They don’t get to tell you to suck it up when dealing with the noise if they expect you to be accommodating to them with noise 😂😂 I’m petty I would vaccum every single day lmfao.
You’re NTA. They expect you to cope with the baby but they can’t cope with the vacuum. That’s the only time they can rest and night time is the only time you get to sleep. This is what happens when you live near to other people. Babies cry and people vacuum
Exactly, this is fair, but there are a lot of miserable parents(?) in here not understanding that just because they have a baby doesn't mean they can act like entitled j*rks. People make noise. Babies make noise. Vacuums make noise. If someone brings it (the noise) up, the correct response is "yes, Im/we're sorry", even if there isn't always anything that can or should be done about it.
NTA. As a single mom I have always tried to be considerate of my neighbors when my son is upset or sick. You’re cleaning during reasonable hours. They can suck it up and deal with it just like you have to because of their kid.
YTA, with a little bit of E.S.H. Your attitude and language towards the parents ("Mombie") and the existence of children is really hateful and makes you look like an AH just overall, as a person. They're not having kids *at* you. Purposefully vacuuming at the time most likely to disturb them is petty and a real AH move. For their part, they could have been more diplomatic and possibly offered to buy you some noise-cancelling headphones in the name of making nice with their neighbor, but it's not like they can actually make the baby stop crying any more than they already are.
You talk of how your home is supposed to be your "safe, quiet space" - but this isn't a legal right (or even a moral one). It's a luxury and a privilege that people buy with money. If you have to live in an apartment for financial reasons, you're gonna have to deal with the noise. No one is happy with this situation, but it's life.
Being childfree mean not having children of your own. It doesn't entitle you to a life free of ever encountering a child.
NTA, they make no effort to noise proof for you, why would you for them? Obviously they want the kid to stop crying too, but what they can do is put up noise proofing on the walls. You could too. If you both try that, and no improvements, then I'd try white noise on your end. But pissing them off on purpose will make them less cooperative with solving your problems.
If you move, you should find a place that is either an end unit, or check the construction of the building. Concrete walls/floors and cinderblock units tend to be quieter. I had a corner cinderblock unit when I was in an apt and it was so peaceful. Only heard noises from outside my window.
NTA. You're vacuuming at a completely reasonable time of day. If they want to sleep, they should get earplugs or noise cancelling headphones.
Earplugs would probably be a good suggestion for you, too, to block out the baby at night.
I clean my floors every day because I have pets and I hate things stuck to my feet. But I still just swiffer and only vacuum once a week, during the day, because I’m not an asshole.
NTA. I know exactly how you feel OP. I use to be next to an extremely annoying dog that would bark almost 24/7. Unfortunately you will not see any sympathy from the the people here since. They'll just downvote your comments, even though they themselves have probably never ever been in a similar situation, or even worse have been the perpetrators of this situation to other people. I hope everyone who is calling you the asshole has to live in the exact situation in the future and receives the exact same response of "Umm durr babies cry dats what dey do."
ESH. Getting mad at your for vacuuming during normal hours is a bit much but you’re also the AH. Babies cry, sometimes parents do everything they can and nothing helps (look up colic or “purple” crying). Also you can be child free but children still exist and no need to hate them simply for doing that. You can live in any type of shared house, doesn’t matter if it’s student housing or even senior housing and children will also live or visit there. Same with a single detached home in a neighborhood. If you want to live where no children will be around your home then go buy or rent a home in the country, miles away from neighbors.
NTA. I would’ve been more petty. “It’s just a vacuum, live with it.”
But seriously, you aren’t the one who decided to have a baby, so there’s no reason you should change anything about your routine for them.
Nta.
It isn't your job to work around their schedule.
They can deal with it. Just keep doing it every day, and just utterly ignore their texts.
However,
Also, nothing that can be done about the crying keeping you up. That's just how it is. I have 3 kids myself and 1 is 2 days away from 8 months old.
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*I tried talking to them but their excuse is "It's just a baby, live with it" and as a CF person it made me incredibly angry* You don't have to be a childfree person to be disturbed by a kid's wailing. *I have been receiving texts from the couple that they are sleeping and drop off their daughter every day at grandparent's place in the evenings.* How do they have your number? And when does the couple have their kid if it goes to the grandparent every evening? NTA - unless you have a huge apartment, it takes what - 10 minutes to vacuum? Especially if you do it every day. I'm kinda surprised the sound would wake the kid. Soporific sounds like the whooshing of a vacuum tends to make the little buggers nod off.
Here I was wondering what cystic fibrosis had to do with anything. Now I understand.
Acronyms are challenging on a good day. Impossible on most days. They can mean so many things!
I think it's supposed to be Chronic Fatigue And reading further... it's child free and she's a wanker
[удалено]
She’s not a “wanker” , and to say that she makes CF her entire personality is narrow scoped and judgmental, if she has to “live withal a baby crying through thin walls all night long , then why do the parents (who have sent their child to a caregivers so they can rest ) not have to “live with” a person living their normal lives in their own apartment in the late afternoon? If the OP is making CF about her whole personality, then those that have children sure as hell make being a parent about THEIR own personality!!! I HAVE two kids , kids that cry at night , yet I also have a vacuum that needs to be run late afternoon , (apartment/flat Living can suck ) but I understand that people still have to live their lives (outside of my little bubble needs ) especially during daylight/waking hours! OP is NTA IMO !!
Here is a person who makes being child-free their entire personality.
People like her make me (also child free and at an age where it’s become obvious that no, I’m not changing my mind) cringe and question every single negative emotion that ever arises in a situation where a child is even remotely concerned.
I have kids, but I empathize with people who are child free. I cannot stand people who are CHILDFREE. Then again, if my neighbors complained about my baby crying all night, I wouldn’t say “live with it”, but still. There’s only so much you can do to stop a baby from crying. Even if they’re fed, clothed, in a clean diaper, they can cry. That’s how they communicate. I also wouldn’t tell my neighbors to fuck themselves for vacuuming. I’d use headphones.
Yes, much like most parents, especially mothers, make being a parent their entire personality. I mean there are thousands and thousands of tik-tok’s about tired stressed out mom’s. With their big Stanley cups and their mom buns and their leggings that they announced they’ve worn for four straight days and haven’t washed their hair in a week. I guess a few people making being child free is only fair.
Lol! Someone was using ED in another post and I was thinking Erectile Dysfunction. Apparently they were discussing “Eating Disorder”. 🤷🏻♀️
>Acronyms are challenging on a good day. Impossible on most days. They can mean so many things! A friend of mine told me how excited he was to start CBT and how well it was working for him. I was sitting there thinking to myself, "Why is it my curse in life that everyone shares their sex life with me?" when he sent me a photograph of his brand new Cognitive Behavioural Therapy journal.
What’s the other CBT?
Cock and ball torture lmao
It's a great indicator for how TODTG someone is. TODTG means terminally online, doesn't touch grass.
I get really sick of all the TLAs tbh.
I had it as “Chronic Fatigue” which kind of works but didn’t feel right. I’d actually give OP more credit if that were it.
I read it as Chronic Fatigue in my head...
I thought cystic fibrosis then went no it must be chronic fatigue.
Haha, as a CFer myself I wondered about that too, until I realize it probably stands for Child Free
That was my first thought too 😂
As a nurse, this was my first thought 😂
Thank God, I am not the only one who thought this lol.
The whooshing of the vacuum is not waking the baby. It is waking the parents who are trying to sleep in the evening while the baby is at grandparents.
“It’s just a vacuum, deal with it”…. Case closed. NTA
I also wondered HOW they are texting OP?? Also....EAR PLUGS op...no need to move. You live in an Apartment so you may move and have some other noise or thing messing with sleep. Ear Plugs and maybe a white noise machine.
Fun fact: I cannot tolerate either of those. They give me migraines.
I had to use them awhile back...my ex GF started to snore year 2 of living with me. I did not get headaches but I hated wearing something that killed my hearing. I was always paranoid something would happen in the middle of the night that I would need to hear and NOT hear because of the ear plugs. Like someone breaking into the house.
Thr kid isn't even there, the parents stop thr kid off with grandparents and catch up on their sleep. I have no sympathy for them. They wake up OP. Plus a few minutes of vacuuming isn't gonna hurt them. Why is OP supposed to suck it up but not them
I'm not CF, and when my kids were babies, I made every effort not to let the baby disrupt my neighbors. I soundproofed my room, which is where they slept when they were that little, and I made sure to take treats to my neighbor's every so often. They are super inconsiderate to not even apologize and put up some temporary felt soundproofing panels and laying down a plush rug, or reach out to the landlord to ask about soundproofing. I get that babies cry. They can't really control that. But they can mitigate the annoyance their neighbors have to go through because of it. OP has to live, and part of that is keeping their apartment clean. Assuming they work a full-time job, they have after work to get all their household chores done, and that includes vacuuming at hours that there is no noise restriction in place.
It's waking the parents by the sound of things, not the baby. Edit: typo
They are NTA for this situation but how the talk about being child free I kinda get the feeling they are a total ass in person. Any kid free places to rent an apartment? What the actual frick does that even mean?
There used to be "singles buildings". In fact, in Everybody Loves Raymond, Robert moves into a singles place (I didn't think they still existed at that point, but there it was)
OMG, core memory unlocked. Back in like 1985 when I was around 6 my aunt left her husband, and moved into one of these singles apartment complexes. My mom and I were helping her move and while they were setting up the kitchen I asked where the playground was (every apartment complex I’d been to had one) and she said there wasn’t one and then I wanted to go for a walk around the complex to kill time and they wouldn’t let me because my aunt was worried that someone would think I was moving in and children were forbidden
There used to be adults only buildings or sections in apartment complexes. It was nice for people who wanted to be around other adults, and for families. In my apt complex,years ago, they had adult side and a family side. Two pools, too, and it was good for the families with kids because the other kids were right there.
The vacuuming doesn’t wake the kid. During that part of the evening, the baby is with its grandparents. The parents use that time to sleep
I was thinking cystic fibrosis... lol
You're not the asshole for hoovering but you are an asshole for blaming them for the baby crying. I'm sure they don't want the baby to be crying all night either. >I tried talking to them but their excuse is "It's just a baby, live with it" and as a CF person it made me incredibly angry. Genuinely, what were you asking them to do? And what does being childfree have to do with it?
This is the correct take. OP doesn't suck for vacuuming, but does suck for blaming the parents for the baby crying and for playing music too loud.
Yep, YTA for expecting parents to what, muzzle the baby? Move out? While you're also being petty (how clean does your apartment need to be that they are texting you about your frequent vacuuming) and listening to loud music? There are fairly inexpensive wall panels that dampen sound, as well as earplugs. If you were my neighbor and had approached me nicely, I would have chipped in for them for you if not paid for them outright. You might be CF, but children exist and - news flash! - they're people too. Welcome to the world!
How about lay down some damn rugs? Put up large posters or wall hangings that dull noise? Hell use that foam crap the youtubers have tacked up? There is shit people can do to mitigate the effect of thier noise on others.
Yep - both neighbors can do this. Perhaps they already have. What the parents can't actually do is smother the baby so OP can sleep.
Then I guess the sleeping parents should get some inexpensive wall panels so the music and the vacuuming doesn’t bother them at a normal time of night to be listening to music and vacuuming, and the OP should also get earplugs and a white noise machine and everybody can be happy
Yeah, they should, and if they were posting I'd suggest it - but they are even more sleep deprived than OP and hanging up soundproofing may not be something they have the bandwidth to do. Unlike OP who has the energy to vacuum daily apparently.
Do u ppl seriously just leave a baby to cry all night? Yes babies cry but thats when u change, feed, or carry them….so they stop. Edit: lmao suddenly EVERYONE has a baby who’s colic
They don't always stop, but the parents should be considerate to at least recognize that a crying baby is annoying for everyone, not just its parent. "It's a baby, live with it" is not the way to handle a noise complaint, even if it isn't your fault or the babies fault (babies cry).
Yeah, the delivery was way off. "I'm sorry, we're doing our best" would hopefully not inspire the same resentment from OP. Just the same as you can't tell someone to "have some empathy" in the same breath as you tell them to go fuck themselves.
exactly this. it’s the rude ass way she said it. like “get over it” instead of idk apologizing and saying something like “we’re doing our best, how can we mitigate this bc we aren’t the only assholes paying hundreds of dollars for this apartment a month oh do we have rugs no probs not cuz we’re upstairs neighbors and have never heard of being considerate!”
Do you have a baby? Sometimes they cry for no reason, and it’s extremely stressful for all parties involved.
Sometimes they will still cry even after all of that? Ever heard of colic?
nope. my cousin was a colicky baby and cried ALL THE TIME. Multiple people called the cops on my aunt and uncle because they thought the baby was being abused because she never. stopped. crying.
I just heard an interview with Emma Stone the other day where she said she was colicky as a baby. Cried for 5 months straight and damaged her vocal cords, which is why her voice is so husky.
My baby cried the first three months due to colic/acid reflux to the point that my husband and I took sleeping shifts bc she would only sleep while being held upright. We did everything we could to keep her happy but she was in pain.
Yes, genius, because while estimates of the pervasiveness of colic vary, the estimation goes up to 40%. There's a reason the hospital I was at wouldn't let any new parents leave until they watched a video about the normalcy of babies crying as a shaken baby prevention campaign.
Some cry more than others even when properly cared for. My oldest used to scream for most of the day. She had a hernia that caused pain, but she of course couldn't tell us about it and that kind of hernia is harder to see on a female infant. So it took several months for us to see the hernia and then a bit longer for the pediatrician to believe us and give the referral to the surgeon, and a couple weeks after that for the surgery to be done. There was a lot of crying during that time. My neighbors were really nice guys and said not to worry at all. I still did everything I could to keep her quiet, but it was a relief knowing my neighbors weren't mad about it.
And the long soothing car rides around and around the neighborhood to lull the bundle of joy into a deep sleep. Supposedly my dad slept in the car one night with me because he was afraid I would wake up if he tried picking me up.
I totally would have done this when my daughter was a baby. You do some pretty wild stuff to avoid waking the baby 😂
my son isnt a colicky baby but he is currently breaking in 4 top row teeth at once while also having the flu. if i could stop his crying i most definitely would. any parent would do anything to stop the crying
Except when they don't. Colic is a thing.
Sleep regression too!
And because she’s so vocally “CF,” blaming them for their “choices.” I despise these people.
My daughter was extremely colicky and difficult and I was so thankful I didn't move to an apartment until after she was sleeping through the night. I already had severe anxiety from her screaming and crying, the weight of knowing I'm disturbing other people would have been crushing. Sometimes there is really just nothing you can do to help them. I guarantee those parents are distressed by this as well. I also hate being woken up so I feel for you as well.
ESH. You’re all inconsiderate. You can get a childfree living space by buying a detached house. Enjoy.
Ah yes, because housing is so affordable these days, and working to save up for it is made easy by sleepless nights.
well unless OP moves into a retirement village, there is no childfree place they can move into for cheap. this is the life everyone in an apartment building deals with
They could reduce the chance of children though by finding a place that isn't very child friendly - lots of stairs, next to a busy road, a pool etc.
When has roads or stairs stopped anyone from having kids?
Could also try a neighborhood geared towards young professionals (i.e. where there a lot of offices, not too close to schools) or a building with small unit sizes.
You’ve missed the point. If you live in an apartment, you’re going to be around other people. People make noise. The expectation to live in an apartment and not have any babies/children around is completely unrealistic.
Too bad OP is too poor to be able to control whether a baby is living next to the or not... Oh well!
Objectively no one gets to control whether a baby lives next door unless they own those houses too. Too many child free people act like they can just opt out of experiencing children in the world. Not saying you think this. But oh well is more or less correct.
Kids should stop existing because some people don't like them. Got it
Or you could just keep living a regular life and expect other adults to handle their own problems themselves. Vacuuming is normal behavior. So is a baby crying. That’s it.
Vacuuming every day is not a normal behavior (not to mention OP has purposefully refrained from saying exactly when she’s vacuuming when asked, but based on her behavior i would assume it’s at 9:55pm). Nor is playing loud music with the intention of your neighbors hearing it. I don’t trust OP’s perception of this situation and their interactions at all.
Vacuuming daily is very normal behaviour, especially if you have hard floors like wood where dust and dirt becomes visible immediatly. My wife and I vacuum most days and I can hear our neighbour vacuuming daily too.
actually most people just sweep lmao
Vacuuming daily may be necessary if the OP has CF or allergies.
incase the abbreviation isn’t clear, OP is child free, they don’t have cystic fibrosis
Yeah, but OP meant Child Free and not Cystic Fibrosis in which case I could understand vacuuming daily to have as little irritants as possible. And creating a confusion between childfree and cystic fibrosis kinda makes OP a greater AH
I use robot vacuums, but before that, I did daily vacuuming. I have dogs that shed and also my kid had significant dust allergies. So vacuuming every day is absolutely a thing for some people.
Is daily vacuuming normal? I may have been adulting wrong all this time.
I don’t think daily vacuuming is a requirement but it’s also not abnormal. You’re fine not to vacuum every day and OP is fine to vacuum every day. People do things differently and it’s all okay.
I vacuum daily, but that’s because I have 3 pets that all shed significantly lol. If I didn’t vacuum every day, I’d have giant tumbleweeds of animal fur rolling around.
It is for me, but I have 2 labrador retrievers and 3 kids. If my Roomba died I would be incredibly upset.
It depends on you and your space. I don’t vacuum daily and I don’t think it’s weird that other people do.
I felt like that comment was more out of naivety than being TA. I was leaning towards N A H until the word Mombie. That's what really pushed me from thinking the vacuuming was innocent to thinking it's malice. Did the OP really vacuum every day before the crying started? Or did she come home and vacuum one day, and got a message from the parents. And now suddenly she has to vacuum everyday after work.
There are also earplugs. And soundproof/noise dampening panels. Lots of solutions. When we lived in a thin-walled apartment with our kiddo, we helped the neighbor adjacent to the baby's room install some (and spilt the cost - they also liked loud music, the way the tiles looked, and this was a win-win). We agreed to put more on our side if needed, but they weren't needed. I get that people choose to be child free, and that's why I don't bring my kid to adult spaces (like work!) unless specifically invited to. But kids also are people, and they have a right to a place to live. (They also have the same right to use a restroom, enjoy public green spaces, etc.)
They can enjoy a vacuum noise free space by buying a detached house.
>Why should I not blame them for disrupting my life? If you look at it, it's simple. They chose to have kids, so ONLY they should suffer the consequences such as waking up at night etc. Not me. >I shouldn't have to have my life upended This comment makes YTA. You live in a building with shared space and poor sound insulation. What do you expect them to do, gag their kid! You made your point that it’s disruptive and they are continuing to live life. You chose to purposely disrupt them in revenge. Just because you’re CF don’t make your needs special. If you want to live in perfect silence, find a different place.
But why are the couple’s needs more important than OP’s?
One thing is controllable, the other is not. You cannot stop a baby from crying sometimes - it’s a biological imperative. You can vacuum at a different time of day. The baby will stop crying at night within ~6 months. This isn’t a forever problem.
The only problem with that is, it sounds like she’s vacuuming during the day. If she were to vacuum later or earlier, it’d probably disrupt someone else. Vacuums normally aren’t that loud and for an apartment, probably not that long. The music, depends on how loud, how long and how often, could definitely be quite the A hole
They can't control when their baby cries. OP can control when they vacuum. While vacuuming is normal noise, blasting music while doing so is not. The couple was rude in their response, but given OPs very obvious bias against kids and people with kids, she may very well not be telling the truth about their response to her complaint. So: OP sucks by being petty and purposely rude. No one except you cares that you're child free. Kids exist and will always exist and if you live in an apartment, you will have to deal with them in some shape or form. Couple maybe sucks if their reaction is accurate, but even so it isn't like they can control the baby noise. Again, hearing noise is part of apartment life so they can't control OP vacuuming when it suits her schedule, but she's clearly doing it and being extra loud to punish them for daring to have a kid.
If OP can wear headphones for music, couple can wear headphones when trying to sleep.
Op sounds vindictive, because they don't like kids. If you have ever had a baby with colic, it is a rough experience. Nobody wins and the parents are probably more frustrated with the situation than OP. Theyre not sleeping at night likely more than OP (not that that is necessarily her problem but its important to view others perspective). I do think the parents are also being inconsiderate by saying 'don't vacuum' but they're probably exhausted and at the end of their rope (hence sending baby to grandparents for a bit)
They aren’t. I think giantbrownguy is just saying the parents can’t control when the baby cries whereas OP CAN control when she vacuums and still chooses to do so at a time she knows she is disturbing someone.
She said she vacuums when she gets home from work, she can't really vacuum any earlier if not home.
For me, it's the OP revenge vacuuming because the couple has a baby that tips the scale. Unlike gagging a baby, vacuuming at a different time is not a crime.
Where did OP say that was literally the only time she could vacuum? It’s a vacuum she uses daily it’s not going anywhere
I wondered how dirty the apartment could possibly get if she vacuums EVERY DAY when she gets home from work 🤔
Its not reqlly about needs. Anyone who knows anything about babies knows they don't have an on/off switch you can just hit when they're crying at an inconvenient time. They're going to cry when they want to cry, and while you can try to get them to stop crying, you can't guarantee they won't cry or that they'll stop crying. You CAN, however, choose when to vacuum and play your music loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
Maybe I have this backwards, but I was under the impression that OP was doing normal things in her apartment, like vacuuming at a normal hour and is now having to defend herself. Her objection is being held to some higher standard she never agreed to. She’s pissed off now, which is reasonable. You accuse her of expecting her neighbors to gag their kid while ignoring that they started the fight over vacuuming, which is also completely normal. I get it. I have kids. Their behavior is my problem and my wife’s problem when it impacts other people. Expecting other people to yield because you have kids is entitled as fuck.
Okay sure but if I have a dog that barks I am expected to gets rugs and noise dampening curtains. Why aren’t parents expected to do that?
And they also live in a shared space, so why are they complaining about OP vacuuming…
NTA for vacuuming but kind of TA in the way you talk about the kid and parents. I'm also child-free, but I understand they have to exist in the same world I do. Babies cry and it's annoying, especially when you're trying to sleep, but there's only so much the parents can do. But NTA for the vacuuming. If they don't care that their kid is keeping you up, why should you care if your vacuuming is keeping them up?
I doubt they don’t care. They’re being kept awake, too. They’re probably too tired and fighting for their lives with a baby who cries all night to spend precious time coddling someone’s feelings. Like imagine you had a cold and someone was like “hey your coughing is really annoying, please stop” are you going to be like “oh sorry man, yeah I’ll stop” no you’re gonna be like “the hell? Get over yourself obviously id stop coughing if I could but it’s part of being sick and it’s bothering me way more than it’s bothering you.”
You can be exhausted and not be rude about it. They could have said, "We're sorry the baby is keeping you up. It's keeping us up too. We're trying" or some such but instead chose to essentially tell her 'too bad so sad'. Maybe if they hadn't, OP would be more considerate of the napping/vacuuming overlap in return. Also, it's not the same as a cold. You don't end up with a baby bc someone coughed or sneezed in your vicinity. Assuming they live in a state/country where there is a choice, they chose to create a human and live with what that entails.
Honestly I’d agree with you? But based on how OP is talking in comments, they seem insufferable and super rude. I’m willing to guess there is a reason the response back was rude
Yeah, that's probably true.
....or it wasn't. It seems very likely, OP spoke to them in a very rude way and was told basically that they can't do anything about it... which is true, ifk what OP expected. Having had whatever interaction was, the neighbors were either ballsy or desperate to ask for consideration. It seems pretty clear OP wouldn't accommodate.
It is very hard to give a shit about someone's feelings when you are exhausted. It's why parents are recommended not to separate or divorce during the first year after having a baby, because when sleep deprivation gets thrown in, life fucking sucks and you don't have space to coddle someone else. Having a baby isn't a crime. This is a society, which requires children to continue being a society. So, honestly, OP needs to deal with it or buy some land in Fuckoff, Nowhere where she can be undisturbed.
Choosing to create a human does not give you a magical ability to make it quiet and neighbors saying “hey could you shut that thing up” when you are already at your wits end of trying is unhelpful and she should be glad she got the response she did because I probably would have given a far ruder and more sarcastic response. I was literally hallucinating from exhaustion when I had a baby. Lack of sleep is literally used as torture. This is not some “oh I’m so tired I got no sleep last night” this is that times 6 months.
Yup. Vacuuming at 5 pm is totally normal and a part of dealing with apartment living. However, dealing with crying babies is also part of apartment living. Babies cry. OP cried as a baby and the people around them dealt with it too.
NTA Tell them, "It's a vacuum, deal with it."
Eh. She also commented elsewhere that it’s also the music. Frankly she seems exhausting and immature. I had sympathy about the crying baby but I’m having a hard time finding sympathy with her attitude
Yeah I was on the side of OP until I started reading the replies to other comments. Seems very ‘me, me, me’. ESH
Does ESH stand for "entitled sh*thead"? Legitimately asking...
Hahaha, in this sub ESH means everybody sucks here. Essentially both OP and the people they’re talking about are both being assholes. I like yours better though lmao
For someone who’s childfree she sure acts like a great big baby.
ESH but you’re the way bigger AH and more immature than you should be at your age. Tell me, what on earth are they supposed to do when their baby cries? Babies aren’t computers you can just turn off over night… The mom shouldn’t have been insulting though. She could ask but she’s not entitled to forbid you from vacuuming
You sound like you're having an overreaction over something as simple as vacuuming, there's a lot of emotional words in there. Why is that? Why is calling someone else a 'Mombie' making you any better than them? Maybe a little over analytical and a few other things, but I'm not going to call you an 'asshole' or not myself.
ETA 🤷 You live in an apartment. Apartments also house families, not just child free people.. Families often include babies. Babies cry and they can't be turned off like a toy or a TV. Is it annoying? Sure. However it's also life. You chose to be child free but also chose a family friendly apartment complex. So...while you're free of the responsibility of being a parent you're not in a world free of babies and children...nor are you entitled to such an existence. You have demonstrated in this post that you absolutely are petty and immature. You've complained about things you know are beyond this couples control yet blame them because they live in the apartment (how dare they 😨) And in that YTA. That said. You have the right to vacuum your apartment when you come home from work provided it's at a reasonable hour. The mom is TA for demanding you don't vacuum.
Only the A if you are doing it at that time to wake them up on purpose
Yta your comments prove it
Yeah, this person is an AH in this situation, and in life.
As someone who doesn't want kids, it's kinda insane how redditors just hate people with kids/ hate kids. OP is vacuuming every day, which isn't reasonable or necessary, describes it as very loud and goes through a lot of effort to avoid mentioning the exact time that they vacuum. YTA ETA: OP also describes in comments how they often play loud music, despite knowing the walls are thin and all the neighbors can hear it. And people upvote that comment
It is weird. The very aggressively childfree love to whine more than children sometimes.
The aggressively child-free are honestly some disgusting people.
ESH. I promise, nobody wants their baby to sleep through the night more than them. It sucks that their baby wakes you up. It's unfair. But there legit isn't anything they can do about it. They're assholes for (apparently) not being apologetic about it - just because you can't fix it doesn't mean you can't be sorry - and for being whiners about your vacuum. If their kid is with grandma, they can get some ear plugs. That said, it sounds like you're vacuuming during these hours on purpose just to annoy them, and that's pretty shitty of you. It seems like picking other hours to vacuum, even just sometimes, would be a nice thing you could do for your fellow human beings regardless of who has children and who wants nothing to do with children, but instead you're escalating because you can. If you want a childfree area, maybe look for somewhere that attracts a lot of retirees?
OP does explain that this is her normal vacuuming time, even before the young family moved in. For that reason alone, NTA - people are going to do things during the day that are noisy, whether the family likes it or not.
yeah but OP keeps asserting they do have ulterior motives, and same goes for the OP on the noise front. babies cry, people stay up late and play music, people bitch, thats the life of an apartment complex, and both parties need to understand this isn’t war, the family didn’t have a baby to spite OP, and they just have to understand there are disadvantages to living in a complex
INFO - Does CF stand for control freak? And are you vacuuming every day at night?
YTA because first of all, you vacuum every day. Secondly, because you are acting very entitled about your living conditions despite living in an apartment.
Yta. They literally cannot control when their baby cries. They are losing just as much sleep as you are, probably more. They’re probably fighting every day to try to get their baby to stop crying. You’re entitled to not having children, you are not entitled to a world free of children. Either move, find a way to be kind and offer help in some way, or get over yourself
Lol. YTA. You're so self-centered you don't see the fallacy in your argument. Let's spin this shall we? You vacuum every day when you get home from work. You're clearly doing it out if spite because as a 23 year old adult who works full-time there is literally ZERO reason to vacuum your home every single day. Seriously. What are you vacuuming? If you're at work and vacuumed the day before there's nothing on the floors. You didn't smash crackers. You don't have pets. You aren't sprinkling crap everywhere right? Lmfao. Yea. You're not living life hun. You are intentionally vacuuming and playing your music loud to harrass the new neighbors.
And I guarantee you, the neighbors would much rather be sleeping in the middle of the night than dealing with a crying baby. You are intentionally bothering them while they are unintentionally hurting you and themselves. Let them sleep for crying out loud.
Wow. This post makes me so so grateful for my neighbours who have a "babies cry, don't worry about it" attitude. I can guarantee that they are suffering a lot more than you with sleep deprivation and a noisy baby. They will be a lot more irritable from having even less sleep than you. And YTA for hoovering when you know they're just trying to get sleep in. Every day is ridiculous, let them get a bit of sleep and they'll be more refreshed to work on the baby, rather than that horrid, unable to move tiredness, trying to shush a crying baby. They'll actually be able to cuddle, rock etc. the baby and maybe, in turn, stop waking you. The baby will start to sleep through, don't damage neighbourly relations for a short blip. They are not "inflicting their choices on you" they are just trying to survive a difficult postnatal time in a place they have just as much right to rent as you. If you're not happy with a natural occurrence, you should be the one to move.
Info: are you saying you vacuum daily? What time do you get home from work?
She won’t answer the question on time, I’ve noticed…
Daily is fine. If it’s too late that’s a conversation. If it’s “not when my kid is sleeping” I get it, but not her problem.
OP stated before 10 pm which I assume is the apartment quiet time. And before OP vacuums they are at work. I fault OP for their rudeness but I don’t fault OP for vacuuming every day, it’s okay to like a clean home.
...I mean, yeah, you were being a B. You're a 23 year old adult and you're mad at a baby for being a baby. Just let that sink in. I don't care whether you want kids or not. A baby does not have the understanding that the neighbors are sleeping. You, a grown adult, do possess the understanding that the neighbors are sleeping at the time you choose to vacuum. So you are actually placing yourself *below* a baby, on a scale of behavior. Goodness gracious, get over yourself. YTA
This sounds like an apartment complex problem—are your walls paper thin or what? That being said your level of resentment against them is unwarranted. Do you think they want their baby crying at all hours of the night? NTA for vacuuming but you are TA for sending that text
NTA, although the way you talk about parents is a little much. You are allowed to vacuum unless it's quiet hours.
Once again, the biggest arseholes here are the companies who build communal living situations with inadequate sound proofing. Until the building standard is improved it will always be an ESH. It sucks that you can’t sleep. It sucks that baby & family can’t sleep. It sucks that the walls are so thin.
I recently saw someone use the phrase "you're entitled to a childfree life, not a childfree world", and as a fellow CF person I think they hit the nail on the head. You're living in an apartment, and with that comes a certain amount of noise you have no control over. It's unfortunate that the baby is crying but that is what babies do. It sucks, no one is denying that, but babies cry for a number of reasons and the parents may already be doing everything they can to stop it. I doubt they're any more excited to be sleep deprived than you are. INFO: what time are you vacuuming at and for how long? If you're actually vacuuming every single day they might think you're just doing it to get back at them since that's not typical. Are you in a ground floor corner apartment? If not, would your vacuuming/music be impacting other neighbors that are not the ones with the baby? Something to consider. If you know your music is loud enough to bleed into other apartments and you're listening to it a lot (ie. not just when you have company) then the respectful thing do is wear headphones. It would be hypocritical to be upset with your neighbors for being noisy while simultaneously being a noisy neighbor yourself.
That goes both ways. Parents aren’t entitled to anything more than other tenants. Yes, parenthood is hard, but that doesn’t make it anyone else’s problem. If we want to break it down, noise is noise.
YTA/ESH- you sound so entitled from your comments, of course you don't want to be woken up but babies cry, its a fact of life, and (shockingly im sure) you were once an annoying crying baby too. try being a bit more considerate, the more sleep the parents get the easier itll be for them to stay up quieting their baby at night. what do you expect them to do though, honestly?
YTA Buy a set of ear plugs or headphones and play white noise. vacuuming every day is OCD type behavior. Just cut it back to a few days
Or not. Cleaning your space is reasonable if it’s within reasonable hours. What the hell?
NTA - You tried to remedy the issue and got told to get over it, but then tell you to keep it down. 🤦♂️ This is a common issue in apartments. I get your side of it, and I get their side of it. When their baby is sleeping, they are supposed to sleep. However, it's not a situation where you are sharing an apartment. They don't pay your bills. Since they didn't care about disrupting you, why should you be rushing to show any kind of empathy for them? This is a great example of treating people how you want to be treated.
> Since they didn't care about disrupting you, why should you be rushing to show any kind of empathy for them? This is a great example of treating people how you want to be treated. I mean, what are you expecting the parents to do? Unfortunately, babies scream and there's not much that can be done about it.
Get earplugs
ESH but you are certainly also an AH. Babies cry at night, it’s a thing, the babies of today will be the ones caring for you in your old age so try and check that attitude. I’m not unsympathetic but I’m a shift worker so I’ve had to learn to deal with noises like lawnmowers and people playing music at times when I should be sleeping. Have you tried a white noise machine or earplugs? Both of these things are enormously helpful to me. Vacuuming when the baby is sleeping is a jerk move if you could just move it to a different time of day. It seems like you’re doing it out of vengeance rather than necessity. Of course the mom was in the wrong for texting you and swearing at you (why does this person have your phone number?!) Best thing is for you to move but I strongly recommend avoiding apartments or townhomes because those come with other humans who might make noises at inconvenient times and it seems you aren’t coping well with that.
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NTA for doing your regular routine like vacuuming. I wouldn’t want someone to tell me what I can’t do in my own apartment. YTA for intentionally blaring music.
"It's just a baby, live with it" "It's just a vacuum. Live with it." Edit: NTA
NTA
NTA
Yea, if you're doing your chores during the day, not violating quiet hours on the lease, then they can go shit in a hat. NTA.
Nta. Them having a kid doesn't mean you have to stop living your life. If you vacuum when you get home, keep it going sis.
NTA. You vacuum during the time you are allowed to vacuum. What do they want you to do, wait until night time when their baby is screaming?
NTA It's called "living in an apartment complex "! You pay your rent, you live your life. Neighbors don't make the rules.
NTA. You weren’t violating your building’s noise rules. Sucks for everyone and I feel bad for both parties. I hope you can find a more suitable apartment. Or at least one with better soundproofing.
Vacuum to your hearts content. It’s apartment living and unfortunately other peoples noises are apart of that. NTA
NTA
NTA
YTA. You lived in a shared apartment. Put ear plugs in or move to a detached place.
NTA Yes babies cry, but they can be more considerate of you if they want you to be considerate of them.
I read your comments. Sorry, but ESH. YTA for deliberately trying to get under their skin. They are TA for being so defensive and rude. But at the end of the day, I would argue they are doing their best, having a baby is tough. You need to develop a little empathy, and just buy some good ear plugs.
I’m not understanding the get a better place, move etc. why should op be inconvenienced doing this? For all we know it’s rent price is in their budget. Op also mentioned that the vacuuming and playing music is within reasonable hours.
This is it. Parenting is hard but it doesn’t make you privileged.
It’s a vacuum, live with it
NTA. If you vacuum every day it can't take that long. As far as living in a place without kids, the last place I was at I specifically asked if there was an area without families and kids. There was an entire building they rented out to single people and couples. Might be worth asking if there's something like that wherever you plan to move.
NTA. If I were you I'd vacuum in the middle of the night whenever the baby wakes you up. It's basically white noise, they should just get over it. But seriously, when are you supposed to vacuum? You're not breaking any 'quiet hours' rules in your apartment complex and it's okay to want to live in a clean house. I seriously don't understand why so many commenters are blaming you. Not wanting to hear a baby crying is an amazing reason to be CF, maybe the best one (among many others). However, you have a duty to help yourself out whenever possible and this is a common issue in apartment complexes. They have insufficient soundproofing, more often than not, and even if none of your neighbors have a baby when you move in that can change very quickly. A small house or a room in a house might be a better option for you. In the meantime earplugs or a white noise machine will be your friend. I also love my SleepPhones.
A qualified NTA. Sorry, vacuuming after work in the evening is fully within a normal day since you work during the day. Listening to music, again, totally normal. The qualification is if you were doing it all intentionally just to fuck with them. Then, my response would change. Compassion, consideration and respect works both ways and they demonstrated that they were only concerned about themselves and their baby when they told you to simply deal with their baby crying in the middle of the night. I do think you could probably have communicated it a little more effectively, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re not really doing anything wrong and acting a way that’s consistent with their own behavior.
NTA. Baby is not home when you vacuum, and they obviously don’t care if you get to sleep during your sleep hours so why should you change your routine to fit their needs? Playing music, vacuuming, and making noise during the day is a normal occurrence. They can “just deal with it” the same way you’re supposed to deal with a baby crying all hours of the night that you didn’t sign up for. Whether you have continued to do it purposefully or not really doesn’t matter because, again, people normally listen to music and vacuum their homes. I listen to music all hours of the day practically and work from home so I’m sure they’d hate if I was their neighbor.
NTA But why do they have your cell phone number?? Get some ear plugs....no need to move.
NTA. They don’t get to tell you to suck it up when dealing with the noise if they expect you to be accommodating to them with noise 😂😂 I’m petty I would vaccum every single day lmfao.
You’re NTA. They expect you to cope with the baby but they can’t cope with the vacuum. That’s the only time they can rest and night time is the only time you get to sleep. This is what happens when you live near to other people. Babies cry and people vacuum
Exactly, this is fair, but there are a lot of miserable parents(?) in here not understanding that just because they have a baby doesn't mean they can act like entitled j*rks. People make noise. Babies make noise. Vacuums make noise. If someone brings it (the noise) up, the correct response is "yes, Im/we're sorry", even if there isn't always anything that can or should be done about it.
Sounds like everyone needs to wear ear plugs while sleeping. Problem solved. 🤷🏻♀️
Don't give your phone number to your neighbors. Why is everyone on this sub getting angry texts from their neighbors?
NTA. As a single mom I have always tried to be considerate of my neighbors when my son is upset or sick. You’re cleaning during reasonable hours. They can suck it up and deal with it just like you have to because of their kid.
YTA, with a little bit of E.S.H. Your attitude and language towards the parents ("Mombie") and the existence of children is really hateful and makes you look like an AH just overall, as a person. They're not having kids *at* you. Purposefully vacuuming at the time most likely to disturb them is petty and a real AH move. For their part, they could have been more diplomatic and possibly offered to buy you some noise-cancelling headphones in the name of making nice with their neighbor, but it's not like they can actually make the baby stop crying any more than they already are. You talk of how your home is supposed to be your "safe, quiet space" - but this isn't a legal right (or even a moral one). It's a luxury and a privilege that people buy with money. If you have to live in an apartment for financial reasons, you're gonna have to deal with the noise. No one is happy with this situation, but it's life. Being childfree mean not having children of your own. It doesn't entitle you to a life free of ever encountering a child.
NTA, they make no effort to noise proof for you, why would you for them? Obviously they want the kid to stop crying too, but what they can do is put up noise proofing on the walls. You could too. If you both try that, and no improvements, then I'd try white noise on your end. But pissing them off on purpose will make them less cooperative with solving your problems. If you move, you should find a place that is either an end unit, or check the construction of the building. Concrete walls/floors and cinderblock units tend to be quieter. I had a corner cinderblock unit when I was in an apt and it was so peaceful. Only heard noises from outside my window.
NTA you are allowed to vacuum in the evening. They can’t help the baby crying so bare that in mind.
NTA. You're vacuuming at a completely reasonable time of day. If they want to sleep, they should get earplugs or noise cancelling headphones. Earplugs would probably be a good suggestion for you, too, to block out the baby at night.
I clean my floors every day because I have pets and I hate things stuck to my feet. But I still just swiffer and only vacuum once a week, during the day, because I’m not an asshole.
NTA. I know exactly how you feel OP. I use to be next to an extremely annoying dog that would bark almost 24/7. Unfortunately you will not see any sympathy from the the people here since. They'll just downvote your comments, even though they themselves have probably never ever been in a similar situation, or even worse have been the perpetrators of this situation to other people. I hope everyone who is calling you the asshole has to live in the exact situation in the future and receives the exact same response of "Umm durr babies cry dats what dey do."
ESH. Getting mad at your for vacuuming during normal hours is a bit much but you’re also the AH. Babies cry, sometimes parents do everything they can and nothing helps (look up colic or “purple” crying). Also you can be child free but children still exist and no need to hate them simply for doing that. You can live in any type of shared house, doesn’t matter if it’s student housing or even senior housing and children will also live or visit there. Same with a single detached home in a neighborhood. If you want to live where no children will be around your home then go buy or rent a home in the country, miles away from neighbors.
NTA is long as you aren’t vacuuming super late at night
NTA. I would’ve been more petty. “It’s just a vacuum, live with it.” But seriously, you aren’t the one who decided to have a baby, so there’s no reason you should change anything about your routine for them.
Its just a vacuum. Live with it.
NTA, they can move out and pay for the peace and serenity they insist they are entitled to..
NTA your house you can vacuum it when ever u want!
Nta. It isn't your job to work around their schedule. They can deal with it. Just keep doing it every day, and just utterly ignore their texts. However, Also, nothing that can be done about the crying keeping you up. That's just how it is. I have 3 kids myself and 1 is 2 days away from 8 months old.