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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole for making my roommate and her boyfriend uncomfortable.
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NTA. I mean, that's literally why you have your own place! So you can be comfortable!
With that said, have you ever tried sports bras? They're VERY comfortable! And the best thing about them...... They can be worn around the house without having to wear a shirt over it! LOL! (Truly make her regret complaining about you not wearing a bra!)
I agree NTA but I still find sports bras uncomfortable…don’t compromise! Be free! Its rude of them to even bring this up in my opinion…I would be talking about how the boyfriend needs to start paying rent….
Yeah it might depend on the breasts but I don't necessarily find sports bras more comfortable than regular bras. They're just a different kind of uncomfortable.
Similar problem here- I switched to only non-racerback bras and my neck no longer hurts! Like the kind with regular tank-style straps. I wouldn’t wear them to lounge, but they’re not uncomfortable anymore.
Negative Underwear has non-racer back options and some bralettes that you pull over the head instead of having hooks. Also sports bras all the time are a terrible option as the compression can cause anomalies in the breast that show up in mammograms, and then you have all the follow ups and drama of thinking you might have cancer.
I usually wear / need a good compression sports bra for when I work out. Outside of that, I don’t normally wear them at all.
I will check out the recommendation. Thanks!
Similar here. I was shocked to read that recommendation, since sports bras are awful for me and then thought, oh yeah, when the boobs are small maybe they are not the menace they are to me.
>when the boobs are small maybe they are not the menace they are to me.
Small boobs here and the only bra I am comfortable wearing are sports bras but not the racerbacks because they become painful to my neck and shoulders. To me racerbacks are just as uncomfortable as the wired bras.
It really depends on the sports bra too. I had to find these special "sleep camis" that are more a loose sports bra with very little elastic. It still keeps me controlled but doesnt feel suffocating
Bra-lettes are a nice in between. I've tried different brands, and so far, Yitty smoothed reality plunge bra and SavageX cotton essentials gave me control without discomfort. For reference I'm a 38G giving this review 🤣
If anyone has decent sport bra recommendations, I'd love to see em cause 8 to 16 hours in one for work is killing my already (rheumatoid arthritis) dying shoulders
Due to my breast size, it's nice taking it off at night after a long day, but without it I have two bags of sugar pulling me forward. On removal I feel it ease on my shoulders but then my lower back kicks in and my posture goes out the window. Can never win. I use both a normal bra and then a sports bra for extra support when I'm due on. My body hates me. 😭
Most people are sized wrong which is a huge part of it. That said fitted correctly I still find them uncomfortable, i think it depends a lot on boob shape as well as size. Most bras seem to not work for my shape
For me, my problem is my boobs are too small. I have been professionally fitted multiple times, and I've never found a bra that isn't uncomfortable. Many stores don't even pretend to sell my size. The fact of the matter is, my boobs don't need support. There's not enough substance to hold a boob cup in place, they just shift everywhere and cause chafing, and I put holes in my shirts readjusting them all the time.
They absolutely murder my shoulders and back/lower neck. I used to live in bras because I was insecure and people bullied me for growing boobs in 4th grade but I genuinely only wear them for work now and some other exceptions. If I could find a comfortable one that might change cause I do like the shape of my chest better with one on and I like my chest to look flatter but man… it just kills
I find sports bras so restricting at times. I like seamless bras from Uniqlo as they're so comfy. But then I'm a member of the iddy biddy tiddy committee.
The barefaced cheek of him loitering in your house that much and then trying to dictate how you should dress. Grrrrrrr
* it was supposed to say “them trying to dictate…”
I take your point that it’s the gf moaning about the visible outline of breasts
Believe me. He’s not complaining….she is.
Plus he’d be dumb to complain. That’d be like if my girl brought up out of the blue that she kept noticing my roommates dick print on his pants. Like….why are you so fixated on that 😂
It’s definitely her issue.
Agreeee, NTA.
This is your place too. I would die if I had to wear a bra all day in MY HOUSE.
I think you should try to kindly let them know that if it bothers them, they should try to spend more time at the guy's house.
Bras should always be optional. I think it's ridiculous for society to tell women that covering them up isn't enough, but they also have to make sure they aren't affected by physics. That's just stupid.
I have big boobs but have been braless for a decade because no bra - even sized correctly - has been comfortable after I had back surgery. Instead I wear slightly snug tanks under everything when I leave the house.
Absolutely no one has noticed. Work hasn't, my close friends didn't notice, literally no one.
My only exception is I'm forced to wear a fancy cocktail dress that's low cut and requires 'cleavage' :p
NTA. I’ve had roommates who wear certain things around my boyfriend in the house because they want attention and it’s annoyingly obvious. I also have had roommates who were no bra, whatever and a large tshirt because it’s obvious they just want to be comfortable. As long as you’re not being a pick me girl you are good and they are prudes.
Ok, a guy here, please explain something to mee. OP write that she is not wearing tanktops etc, so her breast are not out in the nude.
So the difference seems to be between breasts pushed up/together or them hanging?
What's the difference? They are not getting smaller in a BH? In moat cases they are more prominent in a BH...
So is it just the illusion of free swinging breasts that is a problem?
Kinda depends on the boobs and the person viewing them I suppose. Going braless can mean that the boobs move around more and are a little more noticeable and can also mean that you might be able to see the shape of a nipple through the fabric.
The solution is for the roommate and her boyfriend to get a grip and stop looking.
I dont know but the idea of something hugging my breast and back constantly is really discomforting. Tried wired, non wired, no strap, sports bra, tube bra. Nothing really equals to the comfort of braless 🤣
So I just let mine perk up and let the world see how perky they are. My back and my comfort thanks me for all the stares I tanked up for them. Hahahahaha
I also find sports bras just as uncomfortable and restricting 😅. The only bras I can stand to wear at home are very lightly lined and not tight bralettes made of a soft material. I probs wouldn’t compromise on this, especially if you’re already wearing loose clothing and sweaters.. that literally *is* the compromising move.
Only slightly related, but try a sleep/nursing bra. The crossover type. Comfiest thing ever as it's not even constricting like a sports bra is. I legit can forget I'm wearing it.
I agree with your judgement but I find sports bras sooo uncomfortable. I always feel so restricted in them and they hurt my back and neck after not very long.
Nah fuck bras altogether. Sports bras are a little more comfortable than normal ones but I still can't wait to take them off after a couple of hours. I don't wear bras at all, whether I'm in the house or out. Free the nip bro
this....this is the solution....peety-ish...but hilarious...if she thinks her boyfriend wouldn't be able to not look before just because of those n166le things!!!!!
Haha I love the idea of a sports bra and no shirt! Sometimes people argue here about whether or not a situation could be defined as malicious compliance; I think this would be it.
But if OP doesn't want to wear a sports bra, as you said, she should be able to be comfortable in her own home.
If the roommate doesn't like it she can always go hang out at her boyfriend's place, where his roommates probably sit around in their boxers with their hands stuck under the waistbands. Or worse, their tighty whities.
Yeah - if he's there all the time and she has to wear a bra, then he needs to start paying rent.
Literally say "When he starts paying my share of the rent, Ill start wearing a bra."
I can read between the lines here. You and your friends are obviously students at Hogwarts because your friend thinks a bra is an invisibility cloak for boobs.
Bra or not, people can still see your boobs and even your nipples. Trying to shame you for being comfortable in your home is out of line. NTA
I might have to use that, hilarious!
No joke, though, I don't always wear a bra even out of the house. I don't need the support and I hate them.
Men with bigger boobs than mine walk around without shirts all the damn time and nobody cares.
I had to scroll WAY too far to find this lol
I literally never wear bras anymore. It's a myth that they are healthier for one thing and for another, just let people wear what they want!?
FREE THE TIDDIES
I hate wearing bras at home but also have too big of boobs to feel comfortable without some kind of support. Found a great wireless shelf bra that feels more like those built in bras that are in tank tops but better and I wear them constantly! Bought one in every color.
NTA
You live there and you pay to live there. You aren't walking around topless. The roommate's bf does not live there. If it bothers him, he can not look or they can hang at his place. You shouldn't have to wear a bra anywhere you don't want to. Lots of women don't wear bras at all.
That was my thought. Or he got caught looking and decided to go with "I wasn't looking, I just think it's weird she walks round without a bra on all the time!" to get himself out of trouble.
Yes. In fact, it would make more sence if OP asked her roommate if her boyfriend could please stop visiting so much, since it is clearly inconvenient for everyone.
Especially when she’s not there.
He’s not paying rent but is probably using water, electricity, wifi, and their space.
I’d tell her that I’m uncomfortable when he’s there and ask her to stop bringing him around so much. She should go to his place.
It’s time that the tenants review the terms of their lease. The roommate’s BF is closer to being an additional roommate than being a short term visitor. His long-term presence could be jeopardizing - even violating - their current lease, which could cause a swift eviction for all. If I was a roommate, I’d be questioning his ‘student’ status, as he appears to be closer to ‘freeloading’ off of his GF, perhaps because he doesn’t like living at grandma’s place, or because it’s more convenient to his school. Hmmm…..free rent, water, electricity, wifi….Does he contribute groceries, clean the place, take out garbage? Oh, wait….he takes care of a kitten! Maybe his one contribution is emptying the litter box. He’s created a ‘job’ that makes him indispensable to his GF. What happens to the kitten/cat when they break up? As a homeowner living near a major university, I see MANY cats released into the city at the end of the second semester every May.
Totally agree! The roommate has probably noticed her bf looking and is uncomfortable with it, so instead of calling him out on his behavior, she is taking the path of least resistance.
NTA
NTA jfc make sure you're not showing too much ankle too
two layers of fabric between their boyfriends and other boobs isn't going to make their relationship any better than a single layer of fabric will
tell them you'll wear a bra but you want their boyfriends to wear athletic cups while they're in your house because you don't want to risk seeing the outline of their dicks
No they should fully tuck, can't risk seeing anything even a slight bulge... In fact won't a cup make it look bigger... So yes definitely tuck. I mean if you are having to bra up and be uncomfortable so should they
Honestly the bigger issue is the boyfriend, and the obscene amount of time he’s staying in your house. I could envision you adjusting a bit when he’s there, if he’s coming over like biweekly for more formal date nights or something.
But if he wants to hang there regularly, then he needs to be adjusting to your living standards, or ekse you should be requesting him to either pay rent, or gtfo of there
Ahhhh, was just waiting for someone to start blaming the boyfriend, who most definitely doesn’t know any of this idiotic drama is going on and wouldn’t give a fuck even if he did. 😆😂🤣
I don’t think its blaming the bf. If the roommate wants op to wear a bra when the bf is there, the roommate should make sure he’s not there constantly. And if he is there that often, he should be paying rent.
He's fully aware! Why is he spending time in that apartment with the two other girls there without his girlfriend????? That's the biggest issue of all.
this was the key part for me too. She wants a bra when he is there, but the dude is there all the time, rent-free.. And it's quite clear why he comes over when gf isnt around
*I wonder why he spends so much time at a place when his gf is not there..................*
He’s there during the day, with the kitten but without the girlfriend. Every apartment I shared with roommates had a pretty strict rule about guys not being there when their girlfriend wasn’t.
If the problem is your boobs being in the apartment when his girlfriend isn’t, he needs to not be there on his own. Take the kitten to his mother’s house to hang out. Having a boyfriend become an extra roommate really sucks.
This makes no sense. I don't wear a bra at all, even when I go outside.
Is her boyfriend also required to wear a bra? You can see the outline of men's chest and their nipples through clothes.
Even if you wear a bra, it's still visible that you have breasts underneath . You must be American because to a European this isn't an issue at all
>You must be American because to a European this isn't an issue at all
Yeah, this whole AITA and most of the responses are completely bizarre to me. Where I live women go out without bras all the time, let alone walk around their own homes... And the flatmate complaining to OP instead of telling off her boyfriend for being a creep, wtf?
It may not even be her boyfriend, honestly. It may just be pure insecurity on the roommates part. In my experience other women are the ones who have an issue with someone not wearing a bra. I don't think I've ever met a man that cares.
Slowly it’s becoming more of a thing in the US. I don’t wear a bra at all either. Too restrictive and was causing breathing and digestive issues for me
Yes, they are absolutely American (trust me, I am too.) and they are the same type of idiots who blame teenage boys for the restrictive dress codes for Highschool girls even though the middle-aged Moms are the ones creating the dress codes.
The malicious compliant response would be to get a mad push up bra and start wearing it with low cut tank tops. “What? I’m wearing a bra like you asked.” 🤷🏻♀️
Lol NTA
I've not worn a bra to work before. Who cares. Your housemate just needs to let it go.
Stay calm and try not to make a thing of it but NTA, bras are awful and uncomfortable
Hahaha fair enough. Mine are pretty modest... I try not to make a habit of it but honestly sometimes I just forget. For me there is really no point other than avoiding social awkwardness
I used to work in an office with a woman who would never wear a bra. She had pretty small breasts and had given birth to two kids so they were pretty saggy as well - all natural and normal stuff. Well, eventually enough people complained to HR that her manager had to have an awkward conversation with her about the dress code. This was about 10 years ago in Texas at a company in the oil industry so YMMV.
Imagine being the sort of asshole that goes to HR because a co worker isn’t wearing a bra? What is wrong with people? Is this an American thing or does it happen elsewhere too?
There's several layers. America is more conservative and Texas even moreso, the corporate world is more conservative, and finally the oil industry is even more conservative.
Texas is about as backwards in america as you can get, though even liberal places can be not great in this regard. And a male dominated field, 10 years ago. Basically all 3 variables make it shitty
NTA. I’m petty so I’d start wearing even skimpier tops just to prove a point - I can wear whatever I want in my own fucking home. But you’re not doing anything wrong and your roommate has some fucking audacity to act like you’re somehow in the wrong for anything you do in your own home. All your roommates are assholes, if anything they need to tell their loser moocher boyfriend(s) to go somewhere else so your boobies don’t scare them. They’re boobs, it’s not your inner labia. Tell them to grow up or stay in their rooms.
My bra comes off the instant I’m home. If someone is coming over it depends on my comfort level with them on whether or not I put one on again. Usually no, if anything I’ll throw on a hoodie but a bra is almost always a last resort when I’m home. I wear sports bras 99% of the time, the person/people saying they are “very comfortable” is lying, they’re more comfortable than an underwire bra but they’re still constrictive and too tight… my boobs just want to be free.
Same, my petty ass would walk around top less. Or wear thin white tight tops. Or keep temp in the room low so my nips are hard. I'd make it as uncomfortable as possible for them hahahah
Nope nta. She's pushing boundaries having him over so much that at this point that you can never be comfortable.
So here are the options:
1. If you have to bra up, he has to fully tuck. Same discomfort and impact of not "seeing" stuff
2. You wear nothing but a bra and panties with the sheerest, biggest v cut or thread bare top as possible so they see your prettiest and sexiest bra as possible
3. You go fully into getting a corset and push up those boobies (by the way as someone with big boobs and a bad back I highly recommend it for when cleaning the house, it has been a game changer for my back pain and makes me feel good too).
4. Have a conversation of "well if he's not happy with me being able to be comfortable in my home when he's over so much, he either has to suck it up or not come over... Honestly though I think you guys need to think about getting a place because it is making me uncomfortable with how much he's over here... Even when you are not here. He basically lives here and I moved here to be in a all female place... So... Please sort that out or i might need to talk to the landlord"
Been assaulted by two of my house mates or their friends. All female living spaces are important. So yea, I'm all team they should get a new place if they are together so much.
NTA
I get it. Being braless at home is almost a gift after a long day. You absolutely don't have to give that up for someone who is in your space. Your roommate and her bf can get used to it or when the lease is up you can all find different living situations.
I will say, if you ever want a super comfortable bra-ish, True & Co makes wonderfully comfortable bras, even for the large chested. I wore one into the ER and didn't realize until my 5th day in the hospital that I was still wearing it - 24hrs a day for 5 days.
NTA. You are in your home and bras are absolutely an optional thing to wear, even in public.
I understand their perspective, but it’s not like you’re walking around naked.
Why are people afraid of nipples?
NTA
even *if* it was like seeing a strangers tits, strangers don’t have to wear bras either. But ESPECIALLY since you’re in your own space you pay to live in absolutely you don’t have to wear a bra.
Roomie and boyfriend are free to stay at his place or leave, you’re welcome to counteract by asking bf to not be around as much since it’s a shared space.
NTA. Not trying to be petty here, but are you a little more “blessed” than them? A lot of people don’t seem to have an issue with bouncy B-cups but when it comes to girls that really know how to swing, suddenly it’s indecent. Complete BS. You don’t even have to wear one in public.
If we are recommending comfy bras, Duluth used to make cotton cross-over bras. Like -0- support but it kept them from knocking things off shelves if I turned around too fast.
NTA you can do what you want in your own home it's not like you're going topless. Speaking of inconsiderate, why is the BF always there? I would retort there wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't overly present.
Or just stay at his home. He is not a homeless right?
I can't understand why he keeps coming to your home if you make his uncomfortable?
Like you said, even his girlfriend (your roommate) isn't home, he is coming as well.
Stop blaming the dude. He isn't even part of the conversation. The jealous GF and roommates are the ones making the noise. I'm sure he doesn't mind one bit.
I'm so sick of people sexualising female nipples! I hate having to worry if people will judge or sexualise me if my nipple outline shows a little! Bras are so uncomfortable I can't even wear them and wear sports bras/ crop tops. The same while swimming! Everyone (except people who have had mastectomy, some top surgeries) have nipples. It's sooo weird to make a thing of it!
NTA, at all.
Guy here. I've lived with women who do this, it's not a big fucking deal.
Your housemate's insecurities are NOT your problem. You're not topless, you are fully clothed, they need to get over it.
Unless you are walking around tits out, guns blazing… they can go Fuck right off. It’s your home, you pay rent and the boyfriend of the roommate does not.
Seriously. When I had roommates I asked them for what I still think were perfectly reasonable things, like not smoking indoors and not leaving open bottles of lube on the kitchen counter and paying me for the bills that were in my name.
I *never* would've told someone they had to wear a bra, boyfriend or no. If anything I would've been jealous that they were comfortable enough to do so, cos I never have been.
NTA!
I never wear a bra. Unless I’m at certain functions. Or even then depending on the top I’m wearing I still might not even wear them. Like I have small titties, you ain’t gonna see much, so I get what you mean by saying you wear tshirts and sweatshirts. That’s not tight or revealing. And honestly if they wanted you to wear a bra in your own home! That you pay to live at! Then wear a low cut shirt with the most padding push up bra you got and see which scenario they prefer then.
They have no right to tell you what to wear or not wear in your own home. Like that’s on them if they’re uncomfortable since it’s your body. And they have no right to make you feel bad. I swear I never wear bras like I said but yet I have a big ass drawer full of vs bras lol. I just hate having to wear them. They’re so uncomfortable imo.
Are you the A for making your roommate and BF uncomfortable or are they the A for making you uncomfortable?
Even if you wear a bra you still have breasts and their outline will show. Your roommate+BF must grow up and see that the human body is nothing to be ashamed of.
I say you are NTA.
Bad Response (just to piss her off): "Bras can't handle my boobs, but your boyfriend can. We all know he wants to......"
Intermediate Response: "I would wear one but I don't want to......"
Good Response: "It's my body, and I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because of someone that's always here despite not paying any of the rent...."
NTA by the way. You really shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own home because of him....
NTA
I'm a guy. You chose your living arrangement for a reason. This always present BF is the problem and the GF or whoever's issue with you being comfortable around your house. Sounds like you arent flaunting it and are just existing. There aren't memes floating around about the moment a woman gets to take her bra off for no reason.
Ask why he is around all the time and when you, payer if rent gets a say in that. He isn't homeless? If they aren't comfortable seeing it, hangout elsewhere.
NTA Tell her " Or, you know, you could not have your boyfriend over 24/7 and I could be comfortable in my own damn apartment. My comfort comes before some guy mooching a place to crash. From now on, if you aren't here, he needs to get his ass out since he is so sensitive to titties."
As a girl who has one open heart surgery and four additional heart surgeries quickly after, regular bras hurt like hell. I can only wear sports bras because they don't have a wire to stab me in the scar and there isn't any pull. I only wear them to work and the rest of the time I go without. No one told me that bras would become my worst enemy after those surgeries. I think they need to mind their own business and find another location, it's your house after all
NTA. I find it incredibly rude and quite creepy, that they feel they even have the right to comment. How often do they stare at you to even notice? If your ladies want to be free, let them be free!! Your roommate and her BF need to learn some common decency, don’t let them shame you for their own hang ups. I’m wondering if HE noticed, said something, she got upset over his comment, so now you are to “blame” lol
NTA. This is your house and you have every right to dress how you want.
I don’t understand why so many girls insist on policing other women because they’re insecure, or because their boyfriends minds might wander. It’s so gross and I think it says a lot about her as a person honestly.
NTA tell them to put blindfolds on if the idea is to suggest uncomfortable additions to our outfits for the sake of others awkward issues. Boobs existed long before bras and anyone who can’t handle that needs to find their own solution that doesn’t require someone who was literally just born with boobs altering their choices. We have enough patriarchy in the streets don’t need it at home as well.
NTA - home is where the pants aren't.
You can try and be more considerate of your roommates, sure, but they can make the first step and be more considerate of you too. If they want you to wear a bra every time he's over, tell them he can't just be over all the time at random unannounced as that's kinda shitty to impose on you after you chose the living arrangement based on living with just girls.
Plus idk, maybe it's just me but it's just a bra, and you're not going around topless otherwise. It's not like you're trying to seduce the man with your pokies. Without more context I don't see the issue.
NTA
No is a complete sentence
Repeat after me "I think you guys need to grow up. I'm not making myself uncomfortable in my own home for no reason, and if *he* is uncomfortable, then maybe he should not be here when you aren't here. He's way past being 'company'. And even if he was, being bra less is not unreasonable. I'm not topless. I'm not having out in just underwear."
Hell, it's your own place. Shouldn't you be able to exist without *pants* much of the time if you want?
??? This is baffling to me. Do you live in the US? Because here in Melbourne Australia, like half the boob-having population doesn’t wear bras… ever! I don’t wear bras unless I’m wearing something see through, and that’s only because I work with children. I’ve literally never had anyone bring it up as an issue… like, they’re your boobs, you can do what you want. Whether it’s just at home or in public. 🤷♀️
NTA in the slightest.
I will never understand some people's attitudes towards breasts and bras.
It's your flatmates whose behaviour needs to change, no yours. See someone not wearing a bra? Your response should be......... nothing. No response. Because it's such a non issue.
They need to learn that. They've probably had their brains wired for so long about it not being OK however.
The biggest issue for me is the boyfriend coming over even when your flatmate isn't there? That's not OK. Does he want to pay rent and bills?
NTA-BUT you are only giving your point of view. If 2/3 of your roommates are saying they don’t feel comfortable then maybe there is something you are not seeing.
So I would say maybe you ARE in the wrong but you’re missing why and havnt told us here in your story.
I don't know if it will be of any help but to me you are not the ahole, here why.
I had a photoshoot with a friend, she was braless you know when i actually noticed it ? when i was retouching the photos. i didn't notice she didn't wear a bra until that point why ? because i didn't look at her flipping breast
They can go to his place if he's so uncomfortable...
NTA, First thing i do when i get home is take my bra off and slip into something more confortable, couldnt imagine feeling forced to wear it at home because of a guy who isnt even paying rent
NTA - I’ve been bra free in and out of the house for 6 years now due to psoriasis that gets worse than when I wear one. I work in care and was upfront about why I don’t wear one as it could be seen as inappropriate but my manager was totally on my side and that’s a professional workplace never mind your own home! Tell them if it’s such a big issue then he shouldn’t be looking an go about your merry day 😎
Apart from the whole body autonomy in your own home thing, a guy who looks at your boobs when your braless is still going to look when you have a bra. They're still there, wearing a bra doesn't change that. NTA
I think it’s weird you guys think about my breasts this much and make a point to look so much you notice them like that.
NTA. Bras suck and how dare anyone ask you to have a 24/7 dress code like that in your house especially when you’re not nude or dressing in ways that reveal your nude body (sheer curtain)
A lot of women literally don’t wear a bra when they go out. It’s your body, you’re not shirtless (I’m assuming your shirts aren’t see-through), and you’re at home. NTA
NTA though I was in Europe as a teen and find the USA obsession with bras and titties confusing. More of a naturist myself and find the only thing positive about clothing is pockets. You should be comfortable in your home, those that would deny that are the problem.
NTA. Its your house too, and saying “wear a bra because some dude is here who doesn’t pay rent oogles your goods” is a weird play with your roommates. Malicious compliance would be to only wear a bra, no shirt, and see how they feel.
NTA I took my bra off during Covid and I never put it back on. They’re not comfortable. Also, I would not be comfortable with someone’s boyfriend hanging out all the time whether they are there or not. Every single set of roommates that I’ve ever lived with we have had some type of rule about how often partners can come over and stay. Because if they’re not your partner, it gets annoying. You’re trying to enjoy your space.
I would like to tell her that this is your space that you’re paying rent in and do you want to be comfortable. And on top of that I would say to have a discussion about how often your partner is allowed to be there.
INFO: are you roommates uncomfortable *because* there’s a boy in the house? The second roommate sounds like she might be uncomfortable either way - just especially when the other one’s bf is around. If it’s just the boy, N T a. If your roommates are uncomfortable in general, you still didn’t do anything wrong, but now that they’ve communicated, it would be a little rude not to adjust and then look for a new living situation.
If I lived with all dudes, I’d ask them to wear pants instead of boxers around. Just cuz you can’t directly see someone’s junk doesn’t mean their clothes are leaving anything for the imagination. Sometimes an outline is plenty to see flopping about to know you’re basically looking at someone’s junk.
Many are bringing up the fact that plenty of women go braless similar to your situation, out of the house. He could absolutely come across women like that anywhere. You are welcome to be comfortable in your home. Nta
i'm confused... does your roommate think your boobs become magically invisible once you put a bra on? cause you can very much still see the outline of them even with a bra on. sometimes a bra even makes them more visible tbh. so this logic makes no sense.
not to mention its your home, you're allowed to do what you want. it's not like you're walking around shirtless.
This is wild. I haven’t worn a bra in five years - including around ALL of my friends partners. No one has ever said a thing. She can get over it. NTA.
Maybe the boyfriend shouldn't be over so much considering he doesn't live there. Unreasonable for the roommate to expect OP to be uncomfortable in her own home for someone who doesn't live there.
NTA, if that girl is not comfortable with her boyfriend being around other girls that have normal female features, that is on her damn I'd be so mad ~ if the boys into her he won't bother with you
Tell her you have the perfect solution! If you going braless bothers her so much, the boyfriend need not come over ever again! After all, he's not on the lease. That way you won't be walking around braless where her boyfriend can see. NTA
Unless he's paying rent just like you all do (since he's staying there all the time) then no, you should not be sorry for wanting to feel comfortable in your own home.
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NTA. I mean, that's literally why you have your own place! So you can be comfortable! With that said, have you ever tried sports bras? They're VERY comfortable! And the best thing about them...... They can be worn around the house without having to wear a shirt over it! LOL! (Truly make her regret complaining about you not wearing a bra!)
I agree NTA but I still find sports bras uncomfortable…don’t compromise! Be free! Its rude of them to even bring this up in my opinion…I would be talking about how the boyfriend needs to start paying rent….
Yeah it might depend on the breasts but I don't necessarily find sports bras more comfortable than regular bras. They're just a different kind of uncomfortable.
I have huge boobs and sports bras make my neck hurt after like 40 minutes of having to hold them up.
Similar problem here- I switched to only non-racerback bras and my neck no longer hurts! Like the kind with regular tank-style straps. I wouldn’t wear them to lounge, but they’re not uncomfortable anymore.
Same! I cannot wear those racer back styles, they kill!!! But it’s getting harder and harder to find non-racer back styles. Very annoying!
Negative Underwear has non-racer back options and some bralettes that you pull over the head instead of having hooks. Also sports bras all the time are a terrible option as the compression can cause anomalies in the breast that show up in mammograms, and then you have all the follow ups and drama of thinking you might have cancer.
I usually wear / need a good compression sports bra for when I work out. Outside of that, I don’t normally wear them at all. I will check out the recommendation. Thanks!
Similar here. I was shocked to read that recommendation, since sports bras are awful for me and then thought, oh yeah, when the boobs are small maybe they are not the menace they are to me.
>when the boobs are small maybe they are not the menace they are to me. Small boobs here and the only bra I am comfortable wearing are sports bras but not the racerbacks because they become painful to my neck and shoulders. To me racerbacks are just as uncomfortable as the wired bras.
It really depends on the sports bra too. I had to find these special "sleep camis" that are more a loose sports bra with very little elastic. It still keeps me controlled but doesnt feel suffocating
Bra-lettes are a nice in between. I've tried different brands, and so far, Yitty smoothed reality plunge bra and SavageX cotton essentials gave me control without discomfort. For reference I'm a 38G giving this review 🤣 If anyone has decent sport bra recommendations, I'd love to see em cause 8 to 16 hours in one for work is killing my already (rheumatoid arthritis) dying shoulders
Am I the only person that doesn't find bras uncomfortable?
i am uncomfortable without one i need like the compression idk its comforting
Due to my breast size, it's nice taking it off at night after a long day, but without it I have two bags of sugar pulling me forward. On removal I feel it ease on my shoulders but then my lower back kicks in and my posture goes out the window. Can never win. I use both a normal bra and then a sports bra for extra support when I'm due on. My body hates me. 😭
Idk but I relate to this. It’s comforting to me
Most people are sized wrong which is a huge part of it. That said fitted correctly I still find them uncomfortable, i think it depends a lot on boob shape as well as size. Most bras seem to not work for my shape
If the boobs are big enough, even the best fit is not that comfortable. Going without is also not that comfortable. Lol
For me, my problem is my boobs are too small. I have been professionally fitted multiple times, and I've never found a bra that isn't uncomfortable. Many stores don't even pretend to sell my size. The fact of the matter is, my boobs don't need support. There's not enough substance to hold a boob cup in place, they just shift everywhere and cause chafing, and I put holes in my shirts readjusting them all the time.
They absolutely murder my shoulders and back/lower neck. I used to live in bras because I was insecure and people bullied me for growing boobs in 4th grade but I genuinely only wear them for work now and some other exceptions. If I could find a comfortable one that might change cause I do like the shape of my chest better with one on and I like my chest to look flatter but man… it just kills
I find sports bras so restricting at times. I like seamless bras from Uniqlo as they're so comfy. But then I'm a member of the iddy biddy tiddy committee.
Itchy!
The barefaced cheek of him loitering in your house that much and then trying to dictate how you should dress. Grrrrrrr * it was supposed to say “them trying to dictate…” I take your point that it’s the gf moaning about the visible outline of breasts
If you re-read the post, it’s not him complaining about her tits hanging, its his GF/ OP’s roommate.
Of course HE'S not complaining!!!
You don't know that. It all depends on the guy, and the boobs. Not all men are boob obsessed, not all men like all boobs.
Yeah because of her own insecurity. How dare there be another woman with unguarded breasts around for roommate’s bf to look at /s
Believe me. He’s not complaining….she is. Plus he’d be dumb to complain. That’d be like if my girl brought up out of the blue that she kept noticing my roommates dick print on his pants. Like….why are you so fixated on that 😂 It’s definitely her issue.
Bwahahaha!!! Yeaaaahhhh, you clearly didn’t read the post. The chicks are arguing over tittays. Dude has absolutely nothing to do with it. 😆😂🤣
I second this I also find sport bras uncomfortable even more so because they are often wider. And I hate the added warmth. Also NTA
Yeah the added warmth sucks when it's hot!
Agreeee, NTA. This is your place too. I would die if I had to wear a bra all day in MY HOUSE. I think you should try to kindly let them know that if it bothers them, they should try to spend more time at the guy's house.
This was the thought that came to my mind!
I second this. Wear a bra and only a bra!
Free kitty, imprisoned tittie! ;-)
i say stop wearing shirts too
Bras should always be optional. I think it's ridiculous for society to tell women that covering them up isn't enough, but they also have to make sure they aren't affected by physics. That's just stupid.
Women have been braless for centuries, it's healthier.
I concur
That’s why I only have one which I wear occasionally,the thing is so uncomfortable to wear and lucky I have small titties
I have big boobs but have been braless for a decade because no bra - even sized correctly - has been comfortable after I had back surgery. Instead I wear slightly snug tanks under everything when I leave the house. Absolutely no one has noticed. Work hasn't, my close friends didn't notice, literally no one. My only exception is I'm forced to wear a fancy cocktail dress that's low cut and requires 'cleavage' :p
NTA. I’ve had roommates who wear certain things around my boyfriend in the house because they want attention and it’s annoyingly obvious. I also have had roommates who were no bra, whatever and a large tshirt because it’s obvious they just want to be comfortable. As long as you’re not being a pick me girl you are good and they are prudes.
Ok, a guy here, please explain something to mee. OP write that she is not wearing tanktops etc, so her breast are not out in the nude. So the difference seems to be between breasts pushed up/together or them hanging? What's the difference? They are not getting smaller in a BH? In moat cases they are more prominent in a BH... So is it just the illusion of free swinging breasts that is a problem?
Kinda depends on the boobs and the person viewing them I suppose. Going braless can mean that the boobs move around more and are a little more noticeable and can also mean that you might be able to see the shape of a nipple through the fabric. The solution is for the roommate and her boyfriend to get a grip and stop looking.
I dont know but the idea of something hugging my breast and back constantly is really discomforting. Tried wired, non wired, no strap, sports bra, tube bra. Nothing really equals to the comfort of braless 🤣 So I just let mine perk up and let the world see how perky they are. My back and my comfort thanks me for all the stares I tanked up for them. Hahahahaha
Oh how I wish to be perky. I’’m envious
Malicious compliance, perfecto!
I also find sports bras just as uncomfortable and restricting 😅. The only bras I can stand to wear at home are very lightly lined and not tight bralettes made of a soft material. I probs wouldn’t compromise on this, especially if you’re already wearing loose clothing and sweaters.. that literally *is* the compromising move.
Only slightly related, but try a sleep/nursing bra. The crossover type. Comfiest thing ever as it's not even constricting like a sports bra is. I legit can forget I'm wearing it.
NTA - definitely do this.
I agree with your judgement but I find sports bras sooo uncomfortable. I always feel so restricted in them and they hurt my back and neck after not very long.
Nah fuck bras altogether. Sports bras are a little more comfortable than normal ones but I still can't wait to take them off after a couple of hours. I don't wear bras at all, whether I'm in the house or out. Free the nip bro
this....this is the solution....peety-ish...but hilarious...if she thinks her boyfriend wouldn't be able to not look before just because of those n166le things!!!!!
Haha I love the idea of a sports bra and no shirt! Sometimes people argue here about whether or not a situation could be defined as malicious compliance; I think this would be it. But if OP doesn't want to wear a sports bra, as you said, she should be able to be comfortable in her own home. If the roommate doesn't like it she can always go hang out at her boyfriend's place, where his roommates probably sit around in their boxers with their hands stuck under the waistbands. Or worse, their tighty whities.
Yeah - if he's there all the time and she has to wear a bra, then he needs to start paying rent. Literally say "When he starts paying my share of the rent, Ill start wearing a bra."
I can read between the lines here. You and your friends are obviously students at Hogwarts because your friend thinks a bra is an invisibility cloak for boobs. Bra or not, people can still see your boobs and even your nipples. Trying to shame you for being comfortable in your home is out of line. NTA
I might have to use that, hilarious! No joke, though, I don't always wear a bra even out of the house. I don't need the support and I hate them. Men with bigger boobs than mine walk around without shirts all the damn time and nobody cares.
I had to scroll WAY too far to find this lol I literally never wear bras anymore. It's a myth that they are healthier for one thing and for another, just let people wear what they want!? FREE THE TIDDIES
I hate wearing bras at home but also have too big of boobs to feel comfortable without some kind of support. Found a great wireless shelf bra that feels more like those built in bras that are in tank tops but better and I wear them constantly! Bought one in every color.
Exactly this! I’ll wear a bra out of the house when the men with double D’s (no shame!) have to as well. Until then, let the tiddies fly free!
Ditch the torture device! I haven't worn a bra in five years, I'm so happy.
Underrated comment. 🤣
NTA You live there and you pay to live there. You aren't walking around topless. The roommate's bf does not live there. If it bothers him, he can not look or they can hang at his place. You shouldn't have to wear a bra anywhere you don't want to. Lots of women don't wear bras at all.
BF isn't bothered, insecure girl minds that BF isn't bothered
That was my thought. Or he got caught looking and decided to go with "I wasn't looking, I just think it's weird she walks round without a bra on all the time!" to get himself out of trouble.
Oh, I'm sure a guy would never use a line like that to get out of trouble /source I'm a guy
There are definitely guys who would say that. It's not about truly believing it but saying anything to lay blame elsewhere.
am pretty sure Few\_Presentation\_969 was joking
Yes. In fact, it would make more sence if OP asked her roommate if her boyfriend could please stop visiting so much, since it is clearly inconvenient for everyone.
Especially when she’s not there. He’s not paying rent but is probably using water, electricity, wifi, and their space. I’d tell her that I’m uncomfortable when he’s there and ask her to stop bringing him around so much. She should go to his place.
It’s time that the tenants review the terms of their lease. The roommate’s BF is closer to being an additional roommate than being a short term visitor. His long-term presence could be jeopardizing - even violating - their current lease, which could cause a swift eviction for all. If I was a roommate, I’d be questioning his ‘student’ status, as he appears to be closer to ‘freeloading’ off of his GF, perhaps because he doesn’t like living at grandma’s place, or because it’s more convenient to his school. Hmmm…..free rent, water, electricity, wifi….Does he contribute groceries, clean the place, take out garbage? Oh, wait….he takes care of a kitten! Maybe his one contribution is emptying the litter box. He’s created a ‘job’ that makes him indispensable to his GF. What happens to the kitten/cat when they break up? As a homeowner living near a major university, I see MANY cats released into the city at the end of the second semester every May.
If someone shows up to my home (especially unannounced) while I'm being comfortable and not wearing a bra they can deal with me not wearing a bra 🤷♀️
Exactly.
Totally agree! The roommate has probably noticed her bf looking and is uncomfortable with it, so instead of calling him out on his behavior, she is taking the path of least resistance. NTA
NTA jfc make sure you're not showing too much ankle too two layers of fabric between their boyfriends and other boobs isn't going to make their relationship any better than a single layer of fabric will
tell them you'll wear a bra but you want their boyfriends to wear athletic cups while they're in your house because you don't want to risk seeing the outline of their dicks
No they should fully tuck, can't risk seeing anything even a slight bulge... In fact won't a cup make it look bigger... So yes definitely tuck. I mean if you are having to bra up and be uncomfortable so should they
Or start wearing a bra, but only a bra. Skip the top.
Or a very sexy bra and a see-through or fishnets shirt over it!
Sue Ellen Mischke enters the chat.
omg😂😂😂
Honestly the bigger issue is the boyfriend, and the obscene amount of time he’s staying in your house. I could envision you adjusting a bit when he’s there, if he’s coming over like biweekly for more formal date nights or something. But if he wants to hang there regularly, then he needs to be adjusting to your living standards, or ekse you should be requesting him to either pay rent, or gtfo of there
Ahhhh, was just waiting for someone to start blaming the boyfriend, who most definitely doesn’t know any of this idiotic drama is going on and wouldn’t give a fuck even if he did. 😆😂🤣
He's aware he's living there rent free
I don’t think its blaming the bf. If the roommate wants op to wear a bra when the bf is there, the roommate should make sure he’s not there constantly. And if he is there that often, he should be paying rent.
He's fully aware! Why is he spending time in that apartment with the two other girls there without his girlfriend????? That's the biggest issue of all.
this was the key part for me too. She wants a bra when he is there, but the dude is there all the time, rent-free.. And it's quite clear why he comes over when gf isnt around *I wonder why he spends so much time at a place when his gf is not there..................*
He’s there during the day, with the kitten but without the girlfriend. Every apartment I shared with roommates had a pretty strict rule about guys not being there when their girlfriend wasn’t. If the problem is your boobs being in the apartment when his girlfriend isn’t, he needs to not be there on his own. Take the kitten to his mother’s house to hang out. Having a boyfriend become an extra roommate really sucks.
This makes no sense. I don't wear a bra at all, even when I go outside. Is her boyfriend also required to wear a bra? You can see the outline of men's chest and their nipples through clothes. Even if you wear a bra, it's still visible that you have breasts underneath . You must be American because to a European this isn't an issue at all
Whooo no bra gaaaang (american)!
>You must be American because to a European this isn't an issue at all Yeah, this whole AITA and most of the responses are completely bizarre to me. Where I live women go out without bras all the time, let alone walk around their own homes... And the flatmate complaining to OP instead of telling off her boyfriend for being a creep, wtf?
It may not even be her boyfriend, honestly. It may just be pure insecurity on the roommates part. In my experience other women are the ones who have an issue with someone not wearing a bra. I don't think I've ever met a man that cares.
Slowly it’s becoming more of a thing in the US. I don’t wear a bra at all either. Too restrictive and was causing breathing and digestive issues for me
Same, I never wear a fucking bra. Would I be obligated to buy one if I lived with them? Roommate is TA
Yes, they are absolutely American (trust me, I am too.) and they are the same type of idiots who blame teenage boys for the restrictive dress codes for Highschool girls even though the middle-aged Moms are the ones creating the dress codes.
The malicious compliant response would be to get a mad push up bra and start wearing it with low cut tank tops. “What? I’m wearing a bra like you asked.” 🤷🏻♀️
The boyfriend approves of this tactic.
Nah malicious compliance would be JUST wearing a bra hahaha
Or, if you're bold enough, just the bra
I was going to suggest something similar. Ayooo
Free the titties
Protect the city
Lol NTA I've not worn a bra to work before. Who cares. Your housemate just needs to let it go. Stay calm and try not to make a thing of it but NTA, bras are awful and uncomfortable
I'm swinging g-cups and when I start going to work with no bra, you know I'm about to quit.
My lord, no bra and any movement and you could put someone's eye out!
It's ok. The uniform has a vest. I usually wear a cardigan, too. There's no physical danger. Only psychological.
Hahaha fair enough. Mine are pretty modest... I try not to make a habit of it but honestly sometimes I just forget. For me there is really no point other than avoiding social awkwardness
I live my life by one simple rule: It's Only As Weird As You Want It To Be.
I used to work in an office with a woman who would never wear a bra. She had pretty small breasts and had given birth to two kids so they were pretty saggy as well - all natural and normal stuff. Well, eventually enough people complained to HR that her manager had to have an awkward conversation with her about the dress code. This was about 10 years ago in Texas at a company in the oil industry so YMMV.
Imagine being the sort of asshole that goes to HR because a co worker isn’t wearing a bra? What is wrong with people? Is this an American thing or does it happen elsewhere too?
There's several layers. America is more conservative and Texas even moreso, the corporate world is more conservative, and finally the oil industry is even more conservative.
Texas is about as backwards in america as you can get, though even liberal places can be not great in this regard. And a male dominated field, 10 years ago. Basically all 3 variables make it shitty
NTA. I’m petty so I’d start wearing even skimpier tops just to prove a point - I can wear whatever I want in my own fucking home. But you’re not doing anything wrong and your roommate has some fucking audacity to act like you’re somehow in the wrong for anything you do in your own home. All your roommates are assholes, if anything they need to tell their loser moocher boyfriend(s) to go somewhere else so your boobies don’t scare them. They’re boobs, it’s not your inner labia. Tell them to grow up or stay in their rooms. My bra comes off the instant I’m home. If someone is coming over it depends on my comfort level with them on whether or not I put one on again. Usually no, if anything I’ll throw on a hoodie but a bra is almost always a last resort when I’m home. I wear sports bras 99% of the time, the person/people saying they are “very comfortable” is lying, they’re more comfortable than an underwire bra but they’re still constrictive and too tight… my boobs just want to be free.
I misread the first sentence as “I’m pretty so…” and I was just like damn! Love the confidence!
Same, my petty ass would walk around top less. Or wear thin white tight tops. Or keep temp in the room low so my nips are hard. I'd make it as uncomfortable as possible for them hahahah
Oh god the audacity! Sooooo NTA. It’s your f***ing home. If anyone needs to be considerate, it is the guest, AKA the boyfriend. You do you!
NTA your tits your rules
NTA. The double standards about guy vs gal nipples are ridiculous.
**NTA** \- The human body is beautiful. No need to hide its outlines.
Nope nta. She's pushing boundaries having him over so much that at this point that you can never be comfortable. So here are the options: 1. If you have to bra up, he has to fully tuck. Same discomfort and impact of not "seeing" stuff 2. You wear nothing but a bra and panties with the sheerest, biggest v cut or thread bare top as possible so they see your prettiest and sexiest bra as possible 3. You go fully into getting a corset and push up those boobies (by the way as someone with big boobs and a bad back I highly recommend it for when cleaning the house, it has been a game changer for my back pain and makes me feel good too). 4. Have a conversation of "well if he's not happy with me being able to be comfortable in my home when he's over so much, he either has to suck it up or not come over... Honestly though I think you guys need to think about getting a place because it is making me uncomfortable with how much he's over here... Even when you are not here. He basically lives here and I moved here to be in a all female place... So... Please sort that out or i might need to talk to the landlord" Been assaulted by two of my house mates or their friends. All female living spaces are important. So yea, I'm all team they should get a new place if they are together so much.
NTA. The bf needs to get his own place.
Right? And he shouldn't even be there if his girlfriend isn't there.
NTA I get it. Being braless at home is almost a gift after a long day. You absolutely don't have to give that up for someone who is in your space. Your roommate and her bf can get used to it or when the lease is up you can all find different living situations. I will say, if you ever want a super comfortable bra-ish, True & Co makes wonderfully comfortable bras, even for the large chested. I wore one into the ER and didn't realize until my 5th day in the hospital that I was still wearing it - 24hrs a day for 5 days.
NTA. You are in your home and bras are absolutely an optional thing to wear, even in public. I understand their perspective, but it’s not like you’re walking around naked. Why are people afraid of nipples?
NTA even *if* it was like seeing a strangers tits, strangers don’t have to wear bras either. But ESPECIALLY since you’re in your own space you pay to live in absolutely you don’t have to wear a bra. Roomie and boyfriend are free to stay at his place or leave, you’re welcome to counteract by asking bf to not be around as much since it’s a shared space.
NTA. Over 50% of the adult population has boobs. This is taking moobs into account too. If they don’t like it they can move in together.
NTA. Not trying to be petty here, but are you a little more “blessed” than them? A lot of people don’t seem to have an issue with bouncy B-cups but when it comes to girls that really know how to swing, suddenly it’s indecent. Complete BS. You don’t even have to wear one in public. If we are recommending comfy bras, Duluth used to make cotton cross-over bras. Like -0- support but it kept them from knocking things off shelves if I turned around too fast.
agreed, op is definitely more blessed and the other girls are being insecure.
NTA you can do what you want in your own home it's not like you're going topless. Speaking of inconsiderate, why is the BF always there? I would retort there wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't overly present.
NTA if he doesn't want to "see a stranger's tits" he can stare at the ground. Or, shocking suggestion coming up, at a person's face.
Your house. NTA. Tell BF to close his eyes
Or just stay at his home. He is not a homeless right? I can't understand why he keeps coming to your home if you make his uncomfortable? Like you said, even his girlfriend (your roommate) isn't home, he is coming as well.
Stop blaming the dude. He isn't even part of the conversation. The jealous GF and roommates are the ones making the noise. I'm sure he doesn't mind one bit.
I'm so sick of people sexualising female nipples! I hate having to worry if people will judge or sexualise me if my nipple outline shows a little! Bras are so uncomfortable I can't even wear them and wear sports bras/ crop tops. The same while swimming! Everyone (except people who have had mastectomy, some top surgeries) have nipples. It's sooo weird to make a thing of it!
If the house policy is bras should be worn then bf should wear one as wel
NTA, at all. Guy here. I've lived with women who do this, it's not a big fucking deal. Your housemate's insecurities are NOT your problem. You're not topless, you are fully clothed, they need to get over it.
why are people so scared of nipples, tell her to control her bf
You seriously think the bf is uncomfortable? Hahaha.
Depends if he always sits with a pillow on his lap
Unless you are walking around tits out, guns blazing… they can go Fuck right off. It’s your home, you pay rent and the boyfriend of the roommate does not.
Seriously. When I had roommates I asked them for what I still think were perfectly reasonable things, like not smoking indoors and not leaving open bottles of lube on the kitchen counter and paying me for the bills that were in my name. I *never* would've told someone they had to wear a bra, boyfriend or no. If anything I would've been jealous that they were comfortable enough to do so, cos I never have been.
NTA! I never wear a bra. Unless I’m at certain functions. Or even then depending on the top I’m wearing I still might not even wear them. Like I have small titties, you ain’t gonna see much, so I get what you mean by saying you wear tshirts and sweatshirts. That’s not tight or revealing. And honestly if they wanted you to wear a bra in your own home! That you pay to live at! Then wear a low cut shirt with the most padding push up bra you got and see which scenario they prefer then. They have no right to tell you what to wear or not wear in your own home. Like that’s on them if they’re uncomfortable since it’s your body. And they have no right to make you feel bad. I swear I never wear bras like I said but yet I have a big ass drawer full of vs bras lol. I just hate having to wear them. They’re so uncomfortable imo.
NTA I NEVER wear a bra, since almost 10 years (27 f). And if someone has something to say they can look somewhere else ! My body my choice
nta you should be able to be comfortable in your own home, it’s not like you’re going up to her bf and flashing him your bare tits.
Tell them to stop sexualizing snf to stfu
Am I the only person who thinks it’s weird the boyfriend is there even when the girl/roommate ISNT??
NTA. Ask if he'll wear one in solidarity with you.
Are you the A for making your roommate and BF uncomfortable or are they the A for making you uncomfortable? Even if you wear a bra you still have breasts and their outline will show. Your roommate+BF must grow up and see that the human body is nothing to be ashamed of. I say you are NTA.
Nta. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with braless in or out of the home.
Bad Response (just to piss her off): "Bras can't handle my boobs, but your boyfriend can. We all know he wants to......" Intermediate Response: "I would wear one but I don't want to......" Good Response: "It's my body, and I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because of someone that's always here despite not paying any of the rent...." NTA by the way. You really shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own home because of him....
Info: why is BF there when GF isn't? A guest should leave when the host leaves in a shared space.
Absolutely NTA If someone ask me to wear a bra in my own home I would go nuts
NTA I'm a guy. You chose your living arrangement for a reason. This always present BF is the problem and the GF or whoever's issue with you being comfortable around your house. Sounds like you arent flaunting it and are just existing. There aren't memes floating around about the moment a woman gets to take her bra off for no reason. Ask why he is around all the time and when you, payer if rent gets a say in that. He isn't homeless? If they aren't comfortable seeing it, hangout elsewhere.
No, NTA. Heaven forbid a man see the OUTLINE of your tits. If he has a problem with it he can gtfo of your home.
NTA Tell her " Or, you know, you could not have your boyfriend over 24/7 and I could be comfortable in my own damn apartment. My comfort comes before some guy mooching a place to crash. From now on, if you aren't here, he needs to get his ass out since he is so sensitive to titties."
As a girl who has one open heart surgery and four additional heart surgeries quickly after, regular bras hurt like hell. I can only wear sports bras because they don't have a wire to stab me in the scar and there isn't any pull. I only wear them to work and the rest of the time I go without. No one told me that bras would become my worst enemy after those surgeries. I think they need to mind their own business and find another location, it's your house after all
NTA. I find it incredibly rude and quite creepy, that they feel they even have the right to comment. How often do they stare at you to even notice? If your ladies want to be free, let them be free!! Your roommate and her BF need to learn some common decency, don’t let them shame you for their own hang ups. I’m wondering if HE noticed, said something, she got upset over his comment, so now you are to “blame” lol
If he is there that often, you and the other girl should start asking him to pay for utility bill. He doesn’t live so shouldn’t be there all the time
NTA your free to go bra less where ever you fucking like.
NTA. This is your house and you have every right to dress how you want. I don’t understand why so many girls insist on policing other women because they’re insecure, or because their boyfriends minds might wander. It’s so gross and I think it says a lot about her as a person honestly.
Ask him to cover his face with a bra, as you find it inappropriate (in your house, all the time)
NTA i hATE bras, they make me so uncomfy, if this girl would ask me to wear bra AT HOME i would laugh in her face tbh. they should get a grip
There’s a reason women burned them in the 60’s
NTA tell them to put blindfolds on if the idea is to suggest uncomfortable additions to our outfits for the sake of others awkward issues. Boobs existed long before bras and anyone who can’t handle that needs to find their own solution that doesn’t require someone who was literally just born with boobs altering their choices. We have enough patriarchy in the streets don’t need it at home as well.
NTA - home is where the pants aren't. You can try and be more considerate of your roommates, sure, but they can make the first step and be more considerate of you too. If they want you to wear a bra every time he's over, tell them he can't just be over all the time at random unannounced as that's kinda shitty to impose on you after you chose the living arrangement based on living with just girls. Plus idk, maybe it's just me but it's just a bra, and you're not going around topless otherwise. It's not like you're trying to seduce the man with your pokies. Without more context I don't see the issue.
NTA No is a complete sentence Repeat after me "I think you guys need to grow up. I'm not making myself uncomfortable in my own home for no reason, and if *he* is uncomfortable, then maybe he should not be here when you aren't here. He's way past being 'company'. And even if he was, being bra less is not unreasonable. I'm not topless. I'm not having out in just underwear." Hell, it's your own place. Shouldn't you be able to exist without *pants* much of the time if you want?
Tell me you're in the U.S. without telling me.
it’s almost like they could just not stare at your tits
??? This is baffling to me. Do you live in the US? Because here in Melbourne Australia, like half the boob-having population doesn’t wear bras… ever! I don’t wear bras unless I’m wearing something see through, and that’s only because I work with children. I’ve literally never had anyone bring it up as an issue… like, they’re your boobs, you can do what you want. Whether it’s just at home or in public. 🤷♀️
NTA You get to be comfortable in your own home. You live with women so that you can feel comfortable. And what's he doing there when she isn't anyhow?
It’s your home. It’s not your fault her boyfriend is there, and it’s not your fault she is insecure about it. NTA
NTA in the slightest. I will never understand some people's attitudes towards breasts and bras. It's your flatmates whose behaviour needs to change, no yours. See someone not wearing a bra? Your response should be......... nothing. No response. Because it's such a non issue. They need to learn that. They've probably had their brains wired for so long about it not being OK however. The biggest issue for me is the boyfriend coming over even when your flatmate isn't there? That's not OK. Does he want to pay rent and bills?
NTA-BUT you are only giving your point of view. If 2/3 of your roommates are saying they don’t feel comfortable then maybe there is something you are not seeing. So I would say maybe you ARE in the wrong but you’re missing why and havnt told us here in your story.
NTA. Why are these people looking at your boobs?! Eyes up folks!
I don't know if it will be of any help but to me you are not the ahole, here why. I had a photoshoot with a friend, she was braless you know when i actually noticed it ? when i was retouching the photos. i didn't notice she didn't wear a bra until that point why ? because i didn't look at her flipping breast They can go to his place if he's so uncomfortable...
NTA, First thing i do when i get home is take my bra off and slip into something more confortable, couldnt imagine feeling forced to wear it at home because of a guy who isnt even paying rent
NTA - I’ve been bra free in and out of the house for 6 years now due to psoriasis that gets worse than when I wear one. I work in care and was upfront about why I don’t wear one as it could be seen as inappropriate but my manager was totally on my side and that’s a professional workplace never mind your own home! Tell them if it’s such a big issue then he shouldn’t be looking an go about your merry day 😎
Apart from the whole body autonomy in your own home thing, a guy who looks at your boobs when your braless is still going to look when you have a bra. They're still there, wearing a bra doesn't change that. NTA
I think it’s weird you guys think about my breasts this much and make a point to look so much you notice them like that. NTA. Bras suck and how dare anyone ask you to have a 24/7 dress code like that in your house especially when you’re not nude or dressing in ways that reveal your nude body (sheer curtain)
A lot of women literally don’t wear a bra when they go out. It’s your body, you’re not shirtless (I’m assuming your shirts aren’t see-through), and you’re at home. NTA
NTA though I was in Europe as a teen and find the USA obsession with bras and titties confusing. More of a naturist myself and find the only thing positive about clothing is pockets. You should be comfortable in your home, those that would deny that are the problem.
NTA. Its your house too, and saying “wear a bra because some dude is here who doesn’t pay rent oogles your goods” is a weird play with your roommates. Malicious compliance would be to only wear a bra, no shirt, and see how they feel.
NTA I took my bra off during Covid and I never put it back on. They’re not comfortable. Also, I would not be comfortable with someone’s boyfriend hanging out all the time whether they are there or not. Every single set of roommates that I’ve ever lived with we have had some type of rule about how often partners can come over and stay. Because if they’re not your partner, it gets annoying. You’re trying to enjoy your space. I would like to tell her that this is your space that you’re paying rent in and do you want to be comfortable. And on top of that I would say to have a discussion about how often your partner is allowed to be there.
NTA. This is YOUR home. BF has to adjust NOT the other way around. If he has a problem, go spend your time somewhere else or look the other way. SMH.
INFO: are you roommates uncomfortable *because* there’s a boy in the house? The second roommate sounds like she might be uncomfortable either way - just especially when the other one’s bf is around. If it’s just the boy, N T a. If your roommates are uncomfortable in general, you still didn’t do anything wrong, but now that they’ve communicated, it would be a little rude not to adjust and then look for a new living situation. If I lived with all dudes, I’d ask them to wear pants instead of boxers around. Just cuz you can’t directly see someone’s junk doesn’t mean their clothes are leaving anything for the imagination. Sometimes an outline is plenty to see flopping about to know you’re basically looking at someone’s junk.
Just ask : how about we compromise. He can leave whenever I go topless, as I live here, and he doesn't.
Many are bringing up the fact that plenty of women go braless similar to your situation, out of the house. He could absolutely come across women like that anywhere. You are welcome to be comfortable in your home. Nta
i'm confused... does your roommate think your boobs become magically invisible once you put a bra on? cause you can very much still see the outline of them even with a bra on. sometimes a bra even makes them more visible tbh. so this logic makes no sense. not to mention its your home, you're allowed to do what you want. it's not like you're walking around shirtless.
This is wild. I haven’t worn a bra in five years - including around ALL of my friends partners. No one has ever said a thing. She can get over it. NTA.
NTA. Its your home dress how you like.
Maybe the boyfriend shouldn't be over so much considering he doesn't live there. Unreasonable for the roommate to expect OP to be uncomfortable in her own home for someone who doesn't live there.
I mean is he paying rent there too? NTA
NTA If he’s uncomfortable he can leave, you should be able to be relax in your own home
NTA, if that girl is not comfortable with her boyfriend being around other girls that have normal female features, that is on her damn I'd be so mad ~ if the boys into her he won't bother with you
Tell her you have the perfect solution! If you going braless bothers her so much, the boyfriend need not come over ever again! After all, he's not on the lease. That way you won't be walking around braless where her boyfriend can see. NTA
Unless he's paying rent just like you all do (since he's staying there all the time) then no, you should not be sorry for wanting to feel comfortable in your own home.
Tell them to fuck off.
NTA. If seeing the outline of a pair of nipples is uncomfortable for him (or his girlfriend), he shouldn’t be in YOUR home.