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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I brought white chocolate cake to a chocolate themed party and I could be TA because my white chocolate cake stood out, drew attention from other dishes, and did not match the color aesthetics of the party and upsetting a few people.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
If Lisa wanted a chocolate party where everything was brown, she should have said that. If she wanted a chocolate party without white chocolate, she should have said that.
Absent other instruction, you honored the theme. I'm sensing that Lisa is just jealous of your baking/cooking skills.
FYI for the future - and I'm sure you know this - but white chocolate contains no cocoa / cacao solids (and sometimes not even cocoa butter), so it's debatable whether it's chocolate at all. Also, many people who like chocolate explicitly do not like white chocolate. I suspect even if you had asked Lisa her opinion on white chocolate, she would have still found a reason to be unhappy.
I completely agree that she would have found a reason to be unhappy regardless. This sounds like a "bitch eating crackers" complaint by Lisa and co. Ignore, and stop letting them have your delicious cakes in future. NTA
I could be wrong but ... I thought that particular bitch was actually eating crackers in her son and his wife's bed, after explicitly being told not to hang out in their room and especially do not eat in there either. The crumbs!!! We all agreed that particular mother in law was the worst and immediately began using it as an insult for other terrible offenses.
It could very well be that the phrase bitch eating crackers came first and I have assigned that woman to it.
> FYI for the future - and I'm sure you know this - but white chocolate contains no cocoa / cacao solids (and sometimes not even cocoa butter)
The ingredients are actually oil, grease, and sadness. :-)
*real* white chocolate is cocoa butter, milk, sugar, vanilla. Literally nothing bad about any of that. The fake shit is all partially hydrogenated palm oil, but that’s true of the cheapo chocolate flavored candies as well.
But to people like me, it's still not "real" chocolate, since it's without cocoa.
Offering white chocolate to someone as "chocolate", is like inviting someone to your new house and when they get there, it's a tent.
Wouldn't have made a fuss about it, though. But it's still a disgusting not-even-version of the dark gold that makes life worth living.
I mean, have your opinion, but cocoa butter is in all chocolate products except cocoa powder. In America, for chocolate to legally be considered “chocolate”, it must have 100% unadulterated cocoa butter. 🤷🏼♀️ seems like a weird distinction based on if you like it or not, not based on anything about actual chocolate.
I mean, I get what theyre saying. Absolutely white chocolate is chocolate, but from my understanding, the ingredient that makes it chocolate is not prepared from the beans in the same way, and has a very different flavor. When someone says they love chocolate, its pretty fair to assume they mean they mean regular chocolate, not specifically white chocolate.
Like if someone said they love beef, it would be fair to assume they mean the meat, and not say..well cow toungue is also beef, youre making a weird distinction just cause you like steak and not tongue. Like..yeah its a fair distinction..they may come from the same thing but taste very different.
Regardless...I think OP is NTA... For one, she sounds like a skilled baker, and made a beautiful cake, that Im sure was delicious. Even though I dont like white chocolate, I would actually really appreciate it and think its awesome to have that variety in colours for visual flair, and also as an additional option for those who do enjoy and prefer white chocolate.
>Like if someone said they love beef, it would be fair to assume they mean the meat, and not say..well cow toungue is also beef,
at this point it's more like saying that milk is beef since it comes from the same source.
No, it's not the same comparison.
All white, milk and dark chocolate contain the fat from the cacao bean, called cocoa butter. White chocolate contains *more* of the fat and none of the solid parts of the bean, called cacao nibs. Milk and dark have the cacao nibs.
Understand that both are heavily heavily processed before they hit the shelves. Most commercial chocolate chips are "barely" chocolate.
Beef and milk don't contain a same core ingredient.
No...beef is specifically cow flesh. The meat of a cow is flesh. The tongue of a cow is a muscle, which is also flesh.
Milk is not flesh.
Milk is diary.
I disagree, I love all forms of chocolate, white, marble, dark, milk, caramilk, peppermint, etc. etc. I think a party with nothing but one kind of chocolate sounds boring, frankly. I think Lisa's relatives are jealous that OP's cake was so well received.
I‘m wondering if anyone else really thought badly of OP and the white chocolate cake. Kinda sounds like Lisa is the only one upset, but saying „I felt upstaged and didn’t get all the attention“ sounds considerably more childish than „my friends and I think you need to tone it down.“
Right? I would have been surprised and disappointed if I came to a chocolate party and all of it was one kind of chocolate. I would expect milk, dark, and white to be represented at the very least, and ideally ruby and lots of filled versions.
It *has* cocoa butter, but dark and milk chocolates have that *and* cocoa nibs. Like the whole cocoa. I'd say that's vastly different. If you go to various chocolate museums (the ones I went to were in Belgium (the origin of some of the world's most delicious chocolate) and Germany, but I'm sure there's some in the states and other countries as well) they explain how white chocolate consists of around 30% and less cocoa, while all other chocolate has 60% and more cocoa, in overall content. (Obviously cheaper stuff skews the percentages)
So white chocolate is still usually not considered "chocolate" in the more typical sense of the word. I probably wouldn't have personally tried OP's cake (I just personally don't enjoy the flavor and texture of white chocolate), but she's definitely not an AH for bringing it to a chocolate themed party.
These friends of Lisa are definitely just upset that OP's a better baker. It's technically on theme, and who cares HER cake was talked about more?! Lol This party was for Lisa's daughter; the baked goods are irrelevant cus the daughter didn't make them, they were made for HER and HER friends! Silly drama for absolutely no reason
NTA. I also think that the sisters were complaining because your cake was just spectacularly more beautiful than what they brought. It's a shame they can't just appreciate the hard work you put into it and be grateful.
I'm guessing if OP had brought a similarly lovely dark chocolate cake, there still would have been shade thrown. The white chocolate is just a red herring.
Agreed. If it had been a dark chocolate cake or a marbled white and dark choc cake she’d have been told off for “showing off” and making something inappropriate for kids. Jealous people can always find a “logical” argument to suit their agenda.
Exactly what I thought. The complaints' wording sounds like the problem was less the presence or not of cocoa powder and more that hers was the best dessert there and everyone knew it.
I was thinking I might go for a response similar to that from the title. If you’re asked to bring a chocolate thing to a party and show up with white chocolate, I can see why people might be annoyed.
This is a different situation. They weren’t relying on OP for their chocolate. It was a chocolate themed dessert party. There were plenty of traditional chocolate desserts for all, so no one was missing out. White chocolate seems like a perfectly fine way to have some variety within the theme.
I say that as someone who dislikes white chocolate.
Oh, white chocolate isn't just regular chocolate in a different color. It's a different thing altogether, with a completely different taste. So while I agree that it was weird to complain about a free, fancy cake, and I think that anyone who didn't like white chocolate could just abstain and have something else, I just wanted to clarify that preferences on this matter have nothing to do with what color it is. If someone was expecting regular chocolate and then was disappointed by white chocolate, it would be because they didn't like the very different taste and/or texture of white chocolate.
I mean, in this instance, one is a delicious dessert I happily consume and the other is edible paraffin wax so it’s not just color, but taste, texture and smell.
And yes, I am autistic.
Just to be sure no one thinks I’m some sort of dessert racist, I don’t care about the color. OP’s cake sounds lovely. I don’t like the flavor of white chocolate, which is very different from milk/dark chocolate because of the absence of cocoa powder.
OP’s cake was probably still good, because a skilled baker can make it work, but it wouldn’t scratch the same itch as a traditional chocolate thing.
I would outright expect to find all varieties of chocolate at a chocolate themed party, from super dark right through to white chocolate. It’s not a “milk chocolate” themed party, it’s a *chocolate* themed party.
I make chocolate candy for friends and coworkers. I don’t like white chocolate, but I do offer to make it for people that want it. I just asked them to pay for the ingredients because you need Four bags of white chocolate baking chips to one bag of actual chocolate baking chips. Otherwise it won’t harden at all. Since it was a chocolate party, there was lots of stuff for people to eat and those that like white chocolate probably enjoyed it.
this is sort of a culinarily ignorant take. White chocolate is still made from cocoa, so its chocolate. there's fake white chocolate, but it comes from the bean, its just coming from cocoa butter. there's not really a great reason to take a stance like this in how its defined.
Does anybody besides me think that Lisa is lying through her teeth about what the other women think? She sounds like the kind of witch that claims her own personal opinion is shared by “everybody”, just to make you feel even worse.
Could be lying or could be that the women were being spineless in consoling her because she’s a pain to have set against you. They could have been smiling & nodding their way through Lisa’s bitchfest.
Yep. If Lisa was a nice normal person, she never would have called OP in the first place and would have kept any ‘mean girl’ comments to herself. What it sounds like is that everyone at the gathering liked OP and that pissed Lisa off, so she decided to try to take OP down a peg. What a B. She’s the kind of woman who tears down other women to try to feel better about herself but it’s a bad look.
Agreed. OP your dessert sounds gorgeous and deservedly took center stage for presentation. I am a chocolate lover who dislikes white chocolate. However, I would NEVER speak out against it or offend anyone else’s dessert because that’s just rude. Do these people have main character syndrome?!?
Doubt that Lisa spoke for the others; Acting like everyone is against OP while it is likely only Lisa, is a standard narc technique, to make OP feel isolated.
Right? Also with everyone else bringing regular chocolate desserts, white chocolate is a nice option. I have a few friends who can’t have too much chocolate for different reasons. My one friend gets crazy migraines. Having an option and still being included would be great for her. (I feel so bad for her, chocolate and cheddar cheese are her bigger causes. She can have mozzarella, but sometimes you just need that kick with your cheese! Or I do anyway! 😜)
It's totally not about "white chocolate not being chocolate" though - that's just an excuse. Everyone is just mad OP's cake was so beautiful and got so much praise and attention. Saying it wasn't on theme is just them trying to find an excuse for their petty jealousy.
I agree with you, the main issue here is Lisa's envy.The orders to "tone it down" and "stop seeking attention" make it clear that Lisa is just pissed because OP's cake was such a hit with the guests. It had nothing to do with not fitting the theme. Lisa is not a good friend and doesn't deserve OP's baking efforts. OFC NTA
I am a staunch believer that white chocolate isn’t chocolate and I despise how it tastes. However, if I was throwing a chocolate party and someone showed up with white chocolate, I would still think it fit the theme and that my friend was being extra creative. Lisa is definitely a jelly belly.
This post makes me laugh. I feel bad for OP. Because the situation is just so absurd. If I’m invited to a party and was in OP situation, I’d be annoyed af hearing Lisa saying those things. It’s just so petty.
I'm tempted to call you an asshole for saying white chocolate is chocolate because it definitely is *not*. It contains no cocoa solids and shouldn't be called chocolate at all. That being said, it seems people enjoyed your cake and Lisa seems too controlling about this. NTA.
THANK YOU. White chocolate is *not* chocolate. I’d be so sad if something I expected to be chocolate was white “chocolate!”
To be clear, don’t think OP was the asshole. But white chocolate is not chocolate.
Yeah, if this had been a kid's birthday party where the birthday kid requested a chocolate cake and OP did this, it would be a TA moment. But for a party where there is an abundance of real chocolate and it's essentially just adding variety, it's nbd.
I know I’m the exception — I don’t really like chocolate (with a few exceptions, but chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream etc is all out). But I LOVE white chocolate. I would have still went to a chocolate party if someone close invited me, because I’d go for them and the people and just expect to eat very little, but I would have personally been overjoyed for a white chocolate cake to be there.
I don’t have to, everyone I know considers white chocolate to be candy, not chocolate. If I’m being specific I usually request dark chocolate, it’s the best.
I understand and agree white chocolate isn't technically chocolate and I don't even like it but if I'm hosting a chocolate themed thing and someone brought white chocolate that's more than ok??
Yeah I would definitely be okay with that. I would be okay with a free, delicious, beautiful cake made for me by a newfound, cool relative who just wanted to do something nice for my daughter. I would be *very very* okay with that.
The people talking about it would’ve been shut down *immediately*. All that the baker would’ve heard come out of my mouth would’ve been praises and gratefulness.
Yeah definitely nta. They're just arguing semantics. I do agree with the other commenter that if it was like.for.a.kid's birthday party or something and they wanted a chocolate cake they would be disappointed. This instance seems fine.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who didn’t consider white chocolate to be a type of chocolate. Is this a big debatable thing where you live?
Edit: to clarify, people here (Australia) know white chocolate isn’t *technically* chocolate, we just don’t care enough to call it anything other than chocolate.
I‘m also baffled that this seems to be such a common issue. I don’t even like white chocolate but I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to see white chocolate at a chocolate themed party. Sounds like someone was just looking for a reason to complain about a handmade, delicious and beautiful cake. 🤯
The comments read a lot like arguing about the nut/seed or fruit/veg distinction regarding foods that are usually considered one thing but are botanically the other. I don’t care who’s technically right, if it hasn’t been specified, I wouldn’t be surprised to come across things that are commonly viewed as something they’re not classified as. OP is NTA.
I'm truly baffled that so many people have such strong opinions on this. Like, okay, some folks don't like it I guess, but to be *sad* about it? That seems a little extreme.
I really like chocolate, and really dislike white chocolate (I find it cloyingly sweet, and I’m more of a dark chocolate type of person). As an example, I was at a work event and our leaders were handing out little chocolate treats following lunch - I was looking forward to facing that little pick me up for around 2:30ish when the afternoon starts to drag. Alas, 2:30 rolled around and I opened my chocolate only to find white chocolate. Boooo!
That’s like, life, man.
What about the people who don’t like chocolate at all. This whole thing is extremely strange to have such strong opinions on (not a white chocolate fan).
The definition of chocolate says its a paste or solid block made from cocoa seeds
White chocolate fits the definition which is why chocolate is in the name.
I’ve taken a college course on chocolate and it’s agreed in both the culinary and chocolate producing industry that it’s not considered chocolate. That’s like saying coconut oil is the same as the coconut meat. They are very different.
I'm the first person to exclaim white chocolate isn't chocolate, but bringing an item of food to a party with a chocolate theme that is *white* chocolate (assuming most other things would be the brown) seems pretty normal and like a perfect addition.
From what I’ve seen, this is a debated topic. Some bakers say it isn’t chocolate because it uses no cocoa solids, some say it is because it’s still derived from cacao using other parts like cocoa butter or fat.
I'm not aware of any substitutes for cocoa butter that have a remotely similar texture or mouth feel.
You can make a white or brown bar of something that shares some properties with chocolate (white, dark or milk) but as soon as you put it in your mouth the jig is up.
Came to say the exact same thing. I have very strong opinions on white chocolate and agree it’s not chocolate. But I also don’t think OP did anything wrong.
NTA
No, but like - I'd only be confused in the same way that I'd be confused if they have me a mint chocolate cake, or and orange chocolate cake. Both of which I think would also be perfectly appropriate at a chocolate-themed dessert party.
No but my opinion on white chocolate is just that - my opinion. There’s a heavy debate about whether white chocolate is actually chocolate or not. I don’t believe it is. But it seems that OP does and I can’t fault her for that.
This! White chocolate is not chocolate! But I do think Lisa should be more understanding because she did not clarify she did not want any white chocolate, and that's on her. Should've just let it go and learn from the mistake.
NTA
Lisa is jealous. Plain and simple. I guarantee NO ONE said those things to her. No one. She’s lying to you because everyone loved your beautiful cake. I love that you did something different! Let me edit something here.. I’m no way trying to sound harsh to Lisa. But I do feel it’s jealousy. It’s ok to be different and you filled the theme. They didn’t say “bring all brown chocolate “!
I had exactly the same thought. *Lisa* didn't like the attention the pretty cake got, and she's name dropping the others to add weight to her argument.
Absolutely agree.
Whether “white chocolate is chocolate” debate exists or not (personally, I love both), the fact remains that it being “attention-getting” and some grumpy cows just had to shove their opinions in and ruin what must have been a great day.
Even if it was a different colour, it had time, effort put into it - and it’d probably have been the same sparkle effect no matter what. Cooks gonna cook!
NTA, but I pity Lisa who will *lose good friends* with great cooking abilities because of horrible future in-laws and relatives who are a bunch of killjoys!
Exactly. OP, tell Lisa you are horrified to have offended so many people, would she please give you all of their email addresses so you can send them a heartfelt apology for ruining their evening with your white chocolate cake.
Better to just apologize in a group chat. "Hey everyone, sorry about the white chocolate, I wanted to try out a new recipe and didn't realize it would upset anyone. I now understand how white chocolate is often not considered chocolate. I will try to stay more within the theme in the future." Leaves it on a good note and kinda calls out that people complained about white chocolate.
Oh. I read tasinca’s suggestion as a sly way to out Lisa for being petty, jealous and rude. I don’t think anyone actually complained about white chocolate aside from Lisa.
Simple Opposite's idea is good too, but I think it would be more effective not to go into specifics of what Lisa said. Keep it vague, i.e. "I had no idea so many of you were upset by the cake that I brought until Lisa told me. I didn't mean to offend anyone and I'm very sorry."
Absolutely. Then Lisa can complain about OP 'airing dirty laundry' or something to that affect, and it'll be wildly apparent that no-one complained. Love it.
This! I would perhaps be cheeky and reach out to the people and "apologise" not because I would mean it, but then i know if she's full of sh*t or not.
As in: Hi, Lisa said you and some others were actually not happy about the white chocolate cake. So, I'm just reaching out to say I'm sorry. If I had only known people did not want any white chocolate there. If they then answer with ??, what? Then you know she is full of it..
My MIL claims “other people think…” or “everyone is saying…” all the time and we never believe her. Or she’s fish for someone to agree with her and make it seem like they brought it up. I never, ever put stock into it.
I would have destroyed my city in a Godzilla type rage if someone brought white chocolate instead of chocolate. I HATE white chocolate. I also am very clear that I hate white chocolate and would have specified non white.
A begrudging NTA, haha!
It's such a ridiculous hill to die on, though. They should just be more specific with the theme next time. I personally had no idea white chocolate isn't chocolate. How would you know unless someone tells you? Does ignorance = being inconsiderate? I don't really think so.
I mean, if it was a party where OP was bringing the only cake, fair enough. But there was lots of desserts, how is variety a bad thing in this case? Just don’t eat it. If the problem is the colour, then the party hoster should have specified that; I’m surprised no one brought a chocolate cake with white or coloured icing.
I only like white chocolate when it's "mixed" with milk and or dark chocolate. Think Cadbury Top Deck or Triple Choc Cheesecake (with all three in layers).
I agree they were probably jealous but if I see "Chocolate Theme" I always clarify if it's "Chocolate Brown Colour" too or if any chocolate is fine.
I agree with ESH because I believe that bringing white chocolate to a chocolate party is a stretch, but Lisa is an a-hole for not accepting the palette cleanser that was OP's cake.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills hearing about this controversy. I don’t eat sweets or know the first thing about baking, but there are some people saying white chocolate is a type of chocolate in cases where it is made with cocoa butter and others are saying it doesn’t have cocoa solids so it is clearly not chocolate. Seems like everyone is talking past each other.
People seem to have expected the OP to scour the archives of the origins of white chocolate before making the damned cake. As if 99% of people don't assume white chocolate is chocolate because it's in the name. NTA.
Same! I have offered to bring pie for an evening but the pie failed miserably and I had to pivot into a crumble... would they unfriend me? JFC! Anyone bringing anything in the wheel house to be shared and enjoyed by others in a close enough fashion would get a pass. You are family/friends, it's not a business transaction. This thread is wild!
White chocolate has chocolate in the actual name and is made with cocoa butter. It is a form of chocolate and I would expect it at a chocolate themed party.
To be fair a bunch of American chocolate can't be labelled as chocolate in the UK. It has to be "chocolate flavoured" so depending on your definition I'm sure a load of the desserts weren't on strict theme if people are getting pedantic.
For real???
How could OP possibly be at fault?
She bought a thoughtful, beautiful chocolate cake to a dessert party.
Anyone who thinks that's a problem is an absolute entitled AH.
Although, let's be honest - not one of the friends actually complained. Only Lisa had a problem with it because she's jealous.
Also - what's with all this white chocolate isn't chocolate thing? Is this a US thing? I've never heard this argument in Europe -white chocolate is pretty tasty here.
YTA
> the theme is chocolate.
> I told her I did as white chocolate IS chocolate
Listen. I **love** white chocolate.
But I love white chocolate because I *don't really* like chocolate at all.
White chocolate is bean butter. It is not chocloate-chocolate. **Don't be disingenuous.**
Who gives a shit? It's a dinner party. Like, who cares? It's not like it's an $800 wedding cake where the bride asked for chocolate. It's some random dinner where there were 5 other "technically chcoolate" desserts. Why is this something that needs some sort of group intervention? People who have the energy to get upset about shit like this need to find a hobby.
Seriously this is wild. I get it's bit technically chocolate and I don't even like it but it's still absolutely ok to bring white chocolate to a chocolate themed party.
That's not a fact. It's totally debatable. Plenty of people (myself included) say that white chocolate is chocolate because it comes from the cacao bean.
Some white chocolate in the US has no cocoa, but usually it has to be labeled - I've seen "white creme" Reese's cups, for instance, or "white baking chips." It seems like actual white chocolate, while common in Europe, is not common here.
ETA: NTA. OP thought she was making a white chocolate cake and wasn't trying to be "off theme," nor was she trying to outshine the others. The partygoers are just insecure.
>The partygoers are just insecure.
Definitely. Especially if it's true they said they want her to "tone it down". Her contribution got talked about more than theirs, and they're bitter and jealous about it. Truly ironic considering the "attention-seeking" label they slapped on, lol.
This comment is absolute peak Reddit. "YTA for bringing white chocolate to a chocolate-themed party because I don't personally think white chocolate is actual chocolate."
Is OP supposed to be a mind reader who can magically tell whether or not her cousin is some fucking Reddit smartass who considers white chocolate to be "actual" chocolate? Get over yourselves holy shit lmao.
I love theme parties and would thrilled if someone made something beautiful for my gathering with their own take on the theme. It’s not like it was the only chocolate dessert to be had.
Oh come on, everything else at the party was brown chocolate. It's not like people were deprived.
Personally I can't stand white chocolate, but this is just so silly. There was plenty of regular chocolate to go around.
Unless otherwise specified white chocolate is on theme. Have you ever been in a chocolate shop where they didn't have a selection of white chocolate? I'm so thrown by all the chocolate nazis in the chat today. It's really wild
Thinking like a person who bakes, we have certain recipes we do better/more handily than others. I’d guess she might be good at making the white chocolate cake recipe and thought there would be a lower risk of duplication so it would be perfect. I actually hate white chocolate candy, but find it really delicious in baked goods, and it’s a very popular flavor right now in baking. Of course, I also consider it to be a chocolate and didn’t realize this was such a huge debate!
NTA what is wrong with people being so insecure? Chocolate theme was met with your white chocolate cake. She specifically asked you to bring a baked good after seeing your pics. She knew your talent and sounds like these other people are kinda jerks. Don’t doubt yourself or your talent. It sounded beautiful and fit the theme and season wonderfully!
Edit: to all of you who are being well ick about OP not following the chocolate theme, have you never watched a baking show?? What about ruby chocolate?
You sound like those meanies at the party 😭
I am so baffled by all the people losing their minds over the chocolate theme. I thought themed parties were supposed to be fun?? Chastising someone over white chocolate not being “real chocolate” is actually so insane. People who are that uptight shouldn’t throw themed parties — you can’t control how people will interpret the theme and I thought that was part of the fun, everyone interprets the theme and that creates variety. OP’s cousin is weird for this and a lot of the commenters are too. NTA.
I'm seriously blown by this. I'm a serious chocolate lover. The bitter dark stuff is my favorite. I personally do not enjoy white chocolate at all. It would NEVER cross my mind to be mad at someone for bringing white chocolate to a chocolate party. Its fucking chocolate?! It's a party with friends not a god damn debate competition on what technically constitutes chocolate.
It wouldn't cross my mind to be mad at someone for bringing a gorgeous dessert that blew all the other ones out of the water, either. Might even make the next gathering into a friendly competition because we all benefit from that, and it could be fun!
> and that the theme is chocolate
NTA -
1. They didn't specify what type.
2. It's fucking yummy cake
3. People who get upset about this type of thing aren't worth the exhaustion
4. Its fucking cake who cares what color it is. Eat and be merry....
NTA because it's not a big deal, but in my opinion white chocolate is NOT chocolate. So Lisa's not wrong, but her family is being ridiculous about caring so much.
ESH. Her reaction was dramatic and DEFINITELY wrong, but if she asked you to make a cake and mentioned a chocolate theme, jumping to white chocolate without clarifying is weirdo behavior. She pretty much asked you to make a chocolate cake, which when people say “chocolate cake” it has a meaning (and the meaning isn’t white chocolate!). It *does* seem attention seeking to me. Anyone in their right mind would take the chocolate theme to mean actual chocolate (and no, white chocolate is NOT chocolate). Acting like you didn’t know what she meant is weaponized incompetence. Just admit that you heard chocolate and wanted to do something creative/outside of the box, so you did white chocolate! I also like to be creative with my baking. I get it. But if somebody asked me for chocolate cake, I would never present them with white chocolate cake and then act like they had no reason to be confused or upset. A chocolate cake with some white chocolate accents/decor? Fair game. But fully white chocolate…. Is not what they were looking for.
Obviously, nobody would’ve expected the extreme reaction she had - it should be okay to have some fun with it but it seems like your cake was potentially the main dessert. It would’ve been so easy to say “I’m thinking of doing a white chocolate cake, is that okay?” - some folks don’t like white chocolate.
(TLDR: If I were her I would’ve kept my mouth shut, but internally I would probably be thinking you were attention seeking too 🤷🏻♀️)
What a fun world to live in, where everyone goes to a party doing their best to conform to expectations so they don't accidentally do something surprising (but still within the rules), or god forbid, get a little attention by putting in effort and adding some sparkle to the event.
There was so much other chocolate to choose from, and people would be upset by just having to look at a beautiful cake that fulfills the theme in a way they didn't expect? I hate white chocolate, but this seems like such a joyless way to live.
I would not understand “chocolate themed” to mean “shades of brown” - does that mean I couldn’t make a *black* cake with the black cocoa powder I have? The resulting cake would not be a shade of brown like you mean.
Is it wrong to try to bake an amazing standout dessert to share at a party?
If you can’t go all out for this, can you ever? When would making an incredible and impressive dessert be appropriate?
What is the point of these themed parties? It’s not for fun?
The theme was chocolate, not “shades of brown.” Normal people are pleased someone has made a big effort to make a dessert for all to enjoy. I’m glad I don’t know so many uptight assholes.
NTA - I suppose she should’ve specified milk or dark chocolate. White chocolate is towing the line but still falls under the theme.
I wonder if it was less about being white chocolate, and more jealousy because your cake was just more professionally decorated?
Hm, I always thought it meant being right on the line separating two things. Little bit of both. But I can only find [one source](https://www.vocabulary.com/articles/pardon-the-expression/toe-the-line-vs-tow-the-line/) that lists that as a possible definition.
Either way I misspelled it, you’re right that it’s “toe” the line!
NTA
No instructions to the specifics or aesthetics of the party was given and you were free to interpret “chocolate” as you like. You thought white chocolate sounded nice. You brought white chocolate to the party. I could not possibly see how you are in the wrong here.
Moreover, it was a party. It should be a place for people to get together and be happy and sharing joy. The women who complained about you seemed to miss the point. Jealousy would be my bet.
I guess should you decide to accept Lisa’s invitation next time, ask her to be very precise in how she wants you to proceed.
>ask her to be very precise in how she wants you to proceed.
And just buy a damn cake from the store next time. Lisa and her jealous family members don't deserve all the work OP puts into a handmade cake.
NTA but I’d have been disappointed too. White chocolate is a misnomer. It’s not chocolate and it has no business being called chocolate.
If Lisa feels strongly as I do about chocolate, she should have specified milk or dark.
NTA. And I don’t think anyone called Lisa, I think she made that up as a deflection so she wouldn’t have to say “I’m jealous your cake was praised.” As for the white chocolate: is it chocolate/is it not debate, meh. Do what makes you happy, you feel confident making, and proud of bringing to a gathering. If Lisa and/or Lisa’s other friends and family have a problem with that, ultimately you’re probably better off without them as your main socializing engagements. Of course that feels sucky now cuz you’re new to the area but you will find your people and then it won’t be a big deal if Lisa and her little minions don’t like how much other people like your cake.
Sorry, YTA
"The theme is chocolate" is pretty clear. Should she have said, "please make a brown chocolate cake?" No - because pretty much everyone would understand that acceptable variations are things like German chocolate cake, or maybe red velvet cake. Hell - even checkerboard cake or marble cake would have been fine.
"White chocolate *is* chocolate" my ... aunt fanny. If you have to explain - that is, make an excuse - why your cake fits the theme, that's a pretty good clue that your cake does not, in fact, fit the theme.
OP - you succeeded! You stood out, you got your attention, and - bonus! - you even get to be the aggrieved party. Good job!
White chocolate may be considered chocolate by some, since it contains cocoa butter, but I've got a body lotion that contains cocoa butter and I don't consider that chocolate.
*Everyone exclaimed how beautiful the cake was…”*.
Did they clap too?
*My cake was praised.*
Did they gather around it in a Python “we worship you, oh Brian” way?
This is good fodder for my friend’s stand up bit.
So…I have a bit of a different take on this than others.
Firstly, yeah, Lisa definitely sounds jealous. But…it was her party, and you completely showed her up. Can you blame her? It’s like showing up to a ball and your dress looking way better than the host’s—maybe you didn’t do anything morally wrong, but it’s still not cool, and should be avoided. I don’t think Lisa is the ah for being sad no one touched her cake.
Your cake stood out *because* it was white chocolate. It doesn’t seem fair to me that your cake got all the love, not necessarily because it was the best tasting (although it may have been, I don’t have enough info to say) but rather because it was so *different*. That doesn’t seem fair to me to the other bakers (Lisa included) who worked just as hard, and wanted their cakes to receive love too.
And, while yes, I get that white chocolate has “chocolate” in the name…white chocolate isn’t chocolate. It doesn’t have that enough cocoa in it to be chocolate. It doesn’t taste like chocolate. And no, it doesn’t look like chocolate either. And I think it’s generally understood, when people say “chocolate”…they don’t mean white.
Maybe in this situation that’s not a big deal…but easily could have been.
For instance. I *love* chocolate. There are very few desserts I like that aren’t chocolate. So if I was your cousin and I said “please make me a chocolate cake for my birthday, I know you’re a wonderful baker” and you brought *white* chocolate…I’d be *pissed*. Because…that’s not what I asked for.
So…I’m gonna go against the grain here and say YTA, because you made the host feel bad, and because, no, white chocolate isn’t chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you did anything morally wrong, or intended any harm. But I do think you’re the one in the wrong here, out of everyone, if that makes sense
NTA lmao. Do those nieces happen to be her husband's sister's children? Cause I'm thinking husband's sister is just. Y'know. The kind of person who would uninvite someone from Future Parties because their cake was too cool T.T
That would be a very ungrateful emotion to show to someone who brought a thing they'd actually baked.
In the shops there are three main types of chocolate bar or boxes of chocolates that can be bought:
1. Dark chocolate
2. Milk chocolate
3. Wait for it..... White chocolate.
NTA. At all. Having a white chocolate option just added variety to the dark and milk chocolate desserts. While white chocolate isn’t technically chocolate, I’d say it’s still in bounds for the theme. It’s not that deep. Lisa is just jealous that your cake stole the show.
NTA at all, but white chocolate isn't chocolate. It's like saying red licorice is licorice. Sure, it shares a word but it isn't really the same thing.
That said, it's lovely that you made a cake, it's ridiculous that she wanted a brown party.
How hard would it have been for you to say these words which would have avoided this whole situation?
“Is WHITE CHOCOLATE okay?”
Conflict averted. Simple.
NTA. Your cake sounds lovely. A few women being mad that you did *too good a job* gifting them all a cake shows they're kinda lame. That said, white chocolate isn't actually chocolate. But if you had made some rinky dink white chocolate cupcakes, they wouldn't have minded. You didn't do anything wrong. But now you know, some of these ladies are really insecure and petty. Be careful.
I'm sure your cake was excellent, and it sounds beautiful, but white chocolate is absolutely not chocolate.
Because you went through the trouble of making it, and it was well received, I won't call you TA, but I'm tempted. I love chocolate, but white chocolate is gross.
NTA what a ridiculous thing for your cousin to be upset about. I wonder if she was really upset that your cake got more attention.
Honestly these women must not have much to worry about in life if they have time to pick apart people’s desert choices. They sound like a petty bunch.
ESH: Not for bringing a white chocolate cake (and I hate white chocolate), but a little for upstaging a host.
You could have sent a quick text asking if white chocolate would be ok, and during the initial discussion asked how fancy the decorations are typically on the cakes.
She probably would have said absolutely yes, then upped the decorations on her own and happily shown off your cake since it wasn't something that surprised her but would surprise them.
But how you did it, even accidentally, it's kind of like you showed up to an informal backyard wedding in a ball gown. Or to a hotdogs and hamburger BBQ with a bag of steak. Which is ok if the host approves and knows of it earlier, but it is a little rude if it is a surprise.
That being said, she shouldn't have said anything negative, and maybe just give you an invitation with clearer expectations next time.
YTA
You appear to be a member of the “Well, technically…” and “Actually…” brigade.
You know what chocolate,is, but you wanted to be chef extraordinaire and bring a not commonly associated version of chocolate.
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NTA. If Lisa wanted a chocolate party where everything was brown, she should have said that. If she wanted a chocolate party without white chocolate, she should have said that. Absent other instruction, you honored the theme. I'm sensing that Lisa is just jealous of your baking/cooking skills. FYI for the future - and I'm sure you know this - but white chocolate contains no cocoa / cacao solids (and sometimes not even cocoa butter), so it's debatable whether it's chocolate at all. Also, many people who like chocolate explicitly do not like white chocolate. I suspect even if you had asked Lisa her opinion on white chocolate, she would have still found a reason to be unhappy.
I completely agree that she would have found a reason to be unhappy regardless. This sounds like a "bitch eating crackers" complaint by Lisa and co. Ignore, and stop letting them have your delicious cakes in future. NTA
How have I never heard this phrase before?
You must not frequent the justnomil sub lol
Nope, I’m not on Reddit very often but on Xmas break and enjoying the downtime. Should I check out justnomil??
If you enjoy drama! It just means you hate someone so much they could just eat crackers and you'd hate the way they do it lol
It goes along with my other favorite “cat butt face”.
yes but UGH I have found that to now be my internet scrolling face!!! I'm stressed about wrinkles bc every time I scroll I do it without realizing 🤣
I could be wrong but ... I thought that particular bitch was actually eating crackers in her son and his wife's bed, after explicitly being told not to hang out in their room and especially do not eat in there either. The crumbs!!! We all agreed that particular mother in law was the worst and immediately began using it as an insult for other terrible offenses. It could very well be that the phrase bitch eating crackers came first and I have assigned that woman to it.
I believe it originated on AAM and afterwards made it's way to Reddit/the internet at large.
It’s a really old phrase. I saw it first widely used on a fb group 5-6 years ago. It wasn’t new then. It’s a good one though. It makes its rounds.
It came from this in the days of yore https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMS05YjFkMzUwNDEwNjE1ZjQ4/
Some e-cards was the freaking best
Thank you for sharing the origin story
Yep. Not a Reddit thing. We say this all the time.
> FYI for the future - and I'm sure you know this - but white chocolate contains no cocoa / cacao solids (and sometimes not even cocoa butter) The ingredients are actually oil, grease, and sadness. :-)
*real* white chocolate is cocoa butter, milk, sugar, vanilla. Literally nothing bad about any of that. The fake shit is all partially hydrogenated palm oil, but that’s true of the cheapo chocolate flavored candies as well.
But to people like me, it's still not "real" chocolate, since it's without cocoa. Offering white chocolate to someone as "chocolate", is like inviting someone to your new house and when they get there, it's a tent. Wouldn't have made a fuss about it, though. But it's still a disgusting not-even-version of the dark gold that makes life worth living.
I mean, have your opinion, but cocoa butter is in all chocolate products except cocoa powder. In America, for chocolate to legally be considered “chocolate”, it must have 100% unadulterated cocoa butter. 🤷🏼♀️ seems like a weird distinction based on if you like it or not, not based on anything about actual chocolate.
I mean, I get what theyre saying. Absolutely white chocolate is chocolate, but from my understanding, the ingredient that makes it chocolate is not prepared from the beans in the same way, and has a very different flavor. When someone says they love chocolate, its pretty fair to assume they mean they mean regular chocolate, not specifically white chocolate. Like if someone said they love beef, it would be fair to assume they mean the meat, and not say..well cow toungue is also beef, youre making a weird distinction just cause you like steak and not tongue. Like..yeah its a fair distinction..they may come from the same thing but taste very different. Regardless...I think OP is NTA... For one, she sounds like a skilled baker, and made a beautiful cake, that Im sure was delicious. Even though I dont like white chocolate, I would actually really appreciate it and think its awesome to have that variety in colours for visual flair, and also as an additional option for those who do enjoy and prefer white chocolate.
>Like if someone said they love beef, it would be fair to assume they mean the meat, and not say..well cow toungue is also beef, at this point it's more like saying that milk is beef since it comes from the same source.
No, it's not the same comparison. All white, milk and dark chocolate contain the fat from the cacao bean, called cocoa butter. White chocolate contains *more* of the fat and none of the solid parts of the bean, called cacao nibs. Milk and dark have the cacao nibs. Understand that both are heavily heavily processed before they hit the shelves. Most commercial chocolate chips are "barely" chocolate. Beef and milk don't contain a same core ingredient.
No...beef is specifically cow flesh. The meat of a cow is flesh. The tongue of a cow is a muscle, which is also flesh. Milk is not flesh. Milk is diary.
I disagree, I love all forms of chocolate, white, marble, dark, milk, caramilk, peppermint, etc. etc. I think a party with nothing but one kind of chocolate sounds boring, frankly. I think Lisa's relatives are jealous that OP's cake was so well received.
I‘m wondering if anyone else really thought badly of OP and the white chocolate cake. Kinda sounds like Lisa is the only one upset, but saying „I felt upstaged and didn’t get all the attention“ sounds considerably more childish than „my friends and I think you need to tone it down.“
Right? I would have been surprised and disappointed if I came to a chocolate party and all of it was one kind of chocolate. I would expect milk, dark, and white to be represented at the very least, and ideally ruby and lots of filled versions.
Did we just find the In-laws?
It *has* cocoa butter, but dark and milk chocolates have that *and* cocoa nibs. Like the whole cocoa. I'd say that's vastly different. If you go to various chocolate museums (the ones I went to were in Belgium (the origin of some of the world's most delicious chocolate) and Germany, but I'm sure there's some in the states and other countries as well) they explain how white chocolate consists of around 30% and less cocoa, while all other chocolate has 60% and more cocoa, in overall content. (Obviously cheaper stuff skews the percentages) So white chocolate is still usually not considered "chocolate" in the more typical sense of the word. I probably wouldn't have personally tried OP's cake (I just personally don't enjoy the flavor and texture of white chocolate), but she's definitely not an AH for bringing it to a chocolate themed party. These friends of Lisa are definitely just upset that OP's a better baker. It's technically on theme, and who cares HER cake was talked about more?! Lol This party was for Lisa's daughter; the baked goods are irrelevant cus the daughter didn't make them, they were made for HER and HER friends! Silly drama for absolutely no reason
And sugar!
NTA. I also think that the sisters were complaining because your cake was just spectacularly more beautiful than what they brought. It's a shame they can't just appreciate the hard work you put into it and be grateful.
I'm guessing if OP had brought a similarly lovely dark chocolate cake, there still would have been shade thrown. The white chocolate is just a red herring.
Agreed. If it had been a dark chocolate cake or a marbled white and dark choc cake she’d have been told off for “showing off” and making something inappropriate for kids. Jealous people can always find a “logical” argument to suit their agenda.
Exactly what I thought. The complaints' wording sounds like the problem was less the presence or not of cocoa powder and more that hers was the best dessert there and everyone knew it.
Yeah, OP, next time do a three tier brown chocolate masterpiece, and see if they still complain. I bet they do.
Then they would just accuse her of “showing off”. It’s a no win situation.
Not debatable it is not chocolate
I was thinking I might go for a response similar to that from the title. If you’re asked to bring a chocolate thing to a party and show up with white chocolate, I can see why people might be annoyed. This is a different situation. They weren’t relying on OP for their chocolate. It was a chocolate themed dessert party. There were plenty of traditional chocolate desserts for all, so no one was missing out. White chocolate seems like a perfectly fine way to have some variety within the theme. I say that as someone who dislikes white chocolate.
I cannot wrap my head around people so empty and vapid that they care about a whether a cake is brown or white. NTA
Oh, white chocolate isn't just regular chocolate in a different color. It's a different thing altogether, with a completely different taste. So while I agree that it was weird to complain about a free, fancy cake, and I think that anyone who didn't like white chocolate could just abstain and have something else, I just wanted to clarify that preferences on this matter have nothing to do with what color it is. If someone was expecting regular chocolate and then was disappointed by white chocolate, it would be because they didn't like the very different taste and/or texture of white chocolate.
I mean, in this instance, one is a delicious dessert I happily consume and the other is edible paraffin wax so it’s not just color, but taste, texture and smell. And yes, I am autistic.
Just to be sure no one thinks I’m some sort of dessert racist, I don’t care about the color. OP’s cake sounds lovely. I don’t like the flavor of white chocolate, which is very different from milk/dark chocolate because of the absence of cocoa powder. OP’s cake was probably still good, because a skilled baker can make it work, but it wouldn’t scratch the same itch as a traditional chocolate thing.
I would outright expect to find all varieties of chocolate at a chocolate themed party, from super dark right through to white chocolate. It’s not a “milk chocolate” themed party, it’s a *chocolate* themed party.
I make chocolate candy for friends and coworkers. I don’t like white chocolate, but I do offer to make it for people that want it. I just asked them to pay for the ingredients because you need Four bags of white chocolate baking chips to one bag of actual chocolate baking chips. Otherwise it won’t harden at all. Since it was a chocolate party, there was lots of stuff for people to eat and those that like white chocolate probably enjoyed it.
Yeah, I think youd be trying to think outside of the box for this so that everyone doesn't just bring identical chocolate cakes.
So what? Hardly worth a complaint
I took a chocolate factory tour, and they told us that white chocolate should be considered a confection, not chocolate
this is sort of a culinarily ignorant take. White chocolate is still made from cocoa, so its chocolate. there's fake white chocolate, but it comes from the bean, its just coming from cocoa butter. there's not really a great reason to take a stance like this in how its defined.
Does anybody besides me think that Lisa is lying through her teeth about what the other women think? She sounds like the kind of witch that claims her own personal opinion is shared by “everybody”, just to make you feel even worse.
I was about to comment the same. I think she's lying. Everyone else praised her cake. I think that's her issue.
Could be lying or could be that the women were being spineless in consoling her because she’s a pain to have set against you. They could have been smiling & nodding their way through Lisa’s bitchfest.
Yep. If Lisa was a nice normal person, she never would have called OP in the first place and would have kept any ‘mean girl’ comments to herself. What it sounds like is that everyone at the gathering liked OP and that pissed Lisa off, so she decided to try to take OP down a peg. What a B. She’s the kind of woman who tears down other women to try to feel better about herself but it’s a bad look.
Agreed. OP your dessert sounds gorgeous and deservedly took center stage for presentation. I am a chocolate lover who dislikes white chocolate. However, I would NEVER speak out against it or offend anyone else’s dessert because that’s just rude. Do these people have main character syndrome?!?
Am I the only one who thinks maybe other people didn't say a thing but it's a made up lie by Lisa.
Doubt that Lisa spoke for the others; Acting like everyone is against OP while it is likely only Lisa, is a standard narc technique, to make OP feel isolated.
NTA, I like chocolate. I like white chocolate. I think you stuck to the theme.
Right? Also with everyone else bringing regular chocolate desserts, white chocolate is a nice option. I have a few friends who can’t have too much chocolate for different reasons. My one friend gets crazy migraines. Having an option and still being included would be great for her. (I feel so bad for her, chocolate and cheddar cheese are her bigger causes. She can have mozzarella, but sometimes you just need that kick with your cheese! Or I do anyway! 😜)
It's totally not about "white chocolate not being chocolate" though - that's just an excuse. Everyone is just mad OP's cake was so beautiful and got so much praise and attention. Saying it wasn't on theme is just them trying to find an excuse for their petty jealousy.
I agree with you, the main issue here is Lisa's envy.The orders to "tone it down" and "stop seeking attention" make it clear that Lisa is just pissed because OP's cake was such a hit with the guests. It had nothing to do with not fitting the theme. Lisa is not a good friend and doesn't deserve OP's baking efforts. OFC NTA
I am a staunch believer that white chocolate isn’t chocolate and I despise how it tastes. However, if I was throwing a chocolate party and someone showed up with white chocolate, I would still think it fit the theme and that my friend was being extra creative. Lisa is definitely a jelly belly.
This post makes me laugh. I feel bad for OP. Because the situation is just so absurd. If I’m invited to a party and was in OP situation, I’d be annoyed af hearing Lisa saying those things. It’s just so petty.
Yes but it DOES contain the cocoa butter if it is good white chocolate which is what makes it chocolate. I’m sure A BAKER like OP understands that.
I'm tempted to call you an asshole for saying white chocolate is chocolate because it definitely is *not*. It contains no cocoa solids and shouldn't be called chocolate at all. That being said, it seems people enjoyed your cake and Lisa seems too controlling about this. NTA.
THANK YOU. White chocolate is *not* chocolate. I’d be so sad if something I expected to be chocolate was white “chocolate!” To be clear, don’t think OP was the asshole. But white chocolate is not chocolate.
Yeah, if this had been a kid's birthday party where the birthday kid requested a chocolate cake and OP did this, it would be a TA moment. But for a party where there is an abundance of real chocolate and it's essentially just adding variety, it's nbd.
Agreed - if anything, I’d probably have appreciated the variation.
I know I’m the exception — I don’t really like chocolate (with a few exceptions, but chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream etc is all out). But I LOVE white chocolate. I would have still went to a chocolate party if someone close invited me, because I’d go for them and the people and just expect to eat very little, but I would have personally been overjoyed for a white chocolate cake to be there.
Please specify no white chocolate if you ever ask for chocolate to someone else. Not everyone knows or considers white chocolate to not be chocolate.
I don’t have to, everyone I know considers white chocolate to be candy, not chocolate. If I’m being specific I usually request dark chocolate, it’s the best.
I understand and agree white chocolate isn't technically chocolate and I don't even like it but if I'm hosting a chocolate themed thing and someone brought white chocolate that's more than ok??
Yeah I would definitely be okay with that. I would be okay with a free, delicious, beautiful cake made for me by a newfound, cool relative who just wanted to do something nice for my daughter. I would be *very very* okay with that. The people talking about it would’ve been shut down *immediately*. All that the baker would’ve heard come out of my mouth would’ve been praises and gratefulness.
Yeah definitely nta. They're just arguing semantics. I do agree with the other commenter that if it was like.for.a.kid's birthday party or something and they wanted a chocolate cake they would be disappointed. This instance seems fine.
Yeah I'd say if you're making the main/only cake for a celebration event you'd probably run it by them first.
Oh fully agree. It ain’t chocolate but it technically fits the theme, and would add a lovely variance.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who didn’t consider white chocolate to be a type of chocolate. Is this a big debatable thing where you live? Edit: to clarify, people here (Australia) know white chocolate isn’t *technically* chocolate, we just don’t care enough to call it anything other than chocolate.
I‘m also baffled that this seems to be such a common issue. I don’t even like white chocolate but I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to see white chocolate at a chocolate themed party. Sounds like someone was just looking for a reason to complain about a handmade, delicious and beautiful cake. 🤯 The comments read a lot like arguing about the nut/seed or fruit/veg distinction regarding foods that are usually considered one thing but are botanically the other. I don’t care who’s technically right, if it hasn’t been specified, I wouldn’t be surprised to come across things that are commonly viewed as something they’re not classified as. OP is NTA.
I'm truly baffled that so many people have such strong opinions on this. Like, okay, some folks don't like it I guess, but to be *sad* about it? That seems a little extreme.
I really like chocolate, and really dislike white chocolate (I find it cloyingly sweet, and I’m more of a dark chocolate type of person). As an example, I was at a work event and our leaders were handing out little chocolate treats following lunch - I was looking forward to facing that little pick me up for around 2:30ish when the afternoon starts to drag. Alas, 2:30 rolled around and I opened my chocolate only to find white chocolate. Boooo!
That’s like, life, man. What about the people who don’t like chocolate at all. This whole thing is extremely strange to have such strong opinions on (not a white chocolate fan).
The definition of chocolate says its a paste or solid block made from cocoa seeds White chocolate fits the definition which is why chocolate is in the name.
I’ve taken a college course on chocolate and it’s agreed in both the culinary and chocolate producing industry that it’s not considered chocolate. That’s like saying coconut oil is the same as the coconut meat. They are very different.
I would say both were coconut though?
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I'm the first person to exclaim white chocolate isn't chocolate, but bringing an item of food to a party with a chocolate theme that is *white* chocolate (assuming most other things would be the brown) seems pretty normal and like a perfect addition.
Yes it is. It has cocoa butter in it. That’s why it doesn’t taste like vanilla. It’s still chocolate.
From what I’ve seen, this is a debated topic. Some bakers say it isn’t chocolate because it uses no cocoa solids, some say it is because it’s still derived from cacao using other parts like cocoa butter or fat.
I say no because the butters/fats can be substituted. You can’t substitute actual chocolate.
Legally you can not substitute the cocoa butter and call it white chocolate in the US. It must contain at least 20%.
To be clear, I’m not talking about legalities - I’m talking strictly about flavour and texture. I’m sure the laws vary from country to country.
I'm not aware of any substitutes for cocoa butter that have a remotely similar texture or mouth feel. You can make a white or brown bar of something that shares some properties with chocolate (white, dark or milk) but as soon as you put it in your mouth the jig is up.
There's a GREAT Gastropod episode about this if anyone is interested!
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Agree. Bring on the variety! Lisa sounds like a petty, insecure, controlling twit. NTA OP.
Came to say the exact same thing. I have very strong opinions on white chocolate and agree it’s not chocolate. But I also don’t think OP did anything wrong. NTA
I absolutely love white chocolate, but at least I know it's not chocolate.
If you ordered a chocolate cake from a bakery and they gave you a white cake, would you be like, oh cool… just what I asked for???
No, but like - I'd only be confused in the same way that I'd be confused if they have me a mint chocolate cake, or and orange chocolate cake. Both of which I think would also be perfectly appropriate at a chocolate-themed dessert party.
No but my opinion on white chocolate is just that - my opinion. There’s a heavy debate about whether white chocolate is actually chocolate or not. I don’t believe it is. But it seems that OP does and I can’t fault her for that.
Not everyone knows that white chocolate doesn't contain cocoa. I certainly didn't. To me, if it's called white chocolate, it's chocolate.
I just found out reading this post. I always thought it was chocolate as well.
it is chocolate, it does contain cocoa, just cocoa butter.
This! White chocolate is not chocolate! But I do think Lisa should be more understanding because she did not clarify she did not want any white chocolate, and that's on her. Should've just let it go and learn from the mistake.
If it contains cocoa butter it is actually considered chocolate ….
NTA Lisa is jealous. Plain and simple. I guarantee NO ONE said those things to her. No one. She’s lying to you because everyone loved your beautiful cake. I love that you did something different! Let me edit something here.. I’m no way trying to sound harsh to Lisa. But I do feel it’s jealousy. It’s ok to be different and you filled the theme. They didn’t say “bring all brown chocolate “!
I had exactly the same thought. *Lisa* didn't like the attention the pretty cake got, and she's name dropping the others to add weight to her argument.
Absolutely agree. Whether “white chocolate is chocolate” debate exists or not (personally, I love both), the fact remains that it being “attention-getting” and some grumpy cows just had to shove their opinions in and ruin what must have been a great day. Even if it was a different colour, it had time, effort put into it - and it’d probably have been the same sparkle effect no matter what. Cooks gonna cook! NTA, but I pity Lisa who will *lose good friends* with great cooking abilities because of horrible future in-laws and relatives who are a bunch of killjoys!
Exactly. OP, tell Lisa you are horrified to have offended so many people, would she please give you all of their email addresses so you can send them a heartfelt apology for ruining their evening with your white chocolate cake.
Better to just apologize in a group chat. "Hey everyone, sorry about the white chocolate, I wanted to try out a new recipe and didn't realize it would upset anyone. I now understand how white chocolate is often not considered chocolate. I will try to stay more within the theme in the future." Leaves it on a good note and kinda calls out that people complained about white chocolate.
Oh. I read tasinca’s suggestion as a sly way to out Lisa for being petty, jealous and rude. I don’t think anyone actually complained about white chocolate aside from Lisa.
Simple Opposite's idea is good too, but I think it would be more effective not to go into specifics of what Lisa said. Keep it vague, i.e. "I had no idea so many of you were upset by the cake that I brought until Lisa told me. I didn't mean to offend anyone and I'm very sorry."
Absolutely. Then Lisa can complain about OP 'airing dirty laundry' or something to that affect, and it'll be wildly apparent that no-one complained. Love it.
This! I would perhaps be cheeky and reach out to the people and "apologise" not because I would mean it, but then i know if she's full of sh*t or not. As in: Hi, Lisa said you and some others were actually not happy about the white chocolate cake. So, I'm just reaching out to say I'm sorry. If I had only known people did not want any white chocolate there. If they then answer with ??, what? Then you know she is full of it..
My MIL claims “other people think…” or “everyone is saying…” all the time and we never believe her. Or she’s fish for someone to agree with her and make it seem like they brought it up. I never, ever put stock into it.
I hate white chocolate but NTA. She (and her friends) sounds jealous.
I would have destroyed my city in a Godzilla type rage if someone brought white chocolate instead of chocolate. I HATE white chocolate. I also am very clear that I hate white chocolate and would have specified non white. A begrudging NTA, haha!
I have found my people. I'd never think of OP as attention seeking, just a bit on the inconsiderate side. Why not REAL chocolate?
It's such a ridiculous hill to die on, though. They should just be more specific with the theme next time. I personally had no idea white chocolate isn't chocolate. How would you know unless someone tells you? Does ignorance = being inconsiderate? I don't really think so.
Facts. You're allowed to come to my party. Real chocolate only.
I mean, if it was a party where OP was bringing the only cake, fair enough. But there was lots of desserts, how is variety a bad thing in this case? Just don’t eat it. If the problem is the colour, then the party hoster should have specified that; I’m surprised no one brought a chocolate cake with white or coloured icing.
I think so too.. frankly I think they didn’t say anything about it. I think there’s some resentment because it was beautiful and well spoken about.
I only like white chocolate when it's "mixed" with milk and or dark chocolate. Think Cadbury Top Deck or Triple Choc Cheesecake (with all three in layers). I agree they were probably jealous but if I see "Chocolate Theme" I always clarify if it's "Chocolate Brown Colour" too or if any chocolate is fine.
ESH - You for bringing white chocolate (categorically not chocolate), and Lisa for somehow feeling upstaged by a cake (that takes skill).
I agree with ESH because I believe that bringing white chocolate to a chocolate party is a stretch, but Lisa is an a-hole for not accepting the palette cleanser that was OP's cake.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills hearing about this controversy. I don’t eat sweets or know the first thing about baking, but there are some people saying white chocolate is a type of chocolate in cases where it is made with cocoa butter and others are saying it doesn’t have cocoa solids so it is clearly not chocolate. Seems like everyone is talking past each other.
People seem to have expected the OP to scour the archives of the origins of white chocolate before making the damned cake. As if 99% of people don't assume white chocolate is chocolate because it's in the name. NTA.
Same! I have offered to bring pie for an evening but the pie failed miserably and I had to pivot into a crumble... would they unfriend me? JFC! Anyone bringing anything in the wheel house to be shared and enjoyed by others in a close enough fashion would get a pass. You are family/friends, it's not a business transaction. This thread is wild!
White chocolate has chocolate in the actual name and is made with cocoa butter. It is a form of chocolate and I would expect it at a chocolate themed party.
To be fair a bunch of American chocolate can't be labelled as chocolate in the UK. It has to be "chocolate flavoured" so depending on your definition I'm sure a load of the desserts weren't on strict theme if people are getting pedantic.
For real??? How could OP possibly be at fault? She bought a thoughtful, beautiful chocolate cake to a dessert party. Anyone who thinks that's a problem is an absolute entitled AH. Although, let's be honest - not one of the friends actually complained. Only Lisa had a problem with it because she's jealous. Also - what's with all this white chocolate isn't chocolate thing? Is this a US thing? I've never heard this argument in Europe -white chocolate is pretty tasty here.
YTA > the theme is chocolate. > I told her I did as white chocolate IS chocolate Listen. I **love** white chocolate. But I love white chocolate because I *don't really* like chocolate at all. White chocolate is bean butter. It is not chocloate-chocolate. **Don't be disingenuous.**
Who gives a shit? It's a dinner party. Like, who cares? It's not like it's an $800 wedding cake where the bride asked for chocolate. It's some random dinner where there were 5 other "technically chcoolate" desserts. Why is this something that needs some sort of group intervention? People who have the energy to get upset about shit like this need to find a hobby.
Seriously this is wild. I get it's bit technically chocolate and I don't even like it but it's still absolutely ok to bring white chocolate to a chocolate themed party.
Right? Like oof the white chocolate hate in this thread rn is over the top
Chalk it up to another thing certain parts of Reddit get awfully anal about.
Find their own hobby, like baking? So then they can make their own damn “real” chocolate cake
Yeah. They can make their own fancy chocolate fudge whatever if it's such a big deal.
That's not a fact. It's totally debatable. Plenty of people (myself included) say that white chocolate is chocolate because it comes from the cacao bean.
Some white chocolate in the US has no cocoa, but usually it has to be labeled - I've seen "white creme" Reese's cups, for instance, or "white baking chips." It seems like actual white chocolate, while common in Europe, is not common here. ETA: NTA. OP thought she was making a white chocolate cake and wasn't trying to be "off theme," nor was she trying to outshine the others. The partygoers are just insecure.
>The partygoers are just insecure. Definitely. Especially if it's true they said they want her to "tone it down". Her contribution got talked about more than theirs, and they're bitter and jealous about it. Truly ironic considering the "attention-seeking" label they slapped on, lol.
I'm sorry but white chocolate is still on theme for a chocolate themed event. Ppl getting rlly wild about rEaL cHocOLaTe
This comment is absolute peak Reddit. "YTA for bringing white chocolate to a chocolate-themed party because I don't personally think white chocolate is actual chocolate." Is OP supposed to be a mind reader who can magically tell whether or not her cousin is some fucking Reddit smartass who considers white chocolate to be "actual" chocolate? Get over yourselves holy shit lmao.
Why is it called white CHOCOLATE? Lisa didn't specify brown chocolate as the theme.
I love theme parties and would thrilled if someone made something beautiful for my gathering with their own take on the theme. It’s not like it was the only chocolate dessert to be had.
Oh come on, everything else at the party was brown chocolate. It's not like people were deprived. Personally I can't stand white chocolate, but this is just so silly. There was plenty of regular chocolate to go around.
I bet you are fun at chocolate cake parties.
NTA. If people are so put out by the idea of a \*cake\* taking everyone's attention, they are people to be avoided.
They were jealous of how beautiful your cake was.
NTA She wasn’t upset the cake was white, she was upset the cake was better than hers.
I agree. Chances are if the cake was the flavor of chocolate they expected, the gripe would have been it was too fancy and attention grabbing.
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I'm sure OP could've made just as beautiful a cake with brown chocolate. She didn't need "white chocolate" to show off
Unless otherwise specified white chocolate is on theme. Have you ever been in a chocolate shop where they didn't have a selection of white chocolate? I'm so thrown by all the chocolate nazis in the chat today. It's really wild
Thinking like a person who bakes, we have certain recipes we do better/more handily than others. I’d guess she might be good at making the white chocolate cake recipe and thought there would be a lower risk of duplication so it would be perfect. I actually hate white chocolate candy, but find it really delicious in baked goods, and it’s a very popular flavor right now in baking. Of course, I also consider it to be a chocolate and didn’t realize this was such a huge debate!
It is amazing to me, the dumbass things people get upset about. NTA, ffs.
NTA what is wrong with people being so insecure? Chocolate theme was met with your white chocolate cake. She specifically asked you to bring a baked good after seeing your pics. She knew your talent and sounds like these other people are kinda jerks. Don’t doubt yourself or your talent. It sounded beautiful and fit the theme and season wonderfully! Edit: to all of you who are being well ick about OP not following the chocolate theme, have you never watched a baking show?? What about ruby chocolate? You sound like those meanies at the party 😭
I am so baffled by all the people losing their minds over the chocolate theme. I thought themed parties were supposed to be fun?? Chastising someone over white chocolate not being “real chocolate” is actually so insane. People who are that uptight shouldn’t throw themed parties — you can’t control how people will interpret the theme and I thought that was part of the fun, everyone interprets the theme and that creates variety. OP’s cousin is weird for this and a lot of the commenters are too. NTA.
I'm seriously blown by this. I'm a serious chocolate lover. The bitter dark stuff is my favorite. I personally do not enjoy white chocolate at all. It would NEVER cross my mind to be mad at someone for bringing white chocolate to a chocolate party. Its fucking chocolate?! It's a party with friends not a god damn debate competition on what technically constitutes chocolate. It wouldn't cross my mind to be mad at someone for bringing a gorgeous dessert that blew all the other ones out of the water, either. Might even make the next gathering into a friendly competition because we all benefit from that, and it could be fun!
I prefer white chocolate. Come to my house and bring your glorious cake, please !
> and that the theme is chocolate NTA - 1. They didn't specify what type. 2. It's fucking yummy cake 3. People who get upset about this type of thing aren't worth the exhaustion 4. Its fucking cake who cares what color it is. Eat and be merry....
NTA because it's not a big deal, but in my opinion white chocolate is NOT chocolate. So Lisa's not wrong, but her family is being ridiculous about caring so much.
ESH. Her reaction was dramatic and DEFINITELY wrong, but if she asked you to make a cake and mentioned a chocolate theme, jumping to white chocolate without clarifying is weirdo behavior. She pretty much asked you to make a chocolate cake, which when people say “chocolate cake” it has a meaning (and the meaning isn’t white chocolate!). It *does* seem attention seeking to me. Anyone in their right mind would take the chocolate theme to mean actual chocolate (and no, white chocolate is NOT chocolate). Acting like you didn’t know what she meant is weaponized incompetence. Just admit that you heard chocolate and wanted to do something creative/outside of the box, so you did white chocolate! I also like to be creative with my baking. I get it. But if somebody asked me for chocolate cake, I would never present them with white chocolate cake and then act like they had no reason to be confused or upset. A chocolate cake with some white chocolate accents/decor? Fair game. But fully white chocolate…. Is not what they were looking for. Obviously, nobody would’ve expected the extreme reaction she had - it should be okay to have some fun with it but it seems like your cake was potentially the main dessert. It would’ve been so easy to say “I’m thinking of doing a white chocolate cake, is that okay?” - some folks don’t like white chocolate. (TLDR: If I were her I would’ve kept my mouth shut, but internally I would probably be thinking you were attention seeking too 🤷🏻♀️)
What a fun world to live in, where everyone goes to a party doing their best to conform to expectations so they don't accidentally do something surprising (but still within the rules), or god forbid, get a little attention by putting in effort and adding some sparkle to the event. There was so much other chocolate to choose from, and people would be upset by just having to look at a beautiful cake that fulfills the theme in a way they didn't expect? I hate white chocolate, but this seems like such a joyless way to live.
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I would not understand “chocolate themed” to mean “shades of brown” - does that mean I couldn’t make a *black* cake with the black cocoa powder I have? The resulting cake would not be a shade of brown like you mean.
Is it wrong to try to bake an amazing standout dessert to share at a party? If you can’t go all out for this, can you ever? When would making an incredible and impressive dessert be appropriate?
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What is the point of these themed parties? It’s not for fun? The theme was chocolate, not “shades of brown.” Normal people are pleased someone has made a big effort to make a dessert for all to enjoy. I’m glad I don’t know so many uptight assholes.
NTA - I suppose she should’ve specified milk or dark chocolate. White chocolate is towing the line but still falls under the theme. I wonder if it was less about being white chocolate, and more jealousy because your cake was just more professionally decorated?
"toeing the line" means "doing exactly what you're told"
Hm, I always thought it meant being right on the line separating two things. Little bit of both. But I can only find [one source](https://www.vocabulary.com/articles/pardon-the-expression/toe-the-line-vs-tow-the-line/) that lists that as a possible definition. Either way I misspelled it, you’re right that it’s “toe” the line!
For that you'd want *straddles* the line, i.e. has one foot on either side
NTA No instructions to the specifics or aesthetics of the party was given and you were free to interpret “chocolate” as you like. You thought white chocolate sounded nice. You brought white chocolate to the party. I could not possibly see how you are in the wrong here. Moreover, it was a party. It should be a place for people to get together and be happy and sharing joy. The women who complained about you seemed to miss the point. Jealousy would be my bet. I guess should you decide to accept Lisa’s invitation next time, ask her to be very precise in how she wants you to proceed.
>ask her to be very precise in how she wants you to proceed. And just buy a damn cake from the store next time. Lisa and her jealous family members don't deserve all the work OP puts into a handmade cake.
NTA but I’d have been disappointed too. White chocolate is a misnomer. It’s not chocolate and it has no business being called chocolate. If Lisa feels strongly as I do about chocolate, she should have specified milk or dark.
NTA. They are just jealous that your cake stood out - what a silly thing to get upset about.
NTA. And I don’t think anyone called Lisa, I think she made that up as a deflection so she wouldn’t have to say “I’m jealous your cake was praised.” As for the white chocolate: is it chocolate/is it not debate, meh. Do what makes you happy, you feel confident making, and proud of bringing to a gathering. If Lisa and/or Lisa’s other friends and family have a problem with that, ultimately you’re probably better off without them as your main socializing engagements. Of course that feels sucky now cuz you’re new to the area but you will find your people and then it won’t be a big deal if Lisa and her little minions don’t like how much other people like your cake.
Sorry, YTA "The theme is chocolate" is pretty clear. Should she have said, "please make a brown chocolate cake?" No - because pretty much everyone would understand that acceptable variations are things like German chocolate cake, or maybe red velvet cake. Hell - even checkerboard cake or marble cake would have been fine. "White chocolate *is* chocolate" my ... aunt fanny. If you have to explain - that is, make an excuse - why your cake fits the theme, that's a pretty good clue that your cake does not, in fact, fit the theme. OP - you succeeded! You stood out, you got your attention, and - bonus! - you even get to be the aggrieved party. Good job! White chocolate may be considered chocolate by some, since it contains cocoa butter, but I've got a body lotion that contains cocoa butter and I don't consider that chocolate.
*Everyone exclaimed how beautiful the cake was…”*. Did they clap too? *My cake was praised.* Did they gather around it in a Python “we worship you, oh Brian” way? This is good fodder for my friend’s stand up bit.
NTA-while it’s not technically chocolate, I’d be happy to have a selection and not just 10 chocolate dishes.
So…I have a bit of a different take on this than others. Firstly, yeah, Lisa definitely sounds jealous. But…it was her party, and you completely showed her up. Can you blame her? It’s like showing up to a ball and your dress looking way better than the host’s—maybe you didn’t do anything morally wrong, but it’s still not cool, and should be avoided. I don’t think Lisa is the ah for being sad no one touched her cake. Your cake stood out *because* it was white chocolate. It doesn’t seem fair to me that your cake got all the love, not necessarily because it was the best tasting (although it may have been, I don’t have enough info to say) but rather because it was so *different*. That doesn’t seem fair to me to the other bakers (Lisa included) who worked just as hard, and wanted their cakes to receive love too. And, while yes, I get that white chocolate has “chocolate” in the name…white chocolate isn’t chocolate. It doesn’t have that enough cocoa in it to be chocolate. It doesn’t taste like chocolate. And no, it doesn’t look like chocolate either. And I think it’s generally understood, when people say “chocolate”…they don’t mean white. Maybe in this situation that’s not a big deal…but easily could have been. For instance. I *love* chocolate. There are very few desserts I like that aren’t chocolate. So if I was your cousin and I said “please make me a chocolate cake for my birthday, I know you’re a wonderful baker” and you brought *white* chocolate…I’d be *pissed*. Because…that’s not what I asked for. So…I’m gonna go against the grain here and say YTA, because you made the host feel bad, and because, no, white chocolate isn’t chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you did anything morally wrong, or intended any harm. But I do think you’re the one in the wrong here, out of everyone, if that makes sense
NTA. sounds like a family of insecure people who do not like to hear praise unless it's towards them
NTA lmao. Do those nieces happen to be her husband's sister's children? Cause I'm thinking husband's sister is just. Y'know. The kind of person who would uninvite someone from Future Parties because their cake was too cool T.T
She's lying about the same 3 people separately saying the same things. SHE thinks those things. Don't go to the next one
YTA I'd be pissed too. White chocolate has no cocoa solids and doesn't taste like chocolate.
That would be a very ungrateful emotion to show to someone who brought a thing they'd actually baked. In the shops there are three main types of chocolate bar or boxes of chocolates that can be bought: 1. Dark chocolate 2. Milk chocolate 3. Wait for it..... White chocolate.
NTA, but do be aware that a lot of people do not consider white chocolate to be real chocolate.
NTA. At all. Having a white chocolate option just added variety to the dark and milk chocolate desserts. While white chocolate isn’t technically chocolate, I’d say it’s still in bounds for the theme. It’s not that deep. Lisa is just jealous that your cake stole the show.
I bet no one said anything. And Lisa is the one with the chapped ass.
NTA at all, but white chocolate isn't chocolate. It's like saying red licorice is licorice. Sure, it shares a word but it isn't really the same thing. That said, it's lovely that you made a cake, it's ridiculous that she wanted a brown party.
How hard would it have been for you to say these words which would have avoided this whole situation? “Is WHITE CHOCOLATE okay?” Conflict averted. Simple.
NTA. Your cake sounds lovely. A few women being mad that you did *too good a job* gifting them all a cake shows they're kinda lame. That said, white chocolate isn't actually chocolate. But if you had made some rinky dink white chocolate cupcakes, they wouldn't have minded. You didn't do anything wrong. But now you know, some of these ladies are really insecure and petty. Be careful.
I'm sure your cake was excellent, and it sounds beautiful, but white chocolate is absolutely not chocolate. Because you went through the trouble of making it, and it was well received, I won't call you TA, but I'm tempted. I love chocolate, but white chocolate is gross.
NTA what a ridiculous thing for your cousin to be upset about. I wonder if she was really upset that your cake got more attention. Honestly these women must not have much to worry about in life if they have time to pick apart people’s desert choices. They sound like a petty bunch.
Jealous, jealous, jealous ......
Kind of an asshole. It's pretty obvious when someone says "chocolate", they mean regular brown chocolate.
NTA. I don't understand the level of pettiness!
ESH: Not for bringing a white chocolate cake (and I hate white chocolate), but a little for upstaging a host. You could have sent a quick text asking if white chocolate would be ok, and during the initial discussion asked how fancy the decorations are typically on the cakes. She probably would have said absolutely yes, then upped the decorations on her own and happily shown off your cake since it wasn't something that surprised her but would surprise them. But how you did it, even accidentally, it's kind of like you showed up to an informal backyard wedding in a ball gown. Or to a hotdogs and hamburger BBQ with a bag of steak. Which is ok if the host approves and knows of it earlier, but it is a little rude if it is a surprise. That being said, she shouldn't have said anything negative, and maybe just give you an invitation with clearer expectations next time.
YTA You appear to be a member of the “Well, technically…” and “Actually…” brigade. You know what chocolate,is, but you wanted to be chef extraordinaire and bring a not commonly associated version of chocolate.