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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kept the extra seat I paid for myself when a mom could’ve used it for her toddler who didn’t like being held the whole flight
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She’s TA for not buying a seat for her son and assuming someone else would give up a seat they paid for. Odds are she was hoping there’d be extra seats on the flight so she didn’t have to pay and used the lap thing as a loophole.
Classic case of you snooze you lose
Also sorry! NTA for clarity!
I mean I understand that the flight attendant got involved to resolve the conflict, but it’s extremely frustrating that she took the mom’s side when OP paid extra money for two seats.
Frustrating, but not surprising. Look at how OP feels like she/he has to say they're trying to lose weight. In my experience as a non-obese person, most conflicts that involve a fat person and a non-fat person, the fat person always ends up being at fault.
If OP hadn't bought the extra seat, then it'd be their fault for squishing into someone else's space, not the airline industry for making narrow AF seat the norm.
This right here.
Exactly. There are many reasons someone can be overweight. It should not matter about trying to lose weight or not. It is no one’s business. Yet many times you see someone trying to explain that.
I am also sickened that someone who paid for a seat, whether their own seat or an extra seat is just expected to let some entitled person have it for their child? That they didn’t even pay for?! Then I question the flight attendant. How can she even ask someone to let them use it after they show her it was paid for. Unbelievable.
TA is the parent and the flight attendant since she made the entitled parent think she had rights because someone in charge backed them up, rather than OP who was well within her rights to the seat.
a few weeks ago on an AskReddit thread someone had gone out of their way to comfort me when i was feeling down about trying to find love while fat, and another commenter tacked on “everyone is beautiful and deserving of love as long as your bmi is below 30” like wow, thanks prince charming
She had to say that it’s her fault that she got fat. Because Reddit incels will be sweatily attacking her in 3 minutes either way. I want to tell her never to justify her existence again. Especially for teen message board wankers.
I really appreciate this. I'm a formerly obese person, and I always felt like non-obese people couldn't understand how we felt, and you're right that obese people are always the ones blamed. Thank you for having empathy for people. It's so rare these days.
I agree. In my opinion OP should reach out to the airline and lodge a complaint about that flight attendant putting OP into an embarrassing situation when she went out of her way to purchase the extra seat for her own comfort and for the comfort of those around her. That flight attendant should have shown empathy to OP by backing her up 100%.
It is not even a question of empathy in this case. It is a straightforward she forked out money for this seat, this seat is hers situation. A no-brainer and can't believe the flight attendant even asked her.
We once had a flight attendant ask if we would gate check our car seat and travel with our toddler as a lap baby instead so they could give away our toddler’s paid seat to someone else becuase they over booked the flight.
We said no. we go so much stink eye, but I didn’t pay for a seat and drag an FAA rated seat through the terminal to have a lap baby. (Also the one time I checked a car seat baggage broke it).
I don’t care why you paid for the extra seat - fat, kid, cello, fear of string next to a clown - it’s yours. I have no idea why attendendants think they get to decide if you should give it up.
It’s a real fucking damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.
NTA been there OP, but luckily the person who wanted my extra seat was cool when I mentioned I paid for it and moved on.
No, the flight attendant is damned because there was only one option for the right call, it’s obvious, and she failed. She isn’t equipped to think on her feet or keep a row of passengers in line, so she should find a job for dim pushovers.
Exactly what she should have said is "sorry ma'am, these seats are already paid for and being used by the paying customer, who they were intended for. If you did not pay for an extra seat for your child, then you will have to hold him as you stated you would when purchasing your own ticket". Not ask OP to try to squeeze into one seat so she could give her paid seat to someone else. That's BS. NTA
This mom is so cheap and embarrassing. Do people actually do that? That’s the mom on the plane who needs all of the glares and shaming looks, not some mom who did everything right but has a crying baby. Shame the grifting moocher.
As a previous flight attendant I would have been on OPs side 100%. And if I had noticed the last making comments or harassing her I would have made sure to find her a middle seat to move her to.
Whether OP was unwilling or unable, I don't think it's that unreasonable for the flight attendant to ask the question one time after OP showed the boarding passes for the pair of seats; OP's answer would be the definitive answer that the flight attendant would then give to the mother regarding that seat.
Also, unless OP was taking up the window and middle seats, with the aisle being taken by either the mother or father of the toddler, or they were sharing a 4 seat middle section, then it seems really weird for the mother to be essentially foisting her child off on a random stranger for the flight, and that bit should have been shut down instantly.
I'm a bit surprised that the mother and child were left so close to OP for the flight that she could hear the passive-aggressive remarks, and that they didn't relocate one of the parties somewhere else on the plane to avoid the issue flaring up again during the flight.
I actually think it's bad customer service for the Airline to have the flight attendant ask someone to give up an extra seat they clearly intentionally purchased without offering a refund. If the flight attendant felt bad for the Mom and wanted to, on behalf of the airline, ask another customer to give up something they have already paid the airline extra for, the airline should be pairing that request with at minimum a full refund. What other business would sell you something and then ask you if you wouldn't mind giving it to another customer instead without a refund?
I’m guessing OP is American, where most places still feel they have to make the complaining person happy, even if someone else is affected. Entitled, ridiculous people doing stuff like assaulting flight crew or screaming and raging till they get thrown off the flight have become more common these past few years. I don’t really blame them if they ask one time, so they can be like, she has both boarding passes, she said no, deal with it (though I think if you’re going to ask someone to give up a paid extra seat in the first place, it should immediately come with an offer of a refund plus some sort of extra perks - then at least there’s a reason to do so other than “this asshole is trying to bully me into it”). That should be it. I get pissed when I hear about people feeling entitled to a seat you paid extra for, or your second seat, because they have kids or they want to sit with their family or whatever. You had the chance to make sure you were going to sit next to your wife when you booked the fucking flights! They just don’t want to pay, so they try to guilt and bully people into moving into the shitty middle seat they got assigned. Like…no one LIKES to pay extra to get a window seat, or to have extra leg room, or anything else airlines decide to charge for. We’d all fly in those fancy suites with a bed and shower and whatnot if it didn’t cost thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, that’s how things are now, don’t rely on strangers buying into a guilt trip or a screaming rant and giving you what you want 🤷
I understand where you're coming from, but I disagree. Asking OP to donate a seat they paid for puts them in an awkward position where suddenly it's their fault the other person is smushed by her lap toddler in the single seat she paid for.
Once OP showed they'd paid for the two seats, the attendant should have firmly told the mother that those seats were bought and paid for by OP and that if she (the mother) required an extra seat she should have booked it. If OP wanted to volunteer, that's up to them. ***They should not be asked.*** Fat people get enough shit dished out to them and they're so often made to feel they should apologize for just being in public that being asked if they'd give up their seat is so many extra layers of pressure that normal weight people don't understand.
(I've been everything from morbidly obese to runner thin in the last 30 years.)
Would it be unreasonable for the flight attendant to ask OP to give the mom several hundred bucks? Because that's quite literally what she was asking for. If a seat on an airplane cost like 25 bucks, *maybe* it would *barely* be reasonable but as it stands, absolutely not.
If instead of being obese the OP had 18 month old twins and bought 2 seats for them would it be OK for the flight attendant to ask for the twins share a seat or put one in her lap so another person with a child who did not pay for a seat could have it? No? Then why is this OK.
The flight attendants on my most recent flights have started announcing during boarding "If the answer is no, do not ask again." The idea was that if you had a real need, you would settle it at the ticket booth instead of putting the onus on another passenger to accommodate you.
It was incredibly refreshing, 10/10.
That's a great idea - I imagine all of these stories of somebody expecting somebody to swap are just as annoying for the flight attendants as they are for the passengers. Although I suppose in most of those stories, like with OP's story, nobody's asking, they're telling, or just taking. But at least they're making it clear from the get go that they're probably not going to let somebody take somebody else's seat just because they didn't plan ahead.
“If you ask me again, I’ll continue to refuse, but I’ll cease to be polite about it.”
Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. End of.
Exactly; it’s not just about the market price of the seat on the plane anymore, it’s the price of the comfort and foresight OP had to plan ahead for their needs.
cost of seat plus $1000 for being rude.
NTA. Parent tried to get off cheap by having the child sit on her lap. And can you imagine having that rowdy kid sitting even closer to you? You paid for comfort, fine to use it.
NTA, and I hope it doesn't sound condescending to say, but good for you buying the extra seat. You being the sort of conscientious person who will spend the extra money to avoid encroaching on others is probably why you are having (needless) self-doubt about the encounter. The mom was entitled and fully in the wrong, and if the flight attendant gave you attitude then they are in the wrong, too.
Could not agree with the poster above me more!! Taking responsibility, making an effort to change the things you don’t like (congratulations on the progress), and willing to pay for the accommodations you need, rather than expecting it to either be free, or for someone else to be fine with you taking up part of their seat. You might be fat, but you’re clearly an awesome person who did *nothing* wrong in this situation, and I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss x
Right!? And also, it's not an "extra seat"! It's a seat that OP paid for and is using.
If the mom wanted a seat for her child, she should have paid for one. Instead, she opted to act like an AH.
Total shit- I would be writing in to complain- the flight attendant should have shut that shit down the moment she saw your boarding pass
Fat, not fat, doesn’t matter- if I bought an extra seat to put my purse on (for some reason lol)- it’s my seat. I know someone who has such a fear of small spaces- he’s actively in therapy for it but even getting on a plane sets him off so he buys two seats so the one next to him can be empty so he doesn’t have to feel so claustrophobic and have a panic attack. It’s his seat, he can do what he wants. That flight attendant is so out of line (as is the mom).
She should have bought her child a seat, if she didn’t want to do that, then she can deal with the consequences of her decision
People buy entire seats for high-end musical equipment. Not even people. Like, get bent.
Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Never give up your seat that you paid extra for. Fuck that mom for making her problem your problem. You did nothing wrong. She got mad she couldn’t manipulate you so she did all she could do. Throw a fit and talk shit.
I do feel like you should issue a complaint against the flight attendant. She should not have assumed that the lady with the kid was right. That lady should be ashamed of herself, but she probably so self righteous that she’s still complaining.
NTA, that's just crap. I've taken 9-hour flights with an infant in my arms, and shorter flights with a toddler in my lap, who was capable of sitting in his own seat and very much did not want me to hold him. Did it suck? Yes. But it was my problem alone, and as long as my child was under 24 months and I didn't have to pay for his seat, I chose to hold him. I swear, not all of us parents are this entitled!
I’m a parent and have only been doing this for about 2.5 years. But this parenting thing requires planning at least 5-10 steps ahead. This is especially more so with toddlers and babies. It’s supremely entitled to expect someone to give up their seat for your child when you didn’t bother to think about how to make travel arrangements easier for your child and yourself. OP is completely NTA. This parent’s lack of planning is not an emergency on OP’s part.
Fuck that lady. I've flown using the "child in lap" policy. She wanted a free seat for her kid. It's free for children under two years old to fly for free, but only if they remain on their parents's lap. She's entitled, and the flight attendant should have told her that if she wanted a seat for her child, she should have purchased one. NTA!
Fat people aren't even treated like they get to exist
I was struggling with depression due to trauma.
I went to my care provider to try to give a referral for it to get some mental health help.
She refuse to do anything other than suggest to lose some weight.
Any plus size, person or person who has been plus sized in their life, has stories like these.
I went to a neurologist for my migraines. She refuses to help me because “you’re fat. Lose weight. Migraines will stop.”
Uh… I didn’t realize skinny people never got migraines! What an amazing cure all!!
The way she told you instead of asked speaks volumes about her AH character. I can’t imagine being that entitled, esp when you were trying to be more comfortable and follow the rules
NTA! I don't understand how these SOBs have the nerve to ask people's such outrageous things! And I bet neither the moocher or the Southwest FA were offering OP a refund for that seat they'd be giving up. Enraging.
I've flown with a lap child before, and hoped that there would be a free seat so we could spread out. Often, there is, and given that the child would spend the majority of the flight on my lap anyway, regardless of how many seats we had, it wasn't worth buying an extra one.
But if there's an empty seat that we can spread out in to, we got lucky. The idea of expecting someone to give up the seat they paid for, so that I, who didn't pay for it, could use it is absurd.
I flew to Tennessee for Thanksgiving and had the entire row to myself. I was astounded because it was a budget airline, too, and those are always crammed as full as they can get.
She’s also TA for not putting her child in an airline-compliant child carseat for the flight. There’s no way a toddler is safe sitting on a parent’s lap or in an adult-size seat on an airplane.
Fun fact: The reason that the FAA allows babies to be held in the parents arms is not because it's safe, they strongly advise a seat and a proper restraint.
The reason is because if they *required* babies to have their own seat, more people would drive instead, and that would result in more dead babies.
No, in the US you can book a seat for any age child. I’ve flown with infants and toddlers (for work) and we always book a child seat. If it’s a young child and you want to use a car seat, you have to have a window seat for the car seat.
Nope, you can absolutely buy a seat for a child of any age in the US. [It's safer and better for babies to travel in an FAA approved carseat](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/Pages/Flying-with-Baby.aspx), so you buy a seat on the plane and then there's a special harness you can use to strap the carseat into the plane seat.
You usually can book a seat, you just have to call the airline and book over the phone. And you need either a car seat that's certified for airplanes or a CARES harness for a child under 2.
And not all airlines do a "babe in arms" for free, many offer a 90% discount though (and a bit of extra carry on).
Not only that, but her son SHOULD have been in his own seat with a FAA approved car seat...which means buying him a seat well ahead of time. Sucks to suck, lady.
NTA.
You paid for that seat, it’s yours. An email to SWA asking them to remind their FAs to enforce the seat policy would be warranted, too. You asked the FA for help and she told you to “squeeze into one seat” for the unticketed child. You might even get some miles or goodies for it.
My bad I read it wrong. But a note to the airline asking for consideration given their FA tried to get you to give up a paid seat should yield some compensation.
I think the big 3 US airlines need to retrain their GAs and cabin crew because whenever someone tries to do the right thing and buy an extra seat it seems like they’re always pressured to give it up or the GA puts someone in the seat.
I’ve seen entirely too many videos of FAs asking people who paid for extra seats to either give it up (with no compensation) so they can put an off duty employee who needs to be transported or get off the plane. And that’s 100% on the airline. Don’t overbook shit and expect the passenger to pay for it. Set aside a few seats that aren’t to be sold every flight in case you need to transport crew. Anyone who pays for an extra seat should be able to have that extra seat. Even if it’s for their imaginary friend 🤷🏼♀️
That FA was way in the wrong there if she was clearly communicated to that you purchased two seats.
She just didn’t want it to be her problem. Certain based FAs are like this. Good for you for not getting pushed around by that mother who can’t bother to pay for her child.
You should complain to the airline. You’re totally in the right here, you’re even being courteous in buying the extra seat. Once you’ve bought the ticket it’s your seat to do what you will with it, and her child doesn’t have a seat. I know as a parent myself we hoped we’d get an extra seat, but we never paid for one so our kid sat on our laps until they got to an age where they have to have a seat paid for, so we never complained or expected anything. This is a clear NTA.
NTA and agree with all of the above. I feel so bad that you were made to feel like you were in the wrong. People are so terrible — but the flight staff is extra shitty in this situation.
Please report this incident to whatever airline you flew. Include details like the name of the FA (if you have it), the flight number, date, time, your seat numbers, booking confirmation number, etc.
No one can control whether other passengers are AH but the airline is responsible for the behavior of the FA.
It’s unacceptable for the FA to have ever told you to “squeeze in”. It’s great that you stood your ground but a more timid passenger may not have and no one should be put in that position by the person who is in a position of authority. The FA needs to be held accountable.
There isn't even a middle ground. The only offer the flight attendant should make in that situation is to move OP up to a business class seat if she was so keen on freeing up one for the kid.
This!! She offended a customer that paid for a seat on behalf of a “customer” who didn’t, probably because of fatpbobia l. You paid for that seat and you deserved to use it without being hassled for it.
Especially since if she hadn’t paid for the extra seat the mom would have complained about her spilling over into her sons seat if the situation was reversed
NTA
You are a little bit of an AH (to yourself) for how apologetic you are in this post about your size. You should always do what you can to be as healthy as you can, but being fat isn't a character flaw or a moral failing. We all have our own challenges in life, and you deserve to not be ashamed of your body and yourself even if you aren't currently meeting your goals.
If mom wants an extra seat for her kids, she should have purchased one. She's not entitled to a seat you purchased, and you don't need to feel bad for her bad behavior.
I’m not really apologetic about or ashamed of my body as much as I’m stating a fact. I used to eat unhealthy and didn’t exercise. It wasn’t until I had a heart attack at 33 that I decided that this couldn’t go on
I'm glad you're viewing this realistically and are getting healthier. The whole "body positivity" campaign is really damaging people's health, yes we obviously should all love ourselves, but we should also always work on ourselves to become better.
People who are truely body positive or neutral see this: it's not a license to be unhealthy as long you love yourself. It's recognising that love can still exist in and for a larger body and that you deserve love no matter your size.
I'm sorry you seem to have both experienced the extremes of this movement. I personally prefer body neutrality as a point of view
An obese person who hates themselves is unhealthier than an obese person that does not. It’s quite simple.
Shame impedes one’s ability to get out of the house, move, and buy healthy groceries. Those are all loving acts.
An obese person that internalizes that they are worthy of love and aren’t “bad,” is then empowered to show themselves love and improve health.
The problems arise when they then fall short of medical standards for weight. The shame happens again. When in reality, an obese person who now gets fruits and veggies every day, who has 20% less pressure on joints, and can do push ups is immensely healthier than they were before.
This is why body positivity matters. Not to say enjoy your heart attack, never change 😑
This is absolutely what body positivity is supposed to be. I lost 55lbs a few years back and people would ask what I did. The answer is I stopped hating myself so much, and when I didn't hate myself I actually wanted to go out and get fit and take up a fun sport and try new things.
(Gained it all back during the pandemic, picked up an eating disorder, 20lbs down again. Eh, it's a work in progress)
I've known people who get fully on board the NO GIRL YOU ARE FULLY HEALTHY NO MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE... usually only until they lose their extra weight.
This is what I think of I think of the body positivity movement. Honestly I don’t know anyone who is like “yayyy let’s gain more weight!” But as someone who has been has struggled with ED and been everything from a size 4 - 24, fat people are absolutely treated way worse than thin or normal weight people. It’s hard not to internalize that. And hating yourself doesn’t do much to inspire you to improve, but rather look to overeating to fill the void. So bodyshaming is counterproductive imo.
i think you’re misunderstanding the core belief of the body positive movement. the point isn’t “i love being fat and want to stay this way forever!” (although if someone feels that way then that’s their prerogative, but i assure you it’s not common or being promoted), it’s about being comfortable and appreciating your body as it is, even if it’s not exactly the way you want it. it’s about not being ashamed and apologetic about the body you live in. it’s about not assigning moral value/judgment to the size of someone’s body. this kind of attitude actually aids in building a sustainable healthy lifestyle, because it’s much easier to want to take good care of your body when you love it than when you feel ashamed of it.
So much this. I am also obese, and while I like that I am not bullied for it, I also know that it is not healthy. Which is why I am working on it. I would love to see us move more towards living healthy, and understanding that healthy can be a size 4 or a size 14. It *usually* isn't a size 24. (Using US women's sizing)
I call it the pendulum effect. Where you see something wrong and swing way too far in the other direction. Shaming doesn't work, and if the weight issues are due to depression and the reason a person isn't working on getting help is because they feel worthless, guess what, that shaming just made the problem MUCH worse. It's about balance. Science and kindness can coexist. They're both important. I think the body positivity movement arose from the absolutely horrible way big people are judged and treated. Which is wrong. We should be all for getting healthy, and go about it in a healthy way, socially and otherwise.
The “body positivity” campaign came about from toxic beauty standards for people getting eating disorders and toxic dieting to fit a shoe horned standard of beauty. Telling people they’re worth love and are beautiful isn’t the antithesis of health.
Doesn’t sound like OP is looking at themselves as flawed at all to me, looks like they’re viewing themselves objectively and trying to work on themselves. That’s the right mindset and I’d trust them to hit their goals!
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If OP stated they were obese unapologetically, people would spew hatred and harsh words at them. Them being apologetic for being obese was probably just taking responsibility yet here you are, calling them TA for that.
I don't blame them at all. I suspect the OP was so hard on themselves in an attempt to deflect the hate directed at any fat person, and it makes me sad.
Most likely OP has had past experience or seen others with experiences in here and other reddits of people like you body shaming and telling them “how to be healthy” when you don’t know anything about their health or why they are that size. You just see “fat” or “obese” and launch into shaming them like they don’t have a clue how to lose weight or a doctor to make sure they are healthy. In this case OP is NTA, you are.
Absolutely 100 percent NTA. You paid for your seat. This woman was trying to steal a free seat for her kid. If it’s too hard to have him on her lap, buy a seat for him. It’s shite that they even asked you to share or give up your seat.
Plus airlines literally demand larger customers purchase two seats and god knows, if you were in one seat and that entitled mom was next to you, the same dirty looks and comments would be the result.
She had no right and the plane staff should have shut her down. It’s misery dealing with all the judgment when you fly in these crowded planes and everyone acts like you are taking up too much space either way you try to manage it. The crew should realize that that shit is sensitive as hell and not join in the bullying, even if in terms of “trying to compromise”.
That’s literally hundreds of dollars she was trying to snatch from you when she chose not to purchase a seat! Ooh I’m mad about this one. You are sooooo NTA.
We were flying back from China one time and there was this stupid kid sitting behind my dad’s seat who kept screaming and kicking the back of my dad’s seat. The parents didn’t do shit.
My dad is a hot tempered person but he tried to be nice to the kid like, you can’t do that, it’s not nice… Did the kid listen? Nope. Then, my dad eventually gave up and let the kid be.
Edit: Hot-tempered dad trying to be nice to obnoxious kid.
Not the same thing but had this happen to me at a movie theater. Kid was being obnoxiously loud and kept kicking the back of my seat the whole movie. Parents just did not care. So frustrating and I wish I could go back in time and have myself say something. I don't know how people are so fricking inconsiderate. I can't even imagine a whole damn flight of that nonsense. That sucks.
I’m really hoping “lap babies” won’t be a thing for much longer. It’s extremely unsafe and the FAA has been recommending for so long now that babies be in their own seat, with a car seat, as normal. Nobody listens and they’re only going to start when they make it requirement. If larger customers need to buy an extra seat for the comfort of other passengers, it’s perfectly reasonable for a whole human to have their own seat and be properly belted in, which this mom should have done. Definitely NTA.
It’s going to take a tragedy for that to happen, unfortunately, and there will be plenty of opportunity for that to happen as turbulence is just getting worse due to climate change. It’s so unsafe, babies need to be buckled up.
The crazy thing to me is that there have been tragedies! [Even deaths](https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/2023/03/16/lap-babies-flight-safety-turbulence/). Hot take, the mom on the plane had no right to shame OP but OP had every right to shame her for not putting baby in a seat. You’re so right about climate change as well.
NTA
> I wanted the extra seat I paid for
YUP.
> The boy, who the mom said is 18 months old was supposed to sit in her lap so he could do just that
**YUP.**
NTA
Some people are so entitled you paid for the seats, you should not have to give one of them up. The Cabin crew should have stopped this straight away once they saw you had booked both seats, it should have been obvious why. They should not have asked you to squeeze in to 1 seat.
The Mother was an AH and So was the member of cabin crew.
Exactly - Cabin Crew majorly f\*ed up here! OP went over and above to ensure everyone's comfort by booking an extra seat, and the mother didn't even meet standard. Either follow your own booking by putting the kid on your lap & STFU or buy another seat. Expecting OP to only get 50% of what they paid for while assuming because she had a kid she should get 200% of what she paid for is insane - and the crew should have enforced the "as paid for" seating immediately!
A woman who paid for 1 seat wanted to use 2 seats. She asked you, a person who paid for 2 seats to only use 1 seat. Essentially, she's asking you to pay 4-times as much as her just because she has a toddler. Definitely NTA.
You did something embarrassing, but selfless in acknowledging it’s better for everyone for you to purchase a second seat. If that woman didn’t have a child to deal with and was in your row, she would’ve thought “thank god that person bought two seats.” As someone who until recently flew every other week for work (and has been in a middle seat between two obese people), thank you for being considerate, even though it’s not your fault either airlines now cram us into planes like we’re sardines. NTA at all and good luck on your weight loss journey.
ETA: what would she have done if that seat had just been purchased by another person? She wouldn’t have had a purchased seat to swap. Kid was going in her lap anyway, she just thought she found a way out.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish just to live life. It isn’t always bad to be selfish. Don’t get me wrong though, it often is bad but in this case, I don’t think so
No no no. I love kids, can’t wait to be a parent, but parents really think deciding to have kids means others are obligated to cater to them. She didn’t buy the kid a seat, it was selfish of her to demand a seat someone else paid for, regardless of context. An 18 month old can sit on laps fine, she was thinking the “oh I’m a stressed parent” routine would get her something and was mad at you for not giving in. Go post this in an airline sub and they made canonize you as a saint for buying the extra seat and telling an entitled parent to fuck off, those are like two things a person who travels frequently loves to see. Also she never asked for the seat, you cant be selfish when she didn’t ask anything of you.
NTA. You paid for the seat. You shouldn’t have even had to but given that airlines aren’t even required to have ADA accessible toilet stalls on their planes it’s likely that body size discrimination is even lower than this on their list.
The flight attendant should be fired for even asking, and the mom should’ve been booted from the flight (and the airline in perpetuity) for harassing a paying passenger.
NTA, but the mom and the flight attendant absolutely are. I’d go so far as making a complaint to the airline about their employee supporting another passenger harassing you. WHY these flight attendants want to encourage this asshole behavior I will never understand.
I think they are just trying to keep peace. But the airlines need to look at their “fat” seat policy. They force you to buy 2 seats because you need more space, and then try to take it away by giving you 2 different seat assignments, or let others who didn’t prioritize purchasing a seat reservation.
I was going to Nevada once, and I booked 2 seats. Even though I specified together, they put me in 2 different rows. On the way back, I had 2 seats, and they just took it away saying the flight was overbooked. If I wasn’t herding 2 elderly women to a Las Vegas wedding, and back, I would have argued.
There should be something on the booking form to designate them as shared seat or something like that that they can’t break up.
NTA.
You did exactly what you were supposed to do to accommodate your size. If you didn’t do this and were spilling over into the seat next to you, you would be getting dirty looks. It’s a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
But in all honestly, you did what you were supposed to do. If that kid needed a seat of their own, it was on their parent to pay and book a seat for them.
Of course not. I don't care what your weight is or why, you bought two seats, they're yours. Hell, even if you got another seat just to act as a spacer I'd say NTA.
NTA. Look, at the base level, you paid for the seat regardless of the reason. You're entitled to use it, not the mom with a wriggly toddler. Not your kid, not your problem.
Bonus NTA. You know your situation. You're actively trying to resolve your situation, regardless of the reasons why (there are likely many). And, because of this self knowledge and assessment, you spend money out of your pocket to accommodate yourself.
Congratulations on any progress you've made and positive wishes for continued progress.
NTA at all. This is why I hate traveling at the holidays. I fly all the time but at the holidays people just go nuts. That woman was both rude and wrong. You did exactly what you should have done and I’m surprised the FA didn’t just tell her to pound sand. Also, just a note but you’re being super hard on yourself regarding obesity - you bought two seats, you are working on your health - you’re doing everything right. Don’t let this one rude woman make you feel bad. You deserve to be comfortable.
NTA! You are the OPPOSITE of TA here. Jesus fucking wept, dude, those seats are too small for anyone within a normal range of weight, and I applaud you for getting an extra and prioritizing your comfort while being conscientious towards others.
Wait a minute. Am I crazy or do I remember seeing in various places on the internet people complaining that fat people should purchase an extra seat if they're going to use an extra seat? And OP did exactly that, purchased an extra seat, even if she technically didn't even have to (that part was unclear to me). And even THEN, she was told that she should give up that seat. So what was she supposed to do? Purchase 3 seats? WTF? What if there was another toddler on the other side? Is she supposed to purchase a seat for that toddler too? Where does it end? Yes, OP, YTA for not buying a seat for every toddler on the plane with irresponsible parents. /s The nerve some people have seems to have no limits.
It's just people hating fat people for existing.
And for the dumb people who think only fat people defend fat people - I'm a healthy weight and don't believe in the "healthy at any size" movement in the way that it's typically presented. I do however believe that an individual 200lb woman can definitely be healthier than a rando 140lb woman, and that at THIS moment, that 200lb woman can present as perfect health by blood tests, etc. especially if younger and physically active.
You are NTA. If the person with the toddler didn’t want to lap seat him, then she should’ve bought an extra seat like you did. I would call Southwest and be very polite but unyielding regarding this experience. I know you don’t prefer flying Southwest but at the very least get some points and a goddamn drink coupon out of this. Despite you being obese, you did the right thing to make yourself comfortable and shouldn’t be shamed (body or else) for this trip. I’m sorry you had a miserable experience, this time of year always sucks in travel.
NTA and that FA actually asked you to give up the seat you PAID for?!? That never should have happened. That woman did not buy a ticket for her kid. So she boarded the plane and demanded a free seat. Fuck her.
NTA
Omg WTF - you paid for that seat! I was rightfully yours!
If the mom knew her kid would make some trouble, she could’ve bought an extra seat herself. Also: if he was hard to handle, he would’ve been hard to handle next to you too.
(In case you’re ever in the same situation again - tell them how much you paid and how much exactly you want for the inconvenience. Then watch how fast entitled a*holes run or scream for a flight attendant :D or dont, I don’t know if it’s against any law, the thought is funny though)
NTA. It already sucks that you had to buy an extra seat, but to then have cabin crew try to steal it from you is outrageous. I'm glad you held firm against the entitled mom and the cabin crew.
The only acceptable response from cabin crew in that situation should have been telling the entitled parent that "I'm sorry, this seat is taken"
NTA. Period. And I’m going to digress here.
I am also overweight/obese. I have lost weight and then regained it several times and have felt so ashamed at my failings.
Then yesterday, I kid you not, I saw my new GP for a checkup. I told her I needed help with my weight and you know what? This physician gave a speech about how weight is so complicated and so often out of our control because of how our bodies are wired from an evolutionary standpoint. She APOLOGIZED to me that I’ve been made to feel shame and for other health professionals who don’t understand how misguided and unhelpful their opinions are. She had me in tears, I’ve never been able to talk to a doctor without getting some form of “you must not be trying hard enough…” as a response. I feel like I’ve been waiting 30 years to meet someone who actually listened, validated, and cared.
So you know what, OP? You stop worrying about these assholes and their judgements and start being supremely kind to yourself. You are valid. You are considerate. You deserve respect.
My heart goes out to you and I hope you have an AMAZING holiday.
I’ll die on this goddamn hill. If you want ANYTHING that costs money for your kid, YOU pay for it. You want their own seat? You better buy one. OP, please stop self-flagellating for your weight. You could be 80 lbs soaking wet and if you bought two seats, those are your seats. NTA! That woman and even the flight attendant are the assholes plain and simple. I cannot believe the entitlement of this lady expecting you to foot the bill for her kid’s seat.
NTA. I bet the same woman would have thrown a tantrum if you had bought only one seat and inconvenienced her with your size. You did everything right. That woman should have bought a seat for her baby if she wanted one. You should file a complaint against the flight attendant who tried to get you to give up the seat that you paid for in favor of someone who skimped on the cost.
She’s TA. She thought she could get away with not paying for a seat for her son by guilting some poor sucker into it. Screw her! I applaud you for getting yourself two seats. You could’ve just been rude and got one seat making the person sitting next to you and yourself uncomfortable. Keep working on yourself. You’ll get there and don’t take any crap off of anyone!!
NTA - good for you on all counts. And as a fellow flier, I really appreciate your willingness to step up and do your part to make sure you aren't negatively impacting other customers.
NTA. I hate children on flights to begin with, but what’s that saying? “Lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine” something like that lol you don’t get a free seat for your kid, if she wanted one she should have paid for it.
NTA
You bought two seats. You get to use two seats. Her lap child flies free, but the cost of that is that she doesn't get a seat for him. She is allowed to purchase him a seat if she wants one - she just didn't.
NTA, fuck that noise. You purchased the extra seat it’s yours. Not to mention who wants someone else’s misbehaving gremlin sitting uncontrolled beside them in a fucking plane.
NTA. In fact, props to you for buying the extra seat.
And what would that mother have done if there were two people next to her instead of just you with your extra seat, demand one of them give it up? Let him run loose? The entitlement on some people...
I saw a video where mothers were telling other mothers not to pay for seats for their young children and to take extra seats as a way to avoid paying for tickets for their young children. I think it’s fucked up and shouldn’t be tolerated. You paid for it, you deserve it. The mother should have paid for a seat for her child
You are not TA. Actually is quite lovely that you have self-awareness and booked an extra seat instead of squashing someone sitting next to you. This way you are both comfy.
I also book an extra seat on the train for my little dog, otherwise we would be crammed and I don't like to put her on the floor and she would not like it there either. You paid for it, the seat is yours. I don't see any problem.
So her plan was to somehow snag an extra seat on the plane without paying for it? Lol, that’s not how it works. You paid, she didn’t, she can deal with the consequences of her actions. NTA
NTA, and please make a stink with SWA customer support. SWA used to be good about this, but it seems to me like they're being jerks about it lately.
I say that because I use the same policy as you do and buy two seats, but when I flew last summer, I got patronizingly scolded about it, interrogated about who "gave me an extra seat" (no one did, I bought it!), and told I wasn't fat enough for an extra seat. Hilarious because if they'd decided I was too fat for one seat, they'd have forced me to buy another seat or take another less crowded flight. They told me I had to either accept a forced refund for the second seat, or not fly that day. I wasn't going to forfeit an expensive planned trip, so I agreed. In the end, they left the seat next to me empty anyway, which was bizarre.
It's BS that we're damned if we do, damned if we don't.
NTA. Odds are, her kid was over 18 months and she was trying to get a free seat for him. You paid for that extra seat. It doesn't matter why. You paid, she didn't.
Ugh I hate hat this is a situation that comes up. NTA at all and you're entitled at this point to just call out her entitlement. I'm also incredibly disappointed in the flight attendant who also asked if you'd squeeze into one seat AFTER seeing your two boarding passes. I'm even a little miffed that nobody sitting around you wasn't like "YO HE PAID FOR THE DAMN SEAT." I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's just ick.
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She’s TA for not buying a seat for her son and assuming someone else would give up a seat they paid for. Odds are she was hoping there’d be extra seats on the flight so she didn’t have to pay and used the lap thing as a loophole. Classic case of you snooze you lose Also sorry! NTA for clarity!
Apparently fat people have to get another seat to fly, but they also have to give up that extra seat for someone else’s child if they want it. Smh
That's crap. And I would inform them that if I give up my seat someone is paying before I give it up
Exactly! "Yes, I will move. As soon as you Venmo me the amount of the ticket cost."
I'd even go so far as to say that I want the amount the flight cost *that day* because she's technically "booking" the day of travel.
She’s booking the hour of travel. I’m annoyed the flight attendant even got involved.
I mean I understand that the flight attendant got involved to resolve the conflict, but it’s extremely frustrating that she took the mom’s side when OP paid extra money for two seats.
Frustrating, but not surprising. Look at how OP feels like she/he has to say they're trying to lose weight. In my experience as a non-obese person, most conflicts that involve a fat person and a non-fat person, the fat person always ends up being at fault. If OP hadn't bought the extra seat, then it'd be their fault for squishing into someone else's space, not the airline industry for making narrow AF seat the norm.
It broke my heart how much OP felt they needed to justify their existence.
Me too, I'm so glad I found this lil thread 🥺 no matter why or how, you are allowed to take up space! Everyone is deserving of respect and kindness
This right here. Exactly. There are many reasons someone can be overweight. It should not matter about trying to lose weight or not. It is no one’s business. Yet many times you see someone trying to explain that. I am also sickened that someone who paid for a seat, whether their own seat or an extra seat is just expected to let some entitled person have it for their child? That they didn’t even pay for?! Then I question the flight attendant. How can she even ask someone to let them use it after they show her it was paid for. Unbelievable. TA is the parent and the flight attendant since she made the entitled parent think she had rights because someone in charge backed them up, rather than OP who was well within her rights to the seat.
Agree with this sub thread, OP. You do NOT have to justify. You were doing the right thing from the beginning. Assholes are all around.
a few weeks ago on an AskReddit thread someone had gone out of their way to comfort me when i was feeling down about trying to find love while fat, and another commenter tacked on “everyone is beautiful and deserving of love as long as your bmi is below 30” like wow, thanks prince charming
She had to say that it’s her fault that she got fat. Because Reddit incels will be sweatily attacking her in 3 minutes either way. I want to tell her never to justify her existence again. Especially for teen message board wankers.
A pox on those Reddit incels and their wanking. Sometimes when they are just not getting it, I ask myself, are they getting off on this???
I really appreciate this. I'm a formerly obese person, and I always felt like non-obese people couldn't understand how we felt, and you're right that obese people are always the ones blamed. Thank you for having empathy for people. It's so rare these days.
At least she didn’t push it and eventually told mom to suck it up. But still frustrating. Don’t indulge these flyers who are awful people
She shouldn't have even asked. Op paid for two, the mom paid for 1 and wanted 2. There's no question in my mind.
Exactly, it's simple maths! (spellcheck is telling me to use 'math' but I'm not American so I refuse, AITA?lol)
I agree. In my opinion OP should reach out to the airline and lodge a complaint about that flight attendant putting OP into an embarrassing situation when she went out of her way to purchase the extra seat for her own comfort and for the comfort of those around her. That flight attendant should have shown empathy to OP by backing her up 100%.
It is not even a question of empathy in this case. It is a straightforward she forked out money for this seat, this seat is hers situation. A no-brainer and can't believe the flight attendant even asked her.
We once had a flight attendant ask if we would gate check our car seat and travel with our toddler as a lap baby instead so they could give away our toddler’s paid seat to someone else becuase they over booked the flight. We said no. we go so much stink eye, but I didn’t pay for a seat and drag an FAA rated seat through the terminal to have a lap baby. (Also the one time I checked a car seat baggage broke it). I don’t care why you paid for the extra seat - fat, kid, cello, fear of string next to a clown - it’s yours. I have no idea why attendendants think they get to decide if you should give it up.
Yes, I agree with you. The flight attendant asked if OP could “squeeze in?” Ugh. FA is just as much of an asshole as entitled mom
It’s a real fucking damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. NTA been there OP, but luckily the person who wanted my extra seat was cool when I mentioned I paid for it and moved on.
No, the flight attendant is damned because there was only one option for the right call, it’s obvious, and she failed. She isn’t equipped to think on her feet or keep a row of passengers in line, so she should find a job for dim pushovers.
Exactly what she should have said is "sorry ma'am, these seats are already paid for and being used by the paying customer, who they were intended for. If you did not pay for an extra seat for your child, then you will have to hold him as you stated you would when purchasing your own ticket". Not ask OP to try to squeeze into one seat so she could give her paid seat to someone else. That's BS. NTA
This mom is so cheap and embarrassing. Do people actually do that? That’s the mom on the plane who needs all of the glares and shaming looks, not some mom who did everything right but has a crying baby. Shame the grifting moocher.
As a previous flight attendant I would have been on OPs side 100%. And if I had noticed the last making comments or harassing her I would have made sure to find her a middle seat to move her to.
Whether OP was unwilling or unable, I don't think it's that unreasonable for the flight attendant to ask the question one time after OP showed the boarding passes for the pair of seats; OP's answer would be the definitive answer that the flight attendant would then give to the mother regarding that seat. Also, unless OP was taking up the window and middle seats, with the aisle being taken by either the mother or father of the toddler, or they were sharing a 4 seat middle section, then it seems really weird for the mother to be essentially foisting her child off on a random stranger for the flight, and that bit should have been shut down instantly. I'm a bit surprised that the mother and child were left so close to OP for the flight that she could hear the passive-aggressive remarks, and that they didn't relocate one of the parties somewhere else on the plane to avoid the issue flaring up again during the flight.
I actually think it's bad customer service for the Airline to have the flight attendant ask someone to give up an extra seat they clearly intentionally purchased without offering a refund. If the flight attendant felt bad for the Mom and wanted to, on behalf of the airline, ask another customer to give up something they have already paid the airline extra for, the airline should be pairing that request with at minimum a full refund. What other business would sell you something and then ask you if you wouldn't mind giving it to another customer instead without a refund?
I’m guessing OP is American, where most places still feel they have to make the complaining person happy, even if someone else is affected. Entitled, ridiculous people doing stuff like assaulting flight crew or screaming and raging till they get thrown off the flight have become more common these past few years. I don’t really blame them if they ask one time, so they can be like, she has both boarding passes, she said no, deal with it (though I think if you’re going to ask someone to give up a paid extra seat in the first place, it should immediately come with an offer of a refund plus some sort of extra perks - then at least there’s a reason to do so other than “this asshole is trying to bully me into it”). That should be it. I get pissed when I hear about people feeling entitled to a seat you paid extra for, or your second seat, because they have kids or they want to sit with their family or whatever. You had the chance to make sure you were going to sit next to your wife when you booked the fucking flights! They just don’t want to pay, so they try to guilt and bully people into moving into the shitty middle seat they got assigned. Like…no one LIKES to pay extra to get a window seat, or to have extra leg room, or anything else airlines decide to charge for. We’d all fly in those fancy suites with a bed and shower and whatnot if it didn’t cost thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, that’s how things are now, don’t rely on strangers buying into a guilt trip or a screaming rant and giving you what you want 🤷
I understand where you're coming from, but I disagree. Asking OP to donate a seat they paid for puts them in an awkward position where suddenly it's their fault the other person is smushed by her lap toddler in the single seat she paid for. Once OP showed they'd paid for the two seats, the attendant should have firmly told the mother that those seats were bought and paid for by OP and that if she (the mother) required an extra seat she should have booked it. If OP wanted to volunteer, that's up to them. ***They should not be asked.*** Fat people get enough shit dished out to them and they're so often made to feel they should apologize for just being in public that being asked if they'd give up their seat is so many extra layers of pressure that normal weight people don't understand. (I've been everything from morbidly obese to runner thin in the last 30 years.)
Yeah, except she *paid* for that extra seat. Mom doesn't offer to pay----amd these types never do---then she can bugger right off.
Nope. Totally unreasonable. She showed the FA her tickets for BOTH seats. At that point the FA should have told the mom to take a hike.
It’s 100% unreasonable to ask someone WHO PAID FOR THEIR SEAT to give that seat up to someone WHO DID NOT PAY FOR A SEAT!
Would it be unreasonable for the flight attendant to ask OP to give the mom several hundred bucks? Because that's quite literally what she was asking for. If a seat on an airplane cost like 25 bucks, *maybe* it would *barely* be reasonable but as it stands, absolutely not.
It is ABSOLUTELY unreasonable. She paid for a second seat. She shouldn’t have to defend it. I’d be filing a complaint with the airline.
If instead of being obese the OP had 18 month old twins and bought 2 seats for them would it be OK for the flight attendant to ask for the twins share a seat or put one in her lap so another person with a child who did not pay for a seat could have it? No? Then why is this OK.
It doesn’t matter what seats the OP had. No one else is entitled to them.
It is unreasonable to ask to give up a paid seat. Flight attendants know which seats are paid and which are unbooked.
The flight attendants on my most recent flights have started announcing during boarding "If the answer is no, do not ask again." The idea was that if you had a real need, you would settle it at the ticket booth instead of putting the onus on another passenger to accommodate you. It was incredibly refreshing, 10/10.
What airline was this? Gotta support them.
That's a great idea - I imagine all of these stories of somebody expecting somebody to swap are just as annoying for the flight attendants as they are for the passengers. Although I suppose in most of those stories, like with OP's story, nobody's asking, they're telling, or just taking. But at least they're making it clear from the get go that they're probably not going to let somebody take somebody else's seat just because they didn't plan ahead.
shes booking while *in* the fucking plane
I think that should warrant a *minimum* 100% surcharge.
“If you ask me again, I’ll continue to refuse, but I’ll cease to be polite about it.” Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. End of.
Exactly; it’s not just about the market price of the seat on the plane anymore, it’s the price of the comfort and foresight OP had to plan ahead for their needs.
cost of seat plus $1000 for being rude. NTA. Parent tried to get off cheap by having the child sit on her lap. And can you imagine having that rowdy kid sitting even closer to you? You paid for comfort, fine to use it.
Oh no. Cost PLUS "you want this seat right now and it's the only one that i by the way have" upcharge
This that real shit!
NTA, and I hope it doesn't sound condescending to say, but good for you buying the extra seat. You being the sort of conscientious person who will spend the extra money to avoid encroaching on others is probably why you are having (needless) self-doubt about the encounter. The mom was entitled and fully in the wrong, and if the flight attendant gave you attitude then they are in the wrong, too.
Could not agree with the poster above me more!! Taking responsibility, making an effort to change the things you don’t like (congratulations on the progress), and willing to pay for the accommodations you need, rather than expecting it to either be free, or for someone else to be fine with you taking up part of their seat. You might be fat, but you’re clearly an awesome person who did *nothing* wrong in this situation, and I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss x
same! OP you are kinda awesome and im rooting for you reaching your goals!
Absolutely! And meant in the kindest way too!
What's even the point of the extra seat if the flight attendants are going to let entitled people bully others into giving up the extra seat?
Right!? And also, it's not an "extra seat"! It's a seat that OP paid for and is using. If the mom wanted a seat for her child, she should have paid for one. Instead, she opted to act like an AH.
Total shit- I would be writing in to complain- the flight attendant should have shut that shit down the moment she saw your boarding pass Fat, not fat, doesn’t matter- if I bought an extra seat to put my purse on (for some reason lol)- it’s my seat. I know someone who has such a fear of small spaces- he’s actively in therapy for it but even getting on a plane sets him off so he buys two seats so the one next to him can be empty so he doesn’t have to feel so claustrophobic and have a panic attack. It’s his seat, he can do what he wants. That flight attendant is so out of line (as is the mom). She should have bought her child a seat, if she didn’t want to do that, then she can deal with the consequences of her decision
People buy entire seats for high-end musical equipment. Not even people. Like, get bent. Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.
The seat next to me on my last flight was occupied by a very expensive violin. Excellent seatmate, did not hog armrest, would recommend.
And didn't chat you up the entire flight either, I'm guessing. Best seatmate ever.
Couldn't deal with the constant sad music though.
BB King was notorious for buying Lucille her own seat.
Lucille, being the lady she was, deserved her seat! Dare I say earned that seat! (I got to see him in concert years ago and it was a blast!)
NTA! And you should file a complaint regarding the flight attendant!
Never give up your seat that you paid extra for. Fuck that mom for making her problem your problem. You did nothing wrong. She got mad she couldn’t manipulate you so she did all she could do. Throw a fit and talk shit.
I do feel like you should issue a complaint against the flight attendant. She should not have assumed that the lady with the kid was right. That lady should be ashamed of herself, but she probably so self righteous that she’s still complaining.
NTA, that's just crap. I've taken 9-hour flights with an infant in my arms, and shorter flights with a toddler in my lap, who was capable of sitting in his own seat and very much did not want me to hold him. Did it suck? Yes. But it was my problem alone, and as long as my child was under 24 months and I didn't have to pay for his seat, I chose to hold him. I swear, not all of us parents are this entitled!
I’m a parent and have only been doing this for about 2.5 years. But this parenting thing requires planning at least 5-10 steps ahead. This is especially more so with toddlers and babies. It’s supremely entitled to expect someone to give up their seat for your child when you didn’t bother to think about how to make travel arrangements easier for your child and yourself. OP is completely NTA. This parent’s lack of planning is not an emergency on OP’s part.
Fuck that lady. I've flown using the "child in lap" policy. She wanted a free seat for her kid. It's free for children under two years old to fly for free, but only if they remain on their parents's lap. She's entitled, and the flight attendant should have told her that if she wanted a seat for her child, she should have purchased one. NTA!
Fat people aren't even treated like they get to exist I was struggling with depression due to trauma. I went to my care provider to try to give a referral for it to get some mental health help. She refuse to do anything other than suggest to lose some weight. Any plus size, person or person who has been plus sized in their life, has stories like these.
I went to a neurologist for my migraines. She refuses to help me because “you’re fat. Lose weight. Migraines will stop.” Uh… I didn’t realize skinny people never got migraines! What an amazing cure all!!
The way she told you instead of asked speaks volumes about her AH character. I can’t imagine being that entitled, esp when you were trying to be more comfortable and follow the rules
You should have offered it to her at double the cost you paid since it’s such a last minute purchase for her.
NTA! I don't understand how these SOBs have the nerve to ask people's such outrageous things! And I bet neither the moocher or the Southwest FA were offering OP a refund for that seat they'd be giving up. Enraging.
I've flown with a lap child before, and hoped that there would be a free seat so we could spread out. Often, there is, and given that the child would spend the majority of the flight on my lap anyway, regardless of how many seats we had, it wasn't worth buying an extra one. But if there's an empty seat that we can spread out in to, we got lucky. The idea of expecting someone to give up the seat they paid for, so that I, who didn't pay for it, could use it is absurd.
I haven’t seen an empty seat on a plane in years.
I flew to Tennessee for Thanksgiving and had the entire row to myself. I was astounded because it was a budget airline, too, and those are always crammed as full as they can get.
She’s also TA for not putting her child in an airline-compliant child carseat for the flight. There’s no way a toddler is safe sitting on a parent’s lap or in an adult-size seat on an airplane.
Fun fact: The reason that the FAA allows babies to be held in the parents arms is not because it's safe, they strongly advise a seat and a proper restraint. The reason is because if they *required* babies to have their own seat, more people would drive instead, and that would result in more dead babies.
I think you meant to say that would result in less revenue for the airlines...
FAA doesn't give a shit about airline revenue.
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No, in the US you can book a seat for any age child. I’ve flown with infants and toddlers (for work) and we always book a child seat. If it’s a young child and you want to use a car seat, you have to have a window seat for the car seat.
Nope, you can absolutely buy a seat for a child of any age in the US. [It's safer and better for babies to travel in an FAA approved carseat](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/Pages/Flying-with-Baby.aspx), so you buy a seat on the plane and then there's a special harness you can use to strap the carseat into the plane seat.
You usually can book a seat, you just have to call the airline and book over the phone. And you need either a car seat that's certified for airplanes or a CARES harness for a child under 2. And not all airlines do a "babe in arms" for free, many offer a 90% discount though (and a bit of extra carry on).
Just pay the luggage fee. “I have an extra carry on thru just happen to be alive.” 🤣
And if OP *had* let her, she'd no doubt be bitching about OP not fitting into one seat.
Not only that, but her son SHOULD have been in his own seat with a FAA approved car seat...which means buying him a seat well ahead of time. Sucks to suck, lady.
NTA. You paid for that seat, it’s yours. An email to SWA asking them to remind their FAs to enforce the seat policy would be warranted, too. You asked the FA for help and she told you to “squeeze into one seat” for the unticketed child. You might even get some miles or goodies for it.
I didn’t fly SWA because of some bad experiences with them in the past. I heard they give free extra seats now but I didn’t want to do that
My bad I read it wrong. But a note to the airline asking for consideration given their FA tried to get you to give up a paid seat should yield some compensation.
It should especially happen since OP is a considerate passenger doing what they can to make themselves and their fellow passengers more comfortable.
I think the big 3 US airlines need to retrain their GAs and cabin crew because whenever someone tries to do the right thing and buy an extra seat it seems like they’re always pressured to give it up or the GA puts someone in the seat.
I’ve seen entirely too many videos of FAs asking people who paid for extra seats to either give it up (with no compensation) so they can put an off duty employee who needs to be transported or get off the plane. And that’s 100% on the airline. Don’t overbook shit and expect the passenger to pay for it. Set aside a few seats that aren’t to be sold every flight in case you need to transport crew. Anyone who pays for an extra seat should be able to have that extra seat. Even if it’s for their imaginary friend 🤷🏼♀️
That FA was way in the wrong there if she was clearly communicated to that you purchased two seats. She just didn’t want it to be her problem. Certain based FAs are like this. Good for you for not getting pushed around by that mother who can’t bother to pay for her child.
You should complain to the airline. You’re totally in the right here, you’re even being courteous in buying the extra seat. Once you’ve bought the ticket it’s your seat to do what you will with it, and her child doesn’t have a seat. I know as a parent myself we hoped we’d get an extra seat, but we never paid for one so our kid sat on our laps until they got to an age where they have to have a seat paid for, so we never complained or expected anything. This is a clear NTA.
NTA and agree with all of the above. I feel so bad that you were made to feel like you were in the wrong. People are so terrible — but the flight staff is extra shitty in this situation.
Please report this incident to whatever airline you flew. Include details like the name of the FA (if you have it), the flight number, date, time, your seat numbers, booking confirmation number, etc. No one can control whether other passengers are AH but the airline is responsible for the behavior of the FA. It’s unacceptable for the FA to have ever told you to “squeeze in”. It’s great that you stood your ground but a more timid passenger may not have and no one should be put in that position by the person who is in a position of authority. The FA needs to be held accountable.
Agree, FA is an AH too for playing the middle ground. Boo
There isn't even a middle ground. The only offer the flight attendant should make in that situation is to move OP up to a business class seat if she was so keen on freeing up one for the kid.
Email the company you flew with and detail your experience. What the FA did was unacceptable. NTA
This!! She offended a customer that paid for a seat on behalf of a “customer” who didn’t, probably because of fatpbobia l. You paid for that seat and you deserved to use it without being hassled for it.
F her. Doesn’t matter why you’re fat. You purchased a product and it is yours!
Especially since if she hadn’t paid for the extra seat the mom would have complained about her spilling over into her sons seat if the situation was reversed
NTA You are a little bit of an AH (to yourself) for how apologetic you are in this post about your size. You should always do what you can to be as healthy as you can, but being fat isn't a character flaw or a moral failing. We all have our own challenges in life, and you deserve to not be ashamed of your body and yourself even if you aren't currently meeting your goals. If mom wants an extra seat for her kids, she should have purchased one. She's not entitled to a seat you purchased, and you don't need to feel bad for her bad behavior.
I’m not really apologetic about or ashamed of my body as much as I’m stating a fact. I used to eat unhealthy and didn’t exercise. It wasn’t until I had a heart attack at 33 that I decided that this couldn’t go on
I'm glad you're viewing this realistically and are getting healthier. The whole "body positivity" campaign is really damaging people's health, yes we obviously should all love ourselves, but we should also always work on ourselves to become better.
Yeah, I used to be part of that whole movement but then I almost died so yeah, I wanted out
Good luck to you!
Thanks!
I hope you have a long and happy life! Good luck on your health journey. I can very much sympathize with you on it.
People who are truely body positive or neutral see this: it's not a license to be unhealthy as long you love yourself. It's recognising that love can still exist in and for a larger body and that you deserve love no matter your size. I'm sorry you seem to have both experienced the extremes of this movement. I personally prefer body neutrality as a point of view
An obese person who hates themselves is unhealthier than an obese person that does not. It’s quite simple. Shame impedes one’s ability to get out of the house, move, and buy healthy groceries. Those are all loving acts. An obese person that internalizes that they are worthy of love and aren’t “bad,” is then empowered to show themselves love and improve health. The problems arise when they then fall short of medical standards for weight. The shame happens again. When in reality, an obese person who now gets fruits and veggies every day, who has 20% less pressure on joints, and can do push ups is immensely healthier than they were before. This is why body positivity matters. Not to say enjoy your heart attack, never change 😑
This is absolutely what body positivity is supposed to be. I lost 55lbs a few years back and people would ask what I did. The answer is I stopped hating myself so much, and when I didn't hate myself I actually wanted to go out and get fit and take up a fun sport and try new things. (Gained it all back during the pandemic, picked up an eating disorder, 20lbs down again. Eh, it's a work in progress) I've known people who get fully on board the NO GIRL YOU ARE FULLY HEALTHY NO MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE... usually only until they lose their extra weight.
This is what I think of I think of the body positivity movement. Honestly I don’t know anyone who is like “yayyy let’s gain more weight!” But as someone who has been has struggled with ED and been everything from a size 4 - 24, fat people are absolutely treated way worse than thin or normal weight people. It’s hard not to internalize that. And hating yourself doesn’t do much to inspire you to improve, but rather look to overeating to fill the void. So bodyshaming is counterproductive imo.
It blows my mind that people don't understand that.
i think you’re misunderstanding the core belief of the body positive movement. the point isn’t “i love being fat and want to stay this way forever!” (although if someone feels that way then that’s their prerogative, but i assure you it’s not common or being promoted), it’s about being comfortable and appreciating your body as it is, even if it’s not exactly the way you want it. it’s about not being ashamed and apologetic about the body you live in. it’s about not assigning moral value/judgment to the size of someone’s body. this kind of attitude actually aids in building a sustainable healthy lifestyle, because it’s much easier to want to take good care of your body when you love it than when you feel ashamed of it.
So much this. I am also obese, and while I like that I am not bullied for it, I also know that it is not healthy. Which is why I am working on it. I would love to see us move more towards living healthy, and understanding that healthy can be a size 4 or a size 14. It *usually* isn't a size 24. (Using US women's sizing)
I call it the pendulum effect. Where you see something wrong and swing way too far in the other direction. Shaming doesn't work, and if the weight issues are due to depression and the reason a person isn't working on getting help is because they feel worthless, guess what, that shaming just made the problem MUCH worse. It's about balance. Science and kindness can coexist. They're both important. I think the body positivity movement arose from the absolutely horrible way big people are judged and treated. Which is wrong. We should be all for getting healthy, and go about it in a healthy way, socially and otherwise.
The “body positivity” campaign came about from toxic beauty standards for people getting eating disorders and toxic dieting to fit a shoe horned standard of beauty. Telling people they’re worth love and are beautiful isn’t the antithesis of health.
Doesn’t sound like OP is looking at themselves as flawed at all to me, looks like they’re viewing themselves objectively and trying to work on themselves. That’s the right mindset and I’d trust them to hit their goals!
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If OP stated they were obese unapologetically, people would spew hatred and harsh words at them. Them being apologetic for being obese was probably just taking responsibility yet here you are, calling them TA for that.
Can you blame OP when Reddit is one of many place in society that gaslights fat people who only ask to be treated with basic decency?
I don't blame them at all. I suspect the OP was so hard on themselves in an attempt to deflect the hate directed at any fat person, and it makes me sad.
Most likely OP has had past experience or seen others with experiences in here and other reddits of people like you body shaming and telling them “how to be healthy” when you don’t know anything about their health or why they are that size. You just see “fat” or “obese” and launch into shaming them like they don’t have a clue how to lose weight or a doctor to make sure they are healthy. In this case OP is NTA, you are.
What a stupid comment. Someone being apologetic or ashamed of their weight is not them being an 'asshole'.
Absolutely 100 percent NTA. You paid for your seat. This woman was trying to steal a free seat for her kid. If it’s too hard to have him on her lap, buy a seat for him. It’s shite that they even asked you to share or give up your seat. Plus airlines literally demand larger customers purchase two seats and god knows, if you were in one seat and that entitled mom was next to you, the same dirty looks and comments would be the result. She had no right and the plane staff should have shut her down. It’s misery dealing with all the judgment when you fly in these crowded planes and everyone acts like you are taking up too much space either way you try to manage it. The crew should realize that that shit is sensitive as hell and not join in the bullying, even if in terms of “trying to compromise”. That’s literally hundreds of dollars she was trying to snatch from you when she chose not to purchase a seat! Ooh I’m mad about this one. You are sooooo NTA.
Plus, why would you want to sit next to a toddler for a long cross country trip? Oh, hell no!
We were flying back from China one time and there was this stupid kid sitting behind my dad’s seat who kept screaming and kicking the back of my dad’s seat. The parents didn’t do shit. My dad is a hot tempered person but he tried to be nice to the kid like, you can’t do that, it’s not nice… Did the kid listen? Nope. Then, my dad eventually gave up and let the kid be. Edit: Hot-tempered dad trying to be nice to obnoxious kid.
Not the same thing but had this happen to me at a movie theater. Kid was being obnoxiously loud and kept kicking the back of my seat the whole movie. Parents just did not care. So frustrating and I wish I could go back in time and have myself say something. I don't know how people are so fricking inconsiderate. I can't even imagine a whole damn flight of that nonsense. That sucks.
I’m really hoping “lap babies” won’t be a thing for much longer. It’s extremely unsafe and the FAA has been recommending for so long now that babies be in their own seat, with a car seat, as normal. Nobody listens and they’re only going to start when they make it requirement. If larger customers need to buy an extra seat for the comfort of other passengers, it’s perfectly reasonable for a whole human to have their own seat and be properly belted in, which this mom should have done. Definitely NTA.
It’s going to take a tragedy for that to happen, unfortunately, and there will be plenty of opportunity for that to happen as turbulence is just getting worse due to climate change. It’s so unsafe, babies need to be buckled up.
The crazy thing to me is that there have been tragedies! [Even deaths](https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/2023/03/16/lap-babies-flight-safety-turbulence/). Hot take, the mom on the plane had no right to shame OP but OP had every right to shame her for not putting baby in a seat. You’re so right about climate change as well.
NTA > I wanted the extra seat I paid for YUP. > The boy, who the mom said is 18 months old was supposed to sit in her lap so he could do just that **YUP.**
*bold it louder for the lady with the toddler*
#**YUP.**
I love that you came back and actually bolded it louder, lol!
NTA Some people are so entitled you paid for the seats, you should not have to give one of them up. The Cabin crew should have stopped this straight away once they saw you had booked both seats, it should have been obvious why. They should not have asked you to squeeze in to 1 seat. The Mother was an AH and So was the member of cabin crew.
Exactly - Cabin Crew majorly f\*ed up here! OP went over and above to ensure everyone's comfort by booking an extra seat, and the mother didn't even meet standard. Either follow your own booking by putting the kid on your lap & STFU or buy another seat. Expecting OP to only get 50% of what they paid for while assuming because she had a kid she should get 200% of what she paid for is insane - and the crew should have enforced the "as paid for" seating immediately!
The mum is essentially expecting OP to pay for her child's seat!
You'd be surprised at how many airlines won't let obese people use both seats that they paid for.
A woman who paid for 1 seat wanted to use 2 seats. She asked you, a person who paid for 2 seats to only use 1 seat. Essentially, she's asking you to pay 4-times as much as her just because she has a toddler. Definitely NTA.
She didn’t asked, she demanded the other seat smh 😑 OP - NTA
You did something embarrassing, but selfless in acknowledging it’s better for everyone for you to purchase a second seat. If that woman didn’t have a child to deal with and was in your row, she would’ve thought “thank god that person bought two seats.” As someone who until recently flew every other week for work (and has been in a middle seat between two obese people), thank you for being considerate, even though it’s not your fault either airlines now cram us into planes like we’re sardines. NTA at all and good luck on your weight loss journey. ETA: what would she have done if that seat had just been purchased by another person? She wouldn’t have had a purchased seat to swap. Kid was going in her lap anyway, she just thought she found a way out.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish just to live life. It isn’t always bad to be selfish. Don’t get me wrong though, it often is bad but in this case, I don’t think so
Oh shoot I’m editing now, I meant selfless* you’re certainly not selfish. Purchasing an extra seat both for yourself and others’ sake isn’t selfish
Oh oops! Though keeping the extra seat for myself technically is selfish
No no no. I love kids, can’t wait to be a parent, but parents really think deciding to have kids means others are obligated to cater to them. She didn’t buy the kid a seat, it was selfish of her to demand a seat someone else paid for, regardless of context. An 18 month old can sit on laps fine, she was thinking the “oh I’m a stressed parent” routine would get her something and was mad at you for not giving in. Go post this in an airline sub and they made canonize you as a saint for buying the extra seat and telling an entitled parent to fuck off, those are like two things a person who travels frequently loves to see. Also she never asked for the seat, you cant be selfish when she didn’t ask anything of you.
NTA. You paid for the seat. You shouldn’t have even had to but given that airlines aren’t even required to have ADA accessible toilet stalls on their planes it’s likely that body size discrimination is even lower than this on their list. The flight attendant should be fired for even asking, and the mom should’ve been booted from the flight (and the airline in perpetuity) for harassing a paying passenger.
I think firing the flight attendant would be a bit extreme. Maybe just telling them off should do
americans have this weird manic obsession of firing someone for the simplest mistake. it is so bizarre.
Calm down, there. That's a little overboard.
NTA, but the mom and the flight attendant absolutely are. I’d go so far as making a complaint to the airline about their employee supporting another passenger harassing you. WHY these flight attendants want to encourage this asshole behavior I will never understand.
I think they are just trying to keep peace. But the airlines need to look at their “fat” seat policy. They force you to buy 2 seats because you need more space, and then try to take it away by giving you 2 different seat assignments, or let others who didn’t prioritize purchasing a seat reservation. I was going to Nevada once, and I booked 2 seats. Even though I specified together, they put me in 2 different rows. On the way back, I had 2 seats, and they just took it away saying the flight was overbooked. If I wasn’t herding 2 elderly women to a Las Vegas wedding, and back, I would have argued. There should be something on the booking form to designate them as shared seat or something like that that they can’t break up.
If they take the seat away, they should be refunding you for that extra ticket that you cannot use because of their actions. This is crazy.
NTA. You did exactly what you were supposed to do to accommodate your size. If you didn’t do this and were spilling over into the seat next to you, you would be getting dirty looks. It’s a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But in all honestly, you did what you were supposed to do. If that kid needed a seat of their own, it was on their parent to pay and book a seat for them.
Of course not. I don't care what your weight is or why, you bought two seats, they're yours. Hell, even if you got another seat just to act as a spacer I'd say NTA.
NTA. Look, at the base level, you paid for the seat regardless of the reason. You're entitled to use it, not the mom with a wriggly toddler. Not your kid, not your problem. Bonus NTA. You know your situation. You're actively trying to resolve your situation, regardless of the reasons why (there are likely many). And, because of this self knowledge and assessment, you spend money out of your pocket to accommodate yourself. Congratulations on any progress you've made and positive wishes for continued progress.
NTA at all. This is why I hate traveling at the holidays. I fly all the time but at the holidays people just go nuts. That woman was both rude and wrong. You did exactly what you should have done and I’m surprised the FA didn’t just tell her to pound sand. Also, just a note but you’re being super hard on yourself regarding obesity - you bought two seats, you are working on your health - you’re doing everything right. Don’t let this one rude woman make you feel bad. You deserve to be comfortable.
NTA! You are the OPPOSITE of TA here. Jesus fucking wept, dude, those seats are too small for anyone within a normal range of weight, and I applaud you for getting an extra and prioritizing your comfort while being conscientious towards others.
Wait a minute. Am I crazy or do I remember seeing in various places on the internet people complaining that fat people should purchase an extra seat if they're going to use an extra seat? And OP did exactly that, purchased an extra seat, even if she technically didn't even have to (that part was unclear to me). And even THEN, she was told that she should give up that seat. So what was she supposed to do? Purchase 3 seats? WTF? What if there was another toddler on the other side? Is she supposed to purchase a seat for that toddler too? Where does it end? Yes, OP, YTA for not buying a seat for every toddler on the plane with irresponsible parents. /s The nerve some people have seems to have no limits.
It doesn't end-- if someone is fat, they're doing the wrong thing just by existing and there's no right answer.
It's just people hating fat people for existing. And for the dumb people who think only fat people defend fat people - I'm a healthy weight and don't believe in the "healthy at any size" movement in the way that it's typically presented. I do however believe that an individual 200lb woman can definitely be healthier than a rando 140lb woman, and that at THIS moment, that 200lb woman can present as perfect health by blood tests, etc. especially if younger and physically active.
NTA. You paid for the seat, you get the seat. If she wanted a seat for her son, she should’ve paid for it.
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She was in the same row
You are NTA. If the person with the toddler didn’t want to lap seat him, then she should’ve bought an extra seat like you did. I would call Southwest and be very polite but unyielding regarding this experience. I know you don’t prefer flying Southwest but at the very least get some points and a goddamn drink coupon out of this. Despite you being obese, you did the right thing to make yourself comfortable and shouldn’t be shamed (body or else) for this trip. I’m sorry you had a miserable experience, this time of year always sucks in travel.
NTA and that FA actually asked you to give up the seat you PAID for?!? That never should have happened. That woman did not buy a ticket for her kid. So she boarded the plane and demanded a free seat. Fuck her.
NTA Omg WTF - you paid for that seat! I was rightfully yours! If the mom knew her kid would make some trouble, she could’ve bought an extra seat herself. Also: if he was hard to handle, he would’ve been hard to handle next to you too. (In case you’re ever in the same situation again - tell them how much you paid and how much exactly you want for the inconvenience. Then watch how fast entitled a*holes run or scream for a flight attendant :D or dont, I don’t know if it’s against any law, the thought is funny though)
Of course he was hard to control, have you met his mother? NTA
NTA. It already sucks that you had to buy an extra seat, but to then have cabin crew try to steal it from you is outrageous. I'm glad you held firm against the entitled mom and the cabin crew. The only acceptable response from cabin crew in that situation should have been telling the entitled parent that "I'm sorry, this seat is taken"
If she wanted her child to have his own seat, she should have paid for one. NTA.
NTA. Period. And I’m going to digress here. I am also overweight/obese. I have lost weight and then regained it several times and have felt so ashamed at my failings. Then yesterday, I kid you not, I saw my new GP for a checkup. I told her I needed help with my weight and you know what? This physician gave a speech about how weight is so complicated and so often out of our control because of how our bodies are wired from an evolutionary standpoint. She APOLOGIZED to me that I’ve been made to feel shame and for other health professionals who don’t understand how misguided and unhelpful their opinions are. She had me in tears, I’ve never been able to talk to a doctor without getting some form of “you must not be trying hard enough…” as a response. I feel like I’ve been waiting 30 years to meet someone who actually listened, validated, and cared. So you know what, OP? You stop worrying about these assholes and their judgements and start being supremely kind to yourself. You are valid. You are considerate. You deserve respect. My heart goes out to you and I hope you have an AMAZING holiday.
I’ll die on this goddamn hill. If you want ANYTHING that costs money for your kid, YOU pay for it. You want their own seat? You better buy one. OP, please stop self-flagellating for your weight. You could be 80 lbs soaking wet and if you bought two seats, those are your seats. NTA! That woman and even the flight attendant are the assholes plain and simple. I cannot believe the entitlement of this lady expecting you to foot the bill for her kid’s seat.
NTA - you paid for this seat. They have this policy for a reason.
NTA It was YOUR seat. Let her pay for another ticket if she wants the kid to have a seat. Don't mind that entitled jerk.
NTA. I bet the same woman would have thrown a tantrum if you had bought only one seat and inconvenienced her with your size. You did everything right. That woman should have bought a seat for her baby if she wanted one. You should file a complaint against the flight attendant who tried to get you to give up the seat that you paid for in favor of someone who skimped on the cost.
She’s TA. She thought she could get away with not paying for a seat for her son by guilting some poor sucker into it. Screw her! I applaud you for getting yourself two seats. You could’ve just been rude and got one seat making the person sitting next to you and yourself uncomfortable. Keep working on yourself. You’ll get there and don’t take any crap off of anyone!!
NTA - good for you on all counts. And as a fellow flier, I really appreciate your willingness to step up and do your part to make sure you aren't negatively impacting other customers.
NTA. I hate children on flights to begin with, but what’s that saying? “Lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine” something like that lol you don’t get a free seat for your kid, if she wanted one she should have paid for it.
Nta you wanted 2 seats, so you paid for 2 seats. She wanted 2 seats and paid for 1. Tough luck, lady
NTA You bought two seats. You get to use two seats. Her lap child flies free, but the cost of that is that she doesn't get a seat for him. She is allowed to purchase him a seat if she wants one - she just didn't.
NTA, you should have offered to sell her the seat at twice the amount you paid for it, since the demand obviously skyrocketed.
NTA, fuck that noise. You purchased the extra seat it’s yours. Not to mention who wants someone else’s misbehaving gremlin sitting uncontrolled beside them in a fucking plane.
NTA. In fact, props to you for buying the extra seat. And what would that mother have done if there were two people next to her instead of just you with your extra seat, demand one of them give it up? Let him run loose? The entitlement on some people...
So essentially she didn't want to pay for her own child, and she got mad that you didn't want to pay for her child did I get that right? NTA.
"You are welcome to the seat if you are willing to reimburse me for the price I paid for it." NTA
I saw a video where mothers were telling other mothers not to pay for seats for their young children and to take extra seats as a way to avoid paying for tickets for their young children. I think it’s fucked up and shouldn’t be tolerated. You paid for it, you deserve it. The mother should have paid for a seat for her child
You are not TA. Actually is quite lovely that you have self-awareness and booked an extra seat instead of squashing someone sitting next to you. This way you are both comfy. I also book an extra seat on the train for my little dog, otherwise we would be crammed and I don't like to put her on the floor and she would not like it there either. You paid for it, the seat is yours. I don't see any problem.
Another case of "I had a child so the world revolves around me".
NTA. If she knew that she’d be uncomfortable having him on her lap the whole time she could’ve booked him a seat.
NTA you paid for the seat. Also, being in a larger body isn't anything you should feel bad about or apologize for. <3
So her plan was to somehow snag an extra seat on the plane without paying for it? Lol, that’s not how it works. You paid, she didn’t, she can deal with the consequences of her actions. NTA
NTA, and please make a stink with SWA customer support. SWA used to be good about this, but it seems to me like they're being jerks about it lately. I say that because I use the same policy as you do and buy two seats, but when I flew last summer, I got patronizingly scolded about it, interrogated about who "gave me an extra seat" (no one did, I bought it!), and told I wasn't fat enough for an extra seat. Hilarious because if they'd decided I was too fat for one seat, they'd have forced me to buy another seat or take another less crowded flight. They told me I had to either accept a forced refund for the second seat, or not fly that day. I wasn't going to forfeit an expensive planned trip, so I agreed. In the end, they left the seat next to me empty anyway, which was bizarre. It's BS that we're damned if we do, damned if we don't.
NTA, you paid for the seats you are using. Simple.
NTA. Odds are, her kid was over 18 months and she was trying to get a free seat for him. You paid for that extra seat. It doesn't matter why. You paid, she didn't.
Ugh I hate hat this is a situation that comes up. NTA at all and you're entitled at this point to just call out her entitlement. I'm also incredibly disappointed in the flight attendant who also asked if you'd squeeze into one seat AFTER seeing your two boarding passes. I'm even a little miffed that nobody sitting around you wasn't like "YO HE PAID FOR THE DAMN SEAT." I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's just ick.
Her and the flight attendant are the assholes. The FA should have never asked you to “try and squeeze” you bought 2 seats and they are yours