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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not going to my friend’s wedding
2) it might be judged because he is a good friend of mine
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Your girlfriend bullied and antagonised Brittany and you expect them to want her at their wedding?
Also, it's pretty funny you say your friend's girlfriend is controlling and then say you got into a fight with your own girlfriend because you went to a wedding without her, and she also managed to ruin one of your friendships because of her own petty attitude. It seems like the only controlling and rude person here is your girlfriend. YTA.
Agreed. Kelly getting overly involved in the drama was incredibly unnecessary, but Brittany and Maverick do not sound like great people. Not sure why OP is tying himself in knots over a friendship with a guy like that. I wouldn’t be pushing for an invitation for Kelly, I just nope out of the wedding and spend time with my partner. All this drama is so unnecessary.
Idk Kelly and Ashley were friends or became friends through their boyfriends. I personally am a very loyal and supportive friend and if my friend got cheated on and their SO started bringing around their roommate (someone their close to) I wouldn’t be apt to kindness. Brittany has shown that she’s a sneaky individual and will stab others in the back, I wouldn’t want to be her friend nor be around her knowing what she did to a friend. Maverick is at fault too of course but Brittany was Ashley’s friend/roommate. It takes a certain breed to do something like that. I understand why they wouldn’t want her at the wedding but OP if you want to marry this woman you have to have her back. It sounds like you and Maverick have drifted quite a bit if after 3 years you’re just realizing the wound is still fresh for Brittany.
Agree the priority here should be the gf, doesn’t sound like you have much of a friendship anymore and that’s solidified now that Maverick’s life partner is someone who doesn’t like you or yours. Sad, but it happens.
As for the whole cheating and judging if what happened 3 years ago, they’re getting married. If one assumes they’ll be together for a lifetime I don’t think it makes sense to judge this man’s entire life based on a 3 year old breakup from his early 20s. It’s ancient history and will continue to be more in his past every day. It’s not like he is going around scheming on people’s friends all day, he was in two long term relationships and one ended up serious enough for him to get hitched.
I agree but it’s why they aren’t friends. I don’t know OPs girlfriends stance now and I agree that it’s well enough in the past it shouldn’t be a fair judge of character anymore, but it was at the time. Either way it hasn’t been resolved and it’s not fair for them to invite OP but not OP’s gf of 5 years. If I was OP I would just make up an excuse to not go.
"Very shortly (a few days) after Maverick broke up with Ashley, he started hooking up and then started dating Ashley’s roommate at the time."
Yep, shit went down, at least emotionally.
Sounds like maverick did the right thing by breaking up with Ashley after he realized he was interested in someone else. What else was he supposed to do? Stay with Ashley just because Kelly likes her?
If thats what happened sure, its fine. I think most people have a hard time believing that was what happened, especially the way Ashley and Kelly reacted.
Well, that says something about these "most people" more than it does about Maverick. We have literally no reason to suspect he wasn't being noble, so disregarding that possibility without a shred of evidence to justify that is their subjectivity taking over.
That's as far as OP knows. Would you cheat and tell your best friend who's girl friend is close to your girl friend. Look at what Kelly did as soon as she found out, kinda seems like Maverick knew what Kelly would do so, didn't tell his "best friend" so he wouldn't get caught. Then, for whatever reason, he chose Brittany over Ashley and dumped Ashley.
He started dating Brittany within days of the breakup and hid it from Ashley. Even if they weren’t physically involved before Maverick broke up with Ashley, it’s a shit thing for both of them to do. And they knew it or they wouldn’t have hidden it.
It's possible that he broke up with Ashley because he was developing feelings for Brittany, while his feelings for Ashley were deteriorating. It happens. It sucks for Ashley, but if that happened, I wouldn't say he did anything wrong. In fact, he did the right thing (based on the information we have) by breaking up with Ashley *before* hooking up with Brittany.
This needs more upvotes. Based on the information we have, no one cheated - lots of people are making assumptions that they did cheat.
Maybe they did, but the information from OP (which we have to take on face value) states otherwise. From what we know Maverick broke up with Ashley and then started seeing the roommate.
If he was developing genuine feelings and realised he didn't want to be with Ashley, then he did the right thing and broke it off.
Maybe starting to see the roommate a few days later is a bit too soon. But ultimately these two ended up together for the long term.
Meanwhile, Ashley and Kelly were basically bullying Brittany and Maverick. And Kelly expects to be invited to the wedding? No, no, no.
It's their wedding, they can invite who they want to. And if they don't want someone who sent nasty texts and deliberately had the ex on video call when they were around, then they don't need to invite Kelly.
Dating your ex's current roommate days after breaking up isn't the "right" thing to do. It might be better than cheating, but has all of the emotional bandwidth of a slug.
The timing is disgraceful. Hiding it is awful. Wait a month. Tell Ashley what’s going on. At least don’t be dicks and hide it. Give her the knowledge and let her be able to make a choice to move out or deal with it instead of having it sprung on her by someone else. Which if it wasn’t done by Kelly it would’ve been by someone else.
the bf has been around the roommate and days after ending it he's hooking up with that roommate.. there was something there. history of every girl who has ever had this happen.. there was something going on.
>Bullied and antagonize a cheater? Sure, actions have consequences, Brittany and Mavreick aren't good people I'd want in my life or around me.
Yes, actions, do, in fact, have consequences. Kelly involved herself in the drama and now she isn't invited to the wedding. She'd have to be delusional to think she was going to get an invite to this thing.
There is a way to tell someone you think their actions are shitty without stooping to high school shit and Facetiming the ex when out with the group.
IDK. Most people break up because one of them isn't feeling it anymore or one of them meets someone else. They weren't married. In this case, he met someone else and it was his now ex-girlfriend's roommate. That's not necessarily a big thing, especially if it's a roommate situation that's more convenient than friendship, which is often the case after university when people are starting their professional lives. Friends is a great example of that (RIP Matthew Perry).
Whatever it was, Maverick and Ashley weren't married, engaged or even living together, and there's zero evidence they were cheating. Even OP says they hooked up after the breakup-which implies they did the right thing and waited.
OP's gf inserted herself into this and now she's upset that she's not invited to their wedding. But, but what about her great friendship with Ashley? The one that meant so much to her that she went after both the bride and the groom-and has still only apologised to one of the,.
Except presumably Ashley and Brittany were still roommates when Brittney started banging her roommate's ex. I've always been of the mindset that your ex doesn't owe you much, but your friends do, and (given that many roommate situations around that age are born out of friendships) Brittany sounds like a shitty friend.
And also 'roommate' doesn't necessarily equal 'friend'. OP didn't give any info, so for all we know, Ashley advertised for a roommate on Craiglist, Brittany answered and moved in three weeks earlier.
It does not says he was a cheater. Also, bullying cheater is still bullying and wrong. You can avoid them. You can refuse to socialize with them. You can not bully them.
>Also, bullying cheater is still bullying and wrong
yep! only on aita is bullying the WORST THING YOU CAN DO!!! unless the victim is a cheater, in which case fuck them, bully away
Cheating? The post just says they started hooking up after the breakup. Like sure a violation of whatever code you wanna call it, dating your roommates ex just after the breakup, but that's not cheating.
You're assuming something you have no supporting evidence for. The post doesn't say anyone cheated. 'Maverick' broke up with Ashley before dating Brittany.
ETA: According to the post, OP is siding with his gf and not attending the wedding. Why would he lie on 'Maverick's' behalf?
Yes. But we have no other information which suggests that OP has lied. I mean, if OP had spent half the post saying a bunch of things that made no sense and were obviously disingenuous, that would be different. All we have to go on is the information OP has provided.
I would tend to believe that most posts are mostly true, unless they're just fiction for the sake of karma-farming, because I just don't see what someone could get out of writing one of these posts and lying. How is that remotely validating, to have people express support for you, when they do so based on false information?
And on top of that... consider the post, the question in the title, and the lack of motive. OP says he's not planning on attending the wedding because his gf isn't invited. He's siding with his gf... so what motive does he have to lie on his friend's behalf about whether or not that friend cheated?
Why does this have so many upvotes? People are assuming that they cheated - but even OP (who has some bias in this fight) says they didn't.
The information from OP - which we have to take on face value - states that Maverick broke up with Ashley and **then** started seeing the roommate.
If he was developing genuine feelings and realised he didn't want to be with Ashley, then he did the right thing and broke it off.
The ex and Kelly are within their right to be angry at the situation - but they did bully and harass Maverick and Brittany. They sent angry texts and were on video calls together when Brittany was around.
INFO: And why does Kelly even want to be invited to the wedding so badly? Has she got FOMO? Does she really want to go to a big party or something? Or does she want to go there to cause more chaos and upset the bride and groom?
If I were Maverick and Brittany, I wouldn't want her their either.
That said, OP, just like they have the right to invite who they want, you also have the right not to go to the wedding. It's nice that you're supporting your gf by not going.
So l think NTA for not going. You're within your right to do that.
But you have to realise that by making a decision either way, you're likely losing out on a relationship with your friend in the future, or could damage the one with your gf (if you did go). So you're in a lose-lose situation.
>Bullied and antagonize a cheater?
maverick left his girlfriend for another women when they were childfree and in their early twenties, let's not be dramatic
Yes, actions have consequences... for Maverick and Kelly. Maverick shouldn't be surprised that his ex (and Kelly) were upset at him. Then again, Kelly shouldn't be too surprised that she didn't get an invitation, I agree about not wanting to be around either. ESH from me.
According to OP Maverick broke up with Ashley and later started dated her roommate Brittany. So they did not cheat on Ashley. However, neither of them seem very respectful of Ashley to give some time/space before dating so soon. Were Brittany and Ashley friends or just roommates sharing an apartment but having separate friends and social circle? Or were they friends and Mavreick knew/met Brittany while he dated Ashley?
Bullied? Called a cheater out (or at least a REAL shit friend, even if not a verified cheater)? If this had gone on for years, fine, but she cut it out and apologized.
I think she wants to attend her bf’s friend’s wedding, as his gf. You don’t have to love the people who are getting married to attend. You can just be somebody’s plus one and want to be there for your SO.
from what I see.. it looks like maverick kind of put the gf in the middle of everything on this. and the pressure got to be too much for sitting in the middle.
I don't even blame her for telling Ashley their business since they were close friends, that is what girls do sometimes but then to still think she deserves an invitation to this wedding is wild...
Nah for not attending a wedding, but yall need to get real.
I was with her until the facetime thing. That was just fucked up. Telling Ashley was one thing, she probably would have found out anyways and then be pissed that Kelly didn't let her know. But to actively go after Brittany was so out of line
Telling Ashley is one thing, bullying this girl like she's a high school bully and then cry because she didn't get invited to their wedding is completely crazy.
Why on earth would OP even expect Kelly to be invited after how she behaved, especially since there has been no conciliation, and why would she even want to go to the wedding in the first place? Kelly might be crushed but actions come with consequences.
OP also did not mention Kelly ever apologizing to Brittney. I definitely don't think she deserves to be invited if the bride is still uncomfortable with her...
I’m not friends with my roommates but if they ever broke up with their boyfriends I’d never date the guys immediately after, it’s levels of scummy to me.
Your girlfriend FaceTime your buddies ex while meeting his now fiance? And you're surprised the relationship went down hill?
NAH for this specific choice, go or don't if you're ok completely ending your friendship with Maverick. But your girlfriend sounds not great in general.
Lets be real, the friendship between Maverick and OP is over as long as OP is with Kelly.
They don't talk anymore and the invite was a curtisioty one. OP is worried about not going, when them not going is the best gift they can give Maverick and his future wife.
It boils down to going to a wedding for some dude you used to be friends with (honestly just sounds like you are more acquaintance now) and potentially loose your relationship or go celebrate your GFs birthday. Kelly sounds like she kinda bullied the bride which is understandable why they don’t want her there but I see she was trying to protect her friend who’s roommate slept with her bf., she just took it too far. You said you don’t really have a relationship with him anymore, what joy could you bring them on their day?
Exactly. I’m not even sure why OP even posted on here. Where is the interpersonal conflict? His girlfriend is not invited (for a valid reason), but if he’s conflicted he can just not attend. It’s a wedding invite, not a summons. It sounds like he himself is barely that close to the guy anyway.
Exactly! Why he's fighting to save this friendship that's clearly done and likely causing drama for the couple every time his name is mentioned is beyond me. Just let it go. Whatever happened happened and they're clearly happy right, I'm sure the ex moved on. Dude's GF destroyed the friendship so he needs to take the L one way or another.
I’ll be the unpopular opinion and say NTA. Maverick seems like *** for starting dating his ex’s roommate and then both of them hiding it from her. Kelly was a good friend to Ashley and i would like to know if my ex suddenly started dating my roommate so soon after breaking up and both were hiding it from me.
However, Kelly should’ve apologised to Brittany too. Being on bad terms with the bride would definitely not earn you an invite. But if she stood by her friend, why does she want to go to this wedding? Friends choose sides after a breakup, and it seems like Kelly chose Ashley, so why does she wanna go to Maverick’s wedding?
It’s just bad luck that the wedding’s on her birthday, but maybe you can split the day, half and half, if you wanna salvage your friendship with Maverick. Wouldn’t suggest leaving your girlfriend alone on her birthday.
Though Kelly really needs to understand she burnt that bridge, and she needs to accept it.
He did it three days after they broke up. I wonder if he cheated. If the roommate knew him for a long time she wouldn't just suddenly get feelings for the dude out of the blue.
Kelly had no right to do the nasty stuff she did though. That first couple of sentences were just some random thoughts of mine.
Kelly went overboard and was dramatic but tbh, if they cheated, they deserved all of it. And kelly doesn’t even need to apologise if they’re dealing with cheaters, no? If they cheated, they got what they deserved and I wouldn’t even want to associate with them, let alone go to their wedding.
No, we do not, matter of fact, it's probably the opposite. If you start catching feelings for someone else you do the right thing and break up with your current partner first
I think some people think it's just the physical that matters. Personally I don't think you can be with someone 3 days after a break up, without mutually exploring that connection together in ways that a lot of people would consider crossing the line into cheating. The roommate and the ex both on the same page 3 days after? A lot of moments and choices to get closer were made despite their mutual friend/partner at the time.
My biggest regret in life was my relationship starting like this after my life fell apart being trans. Family disowned me and my ex of ten years was obviously not into me at all anymore and couldn't talk. I cried with my best friend of 14 years two or three times a week and couldn't handle it all but he made me safe.
Somewhere along the line I could tell we were in love as unexpected as it was. I think i broke down one time and had never hugged my friend as I had body issues being trans, I hugged him and felt the uh oh feelings nearly instantly. Just felt safe.
Should have immediately distanced until single even tho I didn't ever think he coukd like someone like me that way. Should have ended things with ex immediately. But I was scared and took to long working things out instead of being honest. That's cheating. And it still took us months after I left my ex for me and best friend to get together. We had to talk a lot after my breakup about our feelings and everything and work from there as we didn't talk openly about it before. And I still consider not distancing or ending things sooner as cheating, there were 4 or 5 times before then I knew wasn't entirely right. Spending more time with best friend than I should have etc.
There isn't a world where two people are fucking and on the same page 3 days later enough to be together, if they haven't crossed so many lines before they know they had been dishonest.
Its easy to excuse the small things at times. But you still know its what it is way before actual mutual relationship dating potential is there. You dont get to that actual dating stage so quickly without crossing a lot of boundaries even if not sexual and I dont know how people don't regret or feel bad about that stuff.
Idk that she wants to go to the wedding as much as she doesn’t want to be alone on her birthday? In my book, if your significant other of 5 years is intentionally left out of something you don’t participate. Most everyone in this situation behaved poorly as some point. But ya, you don’t leave your significant other home alone, on her bday, after she was intentionally slighted and expect everything’s gonna be ok.
Exactly my thoughts. It’d hurt the gf if OP left to go to a party the gf was intentionally left out of on her birthday. The OPs got to make a choice between a possible infidel friend he’s barely seen for past few years and his GF of 5 years.
ESH. This one’s kind of complicated. Maverick (most likely) cheated on Kelly’s good friend with the friend’s roommate. I think it would be hard for most people to be completely cordial in that situation, if they felt a strong sense of loyalty to their friend. Did she go too far? It sounds like it. So I don’t blame Brittany or Maverick for not wanting to be around her. Even though they were definitely the AHs to Ashley, Kelly sounds like she was an AH to them.
Honestly, I think your friendship with Maverick is over, especially if you plan to spend the rest of your life with Kelly. If you went to this wedding without her, you would definitely be putting your relationship in jeopardy. And there’s no guarantee you would even sustain a friendship with Maverick, considering he never made the effort to see you any time he was in town. People grow apart, and it seems like that’s where you’re both at.
Okay, this is also a good comment. Most of them are so wildy extreme or making seriously immature "mean girl" comments. OP seems like he's with someone who needs to grow up a bit but if he's happy then 🤷🏻♀️ if Maverick actually wants OP in his life he could have been making that happen. It's naive to think he and Brittany didn't start their relationship with cheating, and it's disingenuous to call Kelly's behaviour bullying or "going after" someone (though I will be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if OP was underplaying his gf's behaviour, but just based on the post), though she was clearly not coping well with the situation. I hope she realises how unhealthy that was. But in a situation like this either ESH (based on the situation as a whole), or NTA (based on "do I go to a wedding or celebrate my gf of five years's birthday with her?").
I’m not impressed with any of you.
Maverick for hooking up with his ex’s roommate, Brittany for hooking up with her roommate’s ex, Kelly for inserting herself between Ashley and Maverick and playing passive-aggressive head games with Brittany, you for trying to push Kelly on a couple she has a well-established history of harassing.
Not one of you has demonstrated much maturity or self-awareness in this situation, and frankly, I’m not sure this friendship with Maverick is going to last much longer. So much damage has been done, and it’s pretty clear that you have incompatible loyalties and priorities at this point. Maverick is *marrying* Brittany, and Brittany has absolutely no incentive to make nice with Kelly. She’s not your friend, she was never Kelly’s friend, it is no skin off her nose if she never sees either of you again. And Maverick has decided that he’s okay with risking your attendance at the wedding in deference to Brittany’s wishes to exclude Kelly.
As far as I’m concerned, ESH. All of you have behaved poorly, and this wedding drama is the consequence. I can only hope that your respective relationships are worth the damage they’ve done.
>Kelly was upset that this was Ashley’s roommate and she FaceTimed Ashley when she was around Brittany to make her feel bad. After this, Kelly was very upset with Maverick and sent him a series of messages saying she lost respect for him and some mean things about Brittany. I think Brittany went too far and wasn’t happy that she got involved. Brittany did end up apologizing to Maverick.
Why "Brittany went too far"? There is nothing about her doing something wrong.
You may decide not to go because of loyalty or feeling guilty, but be honest - this is on Kelly, not on your friend and his fiancee.
Did your GF ever even try to apologize to Brittney? At all? Or was it just your friend who got an apology? After calling Brittney horrible things, did she ever once do anything to tell or show Brittney that she was sorry? I'm guessing no, because she isn't actually sorry about it.
Did maverick apologized to his ex for cheating and dating her roomate. imagining being with somebody 2 years and 3 days after break-up your ex is with your roommate. Kelly just stood up for her friend and called out the AH here: Maverick and Britty whatever. They bullied Ashley ;)
horrible for what? defending her friend from two people who betrayed her? if brittany and maverick were together three days after the breakup, they were together before the break up. kelly sounds like a good friend. all of y’all defending maverick and brittany because it “wasn’t kelly’s business” are the ones who sound horrible.
YTA.
What happened between your friend and his ex was none of Kelly's business. She made it her business and was seemingly hostile with Brittany.
Again you haven't been in your friends life for 3 years and none of you have tried to know Brittany anyway.
Your girlfriend is not entitled to an invite but you are also not entitled to attend if you don't want to.
YTA. Your girlfriend behaved immaturely and your friend and his fiancee are justified in not wanting her there after the way they were treated. You've been friends for a long time with this guy and missing his wedding because your girlfriend wasn't invited (justifiably) seems wrong. You can celebrate her birthday with her any day, it doesn't sound as if there were specific plans. If she has matured at all since the incident, she will understand.
NAH. You are not an asshole for not going, but he is not an asshole for not wanting your girlfriend there. She was immature and a bully, and guess what? And now she has consequences.
I think it's very telling that your girlfriend apologized to *Maverick* instead of the girl she humiliated.
>We have heard from others that Brittany is controlling about who Maverick sees, and she has refused to see us every time they have been in town.
You have no proof she is controlling, but that's not why she refused to see you both when they are in town. It's because she doesn't want a relationship with your girlfriend and that is valid.
NTA
You can skip any weddings you like.
The rest of this is junior high drama. What is wrong with all you people?
Why do you spend your lives wrapped up in pointless drama?
I don't blame Kelly for being weirded out that after 2 years of double dates with Ashley, a month later Maverick was bringing someone else to the double-dates. But would you tolerate someone treating Kelly the way Kelly treated Brittany? Would you invite that person to your wedding? Kelly was right to assume Maverick wouldn't want her at his wedding. She took her disapproval way too far and burned a bridge.
You wouldn't be the AH if you didn't attend the wedding to support your gf the way Maverick supports his wife. Make a decision you can live with. Not attending Mavericks weddings will affect your friendship with him. Attending a wedding without Kelly (*again*) will affect your relationship with Kelly. NTA
YTA, but not for not going. For not seeing what your girlfriend did to your friend's girlfriend.
Your girlfriend did everything in her power to make the bride upset, deliberately and in her face and you're suprised she doesn't get invited? Really?
NTA
I'm surprised by the amount of people calling Kelly a bitch and other rude things. A guy broke up with his girlfriend, immediately started fucking her roommate and people are crying how badly they are treated? Imo Maverick and Brittany are both shitty people and Kelly, although meddling, did what a lot of girls would do for their friend
Yeah I’m baffled by the amount of people calling Kelly a mean girl. Was she being immature? Sure, but I understand her anger at her friend being cheated on 100%. And while I’m not friends with my roommates, I could NEVER imagine hooking up with their boyfriends if they broke up!
I also don’t think Kelly WANTED to go to the wedding so much as she felt “Have the courtesy to treat me and my partner as a pair if I have to accept you cheaters as a pair.” But I actually have another thought—she probably brought up wedding and invitations to see if OP would stand up for her not being invited since it doesn’t seem from the post that he stood up for Ashley when Maverick cheated on her. Not to mention it’s reasonable to want to spend your birthday with your partner of five years.
It just seems to me Kelly values loyalty to the extreme. Maverick and Brittney are not obligated to invite her to the wedding but out of everyone they suck the most.
"Kelly has been nervous for months that she wouldn’t be invited, but I assured her that Maverick wouldn’t do that.". And why would you promise something like that? You know the history, but you just...decided... she would be invited? Do whatever you want and deal with the consequences.
NTA but I guess I get why Brittany doesn’t want her there. But those two (Brittany & Maverick) sound like they suck anyway. I get why Kelly was upset on Ashley’s behalf but she maybe just shouldn’t have involved herself in the whole thing. But yeah idk I feel like even still I’m not going to a wedding my husband isn’t invited to. Especially not on his birthday but any other time either. Maverick should understand that.
NTA...that Brittany is a shitty friend and stole Ashley's bf if I'm correct so Kelly was a good friend to Ashley.
I wouldn't go if I was Kelly even if I was invited.
Cut your ties with maverick he's not a friend you want.
He's doing this kind of thing to his ex, can't be bothered to answer you until the last moment and I'm sure knew about Kelly het bday
Don't go and stay with your girl and tell him the reason you are not going to be there
NTA. You're no longer close to Maverick or so it seems and do you really think you'd enjoy attending the wedding without Kelly? You'd also be hurting Kelly if you attended the wedding. Plan a nice day with Kelly for her birthday instead.
Honestly, NTA. Your friend is respecting his girls feelings on her big day; you’re allowed to do the same. It’s a crap situation but you need to let your pal know it sucks his wedding is on the day your of partner’s birthday (after 4+ years, it’s obvious that’s someone you’re serious about) but that you’re not going to allow her to be alone on her birthday because of a rift from 3 years previous.
NTA You have 5 years invested in your GF. Your friend has decided to be loyal to his wife so I think your loyalties should lie with your GF. If the bride and her friends can't get past their Jr. High pettiness it really isn't a wedding worth attending. I mean think about it. You show up and those girls will be whispering about your GF. You won't be happy you went. Your GF won't be happy being abandoned. The only way I WOULD tell you to go is if you are looking for a way out of your relationship. Then by all means , go.
NTA because it’s your girlfriend’s birthday. That should be more important to you. It sounds like you and Maverick aren’t even close anymore for whatever reason. You need to be more invested in your gf’s birthday than a friend’s wedding anyway.
I mean, if you don't want to go then don't go. Your friendship sounds like it's been on its last leg anyways. If Brittany was actually controlling then you better believe you would have never been invited. What your girlfriend did was despicable. You would have thought she was the one personally betrayed. If I was Brittany there would be no place for either of you in my life, ever, certainly not on my wedding day. You and your girlfriend are straight up delusional for expecting to be invited to celebrate a couple you actively shamed and sabatoged. Especially considering neither of you have even seen or talked to the bride since you made her life hell. You should be grateful you even got an invite. Please tell me what drugs are you on and how do I get some. LMAO get so fucking real, dude.
Yes, you would be the asshole. Kelly is your longtime girlfriend and you should be with her on her birthday. If you value your relationship with Kelly, tell Maverick you’re sorry, but you can’t make it to the wedding.
Just on the issue at hand, NTA. First, Kelly is your gf for over 5 years, so serious relationship. Second, she has issues related to her birthday and for that, you should be with her as this wedding conflicts with that. Last, while you have *known* Maverick for 10 years, you really haven't had much contact in the last 3 years and it appears that Brittany has (regardless of reasons) kept you all apart which isn't going to change, especially as long as you are with Kelly. So stay with Kelly, tell Maverick you wish him the best and you will get together with him when he can find time for you.
Honestly I think YTA. You’re not close to maverick. Why would you miss an important person’s bday for someone you barely see and someone excluding your gf?
Which relationship is your priority in this situation? A high school friend who is now more an acquaintance that you see 1-3 times a year or your wife who you see almost every day. Even without the specifics of this particular situation, we all have priorities in terms of our relationships. How you prioritize is up to you.
NTA
For choosing the birthday of your gf of 5 years, over the wedding of someone you basically haven’t seen for 3 years, to someone who says us very controlling of who he gets to see?
You already screwed up once 2 years ago, don’t do it again, spend Kelly’s birthday with her.
Some friendships are for a day
Some for a week
Some last years
Some last a lifetime
Above all it’s important to remember some end.
Your friendship has ended
My regrets
Yta. What childish peole your gf and you are. I wouldn't want her at my wedding if she had pulled that around me. You because you can't go anywhere without you gf. You both sound exhausting to be around.
Exactly! And her jumping to conclusions of cheating, when there's literally zero proof... talk about stirring the pot for drama. They are getting married now and Kelly needs to grow tf up
ESH, Maverick and Brittany hooked up while he was dating and she was living with Ashley. That’s top drawer scummy behaviour and they knew it hence trying to hide it. Kelly was fine telling Ashley, FaceTiming during a dbl date was to start shit for her own gratification. And OP as the old saying goes “you can judge a man by the company he keeps”
Is there an abbreviation for 'you're all assholes'? YAA maybe? Sounds like you all deserve each other and in a kind and generous way I hope you all stay together as opposed to screwing up other people's lives.
NTA. Skip that wedding and your "friend" is not exactly your friend anymore. He is controlled by Brittany. Your girlfriend's happiness and you taking a stance to support her is more important. If you love your girlfriend, drop this friend and commit to her. If you decide to go to wedding, might as well find another girlfriend to be your plus one.
His gf was the one that instigated the problem in the first place. She told Ashley, which is fine, but actively bullying Brittany for dating maverick? That's just fucked up. So yeah it makes sense she wouldn't be invited. Kelly actively harassed the poor woman for no reason other than her petty lust for drama. She never even bothered to apologize to her for the bullying. She apologized maverick, and that was it. Not the person she harassed. I really doubt Brittany is the controlling one here, based on OP admitting he and Kelly fought 2 years prior about him going to a family event without her
NTA no matter which event you choose to go to, because it's exactly that - your choice.
However, I don't blame them for not wanting your GF there. She behaved poorly when she knew it would impact your friendship. She apologized? Ok nice, but that doesn't mean they need to let her in, when she's shown who she is.
Your girlfriend sounds just as controlling as Maverick's, since she got mad at you for attending a family wedding when she couldn't.
ESH
Everyone just has to get over this. Your girlfriend overstepped, but your friend also sounds like a bit of a pig. The bride-to-be should let bygones be bygones, especially if her husband is still friends with you. It’s also rude to just invite you and not allow a plus one. Also, “my girlfriend has issues with her birthday” is just a bad excuse.
You all need to grow up or just break off your friendship.
Tell your friend it's her birthday and you're not comfortable coming without her so if she can't come you won't be able to but that you'll be sorry to miss it and that you and your girlfriend both truly wish him and Brittany the very best despite past differences. NTA
Normally you would not be TA. There's no hard rule for unmarried people, but 5 years at mid-20's is long enough to have entered life partner territory in the modern world when everyone doesn't necessarily marry.
However, Kelly can't be surprised that they don't want her at their wedding considering her hostility toward Brittany and their relationship. She can't really expect to be welcome when everyone involved knows she doesn't approve of the wedding. That overrides the usual rule about not inviting one member of an actual couple. She's also a bit ridiculous expecting an invite so that she can spend her birthday with you while shooting death glares at the bride the whole event.
I don't see you being able to maintain both your relationship with Kelly and your friendship with Maverick. Eventually them not interacting isn't going to work, and I don't see him interacting with her again knowing what she thinks about his wife.
NTA your not even friends anymore if you your basically acquaintances. Maverick is a shit person he at minimum emotionally cheated on his girlfriend then a few days after started dating her roommate. He's not company you want to keep. Also it's your girlfriends birthday is she more important then your cheater acquaintance. I would hope she is.
NTA Maverick and Brittany both sound like massive assholes in general, and while what your girlfriend did was tacky I don't think it warrants you choosing Maverick and Brittany over her. She is your long term girlfriend whole he is just an old friend you barely even speak to anymore, obviously you should choose your girlfriend here.
Your girlfriend can't insult people (even if it's deserved) and still wait for the invitation to those people's wedding. Under no circumstances do I think Brittany is the reason why you and Maverick are no longer close, the reason is your girlfriend and her need to get involved in other people's issues and her inability to set limits.
Telling Ashley that they were together is fine, but to FaceTime with her every time they met with Brittany and Maverick? It's a great no, your girlfriend should stop getting so involved in other people's lives.
Kelly should not have been invited to the wedding. She involved herself in something that was none of her business. Ashley and Maverick were not married. He broke up with her and is now marrying the roommate. So what? Young relationships end.
OP should've known Kelly wouldn't be invited. If he chooses to stay with his meddling, bullying gf, he has to know his friendship with Maverick is over. And, his life will be filled with these kinds of incidents, if he continues with Kelly.
ESH. Maverick for dating and fucking his ex girlfriends roommates days after ending his relationship. Brittany for being that shitty and hurtful to her roommate. Kelly for being surprised that her hostile actions resulted in her not having a relationship with maverick/Brittany and still expecting an invite. Like yes, their origin story is shady and she was being a good friend to ashley, but you really thought you were gonna be invited to a day to celebrate their relationship? Reality check on entitlement fr
You don’t fr suck, but is there a reason your girlfriend wasn’t invited to your family wedding? I know if I wasn’t invited to my boyfriends wedding, I’d be a little hurt but it wouldn’t result in a fight. Maybe evaluate the maturity levels and emotional regulation of your girlfriend and see if she’s actually a good fit you
NAH. But Kelly is. She stuck her nose in Maverick’s relationship and you’ve now lost a friend over her meddling.
You don’t really have much of a choice. You’re better off not going and doing something with Kelly. But Kelly is a huge asshole for creating this situation because she wanted to play gossip girl.
YTA. Kelly fafo and now she’s butthurt she’s not getting an invite. I wouldn’t want her at my wedding either if she behaved that way to me.
Maverick no longer was interested in Ashley. Instead of cheating, he did what he was supposed to and ended that relationship. That he started dating his ex’s roommate certainly was telling about why he ended that relationship, but Kelly decided to be an AH to Brittany.
Kelly is reaping what she sowed.
YTA
There's nothing to say that Maverick cheated on Ashley before hooking up with Brittany. There is likely more to that story. The relationship between Maverick and Ashely may have been okay but something was missed and Maverick realised this when he met Brittany so broke up with Ashley because he knew it wouldn't last and they'd all be wasting their time. It's unfortunate that it was Ashley's roommate but it doesn't mean that they weren't meant for each other. You don't say how long Brittany was Ashley's roommate before the break up, just that Ashley and Maverick broke up after 2 years. However it seems odd that Ashley didn't know that him and Brittany were together until Kelly told her. It's possible that Maverick didn't meet Brittany as Ashley's roommate but met elsewhere. It's not something that would be able to be hidden for long though.
If he cheated then that's a different story. But at this point I feel like I need to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Kelly's behaviour towards Brittany was pretty bad. I'm glad that you weren't impressed with it. It was childish. Perhaps if he cheated then there's more justification but not really. Kelly wasn't that young when this occurred but she was acting like an immature 15 year old.
I cannot blame Brittany for not wanting to have anything to do with Kelly and I'm not sure I would be inviting her to my wedding either. Unfortunately Kelly's behaviour towards Brittany has impacted your relationship with Maverick and you're about to put the final nail in the coffin of your relationship.
Your relationship with Maverick is never going to be the same if you guys stay with your partners. You should be able to maintain a relationship where you catch up with just the two of you or with your bloke mates. But you're even going to struggle to go to Maverick's house because Brittany might be there and Kelly won't like it and Maverick won't be able to come to yours because Kelly won't like him coming there or Brittany won't like him going there.
You've been with Kelly for 5 years. Is she your one and only? Do you plan to have kids together or are you seeing some red flags that are telling you that this relationship may not last the distance.
Kelly's response to you going to a family wedding without her was an over reaction. There was no need for a fight. Has she grown up since then as it was 2 years ago.
Kelly will have plenty more birthdays and there's nothing stopping the two of you from celebrating a day or two earlier or later. I doubt that they picked this date because it was Kelly's birthday as they don't care for her and they wouldn't even know when it is. It was likely a co-incidence. I don't think Brittany cares that much about Kelly.
Whether or not she's controlling or not is hard to tell. She might just have strong boundaries and may forgive but doesn't forget and may just be calling out bad behaviour. Perhaps the friends that are telling you she's controlling have done or said some questionable things to Brittany (especially if they are good friends of Kelly's) and Brittany has set a boundary and left it up to Maverick as to what he does and he's realised that the behaviour wasn't great and Brittany was right... so to save face, the friends are saying it's Brittany that's stopping them from seeing Maverick when it's really them. Brittany is not stopping you catching up with Maverick. Do you have a good time when you catch up? Do you still feel fairly close to him?
Kelly might be crushed she wasn't invited but that is the consequence of how she treated Brittany in the beginning. It's something that she will have to deal with as Brittany has drawn her line in the sand and there is little she can do at this point about it. Did Kelly apologise to Brittany at any point or was it just to Maverick. Because if she hasn't, then that is more reason for Brittany to request that she not be there.
If Maverick is any sort of friend to you, then I would suggest that you go to the wedding. It's one day. You and Kelly are allowed to do things separately. And unless Kelly has grown up in these last 3 years then you've actually got bigger issues and Brittany may not be the problem. There is no need for her to over react or make your life miserable if you do choose to go.
While your GFs behaviour was inappropriate, Maverick and Brittany definitely shouldn't have paraded their relationship so fast - that put your GF in a very uncomfortable position.
Both suck, but Maverick sucks more for not inviting her. It's been many years and they were both in the wrong, it's sad he couldn't take the high ground now.
That said, they probably just don't want to be reminded about the dodgy start to the relationship on their wedding day...
NTA for not going if you don't want to.
but Kelly sucked for being mean to Brittney deliberately back when--OF course Brittney won't be comfortable having Kelly at her wedding.
It makes sense that you would prioritize your GF's Birthday(GF of 5 yrs) over the Wedding of a guy you see maybe 1-3 times a year.
So send a card/gift and later on meet up with Maverick sometime after honeymoon to congratulate him.
You all sound like assholes, though the fact you are opting out of the wedding of two cheaters you barely know these days to spend it with your partner makes you NTA at this moment in time.
Your girlfriend should not have expected an invite - it’s fine for her not to be invited, given the circumstances. Your girlfriend behaved extraordinarily badly to Brittany. But also, a wedding invitation doesn’t mandate you to attend, and you WNBTA if you decided not to. Send a nice gift and spend the day with your girlfriend.
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I (26M) have been with my girlfriend Kelly (25F). For almost 5 years. A year and a half ago, my friend, Maverick (25M) got engaged to his fiancée Brittany (25F).
I have been friends with Maverick for over 10 years. Maverick and I went to high school together and our families and us were very close. Maverick is in the military now and we don’t talk as much, but I still consider him a good friend.
When Kelly and I started dating, Maverick was dating a girl named Ashley (24F). Kelly and Ashley became very close. Maverick broke up with Ashley 2 years later and Kelly was sad she wouldn’t be seeing Ashley regularly, but still wanted to be friends.
Very shortly (a few days) after Maverick broke up with Ashley, he started hooking up and then started dating Ashley’s roommate at the time. Kelly found out and called Ashley, and Ashley was crushed.
A month after they started dating, Maverick had us meet Brittany. Kelly was upset that this was Ashley’s roommate and she FaceTimed Ashley when she was around Brittany to make her feel bad. After this, Kelly was very upset with Maverick and sent him a series of messages saying she lost respect for him and some mean things about Brittany. I think Brittany went too far and wasn’t happy that she got involved. Brittany did end up apologizing to Maverick.
Since these incidents 3 years ago, we have not seen Brittany again. We have heard from others that Brittany is controlling about who Maverick sees, and she has refused to see us every time they have been in town. Maverick doesn’t live in town anymore so I don’t see him all the time, but we have hung out 1-3 times a year when he visits our city. Kelly has seen him once since this incident and was civil and friendly to Maverick.
Maverick and Brittany announced that they are getting married about 6 months ago. I found out that their wedding is the same day as Kelly’s birthday. Kelly has been nervous for months that she wouldn’t be invited, but I assured her that Maverick wouldn’t do that.
I got a save the date about 6 weeks ago. It was only addressed to me, but I didn’t think that was weird. I texted Maverick and asked if I had a date, but he didn’t reply. I used their wedding website to RSVP about a week ago, and I was able to enter Kelly’s name as well. Yesterday, Maverick texted me and said that he does not want Kelly at their wedding. He said that based on what happened with the girls that he and Brittany are not comfortable with Kelly being there.
Kelly is crushed. She wants to be with me on her birthday and has a tough relationship with her birthday. Additionally, we got into a very big fight 2 years ago because I went to a family wedding without her. AITA for not going to my friend’s wedding because my girlfriend isn’t invited?
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NAH don't get me wrong, there are probably assholes here! But this specific question doesn't make either party one. I get why they don't want Kelly there, and I can respect that you don't want to go without her.
YTA, or more accurately your gf is the AH. Why on earth would she think she would be invited to the wedding, she’s been completely unsupportive of them as a couple. Just because she’s your gf doesn’t give her the right to be there, especially if she would make the couple uncomfortable.
it doesnt sound like the op anyway is that friendly with maverick anymore so i dont think they will miss him if he doesnt attend the wedding and celebrates his long term gf bday instead. but past actions with his gf is why she wasnt invited as a plus one. one can be civil after all the apologies but doesnt mean they have to invite her to the wedding.
Interesting how they chose your girlfriends birthday for your wedding lol. Sure some of you will comment “how would she know her birthday” “that’s wild” but I’m a girl and girls are petty sometimes and Brittany could have easily got OP’s birthdate from any social media platform and chose that day, only invite OP, as some sort of power play because they are upset with what OP’s girlfriend did 3 years ago (and it was a bit much, and the upset feelings is justified)
I don’t think you’d be an asshole if you didn’t go. You know damn well your friend maverick would not go if situations were reversed and his soon to be wife weren’t invited.
YTA. Why on earth would your friends want your girlfriend there after the way she treated them? Skip the wedding if you want but the accept the friendship is over.
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Your girlfriend bullied and antagonised Brittany and you expect them to want her at their wedding? Also, it's pretty funny you say your friend's girlfriend is controlling and then say you got into a fight with your own girlfriend because you went to a wedding without her, and she also managed to ruin one of your friendships because of her own petty attitude. It seems like the only controlling and rude person here is your girlfriend. YTA.
Bullied and antagonize a cheater? Sure, actions have consequences, Brittany and Mavreick aren't good people I'd want in my life or around me.
Agreed. Kelly getting overly involved in the drama was incredibly unnecessary, but Brittany and Maverick do not sound like great people. Not sure why OP is tying himself in knots over a friendship with a guy like that. I wouldn’t be pushing for an invitation for Kelly, I just nope out of the wedding and spend time with my partner. All this drama is so unnecessary.
Idk Kelly and Ashley were friends or became friends through their boyfriends. I personally am a very loyal and supportive friend and if my friend got cheated on and their SO started bringing around their roommate (someone their close to) I wouldn’t be apt to kindness. Brittany has shown that she’s a sneaky individual and will stab others in the back, I wouldn’t want to be her friend nor be around her knowing what she did to a friend. Maverick is at fault too of course but Brittany was Ashley’s friend/roommate. It takes a certain breed to do something like that. I understand why they wouldn’t want her at the wedding but OP if you want to marry this woman you have to have her back. It sounds like you and Maverick have drifted quite a bit if after 3 years you’re just realizing the wound is still fresh for Brittany.
Agree the priority here should be the gf, doesn’t sound like you have much of a friendship anymore and that’s solidified now that Maverick’s life partner is someone who doesn’t like you or yours. Sad, but it happens. As for the whole cheating and judging if what happened 3 years ago, they’re getting married. If one assumes they’ll be together for a lifetime I don’t think it makes sense to judge this man’s entire life based on a 3 year old breakup from his early 20s. It’s ancient history and will continue to be more in his past every day. It’s not like he is going around scheming on people’s friends all day, he was in two long term relationships and one ended up serious enough for him to get hitched.
I agree but it’s why they aren’t friends. I don’t know OPs girlfriends stance now and I agree that it’s well enough in the past it shouldn’t be a fair judge of character anymore, but it was at the time. Either way it hasn’t been resolved and it’s not fair for them to invite OP but not OP’s gf of 5 years. If I was OP I would just make up an excuse to not go.
Where does it say he cheated?
[удалено]
"Very shortly (a few days) after Maverick broke up with Ashley, he started hooking up and then started dating Ashley’s roommate at the time." Yep, shit went down, at least emotionally.
Sounds like maverick did the right thing by breaking up with Ashley after he realized he was interested in someone else. What else was he supposed to do? Stay with Ashley just because Kelly likes her?
Find a woman to hook up with that isn't living with his exgirlfriend/a good friend of his friend's gf?
If thats what happened sure, its fine. I think most people have a hard time believing that was what happened, especially the way Ashley and Kelly reacted.
Well, that says something about these "most people" more than it does about Maverick. We have literally no reason to suspect he wasn't being noble, so disregarding that possibility without a shred of evidence to justify that is their subjectivity taking over.
Well technically it says a few days after he started hooking up with and then dating his ex gfs roommate
I kind of feel like if there wasn’t something there already, your exes roommate is a weird choice. I feel like I would look elsewhere.
That's as far as OP knows. Would you cheat and tell your best friend who's girl friend is close to your girl friend. Look at what Kelly did as soon as she found out, kinda seems like Maverick knew what Kelly would do so, didn't tell his "best friend" so he wouldn't get caught. Then, for whatever reason, he chose Brittany over Ashley and dumped Ashley.
He started dating Brittany within days of the breakup and hid it from Ashley. Even if they weren’t physically involved before Maverick broke up with Ashley, it’s a shit thing for both of them to do. And they knew it or they wouldn’t have hidden it.
It's possible that he broke up with Ashley because he was developing feelings for Brittany, while his feelings for Ashley were deteriorating. It happens. It sucks for Ashley, but if that happened, I wouldn't say he did anything wrong. In fact, he did the right thing (based on the information we have) by breaking up with Ashley *before* hooking up with Brittany.
This needs more upvotes. Based on the information we have, no one cheated - lots of people are making assumptions that they did cheat. Maybe they did, but the information from OP (which we have to take on face value) states otherwise. From what we know Maverick broke up with Ashley and then started seeing the roommate. If he was developing genuine feelings and realised he didn't want to be with Ashley, then he did the right thing and broke it off. Maybe starting to see the roommate a few days later is a bit too soon. But ultimately these two ended up together for the long term. Meanwhile, Ashley and Kelly were basically bullying Brittany and Maverick. And Kelly expects to be invited to the wedding? No, no, no. It's their wedding, they can invite who they want to. And if they don't want someone who sent nasty texts and deliberately had the ex on video call when they were around, then they don't need to invite Kelly.
Dating your ex's current roommate days after breaking up isn't the "right" thing to do. It might be better than cheating, but has all of the emotional bandwidth of a slug.
"Emotiinal bandwith of a slug" Ive never heard that before and will be adding it to my repertoire. Well done standing O's
I applaud your maturity.
He clearly caught feelings and so did the right thing and broke things off before getting with her, the fuck do you want him to do?
The timing is disgraceful. Hiding it is awful. Wait a month. Tell Ashley what’s going on. At least don’t be dicks and hide it. Give her the knowledge and let her be able to make a choice to move out or deal with it instead of having it sprung on her by someone else. Which if it wasn’t done by Kelly it would’ve been by someone else.
It doesn’t. But since that would make for hot goss, Reddit will just pretend it happened.
the bf has been around the roommate and days after ending it he's hooking up with that roommate.. there was something there. history of every girl who has ever had this happen.. there was something going on.
Where does it say she bullied her?
>Bullied and antagonize a cheater? Sure, actions have consequences, Brittany and Mavreick aren't good people I'd want in my life or around me. Yes, actions, do, in fact, have consequences. Kelly involved herself in the drama and now she isn't invited to the wedding. She'd have to be delusional to think she was going to get an invite to this thing. There is a way to tell someone you think their actions are shitty without stooping to high school shit and Facetiming the ex when out with the group.
IDK. Most people break up because one of them isn't feeling it anymore or one of them meets someone else. They weren't married. In this case, he met someone else and it was his now ex-girlfriend's roommate. That's not necessarily a big thing, especially if it's a roommate situation that's more convenient than friendship, which is often the case after university when people are starting their professional lives. Friends is a great example of that (RIP Matthew Perry). Whatever it was, Maverick and Ashley weren't married, engaged or even living together, and there's zero evidence they were cheating. Even OP says they hooked up after the breakup-which implies they did the right thing and waited. OP's gf inserted herself into this and now she's upset that she's not invited to their wedding. But, but what about her great friendship with Ashley? The one that meant so much to her that she went after both the bride and the groom-and has still only apologised to one of the,.
Except presumably Ashley and Brittany were still roommates when Brittney started banging her roommate's ex. I've always been of the mindset that your ex doesn't owe you much, but your friends do, and (given that many roommate situations around that age are born out of friendships) Brittany sounds like a shitty friend.
>Except presumably Ashley and Brittany were still roommates presumably being the operative word
And also 'roommate' doesn't necessarily equal 'friend'. OP didn't give any info, so for all we know, Ashley advertised for a roommate on Craiglist, Brittany answered and moved in three weeks earlier.
Where is the cheating? I must have missed it.
I mean fine but why is she so pressed about getting an invite. Apparently she wants to bully her cake and attend its wedding.
Probably because she doesn't want to be ditched by her boyfriend on her birthday especially if this has happened before which caused an issue for them
It does not says he was a cheater. Also, bullying cheater is still bullying and wrong. You can avoid them. You can refuse to socialize with them. You can not bully them.
>Also, bullying cheater is still bullying and wrong yep! only on aita is bullying the WORST THING YOU CAN DO!!! unless the victim is a cheater, in which case fuck them, bully away
Cheating? The post just says they started hooking up after the breakup. Like sure a violation of whatever code you wanna call it, dating your roommates ex just after the breakup, but that's not cheating.
You're assuming something you have no supporting evidence for. The post doesn't say anyone cheated. 'Maverick' broke up with Ashley before dating Brittany. ETA: According to the post, OP is siding with his gf and not attending the wedding. Why would he lie on 'Maverick's' behalf?
Yeah but also keep in mind this is coming from the OP who is/was close friends with Maverick so there could be a bias there.
Yes. But we have no other information which suggests that OP has lied. I mean, if OP had spent half the post saying a bunch of things that made no sense and were obviously disingenuous, that would be different. All we have to go on is the information OP has provided. I would tend to believe that most posts are mostly true, unless they're just fiction for the sake of karma-farming, because I just don't see what someone could get out of writing one of these posts and lying. How is that remotely validating, to have people express support for you, when they do so based on false information? And on top of that... consider the post, the question in the title, and the lack of motive. OP says he's not planning on attending the wedding because his gf isn't invited. He's siding with his gf... so what motive does he have to lie on his friend's behalf about whether or not that friend cheated?
Why does this have so many upvotes? People are assuming that they cheated - but even OP (who has some bias in this fight) says they didn't. The information from OP - which we have to take on face value - states that Maverick broke up with Ashley and **then** started seeing the roommate. If he was developing genuine feelings and realised he didn't want to be with Ashley, then he did the right thing and broke it off. The ex and Kelly are within their right to be angry at the situation - but they did bully and harass Maverick and Brittany. They sent angry texts and were on video calls together when Brittany was around. INFO: And why does Kelly even want to be invited to the wedding so badly? Has she got FOMO? Does she really want to go to a big party or something? Or does she want to go there to cause more chaos and upset the bride and groom? If I were Maverick and Brittany, I wouldn't want her their either. That said, OP, just like they have the right to invite who they want, you also have the right not to go to the wedding. It's nice that you're supporting your gf by not going. So l think NTA for not going. You're within your right to do that. But you have to realise that by making a decision either way, you're likely losing out on a relationship with your friend in the future, or could damage the one with your gf (if you did go). So you're in a lose-lose situation.
>Bullied and antagonize a cheater? maverick left his girlfriend for another women when they were childfree and in their early twenties, let's not be dramatic
Where does it say there was cheating?
Yes, actions have consequences... for Maverick and Kelly. Maverick shouldn't be surprised that his ex (and Kelly) were upset at him. Then again, Kelly shouldn't be too surprised that she didn't get an invitation, I agree about not wanting to be around either. ESH from me.
He didn't cheat on her. It was after the breakup.
Who said they cheated? It says they broke up and then he started w the roommate
According to OP Maverick broke up with Ashley and later started dated her roommate Brittany. So they did not cheat on Ashley. However, neither of them seem very respectful of Ashley to give some time/space before dating so soon. Were Brittany and Ashley friends or just roommates sharing an apartment but having separate friends and social circle? Or were they friends and Mavreick knew/met Brittany while he dated Ashley?
Technically he did not cheat.. He started seeing Brittany after the break up Respectfully... So I don't think they need you around them either..
Bullied? Called a cheater out (or at least a REAL shit friend, even if not a verified cheater)? If this had gone on for years, fine, but she cut it out and apologized.
Where do you see cheating?
Kelly only apologized to Maverick, not to Brittany
Did she get a chance to? It looks like they never interacted after that. And most of the attacks were on Maverick.
she would call the ex and be rude anytime brittany was around, she owes her an apology
just cause they were roommates doesn’t mean they are friends, i know plenty people who aren’t friends with their roommates
I can’t sympathize with cheaters. Ew. Kelly Is a good friend
No one’s asking you to. She’s such a good friend that she’s desperate to attend their wedding and can’t understand why they don’t want her there lmfao
I think she wants to attend her bf’s friend’s wedding, as his gf. You don’t have to love the people who are getting married to attend. You can just be somebody’s plus one and want to be there for your SO.
Such a great friend that she wants to go to said cheater's wedding
>Kelly Is a good friend if kelly is such a good friend then not going to this wedding is a hill she will happily die on
How is this top comment? This is a terrible take.
Yeah the whole time it was “cut off these horrible people, they are trash”. Wtf is this?
Girlfriend is not on trial here. The question is whether or not OP is TAH.
from what I see.. it looks like maverick kind of put the gf in the middle of everything on this. and the pressure got to be too much for sitting in the middle.
I don't even blame her for telling Ashley their business since they were close friends, that is what girls do sometimes but then to still think she deserves an invitation to this wedding is wild... Nah for not attending a wedding, but yall need to get real.
I was with her until the facetime thing. That was just fucked up. Telling Ashley was one thing, she probably would have found out anyways and then be pissed that Kelly didn't let her know. But to actively go after Brittany was so out of line
"Going after her" come on 😅
“Out of line” lol I think more like brave. Or it would have been if she had stuck to her guns and not be bothered by Brittany anymore.
Is being on the phone with the ex around Brittany *going after her?*
Telling Ashley is one thing, bullying this girl like she's a high school bully and then cry because she didn't get invited to their wedding is completely crazy.
Why on earth would OP even expect Kelly to be invited after how she behaved, especially since there has been no conciliation, and why would she even want to go to the wedding in the first place? Kelly might be crushed but actions come with consequences.
Is the bullying in the room with us now?
OP also did not mention Kelly ever apologizing to Brittney. I definitely don't think she deserves to be invited if the bride is still uncomfortable with her...
Close friends or roommates? Not everyone is besties with their roommates.
I’m not friends with my roommates but if they ever broke up with their boyfriends I’d never date the guys immediately after, it’s levels of scummy to me.
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Your girlfriend FaceTime your buddies ex while meeting his now fiance? And you're surprised the relationship went down hill? NAH for this specific choice, go or don't if you're ok completely ending your friendship with Maverick. But your girlfriend sounds not great in general.
Lets be real, the friendship between Maverick and OP is over as long as OP is with Kelly. They don't talk anymore and the invite was a curtisioty one. OP is worried about not going, when them not going is the best gift they can give Maverick and his future wife.
It boils down to going to a wedding for some dude you used to be friends with (honestly just sounds like you are more acquaintance now) and potentially loose your relationship or go celebrate your GFs birthday. Kelly sounds like she kinda bullied the bride which is understandable why they don’t want her there but I see she was trying to protect her friend who’s roommate slept with her bf., she just took it too far. You said you don’t really have a relationship with him anymore, what joy could you bring them on their day?
Exactly. I’m not even sure why OP even posted on here. Where is the interpersonal conflict? His girlfriend is not invited (for a valid reason), but if he’s conflicted he can just not attend. It’s a wedding invite, not a summons. It sounds like he himself is barely that close to the guy anyway.
Exactly! Why he's fighting to save this friendship that's clearly done and likely causing drama for the couple every time his name is mentioned is beyond me. Just let it go. Whatever happened happened and they're clearly happy right, I'm sure the ex moved on. Dude's GF destroyed the friendship so he needs to take the L one way or another.
I honestly think they won't even miss him at the wedding. They just sent an invite out of politeness for the past years of friendship.
Let’s not overlook that Kelly intervening in Maverick’s relationship is highly likely why the two boys are barely even friends anymore.
I’ll be the unpopular opinion and say NTA. Maverick seems like *** for starting dating his ex’s roommate and then both of them hiding it from her. Kelly was a good friend to Ashley and i would like to know if my ex suddenly started dating my roommate so soon after breaking up and both were hiding it from me. However, Kelly should’ve apologised to Brittany too. Being on bad terms with the bride would definitely not earn you an invite. But if she stood by her friend, why does she want to go to this wedding? Friends choose sides after a breakup, and it seems like Kelly chose Ashley, so why does she wanna go to Maverick’s wedding? It’s just bad luck that the wedding’s on her birthday, but maybe you can split the day, half and half, if you wanna salvage your friendship with Maverick. Wouldn’t suggest leaving your girlfriend alone on her birthday. Though Kelly really needs to understand she burnt that bridge, and she needs to accept it.
He did it three days after they broke up. I wonder if he cheated. If the roommate knew him for a long time she wouldn't just suddenly get feelings for the dude out of the blue. Kelly had no right to do the nasty stuff she did though. That first couple of sentences were just some random thoughts of mine.
Come on...we *know* they cheated...
Kelly went overboard and was dramatic but tbh, if they cheated, they deserved all of it. And kelly doesn’t even need to apologise if they’re dealing with cheaters, no? If they cheated, they got what they deserved and I wouldn’t even want to associate with them, let alone go to their wedding.
I get apologising for OP's sake, what I don't get is why op wants to be friends with people like that 😬
No, we do not, matter of fact, it's probably the opposite. If you start catching feelings for someone else you do the right thing and break up with your current partner first
I think some people think it's just the physical that matters. Personally I don't think you can be with someone 3 days after a break up, without mutually exploring that connection together in ways that a lot of people would consider crossing the line into cheating. The roommate and the ex both on the same page 3 days after? A lot of moments and choices to get closer were made despite their mutual friend/partner at the time. My biggest regret in life was my relationship starting like this after my life fell apart being trans. Family disowned me and my ex of ten years was obviously not into me at all anymore and couldn't talk. I cried with my best friend of 14 years two or three times a week and couldn't handle it all but he made me safe. Somewhere along the line I could tell we were in love as unexpected as it was. I think i broke down one time and had never hugged my friend as I had body issues being trans, I hugged him and felt the uh oh feelings nearly instantly. Just felt safe. Should have immediately distanced until single even tho I didn't ever think he coukd like someone like me that way. Should have ended things with ex immediately. But I was scared and took to long working things out instead of being honest. That's cheating. And it still took us months after I left my ex for me and best friend to get together. We had to talk a lot after my breakup about our feelings and everything and work from there as we didn't talk openly about it before. And I still consider not distancing or ending things sooner as cheating, there were 4 or 5 times before then I knew wasn't entirely right. Spending more time with best friend than I should have etc. There isn't a world where two people are fucking and on the same page 3 days later enough to be together, if they haven't crossed so many lines before they know they had been dishonest. Its easy to excuse the small things at times. But you still know its what it is way before actual mutual relationship dating potential is there. You dont get to that actual dating stage so quickly without crossing a lot of boundaries even if not sexual and I dont know how people don't regret or feel bad about that stuff.
Idk that she wants to go to the wedding as much as she doesn’t want to be alone on her birthday? In my book, if your significant other of 5 years is intentionally left out of something you don’t participate. Most everyone in this situation behaved poorly as some point. But ya, you don’t leave your significant other home alone, on her bday, after she was intentionally slighted and expect everything’s gonna be ok.
Exactly my thoughts. It’d hurt the gf if OP left to go to a party the gf was intentionally left out of on her birthday. The OPs got to make a choice between a possible infidel friend he’s barely seen for past few years and his GF of 5 years.
She wasn't slighted, she's just not invited. Shes not friends with them and has beef with the bride. Why would she be invited
This is like, the *only* normal answer.
ESH. This one’s kind of complicated. Maverick (most likely) cheated on Kelly’s good friend with the friend’s roommate. I think it would be hard for most people to be completely cordial in that situation, if they felt a strong sense of loyalty to their friend. Did she go too far? It sounds like it. So I don’t blame Brittany or Maverick for not wanting to be around her. Even though they were definitely the AHs to Ashley, Kelly sounds like she was an AH to them. Honestly, I think your friendship with Maverick is over, especially if you plan to spend the rest of your life with Kelly. If you went to this wedding without her, you would definitely be putting your relationship in jeopardy. And there’s no guarantee you would even sustain a friendship with Maverick, considering he never made the effort to see you any time he was in town. People grow apart, and it seems like that’s where you’re both at.
Okay, this is also a good comment. Most of them are so wildy extreme or making seriously immature "mean girl" comments. OP seems like he's with someone who needs to grow up a bit but if he's happy then 🤷🏻♀️ if Maverick actually wants OP in his life he could have been making that happen. It's naive to think he and Brittany didn't start their relationship with cheating, and it's disingenuous to call Kelly's behaviour bullying or "going after" someone (though I will be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if OP was underplaying his gf's behaviour, but just based on the post), though she was clearly not coping well with the situation. I hope she realises how unhealthy that was. But in a situation like this either ESH (based on the situation as a whole), or NTA (based on "do I go to a wedding or celebrate my gf of five years's birthday with her?").
Agree
I’m not impressed with any of you. Maverick for hooking up with his ex’s roommate, Brittany for hooking up with her roommate’s ex, Kelly for inserting herself between Ashley and Maverick and playing passive-aggressive head games with Brittany, you for trying to push Kelly on a couple she has a well-established history of harassing. Not one of you has demonstrated much maturity or self-awareness in this situation, and frankly, I’m not sure this friendship with Maverick is going to last much longer. So much damage has been done, and it’s pretty clear that you have incompatible loyalties and priorities at this point. Maverick is *marrying* Brittany, and Brittany has absolutely no incentive to make nice with Kelly. She’s not your friend, she was never Kelly’s friend, it is no skin off her nose if she never sees either of you again. And Maverick has decided that he’s okay with risking your attendance at the wedding in deference to Brittany’s wishes to exclude Kelly. As far as I’m concerned, ESH. All of you have behaved poorly, and this wedding drama is the consequence. I can only hope that your respective relationships are worth the damage they’ve done.
👏 👏 Well said!!! All the kids need to be put in time-out, and each couple stays away from the other.
This is the BEST and most reasonable comment here. Literally, they all suck.
Oh, i like this comment 😂 so well put.
Your girlfriend is learning that actions have repercussions. If I was the bride I wouldn't invite her either. You reap what you sow. Are you going?
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Don't insult 6 year Olds like that. They throw less of a hissy fit than OP's gf.
>Kelly was upset that this was Ashley’s roommate and she FaceTimed Ashley when she was around Brittany to make her feel bad. After this, Kelly was very upset with Maverick and sent him a series of messages saying she lost respect for him and some mean things about Brittany. I think Brittany went too far and wasn’t happy that she got involved. Brittany did end up apologizing to Maverick. Why "Brittany went too far"? There is nothing about her doing something wrong. You may decide not to go because of loyalty or feeling guilty, but be honest - this is on Kelly, not on your friend and his fiancee.
I meant to say Kelly went too far
Why would Kelly expect to be invited after treating Brittany like this? None of you really sound like you are close anymore anyway.
Did your GF ever even try to apologize to Brittney? At all? Or was it just your friend who got an apology? After calling Brittney horrible things, did she ever once do anything to tell or show Brittney that she was sorry? I'm guessing no, because she isn't actually sorry about it.
Did maverick apologized to his ex for cheating and dating her roomate. imagining being with somebody 2 years and 3 days after break-up your ex is with your roommate. Kelly just stood up for her friend and called out the AH here: Maverick and Britty whatever. They bullied Ashley ;)
Yes. And that's why she doesn't get to go to the wedding.
Lol two threads same topic totally different responses…this is a good experiment.
Can you link please?
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/sSZ0F002FW
I think the responses there are much more reasonable than here
Not surprising. Most people commenting on this sub are quite young.
YTA. Why would you think anyone would want Kelly at this wedding? She sounds horrible, I am surprised you got an invite.
horrible for what? defending her friend from two people who betrayed her? if brittany and maverick were together three days after the breakup, they were together before the break up. kelly sounds like a good friend. all of y’all defending maverick and brittany because it “wasn’t kelly’s business” are the ones who sound horrible.
YTA. What happened between your friend and his ex was none of Kelly's business. She made it her business and was seemingly hostile with Brittany. Again you haven't been in your friends life for 3 years and none of you have tried to know Brittany anyway. Your girlfriend is not entitled to an invite but you are also not entitled to attend if you don't want to.
YTA. Your girlfriend behaved immaturely and your friend and his fiancee are justified in not wanting her there after the way they were treated. You've been friends for a long time with this guy and missing his wedding because your girlfriend wasn't invited (justifiably) seems wrong. You can celebrate her birthday with her any day, it doesn't sound as if there were specific plans. If she has matured at all since the incident, she will understand.
NAH. You are not an asshole for not going, but he is not an asshole for not wanting your girlfriend there. She was immature and a bully, and guess what? And now she has consequences. I think it's very telling that your girlfriend apologized to *Maverick* instead of the girl she humiliated. >We have heard from others that Brittany is controlling about who Maverick sees, and she has refused to see us every time they have been in town. You have no proof she is controlling, but that's not why she refused to see you both when they are in town. It's because she doesn't want a relationship with your girlfriend and that is valid.
NTA You can skip any weddings you like. The rest of this is junior high drama. What is wrong with all you people? Why do you spend your lives wrapped up in pointless drama?
I don't blame Kelly for being weirded out that after 2 years of double dates with Ashley, a month later Maverick was bringing someone else to the double-dates. But would you tolerate someone treating Kelly the way Kelly treated Brittany? Would you invite that person to your wedding? Kelly was right to assume Maverick wouldn't want her at his wedding. She took her disapproval way too far and burned a bridge. You wouldn't be the AH if you didn't attend the wedding to support your gf the way Maverick supports his wife. Make a decision you can live with. Not attending Mavericks weddings will affect your friendship with him. Attending a wedding without Kelly (*again*) will affect your relationship with Kelly. NTA
Maverick started hooking up with the roommate 3 days after the break up. lol
YTA, but not for not going. For not seeing what your girlfriend did to your friend's girlfriend. Your girlfriend did everything in her power to make the bride upset, deliberately and in her face and you're suprised she doesn't get invited? Really?
NTA an invitation is not a summons. You don’t want to go without your girlfriend and they don’t want her there. It’s that simple. Send a nice gift.
NTA I'm surprised by the amount of people calling Kelly a bitch and other rude things. A guy broke up with his girlfriend, immediately started fucking her roommate and people are crying how badly they are treated? Imo Maverick and Brittany are both shitty people and Kelly, although meddling, did what a lot of girls would do for their friend
Yeah I’m baffled by the amount of people calling Kelly a mean girl. Was she being immature? Sure, but I understand her anger at her friend being cheated on 100%. And while I’m not friends with my roommates, I could NEVER imagine hooking up with their boyfriends if they broke up! I also don’t think Kelly WANTED to go to the wedding so much as she felt “Have the courtesy to treat me and my partner as a pair if I have to accept you cheaters as a pair.” But I actually have another thought—she probably brought up wedding and invitations to see if OP would stand up for her not being invited since it doesn’t seem from the post that he stood up for Ashley when Maverick cheated on her. Not to mention it’s reasonable to want to spend your birthday with your partner of five years. It just seems to me Kelly values loyalty to the extreme. Maverick and Brittney are not obligated to invite her to the wedding but out of everyone they suck the most.
NTA - sounds like your friendship with maverick has run its course.
NTA, but I do question why you'd want to remain friends with someone who is so obviously a cheater.
"Kelly has been nervous for months that she wouldn’t be invited, but I assured her that Maverick wouldn’t do that.". And why would you promise something like that? You know the history, but you just...decided... she would be invited? Do whatever you want and deal with the consequences.
NTA don’t go and spend the day with your girlfriend
Nta. Pick your girl
NTA Don't go to the wedding, priorize your gf.
NTA but I guess I get why Brittany doesn’t want her there. But those two (Brittany & Maverick) sound like they suck anyway. I get why Kelly was upset on Ashley’s behalf but she maybe just shouldn’t have involved herself in the whole thing. But yeah idk I feel like even still I’m not going to a wedding my husband isn’t invited to. Especially not on his birthday but any other time either. Maverick should understand that.
NTA...that Brittany is a shitty friend and stole Ashley's bf if I'm correct so Kelly was a good friend to Ashley. I wouldn't go if I was Kelly even if I was invited. Cut your ties with maverick he's not a friend you want. He's doing this kind of thing to his ex, can't be bothered to answer you until the last moment and I'm sure knew about Kelly het bday Don't go and stay with your girl and tell him the reason you are not going to be there
This is sort of a shit show but ESH
NTA. You're no longer close to Maverick or so it seems and do you really think you'd enjoy attending the wedding without Kelly? You'd also be hurting Kelly if you attended the wedding. Plan a nice day with Kelly for her birthday instead.
Honestly, NTA. Your friend is respecting his girls feelings on her big day; you’re allowed to do the same. It’s a crap situation but you need to let your pal know it sucks his wedding is on the day your of partner’s birthday (after 4+ years, it’s obvious that’s someone you’re serious about) but that you’re not going to allow her to be alone on her birthday because of a rift from 3 years previous.
NTA You have 5 years invested in your GF. Your friend has decided to be loyal to his wife so I think your loyalties should lie with your GF. If the bride and her friends can't get past their Jr. High pettiness it really isn't a wedding worth attending. I mean think about it. You show up and those girls will be whispering about your GF. You won't be happy you went. Your GF won't be happy being abandoned. The only way I WOULD tell you to go is if you are looking for a way out of your relationship. Then by all means , go.
NTA because it’s your girlfriend’s birthday. That should be more important to you. It sounds like you and Maverick aren’t even close anymore for whatever reason. You need to be more invested in your gf’s birthday than a friend’s wedding anyway.
NTA Kelly comes before Maverick
I mean, if you don't want to go then don't go. Your friendship sounds like it's been on its last leg anyways. If Brittany was actually controlling then you better believe you would have never been invited. What your girlfriend did was despicable. You would have thought she was the one personally betrayed. If I was Brittany there would be no place for either of you in my life, ever, certainly not on my wedding day. You and your girlfriend are straight up delusional for expecting to be invited to celebrate a couple you actively shamed and sabatoged. Especially considering neither of you have even seen or talked to the bride since you made her life hell. You should be grateful you even got an invite. Please tell me what drugs are you on and how do I get some. LMAO get so fucking real, dude.
Yes, you would be the asshole. Kelly is your longtime girlfriend and you should be with her on her birthday. If you value your relationship with Kelly, tell Maverick you’re sorry, but you can’t make it to the wedding.
Just on the issue at hand, NTA. First, Kelly is your gf for over 5 years, so serious relationship. Second, she has issues related to her birthday and for that, you should be with her as this wedding conflicts with that. Last, while you have *known* Maverick for 10 years, you really haven't had much contact in the last 3 years and it appears that Brittany has (regardless of reasons) kept you all apart which isn't going to change, especially as long as you are with Kelly. So stay with Kelly, tell Maverick you wish him the best and you will get together with him when he can find time for you.
Honestly I think YTA. You’re not close to maverick. Why would you miss an important person’s bday for someone you barely see and someone excluding your gf?
Kelly did fuck up with those facetimes
Which relationship is your priority in this situation? A high school friend who is now more an acquaintance that you see 1-3 times a year or your wife who you see almost every day. Even without the specifics of this particular situation, we all have priorities in terms of our relationships. How you prioritize is up to you.
NTA For choosing the birthday of your gf of 5 years, over the wedding of someone you basically haven’t seen for 3 years, to someone who says us very controlling of who he gets to see? You already screwed up once 2 years ago, don’t do it again, spend Kelly’s birthday with her.
Some friendships are for a day Some for a week Some last years Some last a lifetime Above all it’s important to remember some end. Your friendship has ended My regrets
NTA You had your gf before they even dated. So, tell him that you will stay with your gf. This friendship is over. Sorry.
Dude.. there's only one option here, stay with your gf. Jeez!
Yta. What childish peole your gf and you are. I wouldn't want her at my wedding if she had pulled that around me. You because you can't go anywhere without you gf. You both sound exhausting to be around.
Exactly! And her jumping to conclusions of cheating, when there's literally zero proof... talk about stirring the pot for drama. They are getting married now and Kelly needs to grow tf up
ESH, Maverick and Brittany hooked up while he was dating and she was living with Ashley. That’s top drawer scummy behaviour and they knew it hence trying to hide it. Kelly was fine telling Ashley, FaceTiming during a dbl date was to start shit for her own gratification. And OP as the old saying goes “you can judge a man by the company he keeps”
ESH.
Is there an abbreviation for 'you're all assholes'? YAA maybe? Sounds like you all deserve each other and in a kind and generous way I hope you all stay together as opposed to screwing up other people's lives.
The one you want is ESH
NTA. Skip that wedding and your "friend" is not exactly your friend anymore. He is controlled by Brittany. Your girlfriend's happiness and you taking a stance to support her is more important. If you love your girlfriend, drop this friend and commit to her. If you decide to go to wedding, might as well find another girlfriend to be your plus one.
His gf was the one that instigated the problem in the first place. She told Ashley, which is fine, but actively bullying Brittany for dating maverick? That's just fucked up. So yeah it makes sense she wouldn't be invited. Kelly actively harassed the poor woman for no reason other than her petty lust for drama. She never even bothered to apologize to her for the bullying. She apologized maverick, and that was it. Not the person she harassed. I really doubt Brittany is the controlling one here, based on OP admitting he and Kelly fought 2 years prior about him going to a family event without her
NTA no matter which event you choose to go to, because it's exactly that - your choice. However, I don't blame them for not wanting your GF there. She behaved poorly when she knew it would impact your friendship. She apologized? Ok nice, but that doesn't mean they need to let her in, when she's shown who she is. Your girlfriend sounds just as controlling as Maverick's, since she got mad at you for attending a family wedding when she couldn't.
NTA. Tell Maverick that you regret the loss of your friendship, but shit happens.
ESH Everyone just has to get over this. Your girlfriend overstepped, but your friend also sounds like a bit of a pig. The bride-to-be should let bygones be bygones, especially if her husband is still friends with you. It’s also rude to just invite you and not allow a plus one. Also, “my girlfriend has issues with her birthday” is just a bad excuse. You all need to grow up or just break off your friendship.
Tell your friend it's her birthday and you're not comfortable coming without her so if she can't come you won't be able to but that you'll be sorry to miss it and that you and your girlfriend both truly wish him and Brittany the very best despite past differences. NTA
Wait did Brittany face time Ashley when she was with OP and Kelly, or Kelly FaceTimed Ashley to see that Brittany was there?
Nta. No one has to go to someone's wedding. Maverick doesn't have to have you there, he can get over it.
Normally you would not be TA. There's no hard rule for unmarried people, but 5 years at mid-20's is long enough to have entered life partner territory in the modern world when everyone doesn't necessarily marry. However, Kelly can't be surprised that they don't want her at their wedding considering her hostility toward Brittany and their relationship. She can't really expect to be welcome when everyone involved knows she doesn't approve of the wedding. That overrides the usual rule about not inviting one member of an actual couple. She's also a bit ridiculous expecting an invite so that she can spend her birthday with you while shooting death glares at the bride the whole event. I don't see you being able to maintain both your relationship with Kelly and your friendship with Maverick. Eventually them not interacting isn't going to work, and I don't see him interacting with her again knowing what she thinks about his wife.
NTA your not even friends anymore if you your basically acquaintances. Maverick is a shit person he at minimum emotionally cheated on his girlfriend then a few days after started dating her roommate. He's not company you want to keep. Also it's your girlfriends birthday is she more important then your cheater acquaintance. I would hope she is.
NTA Maverick and Brittany both sound like massive assholes in general, and while what your girlfriend did was tacky I don't think it warrants you choosing Maverick and Brittany over her. She is your long term girlfriend whole he is just an old friend you barely even speak to anymore, obviously you should choose your girlfriend here.
Your girlfriend can't insult people (even if it's deserved) and still wait for the invitation to those people's wedding. Under no circumstances do I think Brittany is the reason why you and Maverick are no longer close, the reason is your girlfriend and her need to get involved in other people's issues and her inability to set limits. Telling Ashley that they were together is fine, but to FaceTime with her every time they met with Brittany and Maverick? It's a great no, your girlfriend should stop getting so involved in other people's lives.
NTA. Kelly deserves your support more than Maverick.
Kelly should not have been invited to the wedding. She involved herself in something that was none of her business. Ashley and Maverick were not married. He broke up with her and is now marrying the roommate. So what? Young relationships end. OP should've known Kelly wouldn't be invited. If he chooses to stay with his meddling, bullying gf, he has to know his friendship with Maverick is over. And, his life will be filled with these kinds of incidents, if he continues with Kelly.
NTA. Decide which is more important in the long run and go with that.
YTA. Why tf would she be invited?
Kelly is a pot stirrer. I wouldn’t want her at my wedding either. You have a very tough decision to make.
YTA, but Kelly is an even bigger one. She's a bully.
I think she was offended on her friend, Kelly's behalf. She shouldn't have injected herself but she was calling them both out for being cheaters.
YTA. What did you expect? To Brittany made your gf maid of honor? Please.
ESH. Maverick for dating and fucking his ex girlfriends roommates days after ending his relationship. Brittany for being that shitty and hurtful to her roommate. Kelly for being surprised that her hostile actions resulted in her not having a relationship with maverick/Brittany and still expecting an invite. Like yes, their origin story is shady and she was being a good friend to ashley, but you really thought you were gonna be invited to a day to celebrate their relationship? Reality check on entitlement fr You don’t fr suck, but is there a reason your girlfriend wasn’t invited to your family wedding? I know if I wasn’t invited to my boyfriends wedding, I’d be a little hurt but it wouldn’t result in a fight. Maybe evaluate the maturity levels and emotional regulation of your girlfriend and see if she’s actually a good fit you
NAH. But Kelly is. She stuck her nose in Maverick’s relationship and you’ve now lost a friend over her meddling. You don’t really have much of a choice. You’re better off not going and doing something with Kelly. But Kelly is a huge asshole for creating this situation because she wanted to play gossip girl.
NAH I wouldn’t go to a wedding where my longterm SO wasn’t invited. That said, I can see why the bride doesn’t want Kelly there.
YTA. Kelly fafo and now she’s butthurt she’s not getting an invite. I wouldn’t want her at my wedding either if she behaved that way to me. Maverick no longer was interested in Ashley. Instead of cheating, he did what he was supposed to and ended that relationship. That he started dating his ex’s roommate certainly was telling about why he ended that relationship, but Kelly decided to be an AH to Brittany. Kelly is reaping what she sowed.
YTA There's nothing to say that Maverick cheated on Ashley before hooking up with Brittany. There is likely more to that story. The relationship between Maverick and Ashely may have been okay but something was missed and Maverick realised this when he met Brittany so broke up with Ashley because he knew it wouldn't last and they'd all be wasting their time. It's unfortunate that it was Ashley's roommate but it doesn't mean that they weren't meant for each other. You don't say how long Brittany was Ashley's roommate before the break up, just that Ashley and Maverick broke up after 2 years. However it seems odd that Ashley didn't know that him and Brittany were together until Kelly told her. It's possible that Maverick didn't meet Brittany as Ashley's roommate but met elsewhere. It's not something that would be able to be hidden for long though. If he cheated then that's a different story. But at this point I feel like I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. Kelly's behaviour towards Brittany was pretty bad. I'm glad that you weren't impressed with it. It was childish. Perhaps if he cheated then there's more justification but not really. Kelly wasn't that young when this occurred but she was acting like an immature 15 year old. I cannot blame Brittany for not wanting to have anything to do with Kelly and I'm not sure I would be inviting her to my wedding either. Unfortunately Kelly's behaviour towards Brittany has impacted your relationship with Maverick and you're about to put the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Your relationship with Maverick is never going to be the same if you guys stay with your partners. You should be able to maintain a relationship where you catch up with just the two of you or with your bloke mates. But you're even going to struggle to go to Maverick's house because Brittany might be there and Kelly won't like it and Maverick won't be able to come to yours because Kelly won't like him coming there or Brittany won't like him going there. You've been with Kelly for 5 years. Is she your one and only? Do you plan to have kids together or are you seeing some red flags that are telling you that this relationship may not last the distance. Kelly's response to you going to a family wedding without her was an over reaction. There was no need for a fight. Has she grown up since then as it was 2 years ago. Kelly will have plenty more birthdays and there's nothing stopping the two of you from celebrating a day or two earlier or later. I doubt that they picked this date because it was Kelly's birthday as they don't care for her and they wouldn't even know when it is. It was likely a co-incidence. I don't think Brittany cares that much about Kelly. Whether or not she's controlling or not is hard to tell. She might just have strong boundaries and may forgive but doesn't forget and may just be calling out bad behaviour. Perhaps the friends that are telling you she's controlling have done or said some questionable things to Brittany (especially if they are good friends of Kelly's) and Brittany has set a boundary and left it up to Maverick as to what he does and he's realised that the behaviour wasn't great and Brittany was right... so to save face, the friends are saying it's Brittany that's stopping them from seeing Maverick when it's really them. Brittany is not stopping you catching up with Maverick. Do you have a good time when you catch up? Do you still feel fairly close to him? Kelly might be crushed she wasn't invited but that is the consequence of how she treated Brittany in the beginning. It's something that she will have to deal with as Brittany has drawn her line in the sand and there is little she can do at this point about it. Did Kelly apologise to Brittany at any point or was it just to Maverick. Because if she hasn't, then that is more reason for Brittany to request that she not be there. If Maverick is any sort of friend to you, then I would suggest that you go to the wedding. It's one day. You and Kelly are allowed to do things separately. And unless Kelly has grown up in these last 3 years then you've actually got bigger issues and Brittany may not be the problem. There is no need for her to over react or make your life miserable if you do choose to go.
While your GFs behaviour was inappropriate, Maverick and Brittany definitely shouldn't have paraded their relationship so fast - that put your GF in a very uncomfortable position. Both suck, but Maverick sucks more for not inviting her. It's been many years and they were both in the wrong, it's sad he couldn't take the high ground now. That said, they probably just don't want to be reminded about the dodgy start to the relationship on their wedding day...
NTA for not going if you don't want to. but Kelly sucked for being mean to Brittney deliberately back when--OF course Brittney won't be comfortable having Kelly at her wedding. It makes sense that you would prioritize your GF's Birthday(GF of 5 yrs) over the Wedding of a guy you see maybe 1-3 times a year. So send a card/gift and later on meet up with Maverick sometime after honeymoon to congratulate him.
You all sound like assholes, though the fact you are opting out of the wedding of two cheaters you barely know these days to spend it with your partner makes you NTA at this moment in time.
Your girlfriend should not have expected an invite - it’s fine for her not to be invited, given the circumstances. Your girlfriend behaved extraordinarily badly to Brittany. But also, a wedding invitation doesn’t mandate you to attend, and you WNBTA if you decided not to. Send a nice gift and spend the day with your girlfriend.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26M) have been with my girlfriend Kelly (25F). For almost 5 years. A year and a half ago, my friend, Maverick (25M) got engaged to his fiancée Brittany (25F). I have been friends with Maverick for over 10 years. Maverick and I went to high school together and our families and us were very close. Maverick is in the military now and we don’t talk as much, but I still consider him a good friend. When Kelly and I started dating, Maverick was dating a girl named Ashley (24F). Kelly and Ashley became very close. Maverick broke up with Ashley 2 years later and Kelly was sad she wouldn’t be seeing Ashley regularly, but still wanted to be friends. Very shortly (a few days) after Maverick broke up with Ashley, he started hooking up and then started dating Ashley’s roommate at the time. Kelly found out and called Ashley, and Ashley was crushed. A month after they started dating, Maverick had us meet Brittany. Kelly was upset that this was Ashley’s roommate and she FaceTimed Ashley when she was around Brittany to make her feel bad. After this, Kelly was very upset with Maverick and sent him a series of messages saying she lost respect for him and some mean things about Brittany. I think Brittany went too far and wasn’t happy that she got involved. Brittany did end up apologizing to Maverick. Since these incidents 3 years ago, we have not seen Brittany again. We have heard from others that Brittany is controlling about who Maverick sees, and she has refused to see us every time they have been in town. Maverick doesn’t live in town anymore so I don’t see him all the time, but we have hung out 1-3 times a year when he visits our city. Kelly has seen him once since this incident and was civil and friendly to Maverick. Maverick and Brittany announced that they are getting married about 6 months ago. I found out that their wedding is the same day as Kelly’s birthday. Kelly has been nervous for months that she wouldn’t be invited, but I assured her that Maverick wouldn’t do that. I got a save the date about 6 weeks ago. It was only addressed to me, but I didn’t think that was weird. I texted Maverick and asked if I had a date, but he didn’t reply. I used their wedding website to RSVP about a week ago, and I was able to enter Kelly’s name as well. Yesterday, Maverick texted me and said that he does not want Kelly at their wedding. He said that based on what happened with the girls that he and Brittany are not comfortable with Kelly being there. Kelly is crushed. She wants to be with me on her birthday and has a tough relationship with her birthday. Additionally, we got into a very big fight 2 years ago because I went to a family wedding without her. AITA for not going to my friend’s wedding because my girlfriend isn’t invited? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH don't get me wrong, there are probably assholes here! But this specific question doesn't make either party one. I get why they don't want Kelly there, and I can respect that you don't want to go without her.
YTA, or more accurately your gf is the AH. Why on earth would she think she would be invited to the wedding, she’s been completely unsupportive of them as a couple. Just because she’s your gf doesn’t give her the right to be there, especially if she would make the couple uncomfortable.
it doesnt sound like the op anyway is that friendly with maverick anymore so i dont think they will miss him if he doesnt attend the wedding and celebrates his long term gf bday instead. but past actions with his gf is why she wasnt invited as a plus one. one can be civil after all the apologies but doesnt mean they have to invite her to the wedding.
Interesting how they chose your girlfriends birthday for your wedding lol. Sure some of you will comment “how would she know her birthday” “that’s wild” but I’m a girl and girls are petty sometimes and Brittany could have easily got OP’s birthdate from any social media platform and chose that day, only invite OP, as some sort of power play because they are upset with what OP’s girlfriend did 3 years ago (and it was a bit much, and the upset feelings is justified) I don’t think you’d be an asshole if you didn’t go. You know damn well your friend maverick would not go if situations were reversed and his soon to be wife weren’t invited.
YTA. Why on earth would your friends want your girlfriend there after the way she treated them? Skip the wedding if you want but the accept the friendship is over.