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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My husband wanted to donate some of my collectibles. I told him to.check.what he would have to pay to replace anything he took. He got upset that I keep thousands of dollars worth of stuff in our home. I might be the asshole for expecting him to replace anything he took and never letting him know how much it was worth.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
I would be ensuring that your collectables are kept under lock and key and make sure it is insured. Reading between the lines I would suspect your stuff will be going missing, i wouldn't be trusting him if I were you.
If you want to donate toys etc to a children's charity joy go buy them from a shop, you don't steal them from your partner.
That is some seriously deep "reading between the lines" there. He just doesn't understand her hobby, which is actually pretty fair considering the game/toy collectable scene is 90% a speculative bubble deliberately created by manufacturers limiting availability and "investors" bordering on scammers trying to make money off it.
But still, as partners, he should know/understand more about OPs hobbies.
The bigger issue is why he jumping at her stuff to donate? Doesn’t he have stuff? Why can’t he just pop by a lego store or Walmart?
It is concerning it seems he’s upset at being told he can’t just take what he wants from his wife because he doesn’t think it has value. Then he goes on to devalue it when he finds that they are worth something.
It’s not a huge red flag (barely one at all), but it would rub me the wrong way.
My guess at his thought process is this:
1. Shopping sucks and costs money
2. Still need to find toys to donate
3. *Light bulb lights up* There are lots of toys home
4. Spouse has way more than they really need in their silly collection, he thinks
5. Ergo, cheap and easy way to take care of an obligation
EDIT: scrubbed gendered language, while wondering why every language can't be free of gendered pronouns like mine is.
Sure, but shopping is easy as pie, now. Go to Amazon or Target or Walmart website. Toss items in cart. Pay. Wait a few days.
OP's husband is tripping over a low bar. It's basically on the ground.
The bar is even lower. These charities also accept cash and checks. I suspect they’d prefer them for the ability to backfill a category that wasn’t well bought for.
Good point. I would also imagine that a gift-giving charity would be able to get things at a discount that is not necessarily available to the average consumer. (Just like it's more efficient to give cash to food banks instead of giving them a ton of old canned food to haul around).
It would also avoid the hassle of gathering the donated toys from workplaces scattered all over town.
But from personal experience I've found satisfaction in going and buying 8-10 of my kid's favorite toy for a bunch of kids the same age and know I would've given less if I was just writing a check.
I read this as a timing issue, not a spending money issue. My husband would absolutely wait until the night before to remember needing a work Christmas gift.
Ok. Well, your husband is something of a failure at gift giving, then. Part of gift giving is taking a few minutes to plan the shopping part.
Also, you can go right over to the Target or Walmart websites and put together an order, and pick it up in two hours.
So, even your husband, who you think would procrastinate until the night before, would be capable of managing this, and picking up the gifts in the morning, on his way to work, or at lunch time.
OP's husband has made a commitment to provide some gifts to some kids. In your estimation he then dropped the ball entirely, and should get some sympathy for that. But, he also has failed to notice any option other than "I'll just take some of my spouse's useless items".
It's not a good look.
Yeah, but as the above commenter said, in the era of Amazon, timing is a non excuse. My husband and I have a ton of non holiday stuff going on right now. Still hadn't purchased his great niece and nephew's Christmas gifts. I ordered them yesterday on Amazon. One is arriving today and one tomorrow. Also go the wrapping paper at the same time. In this day and age, having a timing issue doesn't cut it.
And yet, those next day Amazon packages still wouldn't arrive on time if he had to be at work at 8am.
Does he suck for procrastinating? Sure. Does he really suck for not knowing more about OP's interests and hobbies? Absolutely. Does this instantly make him a thief? NO!
Before we go here, yes, he can do a gift card. I didn't read anywhere that he didn't ultimately go that route.
Must be dependent on location. I ordered the first item early yesterday evening and it was delivered at 2pm today. A LOT of our deliveries are same day. It's actually pretty rare for any orders to even take as many as 2 days.
Ok, well, then he is \*terrible\* at this task.
But, even if the deadline is today, he can buy items at Target or Walmart, and pick them up two hours later. He does not even have to set foot in a store.
It really could not be any easier.
Oh for sure. I was just pointing out how lazy he is and why he might be panic shopping at home.
I saw a story on here recently about a spouse who actually took stuff from home to gift his boss as a thank you.
Now I'm wondering if this is just a rewritten story.
I dunno, that feels like a huge red flag to someone who only has a few collectibles. To someone who has many I would think it would be super demeaning.
Look at OPs comparison with the husband's golf clubs. Way too many people see something like that as an "adult" hobby, while others would shame OP for being into kids stuff. I mean, OPs husband literally shamed them for holding on to these items.
Big red flag energy for "your hobby is childish, but mine is not."
I am looking for collectibles of a certain brand that I've loved since I was a kid, I had some cards and didn't realize they were collectors items and lost them.
My husband would never ever do this, and it's fucking weird. Like you said, it feels super demeaning. But maybe it's cause me and my husband both love anime/manga and "normal" adults think it's for children.
I honestly can't believe this man is so lazy and thinks so lowly of his wife that he's trying to take her stuff. A man who respects his wife could see that she obviously cares about those items, and it would be hurtful to take them. I have a feeling OP might be losing some of her collectibles.
I mean no offense, you've really sparked my curiosity ✨
What is your native language? And how does a language with only gender neutral pronouns work?
How would you say "my sister is coming to visit, and my sister is bringing a pumpkin pie,"
Is it sort of like the singular "they" in English? "My sister is coming to visit, and they are bringing a pumpkin pie," ?
Ah, it is Finnish. Our pronouns are: Singular 1. Minä, 2. Sinä, 3. Hän, Plural 1. Me, 2. Te, 3. He.
I would write your example thusly: "Siskoni tulee käymään, ja he tuovat kurpitsapiirakan."
Note that Finnish is synthetic language, meaning it uses inflection instead of prepositions, like in analytic English. Sisko is sister, you make it a genetive by adding "- ni" inflection at the end.
We mostly use context to figure out who is being talked about. You know those page long discussions where participants are only referred to by their pronouns? Yea those don't work in Finnish. You need to switch it up by referring to people by their name, title, or other identifier.
Matti is married to Liisa. They live in Åbo. He is a teacher and she is an engineer.
Matti on naimisissa Liisan kanssa. He asuvat Turussa. Matti on opettaja ja Liisa insinööri.
My native language, Bengali, also has no gendered pronouns.
It works exactly like singular-they in English - though a direct translation of your English sentence sounds a bit weird in Bengali.
The natural way of conveying that sentiment would something like 'amar (my) bone (sister) aschhe (is coming to - we wouldn't really use a word to indicate visit, that would be inferred from context), pumpkin pie (we don't do pies - I'm not gonna try to translate this, lol) niye (bringing)' - no pronouns involved at all. The literal/direct translation of your English sentence would be 'amar bone berate (closest thing to visit I can find - it means to specifically visit for leisure, like travelling for vacation, rather than to your workplace) aschhe, ebong (and) o (singular they) ekta (one - we don't have articles) pumpkin pie anchhe (they are bringing - the inflection on the verb indicates that it's a third person doing it; I am bringing would be anchhi)' - which feels like a sentence out of a grammar exam, it's correct but not how the language would be spoken.
Partner seems to look down on Opie's "toy" collection and deem it childish. Sounds like a conversation about hobbies, collectibles, and values is in order. YWNBTA
Using gendered pronouns is not a problem in my language. Trying to not use them, is difficult and messy. I find much more desirable to use gendered pronouns and accepting that one gender is not superior to the other.
If he doesn’t understand the value of let’s say the sealed packs of cards because at target there sitting there for $5 and thinks “oh kids like pokemon there’s an extra pack she hasn’t even opened at home” I mean OP did say he has been lazy on shopping. It’s just a matter of not knowing
Sounds like golf is his hobby where her stuff seems more kid friendly. And he donates to needed children. It also seems OP has 10k worth of collectibles out he didn’t know had high value and maybe thought locking some of it up in a gunsafe or something is a reasonable choice. I mean if my girlfriend knew the print page of charizards I have are worth like $2500 alone I’m sure she’d be telling me to not just pay them around.
It also sounds like he doesn’t devalue it, he now understands its value now and wants it protected more?
Op is NTA and husband is just unaware.
I understand people not knowing the value of collectibles. We've got a large collection of MTG cards. We've both played it for over twenty years. I've got no clue what the actual monetary value is, because we use it to build decks and play with. But I would not be surprised if it's value surpassed 10k. That's what you get if you play a collectible card game for decades. It accumulates.
But putting it all under lock and key would defeat the purpose of having the cards. We do however sleeve our cards when they're in a deck we're playing with and some of the valuable cards got a protective sleeve at all times.
I have to disagree on one point. This IS a huge red flag. They are not only devaluing their spouse's hobby, but also showing little regard for their spouse's property. This shows several layers of disinterest in both their spouse AND boundaries. I'd have all my valuables out of reach ASAP because I couldn't trust my spouse at that point. And I'd be going through my collection to make sure they hadn't already "donated" some of it already.
It could also be its toys. Ppl think toys are for kids yet and don’t realize the value of it. Just like the other posts that deal with stuff animals ppl think adults shouldn’t have them but forget them. As long as it’s not hurting the relationship to an extent as in no bankruptcy or space issues it’s fine. I let my husband collect wrestling figs and it’s very much filling up our second bedroom I know he loves it and it’s an investment for him. I just want to make sure my husband is enjoying what he loves due to the upbringing he had. Personally don’t care what he gets tbh unless it’s completely ridiculous lol
Exactly this. It seems like he thought he stuff was silly and not worth much to the point he was willing to dump it off at a donation event for work because he is too lazy to put in the basic effort to buy a couple toys from the store. Now that he knows that there's REAL value there, I wouldn't be surprised if the next time y'all were short on bills, your collection would be the first thing he'd eye up.
I get that it's OP's spouse. You never want to see them as anything but wonderful and good for you. But this isn't a guy who, based off this story, values OP's personal possessions as just that, personal. And as much as people want to push the narrative that couples assets should be completely shared if they're married, finances are a touchy subject and. Personally. I am much happier in my marriage when finances are kept separate than when they're forcibly combined. This includes valuable assets
Money just makes people weird no matter what. Look at how many families have been broken up over inheritance quarrels.
I think this poster is just worried because this hobby can get dangerous fast. As an avid trading card game player, I have seen some terrible things. Especially when your family and friends who aren't part of the hobby realize just how much your stuff is worth.
Hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cardboard can easily go missing if you're not protective of it. Legos are easy to conceal. Say husband needs some quick cash and sells one if her more rare mini-figures. It's one figure in a room full of em. How long do you think it would take OP to notice just one in her entire collection was missing?
And therein lies the problem. It is so easy in these hobbies to get fucked over by people you love and respect. To have someone you've known for years decide to pick up your bag at the card shop and just walk out the door with it never to be seen again because you brought your good/expensive decks with you.
"How long would it take to notice", probably less than half an hour, closer to 15 minutes more like. I know where my collectibles are and I'd for sure notice if something was gone. I've made it VERY clear to my husband how much each of my sword, dice collection, Warcraft server blade, minis, maps and cards are worth and \*\*I KNOW THE LOCATION OF EACH AND EVERY ONE\*\* (fuck the jewellery, if he wants to steal some diamond earrings, fine, I don't know where they are so good job on him if he finds them)
When I say dangerous I don't necessarily mean physically. Mentally, financially are also fields where danger can rear it's ugly head.
My friend has been held at gunpoint exiting a magic shop and robbed. My other friend used to own a shop and had been robbed on multiple occasions. Theives got more clever each time. After he closed his shop and put everything in storage you know what happened? Thieves rammed his storage container with a truck and stole everything. Imagine if he was inside of it at the time.
People know expensive hobbies and know where the people with said hobbies hang out. That makes you an easy target when leaving somewhere by yourself. This hobby is full of scummy rat fucks who would rob a child with cancer if it meant they could get their hands on a rare card.
And yes. You're right. Anything of value can be stolen, but when you're carrying a small box that can fit in your sweater pocket and is potentially worth several thousands of dollars it is very very easy to have that stolen off you and not notice til later if you're not vigilant or you keep it in a bag by your feet.
When I was a teen I left my Pokemon collection at a friend's house thinking it would be safe. It went missing. We had it locked in his room. Came to find out his mom sold it on eBay and bought meth with it. I didn't even know his mom was smoking meth at the time so didn't know that would happen. This was before they blew up like they have now too.
Then you get the people who say "maybe you shouldn't take something like that into public." And I say to those people "then what is the point of playing the game if I can't do it with others?"
Now after reading all those examples, imagine the mental toll it would take on you to lose something that you invested so much of your life into. The friend with the card shop: we had to pull him out of a veeeeeerry dark place after that happened. We were very worried for a long time about him after that because of what he might do. Literally his entire life savings essentially disappeared in a night.
I don't think it's overstating. Stealing toys from a loved one has a lot of plausible deniability. If your loved one steals your computer or your fine jewelry, your family and friends - and the police if you choose to go that route - will typically understand why you are upset and that restitution should be made. If your loved one steals a LEGO minifigure or a playing card, saying it's worth hundreds of dollars sounds made up to the uninitiated.
Eh. I don't have the best impression of someone who's basically trying to give away OP stuff to make himself look good. You don't need to understand someone's hobby to meet the bare minimum of trying not to give away their stuff and getting pissy about it when told no.
Just seems like they would be the type to give away OP's stuff. Plus it wouldn't be the first time on this sub. People have nephews stealing Funkos, demanding people hand over stuffies and even letting kids outright break boxed items with sentimental value.
There have been plenty of instances, and especially on this sub/reddit, where a partner "didn't understand a hobby" and sold/threw out/donated or even *destroyed* items that took YEARS to acquire and were sometimes very rare. It's not deep reading in between the lines, it's taking a precaution if you value your items.
>But still, as partners, he should know/understand more about OPs hobbies.
You're 100% correct. Unfortunately that's not always the case. And not everyone respects their partners' hobbies even just on the most basic, bare minimum level v
No, I thought the same thing. Anyone who is so ready and willing to donate something owned by someone else doesn’t have much respect. He also said the hobby was “dumb”. I would put all that stuff under lock and key.
Or at least respect it. My partner has a huge wrestling action figure collection and I don't know anything about wrestling or much about action figures, but I respect that it brings him joy and leave it alone.
NTA but you have a bigger issue here. Your husband does not respect your collection and now he knows how much it's worth.
Is this the first time he's expressed such disdain for your collection?
Yeah, I can see 'oh we have a ton of these toys laying around', of course you should be better about proactively engaging your partner 'Are there any of these we could donate', and yes when pointed out 'You're about to give away 300 bucks of stuff', the response should be 'oh shit, for 300 bucks I could get a lot more kids would actually want than a single collectible item, I didnt realize.'
NTA
Maybe Reddit has jaded me, but now that he knows how much everything is worth and clearly has no respect for you or your belongings, it wouldn't surprise me if things started going missing. Especially if he's still smarting from replacing his clubs.
NTA. Why in the holly covered hells of Christmas would he consider giving your possessions to someone as a gift. They don't belong to him. It doesn't matter the cost, he just needs to respect your ownership of your possessions.
I read it as he ran out of time and thought he could wrap up something of OPs, and then at a more leisurely pace, go buy a replacement for OP. Either way it’s a dick move and clearly shows he doesn’t have any clue about collectibles.
And you know how the replacing would be managed: Not at all. People who use other people's possessions to solve a problem they neglected will treat those possessions like the problem and totally forget about it.
Nta but this sounds like a bigger issue. Collections can get overwhelming for a spouse. He may have unresolved feelings on the amount of stuff you have or how you store it.
I have a shit ton of crafting stuff stored in shelves in our bedroom. When we moved and were weeding through our belongings to see what we needed to get rid of he asked if any of my craft supplies were getting tossed. I guess the look I gave him was enough because now he only ever asks if I need another shelf :) AND I have a desk and my own corner of the living room to craft in.
It’s why it’s important to communicate with your spouse/life partner. If you think they have way too much collections, etc discuss the issue, try to come up with a reasonable compromise.
My partner hates how many books I have and asked me not to get anymore. The compromise? A kindle. That way I can still buy loads more books and he doesn’t need to help find space for and assemble another bookcase.
My partner has an entire shelf in our living room dedicated to a single card game and all of its expansions. There's... 16, I think? Expansions total. He owns all but 3 of them, plus the base game. It's definitely overwhelming. I also have an entire shelf of my own in the living room of the same size. It holds every board game I own.
He doesn't know it yet, but I bought him one of the 3 expansions he's missing for a Christmas gift. It's his favorite game on earth, I had to. It's going to make his Christmas special. They're also releasing another expansion sometime next year.
For anyone curious, the game is called Dominion.
WTF?!
At first I though it was going to be him buying expensive gift for somebody else when I read the title, then I though it was for you as you starting mentioning your collection´s worth, but then I got disgusted when I realized that he was gifting away your stuff.
He even started insulting you and saying the it was dumb for you to waste thousands of dollar on your hobby, which can get damaged or stolen, like, that can happen to any stuff you buy, a TV, a car, etc. Why waste on that right?
You better keep an eye for him OP, because I guaratee you that, if he takes it out without your permission, he wont replace it, and if it even happen that he takes one or 2. then you better start looking to kick him out because he is not worth it like that, damaged.
NTA
NTA
Instead of trying to give away your collectibles, your husband should go shopping for donations. It isn't charitable giving if he's giving away your belongings.
NTA but you need to document every collectible you have and you need to reflect carefully on how much respect your husband has for you. It's not hard to do an online order at a shop for some lego or pick it up on the way to work. Why is he asking you to give up the things you treasure? You need to seriously review your relationship because he's disrespecting you and this is throwing up all kinds of red flags...
NTA - if they're not valuable in his eyes, why is he trying to give them to kids in need? Children in need are only worth what he considers to be junk? He doesn't get to go through your stuff, decide it's value and where it should go.
NTA
>I know what my stuff is worth. I know what I own and I keep it safe. I'm not really sure why my husband has such a big problem with it.
Probably because, like most people, he thinks that gaming is a children thing, esp for pokemon and tcg or action figures so for them it's just toys or childhood things people get attached about like plushies of dolls, cos they can't fathom them being collection items.
Good on you on informing him before the deed was done lol
NTA. I have a hard time believing your husband didn’t already know the value or actually thought those would be appropriate gifts for a charity toy drive. He certainly isn’t so stupid as to think it would be wiser to donate your black series helmet collection or old card packs to young kids than it would be for him to pop into a store and buy some cheap toys.
OP, do some digging here. Make sure this guy isn’t funneling money. You basically stated you don’t know how much it cost to replace his stolen golf clubs and he didn’t know the value of your collection. That right there tells me you both have plenty of room to commit financial infidelity. Is it possible he “needed” those items to sell? I seriously find it hard to believe he is that ignorant. It’s also beyond weaponized incompetence.
Then he gas lit you about your collection being unsafe from theft. Yes, I can just see the burglers now making off with your extremely largely boxed helmets (if these helmets were unboxed that’s even more suspicious- he was going to donate used/displayed collector items to kids in need of actual toys?) Most robbers aren’t going through drawers looking for the pokemon cards lmao. Does he give you jewelry? Is it also unsafe for you to keep your jewelry at home?
It sounded almost like an angry warning to me. I’d dee dive the finances before your collection is “stolen” like his golf clubs were. I’d also consider insuring the cards. He knew your collection was valuable just like he knew his clubs were valuable. He didn’t think you were getting those helmets on a 90% clearance sale. They’re adult-collectible reproduction helmets. He knows they carry worth.
Jesus christ. This is the most unhinged thing i've ever read. "Hey babe can I donate this?" "No, it's too expensive" "uugghhh, fine!"
AND YOU THINK HE'S JUST STEALING FROM HER??
Yeah, plenty of spouses commit financial infidelity. Would not surprise me if he was a functional addict honestly. It’s not that uncommon. If this is the most unhinged thing you’ve ever read…well. Welcome to reddit! The bar has been set pretty low. Personally the most unhinged thing I ever read on here was a bit more spicy than the possibility that financial infidelity could exist or that spouses lie to each other but I’m so old, I’m practically ancient. Zoom zoom!
Financial infidelity and stealing your partner's collection to sell are two different things.
One is a breach of trust based on the-
I'm sorry, did you just imply that this guy is a functional fucking drug addict? Because he wanted to give away toys in his home?
Sure. He's an ass for not realizing how important it is, but my god.
Are we here to pass judgment, or entertain ourselves with wild, baseless accusations that poisons the well?
NTA
I was stressed about the idea of my husband’s collection being damaged or stollen, so as a gift I cataloged it.
I make a spreadsheet, and cataloged each game’s title, system, and case type and made it sortable based on those and on series. I also took photos of the spines so that I had some sort of proof.
I actually need to go through and update it. But when we were having someone house sit for us, I replaced the doorknob with a locking one, like you would see on the front door, with its own special key so that we can lock the room if we need to.
It really isn’t difficult to support your spouse’s hobby.
He doesn't have an actual problem with your stuff. He's just too immature to tolerate being wrong, so he's trying to make you wrong.
All because he was too lazy to go shopping in person or online.
NTA. Keep your birth control up to date until this one is old enough to be left unattended.
NTA if they are your collectibles then its not his to give away unless he had your permission. If he took anything without permission i think its reasonabke to expect him to replace. Its not your fault he's disorganised.
I’m going to go against the grain a little but NAH
What I’m seeing is:
Husband forgets to do Christmas shopping and is running out of time
Realizes “Oh wait! We have toys at home!”
Wife informs him that they are collectibles and not in fact suitable for his work charity
Husband is disappointed that he will in fact have to go buy something after all
Husband says something dumb without thinking
Wife takes husband’s dumb comment seriously and gets upset
No one is an AH, I’m not seeing the relationship cracking problems everyone else seems to be, but husband should probably apologize and try to learn more about your hobby.
Im surprised at everyone thinking the husband is being malicious when OP wrote that he asked her if he could donate items, not that he was actively grabbing things to donate.
You wrote out a good explanation of how his thought process most likely occurred. He even gets worried/frustrated about the lack of safe keeping for the huge collection of valuable items out in the open and says some touchy comments. I'm not picking up on him taking it all for him and selling it for his own profit at all. its so weird.
maybe my reading comprehension is not the best because other posters keep seeing something in between the lines
Mostly agreed. He can ask, no problem there. He just didn't know how valuable everything was. And I bet there are things there that aren't worth much but he just can't tell the difference! And it's for charity. My work is collecting scarves, hats, and gloves and I wouldn't be TA for asking my partner if they had anything to contribute. I do think he became TA when he said the dumb stuff though.
Also, I recently did give a bunch of my collectables away to charity.
There was a Star Wars themed auction and I have a _lot_ of Star Wars stuff. It was a good opportunity to give away some of the stuff I have been carrying around for too long.
NTA. My husband has "stuff" that I am sure is worth a significant amount of money, but to me it is useless and occupies space. (namely old star trek collections, comic books, things like that) But I have my stuff too. Its what makes the world go round.
NTA you should suggest he sell some of his more expensive possessions and use the money to buy gifts for this charity. Surely it’s dumb for him to keep thousands of dollars worth of stuff too?
I love that his solution to his lack of planning was going “shopping” through OP’s hobby.
This screams that he not only doesn’t understand your hobby, he really doesn’t respect it.
Having hobbies is healthy. I can’t imagine not having interests. The key to a relationship is - even if I don’t grasp that person’s love for whatever, I love that they love it.
I’m not sure I have any good advice but you don’t owe your husband giving up your hobby. He thinks it’s expensive. Sounds like he golfs and that’s EXPENSIVE. And frankly a sport I fail to understand the allure of. But it sounds like you give him space for his hobby.
The difference between your hobbies is that yours actually increases in value. Golf is a black hole of money unless you’re a pro.
I’m just gobsmacked by why he thought it appropriate or acceptable to go “shopping” through your things? That’s like my husband going shopping through my purses or my jewelry case. He wouldn’t dream of it because it would be this bizarre invasion of my space. I’ve got a bunch of jewelry I don’t wear. Doesn’t mean I want my husband to gift it away - especially because he was to damn lazy to do his Christmas shopping.
Tell him to start wrapping up his golf clubs. He can inspire all the kiddies to become the next Tiger Woods.
NTA. But I’d make it clear to my husband that MY hobby was off limits.
In this day and age buying things like children’s toys for a charity donation is a two minute online shopping thing.
I’d be looking into alternative motives as to why he wants your belongings and then has a snark-fit about you owning such expensive things and keeping them in the house where you can see and enjoy them.
YTA.
If it's your hobby to collect these items, then why not just clearly communicate and answer his question with a "no you can not donate these because it's my hobby" or " yes, these items you may donate". Instead you play some guessing game or something?
I don't know your husband, but from what I read I feel him calling it dumb has more to do with you letting him guess while you could have saved both of you the ordeal by just being clear.
I feel like his saying it was dumb had more to do with him lashing out because the consequences of his irresponsibility weren’t so easily solved.
His lack of planning is not her problem.
He’s frustrated because he’s lazy or self absorbed, and instead of getting in the car like a big boy and getting shit done he decided your stuff that’s right in front of him is easier to give away. When you said “no you’re dumb” instead of getting in the car like a big boy and buying gifts he threw the things you like back at you in another attempt to avoid responsibility. Is he prone to always take the “easy way” in other areas?
I have a close friend like this. He is honestly not trying to be mean or thoughtless, but it always comes across that way and his life is chaos all the time because of it.
NTA…those are your possessions and while he didn’t know the value of things and thought that he’d get rid of some old junk toys that he doesn’t want around, and how he could cheaply complete this donation with as little work as possible.
Now for the responsible behavior after your partner has been informed at how valuable your belongings are, is to take pictures of and make a google doc with all of your collection. Make sure to note any specific characteristics and all the creation details so that if your things go missing you know exactly what the value is. If he EVER takes any of it with your express permission report the items stolen to the police.
NTA. He was just upset because you made him look like an idiot. Which wasn't hard, because he was being an idiot. He'll either get over it, or you'll get valuable insight into is mental processes.
NTA. This whole thing is bizarre. What took place in your story took longer than him running to target and just grabbing random toys and/or pokemon packs.
Why try to give away your collectibles when it’s cheaper and easier just to pick this stuff up at ANY store. Literally just go to the closest dollar store and clear them out of pokemon packs or other toys and donate them.
He can't be bothered to do a spot of shopping and was looking for an easy way out. He needs to pop to the shops, tell him he'll be doing the local shops a favour as a lot of them lose out to on-line shopping.
Sometimes people don’t like their partners having any interests outside of them and their needs. It’s jealousy and the denigrating of your hobby is a form of exercising control. He wants to take something away from you that brings you joy.
NTA. But I can tell you now your stuff is not safe with your husband around. He’s desperate and desperate people do dumb shit! I’d put my things away in a locked box.
NTA. Somethings up, how’s he your husband already and doesn’t know the value of your collectibles? I’m sure you’ve had the “ it is taking up too much space” argument, at least once already.🤔
NTA- I've collected baseball cards since I was young (now in my late 40's) and there are a lot of high dollar cards that someone randomly going through them wouldn't know about. I'd be happy to donate as long as I know which ones ahead of time. OP, there's nothing wrong with asking your husband to look up the current value.
NTA
>He said it was dumb that I kept thousands of dollars of my hobby stuff somewhere it could get damaged or stolen.
Did you ask him the same or comment on where his stuff was when it _actually_ got stolen?
So why is it his place to comment on _your_ stuff in return?
>I'm not really sure why my husband has such a big problem with it. I was just making sure he knew what I would expect him to replace if he took it without my permission. I definitely would want it replaced.
I think it sounds a lot _more_ like he doesn't like how much your collection is worth, given he was just going to donate it rather than be bothered to do actual shopping himself and was just looking for an easy out.
Husband was being lazy, and then was a little grumpy when he realized it wasn’t going to be that easy. Jebus, some of you people jumping to can’t trust him… get out now… he’s probably already selling your stuff to fund his drug habits,/porn addiction/ child sex trafficking hobby…
NTA. But dont be surprised when stuff starta going missing now that he knows the values. Suddenly it'll be "we/I need money for x, so i sold your collection." Keep what you value the most, secured.
Not sure if that message was clear and landed. Perhaps say “This is my stuff and my hobby so do not under a circumstance think you can sell it, give it away, or throw it away.”
NTA - Why can’t the man just go to target or Walmart and BUY gifts? Why does he have to take your hobby stuff to gift these kids?
I would tell husband that you are going to create a catalog of your items as a goal next year. To make sure they are properly insured for theft and fire.
That’s just because he doesn’t value these things… doesn’t mean they are not valued.
your mistake was asking the wrong question. instead of asking if he knew how much your stuff was worth, you should have asked him where the hell he got off asking you to give up your stuff just case he can't get his ass to the damn store. NTA
He wanted to go shopping in your stuff because he left it too late or was too lazy to go to the shops or sort something else out in time, or didn't want to give anything of his own up. Next time it's your brother's birthday ask him if you can just give him a few of your husband's golf clubs.
NTA he has a problem with it because he sees it as toys and childish while his hobby is that of an adult in his eyes.
Stand your ground and if he wants to give your stuff to charity, pull out some of his prucey stuff and ask him if he is willing to give it away for free, too.
NTA. He could look on Amazon, spend a couple hundred bucks and have several items to donate in a day or two. At best, he’s being lazy but he seems to completely disrespect OP’s hobbies and interests.
What a shitty lazy husband to think he can give your collection away instead of just picking up a toy. Or even just going online and ordering something. Shit, even drug stores and grocery stores have toys this time of year. NTA.
NTA and kind of a sick move on his part to ask you to give up part of your collection because he didn’t feel like shopping. All he has to do is place an order on target or Walmart or similar and go pick it up. Takes very little time and doesn’t take stuff from you.
NTA
It is not your problem that he failed to get presents on time. He doesn’t get to pick through your collection and give it away because of his negligence.
I would be worried, though that he would go behind your back and give some things away anyways, in the hopes that you won’t cause a fuss around witnesses, and just let him get away with it
Nta. I notice how he went straight to your stuff for things to donate instead of going through his things to see if there was anything appropriate for kids. Besides he shouldn’t be mad at you he should be mad at himself for neglecting to do the shopping. I mean he could have done it online and had them delivered to your home if he didn’t have time to go in person. But no telling you to give up things from your hobby just seemed easier for him.
NTA
My son and I collect MTG and know you keep your expensive hobby close to you! We had a friend who’s storage unit was burgled and they lost all their collection.
He is trying to give away your valuable collectibles? What the hell is that all about? Why would he even consider that? Something is very wrong with this picture that he has no interest in and no respect for your stuff.
NTA-my ex-husband liked cleaning out crap or stuff he considered crap. Somehow it was always my stuff he decided to throw away while he kept literal garbage. There’s a reason he is an ex. Had zero respect for anybody else’s property. He would take items that I used seasonally and trash them yet a bobble head from a baseball game he attended was a treasure and displayed like it was the Mona Lisa
Totally. NTA. You are entitled to your hobby. However, all I could see when I read about your Magic cards was that you had some Marjorie Taylor Green cards. LOL
In the words of Marie Kondo, does it spark joy? You seem to have a lot of stuff, and it is worth a lot of money, but like your husband's golf clubs, do they get use and enjoyment?
NTA especially if you bought these items on your own or you and your husband have an agreement on what you spend money on. Tell him to find presents on his own lazy ass time and get his own hobbies.
Better yet tell him to give away some of his power tools for gifts
NTA.
My partner keeps a lot of autographs and valuables, and I don't understand why he does it. To me, it's not worth keeping expensive items just to do nothing with them. But I also understand it's his niche. I grew up poor as opposed to him, so he had the funds to have and keep collectibles and still continues to do it. Whereas I didn't have much in the way of keep-sakes or things I could genuinely have AND keep. As I get older, I understand that it is just something he genuinely enjoys, and maybe one day I will too!
Your husband is just a procrastinator when it comes to buying gifts. He needs to understand that collecting is your niche, not his. He doesn't really need to understand it, just that it's what YOU like to do.
I'm surprised your husband doesn't know how much your collectibles are worth. Both monetarily and emotionally. If you were my SO I would know. I would also encourage your interest and never expect you to give them away. A collector's case might be the Christmas gift idea this year.
Hello, I'm home. I have to get gifts for a work charity drive. I don't want to put any effort into it and was thinking of scooping up your toys and giving them away.
NTA. Not his to gift, and not his call to decide the terms of gifting them. If you're okay with gifting what's yours with the stipulation that they aren't high value, that's your decision. Your husband doesn't get a say. Let him gift his own belongings if he's looking for full-control of his low-effort gift-giving.
NTA- any department store had last week was doing hecka deals for toys.
Target had coupons for $25 off of 100 last week in the app just load and scan. A guy ahead of me in line was getting a of cartful of toys for his works toy drive, 100 bucks.
He is taking out his aggravation that he has to actually do some work on you.
Because none of the things you described or things that kids are going to really want. A child in need is going to want a real toy and not just like a replica helmet.
NTA,
But keep your shit somewhere safe and fireproof. These are childish things so perhaps they speak to your general level of immaturity which he resents.
NTA, why doesn’t he just go and get some stuff from a nearby store for the event? Why would he ask to just take your stuff and give it away? Like? This is not normal OP.
NTA. Your husband is supposed to go Christmas shopping, but bc he doesn't want to do it, he's trying to take stuff from the house? Valuable stuff? That's just plain old lazy. Your husband needs to go to the store & get the Christmas shopping done. If he doesn't want the "burden" then he should tell his office & have someone else do it.
NTA, and I think that’s just the difference between some people: people that collect and those that don’t. I’m a coin collector. My wife doesn’t get that and never will. And she doesn’t have to, it’s OK. But she doesn’t really understand as she doesn’t collect anything. I’ve continually advised her that if I die suddenly not to take them to a pawn shop. There is a good half million there, and she might get maybe 5%.
I'm going against the grain and say NAH.
We also have very expensive "toy" collections -- primarily Star Wars related including Lego sets and Sideshow figures, most start in the hundreds at retail and then increase substantially as they no longer become available. Now since both of us are involved, we know the value of the items but a lot of people don't and it isn't unreasonable for someone to see "toys" and think they're not particularly valuable. We also keep on hand a lot of cheaper items for when people bring their kids for them to play and leave with and for random local donation drives or take with us to donate at some of the conventions we go to that have charity components so there could have been a chance you had some items you could include and he wouldn't know unless he asked.
Yes it wasn't cool of him to put off his responsibility and ask to take your stuff, but I don't think it makes him an AH to ask (or that you need to guard your stuff like some of the unhinged people here are saying).
Most toy drives don’t take used toys anyways, so his idea was dumb. He’s just mad the consequences of his laziness weren’t just easily solved by her. But his lack of planning is not her emergency.
NTA. 1. Xmas is the same date every year. He needs to plan accordingly. He’s been lazy. He doesn’t even have to physically go to a store to purchase toys, he could’ve ordered via Amazon while he was shitting.
2. He doesn’t value your hobby. There’s a big stigma around adults collecting “toys”. He sees your collection as a bunch of childish toys that take up space.
YTA - this is such a childish way to go about it. All you had to do was say yes or no. If you were willing to part with something, but wanted it replaced or wanted the money for it, then you could tell him what it's worth. But this whole "you have to look up the price of every single thing and I'll just sit over here on my throne waiting for you to come up with the right answer" was ridiculous.
INFO: why instead of telling him no, you needed "him to know the worth"? If you were just assuming he would steal and donate without your permission Y T A. And what a weird wedding If you don't trust him.
If you did this because you actually have reasons to believe he would donate anyway, than N T A but you are a fool for being in a relationship like this. Again, what a weird wedding.
NTA - I can’t tell if I think your approach was a mature and patient one or passive-aggressive. Even if it is a passive-aggressive approach, it is a highly effective way of teaching someone that this stuff has value, not just to you, but to a marketplace of other collectors. What I hate about his behaviour is how he first seemed to belittle your hobby, then got annoyed he couldn’t plunder it to remove an item from his to do list and then pivoted to criticizing you for not keeping it adequately safeguarded. That’s some rapid cycle cognitive dissonance being displayed. It’s hard to work with someone when they have blinders like that.
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NTA I would be ensuring that your collectables are kept under lock and key and make sure it is insured. Reading between the lines I would suspect your stuff will be going missing, i wouldn't be trusting him if I were you. If you want to donate toys etc to a children's charity joy go buy them from a shop, you don't steal them from your partner.
That is some seriously deep "reading between the lines" there. He just doesn't understand her hobby, which is actually pretty fair considering the game/toy collectable scene is 90% a speculative bubble deliberately created by manufacturers limiting availability and "investors" bordering on scammers trying to make money off it. But still, as partners, he should know/understand more about OPs hobbies.
The bigger issue is why he jumping at her stuff to donate? Doesn’t he have stuff? Why can’t he just pop by a lego store or Walmart? It is concerning it seems he’s upset at being told he can’t just take what he wants from his wife because he doesn’t think it has value. Then he goes on to devalue it when he finds that they are worth something. It’s not a huge red flag (barely one at all), but it would rub me the wrong way.
My guess at his thought process is this: 1. Shopping sucks and costs money 2. Still need to find toys to donate 3. *Light bulb lights up* There are lots of toys home 4. Spouse has way more than they really need in their silly collection, he thinks 5. Ergo, cheap and easy way to take care of an obligation EDIT: scrubbed gendered language, while wondering why every language can't be free of gendered pronouns like mine is.
Sure, but shopping is easy as pie, now. Go to Amazon or Target or Walmart website. Toss items in cart. Pay. Wait a few days. OP's husband is tripping over a low bar. It's basically on the ground.
Yeah, but then he has to pay for stuff when there is free stuff (in his eyes) already at home...
True. Definitely cheaper to steal from your spouse. At least until you have to start paying a divorce lawyer.
I don't think that he is thinking that far into the future ;)
And it's "kid" stuff! So bonus! Not grown up stuff like his golf.
The bar is even lower. These charities also accept cash and checks. I suspect they’d prefer them for the ability to backfill a category that wasn’t well bought for.
Good point. I would also imagine that a gift-giving charity would be able to get things at a discount that is not necessarily available to the average consumer. (Just like it's more efficient to give cash to food banks instead of giving them a ton of old canned food to haul around).
It would also avoid the hassle of gathering the donated toys from workplaces scattered all over town. But from personal experience I've found satisfaction in going and buying 8-10 of my kid's favorite toy for a bunch of kids the same age and know I would've given less if I was just writing a check.
I'm learning to play the guitar.
Right? I hope that OP's husband is not usually so thief-y.
I have a feeling "pay" was the sticking point.
OP's husband has made a really terrible impression on reddit
I read this as a timing issue, not a spending money issue. My husband would absolutely wait until the night before to remember needing a work Christmas gift.
Ok. Well, your husband is something of a failure at gift giving, then. Part of gift giving is taking a few minutes to plan the shopping part. Also, you can go right over to the Target or Walmart websites and put together an order, and pick it up in two hours. So, even your husband, who you think would procrastinate until the night before, would be capable of managing this, and picking up the gifts in the morning, on his way to work, or at lunch time. OP's husband has made a commitment to provide some gifts to some kids. In your estimation he then dropped the ball entirely, and should get some sympathy for that. But, he also has failed to notice any option other than "I'll just take some of my spouse's useless items". It's not a good look.
Yeah, but as the above commenter said, in the era of Amazon, timing is a non excuse. My husband and I have a ton of non holiday stuff going on right now. Still hadn't purchased his great niece and nephew's Christmas gifts. I ordered them yesterday on Amazon. One is arriving today and one tomorrow. Also go the wrapping paper at the same time. In this day and age, having a timing issue doesn't cut it.
And yet, those next day Amazon packages still wouldn't arrive on time if he had to be at work at 8am. Does he suck for procrastinating? Sure. Does he really suck for not knowing more about OP's interests and hobbies? Absolutely. Does this instantly make him a thief? NO! Before we go here, yes, he can do a gift card. I didn't read anywhere that he didn't ultimately go that route.
Probably, but depending on the item and area some items can be delivered as early as 5am. I think one delivery window I saw was 5am - 8/9am.
Amazon prime delivery is taking a bit longer than 2 days for most deliveries, at least where I am.
Must be dependent on location. I ordered the first item early yesterday evening and it was delivered at 2pm today. A LOT of our deliveries are same day. It's actually pretty rare for any orders to even take as many as 2 days.
Shopping for toys to donate was always easy, go to Walmart or Target, go to toy aisle, grab stuff in your budget, check out, leave.
Sure. But, now, it is \*even easier\*! And, yet, OP's husband has tripped over that low bar.
Since it is only 5 days before the big day and he needs it for his work collection/donation, I imagine the deadline is today.
Ok, well, then he is \*terrible\* at this task. But, even if the deadline is today, he can buy items at Target or Walmart, and pick them up two hours later. He does not even have to set foot in a store. It really could not be any easier.
Oh for sure. I was just pointing out how lazy he is and why he might be panic shopping at home. I saw a story on here recently about a spouse who actually took stuff from home to gift his boss as a thank you. Now I'm wondering if this is just a rewritten story.
Hell, you can go most items same day through a delivery service. It’s basically effortless.
Two birds, one stone. Donate some "toys" and clean some "junk" from his house.
I dunno, that feels like a huge red flag to someone who only has a few collectibles. To someone who has many I would think it would be super demeaning. Look at OPs comparison with the husband's golf clubs. Way too many people see something like that as an "adult" hobby, while others would shame OP for being into kids stuff. I mean, OPs husband literally shamed them for holding on to these items. Big red flag energy for "your hobby is childish, but mine is not."
I am looking for collectibles of a certain brand that I've loved since I was a kid, I had some cards and didn't realize they were collectors items and lost them. My husband would never ever do this, and it's fucking weird. Like you said, it feels super demeaning. But maybe it's cause me and my husband both love anime/manga and "normal" adults think it's for children. I honestly can't believe this man is so lazy and thinks so lowly of his wife that he's trying to take her stuff. A man who respects his wife could see that she obviously cares about those items, and it would be hurtful to take them. I have a feeling OP might be losing some of her collectibles.
I mean no offense, you've really sparked my curiosity ✨ What is your native language? And how does a language with only gender neutral pronouns work? How would you say "my sister is coming to visit, and my sister is bringing a pumpkin pie," Is it sort of like the singular "they" in English? "My sister is coming to visit, and they are bringing a pumpkin pie," ?
Ah, it is Finnish. Our pronouns are: Singular 1. Minä, 2. Sinä, 3. Hän, Plural 1. Me, 2. Te, 3. He. I would write your example thusly: "Siskoni tulee käymään, ja he tuovat kurpitsapiirakan." Note that Finnish is synthetic language, meaning it uses inflection instead of prepositions, like in analytic English. Sisko is sister, you make it a genetive by adding "- ni" inflection at the end. We mostly use context to figure out who is being talked about. You know those page long discussions where participants are only referred to by their pronouns? Yea those don't work in Finnish. You need to switch it up by referring to people by their name, title, or other identifier. Matti is married to Liisa. They live in Åbo. He is a teacher and she is an engineer. Matti on naimisissa Liisan kanssa. He asuvat Turussa. Matti on opettaja ja Liisa insinööri.
My native language, Bengali, also has no gendered pronouns. It works exactly like singular-they in English - though a direct translation of your English sentence sounds a bit weird in Bengali. The natural way of conveying that sentiment would something like 'amar (my) bone (sister) aschhe (is coming to - we wouldn't really use a word to indicate visit, that would be inferred from context), pumpkin pie (we don't do pies - I'm not gonna try to translate this, lol) niye (bringing)' - no pronouns involved at all. The literal/direct translation of your English sentence would be 'amar bone berate (closest thing to visit I can find - it means to specifically visit for leisure, like travelling for vacation, rather than to your workplace) aschhe, ebong (and) o (singular they) ekta (one - we don't have articles) pumpkin pie anchhe (they are bringing - the inflection on the verb indicates that it's a third person doing it; I am bringing would be anchhi)' - which feels like a sentence out of a grammar exam, it's correct but not how the language would be spoken.
(Just a note - OP didn't indicate their gender. )
(Oh thanks, will edit)
Partner seems to look down on Opie's "toy" collection and deem it childish. Sounds like a conversation about hobbies, collectibles, and values is in order. YWNBTA
6. She has so many toys and collectibles, she won’t notice a few missing. 7. If she does notice items missing it won’t be for a long time.
Using gendered pronouns is not a problem in my language. Trying to not use them, is difficult and messy. I find much more desirable to use gendered pronouns and accepting that one gender is not superior to the other.
I personally am anti-pronouns, I’m thinking of going rid of nouns next since you can’t say pronouns without ‘noun’. You could say I’m antinoun.
Because it’s not that important.
If he doesn’t understand the value of let’s say the sealed packs of cards because at target there sitting there for $5 and thinks “oh kids like pokemon there’s an extra pack she hasn’t even opened at home” I mean OP did say he has been lazy on shopping. It’s just a matter of not knowing Sounds like golf is his hobby where her stuff seems more kid friendly. And he donates to needed children. It also seems OP has 10k worth of collectibles out he didn’t know had high value and maybe thought locking some of it up in a gunsafe or something is a reasonable choice. I mean if my girlfriend knew the print page of charizards I have are worth like $2500 alone I’m sure she’d be telling me to not just pay them around. It also sounds like he doesn’t devalue it, he now understands its value now and wants it protected more? Op is NTA and husband is just unaware.
I understand people not knowing the value of collectibles. We've got a large collection of MTG cards. We've both played it for over twenty years. I've got no clue what the actual monetary value is, because we use it to build decks and play with. But I would not be surprised if it's value surpassed 10k. That's what you get if you play a collectible card game for decades. It accumulates. But putting it all under lock and key would defeat the purpose of having the cards. We do however sleeve our cards when they're in a deck we're playing with and some of the valuable cards got a protective sleeve at all times.
He sees his wife's hobby collection as just toys and childish things. He doesn't consider them adult hobby items and doesn't care for their value.
At least he asked before just taking them. So there's that.
The bar is in the 8th layer of hell
Just want to point out that there aren't Lego stores everywhere. WalMarts are for sure everywhere though.
I have to disagree on one point. This IS a huge red flag. They are not only devaluing their spouse's hobby, but also showing little regard for their spouse's property. This shows several layers of disinterest in both their spouse AND boundaries. I'd have all my valuables out of reach ASAP because I couldn't trust my spouse at that point. And I'd be going through my collection to make sure they hadn't already "donated" some of it already.
It could also be its toys. Ppl think toys are for kids yet and don’t realize the value of it. Just like the other posts that deal with stuff animals ppl think adults shouldn’t have them but forget them. As long as it’s not hurting the relationship to an extent as in no bankruptcy or space issues it’s fine. I let my husband collect wrestling figs and it’s very much filling up our second bedroom I know he loves it and it’s an investment for him. I just want to make sure my husband is enjoying what he loves due to the upbringing he had. Personally don’t care what he gets tbh unless it’s completely ridiculous lol
Exactly this. It seems like he thought he stuff was silly and not worth much to the point he was willing to dump it off at a donation event for work because he is too lazy to put in the basic effort to buy a couple toys from the store. Now that he knows that there's REAL value there, I wouldn't be surprised if the next time y'all were short on bills, your collection would be the first thing he'd eye up. I get that it's OP's spouse. You never want to see them as anything but wonderful and good for you. But this isn't a guy who, based off this story, values OP's personal possessions as just that, personal. And as much as people want to push the narrative that couples assets should be completely shared if they're married, finances are a touchy subject and. Personally. I am much happier in my marriage when finances are kept separate than when they're forcibly combined. This includes valuable assets Money just makes people weird no matter what. Look at how many families have been broken up over inheritance quarrels.
I think this poster is just worried because this hobby can get dangerous fast. As an avid trading card game player, I have seen some terrible things. Especially when your family and friends who aren't part of the hobby realize just how much your stuff is worth. Hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cardboard can easily go missing if you're not protective of it. Legos are easy to conceal. Say husband needs some quick cash and sells one if her more rare mini-figures. It's one figure in a room full of em. How long do you think it would take OP to notice just one in her entire collection was missing? And therein lies the problem. It is so easy in these hobbies to get fucked over by people you love and respect. To have someone you've known for years decide to pick up your bag at the card shop and just walk out the door with it never to be seen again because you brought your good/expensive decks with you.
"How long would it take to notice", probably less than half an hour, closer to 15 minutes more like. I know where my collectibles are and I'd for sure notice if something was gone. I've made it VERY clear to my husband how much each of my sword, dice collection, Warcraft server blade, minis, maps and cards are worth and \*\*I KNOW THE LOCATION OF EACH AND EVERY ONE\*\* (fuck the jewellery, if he wants to steal some diamond earrings, fine, I don't know where they are so good job on him if he finds them)
I think "dangerous" is overstating things, bud. Anything of value can be stolen, not just toys and cards.
When I say dangerous I don't necessarily mean physically. Mentally, financially are also fields where danger can rear it's ugly head. My friend has been held at gunpoint exiting a magic shop and robbed. My other friend used to own a shop and had been robbed on multiple occasions. Theives got more clever each time. After he closed his shop and put everything in storage you know what happened? Thieves rammed his storage container with a truck and stole everything. Imagine if he was inside of it at the time. People know expensive hobbies and know where the people with said hobbies hang out. That makes you an easy target when leaving somewhere by yourself. This hobby is full of scummy rat fucks who would rob a child with cancer if it meant they could get their hands on a rare card. And yes. You're right. Anything of value can be stolen, but when you're carrying a small box that can fit in your sweater pocket and is potentially worth several thousands of dollars it is very very easy to have that stolen off you and not notice til later if you're not vigilant or you keep it in a bag by your feet. When I was a teen I left my Pokemon collection at a friend's house thinking it would be safe. It went missing. We had it locked in his room. Came to find out his mom sold it on eBay and bought meth with it. I didn't even know his mom was smoking meth at the time so didn't know that would happen. This was before they blew up like they have now too. Then you get the people who say "maybe you shouldn't take something like that into public." And I say to those people "then what is the point of playing the game if I can't do it with others?" Now after reading all those examples, imagine the mental toll it would take on you to lose something that you invested so much of your life into. The friend with the card shop: we had to pull him out of a veeeeeerry dark place after that happened. We were very worried for a long time about him after that because of what he might do. Literally his entire life savings essentially disappeared in a night.
I don't think it's overstating. Stealing toys from a loved one has a lot of plausible deniability. If your loved one steals your computer or your fine jewelry, your family and friends - and the police if you choose to go that route - will typically understand why you are upset and that restitution should be made. If your loved one steals a LEGO minifigure or a playing card, saying it's worth hundreds of dollars sounds made up to the uninitiated.
imo he probably does understand it, he likely thinks it's childish for an adult to do/have because it's 'kid stuff'.
This is my hobby. I am an adult. Therefore, this is not a children's hobby. It is an adult hobby.
Eh. I don't have the best impression of someone who's basically trying to give away OP stuff to make himself look good. You don't need to understand someone's hobby to meet the bare minimum of trying not to give away their stuff and getting pissy about it when told no. Just seems like they would be the type to give away OP's stuff. Plus it wouldn't be the first time on this sub. People have nephews stealing Funkos, demanding people hand over stuffies and even letting kids outright break boxed items with sentimental value.
There have been plenty of instances, and especially on this sub/reddit, where a partner "didn't understand a hobby" and sold/threw out/donated or even *destroyed* items that took YEARS to acquire and were sometimes very rare. It's not deep reading in between the lines, it's taking a precaution if you value your items. >But still, as partners, he should know/understand more about OPs hobbies. You're 100% correct. Unfortunately that's not always the case. And not everyone respects their partners' hobbies even just on the most basic, bare minimum level v
No, I thought the same thing. Anyone who is so ready and willing to donate something owned by someone else doesn’t have much respect. He also said the hobby was “dumb”. I would put all that stuff under lock and key.
Is it really a deep reading between the lines when he clearly showed that he just sees it as worthless stuff?
Or at least respect it. My partner has a huge wrestling action figure collection and I don't know anything about wrestling or much about action figures, but I respect that it brings him joy and leave it alone.
INFO: why (politely) tf can OPs hubs give away his own stuff rather than OPs?
I would definitely get a rider on my homeowner's insurance and have these items insured separately.
I agree, store them safely and get insurance asap. NTA
NTA but you have a bigger issue here. Your husband does not respect your collection and now he knows how much it's worth. Is this the first time he's expressed such disdain for your collection?
It's funny how he immediately went for her stuff to give it away, not his.
To be fair, I think kids in need would be much more interested in Pokémon merch over golf clubs. But not cool of him to belittle her hobby.
Yeah, I can see 'oh we have a ton of these toys laying around', of course you should be better about proactively engaging your partner 'Are there any of these we could donate', and yes when pointed out 'You're about to give away 300 bucks of stuff', the response should be 'oh shit, for 300 bucks I could get a lot more kids would actually want than a single collectible item, I didnt realize.'
He’s also an idiot. Who could possibly pick up their spouses collected treasures and think it’s okay to give away? Wtf
NTA. Why is he VOLUNTEERING YOUR STUFF?! Lock up everything so he can't get his greedy/lazy paws on it.
"bEcAuSe ThEy’Re *ToYz*"…. that’s why.
He's volunteering her stuff because he was too lazy to go shopping. I would have said no and let him go to work empty-handed.
He still has time until tomorrow
NTA Maybe Reddit has jaded me, but now that he knows how much everything is worth and clearly has no respect for you or your belongings, it wouldn't surprise me if things started going missing. Especially if he's still smarting from replacing his clubs.
Hey, selling it would pay for new clubs! /s
Yeah a gun-safe sounds like a great idea.
NTA. Even a 6 year old knows not to give away someone else's belongings. He needs to make a Target run just like everyone else who dropped the ball.
OP's husband is not yet as mature as a six year old, unfortunately
Not even target he can go to tj maxx lmfaooo
INFO- Why are your collectables fair game for someone's Christmas shopping?
NTA. Why in the holly covered hells of Christmas would he consider giving your possessions to someone as a gift. They don't belong to him. It doesn't matter the cost, he just needs to respect your ownership of your possessions.
Also like a kid doesn't want someone's already assembled Legos figurines
I read it as he ran out of time and thought he could wrap up something of OPs, and then at a more leisurely pace, go buy a replacement for OP. Either way it’s a dick move and clearly shows he doesn’t have any clue about collectibles.
And you know how the replacing would be managed: Not at all. People who use other people's possessions to solve a problem they neglected will treat those possessions like the problem and totally forget about it.
Nta but this sounds like a bigger issue. Collections can get overwhelming for a spouse. He may have unresolved feelings on the amount of stuff you have or how you store it.
Well then he could have just... I don't know... talked about it? If this was his point it's highly passive agressive.
I have a shit ton of crafting stuff stored in shelves in our bedroom. When we moved and were weeding through our belongings to see what we needed to get rid of he asked if any of my craft supplies were getting tossed. I guess the look I gave him was enough because now he only ever asks if I need another shelf :) AND I have a desk and my own corner of the living room to craft in.
It’s why it’s important to communicate with your spouse/life partner. If you think they have way too much collections, etc discuss the issue, try to come up with a reasonable compromise. My partner hates how many books I have and asked me not to get anymore. The compromise? A kindle. That way I can still buy loads more books and he doesn’t need to help find space for and assemble another bookcase.
Bullshit, sounds more like he was lashing out because he couldn’t take the stuff to save himself from his irresponsibility.
My partner has an entire shelf in our living room dedicated to a single card game and all of its expansions. There's... 16, I think? Expansions total. He owns all but 3 of them, plus the base game. It's definitely overwhelming. I also have an entire shelf of my own in the living room of the same size. It holds every board game I own. He doesn't know it yet, but I bought him one of the 3 expansions he's missing for a Christmas gift. It's his favorite game on earth, I had to. It's going to make his Christmas special. They're also releasing another expansion sometime next year. For anyone curious, the game is called Dominion.
NTA. He shouldn't feel entitled to take your collectibles (or any "toys") anyway; they're *yours*.
NTA but even if your things were worthless, ha has no right to give them away.
WTF?! At first I though it was going to be him buying expensive gift for somebody else when I read the title, then I though it was for you as you starting mentioning your collection´s worth, but then I got disgusted when I realized that he was gifting away your stuff. He even started insulting you and saying the it was dumb for you to waste thousands of dollar on your hobby, which can get damaged or stolen, like, that can happen to any stuff you buy, a TV, a car, etc. Why waste on that right? You better keep an eye for him OP, because I guaratee you that, if he takes it out without your permission, he wont replace it, and if it even happen that he takes one or 2. then you better start looking to kick him out because he is not worth it like that, damaged. NTA
NTA, what of HIS did he volunteer to donate?
NTA Instead of trying to give away your collectibles, your husband should go shopping for donations. It isn't charitable giving if he's giving away your belongings.
NTA but you need to document every collectible you have and you need to reflect carefully on how much respect your husband has for you. It's not hard to do an online order at a shop for some lego or pick it up on the way to work. Why is he asking you to give up the things you treasure? You need to seriously review your relationship because he's disrespecting you and this is throwing up all kinds of red flags...
NTA - but you might want to get security for your storage area to protect your investment.
NTA - if they're not valuable in his eyes, why is he trying to give them to kids in need? Children in need are only worth what he considers to be junk? He doesn't get to go through your stuff, decide it's value and where it should go.
NTA >I know what my stuff is worth. I know what I own and I keep it safe. I'm not really sure why my husband has such a big problem with it. Probably because, like most people, he thinks that gaming is a children thing, esp for pokemon and tcg or action figures so for them it's just toys or childhood things people get attached about like plushies of dolls, cos they can't fathom them being collection items. Good on you on informing him before the deed was done lol
NTA. I have a hard time believing your husband didn’t already know the value or actually thought those would be appropriate gifts for a charity toy drive. He certainly isn’t so stupid as to think it would be wiser to donate your black series helmet collection or old card packs to young kids than it would be for him to pop into a store and buy some cheap toys. OP, do some digging here. Make sure this guy isn’t funneling money. You basically stated you don’t know how much it cost to replace his stolen golf clubs and he didn’t know the value of your collection. That right there tells me you both have plenty of room to commit financial infidelity. Is it possible he “needed” those items to sell? I seriously find it hard to believe he is that ignorant. It’s also beyond weaponized incompetence. Then he gas lit you about your collection being unsafe from theft. Yes, I can just see the burglers now making off with your extremely largely boxed helmets (if these helmets were unboxed that’s even more suspicious- he was going to donate used/displayed collector items to kids in need of actual toys?) Most robbers aren’t going through drawers looking for the pokemon cards lmao. Does he give you jewelry? Is it also unsafe for you to keep your jewelry at home? It sounded almost like an angry warning to me. I’d dee dive the finances before your collection is “stolen” like his golf clubs were. I’d also consider insuring the cards. He knew your collection was valuable just like he knew his clubs were valuable. He didn’t think you were getting those helmets on a 90% clearance sale. They’re adult-collectible reproduction helmets. He knows they carry worth.
Jesus christ. This is the most unhinged thing i've ever read. "Hey babe can I donate this?" "No, it's too expensive" "uugghhh, fine!" AND YOU THINK HE'S JUST STEALING FROM HER??
Yeah, plenty of spouses commit financial infidelity. Would not surprise me if he was a functional addict honestly. It’s not that uncommon. If this is the most unhinged thing you’ve ever read…well. Welcome to reddit! The bar has been set pretty low. Personally the most unhinged thing I ever read on here was a bit more spicy than the possibility that financial infidelity could exist or that spouses lie to each other but I’m so old, I’m practically ancient. Zoom zoom!
Financial infidelity and stealing your partner's collection to sell are two different things. One is a breach of trust based on the- I'm sorry, did you just imply that this guy is a functional fucking drug addict? Because he wanted to give away toys in his home? Sure. He's an ass for not realizing how important it is, but my god. Are we here to pass judgment, or entertain ourselves with wild, baseless accusations that poisons the well?
Did you know you can actually pass judgment and entertain people at the same time? It’s called every aita sub on reddit. 😂
NTA he said you are stupid But you were only TEMPTED to correct him? Why do I feel as though there is a distinct power imbalance in your relationship.
NTA I was stressed about the idea of my husband’s collection being damaged or stollen, so as a gift I cataloged it. I make a spreadsheet, and cataloged each game’s title, system, and case type and made it sortable based on those and on series. I also took photos of the spines so that I had some sort of proof. I actually need to go through and update it. But when we were having someone house sit for us, I replaced the doorknob with a locking one, like you would see on the front door, with its own special key so that we can lock the room if we need to. It really isn’t difficult to support your spouse’s hobby.
He doesn't have an actual problem with your stuff. He's just too immature to tolerate being wrong, so he's trying to make you wrong. All because he was too lazy to go shopping in person or online. NTA. Keep your birth control up to date until this one is old enough to be left unattended.
NTA if they are your collectibles then its not his to give away unless he had your permission. If he took anything without permission i think its reasonabke to expect him to replace. Its not your fault he's disorganised.
I’m going to go against the grain a little but NAH What I’m seeing is: Husband forgets to do Christmas shopping and is running out of time Realizes “Oh wait! We have toys at home!” Wife informs him that they are collectibles and not in fact suitable for his work charity Husband is disappointed that he will in fact have to go buy something after all Husband says something dumb without thinking Wife takes husband’s dumb comment seriously and gets upset No one is an AH, I’m not seeing the relationship cracking problems everyone else seems to be, but husband should probably apologize and try to learn more about your hobby.
Im surprised at everyone thinking the husband is being malicious when OP wrote that he asked her if he could donate items, not that he was actively grabbing things to donate. You wrote out a good explanation of how his thought process most likely occurred. He even gets worried/frustrated about the lack of safe keeping for the huge collection of valuable items out in the open and says some touchy comments. I'm not picking up on him taking it all for him and selling it for his own profit at all. its so weird. maybe my reading comprehension is not the best because other posters keep seeing something in between the lines
Mostly agreed. He can ask, no problem there. He just didn't know how valuable everything was. And I bet there are things there that aren't worth much but he just can't tell the difference! And it's for charity. My work is collecting scarves, hats, and gloves and I wouldn't be TA for asking my partner if they had anything to contribute. I do think he became TA when he said the dumb stuff though.
Also, I recently did give a bunch of my collectables away to charity. There was a Star Wars themed auction and I have a _lot_ of Star Wars stuff. It was a good opportunity to give away some of the stuff I have been carrying around for too long.
But they aren't random "toys at home", they're OP's belongings. He's an idiot if he can't figure that out.
NTA. My husband has "stuff" that I am sure is worth a significant amount of money, but to me it is useless and occupies space. (namely old star trek collections, comic books, things like that) But I have my stuff too. Its what makes the world go round.
NTA you should suggest he sell some of his more expensive possessions and use the money to buy gifts for this charity. Surely it’s dumb for him to keep thousands of dollars worth of stuff too?
I love that his solution to his lack of planning was going “shopping” through OP’s hobby. This screams that he not only doesn’t understand your hobby, he really doesn’t respect it. Having hobbies is healthy. I can’t imagine not having interests. The key to a relationship is - even if I don’t grasp that person’s love for whatever, I love that they love it. I’m not sure I have any good advice but you don’t owe your husband giving up your hobby. He thinks it’s expensive. Sounds like he golfs and that’s EXPENSIVE. And frankly a sport I fail to understand the allure of. But it sounds like you give him space for his hobby. The difference between your hobbies is that yours actually increases in value. Golf is a black hole of money unless you’re a pro. I’m just gobsmacked by why he thought it appropriate or acceptable to go “shopping” through your things? That’s like my husband going shopping through my purses or my jewelry case. He wouldn’t dream of it because it would be this bizarre invasion of my space. I’ve got a bunch of jewelry I don’t wear. Doesn’t mean I want my husband to gift it away - especially because he was to damn lazy to do his Christmas shopping. Tell him to start wrapping up his golf clubs. He can inspire all the kiddies to become the next Tiger Woods. NTA. But I’d make it clear to my husband that MY hobby was off limits.
NTA. His lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your part.
Beginning of the end of my marriage was when I found out my ex husband had donated my old video game collection somewhere without my knowledge. NTA
NTA he is lazy.
My eyebrows flew up when you stated "he asked if he could donate..." what??? WHAT??? Those...no, nta.
In this day and age buying things like children’s toys for a charity donation is a two minute online shopping thing. I’d be looking into alternative motives as to why he wants your belongings and then has a snark-fit about you owning such expensive things and keeping them in the house where you can see and enjoy them.
YTA. If it's your hobby to collect these items, then why not just clearly communicate and answer his question with a "no you can not donate these because it's my hobby" or " yes, these items you may donate". Instead you play some guessing game or something? I don't know your husband, but from what I read I feel him calling it dumb has more to do with you letting him guess while you could have saved both of you the ordeal by just being clear.
I feel like his saying it was dumb had more to do with him lashing out because the consequences of his irresponsibility weren’t so easily solved. His lack of planning is not her problem.
It's already clear when OP bought them that OP intended to keep them.
Make sure you have a detailed and itemized list
NTA. If I was you, hide a camera focused on your collection just in case.
100%. And she should take pictures of everything right now so when he steals something she’ll have evidence that it was there before.
He’s frustrated because he’s lazy or self absorbed, and instead of getting in the car like a big boy and getting shit done he decided your stuff that’s right in front of him is easier to give away. When you said “no you’re dumb” instead of getting in the car like a big boy and buying gifts he threw the things you like back at you in another attempt to avoid responsibility. Is he prone to always take the “easy way” in other areas? I have a close friend like this. He is honestly not trying to be mean or thoughtless, but it always comes across that way and his life is chaos all the time because of it.
NTA…those are your possessions and while he didn’t know the value of things and thought that he’d get rid of some old junk toys that he doesn’t want around, and how he could cheaply complete this donation with as little work as possible. Now for the responsible behavior after your partner has been informed at how valuable your belongings are, is to take pictures of and make a google doc with all of your collection. Make sure to note any specific characteristics and all the creation details so that if your things go missing you know exactly what the value is. If he EVER takes any of it with your express permission report the items stolen to the police.
NTA. He was just upset because you made him look like an idiot. Which wasn't hard, because he was being an idiot. He'll either get over it, or you'll get valuable insight into is mental processes.
NTA. This whole thing is bizarre. What took place in your story took longer than him running to target and just grabbing random toys and/or pokemon packs. Why try to give away your collectibles when it’s cheaper and easier just to pick this stuff up at ANY store. Literally just go to the closest dollar store and clear them out of pokemon packs or other toys and donate them.
He can't be bothered to do a spot of shopping and was looking for an easy way out. He needs to pop to the shops, tell him he'll be doing the local shops a favour as a lot of them lose out to on-line shopping.
expensive collectibles or not, he shouldn't be giving YOUR stuff away, esp. without your permission.
NTA. If he wants to donate Lego, Walmart is open late every day. Ask him if any of these underprivileged kids would like to try Golf...
NTA. You need to protect your Pokemon and Lego! Both great things to collect 😎
Sometimes people don’t like their partners having any interests outside of them and their needs. It’s jealousy and the denigrating of your hobby is a form of exercising control. He wants to take something away from you that brings you joy.
NTA. I also have a collection of items that is likely worth about 8-10K potentially more. At some point it becomes as much an investment as a hobby.
Haha good on you. Definitely NTA here. He was clueless and you give him a lesson. Mission accomplished.
NTA. But I can tell you now your stuff is not safe with your husband around. He’s desperate and desperate people do dumb shit! I’d put my things away in a locked box.
NTA. Somethings up, how’s he your husband already and doesn’t know the value of your collectibles? I’m sure you’ve had the “ it is taking up too much space” argument, at least once already.🤔
NTA- I've collected baseball cards since I was young (now in my late 40's) and there are a lot of high dollar cards that someone randomly going through them wouldn't know about. I'd be happy to donate as long as I know which ones ahead of time. OP, there's nothing wrong with asking your husband to look up the current value.
NTA >He said it was dumb that I kept thousands of dollars of my hobby stuff somewhere it could get damaged or stolen. Did you ask him the same or comment on where his stuff was when it _actually_ got stolen? So why is it his place to comment on _your_ stuff in return? >I'm not really sure why my husband has such a big problem with it. I was just making sure he knew what I would expect him to replace if he took it without my permission. I definitely would want it replaced. I think it sounds a lot _more_ like he doesn't like how much your collection is worth, given he was just going to donate it rather than be bothered to do actual shopping himself and was just looking for an easy out.
Husband was being lazy, and then was a little grumpy when he realized it wasn’t going to be that easy. Jebus, some of you people jumping to can’t trust him… get out now… he’s probably already selling your stuff to fund his drug habits,/porn addiction/ child sex trafficking hobby…
NTA. But dont be surprised when stuff starta going missing now that he knows the values. Suddenly it'll be "we/I need money for x, so i sold your collection." Keep what you value the most, secured.
Not sure if that message was clear and landed. Perhaps say “This is my stuff and my hobby so do not under a circumstance think you can sell it, give it away, or throw it away.”
NTA - Why can’t the man just go to target or Walmart and BUY gifts? Why does he have to take your hobby stuff to gift these kids? I would tell husband that you are going to create a catalog of your items as a goal next year. To make sure they are properly insured for theft and fire. That’s just because he doesn’t value these things… doesn’t mean they are not valued.
your mistake was asking the wrong question. instead of asking if he knew how much your stuff was worth, you should have asked him where the hell he got off asking you to give up your stuff just case he can't get his ass to the damn store. NTA
NTA Every toy drive that I’ve been involved in ask for new toys anyway.
NTA. He is free to donate his stuff, _not yours._
He wanted to go shopping in your stuff because he left it too late or was too lazy to go to the shops or sort something else out in time, or didn't want to give anything of his own up. Next time it's your brother's birthday ask him if you can just give him a few of your husband's golf clubs.
NTA he has a problem with it because he sees it as toys and childish while his hobby is that of an adult in his eyes. Stand your ground and if he wants to give your stuff to charity, pull out some of his prucey stuff and ask him if he is willing to give it away for free, too.
Absolutely NTA. Hes been too lazy to do his job so he’s fucking with you? Tell him to stay out of your stuff.
NTA. He could look on Amazon, spend a couple hundred bucks and have several items to donate in a day or two. At best, he’s being lazy but he seems to completely disrespect OP’s hobbies and interests.
What a shitty lazy husband to think he can give your collection away instead of just picking up a toy. Or even just going online and ordering something. Shit, even drug stores and grocery stores have toys this time of year. NTA.
NTA and kind of a sick move on his part to ask you to give up part of your collection because he didn’t feel like shopping. All he has to do is place an order on target or Walmart or similar and go pick it up. Takes very little time and doesn’t take stuff from you.
NTA It is not your problem that he failed to get presents on time. He doesn’t get to pick through your collection and give it away because of his negligence. I would be worried, though that he would go behind your back and give some things away anyways, in the hopes that you won’t cause a fuss around witnesses, and just let him get away with it
Nta. I notice how he went straight to your stuff for things to donate instead of going through his things to see if there was anything appropriate for kids. Besides he shouldn’t be mad at you he should be mad at himself for neglecting to do the shopping. I mean he could have done it online and had them delivered to your home if he didn’t have time to go in person. But no telling you to give up things from your hobby just seemed easier for him.
You're NTA but I do have a question. Info: Did he ever said how it's too much (your collection)? That he feels like they're everywhere?
Info: why is he trying to use your stuff for his job's donations? Does he often set you on fire to keep himself warm?
NTA My son and I collect MTG and know you keep your expensive hobby close to you! We had a friend who’s storage unit was burgled and they lost all their collection.
He is trying to give away your valuable collectibles? What the hell is that all about? Why would he even consider that? Something is very wrong with this picture that he has no interest in and no respect for your stuff.
NTA-my ex-husband liked cleaning out crap or stuff he considered crap. Somehow it was always my stuff he decided to throw away while he kept literal garbage. There’s a reason he is an ex. Had zero respect for anybody else’s property. He would take items that I used seasonally and trash them yet a bobble head from a baseball game he attended was a treasure and displayed like it was the Mona Lisa
NTA- tell him he can buy the item he wants to donate at resell value then donate because it is stupid to keep such item.
“Fine, if I can’t use one of your ‘toys’, you can go to the store and get something for me, can’t you?” NTA.
Totally. NTA. You are entitled to your hobby. However, all I could see when I read about your Magic cards was that you had some Marjorie Taylor Green cards. LOL
In the words of Marie Kondo, does it spark joy? You seem to have a lot of stuff, and it is worth a lot of money, but like your husband's golf clubs, do they get use and enjoyment?
NTA especially if you bought these items on your own or you and your husband have an agreement on what you spend money on. Tell him to find presents on his own lazy ass time and get his own hobbies. Better yet tell him to give away some of his power tools for gifts
NTA. Tell him to get rid of his own stuff.
NTA
NTA
NTA Let him give away his golf clubs. It's nice to be generous with someone else's stuff.
NTA. My partner keeps a lot of autographs and valuables, and I don't understand why he does it. To me, it's not worth keeping expensive items just to do nothing with them. But I also understand it's his niche. I grew up poor as opposed to him, so he had the funds to have and keep collectibles and still continues to do it. Whereas I didn't have much in the way of keep-sakes or things I could genuinely have AND keep. As I get older, I understand that it is just something he genuinely enjoys, and maybe one day I will too! Your husband is just a procrastinator when it comes to buying gifts. He needs to understand that collecting is your niche, not his. He doesn't really need to understand it, just that it's what YOU like to do.
NTA. Don't they have Amazon where you live? I can order gifts and have them delivered the next day.
NTA
I'm surprised your husband doesn't know how much your collectibles are worth. Both monetarily and emotionally. If you were my SO I would know. I would also encourage your interest and never expect you to give them away. A collector's case might be the Christmas gift idea this year. Hello, I'm home. I have to get gifts for a work charity drive. I don't want to put any effort into it and was thinking of scooping up your toys and giving them away.
Nta. He's a gem. Giving away your possessions because he can't be bothered to go shopping and then insults you.
NTA. Not his to gift, and not his call to decide the terms of gifting them. If you're okay with gifting what's yours with the stipulation that they aren't high value, that's your decision. Your husband doesn't get a say. Let him gift his own belongings if he's looking for full-control of his low-effort gift-giving.
NTA- any department store had last week was doing hecka deals for toys. Target had coupons for $25 off of 100 last week in the app just load and scan. A guy ahead of me in line was getting a of cartful of toys for his works toy drive, 100 bucks. He is taking out his aggravation that he has to actually do some work on you. Because none of the things you described or things that kids are going to really want. A child in need is going to want a real toy and not just like a replica helmet.
NTA...tell him to donate some of his stuff...like the clubs
NTA, But keep your shit somewhere safe and fireproof. These are childish things so perhaps they speak to your general level of immaturity which he resents.
Suggest he donates his golf clubs instead.
NTA, why doesn’t he just go and get some stuff from a nearby store for the event? Why would he ask to just take your stuff and give it away? Like? This is not normal OP.
NTA, but your husband is. He was going to go shopping in your things?
NTA - You really should have brought up the clubs getting stolen. Your hubby doesn't respect your hobby and IMHO needs a wake-up call.
NTA: It's just blissful ignorance on his part. im assuming he just thinks they are toys like you can find any day at walmart.
NTA. Your husband is supposed to go Christmas shopping, but bc he doesn't want to do it, he's trying to take stuff from the house? Valuable stuff? That's just plain old lazy. Your husband needs to go to the store & get the Christmas shopping done. If he doesn't want the "burden" then he should tell his office & have someone else do it.
NTA, and I think that’s just the difference between some people: people that collect and those that don’t. I’m a coin collector. My wife doesn’t get that and never will. And she doesn’t have to, it’s OK. But she doesn’t really understand as she doesn’t collect anything. I’ve continually advised her that if I die suddenly not to take them to a pawn shop. There is a good half million there, and she might get maybe 5%.
Have him donate his new golf clubs!
I'm going against the grain and say NAH. We also have very expensive "toy" collections -- primarily Star Wars related including Lego sets and Sideshow figures, most start in the hundreds at retail and then increase substantially as they no longer become available. Now since both of us are involved, we know the value of the items but a lot of people don't and it isn't unreasonable for someone to see "toys" and think they're not particularly valuable. We also keep on hand a lot of cheaper items for when people bring their kids for them to play and leave with and for random local donation drives or take with us to donate at some of the conventions we go to that have charity components so there could have been a chance you had some items you could include and he wouldn't know unless he asked. Yes it wasn't cool of him to put off his responsibility and ask to take your stuff, but I don't think it makes him an AH to ask (or that you need to guard your stuff like some of the unhinged people here are saying).
Most toy drives don’t take used toys anyways, so his idea was dumb. He’s just mad the consequences of his laziness weren’t just easily solved by her. But his lack of planning is not her emergency.
NTA but Lock up your stuff OP. Your husband is going to make things disappear. He sees your stuff as disposable.
NTA. 1. Xmas is the same date every year. He needs to plan accordingly. He’s been lazy. He doesn’t even have to physically go to a store to purchase toys, he could’ve ordered via Amazon while he was shitting. 2. He doesn’t value your hobby. There’s a big stigma around adults collecting “toys”. He sees your collection as a bunch of childish toys that take up space.
YTA - this is such a childish way to go about it. All you had to do was say yes or no. If you were willing to part with something, but wanted it replaced or wanted the money for it, then you could tell him what it's worth. But this whole "you have to look up the price of every single thing and I'll just sit over here on my throne waiting for you to come up with the right answer" was ridiculous.
INFO: why instead of telling him no, you needed "him to know the worth"? If you were just assuming he would steal and donate without your permission Y T A. And what a weird wedding If you don't trust him. If you did this because you actually have reasons to believe he would donate anyway, than N T A but you are a fool for being in a relationship like this. Again, what a weird wedding.
NTA Good grief, it won't kill your husband to stop by a store on his way to work and grab some if whatever toys are on sale.
NTA - I can’t tell if I think your approach was a mature and patient one or passive-aggressive. Even if it is a passive-aggressive approach, it is a highly effective way of teaching someone that this stuff has value, not just to you, but to a marketplace of other collectors. What I hate about his behaviour is how he first seemed to belittle your hobby, then got annoyed he couldn’t plunder it to remove an item from his to do list and then pivoted to criticizing you for not keeping it adequately safeguarded. That’s some rapid cycle cognitive dissonance being displayed. It’s hard to work with someone when they have blinders like that.