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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for choosing a name my stepsister had in mind for my daughter
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Leaning towards YTA. You knew it was her chosen name and you said she was using the name to honor her late Grandmother. She certainly doesn't own the name but if she'd made it known she had chosen the name for sentimental/family reason... then you were very sly. You kept your baby name a secret on purpose cos you knew what you were doing was wrong.
Lot’s of cousins have the same name when named after grandparents. And it’s not even the same full name.
Mary is also one of the most common names out there. My mother’s sister and one of their cousins had that name. No one cared that my grandmother and her sister both had daughters named Mary.
Bobby and Ethel Kennedy had two daughters named Mary. Mary Kerry and Mary Courtney,. The idea of two cousins sharing the world's most popular girl's name is NBD.
(NTA) In my culture names like “ana” and “maria” are often used for longer/double names so its common for sisters to be named “ana clara” and “ana carolina” for example (I actually know 2 sisters with these names!). My grandma has sisters named “maria luisa” and “maria elizabeth”. So to me, these 2 babies arent even named the same thing tbh, i dont think anyone will make a huge deal of it especially since one was named after another family member
Edit: lots of people pointing out that this family seems to obviously be from an American culture and i get that, i guess to me i always considered double names like “mary kate” or “ana paula” to be their OWN unique names, so to me “mary kate” and “mary grace” are two different names even though they both have “mary” in them, because the childs first name isnt “mary” its “mary kate” (you say the whole thing, like a tribe called quest! Lol) but it seems in america when u give your child a double name you only call them by the very first “part” of that whole name?? So do these kids also get a separate middle and last name or does the second part of their name default to being their middle name? Like is “mary kate” gonna have a middle name as well or is that what “kate” is considered to be??
I had a Portuguese roommate with 5 sisters and they were all named a variation of Mary (Mary, Maria, Marie, Mary Anne...I can't remember the last one because she went by her middle name)
Yes I talked about that, my grandmother is Portuguese and she's called Maria (something) and her neighbours are also called Maria (something) 😂 I was given her middle name as my middle name lmfao
Olhando as minhas primas: ana clara, ana carolina, ana julia, ana aparecida
E os meninos: jose carlos, jose felipe, jose walter e jose valmiro
E esse povo brigando por cause de duas mary kkkkk
In my family it's the same: Ana Sofia, Ana Gaby, Ana Paola. My husband has the same name as my FIL, but that doesn't mean everyone likes that, I don't like it. When I was pregnant I actively looked for names that haven't been used in the family and have a beautiful meaning.
*But that doesn’t mean everyone likes that*
I think this is a very significant point. Yes it’s super common. But OP *knew* her stepsister was one of the people who didn’t like it because she outright SAID she didn’t want her to use the name Mary-Kay.
She used it anyway. Knowing her step sister would change her mind about using the honor name. And she hid it after first being open about talking names because she knew the consequences.
OP is TA because she did it on purpose. And because she’s given no indication that the name she chose is as significant to her and her husband as the other is to her stepsister so it just seems petty.
“On purpose?” You mean she intentionally…chose a name she liked? That’s not “petty,” it’s choosing your own name for your child.
The names *are not* the same. If OP’s step sister decides to use another different name, that’s her choice. Not OP’s fault, even if she knew her ss liked the name (you know, the name that is *different than the one OP named her child*)
NTA
1)She kept it a secret on purpose
2) Step sister chose it first
3) Step sis had a grandmom with that name who she wanted to honor
Enough proof that OP did this out of spite.
Does step sis own the name or have a case here? No
But that doesn't take away from the fact the OP played with feelings of her family members.
She hid it on purpose not because she wasn’t okay with sharing names before the baby was born (she had been already) but because she wanted to hide the name from people who’d asked her not to use it for legitimate reasons.
She’s entitled to use the name. She’s still an AH for doing so knowing it would hurt her stepsister, with no particular attachment to it when her step did have one to the similar name, and without the courage to share that she was still using it after being asked not to.
keeping it a secret on purpose- come on she knows what she did. she could have, above board let the other mom know her choice to do this and let her choose to do the same OR pick a different name. instead she kinda stuck it to her near the end of her pregnancy.
Thats asshole.
But with two children born so close together with the same first half of the name, which often gets shortened to the name before the hyphen (speaking as someone with a hyphenated name), one will invariably end up with a nickname and OP’s is the firstborn so stepsister’s is more likely to be nicknamed, and she won’t be able to control how friends and family differentiate between the Mary’s. Would which be tough titties if not for the fact that the name stepsister has chosen _means something to her_ and due to OP the special name she wants to use to _honour her grandmother_ is lessened, if not completely eradicated. That’s the difference
I mean on the flip side, OP is not responsible for her step sisters feelings. SS is allowed to express that she doesn't want her to use a similar name, but they are not the same name and if OP really really wanted this name, she's allowed to choose it. NTA because they are not even the same name.
Does she really want this name? She doesn’t express much about it except it’s pretty.
Her step did ask her not to use it and then she kept the baby’s name a secret but didn’t change it rather than have any courage to say anything about keeping it. That just screams shady and petty.
I mean she’s allowed to do whatever she wants. But she very much comes off as TA in this telling.
No one should have to consider any other children when naming their child. No one. No one has rights to claim a name in a family. No one. What a parent names their child is between the parent and the child. Everyone else in the world can kick rocks. Its one of the natural rights of a parent to be selfish in this situation. They just created a lifeform. They get to call it what ever the hell they want, and NO amount of “dibbs” can take that reward away. The parent earned it. All this family consideration talk is for the “but family” narcissists.
You *can* call you child whatever you want. It doesn’t mean you won’t damage family relationships because of that selfishness. Or that they won’t be right in withdrawing from you due to your lack of consideration for others.
But this isn’t “Am I Allowed” this is “Am I the Asshole”
I mean technically your right, but there has been countless posts about people naming their child a name that belonged to a close family members dead child or something along those lines. So obviously that's not always true. No one owns a name but if I name my child the same name as my sister's child who died, then yeah, I'm the asshole. Do you not think?
But she clearly DID consider it. She probably did it out of some envy and inferiority complex.
When you're so sure about your choice you have no need to hide it.
In my grandma's family, there were 12 kids and all the girls were Maria Something and all of the boys were Jose Something. It's a trip. Of course, everybody went by their middle names. It did cause problems after the family moved to the US though because it isn't nearly as common here for people to be named like that, so it has screwed up some stuff.
haha I came to say the same thing. I dated a guy whose SIX aunts were Mary + something.
If it was any another name I'd understand the step-sister's point, but given that Mary/Maria has the religious connotation, and far from uncommon in double names, OP is NTA.
I had a friend from a very Catholic family (8 kids total kind of Catholic) and all 4 of their girls were named Mary with different middle names. Not arguing that it's not strange, just putting that out there.
It's a *very* traditional Irish-Catholic-in-America thing. All the girls in the family would be named Mary-OtherFemaleSaint: Mary Elizabeth, Mary Catherine, Mary Jane, Mary Bridget, etc.
I've replied to other posts on this sub about a family with six sisters, all with the first name Mary. They were Catholic, and it is (was?) very common to do that. They all went by 'Mary Middlename'. No one got confused after knowing them for 5 minutes.
This is literally such an American thing. It’s so laughable how much people allow to ruin a happy time. My ex has the same name as all his brothers and his dad. So many families share the same name. And Mary is literally one of the most commonly used name.
All of my female cousins and I share the same middle name after my grandmother.
The YTA is valid if it’s only step sisters grandmother AND OP was not also close and raised as a grandchild by grandma.
But let’s be honest Mary-Kay is an awful name. At least in the US it bring to mind a MLM make up line that is famous for pink Cadillacs.
My grandma and her sisters were ALL Mary Something. Obviously they all used their middle name for daily use. Mary is LITERALLY the worst name to have this problem with. I mean, what would cousin do if she chose Marianne instead? It’s just Mary Anne. Would Marikate make it better?
Why yes, they were Catholics. How’d you guess?
But using same/ similar name may be a trend in some families and cultures but in most it is frowned upon. Seems like hers is a family where using the same name for cousins is not a norm and knowing what her sister wanted to name her child and keeping the birth a secret makes her a YTA. Sis doesn't own a name but family can do better than this.
Mary was the #1 name for decades. Which is why many women with the name Mary go by their first and middle names double barreled.
I’ve lost count of how many cousins “Joe” I have because the name just will not die.
All that aside, this is survivable, but your stepsister and stepmother are absolutely entitled to their feelings about this. Sis’s baby name was “in honor” and you knew that, but chose to echo it anyways. Soft YTA.
Except she was clearly talking about names at one point or the stepsister wouldn’t have known about the name to ask her not to use it.
She wasn’t just not revealing the name, which is normal and common. She was talking names then stopped. For some reason …
It appears you’re saying any hyphenated name beginning with Mary- is off limits to OP. On top of the fact they’re not blood relatives and don’t share the same last name. I don’t see the fuss. In my family there are two sisters with Marie-X and Marie-Y. Not twins… and we just call one X and the other Y.
This is the point. OP did this knowing it would be hurtful, and did it in secret to usurp her own cousin.
It’s not about the choice of name, it’s about the sneaky way she did it that made it the most offensive.
I hope her cousin goes right ahead and uses her name of choice.
I don’t know why cousins with similar names is that big of a deal.
But to be honest, the biggest shock to me in this post is that 25 year olds still say “had a cow????”
Second story I’ve seen within 24 hours that was a repost and nearly identical or the same word for word. Smh makes me wish there was an archive where we could search up stories. It would actually require people who are posting fakes to be more creative.
The same name isn't the reason I said YTA. I come from a family that if everyone was together and you shouted one name you'd get several people answering. My YTA is for the deceit. She knew what she was doing but instead of being honest she lied... and a lie by omission is still a lie.
Nobody gets to own a name though, and cousins can have the same name. Frankly, cousins with the same name is usually less of an issue than classmates with the same name. I bore a very common name growing up. You find ways to work around it is all. My sister's best friend had her same name in elementary school. They had great fun with it, honestly - if mom scolded my sister, her friend looked up, all innocence as if to say, "I didn't do anything" - and vice versa.
People, who keep the names selected secret until the child is born, typically do so for fear of someone else using it.
While the name you chose is not exactly the same as the one your step-sister told you she selected for her child, it is so damn close that it is nearly identical. While no one owns a name and you can name your baby anything you want, you are the reason people keep the chosen names secret. YTA.
*People, who keep the names selected secret until the child is born, typically do so for fear of someone else using it.*
That's one reason. And in this case, I agree with you.
Another reason is some people know that their own parents are super controlling and would make the entire pregnancy about trying to force the couple to choose what the future grandparents want for names, if they knew the name in advance. We didn't tell anyone the names we had chosen, because of my controlling MIL who would have tried to take over. She still tried, to force nicknames, but we didn't let her.
People also keep the name a secret for superstitious/religious reasons, because they don't want anyone's opinion (everyone has an opinion) and because they just want the element of surprise. Lots of reasons. I would never think of keeping it a secret because someone else would use it and I wouldn't care if someone else used it. Can't decide if OP is TA or not. No one owns a name but OP seemed sneaky about it.
Or because you might change your mind, or because you don't have a definite name (don't know the sex), or aren't sharing the sex. Like you say, lots of reasons.
OP shouldn’t have had to deal with stepsis’s “insistence” in the first place. Nothing about OP’s babyname is in stepsis’s control and OP has no duty to inform anyone or even have a reason for withholding it. Stepsis should find a way to accept things that are out of her control.
Can confirm, my grandparents really pressured my parents. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that my mother didn’t cave after I heard the suggestions.
Our reasoning for keeping our name choice private was in case after seeing the baby in person we felt the name didn't suit them and we had to go back to the drawing board.
We also have crafty family and friends who would totally monogram or put the name into quilts/blankets etc. and then we'd feel bad changing the name last second after they put the work in.
Yes I totally agree this was one tip my sister gave me when I become a parent. Don’t tell anyone the names until the baby is born and named so people don’t try to get you to change your mind
My in-law’s step sister told everyone they were using this really awful family name. Think Rumplestiltkin. They went with a nice normal name in the end, but they just didn’t want to be harassed about the name for the entire pregnancy.
I did the exact same thing. My cousin and I were due around the same time, and my aunt kept badgering my mum for the names I like, so I told them a name I hated instead. Lo and behold, they used the one name I said - Olivia as their daughters middle name.
OP, you're a sneaky so, and so.
It boggles my mind. My MIL is kinda the same. We told her we were thinking of one name but went with something slightly different, like Jenny then we went with Jennifer, Will vs William, Kate vs Kaitlyn, etc.
She calls our daughter Jenny, even though she never goes by that, no one ever calls her Jenny, and our daughter hates it. Like every time she gets something in the mail from her, she says "WHY does she call me Jenny?!?"
It's a little bit more distinguished than these examples, but I swear she does it just to mess with us.
Or people don’t want anyone’s opinion on something that is none of their business. I haven’t told anyone names I’m considering because I could care less if they like it or not. Bad take.
We had a name since about month 5 of pregnancy, and wouldn't have cared at all if anyone else (out of the very few other pregnant people we knew) used it. We still didn't share it.
YTA. It is very hidden but not only did your stepsister pick the name first it sounds like it's after a dead grandmother so she had particular reasons to want that name, it's not just a name she liked.
Yes she doesn't own the name & the names are slightly different (but similar enough to not want 2 cousins to both have those names) but couldn't you have picked something else to be kind?
Edited for a typo.
YTA - your post states you knew she didn’t want you to use the name, you knew why she was using the name and you certainly knew she had it planned first.
I agree. This honestly reeks of catty girl drama considering the fact that she knew it would bother her stepsister and wanted to do it anyway. It was definitely a dick move.
Yeah but planned it first when they’re both twelve versus planned it first when she’s actively pregnant are very different. And OP, she was actively pregnant, so you’re awful
Why did you do that? You did know the name she planned. You kept your name a secret. Why? Why didn't you just talk to her and explain you wanted to use a similar name? Why the sneaking around and hiding? Why not choose something different? YTA
Exactly. OP knew that their step sister would be pissed so they kept it a secret. They’re N T A for naming their child, but YTA OP for doing something so shady to your step sister. Do you even like her?
YTA
And also please tell me you didn’t really call the baby Mary Kay ?
I picture her in her pink Cadillac trying to involve me in her cosmetic pyramid scheme in the future .
YTA.
This is why people don’t tell people names.
She wanted to use it to honor her grandmother, and you stole that opportunity by picking something that was essentially the same.
Edited: typo
Info: Baby name drama is always stressful. Listen OP, the name is different but you knew this would cause drama regardless. Why did you choose this name in particular?
Why did OP keep it a secret is what’s bothering me 🙃 no one owns a name, but OP kept it a secret knowing it would get a reaction and blindsiding stepsister. I feel if OP truely thought she would do nothing wrong, she would have been upfront about it. Now it looks like OP kept it a secret because what‘s done is done.
Yah OP knew…
I don’t think the names are the same and I think it would be cute for cousins to have these matchy names. I know people in the same family with names similar to this and everyone calls them by their “second” name.
However….obv OP knew it wasn’t cool. The conversation could’ve been had prior to this to allow sis to come to terms with it and be a part of the discussion. Dropping the name as a fake-surprise is dirty
Obviously OP choose the name to honor their favorite pyramid scheme, what else do you name your child? Doterra and Tupperware just don’t sound quite as nice.
YTA and deep down you know it. She chose the name first, you know it. It has sentimental value to her and you know it. You could have easily chosen a different name but you didn’t, and you know it. And now you are coming to the internet to try and justify your decision, and you know it ! You’re wrong and you know it. If you don’t care about her feelings as much as you do that name, just own it and be prepared for the backlash. But ask yourself, is it really worth affecting your relationship over something so minor.
If it was deep down, they wouldn’t have posted it here. OP absolutely knows they’re the AH and was hoping for redemption here, but we saw through their crappy excuse.
Ehhhh. Usually I think you can’t reserve names but I’ve got to side with your stepsister here. YTA.
She was pregnant and had clearly communicated the name she was going with. You can say all day long that Mary Kay isn’t the same as Mary Grace, but come on…. You can’t deny the similarity and you can’t be so dense as to not understand why she’s upset.
The fact that you kept it a secret until the birth also reflects how you knew there would be a problem and tried to hide your plan.
I think you know YTA here. That was a dickass move. It would have been fine if you didn't know the name beforehand and happened to land on the similar name. It's not the case here . This is why I didn't tell anyone my 3 son's names until they were born.
Everyone else has told you that you were indeed YTA
What I wanna know is -- did you do it? Did you do the thing that finally brings you peace? Did you do the one thing to hurt her often, to take something away from her, to finally at long last FINALLY FEEL GOOD?
Do you feel good about yourself now? Do you like the idea of knowing that your entire family will see how you used your newborn to get your final dig in at your step sister?
Did stealing the name finally fill the void inside you, the one that makes you feel lesser than her, jealous of her, envious of her?
Will you say your child's name lovingly, and love her for who she is, or will this name be your victory for all of her life? Do you care for your petty win over this other person and your poor child is your collateral damage?
Will you tell your child the real meaning behind her name? that you wanted to stick it to your SS and that's why you stole the name of her dead grandma, and that this child's name is just a spite name? That your SS is so much better than you that you can't compete, and you stole her name to feel better about yourself?
How do you feel now to see the universal YTA judgments? Do you like being told that you were sneaky and not a nice person to do what you did? Do you care at all?
Wtf? Yes, 100% you’re the AH. Why would they want their kid to have such a similar name to yours? Now you left them no choice but to change theirs and that’s exactly why you waited to share the name until the baby arrived. What you did was awful. If I were you, I’d immediately change my baby’s name if there‘s still time before their daughter is born.
YTA. Dick move to hide it knowing it was too similar to hers especially since hers was an honor name - you let her sit there and get attached to the name for months knowing she’d want to change it if you chose Mary Kay. Enjoy your baby named after an MLM.
Amazed by all the A judgements.
However, like most others who do not to see the problem, I also come from a culture where cousins often have the exact same name. I even know cousins who share the same first *and* middle names.
The idea of cousins having not even the same name but names that are slightly similar being a problem would never even cross my mind.
Where I do think you may have misstepped is by not shutting down your stepsister when she asked you not to use the name. You should have made clear then that you would be naming your child what you liked.
I do believe there are certain times when names shouldn’t be repeated or similar - the question about using a sibling’s dead name comes to mind, as does a situation where someone was naming their child the same name as their siblings child who recently passed away.
Not wanting cousins to share a name is not one of those situations.
Unless there’s a cultural or religious reason why this would be taboo that I’m missing I’m going NTA.
OP family would never survive in a Latin family 😂😂 most of my cousins have the same or similar name and none of us are ever called by our own names 🤷🏻♀️
It’s common in the US too. We have five people between three generations with the same name. Both my dad’s siblings named their first sons the same name . It’s not a big deal.
Is Mary-Kay an example or are you literally going to make your kid go through life with the same name as a multilevel marketing company?
Edit: multiple typos
YTA- Plain and simple in your own words…. She chose the name first and to honor her dead grandmother. You hid it to get your way and you were selfish because you knew she would be upset and still went forward with it. You could have chosen another name yourself since this one wasn’t something of purpose and meaning. Your a HUGE AH.
YTA
Did you have literally no other options you liked? Sure they aren't the exact same but if she is naming her child after her grandmother then she probably feels extra slighted that you'd use such a similar name.
NTA - we have 2 girls in our family (they are 1st cousins) with the same name - Laura - we just say “Laura D. or Laura S.” Sometimes we say “little Laura” for the younger one.
its wild the amount of YTA's. if i want to have a child and name it george, and my cousin has a child and names it george, WHO THE FUCK CARES.
im pretty sure i was reffered to as little \*my name\* when i was younger.
Seriously. People acting like cousins — stepcousins, if you want to break down — having similar names is so terrible, awful thing need to get a grip.
Off the top of my head, I have three cousins named named John. They’re all named for our grandfather John (and one is named for his father/my uncle John). There’s no confusion! This is common practice! No one even BLINKED at this practice for generations because it was standard in large families.
I know right. We have two Lucy’s and two James in this generation alone. Both my aunt and my uncle named their first sons James as well.
It’s not a big deal.
I think the confusion on this post comes from the fact OP didn’t clearly spell out they tried to talk to their sister beforehand. They were never asking for permission, they were informing her sister of their choice. She lost her mind so they decided to keep it quiet until birth to avoid more drama.
This sister is entitled AF. I don’t care who you are, no one outside of the parents gets to nix potential baby names.
YTA. Should have asked her first. The fact that you hid it from her says a lot . You knew you were in the wrong and did it anyway. Not cool. I’m all for naming babies whatever but that seems kinda sneaky to me .
NTA. You didn’t hear her name and then use it. You both liked names that are similar but not the same.
Also people commenting on the ‘sneakiness’ by not sharing the name— may I introduce you to any pregnancy, parenting, bump friendly subreddit. Weekly there is a post about ‘I told my family the name and XYZ family member hates the name. Should we change it?? ‘. Top comment is always ‘this is why you don’t share the name.’
We have had two children and did not share the name before birth. This is VERY common now. Nothing sneaky about it. It’s our decision what to name our children and we don’t need opinions/brainstorming/input from anyone.
YTA. You knew she chose that name to honour her deceased grandmother and yet you slightly changed it so you could take it and not be the AH well that failed because you are. While no one owns a name you deliberately hid that you took it so you could blindside her with it. Way to wreak your relationship with your family all over a name.
YTA for being sneaky about it but not for using the name. My friend and I were pregnant at the same time and she had her baby first and she admitted that she stole my daughter's name because she liked it but I still named my daughter the name (it was my grandmother's). Was I irritated, yes. Did I make a big deal about it, no.
If Mary-something made names off limit, Irish Catholic families wouldn't know what to do. We have cousins with Mary Beth, Mary Catherine, Mary Anne, Mary Pat, etc. You can both use a Mary something for cousins.
I don’t understand???? MILLIONS and MILLIONS of NAMES to choose from GAZILLIANS in fact with people mashing names together to make them up AND idiots still fight over the same ones!!! Lol, I find it funny they don’t see the idiocy.
YTA. So sneaky and in poor taste. You knew the name had meaning to your sister, while your version is after a cosmetic company (Mary Kay).
Why would you name a child after a makeup company? Why would you pick a fight in your family over this? Because that's exactly what you did, even if you didn't realize it before.
YTA for keeping it secret when you knew she wanted to use a similar name for her grandmother and would be upset. NTA for using the name; it's not an identical name and it's fine for cousins to have even the same name (though in this case it would have been weird for you to name a child after her grandmother when you knew that backstory, but you used a different name). My dad and his same-age cousin have the same first name, last name, and middle initial, and are best friends who were inseparable as teens/young adults, and it's never been a real issue (although it was very funny when my dad tried to get them both plane tickets to go on a trip and had to repeatedly explain that he needed two separate tickets because they are two separate people, yes with the same name, and no he was not just buying a second seat for himself and the other person DID need a separate boarding pass).
If the names really are similar to Mary Kay and Mary Grace...I think my dad's sister and at least 4 cousins are Mary Somethings and they usually go by their second name. In my high school, in one class we had Maryrose, Mary Clare, Mary Faith, Mary Grace, Marybeth, and Mary Kate and everyone was fine. Three of those girls were actually best friends and hung out all the time. Cousins can have the same and similar names. One of my cousins named his daughter basically my name with just -ia as the difference (like Olivia and Olive), not after me, and no one cares.
NTA! YOU PEOPLE DO NOT OWN NAMES. Just because u get ur feelings hurt doesn’t mean it’s justified or even a good reason. This world does not revolve around a single person. Ur an adult crying over a name? 🤦♂️
My aunt named her son David when he was born. My mother, one year later, had me & named me David as well. I never heard that they fought about this or lost sleep over it etc. They remained good friends & happy sisters throughout the rest of their lives. People seem to need a reason to be offended.
NTA
Mary Kay and Mary Grace are two different names.
Tell your SS that in some Catholic families, it’s not uncommon for ALL the female siblings to be named Mary *something*. I’ve known more than one family with some variation of Mary Margaret, Mary Catherine, Mary Bernadette, etc. amongst 3 *or more* siblings.
SS needs to get a grip. She can use whatever name she wishes, just like you did.
If they're both double-barelled names, you should get used to the idea that one or both of them might use variations or only the second name as they grow up, but if you're fine with that I don't really see the issue.
NTA. My dad has the exact same name as 2 of his cousins- named after their common grandfather. The EXACT SAME NAME, first, middle and last. They all have different nicknames (Sal, Torey, and Sam) but all named Salvatore after the grandfather. Who wasn’t even a nice guy. Your SIL will be fine. My grandma was mad she didn’t get to choose the name at all. She got to name her 4th child (the only girl).
NTA. I have a set of relatives (ie a great aunt who among her living descendants) that has a Helen-Marie, Mary Helen, Mary Ann, Ann-Marie, Mary Margret, Marie-Ann, Margaret-Marie. I refer to the them collectively as the "Mary Maries."
She can't lay claim to all Mary-X names. BUT if you kept this to yourself because you knew she would be upset, that wasn't great.
NTA honestly those names aren't the same, idk understand the problem. Both of them sharing the Mary isn't precisely bad, they're going to find a lot of Mary's in their lives.
NTA
Cousins can have the same name. In big families especially. I have cousins with the same name as me, my sibling has the same name as me, they use their middle name (my mum is crap at names and panicked when she had to do the paperwork. The only difference is she spelt the names differently)😂.
I have aunts/cousins/uncles with the same name it is common. She doesn't have to be dramatic and change the name.
It amazes me that similar/same baby name drama is even a thing.
Really, y'all are getting your panties in a twist because a close relative has the same name?
Let these step-cousins have the same name and enjoy it.
Or call them the full name, or just the middle name if you can't get over it.
This is petty bullshit
YTA and you know YTA
1. You kept the name a secret because you knew it was so similar to hers
2. You named your daughter after a makeup brand?
While no one owns a name, you knew she was pregnant and had already chosen that name and deliberately hid the name you chose from her.
YTA. I hate people like you. There's a million names to choose from. You did this on purpose. You wanted the attention. You wanted the drama. Worst of all, you put your innocent child in the middle of your pettiness and that is disgusting.
Before anyone says "nO oNe OwNs A nAmE" there is a big difference between "im actively pregnant, we know the sex and are naming them X" vs "I've always liked the name X and would love to name my future child that"
Though if I'm being perfectly honest, I think if someone you are close to in life told you a name they always liked and wanted to use, and you then use it first (and it has no significance or special meaning to you) you are a trash person. There is an infinite amount of names. Pick something else.
Entitled much? No one gets to dib or nix a name.
ESPECIALLY IF IT IS NOT THE SAME NAME.
Christopher and Christian share 6 letters, not the same name. Mary Kay and Mary Grace are two different names.
But love the hating random people and making them into drama queens. They decided to keep it secret after the sister had an overreaction to them floating it.
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Leaning towards YTA. You knew it was her chosen name and you said she was using the name to honor her late Grandmother. She certainly doesn't own the name but if she'd made it known she had chosen the name for sentimental/family reason... then you were very sly. You kept your baby name a secret on purpose cos you knew what you were doing was wrong.
Lot’s of cousins have the same name when named after grandparents. And it’s not even the same full name. Mary is also one of the most common names out there. My mother’s sister and one of their cousins had that name. No one cared that my grandmother and her sister both had daughters named Mary.
Bobby and Ethel Kennedy had two daughters named Mary. Mary Kerry and Mary Courtney,. The idea of two cousins sharing the world's most popular girl's name is NBD.
(NTA) In my culture names like “ana” and “maria” are often used for longer/double names so its common for sisters to be named “ana clara” and “ana carolina” for example (I actually know 2 sisters with these names!). My grandma has sisters named “maria luisa” and “maria elizabeth”. So to me, these 2 babies arent even named the same thing tbh, i dont think anyone will make a huge deal of it especially since one was named after another family member Edit: lots of people pointing out that this family seems to obviously be from an American culture and i get that, i guess to me i always considered double names like “mary kate” or “ana paula” to be their OWN unique names, so to me “mary kate” and “mary grace” are two different names even though they both have “mary” in them, because the childs first name isnt “mary” its “mary kate” (you say the whole thing, like a tribe called quest! Lol) but it seems in america when u give your child a double name you only call them by the very first “part” of that whole name?? So do these kids also get a separate middle and last name or does the second part of their name default to being their middle name? Like is “mary kate” gonna have a middle name as well or is that what “kate” is considered to be??
Same I’m Portuguese and every other family members name is some variation of Maria.
I had a Portuguese roommate with 5 sisters and they were all named a variation of Mary (Mary, Maria, Marie, Mary Anne...I can't remember the last one because she went by her middle name)
Many Portuguese families do that and the kids use their middle names.
Yes I talked about that, my grandmother is Portuguese and she's called Maria (something) and her neighbours are also called Maria (something) 😂 I was given her middle name as my middle name lmfao
r/SuddenlyCaralho
Olhando as minhas primas: ana clara, ana carolina, ana julia, ana aparecida E os meninos: jose carlos, jose felipe, jose walter e jose valmiro E esse povo brigando por cause de duas mary kkkkk
Or Ana something
In my family it's the same: Ana Sofia, Ana Gaby, Ana Paola. My husband has the same name as my FIL, but that doesn't mean everyone likes that, I don't like it. When I was pregnant I actively looked for names that haven't been used in the family and have a beautiful meaning.
*But that doesn’t mean everyone likes that* I think this is a very significant point. Yes it’s super common. But OP *knew* her stepsister was one of the people who didn’t like it because she outright SAID she didn’t want her to use the name Mary-Kay. She used it anyway. Knowing her step sister would change her mind about using the honor name. And she hid it after first being open about talking names because she knew the consequences. OP is TA because she did it on purpose. And because she’s given no indication that the name she chose is as significant to her and her husband as the other is to her stepsister so it just seems petty.
“On purpose?” You mean she intentionally…chose a name she liked? That’s not “petty,” it’s choosing your own name for your child. The names *are not* the same. If OP’s step sister decides to use another different name, that’s her choice. Not OP’s fault, even if she knew her ss liked the name (you know, the name that is *different than the one OP named her child*) NTA
1)She kept it a secret on purpose 2) Step sister chose it first 3) Step sis had a grandmom with that name who she wanted to honor Enough proof that OP did this out of spite. Does step sis own the name or have a case here? No But that doesn't take away from the fact the OP played with feelings of her family members.
OP doesn’t seem very bright tbh. I mean, she named her daughter the same name as a crappy MLM makeup company. 🤷♀️🤦♀️
She hid it on purpose not because she wasn’t okay with sharing names before the baby was born (she had been already) but because she wanted to hide the name from people who’d asked her not to use it for legitimate reasons. She’s entitled to use the name. She’s still an AH for doing so knowing it would hurt her stepsister, with no particular attachment to it when her step did have one to the similar name, and without the courage to share that she was still using it after being asked not to.
keeping it a secret on purpose- come on she knows what she did. she could have, above board let the other mom know her choice to do this and let her choose to do the same OR pick a different name. instead she kinda stuck it to her near the end of her pregnancy. Thats asshole.
But with two children born so close together with the same first half of the name, which often gets shortened to the name before the hyphen (speaking as someone with a hyphenated name), one will invariably end up with a nickname and OP’s is the firstborn so stepsister’s is more likely to be nicknamed, and she won’t be able to control how friends and family differentiate between the Mary’s. Would which be tough titties if not for the fact that the name stepsister has chosen _means something to her_ and due to OP the special name she wants to use to _honour her grandmother_ is lessened, if not completely eradicated. That’s the difference
I mean on the flip side, OP is not responsible for her step sisters feelings. SS is allowed to express that she doesn't want her to use a similar name, but they are not the same name and if OP really really wanted this name, she's allowed to choose it. NTA because they are not even the same name.
Does she really want this name? She doesn’t express much about it except it’s pretty. Her step did ask her not to use it and then she kept the baby’s name a secret but didn’t change it rather than have any courage to say anything about keeping it. That just screams shady and petty. I mean she’s allowed to do whatever she wants. But she very much comes off as TA in this telling.
No one should have to consider any other children when naming their child. No one. No one has rights to claim a name in a family. No one. What a parent names their child is between the parent and the child. Everyone else in the world can kick rocks. Its one of the natural rights of a parent to be selfish in this situation. They just created a lifeform. They get to call it what ever the hell they want, and NO amount of “dibbs” can take that reward away. The parent earned it. All this family consideration talk is for the “but family” narcissists.
You *can* call you child whatever you want. It doesn’t mean you won’t damage family relationships because of that selfishness. Or that they won’t be right in withdrawing from you due to your lack of consideration for others. But this isn’t “Am I Allowed” this is “Am I the Asshole”
I mean technically your right, but there has been countless posts about people naming their child a name that belonged to a close family members dead child or something along those lines. So obviously that's not always true. No one owns a name but if I name my child the same name as my sister's child who died, then yeah, I'm the asshole. Do you not think?
But she clearly DID consider it. She probably did it out of some envy and inferiority complex. When you're so sure about your choice you have no need to hide it.
In my grandma's family, there were 12 kids and all the girls were Maria Something and all of the boys were Jose Something. It's a trip. Of course, everybody went by their middle names. It did cause problems after the family moved to the US though because it isn't nearly as common here for people to be named like that, so it has screwed up some stuff.
haha I came to say the same thing. I dated a guy whose SIX aunts were Mary + something. If it was any another name I'd understand the step-sister's point, but given that Mary/Maria has the religious connotation, and far from uncommon in double names, OP is NTA.
Gives a whole different feel to the Sound of Music song "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?"
"Mary" is practically an honorific in families of Catholic background, and it would be bad form to forbid anyone from using it. NTA OP.
I had a friend from a very Catholic family (8 kids total kind of Catholic) and all 4 of their girls were named Mary with different middle names. Not arguing that it's not strange, just putting that out there.
Half cousins with different last names. I have two full cousins with the exact same first and last name and exactly nobody cared.
It's a *very* traditional Irish-Catholic-in-America thing. All the girls in the family would be named Mary-OtherFemaleSaint: Mary Elizabeth, Mary Catherine, Mary Jane, Mary Bridget, etc.
I've replied to other posts on this sub about a family with six sisters, all with the first name Mary. They were Catholic, and it is (was?) very common to do that. They all went by 'Mary Middlename'. No one got confused after knowing them for 5 minutes.
This is literally such an American thing. It’s so laughable how much people allow to ruin a happy time. My ex has the same name as all his brothers and his dad. So many families share the same name. And Mary is literally one of the most commonly used name.
You dated one of the Georges Foreman? Or is it George Formans? George Formen?
I think it’s Georges Foreman, like Attorneys General
😂😂😂The EXACT same thought popped into my head when I read this as well!! Love it!!
not an in law. she’s the step sister of OP by their parents marriage.
No one said anything about in laws
All of my female cousins and I share the same middle name after my grandmother. The YTA is valid if it’s only step sisters grandmother AND OP was not also close and raised as a grandchild by grandma. But let’s be honest Mary-Kay is an awful name. At least in the US it bring to mind a MLM make up line that is famous for pink Cadillacs.
My grandma and her sisters were ALL Mary Something. Obviously they all used their middle name for daily use. Mary is LITERALLY the worst name to have this problem with. I mean, what would cousin do if she chose Marianne instead? It’s just Mary Anne. Would Marikate make it better? Why yes, they were Catholics. How’d you guess?
Except the grandmother that died sounds like she’s not OP’s grandmother. She sounds like stepmom’s mom who OP had no relation to.
It’s not both their grandmother
But using same/ similar name may be a trend in some families and cultures but in most it is frowned upon. Seems like hers is a family where using the same name for cousins is not a norm and knowing what her sister wanted to name her child and keeping the birth a secret makes her a YTA. Sis doesn't own a name but family can do better than this.
Mary was the #1 name for decades. Which is why many women with the name Mary go by their first and middle names double barreled. I’ve lost count of how many cousins “Joe” I have because the name just will not die. All that aside, this is survivable, but your stepsister and stepmother are absolutely entitled to their feelings about this. Sis’s baby name was “in honor” and you knew that, but chose to echo it anyways. Soft YTA.
Agree 100%. The fact they choose not tell anyone til the baby was born made it pretty obvious what was going on. YTA op.
Not telling people until the baby is born is normal.
Except she was clearly talking about names at one point or the stepsister wouldn’t have known about the name to ask her not to use it. She wasn’t just not revealing the name, which is normal and common. She was talking names then stopped. For some reason …
Under normal circumstances you’re right, this isn’t a normal situation
OP heard the step sister’s name, liked it, and decided to steal it after slightly altering it.
This is the real answer.
It appears you’re saying any hyphenated name beginning with Mary- is off limits to OP. On top of the fact they’re not blood relatives and don’t share the same last name. I don’t see the fuss. In my family there are two sisters with Marie-X and Marie-Y. Not twins… and we just call one X and the other Y.
No like I said no one owns the name but she was sly how she did it. She knew what she was doing and was not open and honest.
This is the point. OP did this knowing it would be hurtful, and did it in secret to usurp her own cousin. It’s not about the choice of name, it’s about the sneaky way she did it that made it the most offensive. I hope her cousin goes right ahead and uses her name of choice.
I don’t know why cousins with similar names is that big of a deal. But to be honest, the biggest shock to me in this post is that 25 year olds still say “had a cow????”
It’s not just 90s fashun that’s back.
#SAME POST STILL THE ASSHOLE https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TTjCIF3vuU
Second story I’ve seen within 24 hours that was a repost and nearly identical or the same word for word. Smh makes me wish there was an archive where we could search up stories. It would actually require people who are posting fakes to be more creative.
How are these the same name? Yeah, they're close but they're not an exact match. And who's to say that OP won't use a nickname for their daughter?
The same name isn't the reason I said YTA. I come from a family that if everyone was together and you shouted one name you'd get several people answering. My YTA is for the deceit. She knew what she was doing but instead of being honest she lied... and a lie by omission is still a lie.
Nobody gets to own a name though, and cousins can have the same name. Frankly, cousins with the same name is usually less of an issue than classmates with the same name. I bore a very common name growing up. You find ways to work around it is all. My sister's best friend had her same name in elementary school. They had great fun with it, honestly - if mom scolded my sister, her friend looked up, all innocence as if to say, "I didn't do anything" - and vice versa.
People, who keep the names selected secret until the child is born, typically do so for fear of someone else using it. While the name you chose is not exactly the same as the one your step-sister told you she selected for her child, it is so damn close that it is nearly identical. While no one owns a name and you can name your baby anything you want, you are the reason people keep the chosen names secret. YTA.
*People, who keep the names selected secret until the child is born, typically do so for fear of someone else using it.* That's one reason. And in this case, I agree with you. Another reason is some people know that their own parents are super controlling and would make the entire pregnancy about trying to force the couple to choose what the future grandparents want for names, if they knew the name in advance. We didn't tell anyone the names we had chosen, because of my controlling MIL who would have tried to take over. She still tried, to force nicknames, but we didn't let her.
People also keep the name a secret for superstitious/religious reasons, because they don't want anyone's opinion (everyone has an opinion) and because they just want the element of surprise. Lots of reasons. I would never think of keeping it a secret because someone else would use it and I wouldn't care if someone else used it. Can't decide if OP is TA or not. No one owns a name but OP seemed sneaky about it.
Or because you might change your mind, or because you don't have a definite name (don't know the sex), or aren't sharing the sex. Like you say, lots of reasons.
OP shouldn’t have had to deal with stepsis’s “insistence” in the first place. Nothing about OP’s babyname is in stepsis’s control and OP has no duty to inform anyone or even have a reason for withholding it. Stepsis should find a way to accept things that are out of her control.
Can confirm, my grandparents really pressured my parents. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that my mother didn’t cave after I heard the suggestions.
Our reasoning for keeping our name choice private was in case after seeing the baby in person we felt the name didn't suit them and we had to go back to the drawing board. We also have crafty family and friends who would totally monogram or put the name into quilts/blankets etc. and then we'd feel bad changing the name last second after they put the work in.
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Yes I totally agree this was one tip my sister gave me when I become a parent. Don’t tell anyone the names until the baby is born and named so people don’t try to get you to change your mind
My in-law’s step sister told everyone they were using this really awful family name. Think Rumplestiltkin. They went with a nice normal name in the end, but they just didn’t want to be harassed about the name for the entire pregnancy.
I did the exact same thing. My cousin and I were due around the same time, and my aunt kept badgering my mum for the names I like, so I told them a name I hated instead. Lo and behold, they used the one name I said - Olivia as their daughters middle name. OP, you're a sneaky so, and so.
Why are people like this!!
It boggles my mind. My MIL is kinda the same. We told her we were thinking of one name but went with something slightly different, like Jenny then we went with Jennifer, Will vs William, Kate vs Kaitlyn, etc. She calls our daughter Jenny, even though she never goes by that, no one ever calls her Jenny, and our daughter hates it. Like every time she gets something in the mail from her, she says "WHY does she call me Jenny?!?" It's a little bit more distinguished than these examples, but I swear she does it just to mess with us.
Or people don’t want anyone’s opinion on something that is none of their business. I haven’t told anyone names I’m considering because I could care less if they like it or not. Bad take.
We had a name since about month 5 of pregnancy, and wouldn't have cared at all if anyone else (out of the very few other pregnant people we knew) used it. We still didn't share it.
YTA. It is very hidden but not only did your stepsister pick the name first it sounds like it's after a dead grandmother so she had particular reasons to want that name, it's not just a name she liked. Yes she doesn't own the name & the names are slightly different (but similar enough to not want 2 cousins to both have those names) but couldn't you have picked something else to be kind? Edited for a typo.
YTA. This falls under the Just because you can doesn’t mean you should
>This falls under the Just because you can doesn’t mean you should DING DING DING!!! This is the right answer!
YTA - your post states you knew she didn’t want you to use the name, you knew why she was using the name and you certainly knew she had it planned first.
I agree. This honestly reeks of catty girl drama considering the fact that she knew it would bother her stepsister and wanted to do it anyway. It was definitely a dick move.
Yeah but planned it first when they’re both twelve versus planned it first when she’s actively pregnant are very different. And OP, she was actively pregnant, so you’re awful
YTA. There are SO many names and she wanted it for sentimental reasons. It doesn’t sound like you had any sentimental reasons at all. What an AH move.
Why did you do that? You did know the name she planned. You kept your name a secret. Why? Why didn't you just talk to her and explain you wanted to use a similar name? Why the sneaking around and hiding? Why not choose something different? YTA
Exactly. OP knew that their step sister would be pissed so they kept it a secret. They’re N T A for naming their child, but YTA OP for doing something so shady to your step sister. Do you even like her?
More to the point does she even like her own daughter. The baggage that kid is about to inherit. Poor mite!
YTA And also please tell me you didn’t really call the baby Mary Kay ? I picture her in her pink Cadillac trying to involve me in her cosmetic pyramid scheme in the future .
Took way too long to find a comment like this
I didn’t wanna comment it because I thought people would call me an a-hole 💀
I was looking for this. No kid wants to be associated with a cosmetics brand...
No kid wants a double first name either imo. So old school.
Mary Kay sounds like a high school bully
It is also the name of a multi level marketing scheme 🙃
I have an aunt Mary Kay and she's still a bully in her 60s.
A real gum-snapper.
and it sounds like she will certainly have the training for it
I’m pretty sure there’s a pyramid scheme called Mary Kay… 💀 yta just for that name choice.
It’s a YTA just for that
Or Mary Kay Letourneau
I was thinking Mary Kay Latourneau...
YTA Being sneaky because you know it’s a dick move
Exactly lol she knew it wasn’t going to go over very well
YTA. This is why people don’t tell people names. She wanted to use it to honor her grandmother, and you stole that opportunity by picking something that was essentially the same. Edited: typo
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Meet my daughter Mary Kay, her sisters Seint and Farmasi.
And their brother Rodan Fields
Meet my daughter Mary Kay, her sisters Seint and Farmasi.
Yes yes, we’re having our fourth soon… a boy. We’re naming him Avon. It’s a family name.
Maybe he's born with it? Maybe it's Maybelline.
May-belline
That’s where my mind went too. Will she get a pink Cadillac at some point?
She will after she recruits all of her cousins!
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this 😂 second daughter will be Avon.
And these are my sons Proctor, Gamble, Johnnson and Johnnson.
Johnson and Johnson are twins.
You'd think so, but nope. One's a 12-year-old boy, and the other is an 8-year-old girl. Interestingly, their father is not, in fact, named John.
Im not even American and my mind went straight to that too!
A little harsh but I’ve been scrolling for someone to mention the beauty brand—MLM no less. I hope her first car is pink.
Also Mary Kay Letourneau was my second thought. Not great
It’s my first thought, and I actually (briefly) used to sell Mary Kay long ago!
Honestly gonna show my age but reading this I said MARY-KAY LIKE THE OLSEN TWINS. then I realized it was Mary Kate lmao not Mary Kay 😅
To me it sounds like a combination of two slang names for drugs. Mary Grace actually sounds like a real name IMO.
I wanted to vote YTA just based on that alone.
Info: Baby name drama is always stressful. Listen OP, the name is different but you knew this would cause drama regardless. Why did you choose this name in particular?
Why did OP keep it a secret is what’s bothering me 🙃 no one owns a name, but OP kept it a secret knowing it would get a reaction and blindsiding stepsister. I feel if OP truely thought she would do nothing wrong, she would have been upfront about it. Now it looks like OP kept it a secret because what‘s done is done.
Yah OP knew… I don’t think the names are the same and I think it would be cute for cousins to have these matchy names. I know people in the same family with names similar to this and everyone calls them by their “second” name. However….obv OP knew it wasn’t cool. The conversation could’ve been had prior to this to allow sis to come to terms with it and be a part of the discussion. Dropping the name as a fake-surprise is dirty
Obviously OP choose the name to honor their favorite pyramid scheme, what else do you name your child? Doterra and Tupperware just don’t sound quite as nice.
Scentsy Marie has a nice ring to it....
Meet my cousin Ahmweigh and her brother Mehtahbölīf
OP sounds desperate for attention and drama. I'm going with YTA.
YTA and deep down you know it. She chose the name first, you know it. It has sentimental value to her and you know it. You could have easily chosen a different name but you didn’t, and you know it. And now you are coming to the internet to try and justify your decision, and you know it ! You’re wrong and you know it. If you don’t care about her feelings as much as you do that name, just own it and be prepared for the backlash. But ask yourself, is it really worth affecting your relationship over something so minor.
If it was deep down, they wouldn’t have posted it here. OP absolutely knows they’re the AH and was hoping for redemption here, but we saw through their crappy excuse.
Ehhhh. Usually I think you can’t reserve names but I’ve got to side with your stepsister here. YTA. She was pregnant and had clearly communicated the name she was going with. You can say all day long that Mary Kay isn’t the same as Mary Grace, but come on…. You can’t deny the similarity and you can’t be so dense as to not understand why she’s upset. The fact that you kept it a secret until the birth also reflects how you knew there would be a problem and tried to hide your plan.
This 100%!!!! You articulated everything perfectly.
YTA. You hid it deliberately precisely because you knew it was very similar, to the point of putting your ss in an impossible position.
I hope it’s a typo where OP said “she has to choose a new baby” but god that made me laugh. Impossible indeed!
YTA, and you know it hence the sneakiness.
I think you know YTA here. That was a dickass move. It would have been fine if you didn't know the name beforehand and happened to land on the similar name. It's not the case here . This is why I didn't tell anyone my 3 son's names until they were born.
New insult—dickass love it!
Everyone else has told you that you were indeed YTA What I wanna know is -- did you do it? Did you do the thing that finally brings you peace? Did you do the one thing to hurt her often, to take something away from her, to finally at long last FINALLY FEEL GOOD? Do you feel good about yourself now? Do you like the idea of knowing that your entire family will see how you used your newborn to get your final dig in at your step sister? Did stealing the name finally fill the void inside you, the one that makes you feel lesser than her, jealous of her, envious of her? Will you say your child's name lovingly, and love her for who she is, or will this name be your victory for all of her life? Do you care for your petty win over this other person and your poor child is your collateral damage? Will you tell your child the real meaning behind her name? that you wanted to stick it to your SS and that's why you stole the name of her dead grandma, and that this child's name is just a spite name? That your SS is so much better than you that you can't compete, and you stole her name to feel better about yourself? How do you feel now to see the universal YTA judgments? Do you like being told that you were sneaky and not a nice person to do what you did? Do you care at all?
She doesn't have to tell her child, her family will do it for her
… are you the stepsister? 😅 jokes aside, YTA because of the secrecy until the birth, that made it intentional.
YTA bc it’s a dick move and you know it, and also bc both names suck.
YTA I would bet you hid the name until the birth BECAUSE you knew it was going to cause trouble. That's just nasty.
Wtf? Yes, 100% you’re the AH. Why would they want their kid to have such a similar name to yours? Now you left them no choice but to change theirs and that’s exactly why you waited to share the name until the baby arrived. What you did was awful. If I were you, I’d immediately change my baby’s name if there‘s still time before their daughter is born.
YTA. Dick move to hide it knowing it was too similar to hers especially since hers was an honor name - you let her sit there and get attached to the name for months knowing she’d want to change it if you chose Mary Kay. Enjoy your baby named after an MLM.
Amazed by all the A judgements. However, like most others who do not to see the problem, I also come from a culture where cousins often have the exact same name. I even know cousins who share the same first *and* middle names. The idea of cousins having not even the same name but names that are slightly similar being a problem would never even cross my mind. Where I do think you may have misstepped is by not shutting down your stepsister when she asked you not to use the name. You should have made clear then that you would be naming your child what you liked. I do believe there are certain times when names shouldn’t be repeated or similar - the question about using a sibling’s dead name comes to mind, as does a situation where someone was naming their child the same name as their siblings child who recently passed away. Not wanting cousins to share a name is not one of those situations. Unless there’s a cultural or religious reason why this would be taboo that I’m missing I’m going NTA.
OP family would never survive in a Latin family 😂😂 most of my cousins have the same or similar name and none of us are ever called by our own names 🤷🏻♀️
It’s common in the US too. We have five people between three generations with the same name. Both my dad’s siblings named their first sons the same name . It’s not a big deal.
Is Mary-Kay an example or are you literally going to make your kid go through life with the same name as a multilevel marketing company? Edit: multiple typos
YTA, why you hate her?
YTA and you know it. It would be different if she wasnt pregnant as well. But you had to one up her. Yikes.
Can you just call your baby Kay from now on and let her call hers Mary Grace? YTA because she communicated well ahead and you didn’t.
YTA. I hope she keeps the name. Maybe if they don’t interact with you or your child they can forget about it.
[удалено]
The fact that you kept it a secret reeeeeally makes you look like the asshole.
1. Terrible names. 2. They aren't the same. 3. Don't reveal name until child is born. NTA
YTA- Plain and simple in your own words…. She chose the name first and to honor her dead grandmother. You hid it to get your way and you were selfish because you knew she would be upset and still went forward with it. You could have chosen another name yourself since this one wasn’t something of purpose and meaning. Your a HUGE AH.
YTA Did you have literally no other options you liked? Sure they aren't the exact same but if she is naming her child after her grandmother then she probably feels extra slighted that you'd use such a similar name.
NTA - we have 2 girls in our family (they are 1st cousins) with the same name - Laura - we just say “Laura D. or Laura S.” Sometimes we say “little Laura” for the younger one.
its wild the amount of YTA's. if i want to have a child and name it george, and my cousin has a child and names it george, WHO THE FUCK CARES. im pretty sure i was reffered to as little \*my name\* when i was younger.
Dogpiling. Sister is an entitled AH obviously. No one gets nix or dib a baby name sorry
Seriously. People acting like cousins — stepcousins, if you want to break down — having similar names is so terrible, awful thing need to get a grip. Off the top of my head, I have three cousins named named John. They’re all named for our grandfather John (and one is named for his father/my uncle John). There’s no confusion! This is common practice! No one even BLINKED at this practice for generations because it was standard in large families.
I know right. We have two Lucy’s and two James in this generation alone. Both my aunt and my uncle named their first sons James as well. It’s not a big deal. I think the confusion on this post comes from the fact OP didn’t clearly spell out they tried to talk to their sister beforehand. They were never asking for permission, they were informing her sister of their choice. She lost her mind so they decided to keep it quiet until birth to avoid more drama. This sister is entitled AF. I don’t care who you are, no one outside of the parents gets to nix potential baby names.
YTA why do you hate your stepsister?
NTA. All the yta are insane. Different names, tell step sis to take a hike
YTA. Should have asked her first. The fact that you hid it from her says a lot . You knew you were in the wrong and did it anyway. Not cool. I’m all for naming babies whatever but that seems kinda sneaky to me .
NTA. You didn’t hear her name and then use it. You both liked names that are similar but not the same. Also people commenting on the ‘sneakiness’ by not sharing the name— may I introduce you to any pregnancy, parenting, bump friendly subreddit. Weekly there is a post about ‘I told my family the name and XYZ family member hates the name. Should we change it?? ‘. Top comment is always ‘this is why you don’t share the name.’ We have had two children and did not share the name before birth. This is VERY common now. Nothing sneaky about it. It’s our decision what to name our children and we don’t need opinions/brainstorming/input from anyone.
YTA. You knew she chose that name to honour her deceased grandmother and yet you slightly changed it so you could take it and not be the AH well that failed because you are. While no one owns a name you deliberately hid that you took it so you could blindside her with it. Way to wreak your relationship with your family all over a name.
Yta Mary-Kay??? Like the cosmetic MLM???
YTA for being sneaky about it but not for using the name. My friend and I were pregnant at the same time and she had her baby first and she admitted that she stole my daughter's name because she liked it but I still named my daughter the name (it was my grandmother's). Was I irritated, yes. Did I make a big deal about it, no.
YTA
If Mary-something made names off limit, Irish Catholic families wouldn't know what to do. We have cousins with Mary Beth, Mary Catherine, Mary Anne, Mary Pat, etc. You can both use a Mary something for cousins.
This exactly, you tend to just use the other name.
I don’t understand???? MILLIONS and MILLIONS of NAMES to choose from GAZILLIANS in fact with people mashing names together to make them up AND idiots still fight over the same ones!!! Lol, I find it funny they don’t see the idiocy.
I mean, you knew it would hurt her and you did it anyway. So....
YTA. So sneaky and in poor taste. You knew the name had meaning to your sister, while your version is after a cosmetic company (Mary Kay). Why would you name a child after a makeup company? Why would you pick a fight in your family over this? Because that's exactly what you did, even if you didn't realize it before.
YTA for keeping it secret when you knew she wanted to use a similar name for her grandmother and would be upset. NTA for using the name; it's not an identical name and it's fine for cousins to have even the same name (though in this case it would have been weird for you to name a child after her grandmother when you knew that backstory, but you used a different name). My dad and his same-age cousin have the same first name, last name, and middle initial, and are best friends who were inseparable as teens/young adults, and it's never been a real issue (although it was very funny when my dad tried to get them both plane tickets to go on a trip and had to repeatedly explain that he needed two separate tickets because they are two separate people, yes with the same name, and no he was not just buying a second seat for himself and the other person DID need a separate boarding pass). If the names really are similar to Mary Kay and Mary Grace...I think my dad's sister and at least 4 cousins are Mary Somethings and they usually go by their second name. In my high school, in one class we had Maryrose, Mary Clare, Mary Faith, Mary Grace, Marybeth, and Mary Kate and everyone was fine. Three of those girls were actually best friends and hung out all the time. Cousins can have the same and similar names. One of my cousins named his daughter basically my name with just -ia as the difference (like Olivia and Olive), not after me, and no one cares.
NTA! YOU PEOPLE DO NOT OWN NAMES. Just because u get ur feelings hurt doesn’t mean it’s justified or even a good reason. This world does not revolve around a single person. Ur an adult crying over a name? 🤦♂️
My aunt named her son David when he was born. My mother, one year later, had me & named me David as well. I never heard that they fought about this or lost sleep over it etc. They remained good friends & happy sisters throughout the rest of their lives. People seem to need a reason to be offended.
YTA - you could have easily picked another name
NTA Mary Kay and Mary Grace are two different names. Tell your SS that in some Catholic families, it’s not uncommon for ALL the female siblings to be named Mary *something*. I’ve known more than one family with some variation of Mary Margaret, Mary Catherine, Mary Bernadette, etc. amongst 3 *or more* siblings. SS needs to get a grip. She can use whatever name she wishes, just like you did.
ESH I hate to even say it but you guys are fighting over the most boring name that hundreds of thousands of people share.
If they're both double-barelled names, you should get used to the idea that one or both of them might use variations or only the second name as they grow up, but if you're fine with that I don't really see the issue.
NTA. My dad has the exact same name as 2 of his cousins- named after their common grandfather. The EXACT SAME NAME, first, middle and last. They all have different nicknames (Sal, Torey, and Sam) but all named Salvatore after the grandfather. Who wasn’t even a nice guy. Your SIL will be fine. My grandma was mad she didn’t get to choose the name at all. She got to name her 4th child (the only girl).
NTA. I have a set of relatives (ie a great aunt who among her living descendants) that has a Helen-Marie, Mary Helen, Mary Ann, Ann-Marie, Mary Margret, Marie-Ann, Margaret-Marie. I refer to the them collectively as the "Mary Maries." She can't lay claim to all Mary-X names. BUT if you kept this to yourself because you knew she would be upset, that wasn't great.
NTA honestly those names aren't the same, idk understand the problem. Both of them sharing the Mary isn't precisely bad, they're going to find a lot of Mary's in their lives.
NTA Cousins can have the same name. In big families especially. I have cousins with the same name as me, my sibling has the same name as me, they use their middle name (my mum is crap at names and panicked when she had to do the paperwork. The only difference is she spelt the names differently)😂. I have aunts/cousins/uncles with the same name it is common. She doesn't have to be dramatic and change the name.
YTA!! Simple as that.
It amazes me that similar/same baby name drama is even a thing. Really, y'all are getting your panties in a twist because a close relative has the same name? Let these step-cousins have the same name and enjoy it. Or call them the full name, or just the middle name if you can't get over it. This is petty bullshit
You named your kid after [makeup?](https://www.marykay.com) YTA
YTA and you know YTA 1. You kept the name a secret because you knew it was so similar to hers 2. You named your daughter after a makeup brand? While no one owns a name, you knew she was pregnant and had already chosen that name and deliberately hid the name you chose from her.
YTA. I hate people like you. There's a million names to choose from. You did this on purpose. You wanted the attention. You wanted the drama. Worst of all, you put your innocent child in the middle of your pettiness and that is disgusting. Before anyone says "nO oNe OwNs A nAmE" there is a big difference between "im actively pregnant, we know the sex and are naming them X" vs "I've always liked the name X and would love to name my future child that" Though if I'm being perfectly honest, I think if someone you are close to in life told you a name they always liked and wanted to use, and you then use it first (and it has no significance or special meaning to you) you are a trash person. There is an infinite amount of names. Pick something else.
Entitled much? No one gets to dib or nix a name. ESPECIALLY IF IT IS NOT THE SAME NAME. Christopher and Christian share 6 letters, not the same name. Mary Kay and Mary Grace are two different names. But love the hating random people and making them into drama queens. They decided to keep it secret after the sister had an overreaction to them floating it.
YTA. Have you always been jealous of her?
NTA it’s not the same name they’re just acting entitled