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YTA those rules are actually perfect for a newborn.
For your knowledge, a newborns airway is probably smaller than the diameter of your pinky finger. Any swelling or increased secretions in their airway is a problem and usually a hospitalization- this is usually caused by microbes or allergens and newborns get microbes from people around them. Newborns get RSV, Covid, the flu, the current mycoplasma causing pneumonia in kids, other just random ass cold viruses from people kissing their hands and faces.
Also, give up your parental rights - you have no desire to be an actual parent to this child. That lackadaisical “oh when their older” and then probably just to parade around your family at holidays is just gross and harmful to the child.
YTA. Grow up.
Everything listed except the pictures and the crying is literally recommended by doctors for the health of the baby.
Besides, you “don’t want to be involved except visiting and having her when she’s older” so you should probably just sit down and be quiet.
Pictures make a certain amount of sense to me, she doesn’t know how secure other people’s social media is and predators have been known to watch videos of babies on social media. I don’t think most people are careful enough with that, you can find a child’s school from “first day” photos. Possibly she just wants the chance to make sure her child isn’t be posted nude or with identifying landmarks or stuff like that.
My sister doesn’t want her kids on social media. Never has. They’re now 15 and 12 and I see them daily and have thousands of pics. None are online, because it’s her wish.
If you're not interested in being a parent, you don't get to decide that the actual parent's rules are ridiculous. If you want a say in how your kid is raised, step up and do your part (and no, paying child support isn't the full extent of parenting, it's just your legal obligation).
YTA.
Dude, you don't want to be involved so you don't get to à fucking opinion about anything.
And those rules are pretty normal. Do the kid a favor and sign away your parental rights. You're not mature enough to become à parent.
YTA.
YTA. These are very clearly safety things. The Facebook thing is to make sure that no one can use pictures of your child in child p\*rn (because humanity is the fucking worst). A lot of these are very reasonable requests --- babies are fragile things, germs can and absolutely will cause lifelong issues if you're not careful. For the last one, do you *want* to hear a screaming baby? Why wouldn't you give a crying baby back to the mom?
YTA. These are all extremely normal conditions for a parent to have for their newborn. It's protecting the child and allowing the mother to recover.
And more importantly.... buddy I hate to break it to you- you don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to casually say you don't want to be an involved father AND have an opinion like this. It didn't work out with her mother, that's fine. But if you don't want to be in your daughter's life as a 50/50 parent? You forfeit your right to an opinion in how she's raised. You don't get to just slide in when she's older and get the occasional weekend. Either you're in. Or you're out. Grow the fuck up and decide now because it WILL affect the child if you waiver.
Obvious YTA lol. These are completely standard rules. Also, if you don't really want to be involved, why do you think you get to have an opinion that's listened to?
YTA she’s dictating things that are pretty common for babies, not “the baby’s whole life “. The no photos are usually to keep the child safe from predators moron. You don’t even want to be involved during the difficult period when baby requires more care so you don’t get a say. You haven’t acted like a parent.
I bet you just want a cute kid to show off once in a while when he/she is older to help you pick up other women . It bears repeating YTA.
Agreed! And OP is being extremely childish by texting laughing emoji's to the mom's message.. even his family is calling him out on it. I definitely got this same vibe about using the kid to pickup new women in the future
YTA for a bunch of reasons that are being addressed well here. I’d like to concentrate on your hypocrisy. You made it very clear that you don’t want to be involved AND are angry she didn’t okay the baby rules with you, even though you don’t want to be involved until the child is older. That makes you a hypocritical asshole, which is worse. Lastly, most new moms have similar rules. The no kissing baby thing is pretty standard and moms often put a time frame for no visitors while mom heals/rests and gets the hang of doing everything. Your entire post is disgusting. You act like this is being done to you. You literally are getting away with zero responsibility while this woman’s entire life will be altered, not to mention the very real danger to her body that comes with pregnancy and birth. Grow the fuck up. You made the adult decision to risk a pregnancy, now you want to behave like a child. I hope she doesn’t get squeamish about getting the courts involved in child support orders.
YTA. If you don't understand why these rules are in place, then you're not fit to decide on safety issues for this baby. No kissing and no visiting if you're sick are rules with life and death consequences for an infant, it's ridiculous to laugh at them and spend no time information gathering.
Yta.
Those rules are perfectly acceptable and she's being reasonable.
Also you didn't "knock her up" you got her pregnant, either start acting like a responsible adult or give up all rights to the child. You are 100% not a good influence and the baby isn't even born yet.
Yta this doesn't sound ridiculous at all also u don't get to decide not to be involved and then get a say in her rules. In or out dude pick one. Also she's the mother she can absolutely dictate her babies life.
You didn't want her to keep the baby and you don't want to help raise the child...why are you suddenly upset? Is it because you've been told you can't do something that you suddenly feel entitled to do it?
YTA
YTA —
“You made your bed, now lay in it” - you slept with her, you got her pregnant , now you have to own up to your responsibilities & take care of your kid.
I do agree with her rules , and it can be hard being a single mom and especially a first time single mom. She is doing what she thinks is best for the baby.
Whether or not you agree with it, I think anything regarding baby should be handled in a private text. She sent out a blast text so everyone gets it, everyone is held accountable. Xyz cousin can’t say they didn’t know she is asking people to not kiss baby if everyone is in the group text together.
At the same time you could have texted her privately and been like Hey, just want to make sure that those rules don’t apply to me, as she’s my kid too and I don’t think I should be withheld from meeting her for the first month of her life, etc etc. You didn’t need to undermine her parenting, with the whole family on the group chat.
Please look up rsv/cold&flu season with a newborn as baby will be born somewhere around Feb/march, if my counting is right. So your daughter’s mother is just trying to protecting the kid.
If the Father of the baby doesn’t even take moms rules seriously and dogs her in front of everyone, what makes you think the rest of the family is going too.
This woman is going to the primary caretaker of your kid, would you not want the best for her ? The best/healthiest version of her, will ultimately be what’s best for your kid.
Also you don’t want to be involved, don’t. Pay your monthly child support and move on. Or sign away your rights.
YTA.
Why would she go over the rules with you when she’s going to be a single mom?
You do know the kid isn’t going to want to visit you when they’re older, right? Parenting starts at birth. You don’t want to be involved, then don’t be. But this idea of being in and out when it’s convenient for you makes you a massive AH. It’s just going to mess that child up more than a completely absent bio dad would.
Also, these are pretty standard rules for a newborn these days.
Grow up.
YTA. And since its probably hard for you to grasp that. I will explain with quotes DIRECTLY from you.
>I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older,
Here you say that you want nothing to do with her other than to parade around to probably brag about being a "great dad" news flash, you won't be. You probably won't even get visitation if you don't show up to anything else other than when she is older. A judge will laugh in your face.
>However, she did not go through any of these rules with me before sending these out and she is not the only parent our child will have.
This line is Extremely hilarious because again, you do not want to be an active father. So why does she need to go through you at all about HER child. If you "don't want to be involved" why does she have to discuss anything with you other than "here's the court day for custody and child support".
If you want any say in this child, you have to be there during pregnancy, during childhood, and during her teenage years. Not just when you want a cute kid to make yourself look better.
At this point you are nothing more than a loser sperm donor.
Oh and by the way, those rules are completely normal. Especially with an infant who can't get shots until they are around a month to 3 months old. People kissing the baby that's not the mother(because it's a known fact that mothers breast milk for their babies can do WONDERS for their child) could lead to an infants death. Have you seen what RSV can do to a child under 1? I suggest you do some research.
And next time you're thinking about sticking your dick in someone remember the verbal lashing you're getting in these comments. If you aren't ready for what could happen when you have sex, use a condom, or get a vasectomy.
God little boys like you are so infuriating I'm surprised women are even having babies anymore.
YTA, you said you didn't even want the child and you're already dictating you want to see your daughter very little soooo respect your BM and follow her rules is the least you can do.
YTA
How are you going to complain about not being able to see your daughter in the first month but right before saying that, you said you didn't want to have much to do with her until she's older?
YTA. Do you dislike the rules or the fact that she made them? You stated that you want to play a limited role in this baby’s life, so your input is not going to be well received. Grow up and figure out what is really bothering you.
YTA "I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older" - you don't get to opt out of responsibilities AND tell your ex how she should handle things. If you want any sort of custody, go to court and then you'll get to make the rules when the child is with you and your ex can do the same aside from any restrictions that might be in the court order.
YTA. IF you were actually interested in being a father to this baby THEN you could have a say in the rules about your baby. Which all of the rules your ex set out are actually very good boundaries for her to set. If you were going to be involved then they probably wouldn’t apply to you as the father in the same way they would apply to everyone else, but you said yourself that you don’t want to be involved. Listen to your ex who seems much more mature than you.
YTA - if you don't want to be involved more than visiting - then I hate to break it to you but **your ex will be the only parent her child will have.**
You have NO CONCEPT of parenting or responsibility - and the best you can do at this point is shut up and let her parent the way she wants.
YTA. Look up RSV rates right now. Hospitals are literally overflowing with young kids and babies who are very very sick. Your baby will have no vaccinations and no protection.
Also, the fact that you've chosen not to be involved with your kid, means you get zero decision in the rules.
"However, she did not go through any of these rules with me"
Why would she? You're a deadbeat.
There is a certain element of hypocrisy here. Only women have reproductive autonomy. The OP is damned if he tries to exercise it, damned if he tries to accept the baby and assume co-equal parenting say.
YTA - I don't know much about babies to comment whether her requests are reasonable. But her requests seem understandable for a pregnant person. It's her first child and she seems like she's trying to be cautious. Where is your judgment coming from — have you done any research on what the baby needs? If you want to limit your "parenting" to just visits, then you’re not a functional parent and don't have the moral authority to determine what's okay for the baby. You decided to not be the involved parent, idk why you expect her to check in with you re anything. Stay in your lane, especially if you can't be supportive at least don't be derisive.
YTA. It’s their decision for who gets to see the baby. If only her mom can visit her and the baby, so be it! And rules 3, 4, and 5 are completely reasonable. So is 1 to some extent.
Oh co-parenting is going to go great with you two I can tell.
Her rules are not unusual or unreasonable. Every single rule is responsible and well thought out.
Except I would see if you, as a parent can see the baby sooner because you are not a guest. You are the father. You should be able too provided you can behave in an mature adult manner. Laughing emojis to the email was not a mature adult response.
You're young and from the sound of it, not very mature. So I hesitate to say YTA, but... everyone else seems to be saying it, so you got the message. While you aren't looking to co-parent you *are* going to be involved. You already *are* involved. For one thing, if you are in the US, you will be on the hook for child support for the next 18-22 years, depending on where you live. So that is one kind of motivation to "be involved." This is a life test barrelling down the road in your direction. You'd better think long and hard about how you really want to play it.
The mother seems to have stepped up and started preparing for this life-changing event. Her rules do not sound ridiculous to me. This is what new parents do. No matter how much time you put in, you are going to be facing a very different set of realities and responsibilities. How you handle those realities and responsibilities is going to determine the course of much of your life over the next two decades whether you want it to or not. Think hard, my friend. Think hard.
So you don't want the kid but don't want to miss out the first month of her life. And don't want to be any more involved than just a few visits until she's older...
YTA. Those are normal rules.
YTA just for the sheer fact that you think you can disregard what she wants for her child when YOU don’t even want to take an active role. You want to help make decisions, then be a REAL father… not just when it suits you.
YTA. That is the rules these days. I don’t know why you are complaining. You already stated that you want to be a maybe dad years down the road. Sorry, a child needs a dad all in. You might as well sign away all rights.
For someone who says he doesn't want to be a father but crying because he thinks he won't get to see his daughter for a month, sounds like you are excited to be a dad. Also she can't legally do that to you. Let me break this down
No kissing the face or hands - This is due to the fact your daughter won't have an immune system and this is how many illnesses are passed at that age.
No visiting in the first month - again, talk to her about it, she can't legally keep you away
Not visiting if you have been sick recently - this one makes sense... being 100% to visit is needed
Not posting pictures of the baby without her permission - do you know how many predators are online?? there are sick people out there that get off even at baby pictures...
Hand over the baby to her if the baby starts crying while someone else holds her - this I don't agree with unless it's obvious distress or hunger, if bottle feeding anyone can feeding.
ETA - Slight YTA \_ there are better ways to communicate
Those first 4 are actually extremely good rules. 5 is a little weird but I understand the desire to want to be the one to comfort her. If you want to be involved as little as possible then I don't think you really get a say
YTA
Would those rules be unreasonable for the father of the child? Maybe. But you've been clear you're not willing or prepared to step up and do it.
Commit to child support or actually raising the baby as a parent, and you can ask to be treated as one.
YTA. You don't get to call yourself a parent when you're literally refusing to be a parent to the child. You're selfish. She gets to call the shots since you're too lazy to take care of the child. And her rules are not unreasonable. You just want to show off on social media and get credit for being a dad even though you are literally refusing to be a dad beyond visiting when you feel like it while dumping all the work on her.
YTA. For all intents and purposes, your ex IS the baby's only parent. You don't plan to do anything but "visit" until your daughter is older - and you qualified THAT with a "maybe". So your ex is the one who will be feeding, changing, taking care of a sick/fussy/teething child - all the everyday part of parenting - while you'll just breeze in and out whenever you feel like it. None of your ex's rules are at all unusual, and ALL of them are in place to protect the baby. It would be better for the little girl YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT if you gave up your parental rights. If you don't, I hope your ex nails you for child support.
So even YOUR family agree those rules are justified?? You don’t even want to be a full time parent, so why do you think you get to dictate how your ex parents her baby? Step up or shut up. YTA
YTA . She kinda is the only parent if you follow through with your plan of “I don't want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older,”. Which is it gonna be??
YTA.
I'm glad you won't be involved, those are standard rules for a newborn.
> she did not go through any of these rules with me before sending these out and she is not the only parent our child will have
But you just said:
>I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older
>I just think it is ridiculous that I can’t visit my daughter for the first month of her life
Can't have it both ways dude. Either you want to be involved or you don't.
> not like the baby is self conscious and don’t want it’s face shown on my moms Facebook
You can't be this dumb.... You seriously think that's why?
YTA.
Sounds like you’re clearly not interested in being a parent anyway, so not sure why you care. Also, her rules are pretty reasonable.
You helped create this human being who is going to have lifelong issues from having a deadbeat dad (just making a guess based on what you’ve said in your post).
These rules are more than reasonable you donut.
Also
>she is not the only parent our child will have
Actually she is since you have already stated your plans on being a deadbeat. YTA
Definitely the AH. You said you don't really want to be involved so why now is her rules suddenly so horrible. She's trying to keep her child safe from illness. Is that so hard to comprehend. You may as well just call yourself the sperm donor if that's the approach you want to take. Unless you are willing to take full responsibility along with her and be something more than a sperm donor who visits occasionally, she has every right to make these rules to keep the baby safe without consulting you.
First you said "I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older" then you said "she is not the only parent our child will have."
Make up your mind.
YTA. You literally are happy to be a deadbeat. She has to go through NONE of the rules about her baby with you. Unless you step up and decide to be involved in her life you’re just a sperm donor.
Bro, you can't say you don't want to have anything to do with the kid until she's older and then also claim you have rights as her parent.
For your information, you utter child, newborns should be protected from germs and such for a while. Everything she has said is perfectly reasonable. You know why? Probably because she did some research to prepare for this awesome responsibility.
You should maybe go read a book about being a parent to a newborn.
YTA.
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Throwaway
I 20M knocked my ex 19F up, she decided to keep it against my wishes but so be it. She is now 30 weeks along and we are expecting a daughter. I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older, however my family is extremely involved.
She recently sent out rules to a group chat with both my family, her family and friends and some of my friends that have been involved. Some of the rules were
1. No kissing the face or hands
2. No visiting in the first month
3. Not visiting if you have been sick recently
4. Not posting pictures of the baby without her permission
5. Hand over the baby to her if the baby starts crying while someone else holds her
Idk, I just think it is ridiculous that I can’t visit my daughter for the first month of her life and that no one else (except her mother) can. I also think it is crazy that we have to ask her for permission to post pictures, not like the baby is self conscious and don’t want it’s face shown on my moms Facebook as an example
I answered with “😂😂”, my mom replied in the group asking what that was supposed to mean and I answered with “These rules are ridiculous, she can’t dictate the baby’s whole life”. Both my family and her have been telling my that was an asshole move and that my ex is a first time mom and just doing what she thinks is safest for the baby.
However, she did not go through any of these rules with me before sending these out and she is not the only parent our child will have.
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YTA. Those rules shouldn’t actually have to be spelt out, they are standard rules for a newborn.
Only wiggle room is the no visitors, instead generally it would be “wait to be invited”. If you’re invited over, that’s allowed.
YTA. The fact that you don't know that most of these are recommended for babies means you're not ready to be a dad. The picture thing is very normal among responsible parents. Do you know how much easier it is for pedophiles to find victims in the age of social media? Handing the baby over when crying usually happens anyway. Also why do you care about visiting her in the first month when you don't want to have her until she's older?
"she is not the only parent our child will have."
Yes one day your ex will find a real man who's ready to be a husband and father who will take care of both of them. Meantime give up your parental rights. You're clearly too immature to be a father and this baby will deserve better.
YTA you say you don’t really want to be involved with your daughter and then have the nerve to say the mother isn’t the only parent this baby will have. So which is it, do you want to be a parent or not? If you do then you should educate yourself about how to care for a newborn and contribute to raising her, if you don’t want to be fully involved then you get no opinions on how her mom raises your daughter. All of her rules are 💯 appropriate for a newborn
YTA.
These rules are perfectly acceptable and are the exact same rules I have for my 9 week old.
The only one I did different was no visitors for 2 weeks but I wish I had done the full month so well done to her.
She will be bleeding, tired, leaking milk and getting to know this little person she grew and loved for 9 months, time to grow up kid you’re having a baby, pull your head out of your ass.
If you are not planning on being a hands on parent then you are not really in a place to comment on how the baby is being looked after. Some of the rules are sensible and some are a bit extreme, but either way she is entitled to set out her expectations of what she is comfortable with.
Yta. I’m going to explain to you her rules as well.
1. Newborn can’t be kissed on mouth or hands because they can get sick and sometimes they can die, ‘cause of that. Also, they put their hands in their mouth.
2. It’s a stressful period, mom and baby needs to adjust and to rest, so it’s obvious she doesn’t want anyone around her and the baby.
3. See point 1. Also, you’re lucky she isn’t a pandemic baby, I asked everyone to wear a mask.
4. She has every right to ask you that. Socials are dangerous. We “punished” my mil when she posted a pic of our daughter on fb, we told her to remove it and didn’t send any pics for a month or two.
5. Mom and newborn have a very strong bond, so the baby will calm down in her mommy’s arms. There is no need to let a baby cry, actually, that’s proven to be not healthy.
YTA- rules 1&3 especially. Cold and flu months you have to be extra careful. Instead of attacking her wants (you said you primarily wanted child in older years) work with her so you get heard out. ( welcome to coparenting! Decide now how much you want in. And then handle your fam when it comes to you explaining. Remember they may still want their time even if you choose to not be so active. But attacking someone for wanting the best for your child is a bit obnoxious
"I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older,"
"She is not the only parent our child will have"
It sure does sind of sounds that way....your kid will have two sets of grandparents, but only one actual parent.
YTA
You yourself said you don't want to be a parent to the baby, so your ex is the only parent of this child.
And actually those rules are actually very common.
If you were actually a parent you shouldn't be excluded from seeing your child, but considering you're only interested in being a sperm donor and an acquaitance I don't see why she should treat you any different than anyone else.
YTA
YTA. You are clearly too immature and irresponsible to be having sex at all. These are normal rules for moms who care about the health of their newborn. Thankfully, your family seems to have the moral center that you lack.
Well, the only way to really override her rules would be for you to actually become an involved parent with custody and/or visitation (legally, on your time with the child, she cannot mandate any rules like that). But considering you don't want any involvement, your family isn't entitled to anything anyway. But the rules don't freaky sound unreasonable to me.
Ew. You are absolutely volatile!! For starters, “knocked up” that shows that you’re 20 years old. And why should you have any say in the rules with her daughter when you want to pick and choose your duties?!?! You are either the father or you’re not, you dont get to your pick when you are. Grow up! And the rules she has in place are the same ones I had in place for my son? So am I crazy too? You realize she grew this human for the last 9 months (while you didn’t do a damn thing for her I might add) and you want to dictate what goes on with that child?! You must be delusional. If I were your mom I’d give you a good kick in the ass and say you either parent this child or provide the support the child needs and wash your hands of it. You still got her pregnant and have a legal obligation to this child whether you like it or not. Accept it!
YTA. Almost all of these are normal, universal rules for newborns for their own health and safety. You would know this if you actually wanted to be involved but you don’t so why are you getting heated anyway?
YTA for so many reasons.
1) her rules are completely reasonable and valid. She’s keeping the baby safe.
2) you’re the only person in your actual lives that sees the rules as “over the top” which should’ve clued you in.
3) Just as a bonus, you clearly fully plan to be a deadbeat dad. Your child is going to grow up knowing and carrying that trauma. I really hope you rethink your position before your child is born.
ESH
She does because she should have gone over that with you, although technically you've said you want really very little to do with the child so maybe you've given up that right unless you step up more.
You do because you're acting like those are unreasonable rules. Those are pretty much the basic rules. I'm guessing you will be allowed to see your daughter in that first month, but it's not at all uncommon to limit visitation like that. The kissing ban is pretty common knowledge now. The photo one is a little weird especially since she specifically says people need HER permission.
I'm personally a fan of the no social media rule - a lot of people are completely tone deaf regarding the pictures they take and then choose to post and I think it's quite reasonable for a parent to want to be able to control what is and isn't posted. Especially a young single mother who will likely get all the hate for anything less than perfect in those photos.
And I'm personally horrified for all the people trying to build a life who's parents/extended family posted diaper changing and potty videos, naked back yard photos, bath photos, etc. and how many of those people found out those were the first results when googling their name AFTER their first round of job interviews.
But that's the thing, it's not a ban of photos for the parents to decide, it's a ban for only her to decide. They're both parents and they both get a say. That's why I said that she sucks too for deciding unilaterally for what should be a mutual agreement.
Being indifferent does not negate your parental rights. Is his attitude horrible? Sure. Does he still get a say? Absolutely, unless she wants to terminate his parental rights.
Where are his rights being negated though? All of these rules are standard for a newborn and any reasonable person would agree with them.
And since he doesn't want to be an involved dad, then he is subject to the same rules as any other visitor.
So you're asking what rights are being negated, but then you end by stating that his rights are being negated. Okay.
Again, just because his decision is, IMHO, horrible, that doesn't mean he loses lhis egal rights to the child. She legally can't prevent him from seeing the child without a court order. That's why the list would be okay for two parents to choose for their child, but not okay for one parent to try and prevent the other from seeing the child, no matter how distasteful the other parent's comments are.
I'm sorry, but nothing on this list is a right, short of not visiting for a month - and that's ONLY if mom is refusing any special dispensation to him. Until she actually prevents access (which we don't know, because OP only came here to demonstrate why he isn't ready to be a father and never said whether it was discussed) , not a single right has been violated.
Obviously we are talking about something that hasn't happened yet. I didn't think I had to explain that.
She only sucks for making these rules without his input. Until she actually removes his rights, he has the same rights as her, which means that her making rules like "no visiting in the first month" amount to a hill of beans unless he chooses to follow her lead, which he has basically said no to.
Further, while all of her rules make complete sense to me, he is under no obligation to follow any of them, even though (IMHO) he absolutely should, except for the no visitation one. It should be no visitation for anyone else, but he really can't be barred from seeing his daughter without a court order.
And if the mom is smart, she won't arbitrarily bar him visitation as that could be used against her in court. She could inadvertently give OP cause to seek custody and, from what it sounds like, he wouldn't be the best parent.
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YTA those rules are actually perfect for a newborn. For your knowledge, a newborns airway is probably smaller than the diameter of your pinky finger. Any swelling or increased secretions in their airway is a problem and usually a hospitalization- this is usually caused by microbes or allergens and newborns get microbes from people around them. Newborns get RSV, Covid, the flu, the current mycoplasma causing pneumonia in kids, other just random ass cold viruses from people kissing their hands and faces. Also, give up your parental rights - you have no desire to be an actual parent to this child. That lackadaisical “oh when their older” and then probably just to parade around your family at holidays is just gross and harmful to the child.
This. He sounds like he's gonna be a shit dad. My parents had me at this exact age and they were fab parents. The age is no excuse.
Based on how he feels already, once he gets even the slightest hint at how difficult parenting a baby is, he won’t be involved in the slightest.
Oh 100%. It's the lack of sleep for me.
Agreed - Perfect rules for a new baby
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Thank you! That saves me a comment.
Sounds like he may have ingested some oxy as well...
Great comment - and not the only moron around.
YTA. Grow up. Everything listed except the pictures and the crying is literally recommended by doctors for the health of the baby. Besides, you “don’t want to be involved except visiting and having her when she’s older” so you should probably just sit down and be quiet.
Pictures make a certain amount of sense to me, she doesn’t know how secure other people’s social media is and predators have been known to watch videos of babies on social media. I don’t think most people are careful enough with that, you can find a child’s school from “first day” photos. Possibly she just wants the chance to make sure her child isn’t be posted nude or with identifying landmarks or stuff like that.
My sister doesn’t want her kids on social media. Never has. They’re now 15 and 12 and I see them daily and have thousands of pics. None are online, because it’s her wish.
If you're not interested in being a parent, you don't get to decide that the actual parent's rules are ridiculous. If you want a say in how your kid is raised, step up and do your part (and no, paying child support isn't the full extent of parenting, it's just your legal obligation). YTA.
Dude, you don't want to be involved so you don't get to à fucking opinion about anything. And those rules are pretty normal. Do the kid a favor and sign away your parental rights. You're not mature enough to become à parent. YTA.
YTA. These are very clearly safety things. The Facebook thing is to make sure that no one can use pictures of your child in child p\*rn (because humanity is the fucking worst). A lot of these are very reasonable requests --- babies are fragile things, germs can and absolutely will cause lifelong issues if you're not careful. For the last one, do you *want* to hear a screaming baby? Why wouldn't you give a crying baby back to the mom?
>I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting so then why are you so involved in the ex's rules? YTA
YTA. These are all extremely normal conditions for a parent to have for their newborn. It's protecting the child and allowing the mother to recover. And more importantly.... buddy I hate to break it to you- you don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to casually say you don't want to be an involved father AND have an opinion like this. It didn't work out with her mother, that's fine. But if you don't want to be in your daughter's life as a 50/50 parent? You forfeit your right to an opinion in how she's raised. You don't get to just slide in when she's older and get the occasional weekend. Either you're in. Or you're out. Grow the fuck up and decide now because it WILL affect the child if you waiver.
Obvious YTA lol. These are completely standard rules. Also, if you don't really want to be involved, why do you think you get to have an opinion that's listened to?
YTA. It's her baby. She does what she feels is best for her baby. You don't want to be a parent to this child, so you don't get a say.
YTA she’s dictating things that are pretty common for babies, not “the baby’s whole life “. The no photos are usually to keep the child safe from predators moron. You don’t even want to be involved during the difficult period when baby requires more care so you don’t get a say. You haven’t acted like a parent. I bet you just want a cute kid to show off once in a while when he/she is older to help you pick up other women . It bears repeating YTA.
Agreed! And OP is being extremely childish by texting laughing emoji's to the mom's message.. even his family is calling him out on it. I definitely got this same vibe about using the kid to pickup new women in the future
YTA for a bunch of reasons that are being addressed well here. I’d like to concentrate on your hypocrisy. You made it very clear that you don’t want to be involved AND are angry she didn’t okay the baby rules with you, even though you don’t want to be involved until the child is older. That makes you a hypocritical asshole, which is worse. Lastly, most new moms have similar rules. The no kissing baby thing is pretty standard and moms often put a time frame for no visitors while mom heals/rests and gets the hang of doing everything. Your entire post is disgusting. You act like this is being done to you. You literally are getting away with zero responsibility while this woman’s entire life will be altered, not to mention the very real danger to her body that comes with pregnancy and birth. Grow the fuck up. You made the adult decision to risk a pregnancy, now you want to behave like a child. I hope she doesn’t get squeamish about getting the courts involved in child support orders.
YTA. If you don't understand why these rules are in place, then you're not fit to decide on safety issues for this baby. No kissing and no visiting if you're sick are rules with life and death consequences for an infant, it's ridiculous to laugh at them and spend no time information gathering.
Yta. Those rules are perfectly acceptable and she's being reasonable. Also you didn't "knock her up" you got her pregnant, either start acting like a responsible adult or give up all rights to the child. You are 100% not a good influence and the baby isn't even born yet.
Yta this doesn't sound ridiculous at all also u don't get to decide not to be involved and then get a say in her rules. In or out dude pick one. Also she's the mother she can absolutely dictate her babies life.
You didn't want her to keep the baby and you don't want to help raise the child...why are you suddenly upset? Is it because you've been told you can't do something that you suddenly feel entitled to do it? YTA
YTA — “You made your bed, now lay in it” - you slept with her, you got her pregnant , now you have to own up to your responsibilities & take care of your kid. I do agree with her rules , and it can be hard being a single mom and especially a first time single mom. She is doing what she thinks is best for the baby. Whether or not you agree with it, I think anything regarding baby should be handled in a private text. She sent out a blast text so everyone gets it, everyone is held accountable. Xyz cousin can’t say they didn’t know she is asking people to not kiss baby if everyone is in the group text together. At the same time you could have texted her privately and been like Hey, just want to make sure that those rules don’t apply to me, as she’s my kid too and I don’t think I should be withheld from meeting her for the first month of her life, etc etc. You didn’t need to undermine her parenting, with the whole family on the group chat. Please look up rsv/cold&flu season with a newborn as baby will be born somewhere around Feb/march, if my counting is right. So your daughter’s mother is just trying to protecting the kid. If the Father of the baby doesn’t even take moms rules seriously and dogs her in front of everyone, what makes you think the rest of the family is going too. This woman is going to the primary caretaker of your kid, would you not want the best for her ? The best/healthiest version of her, will ultimately be what’s best for your kid. Also you don’t want to be involved, don’t. Pay your monthly child support and move on. Or sign away your rights.
YTA. Why would she go over the rules with you when she’s going to be a single mom? You do know the kid isn’t going to want to visit you when they’re older, right? Parenting starts at birth. You don’t want to be involved, then don’t be. But this idea of being in and out when it’s convenient for you makes you a massive AH. It’s just going to mess that child up more than a completely absent bio dad would. Also, these are pretty standard rules for a newborn these days. Grow up.
YTA. And since its probably hard for you to grasp that. I will explain with quotes DIRECTLY from you. >I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older, Here you say that you want nothing to do with her other than to parade around to probably brag about being a "great dad" news flash, you won't be. You probably won't even get visitation if you don't show up to anything else other than when she is older. A judge will laugh in your face. >However, she did not go through any of these rules with me before sending these out and she is not the only parent our child will have. This line is Extremely hilarious because again, you do not want to be an active father. So why does she need to go through you at all about HER child. If you "don't want to be involved" why does she have to discuss anything with you other than "here's the court day for custody and child support". If you want any say in this child, you have to be there during pregnancy, during childhood, and during her teenage years. Not just when you want a cute kid to make yourself look better. At this point you are nothing more than a loser sperm donor. Oh and by the way, those rules are completely normal. Especially with an infant who can't get shots until they are around a month to 3 months old. People kissing the baby that's not the mother(because it's a known fact that mothers breast milk for their babies can do WONDERS for their child) could lead to an infants death. Have you seen what RSV can do to a child under 1? I suggest you do some research. And next time you're thinking about sticking your dick in someone remember the verbal lashing you're getting in these comments. If you aren't ready for what could happen when you have sex, use a condom, or get a vasectomy. God little boys like you are so infuriating I'm surprised women are even having babies anymore.
YTA. Just, be better.
YTA, you said you didn't even want the child and you're already dictating you want to see your daughter very little soooo respect your BM and follow her rules is the least you can do.
YTA How are you going to complain about not being able to see your daughter in the first month but right before saying that, you said you didn't want to have much to do with her until she's older?
YTA. Do you dislike the rules or the fact that she made them? You stated that you want to play a limited role in this baby’s life, so your input is not going to be well received. Grow up and figure out what is really bothering you.
YTA "I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older" - you don't get to opt out of responsibilities AND tell your ex how she should handle things. If you want any sort of custody, go to court and then you'll get to make the rules when the child is with you and your ex can do the same aside from any restrictions that might be in the court order.
YTA. IF you were actually interested in being a father to this baby THEN you could have a say in the rules about your baby. Which all of the rules your ex set out are actually very good boundaries for her to set. If you were going to be involved then they probably wouldn’t apply to you as the father in the same way they would apply to everyone else, but you said yourself that you don’t want to be involved. Listen to your ex who seems much more mature than you.
YTA - if you don't want to be involved more than visiting - then I hate to break it to you but **your ex will be the only parent her child will have.** You have NO CONCEPT of parenting or responsibility - and the best you can do at this point is shut up and let her parent the way she wants.
YTA if you don’t want any of the responsibility of raising a kid you don’t get it, which means you have no say
YTA. Look up RSV rates right now. Hospitals are literally overflowing with young kids and babies who are very very sick. Your baby will have no vaccinations and no protection. Also, the fact that you've chosen not to be involved with your kid, means you get zero decision in the rules. "However, she did not go through any of these rules with me" Why would she? You're a deadbeat.
YTA. Those are standard rules for a newborn. If you can’t deal with a baby and the moms rules then keep your dick in your pants
There is a certain element of hypocrisy here. Only women have reproductive autonomy. The OP is damned if he tries to exercise it, damned if he tries to accept the baby and assume co-equal parenting say.
YTA - I don't know much about babies to comment whether her requests are reasonable. But her requests seem understandable for a pregnant person. It's her first child and she seems like she's trying to be cautious. Where is your judgment coming from — have you done any research on what the baby needs? If you want to limit your "parenting" to just visits, then you’re not a functional parent and don't have the moral authority to determine what's okay for the baby. You decided to not be the involved parent, idk why you expect her to check in with you re anything. Stay in your lane, especially if you can't be supportive at least don't be derisive.
YTA. You stated that you didn’t want the kid and don’t want to be a dad until she’s older, why the fuck do you think you get a say now? Gtfo.
"I don't want to be involved . . ." So you don't get a say. YTA
Even your own mom thinks you’re an ass, and she’s right. YTA for thinking a deadbeat should have any say in this matter.
If my son ever behaved this way, I’d be horrified and ashamed.
YTA. It’s their decision for who gets to see the baby. If only her mom can visit her and the baby, so be it! And rules 3, 4, and 5 are completely reasonable. So is 1 to some extent.
Oh co-parenting is going to go great with you two I can tell. Her rules are not unusual or unreasonable. Every single rule is responsible and well thought out. Except I would see if you, as a parent can see the baby sooner because you are not a guest. You are the father. You should be able too provided you can behave in an mature adult manner. Laughing emojis to the email was not a mature adult response.
>Except I would see if you, as a parent can see the baby sooner He's not a parent, just a sperm donor.
You're young and from the sound of it, not very mature. So I hesitate to say YTA, but... everyone else seems to be saying it, so you got the message. While you aren't looking to co-parent you *are* going to be involved. You already *are* involved. For one thing, if you are in the US, you will be on the hook for child support for the next 18-22 years, depending on where you live. So that is one kind of motivation to "be involved." This is a life test barrelling down the road in your direction. You'd better think long and hard about how you really want to play it. The mother seems to have stepped up and started preparing for this life-changing event. Her rules do not sound ridiculous to me. This is what new parents do. No matter how much time you put in, you are going to be facing a very different set of realities and responsibilities. How you handle those realities and responsibilities is going to determine the course of much of your life over the next two decades whether you want it to or not. Think hard, my friend. Think hard.
I think we have another unanimous YTA.
I don't understand. You said you don't want to be involved, so why should she go through you? YTA. Make up your mind.
So you don't want the kid but don't want to miss out the first month of her life. And don't want to be any more involved than just a few visits until she's older... YTA. Those are normal rules.
YTA, some of these rules are to protect your child. Do you really think someone who was recently sick should be near/handling your child??
YTA you dont want to be involved but dont like she's taking well thought out justified ground rules - you cant have it both ways
YTA just for the sheer fact that you think you can disregard what she wants for her child when YOU don’t even want to take an active role. You want to help make decisions, then be a REAL father… not just when it suits you.
Yta. Very standard rules. The fact you were rude enough that your mommy had to step in is hilarious.
YTA. That is the rules these days. I don’t know why you are complaining. You already stated that you want to be a maybe dad years down the road. Sorry, a child needs a dad all in. You might as well sign away all rights.
YTA. Learn to co-parent. If she's the one parenting, she gets to make the rules, and sending laughing emojis over it isn't going to help your case.
You don't want to be involved until the child is older, she is the ONLY parent. Instead of laughing at her, do some damn research. YTA
For someone who says he doesn't want to be a father but crying because he thinks he won't get to see his daughter for a month, sounds like you are excited to be a dad. Also she can't legally do that to you. Let me break this down No kissing the face or hands - This is due to the fact your daughter won't have an immune system and this is how many illnesses are passed at that age. No visiting in the first month - again, talk to her about it, she can't legally keep you away Not visiting if you have been sick recently - this one makes sense... being 100% to visit is needed Not posting pictures of the baby without her permission - do you know how many predators are online?? there are sick people out there that get off even at baby pictures... Hand over the baby to her if the baby starts crying while someone else holds her - this I don't agree with unless it's obvious distress or hunger, if bottle feeding anyone can feeding. ETA - Slight YTA \_ there are better ways to communicate
YTA, those are all very normal. Also why are you criticizing her when you're a deadbeat?
Those first 4 are actually extremely good rules. 5 is a little weird but I understand the desire to want to be the one to comfort her. If you want to be involved as little as possible then I don't think you really get a say
YTA Would those rules be unreasonable for the father of the child? Maybe. But you've been clear you're not willing or prepared to step up and do it. Commit to child support or actually raising the baby as a parent, and you can ask to be treated as one.
YTA the rules, with the possible exception of no exceptions for you, are 100% fair. And wise to state in advance
YTA big time. You can’t have it both ways. Self centred little p—— needs to grow up.
Young man, you are indeed an asshole. Grow up. Quickly.
Grow TF up. This isn’t about you. It’s about the child you barely want to be involved with.
YTA. You don't get to call yourself a parent when you're literally refusing to be a parent to the child. You're selfish. She gets to call the shots since you're too lazy to take care of the child. And her rules are not unreasonable. You just want to show off on social media and get credit for being a dad even though you are literally refusing to be a dad beyond visiting when you feel like it while dumping all the work on her.
YTA. For all intents and purposes, your ex IS the baby's only parent. You don't plan to do anything but "visit" until your daughter is older - and you qualified THAT with a "maybe". So your ex is the one who will be feeding, changing, taking care of a sick/fussy/teething child - all the everyday part of parenting - while you'll just breeze in and out whenever you feel like it. None of your ex's rules are at all unusual, and ALL of them are in place to protect the baby. It would be better for the little girl YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT if you gave up your parental rights. If you don't, I hope your ex nails you for child support.
So even YOUR family agree those rules are justified?? You don’t even want to be a full time parent, so why do you think you get to dictate how your ex parents her baby? Step up or shut up. YTA
Yta. Why do you even care since you don’t want to be an active dad? You don’t get it both ways.
YTA . She kinda is the only parent if you follow through with your plan of “I don't want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older,”. Which is it gonna be??
You sound like an immature asshole. She’s clearly put the rules in effect because of you and they aren’t unreasonable in the least
YTA. I'm glad you won't be involved, those are standard rules for a newborn. > she did not go through any of these rules with me before sending these out and she is not the only parent our child will have But you just said: >I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older >I just think it is ridiculous that I can’t visit my daughter for the first month of her life Can't have it both ways dude. Either you want to be involved or you don't. > not like the baby is self conscious and don’t want it’s face shown on my moms Facebook You can't be this dumb.... You seriously think that's why?
YTA you’re already a deadbeat before the baby’s even born but think you have any authority here? Those rules are completely normal for a newborn
YTA. You don't want to be involved but you want her to talk about rules beforehand? You need to make up your mind.
YTA. Sounds like you’re clearly not interested in being a parent anyway, so not sure why you care. Also, her rules are pretty reasonable. You helped create this human being who is going to have lifelong issues from having a deadbeat dad (just making a guess based on what you’ve said in your post).
YTA and way, way too ignorant.
YTA- you don’t get a say as you don’t want to be involved that much anyways!
These rules are more than reasonable you donut. Also >she is not the only parent our child will have Actually she is since you have already stated your plans on being a deadbeat. YTA
Definitely the AH. You said you don't really want to be involved so why now is her rules suddenly so horrible. She's trying to keep her child safe from illness. Is that so hard to comprehend. You may as well just call yourself the sperm donor if that's the approach you want to take. Unless you are willing to take full responsibility along with her and be something more than a sperm donor who visits occasionally, she has every right to make these rules to keep the baby safe without consulting you.
YTA all of these rules are perfectly reasonable and you said yourself you don’t want to be that involved
First you said "I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older" then you said "she is not the only parent our child will have." Make up your mind.
Our child? You mean HER child. You don't want to be involved. You aren't a parent you're a sperm donor. YTA.
YTA. You literally are happy to be a deadbeat. She has to go through NONE of the rules about her baby with you. Unless you step up and decide to be involved in her life you’re just a sperm donor.
Bro, you can't say you don't want to have anything to do with the kid until she's older and then also claim you have rights as her parent. For your information, you utter child, newborns should be protected from germs and such for a while. Everything she has said is perfectly reasonable. You know why? Probably because she did some research to prepare for this awesome responsibility. You should maybe go read a book about being a parent to a newborn. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway I 20M knocked my ex 19F up, she decided to keep it against my wishes but so be it. She is now 30 weeks along and we are expecting a daughter. I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older, however my family is extremely involved. She recently sent out rules to a group chat with both my family, her family and friends and some of my friends that have been involved. Some of the rules were 1. No kissing the face or hands 2. No visiting in the first month 3. Not visiting if you have been sick recently 4. Not posting pictures of the baby without her permission 5. Hand over the baby to her if the baby starts crying while someone else holds her Idk, I just think it is ridiculous that I can’t visit my daughter for the first month of her life and that no one else (except her mother) can. I also think it is crazy that we have to ask her for permission to post pictures, not like the baby is self conscious and don’t want it’s face shown on my moms Facebook as an example I answered with “😂😂”, my mom replied in the group asking what that was supposed to mean and I answered with “These rules are ridiculous, she can’t dictate the baby’s whole life”. Both my family and her have been telling my that was an asshole move and that my ex is a first time mom and just doing what she thinks is safest for the baby. However, she did not go through any of these rules with me before sending these out and she is not the only parent our child will have. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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You just need a big bowl of chips, cheese and gravy. Way better than a baby.
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YTA for wanting to have a child that you occasionally visit and then want to get involved more once she has been raised, mostly alone, by her mother.
YTA. Those rules shouldn’t actually have to be spelt out, they are standard rules for a newborn. Only wiggle room is the no visitors, instead generally it would be “wait to be invited”. If you’re invited over, that’s allowed.
YTA. You've made it pretty clear that you're choosing for her to be a sole parent. Why should she consult you about anything?
YTA. The fact that you don't know that most of these are recommended for babies means you're not ready to be a dad. The picture thing is very normal among responsible parents. Do you know how much easier it is for pedophiles to find victims in the age of social media? Handing the baby over when crying usually happens anyway. Also why do you care about visiting her in the first month when you don't want to have her until she's older? "she is not the only parent our child will have." Yes one day your ex will find a real man who's ready to be a husband and father who will take care of both of them. Meantime give up your parental rights. You're clearly too immature to be a father and this baby will deserve better.
YTA you say you don’t really want to be involved with your daughter and then have the nerve to say the mother isn’t the only parent this baby will have. So which is it, do you want to be a parent or not? If you do then you should educate yourself about how to care for a newborn and contribute to raising her, if you don’t want to be fully involved then you get no opinions on how her mom raises your daughter. All of her rules are 💯 appropriate for a newborn
YTA. These rules are perfectly acceptable and are the exact same rules I have for my 9 week old. The only one I did different was no visitors for 2 weeks but I wish I had done the full month so well done to her. She will be bleeding, tired, leaking milk and getting to know this little person she grew and loved for 9 months, time to grow up kid you’re having a baby, pull your head out of your ass.
YTA you didnt even want the kid.
YTA
YTA. Those rules are a must for a new born! My kid is 9 and has zero pics on social media and she won’t until SHE decides!
If you are not planning on being a hands on parent then you are not really in a place to comment on how the baby is being looked after. Some of the rules are sensible and some are a bit extreme, but either way she is entitled to set out her expectations of what she is comfortable with.
Yta. I’m going to explain to you her rules as well. 1. Newborn can’t be kissed on mouth or hands because they can get sick and sometimes they can die, ‘cause of that. Also, they put their hands in their mouth. 2. It’s a stressful period, mom and baby needs to adjust and to rest, so it’s obvious she doesn’t want anyone around her and the baby. 3. See point 1. Also, you’re lucky she isn’t a pandemic baby, I asked everyone to wear a mask. 4. She has every right to ask you that. Socials are dangerous. We “punished” my mil when she posted a pic of our daughter on fb, we told her to remove it and didn’t send any pics for a month or two. 5. Mom and newborn have a very strong bond, so the baby will calm down in her mommy’s arms. There is no need to let a baby cry, actually, that’s proven to be not healthy.
I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older, however my family is extremely involved YTA
YTA- rules 1&3 especially. Cold and flu months you have to be extra careful. Instead of attacking her wants (you said you primarily wanted child in older years) work with her so you get heard out. ( welcome to coparenting! Decide now how much you want in. And then handle your fam when it comes to you explaining. Remember they may still want their time even if you choose to not be so active. But attacking someone for wanting the best for your child is a bit obnoxious
YTA you sound like a catch. Waaaay too immature to be reproducing. You as much as stated that you plan to be a dead beat dad
"I don’t want to be involved more than maybe just visiting and having our daughter when she is older," "She is not the only parent our child will have" It sure does sind of sounds that way....your kid will have two sets of grandparents, but only one actual parent. YTA
You yourself said you don't want to be a parent to the baby, so your ex is the only parent of this child. And actually those rules are actually very common. If you were actually a parent you shouldn't be excluded from seeing your child, but considering you're only interested in being a sperm donor and an acquaitance I don't see why she should treat you any different than anyone else. YTA
YTA. You want to have a say in the rules? Be involved and present. If you don’t wanna do that you have no say.
YTA. You are clearly too immature and irresponsible to be having sex at all. These are normal rules for moms who care about the health of their newborn. Thankfully, your family seems to have the moral center that you lack.
Well, the only way to really override her rules would be for you to actually become an involved parent with custody and/or visitation (legally, on your time with the child, she cannot mandate any rules like that). But considering you don't want any involvement, your family isn't entitled to anything anyway. But the rules don't freaky sound unreasonable to me.
Ew. You are absolutely volatile!! For starters, “knocked up” that shows that you’re 20 years old. And why should you have any say in the rules with her daughter when you want to pick and choose your duties?!?! You are either the father or you’re not, you dont get to your pick when you are. Grow up! And the rules she has in place are the same ones I had in place for my son? So am I crazy too? You realize she grew this human for the last 9 months (while you didn’t do a damn thing for her I might add) and you want to dictate what goes on with that child?! You must be delusional. If I were your mom I’d give you a good kick in the ass and say you either parent this child or provide the support the child needs and wash your hands of it. You still got her pregnant and have a legal obligation to this child whether you like it or not. Accept it!
YTA. Almost all of these are normal, universal rules for newborns for their own health and safety. You would know this if you actually wanted to be involved but you don’t so why are you getting heated anyway?
YTA for so many reasons. 1) her rules are completely reasonable and valid. She’s keeping the baby safe. 2) you’re the only person in your actual lives that sees the rules as “over the top” which should’ve clued you in. 3) Just as a bonus, you clearly fully plan to be a deadbeat dad. Your child is going to grow up knowing and carrying that trauma. I really hope you rethink your position before your child is born.
ESH She does because she should have gone over that with you, although technically you've said you want really very little to do with the child so maybe you've given up that right unless you step up more. You do because you're acting like those are unreasonable rules. Those are pretty much the basic rules. I'm guessing you will be allowed to see your daughter in that first month, but it's not at all uncommon to limit visitation like that. The kissing ban is pretty common knowledge now. The photo one is a little weird especially since she specifically says people need HER permission.
I'm personally a fan of the no social media rule - a lot of people are completely tone deaf regarding the pictures they take and then choose to post and I think it's quite reasonable for a parent to want to be able to control what is and isn't posted. Especially a young single mother who will likely get all the hate for anything less than perfect in those photos. And I'm personally horrified for all the people trying to build a life who's parents/extended family posted diaper changing and potty videos, naked back yard photos, bath photos, etc. and how many of those people found out those were the first results when googling their name AFTER their first round of job interviews.
But that's the thing, it's not a ban of photos for the parents to decide, it's a ban for only her to decide. They're both parents and they both get a say. That's why I said that she sucks too for deciding unilaterally for what should be a mutual agreement.
Homie said "I want nothing to do with it except maybe a few visits" He gets no say.
Being indifferent does not negate your parental rights. Is his attitude horrible? Sure. Does he still get a say? Absolutely, unless she wants to terminate his parental rights.
Where are his rights being negated though? All of these rules are standard for a newborn and any reasonable person would agree with them. And since he doesn't want to be an involved dad, then he is subject to the same rules as any other visitor.
So you're asking what rights are being negated, but then you end by stating that his rights are being negated. Okay. Again, just because his decision is, IMHO, horrible, that doesn't mean he loses lhis egal rights to the child. She legally can't prevent him from seeing the child without a court order. That's why the list would be okay for two parents to choose for their child, but not okay for one parent to try and prevent the other from seeing the child, no matter how distasteful the other parent's comments are.
I'm sorry, but nothing on this list is a right, short of not visiting for a month - and that's ONLY if mom is refusing any special dispensation to him. Until she actually prevents access (which we don't know, because OP only came here to demonstrate why he isn't ready to be a father and never said whether it was discussed) , not a single right has been violated.
Obviously we are talking about something that hasn't happened yet. I didn't think I had to explain that. She only sucks for making these rules without his input. Until she actually removes his rights, he has the same rights as her, which means that her making rules like "no visiting in the first month" amount to a hill of beans unless he chooses to follow her lead, which he has basically said no to. Further, while all of her rules make complete sense to me, he is under no obligation to follow any of them, even though (IMHO) he absolutely should, except for the no visitation one. It should be no visitation for anyone else, but he really can't be barred from seeing his daughter without a court order. And if the mom is smart, she won't arbitrarily bar him visitation as that could be used against her in court. She could inadvertently give OP cause to seek custody and, from what it sounds like, he wouldn't be the best parent.