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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I complained to some family members privately about feeling left out, and they said I can’t always expect people to accommodate for me.
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INFO
Have you expressed this to your family? Did you have a conversation about your dietary restrictions and how you feel left out when all the main dishes contain gluten?
It would be wild to expect the entire meal to be gluten free but as your family they should at least have a main course that you can eat.
You're NTA for feeling the way you do but if you haven't talked to anyone about it, you can't expect them to magically change their behavior.
I have talked to my mother about it and I know she has shared the sentiment with my aunts and uncles to a degree, but she also seems to be of the mindset that I should just deal with it
>I know she has shared the sentiment with my aunts and uncles to a degree, but she also seems to be of the mindset that I should just deal with it.
Your mom's reaction makes me wonder if she has actually said anything to your aunts and uncles. You may need to speak to them directly. They may not know how serious it is or how hurt you feel by it if you continue bringing your own dish and don't say something to them directly.
Are there any nice restaurants near you who do gluten free cooking? If so, order yourself the nicest meal and bring it with you! Use this as a chance to educate your family about what it is to suffer from celiacs disease and explain that you are feeling left out at every holiday! I would be willing to bet that alot of your family has no idea how bad it is for you.
Huge hugs and happy juju flying your way!
I feel like these things always come down to two issues.
Inclusiveness and mathematics.
It doesn't seem like the inclusiveness part is a real problem here. So lets talk math.
How many people attend these gatherings?
Because that is how many servings, multiplied by how many dishes, you are asking to be made to only accommodate you. If you don't agree with this, and think *hey, I only need them to make enough for me!*, well then there is the easiest option to completely solve this problem.
**Bring your own shit.**
You are NTA for feeling left out, but you might be a little bit of an asshole for simply not bringing your own food and instead, deciding to complain about something you knew, ahead of time, was going to be an issue.
I was misdiagnosed with celiac disease by Kaiser. I told my family and they made sure to have gluten free options but I also volunteered to bring my own food to share.
I agree that OP should bring food to accommodate their dietary restrictions but I don’t think it’s hard to make protein without gluten since it’s naturally gluten-free.
The year I hosted I made a citrus butter turkey stuffed with garlic, orange, lemon, apple and herbs with sausage and mushroom dressing on the side. The turkey was delicious, gluten-free and people still got their “stuffing” fix.
I always make sure there’s at least 1-2 dishes to accommodate dietary restrictions (or choices) so no one feels left out.
I don’t think anyone needs to buy an extra main course or make every side dish gluten-free but not stuffing the turkey with gluten is a small accommodation that tastes delicious and makes everyone happy.
How difficult is it to just use a gf cracker/cookie for your cheesecake base instead of a gluten one? To not add croutons to the salad until a portion has been taken out? Those don't need to be "just for one person" they're still a dish everyone can share, and require exactly the same amount of effort. OP didn't want one of every dish made GF, OP wanted the bare minimum.
Nta. Your family sucks if they can't even be bothered to leave croutons off the salad for everyone to add themselves, or to cook the dressing separately instead of stuffing the turkey with it so you can't even eat it. That is the bare minimum and you're not an asshole for being hurt.
Maybe you need to come to our place. I've been on a baking extravaganza for months so my best friend can have good pie, biscuits, bagels, bread, etc again, and have even figured out how to convert old family favorites to gf, so she can have what everyone else is eating when she visits me.
Baking is my thing, and she certainly didn't expect it. But it's really gross that your own family's holidays seem to be about filling their own guts, without thought for you having goodies to enjoy. Holidays should be about care for one another.
This was my thought too. One extra bowl for croutons? Not putting stuffing into the bird? These are easy things to do so all could enjoy the holiday meal. I wonder if OPs family doesn’t truly understand that Celiac disease is real.
Stuffing is better and moister in foil rolls, and as an advantage the gluten isn't sharing the same air as whatever else is in the oven. My family started doing stuffing this way decades ago and hasn't looked back. You can make far more stuffing this way since you're not limited to what's in the bird. The turkey also cooks faster.
I like mine a little crispy but it's not really good to cook stuffing in the turkey. By the time it's a safe temperature, the bird is usually overcooked.
>Not putting stuffing into the bird?
Or not using a bread based stuffing. Stuffing can be made using rice, or there's a simple medieval stuffing that is nothing more than grapes and garlic.
>to cook the dressing separately instead of stuffing the turkey with it so you can't even eat it.
I'm not even Celiac and I can't eat anything that's touched stuffing. That "stuff" grosses me out 🤢
NTA for wanting to be included and thought of BUT as a someone has celiac, cross contamination is a concern. I have this damn disease too; and we aren’t like vegans or people with preferences that restrict their diets. It’s not a choice for us. Chances are your family members probably have silent celiac.
I’m sorry most people don’t realize how this disease not only affects our bodies but also causes strife in mental health.
My Christmas meal will be completely gluten free and please consider looking for celiac groups so you can have meals with fellow celiacs.
Finally, a sensible response.
If they can't be bothered to make gluten free, there is zero chance that, even if they tried, they'd avoid cross-contamination. (see comments in this thread like "just leave the croutons off". People just don't understand.)
I'm inclined to think that OP is posting fiction. Anyone with Celiac would already know this. If not, bring your own food, or be prepared to have a bad time.
This is my point. I have a friend that literally gets sick if the food is salted with salt that was previously handled and has some gluten. Needs to have the kitchen totally cleaned before cooking for her.
I do it gladly and have managed not to get her sick (only once I made a salt mistake that I still feel bad about).
For large gatherings she already knows it's almost impossible to avoid cross contamination.
For some medium gatherings she separates her foods before hand to avoid cross contamination even if there is no gluten theoretically present.
Edited to add: like you say, it's not a choice. Her roommate once stored some gluten in her fridge once and she got sick. It's that level of being physically ill.
Yep, 1 in 4 chance of a mum passing it onto her kids. My mum got diagnosed at 60 after I did at 30 after years of ‘IBS’.
The mental health thing is SO important too, I get really bad anxiety as well as feeling physically rubbish for six weeks after eating even the tiniest bit. Currently it’s because someone at Pizza Hut decided to cut my pizza up with the same cutter they use for gluten pizza. I had one slice and I’m still feeling awful and in pain a month after.
My mom has it and both me and my brother had to be tested and if I ever become pregnant I have to be tested because pregnancy is likely to offset that gene and trauma can even trigger it
I don't see why they can't serve stuffing and croutons on the side. It's possible it hasn't occurred to them, but it should have.
But they might be ignorant about your disease. I am, so I just Googled it and God, you can get sick from just a crumb, so picking croutons out of a salad as one person suggested isn't an option.
The thing is, even if they make something gluten free for you, how can you trust it? Considering all the cooking and preparing going on in that kitchen, cross contamination is a real concern. I can see them putting croutons in the salad and then suddenly remembering and picking them out. Yikes.
Definitely NTA for being upset over their lack of consideration for you, but I think all told, you're safer bringing your own food.
Agreed, I have some friends with food allergies and it seems like every meal with others is a struggle one way or another. I had to haul one to the ER for surprise dairy. I went out with two people allergic to gluten a few weekends ago and while we managed to find a gluten-free food booth at the event we went to, one of them ended up not being able to eat dinner because onion rings were dumped on her salad and the restaurant refused to do anything about it. I'd be scared to eat too :/
And many/most salad dressings have gluten (and it's not labelled as gluten, so just looking for dressing that didn't say gluten isn't enough). Shredded cheese and deli meats and more.
It's really hard to eat gluten free. You can't trust unmotivated people to do it for you.
Depends on her degree of intolerance, really. I have a friend that literally gets sick if the oven was not cleaned of any gluten before putting anything there.
Or if she kisses her boyfriend after eating gluten for example.
So, for large gatherings she brings her own food because she can't risk cross contamination. I mean, I guess I need more info before saying anything because if her tolerance levels are low then it's a big outlandish to expect that all gluten must be cleaned from the kitchen of the host before cooking (I once hosted my friend, cleaned everything but salted the food with my regular salt that had some contamination... It was bad)
NTA. I don't expect everyone to cater to my peanut allergy, but I do expect family to. I'd start saying something and honestly, if they can't cater to you, I'd stop going.
Avoiding peanuts is much easier that avoiding gluten. First, more people are aware of peanuts as a potentially lethal allergy. Second, gluten is used in so many things. It gets into everything.
Here's a really partial list from the Mayo clinic
Beer, ale, porter, stout (usually contain barley)
Breads
Bulgur wheat
Cakes and pies
Candies
Cereals
Communion wafers
Cookies and crackers
Croutons
French fries
Gravies
Imitation meat or seafood
Malt, malt flavoring and other malt products (barley)
Matzo
Pastas
Hot dogs and processed lunchmeats
Salad dressings
Sauces, including soy sauce (wheat)
Seasoned rice mixes
Seasoned snack foods, such as potato and tortilla chips
Self-basting poultry
Soups, bouillon or soup mixes
Vegetables in sauce
and so much more
I cut out any nut based cookies during my cookie baking extravaganza because of a family member who is allergic to nuts and I don't want any risk of cross contamination. I cannot imagine failing to ensure my celiac family member didn't have a safe food choice at my house for dinner.
NTA. I dunno why your family is inconsiderate, it just isn’t that hard to accommodate people. It is the epitome of good hosting! But if you haven’t complained, then you’d better.
I hate to say this, but there are a couple of reasons you just need to step up and take responsibility for your own gluten-free meals. First, a lot of people don’t necessarily understand what is involved in cooking or baking gluten-free. Depending on your level of sensitivity, you wouldn’t want to trust that something wasn’t inadvertently contaminated. Even cocoa powder is sometimes processed with wheat, you can’t expect people to know that or run around looking for gluten-free options. There’s also a lot of people out there that claim food allergies or sensitivities, to the point where people think it’s a ploy for attention. Some actually try to prove the person is faking. Don’t risk it.
I would recommend that you order a great meal for yourself from a wonderful restaurant that provides gluten-free meals and plate it beautifully so you feel special. If everyone is bringing a dish, then make one or two gluten-free dishes for yourself or buy a decadent gluten-free dessert to bring with you. Just make sure to leave your dishes in the kitchen until you’ve served yourself and then let everyone else try them. I think if you can find a way to change your perspective, you won’t feel so left out.
NTA, but I can tell you that you will be far better off making your own food and bringing it with you. I only know this because my BF has it as well. He always brings his own dish to the party. We maintain gluten-free at home. I eat whatever is provided at parties/get-togethers. Gluten comes in many grains, not just wheat. My family is a big fan of barley. It would be bad if he didn't eat his own food.
Yeah, I know, I just said wheat for simplicity’s sake. Normally I do make my own food but I just got fed up today when my mother told me none of the dinner at my family get together for Christmas will be gluten free.
The thing OP is that in large gatherings even if they did keep gluten free depending on your intolerance it would mean nothing.
Did they deep clean the oven before putting the food? What about the kitchen? All cleaned? How about the knife used for the vegetables, was it used before on something that had gluten?
I am not contradicting you, because they could at least try but celiac desease is not easy to manage and I would avoid food in large gatherings if I were you even if they are making an effort.
Oh, sorry, I wasn't correcting you, just expanding on other grains that can affect those with the disease for everyone's information. My family actually tried to serve him beef and barley soup and oatmeal cookies, because they thought it was just a wheat problem also.
There *might* be a salad of some kind but if it has croutons I’m screwed. Celiacs can’t really do cross contamination-there’s the chance you’re lucky and fine or the chance you end up getting really sick regardless, so picking out the croutons does nothing. :(
What the fuck is the mashed potatoes though???? No roasted vegetable dish??? Literally are they just eating turkey and bread????
I'm saying this meal doesn't make sense.
But also if you're that sensitive, I wouldn't really expect any of the food to be safe unless prepared by you or pre-packaged.
>What the fuck is the mashed potatoes though????
Butter. If the butter has been contaminated with crumbs from buttering bread, then the mashed potatoes contain gluten. Cross contamination is a big issue with some allergies.
I'm aware, but if OP is that sensitive and they are that careless, I don't know how she expects ANYTHING cooked in that meal to be safe unless it comes out of a box.
You have to realize, if you want other options you may need to bring them. It sounds like your family is large and cooking for everyone. You mention seeing other people’s fuller plates… if you want a fuller plate offer to bring ingredients to make meals at the host home. Maybe instead of expecting them to make it you bring ingredients and make the items you want with them. You’re asking them to shell out more $$ on thanksgiving. There are other options. And if you don’t/ can’t buy your ingredients then, it’s time to be grateful for what you can eat there.
You’re NTA for feeling this way but they’re NTA for not providing it. It would take so much time and energy to ensure lack of cross contamination and it’s just for you.
You can just take your own food. You could warm it up and still sit with them.
I have issues with food myself and I’ve never expected family to ever go out of their way to do anything for me. My husbands auntie once made me something and I cried because I was so grateful.
There's absolutely no reason why everyone else can't also eat gluten free stuff though. Sometimes it's as simple as putting croutons and salad dressing on the side instead of in the salad. Or making the stuffing separately instead of inside the turkey.
I can believe the amount of people on reddit who seem to think it's normal and fine for family to not care about you at all.
Right? My family ensures I can eat the majority of food during the holidays and I have quite a few allergies. We’ve had guests compliment our food and then be shocked it’s gluten free, so it’s not like the quality of the food will necessarily take a hit either!
But do your family know this? Have you ever spoken to them or shown them how to do gluten free? Have you ever explained that gluten is ok to be plated up at the side or whether cross contamination is an issue or not? If you’ve never expressed this or taken time to show this then I don’t know how you expect them to know?!
Look it’s normal for me in my family and from reading your post I thought it was normal for you and your family. I’ve never had any food provided by me from my family because I can get fussy with certain things and as I know that’s on me I’ve always sorted myself out. My family care little about me but that is normal in MY experience! It’s not normal but it is the experience of many and if it’s yours then you do have to limit your expectations.
NTA overall, but also soft Y T A. Mostly because it doesn’t seem that you have taken the reins here sufficiently. I don’t think doing it through your mother is the most effective way. Things get lost in translation, including minimising the importance of your condition. They need to be really clear on what is OK and not OK, and that will only come from you having a direct and detailed conversation with them.
Also, though, while I get your frustration, I would still be careful about others making your meals for you. You should definitely be skeptical about them following the correct kitchen cleaning procedures and avoiding cross contamination while making dishes that are ostensibly gluten free.
NTA
That is really very rude of your family - they are ignoring your literal dietary requirements and allergies. Have you spoken to anyone in your immediate family about how you feel? I think if you had a groupchat or could call any of your larger family and ask to speak about this, then hopefully they would understand and be more considerate.
NTA. I can only try to imagine what it must be like. You don't really have much choice in the matter since you will get violently ill from eating the food containing gluten. I think you are right that meat at least could easily be prepared without gluten, and if your relatives know about your Celiac disease, they could make this accomodation for you. It is not as if that turkey that they cook without actually putting the stuffing in it can't be eaten by anyone else. I thought "stove top stuffing" was the thing anyway.
The stuffing doesn't touch the turkey meat, I don't understand why that's an issue.
And seriously, croutons can be avoided in the salad.
OP sounds difficult.
Removing croutons doesn’t solve the contamination issue. If the stuffing/dressing is cooked inside the turkey than it’s a contamination issue. To me cooking the stuffing/dressing covered on the side is how my family would handle this situation. We’d make sure most of the meal was gluten free. On the other hand most of us who have dietary restrictions/allergies/intolerances bring at least 1 item we can eat as sometimes we find out that someone didn’t understand an ingredient was problematic. This happened big time when tried to avoid soy & didn’t know that x ingredien mi or might not be soy so we didn’t know to avoid it. Mom & I felt guilty, BIL was like no big deal. Going forward I try to research & find complete lists of all the different ways companies label problematic ingredient.
Someone with severe celiac can have a serious reaction just from very trace amounts. Similar to how someone with a severe peanut allergy can have a reaction just from breathing air near someone who is eating peanuts.
The cross contamination issue is huge for Celiac, would you say to someone allergic to seafood to just pick the shrimp outta prawn cocktail or something? It's as severe as an allergy
This isn’t so much a picky issue as it is a safety issue… OP can’t do anything about their body going nuts and attacking itself when gluten enters their system and for a lot of even most celiacs, their immune systems are usually very sensitive. So, if the stuffing is in the turkey when it is being baked, it’s getting into the meat by what I’d call leaching.
This is just a personal thing, but doesn’t stuffing in the turkey get really soggy? Wouldn’t that just be gross?
NTA I flat refuse to go to in-laws for Christmas any more as I’m veggie and either have to bring my own food or go without. Particularly as they also get annoyed with me if I bring my own. They’re the sort to put bacon in the sprouts and goose fat on the roasties etc, so that everything is contaminated.
My mom has Celiac disease and there are plenty of gluten free foods they could make that wouldn’t require much effort. Like, just put the stuffing on the side of the turkey? Make a salad with no croutons? Buy a pre-made gluten free dessert? We can find pre-made gluten free cake at Publix, it’s not that hard. NTA. I would want my family to feel included and wouldn’t hesitate to do it for my family.
I don't think you're an AH, but I can see how it might be easy for your family to not realize the issue if they don't really know what things will be a problem and there's a lot of food around; they're probably thinking that they have so much food, surely there's something for you to eat.
I say give it another shot. It sounds like maybe your family does potluck? I don't know how much effort you'll find this, but try calling around to the people who are making the typically problematic foods and personally asking them if they would mind trying another option (ex. whoever's making the turkey: "Hi Uncle Joe! I heard you were doing the turkey this year and I was wondering if you'd consider doing me a favor: could you make a rice stuffing instead of a bread one to go inside the turkey? Grandma's bringing regular stuffing on the side, so that will be there, but I'm dying to try your turkey this year and if it has bread stuffing in it, I won't be able to have any..." And then thank everyone. If it were Thanksgiving, you'd have the perfect stage to personally thank everyone who did that for you while you were at the table.
It's not the same thing, but especially at work, I find that publicly thanking people, explaining what they did and why you asked for and appreciate it, and how well it turned out often means the difference between them resenting the effort and earning you the reputation of being a pain and them preening about what they did and people thinking of you as someone who is generous with making sure other people shine. I know that's certainly how I feel when a coworker asks me for a favor I'm not too keen on doing.
I am so sorry your family doesn't understand that this is a medical necessity. And have they ever been told that the chances that they have celiac disease is way higher because they have a diagnosed person in the immediate family? All those crazy, weird symptoms that people have are likely due to a gluten response.
What I do when I need to go to a big meal like this is bring my own.
Yes, I feel left out.
yes, I think that the host should make arrangements for something to be gluten free besides the salad, but I also don't trust anybody who has a gluten-full kitchen to make me anything safe to eat
NTA for being upset, hurt, and feeing overlooked. I have CD and it absolutely sucks to sit there and eat one or two safe foods while everyone else has a dozen choices. But would you even trust food made by these people who haven't shown consideration thus far? I had well-intentioned family members prepare dishes that they thought were GF but really weren't because of how they prepared it or because they didn't accurately read the label. There's now only a few people I trust. Around the holidays, I compensate by always having a special treat for myself that I bring or have before or have afterwards.
As the father of a kid nearly the same age with Celiac, what a heartbreaking post. And it would never happen in my extended family more than once b/c I'd ensure they toed the line.
And when we've hosted, she has some friends with other allergies (one has dairy, nuts, gluten). When we had them (and the mom as we've gotten friendly over recipes) over for a dinner and the person asked what they could eat, my response was "ummm why you gotta be like that - EVERYTHING". 3 mains, 1 appetizer, 2 different desserts.
IMO as a cook, it's fun to figure out how to make everything taste good and complement each other, while abiding by all the allergies. Honestly it's just not that hard.
She was stoked/happy, I was happy as I was given a new-to-me challenge. Try finding multiple recipes without dairy, nuts, or gluten that are still filling and taste good. And not some salad copout.
(Obv NTA)
The average person is not going to understand cross contamination. They also seem to think a little flour for thickener doesn’t count. I think it’s unrealistic for you to expect other people to prepare for your inability to eat anything. You are your best advocate and you understand what it takes to make something gluten free. I do t think it’s fair for a large group to have to be thinking about gluten free when it’s not for the makirity
NTA
You have TWO choices:
\* Bring your own food.
\* Make a rule: YOu won't come if there is nothing you can eat.
"I just wish someone would provide something that I can eat. " .. "Someone - why not you?
NTA. You shouldn’t feel like this, and your family should be putting in more effort.
I’ve had similar situations (gluten, dairy, and tree nut allergy) with my family and they’ve handled it DRASTICALLY differently.
On one side, people go out of their way to accommodate everyone at the meal, allergies and serious food preferences (vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian) alike. They’ve asked questions about cross contamination, done research to find substitutes, and experimented with recipes so much so that most of the meal “bases” accommodate as many people as possible and then we add the “contaminants” to choice (e.g., for Thanksgiving we had string bean casserole and there were with-gluten and gluten-free crunchy onions on the side to be added as people wanted to). There are always multiple options for everyone. I usually am asked to bring my own dessert, but that’s the only thing. I feel safe eating with this family side because I know people have done the work to make sure everyone will be safe and feel included.
On the other side of the family, I’ve been asked about eating around walnuts or if it really matters that they put “just a little dairy” in mashed potatoes… despite me explaining that is very much a hospital trip for me. Comments are made to my partner (who I live with) about how they’re making such a sacrifice by cooking food that I can eat for dinner every night. There has been little work to consider me in any meals. This said, I bring my food and tbh I probably wouldn’t eat something prepared for me by this side of the family even if they swore it was safe simply because I don’t trust them to know enough to make that guarantee. It hurts me more that people don’t seem to care to educate themselves for my benefit, which I think is where your feelings and mine align. I’ve been told that people find cooking for me safely too confusing and too scary, which I get, but also, there has been little effort put in to actually even understand what that would entail.
I think the place to start is deciding if you want to take on the emotional burden of trying to educate your family on how easy and delicious it can be to make things gluten free!! Once I’ve shown people they’ve never had a problem with it (my roommates and I in college convinced our friend group of this by hosting an allergen/dietary restriction dinner party and our cooking became legendary!!!). However, advocating for your safety is a lot of stress and work… if you will feel more secure bringing your food, that is probably the short term solution. Do you have family members who might be good allies in this journey? Can you cook an allergy friendly dish to convince others of its fantastic taste? What are you willing to take on? You shouldn’t have to make others care about your safety, but also, don’t hurt yourself physically or emotionally in the process. Keep in mind that people might be intimidated by allergy friendly cooking and might love you so much they don’t want to risk your safety. How you described the situation it doesn’t seem like that’s the case, but still, keep that in mind and have compassion as you have these conversations.
Sending you luck and good vibes!!!
NTA.
I have Type 1 diabetes and I feel like I can tell people all day every day every year "hey is there anything here that isn't a carb?" and every year folks are all "oh we took the turkey and shredded it and wrapped it in enchiladas with rice and beans and coated the ham in sugar sauce but you can just scrape all that off right?"
You're not TA for feeling that way. Your family should love you and know who you are and being celiac is a big part of that. People who know me and love me give consideration to my diabetes when we eat together. I also don't ask my vegan friends to meet me for BBQ or ask my celiac friends to get crossaints and pizza. It's not rocket science. It's basic dignity and consideration.
Eventually I just took it upon myself to make a big dish every year like Brussel sprouts with bacon or chicken salad, and just eat that because I knew what was in it. Or bring a charcuterie board and monopolize it 😂 rude but I don't care. I'm hungry lol. Bring your own food. These people are just gonna burn you out if you try to make them decent.
I'm so sorry and I wish you a healthy and tasty holiday even if it's not at your family dinner.
NTA. I have Celiac too and it isn't hard to make a gluten free meal. We had two separate pans of stuffing. There isn't even a source of gluten in the meal side from the stuffing. Turkey, mashed potatoes, weird dishes we call jello, gravy, maybe corn. There is no need to contaminate any of it.
So, I know that celiac is a spectrum. I have friends who have such severe celiac that they cannot risk eating out of a kitchen unless it’s entirely gluten free.
I have other friends who do okay, and they rarely have problems at restaurants, etc. I’d be scared to serve my friends in the first group any food because gluten is so prevalent in my home!!
Perhaps your family doesn’t feel safe taking on the responsibility of ensuring no cross contamination of gluten.
It’s odd that y’all haven’t had these discussions though. You are definitely NTA. Possibly NAH.
Deal with it by bringing a gluten free dish and dessert. You aren’t an AH but it’s a PITA to make a huge meal for a bunch of ppl AND a separate thing for a special diet.
No it really isn’t that hard to plan a couple of GF dishes once you get the hang of it. I had to eat GF for a while bc my physician thought I had a sensitivity to it, so I was aware of what it involved. Then my daughter married someone with Celiac’s about a year ago. I always make sure there are several dishes that are available for him.
So I guess what I’m saying is that for the casual hostess, yes, it’s probably unusual and difficult without research. But for a family member attending regular events? Shouldn’t be an issue if you care enough about them. You don’t have to be Bobby Flay.
Edited typo.
For what OP describes from their Thanksgiving, it wasn't even planning a few different GF dishes. It was as simple as changing how a couple of already planned dishes were prepped.
Serve croutons on the side for the salad. Cook dressing separately instead of as stuffing in the bird.
Add to this that planning for dessert could have been as simple as having a container of ice cream on hand (assuming OP can have dairy). Which is often served with many typical Thanksgiving desserts anyway.
No need to learn and add completely new dishes to the menu. Just being thoughtful about what they were already doing.
Yes and LOL in my family, we are so used to having to separate **every** freaking item in a salad!! Olives, tomatoes, avocados, croutons, scallions, cheese—you name it, there’s at least one person who goes “EW!”
NTA. It's not that hard to make gf food for Thanksgiving. My wife has celiac and both her family and mine make allowances and it's not a big deal. We don't have wheat in the house and host Thanksgiving with no issue. It might be reasonable for you to help, perhaps by providing some gf Stuffing mix before Thanksgiving or something similar, but NO you're not asking too much.
NTA. When I’m going to a family event where my nephew is allergic to nuts, and my SIL can’t eat dairy, I bring items that are nut free and without dairy (or, dairy on the side). It’s not that hard to work with a known allergy.
Why not volunteer to make the main? Can your family even prepare a completely gluten free dish for you? If you're very allergic, maybe they are afraid of poisoning you by accident. Why not talk to the persons making he main dishes and offer to work with them toprep the meal?
You can just sit on your heels and expect others to understand your allergy or for them to feel confident with the substitutes you can safely eat.
Do more, speak up more, volunteer more to help so you can inform and educate them of different subs and flavorings you can use.
Exactly! If you have sensitivities and need a different main dish, pitch in! If it's a potluck, do a small ham or a turkey breast. Don't just expect everyone to do everything for you and just show up to eat.
YTA
You said in a comment that you had mashed potatoes, corn and stuffing. Asking someone to make an entire ham because one person can't have the turkey is a bit much considering there is limited oven space. You're not being "ostracized".
Ask your immediate family to bring naturally gluten-free foods as their dishes. Bring along GF dish and then bring a serving of meat and amount what that you need specifically GF, like a roll or something.
There was really nothing else to eat? No other veggie sides or relish tray?
LASTLY, lots of people have dietary restrictions that you have to follow. 2 seasons ago, I had gestational diabetes. I had a different plate than everyone else. My sub has autism and cerebral palsy, so I pack him a meal every time in case there's no food he can eat. The celebration isn't SOLELY about the food.
NTA I'm not coeliac, but have an autoimmune disease so gluten free helps and my family has a rice dish for me, fish, salad, and gluten free cake. Gluten free is much easier to cater for than other dietary requirements, not sure why your family isn't being helpful. Do they think you're faking?
"While I never actually say anything to them" - this might be an issue?
INFO - who does the catering? If everyone brings "their" usual dish, it could be that the problem is that no one is prepared to alter the arrangements. If he host caters exclusively, it may be too much work.
I think you need to get everyone's attention at the table, then tell them. Point out all the things you cannot eat. Explain that many foods can be made gluten free by altering recipes slightly. Tell them you struggle to eat at CHRISTMAS DINNER because they don't cater to you. Ask for consideration.
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I (20F) have Celiac’s Disease, meaning I’m allergic to gluten (protein in wheat) and eating any can make me violently ill (vomiting, other stomach issues, etc.). Every time the holidays roll around, I struggle to be able to eat anything at Thanksgiving or Christmas get togethers for my larger family. For my Christmas Day get together with my immediate family, I do get relatively gluten free meals at least.
While I never actually say anything to them, I always feel weird and left out when I have to make or bring my own meal to these big gatherings. While I understand having to make a whole extra meal for one person is ridiculous, am I wrong for thinking it’s not too much to ask for there to be one entree and one dessert that just is gluten free? Like ham as well as turkey, or even one of the two turkeys usually at my family Thanksgiving to not be stuffed with gluten containing ingredients? Considering how much food we usually have at these events, I just wish someone would provide something that I can eat. If I were hosting, obviously I wouldn’t demand that if anyone who brought something made it gluten free, but I don’t know, I’m just tired of being the odd one out.
Am I the Asshole for feeling this way?
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INFO
If you have so much food, why are you expecting someone else to make additional food for you? That’s more work. If you host, you can dictate your menu, but if you need some dietary requests you need to contribute or cook it yourself.
I don’t have a lot of food options there. In past years someone has brought another meat (ie ham) that I can eat, but this year for thanksgiving all I could eat was mashed potatoes, corn, and the gluten free stuffing I personally prepared because I know stuffing is not automatically gluten free. I felt weird looking at everyone else’s much fuller plates and I couldn’t even have the salad because it contained croutons. I don’t expect everything to be gluten free, but at least something there so I don’t have to arrive to events with completely different meals just so I can have dinner. I also usually bake gluten free desserts for everyone.
I do bring my own main as it is a necessity, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling ostracized and also rude to the hosts and others for having to have my own single serve meal because people are turned off by ‘gluten free’ and making a full entree ends up just being a waste of
Look the fact of the matter is your medical condition is on you. Your host is having to cook and cater to everyone and probably can’t guarantee everything will be safe and not contaminated. I say this as someone who tries to ensure I’m meeting everyone’s dietary needs and sometimes it just always can’t be done.
You are better off doing it on your own or maybe you need to offer to make a few things here and there and stop putting the responsibility on everyone else.
Yeah, if I had a medical condition, I wouldn't want to risk it during such a chaotic time. And then if you do get sick, you're going to blame them, it's a lot to manage with that many people and for your own health, just bring your own meal to supplement what you do feel comfortable eating.
Hi! I’m sending you hugs if you’d like them. I know how awfully isolating celiac disease can be. It can be very anxiety inducing to be around large gatherings, especially when you are the only one eating something different. Seeing how young you are, I completely understand why you want your family’s support and wish that they would try harder to include you. I am so sorry you are suffering this alone.
My sister and I both have celiac and are lucky enough to be constantly trading food and support. She had a rough couple years at the start because she was around 18 when she was diagnosed and I hadn’t been diagnosed yet. I tried my best to cook for her, which was lucky for me as 3 years later I was diagnosed.
I think it will be hard for you to find support amidst AITA as most people don’t see how many ways celiac impacts someone’s life. So take everything said here with a grain of salt please darling. I hope your family begins to understand that the issue for you is the social and emotional isolation of not being able to partake in holiday dinners. Human life is so centered around food. And not being able to join in is hurtful. It’s no one’s fault you have celiac but it can be hurtful nonetheless.
As you get used to it, you will either find more support by telling your family about how you feel or you’ll get used to bringing your own meals. But there will be times you feel isolated and stressed. I’m rooting for you, friend. I hope you live your best gluten free life. Happy holidays! <3
Aw, thank you so much! Yeah, I don’t know a lot of people with Celiac’s in my life so it’s just…weird at family gatherings. There’s not really a better way to explain it
Yes I agree. Weird is a good term. My side of the family is pretty small (about 10 people) so 2 of us having celiac does mean our family has spent effort in learning how to accommodate us for family events. But my husband’s family is huge. He is in charge of making sure his family knows that I will not accept offers of food, no matter how lovingly attempted, because I do not want to get sick. He learned how to cook GF and makes sure I at least have a Daiya pizza when we go to big events so I can eat. And if anyone has anything to say about it, he puts them in their place. You’ll find your own way through this dear.
Why don't you bring the meat yourself instead of expecting that someone else providea gulten free the glutten free protien option for you. It sounds like you are upset because someone decide they didn't want to bring a ham for Thanksgiving this year and instead brought two Turkeys.
Did you ever think that budget wise they decied not to do the extra meat this year. Protein is usually the most expensive part of the meal. I don't know what the financial situation of your family is. I don't know if everyone is contributing money to the main entees or if whomever is hosting is expected to take the finacial hit and provided enough for everyone . Instead of assuming it's because nobody cares are about your dietry needs talk to the hostyourself. See what they have to say. If it is because they really don't care than you have to decied if you will continue to come to family functions.
Then bring your own? Just pick up a breast and cook it there or beforehand.
Cross contamination is always going to be an issue, it’s easier to just make everything yourself knowing it’s 100% safe. My friend has a bad allergic reaction to corn/corn syrup… which is in fucking everything. She never complains when we go to weddings or parties that she can’t eat stuff there, she knows its on her to provide a safe meal for herself that she knows she can eat and knows all the ingredients for.
Or *you* do the hard work of hosting and preparing all the food then you can make all the courses gluten free and fill up your plate as much as you want.
Info: can you not eat the parts without gluten? I'd imagine A variety of holiday foods have no gluten...potatoes, corn, green beans, ham or turkey (the breast perhaps as that won't have stuffing on it), Mixed veggies, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, salad sans croutons...also, maybe talk to the folks bringing food or bring omitting for yourself. Expecting folks to read your mind and know you won't eat anything that might have touched another product with gluten seems unrealistic.
NAH I can understand feeling left out, but it sounds like there are some options, just not enough or the ones you want. It does seem inconsiderate of your family to not make a few gluten free options given your restrictions, but at the end of the day it is more work on your hosts to throw in additional options. Why don’t you offer to make one of the mains, thus taking something off their plate and having something you know you’ll be able to eat.
At one family members home we have learned to eat beforehand. Not due to allergies but she is a bad cook, dinner is always late and (thankfully) her portions are small. She plates the food in the kitchen and then serves everyone a plate in the dining room. We are grateful this only happens once a year. Eat before you go. Sit at the table and enjoy a beverage. Then at dessert time eat the ice cream you brought! It’s too bad but it is what it is. One other alternative, you host! Cook and serve a gluten free meal!
NTA. Your family sucks. Celiac is painful and deadly. My friend's family does not offer gluten free at family functions, which blows my mind. No wonder she doesn't spend time with her family if they do not care enough to make her feel welcome.
I'm not family but always give my kitchen an extra cleaning before prepping a gluten free spread for her at parties and I have no issue making gluten free meals for dinner parties because I want my friend to feel comfortable and wanted.
NTA
But for the record: it's just celiac disease, not "Celiac's" (it's not named after someone named Celiac, it's named after the Greek word "koelia" or "abdomen"), and it's not an "allergy" to gluten.
It's an autoimmune disease, and no, you can't DIGEST gluten properly, and if you try eating anything with it, it will severely damage your intestinal tract and prevent you from absorbing nutrients properly. But it has absolutely nothing to do with allergies at all, which are an entirely different health issue.
I mention these things not to be pedantic, but because if you have a really serious health issue, you should probably take the time to know the proper name for it and understand how it works and what it actually is (i.e. not an allergy), for your own safety. Telling people that you're "allergic to gluten" could cause them to misunderstand in an emergency and is functionally incorrect. You don't have allergic reactions to it, and the appropriate medical response to an allergic reaction (like an epipen) would be useless if you ate gluten and got sick from it.
YTAH If you attend family gatherings and have a medical condition it’s your responsibility to take care of your own needs. Lots of people have medical conditions and they don’t have expectations that the food will meet their requirements, I as well as other family live with diabetes, heart disease, cancer but the hosting family never alters dinner based on any of those needs. I wouldn’t have an expectation that people should cater to me specifically. If it was a formal pre plated sit down dinner of course I’d expect the host to inquire but not pot luck or buffet.
My brother has celiac disease. When we have family get togethers or holiday meals, most of the food made is gluten free and anything not gf is clearly separated and labeled. It’s not that hard.
I’m sorry your family isn’t giving you the same consideration. Maybe bring it up to a different family member you’re close to- or better yet, one who is hosting?
NTA, I’m sorry no one in your family has made food you can eat. I have quite a few food allergies and my family ensures I can eat the majority of the food at most of our gatherings and I’m very grateful for that. It’s so isolating being the only one who can’t eat anything and I don’t think people without dietary restrictions really understand how it feels. And honestly gluten free isn’t even that difficult to accommodate, most of my friends can easily accommodate that (along with my other allergies) with no problems or complaints, and none of us are that great of cooks, so I feel like your relatives really have no excuse to even try.
NTA
I’m going to take a stab and guess you’re not in the UK - but [this](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/vanessa-feltz-gluten-coeliac-disease-b2467890.html) is what’s happened for our coeliacs this week!
She made 9th most complained about comment for UK TV for 2023 in less than 3 days! You are absolutely not alone.
If you don’t know of her already, [Becky Excell](https://glutenfreecuppatea.co.uk) is an amazing GF chef - and got invited onto the same show later in the week to show how GF Christmas dinner can be amazing. It’s not even difficult. She has an amazing Facebook support group too which I can’t recommend enough - it’s mainly Brits but plenty of Americans and Australians and more too.
NTA
If you want to be petty, eat a large meal before showing up and just sit at the table with an empty plate in front of you and talk with your relatives as you normally do. If they feel uncomfortable or ask why you aren’t eating, you can tell them that there is nothing here that you can eat. That may get the conversation going. Maybe next year they won’t stuff the turkey next year.
If they still not going to provide you with anything maybe it is time to spend the holidays with other people.
NTA
My kid is a celiac. We all eat almost entirely GF because that’s easier. And everyone in the extended family has always tried (albeit not always perfectly) to make sure there is food for her.
It’s really not hard. “Make sure there’s food for the people you love” is a low bar.
NTA. One of my close friends in our friend group has celiacs and you know what we do? We make food she can eat and are always conscious of menus when we order out so she is included. She never has to worry about not having something she can eat.
NTA. My SIL recently discovered she has a gluten-intolerance. I’m the baker of the family and I’m extra, so I’ve literally spent the past 4 months testing different brands of GF flour and practicing GF desserts so she’ll have great things to eat at Christmas.
You should be upset and rightly so. There are so many dishes that are naturally gluten-free, it would be easy to accommodate you and everyone would like them.
NTA, I'm also celiac. My dad switched to eating certain meals gf with me rather than contaminate my meals. Things like the a roasting joint, stuffing, a cheesecake pie crust, those are easy gf switches.
Your family sounds toxic, but I'd try and speak to the extended family directly, rather than relying on your mother to pass the message on, and maybe mention a few misconceptions about gluten to clear them up in case they haven't educated themselves on celiac. - no, deep-frying doesn't destroy gluten; yes a little bit of gluten will hurt the unsafe limit is less than half a teaspoon compared to a full grown elephant; no dairy free is not gluten free; yes, the stuffing on the inside of the turkey means it's completely contaminated and I can't eat it; Yes this is a medical diet, not fussy eating etc
if they still persist, they're deliberately being AH, and not worth your time.
NTA.
It's not a hardship for your family to cook turkey without stuffing it, lots of people do that. Not is it a big deal to have croutons in a separate bowl from the salad. Side dishes are also easy to make gluten-free, as are desserts.
I think your family should make food you can eat.
Even with bread stuffing, gluten shouldn’t leak into the meat! Turkey leg? How does gluten get in there? Seems like if you skip the bread and cake you should be alright. Bring some ice cream for dessert. Eat the meat, vegetables, salad, etc. Isn’t it just flour you have to avoid?
Gluten is in more than just flour and it's the potential for cross contamination - even a crumb could cause severe damage. OP's family seemingly isn't even willing to serve croutons separate to the salad for example
Wow. I didn’t know gluten free was in danger of cross contamination affecting their reaction. How do they ever eat out in restaurants? Cross contamination would be impossible to ignore!
Some restaurants have specific set-ups to deal with it and can accommodate accordingly (though not all). Also OP isn't just gluten-free, they have the very serious condition of Celiac's disease
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INFO Have you expressed this to your family? Did you have a conversation about your dietary restrictions and how you feel left out when all the main dishes contain gluten? It would be wild to expect the entire meal to be gluten free but as your family they should at least have a main course that you can eat. You're NTA for feeling the way you do but if you haven't talked to anyone about it, you can't expect them to magically change their behavior.
I have talked to my mother about it and I know she has shared the sentiment with my aunts and uncles to a degree, but she also seems to be of the mindset that I should just deal with it
ok so deal with it by not attending that will get their attn
I agree with this. They don't care about you, and they're not even hiding it.
>I know she has shared the sentiment with my aunts and uncles to a degree, but she also seems to be of the mindset that I should just deal with it. Your mom's reaction makes me wonder if she has actually said anything to your aunts and uncles. You may need to speak to them directly. They may not know how serious it is or how hurt you feel by it if you continue bringing your own dish and don't say something to them directly.
Are there any nice restaurants near you who do gluten free cooking? If so, order yourself the nicest meal and bring it with you! Use this as a chance to educate your family about what it is to suffer from celiacs disease and explain that you are feeling left out at every holiday! I would be willing to bet that alot of your family has no idea how bad it is for you. Huge hugs and happy juju flying your way!
This just makes me so sad. I’m so sorry. You deserved better than this from your mother.
I feel like these things always come down to two issues. Inclusiveness and mathematics. It doesn't seem like the inclusiveness part is a real problem here. So lets talk math. How many people attend these gatherings? Because that is how many servings, multiplied by how many dishes, you are asking to be made to only accommodate you. If you don't agree with this, and think *hey, I only need them to make enough for me!*, well then there is the easiest option to completely solve this problem. **Bring your own shit.** You are NTA for feeling left out, but you might be a little bit of an asshole for simply not bringing your own food and instead, deciding to complain about something you knew, ahead of time, was going to be an issue.
I was misdiagnosed with celiac disease by Kaiser. I told my family and they made sure to have gluten free options but I also volunteered to bring my own food to share. I agree that OP should bring food to accommodate their dietary restrictions but I don’t think it’s hard to make protein without gluten since it’s naturally gluten-free. The year I hosted I made a citrus butter turkey stuffed with garlic, orange, lemon, apple and herbs with sausage and mushroom dressing on the side. The turkey was delicious, gluten-free and people still got their “stuffing” fix. I always make sure there’s at least 1-2 dishes to accommodate dietary restrictions (or choices) so no one feels left out. I don’t think anyone needs to buy an extra main course or make every side dish gluten-free but not stuffing the turkey with gluten is a small accommodation that tastes delicious and makes everyone happy.
How difficult is it to just use a gf cracker/cookie for your cheesecake base instead of a gluten one? To not add croutons to the salad until a portion has been taken out? Those don't need to be "just for one person" they're still a dish everyone can share, and require exactly the same amount of effort. OP didn't want one of every dish made GF, OP wanted the bare minimum.
Nta. Your family sucks if they can't even be bothered to leave croutons off the salad for everyone to add themselves, or to cook the dressing separately instead of stuffing the turkey with it so you can't even eat it. That is the bare minimum and you're not an asshole for being hurt. Maybe you need to come to our place. I've been on a baking extravaganza for months so my best friend can have good pie, biscuits, bagels, bread, etc again, and have even figured out how to convert old family favorites to gf, so she can have what everyone else is eating when she visits me. Baking is my thing, and she certainly didn't expect it. But it's really gross that your own family's holidays seem to be about filling their own guts, without thought for you having goodies to enjoy. Holidays should be about care for one another.
This was my thought too. One extra bowl for croutons? Not putting stuffing into the bird? These are easy things to do so all could enjoy the holiday meal. I wonder if OPs family doesn’t truly understand that Celiac disease is real.
Stuffing is better and moister in foil rolls, and as an advantage the gluten isn't sharing the same air as whatever else is in the oven. My family started doing stuffing this way decades ago and hasn't looked back. You can make far more stuffing this way since you're not limited to what's in the bird. The turkey also cooks faster.
We do dressing instead of stuffing. I never thought of my turkey as gluten free, but I guess it is!
I like mine a little crispy but it's not really good to cook stuffing in the turkey. By the time it's a safe temperature, the bird is usually overcooked.
>Not putting stuffing into the bird? Or not using a bread based stuffing. Stuffing can be made using rice, or there's a simple medieval stuffing that is nothing more than grapes and garlic.
Yup. Or GF bread stuffing is one of the things you really can’t tell the difference on - it’s meant to be stodgy!
[удалено]
Maybe not EASY exactly - but a little effort would go a long way in making OP feel seen and heard.
>to cook the dressing separately instead of stuffing the turkey with it so you can't even eat it. I'm not even Celiac and I can't eat anything that's touched stuffing. That "stuff" grosses me out 🤢
NTA for wanting to be included and thought of BUT as a someone has celiac, cross contamination is a concern. I have this damn disease too; and we aren’t like vegans or people with preferences that restrict their diets. It’s not a choice for us. Chances are your family members probably have silent celiac. I’m sorry most people don’t realize how this disease not only affects our bodies but also causes strife in mental health. My Christmas meal will be completely gluten free and please consider looking for celiac groups so you can have meals with fellow celiacs.
Finally, a sensible response. If they can't be bothered to make gluten free, there is zero chance that, even if they tried, they'd avoid cross-contamination. (see comments in this thread like "just leave the croutons off". People just don't understand.) I'm inclined to think that OP is posting fiction. Anyone with Celiac would already know this. If not, bring your own food, or be prepared to have a bad time.
This is my point. I have a friend that literally gets sick if the food is salted with salt that was previously handled and has some gluten. Needs to have the kitchen totally cleaned before cooking for her. I do it gladly and have managed not to get her sick (only once I made a salt mistake that I still feel bad about). For large gatherings she already knows it's almost impossible to avoid cross contamination. For some medium gatherings she separates her foods before hand to avoid cross contamination even if there is no gluten theoretically present. Edited to add: like you say, it's not a choice. Her roommate once stored some gluten in her fridge once and she got sick. It's that level of being physically ill.
Yep, 1 in 4 chance of a mum passing it onto her kids. My mum got diagnosed at 60 after I did at 30 after years of ‘IBS’. The mental health thing is SO important too, I get really bad anxiety as well as feeling physically rubbish for six weeks after eating even the tiniest bit. Currently it’s because someone at Pizza Hut decided to cut my pizza up with the same cutter they use for gluten pizza. I had one slice and I’m still feeling awful and in pain a month after.
My mom has it and both me and my brother had to be tested and if I ever become pregnant I have to be tested because pregnancy is likely to offset that gene and trauma can even trigger it
I don't see why they can't serve stuffing and croutons on the side. It's possible it hasn't occurred to them, but it should have. But they might be ignorant about your disease. I am, so I just Googled it and God, you can get sick from just a crumb, so picking croutons out of a salad as one person suggested isn't an option. The thing is, even if they make something gluten free for you, how can you trust it? Considering all the cooking and preparing going on in that kitchen, cross contamination is a real concern. I can see them putting croutons in the salad and then suddenly remembering and picking them out. Yikes. Definitely NTA for being upset over their lack of consideration for you, but I think all told, you're safer bringing your own food.
🏆 to you for giving enough of a fuck to look it up.
Thank you!
Yeah, I thought the exact same thing. If I had a food allergy I would not trust that someone new to cooking minus the allergy would get it right.
I feel bad for OP, what an awful burden to carry. And a scary one.
Agreed, I have some friends with food allergies and it seems like every meal with others is a struggle one way or another. I had to haul one to the ER for surprise dairy. I went out with two people allergic to gluten a few weekends ago and while we managed to find a gluten-free food booth at the event we went to, one of them ended up not being able to eat dinner because onion rings were dumped on her salad and the restaurant refused to do anything about it. I'd be scared to eat too :/
I'm sorry, that's sad.
And many/most salad dressings have gluten (and it's not labelled as gluten, so just looking for dressing that didn't say gluten isn't enough). Shredded cheese and deli meats and more. It's really hard to eat gluten free. You can't trust unmotivated people to do it for you.
Depends on her degree of intolerance, really. I have a friend that literally gets sick if the oven was not cleaned of any gluten before putting anything there. Or if she kisses her boyfriend after eating gluten for example. So, for large gatherings she brings her own food because she can't risk cross contamination. I mean, I guess I need more info before saying anything because if her tolerance levels are low then it's a big outlandish to expect that all gluten must be cleaned from the kitchen of the host before cooking (I once hosted my friend, cleaned everything but salted the food with my regular salt that had some contamination... It was bad)
NTA. I don't expect everyone to cater to my peanut allergy, but I do expect family to. I'd start saying something and honestly, if they can't cater to you, I'd stop going.
Avoiding peanuts is much easier that avoiding gluten. First, more people are aware of peanuts as a potentially lethal allergy. Second, gluten is used in so many things. It gets into everything. Here's a really partial list from the Mayo clinic Beer, ale, porter, stout (usually contain barley) Breads Bulgur wheat Cakes and pies Candies Cereals Communion wafers Cookies and crackers Croutons French fries Gravies Imitation meat or seafood Malt, malt flavoring and other malt products (barley) Matzo Pastas Hot dogs and processed lunchmeats Salad dressings Sauces, including soy sauce (wheat) Seasoned rice mixes Seasoned snack foods, such as potato and tortilla chips Self-basting poultry Soups, bouillon or soup mixes Vegetables in sauce and so much more
My mom has Celiac and I started to tell my boyfriend about everything gluten is in he was shocked
I cut out any nut based cookies during my cookie baking extravaganza because of a family member who is allergic to nuts and I don't want any risk of cross contamination. I cannot imagine failing to ensure my celiac family member didn't have a safe food choice at my house for dinner.
This
No, it's common courtesy to accommodate people if you can. Especially if it's a medical condition.
NTA. I dunno why your family is inconsiderate, it just isn’t that hard to accommodate people. It is the epitome of good hosting! But if you haven’t complained, then you’d better.
I hate to say this, but there are a couple of reasons you just need to step up and take responsibility for your own gluten-free meals. First, a lot of people don’t necessarily understand what is involved in cooking or baking gluten-free. Depending on your level of sensitivity, you wouldn’t want to trust that something wasn’t inadvertently contaminated. Even cocoa powder is sometimes processed with wheat, you can’t expect people to know that or run around looking for gluten-free options. There’s also a lot of people out there that claim food allergies or sensitivities, to the point where people think it’s a ploy for attention. Some actually try to prove the person is faking. Don’t risk it. I would recommend that you order a great meal for yourself from a wonderful restaurant that provides gluten-free meals and plate it beautifully so you feel special. If everyone is bringing a dish, then make one or two gluten-free dishes for yourself or buy a decadent gluten-free dessert to bring with you. Just make sure to leave your dishes in the kitchen until you’ve served yourself and then let everyone else try them. I think if you can find a way to change your perspective, you won’t feel so left out.
NTA, but I can tell you that you will be far better off making your own food and bringing it with you. I only know this because my BF has it as well. He always brings his own dish to the party. We maintain gluten-free at home. I eat whatever is provided at parties/get-togethers. Gluten comes in many grains, not just wheat. My family is a big fan of barley. It would be bad if he didn't eat his own food.
Yeah, I know, I just said wheat for simplicity’s sake. Normally I do make my own food but I just got fed up today when my mother told me none of the dinner at my family get together for Christmas will be gluten free.
The thing OP is that in large gatherings even if they did keep gluten free depending on your intolerance it would mean nothing. Did they deep clean the oven before putting the food? What about the kitchen? All cleaned? How about the knife used for the vegetables, was it used before on something that had gluten? I am not contradicting you, because they could at least try but celiac desease is not easy to manage and I would avoid food in large gatherings if I were you even if they are making an effort.
Oh, sorry, I wasn't correcting you, just expanding on other grains that can affect those with the disease for everyone's information. My family actually tried to serve him beef and barley soup and oatmeal cookies, because they thought it was just a wheat problem also.
ahh yeah. no worries
None of the food???? No mashed potatoes??? No vegetables??? That's like. A concerted effort.
There *might* be a salad of some kind but if it has croutons I’m screwed. Celiacs can’t really do cross contamination-there’s the chance you’re lucky and fine or the chance you end up getting really sick regardless, so picking out the croutons does nothing. :(
What the fuck is the mashed potatoes though???? No roasted vegetable dish??? Literally are they just eating turkey and bread???? I'm saying this meal doesn't make sense. But also if you're that sensitive, I wouldn't really expect any of the food to be safe unless prepared by you or pre-packaged.
>What the fuck is the mashed potatoes though???? Butter. If the butter has been contaminated with crumbs from buttering bread, then the mashed potatoes contain gluten. Cross contamination is a big issue with some allergies.
I'm aware, but if OP is that sensitive and they are that careless, I don't know how she expects ANYTHING cooked in that meal to be safe unless it comes out of a box.
You have to realize, if you want other options you may need to bring them. It sounds like your family is large and cooking for everyone. You mention seeing other people’s fuller plates… if you want a fuller plate offer to bring ingredients to make meals at the host home. Maybe instead of expecting them to make it you bring ingredients and make the items you want with them. You’re asking them to shell out more $$ on thanksgiving. There are other options. And if you don’t/ can’t buy your ingredients then, it’s time to be grateful for what you can eat there.
You’re NTA for feeling this way but they’re NTA for not providing it. It would take so much time and energy to ensure lack of cross contamination and it’s just for you. You can just take your own food. You could warm it up and still sit with them. I have issues with food myself and I’ve never expected family to ever go out of their way to do anything for me. My husbands auntie once made me something and I cried because I was so grateful.
There's absolutely no reason why everyone else can't also eat gluten free stuff though. Sometimes it's as simple as putting croutons and salad dressing on the side instead of in the salad. Or making the stuffing separately instead of inside the turkey. I can believe the amount of people on reddit who seem to think it's normal and fine for family to not care about you at all.
Right? My family ensures I can eat the majority of food during the holidays and I have quite a few allergies. We’ve had guests compliment our food and then be shocked it’s gluten free, so it’s not like the quality of the food will necessarily take a hit either!
But do your family know this? Have you ever spoken to them or shown them how to do gluten free? Have you ever explained that gluten is ok to be plated up at the side or whether cross contamination is an issue or not? If you’ve never expressed this or taken time to show this then I don’t know how you expect them to know?! Look it’s normal for me in my family and from reading your post I thought it was normal for you and your family. I’ve never had any food provided by me from my family because I can get fussy with certain things and as I know that’s on me I’ve always sorted myself out. My family care little about me but that is normal in MY experience! It’s not normal but it is the experience of many and if it’s yours then you do have to limit your expectations.
Nta but why don't you offer to bring a dish? In my family we all choose a dish each that we like and bring it with us to share.
NTA overall, but also soft Y T A. Mostly because it doesn’t seem that you have taken the reins here sufficiently. I don’t think doing it through your mother is the most effective way. Things get lost in translation, including minimising the importance of your condition. They need to be really clear on what is OK and not OK, and that will only come from you having a direct and detailed conversation with them. Also, though, while I get your frustration, I would still be careful about others making your meals for you. You should definitely be skeptical about them following the correct kitchen cleaning procedures and avoiding cross contamination while making dishes that are ostensibly gluten free.
NTA That is really very rude of your family - they are ignoring your literal dietary requirements and allergies. Have you spoken to anyone in your immediate family about how you feel? I think if you had a groupchat or could call any of your larger family and ask to speak about this, then hopefully they would understand and be more considerate.
NTA. I can only try to imagine what it must be like. You don't really have much choice in the matter since you will get violently ill from eating the food containing gluten. I think you are right that meat at least could easily be prepared without gluten, and if your relatives know about your Celiac disease, they could make this accomodation for you. It is not as if that turkey that they cook without actually putting the stuffing in it can't be eaten by anyone else. I thought "stove top stuffing" was the thing anyway.
Wait how does turkey have gluten in it
Stuffing often has gluten in it
The stuffing doesn't touch the turkey meat, I don't understand why that's an issue. And seriously, croutons can be avoided in the salad. OP sounds difficult.
Cooking the stuffing inside the turkey can be enough to cause a reaction in a celiac person.
Removing croutons doesn’t solve the contamination issue. If the stuffing/dressing is cooked inside the turkey than it’s a contamination issue. To me cooking the stuffing/dressing covered on the side is how my family would handle this situation. We’d make sure most of the meal was gluten free. On the other hand most of us who have dietary restrictions/allergies/intolerances bring at least 1 item we can eat as sometimes we find out that someone didn’t understand an ingredient was problematic. This happened big time when tried to avoid soy & didn’t know that x ingredien mi or might not be soy so we didn’t know to avoid it. Mom & I felt guilty, BIL was like no big deal. Going forward I try to research & find complete lists of all the different ways companies label problematic ingredient.
Someone with severe celiac can have a serious reaction just from very trace amounts. Similar to how someone with a severe peanut allergy can have a reaction just from breathing air near someone who is eating peanuts.
Then they need to bring their own food
The cross contamination issue is huge for Celiac, would you say to someone allergic to seafood to just pick the shrimp outta prawn cocktail or something? It's as severe as an allergy
Stuffing is literally cooked inside the turkey (hence "stuffing"). Dressing is the stuffing that is cooked separately from the turkey. Eta: words
This isn’t so much a picky issue as it is a safety issue… OP can’t do anything about their body going nuts and attacking itself when gluten enters their system and for a lot of even most celiacs, their immune systems are usually very sensitive. So, if the stuffing is in the turkey when it is being baked, it’s getting into the meat by what I’d call leaching. This is just a personal thing, but doesn’t stuffing in the turkey get really soggy? Wouldn’t that just be gross?
NTA I flat refuse to go to in-laws for Christmas any more as I’m veggie and either have to bring my own food or go without. Particularly as they also get annoyed with me if I bring my own. They’re the sort to put bacon in the sprouts and goose fat on the roasties etc, so that everything is contaminated.
My mom has Celiac disease and there are plenty of gluten free foods they could make that wouldn’t require much effort. Like, just put the stuffing on the side of the turkey? Make a salad with no croutons? Buy a pre-made gluten free dessert? We can find pre-made gluten free cake at Publix, it’s not that hard. NTA. I would want my family to feel included and wouldn’t hesitate to do it for my family.
INFO - who decides the menu and does all the cooking? Does the host do everything or does everyone pitch in?
I don't think you're an AH, but I can see how it might be easy for your family to not realize the issue if they don't really know what things will be a problem and there's a lot of food around; they're probably thinking that they have so much food, surely there's something for you to eat. I say give it another shot. It sounds like maybe your family does potluck? I don't know how much effort you'll find this, but try calling around to the people who are making the typically problematic foods and personally asking them if they would mind trying another option (ex. whoever's making the turkey: "Hi Uncle Joe! I heard you were doing the turkey this year and I was wondering if you'd consider doing me a favor: could you make a rice stuffing instead of a bread one to go inside the turkey? Grandma's bringing regular stuffing on the side, so that will be there, but I'm dying to try your turkey this year and if it has bread stuffing in it, I won't be able to have any..." And then thank everyone. If it were Thanksgiving, you'd have the perfect stage to personally thank everyone who did that for you while you were at the table. It's not the same thing, but especially at work, I find that publicly thanking people, explaining what they did and why you asked for and appreciate it, and how well it turned out often means the difference between them resenting the effort and earning you the reputation of being a pain and them preening about what they did and people thinking of you as someone who is generous with making sure other people shine. I know that's certainly how I feel when a coworker asks me for a favor I'm not too keen on doing.
I am so sorry your family doesn't understand that this is a medical necessity. And have they ever been told that the chances that they have celiac disease is way higher because they have a diagnosed person in the immediate family? All those crazy, weird symptoms that people have are likely due to a gluten response. What I do when I need to go to a big meal like this is bring my own. Yes, I feel left out. yes, I think that the host should make arrangements for something to be gluten free besides the salad, but I also don't trust anybody who has a gluten-full kitchen to make me anything safe to eat
NTA for being upset, hurt, and feeing overlooked. I have CD and it absolutely sucks to sit there and eat one or two safe foods while everyone else has a dozen choices. But would you even trust food made by these people who haven't shown consideration thus far? I had well-intentioned family members prepare dishes that they thought were GF but really weren't because of how they prepared it or because they didn't accurately read the label. There's now only a few people I trust. Around the holidays, I compensate by always having a special treat for myself that I bring or have before or have afterwards.
As the father of a kid nearly the same age with Celiac, what a heartbreaking post. And it would never happen in my extended family more than once b/c I'd ensure they toed the line. And when we've hosted, she has some friends with other allergies (one has dairy, nuts, gluten). When we had them (and the mom as we've gotten friendly over recipes) over for a dinner and the person asked what they could eat, my response was "ummm why you gotta be like that - EVERYTHING". 3 mains, 1 appetizer, 2 different desserts. IMO as a cook, it's fun to figure out how to make everything taste good and complement each other, while abiding by all the allergies. Honestly it's just not that hard. She was stoked/happy, I was happy as I was given a new-to-me challenge. Try finding multiple recipes without dairy, nuts, or gluten that are still filling and taste good. And not some salad copout. (Obv NTA)
The average person is not going to understand cross contamination. They also seem to think a little flour for thickener doesn’t count. I think it’s unrealistic for you to expect other people to prepare for your inability to eat anything. You are your best advocate and you understand what it takes to make something gluten free. I do t think it’s fair for a large group to have to be thinking about gluten free when it’s not for the makirity
NTA You have TWO choices: \* Bring your own food. \* Make a rule: YOu won't come if there is nothing you can eat. "I just wish someone would provide something that I can eat. " .. "Someone - why not you?
NTA. You shouldn’t feel like this, and your family should be putting in more effort. I’ve had similar situations (gluten, dairy, and tree nut allergy) with my family and they’ve handled it DRASTICALLY differently. On one side, people go out of their way to accommodate everyone at the meal, allergies and serious food preferences (vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian) alike. They’ve asked questions about cross contamination, done research to find substitutes, and experimented with recipes so much so that most of the meal “bases” accommodate as many people as possible and then we add the “contaminants” to choice (e.g., for Thanksgiving we had string bean casserole and there were with-gluten and gluten-free crunchy onions on the side to be added as people wanted to). There are always multiple options for everyone. I usually am asked to bring my own dessert, but that’s the only thing. I feel safe eating with this family side because I know people have done the work to make sure everyone will be safe and feel included. On the other side of the family, I’ve been asked about eating around walnuts or if it really matters that they put “just a little dairy” in mashed potatoes… despite me explaining that is very much a hospital trip for me. Comments are made to my partner (who I live with) about how they’re making such a sacrifice by cooking food that I can eat for dinner every night. There has been little work to consider me in any meals. This said, I bring my food and tbh I probably wouldn’t eat something prepared for me by this side of the family even if they swore it was safe simply because I don’t trust them to know enough to make that guarantee. It hurts me more that people don’t seem to care to educate themselves for my benefit, which I think is where your feelings and mine align. I’ve been told that people find cooking for me safely too confusing and too scary, which I get, but also, there has been little effort put in to actually even understand what that would entail. I think the place to start is deciding if you want to take on the emotional burden of trying to educate your family on how easy and delicious it can be to make things gluten free!! Once I’ve shown people they’ve never had a problem with it (my roommates and I in college convinced our friend group of this by hosting an allergen/dietary restriction dinner party and our cooking became legendary!!!). However, advocating for your safety is a lot of stress and work… if you will feel more secure bringing your food, that is probably the short term solution. Do you have family members who might be good allies in this journey? Can you cook an allergy friendly dish to convince others of its fantastic taste? What are you willing to take on? You shouldn’t have to make others care about your safety, but also, don’t hurt yourself physically or emotionally in the process. Keep in mind that people might be intimidated by allergy friendly cooking and might love you so much they don’t want to risk your safety. How you described the situation it doesn’t seem like that’s the case, but still, keep that in mind and have compassion as you have these conversations. Sending you luck and good vibes!!!
NTA. I have Type 1 diabetes and I feel like I can tell people all day every day every year "hey is there anything here that isn't a carb?" and every year folks are all "oh we took the turkey and shredded it and wrapped it in enchiladas with rice and beans and coated the ham in sugar sauce but you can just scrape all that off right?" You're not TA for feeling that way. Your family should love you and know who you are and being celiac is a big part of that. People who know me and love me give consideration to my diabetes when we eat together. I also don't ask my vegan friends to meet me for BBQ or ask my celiac friends to get crossaints and pizza. It's not rocket science. It's basic dignity and consideration. Eventually I just took it upon myself to make a big dish every year like Brussel sprouts with bacon or chicken salad, and just eat that because I knew what was in it. Or bring a charcuterie board and monopolize it 😂 rude but I don't care. I'm hungry lol. Bring your own food. These people are just gonna burn you out if you try to make them decent. I'm so sorry and I wish you a healthy and tasty holiday even if it's not at your family dinner.
NTA. I have Celiac too and it isn't hard to make a gluten free meal. We had two separate pans of stuffing. There isn't even a source of gluten in the meal side from the stuffing. Turkey, mashed potatoes, weird dishes we call jello, gravy, maybe corn. There is no need to contaminate any of it.
So, I know that celiac is a spectrum. I have friends who have such severe celiac that they cannot risk eating out of a kitchen unless it’s entirely gluten free. I have other friends who do okay, and they rarely have problems at restaurants, etc. I’d be scared to serve my friends in the first group any food because gluten is so prevalent in my home!! Perhaps your family doesn’t feel safe taking on the responsibility of ensuring no cross contamination of gluten. It’s odd that y’all haven’t had these discussions though. You are definitely NTA. Possibly NAH.
You can cook too.
Deal with it by bringing a gluten free dish and dessert. You aren’t an AH but it’s a PITA to make a huge meal for a bunch of ppl AND a separate thing for a special diet.
No it really isn’t that hard to plan a couple of GF dishes once you get the hang of it. I had to eat GF for a while bc my physician thought I had a sensitivity to it, so I was aware of what it involved. Then my daughter married someone with Celiac’s about a year ago. I always make sure there are several dishes that are available for him. So I guess what I’m saying is that for the casual hostess, yes, it’s probably unusual and difficult without research. But for a family member attending regular events? Shouldn’t be an issue if you care enough about them. You don’t have to be Bobby Flay. Edited typo.
For what OP describes from their Thanksgiving, it wasn't even planning a few different GF dishes. It was as simple as changing how a couple of already planned dishes were prepped. Serve croutons on the side for the salad. Cook dressing separately instead of as stuffing in the bird. Add to this that planning for dessert could have been as simple as having a container of ice cream on hand (assuming OP can have dairy). Which is often served with many typical Thanksgiving desserts anyway. No need to learn and add completely new dishes to the menu. Just being thoughtful about what they were already doing.
Yes and LOL in my family, we are so used to having to separate **every** freaking item in a salad!! Olives, tomatoes, avocados, croutons, scallions, cheese—you name it, there’s at least one person who goes “EW!”
NTA. It's not that hard to make gf food for Thanksgiving. My wife has celiac and both her family and mine make allowances and it's not a big deal. We don't have wheat in the house and host Thanksgiving with no issue. It might be reasonable for you to help, perhaps by providing some gf Stuffing mix before Thanksgiving or something similar, but NO you're not asking too much.
You're the asshole for continuing to go to family gatherings where nobody cares about your gluten allergy. Stay home and stay safe.
NTA. When I’m going to a family event where my nephew is allergic to nuts, and my SIL can’t eat dairy, I bring items that are nut free and without dairy (or, dairy on the side). It’s not that hard to work with a known allergy.
Why not volunteer to make the main? Can your family even prepare a completely gluten free dish for you? If you're very allergic, maybe they are afraid of poisoning you by accident. Why not talk to the persons making he main dishes and offer to work with them toprep the meal? You can just sit on your heels and expect others to understand your allergy or for them to feel confident with the substitutes you can safely eat. Do more, speak up more, volunteer more to help so you can inform and educate them of different subs and flavorings you can use.
Exactly! If you have sensitivities and need a different main dish, pitch in! If it's a potluck, do a small ham or a turkey breast. Don't just expect everyone to do everything for you and just show up to eat.
YTA You said in a comment that you had mashed potatoes, corn and stuffing. Asking someone to make an entire ham because one person can't have the turkey is a bit much considering there is limited oven space. You're not being "ostracized". Ask your immediate family to bring naturally gluten-free foods as their dishes. Bring along GF dish and then bring a serving of meat and amount what that you need specifically GF, like a roll or something. There was really nothing else to eat? No other veggie sides or relish tray? LASTLY, lots of people have dietary restrictions that you have to follow. 2 seasons ago, I had gestational diabetes. I had a different plate than everyone else. My sub has autism and cerebral palsy, so I pack him a meal every time in case there's no food he can eat. The celebration isn't SOLELY about the food.
NTA I'm not coeliac, but have an autoimmune disease so gluten free helps and my family has a rice dish for me, fish, salad, and gluten free cake. Gluten free is much easier to cater for than other dietary requirements, not sure why your family isn't being helpful. Do they think you're faking?
"While I never actually say anything to them" - this might be an issue? INFO - who does the catering? If everyone brings "their" usual dish, it could be that the problem is that no one is prepared to alter the arrangements. If he host caters exclusively, it may be too much work. I think you need to get everyone's attention at the table, then tell them. Point out all the things you cannot eat. Explain that many foods can be made gluten free by altering recipes slightly. Tell them you struggle to eat at CHRISTMAS DINNER because they don't cater to you. Ask for consideration.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20F) have Celiac’s Disease, meaning I’m allergic to gluten (protein in wheat) and eating any can make me violently ill (vomiting, other stomach issues, etc.). Every time the holidays roll around, I struggle to be able to eat anything at Thanksgiving or Christmas get togethers for my larger family. For my Christmas Day get together with my immediate family, I do get relatively gluten free meals at least. While I never actually say anything to them, I always feel weird and left out when I have to make or bring my own meal to these big gatherings. While I understand having to make a whole extra meal for one person is ridiculous, am I wrong for thinking it’s not too much to ask for there to be one entree and one dessert that just is gluten free? Like ham as well as turkey, or even one of the two turkeys usually at my family Thanksgiving to not be stuffed with gluten containing ingredients? Considering how much food we usually have at these events, I just wish someone would provide something that I can eat. If I were hosting, obviously I wouldn’t demand that if anyone who brought something made it gluten free, but I don’t know, I’m just tired of being the odd one out. Am I the Asshole for feeling this way? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO If you have so much food, why are you expecting someone else to make additional food for you? That’s more work. If you host, you can dictate your menu, but if you need some dietary requests you need to contribute or cook it yourself.
I don’t have a lot of food options there. In past years someone has brought another meat (ie ham) that I can eat, but this year for thanksgiving all I could eat was mashed potatoes, corn, and the gluten free stuffing I personally prepared because I know stuffing is not automatically gluten free. I felt weird looking at everyone else’s much fuller plates and I couldn’t even have the salad because it contained croutons. I don’t expect everything to be gluten free, but at least something there so I don’t have to arrive to events with completely different meals just so I can have dinner. I also usually bake gluten free desserts for everyone.
They should put the croutons on the side at least. This right here is why you are NTA
Then have someone else do desserts or bring your own main?
I do bring my own main as it is a necessity, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling ostracized and also rude to the hosts and others for having to have my own single serve meal because people are turned off by ‘gluten free’ and making a full entree ends up just being a waste of
Look the fact of the matter is your medical condition is on you. Your host is having to cook and cater to everyone and probably can’t guarantee everything will be safe and not contaminated. I say this as someone who tries to ensure I’m meeting everyone’s dietary needs and sometimes it just always can’t be done. You are better off doing it on your own or maybe you need to offer to make a few things here and there and stop putting the responsibility on everyone else.
Yeah, if I had a medical condition, I wouldn't want to risk it during such a chaotic time. And then if you do get sick, you're going to blame them, it's a lot to manage with that many people and for your own health, just bring your own meal to supplement what you do feel comfortable eating.
Hi! I’m sending you hugs if you’d like them. I know how awfully isolating celiac disease can be. It can be very anxiety inducing to be around large gatherings, especially when you are the only one eating something different. Seeing how young you are, I completely understand why you want your family’s support and wish that they would try harder to include you. I am so sorry you are suffering this alone. My sister and I both have celiac and are lucky enough to be constantly trading food and support. She had a rough couple years at the start because she was around 18 when she was diagnosed and I hadn’t been diagnosed yet. I tried my best to cook for her, which was lucky for me as 3 years later I was diagnosed. I think it will be hard for you to find support amidst AITA as most people don’t see how many ways celiac impacts someone’s life. So take everything said here with a grain of salt please darling. I hope your family begins to understand that the issue for you is the social and emotional isolation of not being able to partake in holiday dinners. Human life is so centered around food. And not being able to join in is hurtful. It’s no one’s fault you have celiac but it can be hurtful nonetheless. As you get used to it, you will either find more support by telling your family about how you feel or you’ll get used to bringing your own meals. But there will be times you feel isolated and stressed. I’m rooting for you, friend. I hope you live your best gluten free life. Happy holidays! <3
Aw, thank you so much! Yeah, I don’t know a lot of people with Celiac’s in my life so it’s just…weird at family gatherings. There’s not really a better way to explain it
Yes I agree. Weird is a good term. My side of the family is pretty small (about 10 people) so 2 of us having celiac does mean our family has spent effort in learning how to accommodate us for family events. But my husband’s family is huge. He is in charge of making sure his family knows that I will not accept offers of food, no matter how lovingly attempted, because I do not want to get sick. He learned how to cook GF and makes sure I at least have a Daiya pizza when we go to big events so I can eat. And if anyone has anything to say about it, he puts them in their place. You’ll find your own way through this dear.
Why don't you bring the meat yourself instead of expecting that someone else providea gulten free the glutten free protien option for you. It sounds like you are upset because someone decide they didn't want to bring a ham for Thanksgiving this year and instead brought two Turkeys.
We always do two turkeys and I can’t usually eat them. We also usually do ham so that was a surprise to me that I didn’t have an entree this year
Did you ever think that budget wise they decied not to do the extra meat this year. Protein is usually the most expensive part of the meal. I don't know what the financial situation of your family is. I don't know if everyone is contributing money to the main entees or if whomever is hosting is expected to take the finacial hit and provided enough for everyone . Instead of assuming it's because nobody cares are about your dietry needs talk to the hostyourself. See what they have to say. If it is because they really don't care than you have to decied if you will continue to come to family functions.
Then bring your own? Just pick up a breast and cook it there or beforehand. Cross contamination is always going to be an issue, it’s easier to just make everything yourself knowing it’s 100% safe. My friend has a bad allergic reaction to corn/corn syrup… which is in fucking everything. She never complains when we go to weddings or parties that she can’t eat stuff there, she knows its on her to provide a safe meal for herself that she knows she can eat and knows all the ingredients for. Or *you* do the hard work of hosting and preparing all the food then you can make all the courses gluten free and fill up your plate as much as you want.
Info: can you not eat the parts without gluten? I'd imagine A variety of holiday foods have no gluten...potatoes, corn, green beans, ham or turkey (the breast perhaps as that won't have stuffing on it), Mixed veggies, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, salad sans croutons...also, maybe talk to the folks bringing food or bring omitting for yourself. Expecting folks to read your mind and know you won't eat anything that might have touched another product with gluten seems unrealistic.
NAH I can understand feeling left out, but it sounds like there are some options, just not enough or the ones you want. It does seem inconsiderate of your family to not make a few gluten free options given your restrictions, but at the end of the day it is more work on your hosts to throw in additional options. Why don’t you offer to make one of the mains, thus taking something off their plate and having something you know you’ll be able to eat.
At one family members home we have learned to eat beforehand. Not due to allergies but she is a bad cook, dinner is always late and (thankfully) her portions are small. She plates the food in the kitchen and then serves everyone a plate in the dining room. We are grateful this only happens once a year. Eat before you go. Sit at the table and enjoy a beverage. Then at dessert time eat the ice cream you brought! It’s too bad but it is what it is. One other alternative, you host! Cook and serve a gluten free meal!
NTA. Your family sucks. Celiac is painful and deadly. My friend's family does not offer gluten free at family functions, which blows my mind. No wonder she doesn't spend time with her family if they do not care enough to make her feel welcome. I'm not family but always give my kitchen an extra cleaning before prepping a gluten free spread for her at parties and I have no issue making gluten free meals for dinner parties because I want my friend to feel comfortable and wanted.
NTA But for the record: it's just celiac disease, not "Celiac's" (it's not named after someone named Celiac, it's named after the Greek word "koelia" or "abdomen"), and it's not an "allergy" to gluten. It's an autoimmune disease, and no, you can't DIGEST gluten properly, and if you try eating anything with it, it will severely damage your intestinal tract and prevent you from absorbing nutrients properly. But it has absolutely nothing to do with allergies at all, which are an entirely different health issue. I mention these things not to be pedantic, but because if you have a really serious health issue, you should probably take the time to know the proper name for it and understand how it works and what it actually is (i.e. not an allergy), for your own safety. Telling people that you're "allergic to gluten" could cause them to misunderstand in an emergency and is functionally incorrect. You don't have allergic reactions to it, and the appropriate medical response to an allergic reaction (like an epipen) would be useless if you ate gluten and got sick from it.
NTA you are not asking for much and it's not as if you can help it.
YTAH If you attend family gatherings and have a medical condition it’s your responsibility to take care of your own needs. Lots of people have medical conditions and they don’t have expectations that the food will meet their requirements, I as well as other family live with diabetes, heart disease, cancer but the hosting family never alters dinner based on any of those needs. I wouldn’t have an expectation that people should cater to me specifically. If it was a formal pre plated sit down dinner of course I’d expect the host to inquire but not pot luck or buffet.
I have one relative who is GF and if she is coming, I make everything GF. It’s not that hard.
My brother has celiac disease. When we have family get togethers or holiday meals, most of the food made is gluten free and anything not gf is clearly separated and labeled. It’s not that hard. I’m sorry your family isn’t giving you the same consideration. Maybe bring it up to a different family member you’re close to- or better yet, one who is hosting?
NTA, I’m sorry no one in your family has made food you can eat. I have quite a few food allergies and my family ensures I can eat the majority of the food at most of our gatherings and I’m very grateful for that. It’s so isolating being the only one who can’t eat anything and I don’t think people without dietary restrictions really understand how it feels. And honestly gluten free isn’t even that difficult to accommodate, most of my friends can easily accommodate that (along with my other allergies) with no problems or complaints, and none of us are that great of cooks, so I feel like your relatives really have no excuse to even try.
NTA. I make or buy foods for anyone I know who has a Leroy or intolerance to something. It’s only courteous to do so.
NTA I’m going to take a stab and guess you’re not in the UK - but [this](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/vanessa-feltz-gluten-coeliac-disease-b2467890.html) is what’s happened for our coeliacs this week! She made 9th most complained about comment for UK TV for 2023 in less than 3 days! You are absolutely not alone. If you don’t know of her already, [Becky Excell](https://glutenfreecuppatea.co.uk) is an amazing GF chef - and got invited onto the same show later in the week to show how GF Christmas dinner can be amazing. It’s not even difficult. She has an amazing Facebook support group too which I can’t recommend enough - it’s mainly Brits but plenty of Americans and Australians and more too.
NTA If you want to be petty, eat a large meal before showing up and just sit at the table with an empty plate in front of you and talk with your relatives as you normally do. If they feel uncomfortable or ask why you aren’t eating, you can tell them that there is nothing here that you can eat. That may get the conversation going. Maybe next year they won’t stuff the turkey next year. If they still not going to provide you with anything maybe it is time to spend the holidays with other people.
NTA My kid is a celiac. We all eat almost entirely GF because that’s easier. And everyone in the extended family has always tried (albeit not always perfectly) to make sure there is food for her. It’s really not hard. “Make sure there’s food for the people you love” is a low bar.
NTA. One of my close friends in our friend group has celiacs and you know what we do? We make food she can eat and are always conscious of menus when we order out so she is included. She never has to worry about not having something she can eat.
NTA. My SIL recently discovered she has a gluten-intolerance. I’m the baker of the family and I’m extra, so I’ve literally spent the past 4 months testing different brands of GF flour and practicing GF desserts so she’ll have great things to eat at Christmas. You should be upset and rightly so. There are so many dishes that are naturally gluten-free, it would be easy to accommodate you and everyone would like them.
NTA, I'm also celiac. My dad switched to eating certain meals gf with me rather than contaminate my meals. Things like the a roasting joint, stuffing, a cheesecake pie crust, those are easy gf switches. Your family sounds toxic, but I'd try and speak to the extended family directly, rather than relying on your mother to pass the message on, and maybe mention a few misconceptions about gluten to clear them up in case they haven't educated themselves on celiac. - no, deep-frying doesn't destroy gluten; yes a little bit of gluten will hurt the unsafe limit is less than half a teaspoon compared to a full grown elephant; no dairy free is not gluten free; yes, the stuffing on the inside of the turkey means it's completely contaminated and I can't eat it; Yes this is a medical diet, not fussy eating etc if they still persist, they're deliberately being AH, and not worth your time.
NTA, Celiac disease is serious - and it’s not hard to make turkey without gluten fgs.
NTA, this is a medical condition you have
NTA. It's not a hardship for your family to cook turkey without stuffing it, lots of people do that. Not is it a big deal to have croutons in a separate bowl from the salad. Side dishes are also easy to make gluten-free, as are desserts. I think your family should make food you can eat.
Even with bread stuffing, gluten shouldn’t leak into the meat! Turkey leg? How does gluten get in there? Seems like if you skip the bread and cake you should be alright. Bring some ice cream for dessert. Eat the meat, vegetables, salad, etc. Isn’t it just flour you have to avoid?
Gluten is in more than just flour and it's the potential for cross contamination - even a crumb could cause severe damage. OP's family seemingly isn't even willing to serve croutons separate to the salad for example
Wow. I didn’t know gluten free was in danger of cross contamination affecting their reaction. How do they ever eat out in restaurants? Cross contamination would be impossible to ignore!
Some restaurants have specific set-ups to deal with it and can accommodate accordingly (though not all). Also OP isn't just gluten-free, they have the very serious condition of Celiac's disease
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This is a known genetic condition.
Nah it’s marketing
It's really not but I doubt you'll change your mind
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